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#now imagine Yuri getting to know what Relics are
randomnameless · 2 years
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Musings about Yuri’s benefactor and Nabateans in general.
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It all starts with the question, who was Aubin?
A nabatean, or a human?
Aubin is the same old guy who gave his blood to Yuri to save him when he was young - the only precedent for this is Rhea’n’Jerry.
Which is why, it’s widely theorised that only Nabateans can pass down their crest through blood transfusions.
So,
Old Man hated his power and blood? Why?
Is it some sort of Aeneid spin-off where the old lizard man resented his blood because it meant he wasn’t “human” and was a monster?
Or, and even sadder, Aubin resented his blood because, hey, his blood and his crest stone are the reasons why people (Nemesis’n’Dudes) want to dissect him, which leads to a very uncomfortable “if only I wasn’t born as X because I don’t want to die but some people really want to erase all X from the surface of the planet”.
And this makes me think, in FE16′s nonsensical SS final boss, Seteth mentions that Rhea is actually the carried of the “Pride of Nabatea”, something he will inherit at her death. Did Aubin resent his condition as a Nabatean, being ashamed of being one or at least hated being a Nabatean, because it paints a giant target on his back?
It might be a reason why Aubin didn’t join Seiros the Warrior back then, if he was too afraid of humans and of being dissected if rains falls and the hair dye vanishes.
Which is even sadder, all things considered because...
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Flayn’s hairstyle is dictated by this need to hide the fact she is a Nabatean.
Seteth likes it when it is “not tied up”, aka the current hairstyle she has, but does he like it because he finds it cute, or because it’s the only one that successfully hides her ears?
Being a Nabatean means those people had to die their hair, hide their ears and hide their true nature from humans. And we know Aubin, at least, hated being “a Nabatean”, resenting his blood.
Rhea apparently takes pride in being a Nabatean, but even proud!Rhea cannot do her hair like she wants, and we know still used hairdye 200 years ago.
FFS, even if the crap S-Support, Rhea wonders if people can truly wish for her happiness after learning she’s a Nabatean 
Can you still say such things to me, even after witnessing my...other form?
No matter how pround Rhea is of her heritage, she still thinks humans/people in general cannot wish her any good if they know she’s a Nabatean
(people who aren’t Willy, apparently)
And I know I joke a lot about this game and its writting, but it irks me to no ends that this issue is... never resolved.
(Save for Tru Piss, but we know what kind of “resolution” Tru Piss brings to the Nabateans even if the lolcalisation team tried to pull a 4Kids).
Will Rhea and Flayn and Seteth be able to show their ears in a future Fodlan? Who knows. Will they be terminated because their ears are pointy? idk.
Will Dimitri welcome them all in Faerghus and give reassurance that no matter the shape of their ears, to him they are still people he would like to befriend/thank/drink tea with?
I wasn’t expecting anything about Nabateans from 3Nopes, but the casual “btw Aubin hated his blood” (thus his own race) made me so sad you have no idea. Seteth’s happy at least in his final moments he found peace, but damn :’(
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sheikah · 3 years
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Hello! I'm sorry to ask this, but can you explain what spoilers you mean and the thing with Darklina? I just read the first book in the series; only managed to finish it because of The Darkling - love him. But I stopped reading the series/world after that one. So I'm a bit unsure if you mean spoilers regarding the books or the show? I'm a little late to the part. Reason for asking as an anon is because I got blocked by another when I asked a question about The Darkling...
Wow, someone blocked you for asking a question about the Darkling? I honestly don’t know how some people get through life being this sensitive haha... Relatively speaking he’s far from the worst villain out there??? 
Anyway, sorry it took so long to answer this. I wanted to get some distance from the spoilers so my answer wouldn’t be so emotional haha. Spoilers for ROW under the cut. Also, since you say you’ve just read the first book, I’ll be making brief mention of key plot moments from Siege and Storm and Ruin and Rising as well, so those would be spoiled for you, anon!
We don’t have all of Rule of Wolves yet, obviously, but people with early review copies posted photographs of pages on Twitter, and I’ll link them below
From those pages, we can gather the following:
The Darkling (as we know from the ending of King of Scars) has returned in Yuri’s body but basically looks and sounds like his old self.
A darkness/blight much like the Fold is spreading and killing. Nikolai and Zoya need the Darkling’s help with combatting it because of his magical power/past experience with merzost.
In the early parts of the book they keep him prisoner in a cell flooded with sunlight to prevent him from summoning shadows.
At some point during the story they trust him enough to release him. They bargain with him. He will help them in exchange for a meeting with Alina Starkov. Bear in mind that prior to this Alina would have assumed him dead.
They are concerned by this request but they agree. In the Darkling’s POV he muses that he needs to meet with her to “get his power back” or something. Not sure how this make sense since Alina lost her own powers. 
Anyway, so far, none of the above bothers me at all. But then...
When they meet with Alina it’s one of the most bizarre and OOC encounters I could imagine. Mal is there, and the Darkling randomly, out of nowhere, comments on how they’re related and Mal is like “lol we all hate our relatives amirite???”
Alina’s reaction to seeing the Darkling again is... no reaction at all. She doesn’t seem shocked, happy, upset, nothing. This man who loomed so large in her life and her destiny, this man she was forced to murder in Ruin and Rising... is BACK FROM THE DEAD, and everyone is just sitting around like it’s afternoon tea.
The Darkling looks at her and comments that she looks different. Here is the first thing to really and truly pisses me off: Alina says the reason she looks different is because she’s happy now and “[he] never really saw her that way.” As in, Alina was never once happy around the Darkling. If you just read Shadow and Bone, you know this is obviously not even remotely true. But it isn’t treated like a lie from Alina in the narrative. It’s treated like the truth the big, bad Darkling deserves to hear from her. 
Eventually they come to an agreement and the Darkling agrees to help at the cost of his own life. [Here is where I want to interject something. I’ve seen a lot of people insinuate that Darkling stans are upset because Leigh killed the villain of her story. In other words, they’re suggesting that we’re stupid for being upset because obviously villains die. I just want to say for the record that I 100% expected the Darkling to die in Rule of Wolves. That is not the issue here.]
Before the Darkling sacrifices himself (something that is, at least, somewhat framed as a selfless act to save Grisha and Ravkans), some truly odd writing from Leigh. First, he tells a whole bunch of people his real name. No one asked??? He just tells everyone. A lot of Darklinas are angry because prior to this, his name was a secret only known by Alina. It was something they shared, an intimacy, and it was significant because in “Demon in the Wood,” the Darkling’s backstory, we see the target his true name put on his back all his life, and that Baghra cautioned him to tell no one. So him telling Alina was a gesture of trust. Him telling everyone destroys that.
The second weird thing about the death scene is that he basically screams something along the lines of, “I’m not sorry.” Again, this feels so weird. Like deliberate spite from Leigh. Making sure not to redeem him before killing him off.
So I don’t know all the magical/lore details, but when the Darkling sacrifices himself it is in some ritual where his body is pierced and mutilated by a bunch of magical tree branches??? Supposedly he will continue to exist this way in some sort of eternal super-hell where he just suffers in pain without dying forever, all to keep the darkness from spreading. Zoya and Nikolai bear witness.
This last part is the part that upsets me the most, more than anything else I guess. So later, at the end of the book, Zoya is with Genya and Alina. Zoya reveals that she’s been having nightmares wherein she sees things from the Darkling’s point of view--destryoing Novokribirsk, etc. She realizes how easy it could be to lose yourself with the kind of power the Darkling--and now Zoya herself--possesses. She wonders if he really deserves this eternal and unimaginable suffering and torture. Zoya proposes letting him out to mercy kill him. Genya and Alina are doubtful, but even Genya is swayed before Alina is. And this is the heart of the issue for me. Zoya, who loathes the Darkling more than anyone, is the one having mercy and taking pity on him, while Alina is utterly apathetic to his suffering. Alina, who wept openly over his body and held him as he died. Alina, who honored his last wishes and saw to it that he had a funeral of honor alongside what the people believed to be a literal saint in Ruin and Rising. Alina, who struggled with wanting and feeling for him all the way to the end of the trilogy, whose last word in the trilogy was his name. Alina, who had compassion for the animals she had to kill for the amplifiers. That is Alina Starkov. But the Alina Starkov in Rule of Wolves is completely unaffected when this man she seemingly used to love is being tortured literally forever. She couldn’t care less. And so all of this together feels like a deliberate slight to Darklinas, and that’s why we’re angry. 
Anyway, Alina eventually agrees that the Darkling can be freed and killed, so Zoya says they’re going to replace the Darkling with the relic heart of a saint or something, and hire Kaz to steal it. So SOC3 is coming.
We did get one tiny crumb of Darklina. In the Darkling’s POV, he admits to himself that the real reason he wants to see Alina again is because “with her, he was human again.” He also ponders on why she was always able to defeat him and best him, and thinks that it’s because of something more than her stubbornness and bravery: “something he knew the name of a hundred lifetimes ago.” Most people are interpreting this as him finally admitting to himself that he loved her. It’s something!
Pics for reference.
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itsuki-minamy · 4 years
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“SIX IDOLS” – “SPRINT DREAM” (Part 3)
Translation: Naru-kun Raws: Ridia
* Part 01 / Part 02
An hour after the start of "Sprint Dream Live", the heat in the Tsubakimon Dome was visibly increasing. At the same time as the entrance began, a group of fans flowed into the audience seats like a flood, and they began to furnish the place with posters, posters and items with each of the recommended men drawn. At the same time, fans are excited about the upcoming festival and are looking at the stage with shining eyes.
To meet that expectation, a scene similar to a battlefield was unfolding in the backyard of the stage.
"The president has arrived at Shikaido Station! We will move on to Sequence B!"
"The target has been set at point B! We will wait until the president picks it up!"
In the temporary monitor room with the sign "Headquarters for the execution of the president's return plan", a part of the backyard, reports were constantly being raised.
The purpose of this headquarters is to fully support the return of Munakata. The staff involved are elite to make the "return plan" successful, from organizing and contacting various locations, managing the schedule, passing on traffic information and understanding Munakata's current position.
In one of the compounds in the panel, his current position is always displayed by the Munakata PDA tracking system. Awashima asks the staff while looking at them with a tight gaze.
"What is the progress of the plan?"
"It is 2 minutes and 15 seconds late, but it is within expectations. Currently, the Sequence C execution unit is moving. We will get to Point C on time."
"So…"
Awashima occupies a small area and looks at the monitor.
The plan is going well. At this rate, he can be in time for the opening ceremony, even if it's at the last minute. Unless something unexpected happens.
"Deputy Director Awashima."
Awashima looks around in a loose voice, rolling her shoulders.
Fushimi Saruhiko was as if he was leaning against the monitor room door.
He is the star idol of "Promotion Scepter 4", which is the center of the popular "Shoumutai" unit. Many fans were fascinated by the lonely atmosphere, and about 30% of the customers who packed the dome today are looking for him.
Awashima opens her mouth as she calmly looks at Fushimi.
"Fushimi. You should be in the final stages of doing a "Dream Corps."
"If the president is late, there won't be any 'Shoumutai', right?"
Awashima's beautiful eyebrows drew a dangerous angle.
“The plan is on the right track. You do not have to worry about that."
Fushimi laughs. It was an annoying laugh.
"Isn't there a countermeasure in case we run out of the star? Do you really think he can pull it off?"
"What do you mean?"
Fushimi casually pulled his hand out of his pocket and tossed what he was holding to Awashima. Awashima takes it deftly.
It is a recording medium in the form of a micro card.
"If you don't, I will. I made a new list of songs. If the president is late, I will."
Awashima's expression becomes more and more pronounced in a throwing tone. She squeezes the recording medium and she says quietly.
"Do you think I will receive this?"
"If you don't need it, you can throw it away. I can't bear to expose ourselves to that person's mistakes."
Awashima quickly waved her arm and threw the recording medium back.
"President…"
Fushimi deftly accepts that which came back like a bullet. Awashima, looking at the stagnant eyes behind the glasses as if shooting.
"I will not make any mistakes."
"Sorry."
Fushimi shrugged slightly and went back to his place. Looking back at Awashima over his neck.
"Well, tell me if you need it."
With that alone, Fushimi left the monitor room.
Awashima stared at the monitor room door for a while, staring into his eyes. It's like doing it is a protest against Fushimi.
It's not that she doesn’t understand what Fushimi is saying.
Believing is different from believing blindly. Fushimi's view that he assumes the worst and take countermeasures is entirely correct.
However, Awashima did not receive that song list. She refused to even see it and turned around.
She felt that receiving it would be a distrust of Munakata, who had confirmed that he would be on time.
"The president has reached point C! Collection complete!"
"We have started to move! The plan is going well!"
Awashima muttered unknowingly, listening to the reports that came in one after another.
"President, be careful."
Those words were like a prayer.
++++++++++
That day, Yuri Yamazaki (26) was vaguely in front of Shikaido station.
She works in a product store managed directly by "Promotion Scepter 4". It was supposed to be closed today due to the shift, but she got an urgent call from her boss about 5 minutes ago. She had no particular plan, and she was quick to get to this point because she was drawn to a pretty good vacation assignment.
Anyway, Yuri thinks.
It was a strange call. Being with the bicycle in front of the station instead of the store.
Apparently, they told her to lend the bike to someone, but they did not tell him who to lend it to and only told her the time of the meeting. It would be profitable to get a vacation allowance on this alone, but Yuri checks her cell phone while deeply thinking that she would complain if she was forced to do something else.
Seeing the displayed time, she sighed.
The "Sprint Dream Live Tour" will begin soon. Like most idol shop clerks, she is a fan of “Promotion Scepter 4.” She decided to work at an idol shop because she loved idols.
However, just because she is an employee doesn't mean there are benefits. Controls in that area are tight, and the clerk who secretly secured her own live ticket was sometimes ill. She must take the ticket herself, and if the lottery is lost, the schedule may disappear from the vacation she got, just like the current situation.
Two minutes have passed since the specified time.
"I wonder... if he's late, can I contact him?"
She doesn’t know, the murmur leaks out. After 5 minutes, she will contact the store manager. Thinking of that, she suddenly looked up.
And she doubts her eyes.
Someone was running from the street in front of the station, at tremendous speed. He easily overtook the next bike and came closer. Yuri instinctively tried to back away.
However, when she saw the man's face, she doubted her sanity.
"Ah, President?"
What she unwittingly said was the nickname of Reisi Munakata, the representative of "Promotion Scepter 4" and "Idol King". Naturally, it spread from the case where the idols under his command called him "President."
Faced with the stiff lily, Munakata strode over to a halt. He exhales a little and smiles at Yuri.
"Excuse me, are you a store clerk?"
"Eh, yes!"
Her voice shook. Feel the blood of her entire body concentrate on her face. The reason is that Yuri Yamazaki's favorite idol is Reisi Munakata.
Half in panic, she yells out the questions that come to mind.
"But why are you here?! What happened to the 'Sprint Dream Live Tour'?"
"I'm having a little problem and I've taken a different route than normal. Don't worry, I'll be in time for the opening."
She felt as if the blood that had risen through her head was coming down this time.
In other words, it is an emergency. Yuri was a fan and she knew how confusing it would be to be late for the opening ceremony. Perplexity, pain, disappointment. Just imagining being there, the pain felt like its own.
Yuri rushes up and says.
"Is there anything I can do?!"
“Lend me the bicycle. It's enough."
Yuri blushed again. If she thinks about it again, it was probably all part of the plan coming here. It is not a feat for the Munakata representative to give instructions to the directly administered office.
"Please..."
"Thank you."
Munakata straddled the bike without showing any pretense of noticing Yuri's tension. Somehow, it was an unattainable sight. The King of Idols, who can only be seen on TV or on stage, sits astride her bike.
"Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going."
"Oh, yeah!"
Yuri instinctively stopped Munakata who was trying to get out.
Munakata looks at Yuri with his foot on the pedal. She held her breath with a mysterious look.
("Please sign.")
She had to desperately suppress that desire that came to her mind. Hasn’t she just found out it's an emergency? There is no second chance. And yet, unable to say such a silly request, that embarrassment forced Yuri's awkward smile and false words.
"Please do your best. I support you!"
Munakata, however, was looking at Yuri's face with calm eyes that looked through all her smile and strength. Munakata laughed lightly at Yuri, who suddenly became flustered and reached into her pocket.
"What should I write?"
"Eh?"
"I have a pen, but I don't really have colored paper. It's not in good taste with a notepad."
Yuri blinked many times. The feeling of regret, even the time she was wandering and wondering why him could see through her desires made her stiff.
Yuri handed him the PDA she was holding in her outstretched hand to Munakata. With her voice asking "Is it okay here?", she was fascinated by the magically moving pen. She picked up the PDA again, looking at the Munakata signature written there, and it was like a soliloquy.
"Why...?"
"I am an idol."
Munakata's response, as well as their relationship, was open and frozen.
"Idols live up to the expectations of their fans. My job is to capture your expectations."
"......"
"Good luck then. Thank you for your continued support."
With a courteous greeting, Munakata pedaled off the road in no time.
Yuri holds her PDA to her chest while watching him back. She murmured in an emotional voice, promising to turn it into a relic, and she was about to buy a new one.
"President, I will follow you for the rest of my life!"
To be continue…
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Higurashi New 2 | Wandering Witch 2 | Moriarty 1 | Taiso Samurai 1 | Kamisama 1 | Munou na Nana 2 | Golden Kamuy 3 1 (25) | Yashahime 2
I’m trying a seasonal challenge this time...so that means I have to leave some Crunchyroll anime to the side. That’s why I’m putting in the tags now.
Higurashi New 2
Apparently, now this Higurashi is called “Gou”…I dunno what that means in the context of this series, but *Saitama face* OK.
Is this girl…Rika? Or this Hanyuu girl I heard of on ANN? Update: Wait a bit from that point. You’ll get your answer.
Do they ever examine why the girls in Higurashi are what they are? Rika seems to have something supernatural going on, but Rena…is just a psycho girl right now, so it’s hard to care.
LOL, I was wondering where this “nipah” Rika meme came from, but it is present in the dialogue.
I predicted that Gilligan cu-er, transition far too easily…
Why is that kid’s face so tanned (?) in comparison to the rest of him???
How did these girls get up the building so fast??? (LOL?)
Wow, the cicada noise was pretty loud there, so…props to the sound guys for making that sound stifling.
Can we really trust what Mion is saying about Tomitake…?
I thought we were going to see Watanagashi in ep 3, but…okay.
Satoko speaks rather formally. She says kochira de gozaimasuyo! instead of kocchi! or kochiradesuyo!.
Who’s that blonde lady? Someone from Umineko?
The bright colours really help to sell the ominous nature of this ED and anime. I don’t think I understand everything that’s happening in said ED, though…
Gonna pause it here because I heard you need to watch the OG and Rei to understand this, now that the new Higurashi is operating under its “proper” name.
Wandering Witch 2
…Elaina’s a bit full of herself still…
…what the heck was that instrument playing over the titlecard? Bagpipes…?
LOL, it’s the Attack on Titan world!
Did Elaina lose her hat when she fell? That must be a very stable hat indeed.
Ooh, particle effects! However…there’s CGI here, although it’s only kinda noticeable.
Have you never heard of money…?
Wait, witches get discounts???
It seems Saya comes from Japan.
LOL, this is basically Quidditch without a snitch!
I like mushrooms, so I don’t get why people kick up such a fuss about them.
Saya seems to act like this is yuri bait…*sigh*
Saya’s crying like her sister died…c’mon, it’s not that bad!
I’m hitting pause. If this is actually how the series is, then it’s primed for a drop, but I can’t help but keep it on for the spectacular visuals and the fact it’s basically anime Harry Potter.
Taiso Samurai 1
I keep swearing I’ll finish my old simulcasts…but then new ones pop up like daisies…(I guess it’s better than having no anime to finish, right?)
I just realised how pretty Jotaro’s eyes are…! The fact he just sort of splats and then doesn’t get up shows how weary he is, unlike Sakura from Moon Land, who would’ve probably gotten up and never tried doing gymnastics again if he were in the same position.
Just by glancing over the results when I google for this Montreal gold, it seems it was done by a Kouhei Uchimura, but I might be wrong on that front…oh wait, there are 3 golds, so it’s not necessarily just that one…
You can tell this is 2002 because of that flip phone.
Intai Zamurai…it’s constructed the same way as the anime’s title. Two characters and then “samurai”.
BB (Big Bird) on the side there is so goofy, he’s…kind of distracting. <- Note the official website refers to Big Bird as BB, hence my use of it.
I was wondering if Rei was the daughter or the wife…so it’s the former.
Kinugawa Ropeway…it rings a bell, somehow. Maybe the Boueibu crew went there as DVD/BD extras.
…does everyone know that a ryokan is like a mini hotel with a traditional set-up?
*snorts* LOL, Keanu (Reeves, obviously).
That montage was a bit worrying…maybe the CGI took out part of the budget? I was a bit worried when I could tell there was CGI in that one starting segment.
…LOL, wut. Agent Smith (from the Matrix)?
Yamakasi seems to be a parkour thing which has its own movie.
…I’m sort of wondering: was that ninja a woman? If Jotaro gets another wife…I dunno if I’ll like the anime as much. Things could become far too dramatic if he did. Update: You do find out later in this episode.
I think – from lip reading – the ninja used -de gozaimasu. I remember getting it drilled into me that people don’t use that these days, but in the time of ninja and samurai, they did.
…another anime set in Ikebukuro. I knew from the station, but…’bukuro must be a nice place if people are reppin’ it all of a sudden.
Was Tomoyo an actress…?
“Kinugawa, as in the river where ogres get mad?” – See, that’s the pun I made about Boueibu’s Atsushi years ago…
This Takizawa guy’s so expressive, LOL.
Gotta love a man in a suit, yes…
…they keep building up to this retirement, only for him to not retire??? Which is it?! (LOL) That declaration works better in Japanese because the -shimasen goes at the end of the sentence so the weird sentence structure in the English translation actually makes Jotaro look like he really messed up due to nervousness speaking in front of crowds. Update: He just sounds like he stopped in the middle of a sentence in Japanese, which he obviously did.
There’s no time travel for sure, but there are ninjas! Plus dudes in jumpsuits!...plus, of course, gymnastics! It could still work, but I keep swearing there’s something supernatural coming around the corner for this…Also, this “gymnast trying to retire” thing seems to be drawing me in because of my whole current lack of direction in basically everything, much like Rikuo of Sing Yesterday for Me.
Kamisama 1
Hmm…Kamisama ni Natta Hi…it doesn’t say the subject stating this became a god, so the pronoun could be “she” or “you” rather than “I”, which seems to be the current standard for it. Update: It says on the title card “I”, so it should have an I then…I guess(?)
There’s a fish on the logo.
…this girl, I already know her name is Hina. That’s the 2nd Odin this season (the first is in Sigdrifa…or however it’s spelt)…she’s gonna be annoying, isn’t she…?
What’s this about a date…?
There are two Izanamis this season, too. The second is Hifumi from HypMic.
Looks like there was an accident, according to one of the signs.
…This feels exactly like a visual novel. I’m surprised it’s an original.
I was wondering why “Key Ramen” (Kagi Ramen) sounded weird…then it hit me. Key! You motherf**kers!!! *shakes fist* You were hiding right under my nose all along!
Hey, Potato-kun! (I know his name is Youta, but…eh, aside from having a possible girlfriend candidate and being a Nice Guy, he’s still a Potato-kun.) Stop staring in disbelief and do something!
…Why Potato-kun, anyway? Is it because his name means “become god”???
…This Izanami is so emotionless…it’s hard to imagine her cheering, Youta was right on that front.
…that style in Hina’s background…I’m pretty sure I’ve seen it for Sailor Moon Crystal, but I’ve forgotten what the artist’s name is (the one that inspired that artstyle)…
I almost expected Hina to interrupt the confession, like Leo from Taiso Samurai.
I kinda just shrugged near the end of the episode and finished it just to see if the confession would be interrupted, so…big fat drop there. I must not like much Key beyond Angel Beats (and even then, it’s only okay because it’s the relic of a time gone by).
Moriarty 1
I’ve been picking up Sherlock-related things left and right ever since I was a fan of Detective Conan…not Sherlock, Elementary or that Robert Downey Jr. movie, but the stuff Conan Doyle had his hands in. (I’d also like to keep an eye out for that Miyazaki movie, but I don’t know if I can/should go out of my way for it.) Therefore, I was a pretty easy mark for a bishonen Moriarty.
Who’s this “El” guy anyway?
…That OP is basically Black Butler all over again. I admit I went, “Oh, stuff this” for a second when I saw Rasmus Faber’s name on credits – when I went to entire series for him, they always ended badly for me – but I couldn’t stop watching the episode (since I skipped forward to the actual episode due to background noise), so this might be the anime to change everything.
I’ll be real with you – aside from Japan, America and China (the former two of which I’ve gone to and the latter I’ve technically gone to Hong Kong, which I have stronger ties to anyway), I honestly don’t have anywhere on my bucket list. That said, anime (obviously, the London arc from DC was a big factor) and this one movie called What a Girl Wants have been pretty instrumental in making Great Britain…almost make the list of places I want to go to. Key word: almost.
…I want a dub. With accents like Princess Principal.
Also, I forgot Soma Saito was our Moriarty…LOL.
“…for Man of Standing” (sic).
Turn the other cheek, Mr. Tailor.
The eyes really tell you everything about a person in this anime.
Ooh, this has absolutely no holes in its logic. It’s a strong contender!
Yashahime 2
Holy s***, is that Kagome’s brother?(!) He kinda reminds me of Takagi from Detective Conan for some reason…
Come to think of it…writers like Takahashi don’t normally have androgynous leads like Towa, do they?
That was…not the best fight scene, man.
Ooh, naginata. I’ve read a bit about them, but I’ve never really seen one used in an anime before…not to my memory. Not even the naginata in Touken Ranbu (plural) can help with that.
…this Rainbow Pearl business reminds me of Sailor Moon’s…uh, whatever they’re called…Rainbow Crystals, that’s right.
There’s something oddly comfy about predicting the “it won’t be my crying face, it’s yours you’ll get!” line, as bad as that sign may be for predictability on the whole.
I’ve felt in the years leading up to now, the progressive nations are slowly causing the entire gender binary to unravel. The more I think about my own relationship with my concept of gender – I accept gender-neutral third-person pronouns because initially I wanted to be anonymous on the internet, but now I’m just generally fine with it, for instance – the more I can agree and yet also disagree because of the progress the LGBTIQ+ community has made in recent years.
Munou na Nana 2
Ah-hah! People were calling it that the enemies of humanity were actually the superpowered kids and this proves it.
Ah, I think this Shibusawa is Masuda. I was here for him, so here he is.
Nana just says konnichiwa, which is the most basic of Japanese greetings. I don’t think it was phrased as a question, so…why did the subbers go with that?
Nana keeps breaking her chopsticks by leaving a bit at the end.
Lemme guess…Shibusawa’s talent is actually reversing time, not stopping it.
Is…that Shibusawa Nana’s giving flowers to…?
Golden Kamuy 3 1 (25)
If this is episode 25, was this always planned as a split-cour with season 2? I wonder…
Lingonberries! Oh, lingonberries! They’re those berries Ikea puts into their jam, right? (I’ve never tasted a lingonberry, but…yeah. That’s how I know of them.)
The sign says “Hurep Honpo” (backwards, as some older Japanese/Chinese things do), so it really just says “hurep” (since “honpo” = main shop). Update: Hurep actually means “lingonberry” and not the berry wine like I thought it did here, so it says “hurep wine” after all.
Thank goodness for 2D bears! (LOL)
Ratel?...uh, honey badger! That’s what they’re called in English!
…uh, and then it turns out to be a wolverine. I don’t know my Mustelidae, it seems.
There’s nothing like someone throwing a wolverine to know this is Golden Kamuy…(as weird as that sounds.)
…what was that random line about boobs about…? (Maybe it was just said to be random…?)
…ohhhhhhhh. These yellow eyes work much better than the standard red eyes you see in Munou na Nana or Moriarty. They’re so sinister.
Why did it suddenly change to an interview style…? Weren’t we waiting for a fight? Update: Seems the answer is “padding”. Not that I mind, I think it was interesting actually. Do more of that if you can.
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askdawnandvern · 6 years
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A Lamb Among Wolves Ch:39
Sorry this was a bit late to post, as I know you guys have been eagerly awaiting the next chapter. But even so, this one is just a little bit of a reprieve from the previous emotional gut punch the last chapter carried. I think we could all use some mushy lovey Dawn and Vern about now. So let's get right to it...
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Chapter Thirty-Nine: Where do we go?
"Vernon?"
Dawn shrunk in her shoulders as the crestfallen looking wolf glanced her way. The ewe already felt bad enough having eavesdropped on the conversation between the wolf and his father for multiple reasons. Hearing what the old wolf had to say about her, while she had already heard as much the day before, was still just as hard to take the second time around. But also having to silently endure watching her Puppy Love trying desperately to plead with the wolf, to attempt to make Dorian see things from his perspective, only to be met time and time again with outright denial was agonizing to witness her mate suffer through. Especially knowing it was all for her sake.
Vernon had thrown away his name, tossed it aside as if it meant nothing to him, all because of his devotion to her. And based on what little Dawn knew of the tenets of native wolf beliefs, she knew it was more than just a simple, inconsequential gesture. If Vernon intended to honor it the way the wolves of old did, it would mean that he would never return to the ranch, or speak to his father again. Not to mention the wolf would be very limited when it came to seeing the rest of his family members in one place.
The Hunter Brothers seemed to have very busy and demanding lives, and Dawn could only imagine that big get-togethers such as this were almost impossible to make their schedules fit into, especially without a mammal like Audrey most likely being the organizer of events like this. The ewe imagined that when it came to the she-wolf, all she had to do was call and her boys would drop everything and answer.
But when it came to their situation, aside from stopping in and visiting Wade due to the fact that he lived in the same city, Dawn couldn't see any mini-"Hunter reunions" in Zootopia ever happening. After all, Dawn and Vernon were busy mammals too, and at this point, their shared apartment wasn't fit to hold more than one guest at a time. Dawn was certain the future for family get-togethers only held disappointing phone calls that would simply grow farther and farther apart until eventually Vernon simply gave up on the idea, all because of the choice he made.
Essentially the wolf had elected to cut himself out of the Hunter family tree, to fully disassociate with them just has his great grandmother had with her own pack. The only difference was that in Vernon's case the ewe knew it was self-imposed. Dawn was already well aware that the Hunter family did not take any pride or tradition from their native blood-line, and so it would be Vernon's job to truly enforce such a declaration.
It would be up to him to never visit his family, to never speak to his father again no matter the circumstance, all because he held his love for the ewe above everything and everyone else. Because he felt she deserved to be included, to experience all the rights and responsibilities allocated to those who enter into the Hunter pack. He felt they deserved the right to be joined in body and soul for eternity under the glow of the full harvest moon while surrounded by his own flesh and blood.
It should have made the ewe feel proud. To be filled with nothing more than pure love and adoration for her mate. But the circumstances had dampened any sort of real joy she could garner from witnessing how tirelessly her mate had defended her honor after seeing just how great the cost had turned out to be. She could see the pain in Vernon's eyes, she could hear it in the linger of his howl as it crept through the crisp autumn air. And while she knew she would probably be unable to get the wolf to admit it to her, the pain of the sacrifice he had chosen to make was something that would never really leave him. Much the same way her past actions haunted her.
Vernon let out a quiet whimper, his deep green eyes darting away from the ewe's own as the wolf scratched the back of his head awkwardly.
"W-what did you hear?" Vernon muttered.
Dawn wrung her hooves nervously, her eyes drifting down to the worn wooden boards of the porch flooring.
"I-I heard most of it...I think." Dawn murmured. "I mean, I was o-outside from around the part where your father b-brought up the fair..."
Vernon slumped backward into the porch swing, causing the loveseat to begin to sway back and forth slightly under the sudden shift in weight. The wolf drew an arm over his face, covering his eyes. For a moment the wolf let out a soft hiss, quickly pulling his arm away as Dawn surmised he skimmed another on of his cuts before gently placing his arm back over his eyes in a slightly different position.
"You were listenin' to that part too!?" Vernon whined. "I though y'all just heard the howl!"
Dawn cringed, biting down on a knuckle as Vernon's words hit her. For some reason, she assumed Vernon had been aware she had overheard the bulk of the argument. It was a foolish assumption for which the ewe had no real basis, as even among company the small ewe managed to disappear from the radar of other mammals larger than she was. The fact that the door Vernon previously closed to the office was slightly ajar when he left should have been enough to tip the wolf off. But also she had been sure the wolf had seen her before starting his trudge toward the porch. Still, Dawn figured that it was a lot to expect of Vernon considering what he had just experienced.
Vernon let out a tired groan before dragging his arm off of his eyes and allowing it to hang lazily off the side of the swaying seat. Placing his other paw on his chest, the wolf took in a deep breath before letting it out a long, drawn sigh.
"I'm sorry you had to hear any of that Floofs." Vernon shook his head. "I'm sorry fer all the fights, all this grief...everythin'..." The wolf muttered quietly. "Y'all deserve better than this."
"Oh hush now Puppy." Dawn cooed as she made her way over to the old wooden porch swing. Taking a moment to hold it steady with her hooves, the ewe managed to stop the gentle rocking the wolf had created by throwing himself against it. Thankfully the porch swing proved to be considerably lower to the ground by comparison to the dining room chairs, allowing the ewe pull herself onto the cushion with little difficulty.
The old swing was a bit of a relic upon closer inspection. With its out of date floral printing and the various scratches cut into the wood it was clear the old piece of furniture had seen a few decades sitting outside of the Hunter Ranch. Dawn couldn't help but think that perhaps the reason it was so low to the ground in the first place was that it was made with Audrey's newborn pups being able to reach it in mind. The image of the little Puppy she remembered trying to clamber up onto the same seat she was now sitting on would have been more than enough to warm her heart had the current circumstances been different.
Dawn went down on her knees, sliding herself up alongside the wolf before placing a gentle hoof atop the paw on his chest.
"I happen to think I don't deserve a mate nearly as wonderful as you are." The ewe cooed.
Vernon continued to look away from her, instead his eyes seemed to be fixed on the distant glowing orb in the sky.
"Pfft...wonderful." Vernon muttered sarcastically.
"Yes wonderful." Dawn reaffirmed, patting his paw to emphasize her point.
"A wonderful mate doesn't act like I did..." Vernon grumbled. "I'm purty sure if you were set up with a nice ram y'all wouldn't have to worry about him bitin' down on someone's throat."
Dawn rolled her eyes. "Oh Vernon, that again?" The ewe shook her head. "I already forgave you for that."
"Yeah, and I still can barely wrap my head around why." The wolf shook his head dismissively before pulling away from Dawn's grip as he edged himself into the corner of the swing. The wolf leaned up slightly, allowing the ewe to get a good look at the wolf's face now that she was closer to him. The pale moonlight against his fur revealed that the smattering painful lumps and flecks of dried blood all over his muzzle had only seemed to expand since she had last been able to check, and the bruise near his right eye had swelled up enough at this point to force it partially closed.
Dawn sucked in a sharp breath between parted teeth as she eyed the damage. The ewe could only imagine just how excruciating the pain must have felt to the wolf.
"I mean, I acted like I was nothin' more than a savage." Vernon grumbled. "I let Yuri get the better of me and...ugh..." Vernon cradled his head in his paws. "The look on yer face when I saw it...I just..."
"Vernon." Dawn scooted closer to him, placing a hoof gently on the wolf's knee. Vernon's response was to further tighten into a ball, his legs tucked tightly against him in what Dawn could only assume was an effort to edge her out.
"It felt like daggers." Vernon whined. "Like icicles jabbin' directly into my heart."
"I wasn't afraid of you." Dawn shook her head. "You know that."
Vernon ran a paw up his face, slowing down slightly as he passed near his bruised eye before dragging it through his hair.
"I know, it's just..." Vernon allowed his arms to drop listlessly to his side. " I never ever wanted you to see me like that...." The wolf looked down into his lap as he let out a quiet sigh. "I didn't even think I was capable of bein' like that anymore..."
The wolf glanced back toward the amber colored orb hanging in the sky. By now the chorus of crickets under the blanket of growing dark had swelled into a full symphony as the stars began to come out.
"I haven't felt like that since...since the factory. And before that...I-"
"Vernon." Dawn tried to interrupt, but the wolf continued.
"I just felt so damn powerless." Vernon whimpered softly. "I hate feelin' powerless...I've hated it ever since I lost you the first time Floofs."
Dawn moved in closer to the wolf, tryin to find an opening around his legs she could easily maneuver through to reach the vulnerable wolf as he continued.
"Bein' here...with everything going the way it has..." Vernon murmured. "I just feel like such a powerless damn pup again."
Finally, Dawn found her opening. With a quick push the ewe had managed to squirm past the wolf's legs, slipping into the small space between him and the back of the seat before laying her arm across his chest, drawing the wolf's attention back to the diminutive lamb. Vernon winced slightly as Dawn stared back up into his emerald eyes. It was only for a moment before his eyes darted away again, back to the moon hovering in the night sky.
"And that...I mean..." Vernon placed a paw to his head." It just broke me." The wolf whined. "I let it all get the better of me and I ju-"
"You don't think we all have those moments Vernon?" Dawn spoke softly, tugging at the wolf's shirt in an attempt to draw his attention back on her. "What did you think I meant when I told you that you were no more a monster than I was?"
Despite her efforts, Vernon kept his eyes on the skies.
"We've all had moments where we've broken down..." Dawn cooed. "Where we've been pressed to our limits to the point of snapping and done things we regret after the fact." The ewe tugged at Vernon's shirt again. "Lamb sakes, you know I have!"
"Mhh..." Vernon muttered quietly in a half-hearted agreement.
Dawn was growing tired of the wolf's evasive attitude, and quickly reached up to grab the wolf's chin with her hoof. She grasped it as gently as she could while still maintaining a grip to avoid causing the wolf any more undue pain, before tilting his face back in her direction. The lamb made sure his eyes were finally on hers again before continuing.
"Vernon, you want to talk about dealing with inner demons?" Dawn asked, furrowing her brow. "You are looking at the expert on the subject!"
The wolf, unable to move, merely quirked his eyebrows quizzically.
"I spent so long burying them, shoving them deep down inside. I was so afraid to even acknowledge I had those feelings that I didn't even realize how they had started to affect the way I was thinking until long after they completely consumed me!" Dawn raised her voice slightly as she adjusted her grip on the wolf's muzzle. "I had no one to help, not a single friend to share my pain with or even stand to my defense, and all those horrible feelings just welled deep down inside with no way to release them!"
Dawn frowned, breaking eye contact for a moment as she looked down at her lap.
"When that Pandaro's box finally burst open, it took the ZPD's best to put an end to it. To finally slam that case shut and drag the real Dawn back to the surface. To pull me back from the brink of insanity." Dawn whimpered softly.
"I had to take mandatory psychiatric therapy to deal with the dark pit I had let myself spiral into!" The ewe brought her gaze back to Vernon's. She could feel tears starting to form, but the lamb did her best to suppress them as she continued. "And I'm still seeing Dr. Gnu because I'm still recovering even now!"
Vernon just stared back at the ewe, his left eye open wide in shock with his right doing it's best to join it despite the swelling.
"So don't you start going on about being a monster, okay!?" Dawn replied. The ewe was slightly dragging his muzzle from side to side in a playful manner, doing her best to drag a smile out of the sullen wolf. It didn't take long before she could see the smirk Vernon was struggling to hide.
"You are an angel compared to me!" Dawn continued with a giggle. "A moment of weakness is not going to change my opinion on that!"
Vernon tried to look away, the wolf letting out a soft chuckle of his own in the face of Dawn's continued playful antics.
"Trying to suppress those feelings you hate only makes them more powerful. To lock them away without any form of an outlet is not going to help anyone." Dawn said, releasing her grip on the wolf's chin and patting him gingerly on the chest with a hoof. "It certainly didn't work very well for me now did it?"
"Floofs..." Vernon shook his head.
"We even talked about this just last night, remember?" Dawn continued. " About what Dr. Gnu told me about burying emotions and letting them fester?"
"I remember..." Vernon murmured softly.
"And do you remember what else I said last night?" Dawn asked.
Vernon rolled his eyes. "You mean about bein' honest with each other, and leanin' on one another and such?"
Dawn gave the wolf a brisk nod. "Exactly, an-"
"And..." Vernon interrupted. "I'd like to point out you didn't exactly keep to that rule either all things considered." The wolf playfully tapped the tip of the ewe's nose with a claw to accentuate his point. Dawn crinkled her muzzle in response, the ewe drawing away slightly before giving the wolf a playful swat and sticking her tongue out in a childish retort. The wolf simply squinted back at the ewe, a knowing smirk plastered on his muzzle until Dawn finally gave in and addressed the issue.
"Okay, okay...that's fair." Dawn giggled. "This trip has been extremely stressful for the both of us." Dawn continued, leaning her head back against the wolf's chest as she began to rub it with an affectionate hoof, drawing small circles with her finger. "And we were both so caught up worrying about expressing those feelings to each other and being open and honest about them that we both ended up keeping secrets and letting our emotions get the better of us."
"Mhh..." Vernon nodded softly in agreement. The wolf had leaned his head back onto the armrest, his muzzle tipped up toward the porch ceiling as he ran a paw through his messy mane of head fur while glancing back at the lamb out of the corner of his eyes. Well, at least the good one anyway,  it was hard to make out the matching pupil that was partially obscured by a pulsing lump of fur. Seeing it so swollen still made the ewe's heartache for him despite how non-plussed the wolf seemed to be over it. It made it particularly hard for Dawn to look him directly in it.
"I was wrong not to tell you what happened with Dorian right after I went to talk to him." Dawn sighed, her attention drawing to the soft circular motions she drew on the wolf's chest. "I know that." Dawn slumped slightly before reluctantly turning her attention back to the wounded wolf. "I just...I was just so worried about making the relationship between everyone worse." Dawn murmured. "Not even just between you and Dorian, but between him and Audrey, or the rest of your brothers and sisters."
As the ewe rested against the wolf's side, she could feel his arm slip in around her back. The wolf gently placed his arm around her, drawing a gentle claw up her arm before bringing his paw to rest on her shoulder and pulling her slightly closer to his chest. Slowly, Dawn felt the weight of the swing shift, and soon it was swaying softly in the slight breeze that seeped through the mesh netting of the porch. The motion was consistent and continued without losing momentum long enough for Dawn to realize that the wolf was the one keeping the old, worn, wooden structure swaying in the rather relaxing manner.
"I mean, they've been so nice to me." Dawn sighed. " Almost everyone was willing to welcome me with open paws. To leave my history at the door and just embrace me as one of their own."
The ewe pulled away for a moment, sitting up slightly as glanced back up at her mate, her eyes catching his own as they shimmered in the moonlight.
"And I was going to repay my newfound family by driving a deeper wedge between Dorian and the rest of them?" The ewe asked, gesturing hoof toward the wolf to emphasize her point. Vernon simply watched her in silence as the ewe shook her head dismissively. "It was just that much more of a reason to keep from telling you until we got back home."
Dawn let out a shuddering sigh as she curled back against the wolf's side. The slight chill in the air was starting to creep down the back of her neck, and it made the wolf's pelt seem that much more inviting to snuggling up to as she nuzzled against his chest. As soon as her head returned to its place above the wolf's heart, Vernon's paw had taken it's place back on Dawn's shoulder, the wolf gently running it up and down her upper arm in an effort to provide some warmth.
"Well at least you were gonna tell me..." Vernon replied, the wolf chuckling softly as he spoke.
"I-I thought it would do less damage...somehow...I don't know." The ewe huffed, unceremoniously burying her face and muzzle in Vernon's shirt. "That having a phone line separating you and Dorian would prevent...well..." The ewe's voice was slightly muffled as she spoke through the fabric.
"This?" Vernon asked, raising the ewe a curious eyebrow as he gestured to the general area of the ranch.
Dawn pulled her head up slightly, allowing her to speak clearly once again. "Well, this wasn't exactly what I expected would happen." The ewe murmured. "Although I can't honestly say if what I was expecting was better or worse than what actually happened."
The ewe reached her arm around the wolf's chest, squeezing herself against him as tightly as she could muster in an effort to hug the wolf with her free arm. "But I should have told you anyway." Dawn murmured, her glance shifting back to the wolf above her "It was wrong of me to keep it from you."
Vernon's ears were sagging now, and he had returned his attention back to the looming orange moon hovering in the dusky sky.
"Can't imagine it could get much worse..." Vernon mumbled letting out a soft, tired sigh. "I mean even if y'all told me right after it happened I can't imagine things would have played out much better. Once I heard what he did I just sorta..." Vernon raised his free paw before allowing it to flop lazily off the side of the swing. It dangled limply as the seat swayed softly back and forth. "Shut down." The wolf ran a paw through his head fur. "And well...I mean...like I said, my emotions got the best of me."
Dawn reached out to grab the wolf's muzzle once more, directing his focus back on her.
"Nobody's perfect Vernon."
Vernon frowned, the wolf's ears dipping lower as he eyed the lamb quizzically.
"And that's okay." The ewe continued, patting Vernon reassuringly. "There isn't a mammal out there that is perfect."
"We all make mistakes, and have moments where we break down." Dawn caressed the side of his bruised muzzle, and the wolf leaned into the affectionate gesture, placing a paw atop her hoof as he watched her speak . "Moments that make us feel small, and weak, and insecure."
The ewe pulled free of the wolf's gentle grip, moving her hoof up to the wolf's ear and scratching just beneath the limp muscle. Almost as soon as she began the gentle scraping of the skin under his ear, the familiar soft thudding of her mate's tail began to sound out softly as it 'thumped' against the faded floral printed padding of the loveseat. Vernon closed his eyes, furrowing his brow as he leaned toward the ewe's hoof and making it that much easier to reach. Dawn couldn't help but smirk as the tip of the wolf's tongue poked out from his muzzle. It was a sure sign she was working one of the wolf's weak spots just the right way.
"Last night you brought up something else Dr. Gnu said." Dawn cooed as she continued her massage. "About how learning to stand up for myself and make myself heard was something I wasn't going to just suddenly become a master at overnight." Dawn retracted her hoof slightly, and the wolf's head followed. Vernon's trance-like state causing him to follow the source of overwhelming pleasure subconsciously. "It would take time and practice because the whole thing was still new to me."
Despite seeming to be lost in a haze of warm, pleasant thoughts, Vernon managed a soft, affirmative nod.
"T-true." Vernon moaned quietly.
"Well, it's the same thing with us." Dawn concluded, giving the wolf's cheek a gentle stroke as she pulled her hoof all the way back to its resting place on the wolf's chest. Vernon's eyes flew open almost as soon as the ewe pulled her hoof away, his expression briefly one of confusion and disappointment before the wolf seemed to shake off the lingering haze that had overtaken his mind. The wolf shook his head briskly for a moment before turning his attention back to the ewe at his side.
"Huh?" Vernon titled his head curiously. "How so?"
"This relationship stuff." Dawn added, gesturing at nothing in particular with her hoof before placing it back on Vernon's chest. "All of it."
The ewe sat up slightly, thrusting herself forward in short, terse movements until she was satisfied with her position. Dawn raised a hoof, holding one finger up with the others balled up as she grabbed at it with her other hand, eyeing the confused looking wolf.
"Communication." The ewe wiggled her extended digit slightly with her other hand before extending her second finger and moving to it.
"Teamwork." Dawn extended her thumb before pressing it down with her other hoof's index finger.
"Figuring out our strengths and weaknesses when it comes to working as a pair, and playing them the right way."
The ewe gave a simple shrug as she let her arms drop to her sides. "We're new at this, both of us. We're learning the ins and outs of being together. Of having a real relationship."
Vernon raised a curious brow, but despite appearing slightly confused the wolf was idly nodding along.
"It's going to take time to master it all." Dawn said with a chuckle as she gently pat the wolf's chest. "We're still getting used to the fact that we have someone who is invested in our lives. Someone who loves us unconditionally. Someone who is there to lean on, and who we need to be open and honest with so they can actually help." The ewe cooed. "And we are going to hit a few potholes along the way."
Dawn leaned up to the confused wolf, placing a gentle kiss on the tip of his bruised nose.
"But that's why we have each other Puppy Love." The ewe smiled softly. "So when we slip we have someone to lean on. To go to with our problems and look out for us." The ewe gently pet the wolf's chest. "And when it comes to serious decisions, we have each other to confer with on what is the best route to take."
The ewe laid her head against the wolf's chest, nuzzling him softly as she gripped against his side.
"Perhaps if we had been communicating properly from the beginning things would have been a little easier, but at the very least it has given us something to learn from." The ewe muttered. "And we can use these experiences to better our relationship, to make it stronger."
Dawn leaned her head up on the wolf's chest, allowing one eye to fall on his around the frame of her skewed lenses.
"To make each other stronger." The ewe cooed. "Because we are a team now. And everything we do, we do together from now on." Dawn gave the wolf's chest a quick pat.
"Alright?"
Vernon offered the ewe a warm smile, nodding softly in agreement.
"Alright..." The wolf replied.
"And from now on we'll try a little harder at 'being honest with each other'." Dawn offered Vernon a meek grin as she gingerly walked her fingers up the wolf's chest in a playful manner. "Sound fair?"
Vernon chuckled at that, the wolf bringing a paw to his muzzle in an effort to stifle the snickering.
"Sounds good to me Honey Lamb." The wolf said with a pleasant sigh, giving the ewe's poof a gentle but playful tousle with his paw. "After all, we got the rest of our lives to practice at it, don't we?"
Dawn giggled softly, shuffling her way up the wolf's chest until her head came to nestle just under his jaw. Dawn let out a contented sigh as she wrapped her free arm lazily around the wolf's neck.
"I'd like nothing better..." Dawn cooed as she nuzzled under the wolf's chin affectionately.
With that, Vernon gave the ewe a soft squeeze, pulling her into a hug with the arm that was still draped over her shoulder. The ewe did her best to return the gesture in kind with her free arm. The two remaining as tightly gripped to one another for as long as they possibly could, putting as much energy and emotion as they could into the short hug. It was Dawn who used up her the bulk of her energy first, her grip quickly slackening as she settled back into simply laying next to the wolf with her arm draped over him. Vernon was quick to follow, letting out a soft groan as he slipped back into a more relaxed pose.
They lie like that for a while in the quiet of the autumn night, the sound of crickets and the gentle creak of the porch swing growing to dominate the scene in the absence of their words. The whole time Dawn remained nestled up under Vernon's chin, listening to the gentle and soothing thrum of the wolf's heartbeat as she let herself slip into the mood of the moment. The ewe wasn't sure how much time went by as she lie there, enjoying the close company of her mate. After everything they had been through, over not just the course of the day, but the trip in general, the quiet relaxation the moment had offered proved far too enticing for the ewe to not at least indulge in to some degree. To keep her muzzle still on the matters yet to be discussed as she watched the wolf's free leg periodically push off the porch to keep the swing's rhythm even and steady.
Perhaps and hour had gone by, perhaps longer. The moon had certainly shifted in the amount of time Dawn had chosen to lose herself in the simple, much-needed warmth of her mates embrace. It was beyond the edge of the mesh frame of the porch by the time thoughts of what remained un-discussed began to filter back into the ewe's mind. Obscured by the porch overhang as it crawled upward into the darkening sky.
She didn't want to acknowledge those thoughts, to even bring them up now that she and Vernon had slipped into such a comfortable state. But the ewe had questions she needed to ask the wolf. To not only do her best to what she believed would help the wolf, but also to figure out exactly just what they were going to do now. It was time to start practicing being honest with each other,  fully and completely. She could only hope the wolf was as ready to start practicing it as he said he was.
"Vernon?" Dawn muttered weakly.
"Mhh?" The wolf's reply was quiet and drowsy, almost as if he had been half asleep.
Dawn began to wring her hooves nervously, biting her lip as she mustered the courage to ask her question and effectively ruin the lovely moment.
"Are you sure this is what you want?" The ewe murmured quietly, idly walking her fingers around on the wolf's chest. Her muzzle remained downturned as she spoke, uncertain if she could actually ask the question while looking at the wolf.
" I mean I know you want to get married, to get the partnership license and everything but..." The ewe once again began to wring her hooves as she clarified the nature of her question. "I mean, are you sure you want to go through with leaving your pack?"
Vernon was quiet for a moment, the wolf drawing a long breath before letting it out in a slow exhale.
"In the interest of stayin' honest." Vernon murmured softy. "I can tell y'all that I'm absolutely certain I can go through with leavin' my pack." The wolf said with a sigh.
"Can go?" Dawn asked, glancing back up at her mate with a curious eyebrow. The wolf's head was still resting on the armrest of the seat, but Vernon had placed his paw over his eyes.
"I can do it. There ain't a doubt in my mind." Vernon added, running the paw through his head fur gently before glancing back down at the ewe. He was frowning softly, the wolf's ears sagging as he let out a soft whine. "But I'd be lyin' If I said I'm happy I have to go through with it."
The wolf pulled himself up, sliding the ewe more to his side as he leaned his back against the arm rest. Despite the move, the wolf managed to keep his arm around her. Dawn slid closer, allowing herself to remain leaning against the wolf while sitting alongside him. The ewe watched as Vernon glanced out at the dimly lit meadow beyond the porch, out toward the twinkling stars on the horizon.
"It was supposed to make the ol' mam blink." Vernon muttered.
"What?" Dawn asked.
The wolf glanced back down at his mate, pulling her into another soft side hug before continuing.
"It was a gambit." Vernon continued, letting out a mournful sigh. "Sorta of the big gun I was savin' if pa proved to be particularly stubborn. To show him just how serious I am about you." Vernon offered a weak smile. "About us."
"Oh Vernon..." Dawn whimpered softly. It wasn't surprising to hear, but it still was another thing the ewe felt she could add to the pile of 'things that were her fault' she had been building in her mind.
"It wasn't something I wanted to have to use." Vernon continued, scratching the back of his head awkwardly. "But I knew what the risk was long before I decided to take it."
Vernon turned his attention back to the ewe, his features taking a more stern and serious look as he eyed her with suspicion. Dawn tried to look away, but the wolf placed a finger under her chin, steering her eyes back in the direction of his own.
"So don't you go blamin' yerself for it now." the wolf chuckled weakly. " I know how that mind of yers works. I knew the risks, and I made that call, not you."
Dawn was somewhat shocked. The wolf had practically read her mind.
"B-but..." Dawn murmured, but the wolf was quick to continue.
"I know, I know. We're a team." Vernon added, rolling his eyes slightly. "But that means at the very least we share the blame, it ain't just you. Okay?" The wolf slipped his finger free from her chin, tapping her nose softly before drawing his paw back. "So that means no convincin' yerself it was something you made me do, and lettin' it eat ya up inside."
Dawn wanted to protest, to find some way to object to the wolf's reasoning. But she knew anything she had to say would just end up being hypocritical of everything she had said before. Vernon was right, they were a team now. And Vernon's actions were on the behalf of both of them, even if the ewe found it more natural to put herself at the center of the blame.
"O-okay." Dawn muttered.
The wolf raised an eyebrow. "Promise me."
Dawn hesitated for a moment. Her throat felt rather dry as her mind struggled against itself to even allow her to utter such a promise. The inkling to blame herself, and the mountains of reasons had easily made a road block in her thoughts that being honest with her mate and accepting shared responsibility was trying desperately to force its way through. Dawn opened her muzzle for a moment, but when no words came she quickly snapped it shut again, looking down at her hooves nervously.
"Look..." Vernon sighed. " I didn't even discuss it with you before I made that decision Darlin'. I never asked if you thought it was a good idea, I just went and did it." The wolf added.
"Mhh..." Dawn mumbled softly, still struggling with her answer.
"And you would have told me not to do it. We both know that." The wolf chuckled softly. "So how are you gonna go about blamin' yerself for that?"
Dawn squirmed uncomfortably against the wolf as she stewed in her own thoughts. The wolf's line of reasoning was certainly true, but still the ewe could easily see her presence alone as the catalyst for the whole situation. It was a hard notion to shake, to agree to put out of her mind or accept less blame than she thought she deserved. But somehow, the ewe finally managed to squeak out some form of a response.
"I-I'll try." It was a weaker response than she had wanted to make, but it was the only way the ewe could comfortably muster to agree to the wolf's terms, even if it was fairly non-committal.
"That's all I'm askin'..." Vernon said, bringing the ewe into another soft hug. "And if you can't, then at least you can talk to me about it?"
Dawn offered a meek smile, nodding briskly. "Of course." The ewe stated confidently. It was a promise the ewe was certain she'd have an easier time keeping to. The lamb hugged the wolf back, letting out a pleasant sigh as she squeezed tightly. Dawn nuzzled into his shirt, taking in a whiff of the wolf's earthy scent she had grown to love so much.
Unlike their hot and heavy time together under the stars the night before, it was a relief to be able to take in the wolf's musk without it driving her completely crazy. Still, the ewe didn't linger. Her remnant estrus was only dulled, not gone. And the ewe didn't wish to risk sparking up those slumbering embers before they returned to Zootopia. As Dawn reluctantly ended the hug, she slipped back to simply resting her head against the wolf's chest to one side, turning her attention to the darkness that lie beyond the porch. There were so many stars out now, shimmering like diamonds scattered across a black satin shroud. The sheer number the ewe could make out by the naked eye would be enough to make Gazelle's most sequined studded gown look as though it were little more than a pauper's rags. There were so many more to see without Zootopia's city lights there to obscure most of them.
“I'll admit, I am gonna miss this place." Vernon said with a wistful sigh. “I mean I love Zootopia in a way, but I've always loved this place more."
Dawn glanced up to catch the wolf glancing out onto the moonlit meadow, backed by the dark silhouette of the nearby looming mountains that separated 'The North Meadowlands' from the Canidean Border. “As much trouble as they went through to integrate nature into the very foundation of the city, it's still nothin' like bein' in a place like this."
Dawn felt the wolf's chest swell as he took in a deep breath of air. “The crisp, clean air." Vernon exhaled slowly. “The night sky filled to the brim with stars." The wolf continued. “The seasons changing naturally, and how it changes the landscape."
The wolf slipped his free arm behind his head, leaning on it as he continued to stare off and away into the dark of the Meadowlands night.
“It was a great place to grow up." Vernon continued. “And it was always nice to be able to come back to it whenever I wanted."
Dawn frowned softly, her grip on the wolf's shirt tightening a bit as another gust of wind danced across her exposed skin.
“And I'll miss Ma…" The wolf lamented. “And even Pa despite the way he's been actin' through this whole mess of a trip." Vernon turned his attention back to the ewe at his side, rubbing her upper arm as he offered her a soft, genuine smile. “But as long as I have you Dawn, I'm fine with leavin' it behind."
           The wolf placed a ginger kiss atop the ewe's head, pressing through the wooly poof in order to get to her scalp.
           “Y'all are the most important mammal in my life…"The wolf cooed. “And you come before anybody else."
           “B-But Vernon…" Dawn protested. But the wolf was quick to place a finger to her lips to silence her.
           “I want to give you the best of everything I've got to give. You deserve it." Vernon continued. “Caprid wedding, tithing ceremony, all of it."
Dawn grasped the wolf's finger, pulling it away from her lips slowly as she looked up into Vernon's shimmering eyes. Slowly she maneuvered her hoof around the finger and down the back of his palm before allowing her hoof to intertwine with his fingers. The lamb flashed the wolf a warm smile as she thumbed the side of his paw affectionately, squeezing the rest it softly.
“You don't need to give me anything Vernon." Dawn said, wrapping her other hoof around the wolf's already clasped paw. The ewe gave the cobbling of hands a gentle shake. “I already have all I could possibly want just by having you with me."
           Dawn leaned up, pressing her lips against Vernon's own. The ewe was careful not to be too forceful, afraid that even the slightest pressure accidentally skimming one of the wolf's wounds would cause him discomfort. But as the wolf leaned into the kiss, placing his paw on the back of her head in a clear effort to pull her just a little closer, the ewe's worries instantly fell away, allowing Dawn to fully give in and wrap her arms around the wolf's neck in turn. It was somewhat reserved, gentle kiss, yet the ewe could easily feel the overwhelming force of the emotions that it carried along with it. It was as if they were connected in that instant, not just physically, but mentally. Their emotions melding into one as they both took comfort in each other's love. The pair filled with the overwhelming feeling that no matter what happened, they would survive together, and that pact was sealed in their shared solidarity by the pressing together of their lips.  
           They lingered like that for what seemed like a blissful eternity to the ewe, simply locked together in silence, savoring the lovely feeling as the crickets sang above the air of the crisp autumn evening. It was yet another moment Dawn would have loved to simply live in forever, but eventually, albeit reluctantly, the tender kiss came to a slow end. The ewe's heart was fluttering as she stared back up into her mates glimmering eyes.
           Dawn would feel bad for whatever came about among the rest of the Hunter pack in regards to Dorian, she was certain of that. And she pledged herself right then and there to do whatever she could to help ease the damage she might end up doing to those relationships, even if it failed to raise her standing any in Dorian's eyes. Even if she was to be limited to phone conversations at most thanks to the fact that they were leaving the pack. But the most important thing was that her and Vernon's relationship was okay. That they were together, a united front whose wellbeing was paramount. And while she loved Audrey, and her sisters, her love for Vernon came first.
           Dawn let out a shuddering sigh as she curled back up against Vernon's side, allowing the wolf to drape his arm over her shoulder once more. The ewe nuzzled up softly against the wolf's chest, permitting herself to easily return to listening to the comforting beating of the wolf's heart as she drew her hooves up and down his chest idly. She was content, for the most part. But there was still the issue of exactly what they were supposed to do for the rest of the trip intruding on the edges of her mind. Their choice to leave the pack, and Dorian's subsequent threat made it clear they were leaving the ranch tomorrow. But Dawn was uncertain of what to do between then and now.
           “So…where do we go?" Dawn asked, letting out a comfortable sigh as she took her place back under the wolf's chin. “From here I mean."
           Vernon gently pat her head, stroking the wool against the back of it softly.
           “You mean how are we handlin' the rest of this trip?" The wolf asked.
           Dawn nodded softly against his chest, not even pulling away from her comfortable spot above his thrumming heart to make the gesture clear. But despite it, the wolf seemed to easily recognize the gesture.
           “Welp…" Vernon sighed. “I figured we'll spend the night in one of the guest rooms instead of bunking with the others fer obvious reasons."
           “Are you sure Audrey will approve of that?" Dawn asked quietly.
           “She ain't getting' a say this time around." Vernon muttered. “After what Pa did anyway she ain't really got any grounds to object to us doin' what we want."
           “But Vernon…I mean…" Dawn stopped herself, taking a moment to figure out how she was going phrase what she wanted to say. “I mean, Audrey…"The ewe trailed off for a moment as she wrung her hooves. “Leaving the pack is going to crush her Puppy."
The wolf was silent for a few moments, allowing the steady thrum of the cricket song to once again dominate the air surrounding them. But as Dawn waited for an answer, she slowly came to realize one of the crickets sounded slightly off. The strange noise was closer than it should have been, and sounded softer and pleading. It was only then that the lamb figured out that Vernon had been letting out soft, low whines as he was mulling over her words. They were so low and strained they had simply blended in with the chirping around them.
           “Well…" The wolf finally broke the quiet stillness, albeit fairly weakly." I can't help that…it's on Pa, not me."
The wolf let out a tired sigh, running his paw through his scalp fur as he did. “If she thinks she can change his tune on the whole affair, she's welcome to try." The wolf continued. “But we can't wait around and hope that happens, it'll make our resolve look weak in the ol' mam's eyes. So we have to just keep movin' forward with the plan to leave."
Dawn let out a disappointed sigh. Audrey was a tough wolfess, and by her own admission had butted heads with Dorian before and came out on top. But after seeing first hoof not once, but twice, just how strongly and vehemently Dorian remained against her acceptance into the pack, the ewe found herself questioning if even the wolfess had the slightest chance of breaking through to the mammal. If this situation were anything like the battle Dorian had with Vernon over being an architect than there was no true victory to be had. The old wolf had ultimately refused to support Vernon's frivolous endeavor, and Audrey seemed unable to bring him around on that particular issue, going so far as to aide Vernon in secret when she could.
“Okay…so what then?" Dawn asked.
"Well, then we collect our belongings from our rooms and move it to the guest room." Vernon continued.
"Perhaps we could take a detour to the kitchen?" Dawn asked, glancing up at the wolf. Vernon raised a curious eyebrow as the ewe reached out to him. Dawn gently traced the swelling above his eye with a hoof.
"I still want to get some ice on that Puppy." Dawn sucked in another harsh breath of air as the wolf pulled back slightly.
Vernon shook his head, letting out a soft moan as he placed a ginger paw to the swollen lump.
"Fine by me..." Vernon mumbled. " 'Sides I need to take a few moments at the gals room to talk to Ada and apologize again."
Dawn smiled, the wolf was seemingly able to read the next thought right off the top of her head. "I was gonna suggest..."
Vernon squeezed the ewe into a small hug.
"What, you think I wasn't gonna?" Vernon asked, letting out a chuckle. "I don't really regret knockin' Yuri around too much, just how I went about it. But when it comes to my sister, I ain't lettin' that go without making amends."
"Good." Dawn replied, patting the wolf's chest softly. "Because if you weren't I was going to drag you to her myself and force you to apologize for that comment!"
Vernon feigned an offended expression, drawing a paw to his chest. "What? I thought we were a team now? What about my say in this!?" The wolf chuckled.
"You already made one call on behalf of both of us already, it's only fair I get to make one too." The ewe giggled softly.
"Alright, alright..." Vernon said with a pleasant sigh. "We'll hit the ladies bunk fer your stuff second and I'll talk to Ada...provided Vanna even lets me."
Dawn rubbed the wolf's chest affectionately.
"Don't worry. I think I can handle Vanna." The ewe replied. "I mean she can't be as difficult to persuade to see reason as Dorian, can she?" The ewe glanced back up at her mate with a look of concern.
The wolf was clearly doing his best to stifle his snickering as he nodded softly. Dawn quirked a curious eyebrow.
"What?" Dawn asked.
"Sorry, I just was picturin' you tryin' to 'handle' Vanna." The wolf said, still trying to stifle his chuckling.
Dawn gave the wolf a playful swat on his muzzle, only for the wolf to recoil in a clear expression of mock pain. Vernon clutched a paw to his face, rolling his eyes as he leaned his other paw against his head.
"Ow! My mate is abusin' me!" Vernon lamented. "I'm a battered hound! Oh!"
Dawn simply crossed her arms, sticking her tongue out at the wolf's hammy performance. This only drew another chuckle from the wolf as he settled back down into his seat, curling back up to the ewe's side.
"But honestly, she ain't really the type to hold a grudge." Vernon picked up where he left off, shaking his head dismissively. "Unlike my Pa she actually lives up to the whole 'mammal's who are tryin to do better' idea."
Dawn let out a relieved sigh, after all she was certain she had an apology of her own to give the large tigress considering she had kept her talk with Dorian a secret from her as well.
"After that's all squared away, we'll head to bed early and be out of here before breakfast." The wolf concluded.
"Before breakfast?" The ewe lamented. "I was kind of hoping for one more helping of Audrey's cooking before we had to leave."
Vernon shook his head dismissively.
"As much as I love Ma's cookin', do you really want to be sittin' at that awkward breakfast table full of mammals after what happened tonight?" The wolf asked, raising an eyebrow.
Dawn could feel herself cringe as she drew back slightly, her muzzle crinkling as she bit her own tongue. No matter how sweet the taste of Audrey's pastry delights, it would be impossible to enjoy them under the uncomfortable limited exchanges and awkward silences she was sure would come.
"Oh...yeah..." Dawn groaned softly.
"I mean, knowin' Pa, he wouldn't show like the last few days." Vernon muttered scratching the back of his head. "But I ain't keen on sitting across from Yuri anytime in the next century if I can help it."
"I think that's more than fair." Dawn replied.
"But..." Vernon added, flashing the ewe a sly glance. "That ain't to say we can't sneak a few pies out with us before takin' a zoober back to the train station." The wolf flashed Dawn a wink and a smirk as he gave her a playful nudge.
Dawn giggled, giving the wolf a teasing swat with her hooves. Vernon was quick to return the volley, adding playful soft swats of his own as the two play fought on lazily drifting porch swing. The ewe was having a good time, until she accidentally managed to swipe and one of the wolf's sore spots. Unlike before she could tell the pain was real as the wolf drew back suddenly, letting out a slight whine.
"Ooh! Easy Floof's." The wolf whimpered. "I'm still all bruised up here."
"Oh Puppy, I'm sorry!" Dawn pleaded, wrapping her hooves around the wolf's midsection once more and giving it a tight squeeze.
She felt the wolves paw come to rest on her hair, before giving it a playful tussle.
"I'm just playin' Darlin', it wasn't that bad." Vernon said with a snicker.
Dawn drew back, her muzzle scrunching annoyance as she puffed her cheeks at the wolf.
"Don't tease me like that!" The ewe tried to stifle her giggling, but the wolf's own chuckling was infectious. "I don't want to actually hurt you!"
The wolf simply rolled his eyes. "Alright, alright...I'm sorry Mutton Chop." The wolf relented, opening his arms and gesturing for the ewe to return to his arms. "Fergive me?"
Dawn let out a slight huff, but it was purely for show as a smirk quickly returned to her muzzle. Slowly the ewe pulled herself back into the wolf's arms, allowing him to wrap her up in his embrace. The wolf proceeded to bury his muzzle in her wool as he held the ewe against him.
"Always..." Dawn replied, hugging the wolf with as much strength as she could muster. "But can you promise me something?" Dawn asked as she drew back from the hug. The ewe glanced up at the wolf with a look of concern, causing the wolf to raise a concerned eyebrow.
"What is it Floofs?" Vernon replied.
Dawn released her grip around the wolf, allowing her to wring her hooves as she nervously broached the subject.
"W-when we get back to Zootopia..." Dawn murmured softly, her eye's darting away from the wolf's as she tried to find her words. "C-can you promise me we'll talk about all this?"
"About Pa?" Vernon asked.
The ewe nodded briskly.
"I know we might not be able to fix this..." Dawn murmured softly. "B-but for the sake of everyone else...we could at least try?"
Vernon smiled softly back at the ewe, the wolf reaching out a paw to gently caress the side of her face. Dawn was quick to lean into the gesture, placing her hoof atop his paw as she let out an affectionate sigh.
"I promise." Vernon replied as he gently thumbed the ewe's cheek.
With that the wolf leaned back down against the arm rest of the chair, and with his paw guiding her, drew the ewe back to her place against his breast as he pushed the porch swing into another lazy sway with his leg. As Dawn nestled snuggly up against the wolf, doing her best to soak up the comfort and warmth it offered the ewe found herself feeling oddly optimistic about what lie ahead of them. Despite all that had happened. The fighting, the arguments, Dorian's actions, at the very least the ewe had the faintest glimmer of hope to cling to that maybe, somewhere down the line things could be mended.
Perhaps relations with the Hunter family would never be perfect, but they may improve with time. And while it was still a less than desirable situation that Dorian had seen fit to go along with Vernon's choice, perhaps once everything cooled down, and with Vernon open to trying to fix things the older wolf could eventually be talked into a state of general acceptance of the two being a couple. He didn't have to truly be happy with it, nor did Dawn crave his acceptance, but at the very least the couple could try bring the family as a whole back together.
As long as Vernon was open to her, and they worked together no matter how sensitive the subject was, there was a chance that this wouldn't be the last Hunter reunion they would ever get to attend. If not for her sake, than for her Puppy Love.
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scarfyuuri · 7 years
Text
Even Legends Fall
Author: pendots (ao3), aka scarfyuuri (tumblr) Rating: Teen and Up Audiences Warnings: N/A Summary: Victor pasted on his practiced, media-pleasing smile. "It's nothing, Yuuri. Go back to sleep," he urged. Victor shifted into a cross-legged position, hoping his movement would quell Yuuri’s half-awake worries. But instead of snuffling and rolling back over, Yuuri frowned. He pushed himself out of the tangled covers. "Now I know something's wrong," he muttered. (In which Victor suffers from a moment of doubt and Yuuri is there to reassure him.)
(Victuuri Week 2017 Day 3: Dreams. Prompt: Reassurance/Doubt.)
Link to AO3: here
“He’ll never be able to make it back into competitive skating.”
“He’d be way better off as only a coach! Now he’s going to be a horrible coach and skater.”
“Why would he bother? Yuri Plisetsky is Russia’s ace now. They don’t need an old relic competing.”
“I heard he did it because Yuuri Katsuki asked him to come back. Too bad he’ll be disappointed.”
Victor shuddered bodily at the words. He couldn’t find the source of the voices, couldn’t bring himself to argue, because they’re right, they’re right about him, he’s going to go back but he’s not going to be able to do anything and he won’t be doing enough for Yuuri at all and he doesn’t want to disappoint anyone, least of all Yuuri, and—
Victor’s eyes snapped open. He was still shivering, even outside of the clutches of the nightmare. Quickly, he glanced to his side. Yuuri, a deep sleeper as always, was still snoring softly. Victor grimaced. I shouldn’t wake him. He needs his rest. I’ll be fine. Carefully, Victor slid out of bed, though his movements remained uncoordinated and jerky. He stumbled a few steps more and fell into a sitting position by the window.
Deep breaths whispered through the otherwise-quiet room. Victor’s head was resting on his knees, his arms holding—or, perhaps, restraining—his legs. His mind was racing faster than it had in years. When was the last time pressure had gotten to him like this? Juniors? Maybe right before his first Junior Grand Prix Final, but even that seemed tame compared to this.
Nothing even happened, Victor thought pathetically. Why am I so affected now?
His mind was too jumbled to begin searching for an answer, and Victor wasn’t sure he wanted an answer anyway. It would just be a disappointment, to him and to others. He trembled at the thought, his vision suddenly wobbling. Victor rubbed his eyes furiously, a denial. This wasn’t what was going to happen. What if Yuuri woke up and found him like this? Like some sort of pitiful child on the floor, crying because he feared the monsters living in his own imagination.
Is it imaginary, though? he wondered. Victor stared out the window, squinting against the moonlight. People do think that. It’s impossible not to see the news, no matter how hard I try. Everyone is doubting me, and they’re probably right. He sniffled, frowning and burying his face back into his knees. But no matter what I do now I’ll disappoint people. I’ll disappoint Yuuri… He bit his lip against the next wave of tears fighting to make themselves known. I don’t want that. I want Yuuri to be as proud of me as I am of him. What would he think if…?
“Victor?”
He felt his blood go icy with shame. This was the opposite of what Victor wanted. Why didn’t I just go to another room? Maybe I can still leave. It’s dark, he’s still tired, maybe he won’t see—
“Victor, are you on the floor?”
Victor tried not to wince. So much for that plan. He didn’t turn to face Yuuri, fearing what he might look like. “I’m fine, Yuuri. You can sleep,” he suggested softly. The quietness of his voice was meant to soothe Yuuri back into rest, but Victor wasn’t sure he could have raised his voice without it wavering.
“Wait, you are on the floor,” Yuuri said, his voice adorably tired and accusing. The covers rustled. Victor turned to look, an automatic response to Yuuri moving in his sleep.
Yuuri was sitting up in bed, rubbing sleep from his eyes with an adorable look of confusion on his face. His eyebrows were scrunched up, his eyes glittering in the moonlight. Victor suspected that Yuuri was squinting, partly due to the dark and partly due to Yuuri’s abysmal vision. With that in mind, Yuuri probably wouldn’t be able to make out the details of anything, so…
Victor pasted on his practiced, media-pleasing smile. "It's nothing, Yuuri. Go back to sleep," he urged. Victor shifted into a cross-legged position, hoping his movement would quell Yuuri’s half-awake worries.
But instead of snuffling and rolling back over, Yuuri frowned. He pushed himself out of the tangled covers. "Now I know something's wrong," he muttered. In a motion much too fluid for someone who had been awake for less than two minutes, Yuuri grabbed his glasses off the side table and swung his feet onto the floor.
“Yuuri, really,” Victor said. No no nononono, I don’t want you to know how weak I am! I don’t want you to be disappointed!
Yuuri pushed himself off the bed and sat down right next to Victor. Victor felt his heart in his throat, trying desperately to choke him of falsely placating words and air. It was too late, Yuuri was right there, he was going to know that his childhood idol-turned-lover was the weakest human being on the planet—
Victor turned back toward the window, hot tears flooding his eyes again. He took a long breath in, trying to wipe away any emotions in the process.
The air was punched back out of him in a shocked gasp when Yuuri put his hand on Victor’s shoulder.
Immediately, Yuuri let go. “Oh! Sorry, I didn’t mean to surprise you. Victor, you were spacing out. Are you really okay?” He sounded dubious. Victor must be an even worse actor than he thought. Or maybe Yuuri just knows me too well. Tears leaked out. It doesn’t matter. He’ll know. He probably already knows. I just want to get it over with, I don’t want to prolong seeing him disappointed…
“I’m fine,” Victor said anyway. The words he said wouldn’t have mattered anyway; the quiver to his voice was a dead giveaway now. Tears were falling in earnest. Yuuri had heard him cry once before, but this time it was far more obvious. He would know.
“Are you… crying?” Yuuri asked. He sounded taken aback. Of course he does, he wouldn’t expect me to be crying on the ground. He expects better of me, and he should.
Victor had no opportunity to confirm or deny Yuuri’s suspicions; Yuuri was already set on finding out for himself. He shuffled in front of Victor’s gaze, his eyes determined and flashing with worry. Victor felt ill.
“Victor,” he breathed, his face falling. “What’s wrong?”
“I…” Victor shuddered, his words breaking apart. What could he say? Nothing was wrong, this was all ridiculous, he didn’t want Yuuri to think less of him—
“No, no, Victor, it’s okay! I could never think less of you! Please just talk to me,” Yuuri begged.
Oh no. Victor had said that out loud?! He put his head in his heads, his shoulders shaking.
But he felt arms coming around him, warm arms, familiar arms. He felt a kiss pressed to the top of his head, felt more than heard Yuuri murmuring to him, and finally Victor felt something snap. He crumpled, his arms falling open and his sobs wrenching from his lungs. Yuuri scooted forward immediately, held Victor close to him, stammered attempts at comfort.
When Victor’s tears ran dry, he was still hiccupping. He felt like a wrung-out towel, damp and exhausted. Yuuri’s grip loosened slightly, and Victor wasn’t sure when his arms had reached around Yuuri’s back, but he loosened his grip, too. Victor could feel his face running hot from a combination of past tears and embarrassment.
“I’m sorry,” Victor murmured, averting his gaze.
“Don’t be,” Yuuri said. He placed a soft hand on Victor’s cheek, and Victor couldn’t help but lean into the comforting and comparably cool touch. “Will you tell me what happened?”
Victor shrugged hurriedly. “Yuuri, it’s not important-”
“It is to me,” Yuuri interrupted softly. “You’ve always been here for me, Victor.” He grimaced. “I may not be the best at comforting people, but… I want to try to help you through this. We’re here together, so there’s no reason I can’t help you shoulder the weight. Okay?”
With that tiny, hopeful smile on Yuuri’s face, Victor felt any last shards of resolve shatter. He told Yuuri everything, more than he probably should have, and got weepy again in the middle. He babbled out his worries of disappointing everyone, his frustration that no one understood how much his time with Yuuri had revitalized him, his anger that people expected so little of him, the secret fear that those people were right to have low expectations. But Yuuri’s hands remained firmly and supportively in Victor’s, so Victor spat out every little doubt he had been feeling, flowing like a faucet down an open drain.
In the quiet that followed Victor’s words, he fidgeted. Maybe that was too much, he fretted. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have unloaded that on you,” he said quickly.
But Yuuri’s grip strengthened, then suddenly vanished. Victor looked up in surprise and was met with Yuuri flinging his arms around him and burying his face in Victor’s shoulder. “Yuuri…?”
“You don’t need to apologize,” Yuuri mumbled. “I’m glad you told me. Thank you for telling me.” He sat up, his own eyes watering. Victor opened his mouth in an exclamation of surprise and guilt, but was cut off by Yuuri’s smile. It was inexplicable, but beautiful as ever. Perhaps even more beautiful, unexpected as it was.
“I want you to know that I’m sorry you’ve been worrying silently. I want you to know that you can tell me things and I will never think less of you,” Yuuri said. “I’m no good at sharing sometimes either, but we can both try a little harder for each other. How does that sound?”
Victor was staring up at Yuuri in wonderment. “Yeah,” he breathed. The script felt flipped, but Victor found that he didn’t mind at all. He almost wished he had said something sooner. Why had he thought Yuuri would be disappointed in him? There was no one in the world he was closer to than Yuuri; kind, beautiful, amazing Yuuri.
“It takes a lot to admit that you’re doubting yourself,” Yuuri said tenderly. “I know how it feels. So you don’t have to worry about me judging you. I love you, remember? You never have to worry about that.”
Tears sprung to Victor’s eyes again. “I love you, too,” he choked.
Yuuri smiled lopsidedly. He reached out and wiped the tears sliding down Victor’s face. “I also want you to know… that all of those people telling you you’re going to do badly? They don’t matter. I have complete faith in you and I know you’re going to prove them all wrong. Besides…” He stuttered to a stop, suddenly blushing. “I can’t think of a better season than one that has you there with me as a coach and a fellow skater.”
For the first time since he’d woken from his nightmare, Victor smiled genuinely, widely, brightly. “Yuuri,” he whispered. His voice still wobbled and now the tears in his eyes wanted to spring forth from happiness, from relief, but Yuuri didn’t seem to mind at all. Yuuri met him halfway in an embrace of pure, accepting comfort.
Yuuri had told Victor once about a sort of place that you could never reach unless you had a dream too large to bear alone. Victor had smiled at him then, enchanted by Yuuri’s positivity and his blindingly bright spirit. But now, Victor truly felt what he meant. Right here in Yuuri’s arms, they were pursuing their dream together. This was a place where, even when Victor doubted himself, he knew that Yuuri would be there to remind him that they could both achieve their dreams.
And for the first time since Victor first read those discouraging headlines so many weeks ago, he was sure that they could reach that place. They would reach that place, and they would reach it together, hand in hand and smiling.
Exactly where they belonged.
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New world news from Time: Putin Believes He’s Destined to Make Russia Great Again. And He’s Just Getting Started
A few weeks ago, one of the members of the Russian government turned to President Putin and asked, “Vladimir Vladimirovich, well, what will happen to me after March 18?” He asked his question in the presence of other ministers, and the upcoming elections were certainly on all their minds. They were all worried about whether they would keep their positions after the election. The rest, however, knew better than to say anything.
According to my sources, Putin smiled his usual sly smile and replied, “Well, why, even I do not know what will happen to me after March 18.” Everyone there understood that the minister had made a terrible mistake. You cannot publicly demonstrate weakness, and you cannot ask Putin about your future. Not that he would give a straight answer anyway.
Putin has always known what would happen to him after March 18; his re-election for a fourth term was a given. But in the months building up to the elections, the Russian political elite was in a state of tremendous stress, waiting in horror for the day of the presidential election—not because they had doubts about the result, but because they were terrified of what would come next. Even following the attack on former military intelligence agent Sergei Skripal, the ministers were not particularly afraid of potential conflict with the West. The fundamental changes to come were far more serious.
Under the current Russian constitution, this should be Putin’s last six-year term in office. But virtually nobody in the bureaucratic elite of Russia believes that Putin will step down in 2024. “There is a misconception that Putin is tired, needs rest and wants to live the life of a billionaire,” says a former minister who still has personal access to the president. “But Putin is far from being tired. He is interested in everything and digs into every matter, paying attention to all the details. This is his lifestyle, this is who he is. He can’t imagine life without power.”
From the moment of re-election, Putin will start devising a complicated scheme of ruling the country in the future. Perhaps that means finding a loophole in the constitution, or changing it, or building a new structure of the state. All sources speaking to TIME from Putin’s inner circle are certain—at least for now—that Putin will somehow remain in power.
The ruling bureaucracy understands this means an era of turbulence is coming. The question—as the outspoken minister put it—is what this means for the rest of us.
The emergence of a new tsar
Putin has changed considerably during his time in power. He never planned to remain in the president’s office forever. During his first term as president in 2000–2004, he considered refusing to run for re-election. As I reported in my book All the Kremlin’s Men, his friends were future oligarchs amassing great fortunes as businessmen,such as Yury Kovalchuk and Gennady Timchenko, or the heads of special services such as Director of the Federal Security Service Nikolai Patrushev. For them, Putin was the guarantor of omnipotence and they put tremendous pressure upon him at that time.
During his second term, he started to think about his contribution to history and how he would be remembered. In 2008, he yielded the presidential office to Dmitry Medvedev and became prime minister, exercising control from behind the scenes. But the experience rankled him—he was particularly annoyed by how Medvedev reacted to the Arab Spring protests in 2011.
The Arab Spring reminded Putin of the so-called “color revolutions” which took place in the former USSR republics in 2003–2005. Looking at what was happening with the weakened regime of Muammar Gaddafi, Putin believed that Russia should in no circumstances support the international operation against Libya, seeing it as part of a global conspiracy in which Russia would be the next target.
Sasha Mordovets—Getty ImagesA Russian soldier stands in front of poster with portraits of Russian President-elect Vladimir Putin and outgoing President Dmitry Medvedev during a rehearsal for the Victory Day parade near Moscow on April 4, 2012. The parade is dedicated to the anniversary of the Soviet victory over Nazi Germany in World War II.
But Medvedev backed the international operation in Libya, and declined to veto a U.N. Security Council vote authorizing it. To Putin, this illustrated how nobody could be trusted to run the country except him. He would return to the Kremlin in 2012.
From that moment on, Putin’s psychology underwent an irreversible transformation. He came to believe that he had been chosen for a special mission—to save Russia. This more than anything inspired the events of 2014, when he decided to annex the Crimean peninsula in response to a revolution in Ukraine that he believed to be part of a global anti-Russia conspiracy. The Western world reacted with dismay, and the U.S. and Europe imposed steep sanctions on Russia. But for many Russians the annexation of Crimea signified that Russia, for the first time after the dissolution of the Soviet Union, was once again a real superpower.
Ever since, making Russia great again has become a new ideology for Putin. State propaganda started to spread the idea that Putin is the only one who can restore the greatness of Russia. This concept was articulated in the most detailed way in the build-up to the presidential election, in a documentary broadcast on the state-owned TV channel Rossiya 1. The film, Valaam, about a once-neglected monastery that has been rebuilt since the collapse of the USSR with Putin’s support, conveyed the idea that Putin is a unique historical leader of Russia—able to unite fervent advocates of the Communist-era Soviet Union with those who dream of Russia’s pre-revolutionary empire, built on Orthodox Christianity.
In the most symbolic episode of the film, Putin says that there is almost no difference between the Orthodox Christianity and Communism, and that the Bolsheviks in fact reproduced the traditional dogmas that dominated the Russian Orthodox Church for centuries. He even compared the preserved corpse of Lenin, which lies in a mausoleum in Moscow’s Red Square, to the relics of the orthodox saints, demonstrating that he managed to overcome the longstanding division.
As his former propaganda chief, Vyacheslav Volodin, once put it: “Without Putin, there is no Russia.”
All the President’s men
Putin is preparing for a new era. In the past year, he has begun a process of clearing house. He has fired a number of older governors and installed young and little-known bureaucrats in their place. The most typical appointees of 2017 were the governors of Samara and Nizhny Novgorod. They are virtually indistinguishable, so much so that Russian media compare them to Agent Smith from The Matrix—the self-cloning agent of the all-powerful central computer.
These Agent Smiths represent an archetype of Putin’s new staff. They all are roughly the same age, 40 years old or a little younger; they don’t have any particular political beliefs or opinions; they are merely “technocrats” personally loyal to Putin. The president is slowly building a new generation of Russian bureaucrats in his own image. He too was once a faceless official with no ambition—until he was eventually appointed prime minister and stepped into the role of president after Boris Yeltsin’s abrupt resignation.
However, Putin’s entourage also includes true believers, so-called “orthodox Chekists” who—again like Putin—came from the KGB and built their careers under Brezhnev. Among them are Igor Sechin, chief executive of the Rosneft energy company and considered the leader of this group, and the governor of Saint Petersburg Georgy Poltavchenko.
By and large, these figures never believed in Communism, but have now come to believe in God. And if Russia is God’s chosen nation, it follows that Putin is God’s chosen leader. The president himself naturally subscribes to this view.
Together, the new technocrats and older Chekists present an existential challenge to the Russian political elite. It may surprise some, but the upper ranks of Russian politics are filled with what might be called “sleeping liberals.” These are people who came to prominence in the 1990s, during the presidency of Yeltsin. Many of them were members of the teams of democrats and reformers like former Prime Minister Yegor Gaidar or Anatoly Sobchak, one of the most prominent Russian democrats of the early 1990s. Almost all of these people are very wealthy. Their families own property abroad. They are either oligarchs themselves, or friends of oligarchs.
Many of them are convinced that Russia needs democracy, market economy, freedom of speech, fair elections and good relations with the West. They would of course never say that out loud, aware that it contradicts Putin’s stance. And while they remain silent, Putin’s coalition of young technocrats and orthodox Chekhists has been gathering enough power to keep the president in power for a generation still to come.
Members of this “sleeping” faction insist they are ready to wake up as soon as the right moment comes—but some say that time has come and gone. “It is strange that we haven’t even noticed the moment when we lost everything,” says one socially active Russian oligarch. “We didn’t start the fight for our beliefs when it was possible. Now we can do nothing. We can only watch silently as everything is falling apart.”
What Putin wants
You don’t have to look far to find evidence of what Putin will do with his next term in power. Two weeks before the presidential elections, he spoke about a new generation of Russian nuclear missiles that can overcome any kind of defense.
Ignoring tradition, the president made his address from the gigantic Moscow Manege conference center rather than the Kremlin so that Putin could proudly show his video presentation—an illustration with missiles flying toward the U.S.—to applause from Russian officials.
It was hailed around the world as a return to the Cold War, which was exactly Putin’s intention. Russia can’t pretend to be an economic superpower, but it has another asset: nuclear weapons. Putin believes there is no other way to make the West respect Russia.
From his point of view, he exhausted all the possible methods of establishing friendly relationships with Western leaders during the first 15 years of his rule—and still didn’t win their respect. He hoped that George W. Bush, Tony Blair and their successors would consider him their equal. Putin felt insulted by Bush’s attitude toward Russia, feeling he treated it as a ‘big Finland’—or as a large, but secondary European country. A return to the rhetoric of the Cold War is an opportunity to have a completely different dialog, he believes. The Americans will respect him as they did Brezhnev, and other Soviet leaders.
At the same time, Putin also hopes that the relations with the West will improve. Putin doesn’t dream of world war. He dreams of the new Yalta Conference, the peace conference that took place in Crimea in 1944 and brought Stalin, Roosevelt and Churchill together. Back then the leaders of the countries that won World War II divided the world into zones of influence. Putin wants new zones of influence and new clear rules of the game. He wants the West to admit that territory that once belonged to the USSR (probably including nearby countries) should be areas of Russian responsibility. He wants to get guarantees and suitable honors.
Western leaders like Chancellor Angela Merkel and former President Barack Obama have argued that these spheres of influence no longer exist in the modern world. Putin rejects that as hypocrisy. He just needs Western leaders who are more ready to negotiate.
Yuri Kadobnov—AFP/Getty ImagesSupporters of Russian President Vladimir Putin gather for a rally to celebrate the fourth anniversary of Russia’s annexation of Crimea at Sevastopol’s Nakhimov Square on March 14, 2018.
Putin wants to look like a peacemaker. To do that, he’ll have to look beyond Syria. Nobody in the Kremlin believes that the U.S. will agree to have a large-scale conference about resolving Syria and be ready to meet Putin’s conditions. But his administration is ready to set other tasks for itself, closer to home.
During Putin’s next term he is prepared to resolve the problem of the Donbas, the area of Eastern Ukraine where Russia’s army has fueled a civil war since 2014. Sources in the Russian Foreign Ministry tell TIME that Putin is ready to make Eastern Ukraine an area controlled by an interim international administration—as was the case in Bosnia and Herzegovina, or Kosovo.
However, he is not ready to make concessions on the Crimean issue. “It’s only fair,” Putin responds to all foreign partners when they ask about Crimea. As far as he is concerned, the population of Crimea is satisfied with the annexation by the Russian Federation, and that means that justice has been served. Nothing needs to change.
“It’s only fair” has become Putin’s new maxim. Ten years ago, Putin would brag that he is a lawyer by training, insisting that an unconditional adherence to the letter of the law is paramount to him. He didn’t change the Russian constitution in order to be elected for a third term, yielding the presidential office to another lawyer, Medvedev, before returning to the presidential office himself. After annexing Crimea, Putin assured in a TV interview that everything was done “by the book.”
But now, Putin has changed. What he perceives as “justice” seems more important for him than the law—and that means that he can change any laws if he considers the outcome to be fair.
How exactly Putin might remain in power is not yet clear. He has six more years to do that and will not start putting any plans into action immediately—at least not until after the World Cup, which Russia is hosting this summer. And he would not hurry to share his plan with his entourage; rather, he likes surprises so the later everybody finds out, the better.
But there is no doubt that he will find a way to stay in control; he thinks it’s only fair. And time at least is on his side. In 2024, when his fourth term ends, Putin will be 72 years old. That’s the same age Donald Trump will reach this year.
Mikhail Zygar is a journalist and writer who was editor-in-chief of Dozhd, Russia’s only independent news channel. His books include All the Kremlin’s Men (2015) and The Empire Must Die (2017).
March 19, 2018 at 03:33PM ClusterAssets Inc., https://ClusterAssets.wordpress.com
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