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the-mini-muse · 2 years

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Polin Drabble: Wallow

Chapter 20 - Wallow aka The one where Anthony and Benedict are too old for this sh*t

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Penelope so wanted to stand here and wallow in self-pity but she had to put up a facade of joy in the face of the new Viscountess.

“I think they make a most agreeable match, don’t you Miss Featherington?”

“Oh yes, indeed,” Penelope has had enough practice to not let her smile become a grimace.

On the dance floor, Edwina Sharma and Colin Bridgerton danced with joy on their faces. Their laughter carried past the two women as Colin twirled Edwina, his eyes focused on his dance partner.

It felt a little like Marina all over again.

She had gotten closer to the younger Sharma sister due to their love of literature, so much so that they would find themselves spending a large amount of time at the Sharma’s new home in Mayfair or in Penelope’s residence. It was not yet the closeness she had once had with Eloise but it was very nice to have a female companion once again who she could have interesting conversations with.

It was one of times they were walking behind the Viscount and his wife that Colin walked over to say hello. He had just recently returned from a trip abroad and was sporting a tan on his now scruffy face.

His laughter rang out as Anthony quipped ahead of them about unkept brothers. Her heart hurt to look at him due to the words she had overheard last season but it did not stop it from racing at seeing his handsome countenance.

She had kept to herself as Colin and Edwina bantered beside her. She could not help that feeling of dread in her heart as she looked at Colins singular focus on her new friend. It got worse when she caught Kate looking at the two with interest.

Later, Colin would stand beside her as he looked on at Edwina leaving with her mother. “Miss Sharma is quite beautiful isn’t she Pen?”

With his eyes still on Edwina, Colin did not see the hurt flash on her face.

“She was last season’s diamond after all,” She tried to answer nonchalantly.

“That she was. Pen do you think it would be improper for me to court Miss Sharma?” His gaze finally turned and looked at Penelope,” After all, she was engaged to my brother.”

She bit the inside of her lip to keep her composure before replying,“ Would that stop you if you felt a connection with her Colin?”

“I suppose not,” He turned his gaze back at the retreating lady.

Penelope blinked quickly to bat away any tears that were starting to fill her eyes and swallowed quickly before continuing,” Your happiness is important too. If Miss Sharma is a lady you can imagine yourself courting then you are already halfway there in your decision. As you said, she is beautiful and it looked like the interest is reciprocated.”

Seeing Anthony make his way to his wife, Penelope made her excuses to Kate, and with one last look at the happy couple, Penelope turned away and made her way to the gardens.

Alone in the quiet silence she could finally let herself cry. She had replayed Colins words inside of her head multiple times every day since that night and she thought that she could shed no more tears over him, yet here she was crying over Colin Bridgerton.

“Is this a way for you to punish yourself for your sins?” A female voice interrupted Penelope’s soft cries.

Wiping her face quickly and with her heart on her throat, Penelope turned around to see Eloise standing just a couple feet from her.

She has been the best of friends with the taller girl for years so she knew the look of concern hidden behind sneer.

She drank up the sight of Eloise, she had missed her dear friend so very much. “I am so sorry for my words to you from when we last spoke, I said things in anger that I did not mean and I hurt you. I am so sorry Eloise,” Penelope took a step towards her.

Eloise crossed her arms in front of her before waving off her words,” So, will you be writing about it for tomorrows papers?”

She looked at her in confusion,”Write…?”

“My brother and Miss Edwina Sharma,”Eloise raised an eyebrow,” You know, the man you love?”

Penelope froze and looked at Eloise in terror. It seems that the other girl had a penchant for finding out her deepest secrets.

“Don’t look so surprised, you didn’t hide it very well,” the taller girl rolled her eyes then sighed,” The only one who probably doesn’t know is my oblivious brother, himself.”

“Eloise…I..I..I…,” Some writer she was.

“…am in love with Colin Bridgerton. Yes we’ve already concluded that,”Eloise face was like a marble stone,” You really are a coward aren’t you. You stand there looking like you are a victim to his cruelness when he doesn’t even know of the depth of your feelings for him.”

Penelope took a deep breath to center herself,” I know that Colin would never look upon me as a woman much less turn his eyes to court me. Trust me I know, I heard him say so - much to his friends delight last season.”

At that, tears fell silently on her face which Penelope wiped just as quickly. There was a crack in Eloise’s icy exterior.

“What are you talking about?”

“I was looking for you that night to apologize when I overheard Colin with Lord Fife and his entourage of gentlemen. It seems that one would have to be MAD to court me. Laughable too. So yes, I know your brothers feelings well when it comes to this matter. I hold no hopes or illusions otherwise. “

“Yet you still love him?” Now Eloise sighed.

“…yet I still love him,” Penelope looked at her friend sadly.

“He’s an idiot,”The other girl frowned.

“ But a handsome one,” Penelope grinned softly to lighten up the mood.

Eloise made a face of revulsion,” Well, your view on that matter is both disgusting and objectable.”

“You are erroneous about the former but your opinions of the latter is understandable,” Penelope nodded before her face dropped again,”My love for Colin, I find, is quite enduring with no hopes of it being reciprocated. He doesn’t even see me as a woman. I do not count. I am …Penelope.”

“What does that even mean?”Eloise starts to tap her left foot impatiently.

“It means that when it comes down to it, your brother would never …could never imagine me as someone he could love with a passion. It’s not even that he finds me lacking in some way, I’m sure. Eloise, I do not doubt his platonic affections towards myself, it is simply that I could not ever be even considered comparable to the likes of Marina Thompson and Edwina Sharma because he simply does not see me in that light.”

Eloise was now looking off to the side but Penelope continued, “I hold no ill will or resentment towards him. He was being truthful that night and at least I now know for sure where he stands. I still wish him happiness and for his love to be returned to him tenfold.“

Silence stretched between them.

“As I said, my brother is an idiot.” Penelope saw that Eloise was not looking at her but over her shoulder - behind her. She felt her eyes widen as she gasped. Not wanting to know but needing to know - Penelope turned around with fear as her heart started to race.

And then she wanted whatever deity or higher power there was out there to strike her down, have the earth swallow her whole, or better yet for her to just disappear into thin air as her eyes locked onto green ones.

NOPE.

Eloise was most definitely correct in her assessment of Penelope it seems.

This was her thought as her feet made haste to put as much distance between her and Colin Bridgerton.

She WAS a coward.

Finally luck was on her side as she hopped into a carriage to take her home. She looked back briefly to see that his long strides almost caught up to her before he stopped in the realization that he could not catch up to her now.

Penelope dropped her face to her hands and wished this night never happened.

——

Penelope tossed and turned all night, dreading the morning.

How long has he been standing there? What did he hear? What he must be thinking now?

She was mortified.

Maybe if she asked nicely, her Mama would let her move in with a very distant aunt in Scotland?

And so she waited, all day.

Nothing.

Colin has made himself perfectly clear with his words so Penelope could not understand why she thought or hoped he would come.

One day, stretched into two and before she knew it - it’s been a week and neither he nor Eloise came to visit.

Penelope had feigned sickness and has been able to convince her Mama that going to another ball in her constitution would not look well for the family.

And so they went, leaving Penelope at home alone.

It was quite late and so she dismissed the staff as she knew her Mama and Prudence would not be home until the early hours of the morning.

She was on her bed trying to read a book to keep her mind preoccupied when she heard a muffled curse. She stopped to look up and easily dismissed it. Going back to her book before another muffled curse rang out - this one a little louder. Finally putting the book down, Penelope stood up and made her way to her window.

It was then she heard a loud whisper, “Colin! Get down here!” And an arm startled her as it came inside from her opened window.

“Colin! (Muffle curses)”

Colin’s inebriated and grinning face popped up as his other hand grabbed the windowsill,” Pen!” He was looking at her as if he was both surprised and pleased to see her face.

Oh good God!

Penelope rushed to help him get inside before the DAMN fool fell from the tree branch that he was precariously standing on.

He fell inside in an uncoordinated and disheveled heap on her bedroom floor.

“Colin Bridgerton!” The male voice outside was now frantic.

Penelope peeked her head out of the window to see Benedict, looking quite inebriated himself, looking down on the ground as he ruffled his hair in frustration.

Arms wrapped around her middle pulled her back in and with a yelp she tried to dislodge herself from its grip.

“You smell so nice, Pen!” She felt Colins breath above her ear just before she felt him use his cheek to nuzzle the same space.

“Colin, this is highly inappropriate,” Penelope placed her hands on his arms that was wrapped around her middle to pry them off of her when he continued to talk.

“But you always smell good. Pen..Penny..Pen Pen..Pennnn-elope. I’ve missed you. I wish I could put you in my pocket and take you with me when I travel. I’m sure you’d appreciate that places I’ve been to more than anyone else. My Pen, my Penelope,” with that, Colin started to sway behind her as if they were dancing to a song only he could hear.

“I am too old for this…”(muffled curses from outside, a thud, then a groan)

“…Colin,” Penelope whispered. The air around them felt too intimate.

She felt his arms loosen before she was spun around, his hands now on her shoulders as he peered down at her. His green eyes searching her face and it made her self-conscious and highly aware that she was wearing her night chemise.

“Pen, you love me? Truly?” He was looking at her in wonder.

She kept silent as he lifted a finger to tuck an errant curl behind her ear, then drag the same finger from the side of cheek, down to her jaw, and rest under her chin. His thumb now lightly caressing her lips.

She licked her lips in nervousness and saw his pupils dilate - his dark gaze flicked back up to her eyes before going back to her lips.

“What do you mean he’s bloody inside her room!” Anthony’s unmistakable voice from outside pierced the silence.

Her eyes widened in terror while Colin seemed unperturbed,”So do you Pen?”

“Do I what?” She whispered as her thoughts become fuzzy once more as he lowered his face so that she could feel his breath on her lips.

“Do you love me?” He was so close…She blinked repeatedly at the closeness of his face.

“Yes,” He pulled the breathy answer from her right before closing the distance between their lips.

His lips were soft but demanding. His hands now rested on her jaws as he tilted her face up - using his experience to make her first kiss more amazing that she could have possibly imagined. She raised her hands and let it rest on his chest, fingers curling as they used his shirt to keep her standing and steady.

He tilted his face as his tongue asked for permission to taste hers. Oh this was very nice.

They both let out twin moans.

“Colin! If you don’t come down right now I shall refuse to fund any trips abroad for the foreseeable future!” Anthony’s harsh whisper floated up to their roam.

“Colin, you should go” She reluctantly pulled back, not wanting this stolen moment to end but she knew how much his travels mean to him. Tomorrow he will sober up and regret his actions. No doubt, he would want those funds to travel as far away as possible from her person.

Colin surprised her yet again,”That’s fine. I am not planning on going anywhere. At least not without my wife.”

He was smiling so wide that it hurt,”…you are getting married?!”

He nodded.

She was going to start crying. Why was he doing this?

His face transformed to concern before his eyes widened in realization,”..to you!”

“What?” Penelope was so confused.

“My wife. You. (Takes a deep breath) I’m doing this all wrong,” Colin got down on both of his knees, his face now showing a serious expression that is seldom seen on his face.

He looked up at her and held both of her hands,”Penelope, I love you too. I’ve come to a realization that my feelings for you are far more than what one would feel for just a friend. I love you as a man would love a woman, as I would love my wife. MY WIFE. Please forgive this fool in front of you for realizing so late how much he loves you. Please put me out of my misery, I cannot imagine a life without you by my side. I love you Penelope. I need you. I want you. I love you. “

He punctuated those last several words with kisses to her hands, eyes never leaving hers,” I would be lost without you. In return I promise to love you until my last breath and beyond. I will worship the ground you walk upon. Cherish every moment with you. I promise to be the best husband to you and father to our children. “

She was crying at this point.

“So what do you say, Pen?” She looked down at him, sniffling and nodding her head, “ is that a yes?”

“Colin Bridgerton, when I get my hands on you…” They were startled by the THUMP of Anthony falling inside her bedroom from the window. He stood up, one hand behind his lower back and groaning.

They watched wide-eyed as Anthony took in Colin still at his knees and Penelope standing in front of him, their hands still intertwined. His face turning a shade of red that they didn’t know was possible.

“Pssssst! Anthony! Colin! They’re home! Come back down now!” Benedict’s frantic whispers could be heard outside. Portia Featherington could be heard going up the stairs already.

Anthony grabbed Colin by the collar and was pushing his brother out the window with record time.

“I love you! I’ll be back tomorrow with a ring!” Bang Colin’s head hit his head on the open window where Anthony was trying to stuff him to go outside.

“Penelope? Are you still awake?” She heard her Mama’s footstep head towards her room.

“Good evening Miss Featherington, I do apologize for the inappropriate intrusion!” Anthony then followed Colin out just as her Mama opened the door without knocking.

“What in good heavens are you doing?” Portia looked at Penelope who was standing in the middle of her room smiling at her open window.

“Oh nothing Mama. I was just about to go to bed. How was the party?”

Thud

Groan

Thud

Yelp of Pain

Muffled cursing

“Did you hear that?” Portia started to walk over to her window.

“HEAR WHAT MAMA?” Penelope raised her voices, causing her mother to pause and look at her incredulously.

Silence

Portia shook her head and headed out of the room, muttering to herself about how many drinks she must have imbibed that night.

Penelope closed the door to her room and ran to her window.

She looked out just as Anthony, Benedict, and Colin come out from behind the big oak tree. It looked like Anthony had just smacked Colin upside the head because he was rubbing it with a sheepish look on his face while Benedict looked at them with amusement.

Colin had looked up - a smile already lighting up his face when he saw her.

“Pen! Pen! I LOVE YOU!” He started to sing before Anthony put his hand over his mouth.

“You bloody idiot, let’s go!” Head shaking, the older man dragged Colin away as Benedict shuffled after them. The artist gave her a small smile and a wave.

Then the three figures are lost in the shadows of the night.

As Penelope laid in her bed that night, she pulls her pillow to her chest and allowed herself to dream of tomorrow.

TBC ???

Thank you so much for all the likes, kudos, reblogs, and comments for my Polin Drabbles. The amount of love and support I've received for them has brought me so much joy!

The Polin Drabbles are winding down - never fear I will finish Transcendent and Formidable as they are part of the Words series. I do love writing shorts/drabbles/one shots so keep an eye out of a new series from me much like this one but with another theme.

#polin #polin stories #theminimusewrites:polin #colin bridgerton #bridgerton #colin x penelope #penelope x colin #penelope featherington/colin bridgerton #penelope/colin #penelope featherington #Bridgerton polin fixit

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