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citrusandcyanide · 8 months

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Can't Lose You | L.G.

Pairing: Lip Gallagher x f!reader

an. This is my first fic since switching back to this blog and it's also my first Lip fic. I'm So happy to be writing again :,) . This idea won the poll but I'm still cooking up the rest. This will probably be 2-3 parts long. First part is mostly just background, but still got some angst. Would love feedback <3

Synopsis. College decisions are being sent out. Lip doesn't want to go to college unlike his best friend who has her mind set on leaving Chicago and her feelings for Lip behind.

words. 3k

Warnings. Unrequited feelings. angst, smoking, drinking, and angry lip.

Part 2 Part 3 (final)

“I got in,” Lip said standing in the doorway of his best friend's bedroom. You were laying on your bed with a book in your hand when he appeared suddenly in your room. Sitting up, you put the book down and turned towards the door. You gave Lip a confused look as he walks towards you. He sits on the bed beside you before continuing. “MIT. I got in.”

“Mandy’s application really worked huh?” You were shocked. The situation was almost amusing. Mandy had submitted five college applications in his name. She told you before submitting them, even going as far as asking you to look over them to make sure they were good. Of course when you went to tell her the plagiarism was evident, she cursed you out and left offended. It was funny that one of them worked, but part of you was genuinely shocked. This meant an escape for Lip. A real chance of leaving Chicago and the south side behind, to move on and up. You were genuinely happy, excited even. Lip, on the other hand, didn’t look excited. It was clear by his expression that he was shocked, maybe even a little proud. But he also seemed unimpressed by the prospect of what this meant for his future.

“You going?” You asked, hopeful that the answer would be yes. You contained your excitement, seeing that he was still unsure if this was good news.

“Nah. You know I hate the Red Socks” Lip replied, earning a scoff from you.

“That’s bullshit,” you replied, smacking him on the arm with the book you were reading. “Well, what about the others? Mandy said she was applying to five.”

“Got three rejections, but uh, UChicago let me in,” He laid back on the bed, using his arm to prop him up. “And I’ve been thinking of all the shit you said about College being important and all.”

“And?” you said, now looking down at him. You were hoping he would say he was going. Lip was one of the smartest people you know, but also the dumbest. He had an amazing brain but had no clue how to use it sometimes. It was the cause of the biggest tension in your friendship. You were just as smart as Lip, but it didn’t come so easy to you. You were a hard worker, but only because you had to be. It was the only way you saw yourself surviving. To get into college meant an escape from the Southside life and struggles. It was important to you. Lip knew it. He had to listen for the last two years as you stressed out over formulating the applications. He also had to witness a few panic attacks caused by it. College stood on an almost unreachable pedestal, but nothing could convince you you couldn’t reach it.

You tried your hardest to convince Lip to at least try for the dream, but he wouldn’t listen. He wouldn’t try. And yet the opportunity still was handed to him on a silver platter, like everything good in his life. Here he was, being handed salvation, and he was still going to deny it. A part of you was angry at that, but it was useless being frustrated with him.

You couldn’t help but think about Mandy. If he really was considering going to college, it wouldn’t be because of you. It was because of Mandy. Lip may be your best friend, but Mandy has had all his attention recently. You told him to apply to college. Lip refused. Mandy applied for him and now he listens.

It just added to how much you wanted to leave. Everytime you saw Mandy, you had to endure listening to her talk about Lip. The two of you were friends of course. You were thrilled to see her happy, but it still stung seeing her get to Lip instead of you. Lip, the boy down the street, your best friend since your parents moved in when you were young. The boy who stuck by your side through elementary and middle school when it was difficult to make other friends. The boy who took your first kiss in front of the whole school when other girls teased you for not having it yet. During middle school dances, the one who would sit on the bleachers with you instead of dancing. Who you’d spend all your time with. The one who’d sneak you out of your house late at night to smoke joints under the L. The boy you couldn’t help but love.

He knew it, and you knew he did. It became all too obvious in high school. Lip had started dating girls fairly quickly. He’d spend more nights busy with other girls. It interrupted the time you got to spend together. You understood he had needs and you weren’t exactly wanting to become fuck buddies. So you let it be, trying to ignore the jealous pit in your stomach.

It all boiled up until one day near the end of sophomore year. The two of you had made plans to hang out at his house, order some food and get high. When you got there, he wasn’t home. Ian and Fiona said they didn’t know where he was. You decided to wait awhile. Debbie had recruited you to play with dolls. When he got back, you had helped yourself to a bag of chips and a soda. He wasn’t alone. A girl you recognized from physics class was strung on his arm. He freezed when he made eye contact with you from your position on the couch. You heard him mutter “shit” under his breath. Your gaze shifted between the girl and Lip. You were beyond irritated, but you refused to show it. Instead you turned your head to the tv.

“You gonna introduce us, Lip?” You asked, breaking the silence. He didn’t reply. The girl did instead.

“Um, I’m Jenny… we know eachother from class,” Her tone was awkward, but you could tell she was genuinely trying to be nice. There was a small giggle when she spoke “I’m Lips girlfriend now.”

Your head shot back up to look at Lip. Your eyes were wide. He didn’t tell you anything about this. He hadn’t even mentioned her to you before, let alone give you a heads up that he was gonna ditch you to spend time with her. Lip avoided your eyes. You were boiling now and Lip could feel it radiating off of you.

“You could have told me you were bringing company. I would have brought more weed,” You said, the bitterness clearly evident in your tone.

“Gross. I don’t smoke,” Jenny replied disgusted. You raised your eyebrows and nodded.

“Real keeper, Lip,” You gave him a sarcastic smile. He scoffed.

“Just go home, kid. We’ll talk tomorrow, Okay?” Lip said before telling Jenny to go up the stairs to his room. You didn’t move from the couch.

“No, I’ve been waiting here for hours. You could have at least given me a heads up that you were going to cancel. I could have gone home.”

“Yeah, well, I’m telling you to do that now,” His voice had grown agitated.

“What is up with you lately? We’ve barely seen eachother and the one day you suggest we actually hang out, you ditch me. Not cool, Gallagher.”

“Give me a break,” He said running a hand through his hair. His leg was bounced anxiously. He kept looking back up the stairs to make sure Jenny was out of earshot.

“Like that isn’t what I been doing,” You sat up to face him properly. “I’m trying to be understanding, but honestly I feel kind of neglected. We’re best friends, I think our friendship deserve a little effort put in to it, you know.”

“Jesus, (Y/N). I’ve got a gorgeous girl waiting for me on my bed right now. Can this PLEASE wait till tomorrow?” Blood was starting to rush to his face. He wasn’t asking. He was ordering. It was like a hit to the chest, but it only fueled your anger.

“Could anything be more important to you than pussy, Lip,” You hissed. Your voice was getting louder with every sentence. “Certainly not your friends because you would have kept your dick in your pants for ONE fucking night to hang out with them.”

“FUCK OFF, (Y/N),” He was fully yelling at this point. “It’s your issue for waiting so long. I can’t spend every day with you. You’re not the only person in my life. You don’t get to control how I spend my time! Fuck, you’re not my girlfriend. Stop expecting to be treated like you are.”

“I am well-fucking-aware I’m not your girlfriend. You remind me every fucking day,” you screamed. Your vision blurred as tears began running down your face. You scowled at him. There was a moment of silence as you both realized what you said. Lip grew confused, his face contorted as he was trying to understand what was happening. Everything became dizzy. You took a deep breath and stepped back. You quickly gathered your stuff, wiping the tears away from your eyes. “Moments like these make wonder why I even want to be.”

Lip was silent. He stared at the floor now. You waited for him to say something. Inside you were begging him to say something. Anything, to cut your embarrassment. He didn’t speak. So you left, wishing you had listened when he told you earlier.

“God sometimes I really fucking hate you, Gallagher.”

He showed up at your door the morning after to apologize. You both sat on your porch steps to talk. “She dumped me after you left. She, uh, heard how upset you were. Said something about ‘girls support girls’ and left.’”

You laughed a little, but didn’t say anything. You were still really embarrassed about last night. An angry confession was not how you ever imagined Lip to find out about your crush. You let him speak.

“Listen, I’m sorry for how I acted last night. How I’ve been acting. I didn’t mean to make you feel neglected,” Lip said, fiddling with the pack of cigarettes in his hand. You both were facing the house across the street, refusing to look at eachother. “And I’m sorry I blew you off. I take responsibility for that and promise I won’t do it again.”

“Thank you,” You said quietly. This wasn’t your first fight with Lip. You’d have an argument, one of you would storm out, but by morning the other would always be waiting outside eachothers’ doors to apologize. This was just another one of those mornings. The difference was now he knew that you wished you were dating. “I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have said that… stuff.”

“Oh what? About wanting to be my girlfriend?” Lip looked at you and smirked. He took a cig out the box and put it between his lips. You groaned and put your head in your hands. Part of you was relieved he could joke about it. A bigger part of you was mortified.

“We can like erase that from our memories. Please,” You pleaded. “I really prefer it if we never bring it up again.”

Lip nodded. He offered you the box. You took a cigarette and reached for the lighter in your back pocket before lighting it. Lip took the lighter from you and did the same.

“You know I don’t think it’s a good idea,” He said after a moment of silence. You looked at him with a pained look on your face. You felt your chest tighten. “The dating thing. I don’t like the idea.”

“Way to rip my heart out of my chest,” You scoffed a little. You turned your face away from him. You didn’t want to lie. You felt your heart break a little at your words. There you were still hoping a part of him would like the idea. You should have prepared yourself for the rejection.

“I don’t mean it like that.” He was looking at you fully now. “You’re too good for me, (Y/L/N).”

“We’re good the way we are now. I don’t want to ruin that. If we date, we’ll break up, and hate each other. It’ll never be the same. This is better. Safer,” He continued once you looked back at him. “In short… I can’t lose you.”

With that, you never talked about it again. Your feelings never dissolved, but you also never did anything about them. The conversation left you with some hope he felt the same, even if it wasn’t as much as you liked him. He kept quiet too, respecting your feelings. He never joked about it again. He kept his promise and spent more time with you, all until Karen and Mandy. You stayed clear of Karen all together, not wanting to get messed up in her shit, but Mandy was your friend. You weren’t going to abandon her because she started dating your best friend. She didn’t know about your feelings. No one did except you and Lip.

Lip was the only thing tethering you to Chicago, but he was spending less and less time with you again as senior year was coming to an end. You tried to move on, but this boy was genuinely the only person you could tolerate in your high school. The prospect of college meant the chance to forget your feelings for him. If Lip left for college, maybe you’d both move on for good. You’d be too busy with college to bother with each other. High school was a nightmare with your unrequited feelings for Philip Gallagher and you were sick of it.

“Did you get any news back?” Lip asked you. He was fully laying on your bed now. You looked at him and shook your head.

“Few rejections, but I haven’t heard from my reach school yet,” you replied, shifting your position so he could lay more comfortably.

“They’d be stupid to reject you,” he responded. He picked up the book you were reading to examine it.

“Yeah we’ll see,” you shrugged. “I hear back from my dream school any day now. SAIC let me in though.”

“At the art institute?” Lip looked back at you as he asked. “I thought you don’t want to go to school in Chicago.”

“I don’t, but thought I’d give it a shot. I enjoy the campus, and the museum is a big plus.”

“You know I’d hate to have you leave me here, (Y/L/N),” Lip said, looking back at the ceiling. Your heart skipped a beat at his words. You shrugged it off and tried to ignore the butterflies in your stomach. He can’t say that shit. Not when he’s the only one who could convince me to stay.

“If you go to Massachusetts, you’d be leaving too, Loser. We’d be even.” You sighed. “Besides, I got my eyes set on California. No way am I tolerating another winter here.”

The conversation ended at that. Lip stayed over until it was dark. Before leaving, he brought up a new topic.

“You heard about the school dance next Friday?” He asked practically halfway out the door. You nodded. “Interested in going at all?”

“Are you not taking Mandy?” You asked back. Lip shook his head in reply.

“She’s busy that night. I thought it’d be fun to go just you and me, like we used to.”

“And get high on the fields? Can’t we do that anywhere else?” You asked, grimacing.

Lip scoffed and shook his head. “It’s the last dance of high school. I thought that’d mean something to you. For old times sake.”

You smiled. You liked being asked to go. You hadn’t gone to many dances since high school started. It would be nice to have a night with the two of you without Mandy. You could pretend that nothing had changed since you were kids.

—

Of course things had to change, and they were about to. You were at your mailbox holding your Berkeley acceptance in hand. The paper seemed to glow. This was it. Your ticket out of here. You practically fell to your knees reading it. Your hands were shaking too much to read anymore than the congratulations written at the top of the page. Time slowed as you began to imagine a life outside of Chicago. Your life away from the South Side, away from your school, away from your family, away from Lip. It was hard to imagine what that would look like. Lip had been by your side through everything. You grew up together. All your core memories involved him. Moving was what you wanted but you couldn’t help but grieve your time with Lip. But leaving was necessary, you couldn’t live ignoring your feelings any longer. You had to go.

You stayed at your mail box for a while. Your eyes stayed glued to the acceptance letter until you heard a familiar voice call out to you from a few houses down.

“You okay there, (Y/N)?” Lip shouts, standing in his front yard. His sudden presence snaps you out of your thoughts. You folded the paper up and shoved it back in the envelope before walking over to the Gallagher home.

“Totally fine,” You half smiled, opening the gate to enter his yard. You tried desperately to shake off your visible grief. You just wanted to celebrate and spend time with your best friend. “Great even. I need a drink.”

Lip let out a laugh and let you inside. With no further questions, you entered the house, grabbed two beers out of the fridge and made your way up the stairs into Lip’s room. Meanwhile, Lip’s eyes never left the envelope that you held in your hand.

#lip gallagher #lip gallagher x reader #lip gallagher x y/n #shameless #jeremy allen white #shameless us #lip gallagher imagine #lip gallagher x you #lip gallagher angst #shameless x reader #phillip gallagher

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linovich · 4 days

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𝙋𝙝𝙞𝙡𝙞𝙥(𝙡𝙞𝙥) 𝙂𝙖𝙡𝙡𝙖𝙜𝙝𝙚𝙧 𝙭 𝙍𝙚𝙖𝙙𝙚𝙧

Synopsis: You attend your AA meetings at least once a week and you yourself know that you've always had your eyes on the Dirty blonde, maybe, this could be the day you could make something out of it.. Wouldn't you like to know?

Wc: 1.3k

Cw: alcohol, violence, drugs, angst, intoxication, aa meetings

A/n: my first oneshot, shameless too, enjoy lol

.・゜-: ✧ :.・゜-: ✧ .・゜-: ✧ .・゜-: ✧ :-.・゜-: ✧ :-　　　　

You've never seen him like this and thought you never would.

AA meetings were something you tried to attend at least once a week, and when you do successfully force yourself to leave your mess of an apartment that reeks of cigarettes, you can’t help but notice the blue-eyed dirty blonde that looks like he crawled out of his own grave and always sat at the back of the AA meetings. He always showed no emotion, his hands were always dug into the pockets of his worn-out jacket and his face was always blank. He's only stepped onto the podium of the AA meetings once to talk about his alcoholic laced stories but you know he was hiding something more intense, something deeper, and you can't help but want to claw your fingers down into his throat to find out. He talks while looking down and you recognize the shame intertwined into his voice as he speaks, an emotion you were very familiar with.

But that meeting happened weeks ago.

You're sat at one of the back rows of today's AA meeting. You're only looking up at the ceiling as the sob stories of the recovering alcoholics are only boring you to death rather than inspiring you to change into a “better person”. You stare at the flickering light bulb dreading for today’s meeting to end quick. You can't wait to light a new one and find your next fuck that's usually on the L that you take back to your apartment. It's only that you take interest into today’s meeting when you hear glass shattering. You whip your head to the left and see that soul dead man gripping harshly on the collar of a typical addict.

"What the fuck did you say?" You’ve never heard him raise his voice, he was always so quiet and reserved and he always speaks in a whisper.

"You Gallaghers are all white trash, don't know how the fuck your whore of a sister got out of jail, all you fucking Gallaghers deserve to rot at the clink" he's slurring his words, what kind of asshole comes into an AA meeting intoxicated? Your thoughts halt like a train when you see Blondie over there landing a hard hit onto the drunkies's jaw. He collapses on the floor and he’s coughing like a maniac as he's in between laughs, blood leaving his lips like Niagara Falls, you wince at the sight.

"Fucking kill me gallagher, forget you're being recorded by a camera?" The maniac shouts out in between his laughs. The recovering alcoholics are leaving one by one not wanting to be a part of this bloody dispute, and you're pretty sure one of them are calling the police, if not a drug dealer, this situation seems normal to relapse in your eyes.

His blue eyes whip to the corner of the room and he looks back at the drunkie with eyes that speak louder than the punch he landed that echoed around the room.

"You're a fucking lucky man, if I ever see you again...you are a fucking dead man"

He enunciates the last five words before spitting on the man's face and the drunkie still can't help but laugh.

Blondie digs into the pockets of his jacket again before leaving and you notice that he’s mumbling something to himself and yet despite the gruesome altercation that you just witnessed seconds ago, you feel drawn to just say something to him, to follow him. You follow your gut and follow his tracks on the way out of the building with your own hands dug deep into your jeans, but the pockets of a woman's jeans can only go so far. Your platform boots are thudding on the hard pavement as you exit the building where the meeting was held, you see him leaning on the wall to your left where the stained white paint of the building walls are only deteriorating.

You look at him and see a cigarette in between his lips as he mutters a quiet “fuck” that you can read from his occupied lips.

"Need a light?"

He looks at you for a second and doesn't reply to you, but instead leans his mouth towards your hand that's already raised up with a lighter attached to your fingers and you find yourself lighting his cigarette. It's only after the puff of smoke that exits his lips that he decides to talk.

"Thanks"

You both sit in the awkward yet comfortable silence as the lights of Chicago fill in the awkward atmosphere for you.

"Name?"

"Y/n"

"Philip, call me lip"

You nod your head before asking him the very obvious question that's been weighing the back of your head.

"What the fuck happened in there?"

Lip shrugs as another puff of smoke exits his lips before he looks at you to give you a brief explanation.

"drunkie Talked shit about my family, didn't know he was drunk until I punched him"

Silence took over the atmosphere again, the Chicago lights now struggling to save it.

"Why are you here?"

You've been dying to ask him that the moment you had laid your eyes on lip.

"None of your damn business is why I'm here"

He states with venom laced into each word and he says it quickly. You didn't say anything to anger him, you didn’t give out a remark to piss him off yet he's spoon feeding you a comment that makes you scoff and you're thinking about walking away. But you're entitled and egotistical ass won’t let you leave until you spew something nasty back.

"Well fuck you lip, just starting small talk cause I can't help but notice we're the only fucking loners in that shithole, guess you can't seem to pull your head out of your ass."

"I hope you enjoyed your cigarette lip"

You last managed to say as you enunciate his name, popping the p before walking away.

"My toddler of a brother got into my sisters fucking coke and he’s having seizures left and fucking right, I don’t know who the fuck bailed my bitch sister and I have no fucking idea how I’m going to pay for my brothers medical bills, you- you fucking happy?"

There's so much anger and hate in his words. But you're just so fucking egotistical that instead of walking away and feeling any sense of remorse, you turn around and see lip whose twisting his heel on the cigarette that you lit for him.

"Just because you gave me a light doesn't give your entitled ass the right to know shit about me"

You furrow your brows.

"I was only being nice-"

"Nice my fucking ass, you just want to get a fucking egotistical boost from the sob stories that you want out of me, is- is that it?"

Lip says unstable, your face is twisted and turned into confusion, not understanding how the fuck he's pulling words out of his ass.

"I don't know what the fuck I said to you to piss you off but-"

"Oh, go fuck yourself" he yells and he kicks the metal trash can near him, the clanging of the metal hitting the building wall and tearing the thin paint startles you and your heart starts fucking pounding.

And it all clicks.

His face is flushed red and sweating, his eyelids are drooping against his blood shot eyes and you see him stumbling after he kicked the trash can.

He's fucking drunk.

The two of you are looking at each other, panting. One in intoxication and the other in vexation.

You slowly back away while you're shaking your head ever so slowly. You can't help but think how fucking stupid you were for thinking that maybe you could have another chance at life with a random guy you found intriguing at an AA meeting- heck, wanting to pursue something of anything with a recovering alcoholic was already the first mistake. But now you're just standing there, wondering why the fuck you wanted to be a part of this shit in the first place.

"Go get some help lip."

_______________________________________________

Thank you for readingg!

#lip gallagher #shameless #fanfic #oneshot #alcoholism #rehabilitation #phillip gallagher #shameless us #please dont flop #first fic #alcoholics anonymous #lip gallagher x reader #x reader #cigarettes #angst #lip gallagher angst #lip gallagher imagines

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ashes-writing · 2 years

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three stupid words | shameless ; l.gallagher

A/N ; I, uh... I dunno where this came from and more importantly, I do not know where this is going, if it's meant to be a one off thing with a fem!reader or there will be more in the future. But hey, it's here and I thought, ahhh.. why not.. i'll wake up and choose violence in the form of angst today. So here we fuckin go.

( By all means, if you guys want more to this pls... Encourage me and my fuckery. )

Pairing ; Lip Gallagher x Best Friend ! Fem reader.

Timeline / Other Stuff to Note ; This is set around the time that Karen was pregnant had Lip believing he was the father but the father turned out to be some other kid and they broke up. If I were to continue this, a lot of Lip's stuff on the show would arguably change. And I dunno that this would actually follow a lot of the canon plot or anything. So.. yeah.

Tag List ; There is nobody on my Shameless tag list. if you'd like to be added to my taglists for anything including Shameless, please let me know or add yourself -> here.

Warnings ; Angst. Friends to nothing to lovers. Alcohol + creepy asshole scenario mentioned, Kissing. Three stupid words. This one is tame.

Other Stuff ; tag list doc || my rules - fandoms and some characters I write for || requests are open (pls.. pls... send me things) but they're limited to headcanon asks + filth/fluff alphabet letters and I'm not accepting wrestling / wrestlers in my ask box. Any other fandom/character but wrestling that I happen to write for is fine and I beg of you -> send me things.

I do not consent to my work being reposted elsewhere or copied/reworked/rewritten and reposted here or elsewhere. You don't own this, I do. So like... don't steal my shit.

“And furthermore, Phillip,” you’ve got your hand on your hip, your chest is heaving and your nostrils are flared. All that’s missing is your hands gesturing wildly or the way you always seem to wind up invading each other’s personal space whenever you butt heads. It’s been like this since you were both around 6 and 7.

From the kitchen doorway, Fiona tries not to double over.

Lip takes a long sip from the bottle of beer he’s confiscated from Frank’s stash in the fridge. He’s calm. Smirking a little. “What, princess?”

Your nostrils flare just a little more. You step closer. “What did you just call me?”

“You heard me.” Lip smirks. Stepping closer to you. Vee, who has just wandered in and is observing this whole thing, nudges Fiona. “One day they’re gonna tie up and Lip’s going to kiss her to shut her up.”

Fiona laughs. “Nah. They’ll storm off like always. But she’s not wrong. She came by to check on him in the first place but naturally, he’s being a little bitch.”

“Not because of Karen.” Vee’s only half joking and at the mention of Karen’s name, Fiona rolls her eyes. Then she nods to you. “All she’s doing is telling my brother the truth.”

The two of them turn their attention back to the scene unfolding in front of them. By now, Lip’s back is against the door of the fridge and you’re listing off every single flaw Karen Jackson has one by one. You end with a breathy, “She’s a lying, cheating, selfish little slut, okay? I’m sorry you’re hurt, I really am. But we all tried to tell you there was a huge fucking chance the kid wasn’t even yours.”

To Fiona’s surprise, Lip hasn’t stormed off yet. And he seems to be taking it in. Staying calm. He takes a sip of the beer and drags the back of his hand over his mouth. “You about done, princess?”

You throw up your hands because you assume that nothing you’ve just said, not a damn word of it, has gotten through to the guy. “Yeah. I’m done. You accept the love you think you deserve, idiot. Think about it.”

Fiona and Vee share a puzzled look until something clicks for Vee and she gapes and promptly nudges Fiona. As she explains what she thinks you meant by the last comment you made before storming out the door of the Gallagher house, Fiona glances across the room at Lip. When she stops and really thinks about it, she’s not wrong. All the signs have always been there, Lip’s just been too blind to notice them.

Lip swings at the kitchen wall and then aggressively grabs his cigarettes and lighter before storming out to sit on the back stoop.

You stopped to take a few deep breaths, glancing back at the Gallagher house as you drag a hand through your hair. Your friends are right. Mandy was right. Maybe it’s just time to let the past -and your almost lifelong friendship with Lip Gallagher, go. Your next deep breath is shaky. You’re unsettled by what you’ve just realized. But you stand taller as if that’ll help somehow. As if it’ll make it easier to do what you’re about to try.

– ( almost three weeks later ; a block party in the South Side )

You haven’t spoken to Lip Gallagher in almost a whole month. It hasn’t been easy, especially given that Lip seems to linger, to pop up anywhere you happen to be. You weren’t planning to come out all day because of the block party going on in the streets down below, but Mandy Malkovich showed up with Ian Gallagher in tow and the two of them practically dragged you out of the house.

Now you’re out, wandering through the crowd. You’ve got a Seagram’s wine cooler in one hand and a bag of cotton candy you’re grazing on every so often in the other. You spot Lip up ahead and you immediately turn with every intention to walk away but when you turn, you find yourself body to body with an asshole named Henry who likes to pop up and corner you and every single time, it makes things uncomfortable ™ but Henry doesn’t seem to care.

You’ve got a bet going with Mandy about the jerk, he’s definitely in line to be the first incarnation of Ted Bundy or Richard Ramirez, there’s just something empty in his eyes that spooks you way too much. You gulp as Henry immediately pins you so that you don’t really have much of an escape, with your back against one of the local food trucks and his hips. As he opens his mouth to say something to you, the sour stench of beer and vomit makes you cringe hard and you roll your head away instinctively. You’re raising your knee when out of nowhere, something smashes against the back of Henry’s head and Henry slumps over.

Lip is standing there with the neck to the bottle he’s just broken over Henry’s head and he extends his leg, nudging the toe of falling apart Converses into Henry’s side and he does it hard. Then he leans down. “What’d I tell y’, huh? Leave her alone you fuckin fuck. I told y’ this was gonna happen next time you pulled your bullshit.”

You’ve done literally everything a girl can do to avoid Lip Gallagher at this point, even going as far as to find a whole new tutor and getting your schedule changed around at school just so you don’t go down any of the hallways Lip does.

That’s how serious you are about avoiding the guy. There’s no other choice but to avoid him because if you don’t, you’re going to lose your damn mind pining away while Lip chases whatever girl he’s putting up on a pedestal for the next few years til you can hopefully leave South Side behind.

You haven’t seen Lip in almost a month and somehow, seeing him right now has the exact effect you were afraid it would. Everything you feel comes rushing back all over again and there’s a tug at your heart, that empty space he occupied is gnawing at you now under the intent stare of glazed over baby blue eyes.

“I,uh.. Thank you.” you manage to get the words out and then you do the only thing you can in this situation. You bolt. You don’t run but you speedwalk away as fast as you can, putting a big chunk of drunken party goers between yourself and Lip.

Once you’re down by the corner store, you lean against the brick storefront and rest the back of your head against it as you take a few deep breaths and you fight like hell to keep from caving into the urge to go back to him and just… Pretend like nothing is wrong and your heart doesn’t break every single time he gets mixed up with a Karen or one of those preppy princess-y types he’s always oogling in the halls, the ones who only use him for his cock and then they’re done.

Because you can’t keep living like this.

And you’re so close, you’re almost free of the chokehold Lip Gallagher has on your heart.

– or you like to tell yourself you are. Deep down you know the truth and you know that you’ll probably never be free of it.

He’s shouting your name and somehow, he’s gotten both his brothers in on it too.

Ian knows you too well. So you’re not surprised when Ian finds you hiding out in the alley between the corner store and some old store with boarded up windows, smoking a cigarette as you finish off the Seagrams wine cooler you swiped from your mom’s fridge.

“Just talk to him. C’mon..”

“Ian, I can’t.”

“But you can, though! This whole thing is driving him crazy, alright? I almost can’t live with the miserable prick lately.”

You bite your lip and take a deep breath. “Talkin’s not gonna do anything, Ian. Not when I’m the one with the problem. Look.. I love him. I can’t just sit here and watch him keep chasing the little princesses or the Karens and getting fucked over because it kind of physically hurts. He deserves better, I just.. I can’t deal with him until he finally realizes it.”

You don’t realize what you’ve just done until you hear the sound of glass shattering at the top of the alley. Your head snaps up and you find a very stunned Lip Gallagher standing there with his mouth open almost comically.

Ian goes to leave and you stand because this is not how you wanted things to come out. You’re in fight or flight mode, leaning heavier to flight. You never wanted anything you just admitted to Ian to come out of your mouth at all and yet, now it has. You know you need to run, to get the hell out of this.

Because let’s face it, Running is so much easier than standing here and dealing with the aftermath and the awkwardness you think you know will be coming.

“Ian, take a walk, buddy.” Lip fixes his gaze on his brother. Ian nods and the two share a look.

You go to leave with Ian but Lip’s arm shoots out, hand resting against the brick wall close to him for purchase. Forming a barrier so you can’t escape. “Where th’ hell do you think you’re goin, huh?”

“I-I..” you stammer around your words and finally shut your mouth because nothing is coming.

For at least two or three minutes too long the air is heavy, filled with what you just confessed and a thousand other things unsaid that you’re a little too afraid to admit. You go to duck beneath his arm again but he refuses to budge. You glance up at him. “Lip, don’t.”

You tell him not to but deep down, you don’t mean it because you’re faced with losing him and now that you’re actually looking him in the eyes, you’re a little frantic. You don’t want it to happen.

But damn it, you can’t bite your tongue anymore, either.

“You’re avoidin me and I’m fucking tired of it, princess.” his eyes get a little stormy, they always do when he’s angry or upset, you know him like the back of your hand.

You place a hand palm flat against the front of his tee shirt when he steps closer just to keep a little space between the two of you because this is hard enough already and the closer he gets to you, the harder it’s going to be.

Blue eyes settle on the way your hand rests against his chest. Right over his heart.

But he doesn’t keep trying to get closer and invade your personal space. He takes a few shaky breaths instead. “What you said t’ Ian… Any of it true?”

You gulp.

“All of it.” you answer quietly, eyes trained on the word Fuck screenprinted on his shirt. You don’t dare make eye contact.

But Lip hates it when you won’t look at him, especially right now when he needs you to the most. All he wants to do is figure out why you’ve practically disappeared off the face of the Earth for the better part of three weeks because it bothers him because now he’s come to realize that he loves you and that seeing you around or hanging out -even when you wind up arguing, that was one of few things that kept him from clawing the walls.

So he grips your jaw and makes you look up at him. “I love you.”

You blink. This shocked haze settles over you and you’re barely listening to anything else he says because you’re still trying to process the first thing he says to you. Meanwhile, Lip has gotten desperate and this is what leads to him stepping up to you. Pushing you against the wall you’re both standing close to with his hips pinning yours flat as rough hands shakily skim your sides before squeezing your hips.

Your noses smash when he leans down and in towards you to kiss you and you pull away a little, holding your nose. Lip surveys your nose critically while muttering apologies over and over but then the words die away. And he’s focused again, he’s leaning in again with only one thought on his mind.

His mouth bumps yours clumsy and lazy and you’re about to pull back but you just…Can’t. Your mouth falls open ,welcoming the intrusion of his tongue as it drags over your teeth and massages yours and you feel yourself starting to come out of the daze just in time to realize what’s happening. His hand catches in your hair and he pulls your mouth in deeper, rough and thin fingers twisting and tugging at soft strands as he all but melts into you. You start to kiss back, you try to take dominance in the way your mouths meet but he’s quicker and he wants control more. You wind up wrapped around his body with your arms around his neck as your fingers rake his scalp and tug at curly hair before coming to a stop against the back of his neck. He shivers when you rub against him and melt into him just a little more and for a second or two, he nearly forgets to breathe.

The kiss finally breaks. His hand raises and it catches against the side of your face, his thumb dragging your cheek. “I’m sorry, I’m so fuckin sorry.”

“I’m sorry too. I just.. I couldn’t take it anymore, okay? Like..” you look down, you’re toying with the end of your shirt sleeve as it hangs over your finger because there’s a loose thread, “Even if you couldn’t… Love me… I couldn’t just sit back and keep quiet when you’re always letting yourself get hurt.”

“But I do love y’.” he answers quietly. He’s grabbing your face again, his forehead against yours with the warmth and the smell of cigarettes, beer and the fried pickles he ate earlier lingering on his breath, “I mean that. I always had, just..” he hesitates. Swallows hard. “You’re too fuckin good for me, princess.”

“Lip, don’t…” you take a deep breath. “Stop saying that!”

“It’s true.” he shrugs.

“It’s lies.” you pout up at him.

“Agree to disagree?” he questions and you both laugh quietly.

“C’mon. Let’s go lay under th’ tracks and watch the trains go over.” he mumbles with a laugh and then he takes off at a run with you and you’re clinging to him, laughing. Smiling.

Because maybe everybody’s wrong.

Maybe sometimes, there are reasonably happy endings. Maybe, you think to yourself, this can be one of them.

#lip gallagher #lip gallagher imagine #lip gallagher fanfiction #lip gallagher fanfic #lip gallagher oneshot #lip gallagher x best friend!fem reader #lip gallagher x you #lip gallagher x reader

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castielli · 2 years

Text

How to request:

Send your request featuring the character you want, the plot (+ANGST, FLUFF…) and anything I need to know about the reader.

MASTERLISTS:

MOVIES/TV SHOWS

KDRAMA/KPOP

Fandoms I write for under the cut!

——————————————

NCIS

Timothy McGee

Jimmy Palmer

Nicholas Torres

CRIMINAL MINDS

Spencer Reid

Penelope Garcia (platonic🫶)

Luke Alvez

CALL OF DUTY (MW/WWII)

John Price

Soap MacTavish

Ghost Riley

Gaz Garrick

Alex Keller

Alejandro Vargas

Phillip Graves

Vladimir Makarov

Rudy Parra

Red Daniels

William Pierson

Joseph Turner

Robert Zussman

Frank Aiello

Drew Stiles

SHAMELESS

Ian Gallagher

Carl Gallagher

Lip Gallagher

Mickey Milkovich

Kevin Ball

THE WALKING DEAD (+TELLTALE GAME)

Rick Grimes

Daryl Dixon

Glenn Rhee

Negan Smith

Shane Walsh

Lee Everett

Kenny

Doug

Mark

STRANGER THINGS

Steve Harrington

Billy Hargrove

Robin Buckley (platonic)

Eddie Munson

Jim Hopper

Jonathan Byers

Peter/001

Jason Carver

Dimitri

THE UMBRELLA ACADEMY (I still need to finish the last season😊)

Viktor Hargreeves

Klaus Hargreeves

Diego Hargreeves

Number Five

Luther Hargreeves

Ben Hargreeves

SUPERNATURAL

Dean Winchester

Sam Winchester

Castiel

Crowley

Bobby (platonic)

Chuck

NOW YOU SEE ME

Jack Wilder

J. Daniel Atlas

Merritt McKinney

Dylan Rhodes

Chase McKinney

MARVEL (Avengers/X-men)

Wanda Maximoff

Tony Stark

Bruce Banner

Thor Odinson

Loki Laufeyson

Steve Rogers

Stephen Strange

Peter Parker (Tom/Andrew/Tobey)

Clint Barton

Deadpool

Bucky Barnes

Sam Wilson

Peter Quill

Quentin Beck/Mysterio

Eddie Brock/Venom

Druig

Ikaris

Charles Xavier

Erik Lehnsherr

Peter Maximoff

Wolverine

Scott Summers

Hank McCoy

Bobby Drake

Alex Summers

Phil Coulson

Marc Spector/Steven Grant/Jake Lockey

Scott Lang

Pietro Maximoff

Mobius M. Mobius

Matt Murdock

Shang-chi

STAR WARS

Anakin Skywalker

Luke Skywalker

Obi-Wan Kenobi

Kylo Ren

Poe Dameron

Finn

TEEN WOLF

Stiles Stilinski

Scott McCall

Derek Hale

Isaac Lahey

Jackson Whittemore

Peter Hale

Theo Raeken

Liam Dunbar

Jordan Parrish

Mason Hewitt

Danny Mahealani

Aiden Steiner

Ethan Steiner

Corey Bryant

THE BOYS IN THE BAND

Bernard

Harold

Hank

Donald

Cowboy

Alan McCarthy

Michael

Larry

Emory

WHITE COLLAR

Neal Caffrey

Peter Burke

Mozzie (platonic)

Clinton Jones

DIVERGENT

Peter

Caleb Prior

Four

HARRY POTTER

Neville Longbottom

Sirius Black

Cedric Diggory

Seamus Finnigan

Viktor Krum

Remus Lupin

Draco Malfoy

Tom Riddle

Charlie Weasley

Fred Weasley

George Weasley

Percy Weasley

Ron Weasley

Oliver Wood

FANTASTIC BEASTS AND WHERE TO FIND THEM

Gellert Grindelwald (Mads Mikkelsen)

Newt Scamander

Credence Barebone

Theseus Scamander

Albus Dumbledore (Jude Law)

HUNGER GAMES

Peeta Mellark

Coriolanus Snow

Sejanus Plinth

MAZE RUNNER

Newt

Thomas

Gally

Minho

911 (and LONE STAR)

Evan Buckley (Buck)

Howie Han (Chimney)

Bobby Nash

Eddie Diaz

TK Strand

Carlos Reyes

Paul Strickland

Owen Strand

Jud Ryder

Mateo Chavez

RIVERDALE

Jughead Jones

FP Jones

Archie Andrews

Hiram Lodge

Sweet Pea

Fangs

Kevin Keller

Reggie Mantle

Chic

Moose Mason

BROOKLYN99

Jake Peralta

Terry Jeffords

All the others (platonic only)

CHRISTIAN BALE

Patrick Bateman (American Psycho)

Bruce Wayne (Batman)

PEDRO PASCAL

Joel Miller (TLOU)

Din Djarin (The Mandalorian)

Javi Gutierrez (The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent)

Javier Peña (Narcos)

Oberyn Martell (Game of Thrones)

Agent Whiskey (Kingsman)

Silva (Strange Way of Life)

Francisco Morales (Triple Frontier)

Marcus Moreno (We Can Be Heroes)

Dieter Bravo (The Bubble)

DETROIT BECOME HUMAN

Connor

RK900

Hank

Markus

Luther

Simon

Gavin

Josh

BARBIE

Ken (Ryan)

Ken (Simu)

Allan

SHERLOCK

Sherlock Holmes

John Watson

Jim Moriarty

Mycroft Holmes

FNAF (movie)

Mike Schmidt

Steve Raglan

SUITS

Harvey Specter

Mike Ross

LA CASA DE PAPEL

El Profesor

Berlín

Palermo

Denver

Río

I WON’T WRITE:

-Smut (for anyone)

-R*pe

-Female readers/GN readers

-Suic*de

-inc*st

-Crossdressing

-Romantic/Suggestive stories for underage characters (only platonic, basically)

If the character you wanted to request is not on the list, you can try and ask me anyways.

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piscesfics · 2 years

Photo

“ PRIDE ”

Lip finds out that you’ve been trying to apply for college scholarships on his behalf and without his knowledge (angst/fluff)

pairing ➵ boyfriend!lipgallagher x reader

words ➵ 1.4k+ (short + sweet)

warnings ➵ 18+ a/n ➵ 18+, usual shameless themes made light, jokes of killing future partners, implied sex (no smut),

"You've got to be fucking kidding me," Lip's voice blared from the hallway, drowning out his charging footsteps as he entered his small, shared bedroom.

"What's wrong?" you asked from your seat on his bed.

"Don't you fucking give me that," Lip rolled his eyes, "Why the fuck do you have to always be in my business y/n?"

You sat up to face Lip, noticing the paper scrunched between his white-knuckled fist. The college application paperwork you found for Lip must of been sent to his home address and your heart dropped.

"Lip, I was just trying to-" You admitted, getting down from his bunk and down to his level and explain how you thought he could make it.

"Help? I've gotten myself this far on my own without Frank, without Monica, I don't need your fucking help," Lip interrupted.

"I know you have, I know all of it Lip. I know you're been responsible for your brothers and sisters, and so loyal to your family that I knew you wouldn't of put yourself and your future first. Just this one time you can Lip, you can do really well in college-"

"So what? So I have to be the fucking golden goose?" Lip mocked, "We can hardly afford rent, how the fuck did you think I could afford to waste time at college? We need money y/n."

"You can get out of here! You can get a degree and a good paying, real job! You don't have the be the sole provider. You might not be able to see it for yourself but you have so much potential Lip, you can break the curse, just please don't waste it here".

"You're fucking delusional y/n, it's so easy for you to say. You have good parents, but who's going to take care of Liam now that Fiona's in jail? Ian supposed to babysit during his manic episodes? Carl's going to pay for electricity from juvie? Debbie's just a kid." Lip questioned rhetorically and raised his voice.

"I can-"

"Oh fuck off," He laughed enraged, "Don't give me that shit. You want to tell me not to waste my potential here but you want to piss yours away? For what? For Me?" Lip threw his hands behind his head and exhaled with frustration. The anger coursing through him hadn't yet dissipated.

Your eyes began to sting, you didn't want to cry but you just wished he could see himself how everyone else did. His siblings admired Lip as the closest thing they had to a father figure and you could understand the pressure that followed, but they wanted him to do well too.

They understood sacrifice more than anyone. Banding together as a unit since Fiona was only 9 years old, the Gallaghers saw the opportunities and life she gave up to raise her siblings and there are still no guarantees on how they would turn out.

It was so hard on everyone to see Fiona fall, you couldn't take the thought of anything close happening to Lip. Not just for everyone's sake, but also his survival. His subconscious to self-sabotage broke your heart after you'd seen him take shit from Karen more times than he deserved.

Getting out of the south-side just while he studied could be just what Lip needed to catch a break from dysfunctional life and never ending pain.

"I'm not a fucking broken thing for you to fix y/n," Lip spat, his blue eyes poisoned with temper, "You need to fuck off."

"Fuck you Lip, I love you just listen to me-" you began to reason.

"Fuck me?" He spoke under his breathe trying his hardest not to blow up any further. As Lip ran a hand through his hair in frustration, you could notice the protruding veins that stuck out of his henley, peppered with worn out holes.

“Yes fuck you! How many of the kids that we hate have you set up for college but you won’t do the same for yourself, the one who actually deserves it?”

“They don’t have a fucking functioning brain cell but they have money. If you haven’t noticed the world is set up for them to win, I can’t get that far with nothing. How would I afford fucking tuition?”

"Your intelligence is a fucking gift okay, more than you realise. You're lucky to have it and you set the curve so don’t give me that. Lip you can get places with a scholarship, you don’t have to believe me," You held his arms, "If that means I take your place here for the mean-time I’d jump at the chance. It's what you do for people you love, you've done it for your family forever. Let me just lessen the load."

"I can't leave them like our parents left us," Lip whispered in anger. His deepest fear became realised. Whatever he did, he didn’t want to turn out into the thing that burdened his siblings for their whole life like his parents had. Just speaking the words was too much to bare, he didn’t even want to risk it becoming manifested somehow.

He was now leaning his forehead down against yours. He was so tired of barely surviving. So tired of the cycle he felt stuck in, no matter how hard him and his siblings tried to better their lives. Their reality became impossible to escape and began to feel like any way out was only a dream.

"You aren't leaving Lip. You can come home and visit on weekends, for movie nights and birthdays. Everyone would love to see you do this, just for you and if you do this now you can set yourself up for forever.”

You tried to draw Lip’s eyes back to your own. Those sea blue eyes were your safety house, and much like yours to Lip. Sometimes words weren’t as powerful as the look of love that you’d shared within many hard moments you’d found yourself in, like whenever Monica came back or seeing your almost shared family fall.

“Who knows, it might inspire them to do the same and make it out after only seeing Frank fail them so many times, you've given us all so much hope since just achieving your diploma." You gently pleaded, not giving up so easily.

You brushed Lip’s jaw and held the back of his neck, giving him comfort and support the way only you knew he liked best. Placing soft and gentle kisses over old scars from fights within his hair line and forehead.

"Do you really think I can do this?" Lip muttered, he'd never been one to question himself so you both knew he was seriously considering this.

“Even college professors think you’re a genius easily Lip. You don’t have to just take it from me, but if it helps I’ve always known you could do it.”

Lip held your hands in his. A gentle gesture as if to say thank you without needing to mouth the words. He’d never felt so loved. Your approval was all he needed now, and growing to trust and believe in himself was a journey he’d only began since knowing and loving you.

“You know what else,” you smiled up at your boyfriend after Lip kissed you passionately, “You’d only have to share your room with one other person at college.”

“Oh is that right?” Lip smirked.

“Mhm,” you agreed, “Perhaps more time alone for me with a hot college boy.”

“No more little brothers and Debbie’s daycare kids around all the time huh? Not that you’re quiet now, but we can really make some noise whenever we wanted there hey?”

Lip pulled you closer to him and peppered you with more kisses. You tried not to laugh and give into his dirty mind too early as you finally had some power in the argument.

“Oh so now I have your attention Gallagher,” you teased him smartly, “I should have started with this point all along.”

“You know me so well,” Lip whispered into a kiss.

“Oh I definitely do. If I ever catch you with a little, trashy, blonde sorority chick I will have cut your dick off though,” you joked, landing your hands on his broad chest.

“Lucky for you I’m over those kind of blondes now. But if you run off with some dumb college football jock I’ll kill him on sight, you’re stuck with me forever.” Lip bantered with you.

“I’d like to see you try,” you teased him back and he grabbed your ass playfully.

“What the fuck did I ever do to deserve you.” Lip admitted, looking at you with complete adoration. Taking in every inch of you as he swayed your smaller frame between his arms.

"You're not so bad for a Gallagher" You winked before kissing him lustfully.

"Hey smart-ass, one day you’ll be one too,” Lip breathed, “I’ll make fucking sure of it.”

Your boyfriend couldn’t wait another second, his hands roamed your body lasciviously. Words weren’t enough to show you his adoration and passion for you. He was going to love you harder than ever.

He didn’t even know he could be the type to make love or go to college. It seemed like everything in his life he endured had lead him to this. As corny as it sounded, since loving you Lip had learnt both were possible. Everything you’d tolerated from him in the past hadn’t phased you, you passed every test of Gallagher life with Lip. He wondered what else could become possible in the future with you beside him and he didn’t want to leave it up to chance.

△ shameless masterlist

#lip gallagher x reader #lip gallagher fic #lip gallagher fanfic #lip gallagher angst #lip gallagher smut #lip gallagher #phillip gallagher #phillip gallagher x reader #phillip gallagher fanfic #phillip gallagher fic #phillip gallagher smut #phillip gallagher angst #shameless angst #shameless masterlist #shameless smut #shameless fanfic #shameless fanfiction #shameless us #shameless

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ao3feed-gallavich · 3 years

Text

It’s Not Blood That Makes You Family

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/3AAlFE6

by FandomFicWriter

The Gallaghers are the ultimate dysfunctional family, with their father Frank being a drug addict and an alcoholic, it’s up to the eldest child of the 6 Gallagher children to raise and take care of the children.

Alexandra ‘Sasha’ Milkovich is an honorary member of the family since she could remember because of her friendship with longtime best friend, Phillip ‘Lip’ Gallagher. She’s also an infamous Milkovich and the fraternal twin sister of Mickey. She’s been all but living with them since she was 10 because her father insisted that she join her twin brother, Mickey and their other brothers in the family business. Despite as hard as she’s tried, she does seem to get caught up in whatever scheme they are pulling off.

With the dysfunctional drama that happens with the Gallaghers and the Milkoviches, will this mismatched family band together and take it all on together?

Words: 1654, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English

Series: Part 1 of Life with the Gallaghers

Fandoms: Shameless (US)

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Categories: F/M, M/M

Characters: Lip Gallagher, Sasha Milkovich-Original Character, Ian Gallagher, Mickey Milkovich, Fiona Gallagher, Debbie Gallagher, Carl Gallagher, Liam Gallagher (Shameless US), Frank Gallagher, Monica Gallagher, Karen Jackson, Mandy Milkovich, Milkovich family - Character, Gallagher family, Kevin Ball, Veronica Fisher

Relationships: Lip Gallagher/Original Female Character(s), Lip Gallagher/Sasha Milkovich, Ian Gallagher/Mickey Milkovich, Sasha Milkovich & Gallagher Family

Additional Tags: Dysfunctional Family, Romance, Teen Romance, Drama & Romance, Sex, Vaginal Sex, Oral Sex, Shower Sex, Phone Sex, Anal Sex, Gay Sex, Smut, Fluff and Smut, Shameless Smut, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Lip and Karen date, Lip has his college relationships, Gallavich will be centric also, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Follows Show stoylines to an extent, added scenes

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/3AAlFE6

#IFTTT #ao3feed #fanfic #Gallavich

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zodiyack · 4 years

Text

Shameless Masterlist

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Taglist(s)

★ = smut

⋆ = presmut

♡ = fluff

☁ = angst

☠ = death