#plz do not perceive me I am in my Emotions

[starswornoaths]

Prompt 16: Lucubration

Moen. Why did you give me this troll ass word. Why did this word, of all of them, give me Immense Emotions.

Have an Academic AU set 600 years after xiv. Do not perceive me.

To say that discovering what had happened to those closest to the Warrior of Light from the Seventh Astral Era, now some six hundred years past, was the culmination of Ciri’s life’s work was a gross overexaggeration, though it was the first project she had been approved for grant money to pursue out of graduate school. It was an interesting enough period in history that there was ample interest in the nitty gritty of it, though the obtuse nature of the way that era was chronicled had made it an intimidating one to approach.

Ciri didn’t know the concept of being intimidated by academic research, however, and had leapt into it headlong, eager to know what had become of the historic figures that had risen up in the wake of the Serella Arcbane of legend.

It had been fairly easy to reverse engineer her path of adventuring, and from there, Ciri had managed to discover so much more than she had thought she could in some case, in others, almost nothing. Which had ultimately led her travels to Ishgard, tucked away in one of the recently restored Scholasticate libraries, pouring over tomes and records by low lamplight to help with her migraine.

It was late enough that everyone else in the building had long since gone home, save for the janitorial staff. It was a common enough occurrence that Ciri made it a habit of buying the lot of them takeout while she was there. Half as a bribe to not kick her out, but mostly so she could continue her work unburdened with the worry that they hadn’t eaten enough in the day. 

There were reasons she was their favorite academic.

“Still here?” A dulcet voice asked from the doorway to the archives.

Emil. She didn’t even have to look up to know. She would know him anywhere.

“As ever.” She called back. “What on earth are you still doing here?”

“You should know me better than that by now.” With the echoing clack of his footsteps approaching her, she was spared being startled when he set a thermos on the table for her. “I couldn’t well enough just abandon my partner in crime.”

She spared him a plain look from over the tome she had been pouring over.

“You just don’t like going through that one street alone, do you?”

“Have you seen the way those dancers leer at me?” He gave an exaggerated shudder. “I can’t tell whether they’re trying to lure me in to seduce me or put me to work.”

“The woes of bountiful beauty.” Ciri sighed, and snapped the book she had been reading shut.

She tossed it to the side of her in half disgust, along with the veritable mountain of other tomes that had proven to be just as uninformative.

“You would know far more than I.” He cooed around a saccharine smile, preening at the way she flushed at the compliment.

“You do this on purpose, I swear it.” She grumbled goodnaturedly.

Though Emile laughed, his eyes scanned the discarded tomes, pursing his lips. “Still having trouble finding him, then?”

“Technically.” She heaved a sigh, her back thumping against her chair as she took a moment to pout in a manner most unbecoming an academic. “I keep running into dead ends. He was a goddamn world leader, how does history lose someone like that?!”

There yet remained one final piece of the mystery she needed before her work was done. She could not leave it to be lost to the annals of history for no other reason than her lack of due diligence, that was for damn certain.

“Quite easily, I assure you.” He replied, and finally held up a bag of takeout he had brought up with him and set it on the table. “Take a break with me, rest your eyes.”

He set out a variety of containers, each more fragrant and savory than the last. Betraying her own neglect, Ciri’s stomach growled loud enough that he paused in divvying up food to arch a brow at her.

“When did you last eat?”

“...Monday…?” She said hesitantly once she had ticked back the hours. 

It was only Tuesday, right? That wasn’t so bad.

“Cirilla Anne Dubois! It’s Wednesday!” Sparing a glance at his watch, he grimaced and amended, “Thursday, by now! Eat!”

He set a large soup container in front of her to punctuate his command, and the scent of beef broth filled her senses. She had to swallow heavily from how her mouth watered.

“Udon…?” She asked hopefully.

“Of course. And a shared order of tempura.” He promised, laying out another container between them.

A ritual for them, to share meal and knowledge alike. Something that had carried over from their days in uni, and even before then. She had been glad for Emil’s constant, comforting presence throughout their travels and research. They could be doing nothing but laughing over a silly video on his tomephone, and sharing bits of food, and still, she would be the happiest woman in the world.

Emil somehow seemed to always know when she needed a break. The food had been exactly what she had needed, she realized the moment that the first bite had settled on her tongue. He had even brewed her tea, she realized when she popped the thermos open and sniffed at the delicate complex and slightly sweet aroma. 

Truly, these were the moments that made her work worthwhile.

“Review with me, like we always do. Something to break up the lucubration by lamplight, if you will.” Emil brought her back, the bright amber of his eyes comforting in the low lamplight. After he chewed around a mouthful of curry and rice, he continued, gesturing with his chopsticks. “Tell me of the other Alliance leaders, and how their stories ended.”

“But you know. You’ve been with me every step of this research trip.” Ciri whined after a long dreg of her tea.

“Sure, but isn’t it important to look again? To make sure you didn’t miss anything?” He encouraged. 

He had a point, even if Ciri didn’t want to admit it.

“Where to start…” She tapped her fingers on the table. “Lyse Hext and Hien Rijin formed a bridge between the Doman and Eorzean Alliances when they were wed, paved the way for current world politics in that regard, though they ultimately focused on adopting refugee children and rebuilding Doma and Ala Mhigo respectively. Admiral Merlwyb Bloefhiswyn adamantly refused to retire until she had found a suitable replacement.”

“Only for her First to ultimately convince her to do so that she might marry the love of her life.” Emil supplied, food all but abandoned to focus his attention solely on her.

“Y’Shtola Rhule, of all people.” Ciri snorted. ““The only woman to keep me honest. I would have no other.” It was so recorded she had said in her wedding vows.”

“Good for them.” He nodded.

“Raubahn Aldynn eventually retired from his position as General of the Ala Mhigan army, and had lived a content life as a hobbyist carpenter and full time grandfather to his son’s children.” She paused to chew on a mouthful of noodles. “For the life of me, I couldn’t confirm who Pipin Tarupin had settled down with, though there is some suggestion that it was eventually Nanamo Ul Namo, having all but disappeared upon successfully dissolving the sultanate of Ul’Dah.”

“It’d be a neat end to several loose threads.” Emil shrugged a shoulder. “Can’t blame popular theory for running with it.”

“I just hate that I don’t know— and I’d asked Kan-E-Senna in that interview, too, lest you wonder.”

Kan-E-Senna didn’t count as a reliable source of information on the whole, the crone. Eternally youthful and blessed by the Twelveswood, Ciri had squared her away with a simple interview. The Elder Seedeer had been a bit of a dead end for damn near everything but Merlwyb and Y’Shtola’s wedding, citing that she had simply not been very close with anyone else, preferring the company of the wood itself.

Ciri still couldn’t tell whether that was the truth, or she was just being an obtuse old bat having a laugh at a young academic’s expense.

“Dead ends, all, for what on earth happened to the last of them.”

She blew a curly bang out of her face with a frustrated huff. Infuriatingly, it sprang right back to where it had hung in her eyes. With an agitated grunt, she sat up and gathered all of her hair to hold back with a head scarf. Plucking a zucchini tempura piece from its container and popping it in her mouth, she went back to the tome she was pouring over when Emil arrived and flipped to the page she had been on. 

“I’ve solved what happened to all the rest. But what happened to him?” She hissed almost under her breath, the blunt end of her pen tapping against a specific portrait of a historic figure depicted in the text.

Inky hair swept over bright eyes, a young man barely in his thirties draped in gilded armor and blue finery. Lord Commander of the Temple Knights of Ishgard during and after the Dragonsong War. Speculated beloved of the Warrior of Light. Aymeric de Borel. 

“I can’t figure out what happened to him after he retired.” Ciri frowned at the portrait of the handsome man. “He was barely thirty-seven, and was in good health, by all accounts. The Borel Manor is still in the family name, even centuries down the line, though none of them are of blood relatives.” She tapped her pen to her bottom lip in thought. “Family trees confirm he adopted his children, though he himself was also an adopted kid, so the Borel bloodline had already died out before he had even retired, in a manner of speaking.”

“But when did he adopt them? Did he have a spouse? And why— and how— in the ever loving fuck did he just vanish from all record?!”

“You keep thinking of him as a historical figure.” Emil noted patiently, setting down his chopsticks and reaching across the table to gently hold her hand. “Think of him as a person. What, considering all of the other people in Ell— the Warrior of Light’s life chose for themselves, what would you think he would want, above all else?”

“...You know something I don’t.” Ciri accused after a moment of scrutiny, eyes narrowing in suspicion.

“A rarity, but just this once, yes.” He nodded. “Though for disclosure: I only came about the knowledge tonight.”

“Why not tell me sooner?”

“I wanted you to eat, my dear.”

There was something that struck her as deeply familiar about this moment. The dark brown of his skin was stark against the rolled up sleeves of his pale blue shirt, and yes, he was distractingly handsome all the time, and yes, they had always shared food and conversation before, but this…

Ciri had never been to Ishgard before her academic research. Not once. And yet, it felt as though she had been here, with him, having this conversation before.

It might have been a trick of the light, but for a moment, his eyes were a peculiar kyanite blue.

Odd.

“Have you been down to the Vault’s archives?” At her nod, he smiled wider and pushed away from his seat, hand held out in offering. “Come, let me show you something you might have overlooked.”

“Bold of you to imply I’m not thorough in my work, Emil.” She pursed her lips, even as she accepted.

“I would never— I only mean that you didn’t know to look for this.”

His smile widened when she placed her hand in his. As if she would ever refuse him. As if she ever could.

The toe of her boot caught on the ankle of her opposite foot when she made to stand— ah, new boots, damn it all— and she braced for a fall. Emil, always happy to help, had easily braced and caught her before she had truly fallen, and helped right her on her own feet. 

“Falling for me at last, my dear?” He asked with a dazzling smile.

“Fuck’s sakes, you know I fluster easily.” Ciri sputtered around her blushing, though she did use the excuse of wobbly legs to press close to him for a moment. 

Ahh, they never did talk about what they were after that one college party…

“Come on, I promise it isn’t long— and we’ll be back to finish our food, lest you worry.” 

Hand in hand, Ciri and Emil made their way down, down, down the winding steps of the Congregation, deeper and deeper still into the Vault, past the chapel, beyond the stained glass windows, until they were again wrapped in nothing but lamplight. 

How was this so familiar? How did this feel like they had done this before?

“You’re being silly!” The low alto voice of a woman rang in her mind. Ciri almost tripped on the steps.

“And dramatic, lest you forget, but pray allow me this.” She would have almost swore it was Emil that had spoken, had the dialect not been so old. 

What was happening to her? What was in that Udon?

The Archivist waved them through with barely a glance at their badges— they had become familiar faces at that point— and popped a grape in his mouth distractedly, eyes never leaving the book in his hand. With a word of thanks, they continued on their way.

It was in the darkest corner of the archives, one of the last bookshelves, where Emil finally came to a stop. The hand not holding hers thumbed through the volumes until he found an unmarked tome of deepest black and pulled it from the shelf.

“Look at this.” He said quietly.

Ciri studied the cover a moment with trembling fingers. Unable to contain that strange ache in her chest, that sense of longing and...fear? Bracing herself she opened the book.

It was such a worn thing, it practically fell open all its own. She nearly dropped the thing for how her hands trembled. A thoughtful frown marred her face as she read the title, written in neat penmanship. 

“The Last Will and Testament of Aymeric de Borel?” Ciri whispered. “But...I don’t understand—”

“Read it.” Emil whispered, close enough she could feel his warmth, a welcome, gentle hand at the small of her back. “You will, I promise you.”

Its first entry was, perhaps, its most telling. The last piece of the puzzle. The end of her journey— and the beginning of something so much more personal, as she recalled a life she never lived.

"Today I am married to the love of my life. Today, Aymeric de Borel dies. In his place, Aymeric Arcbane will find a thousand different happily ever afters, both here and on the road, as long as her hand is in mine."

In different handwriting, a cheeky remark of, “A bit of a dramatic exit, given we’re only going on an adventure, but it’ll do.”

“He found them.” Emil said softly. When she looked up at him, his bright eyes bore into hers. “Every one of those happily ever afters. He found them all, every time, with her. This was all he ever wanted.”

Ciri remembered being a full fulm taller, broader in shoulder, lighter in skin that was heavy with scars, and having two different eye colors. She remembered feeling her shoulders pulled down with a weight she herself couldn’t fathom. She remembered fighting, over and over and over again.

For him. For his smile.

Her eyes swimming with tears, Ciri gently closed the book, and with the hand not cradling such a precious treasure to her chest, she reached out to him.

Of course she had already loved him. She always had. Of course he had loved her in kind. He had never stopped.

“That’s alright, then.” She said.

They left the Vault together again, for the first time in six hundred years, laughing just as brightly as they had before.

#ffxivwrite2020 #ffxiv #Aymeric de Borel #Serella Arcbane #original characters #future au #plz do not perceive me I am in my Emotions

[sagittarius10thouse]

SUN IN CANCER

plz note that these are only personal observations - so this is not any kind of “eXpERt opIniOn”

also sorry for mistakes, if any. i’m not a native speaker :)

ahhh...Cancer Suns!

Suprisingly, this is the rarest Sun sign in my circle - so my observations can be kinda vague, for which I apologise.

Well, first of all, I’ve noticed that these signs are chatterboxers. I mean, they’re very popular in and out their friend groups, and most of them are rather extroverts (though I excepted them to be much more introverted). Basically, none of the Cancer Sun natives I know personally are ‘the most quiet person alive’, which, in my opinion, has always been perceived as one of stereotypes about this placement. They’re, for sure, not the most active / outstanding person in the friend group, but they have their own piece of craziness. Plus, they’re so emotional - but, unlike Cancer Moons (imo), they are able to hold back their negative emotions and feelings (but it depends on other placements)

Also, I’ve made an interesting observation: many of them have more arguments with their mom rather than with their dad - their fights often happen because Cancer Suns’ mothers are way too strict. For example, one of my friends had an argument with her mom because she accidentally dropped a glass, which later turned into tussle. Like, I know, we all have fights with our parents with and without a reason, but the people with Cancer natives have them TOO FREQUENTLY and WITH MOM, not with dad / grandma / uncle / brother / sister / etc. But still, even if they have arguments, family still means a lot to Cancer Suns.

Observation number three: they sometimes be kinda toxic - in a way that they’re teaching others about life. Cancer Suns that I know are always like “omg, you shouldn’t do that, it’s so wrong”. Although many of them are trying to be more tolerate, they sometimes still can come out as very toxic. Even towards the people who they don't really know - I knew a Cancer guy who disliked me for no reason lmao. Also, many of them are surprisingly rude. They look like cute bunnies but talk like sharp knives (especially when they r angry and / or defending their interests).

Oh, and also THEY’RE MAKE-UP GODS AND GODDESSES. Like, even with little make-up they can look absolutely stunning. Even if they feel like shit, their make-up is still on fleek (and that’s one of the reasons why I love Cancer Suns - they’re aesthetically pleasing)...

Song for a Cancer Sun – "I Am, I Feel" by Alisha's Attic

Celebrities with Sun in Cancer:

• Tom Cruise, actor 

• Jean-Jacques Rousseau, philosopher

• Khloe Kardashian,TV personality 

• Ariana Grande, singer

• Elon Musk, entrepreneur 

• Gisele Bundchen, fashion model

• Lionel Messi, footballer

• George W. Bush, 43rd President of the USA

• Priyanka Chopra, actress 

• Debbie Harry, singer

#cancer sun #sun in cancer #astrology #astro notes #astro observations #why am I so bad with this😭😄

[fairycosmos]

girlies do you all agree that like... someone being in love with us seems so unrealistic and almost unreachable? i am always so amazed and shocked how ppl talk so calmly abt all the partners they have had when i am like... how do you even find someone to love you where and how does that happen and how do you turn into someone other than just a funny comedic bro friend you know... i am not trying to be all depressing or fishing for compliments but i GENUIENLY cant imagine anyone ever loving me just because it seems so far away and unreal. i have had a boyfriend one time and i didnt even know him i just didnt want to reject him and like. i was so scared of the intimacy and i was so overwhelmed that i hid in the bathrooms in school and refused to look into his eyes whenever we did talk like 💀 i feel like i am not made to love and be loved you know

plz this is so :(( i just wanna hug you. also i completely know what you mean and i think a lot of ppl do. i have never understood ppl who just fall in and out of relationships. i’ve only ever officially dated one person too - but i never fell in love w him and i think i was just doing it out of societal pressure or to prove to myself i could. i was JUST thinking about this the other day when i was laying in bed. how i just couldn’t fathom someone laying here with me and actually enjoying it. it looks so natural for everyone else but if someone put their hand on my shoulder or looked at me up close i think i’d cut them out of my life. i don’t know how i handled it in the past. i feel like dating me would be such an honest to god disappointment - and that someone would only ever do it if they were settling lmfao. i would feel so bad that they’d have to see me and put up with me? and not get anything in return. like i’d be such an embarrassment and there’s no way around it. i’m a void of a person with nothing to give anyway. plus it’s just so much work to be vulnerable when there’s no guarantee or even high chance it’ll last. and how do you even meet anyone in the first place besides dating apps? how does love even start or how is the protentional for it found?

there are a few things i like to keep in mind when i get overwhelmed by this. the first is that all of your problems with love are internal, but actually nurturing a loving bond with someone is both internal and external because half of it comes from some place outside yourself. outside all your own issues. what i’m saying is others don’t see you or your emotional difficulties the way you do. your self hatred has you convinced you’re unlovable and i’m sure that is deeply rooted and comes from a multitude of factors in your life and your past, but it is not an absolute truth. it may have felt like one since you were a kid, but it is not. the trick of it is to make you believe you are. it has to make you believe because it’s not a fact in the first place. you weren’t born shying away from love, you learned to, and you can unlearn the impulse as well. honestly everyone reads each other differently, everyone sees each other in a new way. you have never seen or perceived yourself in a moment of relaxed happiness, when you’re talking about your interests, when you’re joking around with someone. but everyone else has. there’s nothing inherently wrong about you. you just have a very limited viewpoint of who you are and what your presence could mean to people. the second thing i like to remember is that there is literally no rush. it is so so much more common than you think to remain single up to your late 20s and beyond. i know it seems like the whole world has someone but it doesn’t mean they’re fulfilled or happy either. we live in a relationship and sex obsessed society, and i really feel like most of us wouldn’t date so quickly if we didn’t constantly feel like we had something to prove or that something was missing from inside of ourselves. it is much healthier to go with the flow and to let whatever will be, be. the third thing is that you are a whole person on your own. there are so many different types of love in this world and romantic is just a slither of the greater picture. obviously it’s entirely natural to crave that type of intimacy, but it is not something you will crumble without. it doesn’t make or break your life. it is much simpler and easier to let it find you cause it will, when you feel capable of seeking it out. i think you may have been uncomfortable in past relationships because you just weren’t ready, and that’s totally fine. you can yearn for love and still recognize that you may not be emotionally prepared to take on a relationship just yet, those experiences can co exist imo. i think it’s all just a matter of idk. patience and self love is whats coming to mind for you.

idk if therapy or talking to someone about why you feel this way is available to you but if so, or if it ever is, i would really recommend it. i know that may seem like a big step and super nerve wracking but it’s important to examine who or what made you feel this way in the first place. then you can begin dismantling those beliefs and building your life around being your own friend rather than your own worst enemy. i know that’s a lot, it’s just something to consider for the future. anyway you are good!! you are lovable!! you were born with an inherent worth that hasn’t disappeared just cause you can’t see it at the moment!! and i’m sure you’d say the same about other ppl, so it applies to you too. sending you a lot of love. which you will take on bc guess what :^) ur capable of feeling and giving all forms of love. even if it takes a long time for you to really learn how to do so in a way that you’re compatible with. mwah x

#this does make sense on some level i know it #anon

[ninety-nine-names]

flower of evil *plz bear with me here*

I am so over the moon about flower of evil and can’t find a reason to not call it my favorite k-drama as of now, for countless reasons. the amount of times I was on the edge of my toes yelling at the characters in the screen or having crying sessions, especially after each episode’s epic ending already says enough. the plot. is. so. good. And the depth these characters have is *chef’s kiss* Do Hyun Su’s search for an identity. the intensity of family love, couple-wise and between father and daughter. *bawls my soul out* 

I saw a recurring theme of CLEANSING, specifically washing away guilt from former sins. Hear me out: detective Cha Ji Won loves rain; rain often symbolizes rejuvenation, rebirth. Every time Do Hyun Su has an epiphany about himself and gains the willpower to change for the better-- it is in the RAIN. Also, remember that scene where Do Hyun Su and his sister and Reporter Kim were splashing each other with water in a creek when they were younger? In a way, the entire plot of the drama revolves around these three character feeling profound guilt and then working together to wash their dirt-ridden past away. 

*spoilers ahead*

Another thing I’d like to point out is that Do Hyun Su was SEEN as a psychopath whenever he played the role of Baek Hee song. Right when he lost his memories as Baek Hee Song (not coincidentally, the car crash incident), people no longer viewed him as a psychopath. Baek Hee song is the only TRUE psychopath of this story. And right when this horrible killer entered the storyline and woke up from his coma, Do Hyun Soo regained his real identity. the public (and including us, the viewers, at one point) only perceived Do Hyun Soo as a psychopath - as incapable of feeling emotions - but that is a fake façade, and in reality, he is just a victim of childhood trauma. Through out his life, he convinced himself to believe that he was only manipulating people for his selfish benefit-- but that act is actually only truly taken by the village forearm of his past, who manipulated others to think Do Hyun Soo was possessed, in order to steal money. Do Hyun Soo allowed the negative thoughts from his trauma to shape a wrongful perception of himself -- which happens to be exactly how his metal workshop is organized. 

His metal workshop looks cheery and happy on the outside, but inside, there is a dark basement, similar to the basement of his serial killer father. This is how Do Hyun Soo viewed himself, until Cha Ji Won familiarized herself with his workshop better, hence, learning more about him and his past, and loving him regardless of it. Do Hyun Soo has an evil, depressing background, but he was still able to find the good inside of himself and nurture it as if it was like, dare I say, a fragile and beautiful flower. 

oh dear God, I think I’m done. 

#flowerofevil #kdrama #korean drama #asian drama #symbolism #rant #flower of evil #lee joon-gi #moon chae won #explanation #psycopathy #flower

[readbythestarlight]

c2e85

Ohhhh boy here we go guys

Liam...?

I don’t

Ah

Ricky and Morty

“The chained oblivion, no big deal” Matt Plz

A dark elf floating six or seven inches from the ground. I don’t like how familiar that sounds.

[[MORE]]

28. Christ.

YOOOOO Pumats gonna fight!

BE SAFE PUMATS

or... not? xD

lol gets up on the counter because the rest of them are

He gonna heal??

He gonna... make them invisible?

NICE made my boy Cad invisible but he had still fight

Pumat looking after his fellow firbolg

I love when they panick go invisible xD

Gonna hide on the bookshelf lol Nott

Ooooo bola shot I like that

Yay bane!

This is gonna be a long slow fight

Nice job Cad, canceling that crit

Ffffuck didn’t cancel the crit fuck

93?! FUCK

NO

MATTHEW

YOU CANNOT KILL NOTT AGAIN

JFC

Oh my GOD I hate everything

Cad getting Nott back up yay!

STUNNED YEAHHHH

Not hang on Matthew STUNNED

Okay okay okay this isn’t as bad as it could be...

Banishing smite?

Oh fuck her

YAAAAS FJORD

BANISH HER TO HER HOME plane

bitch slapped her onto another plane lol

I like Cad’s little defensive stuff. He’s such an excellent support.

Also okay so aside from her high damage attacks this assassin doesn’t seem as terrible as I feared so... what’s the catch? Because something awful is def gonna happen.

PS: “that doesn’t happen every day”

Cad: “it does to us”

I’m glad she left but I do NOT like that she can just sneak up on them at any time

PS: “And now they know where I live...”

N: “You could burn down the store, start fresh?”

PS: “I like where you’re going with that, but I might wanna save that for a last option.”

Pumat has some kind of knowledge about

Pumat can MIND CONTROL?

PUMAT GONNA HELP THEM FREE HER MAYBE?

Poor Laura :(

PS: “not like you burned it down or anything.”

Free shield, nice!

Pumat is a sweet guy I love him and I’ve missed him

Freeloading their way into a short rest lol

Jester for the love of the Traveler do NOT go in there as your mom

FJORD do not encourage this

Beau assuring Jester that she supports HER just not the idea is SO sweet

JESTER oh my god

WHISPERS

Cad’s gonna know before Jester does

Ooh dear their description has gotten back to the other side of the mountains

MOAR WHISPERS

I like how they’re pulling literally everyone they know, pretty much every ally they’ve ever made into this

I’m honestly glad The Gentleman isn’t interested in getting involved. It suits his character well.

EVEN MOAR WHISPERS

Jester’s real sad

Like she really was hoping it was him

(And it still could be, we don’t know what Cad perceived)

Oh god Jester

Oh honey

Poor Jester

xD the Tal’dorea council question strikes again

Aw Jester :(

J: “but if he doesn’t want me then I don’t want him it’s fine.”

F: “....we’re glad to have you.”

J: “I’m glad to be here.”

B: “Sometimes found family is better anyway.”

Shit wait fuck

“You should tell her”

IS HE ACTUALLY HER DAD??

holy shit y’all

oh lord Nott had a crush on Caleb??

HOLY SHIT

BEAU ADMITTED SHE HAS A CRUSH ON JESTER

Oh shit the BeauJester fans have been fed tonight

Laura is laying there giggling lol

That’s super sweet that Beau is crushing on her man

I mean I’m still so BeauYasha but

Oh boy okay who is this

Oh it’s him

Oh my GOD

here we go oh god

Also what if he’s her uncle not her dad? He mentioned having a brother...

Oh my GOD HE IS HER DAD

I CANNOT BELIEVE

GENTLEMAN BACKSTORY

I can’t believe I’m having Gentleman feelings

I wanna hug him

Oh god that’s so SAD

He sounds like he still kinda loves her too HELP ME

I’m CRRYYYYING

I’m really sad man

“She loves you. You should have trusted her. I don’t know... I don’t know how you guys could make it work or anything, but... [missed]. She’s never loved anyone since. Just you.”

Operation: Get Marion and the Gentleman Back Together.

TG: “Jester I’m not your father. Any man can have a child. Any man who isn’t around to help raise them doesn’t get to call themself a father.” Owww.

I think you should tell Marion and let her decide. She hasn’t had any say in all of this, I think it’s time she did.

I cannot believe I’m so emotional about the Gentleman.

Jester has this perfect little fairy tale for her parents and I’m literally just sitting here crying you guys

J: “Hey dad, next time I’m in town? Let’s play some Uno.” Crying and laughing and crying.

I stg if he and Marion don’t get their happy ending I’m gonna be SAD

Time to go after Yasha?

Oh dear...

Okay though if it’s addressed to Nott the Brave it’s not from Astrid

Maybe it’s from Caliana or someone again

The looks all the others are wearing

Like Beau’s face

This recording thing couldn’t possibly backfire at all xD

These hijinks omg

I can’t handle it first I’m worried then I’m emotional/crying about Jester and now I’m cracking up

Oh no oh god

Don’t hurt Pumat Sol Matthew I will not forgive you

oh my GOD MATT that PAUSE

Oh my god wait their lie somehow WORKED??

So she lives in Trent’s little compound essentially.

“Oh god it’s her” lol oh Pumat

I love him man he’s a soft boy

Oh dear...

Caleb getting overwhelmed mid trying to plan was excellent I love that call Liam

WHAT

PUMAT IS GONNA TRAVEL WITH THEM?

No no no what if he dies??

DO NOT GET MY COW MAN KILLED

it’s so sweet that he offered I ADORE HIM

I can’t believe he just straight up planned to come with them he was already packed

Like all these othe powerful allies are like “I’ll look into things while y’all do the actual dangerous work” and Pumat Sol is the one who decides he’s going to come and help

We stan two (2) cow men and they are Caduceus Clay and Pumat Sol

I’m really nervous about this though like heading to Rexentrum? Are they ready for this? Is CALEB ready for this??

Oh no Krynn attack that’s bad

I hope it’s not the Krynn

Call Essek find out

Oh god if they help stop the Krynn tho and it gets back to Xhorhas somehow

They’ll never see Essek again and I will CRY

I’m suuuuuper worried about Caleb

Like SUPER concerned look at his face he’s not at all prepared for this

This is definitely a false alarm there are no Krynn

Oh fuck what if Obann is coming for this Colbalt Soul

I am anxious

Go back down Caleb!

Why would you not go back up with the others

Nott, Nott HONEY

Not now!

It’s not the Krynn I will eat my hat if it’s really the Krynn

“Angel’s Eye” oh no

Cardinal Respa?

How far does this conspiracy spread I wonder

“The thing below and the path to it” fuck

“Diversions are already in place” knew it

Oh fuck

Pelor, the temple of the dawn father?

Oh shit they spent so much time in the happy fun ball that the timeline is messed up and this is happening NOW

Fuuuuuck

Oh god they are in it now

Like man even having warned so many allies it’s too late it’s happening NOW

I thought I was stressed last week but nope

Love you too Matt

IS IT NEXT THURSDAY YET?!

This episode in a nutshell: fighting an (immortal?) assassin; Jester’s dad; mail hijinks; TIME TO STOP THE END OF THE FUCKING WORLD

#critical role #cr spoilers #emi watches critical role

[coldlobbiesofmarble]

TW mentions alcohol | CW ableism and saneism | plz look after yourselves guys ily

looking back at 2020 me when i drunkenly tried to take back a "bff" who iced me out. its inch resting what could have been and i had put it out of my mind til 3- 4 days ago. allistics and being middle school friends with them up to uni -&- misreading the social queues of closeness as "bff" level intimacy all the way up to a mental health crisis where i needed validation + support is .... wild. yes im realizing in my late twenties that i was just as messy as anybody at 19- 20- 21 & how i infodump and emotively talk was uncomfortable. (heck maybe my organizer student ass was distracted, and distant) yes i see that and i need to be accountable especially w/ever a depression / cptsd selfdiagnosis had, in time , provided clarification. no you definitely don't get to skirt responsibility for abandoning me right when i moved from ***artschool💕*** back into my abusers & parents's home tryna be a STEM student🤪(i was doing a lot all for the eyes of my mother's and father, although it was not like you even knew theirnames- treating me like the last option !!! ) im willing to be wrong , and reassess how i perceived the situation but it is so odd how burdensome autism is. its very easy still to stay putting the fault on myself. it has held me back from beginning even basic chats with acquaintances, let alone committing to / reaching out / feeling vulnerable in their faces - and that combined with my transphobia filled daily experiences as a bedbound person has been really troubling. i really want to say i like where i'm going in terms of mental well being ; we'll have to take it day by day and figure it out . hopefully not alone. here's to neurodivergency movements globally making less likely this type of harm and this interpersonal violence. i used to never think about it but it really is violent ( where masking is concerned and where the perception had of you when youre not masking in the eyes of even trusted friends finds your interpersonal connection so easy to drop- i learned to show up and be the friend *I* needed but before that, ill be honest, it was confusing & hurtful to such a degree where it unravels a lot of repressed self-hating narratives & physically feels like postraumatic stress!!!!!!!!!

in fairness calling it violence is OOT maybe 🙈 im a sensitive and vindictive personality which my ass is working through, apologizing for, and learning from pero like - i promise you guys it is so hard to affirm this specific, sole, friendship narrative as true !!!! like aaaah! 👽 im seriously self gaslighting and wondering if all of these are subjective experiences about a much more different reality which i am warping because of selfishness 😷that then need to be thrown out 100%🤪 arughhghgh

#ok to rb (?) but if you arent a BIPOC please be discerning

[ill-be-istj-if-no-one-else-is]

Hey, can u plz help me type myself? Thanks. I'm pretty ambiverted. I feel like I alternate btwn the real world and my head a lot. I can't stay in only one of them for too long, though. I love doing things and going out and having fun, but I never fully am able to just let loose and live in the moment. I def prefer analyzing and thinking about situations than actually being faced w them. I have a general tendency to overanalyze everything, and I jump to insane conclusions pretty quickly. (1)

When I meet new ppl, I have a tendency to make immediate, rlly harsh judgements about them. But usually, the next day, I realize that I was just overthinking it and I start to really like them. My opinions can change SO quickly. Another thing that changes really quickly with me is my ideas. When Im having a convo w someone, I go through abt 8462 different topics because my mind just switches from idea to idea at an incredibly quick pace, especially when i'm having a sudden burst of energy. (2)A big weakness of mine is that Im really disorganized. Ive always been this way. I'll start the school year off with a nicely organized binder, and by the second week, all my papers are being shoved in my bag and crumpled up. I dont take any interest in organizing things, I feel that it's not the most important skill to have. Another thing is that, as people-oriented as I am, Im oddly quite bad with people? This is rly weird and idk why Im like this, but I understand exactly (3)

how I make others feel with what I say, I'm very aware of people's perceptions of me, and I understand how to manipulate people, but when I make attempts to actually do it, I can't. I'm really good with emotions and I understand them on an incredibly deep level, but I'm bad at working with them/changing them outside of my head. I've always loved things that spoke to my emotions - most of my favourite songs and movies are my favourite songs and movies bc they speak to me on a (4)

personal level. I can relate to them. When I watch sad movies, I looove getting super involved in them and experiencing emotions to the full depth I can get to. But I also have this huuuuge fear of crying in front of ppl, so if someone is there watching it with me, stopping me from being able to cry, I get extremely annoyed. Oh also - one of the most annoying traits in people for me is when they're superficial/aren't touched deeply by things that are extremely moving. People who only (5)

watch movies for the action scenes and nothing more. Who don't reflect on the lines or see them as having a deeper meaning than the exact words that were spoken. That's just a big pet peeve of mine. Anyways, I think that's it? If you need me to provide you with any more information, PLEASE let me know. Tysm!!! I love your blog. (6)

-----

Hi anon,

1st part: prefer analysis to the moment, jump to conclusions a lot - possibly intuitive

2nd: judge people quickly, very quick to change opinions - probably not Ni or Si which are usually slower to change opinions. This all sounds very high Ne to me.

3rd: disorganization - also high Ne. Probably dom Ne.

4th: I can’t tell - this could be either a low Fe thing or a high Fi thing in that someone with Fe tends to be better at understanding manipulation, but the low position makes it hard for you to implement, or it could be that your high Fi makes you very people-oriented but bad at bringing this skill outside of the personal.

5th/6th: this seems much more Fi - being irritated by people you perceive as superficial. A high Fe user might do this but almost definitely not a low one, but a younger high Fi user would be quite likely to have this reaction.

Conclusion: ENFP.

#mbti #enfp #Anon ask #answered asks

[masiayu]

Same Frequency

Dear my diary…so long not write things here, as u know i was busy with my life…working hard actually isnt my hobby or my passion, but at least with working hard, i can forget my sorrows…i dont say that sorrows are following me everywhere and everytime, but anytime i have such sorrow stuff i will forget it fastly…gloomy and sad r not important stuff…

Right now i really wanna write something here, its not coz im not busy, or tired..i am so tired right now…im just wanna info u that i already met someone which is close with my type which was often i mentioned here…good muslim, humble, good heart, smart, humorist etc…i met him…that means that kind of man is exist in this world, iam actually skeptic about it before…men i knew they r most r bastard…oops sorry to say…haha if u r a man, plz dont take it in ur heart…😄

I’ve just read something…its about same frequency of human…here is what i read.. Do you ever wonder why you can feel emotionally close toward a certain person and not another? Even in a large extended family you may only feel a closeness to certain people and not to others in the same family. Think back when you were a child or a young adult and you loved someone deeply and then become separated by distance and many years, yet you’ll often feel that same connectedness to him or her after much time has passed and be able to reconnect again quite easily. How is that so? We humans exist in a state of vibrational frequency unique to each person. We have the sensory skills to feel the vibrations of others, positive and negative. Almost everyone has had the experience of being in the same room with someone who is full of depressed thoughts or angry hidden emotions. The atmosphere emits a negative energy field that can be felt by anyone entering the room.

People who emit a similar frequency are attracted to each other and a friendship can easily be formed. You cannot resonate with someone else who has a fundamentally incompatible vibrational frequency. Dr. Emoto, a Japanese researcher and author of “The Hidden Messages From Water” says that “when two people resonate and fall in love, they rise to their highest level of capability. If a person with a capability of 10 who has only been using 5 parts of that capacity falls in love with someone with a level of 12, then he or she will naturally make use of the level -10 capability and show an increase in frequency. Love has the effect of raising our frequency level and making us shine.“ 

When we think about what makes up our bodies, we know we are formed of atoms, nothing more. The magic is what is inside of each atom. The center is a nucleus with electrons rotating about at different numbers and shapes, creating a unique and particular set of vibrational frequencies. Within each atom is 99.9999% space. Whether we are talking about a human body, any type of life, or any object in existence, this is true. We only perceive these things to be solid mass, when we are all actually sort of a vibrating, rotating wave. Not solid at all! 

Organic matter that forms human beings generates a frequency that can be represented by sound at approximately 42 octaves above middle C (the note near the center of a piano keyboard) as reported by Warren Hamerman in the scientific journal 21st Century Science and Technology's March 1989 issue. The middle C frequency is approximately 262 Hz. Forty-two octaves higher has a sound frequency of 570 trillion Hz. Since Hz means vibrations per second, this means human beings vibrate 570 trillion times a second!

Humans have the capacity to resonate with all other creatures and objects found in nature. We hold a universe within us filled with frequencies of a cosmic proportion. 

So what is it about love that causes us to raise our frequency level? The great spiritual people said to have a very high frequency level. When we experience or know this love, we come to acknowledge our sacred universe, recognizing our oneness of everything that exists, within us and outside of us. We find our own “I Am”-ness, we are then aligned with the universal love that transcends all things, all life, and manifests itself in us and in everything.

I’ve just came to know those stuff today, what a wonderful our Creator Allah SWT, all of that so perfect creation, even the sytem really amazing to know…it always add my Iman when im learning it…,hey what is the relation between my story and this knowledge? Hmmm u know it makes me understand that everything r organized well by Allah, and i just believe and sure that my soulmate will come closer…the one who has same frequency with me will come like magnet automatically, what i was surprised its reasonable stuff and logic…wow it always amaze me when i imagine it… MasyaAllah..Subhanallah…Allahuakbar…😍😍😍

And one more thing..i will never worry about everything in this world, actually i’ve already known well about this, everything which is written at Lauhul Mahfuz will work automacally, i suppose not worry about my destiny, it should be the best stuff for me…and as i know that my Rizky will not be taken by others, coz that i won’t be worry… I know my work will not be done by others, that’s why I’m busy doing good deeds. I know that Allah is always watching me, that’s why I’m embarrassed if He saw me in the vice. And I knew that death was waiting for me, that’s why I always add a provision to the encounter with Allah. “

Wish everything is gonna be alright…Aamiin