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adambasilica · 6 months

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okay normal things:

raven cycle and the scorpio races.

a family of three siblings, religious, orphaned. disharmony between the oldest and the other two- puck loves gabe and will do anything to get him to stay. ronan hates declan and wants him to leave. despite that, ronan and puck are very much the same. they love their home and want desperately to stay. declan/gabe desire more. ronan/puck can’t understand why their older brother is so blatantly rejecting them (they conflate a rejection of their home as a rejection of their personhood because they’re so connected to it). this is where we see the divergence- ronan responds with anger, rage, pushing away. puck responds in desperation, pulling him in closer. neither option work. both are strong emotional reactions. both deeply love their brothers.

it’s about the loss of a childhood home, the life they’d always known. i actually go insane over characters who have already found belonging and don’t desire anything past it. the people that fight to stay. ahhh! thanks maggie.

sean/adam parallels now. they’re different, but my god look at them. sean and adam both resent their fathers for different reasons. sean doesn’t respect his father for the way he died, adam doesn’t respect his father for the way that he lived. both vow to never be like their fathers. sean/adam are hardworking, dedicated, indentured in some manner. sean needs corr, adam needs money/freedom/more. they resent those that have what they want, who could take everything from them. they take the abuse given to them by the people who hold that power, and they also try to establish their own power where they can. dog eat dog world (horse eat man world?) both think they only need themselves. sean/adam are both incredibly capable, and it is recognized, yet they don’t feel it to be so.

also, the consistent breaking down of cars, naming of said cars, me crying because i don’t understand or like cars, and they never work.

anyway. the books are different, and they’re the same. it makes me so insane. that is all

#currently reading scorpio races for the first ti #me and i just. i never thought i’d feel the way i did about trc ever again and scorpio races has filled me with the same heartache #if you haven’t read it i seriously recommend it. it’s so fantastic #the raven cycle #trc #the scorpio races #pynch #sean kendrick #puck connolly #adam parrish #ronan lynch #maggie stiefvater

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pookha · 1 year

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Life's Never-Ending Circle

A Scorpio Races' Fanfic

Dove has contracted Cushing's disease and is at the end of her life. It's time to let her go. Sean has to let Corr go, too. Life continues on.

I've had this story in my head for YEARS, but I never felt like I was a good enough writer with emotions to write it. Maggie Stiefvater's recent tweet about the Scorpio Race's sequel that didn't happen inspired me to finish it. I took the name Matilda and Finn becoming the Baker's apprentice from it.

TW: animal euthanasia

Sean

I know what the vet is going to say and I sigh inwardly. I think Puck must know, too; she’s seen it before at the Malvern Yard, but this is the first time for us.

“It’s Cushing’s disease,” the vet says and Puck’s face falls. Bran, in his sling across her chest, must sense something of her mood because he starts to fuss and she soothes him automatically, her hand rubs his brow absently.

Her voice has a tremble in it when she speaks, something that probably only Finn and I could detect: or Gabe, if he wasn’t on the mainland.

“And is there nothing to be done?” she asks, but I can see in her eyes she already knows.

The vet shakes his head.

“I can treat her pain, but eventually the laminitis will get worse and she’ll be in too much pain. The treatments just aren’t there yet.” He sighs and starts to say something more, but stops at Puck’s expression.

I knew that on the mainland they’re making progress with this, but importing medicine is expensive and Dove is old and it might not help anyway.

“So, we should just put her down?” Puck asks.

“I always say the owner knows when it’s time,” he says to her and she glances at me over Bran’s head.

Dove nickers and starts to nibble on Puck’s hair and she pushes her away just as absently as she soothed Bran a moment ago.

“Sean?” she asks and that one word, my name, is loaded with meaning.

I rub Dove on her haunch and she pushes into me slightly. I can see the way she’s favoring one leg and I know that it’s close to time, but maybe not yet.

“I think we can manage her pain for a bit more, but it won’t be long.” I take Puck’s hand and she squeezes it until I can feel my bones start to grate against each other.

I feel eyes on us and turn. Corr is watching us from over the fence, his good eye turned to us. Dove is his best girl and he always protects her. Their grown foals are in the barn, separate right now.

Puck pats Dove and Dove nibbles at her hair again. This time she lets her nibble.

“We’ll watch her, then and let you know,” Puck says finally. The vet nods, packs up his kit and goes, his car exhaust smoking first black, then white as he drives down our rutted lane.

“How long?” she asks, deferring to my experience.

“Two weeks, a month, two months at most; she’ll let us know.” Puck nods, kisses Bran on his head, releases my hand and goes to the barn. Dove follows her, limping on her bad leg.

I go to Corr and he whinnies at me as I arrive. I grab a curry comb and start to brush him. I can hear Puck banging around in the barn as she feeds the horses. She talks to them soothingly, but even from here I can hear a quaver.

Puck

Two weeks goes quickly, then a month. Dove has good and bad days, but the bad days are getting more frequent. Sean doesn’t think I see him checking on her in the mornings, but I do and I love him even more for it. Bran has started pulling himself up and walking in the last month, so I have to be even more careful when I’m out among the horse and capaill.

Sean comes in that morning as I’m preparing breakfast for us. He sits at the table and entertains Bran while I finish up: just oatmeal with apples and cinnamon in it and sausages. After we eat, he says, “It’s time, Kate.”

I know what he means instantly. He only calls me ‘Kate’ if it’s serious.

I bang the dishes into the sink and run water over them while tears stream down my face at the same time. He’s the only one I’d let see me cry like this. I feel his arms surround me from behind and he holds me tightly.

“I knew it yesterday,” I whisper to him as I turn in his arms.

“Do you want me to call the vet?”

I nod into his chest. He holds me a long time before we have to both go about our chores. I spend extra time with Dove that day and I give her extra oats and an apple. Sean goes to our neighbor’s to use their phone after lunch and I know what he’s saying. Bran toddles around and I watch him carefully. Dove noses at him sometimes when he’s in the sling, but she gives him a wide berth in the paddock.

The vet comes that afternoon.

“It’ll be painless for her,” he says, but I know it won’t be for me…or Sean.

Sean

Ian has come at my call, as have some of the other men who follow the old ways. Dove was a champion of the Scorpio Races and deserves the same rites as a capall who had won. They help me build the pyre, breaking the silence only when necessary. Ian hadn’t approved of Puck in the races, but he’s changed over the years: he still loves the old ways, but he can see the changes coming.

We’ve just finished the platform when I hear a tractor coming down our lane. I turn and see that Finn drives it with Matilda at his side. It has a front-end loader attached to it and I know why he’s brought it. It’s Matilda’s family’s new tractor and I know they trust Finn if it’s here, now. Finn slows as they pass by our cottage and Matilda leaps off with a large parcel in her arms. She starts to walk away, but then turns and rapidly climbs the step on the tractor to kiss Finn. Even from so far away, I can see the blush on his cheeks. Our family will get larger soon, I think.

Matilda dashes away into the cottage and Finn drives the tractor up to the gate. Brian Carroll opens the gate and Finn expertly guides the tractor in. The men helping Ian and I go to help roll Dove’s body into the loader. Finn raises the loader, drives the tractor to the platform and eases it down. We roll Dove off onto the platform. Ian pats her flank absently.

“She was a good horse,” he says and I know that he means more than he’s saying, old Thisby style.

“The best,” I say and go to speak with Puck while the men finish preparing the pyre.

Puck

I’m doing the cleaning that needs to be done and keeping busy while I hear the men outside building the pyre. I hear an engine and look out just in time to see Matilda kiss my brother and jog to our door. I open it for her just as she’s about to knock.

“You’re family; you don’t need to knock,” I say and hug her. She’s a solid, warm presence as always; a Thisby farm-woman, born and bred. Bran sees her and giggles. He holds out his arms and she stuffs a parcel in my arms as she scoops Bran up and makes much of him.

“I’m not family yet,” she says over Bran’s head.

I can smell the bread and cakes in the parcel and know that Finn’s brought us food from the bakery. I can also smell something savory and Matilda sees my expression.

“I made you some lamb stew; you won’t feel like cooking for a few days and now you won’t need to.”

“Thank you,” I say and hug her again. Bran smiles and coos between us.

She helps me finish the cleaning, washing diapers without a complaint.

“Pish, I did it for all my brothers and doing it for my soon-to-be nephew is nothing.”

All too soon, Sean comes in. The sunset glows red behind him, making him a dark, cloaked figure, but I’d know his voice even in sleep…or death.

“It’s time,” he says, echoing what he said that morning.

We all go and stand before the platform where Dove rests.

Ian says a few words that I will never remember, but I know he meant them and they were from the heart. Sean holds my hand while I clasp Bran to me. I feel Finn’s hand on my shoulder and see his other hand in Matilda’s. We’re all in tears, except Sean, but I know I see those later when we’re alone.

Brian lights a torch and hands it to me. I hand Bran to Sean and take the torch numbly. The short walk to the pyre takes only an eternal second. I close my eyes, whisper a prayer to the Old gods and the new God then lower the torch. The pyre catches instantly and I step back to be with my family.

Sean

That night, Corr goes mad. I awake instantly at his scream and the banging from the barn. Puck is just a second behind. She starts to rise, but I push her back.

“I’ll go.”

She puts a hand on my shoulder as I dress and pull on my boots. Corr’s screams have woken Bran up and Puck goes to soothe him.

I grab a torch from beside the door and click it on. The wind has come up and I can smell the smoke and ashes still on it. When I get to the barn, Corr’s screams grow more frenzied. He’s kicking at the door of his stall and I worry for his injured leg. His eyes are rolling and crazed as I approach, shushing him and whispering the sound of the sea. It only drives him to greater lengths. The stall door splinters. I pull out my iron and put it on his haunch. Even in his madness, he doesn’t bite or strike at me. His good eye turns to me and he stops kicking. I open the stall door, which screeches on its broken hinges. He lunges past me into the barn and limps to Dove’s stall. I open it and he goes in. He turns to me again and screams in my face; his breath stinks of meat and fear. I start to reach out to him and he snaps at me.

I pull back and whisper more words at him, taking him back to the Scorpio Sea with them. I whisper Dove’s name and his eyes flick at me. He lets me touch him and I braid his mane. Puck is there suddenly and she has Dove’s blanket. She’d had it in bed with us earlier and now she puts it on Corr’s back. He calms immediately at our scent mingled with Dove’s. I nod at Puck and she nods back over Bran in his sling. Bran watches everything wide-eyed but silent.

“Thank you, love,” I tell Puck.

“It seemed like the right thing.” She pats Corr and he bites playfully at her hair, just like Dove used to, but his eyes and the nervous flicking of his muscles under his fur betray his thoughts.

“I think it may be time to release him,” I say.

He turns to me again and butts me with his massive head. I hold it to me and he nickers softly at me.

Bran starts to coo and he reaches out to touch Corr. I freeze on Corr’s head. He starts at Bran’s touch and turns to him, dragging me with the turning of his head. Bran giggles as Corr’s breath makes his wispy hair fly. Puck watches Corr carefully, still not quite trusting him, reading his body language.

Corr turns back to the other side and puts his nose as close to Dove’s blanket on his back as he can. He whinnies loudly and rears. Puck backs out as Bran starts to cry.

“Go ahead; I’ve got this,” I tell her.

She nods and takes Bran back to the house. I sit in Dove’s stall on a bench and Corr slowly calms. After a while, a few minutes or hours, I stand and braid more knots in his mane. I put a lead on him and take him to the yard. The distant sighing of the sea calls to him; I can see it in his body language. He takes an involuntary step toward it and I let him. He stops and looks back at me.

“Do as you wish,” I tell him.

He goes to the gate and nudges it. I open it, let him out and close it behind me.

I let him lead me to the beach.

He stands on it for a long time. Dawn peeks red over the Scorpio Sea. He takes an indecisive step toward it and back to me, then two to the sea and one back. I step forward and hug his neck.

“Go,” I whisper to him. His breath in my ear whispers secrets back.

I let go and he walks into the Sea, not looking back this time. When he submerges fully, Dove’s blanket floats off his back and washes up at my feet. I pick it up and turn. Puck is outlined in the rising sun watching me with Bran toddling at her side. In the swell of her belly, I can see life will continue: a circle without end.

#the scorpio races #fanfiction #dove #corr #animal euthanasia #sean kendrick #puck connolly

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