#really causes me a lot of grief

[skunkes]

i have soooo much more i cld say abt him, and have explored more thru other doodles, but quick summary of talon's whole deal, which is subject to change still as he's only almost 2 yrs old as an oc

#oc text #obvs sparse description of the events bc i dont mean for it to be gratuitous #even if i decided to explore it further in some medium the focus wouldnt be gratuitous ykwim #not that there werent awful stuff within that but my focus with talon is also more exploration of like #even stuff that isnt a big deal (which it wasnt at first) can effect someone greatly #and then once it does get a bit worse the focus is still more on the effects of how he views himself and the aftermath #AS WELL AS LIKE. well. did i do this to myself? i went back. do i deserve this? #he's a lot like me and the reason i like the self insert dynamic is bc he thinks of cheye as Me If It Didnt All Go Horribly #bc ive not gone thru the Extreme but i have had interactions with ppl who very enthusiastically thought i was ummmm underage!!! #while they were already being creepy toward me and making me nervous abt my safety ! #so this isnt ''he's umm 400 but looks 12 bc i want to do weird shit with him 😏'' dude drawing him Fed makes me so sad sometimes... #we're also weird eating buddies <3 #and grief buddies <3 he actually further spawned out of my need to deal with a lot of family members passing away in such a short time #severe death phobia buddies... #i still dont know how he really feels about his Old Wrinkly Form btw all i know is he feels safe in it #as much as id love to sway toward ''he thinks he's hot like that. because he is.'' i also dont want to convey the wrong message wrt this #form being due to....disordered eating caused by Issues. ykwim #though! he can shapeshift quite well when he's fed and maybe he'd choose that form willingly if he ever got. Past everything #he does hate that he never gets to actually age...! he wishes he cld age normally like a mortal...(still scared of dying though) #but we cant knoww for certain yet ykwim. maybe he'll let me know soon. #my issue with talon other than i suck at plots is well he has too many of my issues. and. idk how to solve them. #he's growing with me. #oh and have we noticed he's mean to me when *im* being mean to me...MANY such metaphors #ok goodnite

[svsss-fanon-exposed]

I'm the anon! I wasn't meaning you specifically. I actually think you've been doing an amazing job at stating the facts without letting biases show one way or another. Mostly I'm referring to some tags I saw and the salty post, in addition to YEARS of seeing people on twitter acting snobbish and like the western fandom (in particular after the 7s novels came out) are lesser, ignorant, or a plague. Might've been a bit of projection on my part but the aforementioned notes and comments from others in your posts reminded me of those attitudes (or how if unchecked they could become as rancid). My bad that I didn't clarify specifically what I meant. I love your posts and that's why I would hate to see them be used by bad faith actors to delegitimize "western" voices. Yes, we need to be humble and come from a place of being open to learning and not imposing our pov, but it's also unfair when we're being subject to higher standards and scrutiny that other non-english speaking parts of the fandom are.

Ahh I see!

Even though SVSSS is a Chinese novel written primarily for Chinese readers, the fandom itself is massively diverse. All sorts of different people from everywhere in the world have found things they enjoy about this book, and it means a lot to them— and I think that’s neat.

No one should be made to feel like they have no place in the fandom, or aren’t allowed to create fanworks. No matter where you come from, what your background is, there’s no reason you can’t be an equal part of the fandom — and yes, this also includes western fandom.

One other thing: there is nothing wrong with ignorance itself either. Everyone is ignorant of everything until they learn. If western fandom is ignorant, but they are trying to learn things, then what good is beating people down going to do? Only take any joy out of learning, only creating bitterness.

Western fandom is still SVSSS fandom, still people who enjoy this book.

It’s important to remember this is for fun. All of this, all fan creations and fandom in general is because a bunch of people from all sorts of backgrounds all liked one novel. As a Chinese person, I really love that people actually care to learn about Chinese culture through things like this. To see people genuinely interested in a positive way, it’s really nice!! It’s refreshing, and while my own life experiences make me quite wary of westernization, it also gives me an appreciation for this genuine interest, and this embracing of learning. I’ve seen much more instances of western fandom actually wanting to learn and being interested and curious than being willfully ignorant.

Everyone has a place in fandom, no matter if Western, Chinese, or anyone else. There’s nothing good that will come of gatekeeping people’s enjoyment of a book or participation in fandom.

#psa #answered #thank you so much for clarifying! #in terms of cultural things I have really been quite pleasantly surprised by MXTX fandom #of course there are still some issues #and then sometimes I can be touchy because I was partially-westernized in my youth after living in the USA #and it’s something that causes me a lot of grief and struggles #but overall it’s nice #most people seem to understand there are things they don’t have the cultural knowledge for #I don’t have full cultural knowledge either— I also hope that if someone has better familiarity with things than me that they will add on #but yes as a whole #people seem to be more excited and open for learning #than being overly stubborn and ignorant

[fearsomeandwretched]

It's reallyyyyy hard to figure out your sexuality when everything is so influenced by trauma. I've flip flopped on my label a lot which also has caused me a lot of anxiety. I finally feel like good saying yes I am bi but it took me a while to get there

#the times I've really resonated with the lesbian label have both been times I was like getting out of an abusive relationship with men and #was like not interested or attracted to any men at all #which I think makes sense but it caused me a lot of grief #I felt like a traitor iding as gay and then going back or maybe I didn't feel that way but I didn't want others to

[fruitsofhell]

       Ok but like with the tags on that last RB: It genuinely is really funny when people, AND EVEN SQUARE NOW, characterize Sephiroth as this sexy mind-fucking villain guy. I think it’s a very interesting moment that started with fans reacting to the amount of emotional power he had over Cloud as a villain, and combined with him just being hot, starting to sexualize that in their heads. And then Squenix taking note and upping the camp in Remake, because they upped EVERYTHING in Remake.        But Like,,, the truth is that Sephiroth as a person had no sexual agency at all. He was a husk of a man before he went crazy, and even though Shinra threw his image around and he was seen as a celebrity, that never reached him. You can tell just in how he acted at Nibelhiem - he was just business and formality because he knew nothing else in his life but his job. Even once he lost it and fell into a reactor and became an eldritch god, he never uses sex appeal or romance to manipulate anyone in the party. He’s fucking scary and has an insanely intimidating presence in the game, but it’s just purely vengeful sadism. And then once you do face him head on, the guy has nothing to say to you except silence, as he morphs into fucked up god abominations and does 6 minute long summon animations.        I do think its really interesting to think about how Sephiroth’s sex appeal works, as an iconic and impactful video game villain, and as a person within the world who was paraded around as a perfect military mascot - but like he isn’t a sexy person, he was just depressed and then he was ESTUANS INTERIS IRA VEHEMENTI. I especially like thinking about the idea that Cloud may have had like a celebrity crush on him, and the extra layer of annoying that adds to Sephiroth tormenting him, but I don’t like the idea of Sephiroth specifically trying to manipulate him with his sex appeal. Like FFS Sephiroth was a 20-something y/o when he met Cloud as a 16 y/o.        I think in Remake the idea is that this isn’t just Sephiroth who fell into the lifestream and ate eternal knowledge, but Sephiroth who then fell into some time-multiverse BS so now he acts like this? But it’s still annoying, I wish if Squenix wanted to exploit- I MEAN TALK ABOUT Sephiroth’s sex appeal they could’ve done it in a less corny way. I also think discussion of this game would be more fun if Sephiroth wasn’t just called a sexyman, and people stopped fucking shipping his grown ass with someone he knew when they were an impressionable kid.

#final fantasy VII #ff7 #sephiroth #cloud strife #ff7r #shut the heck up #ff rambles #this one is for my seph homie irl #they literally dont look at fandom shit cause its so oversaturated with sexyman roth likefhdskj #tragic #ff7 is a really narratively dense game and evne though its approaching overrated... #...i feel like analytically its a lil slept on i see lots of people talk about it like its just silly camp that appealed to teens #and like it is silly and campy but also genuinely a really amazing story and one of the best environmentalist scifi stories ive ever seen #the stuff relating the suffering of the planet to that of the human mind with trauma and capitalism and grief and all that fun stuffs cool #remake is... giving me heart health problems as a reimagining ngl #me doing a second mini essay in the tags lmao

[the-kipsabian]

.

#death // #really tho just. losing two family members within a week from one another is. really rough #even if it is from natural causes and old age it still feels very sudden #and even if we werent that close it still hurts #little things remind me of the grandparents i dont have anymore. like making dinner and realizing im not eating their cooking again #or my grandmas favorite songs. its just. rough #im just thinking a lot. and not looking forward to two funerals within the next few weeks #just.. yeah. i feel kinda fucked up on the inside. more so than usually but for once not cause of myself #its. odd to me. grief hasnt really been constant in my life in years. apart from losing my brothers cat few years ago #before that i lost my other grandma like eleven years ago. since then immediate family has been okay #its just weird. i dont really know how to grief. it comes in waves and odd memories and it feels really.. idk. off to me #ive had few crying fits over some random things but i just feel. numb. maybe its cause of the sudden frequency of these #or cause i dont know how to deal. its strange to me. feels out of place to mourn something other than what i made myself lost #maybe its cause while there was a connection there was a larger disconnection. i havent seen either of them since covid started #idk. regrets and shit and whatnot. i just feel all but nothing at the same time #just. just saying. idk. just wanna clean my brain a little. its been a difficult day. sorry #night is an absolute mess on main

[prettyboykatsuki]

Do you or have you ever had like official OCs? And if so can we know about them🥺

I technically have a few because I have a few fictional stories I write so if you're curious about the others you're always welcome to ask !!

But my main one is a character named Moros (this is his business name, at least) and he's from a race of Giants and a prisoner of war. He's an assassin turned mercenary. His real name is Suleiman.

He's an incredibly worrisome person and holds a lot of guilt for his past. He's awkward around things that are small and delicate (children and animals) which is troublesome because he's recently acquired a small human child of his own. He thinks it's a baby but he doesn't know anything about human lifespans so he isn't sure.

He likes stone tools and the warmth of bear skin. When he's not actively taking on a job he eats a lot vegetable soup. His best friend is a barkeep and a mage from academia that don't get along. He's very dear to me

#return to sender #he is my most beloved guy #i dont talk abt ocs here cause its not the place lol and i dont think i do well with making my own characters #but i love him a lot. he is so important to me. comfort oc #he's a big guy and he's a little over 100 which makes him middle aged for his race #he's an escapee of a war torn country of high elves #he's really huge. like. huge guy really. #he considers himself plain looking and doesn't consider anyone an enemy #his story revolves around the absolution of guilt and his relationship to his adopted daughter #sad middle aged man with a lot of grief and self loathing who gradually begins to see the world anew

[foxgloveinspace]

I know that no one will be interested in this, but I decided since I knew I wasn’t gonna get much sleep tonight anyway to stay up and watch that movie. Yeah, so, I finally watched Into The Spider-Verse (yes. The First One) and I really liked it!! Which I knew I would, cause spider-man was my earliest ‘long term hyperfixation’. Now you maybe be wondering why I haven’t watched since it’s been out for *checks the calendar* 5 years. Damn. The answer??? There isn’t one. I have adhd what did you expects?! I bought it yesterday and I procrastinated watching it SINCE I WOKE UP THIS MORNING…. Yesterday morning, now.

I got spoiled for so many things, but yet none of the important parts?? Which is crazy???

Anyway, I bought the combo pack so I’m gonna watch the second one in the morning, good night y’all.

#very much so #alsooooooo sorry I was completely gone today #I was having a time of it… obviously. #anyway yeah I really liked the movie #I’ve been having a hard time watching stuff here lately #I tried watching the new d&d movie too today but I don’t like the pacing at all #reminds me of that last dragon movie Disney did a few years ago #threw me off and I just found myself getting bord ugh #which sucks cause I wanted to like it a lot #I love Chris Pine so much #oh yeah!!! I cried Three Times while watch into the spider verse. I don’t cry very easy!!!! #like… the only time I cry is when I’m angry anymore… but that point where angry turns to grief you know?? #ok I’ve said too much lmao bed time

[ilovefredjones]

but here i am with arms unfolding / i guess this isn’t quite the end

dodie, arms unfolding / tim fedelre, high school musical: the musical: the series

[ID: 1. lyrics from ‘arms unfolding’ by dodie. they read: ‘hope i’m not tired of rebuilding / ‘cause this might take a little more’

2. maddox from high school musical: the musical: the series. she stands onstage at the camp prom. she’s talking to an audience, but mainly speaking to jet, who is just off camera. the subtitles say ‘it’s a song that used to be my favourite when i was little.’

3. maddox looks at jet, still mostly off screen, with a very faint smile. the subtitles say ‘it made me happy, and it made my little brother happy.’

4. maddox looks at jet with a soft, contemplative expression with her brow slightly creased. the subtitles say ‘and i think maybe we’re ready to be happy again.’

5. lyrics from the same song as 1. they read ‘i think i’d like to try look at you / and feel the way i did before.’ end ID]

#hsmtmts #maddox hsmtmts #jet hsmtmts #they’re starting again :) #they recognised the pain and anger and hurt and grief they’ve caused each other. and maybe they’ll never forgive. #but they’re ready to be happy again :) #these two are so important they’re so :) familial relationships esp siblings are always so fun to explore #it’s about duty it’s about blood it’s about connection it’s about a relationship you never got a say in in the first place #it’s about breaking free (no pun intended) of expectations and living for yourself. choosing yourself above anything #but still loving your sibling. still wanting to be happy with them. it’s all about choice and agency #i adore these two’s arc this season it’s really all i’ve been coming back for hsmtmts for #it means a lot to me :) and i’m glad they’re choosing to be happy #and i’m glad it was messy!!!! i’m glad jet screwed up & maddox screwed up and they were both defensive and distrusting #like yes!!!!! all this pain and grief and trauma is not going to be so easily forgave and forgotten!!!

[vampyrebond]

sometimes grief processing is throwing yourself into the hero’s story (re: when my dad died is about the same time i started writing scott)

sometimes it’s the opposite (re: throwing myself into louis rn)

#( ooc. ) #[ im gonna go answer some memes but like ] #[ i had a really good conversation with my spiritual director yesterday ] #[ and i realized that the work i did when i was 22 was really important but i didnt have the same tools back then ] #[ i have a rage in me i never experienced in grief ] #[ and maybe im projecting it into louis but like.....maybe its why i feel so compelled to him ] #[ im mourning so much and i like ] #[ i get it ] #[ we have different base natures but like....i get leaning into the core of who you are to SURVIVE ] #[ cause thats what it is ] #[ anyway this was a lot on main lol ] #[ just a reminder that you never know what someone is going through behind the screen ] #[ like im fine but also my mom died in july ] #[ those two things exist ] #[ and much like most of you i use this as a means to process it all ] #[ OK THANKS FOR READING IF YOU DID SORRY THIS IS ALL TAGS ] #parent death tw

[fagrights]

yeah. this year this month has been a lot for me and i dont think i have really taken time to breathe all year or process things and i dont think i'll be able to for a while still but. there are lots of things that seem so easy that you are sure you can get through with no problem and then they happen and you are more lost and effected by it than the thing that you had been dreading for a long time. but i think there is something strangely comforting about looking back even a year ago and realizing that you have grown so much as a person in that time that you thought (naively) that you had been already so strong and seeing that you could change in ways you had no idea you could

#this is very dramatic i think but #i was always afraid to lose my grandfather cause he meant so much to me #and i always brushed off losing my grandmother that it would not impact me at all #and i think now now that we both are interacting in the way we are (with more understanding than i think weve EVER given each other) #i think i am just very sad that we didnt get the opportunity to let ourselves care about each other like this before #so losing my grandfather was a lot of peace at the end a lot of this is what i wanted to give him a lot of resolution #this just feels very. bittersweet maybe.. a little like regret and like profound silence which i havent really wanted to analyze i guess #its easier to go through the motions and i think when we finally get to rest it is going to be so very sad #its so weird how grief can feel SO different every single time its such a reflection of those peoples color in your life that you dont even #realize until you are feeling it so deeply #im. doing the best i can right now but things are so sad all the time but also so special #SORRY i havent been here for like a week so you get this now

[summerfrwrks]

me partially ready to make a fanfiction.net account but then encountered some analysis and talks and rumors that it may shut down:

i dipped in reddit to check it out and this one is one of the top posts about the topic (more rants in tags)

#i can't take one more thing shutting down #the five stages of grief i had with lovestruck (and my 500+ hearts that i didn't get to use for premium choices) is STILL repeating #and i STILL haven't deleted that app even when the servers are down cause it just feels too final hrk- #then i see someone say that fanfiction.net (for their rough estimate) will only be around up till 2028 ??? i just- #LISTEN as a rarepair shipper [i say as i gently cradle my 4 rarepairs in my arms] i am dEspERatE for any content i can get #i know some fic writers don't cross post since they have a preference with the sites and personally #i feel that and also cause im lowkey lazy to make another acc and i grew too attached with ao3's filtering system #but i'll always remember my roots that i started reading fanfics in fanfiction.net way back when i was around in like 4th grade #and honestly it's been such a journey #there's no solid statement from the people behind the site but there's a lot of stuff that the users pointed out #and i can't help but be worried and sad about it #i know that it's only 2022 and the 2028 estimate seems far but the possibility still makes me feel down about it :(( #ANYWAYSSSS imma really need to make n finish my essays and other outputs for uni [sighs] adios for now tumblr #fanfiction #fanfiction.net #fanfic writing #fanfic writer #fanfiction writer #summer.txt

[chesyboiga]

i miss my dad but i need to keep reminding myself that yesterday doesn’t matter, tomorrow doesn’t even matter until it happens, i just need to focus on the here and now and the present moment, and make the best of what i have now, bc its all we ever have ;_;

#love u dad #txt #truly if there’s anything wrong it’s really smth wrong im feeling and experiencing inside of myself which i can release #;___; #grief is a lot. hard isn’t the right word cause i dont mind if something is hard i work my ass off. grief is just very much and esp emotion #i really miss my dad bc if i had anything to say he would always listen and be interested in it and care about it #whatever i did or thought he was genuinely interested in it #that love is irreplaceable #u are so privileged until u lose it and realize just how significant it was to you and your whole life and daily experience #still surreal to me #i really really love you dad #im not afraid of pain. pain is temporary. loss is far greater in depth and impact which is felt and persists #i can withstand anything #fear may be our greatest enemy but it is also a total illusion #if i can withstand pain and loss and i must because this is just where life has lead me then i can withstand anything #also reminding myself that my loss is MY loss and it is not my dad’s… i am truly happy that he is free now TT #if i lose then it must be because i have so much more to gain and space must be cleared for it #personal

[judas-redeemed]

been thinking a lot about anticipatory grief lately. i love you so much that i know losing you will devastate me. i haven't lost you yet but i already miss you. we still have time, but it won't be enough. i think about what i would say at your funeral, and say some of it to you now cause i need you to know how loved you are before you go. you will go where i cannot follow, but you will never really leave me. it won't make it hurt less but it is a part of healing somehow.

#on grief #anticipatory grief #if u need this tagged lmk #judas talks

[titsthedamnseason]

.

#i feel bad saying this bc in the forward brandon says that sazed’s character arc gave him a lot of trouble in the back half of the series #but i can definitely sense that #i don’t really love the direction that it took #i mean i actually do think that him losing faith in the one thing he dedicated his life to is a really strong plot #like it’s the most Serious and unexpected but sadly believable thing that could happen to a character like sazed #but i’m unfortunately not convinced that tindwyl’s death would cause this #and i swear im not just being a hater because i didn’t like her a lot as a character #i just mean that we never really saw them interact that much? and sort of knew that they’d known each other back in terris but there were no #flashbacks or anything and so much of the past was tinged with animosity #so imo their love story came on kind of fast and didn’t convince me #which is why i think i can’t by grief for tindwyl as the reason for sazed’s prolonged mental breakdown #and i also feel bad saying this next part because personal grief obviously changes and affects a person more than other objective deaths #but sazed if fr acting like nobody else has ever died before #like sir your nation is in the midst of a millennia long still ongoing tragedy and desperately needs your specific help now #GET IT TOGETHER MAN! #mine #juli reads the cosmere #in his last pov he said something like ‘yes people have been dying this whole time but tindwyl was Different’ well actually no she wasn’t! #the rest of the terrismen are actively being targeted right now. let’s focus on that if you’re so worried babes!

[blossom-in]

i have to watch frieren so slowly cause i've cried at both ep 1 and 2 and i cannot watch more than 1 episode in one go but it's really good even tho i feel very emotionally drained after each episode

#i can count the anime that have made me cry on 1 hand i think #and it's always only once near the end or at some random point #so to cry over both episode 1 and 2 is something #to be fair just reading the subtitles of the opening makes me cry cause like i feel like if you've gone through a death of someone close to #you it just really hits like it encapsulates a lot of the grief and the guilt so so well #even though i feel like the song itself doesn't fully fit? i like it but i question the yoasobi choice and #i expected something more like yanaginagi