#she can play anybody

[rqg179]

holy shit did kipperlilly kill buddy so that if kristen died no one would be able to bring her back and the only member of the church of cassandra would be gone

#i mean there was a lot at play here #it sounds like buddy wouldn't have been able to revive them even if he hadn't been murdered because the gems weren't in his bag?? #unclear whether he knew that or not - currently i'm inclined to believe he was being genuine about reviving them #but someone had stolen the gems so he couldn't. i might be giving him too much credit idk #but i think kipperlilly's original plan was to kill gavin pundle to sabotage their exam - buddy wouldn't have been able to bring him back #w/o the gems and neither would kristen. so their grade would be significantly impacted #and if neither cleric can bring anybody back and the proctor isn't there to oversee the fight the monsters might have just kept coming #until the bad kids really did all drop #but idk why kipperlilly would suddenly switch to killing buddy if that wasn't the original plan and if he already couldn't revivify them?? #unclear also how much oisin knew of this. rn im wondering if he was onboard w sabotaging the exam but didnt know she was going to kill budd #& the plane shift was an immediate shock reaction #or i did see someone suggest he wasn't even there to see it which. is also possible #idk just. many thoughts. head full. what the fuck was up with that preview also #my post #d20 #fantasy high #fhjy

[firstroseofspring]

sketch of sirella i drew in a frenzy after watching the royal shakespeare company’s production of antony and cleopatra

#my art #sirella #star trek #truly i don’t think they’re similar characters EXCEPT in the way they carry themselves aka regally despite all the embarrassment cleopatra #suffers throughout the play she never really doubts her status esp coming from a long line of royalty/nobility #sirella has that same confidence though she’s not quite as playful as cleopatra can be lollll #AND of course martok/antony’s deep deep regard and adoration of sirella/cleopatra despite knowing her flaws intimately #i feel so normal about this btw #anybody remember martok calling sirella mercurial...... dude. #thoughhh cleopatra is like . histrionic almost and sirella i don't imagine really likes to play mind games like that #i can totally picture their meeting feeling the same way ... sailing up the river with a lady's entourage and martok being like. well. well #other women cloy the appetites they feed but she makes hungry where she most satisfies!!!!!

[rosykims]

they make me so fucking insane. absolutely bananas mode

#tay plays dao #oc: elspeth #im genuinely sooooooooo glad u can pick that “i dont think theres a future” option without immediately breaking up lol #bc she WANTS a future with him !!!! she just doesnt believe she can have one anymore. and thats why she needs him so bad !!! #bc hes the only one who's ever made her feel like thats not true !!!! #god i love angst. i love sadness. i love it when pain means something and when hard times TEMPER a relationship instead of breaking it #the way i see their ~story~ working out (unrestricted by game mechanics i mean) is that elspeth stays a warden while he becomes king #but still staying with him as his closest ''advisor'' aka mistress. #but like. he thinks shes being an absolute idiot and doing her stupid martyr complex stuff as per usual #and spends several years trying to convince her to finally get a grip and marry him. bc he refuses to marry anybody else lol #anyway she finally finally says yes right before she leaves to cure the calling. so if she comes back (lol) then she'll become queen-consor #until then its this hopeless ''i cant be with you officially but i cant ever be without you'' dance forever <3 #AND I LOVE IT. I EAT IT UP EVERY TIME.

[dutybcrne]

As far as the people of Mondstadt are concerned, what happened that night of Diluc's eighteenth birthday in terms of the results of The Confrontation between Diluc and Kaeya, is instead a fabrication that a grief-stricken Kaeya had recklessly tried to clear a domain on his own only to be attacked and hurt by a Pyro Abyss Mage. The only reason he survived was being blessed with his Cryo Vision.

Each and every time the lie is brought up, especially in the Angel's Share, Kaeya feels the urge to find that 'Domain' and lock himself in it.

#hc; kaeya #//Those of the church are aware it was NOT in fact a domain excursion; but he Refused to tell them what it actually was #//Many had/have their suspicions; but with how highly Kae held Diluc; many of them dismissed such concerns #//Lisa; Varka; Jean; and Seamus are the only people outside of the Dawn Winery folks at the time who know the Truth behind his injuries #//And ONLY Varka and Adelinde are aware him being Khaenri'ahn had any part to play in it (Kae's not aware Lisa knows too) #//But Kae adamantly Refused to let Diluc be faulted for any of it. Did everything he could to ensure it #//Definitely made it clear that anybody who acted on it in his name would be someone he'd detest and retaliate against #//Made it clear again when Diluc came back; though Jean had no intentions to #//Was she upset; yes. But with how Kae framed himself and the ordeal; she's torn on how to feel about their fight in general #//She doesn't Know exactly why they fought; Kae keeps saying it was Personal and to 'ask Diluc' if she really wants to know #//But she does know both were definitely hurting that night; and she was only able to really help ONE of them #//Ack; veered off course #//But yeah #//Kaeya will NOT ever willingly tell anyone that Diluc hurt him otherwise; and never ONCE resented him for it; either #//If Diluc himself were to try and take blame; Kaeya would Lose His Fucken Marbles and refute him most avidly #//One of the fastest and Only ways Diluc can actually bring Kaeya to genuine Anger #//Luc can insult and push him away all he wants; can even hurt him again if he wanted to #//But that? No; Kaeya would NOT stand for Diluc taking any blame; even from himself #//HE was the one who pushed Luc; HE was the one who approached him while grieving. Thus HE deserves all the blame for what happened #//That's what he thinks. And no one can hope to convince him otherwise. Except maybe Diluc himself #//But that'd take communication skills and emotional vulnerability that neither are equipped nor ready for as they are #//Whoops; veered again lol #//If Kae out of nowhere brings That up and blames Luc/acts in anger of him for it; just KNOW that smth is up

[dirt-str1der]

Yaoi has poisoned all of your fucking brains !!

#Yakuza HATEblog #i dont want to hear about the new yakuza trailer where kiryu proposed to soemone he wouldnnever do that thats so scary #also they refered to sayama as the cop lady like please show some respect to her she didnt be annoying for you to forget her #ive become homophobic now because i hated seeing a particular post so much like that will never happen you are crazy #like no this isnt how kzmj can win they have never even once considered a future together because kiryus foreplanning ended when he lost #his brother and majima has spent half her life waiting for saejima to come back like they have more important things to worry about #and kiryu is not able to share his kids with anybody he cant simultaneously raise haruka with someone he has to either be a single dad or an #absent dad no in between and sometimes haruka is left parentless in the middle of that mess but its not kiryus problem hes driving cars amd #beating people up .... well he does care sorry for insinuating he doesnt ... he thinks about his kids every day #but i guarantee you he does not think about majima every day i swear it to you he does not care about her that much !!! i have to forever #stress this doesnt mean that he hates majima but it simply means that shes not his priority AND SHE WILL NEVER BE !!! kiryu will never #risk it all just for a suckle on that majiwilly like he doesnt like her that much ... if kiryu didnt even give majima so much as a phonecall #when he was ignoring her the entirety of y3 AFTER tossing her back to the wolves just so he can play house at okinawa.. hes not going to #suddenly realise that he wants to spend the rest of his life with majima hes going to be pondering how miserable he is while beating the #fuck out of people because sorry i didnt actually pay attention to the gaiden stuff is kiryu a hitman now or some sort of mercenary either #way its so hot that hes paralleled by y0 majima because hes so depressed and wants to kill himself and forced to wear a nice suit and do #things he doesnt want to while being kept on a tight leash like hohooho ... have sex with me ...!!! #im going to kill him myself to put him out of his misery if i have to ... just let kiryu run off to america and join the cia im kidding but #wait i just thought of him actually running off and sayama pulling some strings in the force to keep people from looking for him because #shes like a bigshot cop now ... i think she should be able to cradle him gently and keep him like a show cat #a shivering wet penis in the rain and she takes him in and gives him a loving home ... i feel a little embarrassed talking about hetships #but the concept of kiryu just being in her house and living with her is making me laugh like wow ... hes straight now.... like obviously hes #still not going to be like lets get married 🥰 but sayama would want to... i believe that she could forge their documents so kiryu isnt an #illegal immigrant anymore and she gives him an american name so john yakuza can become real ... its like a fake dating au but they really #arent dating theyre just having sex and acting out scenes from a kdrama but eventually kiryu will have to go back because hes so sad #without his kids and he needs to see them one last time to pass away peacefully. sorry i just remembered how much older kiryu was than #sayama like thats a bit funny ... like i still think kiryu should be into older guys or girls but like we cant always have that happen #like how majimas options for getting fucked by creepy old guys are getting lesser year by year because those old geezers keep dying and hes #old now too ... like theyre so old thats fucked. i know ive been saying how kzmj can never win but i do think majima should breastfeed kiryu

[villainartist]

i do not like when people say kaede would be a static protagonist if she survived the game like as if she wouldnt have 5 whole additional chapters for shit to be thrown her way and see how she'd change and adapt... plenty of writers have pulled off this idea with flying colors so idk why ppl say "ok but IN CANON kaede would just vote hope/despair in the end!" like LITERALLY WE DONT KNOW THATTT THOUGHHHH . shuichi was very different in ch1 compared to ch6 why is kaede exempt from this logic...............

#i legit think kaede would kinda go thru 'negative' development for a chapter or 2?? #before smth causes her to lock tf in and drop that one-track mind naive mindset entirely she had in ch1 #she would NOTTT be a good leader and ppl would quickly realize that and not see her as a reliable 'leader' type #after the death road despair #and finding out she went behind their backs with shuichi w their mastermind plan #who. well in most scenarios he'd be dead after ch1 #usually thats how it goes #kaito would absolutely still play the role of a supportive friend for her like he did for shuichi tho thats just who he is #ugh i wanna write a kaede lives fic so badly but i have comorbid autism/adhd and a full time job and im mostly a visual artist #Sad! maybe someday #guys can you play touys with me (roleplay an entire rewrite of alt v3 where kaede lives so i dont have to write the whole thing myself #and we can get real weird with it) #anybody? no? thats fine.

[vagabondfromkanto]

//I've noticed that most people have a rule about godmodding and/or powermodding in their rules. Decided I also need one, with a twist.

The twist being "My muse's canon main superpower as per the finale is the power of endless 'NO U' and I will not hesitate to use it if you start bullshitting" ✨

#//me when normal roleplay: oh yeah she can totally get her ass kicked lol #//I'm good with tuning KlK's craziness down to make it more fun for everyone! me included! I like giving her human-ish limits! #//you can even get her on the death's door provided I'm aware that's what we're doing! #//however me if anybody tries to pull a 'and then I kill ya 'cause I'm stronger >:3': #//nu-uh it's actually a huge plot point that every time a bitch tries Ryuko turns into an absurd powers generator on pure spite. so no. #//honestly that's very in character - have weaknesses and shit until your bitch of a mum starts godmodding. #//then get pissed off and overpowered. suddenly remember to have weaknesses and deal with the fallout later. #-: ✧ :-゜・．(;ooc) 「„out of fibers“」 #//don't mind me I've just been thinking a lot about how the concept of overpowered muses relates to KlK's batshit plot #//speaking of which if anyone ever wants to play the crazy Trigger abusrd bullshit fight on purpose that's. an option too

[cowboy-robooty]

got desperate asf for some non-shitty heta fanfiction and said fuck it ill read the gerame fanfic cuz the author did make some good shit before (even tho i know it wont be THAT good since ill need to manually edit in my brain alfred as feliciano instead and make a whole extra unspoken lore to explain why feliciano is so ooc).... BUT LORD. IM CHEWING GLASS. IM CHEWING GLASS SO FUCKING HARD RIGHT NOW. BECAUSE GIRL ITALY EXISTS IN THIS FIC AND OH MY GODDDD I HATE IT HERE I HATE IT LUDWIG STAY AWAY FROM THAT MAN STAY AWAY FROM THAT EVIL DEMENTED VILE MAN AAAAHHAUHWUSUDJJS STAY WITH FELICIA PLEASEEE PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!! LIKE STRAIGHT UP HE DONT EVEN LIKE ALFRED BRUH AND ALFRED DONT EVEN LIKE HIM. ill admit the set up is good (its like a 1950s au and the reason why i trust this author is a whole nother can of worms that i put in my drafts maybe ill drop it later) BUT I CANT EVEN CARE OR TRY TO CARE ABOUT ALFRED X LUDWIG BC FELICIA IS RIGHT THEREE AND THIS AUTHOR GETS THEIR RELATIONSHIP TOGETHER TOO. SHES LITERALLY LIGHT OF HIS LAIF MAKES HIM HAPPY IS SWEET AND NICE TO HIM TUGS HIM DOWN AND RUBS THEIR NOSES TOGETHER LIKE MOTHERFUCKER THATS TRUE. THAT HAPPENED IN REAL LIFE I SAW IT. SO WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU WRITING THIS INTO A DAMN LUDWIG X ALFRED FANFIC IM CHEWING GLASSSSSS!!!! BC I KNOW FELICIA X LUDWIG WONT HAPPEN I HATE THIS STUPID BAKA LIFE I HATE IT HERE RAAAGJWJSIIEKDODKDKDKXKDKZKKS RAGE RAGE RAGE

so far its a genuinely good fic tho with some nice character development and being able to take a "real life universe" spin on heta characters which i find can rarely be done well! id rec it to any ameger fanheads out there!

peace and pascal! <- (im sorry im lying. im lying. tw lies. no peace only pascal. sorry i lied on main. its a good fic thats true. but i want the earth to explode. feels like im shoving my dick in an anthill)

#to be fair i read all non itager ship fics by mentally editing whoevers with germany to be italy bc i believe they love eachother in all #universes #but this author is making it real hard bc theyre genuinely good at like time era and how nationality plays into identity so i have to #do mental gymnastics and create the most batshit reasons ever to keep it itager in my head #but yeah THIS ONE ISNT LETTING ME FUCKING IMAGINE BECAUSE ITALY IS RIGHT FUCKING THERE #GIRL ITALY IS RIGHT THERE AND GENUINELY ACTS THE WAY THAT ITALY AND GERMANY ALWAYS INTERCAT WIF EACHOTHER LIKE IT ISNT EVEN OOC #THEY HAVE INTERACTED FOR A SOLID LIKE PAGE AND A HALF AND I SHIP THEM SO HARD SHES SO NICE TO HIMM #THEY RUBBED THEIR NOSES TOGETHER EVEN MOTHERFUCKER I THINK THEY DO THAT!!!!!!! YOU UNDERSTAND SO WHY DONT YOU PREACH?!?!? #YOU KNOW THE LORD IS REAL SO WHY DONT YOU FOLLOW THE TEN FUCKING COMMANDMENTS!!!!! #no shade to this author too this is just my aids bc to me any ship wif those two freaks that isnt them kissing eachother is my antichrist #anything that aint itager is my antichrist fr #the other fic from this author was just so much easier to eat.. #cuz to be fair in the other fic it was a germany torture compilation and he literally did not genuinely love the other guy at all #i think that fic was true because italy wasnt present in it and i do believe germanys life would be like that would italy #what no italy does to a mf: unimagimeable suffering #i can accept that fic bc yeah i looked the author in the eyes and said 'germany would never love anybody thats not italy in all universes' #and they went okie! sure! :D #sorry guys im getting sepsis rn okay robooty when he faces the antichrist

[rocaillefox]

the anime romantic killer does genuinely seem like just a tone shift away from becoming a horror show

#ramblings #only a few episodes in but if this happened i think i would bite somebody #maybe it is the lgbt in me but being forced into potentially romantic situations #AND HAVING PEOPLE MIND CONTROLLED INTO THOSE SITUATIONS? #seems Genuinely horrifying. i would not feel comfortable getting into a relationship with anybody in this situation #not bc of anything on my end but bc mind control . completely erases all consent #and like. forget about Informed consent eithrr if they dont know about the wizard #and a wizard thats intentionally taking away things that you find joy in ??? #instead of encouraging you to meet other people through those interests????????? #a wizard whos forcing you to wear more 'girly' clothes despite discomfort??? #like. actually wearing clothes that have cats on them is 100% fine! you can make that into a style! #and forcing you to wear makeup?????????????????? #sorry this would be literal hell on so many levels for me. im watching to see how horrible a situation it wiuld be for me #and also; shock that there are people who might adapt well to this #edit: NOT TO MENTION THE WEIRD MORALIZING ABOUT FOOD? #like yeah eating only chocolate isnt healthy but its her choice if she wants to do that? #but again: forcing someone to give something up instead of idk. Offering Other Options In Addition ??? #and also the stealing away her cat... #AND LIKE. she doesnt need to become dependent on a person. and taking away her comforts until she does is blackmail #like if a guy was unable to play sports until he got a girlfriend that would be obviously fucked up right #why is it suddenly seen as more acceptable and not abusive to take away everything relating to a girl's interests until she finds a boyfrien #ntm the literal destruction of property to organize the whole scenario wtf.

[sundybundy]

i am not in a good mood

#i cant communicate with anybody unless theyre putting in so much effort to understand me. which no one does. except my sister god bless her #i was on my feet all day long today from 10 to fucking 8pm doing errands for her #my legs hurt so bad its midnight now and i finally was able to get back into the room im staying in for this week and just cried and cried #my dad has been saying transphobic things to me all day #and playing his trans violence fucking tiktoks loud as hell so eevryone can hear them in the living room #my mom pointed out all of my grey hair that i just realized i had and also pointed out how i gained so much weight #i want to die right now man #the only good thing thats happened on this trip was how i got to talk to my mom aand update her on my DID stuff because she hasnt fucking #seen a roll call of my system in 5 years so that was nice #but also had a convo about how she lost my diagnostic papers so thats fun #kcposting

[oreana-galena]

Viewing this about relationships in general... yeah. Just yeah. lol

#my stalker did this #even when i confronted her about things i caught her in #she'd go silent and ignore that i caught her red handed #deflect. try to blame other people that weren't involved #still laugh about talking about DA years back #and i told her a mod sometime ago a friend had to deal with hated furries and anybody doing fanart #and i never specified this was over 5 yrs ago... and the mod no doubt no longer works there #since DA got bought out #but she commented 'yeah. i think i had to deal with them too at one point b/c of something!!' #she'll do whatever she can to try and play the victim card #send herself anon hate mail just to make it seem like it was either me or one of my fans #when i know she did that to herself #it's psychotic behavior at its finest. #also called gaslighting #text #cw: stalking #cw: abuse

[aanarres]

ok locked tomb burst over i just read the new short story and needed to get that out of my system (for now)

#i Love that its formatted as a play #theres so many incredible bits in it i gotta give it a second read #and see if i can figure out the coffin code (or see if anybody else has figured it out already) #dulcineas 'yes! and also my agonies :)' got me #but also the reveal that she did in fact double die but is still somehow existing in some other way im like. does that have to do with #the tower? with the stoma? with something we dont know about yet? whats on the other shore???? #god i cant wait for alecto to come out. #im so normal about this series #tlt #the unwanted guest

[dutybcrne]

Forever love the idea of Kaeya and Diluc just. Hogging Jean to themselves every time the Knights or especially the Ragnvindr and Gunnhildr families had Special Events to attend to, so she didn’t have to dance with anybody else unless she REALLY wanted to.

#//Also bc THEY really wanted to dance with her and don’t like sharing with errbody else- #//Jkjk; that’s more self-indulgent lmao #☆ ┆ ( .ooc. ); #//Nah; fr tho; thas their special gal right there; they would be MENACES abt it #//Casually gatekeeping her from the very moment she admitted how frustrating it was to handle all that Decorum & spare dances #//Luc deffo Got It; had plenty personal incentive to agree bc he UBDERSTOOD having to deal w that shit #//Kae was just more than happy to conspire/help & spend time with his two favorite people in the world #//They absolutely would switch off so smoothly throughout the evening #//Kae taking her for a few songs; before Luc swoops in and spins off with her #//Couple more songs; and Kae’s sliding in to bring them refreshments & an excuse to leave the floor #//Rinse; lather; repeat #//And nobody can really complain abt it either #//It ain’t just ANYBODY gatekeeping Jeanie; it’s the RAGNVINDR HEIR & the WARD/ADOPTIVE SON they’re talking abt here #//Though lbr Diluc alone is enough to keep other folks at bay; esp if they play it off as him showing interest in her #//Could be; could not be. Of the two; he’s the one with greater importance/precedence to the ppl’s eyes as potential suitor #//Either way; they’re her No1 bodyguards against the unwanted suitors; and will always happily be such #//Would 10/10 cover for her & back off if she DID find sb she wanted to dance with outside of them #//Well; prolly would still steal her away for a quick dance; just for tradition’s sake—they ARE her besties after all #//but deffo would leave her to it and keep an eye on her the whole time #//To either offer encouragement or utterly Tease her from afar #//Or if they need to intervene; that too #//I like to think Lisa and Kae took over doing that for her in their present day #//Letting her briefly dance with whoever if she REALLY needed to; before either would sweep her away at her silent signal #//If Luc still wanted in like old times; Kae would be more than happy to let him back in on it #//It’d be far more justified in people’s eyes if the Uncrowned King stole her away from ppl than the Head Librarian & her Cavalry Captain #//Unless either/both of the latter two decided to declare intentions to court her/relationship; but whatever bfbfb #//Thinkings; thinkings; can you tell I LOVE my Mond big three trio

[aw-bean-s]

My friend came back from uni for a bit so we had lunch and she's been struggling a bit w body image and I was trying to be a supportive friend without telling her how many crisis I've had over her being hot

#Like. Issa problem. #Litcherally caught myself thinking 'she should date women bc she's like catnip to lesbians' #She's tanky and short and plays football and has sparkly dark brown eyes and she takes care of her hair so it's super soft and smells nice #She's just?? Stupid hot??? In like the carabiner on the belt loop kinda way but also in the oh my god her smile way #And ALSO in the 'I saw her wearing a dress one time and could not get over how good she looked' way #She also has all of these funky earrings to the point where she packed a 1kg bag of them for uni and that wasn't even all of them #She's going to major in astronomy (has to do engineering first) so she can point out constellations and tell you cool space facts #Literally like THINK of the observatory and/or stargazing dates potential??? #She can also COOK so so soooo well #This woman is a DREAM nd ppl were so mean to her in high school and all I have to say is that ladies need to take note okay #Typing this all out I realise makes me sound like I'm in love w her and. Yeah yknow what I got no comeback to that #I don't think I am but girl is a catch and so fucking hot and DOES NOT see it! Which sucks! I wish she could! #Because she is so cool and wonderful and amazing and it sucks that her self esteem has been affected by other people's bullshit! #But yeah anyway anybody want a girlfriend like I can set you up w my friend

[enslaughts]

regarding. . .          jacob black + obsessive compulsive disorder.

as you’d expect,  control is a big aspect of any werewolf’s personality. it’s borderline essential to most werewolf characteristics if one wants to interact cohesively with the rest of the world.     however,  jacob handles his own sudden,  un - anticipated lycanthropy with far less grace than most others he knows.     overnight,  jacob’s entire life is turned upon its head without his consent,   accompanied by the trauma of his first shift and what it means to be a werewolf at all,  the cushion to all of it is a man he’d been so suspicious of,  pulling friends and acquaintances bit by bit away from their previous lives until they’re no longer familiar.     it’s a lot,  on top of the everyday stresses that come with his life already,  as well as his more recent investment in helping bella cope with her own demons along the way.     his life is suddenly dangerous and unfamiliar in every place he needs it to feel safe and secure.     his actions themselves and even his own feelings are suddenly so untethered from the person he spent all his life becoming,  they barely feel like his anymore.

there are two main components to most anxiety disorders.  the given anxiety itself ;  specifically,  the initial process of something causing distressing,  persistent anxiety, and then often the resulting dysfunctional behaviors that reduce the anxiety. ocd itself can have noteworthy  ‘ types ’ :  cleaning and contamination,  symmetry and ordering,  forbidden or harmful thoughts and impulses,  and hoarding.     because jacob’s symptoms lie most in the ordering and thoughts / impulses category,  i will only be going over these two in this headcanon.

ordering  :  a big part of jacob’s anxiety is over control, moreover the lack of it.     the feeling that he does not belong to himself.     his thoughts and feelings are shared with an entire pack of other people when he’s a wolf.     his future partner is borderline, if not entirely guaranteed, to be someone he won’t get to choose,  but instead his brain will choose for him,  which in of itself isn’t nearly as terrifying as the prospect that he won’t even be able to choose for himself how he gets to feel about it,  that even his right to forming his own thoughts will be robbed of him.     shifting into a creature that’s just as powerful as it is deadly is something that can happen to him at the drop of a hat,  at any moment,  as long as his emotions behave even remotely in their own accord,  which, is how emotions tend to work.     

this is one of jacob’s obsessions,  and what helps to reduce this is to meticulously keep track of and control what he needs to believe is his.     naturally,  this means most of this meticulousness is reserved for his own things ;  his room,  his belongings,  his clothes,  his hair.     everything has to be a certain way now,  because in everything he does,  there's now a desperate need to keep hold of it,  a compensation to the thought that he's going to lose it all.     everything in his room and garage has it’s place,  deliberate and intentional to the point that if someone touches or grabs at one of his things,  even if it’s to simply look and set back down,  his anxiety spikes and he will one hundred percent hover,  escalating - ly irritable until he can personally return it to it’s rightful spot. another habit to reduce this feeling is being deliberate and habitual with his own body.     routines like morning jogs,  or the time in which he showers or wakes up,  are opportunities to own his own physical actions.     if outside any of specific routine of his,  counting his own steps is an accessible method to achieve the same sense of security within his own actions.     brushing or braiding his hair is also helpful and another reason why he doesn’t want it cut,  as well as the permeating desire to remain as himself as he was before he was a werewolf.

thoughts  and impulses  :  this one’s honestly the doozy of the two.     actions are worrisome and the impulse part of the two,  but the idea that his own thoughts aren’t his is foundationally distressing to his sense of autonomy.     with being part animal comes the instincts of one—   the instincts of a predator at that ;  to hunt,  to prioritize and optimize survival,  to respond to fear with violent self defense or complete concession,  to obtain security through physical feats.     most of these behaviors are a direct contrast to his personality before his first shift.     the person he thought he was and wanted to be was generous,  thoughtful,  nurturing,  warm, to fix things and to thrive,  to do things just because,  no personal survival or reward necessary,  no need to compete in the ongoing power struggle of nature.     that’s not to say wolves don’t participate in any of these qualities—   in fact,  jacob knows real wolves’ behaviors aren’t that black and white or brutal.     [ funnily enough,  this fear - fueled black and white thinking can be more alike to the animal instincts he’s desperately trying to avoid ]     it’s the anxiety of the shift itself being something he doesn’t get a say in,  that it’s completely at the whim of fickle,  moment to moment,  fluid and irrational emotions.     that anxiety only ever snowballs any stress he might already feel that could prompt a shift.     anger that would otherwise be fleeting becomes fear that his mind can’t stop obsessing over until he can soothe it somehow,  assure him that he is in control,  and that he won’t hurt anyone unless he himself decides to.

unfortunately,  one of the quickest and easiest ways to stop a shift is pain.     intense pain interrupts the self defense mechanism of shifting to prioritize the healing process instead.     if ever jacob feels like he’s genuinely on the verge of an unintentional shift,  the quick snap of an arm over his knee or clamp of the jaws into his hand is usually enough to short - circuit the process,  moreso if the shift has already come  and gone before he could stop it.     pain becomes soothing,  an act he feels the benefit of choosing,  as well as controlling a shift and ensuring that if someone is to suffer for his lack of control,  it will be him alone,  and it will be his decision. another far less damaging coping method is to just. . . ask someone for help.  this is rather simple,  but it requires far more patience and awareness than breaking his own bones,  as well as admitting out loud to others something he’s deemed a moral failing of his,  a personal defect.  even just asking someone to remind him who he was is can be grounding,  which is something he would have learned the moment bella responded to the voicing of his fear of losing himself with reassurance that he just wouldn’t,  that she’d be there to remind him,  whenever he needed,  that she simply wouldn’t let it happen.     that confidence in ones own ability is something he envies as well as hopes to believe in,  even if it’s childish,  even if it’s vicariously through whoever gives it, if he trusts them enough for it to mean something to him.     group activities that engage his sense of self before monsters existed offer a dual calm,  one instilled by doing the activity itself,  another by having someone else to verify and confirm his own behavior to him just by being there to respond to the familiar,  human jacob that always existed before he ever had a reason to question it.

a tragic irony is that when jacob is a wolf,  most of these anxieties evaporate immediately and get replaced with a simpler experience of reality.     instincts sharpen the world,  narrow it to focus,  refine actions and reactions to the present moment in which fear is much harder to conceive,  as fear by nature is based on theoretical what - ifs.     eventually,  a healthier way to experience his own lycanthropy would be to accept all aspects of himself,  both human and wolf,  but with the entire invasion of the supernatural into his life so fresh,  he’s desperate to cling to his own personhood,  which is very much steeped in the version of him that didn’t even know werewolves existed,  much less that he was one and what it means.

there’s no room to learn what kind of werewolf jacob black wants to be when he doesn’t feel like that’s something he ever got to choose,  or ever will.     and so,  it remains something to fear,  which means it remains something he cannot control.

#study. . .⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀𝙷𝙴𝙰𝙳𝙲𝙰𝙽𝙾𝙽⠀:⠀jacob black #have a two year old headcanon i guess! #cause i'm moving him over here god bless #i need to re - post his divergencies because i am very much anti s - meyer thank youu but #it's mostly the werewolf lore tbh #it's just regular ass lycanthropy like most werewolf media portrays and has NO link to the quileute tribe #jacob is very much quileute but his werewolfism is entirely separate and something that can happen to anybody were they #a.) bitten or b.) either of their parents were werewolves hereditarily or contractually #jacob inherited it from his mother who was born a werewolf from her own parents #i need to flesh it out more but her father was who she got it from who was Also born that way instead of being bitten #this is why jacob's transformation is a surprise to him as it's a recessive gene at that point and none of his siblings got it #a surprise to both him and his family since he's the youngest and his dad truly thought at that point the family gene died with his wife #ANYWAY....... may or may not remove him again cause i truly hate miss meyer lmao but #i've got too many mutuals w twilight muses i wanna play barbie w you.... #ask to tag // #self harm //

[oculusxcaro]

💎 DIAMOND - how rich are they? can they live the lifestyle they want to?

𝐎𝐂 𝐄𝐌𝐎𝐉𝐈 𝐀𝐒𝐊𝐒!

Khare is very much not a rich woman. She came to Gotham with quite literally only the clothes on her back and even those had been stolen. Since she's started work at Pauli's Diner, she's managed to squirrel away a little money between wages and tips, which is just enough to rent the shittiest apartment in Miagani Island. Her most extravagant possession is an old gameboy console picked up for just a few dollars at a nearby garage sale along with a game or two. It's not much but she's happy with what she's got and manages to maintain a living by delving through thrift stores for necessary purchases.

#anonymous #memes ;; oc asks #🌈 || headcanons #Thank you for this dear nonny! #Yeeeeah Khare is not rich at all LMAO #She's got a gameboy and some stickers #Her most recent game is Pokemon Crystal #When other people are now playing on Playstation 5 haha #She's fine with it though #Just means that the stuff she's into is quite cheap comparatively #She'd have to save for months to get anything modern and she'd rather not waste money if it can be helped #That money's to GTFO of town if anybody from her past comes knocking