#she'd kill herself I think

[shanastoryteller]

Happy Pride!!!! Living Blood or Lady Mo please!

a continuation of 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43

Xuanyu disrobes unashamedly, hesitating only at the last second with the sleeve covering her left arm.

Jiang Yanli laughs. “Bit late to be modest, I think.”

“Modesty is overrated,” she returns, which is something that Zixuan would say and A-Yao would think. She slips the rest of the robes off and steps into the steaming bath, letting out a deep sigh of satisfaction.

The changes her body has undergone are even more obvious without the thick layers of the robes obscuring her form. The extra weight seems to have settled in ideal places, not only thickening her waist and limbs but settling heavily along her hips and breasts, which hadn’t exactly been small to begin with.

She sits behind Xuanyu, filling a bowl with water and then pouring it over her hair to rinse it of blood and dirt that had been hidden by her dark hair. Acting as a bathing assistant is far below her station, but Xuanyu had sent all the servants away and she doesn’t mind, really. Xuanyu is her sister, likely the only one she’ll ever have considering A-Cheng’s track record with matchmakers, and she’s been worried about her. This gives them time to speak alone. “How has your marriage with Lan Wangji been? Has he been kind?”

Xuanyu pulls a face, which isn’t encouraging. “I guess. He mostly left me alone, and then we had a couple fights and he was a jerk, and now I think he’s trying to make up for being a jerk, but it’s a little – well, it’s nice that he’s making an effort. I suppose.”

Not as good as she’d hoped, but not as bad as she’d feared. “Sect Leader Lan seems fond of you.”

“Oh, Lan Xichen is great,” she says easily. Better than reaction to Lan Wangji, but still not what Jiang Yanli had been hoping for. Then her eyes light up. “Sizhui is wonderful! I’ll give Wangji one thing, he’s raised a good kid. He’s so sweet, and a great cultivator, and he’s always trying to help out everyone around him. I’m glad Jingyi’s always hanging around – without him, I think everyone would just take advantage of Sizhui’s good nature.”

Well, that’s something. Surely Lan Wangji can’t resist Xuanyu’s charms for long, not when she dotes on his son and gets along with his brother.

“What trouble did you get into on the road?” she asks, running her hand over the wound on Xuanyu’s shoulder. It looks nearly fully healed already and there’s another mostly healed wound on her hip, a thin slice on her left arm, and the shadow of various bruises that were likely much worse a couple hours ago. It’s of course a good thing that Xuanyu has a strong golden core, but Jiang Yanli can’t help a moment of wistfulness.

Her own core never lived up to her mother’s expectations, or her own. If she’d had a stronger core, she could have given A-Ling siblings. A child should have siblings. She would have had a calmer childhood without two little brothers underfoot, but a lonelier one too.

Xuanyu shrugs, lazily scrubbing herself down. “Looks like Xiao Xingchen picked up the girl, A-Qing, while he and Song Lan were separated and was trapped in this place that was basically a ghost town.” How could he be trapped by a place that had no people? “And I’d heard some rumors so when we ran into Song Lan I helped him find Xiao Xingchen, but there was a bit of a fight with someone who didn’t want him to leave. I just happened to get caught in the crossfire, so to speak.”

She’s stretching the truth to outright lying. Before Jiang Yanli can call her on it, her stomach growls.

“Didn’t get a chance to eat on the road?” she teases.

Xuanyu flushes, ducking briefly beneath the water to hide her flaming cheeks before resurfacing. “Things were a little hectic. It may have slipped my mind.”

How has she managed to put on weight while also forgetting to eat? Perhaps Lan Wangji deserves more credit.

“I think I have some candies in my room, if you want something before the banquet,” she offers. “I know the speeches take forever.”

Her eyes light up before dimming and she slumps in the bath. “Thanks, Yanli-jie, but I better not. Sizhui gave me some on the road and I usually love them but just putting it in my mouth almost made me sick. It was awful. And weird! They’re my favorite.”

Jiang Yanli blinks then gives Xuanyu’s significantly larger chest a considering look. It could be nothing. It’s probably nothing. She hasn’t even been married a year and it doesn’t sound as if she and Lan Wangji have been seeing eye to eye.

Then again, the same could have been said about her and Zixuan.

“Can I ask you something personal, Meimei?”

Xuanyu nods. “You can ask me anything, Yanli-jie.”

“Are you and Lan Wangji having sex?”

She turns bright red and ducks beneath the water for so long that Jiang Yanli is starting to get concerned before she resurfaces, still red faced. “Um. We did once. Well – I guess, technically, it was three times, but it was only one night.”

Well. Apparently Lan Wangji has stamina on and off the battlefield.

“One moment,” she says, briefly squeezing Xuanyu’s shoulder. “I’ll be right back.”

It takes one whispered conversation with the servant outside the hall and approximately ninety seconds before her personal healer is standing in front of her. Jiang Yanli ducks back inside to see Xuanyu out of the bath, in a thin bathing robe that’s clinging to her as she wrings her hair out. “I’d like my healer to take a look at you, Meimei.”

Xuanyu freezes, slowly standing straight with a wary look on her face. “That’s really not necessary. The wounds were just superficial and they’re basically healed already.”

“It’ll be quick,” she says, because if she’s right then she can’t let Xuanyu go down to the banquet without letting her know. “She’s very discreet – she’s been my personal healer since I was a child.”

“Jiang Xingyi?” Xuanyu asks, some of her tension draining away.

Jiang Yanli nods, trying to think of some reason that Xuanyu would know her healer’s name, or her reputation, but all the servants are terrible gossips and her health is a frequent topic of derision. “Just your wrist, okay? Your golden core has changed a lot. I just want her to take a look.”

She feels bad about lying, but Xuanyu had lied to her first.

Xuanyu relaxes even further. “Okay, Yanli-jie. If it’ll make you feel better.”

“Thank you,” she smiles, then opens the door to usher Jiang Xingyi in.

The old woman doesn’t smile, but Xuanyu grins back undeterred, and says, “Hi, Granny,” before paling and adding, “uh, um. Sorry.”

Jiang Yanli feels a familiar pang of grief go through her. A-Xian had referred to Jiang Xingyi as Granny, the only disciple both bold and beloved enough to get away with it.

Jiang Xingyi ignores her, instead reaching for her wrist and pressing her fingers against it. Xuanyu fidgets, shifting from one foot to the other, but says nothing as the moments stack on top of one another.

Finally, Jiang Xingyi drops her wrist and steps back. Her stern visage breaks, a smile stretching her mouth across her face. “Congratulations, Madame Lan.”

She knew it!

“Thanks,” Xuanyu answers before wrinkling her nose. “Um. For what?”

“You are expecting,” she answers. “At least a couple months along, I believe, although I’d have to do a more thorough examination to be sure.”

Jiang Yanli moves to embrace her, but Xuanyu’s face drops and she turns dangerously pale. “What? No. That’s not possible. I can’t be.”

“Three times,” Jiang Yanli reminds her, trying to goad Xuanyu into laughter.

But instead she just shakes her head. “No, no I can’t, I – this can’t be happening,” she whispers to herself, grabbing her own arms in a white knuckled grip. “It’s not. It’s impossible. I can’t be.”

She’s young, and this wasn’t a marriage of her own choosing, and it’s so new. Of course she’s surprised and nervous. Jiang Yanli touches her elbow, intending to say something soothing, but Xuanyu collapses into her arms, gripping her waist and hiding her tears in her shoulder.

“Xuanyu!” she says, hugging her back just as fiercely, her heart breaking for the younger girl’s anguish. “Meimei, it’s okay, I know this is scary, but it’s going to be fine.”

“It’s not,” she says, voice thick with tears, “A-jie, this is awful, this is – it can’t happen! It can’t, Wangji is going to be so mad, he’s going to hate me, and everything is ruined and awful, I can’t be – I can’t! I’m going to die!”

Jiang Yanli’s whole body goes cold and she grips Xuanyu even tighter against her. “You’re going to be fine,” she says, pushing her conviction into every syllable.

No matter what Jiang Yanli has to do, Xuanyu is going to be fine.

#oh wwx #our babygirl is going through it #dw everything is going to be fine #wwx is like i'm going to die before i can have this baby and kill lan zhan's baby and he's going to hate me forever #and jyl who obviously has no context for this hears that xuanyu thinks that lwj is going to kill her #which she'd think that lwj would never do but also she saw him during war and she's not the one married to him #and everyone knows he didn't want this marriage and also made a big thing about how sizhui's position won't be usurped #jyl to herself: do i have to kill lan wangji? #prompt answers #prompts are closed #asks #anon #untamed

[girl-drink-drunk]

rewatching the librarians and i think lamia should've gotten a redemption arc and joined the group as another guardian

#thanks to the loom of fate episode we know she is capable #and santa saw that she wanted to help people she was just going the wrong way about it #not to mention she had a great rapport with the librarians when she was and wasn't trying to kill them #the apple of discord episode is probably my favorite #'what is WITH this day???' lives in my mind rent-free #anyway lamia definitely deserved to survive being stabbed and then being welcomed into the library after proving herself #and becoming eve's partner #not to mention she'd probably get really into magic with cassandra and how awesome would a magic-wielding guardian be??? #please i just think it'd be cool 😭😭😭 #the librarians #lamia

[kurozu501]

the thing that really bothers me about the whole demon racism thing in Frieren is the extremely heavy handed flashback we get justifying Frieren's prejudice. its a whole ridiculous series of events that make no sense. Felt like some gross propaganda.

Lemme break it down real fast: in the past Frieren and her pals came to a town where a demon in the shape of a young girl attacked and killed a child. They defeated it in battle, but Himmel was hesitant to kill it because it looked like a kid and called out 'mother.' The village chief then comes in and says that killing the demon will make them just as bad as them, and that they should offer her a chance at redemption. Some time passes with the demon girl living with the chief and his daughter peacefully before suddenly one night she kills the chief. She presents the chief's unconscious daughter to the parents of the girl she killed saying she wanted to get them a replacement child. Himmel and Frieren kill her, Fireren explains that demons don't even have families so her calling out 'mother' was just a manipulation tactic. which the dying demon girl confirms is correct.

So,

2 things

Why the fuck did the chief come in saying they had to give the demon a chance when she'd already murdered someone? Why was everyone besides Frieren and the dead kids parents just cool with letting a child murderer get off scott free and walk around their town with no consequences? Generally we don't even let human child murderers do that, so its frankly bizarre. If you want to prove demons are fundamentally evil wouldn't it make more sense to start with a demon who hasn't yet committed any crime? Then the chief sticking up for it would feel logical. Whole thing makes no sense except to demonize (lol) the very concept of redemption. No you stupid fucking idiot you should have used extreme violence and murder every time always. its always justified, learn your lesson kids and if you see one of the Evil Races walking around remember its always ok to lynch them.

What the fuck is the demon child doing here? Her actions make no sense. Frieren says that demons are basically just intelligent predators, that they only use speech and social customs to manipulate humans and prey on them. So why on earth did the demon kid murder the chief while Himmel and squad were still in town? Why'd she have a weird fixation on getting the parents a new kid? Almost as if she was trying to make up for what she'd done to them in a twisted way, as if she felt bad? This seems to imply the opposite of what Frieren said. While watching i assumed what would happen is that Frieren would tell Himmel and the group that they should pretend to leave the village, then double back whereupon they'd find the demon going on a rampage again, since she would assume its now safe to do so with them gone. i assumed that because it would make sense. but nah. instead we get this really nonsensical series of events that clearly exists only to prove frieren's bigotry right. Demon girl is so ridiculous she literally uses her last words to be like "btw this lady who killed me was right you should never trust filthy demons like meeee." Give me a break.

#btw i do understand that the demon girl trying to 'get them a new daughter' was meant to show that she doesnt really understand human value #i do get that #its meant to show how inhuman and scary she is #but even something inhuman should have some logic and a drive to survive behind it #in what universe would anyone assume committing another murder while the ppl who nearly killed you are still here would work out well #if she's a predator wouldn't she be trying to find a way to prey on ppl without getting herself killed? #you'd think she'd kill the chief in secret at least and try to hide the body #not light his house on fire in front of everyone? #and again the whole 'get them a new daughter' thing. why would she fixate on that. why would she care #she already got off scott free for her crime. so why would she feel like trying to 'make amends' with the parents is even necessary #whole thing makes no sense when you think about it for more then a minute #frieren: beyond journey's end #criticism

[maddieandangel]

Had a weird Hollow Knight-related dream a couple days ago, so I decided to draw a major scene I remembered from it dgsgshf

More context will be in the tags, for those interested!

#hollow knight #little ghost #hk ghost #the knight #hk hornet #hornet #alright. as of writing these tags it's been a week since the original dream so! let's see what i remember dgsgsgf #i was playing a game. which was a sequel to hollow knight ((Not silksong though)) #there was some new sort of divine infection in hallownest and hornet had asked ghost to investigate it. they ended the last one after all! #the red glowy spike gate thingy is what you jumped into to enter the 'infected' areas #though it actually led directly to a hub world type of place. which was kinda like an expanded base for the grimm troupe? #more like an entire lair instead of a camp. also some greek gods were there for some reason lmao. they had their own special rooms too #so sidenote but- new headcanon that there are grimm troupe members named ares athena artemis &... venus lmao. not aphrodite for some reason #also monomon was there?? i think??? except she was cooking????? she had a sidequest to deliver something to someone though i dunno hdgfhdgh #i remember going back to the grimm troupe lair a couple times throughout my 'playthrough' #anyway. the 'infection' this time around was more of a glitchy physical corruption thing? rather than a mind corruption. #though there were still aggressive enemies to fight. but i remember getting a map from cornifer early on and he was. probably infected #i think part of his body was covered in electricity or something? so he wasn't fully visible? but he was still acting normally #there was also a moth who was the seer but then later wasn't the seer (but was still the same moth) dghgdhf. i delivered stuff to her #that glowing white wall thing in the drawing was like a one-way gate. you could only cross it from the other side and ghost came from there #i guess things looped back up somehow i dunno ghdgfhgf #anyway. ghost's red eyes. those are significant! those happened while i was walking through a corridor. it had pools of shallow water #(shallow enough to just walk through) and also creatures that were lightseeds but red.the implication was that they were full of Blood lmao #and as i went along killing them--as one does--as i walked through the hall. they started turning the water red too #there was also narration about this as it was happening ashdgsf. specifically the narrator said the water turned red before it actually did #ghost's eyes slowly turned red too. but aside from that they were fine! since. they're the player character and the player is perfectly fin #BUT. when they encountered hornet again. she thought they were infected. and that she lost the only family she had left </3 #she didn't attack though. instead she just jumped into the red spike gate without a word. decided to try to fix everything herself #but eventually you'd encounter her again down below and she'd fight you. didn't actually get to that in the dream though #aand i'm out of tags </3 i wanted to talk about what i'd do to make this make more sense as an au or something now that i'm awake but. :c

[mxdotpng]

i genuinely dont know how tales of the abyss did what it did because ive never had a game hurt me so much with like sixteen separate character relationships. all at once.

#.text #tales of the abyss #besides the fact ive (obviously) been thinking abt jade and luke #ive also been thinking about tear and asch. and how im disappointed they only speak like once to each other #because they. are like. so insanely similar it is. surprising to me they dont meet. #but tear in general is so underused. like. #tear. she doesnt want to kill her brother but she must. he is everything to her. but she knows her duty. #she is calm and collected on the outside even as she breaks on the inside. she is a soldier. she doesnt let her emotions #dictate her actions or her words. and she is kind. #and then. like. asch. he wants to kill his replica but he knows that he cant. his emotions get the better of him to the point that #he disregards everything about luke and paints him as the enemy. for as responsible and mature he is all of that #disappears the second luke is involved-- because his emotions control him. he wants to be kind but i dont think he knows how anymore. #i dont think they would get along but there would be an understanding between them. #with tear. understanding means kindness. if she sees herself in others or understands them completely. she becomes. so kind. #its almost shocking to see that side of her one moment and the stone cold soldier the next. #its a matter of what she allows herself to be #but i think with asch she'd become the opposite. because she sees too much of herself in him - unlike luke it is not #the good things. nor is it the things they could bond about. it is the fact that asch wants to kill the only person in the world #who is not responsible for what happened to them. and probably the only person in the world who could truly understand asch. #like i know tear says she believes some things must be done. including killing family. but i dont think she truly. truly believes that. #she is in anguish over having to kill her brother. so i think her seeing asch completely disregard and even attack luke at times #when it ISNT necessary. like it is with van. she would not be kind to him. #which is like. asch is really only Neutral at times - even with luke he sometimes cant keep telling himself everything is lukes fault. #besides being defensive. i think thats really the only thing he could be around that type of tear. #like a. 'you dont know anything.' type of deal. a quiet anger. not the loud stuff he shoves at luke or van #they are fascinating to me. #how would they act in my twinswap au................. #i wonder...

[returne]

three baby werewolves walk into a bar (only one walks back out)

These Violent Delights, Micah Nemerever / Cassandra: A Novel and Four Essays, Christa Wolf

#boyd&erica&isaac. #the way there's not a single shot of the three of them without derek being there too.... jeff i'll fight you #anyway... They<3</3<3 #i think about freshly back from the brink of death erica. adjusting to being a new fucked up kind of omega #her bones don't fit right. her claws feel sharper. her teeth more blunt. something is /wrong/ with her wolf #but she recognises that she's effectively been given an out. so she takes advantage of it. lets ppl believe she's dead #it hurts her to think that isaac might be out there mourning her but she's also too scared to see him again :D #she feels bad! she got bo/yd killed! got herself almost killed too! and isaac was right to join scott at the end of the day #and she knows that now but she still doesn't want to admit it! her first instinct is always gna be to run baby!!! (rip) #thank god she has allison (and baby britney<3 hiss hiss). she'd be so much more miserable otherwise.

[dont-offend-the-bees]

Quirky representations of dementia should go die actually

#pardon me my friends i know I'm in a Good Mood today and will probably continue to be once I've taken some time to be mad/sad #but god the other night our ex-neighbour was obvs trying to comfort me #by talking bout a lady with dementia she knew who was onviously sick but in her mind she went out and did things and danced #and i was at the dinner table with my own sick lady #and therefore could not say honey. good for her i guess. #but my mum is almost aggressively trapped in her here and now #she doesn't know how to exist without us #her safe person is the husband her marriage was failing with #if we go out for five minute she panics and scratches at the door #she is sad and confused 95% of the time #content and confused the other 5% #and i can barely even visualise her as my mum anymore #because the mum who raised me would've killed herself if she knew this was coming #(like she used to tell me that. frequently tell her small child she'd rather kill herself than be unable to look after herself) #(which had a very normal impact on me I'm sure) #anyway. I'm a huge hypocrite and will still go and listen to marbles by the amazing devil and think it's the loveliest most romantic thing #and maybe some people do get lucky and find some joy in their minds when they have nothing else #but i have to just watch her brain fester and decay every day and there's just nothing quirky or beautiful about it #and all i can think is about how there's those mums who don't like raising small kids but enjoy parenthood when the kids are grown #and how that was supposed to be her #for a little while it was her #for a brief window of a couple of years she and i were each others best friend #and now she's this sad scared anxious thing shaped like my mum #who doesn't trust me as much as the man she was maybe a year or two out from leaving #and she's trapped in her brain and swiftly rotting #and it's just not cute and it's not funny #anyway #it is what it is #mr. bees speaks

[nozomijoestar]

Took me a while to realize but I can see similarities in how Asuka seems to process grief and how Guts from Berserk also processed his grief after the Eclipse. They both get so overwhelmed by the wrong that happened to them (father's hospitalization vs the Eclipse and a lifetime of misery) their reaction isn't to seek comfort in others or help/protect their loved one who needs them after the tragedy, it's to go off and inflict their pain on others to self soothe, as if that'll release the feeling from their minds.

The difference is that Guts was called out for this by Rickert and Godo. He needed to snap out of wanting to prioritize ridding his own pain to remember Casca needed him, and that Casca even in the state she was in was all the good in his life who went through the same experience with him. Guts had to remember he loves Casca more than he wants to self destruct. Like Godo told him he was a sword called fear with cracks in it. He feared sitting with his pain and grief and seeing it on the person he loved after so much violation. He feared vulnerability.

Asuka doesn't do this reevaluatation and has no one to call her out for her self destructive coping canonically. She can't sit with anything bad or face looking at it on a loved one either. That's too bad and helpless of a feeling. She's just as much made of fear (primarily from any helplessness as much as violations of her inner ethics) which fuels her anger, but her one personal attachment to her father who needs her isn't enough to make her want to reevaluate what she does at all. Instead his tragedy is the permission she needs to self destruct and destroy in the process, not like Guts who always told himself everything was for Casca and the fallen Hawks, who always reminded himself of the pain to justify the bloodletting.

Unlike Guts I think she'd be stubborn even accepting to listen to someone pointing her behavior out. Though her anger toward Feng did start out carrying a reminder this vengeance is for Dad even if it kills her in 5, even in 5's branching narratives that excuse falls apart when she continues in the tournament for her own pleasure during her route. The moment vengeance is achieved critically injured Dad is out of her mind. Her behavior during 6 repeats this process, preferring to hurt herself and others rather than sit to process a shitty feeling over her and the world's situation. Like Guts in this state she pushes away anyone and everyone else including any comforts because the anger isn't resolved, the fear isn't resolved, the pain isn't resolved.

They're both used to everyone being against them and having to fight for survival until they found joy in it as a side effect. And because of that independence born from isolation when something like the tragedies that happened takes place they put resolving their pain not on sharing with others but into scorching the earth along with themselves.

I don't say this either to imply they're exactly alike or that they have enough similarities to make a true character comparison because they absolutely don't. There's also some stuff I'm leaving out simply because Guts is a far more complex character in ways where there's nothing from Asuka to compare against (I would say Kazuya is the closest, more fitting Tekken comparison for substituting Guts vs Asuka style notes). I just find it interesting that even across wildly different stories the outline for an angry, self destructive, terrified person who thinks self destruction makes them strong and puts them in control uses a lot of the same foundation. And the contrast in their depths really shows how far you can push the concept depending on what you want or need for the character.

#tekken #berserk #I've haven't slept in six hours #asuka kazama #do i still think she'd pull a fighting 100 men for their lover type situation- MAYBE tbh #you could give her one technically but you'd have to really stretch her denial of seeing her violent behavior as ever being wrong #and that risks losing the scope of the character and the stakes level she represents #like i don't think she surpresses her pain into an other self at all she's very clear she's just reactionary so the brooding guilt #you need to have a BoD doesn't really apply at all she's not remorseful and ruminating on fighting in that sense at all whereas Guts guilts #Asuka hits you and moves on with her day because that should teach you; Guts is a whole storm of emotions and moral pulls even when numb #BoD is more a Jin thing but i still prefer Guts and not bc he did it first im sorry Jin jfjdhss #*you could give Asuka a BoD- idk why that tag is missing after the 100 men comment #anyway bitches who embody the sin of wrath #Asuka is about the childish joy and childish impulse we feel hurting others versus Guts being a study on why we hurt ppl bc we hurt too #*BoD is beast of darkness of course #also obviously there are lines Asuka will NEVER cross even in anger that Guts had no problem violating as Black Swordsman #so how does Asuka process grief...SHE DOESN'T LOL #she'd rather kill herself or dismiss feeling hurt than so much as cry

[swordtit]

hm.. this song has got me thinking of what it would take to make jordan strike ortega down.

#speaking #hm hm hmmmm #shit would have to go spectacularly sideways #if backed into a corner and it was killing him or going back to the farm #she would go back #if its a situation where its save herself vs him. she'll choose him #but if there was. say. a betrayal? #then things get interesting #she'd break him #i dont think itd even be that complicated #she'd fly into such a miserable. agonized rage and she would tear him apart

[duckuwu]

has anyone talked about the whole yin/yang thing imogen and laudna have going on? imogen's physically bright and light (hair and clothes) where laudna is dark and scary. but personality wise laudna is more light and friendly to (nearly) everyone she meets, generally positive minded / looking for a bright side of things. meanwhile imogen is wary and cautious, a bit intimidating, and definitely prone to being quiet when meeting new people (assessing the situation / figuring out if the person could be trusted or not).

they don't just tether each other, they balance each other.

obviously it kept them alive when they were on their own, but I wonder if they fell into place like two puzzle pieces when they met. just like 'oh, you're meant to help me through all this'

so, like, when they were separated, they weren't out of sorts just because their tether, nor their love, was gone and they didn't know if the other was alive. they'd lost their balance, their sense of true north was suddenly gone...and it was so much worse than what it was like before they'd ever met.

#and then theres something about imogen's desperation at trying to get into contact with laudna during that separation #how she kept trying. forced herself to continue to have hope that laidna was alive. that theyd find each other again #how lucky it was that imogen was surrounded by the silly party members who were chaotic and distracting #because we know imogen pre laudna was in a very dark place mentally. laura hasnt shied away from hinting at that. #(laura really is going hard on the queer kid from a small town metaphor and its oof but fantastic) #and Laudna... is immediately confronted by a town taken over by Righteous People who Dont Care about the town they've disrupted/desecrated #the briarwoods parallel is obvious. and yet she still goes along with trying to be nice #but of course laudna's part of the separation required killing. falling back on her survival instincts. #she'd lost the one person who could balance her out. she'd be damned if she'd allow any harm come to her new family too. #goddess this is a ramble #but i wish we could see the session zero for this campaign ESPECIALLY for marisha and laura coming up with these two #I'll forever have a brainrot about if the yin and yang was on purpose #anyway still stuck here in this endless cycle of thinking about campaign three i guess lol #cr duck thoughts

[juriyuna]

Knowing that the reason why Ao couldn't bring herself to kill the Bat or Ranka- even when she said she wanted to kill them, and had the opportunity to do so- is because she didn't want to take away their futures is so...... man.

She saw these girls torture or kill other magical girls, and frequently suffered at their hands herself, but despite all of that, she still believed they had a life ahead of them. The thought of robbing them of their chance at a better tomorrow scared her more than what they put her through.

Ao is too sweet for her own good. :(

#back before ranka apologized ao saw her as just as bad as the bat #but she forgave ranka when ranka said she was sorry for everything she'd done #honestly i think ao would've forgiven the bat if she'd apologized too #of course it's not all gonna be water under the bridge (haha 門前橋) but she's willing to start over #just. the thought that ao looked at these girls who regularly abused her #who killed her friends right in front of her #who robbed weaker magical girls for grief seeds during a witch drought #and still saw enough hope in them that she couldn't bring herself to take that away #auuughfhgfjfjf #baby... ;; #magia record #kasane ao #also this really goes to show how badly accidentally killing ryou broke her

[orchideae]

Uncle Tian. The importance that is Uncle Tian. ... With a "cameo" of Yelan in the second half, exactly at 1:00, which is incredibly so very important if you really want to get a proper glimpse into her 'professionally'.

#[ important. important. important. ] #[ he's /so/ important. ] #[ he has so many lines that i'm gonna actually end up replacing numerous of yelan's current tags with because they... ] #[ embody her more than i realized. ] #[ he's such a peaceful man and she's quite a peaceful woman at the heart of herself-- but ruthless in what she does. ] #[ not a 'killing machine' by the way; not by any means. but the thing is; when you look at her-- you might THINK that she is. ] #[ she plays that line so incredibly well and while i'm not one to draw correlations-- ] #[ it really does make me think back to for example wriothesley during the final confrontation in his sq. ] #[ despite his history-- we don't know him as a 'mean' or 'bad' man. but in that moment; you don't know what he wants to do-- ] #[ to dougier. ] #[ and while yelan is different-- it's this reality of; she's explaining zhiyi the risks of essentially playing from both sides. ] #[ but then offers him a deal that either forces him to betray the other side. or at /least/ work with both. ] #[ which is exactly what she warned him against a moment prior. it's insanely dangerous for him; but she doesn't flinch. ] #[ if he gets hurt; from this scene alone-- you don't know whether she'd care or whether the outcome/reward would be worth it. ] #[ but also; every time uncle tian speaks and it's not often; his lines just play so well into how she operates. ] #[ that almost intimidating patience; the ability to just wait. and wait. it's literally like-- god. what video is it in; hold on. ] #[ “a spider doesn't need to be in the center of the web to feel the slightest vibration from each thread.” ] #[ /shakes everyone on the dashboard. ] #[ i hate that my two biggest muses have spider imagery but way differently so. well-- kind of. ] #[ but /this/ level of patience? oof. that's yelan. ] #[ but also-- 0:35. that ost. this version of the ost. help me. save me. ] #[ also yELAN WHAT DID YOU WHISPER TO HIM BY THE END. U G H. ] #[ ooc. ] don't try to make it logical or edit your soul according to the fashion. rather; follow your most intense obsessions mercilessly.

[nobodieshero-main]

i'm actually still not quite over the fact that oveta and korahi's stories continuously overlap until they finally cross paths in that market. that they don't even say anything to each other, they just smile from their different stalls. oveta rolls her eyes bc kova is being ridiculous and korahi bites her lip so she doesn't laugh and it's so simple, so peaceful, so fucking mundane. they have no idea who the they are to each other. oveta, the girl who killed the queen that destroyed korahi's people, her family. proof that someone tried to fight for them. korahi, the very creature that oveta was almost executed for defending, the push that became a shove to build her own kingdom and write her own laws. proof that nakia failed. but for just that moment, that blip of time, they were just two girls sharing a silent joke, and everything was okay.

#if i think about the splintering too long i start turning into a soup #if i've written a post like this before i dont even care!!! they make me insane!!! #and look i know oveta's whole thing is that she's trying to win back the gods favour; that she didn't act until after the punishment landed #but she was 8 or 9 when the killing started. there wasn't much she COULD do at the time when action was the most crucial #she'd just lost her friend (ariad) and didn't 100% understand what was going on and by the time she did it was too late #and suddenly SHE'S being punished by the gods?? she's lost a core part of herself due to the selfishness of her elders?? #so of course that's what makes her snap but still she; even at 14; was the only one with the spine to stand up and say it was fucked up #she killed nakia so she could become queen and re-write their traditions. make sure something like that never happened again #actually fun fact: despite their status of 'extinct' dragons are a protected species in miednic (rip mattie if only you knew) #because oveta REFUSED to let it happen again - and even if it was soley in the name of keeping vietua's affection #it still makes her the only person who fought /for/ the dragons and their lives #and the fact that she is Right There next to Korahi; the Last Dragon. and neither of them know. #the splintering #nh: the splintering #oveta #korahi

[deathdxnces]

"I've never killed a person... just a lot of Noxians."

in-game quotes can’t be taken literally etc, but I think this one is pretty spot on in how irelia sees noxians in general. they are never people she has irreconcilable differences with; they’re not people period. it’s very different from her stance on other enemies, such as the shadow order or the navori brotherhood. 

not seeing noxians as people is a mix of rage/resent and a coping mechanism after having to fight and kill them when she was really young (and coming from a background that preached non-violence in any situation, as well). she hates them enough that seeing them as something other than people comes easy, and seeing them like that makes it easier to fight and kill without (as much) guilt. dehumanization isnt uncommon in soldiers, and it definitely plays a part on why she doesn't feel the same grief towards the noxians she killed and the ionians, even if none of them were innocents.

when it comes to the enemies she has to face in her own homeland, from her own people, the situation is very different.  stains on a name shows her facing an ionian enemy who wants to kill her, but she talks to him first, apologizes for disappointing, and only really uses her blades when it’s clear the man would die before being captured. 

and in this case, she can’t stop seeing them as people. she doesn’t hate the navori brotherhood even after they try to have her killed, regardless of their differences. which is also why killing ionians, even in self-defense, is something that weighs a lot heavier on her. they are people, and they are her people, even if they tried to take her life. she feels very guilty for killing them, even in self defense — her hands are permanently stained with their blood, and it’s something she doesn’t think there’s absolution from.

facing her people, even the more... villainous of them, is never really something she enjoys. still, looking at fighting and killing in general, i think part of why she feels so bad about it is precisely because she doesn't hate it as much as she should, when she outright enjoys ending noxians. because it's one thing to be incapable of just sitting and watching and following a non-violent philosophy while people destroy what’s important to you, and something else to actually rejoice in killing them. part of her will always feel guilty for leaving the beliefs of her family and the tradition of her people behind (and feel all the worse for the fact she doesn't hate her path as much as she thinks she should).

#irelia understands the necessity of fighting back and values those who did #she'd be the first to take up arms again in a new invasion #and i think in part? yeah she doesn't like violence she hates killing #except when she doesnt. except when getting revenge felt good actually even if it didn't bring her family back #and i think she hates herself for that a little. she feels very guilty. that isn't at all in line with what she was taught to believe #and that she hates noxus in turn because she blames it (the nation the people the army the entity) for forcing her to become this #her family is dead but she continues to internalize what she thinks they would have thought of her in a very punishing way #she can't be what they would have wanted her to be and it breaks her heart but she can't turn her back on what she feels she has to do #anyway #love the twisted mirror-ness of it in this contradiction between what she is and what ionia's traditions would dictate #and the fact noxian values would have set her free of that angst (she'd never ever embrace them tho) #this is really just a rant idk where this is going bye #» out of character — ⌜main sup irl.⌟ #» character study — ⌜both the tranquil sea and the tempest.⌟

[shrikebait]

rip to abigail you would've loved kpop

#ooc tbt. #abby clinging by her nails to the hinges of sanity and collecting little cards of men #a lesbian needs her emotional support kpop idol #(it's yeosang from ateez and scoups from svt) #no but i do genuinely think she'd love it because like #it's a silly little thing that she can find Comfort in and distance herself from the harsh slap of reality that is her Entire life #it's easier to watch 8 grown men act cute for a paycheck then to be brutally reminded #that she is a on a ticking time clock to the day her father kills her and that she has not only been privy to ALL of it #but that she has PARTICIPATED in all of it as well #it's easier to listen to loud ass noise music than to be consumed by a guilt that consumes her all the way down to her marrow

[doctorweebmd]

hey you ever think that, since kyouka's parents were both assassins, even if they survived she still would have ended up a killer?

#much to think about.... #i'm writing the next chapter of tptp and a conversation between atsushi and kyouka is making me wonder... #its interesting that she hates herself so much when she doesn't actually seem to dislike other killers #is it because its demon snow specifically? is it because she's not able to control it so it wasn't of her own free will? #she doesn't seem like the type to hold on to bitterness so i honestly dont know how she'd react to atsushi having feelings for akutagawa #for her it seems like the most important thing is protecting him from the darkness. letting him live in the light. #so from that viewpoint akutagawa continuing to be in the mafia might be a deal-breaker for her approval. #even if he doesn't necessarily kill anymore.