#shes such a fucking hypocrite but i cant say that bc then ill be the villain so i just have to be graceful about ot
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people often assume when we all go out together that I'm my half brothers mom (I'm 20 years older than him) & that his parents are his grandparents & it's so funny bc I know it bothers them. old ass idiots
#my dad was 49 & his wife was 45 when they had him#the story behind his birth is actually extremely fucked up like everything else about their relationship#so my dad left her like a million times to try to go back to my mom (who kept telling him no unless he sorted out his issues) then he#would always run right back to her & she always took him back. anyways i guess he said smth along the lines of#''my wife (he was still married to my mom) will always be the love of my life bc shes the mother of my kids''#and...she went off bc & on fertility treatments without telling him. then shes pregnant & he is still saying he wants to come back to us#so she said he will never see their kid & her son from a previous marraige THREATENED MY DAD AT GUNPOINT#and said if you ever leave my mom again ill fucking kill yoi#so then the divorce was finalized & they got married & my half brother was born. rest is history#for the record i dont feel sorry for my dad at all it was his fault too. the fucking hypocrite was having sex before marriage#and he knew she was nuts & far too attached to her#what a fucking idiot. all he had to do was get on meds & in therapy & admit he was wrong & he could have stayed with us#but he needed constant validation & to be in charge of everything & thats what his new wife gives him. she converted to his cult & now they#raise my brother in it. and she just does whatever my dad wants & lets him treat her like shit. i would actually feel sorry for her if sh#if she werent such a fucking awful person. and she tries to be all nicey nice w/us despite being a literal homewrecker.#and doing things like telling my dad he cant spend more than 50 dollars per year on each of us#while having him buy her a third car & a 1500 dollar fur coat. lol#theyre so much better off financially than us that its unreal. my mom doesnt get a penny despite how much we are struggling#but if i want a relationship with my half brother i just have to pretend none of this is weird or wrong.#anyways i just hope he never finds out the circumstances of his birth bc god can you fucking imagine
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3 Effitibe methods to calm down :
1. Pet the kity
2. Hear the kity purr<3333
3. Watch the kity smile reallyyyyyyyy wide :D
#so um. real quick warning for vent in the tags#istg if one more person says im overreacting to FUCKING PAIN !! i.m killinh them with my comedically large hammer#and its like. im in my own fucking house !!!!!! im not hurting/bothering anyone !!!! shut the fuck up !!!!!#god. stupid omnipresent headache is coming back again.#cant stand how hypocritical mothercore is sometimes.. hates on one of my friends for having trauma and yet atp shes the whole reason i#have anxiety. reluctant to call it trauma bc i dont think its. thay bad. but i also wouldnt be surprised if it is trauma.#uggh . not gonna be able to sleep now cuz i feel terrible.. guess ill go. do something else. actually i should do a few things i still need#to do. should take my mind off of mothercores terrrrrrible opinions.
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GM CYNO
what if i told you every single question in the ask game should be answered, that or WHO IS THE SEXUEST PERSIN THAT COMES TO MIND IMMEDIATELY
GOOD MORNING HI HI. BET. im gonna do all of them you bet i wont but i will. youre the best for this btw
IMMEDIATELY? PFFFF HOW LONG DO U HAVE LET ME GET MY LIST
0. height
i yam 5 foot 6 (and a half)
1. virgin?
what the fuck did you just call me? /lhj
anyways in my head yes i am and thats what matters isnt it
2. shoe size
i wear 11s and god i wish that thing people say about shoe size was true 🤙
3 + 4 + 5. do you smoke/drink/do drugs
no and i never plan to <33
6. age you get mistaken for
i.. honestly have no answer to this tbh
7 + 8. do you have (and/or want) any tattoos?
i don't have any, i'd like one/some but i'm not really sure what i'd get
9 + 10. do you have/want any piercings
no to both PFFFF i think like... a clip on lip piercing would probably be my personal limit
11. best friend
...ego stroker much, tumblr user wangshu? /t PFFFFF
12. relationship status
harem with fake 2d men single. yeah uh. single
13. biggest turn ons
tbh... i cant think of any off the top of my head that aren't painfully obvious
14. biggest turn offs
ducklips iykyk
15. favorite movie
i'm not kidding when i say step brothers. but if you want a more respectable answer, nightmare before christmas
16. i'll love you if
you aren't an asshole??? i mean ik it's hypocritical of me to say but cmon
17. someone you miss
i've lost a lot of family over the years so probably someone there tbh
18. most traumatic experience
when my ex lived with me and i wish i was joking it was that fucking bad
19. A fact about your personality
which one /hj
i do think.. i overcompensate a lot by trying to be funny bc i dont feel like i HAVE a personality so there's that about me
20. What i hate most about myself
mm thats a toughie it could be the appearance or the voice or the attachment issues or the codependency issues or the jealousy issues or the mood swings or the weak immune system or the several mental illnesses or holy shit this is turning into a pity party
21. what i love most about myself
im an alright writer i guess? and id like to think i'm a good friend
22. what i want to be when i get older
i just wanna write man idc what
23. my relationship with my sibling(s)
i have 0 of them
24. my relationship with my parents
my moms cool but the less said about my dad the better
25. my idea of the perfect date
literally just staying in and watching a movie with snacks and stuff... honestly never thought about it much
26. My biggest pet peeves
UM UM um people who think the world revolves around them people who don't know the difference between their there and they're um people who Unironically Capitalize Every Word Like This oh i could go on
27. a description of the person i like
big hat dumb bowlcut open kimono /j
28. description of the person i dislike the most
um literally jusr my dad so. narcissistic explosive annoying abusive etc etc
29. A reason i've lied to a friend
only time i'm lyin is when i say tiggy ain't best boy 💯
30. what i hate most about work/school
it kinda semi interferes w my night owl ways but otherwise i'm chill
31. what your last text message says
gonna use actual texts cause using disc is too easy 👹 it was just me asking my mom if she wanted a drink from mcdonalds from last sunday
32. what words upset me the most
does this mean like. just words you hate or a phrase/sentence that upsets u...
uh i'll do it both ways. the word bussin makes me want to fall down an abyss a la childe ajax tartaglia
and uh. i hate being told i don't do enough, specifically by people who don't do jack shit in the first place. AGAIN iykyk
33. what words make me feel best abt myself
oh it was the second thing. honestly don't hve an answer to this but i just hold onto any compliment i get for actual years so there's that about me
34. what i find attractive in women
eyes its eyes
35. what i find attractive in men
sense of humor tbh
36. where i would like to live
somewhere close to a big city so that it isn't massively crowded and loud and overwhelming all the time but i'm close enough to stores and hospitals and all that stuff
37. One of my insecurities
i feel like this has already been asked in like 6 different ways.. prolly my body tho
38. my childhood career choice
honestly i've.. always been kinda laughably indecisive about this type of thing. i never wanted to be like, an astronaut or fireman or any of the cliche stuff that kids talk about i.. don't think i ever thought of it actually
39. my favorite ice cream flavor
cookies n cream 👹 specifically like a cookies n cream cheesecake blizzard from like dq or culvers.. that shit is unmatched
40. Who i wish i could be
a mentally stable person or cyno genshin (real)
41. where i want to be right now
in bed <///3
42. the last thing i ate
leftover pizza <3
43. SEXIEST PERSON THAT COMES TO MIND IMMEDIATELY
TIGHNARI FINAL ANSWRR I DONT PERCEIVE REAL PEOPLE
44. a random fact about anything
all odd numbers contain the letter E
GOLLY THIS WAS SO FUN.
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everytime the fandom tries to turn bruce attempting to help j/oker into b/atj/okes i die a little more inside
#s t o p#out.#’he didnt kill his kid in this universe!’ funny yall use that excuse and then bitch abt all js other ships that can use the same fucking#argument. Have the same energy or dont have it at all#brina tries not to judge ships she really does but sometimes its just h a r d#like trying to find things frm one of ur fav animated films to reblog but evERYTHING IS TAGGED AS B/ATJ/OKES#nO#guess ill have to make it myself#when im not nauseous as all hell literally fuck chickenpox#i dont have an immune system so while i was vaccinated for it so itll hopefully be lesser#i just erased half of my bitching idk what was left off#i kno ppl say im hypocritical too bc i dont guve as much of a fuck abt like jnh as i do b/atjokes but#one is romanticized to high heaven when its a lot worse than the one where in most universes theyre on equal footing#and the ppl who hate the other also love a diff abusive ship on two counts so no im gonna be more annoyed abt it#esp when its shoved down my throat 24/7 and esp now that they could be brothers#like the shittiness pf#it before that was already there but now its worse than any of the others and you cant change my mind#why ship b/atj/okes when superbat is right there
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ok saw asks!!! bcuz i have Amanda on th brain rn i wd like ur take on her interacting w Lawrence? personally idk how much she knew of his involvement bc she implies in 3 tht Lynn was entirely John's choice, but i also think th idea of her Knowing + deliberately not telling Hoffman is extremely funny. Hoffman cant come 2 th weekly disciple meeting bcuz hes got Cop Business so he misses Lawrence's introduction + Amanda is just like "sure John of course ill tell Mark that we got a new friend :)" and just never does. LOVE that thought
dhgsdkj thank u!!
it Is extremely funny 2 think that she just. knows but refuses to tell Hoffman + THAT'S why Hoffman doesn't know who Lawrence is until he jabs him w the needle + takes off the pig mask lmao omg. just like "oh yeah of course I'll tell Mark we have a new teammate don't worry abt it!" and she Never Does dkjkdsg??
okay but 2 Seriously answer yr question. when I think abt it I always think that like. it wld b pretty hard fr John 2 keep them frm each other given how integral Lawrence's participation is in every game from SAW II onward? 'cause like we know Amanda helps w the kidnapping process + placing them in their traps, which one CLD argue would only mean she wld see them after Lawrence would do his thing but. I feel like she'd be vaguely aware? bc she wld also then have 2 know that he survived his game, given that she helped set it up - we know that she'd AT LEAST know his name.
to elaborate on th idea that only HOFFMAN doesn't know (both bc it's fucking hilarious + actually how I view things happening jdkhfksd), I feel like Amanda + Lawrence's interactions wld be rather limited. in canon, Lawrence becomes a disciple after John "rehabilitates" him or whtever he wants 2 call it, but I feel he'd have to be aware of Amanda, too - both that she is also a disciple + SHE'S th one who helped get him in the bathroom in th first place. as grateful as Lawrence seems to feel toward John + as much as he believes in John's "work," I feel like that wld be smth he'd have to work thru: working side by side w someone who had a direct hand in basically destroying yr life as u knew it. n I feel like Amanda wld know that, n as such she'd want to keep her distance bc she can't predict how this man will act/what he will do, even if he is technically on her side. so like. things wld def be tense btwn them until Lawrence has had some time 2 process his new life + what tht means for him, and until the two of them can have some sort of talk/acknowledgement of that.
though I will say that their roles kind of imply they'd at least see a good bit of each other. Amanda scouts, in a way, helps subdue & bring ppl in, which wld then be brought to Lawrence fr any medical procedures they feel r needed (such as sewing th key behind Michael's eye in II) so it'd definitely be like a "hey did u bring some1?" sort of thing. Mark is muscle of course so like I know he def helped on tht end (I believe Amanda is th one who caught Lawrence in the parking garage but like it wld be SO much funnier if Hoffman was the one crawling around) but IDK if he rly Saw Lawrence bc. Cop Business. so he'd just kinda b like "here u go" n bring ppl to Amanda n then peace out 'cause he's gotta keep tht reputation of Respected Detective. we know he also might've messed w traps themselves as well (like The Rack in III), which wld definitely keep him separate from Lawrence bc Lawrence had No Involvement in designing/setting up traps. tht was strictly a John/Hoffman/Amanda endeavour.
as fr how they'd feel abt each other? it's really dependent on how u view thm as characters. Lawrence, after he becomes a disciple, believes that what John is doing is truly helpful and truly has the capability to change lives; he devotes himself 2 it, shows countless times tht he has complete faith in John + his methods, so much so that John left a tape fr him telling him to look after Jill + to act on his behalf if smth were to happen to her. he calls Lawrence his greatest asset. his trust in John + the Jigsaw legacy is unwavering.
Amanda, however, has been shown several times to act directly against John's beliefs, such as constructing inescapable traps (Kerry) or rigging others' games (Adam). th breakdown she has in III I think showcases the disconnect between her love fr John as a mentor/father figure, and the realization that not only is John entirely hypocritical and doesn't stay true to his own beliefs half th time, he truly has shown no regard fr her safety + has only been using her to further the agenda that was built upon a fragile foundation 2 begin with. u've mentioned this b4 too but John always liked 2 say that if u can anticipate the human mind, then nothing is up 2 chance - which wld mean that he KNEW Xavier might throw Amanda into the Needle Pit to get out of it. he KNEW Daniel was just a fucking kid and was perfectly fine w putting him in very real danger to get back at some1 he felt like needling fr the express purpose of provocation and nothing else. he KNEW Laura, a woman she'd formed a bond w and pretty much swore to protect th minute she woke up and saw her crying in the corner, could begin to seize n choke on her own vomit and die in that house. he knew all of those things, ENCOURAGED the belief that smth was wrong w her because she wasn't "fixed" as he had claimed, and it's so unfortunate that she doesn't realize that sooner (I fully agree that she deserved to lose her shit completely on John. it's what he deserved! it's what SHE deserved!!!) but she still Does before she dies (which, again, I Don't think should've happened. she didn't deserve 2 go out like tht + she deserved so much more of her story being told).
so there's the conflict of beliefs between thm. I think Amanda definitely starts out like Lawrence does, completely devoted + believing every word John says, but thru II we can see that certainty begin to falter n her faith in John is completely shaken by the end. I don't think Lawrence wld Know she felt tht way until after she died, if he ever finds out at all, bc I doubt that's smth she'd want to express. it's not even smth she discusses w John himself until III, in which she's already made up her mind to shoot Lynn as a final act of misguided disobedience. I still think tht Lawrence wld feel fr her in some way, though, bc even b4 he became a disciple he was rather horrified when Sing + Tapp had him sit thru her testimony; his feelings would change on this a lil, bc he'd see it as her rebirth (as she once did too), but I still feel like he'd want 2 like. watch over her a little. not super directly, + not because he felt threatened by her presence or anything like that, but because they're in this together n I'm sure John's told him abt some of the circumstances regarding how she came to be a disciple after her game as well. I feel like he wld definitely be saddened by her passing, bc I feel he'd come 2 respect her at least a bit, but fr him it's like. they have 2 keep moving. John is gone now too, smth I'm sure was probably a pretty huge blow fr Lawrence, and now he has to put his energy into making sure Hoffman stays unaware of him. just in case he has to act on that warning John gave him abt Jill. but he wld still miss Amanda n wld mourn her, to be sure.
I don't think they'd be close or anything like tht. kind of just friendly coworkers who only see each other every once in a while, passing thru the doors of each other's lives with a nod and a wave and maybe a greeting if they're feeling up 2 it. they're not too involved. Amanda can't tell u tht Lawrence's favourite flowers are sunflowers. Lawrence can't tell u tht Amanda's favourite smell is lavender or tht her favourite colour is a deep, almost greyish purple. but they're connected thru John, thru their work, n that still means smth to both of them, at least in some manner. when Amanda dies, Lawrence grieves. Jill pays for her headstone n Lawrence makes sure to bring fresh flowers every once in a while, but he has to hold his head up n keep walking. now tht John's gone, there's work to be done.
and someone's gotta keep an eye on Hoffman.
#saw#amanda#lawrence#mandy makes me so fucking sad she deserved so much better#mainly to go ape shit on john#but just. better in general#tysm!!! I don't often get 2 talk abt mandy dkjfkds#yr right it is MUCH funnier 2 consider tht mandy n lawrence knew each other but nobody told hoffman abt lawrence#tht's what u get mr. hoffman!!#long post kinda? not as much as my other ones but#u know#asks
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Matchup tingsss 🥺👉👈
just a warning i type this in a shit post format bc im too scared to talk about myself in a grammatically correct manner because i hate myself
huge note: my type is BIG w big ol shoulders and big and tall and did i mention big so yeah cuddles ok thanks bye i also updated a photo of me- bc i suck at describing my appearance
👀
👄
ok so anyways lets a gO
NOTE: i dont label my sexuality sorry idc who to swing for ion like swinging i like hugging thanks ok bye also im EXTREMELY mentally and emotionally unstable haha ok thanx 🥺😳💅
꧁𝙰𝚙𝚙𝚎𝚊𝚛𝚊𝚗𝚌𝚎꧂
I am 163cm and 190lb (I am also very peculiar about knowing my exact measurements, height, and weight all the time?? Confusion???)
I am one pasty ass bitch despite being (excuse the lele pons moment) LaTiNa👁👄👁,,, I have very long warm black hair that is either wavy or borderline kinky curls no in between,,,, I have amber eyes and have FrEcKlEs everywhere but not like super intense,,, i could probably put a photo (and i will at the end-) bc idk how to describe my ugly ass morbidly obese bleached walrus headass face tbh??
Not to be an annoying basic bitch but i supposedly have an hourglass figure but im more plump so ig i have a more motherly appearance- idk tbh my body dysmorphia says i look like patrick star on my 600lb life so lets get poggers in the chat, tea?? tea sis?? who’d knock me tf up im ugly doe ahaha 👁👄👁
꧁𝙿𝚎𝚛𝚜𝚘𝚗𝚊𝚕𝚒𝚝𝚢꧂
hngh i never stop apologizing- even if u knock me down multiple times ill keep going back to you and forgiving you, and thats on daddy issues
im an empath and like a lot of spiritual stuff like tarot and stuff,,, wont get too into it bc im inexperienced
GIFTED.CHILD.BURNOUT.
also bc i like gaming i can be “one of the bros” and tbh i LOVE being a semi-stereotypical jock-like gamer boy like “oHH YEASAH *crushes soda can on my head* GAMING TIME BOOOYYYYSSS” and i kinda forget im a girl sometimes bc i (gross warning) can like,,, burp wit da bois 😳👉👈,,,,
I am an INFJ-T (the T means im a shitshow!) and ion wanna get too much into my uh,,, issues w/ eating,,,, but basically lets say it causes a lot of dizziness on my end but like im still obese so its ok lol
also im like,,,,, the runt of the group like literally nobody likes me (at least thats what i tell myself aHEM-)
and also i have eXTREEEEEEEME trust issues like holy fuck nobody can catch a break
Oh shit wait i should say idk what i am in terms of sexuality literally nothing fits me ahaha but i am an afab female lady girl as far as i know bc im not currently in a safe place to explore these things, Jimbo!
also im so sorry for being messy im spacing things out so it can be an organized mess im so so sorry i love you anf thank you for taking your time to read this i love you and appreciate you!!
I am a libra sun, and a pisces moon and rising so that means im a crybaby bitch but to the third power (^3)
oh shit yeah im also a hufflepuff
basically i like to make everyone laugh and im not good with serious shit but when it comes down to it sometimes i can take on a maternal role when comforting friends but u will never get me to admit it..... wait-
꧁𝙷𝚘𝚋𝚋𝚒𝚎𝚜꧂
ART ART AND MORE ART OH MY GOD FUCK OH GOD OH FUCK SO MUCH ART- im specifically into the character design and i actually plan on going into game development in coolegg
👁👄👁👉👈
i havent sang seriously in like,,,, years tho bc my choir teacher kicked me out the choir bc my brother was having a life saving surgery the day of a performance anD I NEVER FORGOT IT KAREN. meaning ion let shit go like that bc im an insecure and emotionally broken biTCH
ok i love games- from little big planet, outlast 1/2, detroit become human, beyond two souls, TO OVERWATCH YES I LOVE YOU OVERWATCH, and aminal crossigng uwu
ok so anyways i mean yeah uh,,, i also like writing poetry sometimes and writing but im like yuri (ddlc) and cant help but be borderline pretentious with using over complicated words despite my shit grammar here lol
but yeah
i also live on a farm and i love taking care of my chickens duckies turkies andn pheasants mvmvmbm,,,, i lvoe themn,,,,fhfjdjd,,, OMG I USED TO HAVE GOATS AND GUINEA HENS BUT FUCKINGNG CORONA VIRUS MADE IT HARD TO CARE FOR THEM SO WE HAD TO SELL THEM AND HMMMMMMM ANGERY
but on another note i hav doggies and uwu!!! they v cute best dogeis ever 100/10 recommend these dogies,,,,
꧁𝙽𝚘𝚝𝚎𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚝𝚑𝚢 𝚃𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜꧂
im a hermit and quarantine is just fun to me
I have a high pitched voice so my friends deemed me the god of anime voice thank u
But honestly i find my voice creepy, it’s as if my voice is ghostly and haunting. That’s in real life, but say we called on discord.... I’m loud and obnoxious but i always make people laugh, only when im on a call like that does my personality change so much.
im an amazing host tbh,,, “Hey- I have tea, coffee, coffee with foam, water, milk, juice, soda, and i could make you some food!” “Do you want some popcorn? Are you sure? Do you need a blanket? Would you like for me to turn on the humidifier?” I WILL SPOIL PPL ROTTEN WITH LOVE AFFECTION FOOD AND DRINKS GALORE
“hhnngh,,, maybe if im good enough of a host it will fill the void,,,”
oh also i have a weird accent bc im puerto rican
👁👄👁✨
UPDATE: ADDED LIKES/DISLIKES!!! and love tings
꧁𝙻𝚘𝚟𝚎꧂
my love language is physical touch mainly but i can channel it through making food n stuffs uwu
I rarely if ever fall in love. but when i do, i crash hard. I become putty in the person’s hands, willing to take (metaphorical) beating after beating and insults and cruelty just for their love to be reciprocated. I become totally helpless and obsessive, memorizing their schedule and things they like. Treasuring every memory of when we can be physically close to one another, platonically or not... I become my “best self” and my performance rate drastically increases, but my mental state drastically decreases. I become horribly depressed and anxious, always making meticulously calculated movements and always showing that im willing to support them with everything.
I particularly have a thing for tall guys with big shoulders.
꧁𝙻𝚒𝚔𝚎𝚜/𝙳𝚒𝚜𝚕𝚒𝚔𝚎𝚜꧂
OK THIS IS UNDERRATED BUT I LOOOVE PEWDIEPIE PLEASE DONT HATE ME I JUST LOVE HIS HUMOR ANDN,,,,, 🥺👉👈
god i just- idk i have mixed feelings abt amberlynn reid bc obviously shes super hurt n stuff but shes done so much crap i just HNNGNHH,,,, ANGERY,,, but i show support sometimes but i aint ever giving her my money by subscribing
I also like (cue the angry mob) fnaf-
homestuck and harry potter r also LIFE
i dont like when ppl are egotistical unless theyre charming,,,, bc if theyre charming i 100% feed their ego.
i HATE when people do self destructive things (IM A FUCKING HYPOCRITE) like “NO- nO dont fRICKIN do that- BAD. here, let me make you some food...”
anyways heres that promised picture if this ugly mug
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discord text/facetime call || aaroman
Discord thread featuring: Aaron and & @romanbeckett
When: August 26th, 2020 - August 27, 2020
Mentions: @alison-haynes @luca-regio
Description: Roman and Aaron talk about Alison’s conversations with both Aaron and Roman
TW: aaron may or may not call alison a bitch, crying, angry!aaron
Roman.
Does Ali not want Des staying the night with me I guess?
And I love you too
Aaron.
sigh
I don’t know what her deal is
I think she’s been having issues with luca and she’s just being irrational
I’ll text her
Roman.
No it's fine
Aaron.
it’s not
Roman.
It is. If that's what she wants, then that's fine.
Aaron.
it’s not what I want. And she’s 50% me so
she doesn’t get the final say
Roman.
I don't want to cause any issues
She said I can see her a few hours
Aaron.
you’re not causing any issues
Roman.
Just let it be, it's okay. Ali has enough stress going on, we all do. I don't want to upset her
Aaron.
no. It’s fine.
Roman.
bleh
Aaron.
she’s fine. Just being dramatic. Don’t worry about it
Roman.
okay
Aaron.
just um
I may have told her that we got back together right away
just got with it
Roman.
Okay
Aaron.
Alison is blaming me for all of her relationship problems with Luca
Roman.
Of course she is
Aaron.
she’s being so damn petty
I’m in rehab and she’s picking a fight
Roman.
I wish I knew how to help
Aaron.
we’re just going around in circles and I don’t know what to do
I’m honestly so hurt
today sucked. This is the last thing I need
Roman.
I shouldn't have said anything I'm so sorry
Aaron.
it needed to be said anyway
I just don’t know what to do
I’m so pissed of
Roman.
Don't worry about it. I'm just going to back off, and I'll see you Sunday.
Aaron.
Roman
no
I want to see you and Des on her birthday
Roman.
are you sure?
Ugh. Not how I wanted to end my trip. But anyway.
I have to be on at the airport in a couple hours.
Roman.
I love you, but I’ve talked with Alison, and I���m not going to come up Friday. Out of respect for her, and her being uncomfortable, I’m going to step back a bit.
Aaron.
wait
what
WHAT DID SHE SAY
Roman.
she just told me how she’s feeling and I understand. I came on too strong and I’m not Des’ parent. I shouldn’t be acting like I am.
Aaron.
oh my god
what the fuck
oh my god I’m so mad
Roman. Are you okay
Roman.
don’t be mad. She didn’t say those words directly like that, it’s just my perspective.
it’s okay.
Aaron.
what exactly did she say
im sure her words were a lot harsher
Roman.
she’s just scared of losing you both
she needs time to process all this change.
Aaron.
wtf is that supposed to mean
Roman.
I feel weird sharing exactly what she said
Aaron.
she's the one dating a fucking criminal
im so livid
Roman.
just don’t tell her I’m sending this
“Roman: “I know you love Des, and I appreciate everything you do for her. But at the end of the day, Aaron and I will always be her parents. And maybe one day, maybe you will end up being her step parent, but none of us can see the future. So we don’t know if that is what will happen. But right now, you’re not her parent. For a long time, it has always been Aaron, Des and I. That’s it. And things are changing really fast. I mean now there is you and Luca and the baby. I can only handle so many changes at once. And right now, I’m not ready for Destiny to have a “third parent”. I really do appreciate you and all you do for her, and she adores you. I’m sorry, I probably sound like the biggest asshole in the book right now. But half the time I already feel like I’m losing Aaron, I can’t lose Des too.”
Aaron.
oh my god
she did not say that to you
Roman.
it’s fine Aaron
Aaron.
it's far from fine
Roman.
I’ll just see you Sunday, and then come visit one day next week.
Aaron.
Roman,
im so upset i cant even tell you
Roman.
don’t be upset okay? Just focus on what you’re doing there, and it’ll all be okay. I’m fine. It’s okay.
I got ahead of myself because I love des so much.
Aaron.
you're not ahead, Ali is behind
Roman.
but she’s right, I’m not her parent. Maybe one day I will be, but I’m not right now.
Aaron.
but you love her like one
Roman.
I do, and that won’t change.
I can wait.
Aaron.
im so upset roman i cant even tell you
im so sorry
this is all my fault
Roman.
no it’s not
I knew Alison was uncomfortable with me being so involved from the beginning, and I did it anyway
Aaron.
bc it's irrational as fuck
Roman.
Aaron it’s not. I mean, maybe I feel a little bad that she feels this way about me, and not Luca, but she doesn’t know me as well as she wants to yet. Idk, I’m trying to understand here. I just don’t want you two to fight over me.
Aaron.
that's what im saying. she's being such a fucking hypocrite
Luca's a fucking criminal
and he gets to spend the whole day with my daughter
she thinks because she's having his baby that that someone invalidates that we've actually been together more than luca and alison have
Roman.
she must see something in him we haven’t been able to yet.
Aaron.
fuck that.
she's being such a bitch
Roman.
don’t say that
Aaron.
am i wrong
Roman.
I don’t think she has ill intentions here. She’s just a little blinded right now.
Aaron.
she's so stubborn
she always thinks she right
im so damn sick of it, i've let it slide for so many years
and i know she thinks she's a better parent than me
Roman.
Aaron no she doesn’t, come on.
Aaron.
she’d never admit it but she does
look at her now. Thinking she knows what’s best for Des and not taking what I have to say into consideration
Roman.
she’s just upset right now, maybe she’ll be thinking clearer tomorrow.
Aaron.
if I wasnt locked you this wouldn’t be flying
* up
Roman.
it’s okay.
Aaron.
it’s literally not
Roman.
listen to me. I need you to breathe. Relax for a minute. I’m okay, we’re okay. Everything is okay, and will continue to be okay.
Aaron.
I know you are more upset than you’re letting on
Roman.
I’m upset, but it is what it is right now. Im on my way to the airport and I can’t let myself get too worked up about it at the moment. I just have faith it’ll all work out.
Aaron.
Roman.
I just
I don’t know
I don’t want to get you any more upset before getting on your flight
Roman.
why? Did something else happen?August 27, 2020
Aaron.
no I just still want to go off about this
bc it’s bullshit but I’ll stop
for now
Roman.
Aaron nothing is going to get solved with anger though
Aaron.
not now
Roman.
what?
Aaron.
if I were in New York this would be different
Roman.
maybe it’s good that you’re not. Everyone needs to calm down.
Aaron.
I feel like I can’t breathe
Roman.
Aaron.
Facetime calls Aaron and waits for him to pick up while sitting outside the airport
Aaron.
answers “I’m fine. I’m fine.”
Roman.
“I needed to see you to determine that for myself.” blinks, and then takes in a ragged breath while running a hand over his face
Aaron.
clears his throat and wipes his puffy eyes, takes a deep breath “I’m fine.”
Roman.
“You’re clearly not fine. Babe...” looks over the screen, and sighs “You’ve been crying. Please don’t cry...it’s going to be okay. I promise you.”
Aaron.
just tries not to break down in front of Roman because he knows he’s having a hard time with this news. Takes a deep breath “This is so fucked.”
𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.
“Baby.” looks over screen with concerned expression, wishing more than anything he wasn’t so far away. “Aaron. Listen to me. Alison is going through a lot of stress, she will come around. What’s important right now is that you focus on your recovery, and I will take care of the rest. Alison and I will work this out. You two are too sensitive right now to come to an intelligent conclusion right now. And then on down the line, everything will work itself out between you two as well, between all of us.”
Aaron.
“I’m just...” aaron hangs his head and covers his face with his free hand, taking slow, shaky breaths “I can’t lose either of you. Oh my god...” he attempts to steady his breath again “I know the intelligent conclusion. She’s being irrational.”
Roman.
if Roman could climb through the screen right now, he would. “Aaron, you’re not going to lose anyone. Ali isn’t going anywhere, and neither am I. We’re all going to work on this together. look at me.” he tilts his head, and sucks both lips into his mouth, trying not to cry. “Everyone gets irrational sometimes. Ali is a good person, and she’s not dumb. She’ll come around, and we’ll find a solution that works for everyone.”
Aaron.
takes a deep breath in another attempt to steady his shaky breath. He sniffles, rubs his eyes then Finally looks back at camera at his man “Okay”. he looks at Ro and prays he doesn’t start crying “I just don’t know...and Roman told was just awful. I haven’t been this depressed since my dad died. It’s so hard here. And I want a drink so damn bad. And Ali just... unable to hide his tears, he lets a few tears fall “made this so much worse.”
Roman.
looks worried, eyes darting back and forth as he tries to think of how to fix this situation. “Do I need to come get you? Is there anyone you can talk to right now?”
Aaron.
puts his head between his knees and lets out a few more sobs, looks back up into the camera yeah — I...no you don’t have to come get me... not yeah. But yeah...I can go outside and talk with a counselor now.” he looks towards the door
Roman.
nods, and tries to keep himself together just like he had all night, knowing what Aaron really needed right now was stability. “Okay baby. Go talk to a counselor, and then text me. I don’t board for another couple hours. Okay? I love you.”
Aaron.
sighs, thinks about how grateful he is for Roman “thank you. I love you, too. I’ll text you when I’m done. I’m sorry.”
August 27 - 2am EST
Roman.
hope you’re okay. I’m boarding my plane.
Aaron.
yeah
she talked to me for a while hour
Roman.
are you feeling any better?
Aaron.
a little
I’m just exhausted now
have a safe flight babe.
Roman.
okay. I’ll let you get some rest then.
Aaron.
I hope you sleep on the plane
are you okay
Roman.
as long as you are.
Aaron.
I’m not. But I’m fine for now.
Roman.
okay
well try and get some sleep then.
I love you.
Aaron.
I love you
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I was wondering if any [past or present] Jonerys, Pro-Daenerys fans like myself feel this way.....?
Firstly Id say please be nice i just enjoy analyzing the shit out of fandoms I like, (im a history/polysci major ((with an emphasis on Peace Justice and & Conflict Studies)) all i do is analyze and try to be diplomatic lmao) but considering all they petty drama between both ships as well as pro/anti Daenerys stans ON BOTH SIDES I’m going to be “That Person” and at least ask for people to be respectful/civil, I want to hear from everyone and their metas/what they think which is why i tagged like, all the tags, no matter if you love her/the ship or cant stand it, as long as everyone can keep civil
So firstly I’ve loved Dany both books and show from the beginning. She’s gorgeous, wants to be the best person she can be, and her hair/fashion style game is always ON POINT. That being said, somewhere around season 5 i think i’ve found my opinion on her cooling a little bit, ep after ep, till now. Like I still like her bc she was my first character love on the show but I’ve def soured in my opinion on her. Maybe it’s because I love learning about the subject that im more baised (im hoping thats the case) but she just seemed to have no interest in actual governance, just the reputation (esp of being the ‘rebel queen’)/the awe/the power/the thrill of the adoration that went along with it to the point where I feel like though she still wants to be a ‘good queen’ or at least wants to be seen that way, she doesnt want to do much work for the title. Like yeah she freed all the slaves and that was a def progressive and awesome move on her part (major props! slavery is sin and im glad someone recognized that who had the power to do something about it) but she didnt handle that aftermath or ensuing problems well at all nor really mulled heavily on the subject to find the best solution. She just got fustrated with pretty basic/common (albeit complex in themselves) issues of standard governance and kind of went agh! fuck this! (obv not actual quotes but that was the vibe I got). And then ESPECIALLY after season 7 her character has kind of nagged at me in the back of brain which i hate but its inherent like its just a feeling i cant help it?? I just dont know why to be honest that Im feeling so negative towards this character i used to love. The whole ‘ bEnD thE knEe ‘ thing w/ Jon and yet pinning it on Jon’s pride not equally on his and her own was more than a little hypocritical, when hon they can discuss it later like at that point they have two common enemies the WW and Cersei they both want to do away with, and then again with the Bend the Knee or Die bit w/ the Lannister soldiers. In fact the whole sequence before that point felt kind of villinous I dearsay, I mean deliberately burning the harvest that most of westeros needs for the winter or even strategically not willing to try, and well, nOOt intentionally burn the food considering its winter, the harvest is over (so likely not much is gonna grow in the time being) when she has a G I A N T ass army of her own to think of feeding???? Like i get it is war shit happens soldiers die but the F O O D ? Was that an impuslive in the moment mistake or did she just not give a fuck? And back to the aftermath scene/Bend the Knee 2.0, her speech was again quite hypocritical...and burning dickon?????? not willing to keep prisoners???? either bend or die??? I actually am glad she did away with Papa Tarly bc he was an awful human, but dickon????? a young idealistic man about to loose his father??? the heir to a major ally/house???? And honestly that bend or die strategy is soooooo dumb bc now she cant trust any of them like theyre only bending the knee out of self preservation homie, no one wants to die. they bend the knee to survive and now they all of the sudden think youre their queen? Nah fam, prisoners were better, all you got are spies in your camps or people willing to backstab you at the smallest promise of coin. And i dont want that for my girl
IDK the whole “im gonna BREAK THE WHEEL,,,,,,,,yet im stating my claim mainly on my housename (aka the predominant force of said wheel for a literal dynasty) and the fact that i can scare people who otherwise are unconvinced bc lets be real westeros has had a bad run of rulers a lot of which were Targs in the past couple decades, into submission bc ill burn you otherwise???” doesnt sit well with me nor does it feel like the character ive been rooting for the past five-ish seasons. She just doesnt seem to put into effort on understanding Westeros, why things go wrong, being self-critical or sharing the blame,thinking on what a “good” ruler would do.... anyone else feeling this way and if so do you think this is just shitty writing? D&D butchering her character? or a new arc for her? perhaps the way shes always been? She just seems like a tantruming child bratty and entitled idk (a beautiful child but still)
As for jonerys...... im not gonna go into it much but how are other shippers happy????????? I honestly dont understand. I was SO looking forward to this season/this ship. like so much! But it felt so forced? And i know a lot of people claim its cause its rushed but tbh we’ve had a lot of romances in a similar time frame that felt like A C T U A L romances.....even Talisa/Robb who the Northerners will prob compare any of this too were so much better. THIS WAS MY EPIC SHIP DUDE. I feel the dany side of things (took a while but theres def heart eyes) and yet Jon???? He felt hollow. Still does even after sex. Im so disapointed but more than that I cant see the romance or the chemistry. He looks constipated. Hes never smiled like with his teeth around her the way hes done w others he cares deepily about (ygritte, toramund, sansa, even fkin gendry in the first scene they had together). He never reveals anything about himself. And between the “my queen” ep (and remember he was look warm when discussing her to toramund throughout it) and the previous the only thing that changed was that he saw the actual difference dragons made against WW. You could argue she saved them all too but that doesnt make you fall in love w someone out of the blue and also people have saved his ass before and??? Sansa w the vale anyone??? (Not an argument for jonsa js its happened) (though ill admit ive transitioned to loathing jonerys and loving jonsa more as a potential couple in the space of seven eps where if you asked me I wouldve been like PSH u cray. I never thought it would happen in a mill years but D&D ruined my ship and here i am! Shipping aside tho since its best too look at these things as neutral as possible). Anyways the sigh of his after she left and when he pretended to be asleep.... idk. The only scene that felt genuine and where Jon smiled and it didnt look like a full on grimace and they actually kinda joked around was really nice and at the pit at the finale and if they do a LOT more of basic romance stuff like that I could ship it again but. It was followed by boatsex and boy.
I was hoping boatsex might rekindle my like for the two together. I could see the chemistry the passion. I was hoping the passion would overwhelm me and make up for the rest. But instead......like there was no foreplay, it lasted 2 seconds, and it was overplayed by brans voice and a reminder of future conflict or at the very least major angst b/w the two. i didnt see the parallel between regear and lyanna playing alongside their scene as anything romantic or that it should be taken as such. and the look they shared.... I was hoping jon would bring it bc Dany’s look in her eyes is like soooo smitten and adorable and say what you will I still have a space in my heart for her and still dont want her to suffer, but again Jon looks like oh shit/constipated. And not in a good oh shit way either.
There is a bunch more too but Imma stop there bc Im just tired at this point.
So many things were just....off this season. And it cant all be blamed on the “rushed” time frame. I’ve read the undercover lover theory and hon it makes the most sense (not perfect sense but still, more than what we’ve been poorly spoon fed) but im not willing to believe it just yet. Still, maybe D&D are just butchering a lot of things like making the romance believable and stuff for the sake of time that could be true i guess. But they like to go AHA GOT U so
Idk I dont find a lot of meta in the jonerys tag bc honestly (((((i think its bc the tag and ship are more popular and theirs more people both good and bad)))) it doesnt seem like snowballing theories is something all fans take really well in the tag at all. But whatever. I really want to know, is there any meta or theories im missing to either validate the icky feeling Im haveing about D or her “romance” or on the flipside anything that might make me change my mind about it? Theories, meta people!
I just want to reiderate im not trying to hate on anyone or any point of view and I will flag any comment anti one ship or person or another if its plain hateful or rude. I just want to understand it and see what Im missing, esp because of how much I was looking forward to her arc and jonerys’ dynamic and how much the words “falling short” dont seem to cover it. And to see if im not the only one to either have critique on the ship or her character [or even actually change ships]
Also i apologize for how much ive said “IDK” i just..... I DONT KNOW
#this was way longer and is so rantish but#i might delete this later#depending on if i get hate for 'daring' to be critical#for now tho help a girl out? tel me your opinion? thx#jonsa#anti-jonsa#anti-jonerys#daenerys targaryen#anti-daenerys#plz be nice to eachother or just dont interact at all i just like knowing every side of things#and i feel like theres a side im missing or something im missing#i have a lot of feelings
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are friend break ups supposed to feel like you've been shot with a canon
#my irl ''bestie'' is done with me apparently. lol#shes such a fucking hypocrite but i cant say that bc then ill be the villain so i just have to be graceful about ot#about how she was never there for me in college when i was drowning and she had her own group of friends that she never let me into#about how I've set up basically every hangout we have ever had since high school#but its not enough bc i dont text back promptly enough and her therapist i guess convinced her that this means i dont value her time#youd think someone whos struggled with depression would understand mental illness in her friends! you really would#i helped her move for 7 hrs last year & asked nothing in return. i bring her gifts for her bday and she never reciprocates. but NOOOO#i didnt text back fast enough so there goes 14 years of friendship!#im seriously so fucking upset. gonna go listen to liability on repeat & cry abt how i cant maintain relationships#bc not even my closest friends understand or cares to understand how my brain works#except my real bestie. who i met online ten years ago. shed never do this to me. why couldnt she be the one who lives in my city
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1/2 I have a very serious dillema. I've been diagnosed as celiac couple years back so i cut all those products and grains that have gluten,that time i also found out that im allergic to potatoes,apples,eggs, and i havent consumed those products but ever since transitiong to veganism i noticed that my stomach reacts negatively to so many other products such as corn, soy, beans and nuts which makes me very angry since my body considers majority of food as poison and it obviously my made life more
more difficult, and it's a dilemma bc. I know why i became vegan to help the planet. i've reduced my animal product intake it's none existent,, stopped buying fast fashion, yet my medical issues will cause me to eat fish ,meat which i haven't done yet bc i feel like im betraying my morals and identity, i seriously don't know how to take this bc i know that majority of vegans will be mad at me, but it's different having heart problems and your body not being able to process food for survival but i know if i start eating fish ill feel like absolute shit because i know what these animals are going through yet ill still eat them :( but i cant be a vegetarian since i cant process eggs and milk and ill be a hypocrite if i promote the vegan lifestyle while not being vegan anymore but i know that it's helping the world yet :// im frustrated and don't know how I'll announce that i wont be vegan anymore.
I totally feel this, my love. Not because I went through it but my bestie is dealing with almost the exact same thing. She has celiac so can’t have any gluten, she cant have any dairy, nuts, seeds, soy, and red meats. Recently her stomach has also been reacting badly to some veggies too! I’ve seen her in so much pain and just so damn frustrated because she doesn’t know what to eat and shes afraid to eat sometimes not knowing how her stomach is going to react! I always feel so bad which is why I never force my lifestyle onto her (though she only eats chicken and turkey every so often anyway), actually a lot of the times you have me, the vegan, shoving chicken rings in her face going “Please eat this! You need to eat something!”
Yeah vegans aren’t going to be understanding and they will be mad. But you know what, fuck them. This is your health! You tried and your body was like “yeah nah” what are you supposed to do? You can’t fight your body. You need to do whats best for your health. I know it sucks and I know its frustrating but please dont beat yourself up over this. And don’t let any dickhead vegan make you feel bad about it either. They can suck a soy cock for all I care.
The good news is theres a bunch of things you can do that don’t involve your diet. You can keep doing the not buying into fast fashion. You can support vegan and cruelty free beauty/home products. You can donate to non-profits who are doing great work for the environment and for animals. And of course you can look into more sustainable ways to live your life, like using a water filter instead of buying water in plastic bottles Simple things like that! Theres plenty of other ways to help out and you can obviously still be supportive of the things you were when you werent eating animal products. Its not all or nothing. Every little bit helps!
As for announcing it, honestly you don’t owe anyone shit. You can say as much or as little as you want. If they don’t understand or start giving you a hard time, they were never worth your energy to begin with. Like I seriously can’t stress this enough, don’t let anyone make you feel bad about this. If they try to, they are the horrible ones, not you! Your health is ALWAYS number 1 priority. Its completely okay. You’re okay. I’ll throw Moo Kitty at anyone who tries to bully you!
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anyways everyone look out for twistedrainbows8908
shes transphobic, antisemetic, and ableist as fuck
tw for transphobia, antisemitism, and ableism ofc
extra tw for gendered slurs from both sides (keep in mind both sides are afab)
and quick note this is a reeeeally long transcript click at your own risk
dappermusician: tell me do you get this pissy even black people say they hate white people too or are you just a transphobe
twistedrainbows8908: Do you always get pissed this easily and act like I don’t know how to at least understand other’s problems? Are you just a cisphobe who, even though they said they hate all cis people, cisphobia isn’t real in the slightest? A phobia doesn’t have to be large to exist. If you want to see proof of cisphobia, just log onnto tumblr, look at some extremist blogs. Maybe even your own!!!
dappermusician: ADVSRHSRHVT OH MY GOD
and “bitchyass posts” oh my goddddd the last thing you’re allowed to call me is a bitch when you just tried to guilt trip me
i haven’t received a single message from you since October so don’t be a cunt
twistedrainbows8908: You deserve to feel guilty for calling me transphobic and then being cisphobic and hating millions, billions, of people you haven’t meant.
dappermusician: anyway i’m allowed to hate people who want me dead
or is that not allowed?
i can’t even fucking pee in peace
twistedrainbows8908: I don’t message people if they don’t message me back. I think the conversations over and don’t bother to answer.
dappermusician: I’ve literally had my life threatened because im not cis
regularly
twistedrainbows8908: Then hate rhose people specifically. Not fucking everyone.
dappermusician: again are you this pissy to black people who say they hate whites or are you just a transphobe
twistedrainbows8908: You wanna meet some cis people who don’t give a shit? You can meet literally everyone I know!! And i know a lotta people.
dappermusician: are you this pissy to gay people who say they hate straights?
all cis people are inherently transphobic
there’s no way around it
twistedrainbows8908: Do I really seem like a transphobe to you? Could you not think of something new to call me?
dappermusician: yes
you do
you seem like a huge fucking transphobe right now
dappermusician: systematic cis oppression does not fucking exist
whether you believe it to or not
twistedrainbows8908: Oh, babe, you stupid piece of shit. That’s like saying white people inherintly hate other races. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. I’m so happy I’m not as closeminded as you.
dappermusician: w hat
where did i sy white people hate other races
twistedrainbows8908: I’m so, so happy I obviously have a better working brain, so I can undersand hypocrites.
dappermusician: W O W THE ABLEISM
THANKS FOR BEING A FUCKING ABLEIST DICKI CANT BELIEVE I EVER THOUGHT I COULD BE FRIENDS WITH YOU
twistedrainbows8908: “Black people hating all white people”, “Gays hating all straight people.”
dappermusician: AS A CIS PERSON
YOU HAVE
NO SAY
twistedrainbows8908: Well you destroyed that friendship a long time ago
dappermusician: fucking good im glad
twistedrainbows8908: And you have no right to act like an asshole and say tou hate an entire group of people.
dappermusician: youre a horrible person
twistedrainbows8908: I’m reporting you.
dappermusician: fucking do it i dare you
and by the way
dappermusician: comparing trans people to hitler?
bad choice
fucking antisemetic and transphobic as fuck
youre a huge ass antisemetic transphobic piece of shit and im so glad that we stopped talking
(viewable here in case she deletes the post)
twistedrainbows8908: He believed he was doing good, he was a huge piece of shit. And I didn’t say trans people specifically, honey. I said that one person I was talking to.
dappermusician: not to mention ableist
oh my god
oh my fucking god
anyway
down with fucking cis you huge transphobe
twistedrainbows8908: Have fun never suceeding because of tour hatred for others
dappermusician: 🚌🚃WHAT’S THAT 👀👀👀 HERE 👏COMES 👏THE 🌈⭐DOWN WITH CIS BUS!!! 🌈⭐ ❌RUNNING OVER❌ ALL THE 😷😷😷😷TRANSPHOBES😷😷😷😷
cant hear you over your transphobia hun here comes the bes
🚌🚃WHAT’S THAT 👀👀👀 HERE 👏COMES 👏THE 🌈⭐DOWN WITH CIS BUS!!! 🌈⭐ ❌RUNNING OVER❌ ALL THE 😷😷😷😷TRANSPHOBES😷😷😷😷
twistedrainbows8908: Not all cis people are transphobes
dappermusician: but you are
twistedrainbows8908: Maybe is feel bad if you cane up with something new
dappermusician: and all cis people benefit from transphobia
twistedrainbows8908: Keep lyingbto yourself
Nah
dappermusician: oh my fucking god
🚌🚃WHAT’S THAT 👀👀👀 HERE 👏COMES 👏THE 🌈⭐DOWN WITH CIS BUS!!! 🌈⭐ ❌RUNNING OVER❌ ALL THE 😷😷😷😷TRANSPHOBES😷😷😷😷(x11 with “BEEP BEEP HERE IT COMES” thrown in the mix somewhere)
twistedrainbows8908: So creative
dappermusician: Cisphobia is real. Here’s a thing that happened to one of my friends. I was there. Basically, we were walking down the sidewalk, talking about something meaningless. I think it had to do with a movie. Then this bus screeches up, stops next to us, and a bunch of people with “Down with Cis” shirts climbed out and started beating him up. I was punched and kicked a bit too, but I managed to avoid brutalization by going for their faces. After figuring out what’s happening, I started attacking them back, getting them off of him. He was quite injured but I called 911 and he made a full recovery at the hospital. I was fine, with only a cut on my arm that they patched up.
twistedrainbows8908: Wow, the same thing, but written as a bad fanfic!! YOUNRELLY DO HAVE A MIND OF YOUR OWN, DONTCHA BITCH
dappermusician: oh my god its literally a copypasta oh my fucking god
im not dealing with your ableism
because it just keeps on coming
twistedrainbows8908: Such a stupid teenager
dappermusician: bc you know what
woooooooow
more ableism
twistedrainbows8908: What? Fuck cis people, im better than you blah blah blah?
dappermusician: keep it coming i need the receipts
twistedrainbows8908: So desperate for blood
dappermusician: oh my god
twistedrainbows8908: Violence doesnt work, hon
dappermusician: copypastas arent violence oh my god
dappermusician: its a fucking meme
twistedrainbows8908: A bad one
dappermusician: let me guess youll say the 10000 degree knife or whatever would be violence too
twistedrainbows8908: No, that ones just less shit
dappermusician: also remember that “bad fanfiction”?
that was written by a cis person to demonize trans people
oh my god
twistedrainbows8908: Why the fuck you say its ameme then
dappermusician: 🚌🚃WHAT’S THAT 👀👀👀 HERE 👏COMES 👏THE 🌈⭐DOWN WITH CIS BUS!!! 🌈⭐ ❌RUNNING OVER❌ ALL THE 😷😷😷😷TRANSPHOBES😷😷😷😷
thats the fucking meme
dappermusician: to make light of the god damn shitty ass cis sob story
twistedrainbows8908: Shushhhh, before you make everyone else even dumber
dappermusician: oooh your ableism is showing again
do you even know what ableism is
because youre ableist as fuck
twistedrainbows8908: Well you certainly dont know
dappermusician: i certainly do know
seeing as im mentally ill and seeing a therapist
twistedrainbows8908: …you realize I am as well, right? That doesnt make you special
dappermusician: no i know it doesnt but it doesnt stop you from being fucking ableist
dappermusician: youre an ableist transphobic shit
twistedrainbows8908: Oh my god
dappermusician: really opens your mind doesnt it
twistedrainbows8908: Nah
It already was, unlike yours is
dappermusician: oh my fucking god
anyways next time a trans person tells you youre being transphobic, maybe give what youre saying a second thought
twistedrainbows8908: Ye
dappermusician: im outtie
twistedrainbows8908: Or acceot they’re dumb as fuck
twistedrainbows8908: See youin hell
[Twisted Rainbows blocks me]
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Still cant believe I have to appeal my hearing… i still cant believe these words appear in ink: “the claimant’s allegation of severe limitations are also inconsistent with her level of daily activities… Despite her impairments, the claimant continues to perform light housework, cares for her dog, and participates in hobbies of painting.” and something about being able to watch TV, too.
I know my therapist says I need to focus only on the facts and not the judgements, but HE’S A JUDGE. HE MADE THE JUDGEMENT THAT I AM NOT DISABLED ENOUGH. He makes judgements EVERYWHERE. Hypocritical judgements.
And the facts don’t fucking help either bc all facts are things listed in my medical records — people list me as well-groomed and in no apparent distress. I DONT SHOWER FOR WEEKS AT A TIME AND I AM NUMB FACED FROM PAIN. THERE ARE NO FUCKING FACTS. FIBROMYALGIA HAS NO FUCKING EVIDENCE TO POINT AT TO BE FACTUAL. “YOU DONT LOOK LIKE YOU’RE IN PAIN”
AND IF ONE MORE DOCTOR SAYS i AMBULATE WITH A SMOOTH GAIT IM GONNA SCREAM
NONE OF YOU WATCH ME WALK?!? I WALK BEHIND THE NURSE TO THE EXAM ROOM?? I AM SITTING WHEN YOU ENTER THE ROOM? GO FUCK ALL OF YOURSELVES YOU FU C J3KODJSHS J DHDUEHID
FUCK YOU JUDGE HENRY HOGAN YOU ABLEIST MENTAL ILLNESS DENIER. OH SHE SMILED THAT MEANS HER PTSD IS GONE. OH HER DOCTORS USE CONSERVATIVE TREATMENT ON HER SHE CANT BE THAT BAD. ILL MAKE SURE I SHOW YOU MY SCARS WHEN WE SEE EACH OTHER AGAIN YOU FUCK
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okay but what i found kind of hilarious is that my sister in law like, shes such a hypocrite without realizing? i mean, ok MAYBE she does reflect on certain things, but when I reflect and realize im wrong, ill speak up about it? and i know i cant expect people to react in the same way as me but, if she doesnt say anything, how am I supposed to know, yk? (yes yes ik i cant blame people for reacting in the ways they do, im just saying... its a little flawed), and yes, im sometimes a hypocrite too but bear with me here: she is so hypocritical that we were talking about this sui/cide that had occurred and shes like, there’s some things you don’t joke about! and while i agree, i was mentally giggling because my brother jokes about certain things sometimes that shouldnt be joked about. and she was like, this things are serious and you cant tell someone thats suicidal things like this, like have a heart. and im just about to piss myself because literally a fucking year ago, when i had self-harmed and my brother found out and blah blah blah, i overheard her telling him that shes not fourteen anymore she cant keep doing this for attention. so you know what? bitch think before you speak. like, honestly shes ridiculous. however im not gonna say any of this to her bc i cant afford to get kicked out my own house lmao
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odfidk: 270618
i cry at least once aday cus im only surrounded by whites but like.... there are poc here. theres other adoptees of color and some poc in my DM’s wanting to chat with me and maybe even hang out but fuuuCKKK WHAT IS WRONG WTH ME WHY AM I NOT SOCIAL
i also always cry about how social and happy i used to be but im doing anything about it lmao. like i KNOW that in order to get my shit together i need to sleep and eat and exercize and shit..... do i do that?? absolutely the fuck no cus i love to feel sorry for mysel and watch myself destroy everything
i hate myself, i hate my life i can feel the anxiety coming and when that is i always call my mom but she’s white and im so paranoid i dont trust white people with anything i REALLLY RESLLY REALLY want a therapist of color but my lazy ass cant even manage to call one cus i’d rather lie in my bed and DIE than doing smth productive with my life
also im together with a white dude and just thinking about how confused i am about this relationship makes me want to die alone. i cant trust my own thoughts and feelings but i SURE AS HELL cant trust anyone else either. not white people, no poc and not adoptees of color either. the only person i trust is my partner cus they know me better than anyone else and theyre wise but fuck i dont trust them either cus i cant even manage to tell them this cus ive already been such a horrible partner and i dont want to huet them but hey no its not even about that. its about ME not wanting to lose them cus im so fucking selfish which is only another reason i should break up. if you knew what a horrible partner, friend and human being ive been you’d all hate me. im such a hypocrite and when i hear my partner forigve me despie me KNEOING what i am like.......
how will i ever find someone who loves me like them. i’ll never find anyone like them. does it really matter that they’re white in that case? yes it does can i’d literally kILL myself if our children were to become white. how can i love myself after all of this. im holding onnto a dream of re-visiting my homecountry and my birth place. im holding omto a dream of learning mandarin and more abt my culture and get lots of chinese and asian friends but like..... who am i kidding. that wont solve my problems. what i feel is so much deeper. what i feel is nothing that can be fixed
IM SO FUCKINF SAD EVERYONE. IM SO SAD AND I MISS MY BIOLOGIAL PARENTS SO FUCKING MUCH. I HATE EVERYONE BUT ONLY BC I DONT KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH MY OWN SELF HATRED AND DISSATISFACTION. IM SO SAD AND FRUSTRATED AND LONELY AND I JUST WANT TO BE IN MY MOMS BELLY.
why did it turn out like this. what am i so problematic snd why am i not doing anything about it. why did i destroy and fux up every single relationship i ever had. why cant i love my adoptive family like anyone else. but why al i not strong enough to cut them off. is it bc i actually love them? or is it bc im scared of being alone? will i love them again when i’ve healed, when i’ve revovered from whatever it is im revorigin form. abandonment? loss? lost family, lost identity, lost culture, lost people
it doesnt matter how many POC i connect with or how many adoptees i connect with. i’ll always feel lonely. i’ll always be lonely. and im so pathetic i cant stand it. i’d rather kill myself than knowing i’ll always be lonely. ive fkd up every friendship and relationship i have and im too scared of building new ones bc im so over attatched and want to rely on them forever. and now i dont even feel anything but anger and hatred. im such a fucking mess. im a danger to myself and everyone around me. im abusing the ones i claim to love, i dream about taking a gun and just shoot everyone down. i dream about committing suicide but not bc i actually want to, but because i want to revenge. on who? i want my family to suffer. i want society to suffer and know my pain. but they wont. they never will
im all alone, im so lonely im so lonely i keep isolering myself. i keep dreaming about fkn kpop idols and anime characters. i will never get better if i dont do smth but im so tired and im so angry. but it only hurts me. im only hurting myself even more. no one cares. no one will ever care, its only hurting ME
i thought i had gotten better. i used to feel like this everyday. now its only once a month. but idk. i cant think straight, i cant control myself. i know i shouldnt post stuff lile this DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH IVE FKD UP CUS I CANT CONTROL MYSELF WHEN IM IN THIS KIND OF STATE ONE TIME I ACTUALLY THOOUGHT I WAS GONNA KILL SOMEONE AND THEN JUMP IN FRONT OF A BUS
im sitting in my room. my little sister is outside and when im done with this message i’ll go out to her and pretend nothing happened. i cry for myself. i cry for other adoptees too. i cry for my adopted little sister and how white she is. i cry for all adoptees who’ve grown up to become whites. i cry because im such a fkn mess. i cry bc my abusive tendencies started so early. i abused my little sister bc of my own fkn issues and our adoptive parents didnt even care, they didnt even realize.
i feel like this is who i was supposed to be. a disgusting manipulative abuser but i know thats just another excuse for me to not do smth about myself
why dont i care about my family? about my partner or my little sister? i’d say i love my partner the most but i care more about my little sister
sometimes when i see children of color, or asian children i just feel something so fucking strong. i feel like i want to die for them on the spot. i feel like straight out giving them my jeart and protect them forever.
i got pregnant when i was 17 and it changed my life. ive never been interested in children but after that i was. but its so unhelathy. im only interested bc i want someone like me. i even doubted the abortion. fuck i felt like absolute SHIT after the abortion. i felt like they took smth from me, they took my mom, they took my baby. everhthing was taken from me and i got nothing. if im not able to have biolocial children in the future i’ll kill myself. if my children is looking white or nothing like me i’ll kill myself. im happy i had an abortion tho. i wasnt mentally stable. poor child would have only been born bc i was feeling lonely
i’d be such a horrible mom too. i’d be so overprotective. im always like that. overprotective in a possessive kind of way. like YOURE MINE. my child would hate me and i wouldnt blame them. i just feel like i have to protect something. i NEED something to protect. no one ever needs me. im always clinging into others but no one ever needs me as much as i need them. a child would need me. but they would eventuellt grow up so im thinking about a dog or a car instead. they would need me.
you know what i want? uncondotional love. from people of color. yes i have that from my white adoptive parents but i dont feel it. instead i feel like im using them. im shitting so fucking much on them and i dont know if i do it even more cus i feel guilty for shitting on them. most times they just take it and its like that makes me even angrier but if they were to argue with me i’d fkn explode right there and now. ive always been such a problematic kid. i can feel it. my sister’s been so calm and perfect but ive always been unstable. its like i always test people. ive tested my adoptive parents for 17-18 years now.
but everhtime i actually have someone love me uncondotilnally i feel like i have to isolate myself. its such a weird fkn thing i have such a weird fkn conception abt relationships and such. its just the way i thought it was like. in a friendship, relationship or family theres ONE dominant and ONE submissive. i realized relationships doesnt work lile this AT AGE 17 WHEN I LOST ALL MY FRIENDS. can you believe i’ve lived like this for 17 years???? i still categorize ppl into this and its so fucked up. how could i think like this?? how can I STILL think like this?? the submissive have to love the dominant one but the dominant will always protect the submissive one. i always, ALWAYYS go for dominant ones. and its always, ALWAYS going shit. either bc i expect too much from them. i expect them to love me back snd PROTECT ME or im just too clingy and get rejected. bc when im the dominant one i get bored. its like i WANT to fight for peoples attention. i see them as superior and i feel good when they give me that. but not too much cus if they give me too much I’LL feel superior and then i feel bored. thats basically my relationship with my partner now. ive been an awful fkn asshat and they’re still staying with me. it disturbed me once so much i forced them to break up with me only to guilt trip them when they did.
im so fucked up i really am. my partner deserves so much better. im so fucked up that i want to break up with them but if i would, if they would, i’d go fucking banans. thats not a healthy relationship. i shouldnt be in relationship
i should be alone til ive fgired myself out. but lonliness and isolation drives me mad. i dont trust myself
this post wasnt supposed to be lile this. i was going to write smth intellectual but instead im exposing myself like this. why do i do that? i dont know. do i wan people to feel sorry for me?? is that what i want? do i want advice? advice that i know i wont follow anyways cus im a dumbass?? is it because i just cant hold it in? why dont i post it somewhere else private? especially when i KNOWW THAT ILL GET SO FKN ANXIOUS ABT POSTING THIS THAT ILL NEVER FACE ANYONE AHAIN SND ILL REBLOG SO MANY TAEHYUNG GIFS AND JUST LAUGH IT OFF BUT LILE..... IM STILL GONNA POST IT???
sometimes i tell myself i wouldnt care if i died but im actually so afraid of dying
i want to be happy i want to be good but i dont know if i can or if i deserve it. when im not feeling like shit i dont want to talka but this bc then i’ll feel like sjit snd im scared of myself. i feel like im turning into a demon, something i cant control and im scared i’ll do stupid shit
how do i get rid of this? how dont become happy. the fact that my family is white, my partner is white. is that a problem or is it only me? do i have to break up, do i have to cut off my family in order to become satisfied? in order to decolonize? i know adoptees who have. mostly cus they got real weird fkn prents but my parents are....... so-so. they’re white. they’re good parents except they’ee white. but other adoptees parents weren’t even good parents to start with and their whiteness and racism made it 722771x worse
i hate feeling so split always having to choose. choose between AP and bio family. whites and poc. i’ll choose poc. i’ll choose my birth family. but i dont have a birth family like...... and now im stuck with this white one. ive been abandoned multiple times im not strong enougg to get rid of my AP’s even if i want to. but i dont think that i want to. i think i love them. im just so fkn heartvroken abt the fact that they’re white and therefore constantly hurting me and my sister wether they want it or not. im stuck. its like a fkn curse.
i was a fine kid before. i always had these issue but the abortion def triggered it. the abortion and break up with my friends that was like the 3rd break up and i just knew that damn i dont have the energy to keep going. dont even get me started on the breakup. i was a sjit friend. yeah im still a bit salty cus i think hey could have handled it better but tbh........ they probably sensed the fucking freak inside of me me before it jumped. i keep telling myself they only protected themselves but im paranoid and hate everyone and when i feel abandoned and rejected i deal with it with being an abusive asshat
i wonder why im like this. im obv not the only one since i keep reading abt adoptees who murder and stuff. i kinda think thats me sometimes. that im gonna turn out like that and just go on a murder spree. when i see x-men or the black panther...... i always feel for erik and eric (sre they both named eric lmao). mage to and killingen. and all charcters like that. i cried so much when i watched these movies cus im so sensitive when it comes to families AND people. (xmen jewish ppl) (black panther black ppl). and i kind of undersyood them
especially xmen apacolypse. he really tried to turn good. he really got himself a family but even they got killed. everyone got kille. i kinda admire him but i also think he’s weak. how come he’s able to just turn good after that????? i’d probably kill the whole fucking world. like what kind of propaganda IS THAT??? is that even real??
and i feel so awful cus i had a good childhood i guess??? i mean fkn killmonger grew up all alone and poor and he found his fkn dad murdered??? i understand that trauma!!! and magneto had his mom shot in front of him and watched his whole people fkn die. and what about me? i havent been through any of that
ofc i dont know. i dont know what happened before and i dont remember. my APs got divroced tho and my A mom got PTSD and i def think that affected me as well tho. i kind of lost my family AGAIN. and ive never really tristes them after that. even there u could feel me snd my fucked up ness
i was such a shithead to my mom who had freaking PTSD. i blamed her for everything. breaking up with dad, bad ekonomy and then our fkn white big brother moved home bc he was depressed too or smth and there we were. 3 kids sharing a room while mom was unemployed and slept in the living room. that was such a messy time and my 11 y/o self was so angry and aggressive. and my poor sister was so scared and shy. of me. of all of us
anyways why didnt my sister turn out like this? is it bc of my temepramwnt?? maybe. ive read abt mental illness but i dont really feel like anyone fits. im leaning more towards bpd. bipolar and ptsd are similar but i dont rly get those periods and i dont get flashbacks of my trauma either cus im not even sure what my trauma is. its more like..... a feeling rather than smth specific. i mean its not like i remember anything
but why did i tjen out like this. irs cus everyone hates me right? lmao u always think lile that ots so pathetic. i always think ppl do shit to huet m. my poor partner and ex-friends..... the simpliest mistake would make me crazy.
im such a horrible human and sometimes i dont want to do anything abt this. i just dont wanna CARE but i know i feel line that cus i feel guilty deep inside. and it wont make me happy either
if i recover will i stop hating white people? will i stop hate my family and non-adoptees? probably not white ppl and non-adoptees. i mean i still hate men and so so why would i stop just cus i recover. but my family? will i forgve myself? will i fogive them? i cant forive them ew no. ugh idek what im saying. what do i have to do to stop feeling like this?
maybe get out of bed? yeah thats a start
thanks ill reblog bts now and then ill turn off my phone and never come back. cant wait to comeback and cringe the fuck out of myself wow i love
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i told myself i wouldn't bother people on anon anymore but i need to vent if that's okay? my parents were watching tv and my mom said something, which without full context it's hard to understand so i'll basically say that she said something he wasn't satisfied with and started talking down to her, like hinting she was hypocritical because some journalist had said something before, (mind you, she was talking about a union man who makes deal with the government to fuck workers over)
and said journalist said something rly insensitive about a person with cancer, which idek how tf one has to do with the other, but either way he used that to basically imply she was being a hypocrite, and i was sitting there like?? why u talking to her like that, and he does it ALL the time and she never tells him to fuck off she gives him so many explanations for what? he will still talk to her like that, so i jumped into the conversation to make him see that her saying what she said had no
correlation bc a she's not a famous journalist, and b she's not actually making a public statement so his argument makes no sense?! and obvs he went on to say that i'm very rude because no one invited me into the conversation and i said he barges in on other ppls conversations all the time, he's the one being a hypocrite now, and ofc he denied it and my mother said NOTHING. i dont even know why i bother defending her anymore she's like this all the time, ill stand up for her and she wont say
a word and let ME be slandered now even though i did it to defend her but its literally so frustrating because im supposed to sit there and listen to her being humiliated by a stubborn arrogant man, and then im the one facing the consequences of standing up for my own mother while she says NOTHING. idek why i bother but it literally makes me so mad. and ofc she afterwards talked to him and he ignored her bc he was so mad that i shut him down, walking away in silence like someone had done
something unforgivable to him, walking around with the shittiest face which is such an example of his signature passive agressiveness and ugh, i always say i hate men and i swear to god, my father is a the very top of that list. why are men trash. anyway im sorry i just needed to get that off my chest and i saw you were answering questions i didnt mean to bother you 😪😪😪
hello!! ur not bothering me at all im so glad you feel like u can vent to me! also im soo sorry this took so long to reply to, ive been super busy with uni work and ive barely had time to be on here and i wanted to take the time to answer this properly!! anyway i cant sort of relate tbh bc growing up my dad was such a dick to my mam, like he was so argumentative and just talked to her like shit and its so awful to see it happening bc u feel so powerless...but idk, maybe try talking to your mum about it and tell her how you feel? and explain that you feel frustrated by the whole thing and see what she has to say..its always best to be honest about how u feel especially when something is bothering you! and im rly sorry u have to live in a situation like this, like i said i grew up in a very similar environment and it sucks lmao :( men rly aint shit tbh and i truly hope things get sorted for you and your mum !!
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