#silverstone22 | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

livetogether--diealone · 1 year

Text

[Hei pspspsps anon do you remember that chalex fic you asked me about and instead i gave you some other chalex stuff, well i actually got that one fic i was working on right here, okay like i've had this for a while but I wanted to post it here with a little art i thought anout doing but never got around to do it, maybe someday, but mh here it goes nothing. And let's go all the way back to Silverstone22 my behated race]

- made you laugh

He left the circuit as soon as possible, did his media part, team debrief and then bolted, no reason to wait around. He asked Andrea to drive to the hotel, it was a very quiet drive, he let his trainer chat just about anything but the race, discussing that was no use. Not that there was much to discuss about, another sure podium thrown into the garbage, for him . He should have been happy, the team got the podium Mattia wanted, who managed to make that clear enough, a win even, and he was left with 4th place, they were going home with 37 points. More than redbull, that should have cheered him up, he could still do it, they could still make it. Yet he wasn’t happy, wasn’t much about Carlos winning, that he could stomach, but the how oh the how he was left dealing with the rest of the pack on such used tyres against Lewis, against Checo, alone after having to deal and argue on the radio for the whole race for a shot to such an easy 1-2, it just-

Charles needed to get out of his head, or he would go mad. He didn’t dwell on lost opportunities, mistakes, errors. And he really couldn’t beat himself up for this one race, so he had to let go, because he knew in some way this was starting to become a pattern. So he started going through his phone: various texts from his brothers, friends, a missed call from mom; got it the phone was a no go. For a moment he toyed with the idea of changing his flight to tonight but no luck there either. At least listening to Andrea arguing in italian with english drivers was entertaining, making being stuck in traffic with no escape from his mind bearable. Eventually they got to the hotel when the sun was about to set.

Going up the step to the lobby Andrea handed him his card “You’re gonna be okay Charles?”

“Pretty banged up, I just need some rest, fly’s pretty early anyway” he mumbled, fumbling with all the stuff he was trying to carry, some gift from fans, signed caps to hand out while driving away from the paddock, shit he left in such a hurry bargaining his Ferrari for an unmarked car that he didn’t stop for fans on the way out. He was really miserable then; Charles slipped his hotel keys in his back pocket and exchanged goodnight with Andrea.

“Charles! Hei! Oh Charlie, finally”

He turned around with already with Alex’s name on his lips, he could have never mistaken that voice and the way Alex said his name, always like he had found what he was looking for at last, always like he could finally breath again. And that was actually what Alex looked like in that moment, a little dishevelled, out of breath. Did he run here from the circuit? Charles closed the steps between them immediately. “Alex... what? Why are you here? Are you okay?”. He shouldn’t be here, he had crashed, rather crushed between two cars, he needed rest.

“Perfectly alright, well maybe I collected a speed ticket, and I might have done a rally to get here, but I needed to check in on you” Alex was crouching down, hands on his knees, but his eyes were bright as ever.

Charles’ heart skipped a beat, here he was again marvelling at Alex’s kindness, he had to take a step back or he might have leaped right to him. He curled his hands in a fist, damn it, for a second time that day he was too deep in his thoughts and anger that he blindly forgot about the rest, about his friend, someone he loved cared for so much, who got injured and he didn't even think about him. Charles wanted this championship, he never wanted something this badly, and if he was really honest with himself, he was letting it take control a little too much when it came to the failures, more than he thought it was needed.

He opened his mouth to speak but nothing came. “Alex, I-” Charles looked at the other with so much guilt on his part, maybe he was that stupid. What he was gonna say anyway? That he was sorry? That he felt his dream slipping away? That he never hated more his team than right now? That he felt so lost and alone that maybe this was the last straw that made him crawl so far back in himself than he couldn’t perceive anything else? Christ Alex was had a scary crash, but he came here for him , and he wasn’t, didn’t want to be so broken that he couldn’t care. “I’m an idiot, Alexander. I am a total idiot and not a good friend, at all”.

And Alex did understand. Silently he reached out to touch Charles’ arm, searching for a confirmation in his eyes, once it was a go, he pulled Charles in an embrace. “Your bruised ego right now feels more important to me. Fuck Seb, I am not a Ferrari fan”. And Charles felt so small in that moment.

He grabbed Alex by his shoulders, and let go as Alex winced. “No, I think we’re both stupid. Alex please tell me you didn’t run away from the medical centre for this”.

“Nah, I got cleared, don’t worry too much silly” and he puffed up just for show. “But as I was saying, I’m here to make you feel better” Alex’s eyes shifted from soft to cheeky and Charles’ brain freezed, he swallowed loudly. “Come I’ve got something in mind”

Charles had no idea of what was coming for him when he got hauled in the back seat of a car driven by Alex’s trainer Patrick, who also looked like was oblivious to this whole situation. The journey stopped at Alex’s family home, where he was greeted by an array of animals as well as people. And it was loud, so different from his own; while both came from rather bigger families Charles’ home was quieter. But he didn’t mind this, it felt nice having all his senses attacked so any race memory could be finally locked away, for now, hopefully for good. Alex waddled through the sea of everyone wanting his attention and careful to step over a very large unbothered cat “That’s Horsey, this is his kingdom”, he dragged Charles by his wrist that quickly became his hand upstairs, shoved him in room while shouting at the little heads that popped from the railings “Cousin Charles and I are tired, keep it quiet would you?”.

“Sorry for the mess” Alex was leaning against the door he just closed, he was now almost whispering and when Charles looked at him more confused than ever he directed his eyes to the rest of the room and Charles understood was all the fuss was about, four little dirty-ice coloured kittens were sleeping on a bed, all piled up and curled on eachothers. He took a step towards them looking back at Alex and mouthing they are so cute, he gently sat on the bed, one of the kittens noticed him and wobbling on the cover he tumbled next to Charles’ extended hand. And in less than half a second he was being swarmed by all of them.

Alex watched the scene quite amused, he could not make up Charles’ giggles from the kitties’ now very loud meowing. The other felt his gaze on him, it was not as weary as it was during the car ride, when Alex could not stop looking back at him, just to make sure he didn’t open the cardoor and let himself fall, reason number one he heard the distinctive lock sound. And to tell the honest truth, he was so so glad Alex came to take him away from a very long night of drowning himself into the old habit of self-inflicted flagellation. Charles went deep into his mind again and was startled when Alex spoke, his voice now very close, “I always knew you were part cat, you fit right in” and he got another giggle out of Charles - something he never once failed to do – and then more of a whisper “Where did you go again Charlie?”

Charles turned around to look at the other, they were now both laying on the bed, from opposite site. He took a deep breath but didn’t speak yet. He fully laid on his back, mindlessly petting the kittens still. He felt Alex doing the same, the weight of his body making Charles shift towards him. “I feel very alone” he breathed at last, voice cracking. He added “In the team, Alex” because he knew a friendly reprimand was coming when Alex turned to face him and propped his head on his bent arm. “Because they left me alone today, and Mattia... He, I don’t know made me feel guilty I complained about the missed stop?” he paused once more. The anger was still too fresh, still burned brightly, piled up with all these opportunities to win, to score more points, gifted to other people, other drivers, other teams. It wasn’t so unbearable to make him lose faith in his team, that meant losing faith in driving all together, but mistrust in some areas was starting to build up, and it was so painful, because Charles would still do everything for his team, being in Ferrari was the only thing he knew and he didn’t want it any other way. It was more of curse. And very tiring. That, he felt this wave of fatigue suddenly over him. “I lost it, I know I did” he whispered, not even sure if loud enough to be heard, unconsciously out of fear of it being true. He brought his hands to cover his face, emotions running high and overwhelming.

Alex reached out, gently, he touched his forearms, and then he peeled his hands from his face; if Charles had managed to hold back the tears until then he now didn’t feel that strong. “Mathematically it’s not done yet. Oh, don’t give me that look, I can count” and he made Charles laugh. Again.

“Have you seen my team Alex?”

“Unbelievably red? Prone to mistake a pie for a tyre? Yeah, I think I did, once or twice”

“Oh yes, yes, we are that stupid” he sniffled back. And went back to the little cats, a couple of them had started to lick his face. He took one and placed it on his chest, scooting more next to Alex, heads aligned, he could almost rest on his shoulder if he wanted, if he could master such courage.

The conversation fell into a peaceful lull, Charles’ mind was starting to drift away from what had happened, from the buried deep fear of his misplaced trust in his team. The last few hours were coming finally into focus, Alex was coming into focus, where he’d always been, there for him. There to take him away from the lows in his racing career from karting times till now, years later. There to make him laugh like no other could, folded in half tears pooling at the corners his eyes. The only one bothered to follow Charles’ made-up golf rules, calling him from Thailand when the kids from the orphanage dyed Alex’s hair red like your car Charlie, running to hug him right after Charles’ final race in f2 even if you literally crashed into me when I was about to win and my racing career may be ending today, I’m gonna miss racing with you so much, holding up an umbrella for him in Imola because he forgot one and following him around the paddock, showing up late at night at his apartment with a terribly cooked pasta al pesto after his Monaco GP.

And Alex will have kept showing up.

Under the podium in Austria, grabbing him in parc ferme helmet still on screaming how proud he was.

Two days after the French gp, basically kidnapping Charles for the whole day just to get him out of the house.

The same week sitting on the tarmac in Hungary, planning for a last-minute summer road-trip.

At Monza on the phone after Charles’ second place “I have to go to the podium, Alex, no turn the tv off you need rest, you had a respiratory failure”.

In Singapore cheering him between the Ferrari mechanics, after Alex’s retirement.

At Suzuka in an hotel room, huddle together in the dark when Charles’ nightmares got too real.

In Abu Dhabi, at the very end walking out of the paddock together.

And he decided he might live in this moment forever, just the two of them, pressed together, a little awkward with Alex half hanging out of the bed with his long legs, taking horribly pictures of him, Charles needing to put his own legs on the headboard to avoid falling on the floor; but it worked.

Alex had never bothered to turn on the lights, so he hissed when one of his sisters opened the door to check-up on the two drivers. He gestured to go get lost, “he’s sleeping” he hushed, taking a quick look at Charles, now a welcoming weight on his shoulder. “And he drools too” Alex added, voice suddenly softer.

“Tu sbavi” the reply came in only what Alex could identify as Italian, he scoffed at it, Charles shuffled closer. “Thank you, Alexander” his voice was still thick with sleep, his lips caressing the skin between Alex’s shoulder and neck. “I think...”

Alex held his breath, his mind going a little numb.

“I think that I love you very much Alex�� he mumbled in the end, nestling himself in the crook of Alex’s neck.

He couldn’t resist kissing Charles’ mole on his jawline. “I think I love you too Charlie”

#LOOK IT'S SAD TIMES OKAY #charles leclerc #alex albon #chalex #f1 #f1 rpf #jo.fic

21 notes · View notes