Expecting The Unexpected | P.G.
Pairing: Pierre Gasly x Reader
Summary: you and your boyfriend Pierre have been unsuccessful trying for a baby for months. After another negative pregnancy test you hit your breaking point.
WARNINGS: mentions of (unprotected) sex, angst, fertility issues, cursing
Not my photo!
It was a Friday night, but instead of going out and enjoying the start of the weekend with your friends and your boyfriend, you sat on the cold tiles of your bathroom floor with your heart pounding in your chest. Next to you there were two items: your smartphone with a timer set for 5 minutes and the pregnancy test you had just taken. Your period was already over a week late, so you had decided that it was time to finally get some clarity. It was one of many tests you had taken over the past months, but you were still just as anxious as the first time.
You had been trying to get pregnant with your partner Pierre for about 10 months now. Both of you had thought that it would be easy to conceive. At first you had been nervous about it happening too soon after you start trying for a baby, because you wanted to enjoy the process of starting a family as much as possible, since sex is pretty much off the table when you have a newborn.
The first couple months after you had stopped using protection had been like heaven. There had been no rush, no pressure on you to give the greatest gift you could possibly imagine to Pierre. It had been just cute, romantic nights and passionate love making. During that time, you had felt closer to your boyfriend than ever.
After a while you had decided to start using ovulation tests to help you pinpoint the days you should have sex on to get pregnant. On top of that, you had also started to take prenatal vitamins to boost your luck and to assure your future baby would receive all the necessary nutrients to grow and to develop properly. The months of no success in getting pregnant had influenced your sex life, as it had become less spontaneous and more chore like.
This time you had made the decision to not tell Pierre about your period being late, because each time the test had come back negative, he had had a slightly disappointed, but still compassionate, look on his face.
A big sigh escaped your lips. Why was it so hard for you? Every couple you knew conceived almost immediately. It just wasn´t fair to you. All you wanted was a family with the man you loved so deeply.
The timer went off and snapped you out of your thoughts. Time to check on the test. Time to check if it finally had worked this time. Your breath was shaking as you reached next to you to pick up the small plastic item. Something inside you was still hopeful and thought that the test must be positive.
In a matter of seconds, you felt tears in your eyes. But those weren´t happy tears, because there was only one red line. Again. Your vision became blurry, and anger was starting to bubble up inside of you. A stream of hot tears started to escape your eyes and you tossed the test across the bathroom.
Bang. It hit the bathroom wall and fell into the sink, which was right below the first point of impact. You knew Pierre must´ve heard that and you regretted your actions instantly. Another disappointment for him too as there was no way you could hide what had just happened from the French man. A couple quite curses left your lips.
“What the hell happened?!” Pierre shouted as he entered the room.
You couldn´t speak, just sob. Your boyfriend eyed you with a confused expression. All you could do is point towards the sink. Without any words he walked closer to it. When he finally spotted the object, he knew instantly. It was like you could hear his heart shatter into millions of pieces. The sensation of guilt washed over you and made you sob even more. You lifted your hands so they would cover your face.
“I am so sorry,” was all you could say.
“What are you sorry for?” Pierre asked somewhat surprised. He did not expect that at all.
“Because I am not pregnant AGAIN. My body just seemingly cannot do the only thing it is supposed to do, which is to carry a baby. You will never understand what that feels like. I feel like an absolute failure, and it sucks so much. The worst part is that I was actually dumb enough to believe that this time the outcome would be different AND to pull you down with me right now!” you spat out. It came out way angrier than intended. You felt bad about it, because you obviously weren´t mad at Pierre, you were angry at the situation you were seemingly stuck in.
“Please, mon chéri, don´t say that. It´s not your fault, don´t beat yourself up over it. If it happens, it happens. And if it doesn´t happen… there are other options too. Adoption or fertility treatments or.. or I don´t know…foster care. We will have our family; we are going to be okay,” Pierre said while he was sitting down next to you on the bathroom floor.
“It just hurts so bad. I keep getting my hopes up, just to be disappointed again. And everyone keeps asking when we will start our family. This societal pressure is like the cherry on top. What if I can´t have kids? Like what if I am infertile? We both want kids so bad, and I am so angry, Pierre. Angry at the world and mostly myself,” you whispered. Suddenly you could feel the puffy, hot sensation around your eyes, which confirmed to you that you looked as messy as you felt.
“Who gives a fuck about what other people think about our private matters. All that truly matters is our relationship. Also, who said that I am not “the problem”?” Pierre firmly maintained. Your boyfriend was biting his lip, something he always did when he had some heavy thoughts on his mind.
“Hm… maybe we should just take things slow for a while. If we still aren´t pregnant in half a year, or so, we should consider seeing a specialist though. To make sure that we are both capable... of making a baby” you sniffled.
Pierre nodded and added:” Yeah, let´s try to take it slow. No more pressure.” The French man leaned in to kiss you softly. The kiss was salty from the tears, but so sweet at the same time. You couldn´t help but smile slightly.
Six months later you were indeed at the doctor´s office, but not because you had fertility issues. No, you were finally pregnant. After that conversation on the bathroom floor, Pierre had taken you on vacation to Cannes. You had spent long days laughing, swimming and sunbathing at the beach and for the first time in awhile you felt truly relaxed. In the evenings you two had gone on romantic adventures together. The last night you had spent in Cannes was also, unbeknownst to you and your boyfriend, the night the stars aligned, and you had been impregnated. You still had a cheeky grin on your face every time you thought about the slow and gentle sex you two had had in the luxurious king-sized-bed of your suite.
The gynecologist was applying cold liquid on your belly and started examining your uterus and its contents. Every now and then she just nodded. She wrote a couple of things down and then turned her head towards you and your boyfriend. Something about her expression gave away that she was about to break some news to you two, but you couldn´t tell if you were about to receive good or bad news. Pierre next to you did not pick up on it though.
“Everything alright Doc? Is the baby fine? And today is the appointment we were supposed to find out what sex it is,” you blurted out.
She smiled at you and said:” It´s fine yeah. Well, they are fine. You are expecting a boy and a girl. Congratulations.” Her finger then showed you the two clearly visible amniotic sacs and pointed out the limbs to you.
Pierre couldn´t keep his excitement in and jumped up from his seat with watery eyes. He had said that the two of you are going to be okay, but you were more than just okay. You were happier than ever.