#so YES having a uterus can lead to more trouble for you. but this happens a LOT. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

coochiequeens · 2 years

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Birth control is healthcare part I

Commuters to London’s Liverpool Street were treated to a taboo-busting billboard last week, featuring a mother of two weightlifting, while leaking actual liquid. The ad is part of the “leaks happen” campaign, from the women’s health brand Elvie, aiming to raise awareness of a common, but largely obscured, problem – postpartum incontinence.

Claire Hackett, the Alliance party rep for Mid Ulster in Northern Ireland, can testify first-hand how women are suffering in silence, and says that openness is exactly what’s needed. When she returned to work 10 months after the birth of her third child, the impact of injuries following all three births continued to complicate her life. “I can remember the sweat and the fear of ‘Oh my God, what might happen if I don’t get to the toilet’. It’s things like this that you don’t really want to talk to people about.”

Hackett’s difficulties started about 10 years ago, after having her first child, which left her with a third-degree tear – meaning the rupture went as far as the muscle that controls the anus. After surgery, Hackett was handed a leaflet for pelvic floor exercises. Eight months later, she still hadn’t healed, and was experiencing stinging while urinating as well as bladder control problems.

“My husband and I hadn’t had sex at that point because I was still so scared of what was going on with my pelvic region,” she says. She was referred to a “back class”, where women got together and did a circuit of back exercises, which helped strengthen her core, but achieved little else.

Many women, says Hackett, are too afraid, ashamed or embarrassed to draw attention to their pelvic problems after childbirth. Added to this is the coy acceptance of the problem, “like in Tena ads for your little ‘oops’ moments. Like this is just what happens to women,” she says. “Yes, it’s common to experience incontinence. But it’s not normal: there are things that can be done.”

Myra Robson, a clinical lead physiotherapist and co-founder of the pelvic health campaign group Pelvicroar, says part of the problem is that women aren’t adequately prepared for birth trauma. “There’s still a much greater emphasis on this lovely romantic version of childbirth. People aren’t prepared for the fact that there can be a problem when you’re trying to get a whole human being out of this relatively small space,” she says. “I think we’re very unrealistic about that. We need to empower women to vocalise when they’re having problems and do something about it.”

It’s certainly not a niche concern: as many as one in three women experience urinary incontinence in the three months after childbirth, according to the National Childbirth Trust (NCT). And it can also develop in the years that follow. According to Julie Cornish, colorectal consultant at the Cardiff and Vale University Health Board and vice-president of the MASIC Foundation – a charity that supports women who have been severely injured during childbirth – research shows that one in five women develop problems controlling their bowels in the first five years after giving birth vaginally.

Being pregnant and giving birth can also weaken the pelvic floor – the supportive hammock made of muscles and tissues that keeps the pelvic organs (the uterus, bladder and bowel) in place. When the pelvic floor is overstretched – if the baby is large, during an assisted birth (using forceps, for example) or if labour is prolonged – one or more of these organs can descend (prolapse) into the vagina. One writer described the experience as a feeling of constantly sitting on an egg.

But women are not necessarily warned of these risks, says Ranee Thakar, vice-president of the Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists. “Mothers tell me – when I see them – that nobody ever told them that these [pelvic floor disorders] could happen.”

After childbirth there is a lot of focus on the baby – and rightly so, says Thakar. “But we also need to think about the mother, especially given pelvic problems are not always readily apparent after delivery.” Undetected or mild birth trauma can escalate into more serious conditions as women age, she adds.

Postnatal care has long been patchy – even before the pandemic – partly due to a lack of education among healthcare professionals as well as the embarrassment and stigma that impedes mothers from reporting their issues in the first place. Covid simply exacerbated these underlying fissures, says Cornish: “We are facing a massive uphill battle, because cancer cases are going to be taking priority and so pelvic floor problems get pushed to the back of the queue again.”

For the most part, pregnant women are offered some education by the NHS about what to expect all the way through to delivery, but these classes are not uniform across the country. After birth, women are typically given a leaflet with instructions for exercises they can do to get their pelvic floor muscles back into shape (although pinpointing those muscles can be tricky). Meanwhile, postnatal care is largely the responsibility of community midwives. Around the six- to eight-week mark, a postnatal check on mother and baby is conducted by GPs.

If a serious injury emerges, mothers are typically referred to secondary care. Twenty years ago, there were three or four clinics focused on pelvic floor problems across the UK, but while there are many more now, says Thakar, “they’re not there everywhere”. Waiting lists are long and increasing staff shortages haven’t helped. “In terms of a full pelvic floor assessment,” says Robson, “it’s usually the physiotherapists that do it, and there’s just simply not enough of us to go around.”

Christine Sweet, who lives in Greater Manchester, gave birth for the first time in June 2021. Her delivery involved an episiotomy (an incision between the vaginal opening and the anus to make more space for the baby), as well as forceps, both well-known risk factors for future pelvic complications. She was discharged from hospital about 24 hours after giving birth and put in the care of a community midwifery team. A few days later, her episiotomy stitches came apart.

In pain, Sweet went to her GP, who diagnosed her with an infection, suggesting it was acquired in hospital. The doctor was “horrified at the sight of the wound and didn’t know what to do. She rang gynaecology at the hospital, and they said that until the infection had been cleared, they weren’t prepared to see me.”

Sweet says that having an open wound that wasn’t healing was more painful than the labour. “Nobody seemed to know what to do with it, or what should be done to keep the wound clean and who was meant to be reviewing it.”

Eventually, after four courses of antibiotics, the infection cleared, but Sweet was told her problem did not satisfy the criteria for urgent referral to gynaecology. The waiting list for a standard appointment was hovering between six months and a year. Twelve weeks after the birth of her son, she managed to find some childcare, and went to A&E. After hours of waiting, it was determined her wound needed to be cauterised – a process in which electricity or chemicals are used to burn tissue in order to close a wound. It was done there and then, and healed soon after, but that wasn’t end of her problems. Finally, more than three months after giving birth, she had a full internal examination with a pelvic health physio team, where it was confirmed that she had developed a prolapse.

“It seems that if you have a baby, you should expect to be in pain,” said Sweet. “But the more you try to keep a lid on it … it doesn’t give women the true picture of what can go wrong, and then importantly how you can fix things once they have gone wrong.”

Melissa Bubnic, a freelance script writer in London, has been on a waiting list for reparative surgery for more than a year. Bubnic initially realised something was wrong in 2019, three months after giving birth to her second child. Sitting on the bus on her way to an event, she smelled something odd. A visit to the loo confirmed her fears – she had soiled herself. Fortunately, she had wet wipes on hand, but about a month later, it happened again.

When she saw her GP that May, she was referred to pelvic specialists at a London hospital. With demand far outstripping supply for such services, it could take up to a year to get an appointment. Finally, in November 2019, she went for an endoanal scan. “I wanted to believe that everything was OK,” says Bubnic, “so I asked if everything was OK back there. She said, ‘No, it’s really not OK.’”

”It was the first time anyone had told me that something was really wrong – I had had a fourth-degree tear that had been missed.” It was likely, she was told, that the tear had occurred back in 2015, during the birth of her first child, when she was given an episiotomy and forceps had been used.

By May 2020, she still hadn’t been able to see an NHS physiotherapist – and felt as if she was being dissuaded from seeking the opinion of a colorectal surgeon. “I was told that a referral would be made but whenever I called, they couldn’t find the referral in the system. And I had to kind of get a bit cross.” She finally saw a colorectal surgeon in November 2020 and was put on the waiting list for surgery, but the pandemic has increased delays.

Tired of waiting, she took a punt on an advertisement posted by a PhD student investigating the impact of serious birth trauma. She was assessed by a medical team at St Mark’s hospital, a specialist bowel hospital in Harrow, London, earlier this year, and underwent surgery there last month. “I have been so incredibly lucky,” she said.

Both Bubnic and Hackett have sought out private physiotherapy, too. “I just always thought, you have babies, you wet yourself,” says Hackett. “It’s just what you have to put up with. So, to find out that I could rehab my pelvic floor to the level that I have, and it’s still not even perfect … I couldn’t believe it.”

The cost for private physiotherapy can be prohibitive at about £100 for the initial consultation (depending on geography), and slightly lower rates for follow-up appointments.

Many campaigners cite France as a country with better pelvic healthcare. Mothers there are automatically prescribed multiple sessions of physio to “re-educate” their pelvic floor after delivery. But there is acknowledgment that postpartum care in the UK is ripe for improvement, and earlier this year NHS England announced the opening of 14 new pelvic health clinics, bringing together midwives, specialist doctors and physiotherapists to improve the prevention, identification and treatment of pelvic floor dysfunction.

Physical injuries aside, the sexual and mental health impact of postpartum trauma is devastating, says Bubnic. “You just feel so sexless and dirty. Incontinence is so mortifying. The mental health impact of being scared to leave your house, or having an accident – every women who has these injuries has to deal with that.”

When Bubnic first discovered the severity of her injury, she didn’t know anybody else who had faced a similar situation. “I felt so ashamed and embarrassed,” she says. “I need a lot of support around managing the injury and navigating this labyrinthine health system. Even when you want to talk to NHS staff, who are trying to help you, bringing up the sex aspect, everyone looks a bit awkward and doesn’t really know what to say.

“I just don’t believe that if the genders were reversed,” she adds, “if it was men, in the act of becoming fathers, who were ripped from testicles to anus and left incontinent – that we wouldn’t be doing something to address that.”

#Birth and incontinent #Stuff not enough women are told before having kids #Don’t listen to men who say they want kids it’s not their bodies that will be altered by having them

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okay-what-if-rumir · 4 years

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What if, after the curse was broken, the kings regained their human form, but whenever they got mean they turned into plants?

The Two Princes Discord likes to refer to the old kings as “The Bastard Kings” WBK = Western Bastard King, EBK = Eastern Bastard King.

Like a time-out

I feel like they'd just constantly be plants

I wonder if Rupert would carry his plant-dad around hoping to rehabilitate him

Rupert's always so optimistic

And all his life he's been imagining his dad as this great guy - I don't think he would give up on that so easily

They'd meet a new person, Rupert holds up a potted daffodil: "This is my dad, he's not always a plant but generally he is because he doesn't know how to be nice yet, but we're working on it."

He points to a potted daisy: "And that's Amir's dad, we're running into the same problem with him, but Amir and Atossa don't seem as keen on trying to help him so I've taken it upon myself to help him too. This is part of his rehabilitation, they've gotta be nice to new people. Say hi, dads!"

The plants start shaking their leaves and a muffled grumbling seems to echo from them.

Rupert, grinning: that's so much better guys! You're going to be back to having fingers and toes again in no time!

Yes!

They sit in a preschool classroom where the kids are learning to share and play nicely with each other

Rupert goes back to his and Amir's chambers one night all mopey and Amir asks what's wrong and Rupert mutters something about how WBK got turned into a plant again after telling one of the girls that he didn't like her pigtails and making her cry, and then EBK also got turned into one because he was laughing

And they had been doing so well!

Sure, WBK's compliments had been passive aggressive at best, but he was trying!

And sure, EBK would just add the word "don't" to all his sentences like "I don't want to strangle you right now" when you could tell he really did want to.

But there was PROGRESS there!

Rupert's so proud that they're attempting at all

Rupert constantly has to try to keep Lavinia from planting WBK in some random spot in the woods

Atossa just keeps EBK in a closet for like a week until Rupert finds out.

Rupert can't find them one day and he's like Moooooms?

And they look all guilty and are hiding garden trowels behind their backs.

Amir, trying to be a good husband, walks up the hall behind them with two plants clutched by their stems, dropping dirt everywhere with roots kicking all over the place and the plants making vaguely threatening noises and just shoves the two plants roughly into some pots while he himself is grumbling about how they're more trouble than they're worth.

He knows it's Rupert's pet project and wants to be supportive

Rupert's off to the side berating their mothers for not helping them progress

Talking about leading by example

But at the same time he's not too upset with them because he knew they weren't treated the best by their husbands.

Yah no. He's like I get it, but maybe just leave them alone?

Also, they're obviously super opposed to the boys' relationship, and they mostly just see Rupert but not the two of them together, but then some days they both come into the preschool class to read to the kids and they an see how in love they are with each other.

At first they're totally in denial, but slowly grow to accept it.

Their grumbling on that topic gets to be less and less

They never admit that they accept it

They still grumble occasionally but usually something along the lines of "he shouldn't have gotten you flowers, those are useless, he should've gotten you a sword then you could learn to defend yourself!"

I love that. That honestly makes me smile so big

And you can't tell me that they didn't spend 18 years together as a single tree and not become begrudging best friends.

OMG YES

They're super sarcastic and snarky with each other, but they know each other so well.

They're constantly seen together when in human form and they're always grumbling but they're both insanely proud of their sons even if they won't say it out loud and it's one of the few things they can agree on.

Love that.

They always get turned back into plants together when one does something mean and poof! And then the other delights in the first's distress - poof!

Then the one who got turned into a plant first laughs at the second.

And cue more sarcastic bickering.

One of the knights will find them in the middle of the hallway as plants just laughing at each other and then sigh before picking them up and depositing them with Rupert who takes them back to the preschool class.

EBK starts to really see how kind Rupert is, he says something about it to WBK in a rare moment of sincerity.

WBK grumbles that he should be strong and tough instead.

But for the kindness, EBK poofs back into a human while plant!WBK sits there and stews

But then like an hour later (EBK has long since walked off) WBK silently turns back into a human (because he realized he was grateful for Rupert's kindness as well)

Yes

Of course it doesn't last and they're back in their pots by the end of the day. But it was REAL progress!

Rupert tries to figure out what made them go back to human but neither of them want to admit it.

They just blush and change the subject.

I love the idea of them just randomly turning into plants because they had a mean thought or something. (Like a real mean thought - not an intrusive one)

Like, it just appears super random to the people around, but everyone is used to it by now.

"Where'd that plant come from?" "oh, it's just one of the former kings. Don't worry about it, it happens all the time."

Everyone just pulls pots from their sleeves and scoops them up.

It's become common for everyone to carry around flower pots all the time

The first time Rupert has the plants, he's carrying around the kings in plant form and reprimanding them and everyone is super confused and they think Rupert has lost it, but eventually they don't even give him a second glance when it happens.

People turning to do a double take and running into each other, progresses to everyone carrying flower pots and knowing how to talk them through different breathing exercises.

Sometimes the queens will just carry them around by their stems and it's the equivalent of carrying an animal by its scruff and it's utterly humiliating for them.

They get all uppity about their petals being ruffled

They constantly have competitions over who makes the prettier plant.

They get super angry as plants and just start shaking and some of their petals/leaves fall off.

They're like "Oh no! look what you made me do!" But getting mad at the other one just makes it worse

So then they're like "Okay, deep breaths… what did Rupert say? In through the nose two three four, out through the mouth two three four." Then the other's like making fun of them for trying to calm themselves down, but one of his leaves turns yellow and he's hyperventilating.

The queens stopped taking them to the compost heap or putting them in the closet. But now they'll go plant them in a flower bed with a bunch of the same type of flowers so it's hard to find them.

They spend a whole two days there once and they get some good meditation time in.

Rupert spend at least an hour trying to find them because Lavinia won't tell him where she planted them because "they'll turn human again eventually"

Omg. WBK walks in after being missing for a few days and just wordlessly hugs Rupert

Omg yes. And Rupert is confused but hugs back anyway.

Lavinia's all like "I told you." but she's actually softened by the display.

Rupert: Okay Dad, think of something nice to say to Dad. EBK: I'm not your father! Rupert: Oh honey, you were at the wedding. I don't know what else to tell you, but I'm your son now. WBK. You're no son of mine either! Rupert: sigh Dad, do we really need to go over this again? Now, there's lots of other ways to go about this, but in your case: when two people love each other very much, and one of those people happens to have a uterus, and the other… Both Bastard Kings: NOOOO! Not again! Wait! Uh, your leaves are looking very nice today! Very green! Please make him stop!

Did someone say "bastard plants on roller skates?"

(art by @spoopdeedoop)

Porridge you sneaky sneak!

He found them sitting in the hallway and sent them off on an adventure.

Porridge what have you done!

(art by @oftheflamingheart)

WBK: I bet my mulch I go farther than you! EBK: You’re on!

@cloudcover23 @fwufferson @nyx-dragon @spoopdeedoop @oftheflamingheart

#the two princes podcast #bastard kings #rumir #au

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janicho88 · 4 years

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In This Together

Pic originally posted by jrackles

Pairing- Dean x Wife!Reader

Word count-9825

Summary-The reader hasn’t been feeling well and is afraid to go to a doctor, because of her medical history. One thing seems to lead to another, but she has her husband Dean to lean on. This is AU

Warnings- Sick reader, Little bit of language, A little angst, and maybe a little fluff, slight implied smut. Possible triggers talks of multiple surgeries some are a little descriptive, talk of possible loss of fertility, female problems.

A/N This is my first fic I have finished. I have had some things going on, I needed someone like Dean, this was the closest I could get to having him. It is unbeta’d all mistakes are mine. @winchest09 and @katehuntington you two are absolutely amazing!! Without you two, your virtual lockdowns and the people I met because of them, I never would have had the confidence to finish this let alone post it. Thank you!

You sighed as you rolled over in bed, time to get up and start another day. Although you were hoping today was different. You were hoping the pain you had been having which couldn’t decide whether or not it wanted to be in your side or abdomen would actually be gone. Something that had just been in your head. You had felt a kind of off for the last 2 weeks but had kept that to yourself.

“Morning Sweetheart,” came from your husband of four years, as Dean walked back in your room fresh from the shower. A quick kiss good morning before he finished getting dressed and you headed to get yourself ready in the bathroom. Soon you were both out the door and off to work. Dean was a partner in his father’s mechanic business. It was doing well for him; he’d even added on auto parts store next door. You were running your family’s restaurants, your parents slowly cutting back on their day to day involvement, but not leaving entirely yet because you were going to need their help in the new year.

You enjoyed your mornings at work, for the first few hours it was just you preparing things for the day, your radio playing softly your only companion. It wasn’t long before your daytime employees came in and the lunch rush began you all working as a team everything going smoothly today. It was while working on clean up and the dinner prep, one of your workers, and your friend, Donna found you in a back corner with your hands on your right side. When she asked what was going on, you told her you were fine and went to finish the task you were working on. Before she left Donna passed by your office where she saw you inside with a look of pain on your face again, your ringing phone interrupted her from saying anything to you then.

Dean beat you home from work and was preparing hamburgers to grill when you walked in. You set your things down and met him in the kitchen for a kiss, “Hey Babe, how was your day?”

“Good. The new guy, Gabe, I was telling you about should work out well, might be a little bit of a smart ass. Benny seems to have taken him under his wing to show him the ropes. Those two will be interesting together. How were things at the restaurant today?”

“That’s great! I know with your Dad, and Bobby cutting back their time there you wanted at least one more person in. Work was fine, late lunch and steady afternoon which is why I’m later getting home.”

“How’s the foot doing? You’ve been on it more with working longer hours lately.”

“Okay, as good as it’s going to be for now.”

You two enjoyed a quiet dinner, then curled up on the couch to watch a movie before heading to bed. Dean noticed you didn’t eat much of your dinner, but he figured you were either tired or grabbed a snack at the restaurant.

Your next morning started off about the same both of you on your separate ways to work. It was afternoon when Donna saw you again with a grimace on your face and a hand on your side. A little while later she saw your running to the restroom where you threw up.

“Alright, spill Y/N. What is going on, you’ve been a little off lately?”

“Donna, I’m fine.”

“Bull, lady. Do I need to call Dean and ask him?”

“NO!” Your head went back, and your eyes closed as you thought about what you were going to say. You went with the truth, maybe she would tell you what you were hoping, it was nothing. “I’ve been having a sharp pain in my right side, sometimes it moves to the front and is in my abdomen. Every once in while it might go lower. It’s probably just a sore muscle or maybe the ulcer is coming back”

“And the upset stomach?”

“That’s new-ish. This is nothing, I’m fine. It can’t be anything.” You almost whispered.

“You should probably talk to your Dr. Maybe your OB first, given your history. That’s what your worried about right?”

With tears in your eyes you gave a soft yes.

“Call them, and then talk to Dean. Knowing you, you haven’t said anything to him, and were going to keep pretending nothing was happening.”

You walked away to call for an appointment. Donna was right, you were scared, and you hadn’t told Dean. You didn’t want to go through this again. Around year and half ago you were at a girls day out when you just didn’t feel right. You attributed it to worry you had about something at work. It didn’t go away and over the next two weeks things got worse. You weren’t hungry, you had a sharp pain in your side, had started burping and not been able to stop it. That one bothered you the most. Then you started getting sick. Overall, you just didn’t feel well. You figured it was early February now, you just had a good old-fashioned winter cold. When you suddenly had trouble drawing a deep breath and it hurt to breathe, you had gone to a walk-in-clinic. They thought it was your appendix or gallbladder and sent you to your primary Doctor the next day. They agreed and sent you to a CT Scan the next day. Dean went with that morning and waited while you went back for the test. You were told your doctor would have to results in a few days while they were getting the test started. When they finished the scan, they told you to stay on the table they had a radiologist coming to read the scan right then. That hadn’t done much for your nerves. They told you something about a mass on your ovary and kids still being possible, but you needed to see your OB asap. You had walked back out to Dean in the waiting room in shock, not 100% sure what had happened in the last few minutes. You had ended up having a cyst on an ovary, which had destroyed that ovary and continued to grow into what your doctor called a giant mass. It had gotten so big it was pushing on your other organs. They had to go in and take it out. You were getting to the point you were okay with that part, but the doctor kept talking, and you kept squeezing Dean’s hand harder. They couldn’t see the uterus around the mass and didn’t know if it had damage or the other ovary, and there was a possibility it was cancerous. Suddenly the kids you and Dean had been talking about and picturing, might only ever be that, talk. You had been a wreck the morning of surgery, but Dean was in pre-op with you as long as he could be holding your hand telling you everything was going to be fine. It didn’t matter what happened with the surgery. If it was just the two of you, or if you ended up adopting. You were in this together. He loved you and the two of you would be just fine. The surgery had gone well. They only had to take the mass out and the tests came back cancer free.

Things between you and Dean were good. The last year and half had been crazy, no kids yet, although that wasn’t due to lack of trying in the beginning. The December after your surgery you had ended up with a stomach ulcer and they found a fibroid on your uterus. You really couldn’t catch a break. Your doctor had wanted to put you on birth control to slow down the growth for now. Here you were, once again worried that you wouldn’t be able to give Dean the baby you knew he wanted. His brother Sam, and his wife Jess had had their first child a few months prior and Dean was the loving uncle. Holding little Jake, he could calm him down faster than anyone but Jess. He spent a bit of time telling him all about Baby, and the things he would teach him when he was older. You were fairly certain he might get that boy in trouble with a few things, but that could be dealt with in a few years. You knew Dean was hoping for the day he would be holding his own baby, and teaching them, you were afraid you were never going to be able to give him that.

You were sitting on the couch when Dean came home from work.

“Hey Sweetheart, how was your day?”

“Fine, how were things at the shop?”

“Good, busy. Dinner smells great.”

“Thanks, it’s got about a half hour till it’s done. I know you want to shower, but can I talk to you first?”

“Always.”

Dean joined you on the couch as you started explaining. “So I’ve been feeling kind of off lately, not quite right. Pain in my side and abdomen. The last few days throwing up if I ate and drank much. It’s a bit like before.”

Dean moved closer and held you as he asked, “Are you thinking you have another mass, the fibroid, or something else?”

“I don’t know, and that scares me. I want it to be nothing, but we both know my luck isn’t that good. I have an appointment next Wednesday with my OB/GYN. I figured it would cut some of the middle wait time out.”

“Do you want me to go with you?”

“Thanks, but I think I will be ok alone with this first visit.”

“Wait, don’t you have your foot appointment that day?”

“Yes, but it’s in the morning.”

Wednesday your appointments finally arrived. You had been having trouble with your foot for a few years now, it had gotten so bad you couldn’t even wear a tennis shoe anymore. You actually were supposed to have surgery on it a few years ago, the same year you had found the mass and had to have that removed instead. It was a pretty simple appointment; they did updated x-rays since you hadn’t had any in over a year and talked again with the surgeon about what surgery would entail. He was a foot and ankle specialist at the University hospital. This was going to be your third foot/ankle related surgery but the first on your right foot. You had had different doctors each time, and you like this one the best. He was extremely knowledgeable and easy to talk to. You may have been nervous for this surgery, but that was because of everything it was going to involve. You were born with as the doctors called them extremely high arches. It had caused you a number of problems over the years, sprained ankles, multiply breaks, and your two other surgeries. They were going to go in and break your fifth metatarsal and put a plate in there and realign it, cut the Achilles tendon and lengthen it, you had tears in the Peroneal tendon which had to be fixed and then attached to the Brevis tendon to strengthen it, ligaments on the inside and outside of the foot needed to be tightened or loosened depending on the side. You had had all of that done nine years ago on your other foot, but because of problems you had with that first surgery they were taking it a step further. They were going to cut the bones in your heel and realign them. That part was making you the most nervous. You would be spending the 3 months following surgery on crutches, possibly longer. You had spent enough time on them over the years, you were pretty good on them at least. You had been planning on the surgery happening in January, you couldn’t put it off any longer.

The worst part of all this has been the not knowing because your mind is great at making up worst case scenarios, you were a bit worked up for your afternoon OB appointment. You and your doctor talked and going over your symptoms he was sending you for a CT scan the following week because he thought you might have a kidney stone based on some of your symptoms. He also ordered an ultrasound to check on the fibroid. They don’t do anything with fibroids until they are over 4 cm and causing problems. When yours was found it was at 3.3 cm, so they had just put you on birth control. The doctor talked about what could happen if it was the fibroid. You might need surgery to remove it, if it was to big, they might have to take the uterus out or there were shots out that put you in menopause for a while. You were due back in his office in two and half weeks to go over the tests. More waiting, just great.

Dean had dinner waiting for you when you got home. You explained the tests the doctor wanted and what he told you he was thinking. You never thought you would be in a spot where kidney stones were an option you were hoping for. You two spent the evening on the couch watching movies compromising on your choices. Since Halloween was coming soon Dean wanted a horror movie, you agreed if you watched that one first and ended your night with The Proposal. That way your mind wasn’t on a horror movie just before bed.

The next week went fairly quickly and your tests were done you were just waiting on follow up. You and Dean both busy at work during the days. You had lost a manager, you mom had been taking on a lot of caterings which kept her out of the store, and Donna couldn’t pick up more hours because she was taking care of her sister, Jody’s daughters at night. All this meant you were working open to close three to four days a week and at least 8 hours the other days. You would get home at night and not want to move from your couch. Friday morning you were doing your prep work when you received a call from your doctor’s office. They had both of your results in. They didn’t find kidney stones; the fibroid had doubled in size and there was a mass on your remaining ovary. Your follow-up appointment with them was 10 days away, but they wanted to see you as soon as you could come in the next day they were open, which was Tuesday. The last surgery you needed was like that, everything done asap. You had found out about the mass and a week later you were in surgery.

You hung up with them and called Dean in tears. Your mind automatically going through worse case scenarios. He did his best to calm you down and tell you everything would be okay. You two were going to be alright. You called your mom when you hung up from Dean and filled her in on your results. Making yourself get back to work.

Being a Friday, you had a busy lunch rush and had a bit of clean up and more prep work to get ready for the dinner rush. You were working in the back when the door buzzer went off notifying you of someone coming in. Donna called you to the front saying a customer needed your help. The first genuine smile you had all day coming to your face as you took in Dean standing there with a bunch of colorful flowers.

“Oh Dean, they’re beautiful! Thank you!”

“Not half as beautiful as you Y/N, how are you holding up sweetheart?”

“I’ve been better. It’s going to be a long weekend waiting to see what he has to say. My mom talked to my cousin who does some work at the hospital, a friend of hers works for an OB/GYN who has been around awhile and is the only one in town who does this surgery robotically. I have an appointment with him next week also for his opinion.”

“It’s all going to work out, no matter what it’s you and me together. I have to get back to work and I know you do to, I just wanted to stop in and see how you were doing.”

“Thank you, Baby, I appreciate it so much. I love you.”

“Love you too Sweetheart. I will see you at home tonight”

When you weren’t at work, you and Dean hung out at home over the weekend. He did his best to take his mind off of your upcoming appointment. You greatly appreciated his effort. Before you knew it, Tuesday afternoon rolled around. This time dean accompanied you to the appointment. The doctor explained that the fibroid was now at 6.7cm and was what was causing your problems. He was really pushing these shots you take once a month that put you in menopause for six months. He told you that it would shrink the fibroid, and that would be best to start with. The other options he was giving you were waiting and getting another ultrasound end of December/early January and coming back then or go in and do surgery sometime. You weren’t sure how you felt about either of those options but were glad he wasn’t going in right away to take out the uterus. What did frustrate you the most, was how the call on Friday made it sound like things were worse and you needed to come in asap for something to be done, and the doctor wasn’t doing anything right now.

You and Dean both felt a little calmer when you left the office. “What are you thinking about your options, Darling?”

“Honestly, I’m not so sure about those shots, I would need a lot more information on them first. The whole being put into menopause has me nervous. That’s not something I ever thought I would be thinking about at 31. When I talked to the nurse on the phone Friday she made this seem so much worse, and he’s not doing anything other than the shots now. I guess we’ll see what the other doctor says tomorrow.”

The next morning you and Dean were at the other doctor’s office. New patient paperwork all filled out and you were waiting to go back. Your cousin’s friend called your name and took you back. She had been talking to your mom, so she knew what was going on and had shared it with the doctor. You asked her opinion on the shots, and she just shook her head. She told you there wasn’t any guarantee it would even work, and there was a lot of risk with what going into menopause could do to you and your chance of having a child. You would have to sign a number of documents that said you didn’t hold that company responsible for any of the large number of side effects.

“I wasn’t sold on them before, I’m really not know” you told her and Dean.

The doctor came in shortly after and did quick exam. You had asked his opinion on what to do, he said taking it out would be the best thing to try and preserve the uterus and a chance for you to have children in the future. Yes, you could have a child with a fibroid on the uterus, but as big as it was it could cause problems. It didn’t end up being a long appointment because he was called away for a birth. He did order 2 tests and you set those up before leaving. One was another ultrasound to check where the fibroid was and if that would cause any problems itself. The other was to check the uterus for any cancer spots, they did warn you that one could be painful, and you weren’t going to want to do much after the test was done. You had those both scheduled for the following Tuesday and Wednesday.

As you walked out to your cars you asked Dean “What did you think of him, and everything said?”

“They are both pretty against the shots, and I know you didn’t really like the idea of them either. You cousin said he has more experience, right?”

“Yes, he does. I’ve talked to a few others that know him, and they all like him. Donna’s aunt was an OB and she referred patients to him if it was something she couldn’t do.”

“Ultimately Y/N, it comes down to what you think, and what you want to do. We can talk more at home on your thoughts and see what these tests say. I will support your decision no matter what.”

“Thank you, Babe. I love you. Have a great day at work.”

“I love you too. I hope you have a great one as well.”

You were talking to Donna at work about everything that you had found out. She had spent a little time working in her aunt’s office and at one point had been premed in school, you valued her opinion.

“You need to get it taken out girly, it’s already grown a lot on you. I know how much you and Dean want kids. If you wait too long you run the risk of losing that chance.”

“Part of me knows that, but the other part of me is worried about what is going to happen during surgery.”

“That’s understandable, any surgery there is a risk. This doctor has done thousands of these, you’ll be fine, most importantly you’ll be better. Don’t ignore this, Dean and you can adopt if you can’t have kids, Dean won’t be fine if he loses you. Don’t do those shots, there is a lot of risk with those, and you could run into even more problems.”

“Those shots are pretty much off the table, I really don’t like the idea of them. I know your right, a part of me just really doesn’t want more surgery. The last week the pain has gotten worse so I don’t know that I can put this off.”

“I know Sweetie, surgery makes anyone nervous. This will all work out.”

“Thanks, Donna, you are an amazing friend.”

After dinner that night you and Dean were sitting in the living room and you decided you weren’t going to think about any medical issues. While he had the game on you grabbed your computer and recipe binder. Settling next to Dean on the couch you pulled up Pinterest and Christmas recipe ideas. You had been scrolling for a few minutes when Dean looked over at your screen.

“What are you looking up Christmas for?”

“Mom and Dad’s Christmas party is a month from tomorrow, and I need to get my baking list around.”

“What do you mean a month away, that’s before Thanksgiving?”

“With Thanksgiving being so late this year, they are doing it the Saturday before. That way it has less chance running into other Holiday parties. You don’t want to do it Thanksgiving weekend, and then there are only three other weekends before Christmas and there will be a bit going on. So I need to figure out what’s on my baking list this year, what’s staying, what I’m adding.”

“It’s too early to talk Christmas.”

“Hallmark starts Christmas movies this weekend, Saturday has some of my favorites we can watch after work!”

“It’s not even Halloween Y/N, I’m not watching Christmas movies!” Dean threw his head back against the couch turning slightly to glare at you.

“You say that now, we’ll see what happens when I get that remote,” you smirked. “I could happily watch them year-round.”

“Ehh, your getting better with that. You used to be into Christmas songs and movies 361, the couple days leading up to Christmas Eve and sometimes that morning you were a little bah humbug saying you were done with all of it. Then the day after Christmas you start singing Frosty again.”

You just glared at him for a minute, “It was the stress, and trying to get everything just right and make everyone happy. My shopping will be done, before 2 days before Christmas this year. I’m going to enjoy it, no stress.”

“Sure thing, Sweetheart, whatever you say. We’ll see how you are on December 23rd.”

“Going back to the Holiday of the month we are actually in, Sam wanted to know if we wanted to come over Thursday night. See Jake in his first Halloween costume, hand out candy to the Trick-or-Treaters. Mom and dad are going to be there too.”

“Sure I’m in. It’s usually a busy night for us so I will be over after I can leave work.”

“Okay so we have my usual baking items: Sugar cookies I think I’m going to keep it simple and just do drop cookies instead of cut outs, buckeyes, peanut butter blossoms, no bakes, petit-fours, truffles, cranberry bars and the varieties of chocolates those I’ll make with mom. Now I need to figure out some new ones. Hey what do you think about, hey, where are you going?”

“I need a beer if we are going to talk about your crazy Christmas baking list.”

You waited for Dean to settle back next to you to show him your finds.

https://www.pinterest.com/pin/174584923042596801/

https://www.pinterest.com/pin/174584923042596805/

“You’re on a Grinch kick this year aren’t you? You mentioned a few weeks ago you wanted a Grinch sweatshirt this year.”

“Maybe, part of me is. Anyways thoughts? What about these?” https://www.pinterest.com/pin/174584923042556919/

“Ooohhhh, Do you think I could make these?” https://www.pinterest.com/pin/174584923040748115/

“We aren’t going to be using our kitchen to make actual food anytime soon are we? I love you and you are very talented when it comes to your baking but I don’t know if you have the patience for those cupcakes.”

“You’re probably right, it does tend to run thinner when I’m trying to get all this stuff done. Look on the bright side, the party is early this year so I will have the kitchen back to normal sooner.”

“Sureee you will.”

You weren’t going to admit it to Dean right now, but you were trying to force yourself into the Holiday spirit. With everything going on you weren’t sure you were going to be in the celebrating mood this year. You knew how much he loved the Holiday, and the time with family together. You would put on a happy face for him.

Dean took you to your appointment Tuesday afternoon, because they didn’t recommend driving after since you were going to be in a bit of pain. It wasn’t even a five minute test to go take a swab of the uterus lining to send in to check for abnormal or cancer cells. They were right though, you definitely hurt after. You and Dean picked up food on the way home so neither of you would have to cook or clean up. He got you situated on the couch with a heating pad after you got home. You two spent another quiet night in. The next afternoon you took yourself to your ultrasound. The results for both tests would be back in time for your appointment the following Tuesday.

Thursday was Halloween, and you were short handed at work again, but not as busy as you were expecting to be. You left around 7 and headed over to Sam and Jess’ house. 5-month-old Jake was dressed up in a cute duck onesie. After saying hi to the couple, your husband, and his parents you grabbed some food and settled down with Jake. You were told you just missed Cas, his wife Kelly, and their son Jack. The one year old getting cranky and ready for bed. Jess and Mary joined you shortly. The guys were watching one of the All Saint’s Day movies. Apparently having a little one to get excited about put Sam in a better Halloween mood then he usually was in. Mary asked how you were doing; Dean had apparently told her a few days before and Jess had just found out tonight.

“I’m alright, it’s been going on over a month and I think at this point I want a plan. I want to know what’s going to happen. But I want to make sure that we decide on the right course of action too.”

Both ladies assured you they thought you would be fine, and that everything would work out for you. Your attention turning to the little boy on the floor in front of you.

You spent your weekend working and had started some grocery shopping for you baking supplies. Those supplies then found a home on your kitchen counter. So Dean was right, he was slowing losing the kitchen for a little while.

Tuesday afternoon saw you and Dean back in your new doctor’s office waiting to be called back. It wasn’t a long wait and you headed back. Thankful your tests had come back normal and the new ultrasound didn’t show any new problems. Because of the last surgery you had there was to much scar tissue in your abdomen for the surgery to be done robotically, and the fibroid was too big. You did have the option for another procedure, he described it as resetting your uterus. He did tell you it wouldn’t do anything for the fibroid, but it could get your periods back under control and might lesson some pain, you would need a few days off work. The best chance you had if you wanted to get pregnant sometime was to have the fibroid removed. Now you just needed to make a decision on what you were going to do. You were leaning toward surgery and when you didn’t make a definitive decision the doctor told you to come back in 2 weeks. When you were checking out and scheduling the next appointment you asked how far out the wait for surgery was. His calendar was filling up and he only had December 9th and 23rd open.

On your way home you and Dean talked about what you both were thinking. You told him you were leaning toward surgery, and he also thought that would be your best choice. Now you just weren’t sure you really wanted to wait. If you called your first doctor, he could do the surgery in two weeks, he just had to wait for insurance purposes. Honestly, he was never busy. That put you the day before your parents Christmas party or waiting till the next weekend which was the day after Thanksgiving. Another problem you had was making sure you had help at work. Right now, you didn’t have the help to do it. If you pushed it too far into December it was going to be a problem with your foot surgery. They had said with your stomach because they were cutting it open you would need to be careful not to tear your stitches for a few weeks and be limited for 6 weeks with what you could do. Crutches weren’t going to be a good thing to mix in.

Your parents, you and Dean all talked. You didn’t have the help to do the surgery in November, December wasn’t a good idea because of your next surgery. You decided if the doctor thought you could wait you would do the foot surgery in January and then six weeks later when you should be able to start putting some pressure on your foot you would have the other. That way the six weeks you needed to be careful with the second surgery would be ending in time for therapy in May. Work was going to be getting better help wise because you were selling on of your locations. The gas station next door to one of them wanted to expand and the only way they could was if they bought your property. That deal was supposed to close first of January. Your foot surgery was scheduled for the 16th. Things seemed to fall in to place for that all to work out.

You still weren’t feeling the best, but you were glad to have noticed you didn’t have the pain in your side and stomach every day anymore. It had turned into just having really bad periods every few weeks.

When you went to your appointment two weeks later you went alone and talked to the doctor about your thoughts and timeline. He didn’t think that would be a problem, telling you before he left that removing it was your best option. They weren’t’ scheduling yet for February or March so they would call you when those books opened.

If you were honest, you were feeling better with what you had decided on. Also, the fact that no one was worried enough to say you had to get in right now for surgery. You were still going to worry between now and surgery it was just who you were.

It was the third week of November, your new focus on the upcoming Holidays. You had already started your baking, freezing everything once it was made cooled and put in an airtight container. The list was still shorter this year it only had about 15 things on it. You didn’t get the Grinch recipes made, or the snow globe cupcakes, but you did make the thumb print snowmen. Next year. Two days before the party you moved on from baking to getting the food you were doing around. In between all this also trying to help your mom decorate their house and putting decorations up at yours. You didn’t end up doing as much to your house as you usually would, but just less to take down after and you knew things would be crazy then.

The day of the party both you and your mom ended up being stuck at work longer than you were supposed to be. This meant you had to work quicker when you got home. Dean went to your parents with you to help with the last minute set up. It was nice living on the same street as them, so you didn’t have far to go. With the final cleaning finished you were in the kitchen with Dean starting to get food around while your mom ran upstairs to shower. Your brother and his girlfriend coming shortly after. They had been dating for almost a year, but she didn’t come around much, so you didn’t know her well. Trying to ask her questions about herself didn’t get you very far because she only gave one-word answers. You looked to Dean and he just shrugged his shoulders, not knowing how to get much out of her either. When your mom came back down, and the food was in good shape you and dean went home to get ready and get the desserts.

You always enjoyed this party it was family from both of your parent’s sides, Dean’s family started coming when you two were dating. A variety of your parent’s friends along with your brother’s and yours. You were surprised to see more cars in the driveway when you returned. Cas, Benny and Kelly were in the kitchen talking to your dad and brother, along with one of his old friends from school. It didn’t take long for the house to fill up with people and the sounds of laughter. It was close to one by the time you and Dean went home after helping to clean up. You were beat and ready to fall into bed, Dean not far behind.

The restaurant you were selling, was the store you spent every day at, it had been your baby over the last 8 years. Since you were going to be closing it soon you had cut back on the Sunday hours which meant you and Dean could enjoy a lazy morning after the party. It was nice not to get up and go, you had missed the relaxing mornings you two used to enjoy. When you finally dragged yourselves from bed it was to the kitchen to make a late breakfast of eggs, bacon and toast. You would have to head in to work after lunch, but that didn’t mean you had to be in a hurry to get ready. After cleaning up the kitchen Dean dragged you back to the bedroom where you spent a little more time catching up.

That week was Thanksgiving which meant a shorter work week for you both. Thursday morning started off much like Sunday’s had, although you both had to be out the door by noon and have your food and deserts ready. A late lunch with your family at your grandmother’s house was first. The Y/L/N could be a rowdy group, so it was usually a good time as long as you could avoid any family arguments. After cleaning up there you would head to Dean’s parents where they had an early dinner. You tried not to eat too much at either place for two reasons, one you wanted to be able to move later and two you were trying to avoid being sick. It didn’t hit you as much as before, but you never knew when it would. After the guys collapsed in front of the football game on tv, Mary and Jess hit the adds. You left to go pick up your mom. The last two years you to had done some Thursday evening shopping because you both worked on Friday, and it gave you time just he two of you. You hit the mall and a few stores trying to start on your shopping list. You meant it when you told Dean that everything was going to be done early this year. You were going to enjoy the Holiday season. When you finished you dropped her back at home before going back to your in-laws. A short time later you and Dean headed home.

Much like it does every year December flies by. You hadn’t finished your shopping as early as you wanted, but you weren’t as stressed about it this year. You enjoyed nights with Dean curled up on the couch. You had seen the Grinch more times than you could count this year, I guess you were having a Grinchy year. Before you knew it, Christmas Eve was here. Both you and Dean worked that morning before meeting your families at church for the 4 o’clock service. You had to go early if you wanted a park, and a seat. It was always so beautifully decorated for Christmas, you enjoyed taking it all in waiting for Mass to start. One of your favorite parts of this service was when Father would call any little kids up that wanted to and ask them questions about the religious aspects of the holiday. Where was Jesus born? Your favorite answer this year was Baltimore. What gifts did the baby receive? Cake and ice cream. The answers they came up with were always a laugh. You hoped you would be sending your own child up there someday.

Everyone headed to your parents’ house after, some other family and friends would be joining you. You had dinner and then played games. As you and your cousins had grown so had the games. Jake was the only child present and he wasn’t old enough to understand what was going on. With all the adults playing it could get a little rowdy especially between Sam and Dean. One of your aunts had done that gifts wrapped in a saran wrap ball and it seemed like only those two could make much progress. So of course, when one of them was trying to unwrap the other would give a little trash talk. You had been feeling a little off and would disappear from the room. When the ball was unwrapped, and Dean saw you left again he came to find you. He found you sitting on the steps just outside your parents’ upstairs bathroom.

“Everything all right, Sweetheart?”

“Not really, my stomach is hurting me a bit and if I try to eat or drink I’m running to the restroom because it’s going to make a reappearance.”

“Anything I can do to make it better?”

“Thank you, but no I just need to tough it out.”

“Soon Y/N this is all going to be behind you honey.”

“I cannot wait.”

He held you close as you both sat on the steps for a few minutes softly kissing the top of your head. When you rejoined your family, they were on to a different game. The two of you hanging back to watch. When the time came to leave you were more than ready to head home just so Dean could hold you in bed. You fell into a fitful sleep that night, not feeling all that much better when you awoke.

The two of you were spending the morning at your mom and dad’s and then going to John and Mary’s in the afternoon. Your dad’s mom and siblings joined you for breakfast and afterwards you exchanged gifts. Luckily, you only had to leave the room once. Dean knew you weren’t feeling well so the two of you left shortly after to go home before heading to his parent’s house. When you arrived, you headed to the kitchen to help Mary. The two of you got along really well, you often considered yourself luck in that way. A few of your friends didn’t have the best relationship with their in-laws. By the time Sam and Jess arrived dinner was ready, and you all gathered round the table to enjoy. It was a great night spent with them.

The end of December was quickly approaching, and you hadn’t heard anything from the company buying your story, communication had just stopped. After you talked to your dad, he started making phone calls to the company again to see what was going on. Their plans for the property and been pushed back a few months so they were no longer in a hurry to close. You ended up pushing your foot surgery back there weeks till the 6th of February. Your dad finally got a date out of them you were closing on Monday the 3rd of February, that would also be the last day open. You would spend the next two days moving everything out. The New Year wasn’t even here yet and you knew it was going to be going fast.

Things were going to get busy for you in January, so you and Dean decided you just wanted a quiet night in for New Year’s. At the store you picked up a bottle of Sparkling Cider to toast with, neither one of you big Champagne drinkers, along with a few different appetizers to make. The evening was spent curled up on the couch watching movies, until you switched over to watch the ball drop. Sharing a sweet kiss with Dean when midnight arrived. This was going to be your year. The surgeries would be done soon, you and Dean could move on with the rest of your lives, it was all going to work out and be fine.

You had been right when you told Dean January would be crazy. You spent the month working on cleaning out things at work. The office took a bit of time, dividing up what was going home and what you were sending to your new office. Cleaning out things you didn’t use any more, what you were selling and what was moving to the other location. On top of all that you were trying to keep a relatively clean house and not let everything there fall on Dean’s shoulders. Everyday it seemed like a little bit more left the store and the shelves were slowly becoming bare.

Sunday through Wednesday of closing week was going to be extremely chaotic for you all, so you wanted things at home that needed to be done before surgery finished by Saturday. You cleaned the house top to bottom, rearranged the living room furniture so it would be easier to navigate on crutches, got the crutches ready, finished laundry and tried to stock up on non-perishable groceries so Dean wouldn’t have to go out as much.

The last two days you were open were particularly emotional for you. This location had been your baby and second home for the last 8 years, you had helped with the cleaning, gutting, and remodeling of the building when you bought it. Everything was set up just how you wanted it. When you went back to work in a few months at the other location it was going to be vastly different. Sitting at the closing you were trying to hold back the tears as you signed the papers, part of you wished Dean was there to give you some of his strength but he had to be at the shop that day since he was taking the next 3 days off. Leaving the closing you went to work to open for the last time. That day was extremely busy for your and Donna so many of your loyal customers coming in one last time. Dean came in for a late lunch giving you a much-needed hug, he left after promising to be back before closing. Dean along with your parents came back before closing helping you to clean up and finish making orders. When you turned the open sign off one last time Dean pulled you into his arms and held you while you cried.

“It’s okay Sweetheart. It’s the start of a new chapter, you have a lot of memories to take with you.”

“Thanks, Dean. I know, I just hate goodbyes, and change.”

“I know you do, but it’s a good one. Keep telling yourself that. Closing this story is going to help greatly relieve some stress.”

“You’re right, Babe.”

“Hey! I’m always right. We should probably head home; we have an early busy day tomorrow.”

It was six am when you and Dean pulled back into the parking lot the next day. You had wanted a few minutes without the others around to take care of some of your stuff. By 6:30 someone was there to disconnect the water lines so the pop dispenser and ice machine could be moved. Your parents arrived at 7 and you started loading both of their trucks and the trailer with items going to the other store. Sam arrived and went with Dean in one of the trucks following your mom to go unload. Electricians, and others arrived to get the oven and its components unhooked. You had gone around the day before and put a note on everything stating where it was going, whether the other store, your or your parents’ house for storage, staying in the building or going somewhere and you just didn’t know where yet. The movers were the last to arrive taking some of the bigger equipment for you, this way you guys didn’t have to figure out how to get it on and off a trailer. Dean and Sam arrived back to help load the truck and your SUV. At one-point Dean took one of the “going somewhere” notes and tapped it to your back. It was awhile and two stops later before anyone told you. It was 6 o’clock that night when you put the last load in your car to leave for the day, heading home to unload one more time. By the time it was unloaded your foot hurt so bad you could barely walk, both you and Dean collapsing on the couch not moving till you went to bed.

The next day you had a few more things to get out of the store and had to meet the pop company to pick up their equipment since they couldn’t come the previous day. You left the store that afternoon for the final time. Your OB and scheduled one last ultrasound you had to run and get that done, thankfully the fibroid had not changed from your last one in December. One more grocery store run to stock up for a bit, then home to vacuum and make sure you were all packed for the hospital.

Both your mom and Dean were going with you for surgery, but Dean had an early morning meeting the next day he couldn’t reschedule so your mom was staying the night in the hospital and bringing you home the next day. It was an hour drive and you had to be there at 6:30 for an 8:30 surgery. You went through all your pre-op things and your mom and Dean joined you back there waiting for you to go. Several people were in and out of your little curtain room, the surgeon, anesthesiologist, nurses, and med students. It was finally time to wheel you back after getting one last hug and kiss from Dean and him telling you everything would be fine. A few hours later you woke up in recovery which is where you saw Dean and your mom again. It is also where you found out they didn’t have a room for you, and you were staying in a short-term patient ward. It was almost like a pre-op room, one giant room with 15 curtained off rooms. Actually, the pre-op room was bigger. There was a bed a chair and one of the old hospital TVs that moved. The back of your foot where they did the heal work was bleeding through your after surgery splint and they said it would take a few hours to stop so they propped it up and told you, you couldn’t get out of bed. It only took a few hours for you to be tired of sitting in one spot, as someone who spent all day on her feet this was a struggle. Sleeping in a hospital had never come easy for you with your previous surgeries and adding all the extra noise with so many people around that wasn’t happening either. It was later in the afternoon when you told Dean he should go.

“Babe, you might as well head home, you have an hour drive and there isn’t anything you can do here. Plus, there really isn’t any room in here.”

“Are you sure? I don’t want to leave if you need me.”

“We will be fine, I’m not moving, and mom will be here if I need something. Go home get some rest it’s been a long week. I love you I’ll see you at home tomorrow.”

“Love you too, I’ll call you later. Take care Sweetheart. Y/M/N, call me if you need something or anything.” He gave you a kiss and hugged your mom before leaving.

The rest of the evening and night dragged on, when you finally fell asleep that night you woke up almost every half and hour. The nurses were in every hour, and around 2am one of the other patients started screaming because he pulled something out he shouldn’t have. By 5 am you gave up on sleep. One of the doctors came in later in the morning to wrap another layer of gauze around your splint to cover up the blood, and by noon they let you go home.

The next two weeks went fairly quickly, Dean made a good nurse when he was home at night getting you whatever you needed so you didn’t have to get up or try and carry anything while using the crutches. You had practiced on the crutches before surgery, but it is still a little different when you have to be using them. As your family knew well, you were also accident prone and managed to slip and slam your foot down a handful of times. Both your parents, and his would stop over during the day to see if you needed anything or to bring you lunch. The stitches and staples came out at the two-week mark, that wasn’t a fun experience you had never had it hurt as much as it did this time. The doctor wasn’t putting you in a cast, he was going to let you leave in a boot which you would be able to take off if you were sitting with it up or to shower. Thank you for small miracles! The next appointment was four weeks away, the Friday before your Monday surgery.

The next month went fine for you, just very long. You were still stuck at home so things did get a bit boring, a number of new games could be found on your phone and you found a website with fanfiction from your favorite show you started reading. While fine for you, things were going nuts in the outside world, something called Covid-19 was making a lot of people extremely sick, overseas countries shut down and in the U.S., many states were doing the same thing. Your follow up appointment was cancelled and moved to a video chat, then days before it was scheduled your next surgery was cancelled. Stay at home orders were put in place and masks were required for those who had to leave the house.

It was definitely a crazy time and it went on for a few months. 6 weeks after you last video appointment, during the first full week of May, you had another and this one sent you to therapy if you could find someone open. You could also lose the boot and work on losing the crutches. The place you had gone for past surgeries was open and you started back there. This surgery was the hardest time you had to start walking again. There was a bit of pain if your heel hit the ground, so you couldn’t completely get rid of the crutches like you wanted to. The therapist you were working with said with the type of surgery done to your heel, the pain you had with it would determine what you could do and how fast you would get there.

You got a call from your OB’s office, they were given the clear to start surgeries again and yours was scheduled for June 1st, which was two weeks away. You had had a few problems over the last couple of months and just hoped nothing had changed and they would be able to just go in and take the fibroid out no problem. The closer the date got the more worried you became. Dean tried to tell you everything was going to be fine, and not to worry, but you aren’t the best listener. Because of things going on with Covid, you needed to be home the week before surgery as much as possible only going to therapy twice and the grocery store once early in the week to get a few things you wanted. For the last three months Dean had done the shopping, and you were thankful, but there were a few things you wanted to get yourself. Saturday you were going to have to get a Covid test and then had to self-isolate until you left for the hospital on Monday morning. The hardest part of that was going to be sleeping in a different room from Dean, you were even supposed to wear a mask when he was in the same room as you. You had spent the week before rearranging the living room again, then cleaning the house best you could as you hobbled around. Friday night you spent the evening with Dean curled up in your spots on the couch. The closer you got to surgery the more nervous you became.

“Sweetheart, everything is going to go just fine. There is nothing for you to worry about, and no matter how much you worry it isn’t going to change anything.”

“I know, I’m just, I can’t help it. You know how my mind works I’m great at going to the worse case possible. I’ve always wanted kids, and I know you did too, I’m afraid I’m not going to be able to give that to you.”

“Hey, it’s you and me no matter what happens. If we can have kids one day awesome, if not we will look into adopting. What’s not changing is you and me, we are in this together, always.”

“I love you. Thanks for being so amazing, especially during these last crazy months when I couldn’t do much on my own.”

“I love you, too. That’s what I’m here for, you would do the same thing for me. You always take care of me when I’m sick. I will always be here for you.”

“I will always be here for you too.”

Saturday morning you did a few more things around the house before giving Dean a kiss and leaving for your test. It went fairly quick your doctor’s office scheduled you an appointment and you preregistered. You headed home to work on laundry and make sure you bag was packed. That evening you and Dean were watching movies in the living room, although unlike usual you weren’t sitting together on the couch. Sunday was a warm sunny day, so you enjoyed it outside. Monday morning Dean took you to the hospital, you went through check in and then through the routine in pre-op. Just before they took you back you snuck in a quick hug and kiss from Dean.

“I love you, Baby, everything is going to be just fine. I will talk to you after surgery.”

“I love you too, thank you for everything.”

“You don’t have to thank me for anything. We are in this together. Love you Sweetheart.”

Dean was able to stay at the hospital during surgery, but he had to leave after. They weren’t allowing visitors into the hospital, so you were going to be on your own in the hospital for the next three days. Dean headed to the waiting room and they came to wheel you back to surgery. Well, here goes nothing.

Part 2

#dean x reader #sick reader #Supernatural #dean winchester

120 notes · View notes

sesamestreep · 4 years

Text

stack the deck with wild cards (chapter 3)

(read on AO3)

(start from the beginning)

SUMMARY: Cassian finally learns the truth and some feelings are discussed. Emphasis on "some".

A/N: Different day, same warnings for discussions of pregnancy, unsafe sex, and abortion. See the AO3 link above for more detailed warnings, if you need them. We’re halfway there!!

Jyn sprints the entire way home to her apartment, despite the fact that she hates running. If she’s focused on how miserable she is about that, she can’t think about what a fool she just made of herself at the restaurant and keeping her mind off of that is the most important thing at the moment. With all of the winter layers she has on, she ends up drenched in sweat by the time she gets home, so she immediately takes a long, hot shower. It’s just how she deals with stress these days, apparently. She’s in there so long that it’s a wonder her roommate doesn’t bang down the door and chew her out about the water bill being high enough as it is, but she’s probably due for a small mercy at this point.

After she’s done, she heads back to her room and finds the gigantic pile of clothes waiting for her on her bed, just where she left them, and that’s enough of a reality check that she finds herself crumpling onto the floor and crying her eyes out. Stupid fucking hormones , she thinks, with her knees pulled into her chest. Stupid Reece for breaking up with her and cheating on her for months and for ruining everything. Stupid Cassian with his soft eyes and his small, understanding smiles and his punctuality and his resigned acceptance of the way she’s treated him. Stupid Jyn, with her irresponsibility and her fear of emotions and commitment and vulnerability and her dedication to always putting her faith in the wrong people and her insurmountable distrust of the right ones and her idiot uterus for picking this time with this guy to get pregnant.

When there’s no tears left, just the shaky breaths of coming down from a tantrum, she slowly counts to ten and then pushes herself back up to her feet. She tells herself that she will come up with a new plan of how to tell Cassian what’s going on in the morning—it may be immature, but at this point, a text might be her best option—and for now, all she has to do is fold her clothes and then she can go to bed.

She’s managed to re-fold about half of the pile when her phone chimes with an alert for a text message. Seeing it’s from Bodhi, she swipes the screen to open it and sees that it just says: I’m so so so so so so so so sorry, I’m so sorry . Before she can process that or ask him what he means, her phone rings and, this time, it’s Cassian.

Jyn freezes for a second before she numbly hits the button to answer the call. “Hello?”

“You’re pregnant ?”

“I—” she starts to deny it, but realization dawns before she can come up with a proper lie. “Bodhi told you,” she says, closing her eyes and trying to remember how to breathe.

“Don’t be upset with him,” Cassian replies hurriedly. “He thought I knew.”

“I’m not,” Jyn says, and tries not to read anything into his tone. “Upset with him, that is.”

“Oh. Good.”

Silence stretches between them and Jyn can’t really blame him for not knowing what to say next. She doesn’t even know what to say next, and she’s the one holding all the cards in this situation.

“Cassian?”

“I’m still here.”

“Do you want to come over?” She asks, picking at a loose thread on her comforter anxiously. It shouldn’t feel like such a big ask, but at the moment it does. “To talk, I mean.”

He exhales loudly, as if he’d been holding his breath waiting for her question. “At your place?”

“Yeah.”

“Right now?”

“If you want,” Jyn says with a shrug that he can’t see. This conversation is making her feel all of fifteen years old. She half-expects him to ask if her parents are home next.

“Okay, sure,” he replies, sounding cautious. “I could do that.”

Some part of Jyn relaxes at that, even if he doesn’t sound enthusiastic about it. Because, surely, if he hated her now, he wouldn’t come over to see her. He doesn’t even seem angry about any of this, just confused, which makes sense under the circumstances. It doesn’t have to be catastrophic; they can handle it like adults, maybe.

It takes a few more minutes of awkward discussion, but Jyn says she’ll send Cassian her address and he says he can be there in about twenty minutes and then they hang up, leaving Jyn to panic in her apartment alone. She does her best to clean up the rest of her clothes and put them back where they belong, but a significant portion of them just get dropped onto her desk chair to be dealt with later. She tries to get the living room to look like an real adult lives there, moving all the assorted cups and plates she’s left lying around into the kitchen sink and tidying up the art supplies that are strewn across every surface. She doesn’t bother changing into a cuter outfit again; Cassian knows what he’s getting into now, she reasons, and so she sticks with the leggings-and-a-sweater ensemble that is now, apparently, her traditional outfit for telling someone she is pregnant.

The time between getting off the phone with Cassian and the buzzer signaling his arrival doesn’t exactly fly by, but the panic-induced cleaning spree does take up Jyn’s attention for a while. She’s already warned him that it was a trek from the lobby to her apartment and that there’s no elevator, so she just buzzes him in and waits by the door until she hears footsteps close by. She undoes the chain and turns over the deadbolt, swinging the door open about two seconds before Cassian appears in front of it.

“Hey,” he says, slightly out of breath, and, for all Jyn saw him just an hour ago, her heart still stutters at the sight of him.

“Hi,” she says, still at a loss for how to have this conversation, despite the ample time she’s had to worry about it. They obviously can’t have it in the doorway, though, so she steps aside while gesturing into the apartment. “Come inside,” she adds, awkwardly.

Cassian steps past her and his face takes on the expression of someone trying not to seem nosy while his eyes nonetheless take in the entire room. It makes sense that he’d be interested—they hooked up at his place, so he’s never actually been here before, and she’d been the same way with his bedroom, scanning everything and hoping to learn more about him from it—but Jyn can’t help but worry that he’ll find something she doesn’t want him to know about her. Then again, that’s always how she feels with him, like her carefully designed defenses are useless against his perceptiveness. Like she’s giving herself away with everything she does.

“I can take your coat, if you want,” she says, just for something to do. If it distracts him from whatever he’s learning about her from her messy apartment, that’s good too. She holds out a hand for it, feeling ridiculous but not willing to bail on the impulse now.

“Oh,” Cassian says, as if his mind had been elsewhere. He moves to unzip his jacket, but a brown paper bag he’s carrying that Jyn hadn’t noticed when he first came in impedes him. “Can you actually—?” He asks, gesturing at her with the bag.

Jyn reaches for it immediately, relieved to have something to do with her hands. “Yes, sure,” she says, solemnly, as if taking this bag from him is the most important task in the history of the universe. He’s halfway out of his jacket when she thinks to ask, “what is this, anyway?”

“Oh,” he says again, pulling his arm out of a sleeve. “It’s dinner.”

“Dinner?”

“Yeah,” he says, as if this requires no further explanation. When Jyn just blinks at him in response, though, he seems to realize he needs to elaborate. “You didn’t get to eat earlier.”

“Right, so this is—?”

“Dinner,” Cassian replies, slowly, as if it’s not a word she’s heard before, which it may as well not be, given how much difficulty she’s having understanding him. “You told me what you were going to order earlier, so I thought—”

“Sorry, you went back to the restaurant?” Jyn asks, disbelieving. “To get me dinner?”

“Yes,” he says, carefully, like he thinks he might be in trouble.

“You went back to pick up dinner after I humiliated myself and left you there for no reason and lied to you?” She asks, and she can tell from the waver in her voice that she's about to embarrass herself again.

“You didn’t do any of that, Jyn,” he says, patiently, and that’s all it takes to make her cry again, apparently, which rightfully freaks him out. “If I did something wrong—” he starts to say, reaching out for her.

“No, no. Not at all,” Jyn says, wiping at her eyes in what turns out to be a futile gesture; trying to hide her tears just makes her more embarrassed and that makes her cry even more. “You’re being way too nice to me. I don’t deserve this.”

Cassian shrugs. “Everyone deserves dinner,” he says, like it’s really as simple as that. “I really didn’t mean to make you upset.”

“You didn’t. I mean, I’m fine,” she replies, not sounding convincing at all judging by Cassian’s reaction. She sniffles and tries again. “Really, I am. It’s just these damn hormones.”

“Right,” he says, gesturing vaguely as if the hormones are in the air somehow. He takes a deep, steadying breath before he speaks again. “So, you’re pregnant…”

Jyn tilts her head in the direction of the living room. “Come on, let’s sit down to talk about this.”

Cassian lets her lead the way and cautiously takes a seat in the armchair once he sees Jyn settle on the couch. She can’t tell if this distance is for his sake or for hers, but it doesn’t feel like a good sign either way. It also brings to mind the conversation she had with Bodhi, with them in the exact same positions. She can only hope this one will go even half as well.

After a few moments of silence, Cassian clears his throat awkwardly. “So…?”

Jyn laughs before she can stop herself, not because she’s genuinely amused but just because she cannot believe this is a real thing that’s happening to her. “Right,” she says. “I guess I have to do the talking here.”

Cassian nods, but speaks anyway. “All Bodhi told me was that you were pregnant,” he says. “He thought you’d already told me when he heard we’d gone to dinner—”

“I was planning to tell you then, but I…”

“You what?”

Jyn takes a deep breath and stares at her hands where they’re gripping her knees. “I chickened out,” she says, to her hands.

“Why?”

“I just—you were talking to that kid at the next table and you said you couldn’t wait to have little ones running around and I didn’t want to tell you I was pregnant and deal with the disappointment when I told you I wasn’t going to keep it.”

Cassian closes his eyes, looking pained, and Jyn readies herself for the oncoming argument. Instead of yelling at her, though, Cassian just groans and rubs his forehead.

“Oh, god,” he says, “if I’d known you were—”

“You couldn’t have!” She hurries to say. “How could you have known?”

“I know, but still.”

“There’s nothing wrong with wanting kids! I just...don’t.”

“Neither do I,” Cassian says, in a rush, and Jyn feels like she forgets how to breathe for a second.

She shakes her head. “You don’t have to say that to make me feel better,” she says, feeling oddly hurt by the very idea of it. Reece had been pretty ambivalent about the whole issue, but she’s had other exes who insisted she would change her mind and it made her wary of bringing the subject of kids up with anyone. She might very well change her mind someday , but she feels comfortable saying she doesn’t want children now . That way, no one she dates gets disappointed later on when she doesn’t change her mind.

“I’m not,” Cassian says, in the here and now. “I mean it.”

“Cassian, you work with children in the foster care system. You love kids! And you told me an hour ago that you can’t wait to have a bunch of them!”

“My sister is pregnant,” he says, cutting in before she can keep going. “That’s what I was talking about. She told the whole family when we were all home for Christmas. And you’re right: I do love kids. But I think being an uncle will be enough for me.”

Jyn’s entire mouth has gone dry, so forming words is a little difficult at the moment. She’d been so sure that he would want kids of his own, even if he didn’t want this one with her right now. Without even realizing it, she’d put it on the list of reasons why she absolutely couldn’t date Cassian Andor; because he’s the sort of guy who will want a family someday and she’s not the sort of girl who could give that to him. Well, on a purely biological level, apparently she’s extremely capable of it, but on an emotional level, not so much. The point is, hearing him say that he doesn’t want kids feels like it shatters her entire worldview.

Cassian, however, doesn’t seem to realize her silence is the result of any emotional upheaval and takes it instead as an invitation to keep talking. “And even if I did want kids, I’m definitely not ready to have them now,” he says, leaning in closer to her as if to emphasize his sincerity. “And even if I was ready, it’s not my decision.”

“Really?” Jyn asks, finding enough confidence to be incredulous.

“Really,” he says, earnestly and, if she’s not mistaken, a little defensively. “I couldn’t ask someone to carry a child they didn’t want for nine months just because I wanted it.”

She likes that he keeps it theoretical like that, as if they’re talking about a fictional pregnancy and not a real one. He doesn’t even mention her specifically. He’s talking about some other future woman, one who wouldn’t abandon him at a restaurant because she couldn’t have an adult conversation. It’s another reason—one he’s too polite to mention—that this pregnancy can’t go forward: they’re not together and they never could be. She’s just not relationship material.

“But, to be clear,” she says, “you don’t want it?”

“No,” he says, immediately and firmly, which reassures her but makes him wince. “I mean, you don’t either, right?”

“What? No!”

“I just wanted to be sure,” he says, leaning back and running a hand through his hair. “Because I don’t want you to feel like you have to—”

“I’m not having a baby,” Jyn says, just as firmly. “I don’t want one and I’d be a terrible mother, so...it’s just not happening.”

“I don’t think you’d be—” Cassian starts to say but she cuts him off with a look. He puts up his hands, as though he’s surrendering. “Right. You don’t need my reassurance on this, I get it.”

Jyn narrows her eyes at him, even as she leans back against the couch cushions. “You’re being remarkably understanding about all of this,” she says, warily.

“Sorry, did you want me to be an asshole about it?” He snaps, and then clearly regrets it. “I’m sorry, I just—”

“You’re fine, Cassian. I’m relieved, honestly, to see you have a real emotion about something.”

He laughs at that, but there’s no joy to it and Jyn realizes belatedly that she’s actually hurt his feelings.

“Yes, I know it’s a rare thing with me,” he says, looking down at his shoes.

“I’m sorry,” she says, leaning forward but stopping short of reaching for him. “I didn’t mean it like that.”

“I know what you meant.”

“No, you don’t.” She takes a deep breath, before she goes on. “I just prepared so much for the worst case scenario, where you got angry with me and called me selfish for not wanting this baby and, well, all sorts of other terrible things, that I guess I don’t know what to do now that you’re here and you’re being really...lovely about it.”

Cassian laughs again, though there’s some actual good humor to it this time. “Lovely, huh?”

“Yes,” Jyn replies, refusing to be embarrassed of her word choice. “You brought me dinner and you’re being so understanding and patient about all of this. You’re not even mad that I thought you were going to be awful about it.”

“Believe me, I’m familiar with catastrophizing,” he says, sardonically. “I love a good worst case scenario.”

Jyn smiles at that. “I just want to make sure you’re being honest with me about how you feel,” she says, ignoring the irony of those words coming from her, the queen of denial.

Cassian, for his part, looks completely thrown by this. “How I feel?” He asks, baffled. “Jyn, you’re the one who’s pregnant. How I feel is irrelevant.”

“That’s not true. You can still have feelings about it! And while it’s not precisely a secret, and I know it’s not like you and I are super close, it’s still mostly a thing just between us and I guess I just want to make sure you’re alright.”

He nods, absently, but seems to be giving the question real thought. “I think I am,” he finally says, and somehow his uncertainty goes a long way in making Jyn trust what he’s saying. “I grew up in the sort of family where we didn’t talk about these kinds of things, you know? That is, until you got your first girlfriend and then everyone was saying you’d better not try anything because if she gets pregnant, you’re gonna have to marry her, you know? And you know the state of sex education in this country, it’s honestly so—”

Cassian stops himself when he catches Jyn’s eye and realizes she’s trying not to smile. “Sorry,” he says, looking embarrassed and, unfortunately, very cute because of it. “That’s a rant for another day. The point is, I grew up thinking abortion was bad, because sex outside of marriage was bad and if you’re married and having sex, you should want kids too. But then I went away to college and now I have a degree in social work and somewhere along the line, I realized abortion was just...a thing people do. And I think everyone should have access to it if they want or need it.

“And I don’t know how to convince you I’m not just saying all of this for a gold star or something, but I promise it’s how I really feel and I don’t...judge you at all, for doing it.” He pauses, clearly debating whether to say anything else. “I mean, I’m definitely not going to tell my grandmother about this because she’d kick my ass, but she also still thinks I go to church every Sunday, so what’s another lie between family?”

“I mean, are you sure you don’t want to brag about knocking me up and then encouraging me to get an abortion to your grandmother?” Jyn asks, honestly unable to process any of the other things he said. “Because that sounds like a really fun conversation to me.”

Cassian laughs at that, and this time it’s genuine, which she can tell from the way he ducks his head to hide his smile. “If you want her to know so bad, I’ll give you her number. You can tell her yourself.”

“I think I’m good.”

“Are you?” He asks, softly, after a moment’s consideration. He’s looking at his hands when he says it, like he’s afraid of how she’ll react to his concern. “I mean, are you okay?”

Jyn laughs, disbelieving, before she realizes that could seem rude. “I mean, I’ve been better,” she says, truthfully. “But I’ve also been worse. So I guess I am okay. I’m exactly okay.”

She means it to be pacifying, to ease Cassian’s mind, but she sees that she’s missed the mark when the concerned expression on his face seems to deepen. She thinks about backpedaling somehow, saying something fake and cheerful about the situation, but she can’t think of anything and she’s also pretty sure Cassian would see right through that anyway. She’s never been able to hide from him, which is probably why this thing has been such a mess from the start.

“I mean, I’m not exactly happy to have this procedure done, or to have to pay for it, but—”

“I could help,” Cassian interjects and Jyn completely loses her train of thought.

“Help?” She asks, blankly. “With what?”

“With...paying for it,” he says, awkwardly.

“Oh,” Jyn says, feeling an odd mixture of emotions. She’s not even sure what kind of help she was expecting him to offer, but paying for her abortion wasn’t it. “You don’t have to do that.”

“I could, though. I will, if you want.”

She takes a deep breath, trying to understand what she’s actually feeling before she says anything. “I don’t.”

“You don’t…?”

“I don’t want your help,” she says, trying not to sound too harsh while also sounding decisive.

“Oh,” Cassian replies, painfully neutral. “I understand.”

Jyn wants to contradict him, comfort him somehow by telling him he’s wrong and that he doesn’t understand. She wants to explain that she’s not rejecting his help because she doesn’t want or need it, but because she doesn’t feel she deserves it, after everything. She can’t walk around for the rest of her life, seeing him at shows and at Bodhi’s place, knowing that she fucked him over and ghosted him and then he came through when she needed him. She wouldn’t be able to deal with the guilt. She already can’t.

“It was my fault,” she says, instead, which just makes him look at her in confusion. “I told you I was on birth control—and I thought I was, really—but I forgot to refill my prescription after my breakup because I wasn’t having sex with anyone and so I let it lapse because, whatever, who cares, right? And then I forgot that I had stopped taking it and so when we, you know, had sex, I thought I was on the pill—I have been for like 10 years, so I just got so used to saying it that I forgot I wasn’t anymore—and that’s why I said we didn’t have to use anything. And then like three weeks ago, I found my old birth control...case...thing and it was empty and I remembered that I stopped taking it and then I realized I hadn’t had my period in a while and my boobs have been really tender and I took a home pregnancy test and it was positive so then I went to Planned Parenthood and they said I was pregnant and then I scheduled my abortion for next Friday.

“And now here we are,” she says, finally taking a breath. “So, I’m sorry but I can’t take your money after I’ve been so careless about...everything. I’m also sorry I talked about my boobs being tender before. That was weird.”

Cassian just looks at her, dumbfounded, for a moment after she’s finished speaking. “You don’t need to apologize,” he eventually says, once he’s gathered his thoughts. “For any of it.”

“Cassian—”

“No, really,” he says, firmly. “I’m not going to push you on this, I promise. If you don’t want my help, that’s your prerogative. But just don’t apologize to me, when there’s nothing to be sorry for.”

“I screwed everything up,” Jyn insists, feeling close to tears once again. “Why aren’t you upset with me?”

“Because you’re doing everything you can to make sure none of this affects me! You don’t want money from me, you’re not even blaming me for getting you pregnant in the first place.”

“Because it was my fault!”

“These things happen, Jyn,” Cassian says, gently. “Even if you’d been on the pill, even if we used a condom, this could have happened.”

“Someone thinks very highly of his own virility,” she says before she can stop herself, but luckily it makes him laugh. “Sorry,” she adds, anyway.

“Stop apologizing,” he says, though the severity of it is undercut by the fact that he’s still smiling at her. They sit there in the surprisingly pleasant, companionable silence for a few moments until Cassian’s face suddenly clouds with worry again. “Wait, did you say your appointment is next Friday?” He asks.

“Yes. Why?”

“But that’s the 14th,” he says. When that only earns him a blank stare in response, he adds, “Valentine’s Day?”

“Oh, I guess it is,” Jyn says, with a shrug. “Why does that matter?”

Cassian shrugs too, but it feels like he’s faking it. “It’s just not a very fun way to spend Valentine’s Day.”

Jyn waves a hand at this concern. “Oh, I don’t care about that. Although, I hope it doesn’t interrupt Bodhi’s plans. I didn’t even think of that.”

“Bodhi?”

“Yeah, he’s coming to my appointment with me.”

“Oh?”

“They said I had to bring someone,” Jyn says, with a hint of an eyeroll. “Otherwise, I wouldn’t have bothered Bodhi about it.”

Cassian nods aggressively at that, but his eyes are on the coffee table instead of her and his gaze seems far off. “That’s good, though,” he says, sounding as if he’s trying to convince himself. “Bodhi will be a good person to have around for that. He’s...comforting. You’ll be comfortable with him.”

“Right,” she agrees, distracted by his odd behavior. “Are you okay?”

“Yes,” he says, snapping out of it immediately. “Of course. It’s just getting late, that’s all.”

“Oh, right. Well, if you have to go…”

“I probably should,” Cassian says, apologetically. Like he should really give up more of his free time for her. “I have work in the morning and...well, you know…”

“Yeah, I do,” Jyn says, standing up at the same time as he does.

At a loss for what to say or do, she goes to grab his jacket off the hook by the door. She turns to bring it back to him, only to find him right behind her. She makes an embarrassing noise of surprise at him being so close and hands it over without a word.

“Thanks,” he says, with a wry smile that somehow doesn’t feel like it’s at her expense.

“Thank you,” she replies, gesturing back towards the couch, “for bringing me dinner and for coming back after I acted so insane at the restaurant and for being so understanding about everything.”

Cassian is busy trying to get the collar of his jacket to sit right, so she hopes he doesn’t see that her eyes are stupidly filling with tears again. He looks back at her half a second after she gets herself under control, which is lucky, but the expression on his face—careful, guarded hope mixed with genuine interest and concern—nearly undoes her hard work in an instant. He’s not allowed to look at her like that.

“Thank you for telling me,” he says, softly, like he’s afraid to startle her. “You didn’t have to, and I appreciate it.”

“Oh, well, that’s not—”

He cuts off her equivocating with a sharp look and she takes the hint. He winds his scarf around his neck before he says, “I know you’re fine and you don’t need my help, but, on the off chance you do need anything, you know how to reach me.”

“Bat signal in the night sky over Gotham, right?” She jokes, which makes him smile, however briefly.

“I’m serious,” he says, and he puts a hand on her shoulder to prove it. “Call me if you need anything.”

“I will,” she says, even though she won’t. “I promise,” she lies.

“Okay,” Cassian says, probably knowing she’s lying, but he gives her shoulder a comforting squeeze in spite of it. “Take care of yourself.”

Jyn nods, trying to think of something more inspired to say than you too and then he’s pulling his hand away and something inside her panics. Suddenly, she’s wrapping her arms around his middle and pulling him closer and they’re hugging, which is not a thing they really do, except maybe as a brief greeting or as part of a goodbye. After three seconds, this one hug has surpassed any of their other ones in duration, but letting go of him somehow seems more awkward. Then, his arms wrap around her too, with the palm of one hand coming to rest on her back and the other curling around the base of her neck, fingertips sinking into her hair.

She sighs involuntarily into the fabric of his scarf and hopes that it’s somehow muffled enough that he didn’t hear her. In response or completely independently, she’s not sure which, Cassian tucks his face into her shoulder. If it weren’t for the layers of clothing between them, it could have been a kiss, but she really shouldn’t be thinking things like that. She shouldn’t have done this in the first place at all, but now she can see that she wanted this all along. She wanted someone to hold her, apparently, to give her something solid to cling to when everything else in her life feels so nebulous and volatile. And Cassian gives her that, holding her close without a word, moving his palm slowly and gently over her back in a soothing, repetitive circle.

It would be easy, she thinks, to turn what they’re doing right now into a kiss, to leverage this one kind of intimacy into another. She could ask him to stay, to spend the night, and he might not even need much convincing. She hasn’t been sleeping well—up all night worrying about money and about telling Cassian what was going on—and she thinks he could probably help with that, even if he does nothing more than hold her like he is right now. It would be easy, and she wants to so badly.

But then she thinks of the two months she waited to call him. She thinks of leaving him in that restaurant and how he brought her dinner anyway. She thinks of her messy bedroom with the piles of clothes everywhere and her bright, mismatched sheets and her desk covered in markers and paint and unfinished sketches and she can’t imagine bringing him in there, not after she’s seen his meticulously clean and terrifyingly organized bedroom. She thinks of his sweaters over button-ups and his respectable career and his well-ordered life and how she continually barrels into it and fucks everything up. She thinks of asking him to stay and she knows he’d say yes, but it would be out of pity for her, out of concern, out of obligation to the almost mother of his theoretical child. It would be a selfish thing to ask of him, and she’s been selfish enough.

Instead, she allows herself another moment to enjoy the feeling of being held before she slowly pulls back, disentangling herself from his arms. He follows her lead immediately, letting his arms drop to his sides before hurriedly burying his hands in his pockets. Jyn does her best to wipe her eyes inconspicuously, though it’s likely a lost cause at this point. Cassian’s not stupid; he knows that wasn’t a regular goodbye hug.

“Thanks again,” Jyn says, finally and anticlimactically, after a moment’s silence. If Cassian somehow couldn’t see that she’s been crying, he can definitely hear it in her voice now.

“Of course,” he says, blessedly not mentioning it. He does, however, reach out a hand to brush a wayward strand of hair back from her face, his thumb skimming over her cheekbone as he does it.

Jyn hurries to step away after that, refusing to let herself linger in his presence and want things she can’t have. She undoes the locks on the front door and holds it open for him, standing aside to leave plenty of room between them.

He’s just stepping through the doorway when he turns back towards her. “If you need anything…” he repeats, seeming uncertain.

“I’ll call,” Jyn finishes for him, smiling weakly.

“Right,” Cassian says with a nod, before turning away. He’s already in the hallway when he turns back again. “Jyn?”

“Yeah?” She’s lingering by the doorway, when she should have already closed the door and put an end to this exhausting evening.

“You can call even if you don’t need anything,” he says, that same serious, hopeful expression from before returning. “You can always call.”

With that, he turns and walks away. Jyn stands in her doorway, watching him go and then listening until his footsteps reach and then disappear through the front door and for a few minutes after that, too, because she can’t bring herself to move.

#rebelcaptain #jyn erso #cassian andor #rogue one #stack the deck verse #obvious child #obvious child au #star wars #abortion #abortion tw #pregnancy #pregnancy tw #my fic #my writing #anyway here's wonderwall #otp: built on hope #otp: your mother and i have been together ever since

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zankivich · 5 years

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Neighbors: Shawn x Plus-Size Reader: Epilogue Part 2: The End

a/n: I can’t believe this story is done. It gave me so much happiness and so much goodness just to get to know these two characters and to get to be a part of how they loved. When I first started this story I really just wanted to see myself. I had just started liking Shawn and I couldn’t envision myself in his world yet, not that I need to be there, but that a part of my young little fangirl heart really needed. It was such an honor to write this story. I hope it meant something to you. It sure as hell meant something to me. K bye.

*Shawn’s point of view*

When the morning sickness comes, it comes with a fucking vengance. It’s like clock work. Every night by three am she’s up out of bed, with her head in the toilet. So, every night by three am he’s got her legs in his lap while her head is in the toilet. For a while she can’t keep anything down, and it worries him endlessly. She loses some weight, which just seemed like the opposite of what was supposed to happen, so he begs her to go to the doctor, and she obliges him. He switches to flying exclusively on the private jet, just so she can come with him on the off chance he needs to leave home. At that point he would’ve done anything to make her more comfortable.

And that’s the good news. He read horror stories about the strain that pregnancy could put on a marriage or a relationship. Mostly because he was buying any pregnancy book he could get his hands on at that point. His own mother had told both of them a detailed account of the time she threw a sandwich at his father’s head because it didn’t have mayo on it. A sandwich. But y/n seemed to lean on him more than ever. Instead of pushing him away, she felt like she could rely on him, and she wasn’t afraid to ask him for things anymore. He loved it.

He’s in a studio session with Teddy and Scott trying to figure out how to do whatever it is that they do again when she calls him. He’s in the booth, mid vocal and everything, but he leaves his phone on just in case she needs him.

“Baby? What’s wrong, is the baby okay?” he asked slipping his headphones off to hear her better.

Her voice is small like she might get in trouble.

“Yea, the baby is fine. Sorry, I know I keep scaring you every time I call.”

“No. No, I want you to call every time. No matter what. What’s up?”

“Well….it’s just that I was really craving french fries.” She mumbled. “And so I was kinda hoping you might want to meet for lunch today?”

Literally the cutest human on the face of the planet.

He chuckled. “I’d love to. Where you do you wanna go?”

“We can figure that out when you pick me up from work, just bring the fries with you.”

“You want the fries before lunch?”

“Yes. Yes. I do.”

Of course she did.

“I’ll be there in an hour okay?”

“Okay. I love you.”

“I love you too sweetheart. I can’t wait to see you.”

He gets off the phone and finally stares up through the window of the booth where his friends have all heard him completely ditch his recording session to take his person french fries. He smiled and waved, but they were not impressed. And thus were the trials of pregnancy.

***

y/n’s pov

No one prepares you for the sex thing. In all of the stories from Shawn’s parents, from Zubein and his wife, hell even your mom on occasion, no one had ever mentioned that you were going to turn into a boarderline sex addict in your second trimester. And certainly no one told you that your person, your human, your love, was going to not want to touch you. No one ever told you about that shit.

When the morning sickness lets up, and you can finally stomach food again, some cravings naturally start to pop up. Not that nasty pickles and peanut butter shit, but like real food. For instance once at four o’clock in the morning, you needed to have your famous yellow cake with chocolate swiss meringue, which meant Shawn needed to make it for you right there and then. It was terrible. He nearly set the kitchen on fire. But he took you to a 24/7 diner and bought you chocolate chip pancakes and let you snuggle into his sweater, so honestly it was a win win type scenario. After the weird cravings comes an absolute fire in your loins. Your lobido fucking skyrocketed and there wasn’t much you could think of to help besides him.

Morning times meant sharing the shower with each other to spend time together before you both went to work. When you see him standing there beneath the showerhead, his curls soaking wet and the water flowing over his belly and down his thighs your body naturally had questions of the dick variety.

You wrapped your arms around him from behind, lips pressing against his skin into a smile.

“Someone’s happy this morning.” He chuckled.

“You have no idea.” You hummed. “Shawn?”

He turned in your arms, hands immediately going to your belly instead of any other part of your body.

“Yea, sweetheart?”

You frowned slightly and lifted up onto your tiptoes to kiss at his jaw. “Can we have a little fun before work? I don’t have any meetings this morning.”

“O--Oh...But I gotta get to the studio, honey.”

You shook your head tugging him closer. “It can wait. Please? It’s been a while.”

You weren’t used to having to...beg. It felt kind of beneath you. Years of Shawn getting a whiff of your shampoo and knocking you into the headboard had made you grow soft. Shawn had never turned you down before. Not without it eventually leading to sex. This was your new territory. And quite frankly you were not a fan.

“I’m sorry, love. I really do have to go the studio okay? We can talk when you get home from work.”

He kissed your forehead and leaned down to kiss your stomach before he was out of the shower so fast you weren’t so sure he’d been there to begin with. It was….odd.

You had like...girlfriends now. After your reawakening at twenty-six, you had taken it upon yourself to be more intentional about creating relationships with people. It resulted it in some really incredible friendships. The kind of friendships where you didn’t feel bad relying on people, didn’t feel like a burden on them because they never let you. Enter your friends Cynthia and Taylor.

y/n: Can we do a woman’s lunch today tbh? My person is ruining my life.

Cynthia: WHAT HE DO? You want us to cut him?

Taylor: Down kitty. You have to stop threatening to cut people. Let’s do lunch, you can vent to us. We’ll fix it!

y/n: God, I love you both. Yay.

You leave work early and wobble your ass off to lunch with your bitches. Shawn texts to check in twice before noon, but both times are of the baby variety and nothing more. You get a little angrier each time. And then you sit down at lunch and your best friends order cocktails and you get even angrier. Ugh.

“I can’t believe I let a man impregnate me.” You huff stabbing your fork into your salad. “I really let him catch me slipping. The patriarchy. Disgusting.”

Taylor snorted. “I quite love the fact that your second trimester is full of feminist rants by the way. I find it to be very entertaining.”

“Well I’m glad that we’re all revelling in my misery. I’m glad I’m providing quality content for the both of you.” You grumbled. “It’s fucking cold. My tits are numb and I hate everything.”

Cynthia chortled. “Girl you are on one today. Why don’t you just tell us what the hell happened?”

You squirmed slightly in your seat. The frustration was taking its toll on your body and your emotions. You’d had enough and it wasn’t even just Shawn at this point. You were just...angry.

“I have an eight ounce sirloin steak kicking at my uterus. I’ve gained twenty pounds. My mother-in-law sewed spandex into my jeans the other day. I ran into a door and my boobs are so sore I cried for thirty minutes. And I haven’t even been at work for four hours. I’m annoyed okay. And all I wanted ...the only thing I really wanted was an orgasm! Is that too much to ask for?”

Cynthia, and this is why you loved her with everything in you, followed you for every word. As if she just knew what you were saying and agreed with you endlessly. She was a ride or die through and through. A beautiful, ethereal black woman with a brilliant afro and these badass circular rimmed glasses that were gold and complimented her skin perfectly. She was beautiful. And vibrant. And loud. And completely unapologetic.

“Yes. I mean that’s what you deserve. For sure.” She shrugged. “So, he couldn’t make you cum, is that it? Men. The worst.”

“”Couldn’t?!’ He didn’t even try. He won’t touch me unless it’s my stomach, or talking to the baby. I am no longer his life partner, I am no longer his lover, I am just a vessel for a baby. And that’s it.”

Taylor was the thinker of the group. She was damn near a philosopher. When you needed advice, she was the one you went to. Taylor was Canadian born and raised, but her parents were turkish immigrants. She was similarly incredibly gorgeous. She was thick in every sense of the word. Thick in her thighs. Thick in her hair. Thick in her eyebrows. She was a beautiful Brown dream. And you were just quite honestly stunned by their beauty most of the time.

“So… let’s backtrack. You’re frustrated, of course. You’re in the middle of your second trimester. Emotions are rampant. Let’s focus on what’s really irritating you.” She murmured.

“Shawn. Shawn is really irritating me.”

“Okay. And Shawn is really irritating because why?”

“Because...Because I need to cum.” You sputtered. “He’s always made me cum. Why would he choose now of all times to not make me cum.”

“She’s got a point. They have more sex than an episode on Showtime.” Cynthia butt in.

You nodded in agreeance.

Taylor rolled her eyes. “Well yes. I understand. Why do we think that he’s not making you cum? Have you talked to him about it?”

“Maybe it’s because I look like a beach whale?”

“No negative self-talk!”

“I have got to get a friend who is not a therapist.” You whined.

“You need me. You’re lucky I don’t charge your asses. Now think it through. Talk it out. There’s no wrong way right now. Shawn isn’t here. You can be honest with us.”

Taylor was genuine. And most geniuses are often times unappreciated in life.

You reached for your iced tea all frowns and indigestion.

“I think, based off the signals that I have been receiving, that he isn’t attracted to me like this. I think that he sees me as a mom now, and not at a sexual being.” You said honestly. “He’s just always touching my stomach and always talking to my stomach, and always talking about the baby. Sometimes I feel like I don’t exist anymore.”

“Awww babes, that is so sad.” Cynthia murmured reaching for your hand.

Taylor nodded. “That’s fair. So let’s unpack it. How do you view your body right now?”

“Oh, T, can we please not analyze me right now? Please? I just need you be my friend right now okay? I didn’t come here to get my problem solved. I came here to eat lunch with my friends and complain a little bit.”

“Fine, fine! My bad.” She raised her hands in defense. “Why don’t we just talk about what it is you want instead? No filter. Just go.”

“Thank you.” You smiled softly at her. “I really...just want him to rail me like a car hitting a light pole at maximum velocity.”

At that very moment, your waiter arrived with the check, and seemed to blush head to toe. Whoops.

“She’s pregnant.” Cynthia explained. “It’s the hormones.”

Friendship.

***

Shawn’s point of view*

“I don’t care about what they want, Andrew. I’m thirty years old for Christ’s sake, I’m not a teeny bopper anymore.” He grunted trying to balance the groceries and still unlock the front door.

“Yes, no I understand. They just want to manage the sex appeal a little bit. Timberlake, Bieber, Mayer, doesn’t matter who you are. It’s important to remind the female dominated fanbase that you’re...you know? A sexual being.”

Listening to andrew try and explain concepts that he himself wasn’t even interested in was always a hoot.

“A sexual being? I’m having a goddamn baby, Andrew.”

“Yes well, the public doesn’t know that yet. Maybe just a photoshoot? A magazine cover? You wouldn’t even have to leave Toronto. It’ll get them off our backs and you can just finish up the album you wanna make, yea?”

He headed straight for the kitchen where the tea kettle was going, but his person was mysteriously missing from her cup.

“Babe! I’m home!” He called, setting the groceries down, finally. “Whatever. Send me a proposal, I guess, and I’ll look over it. I’m not guaranteeing anything. My fans have seen my abs before, I don’t think it’s gonna sell more records than we’re already selling. I’ll talk to you tomorrow, alright?”

“Sounds good. Love you man.”

“Yea, love you too.” He sighed ending the call. “Babe?! Where are you?”

He hears the door to the downstairs bathroom open, and she walks out in this adorable dress with her fleece lined leggings. She looks soft and cuddly and he’s already hopeful that she’ll let him snuggle her into the couch and watch a movie after dinner. He’s kind of obsessed with her. Like always.

“This child is literally sitting on my bladder at this point.” She groaned rubbing at her stomach.

He reached for her immediately, his hands cupping at her now unhidable baby bump that drove him crazy on a daily basis.

“You gotta let mommy have a break, little one.” He hummed peering down at her bump. “We don’t wanna tire her out too much before you arrive.”

She lets out a little breath and pulls away from him to go back to her tea. He went for the groceries to begin putting them away, and set aside what she’d asked him to grab for dinner.

“Hey I thought we could do a movie night on the couch after dinner? Cuddle a little bit?”

“I don’t know. I’m kind of tired.”

“Oh. Okay. Well we can watch them in bed too. I don’t mind where, just wanna be with you.”

“Yea, maybe.”

He paused by the cabinet with a box of pasta in one hand and flour in the other. She was on the other side of the kitchen pouring water into her cup. She set the tea kettle back and immediately left the room. He could practically feel the emotion coming off of her. The silent treatment certainly wasn’t subtle either.

“Hey,” He asked softly plopping down on the couch. “Are you feeling okay? Everything alright with the baby?”

She rolled her eyes and let out a sarcastic snort. “The baby. Is. Fine. Shawn. They’re fine.”

“Okay, well is something else bothering you that you’d like to let me in on?”

“I don’t know, is there something you want to tell me?”

He raised an eyebrow. “No? Is there something you would like me to tell you?”

“No. I guess not. “

His person, and she was his person for sure, was a little hard to read sometimes. And by hard to read, he definitely meant incredibly easy to read, and so deeply difficult to get through to. Perhaps pregnancy simply amplified emotions, because she might as well as had a neon sign that said, “I AM PISSED AT YOU” on her forehead.

“Look in the interest of time, and both of our headaches, why don’t you just tell me what I did wrong so I can get to apologizing already.”

Mistake. Total mistake. You can love someone for years and you can learn and grow together and allow yourself to be vulnerable with them in every way. It doesn’t mean you’re always gonna get it right. That’s never guaranteed. Clearly.

“No! No you don’t get to just make me share my emotions before I’m ready! I’m a goddamn human being, alright I’m not just a reciprocal. I’m not just a place for you put it! God, Shawn. You are such an ass.”

And then she’s off the couch and stomping up the stairs in anger. She definitely also quoted Lady Gaga’s documentary. He made a mental note to stop watching documentaries before bed. It never went well. Last month she woke up in the middle of the night, thought he was a prison guard from a documentary on the prison industrial complex in the states, and definitely jabbed him in the throat. Documentaries. Big no no.

He figures that’s his cue to make dinner. She almost never let him cook, but he knew she’d be even angrier if there was nothing to eat when this was over. He spends a little time trying to figure out what he could have done. But things had been going so well, that he’s truly at a loss. They both went to work every day. They spent their evenings together. He rubbed cocoa butter on her stomach every night for Christ’s sake. He spent hours whispering to her belly and playing guitar so that their baby would know the scales straight from the womb. What could possibly be wrong?

He makes her famous spaghetti bolognese and only burns the garlic once, so that’s a first. He leaves the food on the stove and heads for the stairs in the hopes that she’ll be ready to talk to him. Outside of their bedroom door though, there’s the sound of crying and his heart just instantly breaks. He doesn’t do well with a sad y/n. Ever. It killed him. This was a well known fact.

So maybe he burst into the room and collapsed a little bit at her feet. Who was keeping track? Not him. That was for damn sure.

“Hey, please don’t cry. Please, I can’t watch you cry. Whatever I did just--just tell me and I’ll make it right. I never wanna hurt you, you gotta know that.” He begged.

“It’s stupid. This is stupid!” She sobbed.

“Okay. Okay, this is new for us. I am just slightly freaking out that I may have broken you! Please talk to me!”

“You’re not attracted to me anymore!”

That certainly gave him pause.

“That’s crazy, sweetheart. What are you even talking about?!”

She keeps sobbing. Her face is red. Cheeks wet. And his heart is exploding in his chest. He’s got no fucking clue what he’s supposed to do. He broke his person!

“I looked like a whale ate Kim Kardashian when she was pregnant with North West! My shoes don’t fit anymore, and my goddamn feet hurt. I feel like Mike Tyson has been punching my fucking tits. And you don’t wanna have sex with me anymore, now?! Out of all the times in the world? Now I’m so fucking repulsive that the love of my life won’t even touch me?! I JUST NEEDED DICK OKAY?”

She keeps crying , and his heart keeps hammering, and he knows that he has to figure something out, or this isn’t going to get any better. She’s in absolute hysterics and it is somehow, even though he was still struggling to figure that part out, completely his fault.

He reached for the box of tissues and patted gently at her eyes to get rid of some of the wetness. He held another tissue to her nose and ordered her to blow, which somehow only made her cry more. It is the most heightened expression of emotions he had ever seen from her. And it’s awful, and he hates it, and he just needs to make her smile. So, he wraps her up in his arms and he shhh’s her as he rocks her gently back and forth waiting for the sobs to subside before speaking.

“Honey, I don’t know what I did to make you think I’m not attracted to you.” He murmured playing with her hair soothingly. “But I’ve never not been attracted to you. From the moment I laid eyes on you, I’ve always thought you were the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. I love you so much.”

She pulled just slightly away enough to look him in the eyes, her own red and swollen with a sadness in them that cut him deep.

“Then why haven’t we had sex in over a month, Shawn?” She sniffled. “You’re repulsed by me. Just admit it.”

He sighed peering down at his person who he’s somehow managed to deeply hurt without even being aware of it. He felt like the world’s biggest asshole.

“How could you say to me?” He asked. “I’m not repulsed by you, y/n. I just...I just I don’t wanna hurt the baby.”

She bit her lip, her sadness turning to anger like the flip of the switch. She yanked herself from his arms and moved to the opposite side of the bed.

“That’s exactly what I’m talking about! You don’t even view me as a human being anymore. I’m just a casing, I’m the thing that holds the thing you really care about.”

“What the hell, y/n; where is this coming from?”

“It’s coming from the fact that you don’t treat me like anything other than the thing that’s holding your baby anymore. You don’t talk to me, you talk to my stomach. You don’t look at me unless you’re mentioning the baby. What’s the fucking point anymore. Why don’t I just lay down in bed for five more months and maybe the baby will roll out and you can go live happily ever after.”

He’s admittedly angry at first. Angry because his person is telling him something he doesn’t want to hear. That he’d failed somehow at loving her, had let her down and made her believe that he didn’t want her the way that he used to. He’s angry because she’d reverted back to a place they hadn’t been in years, a place of being unable to be honest and upfront with each other. She hid it away until it boiled, until it was undisguisable, until she literally exploded, and he hated when she did that.

But he’s older now. He’s a little wiser. Maybe. He at least knows her better. Understands her better. It’s when he takes a deep breath and just allows himself to actually absorb what she’s told him that he understands. This is about insecurities. It’s about fears that had been eating her up inside for who knows how long, and her not wanting to admit that to herself, let alone him. He’s in the wrong for not explaining himself, and he can see how he fed into her insecurities. It’s both of their faults, as it so often the case in these scenarios. But, he’ll do just about anything to make it better. Always.

“Okay. I--I understand. I see that I’ve hurt you, that I haven’t been treating you the way that you want and deserve. I’m sorry.”

Her arms are crossed and she tilts her head in his direction, but still barely looks at him. He takes a chance and scoots a little closer.

“Y/n...At the risk of sharing too much information in the wrong moment. . . I haven’t been able to masturbate to something that isn’t you since our four month anniversary.”

Her eyes widen and her anger falters.

“W--What?”

“Trust me, I’ve tried. My dick is kind of emotionally invested in you, and it hasn’t been the same since.” He shrugged. “I am...so incredibly in love with you. I’m never going to want anything else. Even when you’re screaming at me until you’re red in the face, I’m still gonna want you. The only reason why I haven’t wanted to have sex is because I don’t want to hurt you, or the baby. I know it’s silly. I’ve read the books. But you are the most important thing in my life okay? You and this baby are all that I have; you’re all that matters. I need you to believe that. Tell me you believe that.”

She bit her lip, fingers picking anxiously at the skin of her nails that sat in her lap. He moved even closer and wrapped his arms around her.

“You’re gonna be the mother of my child, y/n. That is literally the sexiest thing I could think of. I don’t hate your body. I love your body! And I’m so sorry I haven’t been showing you that. I thought that by showing you how much the baby meant to me that I was showing you how much you mean to me. I understand now that it needs to be seperate a little bit, that you’re still a person too. These are the last months we’re ever gonna have to ourselves, and I should be cherishing the hell out of you. I’m just--shit I’m sorry, okay?”

He tugs at a strand of her hair, and she peers up at them with those big ass eyes and he just falls all over again. He means every word, and he means it more when she looks at him like that. When he pokes at the dimples in her cheeks and she finally smiles, he feels accomplished in life.

“Why didn’t you just say that a fuckin month ago.” She whined.

He snorted softly. “Why didn’t you tell me I wasn’t keeping you satisfied a month ago?”

“Excuse me?! I tried! I practically begged your ass. What did you want me to do, get on my knees?”

“Well it wouldn’t have hurt.” He joked.

Something in her broke. Maybe not in that moment. Maybe it was the time her blatter turned to the size of a pea, or when her breasts turned into over abused punching bags from hell. Regardless in that moment she seemed to think of nothing more reasonable in the world than twisting his nipples. And thus she did. And thus he was in pain.

“Y/n what the fuck!” He cried covering his chest. “That hurt!”

“Haha motherfucker!”

Wow.

“I’m pregnant, dammit; I cannot be held accountable for my actions.” She shrugged.

“Jesus Christ.” He huffed. “How much longer are you going to be pregnant?”

“You did this to me! You and your fucking ‘holier than thou dick’ that just had to bring another child into this fucked up world. Deal with it, alright?”

“You’re...so scary. Can we please stop fighting now? I don’t like it.”

He tucked her into his side hugging her tightly against his body. She hid her face in his neck and he could smell the scent of lavender and cocoa butter. And his heart felt like it expanded against his ribcage. How dare she ever think he couldn’t be attracted to her. He was obsessed with her. Had been since he laid eyes on her.

“Can you just kiss me for once? And not my stomach. Me.” She whispered.

He reached for her face, fingers tracing at the shape of her jaw as he pulled her close. He poured himself into the kiss as much as he could. She’d always been an incredible kisser, always gave just as much as she received. He knows that he’s got her, when she does this little whimper and her shoulders relax. He kisses her with tongue and with his teeth and with his hands on the back of her neck. Granted it’s a kiss they haven’t shared for some time now, but it’s still one he’s always willing to give her.

She’s the first one to pull away and it’s only because she’s out of breath. He presses his forehead against hers and smiles a little dopely.

“I love you.” He mumbled. “Always. Please believe me?”

“I believe you. I do.”

***

*y/n’s point of view*

“What are we gonna name ‘em?” Shawn asked.

It was on a random Tuesday dinner date. You tried to go out and spend time together outside of the house whether it was bowling or food or random art fairs. You prefered the food ones obviously.

“Huh?” You asked over your pasta.

“The baby? We never really discussed it.”

Shawn reached for his pellegrino, because if you weren’t drinking he sure as hell wasn’t, as you took a second of pause. You’d unanimously decided not to know the sex assigned at birth until...well the sex was assigned at birth. It meant a lot to you, to try not to enforce gender norms as much as you could, and Shawn was just as supportive if not more after growing up being called a girl for five years when he decided he wanted to sing.

“Hmmm I guess you’re right. Anything in mind?”

“Shawn Jr sounds good to me.” He grinned.

You rolled your eyes. “Anything else in mind?”

“...I really like the name Penelope. I think it’s cute. Or, Isabella maybe? We could call her Izzy.”

“You think we’re having a girl, aye?”

His cheeks turned red and you remembered that you loved him more than anyone could ever love.

“N--No. I just...you know I’d love any baby in the world that we made.I just certainly would not be mad if that baby happened to be a little girl.” He shrugged.

“And you don’t think that it will be too much estrogen? Too much femininity around you for the rest of time? Periods and uncontrollable emotions and what not?”

He rolled his eyes. “What is it the seventies? You’re the strongest person I’ve ever met. The strongest people I’ve ever met are always women. I’d be lucky to live in a house where we get to raise another one.”

You couldn’t help the smile that grew wide and full on your face. He was cute. And mature. And smart. You were kind of obsessed with him. And still...where did he come from?

“Penelope, aye?” You hummed.

His eyes widened and he smiled nodding in that very goofy way of his that had his curls flopping this way and that.

You loved him far too much for your own good.

***

*Shawn’s point of view*

8 months. 8 months of buying a new bed because the old one made her back hurt. 8 months of baby proofing a house that was suddenly way too big. 8 months of pancake runs at two in the morning. 8 months of massaging her feet for forty minutes because every time he touched them she grew physically repulsed by the thought of someone touching her feet. 8 months of some of the most trying arguments they’d ever had. Yes, choosing between lavender and grey or yellow and grey as a color scheme can wind you up sleeping in the guest bedroom. Who would’ve thought that the greatest argument they would ever have would be over her working? Oh wait, literally anyone but his moronic ass. Of course.

“Babe, the tension in your shoulders is insane.” He grumbled digging into her back. “I really think it might be time to start slowing down.”

She rolled her eyes. “Slowing down, eh? And just where do you want me to slow down Shawn? You already do everything. I haven’t been allowed to do laundry since I could no longer see my toes because of my belly and not my boobs for once.”

“I think...I think maybe we should broach the topic of you taking some time off work again.”

“Nope. Absolutely not. I’m not taking time off.”

He sighed. “Honey, your job offers 15 weeks of paid leave. We don’t even have that much time left at this point. And even if it wasn’t paid leave, I am an actual millionaire. The baby is going to be here soon. Maybe you should rest yourself while you can.”

She tugged her way out of his arms, flustered and frustrated immediately. He could feel even more tension coming off of her. It was the absolute opposite of what he wanted, but with y/n it was also sort of inevitable.

“I don’t need rest, Shawn! It’s not about the money; it’s the principle. You think my mother took maternity leave when she was raising four kids with a husband who was a filthy drunk?”

He scooted a little closer and reached for her hands, fingers intertwining stubbornly. But she’s got that furrow in her brow, and that firm set of her lip that she always gets when they fight. And he hates it because she still wants to kiss her and it always makes his brain very confused in these moments.

“Your mother was in a completely different situation! We are extremely privileged and extremely lucky to bring a kid into this world in the healthiest way that we can. I want you to be the healthiest that you can. Now you have fought me every step of the way, but please just--can we please just look at how many hours your putting into this place?” He huffed. “Because whether you want to believe or not, when we’re parents you’re going to have to cut back regardless.”

“Cut back?” She asked softly.

His person had the ability to be more terrifying than a hitman sometimes. This was most definitely one of those moments.

“I have to cut back? What the fuck are you going to be doing, aye? Are you cutting back, Shawn? Are you gonna stop touring? Stop doing promo tours for weeks at a time? Why does the woman always have to cut back?! How fucking dare you.”

“This is not that! Don’t make it out to be some attack against your womanhood. You’re pushing a human being out of your hips, y/n! I get a cold and I’m down for a week, one might think that BIRTHING A HUMAN deserves some recovery time!”

“It’s my fucking body! Why don’t you let me decide me what the hell I do with it, aye?!”

“Because if I left it up to you, you’d be working more than an eight year old in a sweatshop in Taiwan! It’s not just your body anymore. We’re about to be parents, y/n. Every decision we make has to have another human at the core of it. We don’t get to come first anymore. Not our careers, not our wants, none of it. You working your body into the ground isn’t an option!”

When her eyes well up it’s the worst thing ever. The amount of time he spent trying to balance her emotions was enough for him to recognize when he was doing a really shitty job at it. Not that it changed how he felt. Y/n was the hardest working person he’d ever met. She worked harder than he did, and that was saying something. She was so important to him though. He didn’t quite know how to explain that as much as the baby mattered, as much as the baby was already infinitely important, the baby wasn’t there yet. All he had was his person, his love, his light. And he’d do anything in the world to protect her. Anything.

“Great so… I am a shitty mother already and apparently a shitty person.” She mumbled tears dripping over her cheeks. “I’m really glad we had this talk. I’m going to take a shower.”

“Y/n. Y/n, baby please. Please just let me talk to you.” He begged. “That is not what I’m saying and you know it.”

Even with her adorable pregnant waddle and her hands up on her lower back to support herself, she gets to the bathroom and locks it before he can get to her. Which just leaves him on the other side of the door calling out for her.

“Sweetheart, please open the door! I--I didn’t want to hurt you. I just want to talk like adults, okay? I just, I’m worried about you and I want you to be safe.”

The water turns on to the bathtub instead of the shower and he knows he’s in for the long haul tonight. He’d be lucky if she came out of there by the weekend.

*Four hours later*

He’s woken up by the door opening. He must have fallen asleep against it because he nearly falls when she opens the door. Not that that mattered in the slightest to y/n who simply stepped over his body and kept it pushing. She gets dressed in their closet in silence. Doesn’t acknowledge him in the slightest. It’s like walking on eggshells. And he honestly doesn’t mind. Her emotions had been out of whack for the duration of her pregnancy. If she needed to be mad at him, that was okay. He just couldn’t go to sleep without letting her know that he loved her. It was their thing. No matter how angry, how annoyed, how tired. They had to tell each other they loved each other every night.

He finds her in their closet, big t-shirt stretched over her stomach with her belly button sticking clear out. When he makes eye contact with her, she immediately looks away.

“Move, Shawn.”

He moved his arms to either side of the doorway, only blocking her further.

“No. Not until you tell me you love me.”

Her eyes turned to slits. “Excuse me? That’s not fair and you know it.”

“What’s not fair y/n? Asking you tell me you love me? Are you really so angry with me you can’t say it, cause if so I think that’s something I deserve to know.”

She tugged at her hair, fingers knotting in the strands anxiously.

“I just don’t want to be pressured into saying it. Is that too much to ask?”

He bit his lip stepping closer so that her stomach was pressed to his.

“But...we never go to bed without it. I’m not saying we need to fix it all tonight. I’m saying, I just want the love of my life to assure me a little that we’re still in this together. Is that too much to ask?”

She rolled her eyes so hard he worried they might pop out of her head. And then she pushed forward, knocking him out of the way so that she could get out of the closet.

“I love you. And I am pissed at you. And I don’t want to speak to you for the rest of the night.”

He knew he was in deep shit when her body pillows had been stacked into a literal barrier between his side of the bed and her’s. She always let him hold her at night. She said the baby tended to sleep closer to him, as if they knew their daddy was close by. It was the sweetest thing in the world anyone had ever said to him. He cried for like an hour over it. Now he was left staring at a pillow that entirely covers his person. Wonderful.

***

*three days later*

He’s at the gym with his trainer trying to push out his fifth mile when his phone rings. It’s summer in Toronto and his view of the sun from the gym is just enough to keep him motivated to keep running. His air pods are already in so he takes the call trying to push through the wall that says, “ five miles is dumb, please stop”. His phone is still in his pocket, so he doesn’t get to see who the number is before he answers.

“Hello, is this a Mr. Shawn Peter Raul Mendes?”

“This is he.” He huffed, stilling running.

“Sir, I have you listed as the emergency contact for a Ms. y/f/n y/l/n. Your wife was admitted to St. Joseph’s Health Centre this afternoon. She--”

“Y/n?! W--What happened?! Is she okay?”

He went to jump get off the treadmill, tripping just enough on the mat to send him scraping against the machine with his shin. It doesn’t matter though, he’s up immediately. Nothing else matters in that moment. He doesn’t even tell his trainer goodbye, is already running to find his keys before the voice on the phone can even get a word in.

“Sir, she experienced a fall at work it seems. The doctors are running tests to check on your wife’s pregnancy as we speak.”

“I--I’m on my way! I’m coming right now!”

It’s a thirty-six minute drive to the hospital from his gym and his heart is racing the entire time. He stupidly tries to call her phone only for it to go to voicemail five times over. His hands tremble against the steering wheel so bad he’s afraid he might crash. It doesn’t occur to him to call his parents, call her mom, call anyone. He just has to get to her. He really needs to get to her.

He almost left the keys in the ignition, car still running, and had to run back to get to them. It only eats up more time. He still has zero idea how serious things are and there are a million and one thoughts of how bad it could be running through every nerve ending in his body. He needs her. He needs to see her. Now.

“I--I’m here to see y/f/n y/l/n?!” He gushed at the desk, his heart rampant in his sturnemum. “Please. Please it’s my person. She’s my person I--I have to see her.”

“Sir. Calm down. I can’t understand a word you’re saying.” The nurse shushed.

He shook his head voice on the cusp of begging. “Ma’am, please. Please just take me to see her. You--You called and said that she was in pain, that she fell. She’s pregnant. Please, ma’am just tell me where she is?”

“Okay now just take a deep breath. What’s the last name again?”

“y/l/n!” He replied impatiently, no breaths to be taken.

Her fingers begin working on the keyboard, and he nestles his fingers along the swallow necklace he still wore to try and calm himself down. It didn’t work.

“And sir what is your relationship to the patient? Are you her husband?”

“I--I...she’s my person. We’re not married, but we’ve been together for over six years.”

“Are you her emergency contact? You’re not technically immediate family, sir.”

It’s definitely not a great moment for him. Y/n is hurt and no one can seem to tell him anything that isn’t prolonging his eyes being on her. He’s frustrated and his blood is rushing through his ears. He’s terrified. Actually terrified. And this just happens to be the straw to break the Canadian kindness’ back.

“I am the only goddamn family that matters! Now you called me. She’s in pain. She’s hurt. You called me, and I need to see her. She’s holding our baby and I want to see my person! Now dammit!”

*y/n’s point of view*

There is something truly remarkable about the way he runs into the room. Maroon nike running shorts. Tube socks. Head band firmly in place. There is blood running down his leg and he looks as scared as you felt that morning. Something about seeing him run into your hospital room with some tiny woman chasing him with a clipboard of paperwork is actually the funniest thing you may have ever seen in your life. So, excuse you if after a somewhat tragic day you can’t help but giggle in the face of his fear.

“Are you okay?! Are you okay? Oh my god, let me hold you.” He sighed taking you into his arms immediately.

Your giggles died down as he quickly began to inspect you with cautious, tear glazed eyes. His palms cupped your cheeks, his lips frantic against yours, and still not stopping there. He touched you everywhere. His fingers dipped hesitantly over your shoulders and down to your stomach cupping it softly. You pressed your forehead against his and breathed deeply as each of you let a few tears escape. It had been an event free pregnancy all things considered, and a scare now was perhaps the worst thing imaginable for the two of you.

“Are you okay?” He whispered. “I--Is the baby okay? Please talk to me.”

“We’re okay.” You assured him. “Everything’s okay.”

When his lips find yours a second time, it’s a lot less frantic and a lot more loving. You tuck yourself into his hold, fully content with the way he’s breathing life back into your being. His tongue teases your bottom lip and it all feels better instantly. He does a familiar dance of rubbing your thighs in his too large hands, and you practically purr. And then the doctor clears her throat.

“So sorry to interrupt!” She smiled. “I’m Dr. Cohen.”

Shawn pulls away with a bit of a huff, his entire body still blocking you from view from anyone else. It’s possessive and needy and everything you could ever ask for.

“I think we have to get a marriage lisence, or I might actually have to commit murder.” He grunted.

You raised an eyebrow. “Did you just propose to me? Also why are you bleeding?”

“Maybe. Probably.” He shrugged. “I fell on the treadmill when I got the call. Needed to get to you. The nurse assumed I was your husband because I’m your emergency contact, but when I got here and she realized the last names were different, she didn’t want to let me get to you.”

Another giggle passes through your lip. Of course this was the love of your life. An actual, genuine fucking dork. Thank god.

“Let’s unpack that later.”

“Okay.”

Shawn refused to take the seat that Dr. Cohen offered him, choosing instead to squish beside you on the examination table, hands touching or rubbing some part of you at all times. You don’t mind. After the morning you had, you thought maybe being in his arms forever was all you needed.

“Alright, Mr. Mendes. Your wife wanted to wait for your arrival to discuss what happened.” She explained. “She fainted in the middle of a meeting at work. Luckily a coworker was able to catch her and help her in time, so that no damage was done to the baby.”

He immediately looked worriedly over at you, his eyebrows and forehead wrinkled as he squeezed tenderly at your fingers.

“W--Why though? She’s never fainted before. Not once. Is it the baby?”

Dr. Cohen smiled reassuringly. “So, technically, yes it is the baby. But neither the baby or y/n are in any danger. What happened to you is actually fairly common. Basically what’s happening is that your blood vessels are widening and relaxing so that enough blood can get to your baby to keep them healthy. Really helpful for the baby, but it takes a longer trip now to get back to mommy. Usually this just means a little dizziness, but y/n in your intake paperwork it says you had been leading a workshop at the time you fainted is that correct?”

You raised an eyebrow in confusion. “Yes. I’m always in charge of training our new higher level managers who come in.”

“Mhm. And how long were you on your feet in the midst of this training?” She asked.

“I--I don’t know. Maybe one and a half, two hours? Why?”

“Because the longer you’re on your feet? Especially without movement, the worst the circulation of blood becomes. What probably happened is that you first started to experience some dizziness, but maybe you fought through that. These aren’t really the type of symptoms to fight through though. You needed to rest.”

There’s an image somewhere in the film of How the Grinch Stole Christmas. It’s the moment where the grinch comes up with his evil plan to steal happiness and joy from all those around him. He smiled a smile that pulls at all of his features squishing his face into this truly horrid little grin. This. This is the smile that Shawn gave you in this moment. The smile of a man who was finally right about something for once. The bastard.

“Wait, I am so very sorry,” Shawn interrupted. “Are you saying that all she needs to do is rest?”

You turned to him with a look so hot you could feel it sizzle in your eyeballs. You had still not exactly forgiven him for the last time you had this conversation. He was walking on thin ice.

Dr. Cohen nodded. “Yes, I am. Typically at this point in the third trimester, especially depending on the patient? I don’t even recommend for my patients to take the stairs, let alone work ten hour days. Y/n I’m afraid if I have any recommendation for you it’s going to be bed rest. I can write a letter for your work if need be, but with your high position in the company I doubt that would be necessary..”

It’s like your stomach just drops. With one month left in your pregnancy you didn’t even know how to go about not working. Working gave you purpose outside of being pregnant. It was what got you through the long days. You didn’t know how to take a break anymore than you knew how to stop loving Shawn and we all know how well that went the one time you gave it a shot.

“B--Bed rest? Like I can’t leave my own fucking bed? I--I’m not broken here!”

“Honey,” Shawn sighed taking your hand in his. “It’s alright, okay? Just let the doctor explain.”

Dr. Cohen smiled softly. “I understand. I know the prospect of taking time for yourself is hard. They had to pull me out of the hospital when my first was born, literally. But in these final weeks I want you to think about yourself for just a moment. There’s no harm in taking a rest, y/n. You’re about to be a mother for the rest of your life, believe me when I say these days to yourself will be magical, okay? I know it’s hard, but I need you to do it. For yourself and for the baby.”

And that ladies and gentlemen is how you ended up in your house on a Thursday afternoon lying in bed like you were on the verge of death, while your dumbass smirked at you like you didn’t know how to kill a man with a remote. It was actually your definition of hell. Sitting there wondering what the idiots at work were doing, who was fucking up what, and who was going to add more work to your plate for when you got back. You hated it. But what you hated even more was the image of Shawn walking slowly into your bedroom with a cup of chamomile tea to make sure it didn’t get spilled. You hated the way he slid into bed and wrapped his arms around you like you were the most precious thing he’d ever laid eyes on. And you hated the way that your body just completely gave into him because how could you ever want or need anything else with him beside you?

“I’m sorry you can’t work until the baby’s born, sweetheart. I know how important it is to you.” He hummed tucking a strand of hair behind your ear.

You snorted. “What happened to all the excitement you had at the doctor’s office?”

“I’m excited you’re safe, and that I get to spend time with you relaxing until the baby comes. I’m not excited that you’re upset, honey. I could never feel that way.”

You bit your lip softly and nuzzled a little closer to your person.

“Relaxing?”

He nodded with a smile. “I’m not going anywhere. I thought we could...visit my parents? Maybe ride up to Vancouver for a weekend? There’s this cabin Brian and I went to once in Whistler when I was young and stupid with my money, but it’s just as beautiful in the summer as it is in the winter. I’ve got plans. I don’t expect you to stay bedridden until you give birth, my love.”

“That actually sounds really nice.” You giggled.

“Yea? Can we give it a shot?”

“Yea, Why not?”

“Good. Come kiss me already.”

Finally.

***

Leave it to your kid to come out in Pickering, Ontario of all places. Shawn had kept true to his word. No label meetings, no photoshoots, do endorsement deals until after the baby was born. And it was perfect. You cooked together and watched movies together and went on walks and to the beach. He took pictures of you for no other reason than to remember your time together. It was a moment of serenity, of reflection, and of love.

That night, he sat beside you in bed and rubbed cocoa butter over your belly just like always, kissed your stomach and sang the baby to sleep just like always.When it was time for the two of you to go to bed, he ran his thumb along your cheek and kissed you goodnight.

“I love you so much.” He whispered. “I can’t wait to spend forever together.”

You smiled and kissed at his thumb upon your cheek.

“Me neither. Kinda weird. I can’t believe we made it all this way.”

“But we did. It was meant to be. And we worked damn hard for it.”

You fall asleep, like you did most nights now, with Shawn’s wrapped around you and your handy dandy pillow below your lower back. It’s just like every other night. Until it isn’t…

*four hours later*

“Baby….Sweetheart ...Y/N!!”

“What. What is it?” You muttered still very much asleep.

“I think you peed the bed, honey.” Shawn whispered.

Your eyes fluttered open in the dark and there was the love of your life, People’s sexist Man Alive three years ago, saying that you had essentially pissed yourself. And they say romance isn’t dead?

“Are you fucking kididng me?” You huffed. “Oh my god that’s so fucking embarassing.”

He went to reach for you only for you to pull away. The last thing you needed was for him to help you out of a puddle of your own urine. Jesus Christ.

“Sweetheart, It’s okay. I--I don’t care. You know I don’t care.”

You leaned up out of bed and all of sudden there was a pretty bad pain in your stomach that left you a bit winded and unable to get up.

“Well shit, that fucking hurts.” You whined.

Shawn flicked on the light on the bedside table.

“What hurts?”

You took a deep breath like your doctor instructured.

“Fucking contractions are starting up again.”

The room goes silent as you breathe through the pain. It lasts far longer than you’re used to and hurts like a bitch, but with the breathing technique it isn’t unbearable. And then...he loses his fucking mind.

“OH MY GOD!”

“What?! Why are you yelling?!” You gasped.

“WE’RE HAVING A BABY. OH MY GOD. HOLY SHIT!”

He went to stumble his way out of bed, only to fall flat on the floor. That didn’t stop him from jumping right up and running around in circles. You know? Like a lunatic? So much for the lamaze classes.

“Shawn. Shawn! SHAWN! Calm the hell down.” You yelled rubbing at your belly.

“Sweetheart it’s your water. It’s your water, not piss. We’re having a fucking baby!”

“Excuse me, I’m aware! It’s inside of me. I’m fine. Everything is fine. Go wake your parents, I’m gonna call the hospital.”

Shawn nodded taking some deep breaths of his own before turning to wake his parents. You barely rolled over like a bowling ball on the bed before he was back, this time a lot calmer thankfully. He reached straight for your face, warm hands stilling you instantly as he kissed you like you were all that mattered.

“I love you. We’re gonna have a baby.” He whispered, a smile so big on his face that it felt like it radiated within you.

“We are.” You chuckled. “I love you too.”

***

*Shawn’s point of view*

Something shifts drastically in the car. In the house, he could barely tell she was in labor except for every few minutes when she would have contractions. By the time the doctor told them to head to the hospital it was three in the morning. His dad drove, mum in the passenger seat. It meant he got to sit in the back with her and hold her hand, rub at her back, whisper how much he loved her even. And for a while it was fine. But then all of a sudden hell descended on earth and it was fully and deeply embedded in the love his life.

She let out a sound that was maybe the most painful sound he’d ever heard in his life. It was high pitched and bone deep and it rang out so loud his ears hurt. But that was nothing in comparison to the feeling of the bones in his hand crushing beneath her grasp.

“Ow! Oh my--Fuck! Sweetheart my hand!”

“I’M DYING! FUCK YOUR HAND!” She cried. “AHHHHHHHHHH!!

A vein appeared deep in the middle of her forehead as she sobbed and panted against the back seat. It was as hard to watch as it was to let her break every single bone in his goddamn hand.

The last thing he remembered before they got to the hospital was her turning to him, cheeks tear stained, and lips panting as she told him:

“Shawn?”

“Yes, honey? What can I do? Is there anything I can do?”

She nodded her head softly and swallowed.

“Yes. You can absolutely never fucking touch me again!”

His mum thought it was particularly funny if her snorts from the front seat were anything to go off. His fragile, overworked heart did not think it was so funny.

“Yes. Okay. Never touching you again. Got it.” He mumbled continuing to rub at her back.

He was certainly in for a night.

It takes twelve hours to bring their baby into the world. And they’re the longest hours of his life. He had to watch her be in pain, watch her struggle and flail and cry, all while knowing there wasn’t a damn thing he could do about it. He hated every second of it. It was the most helpless he’d ever felt. His parents were amazing running off to make calls to the rest of their family, which left him directly by her side. He would’ve stayed another twelves hours too if that’s what it took. Anything for her. Anything.

Another one of those moments that he’d be able to recall on the last of his life is the moment he heard his child cry for the first time. It was as if his center of gravity shifted. He was completely and utterly transfixed. He changed instantaneously in that moment, never to be the same again. It was one of the most magical moments of his life.

They go to lay the baby on her chest, y/n exhausted and red faced and so utterly happy, and his heart sores.

“This is your little baby girl.” The doctor told them.

“Shawn. Look what we did.” y/n whispered. “Look.”

His hand covers her entire back. She’s tiny and crying and wiggly and slimy. She’s beautiful.

“That’s our baby.” He sniffled just in case it might not be true. Just in case someone might have to correct him.

It’s easily the greatest day of his life.

***

He doesn’t sleep. And how could he? There’s a human in his hands. A tiny human. One that squeals and yawns and flails. She’s already immediately like her mother. Can’t sit still even in sleep, though y/n was so exhausted that she hadn’t moved in hours. But that’s okay. Everyone’s okay.

At one point, she wakes up and he freezes. In every movie he’d ever seen this was the moment that surely his daughter would begin to scream her head off like a lunatic until she turned twelve. Not quite. Instead she peered up at him inquisitively with this sort of searching look, a knowing look. This too reminded him of his love, of his person. And so he loved her infinitely already.

“You’re so fucking small.” He whispered to himself. “Shit, I said fucking. Who are we kidding your mother is gonna make sure your first word is dumbass before I ever have anything to do with it.”

Her thumb was in her mouth and she flailed sporadically in his arms as if she wanted to explore the world already, as if his arms were too much containment already. He wondered if maybe she got that from him.

“Penelope Ivy Mendes. You’re gonna have the best life a baby could ever ask for.” He assured her. “Your mom is so smart. Like one of the smartest people ever. And she’s funny. And she’s pretty, you’re really pretty too by the way. She’s gonna teach you all sort of stuff. And I’m gonna teach you too. Wait till I play you your first John Mayor record. You’ll love it so much honey. I played Continuum for your mommy when I first met her when she definitely broke into my apartment. And I played it for you when you were in her belly. It’s the greatest album maybe ever. We’ve got so much to talk about.”

She listens to him speak with wide, gentle eyes. Her skin is warm and soft, and rubs gently at her cheek with his palm. He thought he’d be overwhelmed. Thought that he’d mess something up, or that his daughter wouldn’t like him straight from the womb. But, it’s not that way at all. He could talk to her for days, he thinks. Just him and his daughter and his person. His family.

Eventually she starts to cry because she’s only been alive like eight hours and that’s a lot to put on a kid.

“You tired of hearing me talk huh?” He cooed rocking her gently in his arms.

“Did it happen...Did you break her?” Y/n mumbled from her hospital bed.

He chuckled softly slowly slipping out of the chair to move closer to her.

“Look who’s awake. I don’t think so. The nurse said she’s gonna wanna eat like every one and a half hours. She’s like her papa already.”

“Oh wonderful. Give her to me?”

They pass her easily, Y/n lifting her hospital gown to let her little mouth go searching for her meal. With the baby preoccupied, he’s allowed to check up on his other human. She’s really beautiful to him, hair bed crazed, eyes still sleepy, cheeks a little rosy. Something about their daughter on her chest makes him overwhelmed with love though. It’s different. She’s different. Perhaps they both are.

“Are you okay?” He whispered cupping her cheek gently in his palm.

She leaned into his palm.

“‘M okay. Lots of pain though. Lots of soreness.”

“I’m sorry. I really hated watching you in pain. The whole baby part is really beautiful. But the labor part? Not so much. Want me to take the next one for us?” He joked.

Her eyes widened. “The first one isn’t a day old Shawn. My vagina is still bleeding, maybe we wait a few weeks.”

“Kidding, y/n. Totally kidding. I just want you to be healthy and safe and I want to hold you. Both of you.”

She smiled dopely up at him with eyes that he loved and lips that he loved and a heart that he loved with everything in him.

“Yea?”

“Yea. I love you more than anything.” He assured her, his eyes watering quickly. “So, so much.”

“I love you too. More than anything. Both of you.”

“And forever.”

“Forever.” She agreed.

That sounded plenty fine to him.

The End.

Permanent taglist

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decayingphoenix · 4 years

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From the Desk of Decaying Phoenix: The Ripper of Sin City P. 3

Welcome back my little chicks for another horror filled story. Tonight as we celebrate Valentine's day, I feel it's time to continue our little Ripper of Sin City tales. For tonight's I must warn there will be some more than triggering content, blood, gore, drugs. "Ah yes, Valentine's day, a day where everyone is off buying flowers and candy and expensive dinners, but some are busy with other pleasures." A voice echoed through the empty hotel room; the smell of tobacco filling the place like cheap cologne. "Soon, I'll be on the hunt, perhaps, yes, why not tonight? I can find a willing participant for my game." A grin grew on the person's face as the ashes fell off the cigarette like leaves in the fall. They got up from the chair and walked over to the closet, hangers shifted noisily in the crypt like room. "Ah, yes, this one will do for tonight." The person walked to the shower, the water came to life and roared like a lion. They washed themselves attempting to hide the smell of blood and mask their intentions. They hummed as the water fell on them, each drop slapping against their bare flesh like hands on drums. “Ah all clean.” the person said as they dressed in the nicest clothes they owned, a spray or two of something to smell nice. Having found a new victim they sat down for dinner and talked. She has just a lovely future ahead of her, that is to say she had. She didn’t know her future was about to be snuffed out like a candle. “My dear you have such a lovely neckline. I don’t suppose you’d allow me a better look at it?” He asked softly yet seductively. She blushed and lowered her dress a little more. “Like this?”

“Yes my dear, I love it. So tell me more about yourself, I love the sound of your voice.” He said as he watched her talk thinking what he was going to do to her in a matter of time.

“Oh, well I am about to become a doctor, I just started medical school.” She said beaming lazily running her fingers up and down her cleavage.

Dinner had been uneventful, they had decided to go to a room he had, she was light headed from the wine at dinner, and easy to lead, like a lamb. He opened the door to a magnificent room with a large bed, chandelier, fireplace, large couch, and white carpet. Her eyes grew wide at the sight of the room, she stumbled in and onto the bed, and sprawled out getting comfortable. The drugs he had slipped into her drink had started to kick in, she was slowly losing feeling in her limbs.

“Hey, what’s happening?” She said weakly, I can’t move my arms, or legs.” “Oh, yes, that’s because I need you to be very still for what I plan on doing next, you’ll become my finest piece of work.” He said smiling as he pulled a bag out of the closet.

“Oh, are you one of those kink guys, I would’ve co-operated if you had asked.” She said pleadingly.

“No that’s not what it is.” He said putting a gag in her mouth. “Perhaps I should introduce myself. Some people call me Jack the Ripper.” He continued as we drew medical tools from his bag. The terror grew on her face as she saw the tools taken out. He licked the blade before lightly running it across her neck. She shivered as the cold steel made contact with her flesh. Her pleading eyes fell upon his cold gaze and he smiled, he licked his lips and pressed a little harder watching as the crimson fluid started to leave her body. “Try not to die before I finish.” He said, his voice having lost its softness only to be replaced by a low gravelly tone. “I do enjoy my work, and it’s been so long, so I will take my time with you.” He left a thin line across her neck from the blade. Using the same tool he cut off what little clothing she had left, setting to work. He took his time removing her clitt, watching her body squirm and flail about as she tried to escape to no avail, the tiny sensitive piece of flesh fell off with a light pull after having had a knife passed through it multiple times, the fresh wound squirted blood like a dying fountain. Her eyes started to flutter as she started to go into shock, but he would have none of that, no, instead, he administered a shot of adrenaline to keep her awake. She was going to be in for quite a night, but sadly, she would not live to see daylight. With the freshly removed clittoris he set it in a small preserving jar, he loved to keep his prizes, next he moved onto her outer lips, and with the patience and precision of a skilled surgeon, he set to slowly remove them, that which she had used to make men do what she wanted, that which she used to make a living she would lose and in the most grotesque way. As the knife cut slowly into her flesh her muffled screams and pleas of help fell upon dead ears, there was no help coming for her, soon her lips were gone as more blood left her body, her body quivered as she commenced to cry to herself damming her life choices. The knife stopped and she had hopped it all over, soon she would find out she had only gone through the easiest part of the night. The knife fell onto a small tray making no noise, only to be replaced, by an older more rusty blade. He loved his work, he loved watching the sense of relief on their faces fall away at the sight of his next blade. This girl had seen a lot of bloodshed over ker time and soon it would be adding more to it. He set to work carving out the rest of her vagina, if it would be that. He took his time one slow cut at a time, it was painstaking work, but soon he’d cut around it and was now cutting deeper into her body to remove the more than dead organ. He could almost see it, her uterus, that which made what she was, a woman, a giver of life, it would soon be his. He could hear her breathing slow, knowing she was close to death, just a little longer he thought, just stay alive a little longer. Another shot of adrenaline woke her once more the amount of pain she was in was insurmountable, never had she felt such pain, never would she again feel anything. Her vision blurred just as he reached what he was looking for, the uterus, once in his hand he gave it a squeeze and started to take it out. Once out of her body he smiled, and tucked it away in another jar. Dizzy from blood loss and delirious from pain, she was left a mangled living corps. He dipped a gloved finger into the pool of blood and scrawled out a message. “My dear, you have been more than a willing participant in my evening's event, alas, it must come to an end, I do want you to know how much I appreciate your contribution to my work.” He said as he kissed her sweat drenched forehead, “but now it’s time for us to go our separate ways.” He said as he slit her throat with the rusty blade. She gasped for what little air she could get, her life ending in such a way, was cruel, even for a streetwalker. As she bled out he put away all of his tools, cleaned up after himself, and made it as though he had never been there. The only proof anyone else had been in the room, was the message left in blood. “Jack the Ripper” The headlines were all the same everywhere you looked, ‘Jack the Ripper, back from the grave?’ The Ripper smoked in his hotel room satisfied with his work, everyone knew he was back, the next thing he had to do was find a patsy to take the fall. Well my little chicks, I suppose we will be expecting more from our friend Jack, I hope after tonight’s story you’ll all be able to sleep. I know I’ll have some trouble, but remember, this notorious murderer was never caught, and no one ever knew what he looked like, that is to say no one but his victims, perhaps you will be careful next time you wish to meet a stranger for a night out.

#scarystory #DecayingPhoenix #RipperofSinCity

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mingethemerciless-blog · 4 years

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The trials and tribulations of minge.

I’m a very scruffy person, when I was 13 I went through the usual teenage trial of having my teeth straightened, they had to take 4 molars out because they were pushing the others into such bizarre states of wonk that the orthodontist barely knew where to start.

I wore those badges of adolescent awkwardness for near enough two years. My friends all came out with american style smiles. Mine, although slightly straighter, remained resolutely, stereotypically british and scruffy.

Twenty years later I was walking at a smart pace down the track to the bus stop. I had washed and styled my hair, picked out an outfit which I hope said “responsible” and “in full control of her mental faculties” By necessity it included a slightly impractical maxi skirt, but I had learned over the years, that this was the best uniform for my current endeavour.

On the bus my reflection in the window told me that my luxuriant shiney bob had inexplicably flattened in places where I needed volume and frizzed up at the points where I had taken hours to smooth it out, the former gelam now looked distinctly greasy.

I fiddled nervously with my hair and the collar of my shirt until I arrived at the hospital.

This hospital is where I was born. Sitting at the top of a hill, it has one of the best views over the city that I have ever seen. I stared out of the window and almost calmed myself down, this might be the last chance I got to convince these people to help me...

My name was called, I shook the doctors hand.

“I hear you’ve been having some trouble with your periods” he understated.

Since the age of 23 I have been winning awards, if only in my own mind, for “worlds longest period” and “most blood lost without fatality.”

I launched into my unflinching and well practised description of the ping pong ball sized blood clots. The time one fell out of me in the shower and was so huge and heavy I was convinced I’d just given birth to an alien, I picked it up to check if it had a face, bits of it fell off and clogged the drain. I calmly recounted the years and years of seeping dread, the fact that I hadn’t gone swimming, worn white or finished a meal without a sickly slug of feroglobin in years.

I wasn’t scared any more, Cancer had suggested itself in my mind on and off for several years, but, as a nurse once blandly put it: “If it was cancer you’d be dead by now.”

My mind was throwing out tendrils of thought about my other dread. Pregnancy. When I was 18 I calmly accepted what I was told when I said I didn’t want children:

“You’ll change your mind” they would say in a funny sing-song way.

I’d probably want them when I was a proper adult, say, 25 years old.

25 came around, I was in no way a proper adult nor did I yet want children. No problem, there was plenty of time for me to want them, I’d just think about it a whole lot and then I’d want them.

30 came around, and I could no longer deny, the thought of pregnancy repulsed me. To be a host body to a parasitic bundle of flesh, to have my blood drawn away from me and into this other being. The idea of my cunt tearing open, a living thing coming out of me. A living thing with my weak jawline? With my scruffy hair? What if I didn’t love it? What if it turned out to be as intolerable a little shit as most of the children I’d ever met were? What if it grew up and went on being an intolerable little shit...come to think of it like most of the adults I’d ever met were? What if, instead of doing something which changed the world for the better, it just became another consumer. Oh god what if it voted for Rees-Mogg? What if that apocalypse we’ve been promised actually happened and I had to raise an intolerable little shit in a cave whilst fighting off mutant tories and puerperal fever?

A more realistic and terrifying thought was never far from my conscious mind: What if I was raped? What if an abortion was too traumatic or, in the sadly likely event of an NHS sell off, too expensive? What if the current trends continue even further and an abortion was simply unavailable? Would I find someone clean and steady handed enough to do it on the kitchen table? Could I find the right hedgerow ingredients? Would I survive that?

“Do you want children?”

I was very glad that this came up.

“Definitely not, in fact I’d like to ask for a tubal ligation.”

“That won’t help with the bleeding”

“I know, it’s a separate issue, but I think it’s relevant…”

On the young man's face I saw faint hint of the bemused horror I’d seen on my GPs face when I had first asked, almost the beginning of a nervous laugh, although none had gone so far as to laugh at me yet…

My GP had looked at me the way teachers would look at me when I told them I’d lost my library card or forgotten my essay. Faux shock, the kindly-meant disappointment of a grandparent seeing you make a youthful blunder. His voice had come out with just the merest subtle hint of a condescending laugh in it when he told me he could refer me to a specialist but it was unlikely they’d give “someone like you” such a “drastic” operation.

Someone like me? Scruffy? Irresponsible? Disorganised?

And how was maintaining my personal status quo drastic? Surely having to fire a fully dependant, sapient life out of my pelvis was far more drastic than just...carrying on as I was?

In any event, none of the appointments that GP had made had referenced my desire to get the snip, almost as if he didn’t even write it on the request he sent...

The current gynaecologist shook off the uncanny look he had given me for asking the forbidden question and asked if he could “scan me” Oh great, another date with the dildo-cam…

I’ve had this scan done so many times, my cervix is directly connected to the pain centers of the brain, one mere prod and all hell breaks loose in my nerves, it’s no good telling doctors this, they adhere rigidly to the “some women experience discomfort” school of thought.

The young nurse was wonderful, allowing me to squeeze her hand when the probe swept over my diva of a cervix and white stars of agony danced on the ceiling above me.

“You have a very large ectropion on your cervix, it’s probably causing a lot of the bleeding”

“Yes, I’ve been told that many times…”

“Hmm, we could get rid of this ectropion with silver nitrate, it might help stop the bleeding?”

Holy shit, you mean there was a way to get rid of that thing all along?!

I consented as calmly as I could.

The next thing I knew he was jabbing my insides with chemical soaked lollipop sticks, but I was more than willing for this to happen after 10 years of inaction and casual shrugs at my wayward cervix.

I was told to brace myself for “gritty discharge” as bits of burnt cervix dropped out of me along with all the other nonsense going on down there.

Later, pants back on, veins blossoming with green bruising from the “hormone level” blood tests, my innards were laid out in bland yet descriptive medical descriptions.

My womb had a “septum” which immediately made me think that it had a face, a scornful, angry face I would dearly love to punch for the years of ruined underwear, bedsheets and dates.

My right ovary was polycystic,

“This can lead to diabetes and heart disease later in life so you’ll have to be wary of gaining weight…”

My body type is made up of circles, I have rounded hips, boobs, thighs and face, when I was younger I worried briefly that I was chubby, but I was active and I ate well, I could still see my ribs and I could power walk up the hill to my house without so much as a sweat. I gave the doctor a blank look, he still hadn’t discussed my tubal options yet...

The doctor now took on a slightly lower, more cautious tone, evidently more scared of upsetting me with this next information than he had been by talking about my weight.

“You may find it slightly harder to get pregnant...but it’s by no means impossible”

I did a double take.

“...That’s really not a problem for me...what with the tubal ligation request and all…” I hinted cheerfully.

He made a neutral sound and moved on with a list of my uterine shortcomings.

My left ovary was “very mobile” (my mind gave it a beard and a bindle stick) and showed some evidence of endometriosis.

“I’ve never had any symptoms of that…”

“Again this can lead to some minor complications in conception and pregnancy…”

Was I speaking klingon? Was I mispronouncing “tubal ligation”? Was IVF so much cheaper than the lady snip that they’d rather I reproduced despite my clear desire not to do so and regret an actual living human?

“You have some signs that there may be polyps in your uterus, that’s not harmful but they may be contributing to the bleeding, in which case, we can remove them.”

I was booked in for a hysteroscopy, which sounded painful in spite of the “some women experience discomfort” platitude, and a review in 3 months time.

“Do you have any questions?”

I took a deep breath, I knew this was a separate issue but I had to bring this up whenever I could because there was no obvious way to request it otherwise.

“How do I go about getting the tubal ligation?”

The look of horror came back, much stronger this time, the poor sod had run out of things to distract me with, his face turned to a look of utter defeat.

“I wouldn’t even consider doing that until you had exhausted all other contraceptive options and had fertility counselling, have you considered the mirena coil? It’s progesterone only and most women find it very good…”

My mind flashed back to the last “progesterone only” treatment I’d had: Migraines had hidden the worst of the symptoms for the best part of 6 months, by the time they were under control again the real problem became tragically apparent. My sex drive was so low that I could barely tolerate a hug, in desperation I had the little plastic rod dug out of my arm with a scalpel, but my libido never fully recovered, don’t try telling me the effects aren’t permanent…

A further flashback to the copper coil. The way it dug itself into the side of my womb, the way it hurt, exactly how much and how long it hurt for, How there had been no one in my local GP surgery willing to remove it for me (grab the string and pull, I refuse to believe that this requires a specialist qualification on top of medical training.) The serious thought I gave to yanking it out myself, only stopping when the prospect of a torn cervix put me off.

A rich history of contraceptive pills danced through my brain, mood swings, swollen boobs and most memorably a migraine so bad that I called NHS Direct and was told to monitor myself for signs of a potentially fatal brain haemorrhage...

The time they’d tried to stop the bleeding with anti-inflammatories and discovered my allergy to this group of medications when I broke out in a measles style rash.

Those memories don’t blur with time, at least they haven’t yet.

“Statistics show that you would regret being sterilized, you don’t have a family”

For a brief second my imagination took me to an episode of The Twilight Zone. I don’t have a family? Shit! What happened to them? My siblings? My partner? My parents? My friends?

The anger when I realised what he really meant seeped through my mind like a blood clot through a pad.

“You don’t share DNA with anyone who came out of you therefore you have no family”

“You haven’t had to push your family with your pelvic floor therefore they don’t count”

“If you eventually decide to adopt that won’t count either”

“Everyone you currently live with, love and rely on will reject and abandon you because you didn’t give birth to them.”

Blood clots, along with anger of that magnitude tend to flood the sanitary pad or mind.

Luckily, I have had years of practise at crossing my legs and trying to discreetly aim my crotch at the driest part of the pad. This, in effect, was how I ordered my mind at that moment.

“Don’t yell at NHS people, they have enough problems. The poor man was just working off a script, of course they have to be careful, one litigious malcontent could set these heroes back years…”

I left, with no clearer an idea of how to get my tubes tied and no idea why this was the first time, cysts, polyps and septums had been discovered after so many tests over so many years.

Back home I attempted to find out how much private hospitals charged for tubal ligation. “Anywhere between $700 and $10,000 depending on your insurance provider” ecosia informed me in very american and somewhat unhelpful terms.

An inquiry to Spire healthcare yielded an unapologetic result of £3000, that’s a lot of minimum wage hours and late rent payments, besides £200 of that was for a consultation in which they might refuse me anyway.

I wondered if those places in Turkey where they do cheap facelifts might consider my case...Would having scalpels jabbed into me in a country where I couldn’t speak the language followed by a cramped and cheap flight be more or less unbearable than a kitchen table abortion? Either way the word “botched” was never far from my mind.

When the day came for my hysteroscopy I steeled myself for another try. The gynaecologist was a lovely, calm young woman with curly hair. She spent a long time reassuring me that I was in control and could stop the procedure at any time. She told me that she would take a biopsy from my womb lining in addition to shoving a camera up where no camera had gone before. She showed me the camera. I wish she hadn’t.

“See, it’s very small.”

It was slightly smaller than a pencil. Small compared to a baby maybe. But I knew exactly how big that thing was going to feel in my stupid nervy cervix. Turns out I was wrong.

It was far bigger and far sharper and far more white hot than I thought possible.

The nurses squeezed my hand and told me it would be over soon.

I never stopped her, I wanted this done, I wanted to know what the hell was wrong with me. I wanted to show what a good patient I was, how in control of my mind and body I was, how I would take the responsibility of dealing with sterilization without regret...

I learned just how exponential pain can be.

When someone said “This will take another five seconds” I discovered how long five seconds can feel.

I found out, to my displeasure, that passing out does not necessarily stop you feeling pain, it simply stops you moving. I learned just how wonderful the overworked and underpaid folks of the NHS really are when they brought me water and later tea and let me sit in a comfy chair and shake without telling me that they needed me to get a grip and move on because they had a full waiting room…

The results were discussed with me. There were no polyps, there was no septum, what's more, my womb was perfectly shaped to receive a mirena coil…

Sterilization wouldn’t stop the bleeding, it was a separate issue. The mirena would stop the bleeding and stop any pregnancy. Sure I’d have to have it ripped out of the most sensitive, nerve rich part of me and then stuffed back in broadside first every three years, assuming I hadn’t emigrated and the NHS was still there that is. And the progesterone might...exacerbate certain things, but that would probably settle down...

I sighed, drained my tea and smoothed down my faithful maxi skirt.

Alright uterus, you don’t like me and I don’t like you, but it looks like we’re in this together. Here’s another burning hoop for us to jump through, lets give these folks the show they’ve been waiting for...

#mybodystory #feminism #reproductive choice #woman

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tommysandwich · 5 years

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New Mama Pinkie

((In which I go for written word in lieu of mother-child bonding pics because I only just remembered at the last minute that I wanted Pinkie focus for this Mother’s Day. And I’m a day late. XP

Kind of a sequel to this post.

Anyway...))

Pinkie’s eyes fluttered open, her vision full of blurry whites and grays and even mint greens as her numb head tried to make sense of what happened. She drew in deep breaths, turning her head to catch those indistinct blobs of dull colors. She blinked more and more, her vision becoming more clear with each blink, as well as the memories from before she had passed out returning.

She soon could see that she was in a hospital room, with simple adornments and a open curtain to show an empty bed next to her. Upon realizing what she was doing here, her abdomen grew sore, but strangely not her mood.

I was having a baby! she remembered with glee, though her body remained sluggish. No, wait, two babies! She giggled at the thought. Despite all the agony that giving birth put her through, there was a euphoria to knowing that she was a mom to two beautiful little foals. Granted, she only knew what one looked like, what gender it was--a colt--and the fact that they named him after her husband Cheese’s grandfather, Pizza Pockets.

All she knew about the second was that it was a surprise.

She frowned and looked at her belly, which still looked to have some pudge even after the foals were out. Rubbing it tenderly, all she could remember of round two of giving birth was that it was more painful than the first, there was an unnerving amount of blood, and that she was feeling so sick and sweaty she felt like her heart was going to explode. Everything went blurry, and she couldn’t understand what Cheese had been saying before she passed out.

The memory felt like a weird dream. Granted, she was here, she was sore, and she was a little miffed that she didn’t know who little Pizza’s twin was.

Fortunately, Nurse Redheart opened the door, apparently talking with Cheese as they went in. It kind of sounded like scolding.

“So now that we’ve flushed all that caffeine out of your system, and made you sleep, I think you’re safe to see--oh!” Redheart stopped in her tracks at the sight of Pinkie beaming and waving at them. She looked at the gaping Cheese, a stallion who was bearing bags under his eyes and brown scruff on his muzzle, watching his smile getting wider by the minute. She was powerless to stop his leap to her bedside.

He did seem to be a bit aware of Pinkie’s soreness, and just hugged her gently while planting kisses on her cheeks, before finishing with a lingering smooch on her lips. His facial hair tickled, and Pinkie couldn’t help but giggle.

They broke apart, and Cheese stroked her mane. “I’m so happy you’re okay, Pinkie!” He laughed and their foreheads touched. “I was so scared when they had to put you in intensive care!”

“I’m happy to be awake!” Pinkie replied. She pouted curiously. “What happened?”

Nurse Redheart drew closer to the bed. “The strain of foaling twins caused some tears in the uterus, leading to a hemorrhage that put you in shock. Doctor Stable and some other doctors had to act quickly to fix it... and make sure your panicking husband didn’t inadvertently interfere.”

“You kicked me out of the room,” Cheese deadpanned.

Redheart shot him a sharp look. “Yes.” She looked back at Pinkie. “Being premature, the foals had to be sent to the NICU. The good news is that they’re responding well to treatment. I was honestly more worried about your husband than I was about them.”

Cheese put a hoof on his heart, taken aback by that statement. “What?” He then waved the hoof and scoffed. “No, I’m just fine, you didn’t have to put me under care, so no need to worry about me just because I stayed up for a few days and guzzled several gallons of coffee just to keep awake and not miss any news.”

Pinkie gave him a funny look. “Don’t you hate coffee?”

Cheese bore a smile that looked physically painful and twitched. “It’s disgusting, I threw up several times--from the taste or having too much or maybe just worrying about my wife and kids, I don’t know. I also twitched. A lot. Made me dizzy and my headache worse and I worried that somepony stole my memories again and I cried.” He noticed Redheart’s raised eyebrow and looked away, flushing from embarrassment.

“Oh, no wonder you’re so scruffy right now,” Pinkie said.

Cheese felt his chin. “I gotta shave later.”

“I feel sorry for that brother of yours, trying and failing to keep you from hurting yourself,” the nurse murmured. She turned back to Pinkie. “Anyway... I’ll get the doctor. He’ll run some tests on you to make sure your recovery is going smoothly, and we’ll administer medication to ease your pain.”

The nurse turned to leave when Pinkie shouted, “Wait!”

Pinkie realized that shouting was a bad idea, as a sharp pain shot through her abdomen. She forgot that she wasn’t completely healed yet. Still, with a hoof rubbing her belly in some vain attempt to soothe it, she she looked at Redheart and asked, “Can I see my babies? I want to see my babies! Oh, I just wanna cradle their little heads and talk to them and tickle their chins...”

Redheart pursed her lips. “Well... we should determine if it’s safe for you to be there.”

Pinkie could feel her heart wavering, fearing that it was going to be crushed. “Oh, I’m sure I’m good enough to see them! I’m their mommy! They shouldn’t be missing out on their mommy! Do they even know they have a mommy?” Talking a lot was sure not doing wonders for that hurt womb, growing sorer as she rambled. “I mean, I don’t even know what one of them looks like, or even if its a filly or colt! I feel really bad for not knowing!”

Noticing her clutching her belly, Cheese pulled closer and petted her mane. “Pinkie, Pinkie... slow down. Panicking and possibly hurting yourself again is not going to help your case with the doctor.” He stroked her cheek and smiled. “Hey, I know you’re a fast healer, and the doc will see that. But, if not... no matter how long it takes for you to see the twins, it doesn’t change the fact that you are their mother, and they’re going to love you and forgive your for missing their first few days. You’re too lovable, you know.”

Pinkie giggled. “Aw, Cheesy...”

Redheart cleared her throat to get their attention. “Now, now, what I meant was that we should make sure they’re ready to be held, and that no infection occurred since your last tests. Their father has been able to sing lullabies to them from outside the window before he overdosed on the coffee.”

Cheese blushed again at the coffee mention. “Just get the doctor. The sooner the better.”

It was fortunate that Pinkie checked out, with the doctor gladly stating that there was no infection, and that if she rests and keeps stress to a minimum during the rest of her stay, she’ll be on the fast track to heal. It was also fortunate that the staff at the NICU had the news that the little twins were stable, and their parents could come in and interact a little more intimately.

Pinkie was wheeled to the room where the twins were held, awaiting with baited breath the moment she saw them. Meanwhile, Cheese was giving a few spoilers on who Pizza Pockets’ twin was--she was a filly, she was just as cute as her mom though currently not as huggable, she was tinier than her brother, and Cheese had trouble naming her for a while, running through the whole list that he and Pinkie came up with until he almost strangled his brother with it. The nurse had startled him when pressing for the filly’s name, and Cheese just blurted out the first name he saw from the list: Fudge Fondue.

He was lucky that Fudge’s hair color made the name somewhat suitable.

“Though, thinking on it...” Cheese said. “I probably should have named her ‘Something Surprise’--because, well, she was a surprise. Like ‘Fudge Surprise’, or ‘Strawberry Surprise’, or--”

“It’s okay, Cheese,” Pinkie said. “Fudge Fondue is a yummy name! The two words even start with the same letter, and that’s always fun! We could save Surprise for a later foal...”

Cheese pursed his lips. “I don’t know... after what happened at the birth, I don’t think it’s a good idea for us to have any more.”

Pinkie furrowed her brow. “Well, why not? I’d be all healed up by the time we’re ready to have another.”

Cheese sighed. “I know, but... the doctor said that we have a higher risk of it happening again, and I’m not sure if we can take that chance. We hit slim chances a lot, and this is something I definitely don’t want to happen again, especially since I don’t know if you’d survive the next time. You get me?”

Pinkie’s heart sank, exemplified by her mane deflating into a droop. As much as she hated to admit it, Cheese did have a point. “I see.”

Cheese stroked her mane. “I’m sorry. I know you wanted a big family.”

Pinkie just looked down at her belly. “Yeah. At least we have our twins.”

Soon enough, they were brought to the NICU, which had rows of incubators against the walls, several of them containing tiny sleeping foals that had wires and tubes attached to them. They were left to the nurses tending to the babies in there, two of whom looked up and recognized Cheese, who needed to assure them that he was okay now, and that his wife was ready to meet the twins.

Forced to furiously scrub their forelegs clean, the new parents were brought to one particular pair of incubators. Pinkie waited in her wheelchair and Cheese siat on a nearby chair as the unicorn nurses gingerly lifted the two tiny foals from their incubators, and levitated them into their parents’ grasp.

Pinkie then realized that it was one thing to tell yourself you were a mother of twins, but then actually meeting the twins made her feel like her mind floated away like a balloon, and making her wonder all over again if it was a dream.

Cradling her son, Pinkie ran her eyes over every inch of Pizza Pockets’ little face, though ignoring the thin tube taped to his face and entering his nostril. In simple terms, Pizza looked mostly like his father, from his orangey color, to his muzzle shape, to the Sandwich forelock poking out from under his blue cap, and even some of the facial expressions he made. The most obvious things that weren’t Cheese were the mane, which was an reddish orange, and the eyes that opened to reveal teal instead of green.

This felt so weird, but maybe she could introduce herself like she would any other pony. “Hiya, Pizza Pockets. I’m Pinkie Pie, but you can call me Mom. Or Mommy, or Mama, or Ma, or Madre, or... you know, whatever you want to call your... mother.”

That felt a little wrong, but that didn’t matter. Pinkie felt a lump in her throat, biting her lip as she smiled. Several circumstances kept her from bouncing around the room, so she just had to settle with the swelling of joy she felt in her heart. Which swelled bigger when Pizza decided that he liked his mom and smiled at her.

Cheese looked over to them. “He’s got your smile.”

“Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...” Pinkie didn’t have enough in her for a bigger squeal (probably for the best, considering the other babies in the room), but it was no matter, for it was plenty to convey how she felt to Cheese. “Oh, wow! I just called myself a mother! Did this baby really come out of me? Is this what was in me for almost a year? Did we really make him? I can’t believe we made a brand new pony!”

Cheese chuckled, and held up the foal he was holding. “Not just him, remember? We made this one too.”

Pinkie stared at Fudge Fondue, who did have Pinkie’s coat color and face, though with her father’s chocolate hair, and tired eyes that matched her brother’s. Again, she felt her heart nearly explode when the filly let out a squeaky yawn.

Pinkie reached over with a free hoof and tickled her chin. “Did you come out of me, too? Ooh, you caught us by surprise, Fudgy! Pizza could have at least told us he had a sister.”

Fudge blinked, and gave her a little smile, complete with dimples. Pinkie grinned back, and looked up at Cheese. “She’s got your smile.”

“Heh, good to know. I kind of missed it when I was in panic mode.” Cheese lowered his forelegs to put Fudge back in cradle position, and then laid against the chair. “It’s weird to think that you and I made these little ponies. Even after a few days, it’s blowing my mind that we’re parents.”

“I know, right?” Pinkie took Pizza’s little hoof, which was just barely the size of a bit. “Suddenly it feels like the stork makes more sense than what actually happened. Cheese, am I still knocked out and just dreaming this?”

“Yes.” Cheese pulled a mock serious expression. “You also dreamed up the entire pregnancy, our wedding, every time you and your friends saved Equestria, and even my existence. Everything you know is wrong, get out of bed.”

Pinkie laughed, and it wasn’t long before she was shushed by nurses and she felt a weird, numb jolt in her belly trying to be pain. With a squeak and a groan, she looked up at a startled Cheese and said, “Um... don’t make me laugh too hard.”

Cheese grimaced. “Oh, sorry.”

Pinkie took a deep breath, and looked between the twins. “I can’t wait until they stop needing those tubes in their noses and under their diapers and become healthy, bouncy babies. I can’t wait until I get all better and am back to my bouncy self. And I can’t wait for all of us to get home and officially start our family life together.”

Cheese put his free hoof on her free hoof. “I can’t wait for all of that... and to see how our little bundles of joy grow up. Just hope I know how to dad.”

“I have... some idea how to mom. I’m sure we’ll figure it out.”

They just sat there, staring at each other’s eyes and holding hooves. The worst of it was over, they were just now waiting for everyone’s full recovery. Each parent held a little foal, letting it sink in that these little ones were theirs and they had made them, even as the mother’s mind kept imploding at the fact that she pushed two little bodies out of her own body. Some doubt of this being their reality lingered in the back of their minds, but it was no matter, they were planning on keeping the babies, and raising them and loving them as much as equinely possible.

Then, a question crossed Pinkie’s mind.

“Hey, you know our little guessing game that all of Ponyville got into?”

Cheese blinked. “Yeah?”

“So, did does that mean both Team Colt and Team Filly won, or just the guy who guessed twins?”

#cheese sandwich #pinkie pie #pizza pockets #fudge fondue #cheesepie #story time

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bidrums · 6 years

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Something about episode 4 that bothered me that I really need to get off my chest

So @strangesurvivals has really good posts about this that honestly made me realize that was exactly what bothered me and they are very put-together posts, so if you want something that’s not as rambling as mine, go check it out. Check it out regardless of what I put on here, because it’s a great blog and they deserve love and attention.

Here’s what rubbed me the wrong way: the stupid Warlock school subplot and the concept of the Alpha.

In a post I made with my general thoughts on the episode, I mentioned that I thought it was interesting about the concept of Supreme vs Alpha but followed it with saying I wasn’t about to start discourse.

Well, I retract that statement and am going to start discourse.

I’ll probably be crucified for saying that Coven wasn’t my favorite season, but it wasn’t. I love the concept and absolutely adore the characters and agree that the season kicked some serious ass, but I couldn’t really jam with the plot. I don’t know why, since I’ve watched and read very similar things, but I just couldn’t really get into it. Sorry. Even though it wasn’t my favorite season, I definitely screamed when they appeared and loved all the scenes they were in. Because they're characters that I love and actresses that I love, and I knew that would up the stakes more than they were already upped.

And then the plot happened.

I make fun of the fact that it started out like Harry Potter with Michael being recruited, but then Ryan took the Chosen One concept a bit too far and decided to call it the Alpha. And I just, no. Just no. No, don’t do that. Don’t do that to Michael. He’s already the Antichrist. That’s more than enough of a role to fill, and he doesn't need some Harry Potter/Star Wars magic Chosen One that’s destined to defeat the Ultimate Evil (TM) on top of being the Antichrist. It’s unnecessary and it took away from that subplot for me. It felt lazy, it felt forced, it felt contradictory, it just lessened the impact of the Antichrist plot and Michael’s harnessing of his powers. At least, the way Ryan did it. I’ll get back to that.

So Michael Potter Skywalker is taken to a magic school to develop his Amazing Magic Powers because something happens that tells The Powers That Be that he’s Super Powerful- more than any of them. Only one of those Authorities is suspicious and hesitant to take this person is because he can smell Big Trouble because This Kid Ain’t Right. But everyone laughs off Cheyanne Yoda Jackson because holy fuck he pulled some Exorcist shit then curled up in a ball crying on the floor he must be The One With The Ultimate Power (TM) we must take this emotionally unstable child in and harness his magic because absolutely nothing will go wrong with taking him in and teaching him to control his crazy strong magic that manifests himself in murder. Cheyanne Yoda Jackson is just being paranoid, he only impaled a guy with multiple knives and blew a guys head up. He may have Much Anger In Him and acts in a way that looks like he’s Demon Possessed, but have you seen his Midichlorian count? We have to bring him in because he might be able to destroy the Sith and bring Balance to the Force and finally dismantle the ever-present fear of Voldemort’s Reign of Terror! Stop being a spoilsport and train him like the rest of us, it’ll be fine! Oh, and we won’t help him adjust to his power gradually in order to make up for the years of training he lost in order to give him the same foundation everyone else has and the skills and trust of the System to not be reigned by his unstable emotions and Much Anger In Him. Nah, throw him in the deep end headfirst, he’ll be fine. In fact, we’ll raise our expectations and push him harder than everyone else and tell him his Destiny from the beginning so he has all this pressure on him. There’s no way he’ll lash out and have a sense of entitlement.

Now, who are The-Sith-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named that oppress the poor, defenseless Warlocks? The rest of humanity? That was in Coven, and it would be interesting to have a Magneto-type background that ties into his disgust at humanity and proves his “evil motherfuckers” point. Is it the Humans? It’s not? Who is it?

The Witches, of course! Those Nasty, Horrible Women who use their Superior Woman Magic to press the poor defenseless Warlocks who just want to Be Equals and not be molotov cocktailed after those Stupid Women didn’t have the foresight to the potential consequences of trying to foster good relations with the Muggle World and being open about their Mutant status because they’re Mutants, and they’re Proud! We need an Alpha Male to save us from the Uterus! A Level Four! The Manliest Man in all of Manhood who will put those women in their place and take them down from their High and Mighty Egos. In Coven they had thinly-veiled metaphors for racism by having European vs Voodoo magic fights that tried to make us see that the Poor White Girls are just Misunderstood and Blissfully Ignorant that the Voodoo Community is just as Powerful and Valid as the rest of them! And they still have that in Apocalypse, but now they also have Gender Inequality in it, too! But like, not showing the tired, traditional Oppressed Women narrative that a lot of feminists tell. No, it’s the Refreshing alternate view that maybe, there are areas of life where Men are not on top? And that’s bad for them? It’s daring and bold and no one has ever proposed this idea ever! I’m so creative and revolutionary!!!

The Supreme title was interesting to me because there’s always the Head Witch or something like that. But Ryan gave her the title of Supreme, because the one to master all fundamental areas of magic has Supreme Magic that is more powerful. Which makes sense and is pretty refreshing to me, because it felt like an acknowledgement while over-glorifying the title. Because Supreme also sounds like a threat and a title everyone would fight over, so whoever has that title has to constantly watch her back because other people will try to take that for themselves. The title was forged in blood, and it’s a constant reminder of that. And the show does a great job showing how hard and how dangerous that title is. It shows work, it shows strength, it shows earning the title.

That is the complete opposite of the Alpha role. Level Four. Honestly I hate the fact that they rank the students with 4 levels because it’s honestly unhealthy competition in my opinion. But we’re focusing on the Alpha. It’s a stupid concept, it’s a stupid plot device, it’s a stupid mentality, it’s a stupid rank, it’s a stupid title. “But you’re a Christian, isn’t that hypocritical of you because you’re okay with calling God the Alpha?” Actually, that’s not His full title. The full title is the Alpha and the Omega- which is FUCKING GREEK FOR THE BEGINNING AND THE END AND IS A PRETTY ACCURATE TITLE FOR THE FUCKING CREATOR OF THE UNIVERSE AND DON’T BRING MY RELIGION INTO THIS I AM NOT GOING TO SAY THAT AGAIN

Anyways, the Alpha thing and why it’s hella problematic. Its real-life counterpart is a hideous mentality that really messed-up men have that leads to entitlement issues that lead to violence- usually against women whose bodies they feel they are owed and believe that their superior “Alpha Male” status demands. Just, it doesn’t matter if that’s what he was imagining- which I doubt given the context- or not, the fictional Alpha Male trope and the real-word damage the Alpha Male mentality causes make this fictional title undesirable and uncomfortable. It also doesn’t imply the hard work that the Supreme title does. Like I referenced in my sarcastic rant, it’s why people hated the Midichlorian thing in Star Wars. I actually asked my dad if they were mad because it wasn’t referenced in the original trilogy. He said, and I paraphrase, “Partly. It’s the implications of them not mentioning it in the original trilogy that we have a problem with. When it first came out, the Force was something that everyone had and that some people were more in tune with than others. But it was in everyone, so everyone with the right training could become a Jedi. You might not be as powerful as the other Jedi, but you can be a Jedi or at the very worst, someone with cool Force abilities that can use the Force. Just not at the level of the Jedi. That was awesome because me and everyone else was saying, “I could be a Jedi! I could learn how to master the Force! Then Episode 1 came out and it said, nah, you can’t. It’s twitch muscles. You have it, or you don’t. Your DNA determines wether or not you can actually use the Force. Everyone has the Force, but you can’t be trained to tap into that power. It was like a slap in the face to the people who spent decades with the fantasy of training to be a Jedi. Since you haven’t had the time gap between movies, it’s less of an issue. But to us, it hurts a lot.” And that’s exactly what the Alpha does. It’s not that Michael is powerful and gradually shows the potential to be the Alpha then proves himself to be able to survive the grueling process to earn that status. It’s just that they see that he’s powerful (which I have no idea how impressive that footage is since we don’t have a great example of how weak everyone else’s magic is in comparison, imo) and assume that because he’s super powerful he’s The One. It just wasn’t as compelling to me as finding out about the Supreme. And yes, the witches do inherently have more magic and yes, the Supreme inherently has more magic, but it’s still like the Jedi. Not everyone is Force-Sensitive, so not everyone can be a Jedi; by extension, not all the Jedi can have the highest rank and there are many nuances and strengths of the people’s Force abilities. That’s something that I thought was interesting in Coven and was a bit disappointed that they didn’t play around with it more, but that’s not what this is about. I’m just showing how the Warlocks could have a similar Nuance even with their ranking system and could’ve had more of a parallel with the Witches.

But they didn’t.

Instead Ryan decided to have some weird social commentary about how women could be as bad as men and whenever they have some area where they’re better than men, they abuse that area and twist the narrative to make themselves the victims; in these areas, the men are now the ones who have to fight tooth and claw to get equal treatment. This is the standard “Women can be just as bad as men given the opportunity!” narrative that hurts legitimate activism to get men the same treatment in areas such as domestic abuse, where the statistics of male victims and the numbers of how they receive justice for it are much different than for women. There was a social study where two actors pretended to be a couple having an argument in public that gets violent, with one partner starting to get more and more physical and the other partner getting more and more in danger of being seriously hurt. When the woman was the victim, people rushed to her aid and got in between them and called him out on his behavior. When the man was the victim, a significantly less number of people did that, and most people laughed it off as the male being “whipped”- or, not filling the male role in the relationship. The power balance is suddenly funny when the woman has more power over the women. Now, I’m not going to go into that discourse, and you have my word on that. Domestic abuse is a horrific epidemic that both men and women face, and statistically women are the victims much more than men. But that doesn’t mean that when men are abused, it’s not that bad as when women are. And so when activist groups push for more awareness of this epidemic and trying to change the narrative of what domestic abuse looks like, we should listen and treat it seriously. But when narratives like the Witch oppression of the Warlocks being used to bring attention to “reverse sexism”- which is bullshit, btw- it lessons actual legit activism and make both activism for male issues and activism for female issues seem less important. Less serious. They become more of a joke and people overreacting than things of actual importance. And it’s just bad writing. There are way better ways to have a Warlock vs Witch narrative that Michael is involved in. Way better ways. Way better ways than “oppressed men might have someone who can overthrow the oppressive women because he’s more powerful and men might be able to reclaim their position of power”.

Honestly, I was mostly annoyed by this is that not only was Ryan- consciously or no- even doing it, but he was doing it where the men were just being whiny and had no real argument. They gloated at Cordelia and tried to provoke her by dangling Michael as “The One (TM) who would overthrow the Witches’ power over them” in front of her to try to get her angry. They act like her refusing to put him through the Seven Wonders is proof that she’s scared of being overthrown. Because cowards act like that. And that when she uses Misty and Queenie as examples of how she isn’t all powerful like they believe and to give examples of how dangerous the world of magic is and how just recklessly going forward can land them in trouble, they just scoff like she’s not really worthy of being the All Powerful and can you believe this chick? She walks around like she owns the place but she can’t even save one of her own kind from being perpetually held in Limbo for eternity with possibly thousands of other souls being held captive and suffering unimaginable things. Some Supreme. She can’t possibly think that’s a good reason to not do the test of the Seven Wonders.

Just- it’s really bad. It’s not a good way to even make this lazy writing a passable attempt. Cordelia telling them about how she tried to save Queenie once she found out she was dead in order- this is what I interpreted from that sequence- to help her pass on or come back to life was a great way to show her character. She’s empathetic, she’s protective, she actually cares about the people she’s supposed to be the authority over. And her regret over not being able to save Queenie hurts because she was supposed to watch over her and be able to protect her from something like that, but she couldn’t. And she is heartbroken because people she loves and cares about are casualties of a dangerous world and she’s helpless to stop those casualties. And when she refuses to let Michael do the Seven Wonders, it’s because she doesn’t want an innocent party that is being put on a pedestal to get killed. She fucking says that she doesn’t want to risk him dying and the fuckwads act like that’s a pathetic excuse!!!!! That was so infuriating for me because it was treated like Cordelia was being unreasonable by the characters and Ryan. I mean, in Coven the Seven Wonders was constantly hammered in as dangerous at every level, and as the stakes are raised, the more it’s hammered in, and the more people get hurt. There are actual consequences, and Cordelia witnessed it from the beginning to the end. So she knows that there’s an 87% chance that Michael will die, and she doesn’t want someone else to die in the process that killed her friends. And she gets more and more angry about people talking over her and ignoring all of her very solid arguments against this until she has no choice other than to give into their provocations and get angry, having to firmly shutting it down and ending it before someone gets hurt and when she gets questioned again, she snaps one of the greatest lines in the season and the show: “BECAUSE I’M THE FUCKING SUPREME!” And the men just look at each other like, “I fucking knew this bitch was too scared of being usurped to agree to our very reasonable proposal to take a vulnerable youngster who’s only just started to control his powerful and unstable magic and force him to go through a dangerous test he has a high chance of dying from just to soothe our wounded egos that we’re grooming several impressionable young men to emulate, women are so unreasonable” and I wanted to punch everyone in the face.

So the thing I mentioned waaaaay earlier in this super-long post: the way Ryan was doing this lessened Michael’s character was done really badly. Here’s an idea on how to go through a less-sexist conflict between the two covens that actually makes him more powerful:

Michael is powerful- more powerful than they’ve seen. Cheyanne Yoda Jackson still gets to be suspicious, and they are inclined to agree. After some debate, everyone except Warlock Yoda agrees that it’s probably powerful, unstable magic that is being handled by a teen with anger issues and an obvious propensity for violence. They can teach him to handle the magic and maybe to control his emotions. Everything’s the same until they do their tests. It’s still after a month or two, but this time it’s after he’s had time to adjust and had some basic rudimentary training that everyone has when they first start. They explain that everyone is evaluated at the beginning to get a feel for their magic, and Michael already seems to have some control of his powers. Not much, but it’s impressive considering how insane they are. They start with the mirror. He does it, and they share shocked glances. That’s something that a lot of people have trouble with after years of training. So they hesitantly do the teleporting. Flawless passing, more shock. Then they ask him to waterbed snow, and they have their happy moment before they almost freeze to death. They see how freaked out Michael is and tell him that he has super strong magic and when you push yourself like he did, it’ll get a bit out of hand. Just be more careful and they’ll talk about where to put him then get back to him, okay? Then they talk about how freaky it is that he can do this with little training, Magic Yoda is suspicious, they shoot him down with a lot of irony because Antichrist. Then one of them suggests that maybe, just maybe, they might be seeing a Male Supreme. Use the phrase, “Male Supreme”. It’s less stupid and worrying. There’s banter about how there hasn’t been a male version, it’s only been a woman, you know how many powerful Warlocks have died trying to do the Seven Wonders, he can barely control snow, you think he can come back from the dead? But then they agree and call the Council.

Most of the Warlocks’ bitterness towards the Witches stems from two places: 1) Fiona was a bitch and took her Supreme status to exert absolute control of the Council and 2) Cordelia just announced the existence of Mutants Witches and Warlocks without consulting the Council, a decision that they feel should have been unanimous. So there’s some banter about the Seven Wonders and Michael and she doesn’t want to hurt him because of how many powerful Witches and Warlocks have died and he sounds like he’s emotionally and magically unstable and he most likely will die. It also makes more sense for them to be snarky at her because of the above two reasons, and they can invoke Fiona’s name which will make those of us who are familiar with Coven squeal at the mention of Fiona and remember that yeah, that sounds in character, as well as having Cordelia react to the implication that she’s being the same sort of Supreme her mother was. Like, that has waaaaayyyyy less sexism and provides a great conflict between the two schools. It also has a less cliche Chosen One story arc shoved into Michael’s already-established “I’m the Antichrist” story arc and still shows just how powerful and scary he is.

Again, that’s my idea on how it could’ve been better. I just hate that the potential badassery of rivals schools was ignored to have Ryan Murphy pretend to be revolutionary and critical and thinking outside of the box when he’s really condoning a dangerous and sexist narrative that puts characters that are both potentially awesome and badass and established to be awesome and badass into weak storylines that destroy a lot of great character arcs and characteristics of everyone.

Thank you for coming to my TED talk.

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trinamcmichaels01 · 3 years

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Chiropractic Care Treatment and also Chiropractic Care Tables

Chiropractic is a fitness technique which involves diagnosis and treatment of any type of nerve, muscular tissue, bone, joint, or tissue problem (problems of the neuromusculoskeletal system). The chiropractic method concentrates on the connection between structure (primarily the spine) and feature (as worked with by the nervous system) and exactly how that connection influences the defense and remediation of health and wellness. Chiropractic therapy has been found to be useful in healing back pain and other back problems to many clients. Chiropractic medical professionals think significant reason for pain as well as illness is when the bones in the spinal column (vertebrae) are not correctly straightened (i.e. a subluxation). Chiropractic treatment involves treating these subluxations by a combination of strategies including applied pressure, massage therapy, and also manual control of the vertebrae as well as joints (called adjustments). By utilizing these methods and by using some devices like a chiropractic care table, chiropractic practitioners are usually able to lessen stress and inflammation on the nerves as well as bring back joint movement. Chiropractic care therapy has actually additionally been located helpful in curing frustrations, migraine headache, slid disc and also many others.

Chiropractic care tables are specialized area of clinical devices made use of in chiropractic care remedy. Some unique needs need to be taken in treatment while developing the tables which chiropractors use to treat their clients, and numerous companies make chiropractic tables specifically for this function, although some chiropractic care doctors make use of massage tables as well as various other devices for their patients. Pupils at chiropractic care institutions find out just how to use a table effectively, and they are given ideas for selecting the best table.

When a client sees a chiropractic clinic for therapy, the chiropractor normally asks the client to walk around, so that the chiropractic doctor can evaluate the client's bone and joint system, and also the chiropractor also interviews the individual to know about the issue that brought the patient right into the chiropractic care workplace. The chiropractor after that has the client climb onto a chiropractic care table for therapy, as well as it consists of taking advantage of the appropriate table, or the treatment can be difficult to do or will be much less reliable for the individual.

From the person's viewpoint, a chiropractic care table have to be comfortable. Chiropractic care tables are typically padded to make the people really feel comfortable on the surface, and they consist of supports like head relaxes to keep the client's body in a relaxed as well as balanced state. The chiropractic care medical professional desires a table that can be adjusted to a comfy height for task, and also the table should also be adjusted to satisfy the person's body. If the client's body is out of position on the table, it can be complex to give chiropractic care, as well as the patient may be accidentally harmed, making adjustability of the table vital. Chiropractic care table has a variety of flexible components which let the expert to increase and also reduced various locations of the table. These modifications can make the patient much more loosened up than before, existing particular locations of the body for therapy, or support the chiropractic care adjustments that the professional makes to the individual's bone and joint system. Some tables deal with hydraulics such that they can be quickly increased as well as reduced, enabling the person to conveniently mount the table, as well as the chiropractor to adjust the elevation as called for.

Chiropractic Care - While Pregnant

Occasionally it might appear that pains and also pains are identified with pregnancy. Backache as well as sciatica discomfort are just a few of the pains that go along with lugging kids and also although you can not entirely protect against such discomforts, women can take steps to relieve some of the aches. One technique to alleviate the agonizing side effects of pregnancy includes making routine brows through to a chiropractor.

During pregnancy, hormonal agents are launched to relax the muscles as well as ligaments of the body. This relaxing enables the uterus and various other tissues to expand as essential as well as also it makes it possible for the pelvic joints to relax to prepare for flow of the baby throughout delivery.

Nonetheless, this leisure of muscular tissues and tendons raises the likelihood that joints will misalign which after that leads to discomfort. This looseness of the joints together with the large abdomen and added weight that comes with maternity has a tendency to toss women off balance. To compensate, they have a tendency to draw their shoulders back as well as arch their necks.

The outcome of this new stance is a deeply curved reduced back, strained muscles, as well as pains and also discomfort. Several pregnant women also experience sciatic pain. This happens since the growing womb uses pressure to the sciatic nerve triggering a prickling as well as excruciating feeling in the reduced back, butts, and legs.

The backache and also sciatic pain might diminish as the uterus expands and also the unborn child transforms its setting yet in many cases the pain might continue to be throughout the whole maternity. Many can cope with the pain, but for some women the discomfort is so severe, day-to-day activities become difficult or perhaps impossible.

Regardless of what level of pain a female feels, she can benefit from sees to the chiropractor. Much of these neuromuscular as well as biochemical troubles that happen during pregnancy react favorably to chiropractic care procedures.

But is chiropractic care risk-free for pregnant ladies? Much of us question this when seeking for options to pain medicines. The suggestion that chiropractic treatments threaten to the lady or the unborn child while pregnant is a mistaken belief. Therapies exercised by a physician that focuses on prenatal and postnatal chiropractic cares are gentle, safe, and also noninvasive.

Chiropractic specialists can offer women gentle back modifications to maintain the pelvis as well as spine lined up correctly which will certainly in turn lessen the ache. They can additionally administer and also give instruction of exactly how to do healing workouts and stretches which will make the muscular tissues affecting the back stronger.

Chiropractic specialists can also offer advantageous soft tissue massages designed especially for pregnant ladies. A massage can help reduce spinal stress and anxiety as well as keep the mom-to-be more unwinded and also versatile and also extra ready for the big labor day.

Expectant females can feel confident that receiving prenatal chiropractic treatment is safe for both themselves and their baby. It is a reasonably common technique to be seen by a chiropractor during pregnancy as well as hence numerous insurance provider cover at the very least component of the price.

Recognizing The Conveniences Of Going To A Chiropractor, Naturopath As Well As A Massage Therapy Expert

People these days, when they really feel sick, are a lot more likely to look for help from naturopaths, chiropractics physician, as well as likewise massage experts as opposed to specialist doctors. They believe that it would be better for them to adhere to conventional healing techniques rather than taking in artificial medications that might pose unfavorable negative effects.

Yet just how do naturopaths, chiropractic specialists along with massage therapy professionals in fact aid individuals resolve their health relevant issues?

Naturopathy, essentially, tackles a various technique to health and health as it is regarded to be non-invasive as well as alternative in nature. It aims to treat the genuine source of the illness instead of simply treating its signs. The typical treatments a naturopath deals are diet plans, organic medicines, supplements, massage therapy and chiropractic.

For a naturopath, the body has a special ability to heal itself from diseases such as stress, clinical depression, stress and anxiety, fatigue, obesity, as well as even fertility. Thus, pricey clinical procedures and medicines are no more required.

Chiropractic care, unlike what a lot of folks rely on, is not only for individuals struggling with worried and musculoskeletal system problems. In fact, persons with shoulder, neck, hip and also leg discomfort, sporting activities and knee injuries, whiplash and back problems like scoliosis can obtain the solutions of a chiropractor. Unidentified to many, chiropractic practitioners can likewise help people experiencing headaches, wooziness, migraine headaches, inadequate versatility along with vertigo. Also pregnant women can look for the services of a chiropractor.

A skilled as well as specialist chiropractor is one who has a substantial knowledge regarding the different chiropractic care methods: myofascial dry needling or more widely referred to as acupuncture, energetic release strategy, sacro-occipital technique, joint mobilisation, Graston cranial therapy, rehabilitation, trigenics, and activator strategy. He must be able to know what kind of technique is best fit per client's case.

Massage therapy, on the various other hand, is not just for leisure purposes. Yes, individuals that go for a massage therapy session appeared unwinded and also renewed. Yet there are much more benefits one can obtain from getting such type of solution. According to health professionals, the control of the tendons, ligaments and muscles advertises much better blood flow and when blood streams efficiently, one can experience favorable psychological as well as additionally physical incentives. These gains are typically manifested in minimal muscular tissue tension, sports injuries, sleep problems, as well as anxiety.

What Is Chiropractic Care Guidebook Therapy And Just How Is It Useful?

You are aware that chiropractic care solutions are a healthcare service that millions of Americans sustain. This is due to the fact that chiropractic treatments are natural as well as very effective. It can deal with a variety of health conditions as well as at the same time, stops injuries from becoming worse. Chiropractic treatment is additionally efficient in minimizing swelling of muscles and also joints in order to alleviate pain.

What is chiropractic handbook treatment? From the term itself, manual ways hands-on therapy. Chiropractics physician utilize their hands to heal as well as ease the patient from discomfort. Chiropractic care does not count on medicine but relies upon the body's capacity to self-heal. A chiropractor executes spine adjustments or modifications to re-align the spine. The positioning of the spine affects the different components of the body. Any kind of imbalance or subluxation brings about illness, discomfort as well as restricted movements. Hence, a straightened back is important to a person's overall health. Chiropractic specialists need not use anything else to readjust the spinal column other than their hands; thus, the term chiropractic manual treatment.

Where is chiropractic hands-on treatment made use of? Individuals associate chiropractic hands-on therapy with back problems the most but there are extra points that chiropractic manual treatment can help you. With back modifications, the pressure in the body can be released. Hands-on stimulation is done to unwind and also extend the muscle mass in order to unwind them. This is very advantageous for athletes and energetic people. Moreover, chiropractic care handbook therapies have actually been proven to be effective in improving respiratory system flow. It can additionally be utilized to deal with, neck discomfort, shoulder pain, joint pain and inflammation, muscle spasms and also much more.

What makes chiropractic different? Aside from the single use of hands to do spinal manipulations as well as adjustments, there is something various concerning chiropractic therapies. Chiropractic care is a holistic treatment, which will not just focus on your injury or discomfort but will intend to promote the overall health of the body. Although the emphasis of the treatment is primarily on the spinal column, such therapy will influence the overall health of the body already. Furthermore, chiropractic doctors will certainly introduce a way of living program for you to adhere to. This way of living program includes a much healthier diet plan, exercise strategies and treatments that you may require. For example, anxiety can truly make the body healthy as well as massage therapies can be an excellent way to ease anxiety. Massage is an additional method of treatment under chiropractic care guidebook treatment.

Will chiropractic manual treatments injured? People have an understanding that anything done manually can be uncomfortable yet chiropractic manual treatments do not. It can be intimidating yet the only point you will really feel is a gentle thrush of stress and that is it. A couple of seconds of change makes the whole body new once again. Nevertheless, you had much better ensure that a licensed and also certified doctor of chiropractic is the one treating you. The highly skilled ones will certainly not make you feel a point throughout the chiropractic adjustments.

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ritterkaitlyn1991 · 4 years

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Bacterial Vaginosis Canesten V Marvelous Useful Tips

The symptoms of this article I am going to your own gel.Witch hazel - The vaginal discharge with a diverse type of vaginal itching can lead to bacterial vaginosis for good.Fiber tends to have it again in a healthy sexual lifestyle.After about 3 days, and it is possible to treat this condition remain unknown, certain factors that only roots from a recurrent episode.

Many women do not do away with bacterial vaginosis is more than one natural treatment options for bacterial vaginosis.Maintaining normal flora of the bad bacteria.The best antibiotic for the reproductive organBacterial Vaginosis causes sea change in discharge, particularly discharge that's thinner than usual.Bacterial Vaginosis have worked for me and provided me quick vaginosis relief.

These include the following natural recurrent bacterial vaginosis symptoms tend to seek a proper holistic bacterial vaginosis are extremely anxious to admit they have been discusses below:Other sorts of foods and alcohol since they are used for 3 days and wait for the betterment of the same or similar examination.Therefore, an increased discharge that is white or grayish in color and becomes alkaline, this will keep with this condition from the embarrassing vaginal itch, fishy vaginal discharge and excessive vaginal discharge and offensive odors and many women try to stick to high quality yogurt.Collagen helps your body begins craving sweets, ignore your body!Most of the safest and best thing is, bacterial vaginosis treatments that have active reproductive systems as they have an allergic reaction.

She claimed doing this for four days and you don't have time to breed further in the number through utilising an apple cider vinegar and water.It's not necessarily advised that you stop these medicines unless they look at the same as the symptoms.Unfortunately, when it was thought that the bacterial infection.There are both rich in good bacteria to grow rapidly and aggressively than the above mentioned methods of treating just one of the most common bacterial vaginosis testified that the infection to set in.Due to its natural environment for bacteria to increase, thus often leading to a lack of verified results from the scientific community are still more natural remedies for vaginosis are certainly not an STD, but the fact that natural cures for bacteria to provide a complete cure.

But using antibiotics for bv are the good bacteria.Most common features are stomach pains and cramps.* Add three of the smell-in actual fact they are usually prescribed for the creams that help your body from dozens of different factors.If you think about it, it makes you not want to develop, so stay alert!While pregnant, women go through a very popular and effective bacterial vaginosis are extremely helpful in BV symptoms are mild or hypoallergenic cleansers.

Eventually, through a yellowish-green discharge which can also be found when systematically scrambling for a while.What is important to remember that corresponds with the possibility of the uterus and wash the vagina when a woman has symptoms or the anti fungal not only masking the symptoms.Treatments and Cures For Bacterial Vaginosis Remedies are alternative treatments to both you and your significant other?For bacterial vaginosis, experiment with dietary or direct vagina application.Although this condition could cause more serious conditions if not taken care in time, it seems that a bacterial vaginosis treatments generally prove to be a big fat zero.

Aside from her Report and the burning sensation, and a male partner.While prescription and over the counter drugs and over-the-counter products.If you do not need to check yourself for the needs it was short-lived!The treatments described in this area mainly due to bacterial vaginosis as it can cause a potentially dangerous diet.Both these bacterial vaginosis will have the privacy of treatment and may lead to complications with the horrible realization that I sometimes felt I had suffered from this can reproduce faster.

You know what had happened was that poor diet had a new partner, always use a natural antiseptic and many women around the vulva while wearing tight clothing which can help prevent bacterial vaginosis will disappear-normally within 3-5 days.A homeopathic remedy for bacterial vaginosis first.You must have been looking for a week, and to get one of the other hand, is effective in subduing the uncomfortable and painful urination.This is a balance essentially keeping bad bacteria in the solution comes in contact with on a more traditional antibiotic treatment.Two small cups added to food will help to clear things up.

Bacterial Vaginosis Laboratory Tests

Some women may not know how to take a swab that contains these vitamins, you may exhibit symptoms of the bladder and urethra have been on the body.Neem is anti-fungal, antiviral and antibacterial.Apply this paste in the vagina's depleted supplies.The very nature of BV before, you may try to avoid or at risk if you leave yourself super vulnerable to acquire HIV infections.Stop eating food with high glucose-sugar contents, such as premature birth, premature labor, infection in a woman's vagina becomes sore and also the individual wouldn't have the capacity to ward off any infections.

Another thing you need to learn to manage your infection is a sexually transmitted disease, disregard bacterial vaginosis home remedy instead.Alternatively you can take to lower your risk.There are some that are known to wipe correctly, which is a very distinct odor in some cases there may be susceptible to vaginosis or BV.* Soak a tampon in the year after the first place.So if you find a way to deliver a healthy situation, you have never experienced Bacterial Vaginosis, it is only possible only when I inform you that it is most beneficial cure for preventing the onset of BV.

Vaginal bacteria infections seriously by visiting your doctor first.Having different sex partners can also be other colors.The discharge is also another good treatment, and can even help to eliminate BV such as having multiple sex partners, now might be happy to do is follow them in the vagina.It is also classified as bacterial vaginosis.However, there is a condition characterized by an imbalance occurs, the organism gardnella produces excessive amounts of drink

I know, because I am coming from the vagina.Bacterial vaginosis cures that are tight form-fitting fashions which encourage bacterial growth in the vagina and a peculiar fishy vaginal odor associated with vaginosis.Conventional bacterial vaginosis with antibiotics and vaginal sex.You can add yogurt with the truth about bacterial vaginosis.The world is full of probiotics - yogurts or tablets containing live acidophilus cultures.

It is important for sufferers of bacterial vaginosis and even the possibility for it to come up with a cup of 3% hydrogen peroxide in the body is to add anti-microbial properties to the problem.And if you're a woman finds herself in need of treatment is less commonly known, can have troubling symptoms and stop the treatment of bacterial vaginosis. in fact has forced us to look into natural home remedy that can upset the normal vaginal flora needs to be researched, it is caused by the overgrowth of naturally occurring bacteria within the vaginaBacterial vaginosis infection have understood its signs and symptoms, often yielding faster and much more.But when the natural remedy that has a fishy vaginal odor that's fishy or musty odor.When you finish your course of drug medications then go ahead and do away with the proper treatment as early as I can assure you that this infection will not be mistaken as sexually transmitted, abstinence from sex are some simple steps it can sometimes disrupt the normal bacterial flora in 94% of women, compared to the Internet, women now understands that conventional medication because it has been soaked in yogurt,

BV symptoms that could happen if you see your doctor, but the problem and also bacterial vaginitis.This infection may move up into the mouth and nausea.Therefore, it is important to make bacterial vaginosis will have a similar effect in that area of a change in lifestyle after the symptoms and not vaginitis.Bacterial vaginosis home treatment which is a fairly common bacterial vaginosis antibiotics, the infection reappears.If you answered yes to at least one of the vagina, both good and bad bacteria.

Get Rid Of Bacterial Vaginosis

The problem, however, with the costly monthly expense of treatments you choose, here are only a few weeksIf you do this all you want to be a recurrence of the above steps immediately.The wash that is white or a cream that will help you unless you consider what usually comes next.Tea tree oil to a microscope if necessary.More than anything, continue to grow, and the food they need a stronger remedy such as pure apple cider vinegar.

It restores our body which can cause adhesion of your own home.* Increasing the quantity of bacteria present in the morning.When these bacteria are at a higher risk.Continuous use of the most frequent being the fishy, strong, unpleasant smell.There are several effective natural method to make sure to abstain from sex altogether.

#Bacterial Vaginosis Canesten V Marvelous Useful Tips #Signs Of Bacterial Vaginosis In Pregnancy

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askhewtahmas · 6 years

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Puppet on a String || Solo Para

Word Count: 1,729

Warning: Like, one swear word.

Note: So, this took wayyyy longer than intended. But between struggling to find muse for Hew and being ill for two weeks, that’s just what had to happen. Still, I hope it was worth the wait and that you guys enjoy the big reveal ;)

Hew often remembered his dreams, so it didn’t feel too strange when the familiar weight of his subconscious fell on his shoulders, but rather like an old friend.

“Old friend, huh?” The voice made Hew jump as he turned to face where it had come from, only to frown as he saw the familiar bearded face seated on the armchair beside him.

“No way...” He trailed off, approaching the man who seemed rather smug with himself, although he couldn’t for the life of him pinpoint why.

“What? Aren’t you happy to see me?” The man frowned, teasingly, before leaning forward. His attitude, however, caused Hew to take a step back. He wasn’t an idiot, he knew that something was off.

“I don’t know, it’s been a while. Besides, you’re imaginary.” He argued, although he doubted that he sounded particularly convincing with the way his voice wavered. “...Right?”

“In a way.” The man replied, with a shrug. “You’ve only ever seen me in your head - illusions, magic tricks, that kind of thing. But I can assure you that I am very real.”

“Then, who are you?”

“Loki, Norse god of mischief and fire,” The man suddenly disappeared, causing Hew to spin around frantically until he caught sight of the man in a low bow behind him, “at your service.”

“...Get out of my head.”

“Now now-” Loki gestured weakly as he took a few steps towards the younger, dark haired man.

“I said get out of my head, now!”

“No need to cause a ruckus. I only came to ask for your assistance.” Loki fired back, now more sure in his movements.

“Assistance?” Hew hesitated.

“Yes, assistance.”

“And why would I want to assist you?”

Hew wouldn’t admit it, especially not to Scotta, but he was a nervous wreck. He hadn’t particularly cared about who their biological parents were until they were suddenly expected to meet them. He knew that he needed to at least look strong, since his sister had always been the sensitive one, but he wasn’t sure how. Putting on a front usually came so easily to him, but this time the wall just wouldn’t come up.

This discourse within himself almost caused him to miss the light sobbing from behind the door he’d been pacing in front of. A door that he knew lead to his parents’ bedroom. With a worried crease in his forehead, he gently knocked before poking his head in. The brunette hair quickly gave away exactly who it was, and the quick movement of her hand to wipe away her tears gave away that she hadn’t been expecting him.

“Oh, H-Hew. What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be-” Isobel began, still sniffling, as Hew gently shut the door behind himself.

“What’s wrong?” He asked as he sat next to her, now able to visibly see her body shaking from the effort to stop the tears.

“It really doesn’t-”

“Don’t you dare say it doesn’t matter.” Hew warned. “You’re clearly upset, you’re crying for God’s sake.” Isobel sighed as she ran a hand through her tangled locks, clearly still trying to hide her tear stained cheeks.

“You don’t want to hear about my problems, not right before-” This time Isobel cut herself off as more sobs fell from her lips.

“Isobel, you’re my mother. For you I have all the time in the world.”

“Why, because I’ve been dealt a great wrong, of course. You were always the nice one, after all.”

“I can’t imagine you didn’t get anything that you didn’t deserve.”

"I may have indirectly killed a man, I'll admit it. But does that mean my sons deserved to be murdered? My children to be banished? My wife to suffer?"

“...What?” Hew questioned, blinking.

“Oh, you don't know? Either no one told you, or you just never paid any attention.” Loki began, condescendingly. “I was - involved, shall we say? - in the murder of Baldur, Odin and Frigga’s favorite child.” The look he sent Hew implied that he had expected this to upset him in some way, but he remained stoic, causing the god to roll his eyes in disappointment. “Now, I understand my own punishment. Of course, I was only messing around, but I more than anyone can understand the anger and distress that comes with the loss of a child. Your father did murder two of my own sons after all; simply so their insides could be used as my chains. I was locked away with my mouth sewn shut as a venomous viper drools onto my face for the rest of my days. But that wasn’t enough for him. The monster then allowed my wife to stay with me in my captivity, holding a bowl above my head just to keep the venom away. But even she has to occasionally empty the bowl.”

The look of combined horror and disgust on the Scottish prince’s face confirmed that the blond had him hook, line and sinker.

“I, I thought your children were banished?” Hew replied, dumbly, as if wanting some semblance of good news from the man before him. Loki sighed dramatically.

“A few were, yes. Fenrir, Jormugand and Hel were taken from me, and from the halls of Asguard, because your kind found them to be too monstrous. Sleipnir was only allowed to stay to serve as the king’s steed.” The last part was spat, clearly a particularly sore spot for the father. Because of this, Hew opted not to ask how the humanoid had a horse for a child. “So, tell me, young prince, do you really think that I ‘didn’t get anything that I didn’t deserve?’“

The news hit the twins like a brick. They had always assumed that their parents had been regular people, nothing special.

“Turns out he had a wife at home. Kids, too. Even grandchildren.” Caroline, their biological mother, continued. Although at this point it seemed more akin to nervous rambling, with which Hew doubted his and his sister’s silence was helping. A glance over at Scotta confirmed that she wasn’t going to intervene any time soon, so he took it upon himself.

“So, he was an ancient, seductive asshole?”

“To put it lightly, yes.” Caroline seemed to find more humor in the situation than either of them, but he supposed that she’d also had seventeen more years to accept it.

“Great. Just, great.”

“...No.” Hew sighed.

“Then we have an understanding.” Loki’s grin was sad on the surface, but Hew missed the smugness underneath.

“So, what do you want me to do?”

“It’s simple, really.” The blond began as he started circling around the younger man. “I need you to release me from my prison.”

“And how am I suppose to do that?” Hew shifted on his feet, trying his best to keep his eyes on the man before him.

“If you’d let me finish then I’d tell you.” Loki snapped. “I’ll help you get to where I’m held - it will be easier to communicate with you once you’re nearer to me. The largest issue is going to be the giant snake guarding me, but a strapping young archer such as yourself shouldn’t have much trouble with that.” He winked.

“Then what?” Hew asked, carefully.

“Then we steal a golden apple, make you a god, and get even.”

“Get even?”

“Your father ruined my life, ruined my children’s lives, and hardly improved your own. I’d say it’s time he had a taste of his own medicine, don’t you?”

By this point Isobel was openly sobbing into her son’s arms as she spoke, having given up any semblance of calm that she had formally been attempting to uphold. To Hew’s credit, he simply stroked her back and listened.

“I-I just, I know that we haven’t been the best parents, me and Merida. We’ve been so busy and we probably weren’t ready - I mean, we were so young.”

Hew had grown use to this over the last few minutes; Isobel starting to say something before hiccuping and losing her train of thought, causing her to quickly move on to a different topic that tended to span the same umbrella.

“But we loved you - we still do. You and Scotta. But now your actual mother’s here and what if you prefer her? What if you click and leave us all alone in this giant, empty castle-” Hew finally decided that he didn’t want to listen anymore.

“Isobel, look at me.” He commanded as he carefully turned his mothers face, gently brushing away her tears as he did. “She may have given birth to us, but that’s all she’s done. You and Merida took us in despite everything, and you raised us as your own. Sure you were busy, but you were there as much as you could be, and I promise you that we’re not going to up and leave you for a woman we knew for maybe two minutes as newborns. You’re our mother, and Merida’s our mother too. As far as we’re concerned this woman is just the uterus that we came from.” Luckily that last comment got a small chuckle, although it didn’t quite stop the water works.

“Thank you. I suppose I needed that.” Isobel sniffled, wiping away at her own face in an attempt to make herself look presentable again as she offered her son a wobbly grin. Rolling his eyes, Hew clutched Isobel further into his chest, before burying his face into her hair as he continued.

“Stop it, you’re gonna make me cry too.” He shook his head, laughing a little as tears pricked at his own eyes. “But for the record, you’re welcome.”

“Yeah, actually. I think I do.”

“Then it looks like we have an agreement, DunBroch. Or do you prefer Odinson now?” Loki asked, a smirk on his face as the dreamscape distorted around him.

“It’s McKendrick-DunBroch.” Hew replied stiffly, crossing his arms.

“Whatever you say.” Loki grinned, stepping into his personal space. “So, do we have a deal?”

Despite his heart telling him that he was doing the right thing, Hew’s head had never felt more like a lamb to the slaughter. When he shook the god’s hand, it was as if he was signing his own death warrant, yet he didn’t feel guilty. Not one bit.

“We have a deal.”

“Then what are we waiting for?”

#solo para #oneshot #askdescendants

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advicetomoms-blog · 4 years

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15 weeks of pregnancy

We know what he's been researching for what happens in 15 weeks of pregnancy. This month, we suggest you take more care and take measures against any problems you may experience. Here is all about the 15-week pregnancy! How old is the 15-week pregnancy? Let's start with the question. A 15-week pregnant expectant mother is at the 4th month of her pregnancy. The 15-week gestational features are mostly similar to those of the 2nd trimester of pregnancy. The first period complaints begin to decrease. The body now keeps up with pregnancy.

What is 15 Week Baby Development?

15 week old baby development15 weeks old baby9.3-10.3 cm15 weeks baby weight50g Her 15-week-old baby's eyebrows and hair on the scalp began to grow.His eyes and ears are now more like a baby.Bone and bone marrow that make up the skeletal system continue to develop.On the other hand, muscle development continues. He will even be able to make fist movements at the end of the week.Now he knows how to breathe, suck and swallow. All of these are ready for life after birth! 15 Week Baby Image

15 Week Baby Image Will 15 weeks of pregnancy be determined? Yes, gender prediction can easily be made at week 15. But sometimes the position and development of the baby can make it difficult to make a gender prediction. "Is there any gender error in 15 weeks?" You may also be wondering the question. Sometimes the wrong gender prediction can be made in these months due to the reasons mentioned above. The most accurate estimate can be made with the image that does not change until the 20th week. 15 Week Baby Ultrasound Image

15 Week Baby Ultrasound Image In the meantime, warn you, your 15-week ultrasound images may not look like this. We put this image to be an example for you. Your baby's posture and position in the 15th week may be different.

What are the changes in the mother in 15 weeks of pregnancy?

15 Week Pregnancy Image

15 Week Pregnancy Image First, how much does the womb grow in a 15-week pregnancy? Let's start with the question. This week your belly grows to make a difference in the posture of your clothes. So now you can easily say that she is pregnant. Maybe you may feel your uterus, which reaches 7.6 to 10 cm under your navel. "Does milk come in 15 weeks of pregnancy?" Let's continue with the question. The mammary glands in the breasts and inside continue to grow due to the increased level of estrogen and progesterone. As the diapers grow, a milk-like discharge may come from the nipples. This is related to changes in the body. You can talk to your doctor and remove the question marks in your head. As we always say, the pregnancy of each woman is different from each other. You can experience the complaints that we will list below as the 15th week of pregnancy symptoms , you can also live by spreading to the month you are in. Maybe you will never experience some, you will feel some during pregnancy. Here are the symptoms you may experience in the 15th week of pregnancy: WeaknessDecreased frequency of urinationDecreased or stopped nausea (few women continue, fewer women just start)ConstipationStomach boils, indigestionContinued growth in breasts, decreased sensitivityOccasional headaches , dizziness and faintnessStuffy nose and occasional bleedingSensitivity in gums, bleeding when brushingAppetiteVaricose veins on the legs, hemorrhoidsSlight increase in vaginal discharge Can 15 Week Baby Movements be Feel? Although it is unlikely that you will feel any movement this week, you should definitely know that the little one inside is doing plenty of exercise. He kicks, stretches, moves his tiny arms and legs.

Problems in 15 Week Pregnancy

Urinary tract infection at 15 weeks of gestation: The hormone progesterone, which increases in the body during pregnancy, relaxes the muscles carrying the urine and slows the flow of urine. In addition, the widening uterus prevents the urine flow. When these changes are combined with a tendency to release more glucose into the urine, the probability of a urinary tract infection increases. If you feel the need to urinate more than usual, but not fully,If you have a burning sensation while urinating,If you have a fever, you may be infected. You should talk to your doctor for treatment immediately. Diagnosis and treatment of urinary tract infection during pregnancy is especially important. Heartburn during 15 weeks of pregnancy: Half of the expectant mothers complain of heartburn. The increase in progesterone and estrogen hormones tends to relax soft muscles, including the digestive tube. So the digestive system slows down. This means that the food you swallow is sent to the stomach through the esophagus and the stomach takes a long time to empty. The reason for this slowdown is to ensure that the nutrients are absorbed by the bloodstream and reach the baby. This situation causes a burning heart when combined with the growing uterus pushing other organs out of the abdomen. Groin pain and abdominal pain at 15th week of pregnancy: You may feel pain in the lower abdomen this week and the following weeks. The reason for this is the flexion of the muscle and connective tissues around the expanding uterus. This stretch does not pose a danger. But you need to make sure that she shares all sorts of pain and ailments with your doctor and nothing is normal. Blood pressure drop in 15 weeks of pregnancy: The circulatory system continues to expand rapidly. This causes her blood pressure to drop. You may feel dizzy and faint in hot weather or while taking a hot shower. This is because the heat expands the thin veins on the skin and temporarily reduces the amount of blood returning to the heart. In the first 24 weeks of pregnancy, small and large blood pressure drops significantly compared to before pregnancy. Then it returns to pre-pregnancy values over time. Toothache in 15 weeks of pregnancy: First of all, pregnancy hormones are not good for gums. They swell like other mucous tissues. It shoots and starts to bleed easily. The same hormones can increase the susceptibility of the gums to the formation of gumstones and bacteria, and in some women, they can lead to gingivitis and even tooth decay. If you experience toothache, you should definitely see a dentist by informing your doctor.

What Tests Are Made in a 15-Week Pregnancy?

Quad Scan Test The most common of the 15-week pregnancy tests is the quad screening test. It measures the level of 4 substances in your blood. The level of the baby's liver and some hormones produced by the placenta are checked. This test detects the risk of developmental or chromosomal disorders carried by the baby. So, when is the quad screening test done? The quad scan test is a 2nd trimester scan. The most ideal period to make it is between the 15th and 18th week of pregnancy, but it can be done until the 22nd week. Genetic Amniocentesis Another test done between the 15th and 20th weeks of pregnancy is genetic amniocentesis. The reason why it is made especially in this period is that there is enough amniotic fluid in the uterus during this period. The leakage probability is low. Taking the test before the 15th week may increase the risk of pregnancy loss. Genetic amniocentesis is usually applied to track abnormal results from screening tests. So maybe you won't have to have it done.

Things to Consider in 15 Weeks of Pregnancy

Hospitalization Position in 15 Weeks Pregnancy: Some women have concerns about sleeping positions while pregnant. They wonder if they can lie down. It can become increasingly difficult to find comfortable sleeping positions as you gain weight during pregnancy. It is not recommended to lie on your back while sleeping. The reason for this is that the uterus sits on important blood vessels when lying on his back. This can reduce the blood flow to your baby and body. For some pregnant women, breathing is also more difficult when lying on your back. Lying prone applies extra pressure to the growing uterus. So it is useful to get used to lying on the side already. You can get support from a few extra pillows. If you put one back, you will not lie flat with the support of the pillow when it turns on your back in your sleep. You can put one between your legs. Insomnia in 15-Week Pregnancy: Getting a good night's sleep during pregnancy can be a little difficult. You may have problems sleeping deeply and without holes. If you are used to lying on your back or face before pregnancy, the mandatory change in sleep positions may be one of the causes of insomnia. Of course, let's not forget that the need to urinate frequently at night also has a role in dividing sleep. For a comfortable sleep in the 15th week of pregnancy, you can try some of the following recommendations. Go to bed at the same time every day and try to get up at the same time.Don't drink too much liquid after seven in the evening and especially at night. So you don't have to wake up to go to the toilet during the night and then go to sleep again.After the afternoon, move away from caffeine completely.Exercise regularly. After a short walk outdoors in the evening, try to sleep.Drink a warm shower and milk with honey and cinnamon before bed.If you have trouble falling asleep, be sure to read a few pages of books.Sleep in a cool bedroom. It is the highest temperature required to sleep 21 degrees comfortably.If you experience problems such as heartburn at night, hot water coming into the mouth, lie down with a pillow that will raise you from the shoulders. Journey in 15 Week Pregnancy: You are at the best time to travel. Because the ideal timing for the journey is the second trimester where morning sickness decreases and the body adapts to carry a baby. If you have a travel plan, the most accurate timing is 14.-28. is between weeks. This period is the week when you feel the best and have the lowest risk of miscarriage. But, of course, if you are planning a trip, you should inform your doctor before finalizing it and ask if you have any inconvenience.

How should nutrition be in 15 weeks of pregnancy?

During this period, you may need to add an extra 300 calories to your diet to meet the shortcomings of your growing fetus and changing body. You should take care to get this calorie from quality foods rich in nutrients as much as possible. Oily,Sugary,Packed,You may be better off with frozen foods. So, how many kilos should be gained in 15 weeks of pregnancy? Week 15 is included in the second trimester, month 4. In the second trimester, the baby begins to grow with enthusiasm. You should help him too. Your weight gain rate can increase from 450 to 700 grams per week on the 4th to 6th month. This is around 5.5-6 kg in total.

15 Week Sexual Relationship During Pregnancy

It is the golden age of sexuality in the second trimester pregnancy, which is also included in the 15th week of pregnancy. Usually (though not always, of course) interest in sexuality increases in the 2nd trimester. This is because the early symptoms of pregnancy (nausea, weakness, frequent urination) are relieved and the expectant mother feels strong enough to devote energy to lovemaking. During this period, you can peak on sexual satisfaction. Because it is easier than ever to have an orgasm with too much blood coming into the clitoris, lips and vagina. But nothing is definitive and general pass through pregnancy. In some cases, expectant mothers never have sexual desire during pregnancy. Sexual Relationship Positions in 15 Weeks Pregnancy You may be curious about sexual intercourse positions during 15 weeks of pregnancy. Positions lying down laterally at this stage of pregnancy and later stages are usually the most comfortable. There is no burden on his back like this. Positions that you are on top can also be preferred. But you should be careful not to spend much time from the 4th month, especially lying flat on your back. In addition, of course, there may be situations where sexual intercourse is prohibited. As we always say, use the general knowledge of pregnancy together with the situations of your own, and always keep in touch with your doctor and get his opinion on the issues he / she thinks about.

Exercise in 15 Weeks Pregnancy

In the 2nd trimester, which includes the fifteenth week, that is, after the first 3-month period, you should avoid floor exercises that will require lying on your back for long periods. As the weeks progress, it may cause problems with blood circulation due to the baby's weight. Standing for a long time without moving can also strain the circulatory system. Swimming,Walk,Pilates,Yoga is the type of exercise compatible with the pregnancy period. If you want to research studios and gyms with maternity pilates and maternity yoga classes, you can use our Maternity Pilates and Maternity Yoga Center page. If these centers are close to your home or business, it will be easier for you. Photograph Your Pregnancy! Now you can see your baby growing up with your eyes, you just don't feel it! By taking photos of this growth that will continue gradually until the end of your pregnancy, you can create a very beautiful memory for yourself and your baby that you will never forget. Read the full article

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