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trenchcoatimpala · 6 months

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Shatter Pattern

Wrote a thing because things rattle around in my brain and I have to get them out. Read below or on Archive

Dean tried to let himself relax into Cas’ arms. He wanted to relax. But it felt impossible. He was stiff; tense. His body rejected the feeling of security Cas’ arms radiated. And he had to sit up, out of Cas’ orbit, his heart thudding in his chest. He wanted to tell Cas: yes, please hold me, keep me safe, kiss parts of me when I won’t notice. I want to fall into you, become part of you, drown in your presence and suck air from your skin. But his body coursed with nothing but its own betrayal because he could never let himself fall like that. How do you go from being the one who does the holding to being the one who’s held. Dean wasn’t used to being held.

Dean hadn’t been held since he was four. The comfort and safety of his mother’s arms felt more like a dream, made up to help him cope with harsh realities, than an actual memory. He didn’t know why he was broken into pieces that didn’t match in their shatter pattern. There was no gluing back together parts of himself that didn’t fit or that he didn’t have because they were scattered under porcelain bowls in nameless bars, and wedged into stained motel beds; eaten by miles of black roadtops, and left behind in the dumpsters of small diners. Somewhere along the cross-country roadtrip of his life, he lost the part of himself that could sink into the safety of another person's arms.

It didn’t matter that he wanted it back, that he craved it so desperately he ached for it. That he cried out in the night begging to allow himself to agree to be loved. He could see the boy who’d gotten to grow up with that missing piece. He could see him standing on the other side of a chasm, laughing as he ran into his mother’s arms, growing up to marry someone he could let crowd into his space, wrap him in something that didn’t remind him of torment; that didn’t make him feel like he was suffocating.

“Dean?” Cas asked softly, and his concern punctured a hole in his chest, letting the floodgates loose.

“I’m sorry,” he cried.

Cas’ hand was large and warm on his back and Dean wished he could sink into it. “For what?”

“I don’t know how to do this,” he sniffed. “How to let you in. I’m not- I’m not good at it. I’ve never been good at it.”

“I know,” Cas said, and he kissed the top of Dean’s head, which only made him cry harder. “Shh, I know. It’s okay.”

Cas rocked him so gently, pressed his lips to his hair, hummed something in Enochian that vibrated through Cas’ chest and into Dean’s back, pushing through him like a shockwave. His chest stopped constricting and his eyes fluttered shut on the last of his tears as Cas enveloped him in his grace. It was overwhelming, striking like a bolt of lightning through a cloudless sky, but suddenly he could breathe.

“I’ve got you,” Cas soothed. “I’m here. I love you.”

Dean let Cas’ words carry him forward. He stepped onto glass, blood blooming across the soles of his feet; walked down muddy roads where he had to pull himself free with each step, the squelch of wet matter trying to suck him back down; scratched himself on thorns that tried their damndest to embed themselves into the furthest reaches of his skin; and finally, he stepped over the edge of that chasm and heaved himself up the other side, panting and shaking beside that little boy he could of been.

The boy smiled at him, freckles so prominent in the sunlight, and he took Dean’s hand and guided him to the last part of his journey, where he could let himself sink into Cas’ arms, fall under the calming waves, and breathe in the oxygen his lungs had been missing.

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@undeadcas @tearsofgrace @hellerstiel @casgetoutofmyass0907 @wantstoflyafraidtofall @gayhuckleberryinatrenchcoat @thepixelagora@thelahatiel @im-sam-fucking-winchester@piebook67 @bestiarum@theedeangirl@november5th@bixlasagna@ancient-fangirl@famouspsychicpizzabandit@you-cant-spell-subtext-without@bumbledumble1@cascigarette@addicted2demons @our-stars-graveside @fivefeetfangirl

#my writing #trenchcoatimpala writes #spn #supernatural #desitel #fanfic #spn fafic #destiel fic #drabble #spn drabble #destiel drabble

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jawritter · 4 years

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I’ll Take Care Of You

Request: Hi! Can you write one surgeon Jensen x reader one shot? one day reader's appendix bursts while on a date in the house and Jensen has to take her to hospital and gets all panicky all the way but keeps trying to be strong for reader. He is the one doing the surgery and takes care of reader for the next three days? Thanks!

A/N: This is my first time writing Jensen as anything but himself. So be nice guys lol. As usual feedback is gold! All mistakes are mine! Please do not copy my stuff!! Hope you enjoy anon!!

Word Count: 2147

Pairing: Jensen x Reader

**Warnings** Sick Reader, injured reader?, Jensen in scrubs! (Yes that could be a warning lol), Fluff, angst.

Want more? Check out my masterlist!

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It had been a long day, your boss was a dick, there was no other way to describe it. You'd felt like utter shit ever since your eyes opened this morning. He wouldn't let you go home, you had to deal with insulting customers day long, apparently everyone woke up this morning and decided to embody their inner 'Karen' and go shopping. Then decided to get in your check out line once they were done.

You couldn't even eat your lunch today. You just weren't hungry, you felt... off...

You thought that your day was almost done when a text message an hour ago made you feel like shit on a whole nother level.

"Looking forward to seeing you tonight sweetheart! Dinner should be ready by six! Love you!"

You had totally forgotten about your date night at Jensen's.

Jensen didn't get many nights off, and when he did he usually had something planned for the two of you. Jensen being a surgeon meant that his schedule was unpredictable to say the least. So when he got a night it was wise to make the most of it.

You hated that you'd forgotten about your date. You felt guilty, tired, and more than a little annoyed with yourself for being so selfish. He'd barely seen you all week long, and he was excited about this. So even though you didn't feel the greatest you decided to throw on a smile and go anyway. Seeing Jensen had a way of always making you feel better anyway, and as long as no one needed emergency surgery before seven in the morning tomorrow you had him all to yourself, and you'd be an idiot to let an opportunity like that slip away!

So you threw on a nice shirt, and your favorite pair of ripped jeans, jumped in your car and headed to Jensen's house. A week apart was too long, and you didn't want to waste another minute apart from him.

Finally fighting your way through the 5:30 pm traffic in Austin you pulled up into the sanctuary of Jensen's house. Fixing your shirt as you waited for him to answer the door you hopped you didn't look as bad as you currently were feeling. Jensen had to play doctor all week long, and you didn't want tonight to turn into another job for him. You wanted it to be just about being together like two normal people.

"Hey sweetheart!" Jensen greeted you as he pulled the door open, stepping aside for you to come in. Wrapping his arms around you tightly as soon as you were inside. Placing a sweet kiss on your lips. "I missed you." He mumbled. Placing another kiss to your lips before he finally let you go and took your jacket from you.

"I missed you too!" You told him, trying to put on a happy face for him, and not let him see how tired and bad you felt.

Grabbing you by the hand he started to pull you into the kitchen. Fingers intertwined in yours.

As soon as your foot hit the landing kitchen floor though, a pain shot through your lower stomach, reaching all the way up to your right side. Giving you no choice but to stop in your track, and sink down to your knees. You'd never felt pain like that before, it was deep and radiating.

Jensen was by your side in a second..

"What's wrong sweetheart? Talk to me?" He said. His face was calm, but there was an edge in his voice. He could tell you were in some pretty severe pain.

"My stomach, and side.." You told him. Trying to breath through it, your eyes shut tight against the pain. Like if you close them tight enough you could force the pain out of your body. Blind pain followed by a wave of nausea that made you groan.

Jensen laid you down on the kitchen floor and lifted your shirt. His hands feeling around on the skin there. Trying to locate the problem.

You bit your bottom lip against the pain.

"What else sweetheart, tell me what your feeling, are you nauseous, short of breath?"

Continuing to feel around on your stomach and side. His face concentrated.

"Nauseous..." You told him. And boy where you, you didn't know how you honestly hadn't thrown up yet, as embarrassing as that would have been.

Jensen shot up and grabbed his car keys, then picked you up off the floor as gently as he could, carrying you towards the garage.

"Where are we going Jay?" You asked him. The movement of each step he made shooting a fresh wave of pain through your body. You honestly felt like you wanted to pass out right there.

"To the hospital. I think your appendix is rupturing." He said, Your vision blurred around the edges as you groaned into his shoulder.

You don't know how he got the car door open, but the next thing you knew you were in the passenger seat of Jensen's car, and he was swerving through traffic as fast as he could, making his way toward the hospital with you.

"Y/n? Baby hang on we're almost there." His face was calm, but there was that edge to his voice again. Like inside he was panicking, and just didn't want you to know it.

Reaching over he grabbed your hand in his. Holding it tightly. His eyes shifting from the road and traffic to you.

It was all you could do not to throw up in his car. The pain was unbearable at this point. You had started sweating. Even though you were cold, and you had never felt more horrible in your life.

You wanted to tell him you were sorry for ruining your date, but all you could do was groan and twist in your set.

"Sit still baby girl. We're almost there okay?" He said, His hand squeezing yours. You could see St. David's come into view.

Another wave of pain and nausea assaulted you again, and your vision went black...

The next thing you clearly remember was an inseive beeping somewhere off in the distance, and the feeling of Jensen's warm calloused hand holding yours. Rubbing little circles with his thumb on the back of your hand.

Forcing your eyes open against the medicated sleep you'd been in you tried to focus on the man that was holding your hand in his. Your eyes meeting his tired, yet somehow still beatiful green ones.

Flashes of memories making themselves known to you as you did..

"There she is!" He said, Bringing your hand up to his soft warm lips.

"Do you remember what happened sweetheart?" He asked you.

You thought for a moment. Flashes of Jensen running next to a gurney you were on. People talking all around you. His eyes searching for yours as they put a mask on your face, and he asked you to count backwards from 100 for him...

"Sort of..." You hated how scratchy your throat was, but knew better than to cough... A dull ache in your side told you that would not be a good idea.

Jensen grabbed a glass that was sitting by the bed and put the cold water to your lips. It was like heaven.

Once you had got your fill you tried that again.

"I remember my stomach hurting... and you driving me to the hospital... I remember going into surgery? What happened Jay? What was wrong with me?" You asked him as you became more awake and aware of your surroundings...

"Your appendix ruptured, you had appendicitis. I removed it though, everything should be fine now." Jensen said. You hadn't realized until that point that he was still in scrubs.. As attractive as Jensen was in scrubs you had to focus on the conversation at hand..

"Wait... You did the surgery?" You asked him. He just smiled that little smirk that drove you crazy. Getting up and adjusting your blankets for you. Fussing over you, trying to make you as comfortable as possible.

"Of course I did it! Do you think I really would let anyone else work on my girl? Not a chance." He said, Leaning down and placing a chaste kiss on your forehead.

"I'm sorry I ruined our date Jensen... I wanted tonight to be about us, and you ended up having to go to work anyway.." You said. Looking anywhere but him.

"Hey, don't worry about that.." Jensen said. Placing his large, warm hand on the side of your face. You couldn't stop yourself from leaning into his touch.

"Now I get to take care of you for the next three days until you get back on your feet..." Jensen smiled at you. "I've taken the next three days off, you're going to come home with me, and you're going to let me fuss over you and take care of you, and there's no arguing the point you understand me.." He gave you that smirk, that one that knocked you on your ass when you met him six months ago..

"Yes doc." You said, Trying to imply as much sarcasm as you could, earning that laugh you loved so much from him.

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Two days later you laid in Jensen's bed, surrounded by more pillows than was probably necessary, binge watching netflix while Jensen laid next to you. Playing with your hair.

He'd barely left your side since you were released from the hospital, he hadn't let you go home, insisting that you needed someone to take care of you. He'd been running behind you hand and foot. Even helping you take a shower the day you got released from the hospital. Not that you minded. Jensen wet and naked wasn't something anyone in their right mind that had met him would ever complain about, and you certainly weren't complaining.

It wasn't that you didn't like being pampered, but you were starting to go a little crazy being in this bed for the past three days. Your inssistion wasn't that bit, you only had about three or four stitches over a small cut, but you'd be surprised at how uncomfortable and sore that one little cut could be! Jensen said it was because they had litteraly removed something from inside of you, still you were more than ready to get out of this bed.

"Jensen! Can I at least get up and walk around the house!" You whinned at him, making him chuckle next to you.

"Now why in the world would you want to do a thing like that when you got me here to do anything you need.." He asked, smirking at you.

You ran your hand up his chest between his broad shoulders. Feeling his pecs jump under your touch. He wrapped his arm around you the best he could without touching your stitches. Nuzzling his face into your neck. Peppering you with kisses.

"Well I'm bored!!..." You put the whine on a little thicker. "I could think of a way you could convence me to say in bed though..." You said with an impish grin on your face. Letting you sentence trail off suggestively. Jensen laughed one of his full body laughs that you loved so much. Shaking his head slightly at you.

"Your insitable you know that?" He said. His green eyes searching yours. There was more love and affection there than you'd ever seen before, and while you wished this would have never happened, and things would have progressed on your date the way they where supposed to, you wouldn't have traided these three days for the world. It had definatily drawn you and Jensen closer than you had been.

He'd let a side of himself show to you that was more nurturing and caring than any man had ever to you. He was perfect, and he was yours.

"You scared me you know..." He said. Playing with the lose strans of hair hanging around your face. "I don't like seeing you sick sweetheart, I just want to make sure your better. I don't want to ever see you in that much pain again."

You wrapped yourself closer to him. Breathing him in. His hands trailing little circles around on your lower back. You could stay wrapped up like this forever as long as he kept doing that.

"I love you Jensen."

"I love you to, now be a good paitent and let me baby you." He said. Towering his body over yours playfully in one swift moment. You couldn't stop the giggle that left your lips.

"Yes sir Doc..."

Jensen's lips kiss you deeply. Sweetly, his tongue dominating yours, exploring your mouth slowly, stealing your breath away from you and making your heart flutter in your chest.

"Okay.... You convinced me." You tell him when he finally broke the kiss to breath.

You did wonder idealy if there was a way to drag out this recovery process just a little longer. Cause if that's the way he decided to keep you in bed, it was working....

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Tag List:

@deanwanddamons @imabitch4jensen @rvgrsbrns @bi-danvers0

#jensen ackles #jensen ackles fanfiction #jensen ackles fic #jensen ackles x reader #jensen ackles x you #jensen x reader #jensen x you #jensen fafic #jensen fanfiction #spn fanfiction #supernatural fanfiction #surgeon!jensen #injured reader #sick reader #jawritter #jensen ackles one shot #jensen ackles drabble #dean winchester

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