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ask-october-fox · 3 years

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Well well well.. if it isnt the consequences of my own actions. More under the cut!

This is going to be very long so I apologize. So uh...I think its about time I say something about this.. I really thought I wouldnt have to but it seems its about time I come clean about why there is a major lack of ‘actual’ updates from me this year. NGL I thought I could just ignore this and get through this month without much fuss but as the past few days have proven anything, that would be a lie. So to put this bluntly. I am in a lot of pain. And I have been for a while now but its only gotten really bad in the last month. Like everyone else in the world, I have a lot of wrist/hand problems due to my job. About 2 years ago I had gotten a real bad pain in my left elbow and went to the doctor after a couple months to see if something was wrong. The Doctor couldnt really find anything wrong, and sent me home with some meds that really didnt help. Over time the pain came and went and I worked with it, just powering through and getting over it. I have tried just about everything: meds, warm water, cold water, massages, resting, creams/lotions and anything else I could think of. Over time that pain spread to my shoulder and to my wrist and hand. Again, some days werent so bad so I just continued on as normal. This past September was.... rough. After being hit head on by Hurricane Ida and losing power for about a week and pretty much melting in my own house, already killed a lot of my motivation for this blog, but it was when I tried to get back to work things got bad. The pain in my left arm is.... almost unbearable some days. I can usually get about 2-4 hours of work time in before it starts to hurt and anything after that becomes far too distracting and I cant focus. I went to the Doctor on the 2nd of this month and even she seemed confused on what the actual problem might be, so she is sending me to a specialist but the earliest they can see me isnt until the 20th. This has become very... very frustrating. I want to do this blog, I want to answer your questions, but I physically cant. And it pains me more to know that I cant bc this blog ONLY runs for this month, I feel like there isnt much of an excuse for me to not have content for you all. Hence why most of my stuff has been pictures or misc things. The “quick replies” arent too bad since I can usually doodle up a little reaction image in about 10-15 min or reuse past ones, but to do my longer replies it starts to be a little much. Now I also wasnt kidding when I said I was busy too, that part is very true, but this is actually the main reason why there hasnt been a lot of art this year and may not be. Im at my wits end, im not too sure what else to do, and at this point im more just mad at myself for not being better prepared. I DO have things to post and I have some great stuff im excited to share with you all but as far as replies go.. I might be able to do like...1 a week or something. You all come back here each year and I feel so awful to have so little to show you this time around. I know this cant be helped and im sure that people are much more understanding than I keep thinking they are. But its just been weighing on me more and more and just needed to be open about this. I am hoping that next year will be better and that I will be more prepared, but for now... this may be the best I can do. I want to thank you all from the bottom of my heart for still coming here and keeping me company and enjoying my short time here. You all are the reason I keep coming back too after all! Well this ended up being a bit wordy, huh? Haha~ If you read through all of that, I appreciate it greatly! 🦊🕯

#october #the mod talks

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yesimwriting · 3 years

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Do you think Kirigan would go for soft girls or the ones that has the same personality as him?

a/n ahh okay ik ive been bad at updating and making content on here and been on a kinda unofficial break but im doing a little better mentally so more content soon!! anyways i had to answer this the SECOND i saw it bc i have SO many opinions.

okay,, this is going to sound like such a cop out answer, but i think there's no wrong answer bc it depends on how you interpret his character (which i'll explain really soon) but basically, in short, my personal opinion is that he'd go for a balance but be more drawn to someone that presents as one extreme and has the opposite hidden in them,,

personally, i think he'd be drawn to someone that presents as a 'soft' girl with a hidden 'darkness' in them, i don't mean like secretly evil but someone who wants to be good so badly but something in them is just a little too hurt or impulsive to always be the bigger person, even though they want to be.

Here's why I think that personality would draw him in most (i'll also explain the opposite personality bc like i said at the beginning, i think it really depends on how you interpret his character)

- okay, so it's clear that manipulation is kinda his love language (all he did was manipulate my girl Alina and i personally do think that that was the only way he was capable of loving her, so his issues weren't an absence of love but an inability to love in a healthy way--but that's just my opinion)

- so someone in that mental state that wants to be good and for the most part is but sometimes does foolish things bc they're human and have to deal with complex emotions (emotions that remind him of his personal struggles), would be really easy to manipulate bc he's clearly not an upstanding moral guy

- so when he tells someone with those internal conflicts that he sees seeds of darkness or something beyond the exterior they show the world, that person is inclined to believe him. (like when he tells alina that he saw her power and didn't run away, but can Mal say the same?)

- and after planting those seeds, he would be quick to reap them,, what do i mean by that??

- well, a major, personal headcanon of mine is that the Darkling definitely craves the acceptance and assurance of a partner to keep away the solitude that haunts him but he's afraid/hates the idea of losing control and giving someone so much one sided power over him

- so that's why he would be drawn to someone with a softer exterior for deeper connection purposes, bc he could feel like a protector/comforter and maintain some control (i also could very easily see him having an innocence/corruption kink but we're not here for that)

- also,, i think he'd see someone like that (or just his SO in general) as super good, and there would be some level of comfort in him to be able to look at his SO and be like 'they care for me/need me so i cant be that far gone, that lost' or maybe even be like 'if someone as good as them is allowed their impulses, i should be allowed mine'

- i also feel like he'd instinctually convince himself he HATES any 'soft presenting' person he's even somewhat attracted/intrigued by bc anything he sees as pure good he'd be at least a little jealous of in a way he doesn't understand (bc keep in mind, his darkness didnt come from a place of true malice originally)

- but i think he'd bore of someone that's completely soft just bc he's attracted to power bc even when he's not working on his plans, he is,, and if the potential SO doesn't have that power physically (as in political influence/grisha ability) he'd ideally need some strength of will/personality,, which is why he likes to press on that person's fear of being 'bad'

- he'd also like to prey on someone with this personality's fear of being a bad person so that he could feel better about himself bc like i said earlier,, a small part of him would be jealous of their goodness and i think at times he'd even be insecure

- especially if his SO started spending time with someone that's a better person than him bc he wants/needs to be the person that his SO cares about most bc it's not like he cares about a lot of ppl and if he cares more about them than they do about him,, that's not a type of control he'd be willing to relinquish

now why i think ppl could believe that he'd 'go for' someone with a similar exterior to him but has a secret soft inside:

- well,, that's basically him

- i believe opposites attract way more in complex characters (which is part of the reason i lean towards the first dynamic), but he could def be with someone with such a similar personality bc two people that crave power could create such a great couple

- first off, there would be a natural challenge there, bc the two could keep each other on edge and motivated (and victory/adrenaline of competition sex would hit hard,, let me tell you)

- he'd feel comfortable being himself a little more with someone that expresses the same level of ambitions as him and that would be easier than a relationship with someone that presents as soft

- tbh i think someone with a similar personality to him as his ideal hook up but for more serious connection,, he'd connect to someone softer bc they could give him approval/assurance he needs easier

- i think that a similar personality to him would keep him on his toes and entertained which is important and someone that's as driven as him would be beneficial for multiple reasons

- they could connect to him through his struggle and validate his actions

- and if that person had a soft spot,, he'd see even more of himself in them and he'd be able to feel like a protector a little more

- he'd def like to push at that softness in order to feel like his SO is important to him, even his SO is good at hiding that part of themselves

honestly the reason that how you view his character is so important in answering this question is bc it depends on whether you think that motivation/being pushed while still being needed is more important to him or being validated while still feeling like he's in control is more important to him.

but yeah,, in general i think he'd be drawn to softer girls but would end up going for girls more like him bc of more assured sexual chemistry and bc it puts him less at risk at opening up to anything beyond the face he wants the world to see

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