#that is the assumed interpretation of Anyone Else at him at any time. [Autistic Character Alert] babes....

[kosakashuntaro]

for some reason, i became obsessed with this irrelevant filler character from izumi tsubaki’s lesser known series, oresama teacher. he’s consistently forgotten by fans and ranked 2nd to last out of the student council members, but despite that, i still think he’s a great and well-written character. also, he’s super cute!

and so without futher ado— here’s my stupidly long lovemail/analysis of shuntaro kosaka. a pure 1.5k word ramble about my favorite boy!

kosaka first appears in chapter #43, introduced alongside the rest of the student council members. he’s in class 1-3, the same as yukioka komari. the first major scene we see him in is him having a bad relationship with fellow council member, kanon nonoguchi.

not gonna lie, i forgot this scene existed and i don’t like it since he touches her forcefully. it’s a setup for their relationship later on, though. at this point, kosaka and nonoguchi are both closed off and cold towards each other; aside from their animosity towards each other from their interactions, they have their own personal issues for not being good with interacting with others. nonoguchi has her problems with men stemming from childhood and kosaka just seems bad at understanding how to act properly with people in general.

kosaka’s main arc is the student festival arc, where he plays the villain, but honestly, he’s just cringy as fuck in it. i think it’s good in that it shows how damn extra he is, though-- imo, he’s the most realistically extra of the characters. he’s a 15 year old kid who thinks he’s smart just ‘cause he gets good test scores. of course he’s going to be that bitch who smiles sneakily and thinks of himself as the grandmaster of the chess game, even when his partner in crime, kawauchi, knew all along of his betrayal plan.

we don’t see much of his motivations or personality in the student festival arc as it focuses mainly on okegawa and kawauchi. all we know so far is that he’s smart, manipulative, and sneaky. seems like a typical bad guy.

until the last chapter of the arc, #51. for the first time, we see the previously cool (lol) and cunning kosaka shuntaro... nervously fretting over how to kneel in apology to his superior, miyabi hanabusa.

we learn that kosaka is obsessively reliant on instruction manuals, ever since his childhood. he’s ridiculously good at studying and always gets first place in tests at school. however, he can’t cope with unexpected changes at all. everything has to go exactly to plan or else he comes up with a different approach to completing the original plan, that isn’t always appropriate for the situation.

he’s perfectly confident in interacting with people-- that’s obvious enough throughout the student festival arc--, but he’s bad at interpreting things on the fly, once again, prone to saying things inappropriate to the time and place. kosaka has to do things in order, step-by-step, otherwise he can’t proceed.

a while back, there was a post that talked about him being autistic. to be honest, i never considered this earlier (as in a few years ago, when i first started liking him a lot). but reading back, he really is strongly coded as such, i think. so frankly, the reason i like him might be a more personal reason, but... anyway.

like with the other student council members, miyabi helps him relax and feel better, guiding him to be more carefree and open. i have mentioned this a few times, but i think it’s really wonderful that miyabi basically helped out a bunch of kids with mental issues when their problems might’ve looked small or stupid from the outside. this is also brought up in chapter #104 during the hayasaka arc, where mafuyu and hayasaka both contact him for information about miyabi. he basically says that miyabi got him to join the student council because he was worried about kosaka’s personality and wanted to stay near him for help. 

honestly, kosaka is probably the one who’s most grateful to miyabi (outside of nonoguchi?) simply because he recognizes his own issues. there’s a reason why he’s the only student council member whose face you can’t see during the scene where miyabi graduates; he’s the only one of the guys who cry.

kosaka’s problem is that he can’t cope with his plans going off at all, so miyabi sends him to prank mafuyu. even though he tries to get her by making many elaborate plans, he eventually learns to just attack without plan. it ends with him stuck in a ditch and miyabi unexpectedly pranking kosaka himself.

here we see kosaka’s first genuine smile. and it’s beautiful!!! he’s a sweetheart!!! i think that the story of kosaka could’ve worked even without the student festival arc, but that establishes him as an dramatic kid who’s super smart and cunning-- and here we see him just relax for once, and be truly happy.

after this, there aren’t any more kosaka focused chapters. however, he does appear once in a while, usually with the other student council members. (he’s in the very next chapter using yui’s equipment to cross the lake. but since he usually feeds the fish, they all come to him for food...)

kosaka's bad relationship with nonoguchi is reiterated in nonoguchi's arc, chapter #71 where she beats him up for saying that all girls want a prince. it's a stereotypical thing to say either way, but nonoguchi's response about "men wanting to be princelike is self-serving" is more due to her own issues rather than about kosaka in particular. anyway, this is just to highlight that at this point, they both still have their own problems and don't get along.

the next time we see him is during the school trip arc, where, although he’s still being far too overprepared by carrying too much luggage, he seems to be getting along with his class very well. kosaka organizes his class’s schedule and accommodates for changes on the fly (when his teacher wanted to stay longer to see the sea otters), even if it annoys him a bit. it’s an improvement! he’s able to assume a role where his pedantically organized personality is a benefit. mafuyu also notes that both he and ayabe have become more carefree and open with others, with kosaka becoming “the center of class 4″.

i think this chapter, #82, is also the first time kosaka talks about yukioka. since yukioka doesn’t talk to anyone aside from miyabi, he had never heard her voice despite being a close friend. there’s not really any significance to them being besties (does there need to be?), but it does show his sense of responsibility for others since he basically takes care of her. he has more scenes with yukioka in various arcs, mostly in the miyabi graduation arc where he helps protect yukioka from aki.

speaking of that arc, like the other student council members, he gets something precious to him stolen. in this case, it’s the books that he always reads. we find out that he’s actually surprisingly good at drawing from memory despite him believing he doesn’t know how to draw without instructions. this may be partially may be some juxtaposition of him truly being ‘creative’ even though his methods are so ‘academic/scientific’ (even though i don’t believe ‘drawing well’ is what ‘creativity’ is). in my opinion, this represents his progress in general. it’s probably not just art/drawing, but he’s actually gotten better at doing most things without manuals without realizing or being aware of it.

this idea is also expanded upon with the protection of yukioka i mentioned earlier. because kosaka doesn’t have his books, he doesn’t act so formal and is instead more forceful and ‘manly’, making it easier for him to communicate with classmates. by the way, kosaka’s actually popular with the girls in his class (shown in school trip arc 1-koma), but doesn’t realize it because he can’t understand things not directly stated. what a guy...

here is a short break to talk about kawauchi. i think their relationship is hilarious. from kawauchi getting him to dig holes to kawauchi stealing his math books... i feel really sorry for kosaka, but it’s so funny... he just can’t escape him. even in the very last student council saga arc, it was kawauchi behind the scenes all along...

really they’re two characters who are heavily associated with each other and yet... i don’t think kawauchi’s relationship with kosaka says anything about his personality since kosaka was such a one-bit character during the majority of the arc where they interacted (plus kawauchi is awful to everyone). all kawauchi did was give kosaka more trust issues and broke his phone. i feel kinda mean for saying this but it’s so funny how he caused kosaka to be absolutely terrified of delinquents.

honestly kosaka like... doesn’t have a reason to be associated with kawauchi beyond the student festival event. imo it’s just a way for tsubaki to make kosaka relevant or appear once in a while since the other character he’s associated with (yukioka) got a boyfriend and doesn’t appear as often (kawauchi’s common appearances is due to his surprising popularity with fans).

enough about kawauchi though, we’re finally at the end of this long and loving post. at the conclusion of the miyabi graduation arc, the very first conflict of kosaka shown is finally resolved: he’s made up with nonoguchi!

i really love this scene so much!!! i know it’s kinda just a set-up for the next joke, but tsubaki still dedicated over a page just to nonoguchi and kosaka, so it’s genuine to me! it’s so lovely to see that nonoguchi and kosaka have both resolved their own issues with the help of miyabi and the public morals club. they both acknowledge that they weren’t the best in the past, but now they can become friends... this is a relationship that’s been developing in the background of oresama teacher for over 80 chapters... it makes me so happy that tsubaki gave a resolution to it in the end. she truly does care about all her characters no matter how unpopular they are, and i love her for that.

(by the way, i just found out that this can badge released in the same year as the miyabi graduation arc. they’re so cute!)

the story of kosaka and the student council as a whole ends here. everyone’s finally improved, and they’re all happy... people say “oresama teacher has no plot”, but there’s so much to the story of the student council. if i can write so much about one minor character who rarely appears, i think there’s plenty of plot and plenty to say about the others.

that’s all i have to say on this topic for now.

actually, i started writing this back in 2019 but i forgot about it until recently. my thoughts haven’t changed, though... i hope this post shines some light on why i like kosaka and tsubaki so much. to be honest, though, i’d probably just say that he’s sooo cute and i wanna protect that sweet smile of his... my 174 cm tall son.

#oresama teacher #shuntaro kosaka #text #please read it i simply think izumi tsubaki is a genius #i'm ignoring everything past miyabi graduation arc btw i forgot what happened there so </3

[undertalethingies]

So, Papyrus

The popular understanding is that he’s just a naive idiot who knows nothing about anything- including the resets.

I mean, first of all, he’s obviously autistic or adhd. I’m going to assume he’s autistic because I’m autistic and thus know a lot about it.

So, he’s autistic. His special interest appears to be puzzles, with possible other interests of cars and the surface. We can gather this from his room, as his bookshelf is apparently half children’s books and half highly advanced puzzle manuals.

The fact that he shows an interest in complicated mechanics, as well as building his own puzzles successfully should pretty thoroughly debunk the idea that he’s stupid or inept. While he is bad at interacting with people, that doesn’t mean he’s stupid, it just means he speaks a different social language than everyone else.

As for the argument that he’s naive? It would be hard for him not to be, I think. Papyrus is constantly sheltered from the real world by the people around him. I mean, Undyne is just planning to, what? Deflect him forever? That’s a shitty thing to do to a friend, and no one else in his life seems to be trying to tell him that. (Cough, Sans, cough) He’s constantly babied, and I think anyone in a situation like that would end up a little naive, since, you know, no one tells him anything.

And can we address the fact that he definitely heard Undyne’s conversation with you? It’s clear that he’s waiting outside the window, since he interferes when Undyne doesn’t want to be friends with you, (if you pick the nice dialogue options) and he just... Doesn’t mention it? Probably because he knows it would upset Undyne?

And as for not knowing about the resets- well, it’s all speculation from here, since there’s no confirmation in canon, but...

Papyrus, of any character, has the most ‘deja vu’. And he keeps bringing it up. Over and over. This could be interpreted as being nothing more than him being belligerent, but he could also be hinting at you to try to get you to confess. And, in the genocide run... This is where he gets accused of being naive the most, and I can see why, but also- in that situation, what he does- treating you like a person, saying he believes in you, offering you a hug- if he knows? He’s taking probably the best possible route to try and stop you. Because fighting you won’t work. You’ll just come back, and eventually you’ll win, Sans proves that. But offering you kindness? Offering you forgiveness? If you’re working under the assumption that, in universe, Frisk is just Frisk, no player, then that’s the best thing he could do. Because they’d feel pretty stuck, yeah? They start killing to defend themselves, and continue because they’re already the villain anyway, and then this fucking angel comes out and offers them amnesty, offers them an out...

There’s no guarantee he remembers, no guarantee he’s brave enough to do that, knowingly putting his life on the line trying to help someone no else would give the time of day, but that’s what headcanons are for, right?

#undertale #undertale headcanon #papyrus #undertale papyrus #rambling #I just hate seeing him reduced to comic relief in the fandom because he’s so much more than that #his heart is bigger than your kill count #love letters #undertale meta #so papyrus

[lonelier-version-of-you]

I really, really wish people would stop framing every autistic character as either “canon” or “headcanon” like there’s no inbetween. And I wish people would stop acting like whenever an autistic person sees themselves in a character, it’s a case of ‘aw, the poor things have no representation in media, I can see why they’d want to pretend their favourite characters are autistic even though it’s not true’.

Look, it’s fine to look at a character and say “they’re autistic now” just because you relate to them or like them. Even if they don’t show many, or any, signs of being autistic in canon. Autistic headcanons are great and I’m all for them!

But ‘headcanon’ implies something isn’t already there in the canon. (e.g. if a character has never actually been shown flapping their hands, but you say “oh, I think this character likes to flap their hands!”, that’s a headcanon.) It implies that you’re imagining something is true, but it really isn’t, or at least that nothing/very little in canon really proves or disproves it either way.

And sometimes, even when they aren’t outright called autistic in canon, a character already is autistic. Henrik Hanssen from Holby City is my go-to example but I’m sure there are more. (This post isn’t just about Henrik, it’s just that my media tastes are very specific so I’m having a hard time thinking of more examples.)

No, Henrik (again, substitute with similar character from your own fandom if you wish lol) is not named as autistic in the show. But that does not change the fact that he literally fits the diagnostic criteria perfectly, and if he were a real person, I doubt any psychiatrist with a decent knowledge of autism would hesitate to diagnose him. You don’t have to extrapolate anything or make anything up; even based on a solely textual reading of Henrik’s character, he is autistic. There are no interpretations of Henrik in which he’s not autistic, because, again, he fits all the requirements (and more) for a diagnosis; there are only interpretations in which his autism is referred to as weirdness or strangeness or quirkiness. And as anyone who wasn’t diagnosed as a kid or wasn’t told about their autism until later will know, calling autism something else doesn’t make it not autism.

When I say “Henrik is autistic”, that is not a headcanon. That is not a theory. It is literally just a fact about his character, and I’m sure it’s a fact about many other characters as well.

There is a difference between “autistic person interpreting a character as autistic for fun or to have someone to relate to”, and “this character isn’t outright called autistic but they fit the criteria so well you could literally diagnose them (and depending on the character they may have even had implicit autism references made about them, such as comparisons to Rain Man or Sherlock Holmes etc.)”. The former is a headcanon. The latter is coding.

(While I’m at it, I also wish people would stop assuming autistic coding is always unintentional. Yes, sometimes it is, but IMO jumping to the conclusion that it’s always the case just makes it easier for the creators who are doing it on purpose to get away with implying characters are autistic while refusing to actually name it - which is no less harmful than queerbaiting.)

ETA: Allistics can like and reblog this, btw, if anyone was wondering. Not ordering you do so, just saying that if you want to, you can.

#actuallyautistic #actually autistic #autism #...i know i said this post wasn't just about henrik but. i think the #holby city #fandom could really do with hearing this #because god i know the people who say it probably don't mean any harm but i am SICK of hearing that henrik being autistic is a ''headcanon'' #the show has never outright said henrik has ptsd from the shooting either but no one calls THAT a headcanon #because we can see how very very obvious it is that he does #why can't we apply the same rule to his autism?

[heraldofzaun]

This is a post I’ve been thinking about making for quite some time, especially due to looking at how my own personal depiction of Viktor differs from what seems to be the general fandom interpretation - especially after the LoR cards released and gave us a few canonical acolytes.

I won’t beat around the bush here: this is going to be about why I personally believe that associating the Glorious Evolution specifically with headcanons about Viktor or his acolytes being trans, or Viktor performing gender-affirming surgeries, or things in a similar vein is a poor decision, and why I don’t include this interpretation in my writings. This isn’t meant to discourage people from writing Viktor or his acolytes as trans, of course - my Viktor is agender, although he’s not aware of it, and it would be absurd to say that his followers have to be cis - but I think it’s important to look at the implications that come from writing Viktor as explicitly someone who helps people relieve and manage their dysphoria through his work with the GE.

Firstly, no matter how you spin it: Viktor’s idea of the Glorious Evolution has always been painted in a negative light. I’ve done my work to portray it as idealistically as possible, but at the end of the day his goals have always been about removing (at the very least, negative) emotions from himself, as well as mechanizing himself and others.

“Desiring both to revolutionize his field and to eliminate the jealous human emotions which festered inside him, he engineered parts to replace and improve his own body... He saw himself as the patron and pioneer of Valoran's future, a future in which man would renounce his flesh in favor of superior hextech augmentations.” (Original lore.)

“He saw human involvement in any part of a process as a grossly inefficient aberration - a view that put him at odds with a great many of his fellow students and professors, who saw the very things Viktor sought to remove as the source of human ingenuity and creativity.” (New lore.)

“Jayce reported the incident [of Viktor creating a device that allowed someone to “effectively control” another person]  to the college masters, and Viktor was censured for violating basic human dignity - though, in his eyes, his work would have saved many lives. He was expelled from the college, and retreated to his old laboratory in Zaun, disgusted by the narrow-minded perceptions of Piltover's inhabitants. Alone in the depths, Viktor sank into a deep depression, enduring a traumatic period of introspection for many weeks. He wrestled with the ethical dilemma he now faced, finding that, once again, human emotion and weakness had stood in his way. He had been trying to help, to enhance people beyond their natural capabilities to avoid error and save lives. Revelation came when he realized that he too had succumbed to such emotions, allowing his naive belief that good intentions could overcome ingrained prejudice to blind him to human failings. Viktor knew he could not expect others to follow where he did not go first, so, in secret, he operated on himself to remove those parts of his flesh and psyche that relied upon or were inhibited by emotion.” (New lore.)

This, when combined with how Viktor has also always been intended as a more villainous character - his visual design language, voice lines, and how he leans into the “evil Russian scientist” stereotype all confirm that - mean that from an out-of-universe standpoint, we’re meant to see his ideas as wrong and misguided. Multiple other champions have lines specifically about how he’s wrong - Ekko calls him “everything wrong with Zaun”, Camille (who is morally grey at best, and a cold-blooded killer at worst) calls his work “quaint”, implying that it doesn’t go far enough for her liking, and Heimerdinger makes the point that without humans, no one will be left to appreciate Viktor’s work. It doesn’t matter if Viktor has good intentions - the narrative tells us time and time again that his path leads to a very dark place, especially in new lore where he’s comfortable with violating free will for the sake of preventing death.

It seems obvious to me that a character who auto-amputates as a way to cope with overwhelming emotions, who decides that emotions themselves are a burden, who is repeatedly described as having an obsession with the Glorious Evolution regardless of lore, who is described as who you go to when you’re desperate in new lore... is clearly someone whose surgeries (at least of himself, where they are implied to be unnecessary - again, auto-amputation) and end goals are supposed to be read as a violation of human nature and dignity. Here we pivot to talking about trans issues in specific.

I’m of the firm belief that it’s not a good idea to associate gender-affirming surgeries, HRT, or any other thing used for transitioning with a character whose surgeries are supposed to be read as a violation of the human form. This plays directly into the anti-trans idea that transitioning is, well, a violation of the human form. It is not a good idea to write the man who cuts off his own limbs to poorly cope with his emotions as a patron of trans rights. It’s drawing a direct parallel between Viktor’s auto-amputations, which we are supposed to read as not only a very bad thing and the product of obsession, but arguably self-harm, with life-saving medical care.

(There’s also the issue that some people seem to assume that transhumanism is, in any way, inherently related to being trans - but that’s a whole other topic that I don’t feel very qualified to write on. I consider myself someone interested in transhumanist concepts, when applied appropriately (i.e. not ending up in eugenicist territory), but I am far from an expert on transhumanist thought. I think it’s enough to say that no, they’re not related. They’re just two things with the same prefix. Please don’t confuse the two.)

In my opinion, Viktor should not be seen as someone whose work is a direct benefit to trans individuals. (Again, not to say that Viktor can’t have followers who are trans. But please, please consider before making him the person that they go to for help with transitioning. The man doesn’t even have a medical degree, and his canonical work is described as being all about function over form. He’s not the surgeon you want.) I don’t think that Viktor’s gender identity, whatever it may be, should be associated with his obsession with the Glorious Evolution - or at the least, it shouldn’t be portrayed as a positive association. (In the sense of Viktor using the GE/his own surgeries as a positive affirmation of his gender... I’m struggling to precisely define this at the moment, apologies.) The GE is, textually, an unhealthy coping mechanism.

(There’s maybe something to be said for a Viktor who has disassociated himself so far from humanity that he no longer considers gender applicable to himself... but please, be careful if you write this. I’m speaking as someone who’s agender: I’m tired of my identity being used as shorthand for someone or something becoming or being nonhuman. I’m tired of people treating Blitzcrank being reskinned as a they/them pronoun user as something revolutionary, if they themselves don’t use those pronouns or aren’t nonbinary. I’m not going to pretend that I’m the arbiter of what people can and can’t write, but I’m tired of seeing myself - as an autistic and agender person - represented solely by unfeeling aliens and machines and whatever else, and being told that it’s good, actually, because any representation is good representation. I’d like for people to be more mindful in what they write and promote, but I think that this is becoming a tangent.)

I guess it comes time for me to defend my own depiction, then, since as I’ve mentioned above I do write Viktor as agender. I admit that I want to see aspects of myself in the characters that I like, but I also strive to be aware of the implications that these aspects may have. My Viktor’s gender identity has absolutely nothing to do with his idea of the Glorious Evolution - he has no dysphoria that he attempts to relieve through his surgeries, he does not see roboticization as a way to move past the gender binary... he doesn’t even realize that he’s not a cis man, because he hasn’t had the time or tools to introspect on that aspect of himself. (He’d be rather confused if you told him that people generally tend to feel as if they’re a certain gender - he’s just... himself.) I’ve written him in this way to try to make it clear that he has always felt this way about himself - that the GE has nothing to do with it - and that it has no influence on his actions as the Machine Herald.

There isn’t really a good way to wrap this up. Again, I am not saying that Viktor or his acolytes shouldn’t be written as trans, nor trying to stop people from writing that - only that their transness shouldn’t be directly associated with his idea of the Glorious Evolution. I think that we need to be mindful of what kinds of tropes that our depictions can fall into, and in this case a non-mindful depiction of Viktor as trans can seen as equating being trans to what’s easily read as self-harm/a violation of human nature. I doubt that anyone genuinely intends this association, but it can be made regardless, and so I prefer to keep the two concepts wholly separate in my depiction.

If you’ve made it this far, thank you for reading. I’m willing to answer any questions that arise from this.

#headcanons | beneath the mask #//not really a headcanon post i think but like... it's something i've been thinking a lot about. #//i've been a fan of viktor for years so it's been interesting to see how perceptions of him have changed. #//and while i'm all for fan interpretations that allow you to relate to a character - and no stranger to them either - we need to be careful #//when writing things because otherwise we end up creating implications that we probably didn't intend. #//i don't know what to tag this as triggers-wise but i do mention the concepts of self-harm and transphobia #//so if that's upsetting to read about even very briefly i'd pass on this?

[tamamatango]

Let’s talk about Kururu, again

Apparently the fandom is growing all of a sudden so I feel like talking about Kururu again cuz that’s all I know how to do and it’s been a while

First off disclaimer that fandom is fandom and anybody can interpret any character any way they want and if you like to portray a character a certain way for whatever reason go for it, more power to you (unless you put them in pedo/incest relationships that are displayed as good in which case fuck you). But in my personal Kirbpinion(TM) the Funimation dub was a fucking mistake because so many fan content creators write a way different Kururu than what he is in canon cuz the dub never got to his best episodes and also upped the sadism to ridiculous levels. Listen I know it’s funny to joke that he’s the kind of guy that has 3 medieval torture chambers but hear me out. Kururu is by no means a perfect person, he’s genuinely pretty rude/blunt (though sometimes his straightforwardness is justified :P), has an ego, sometimes acts pretty gross around others and likes extreme and elaborate pranks way way way too much BUT.

Assuming you’ve watched far enough into the series (like 100+ eps) I do not really understand the interpretation that he doesn’t care about anyone and that friendship and love are things he is totally incapable of. He says that yes but if you pay enough attention to his dialogue it becomes pretty apparent that he displays this attitude for multiple reasons. One is that he does genuinely have a hard time expressing the emotions he feels and often has awkward/guarded ways of doing so. But also he says many times over the course of the series that he has a “reputation” to keep up and wants people to call him a jerk; he wants to look cool and rebellious all the time and he thinks a nasty apathetic attitude is what earns him that status (not claiming that’s a healthy mindset, mind you). He wants to have full control over the way people see him and he gets super frustrated and humiliated when he can’t. This is probably why he gets so upset when people talk about how unpopular he is, because he’s spent so much time honing his image to a T and is like why the fuck isn’t this working?! In other words even though sometimes he is just an actual pain in the neck a lot of his asshole antics are part of a carefully manufactured persona, and he will do anything down to labeling his own memories to prevent other people from seeing through his facade and discovering the parts of him that are vulnerable.

And God forbid anyone does figure out that he does care quite a bit for the people around him, or at least if he didn’t at first he does now. Early on in the series he was commonly referred to as “depressing” and while the meta reason is probably just the anime writers just didn’t know how to adapt the character yet (he started out a little differently in the manga), in canon I believe he was just even more inclined to push everybody away from him, and as he began to get used to working in a group he gradually opened up. He commentates on how “soft” he’s gotten since he came to Earth a couple times, and the fact that he’s surprisingly one of the most loyal to Keroro out of the whole team (in many episodes where everyone abandons Keroro for being dumb he leaves last) and goes out of his way to help when he thinks it’s warranted (he asks for money when things aren’t dire yeah but hey labor deserves compensation :V) shows that he is dedicated to his team. There’s even episodes where he doles out some kind of moral lesson to the squad in his own Kururu-y way, especially to Keroro and Tamama. Even the Hinatas he’ll pitch in to protect when he has to, and we all know he’ll pretty much drop everything if Saburo needs him.

Speaking of which. I think the unspoken reason why he’s best friends with Saburo (besides the surface-level stuff like they’re smart and nerdy and seen as enigmas by everybody else) is because Saburo is the only other person in the cast who understands Kururu’s particular struggle of putting on airs as a means of self-defense all the time. He basically has a carefully managed celebrity life (that he has to constantly work to hide in anime canon), a somewhat formal/reserved public life, and the more quirky enthusiastic side of himself he only shows when alone and to the few people he’s close to and god damn that just sounds like the most exhausting juggling act ever. He has an outlet to free himself through his art but he still has to live with nobody quite knowing what he goes through on a daily basis, which is probably why we see him off on his own for most of the series (until he gets to warm up to everybody better...wonder who that sounds like) and occasionally have his bouts of frustration and insecurity like in 229 where he says “fuck it I’m gonna fight the apocalypse alone because I need something to do,” 354(? I think that’s the number) where he talks about just dropping everything and starting over, and I think one of the Christmas eps where Giroro has to like beg him to go to the Hinatas’ party cuz he says he’s “busy” even though he’s just sitting around pretty much (UPDATE: it’s 294 the implication is probably that he has his show or something but cmon that’s only like an hour lol). I am going off on a tangent now but anyway the point is he and Kururu are the most complicated communicators of the cast and they share feelings only they understand which is why they can more or less read each other’s minds and know exactly what to do when the other is in trouble.

Back to Kururu. Keroro, from what I can tell, is the closest to him out of the Platoon; Keroro gets freaked out by Kururu’s pranks sometimes yeah but they have a lot of common interests as the fun-lovers of the group and Kururu’s also kinda been interested in Keroro enough time follow him around for almost his entire life up to this point so there’s that. He also gets along with the other people he‘s around; we know he and Aki get along from the beginning because of how dynamic their personalities are but later on he gets close to Fuyuki to the point where they just hang out for the heck of it sometimes, and even though Natsumi is very justified in generally disliking him (many of Kururu’s more Eugh moments tend to involve her) even she seems to rely on him often, and in the cursed puppy episode she knows all his favorite foods by heart so she must care in some fashion lol. Dororo and he aren’t evidently super close but I think they get each other on some level as the (in-universe) least popular of the platoon and Dororo at least respects his abilities, and has clearly come to figure out his subtleties based on 229. Giroro and Mois...things get complicated. Just putting on record that I’m not a fan of either ship between Kururu and them. I’ve said this before but I think Giroro and Kururu are in a turbulent sibling-adjacent relationship in that they have completely opposing attitudes but they have a begrudging sense of respect for each other and, ultimately, they’re teammates, so they’ll defend each other when someone they don’t know tries to mess with them. I really don’t think the flirty stuff on Kururu’s end goes beyond teasing and I got kinda sick of that running gag if I’m being honest. (You can probably tell which frog I ship Kururu with by now :P) Mois went from something of a rival to Kururu to his lab partner, which is probably why he goes easier on her than he used to and even strikes up something of a friendship because the only other person he knows that might be capable of handling his technology is an Earthling who’s still against the invasion despite his lax attitude so. She helps :V

Now the question is why Kururu acts like he does if his relationships really aren’t all that bad and I think there’s two components to this. I’ve made it clear by now I think he’s autistic but your mileage may vary there. I think personally his childhood did something to the way he processes things as well. In Secret of the Kero Ball, he’s got a bandage on his head which may imply he got hurt somewhere and then he almost drowned which canonically definitely did something to him lol, was mostly seen alone so who knows if he has a family he still talks to, and then he got drafted into the army and placed into a high-ranking position of great responsibility at a very young age; it’s kind of a no-brainer why he rebeled and got demoted eventually. I’ve got plenty of headcanons about what his early days in the Military did to him but that’s for another day because good God this post went on too long.

In short: Kururu is possibly the most complicated character in the show and the F in Flanderization stands for “Funimation.” That’s it I’m never writing another essay about pee-color frog again I will make real content again at some point I promise

#keroro gunso #sgt frog #kururu #kululu #long post #i sure spent 2 hours on this #imo kururu is a more compelling tsundere than giroro there I said it

[unproduciblesmackdown]

another ask: we have discussed Why Winston Is Autistic many a time but do you have any specific thoughts / opinions on why taylor is Not autistic, despite what certain viewers / interviewers out there might insist. i have some thoughts of my own but would like to hear yours first

oh interesting, thanks, would be v glad to share my ideas about it and then to hear yours as well

really of course gotta start out with arguing against those certain viewers / interviewers and the way they tend to misinterpret taylor as being cold / mechanical / unfeeling. taylor certainly can be out here consciously trying to set their emotions aside, or even to act against those emotions, but that's already getting to the heart (lol) of why people thinking taylor has no emotion (or even particularly less emotion than anyone else) is offbase: taylor is as emotional a being as anyone else, and in the setting of the show is one of the people more in tune with / aware of their own emotions ("i am the one of us who can handle emotions"....so true taylor!! if you have the perspective that dealing with your feelings by ignoring or repressing most of them and channeling the buildup into occasional outbursts of anger that you take out on others via aggression and/or elaborate revenge schemes doesn't really count as Handling anything) and the way that they act, whether in how they personally make decisions, how they behave in interpersonal exchanges, and how they navigate these social landscapes in general, involves reacting to and accounting for their own emotions, those of others, and how either can be a factor in what's going on around them

like, sure i get it but it's also always kind of funny when people even consider it that "surprising" that a character like taylor who is so impassive could always be paying attention to / interpreting how other people seem to feel / how people's emotions seem to factor into any situation at hand. like, it's surprising i guess if you've assumed that the fact taylor is not trying to be very nonverbally expressive and wear their heart on their sleeve (or even express themself in the same way as other characters who also aren't wearing their hearts on their sleeve might, such as expressing "i'm angry" via yelling at someone over it) is due to the further fact that taylor just doesn't feel much of anything, because if they did, whenever and however an emotion manifested, it would manifest on their face, somehow with no translation or delay or discretion between internal feeling & external manifestation of that feeling, which, by the way, would be an Objective, Universal external expression of said feeling which any & everyone would be able to accurately interpret, which is totally how any of that works for anyone, ever, including all the people who are expressive & emoting in "normal" ways (this is sarcastic)

the point there is that it makes perfect sense & is not somehow contradictory or dissonant that someone who might choose to present themself to others in a more inscrutable way when it comes to their emotions might also be someone who is very aware of how, in general, other people present / express their emotions, and furthermore might pay attention to interpreting that information, rather than be a character who's just always going "feelings??? what are those?? why & how do they factor into anything around here, i can't understand it & am thusly only going to ignore all of this" lol like. we know that taylor knows they're someone who's going to be scrutinized, kind of in general but also particularly relevant re: this world they're entering in the series, and people are going to make judgments that can hold them back based on pretty superficial, immediate information, they're showing up as an intern with no prior experience in anything but undergrad, who's nonbinary and presents in the way they want to, which doesn't happen to be a way other people interpret as totally cishet, who isn't performing the axe cap machismo, and such, and are at a disadvantage when it comes to being taken seriously or given any power or position by more established people (who also behave more according to the supposed norms and rules around here), choosing to Cultivate A Mystique. why wouldn't the person, who engages in this defensive effort which stems from, and requires, them being Aware of how emotions & the expression and interpretation of them are relevant to how other people percieve and treat them and choose to act around them, have feelings themself and pay attention to their own feelings and the feelings of others? i.e. their "mystique" aligns with, and stems from, them being aware of and understanding feelings generally, as well as their own in particular. they have to know what they're trying to avoid to be taking these measures to avoid it, and if they somehow actually didn't have any emotions, they wouldn't want or need to put up a front to not openly express how they feel to everyone around them.

and yet, of course, there's plenty of those people still going "taylor must not show a lot of their emotions on their face because they don't have feelings in the first place" when that's clearly not the case, the show has always let us know as much, and taylor Does show their emotions via facial expressions, whether deliberately communicating with people that way or occasionally being affected enough to struggle in the moment to stifle showing it on their face. not to mention that, you know, on top of everything, taylor is never completely impassive, and when they have this front up they're still using expressions to communicate with everyone, even if said expressions are more reined in / subtler than what viewers or other characters are used to / expect

so, after that prologue, this unfounded assumption people make about taylor has the two steps of 1) taylor has no emotions / interiority (except doing math) and 2) this means that they're autistic

of course, even if people are aware taylor feels anything at all, it can also just be that "well, if someone's social approach/style seems weird and wrong, that means they're autistic, right, or basically equivalent" again without thinking much about how taylor chooses to act beyond being offput by it, like whether they choose to act that way / could act any other way, or how successful it is or isn't for their purposes / what they're trying to do.

it's always kind of half joking but half serious that you Know* taylor's not autistic because so many of these viewers are interpreting them that way, just like how winston Is autistic because nobody interprets him that way, just thinks he's weird and dumb and has this general, unattributed dismissiveness / disdain / dislike for him overall

(*naturally like, nonzero chances that any autistic people interpret taylor as autistic, and anyone can actually Thoughtfully see them through that lens if they want lol or relate to them in that way, i def think there's things about them that can be Relatable on that front and like, always interesting considering the ways taylor being trans can actually be relevantly made a Parallel to someone being autistic and existing in this situation where means of expressing oneself are generally interpreted as "wrong" (and interpreted wrongly), rather than them only being able to compare it to the circumstantial & often temporary enough personal problems cishet people are having on the show)

but naturally my "counterevidence" isn't just that "well, people think taylor's autistic b/c they think taylor doesn't have feelings....but taylor DOES have feelings" lmao (and i also reject the "counterevidence" many viewers / (and interviewers, possibly) have for why they think taylor Can't be autistic*, which also doesn't truly involve thinking about the character, which is that "but taylor is so insistent on making eye contact, and besides acting wrong, not having feelings, and probably being good at math as a comorbidity, autistic people can't make eye contact!" when, of course, nothing's universal for autistic people just like it's not universal for allistic people, some people don't find eye contact difficult, and some people can & choose to mask, which can include making themselves make eye contact so that nt people are more comfortable (at their own comfort's expense) / in the hopes of avoiding miscommunication or misinterpretation stemming from "what's this person trying to say by Not making eye contact," and really this is one of those things that sure Could actually be a point for taylor being autistic, because there's the implication they taught themself to hold eye contact like that, and seems oftentimes when people who are autistic who find eye contact difficult / unpleasant try to make eye contact to mask, their options feel like they either hold prolonged, steady eye contact or they don't try to make eye contact at all. however, it's also been specified that taylor is holding direct eye contact primarily to observe what other people are conveying / get as much information as possible, rather than primarily for the purposes of themself communicating something)

(*of course there's no characters who Can't be autistic)

and along those lines, the reason i don't particularly perceive taylor as an autistic character is just sort of this general point wherein, when autistic people are masking they're trying to behave like how allistic people do and thus seem more "normal" by those standards, e.g. when autistic people's facial expressions are interpreted as too subtle / understated / otherwise lacking or absent, and if people are trying to mask they might have to consciously attempt to exaggerate their natural reactions. think it's already evident that this is the opposite of what people complain about / find Weird about taylor, whose expressions Are more subtle and dialed back, but the key context here is that for taylor, the more "normal" style of facial expressions is what comes naturally to them before and still does, despite being practiced in presenting this Mystique. it takes them effort to be less outwardly expressive, vs how it might take an autistic person effort to seem More expressive to an nt person. when this effort falters, taylor does become more expressive in a way allistic people would consider "normal," vs how when autistic people don't / can't mask, they're generally seen as Abnormal &/or simply not acting correctly / in a way that people approve of, even if they wouldn't describe it in that way (see: winston acting how he does & the negative reaction from other characters (and other viewers) because.....? cue my coined term for "people don't know someone's autistic and would in fact think they aren't (because for some reason allistic people think they'd Know if someone was autistic, regardless of whether that person knew it themself) but find them grating / annoying / offputting / etc and react with contempt / resentment”: je ne hate quoi)

there's also the fact that taylor's "masking" is a conscious measure that is meant to protect them, but they're hardly doing it first and foremost to simply try to improve communication / casual social connections, or to seem more "normal" to anyone; they're deliberately trying to communicate less on their end when it comes to nonverbal cues, presumably focusing on getting through more formal interactions such as in business, where people assessing them may often have power / more leverage than they do over what might happen, and whether they seem "normal" enough is somewhat beside the point (see also: their being nonbinary). if they Were just trying to act "right" and Normally(tm), they'd actually be able to expend Less effort and behave in a less filtered way that comes more naturally to them, so the way we usually see them acting is neither what comes naturally to them nor really just the same as an autistic person masking to protect themself / avoid negative reactions from other people that could cause problems for them.

then there's also point that, while the way taylor communicates via facial expressions might be more reined in than is considered usual (although as stated, they aren't completely suppressing all facial expressions and aren't trying to / are still deliberately using this route of communication), they're sure focusing on communicating with people verbally, rather than nonverbally (thinking as well how asia specifies that they tend to use their hands a lot when talking, vs. how what's most Default for taylor is to keep their hands clasped (or by their sides, or arms folded...) and rarely gesticulate / otherwise use physical motion as communication, and when they do, it's probably a very conscious, deliberate choice) and they generally have a fair amount to say and also speak very deliberately and at any given point people generally don't misunderstand them based on Whatever They've Just Said. they're not trying to be inscrutable or cultivate a mystique through what they say (although of course sometimes they don't want to give an Informative Response & might want to talk around something or not say anything) and people tend not to misunderstand them if they're taking taylor seriously enough to listen in the first place, they know what they want to communicate and they stick to their points and are trying to be immediately clear with what they mean. it's kind of back to the point of people not knowing what to do with them, and how it's immediately clear that taylor doesn't fit in and might not speak the same language as it were or operate on the same rules, i.e. the machismo of axe cap, not necessarily because they couldn't but because it's clear they're not at all trying to, and people don't really know what to expect instead and, as a young intern, wouldn't have to see them as competition or take them seriously until suddenly axe was. and as a point of comparision, when winston was introduced as quant kid 2, it was pretty clear he Was trying to speak the language & play by the rules (even if by going "i'm not playing by the rules" to do so lol) and was pretty quickly judged to be failing to do so by those standards. he may also not fit in, he's not really out here trying to perform the axe cap machismo or anything (especially since, you know, he works for taylor / tmc and in 3x09 wasn't trying to take that same approach they were Unimpressed with and rather focusing on what he has to offer in terms of his skill) but people aren't really thrown off in the same way as they are with taylor, who they don't know how to assess within their usual frameworks, while people can & do assess winston within those frameworks and decide he's failing by those metrics. like, obviously not this 1:1 Same Context situation, but there's the juxtaposition of mafee kind of struggling to figure out how to treat taylor in a way that they would find appealing (or even tolerable) enough on their own terms, b/c he knows that he doesn't know what those terms are and what set of rules and norms they operate in, whereas when he and winston are first seen Being Coworkers there's no sense mafee thinks that the reason the way winston acts seems weird / unfamiliar to him is that he thinks it's any shortcoming on his part / he similarly knows he doesn't know how winston operates but could figure it out (which, of course, he doesn't really have incentive to in the same way as when taylor was an intern that axe wanted to keep around) and while he might be kind of generally amicable as his Own rule of operation and sure tolerates winston to an extent and might be accepting like "okay, this guy's smart at math which is why taylor wants him around," beyond that the vibes are just like "ugh, This guy," like, that he has some sense of how he thinks winston Should be acting, which he knew he didn't really have for taylor originally, and the impatience / disdain for winston for being perceived to be failing to, or refusing to, act that way

not that taylor is never misinterpreted or misunderstood or that they never have communication problems, since nt people sure can have miscommunications Amongst Themselves, or that even once people do somewhat have more of a sense of how taylor operates they necessarily respect this, or Don't dig at them like "lol taylor's autistic" but it's back to the earlier point of like, You Know A Character's Not Autistic When: these billions viewers are theorizing that they are. same with characters presumably going "well, they still act in that Weird / Unfamiliar way i don't Get or Like, and that's what being autistic is"....vs like lmao points for winston being autistic because nobody in that audience thinks he is and just throws the kitchen sink of disdain of "this guy sucks" reasoning at him. and same for characters, who see that he's just some guy, and that unlike taylor, he's relatively fairly unfiltered and very expressive, but shockingly that doesn't make him "normal" & "likable" as some instantly charming guy who puts everyone at ease right off like, in contrast with taylor or whatever. yet at the same time, because it is not clear to people that he's operating by some different set of rules they don't yet know / understand, and he seems to be just some guy like any other guy around these funds, he's just cringe and fail and the fact that when he talks people get caught up in the delivery and react to his attempts to just share information or have a social connection just with disapproval for his social style, which is interpreted as a failure to have this Other social style ("normal," allistic...) the way everyone else does, cmon winston....and winston sometimes misunderstands other people, not really getting their Point immediately or quite getting what they really Overall mean by saying whatever they've said, which is how people misunderstand him too, but when others have misunderstood him, it's the mild to moderate Disdain for him, vs when he's misunderstood others, and this is regarded as a failure on his part, too, double empathy problem style.

going kind of long there but i think My overall point is that like, people might regard them both as being Weird, but they think that winston should be expected to act Normally & have a certain framework they can apply to him for it, he's just some guy like all these other some guys who are acting cool & epic & totally Correctly, so he should play by those rules & act that way too, but instead he makes himself Vulnerable according to those rules (communicating for the sake of communication rather than trying to pwn someone, not being A Tough Guy, daring to all but demand people's attention Ever rather than politely allow himself to be ignored, daring to talk but be a little off topic and oh my god now he's also daring to Expect A Positive Response from people, get his ass) and clearly is not acting that same way / "failing" to act that right way. (thinking about how we Know winston & very similar to ben kim re: this whole concept.....) while the same rules do not apply so easily to taylor and people know it, and even if they might resent the fact that taylor doesn't fit into their framework or have to act like them and compete via their rules to win, they don't think taylor's "failing" to act like dollar bill or something, it's pretty clear that taylor would never try to go that route. in fact, maybe that's part of the motivation for people insisting taylor has no emotions lmao, because if there's no element of choice in how they behave and this is not only what's always come completely naturally for them but also their only option, people can go like, oh they Could Never act like axe or bill or wags or whoever even if they tried, rather than having to acknowledge that taylor's very much not interested in that.

and again it's like, i'm not gonna argue taylor Can't be autistic by anyone's interpretation, if they're actually doing the least decent interpretation (not all billions viewers setting a very high bar there) and like, they can sure have moments like the "i'm scary? [...] i thought i was being inviting" thing where the way they were Trying to come across completely didn't land, people had an entirely unintended interpretation, and they didn't realize until others told them, which is like, Just Relatable Things lol. although then cue all the tmc quants being implied to be unfriendly or standoffish or whatever lmao from using the kitchen & talking to each other lol, and the whole aspect like, uh yeah if you're being godawful to these people they probably Are gonna stand off from you lmao. but it's back as well to what we've always known around here and how like, winston and taylor are similar, parallel, complementary, etc, you name it, because winston operates by his own rules, too, but people generally aren't realizing this (or interested in considering it) and taylor is someone who knows this experience well, like, in s2 they might've been in a place where they made it clear from the start like, this is who i am, this is how i operate, where if axe hadn't been willing to deal with that then they could've just left and gone to grad school, but taylor also has to have plenty of experience being perceived according to a certain framework of Being Cis and "failing" to play by those rules, through how other people reacted to them, and/or because taylor could internally sense that something was Wrong(tm) here somehow.......how could they relate to winston, who's Supposed to operate happily, easily, naturally, & successfully according to this totally objective "normal" but apparently can't or won't & that really bothers people.......how could they be willing to extend some understanding to him and allow him to operate the way he does and even put conscious effort into deliberately communicating more effectively with him in particular based on what they think will actually work for him, while he in turn is making his own conscious effort to pay attention and communicate better with and understand them as well..........sure thinking of how much was illustrated in the 4x08 moment where winston speaks up to be Right about taylor but oops everyone interprets it as too blunt/rude or what have you, and then everyone looks over with varying ways of conveying disapproval, Seemingly Including taylor, but actually they've just looked over, & after winston has taken that apparent cue & apologized, taylor clarifies that No, He's Right in a very nonbegrudging way

and also in all this there's the difference that like, you can act however you want if you have the power to Be In Charge and act how you want (tbt to taylor being in charge at axe cap but they still had to alter how they behaved and make the Proper Media References for these nerds, because they aren't ever about to assert authority by yelling at everyone about being their sun god and shut tf up and get out.....even in their Parallel Scenes with that instance of axe acting up, taylor of course doesn't actually yell at winston that they're ceo so he should shut tf up and get out, sure mafee does it for them but they listened to winston anyways. even though surely his Weird Wrong Style of delivering his points means he's wrong and not worth listening to!!! surely!!! too many french words, winston!!) anyways, my point i guess is that obviously if winston wanted to be so damn Weird, and create these vulnerabilities by not following the rules, or asking for / wanting a positive response from people, or being relatively forthcoming and earnest about his thoughts & feelings, and also being kind of again relatively easily riled, and then have a bunch of elevated idiosyncracies in how he expresses all this kind of stuff, he clearly doesn't have the power or leverage (or ability to out-aggression anyone on the machismo battleground) to back all this up, even though he Must be asking for it if he keeps insisting on not just acting Right & Normal, so this is all Arrogant and Out Of Line so that's extra reason to resent him and push back hard just about anytime he says anything at all. being sarcastic again

unfortunately i hadn't thought ahead about a solid conclusion and am not great at thesis statements but yeah, to wrap it up, of course it's not about like "ohh autistic people can't make eye contact so taylor can't be autistic, neither can winston or anyone else b/c we'd just have to find the character who can never look anyone in the eyes" or any other list of traits really like, well i don't consider taylor autistic b/c they Don't do this or Do this other thing, it's about the more general dynamics and patterns around here. the fact that the way that taylor acts which people think is evidence they're Autistic is a way they've conscious learned how to act to protect themself / present themself a certain way to other people; that when they have moments of being more vulnerable, their more natural way of expressing themself is more "normal"; that when they're purposely being somewhat more outwardly Open / behaving with less it's the same, and they're not really being misinterpreted or seeming More unusual / confusing to people for it, but rather the opposite; that we're not really seeing all that much of them trying to express themself to someone and people misunderstanding even the purpose of why they're talking at all, like we do with winston left and right really, where his Style overwhelms his Substance in other people's regard and they're not so much responding to what he says rather than (incorrectly interpreting) how he says it; and that while taylor may not act "normal" from the perspective of many characters and viewers, it's like lmfao what are you doing if you're regarding their foil, axe, as Normal, and people are successful enough at effectively communicating with taylor if those people are willing to accept that taylor acts differently according to their rules rather than just refusing to have a constructive interaction on principle or whatever, we don't really see them frequently being misunderstood even if people are listening and trying to understand and having to clarify, while this is like, a nigh constant problem with winston (although taylor is also constantly willing to listen to him, and, if need be, cue that something hasn't landed as intended / cue for him to take a different approach); their material isn't like, oh none of this is at all recognizable / relevant / similar to any autistic experience, but to me it feels more like they're having a more parallel time to say, winston, and they're someone who realizes there's no point in insisting there's some single Right Way for people to behave as their natural presentation or social style or whatever, and furthermore they realize that holding everyone to that is counterproductive, and they're not trying to make their employees put on any acts to be listened to even if they ever had to at axe cap, they're trying to let people communicate effectively and do what's actually relevant to their jobs and not all be giving each other shit all the time, and they're not just going "well, actually, acting just like axe isn't The Right Way to be, but acting like me is. or like any other given person" and even if winston does not immediately endear himself to them, they can focus on the fact they're here for his talent and not his personality & They'd Be Willing To Give Him A Second Chance, and then even though they don't "have" to they consistently listen to him, focus on what he actually means when he says something, don't punish him just because he said it "weirdly" or whatever else wasn't Winning enough and only winners are allowed to talk without someone calling them a loser, even listens when he criticizes them in a way everyone hates b/c uh he's just an indignant nerd and you should only do this if you're trying to epicly take someone on & supplant them (as mafee points out with the "don't complain if you're not gonna become a ceo yourself" unprompted angle...), they're not asking him to change his personality or his social style or anything else and they're not putting it on him if there's even the potential for someone to misunderstand him (how could there not be) whereas other people may not be outright telling/asking him to just be normal or whatever, but when they essentially punish him every time he draws attention to himself (for example: speaks) and isn't acting the Right, Normal way, that's kind of the idea

the supposed thesis statement becomes its own mini essay as usual lol. still no real conclusion, but yeah, additionally i can cite "simply the vibes" for why i interpret winston as autistic but not taylor (source: dude trust me, also that i'm especially an expert compared to the rando billions viewers / interviewers who go "so taylor's pretty autismal, huh") but it's like, we see other people's perception of and reaction to and resulting treatment of them being a problem for them all the time, of course, but them being autistic doesn't seem to be an element that's factoring into that, i.e. i don't think they're autistic. taylor's someone who maybe seems wrong or out of place to these other characters "on paper" as it were, and then who, sure, Also looks and acts in a way they find unusual, but the way they behave that seems so unusual to people is of course pretty centered on them being so relatively impassive, which is still kind of this One Thing, and which is a performance they've chosen to engage, and is more of an outer veneer as their own reaction to experiences rather than like, yes this truly permeates their being, they really don't feel anything at all and this is their Whole thing, and they couldn't possibly choose to act in a way that seems more Normal, and also this is weird and wrong and i don't like it so uh, you know, that = they're autistic imo. whereas winston, who maybe "on paper" ought to just be some Normal Guy(tm), does also put effort into how he interacts with others, he does have his own defense mechanisms too of course, but what people think is "wrong" about him and how he acts can hardly be narrowed down like "oh winston has no emotions!! like a weirdo!" and it Is a more overall, holistic, inextricable element of who he is, and despite wanting & trying to get along with people (yeah he's not always just completely falling over himself and off a cliff to do this, but why should he be) he hasn't just been able to become beloved and/or seem like a cool winner to everyone, and if he were to drop efforts to appeal to people, he doesn't become More Normal for it or whatever....and that of course people just regard him like "yep, that's the guy who sucks" without any one particular reason behind it (and not questioning their own behavior in that regard b/c of course it's just The Normal Response to someone insisting on being so abnormal / failing to be normal) and it's like.....so it goes with nt people re: autistic people lol

well again no solid conclusion there lmao but i'll go "smh hope i'm not managing to completely overlook some point i wanted to touch on, or that despite the other night where i came back to one already pretty long post three times with a 'wait also' addition, i hope i don't think of way better ways to make any of these points or some really relevant example i'd forgotten or anything" lmao

again thanks for asking a fun Specific Question, love the like implicit collaborative nature of it as well lol b/c yeah i'd also love your insight on this Taylor Mason Matter as well as anything else about them

#winston billions #long post /// #and then rian shows up and likes him immediately while; for once; he's outright trying Not to appeal to someone (her) #in a way that's like; extra encouraging lol b/c if he was trying to be as Winsome as possible then it's like well #what if he acts more Average / Usual mode and she decides she doesn't like him.... #not only do people see Usual Mode Winston and decide he's grating but rian saw Antagonistic Mode Winston and went hey #actually this guy rules #she's right.......he's got Personality and finally someone to like that and be normal at him lol #(taylor is normal at him but they (the writers) sure aren't letting them talk to him like ever....) #one on one Now #okay it's 7:40am F

[catboyfeli]

the past few days i’ve been experiencing so much confusion and dysphoria towards the concept of nonbinary itself, and i think that’s part of why i used to oppose it??

it’s just?? i’m autistic so i take everything literally, so if someone identifies as their agab, but not the gender roles assigned to it, would they be nonbinary? what even is gender to most people?

i’m so loving towards queer cishets because, although i’m not cishet, queer attraction to men as a woman is a big part of my identity, and everyone has different interpretations of what gender is, so if someone experiences their gender as queer, but still identifies as it, wouldn’t they be lgbtq?

like, if a cishet man identifies as male, but does not conform to the male gender role, expresses himself femininely, experiences a disconnect from the male social role, and experiences attraction exclusively to women (or those who present as women), but in a way that isn’t the same as typical cishet men, would he be considered nonbinary or genderqueer?

people go on and on about self identity always being valid, but the second someone identifies as cishet and queer, they act like it’s contradictory. but heterosexual attraction and straight attraction aren’t the same thing?

people say lgbtq means anyone who isn’t cishet, but also talks about how cis individuals may identify as genderqueer, or something similar, to describe their connection to gender roles and social roles. so by that logic, someone can identify as cis + het and queer without it being contradictory.

it’s been on my mind a lot lately and makes me feel like bursting into tears because it’s so overwhelming and confusing and i hate how exclusionary and hateful the community as a whole is.

i just? i have one character i’m kin with, that goes beyond just having them as a character i relate to or find comfort in. he’s a cis man, but very feminine, doesn’t conform to the male social role in the slightest, attracted almost exclusively to women with a rare exception here and there for other feminine men, identifies as male but not with the male social or gender roles

i know it probably sounds silly to most people but for me, this kin majorly affects my identity and so often i just wonder? is he cis? is he nonbinary? i don’t fucking know??? sometimes people say nonbinary and genderqueer can also refer to one’s gender expression, and yeah, this character’s gender expression is 100% nonbinary. he doesn’t “act” like a man whatsoever and identifies more with women than with men, but still identifies as a man.

anyway the big problem is that i roleplay this character, and whenever i think about the fact that people would assume a straight man or lesbian wouldn’t be attracted to him, it makes me feel incredibly dysphoric, because like?? ok he’s male but he doesn’t behave or present male whatsoever, so yeah, some straight men and lesbians COULD be attracted to him because attraction goes far beyond gender identity and is affected more by gender expression than anything else

so this whole thing just makes me feel confused and dysphoric and i’m about to start my period so i’ve been real emotional and disassociative lately which makes me hyperfixate on this and it’s so UGHGHHGGHh.

it’s just so difficult to explain my feelings, beliefs, and experiences to others and it makes me so frustrated and upset.

i just wish? the community would come up with something to refer to actual non lgbtq people? instead of using cishet as a catch-all because it’s really not? someone who’s cis and het can still be queer in their experience with gender and sexuality, and although i’m neither, i’m still supportive due to my past confusion with all of this and knowing what i experienced was queer, but at that time, feeling as if cis and heterosexual best described me.

and plus now even if i was cis and het, my attraction to men and experience with gender would still be queer, regardless of my personal identity or attraction (or lack of) to women.

most of society sees gender as either male or female, depending on your sex or which one you want to transition to, and how you behave and present yourself is independent of your gender. which makes sense, but now i don’t know what i believe and it’s all so fucking confusing and some aspects of nonbinary enforce gender norms and others demolish it and it confuses and distresses the hell out of me

i just wish i had one person who understood my way of thinking, then i’d feel less alone and crazy, because like? a woman who presents as male can still conform to the female social role? gender expression refers to more than just presentation, and a woman who presents as female can not conform to the female social role. is that considered nonbinary or genderqueer? is that why people think i’m crazy for being supportive of queer cishets? is a person who identifies as their agab but has queer gender expression considered nonbinary or genderqueer? have i just been taking this “identity” thing too literally?

are gender and gender roles considered the same thing? because yeah, they are just about the same thing, but is that how other people view it?

typing this whole thing has helped a little with my thoughts but i still feel distressed and dysphoric as hell. i’m nonbinary, but still have a strong attachment to being female due to, you know, growing up as female and mostly conforming to the female social role, so seeing all this hate towards cishets makes me, by association, feel like shit, and seeing people constantly assume heterosexual attraction conforms to binary gender roles, makes me feel invalidated, invisible, and dysphoric. me being kin with a very gnc male character, who also experiences queer heterosexual attraction, makes it hurt even more and increases my distress and dysphoria.

like on tiktok? i saw some jerk say how “straight people shouldn’t use top/bottom” like??? first of all trans people?? second of all PEGGING?? like i said, i still feel strongly attached to being female, so this made me feel like garbage.

does the community consider those who do not conform to gender expectations as nonbinary or genderqueer? is cis used to refer to those who identify as their agab AND the gender and social roles that go along with it? am i the one who’s out of the loop?

feminine gay men (more specifically, mlm) are normalized in lgbtq spaces, but feminine straight and bi men when it comes to m/f attraction, aren’t, and are inherently assumed to conform to the male social norms. same with women, obviously, but i feel like it’s slightly more accepted with women.

even in bisexual spaces, m/m and f/f relationships are considered ‘superior,’ and m/f relationships are always assumed to conform to gender roles. by the lgbtq community, as well. people think m/f and het mean heteronormative, gender binary conforming. but it doesn’t. is there any sort of term or community for those who don’t conform to this? i’ve been meaning to make my own but i’d really rather not because i just don’t have the energy.

this is what i’m always talking about. this is why i thought so strongly i was just a cis girl that didn’t conform to the female social role. is my understanding of things just off? is being gnc considered genderqueer by default? and when i say gnc, i don’t mean a man who wears dresses or something, i mean men and women who don’t conform to the gender roles assigned to them because it’s who they are inside, not to make a political statement or whatever. i’m not gnc or nonbinary to make a political statement, i am because that’s just who i am.

anyway if i could just be a normal cis girl who isn’t exclusively attracted to femme men that’d be fucking amazing. sometimes i wish i was just a trans guy but even then i feel like i wouldn’t be completely happy since i’m just Not attracted to gender conforming men in the slightest. and yes, i’m bisexual, but lately it’s so rare that i’m attracted to women and when it comes to men, i’m exclusively attracted to femme men, not exclusively attracted to men as a whole.

so often i get jealous of trans men, gay men, and lesbians, and then i feel like an asshole because i shouldn’t be jealous but i am and i just wish i was one of them and not a fucking freak that doesn’t seem to fit any label or community properly. like my gay trans friend? i’m so jealous of him and i feel like an asshole. he has so much community and i have? nobody. i wish i was like him. i don’t know anyone who understands my attraction to exclusively femme men, and especially not girls who understand it. for a long time, you know, despite me feeling drawn towards the nonbinary label, i thought my lack of community of other women who understood how i felt and lack of representation, was why I felt that way, and I thus brushed it off as me being cis and confused.

knowing tumblr, someone’s going to see this and make fun of me or invalidate my feelings, as fucking always, so i don’t even know why i’m posting this. i just have nowhere else i can put it.

#long post #wren speaks #queer word

[snowviolettwhite]

I posted 1,186 times in 2021

37 posts created (3%)

1149 posts reblogged (97%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 31.1 posts.

I added 976 tags in 2021

#0 - 78 posts

#captain america - 282 posts

#the umbrella academy - 269 posts

#hsmtmts - 123 posts

#stranger things - 111 posts

#winter solider - 32 posts

#art - 32 posts

#ranma 1/2 - 18 posts

#stranger things - 16 posts

#spiderman - 15 posts

Longest Tag: 89 characters

#like yes 'you wish you could pull off these shorts' is iconic but don't let it overshadow

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

Can I have someone who looks at me the way E.J looks at Gina?

32 notes • Posted 2021-06-12 02:33:06 GMT

#4

Ricky clearly has abandonment issues because of his mom. He clearly loves Nini and she loves him. They’re known each other since kindergarten and best friends but, he definitely projecting his abandonment issues onto her with seems scared to have time apart.

36 notes • Posted 2021-06-12 00:11:31 GMT

#3

I have decided Ricky Bowen is neurodivergent. (This just for fun. If you want add on feel free.)

1) He only had three friends before theatre. (One of which was his girlfriend.)

2) Frankly he doesn't have the best social skills and seems to misunderstand people and situations quit often.

3) He doesn't the best self esteem.

4) He seems to feel emotions and connections a lot deeper and harder than some of the other characters.

5) He suppresses his emotions, and feels like he has to take care of everyone.

6) He has a hard time in school and can be impulsive and is always late.

7) It is very heavily implied that he has an anxiety disorder.

8) This way to win Nini back was HSM, which seems to have turned into a hyper-fixation.

44 notes • Posted 2021-05-25 19:24:13 GMT

#2

Are there any neurodivergent folk specially with adhd that hate playful teasing? Even though I know it is not serious it still triggers my rsd. Sometimes I can’t tell if they joking unless they have specific tone of voice or facial expression.

50 notes • Posted 2021-06-05 00:55:06 GMT

#1

Does anyone else find it funny that neurodivergent people tend flock to eachother without realizing. People who are autistic have a hard time expressing and interpreting emotions while people with adhd will get upset if someone talks to them in the wrong tone and assume someone is angry at them when they are actually not.

97 notes • Posted 2021-03-03 00:25:26 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

#my 2021 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #some of my hyperfixations this year

[philcoulsonismyhero]

Obvious here, but Eobard for the character writing meme (if Squire beat me to this, then Herobard)

Pick a character I’ve written and I will explain the top ~three to five ideas/concepts/etc I keep in mind while writing that character that I believe are essential to accurately depicting them.

Oh, Eobard. My favourite terrible person who I hate and also genuinely and unironically love at the same time.

Okay, so the thing that makes Eobard complicated is that we’ve met several different versions of him and that they’re all at wildly different points in their personal timeline. There’s 2x11!Eobard, the youngest version who didn’t even know Barry’s name yet, there’s Flashpoint!Eobard who was right at the height of his supervillainy and willing to murder a child for his own personal gain, and then there’s s1!Eobard, aka Wellsobard, who has someone else’s memories and 15 years in the 21st century to mellow him somewhat. And finally there’s Legends!Eobard, who is a disaster of screwy timelines and I’ve been assuming is essentially Flashpoint!Eobard but with some extra memories Because Speed Force. And they all share a set of core traits, but their specific circumstances make them each quite different to write because Eobard is immensely goal-oriented.

But that’s actually Thing 1: Eobard is goal-oriented. It’s one of his core traits. Wherever he is in his personal timeline, he’ll have a goal and the fulfilment of that goal eclipses literally everything else in his life. Whether it’s destroying the Flash, getting home again, or simply surviving, the mission is all. And he has a really bad habit of essentially tying his entire sense of self up in that goal. Opposing the Flash, destroying him in every possible way, became his entire identity. It didn’t matter that his younger self idolised the Flash, wanted to be a hero, even, because that version of Eobard was gone. Then when his goal became going home, it didn’t matter anymore that he had a chance to destroy the Flash forever. His reasons for hating the Flash didn’t matter. All that mattered was that he could use Barry to get back home. Essentially, he loses himself in his current mission. So he’s at his most dangerous when he doesn’t have a mission, when something is denied to him, when he fails. Because that’s when he’ll desperately cast around for a goal and almost definitely lash out. See: killing Nora, trying to kill Barry in 1x23 even though Barry was still his only way home, etc. In a way, he reverts back to the previous version of himself when his goals become unattainable. The Eobard who wanted to go home reverts to the Eobard who wants to kill Barry, etc. In short, he bounces between goals, devotes his entire self to pursuing them, and lashes out when those goals are denied to him because he’s put so much of himself into them that he literally cannot conceive of failure.

Thing 2: he’s a scientist. Regardless of which version we’re dealing with, the dude is a nerd. Eobard has devoted his entire life to learning literally everything there is to know about the Speed Force and there’s a whole myriad of other areas of science he knows A Lot about. So when he’s not being driven by revenge or anger, he’s running (pun entirely intended) on curiosity and a need for intellectual stimulation. So give him a puzzle or a mystery to solve, and he’s going to get invested and probably hyperfocus until he finds a solution. An excuse to be a nerd is one of the few things that’ll distract him from a larger goal, and with nothing else to be doing he’ll find the nearest science thing and amuse himself with it. Knowledge is important to him, but using that knowledge is even more so. He wants to actively push the boundaries of scientific knowledge, and if that happens to make him famous and well-loved in the process, well that’s just an added bonus, isn’t it? But it’s more than that, and that leads us to…

Thing 3: he actually likes to be liked. It’s not his number one priority, and he’d probably deny it if you confronted him over it, but he likes being valued by other people. (Going by his comics backstory, this probably stems at least in part from the fact that his parents were pretty neglectful and generally didn’t seem to approve of anything he did. He’s been craving positive attention since he was a kid because he never really got it growing up.) Usually that means being valued as a scientist, as a brain, but on the rare occasions where he does end up with friends he likes being liked as a person. Cisco, Caitlin, Hartley, eventually Barry… They all looked up to him, considered him a friend, and he enjoyed that. It’s why he regretted eventually having to drop his ‘Dr Wells’ identity. But his goals Always come first, so it was necessary.

Related to that is Thing 4: in his own way, he cares about people. Not as much as he cares about himself and his own goals, but enough that he’s willing to take detours along the way if he has an opportunity to help someone he’s come to care about. For instance, working out how to stabilise Firestorm because he didn’t want Caitlin to have to lose Ronnie again. Sure, he rationalised it to himself, and you could argue that he simply needed to keep Caitlin on-side, but deep down he was saving Ronnie because he didn’t want to hurt Caitlin again. The thing is, though, it took him a long time to reach a place where he cared about people. So the vast majority of the time, Eobard’s first and foremost priority is himself. But he does get attached. He did genuinely care about Cisco and Caitlin, and even Barry to a certain extent. And that’s what makes Wellsobard so complicated and interesting, and in a way quite different to the other versions of Eobard that we’ve met. He had time to get attached.

Speaking of attachment, that brings us to Thing 5, which is where I’m shifting into headcanon and personal interpretation territory: I read Eobard as aroace. There’s absolutely no canon evidence from Flash or Legends that he’s ever pursued a romantic and/or sexual relationship with anyone. He had years in the 21st century and remained resolutely single, then he remade the world to his own specifications with the Spear of Destiny and the same thing happened again. That doesn’t read like a guy who has any interest in relationships beyond the platonic, and even then it’s rare for him to actually go looking for friendship. So to me, Eobard doesn’t read like Eobard unless he’s being written as aroace, or at the very least completely uninterested.

Now, I could go on about how he’s basically canon autistic and that’s important to writing him accurately as well, but I’ve talked about that before so I’m going to stop there because this is a lot of words already. Have I mentioned that I could talk about this asshole nerd forever?

#kscinewt #eobard thawne #reverse flash #the flash #personal stuff #asked and answered #kepler