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#the breakdown is coming i can feel it

starheirxero · 4 months

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For the record, I think soooo much about a potential AU where Eclipse really commits to the "false hope" plan and grits his teeth through every act because he's like "the more I seem genuine and the more they believe me, then the worse they'll feel when I finally stab them in the back!!" and every act of kindness he commits is under his idea of "oh man they're falling for my act sooo hard rn"

and then when he's eventually been completely integrated as at least a friend to the celestial siblings, he sits back and goes "man. now would be a great time to betray them right?" and then he finally looks at it all and realizes he doesn't truly want that now and he's just like "oh. oh." and is probably wildly conflicted and emotional about it

#xero says things #xero thoughts and rambles #i can only imagine that there's a MASSIVE breakdown over the fact he's in an okay and happy situation now #because now he doesn't know how to move forward. he doesn't know what comes next.#when he was cruel and evil then he knew that he could expect someone to come for revenge. he knew he could expect the same hatred back.#so now the floor has caved underneath him and there's probably a long moment where he tried to go /back/ to those ways just to feel a-#-sense of normalcy again. but now his feelings and hus enviroment have changed and he can't commit to that as wholly #so it's a slow but steady process of the sibling's getting eclipse a ground to stand on methinks. or smth. yk #tsams #eclipse #sun and moon show #sams eclipse

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makotonaegiunderstander · 28 days

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something I’ve been thinking abt is how many people think Makoto is immune to despair. I don’t think he is. I think becoming the ultimate Hope was BECAUSE he felt despair. He wouldn’t have fully reached that point without Junko. Makoto becoming such a beacon was his last attempt to avoid completely falling and it wasn’t because he didn’t feel despair, it was because he was too damn stubborn to allow everything to go to waste and he refused to sacrifice his beliefs for someone else’s. His inner monologue tells me he DID experience the same new low the other suvivors did in the final trial, but at the point where he had the choice to give up and die, he looked at the others and he looked at Junko and he couldn’t allow it to happen, not out of self preservation, but because the idea that Junko would have control over their lives made him FURIOUS. and that utter refusal to die kicked in, wether luck or otherwise, and he made the concious effort for one last push while something in him was breaking. He had to be broken in order for the Ultimate Hope to come through so aggressively, bc it could only exist in the face of the Ultimate Despair. He snapped the same way she did, but in the other direction. In what could have been his final moments he chose to embody everything Junko wasn’t, and every single optimistic and luck fueled ideal in him suddenly charged forward and pushed him. It was a combination of the final straw and a choice. Makoto isn’t immune to feeling despair, he’s just too stubborn to fall into it of his own volition. I think that’s why I like that scene in DR3 so much. People were SO SHOCKED Makoto actually fell for the tape, that he actually became despair for a moment. I saw people getting mad or disappointed, saying it was pathetic and Makoto seemed to fall from some sort of pedestal for them. Honestly part of me wonders if that sort of mentality, which clearly people had in universe, affected Makoto a bit. Like he started to see himself as less of a person, subconsciously. Prompting him to take more risks, less self preservation, act way more bold. It seems he has to be reminded a lot not to put himself in danger by his friends, to not do something too reckless. All over the place I would see in regards to that scene either this frivolous ‘oh this was just angst drama with no meaning behind it’ or ‘he can do better than that. he’s so weak’ or ‘come on, there’s no way he’d fall into despair, he’s the Ultimate Hope!’ This kind of mentality, which was kind of ironic considering Ryota was there the entire time saying the same thing and treating Makoto the same way. Like Makoto was superhuman. Like Makoto didn’t feel despair the same way ‘normal people’ did. In a way that was also how Munakata saw Makoto. Makoto stopped being a PERSON to the world when he became Ultimate Hope, he became a concept, a belief system, much the same way Junko ascended beyond herself. But the difference is that treating Makoto that way is the opposite of the reason Makoto became such a representative for hope. He wasn’t doing something no one else could. He was doing something everyone had the chance to, he just… was a little more optimistic, a little more stubborn, a little more ‘gung-ho’ about things. He just took the lead where no one else did, where no one else knew they even COULD in the face of Junko’s unstoppable force. She had overcome the biggest threats and obstacles in the world, what could one person do? And the answer Makoto found was, anything. Everything. It doesn’t all rest on Makoto, he’s just the one that was inspired to try to do what seemed like the impossible. But as evidenced by the change in his friends after that trial, it’s clearly not something only Makoto is capable of. The others pulled out of despair thanks to Makoto, but it was their choice to do so.

“But… this world is so huge, and we’re so small. What can we do…? No, we can probably do anything. Yeah! We can do anything!”

#makoto naegi #Danganronpa character analysis #Danganronpa #danganronpa thh #danganronpa future arc #I fucking love Makoto Naegi man.#I think there’s a fine line of nuance to Makoto that’s easy to miss bc he doesn’t really make it known #he’s not a pushover and he’s not overpowered. he’s a people pleaser but he will say what needs to be said #he’s an immovable object and the exact opposite of Junko but he’s also just a normal guy who’s optimistic and (un)lucky #he isn’t invincible but he has immense power to his words the same way Junko did #if anything his superpower is being kind above all else. he’s compassionate to some of the worst people in the world.#he was even conpassionatr to an extent to Junko. he didnt want her to kill herself despite everything she’s done #and he still acknowledges that for years she was a classmate and friend.#I do think the more he learned abt what she did the more he’s come to actually hate her though #post the first game he always refers to her without a suffix to her name which is one of the most subtle rude things you can do #it means you have zero respect for the person you’re referring to #and he speaks about her with some venom he doesn’t use for anyone else in the future arc #he’s not incapable of feeling negative emotions #I really liked the future arc scene bc it showed that Makoto DID experience enough despair to have overcome him if he didn’t refuse #and that it still affects him deeply. people treat him like he’s either this perfect ideal Chad or this baby chick who’s so delicate #and no one really focuses on how makoto shoulders so much and yet is still vulnerable.#honestly that guy was DUE for a mental breakdown even without the tape. it would have happened eventually #I actually wrote one based on him finally hitting a breaking point after giving so much of himself away and keeping nothing for himself #that his issues that he shoves down constantly finally can’t be held down anymore. Hajime helps him bc he knows how that feels #it was a LONG time ago that I wrote that but honestly if I can remember where i was going w it I might finish it #it was initially an rp but I could make it a fic #anyway. the point is Makoto is SO much more complex than people give him credit for #the most fundamental thing about him is that he’s normal and that’s ok! that’s what helps him rise!

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warpedpuppeteer · 2 months

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Watching the Lawsuit arc and you know what's the kicker? For the entire episode that leads to the Lawsuit, everyone is shown being with their family or loved ones even while going through difficult things and having each other's backs (Hen and Karen with the pregnancy attempt, Maddie and Chim + Eddie and Chris with ptsd). And both times Buck visits his family/loved ones, he feels betrayed (Bosko not Buckley. Bobby being the reason he couldn't return to work). And the "anything. Like a knife in my back" line really puts things into perspective. Buck's gone through back to back trauma and his fallback (the 118, his family) are the ones betraying him (right after he was so confident in talking about how they were a family to that sleazebag lawyer too, like OUCH). It really shows how desperate Buck was. He felt like he was losing everything; his job, his friends, his family. He's been gone awhile and there's someone already replacing him (temporarily) , so I can imagine in his head, he's just thinking about how the longer it takes for him to come back, the easier it will be for everyone to replace him and where would that leave him exactly? Alone.

#911 abc #episode breakdown #now I'm not saying what buck does after this is justified #but i can see where he's coming from and why he was desperate enough to go down this path #and bobby just chose the worst way possible to tell him about holding him back tbh #buck feeling like his own dad betrayed him #all while pretending he was on his side #like damn #evan buckley #evan buck buckely #bobby nash

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slashingdisneypasta · 2 months

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I am so FUCKING RELIEVED.

I finally managed to get my hands on my school transcript and sent it into work- and I got a pay bump!

Now, I'm still not earning a liveable wage-- but if I get my diploma (i currently have a cert III, which is the level down from that), I will be perfect <3 I am only j u s t below my goal salary, now. Almost the same as my mum.

Thank. god.

#i was so fucking stressed an anxious last week with that on my mind 😅😅 had a little mental breakdown 😅😅😅 thought i failed already😅😅#but i feel so much better now XD 😅💚💚💚#just need to find an online course ^^#i feel so good actually XDD #i can totally go back to school if I know for sure that when i come out again i'll be okay

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femme-malewife · 7 months

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Wanna think about something canon

Aiyuu pulling a yuri and going to the aquarium together and Yujiro wanting a stuffed penguin and entering a rock-paper-scissors tournament with Aizou and losing while Aizou wins and upon seeing Yujiro disappointed he gives it to him like as if it was a shoujo manga where the guy wins the girl a prize at a carnival

and then Yujiro hugs it and gives him his consolation prize and Aizou can't help but smile softly at Yujiro seeing him so happy

...Yeah

#i need more of this #im having a mental breakdown over lipxlip #mv is coming up me thinks #i can feel it in my bones

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hajimehinata · 9 months

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i gave you all i had, i did

day 5 : sacrifice ( from @adfaugust )

all he’s ever done, he did it for this family.

tyler’s long been used to hours of work with little reward, underpaid for hard labour and chalking it up to his family name. the world’s out to get him, he’s always known it, has been told so time and time again by the holt matriarch. and he knows better than anyone that sharon wouldn’t lie, has been an honest woman from the day she was born. if she ever was dishonest, it’s cause she had to be, cause she wasn’t given another option. but ma’s honest, gets her way through respect built from her steely and admirable nature. sharon, impossible not to respect with her fingers poised elegantly around a cigarette. lord knows tyler gladly picked up that habit for a few stolen seconds of her company. always wishing blindly to soak up her presence, as if it would somehow cure him of his own inferiority, childishness she frowned upon. he always feels adult standing next to her — ’cept for when he don’t, when he feels like he’s quakin’ in his boots just being near her. tells himself it’s because he loves her, because he can’t stand the thought of her coming to harm. knows that he’s her protector and that’s all he is, and for a holt, that’s a blessing. no higher honour than to be at sharon’s side, making sure their shitheel of a pa don’t try anything.

never strikes him that he might be thinking backwards, that the person he’s afraid of is the very person he loves the most. so wrapped around her finger he can’t see it for what it is, embraced into her perfumed storytelling, lies that sound like the truth, until tyler can’t help but believe in her. she’s his ma, and she needs him, everyone does. shoulders heavy burdens so she don’t have to, under the firm belief that he had a choice, but that no sane man would choose the other option.

what man would leave his ma to suffer all alone? none that are mannerly or polite, none that really care for her. tyler’s signed away his life, all twenty-five years of it thus far and whatever rest of it that cruel fate gives him. quickly revises the thought, since he oughta be grateful for what he has — the opportunity to be there for his ma, for his brothers.

still doesn’t stop the white-hot jealousy from bubbling up in a weary chest when he sees how easily dale and jay are awarded with ma’s attention. don’t know the last time she called him sweetheart — or if she ever has. keeps blindly charging forward, since he knows why dale’s got ma’s heart; no one could hate a face like that or deny him a thing. and jay… as much as he don’t contribute, as much as he ain’t really one of them ( as much as his sensitive nature is rewarded when tyler’s was long stamped outta him, told time and time again that he’s the eldest and real men gotta keep their upper lip stiff ) … sharon’s affectionate towards the golden boy because he reminds her of that sister of hers. that woman who got herself knocked up and imposed herself on her charitable sister, only to wind up dead and leaving her screaming kid behind for sharon to care for like he’s hers.

( and if tyler had to pick up those motherly responsibilities, it’s cause ma obviously couldn’t, not after her own sister had died, and no one could have expected her to be well enough to take care of a kid or her three-year-old and certainly not her seven-year-old little man, the nickname brooke gave him as she pinched a solemn cheek still ringing in his head — )

— but ain’t he the same as brooke, now? running off to save his own skin when dale’s … a sharp pain lancing through his chest, solid evidence of how he’s failed the family. still feels the sting on his cheek when ma told him clear as day — he ain’t got this, he wasn’t responsible enough, never good enough. and selfishly he wonders how long he has to sweat and toil for … her approval, but he’d never say that. sharon don’t give out praise that ain’t earned, and tyler never earned it a day in his life. no matter how hard he worked. no matter how little he slept. no matter how kind he was to his charity case of a cousin.

and he’s doing everything he can, even if ain’t good enough, even if it ain’t perfect. tells himself this is the best he can do for the ones he’s lost — protect himself cause he’s the only one left to protect her. when dale’s gone, pa’s in some hospital after his act of cowardice, and they had to leave jay behind when the cops were too close for comfort. he’s the only one left, and sharon’s safety’s all that matters. they come up with a plan, her and her only child, and there’s an unspoken understanding that passes through ‘em. the knowledge that they’re all they’ve got anymore, that they have to stick together.

it’s everything he wanted. least, he thought it was. until jay shows back up on their doorstep and tyler’s left to stare. a brother back from the dead and the short-lived attention from his ma itching at the back of his ribcage. forced to think horrible thoughts, wondering if it was jay all along who took this from tyler. if sharon’s affections were only doled out to the youngest boys because that love’s finite, and because jay just had to be difficult, ruin things by taking that book and killing dale, the sting of a motherly slap across the cheek still smarting. can’t accept that he wants more than he’s got, so it’s jay’s fault. that festering itch getting worse until it’s damn near unbearable. it’s jay on the doorstep of the cabin and not dale, not his baby brother who sat on his lap and babbled to him in half-formed sentences, who didn’t leave him ( didn’t leave the family, comes the mental correction ) to go galavanting off in the woods.

still, tyler takes first watch. is used to staying up and expects that neither ma nor jay will wake up for a second watch. maybe he’ll catch an hour or two, but he ain’t counting on it. more important that sharon gets her rest, and it’s not like tyler trusts jay to stay up and keep an eye out. not after he found out about brooke, the long-kept secret that shoulda been told to him long ago, so he could understand why he’s gotta make it up to the family more than ever. if anything, he thinks maybe jay’ll try to slink out and talk to him. the lie weighs heavy on his chest, but it’s the most sensible solution. ma needs to go on the motorcycle, and jay can survive out here in the woods. if tyler stayed ( and his chest constricts at the mere thought ) … he’d die. still, even though ma knows that, it’s still his duty to stay back. even with this busted leg, even with his lack of familiarity of the bush of two rock. when jay wasn’t around, the solution was simple. now, it’s staring him right in the eye. his imminent death. the same fate as dale. loving jay, then dying for it.

the door creaks open, and tyler’s heart squeezes in his chest seeing it’s ma. it ain’t rare for her to seek out his company, whether it’s to unload some stresses or just cause he’s smoking at the same time as her, but that weary heart still jumps when she does. hard and clear evidence that he’s doing something right. but that brief hope gets squashed like an insignificant insect as soon as the words leave her mouth. can we talk about this canada thing?

shoulda known she was coming out to ask about it, silently curses himself for not realizing sooner. remembers the other mistake he made, telling jay about his real ma, and braces himself for a scolding that thankfully never comes. sharon’s not a petty woman, and she’s moved onto more pressing matters. wondering why jay can’t have the prized seat next to her on the bike. wondering all that when she’s whip-smart and definitely smart enough to know tyler’d die if he stuck around back here. and it all comes flooding out. a juvenile confession, practically sobbed out. a desperate begging for love he’s always thought he was above. is it so wrong to want to live? is it so wrong to want a shot at life even when it’s long over? all his life, he’s given her ( the family, he hurriedly corrects, because even now, he can’t stop the helpless fawning over her ) everything he has, everything he is. and here he leans against the cabin post, staring up at the consequence bearing over him like a giant. finds himself scared and utterly alone in the face of this insurmountable beast.

he just wants to live. and if that’s gotta mean just surviving from here on out, he wants that. if his fate was never to live his life, he’ll mourn it and bury it alongside dale. clenches his fists and jaw and tries not to let the grief consume him, crush that bad leg before he’s even got a chance to try to keep going. wouldn’t dale have wanted him to live? wouldn’t dale have wanted… and it feels blasphemous to even think, but wouldn’t dale have wanted his happiness? couldn’t sharon have loved him enough to want that for him?

but it can’t be about dale and it certainly can’t be about sharon, so it’s about jay, the boy who got everything tyler wanted just by being. who whines and gets his way, the eternal favourite and the one dale eventually left tyler behind for. but tyler knows he can still win. he’s just gotta convince jay to stay back. and he does. feels that affection he always had for the kid come back full force, all babyish smiles and hints of wisdom he don’t think even jay knows he has. tyler will miss him. he gets that now. wishes blindly and with all his heart that there were three seats on the motorcycle, even if the thought of sharing ma with jay was nauseating just an hour ago.

tyler trudges back to his world, leaving jay to his own. greets sharon with a weary look, disillusioned like he hasn’t been in a long time. no longer is he excited to be the only one left. misses his brothers, both of ‘em, like hell. but at least he’s got ma, his sole purpose for as long as he can remember. something nettles him about that. maybe it’s just that jay taking off didn’t make him feel any better.

that’s what he sticks with until one night at the church turns into two, and then three.

and tyler lays with his cheek pressed against a dilapidated floor and wonders. do we get what we deserve?

#as dusk falls #tyler holt #sharon holt #adfaugust2023 #pan writes #this is obviously inspired by the cabin scene and my intense feelings about it #and there's a lot i could say about it but i will say that this fic does not paint sharon positively #people do not seem to realize that both bear AND sharon have seriously abused their kids ESPECIALLY tyler #and the cabin scene really shows how for the first time in his entire life tyler is having an intense breakdown about #the absurd expectations placed on his shoulders #it's baffling to me that sharon would not stay behind if it meant her kids would be safe #ESPECIALLY since she goes to paul for help regardless!#but because both tyler and jay are so emotionally abused by her ( especially tyler ) it's never a question whether she should get that seat #leading to this huge fallout between tyler and jay #which tbf was already coming since we know tyler was dying to tell jay he was adopted #and he is severely in his feelings because he (AND LITERALLY SHARON) blames himself for dale's death #cannot stress enough that if dale dies from the sniper sharon tells tyler POINT BLANK that it was his fault. and similarly in the barn scene #if jay fucks up the two by fours bear LITERALLY tells tyler 'weren't you watching him? what's wrong with you?'#so like this isn't something tyler is just making up in his head. people ACTIVELY assign him responsibility over his brothers #in any case the point is atp tyler is DISABLED and there is no way he can make it on his own. leaving him there IS a death sentence #and while jay probably doesn't realize this there is no WAY sharon doesn't. why else would she abandon him and latch onto paul?#and i know she tells paul a different story but she is HEAVILY established as a liar/unreliable narrator in that chapter so #ANYWAY. i have normal thoughts and feelings about sharon and tyler's abusive ass relationship /lie

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swagging-back-to · 1 year

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okay so here's my fix it hot take for the lion switching ( because the lion switching is stupid )

keith never pilots black on that planet after the corrupted wormhole. black moves on her own after keith yells at her (because that's what he does lol) to not just sit and watch her paladin get killed

when shiro actually goes missing NO ONE is accepted by the black lion. she sits in the hangar, immobile.

keith stays in red

lance stays in blue.

no one else can pilot the lions except for their specific paladins, a dime in a dozen. their quintessence simply could not handle it. their entire being could not handle it if they arent specifically molded to fit the quintessence of the lions--like their paladins are.

the four paladins have to work tirelessly to fight without voltron and without the black lion. because it makes it more interesting when they just dont have someone. if theres always a backup to the paladins--if their position can always be easily replaced-- then theres really no actual importance of the paladins.

#because seriously yall know my feelings about allura being a paladin #she doesnt fit blues entire vibe AT ALL #and also #it's so fucking reckless to put the only person who can pilot the castle and wormhole on missions REGULARLY #AWAY from the castle.#so when she's out on missions the castle and anyone inside of it are just stranded and cannot move or escape at all #it makes no sense from every direction #i LOVE the angst that comes with lion switching. I adore it. i will never turn down a lion switching #fic where it causes a huge breakdown of the team.#but in a fix it universe the lion switching has no place.#wips

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