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ask-whitepearl-and-steven · 4 years

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You've probably been asked this question before, but...how do you deal with self-doubt/impostor syndrome as a creator? I'm no artist, but I channel my creative energy into being a writer, and I have a ton of ideas that I want to explore in my writing, but I fear that if I don't utilize those ideas to their absolute fullest, I'd be letting down hundreds of people who like to read my work. Do you have any advice? I'd love to hear it. P.S. I love your WD!Steven comic.

OH! Ha, yes, imposter syndrome. Let’s... let’s talk about that.

For those that don’t know, imposter syndrome is the phenomenon many creative people go through where they doubt their own abilities. Especially if a creator has gotten a lot of attention for their work, they begin to succumb to the pressure of being “good enough” to have “deserved” their audience.

To put it simply, you feel like you’re an imposter that has somehow fooled people into believing they’re in for a ‘good’ story, and you will inevitably disappoint everyone when they figure out you’re not as ‘awesome’ or as ‘talented’ as they’ve been led to believe.

It is self-doubt in its purest form, it is the fear of doing well and the fear of doing poorly all rolled into one bitter, stress-inducing onigiri.

Let’s discuss self-doubt. I’m going to describe 3 things specifically to keep in mind for this.

1) The Horizon Goalpost

You may have already read this in my other post about unrealistic goals.

Basically this boils down to: Don’t set unrealistic goals.

Utilizing Your Ideas To The Fullest is a wholly unrealistic goal to have, to be honest. No single idea can ever be ‘fully’ utilized because the concept will be different for everyone. Everyone will have a different idea of what the perfect, plot will look like. People literally argue about how shows ‘should’ have ended all day and all night.

Saying ‘I need to write this story perfectly otherwise it’s garbage!’ is the same as looking at the sun on the horizon and treating it like a finish line.

We know the sun isn’t AT the horizon, and it is impossible to arrive at the horizon in the first place because it only exists as the limit of our vision... your story is like that. You do have limits on how much potential you can see. But that doesn’t mean your goal should be to catch up to it. Take it one step at a time. Many people don’t even START their story, let alone finish it. Set achievable goals.

2) The Man Behind The Curtain

The second fallacy of self-doubt is the idea that anyone is at all competent.

It’s false. No one knows what the fuck they’re doing - you included. That’s just how the world is.

Look, I’ll give you an example. Maybe when you were little you would go to your local grocery store and think ‘wow, everything is organized and works so well! The cashiers do their thing, the self-check-out is working... everything is running like a well-oiled machine!’

Then you grow up, work in retail and realize that everything except the storefront is held together with chewing gum and cello-tape. No one is ever 100% adequate, at least one person is having a mental breakdown every day, and everything is five minutes away from collapsing like a house of cards - all the while customers are none the wiser.

This holds true for practically EVERYONE and EVERYTHING.

Sure, we may our good days where we function relatively well. But this is not a held constant and on average, most of us are struggling to maintain the illusion of Everything Is Fine while simultaneously worrying that we’re the only ones that do this.

On average, we are all incompetent. The people that succeeded are not always better - sometimes they were just lucky enough to be in the right place at the right time. For many of them, that moment happened when they were born to wealthy parents. For some, it was just about utilizing their 6 degrees of separation right.

The truth is, there are THOUSANDS of people who COULD have been Beyonce, or JK Rowling, or whoever. The popular are not inherently more talented. They just happened to have the spotlight on them.

3) Schrodinger’s Fanbase

The third thing to keep in mind when you write, or draw, or compose, or CREATE - is that your audience is not a set auditorium of people.

And statistically, the beginning of your story is always going to be the point at which you have the largest number of potential fans.

When you START your story, you only have to worry about satisfying people about the premise. You get them hooked and they’re more or less appeased - because the rest of the story is in their expectations. It’s in their head, and they will make up whatever they need to keep them happy. At that point, your story is still 90% their story (or whatever they think your story will be).

The further you go into your story, the more you will narrow down your fanbase. People who expected it to take a different turn in chapter 2 will drop off. Then people who wanted something specific to happen in chapter 3 (but it didn’t) will also leave.

And you know what? THAT’S FINE. That’s the normal way stories go. You cannot appease everyone at the same time - you will always have people who will be dissatisfied with the way you decided to do things.

The important bit is - that doesn’t mean you are a worse writer. It just means that your fanbase organically shifts and expands as necessary. Your story will speak to different people at different stages. Let them enjoy it or not enjoy it. You cannot force someone to like something - but you CAN form connections to those people that do like it!

In other words - let the fanbase exist as its own separate ecosystem, and don’t depend on it. It will morph and evolve as you write, and you and your fans will find each other and drift away as necessary.

I also encourage other people - fans specifically - to allow consider this approach!

I know we all love to kvetch, and yeah, it’s good sometimes to let off steam... But I don’t think hyperfocusing on something you dislike is healthy. If a story doesn’t satisfy you, don’t waste time forming an anti-fandom for it. Don’t fuel more effort and time into something that makes you unhappy. Just... go find something that you DO enjoy! Give THAT your time and attention!

Anyway, that’s just the way I think about it. Maybe it’s because I’ve been around long enough to know that pretty much every author and artist suffers from self-doubt and it’d be silly to hold myself to unrealistic standards that no one else is able to meet?

Hope that helps!

#oyekanmiwork #storytelling #imposter syndrome #self-doubt #how to

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snail-giggles · 5 years

Text

Sides of a Hero - Ch2 Past Friends

Ch1

Summary: Patton takes a trip down memory lane after the argument in the common room and realises there is trouble in the mindscape. Meanwhile, Virgil is dealing with the after effects of his trip down memory lane. Not all memories are good ones

(Art inspired by @awkwarddoodles410 . Seriously go and check out their drawings. 100% better than what I can do.)

After the argument in the common area, Patton returned to his room and began flipping through one of his many scrapbooks of him, Thomas, and the other sides. He had crafted a photo of every special occasion. Their first video with Virgil - Virgil was not impressed with Roman’s original scripts. Their first physical visit with Thomas - that was scary for all parties involved. Thomas’s first Vine, first stage show - oh so many firsts. The days Virgil’s, Roman’s and Logan’s doors each appeared.

Patton sighed, staring at the page dedicated to their doors; eyes glued to the day Logan became…well…Logan. Before that day, Rational-Thinking, Learning and Conformity were all separate impulses roaming the mindscape. Patton had been so excited when they fused together to form Logan and he finally had another side to keep him company in the common area. Don’t get him wrong, fusing with Optimism, Sympathy and Morals was amazing, and becoming a main side of Thomas was mind-blowing, but…he had been lonely. Meeting Logan had been the best day ever and they became quite close. Working together to create the mindscape. Watching the other impulses fuse and imagining which ones would become core sides like them. Patton encouraging Logan to accept the ever growing Curiosity, and their inevitable fusion. Logan chastising Patton for fusing with the childlike Innocence. The two watching as Thomas’s various creative impulses slowly came together, and then watching the immaculate red door form in the common hall and seeing Roman emerge in all his glory. All three of them supporting Thomas in dealing with the ‘unkinder’ impulses and chasing them out of their rooms.

**********************************************************************

Patton's fond smile turned to a frown and his reminiscing was cut short by a sudden realisation. The other sides had been uncharacteristically frustrated lately. Very short fused...Patton stood and quickly walked out to the hall; knocking rhythmically on the other sides doors to get their attention in the least intrusive way possible.

Roman emerged first, sword in hand. "What's up, Pat? I was just practising my sword fighting."

Patton was about to respond when Logan opened his door; arms crossed and emitting a generally frustrated aura. "What do you two want? Come to belittle my opinion again, Roman?"

"Oh, come on! It was one mistake you..."

"Woah there!" Patton stood between the two, arms outstretched to keep the two apart. "Take a break from fighting for a second." A Kit Kat chocolate appeared in both Roman and Logan's hands.

Logan raised an eyebrow, "Really? Was that necessary?"

"Thanks for that Pat," Roman licked melting chocolate from his fingers. "You now have my attention."

Logan sighed, but Patton beamed. "Your welcome, Roman. Well, I called you out here because I think I worked out what has been happening lately."

"What?" Logan and Roman spoke in unison, and then glared at each other.

"Rage," Patton called out cheerfully. "The cheeky little devil is obviously playing games with us again."

"Ok. So, where is he?" Roman asked. "He can't be in my room. I have security for irritating impulses like him."

"Well he wouldn't be in my room," Logan spat. "Why would an emotion be in my room. He is obviously in Virgil's room."

Logan began banging on Virgil's door so hard that flakes of black paint began falling to the floor. Patton and Roman exchanged a glance and Roman drew his sword and pointed it at Logan.

Logan's eyes widened and stared at Roman; then they glimmered red as he smiled at the two sides.

**********************************************************************************

Virgil sat on the ground and leaned back against the solid wall of his room; still counting to keep his breathing steady. Two shadows lingered in front of him as Virgil continued to reel from his nightmare of a memory. He could still here Lust and Ego's voices in his head and felt the lingering guilt of his actions. Lust and Ego were neutral impulses; he should have been thrilled that Roman allowed them in his corner of the mindscape. Instead he had acted like a selfish jerk.

Admittedly, it was the other two that should have been jealous. Thomas' teenage years were a time when Virgil, Deceit and Rage had an increased influence in Thomas' life and were at their most powerful. They had managed to turn the impulses 'safe space' into a room; despite it lacking a door to the common area. Ego and Lust had every right to leave; they weren't feeling heard in that space and the kingdom was a lot more accepting. But all Virgil was worried about was losing his friends to the main sides; especially Roman. He was the least accepting of all of them.

Virgil sighed. He couldn't linger on his own nightmares, he still had a job to do. Thomas wasn't going to be able to deal with negative comments if Virgil hadn't thought through possible negatives beforehand. He pulled the shadows close and allowed the negative energy to fuel his thinking.

The shadows weren't too hard to deal with. Just the normal post video blues: That video sucked. Can you even act? That video was too long. What a waste of time. Should have made the video longer and actually taught your viewers something. That singing was horrible.

As much as Virgil hated it, he knew some of this would reach Thomas. He was just glad to have taken the brunt of the negativity. The others would step in soon enough and provide words of encouragement and inevitably ignore Virgil altogether.

A rhythmic knock at the door pulled Virgil away from his thoughts and broke his focus. Virgil froze, heart rate rising and throat tightening as the shadows thoughts mixed with his own anxieties of what was happening outside. Calm down. Calm down. Come on, Virge. Focus! Virgil massaged his hand and started counting his breathing again. No further knocking occurred, and Virgil felt calmer. He focused solely on filtering the shadow and remaining calm to not upset Thomas too much.

Virgil stood and started walking around the room, stretching his tense muscles and shaking off the last of the lingering negativity. A sudden banging at his door caused Virgil to jump. That is not a good sign at all. Virgil's hands shook, but he clenched his fist and teleported to the hallway.

Virgil appeared behind Patton and Roman and quickly took in the situation; Roman pointing his sword towards Logan. What the heck is going on now? Logan turned and locked eyes with Virgil; he smirked, and his irises flashed red. Rage! He wasn't just influencing us, he fused with Logan. Virgil's own anger flaring, he stared hard at Rage; his eyes flared purple.

"Logan?" Patton asked warily.

Logan|Rage winked and suddenly Logan and Rage separated. Virgil maintained eye contact with Rage and pulled the impulse into his room.

Logan swayed slightly before falling forward; Roman was quick to drop his sword and catch the falling side.

"I have no idea what just happened, but let's get this Sleeping Spectacle to his room." Roman hook Logan's arm around his should and Patton moved to do the same on the other side. Logan merely mumbled in confusion as the two sides took him too his room; all oblivious to Virgil's role in the situation.

**************************************************************************************

Virgil stood in his room facing Rage.

"What's up, Anxiety?" Rage sneered. "Long time. No see."

Virgil noticed Rage's pale, papery skin. That fusion really took it out of him. "What was that all about?"

"Just a little fun. I was feeling ignored."

"So, you thought it would be a great idea to waste energy forcing a fusion and making us fight?"

"Gotta get my kicks somehow." Rage's legs shook slightly. He tried desperately to hide his exhaustion from Virgil; he didn't want to show any weakness.

"Take a seat you idiot."

"What?"

"I can see your legs shaking. I'm vigilant, remember." Rage opened his mouth to argue but Virgil cut him off. "We don't need to talk. Just sit until you can get yourself out of here." Virgil moved to his bed and threw himself down.

Rage sighed and moved to sit on nearby lounge; sinking deep into the familiar cushions. As much as he hated Anxiety; he was glad to be in an accepting and safe space.

***************************************************************************************

Patton and Roman deposited Logan on his bed and sat on a nearby sofa. Logan's room was very minimalistic and small. A bed, a desk and a sofa made up the entirety of the room; however, there was a door leading to a bathroom, another to a library and a final one to Logan's area of the imagination mindscape.

"Well that was a new level of low for a worthless, impulsive Dark Side." Roman commented.

"Now, Roman." Patton cooed, " Don't be so harsh on Rage. He didn't do too much harm. He probably just wanted to hang out with us. We haven't seen him around in a while."

"No harm? Oh, suuure. Logan always collapses in the hall after banging on Virgil's door like a maniac."

"Oh. well..."

"You can't always find the positives in people, Patton. The only purpose Rage's actions served was to take Logan out of the picture..." Roman suddenly looked at Patton with concern. "We need to check on Thomas."

Patton nodded and the two sunk out to check on Thomas, leaving Logan to sleep soundly in his room.

************************************************************************

Thomas sat on the lounge staring at his computer; the video had already gone public and the first reactions and comments were appearing. Thomas was feeling the effects of Virgil and massaging a circle in the palm of his hand to remain calm. He was happy to see Roman and Patton rise up in their usual spots.

"Hey guys." Thomas glance around, "Where is Logan?"

"Oh, he's just taking a little nap," Roman said with a smile.

"Ok. Well, what do you think of the latest video?" Thomas looked down at the floor, "I already know Virgil's thoughts."

Patton and Roman moved to sit with Thomas and started sharing their thoughts on the video. Thomas felt much better listening to their comments, even if they were a bit over the top.

********************************************************************************

Virgil sat up as he felt Patton and Roman rise up to interact with Thomas. Rage was dozing on the lounge; his breathing steady and calm. Virgil couldn't help but smile as he felt a wave of nostalgia roll over him. Familiar sight. Rage passed out after making Thomas argue with a friend or family member, and then I get to work over time to make up for it.

Virgil went into the bathroom and looked at himself in the mirror. His hair was a mess and his eye shadow had been smudged down his cheeks; truly a horrible sight. Grabbing a brush, Virgil quickly fixed his hair before washing off his old make up. Reapplication was a fast process and Virgil checked that Rage was still sleeping before teleporting to Thomas' lounge.

Thomas, Roman and Patton couldn't help but jump at the sudden appearance Virgil at the foot of the lounge.

"Sorry. I probably should have aimed for the stairs." Idiot. You scared them again.

"Probably should've stayed in your room," mumbled Roman, and Patton shot him a disapproving glance before looking back at Virgil.

"Good to see you, Kiddo. How are you feeling about the new video now?"

Virgil sighed and looked at his feet. "It was alright. Just..."

"We KNOW!" interrupted Roman. "It took too long to make, the sound was misaligned, the lesson wasn't ..."

"Roman!" Thomas was the one to interrupt this time, and Patton joined in giving Roman a disappointed head shake.

"What?" Roman feigned offence. "We know he doesn't have anything positive to contribute. He was upsetting you earlier, Thomas, and Patton, you heard his comments in the mindscape earlier"

"That will do, Princey. Virgil?" Thomas looked at the anxious side fondly. "You had something you wanted to say? You can be honest. I appreciate any and all feedback"

Virgil rubbed the back of his neck nervously. "Um... I guess...I … Kind of liked the song. It was a good way to... Engage your audience. Even though I wouldn't normally sing."

Thomas beamed. "Thanks Virgil. I feel like the song really added to the conversation, and Joan did a great job writing it too."

"See Roman. Virgil liked your video." Patton nudged Roman with his elbow and smiled.

Roman sighed in defeat, "Thank you, Virgil. I... appreciate the feedback."

***********************************************************

The sides all hung out with Thomas as the comments started rolling in at a faster rate. Virgil curled up in the corner of the lounge and focused on keeping his breathing steady and listening to Roman, Patton and Thomas talk.

They had been with Thomas for half an hour before Logan made an appearance.

"Hey, Logan." Thomas smiled, "Did you have a good nap?"

Logan appeared confused and Roman nodded vigorously behind Thomas to encourage Logan to play along. "Oh. Oh yes. I did thank you. How is the video going?"

Patton moved to sit on the floor, so Logan could sit next to Thomas and comfortably join the conversation. Logan made sure Thomas (and Virgil) were focused on the facts, which helped Virgil; who was beginning to lose his grip on remaining calm.

A few hours later, Virgil felt his eyelids grow heavy and saw Thomas was beginning to fall asleep. "We should go." The others nodded sleepily and sunk out.

Thomas stirred and looked up at Virgil. "Are you alright, Virge?"

"I'll try and keep my worrying to a minimum." Virgil stood and tucked his hands deep into his pockets. "You should go to bed and sleep. Joan and Talyn are coming over tomorrow...don't want to look like me, hey"

Thomas smiled weakly and repositioned himself on the lounge. "Thanks Virgil. You really are a good guy."

Before Virgil could make another comment, Thomas closed his eyes and fell asleep. The lounge wasn't the best place to sleep, but Thomas needed sleep so that was enough to satisfy Virgil.

He teleported to his room.... something was off. Virgil scanned the room for any lingering shadows but saw nothing except Rage still sleeping on the lounge.

"You can't hide Deceit. I know you're in here."

************************************************************************************

Thanks for reading.

Chapter 3

Want to read even more? Check out the link below

Rage|Logan eye flash.

#thomas sanders #sanders sides #ts roman #ts logan #ts virgil #fanders #famders #fanfiction #ts fanfic #ts fanart #logan sanders #virgil sanders #patton sanders #roman sanders #sanders sides fanart #sides of a hero

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