#the only thing about being the only one up at night is im trying to vibe downstairs by myself right??

[redeyegrl]

☆ crybaby ; jude bellingham

you were laid on the couch, your eyes fluttering due to the intense amounts of tiredness you were feeling whilst watching your favorite show on tv. you were wrapped around in your favorite blanket, head smushed onto the pillow that was laid underneath.

lately, these past few days haven't been too good for you. not only were you, yet again, bombarded with so much work, you were dealing with a lot emotionally. especially towards your best friend who currently is now in madrid playing for one of the biggest clubs ever.

you and jude have known each other for quite sometime but only remained as close friends. your friendship started with a follow on instagram which led to him flying you out to meet him for the first time. truly, you thought that you both might hit it off and actually become a couple but that conversation still hasn’t surfaced.

you didn’t want to be the first to tell him you liked him, but you also didn’t know if he felt the same way. even when he was flying you out, taking you to his favorite spots in madrid, holding your hands when you were both together in front of his teammates, to him giving you sneaky kisses late at night when you would stay over at his place. all of that and no sign of him wanting anything more than just being friends. call it a situationship if you will.

earlier today, you came across dating rumors regarding jude on social media and it made you almost completely unproductive. you couldn’t stop thinking about jude potentially being someone else’s boyfriend. after all, you knew you couldn’t control who someone decides to be with, but it always stung when you would hear his name attached to someone who wasn’t you.

your eyes slowly start to shut until you heard the annoying sound of your ringtone. "it's 2am, who the hell is calling me" you say incoherently. you rub your eyes to try and read the caller i.d, only to figure out it was jude. "what does he want" you say sitting up, slightly annoyed.

"hello" you respond in the most monotone voice possible. "well morning to you as well" jude replies, seemingly in a great mood. "it's 2am and i was trying to go to bed, if you don't have anything important to say, i would like to go back to sleep" you say in a hurry, rubbing your tired stressed eyes. "and what's up with you" jude laughs on the opposite end. "nothing jude im just tired. you know it's late over here" you slightly whine, knowing jude has the time saved of where you were living on his clock app.

"just wanted to let you know i'm up and about to head off to training" he tells you. well, he never did that before. nonetheless, you did find the reminder cute. "well, have fun then." you say before you were about to hang up.

"wait y/n, i have something to ask you" "he rushes to tell you. you on the other hand, truthfully didn't want to talk to anyone since you weren't in the mood. you already cried tons today, the last thing you needed was to talk to the one who made you so emotional.

"yeah go on" you allowed. "i beg you to tell me how you're feeling. are you alright?" he questions in soft tone. you could already feel the tears briming in your eyes, the heat of your cheeks starting to burn. "do you want the truth?" you whisper. "why would you lie to me?" he questions yet again.

"i'm not doing that great" you respond. you wanted to tell him you were okay so you could head off to bed, but something in you wanted to let him know you weren't. you started sniffling since crying always activates your sinuses. "y/n why are you crying? tell me what's wrong" he demanded delicately.

"i was online today" you say trying to collect yourself. "read some stuff that made me kinda sad" you say quietly, wiping away the lukewarm tears running down your cheeks using your hoodie wrist cuffs. "is that all? what do you mean" he questions, confused as to what you meant. "the dating rumors about you and --" you finally confessed.

all you could hear was jude's small laughs which made you want to cry even more. you had no clue what those laughs meant and you hated that him laughing was the way he would respond. "why are you laughing" you chuckle trying to hide your cries.

"y/n, i wouldn't be too worried about it" he confirms which made you feel a small bit alright. "if i was seeing anyone i would tell you, would i not?" he reminds you, which he was right about. "but what if you're hiding it from me" you pout, he giggled some more. "y/n, im not interested in anyone" he makes aware.

that statement made your heart sink. tears started to form all over again followed by your jaw slowly starting to quiver. "you mean that?" you ask him, hoping he would change his response. "i mean, those girls the media puts me with i'm not interested" he responds. "no, i mean, are you really not interested in anyone" you ask again, playing with the strings on your hoodie, starting to regret even picking up the phone.

"well there is this one girl who's always on my mind, and i sometimes still get nervous around her. she's so perfect in my eyes. she can get grumpy and she's always busy which annoys me. i would fly her over when i'd miss her, take her out to all of my favorite spots when she lands, we'd have secret rendezvous late at night, sleepovers at my house as well.. she's actually my best friend." he rambles as you can hear him walk his way to the car.

you started smiling just a little bit, your hand palming your entire face due to how giddy you were starting to feel. it was obvious he was talking about you. "well, i wonder who this great girl is" you playfully ask. jude laughs with you as well. "she's pretty. her name starts with a (-) and ends with (-)" he jokes, answering with the letters of your name.

"i really miss her too. thinking of bringing her over to me for two weeks. gonna maybe try and make her my girlfriend i don't know i don't know" he continues on with his playful antics. "wow, i think she would love that jude. shes so lucky" you play along, you both now laughing on the phone.

"so i'll see you next week?" he asks. you hum in response, now grateful you picked up the phone. "go to sleep y/n, i don't want to keep you up". you were very tired so all you could do was hum back. "one more thing before i let you go to sleep" he tells you, you put the phone on speaker and lay back down on the couch. "hmm" you respond.

"you're such a cry baby about me and i like that" he laughs.

#jude bellingham #jude bellingham x reader #judestories!

[tomssexdoll]

When I was your man

PAIRINGS: Tom 2009 x Female reader CONTENT: ANGST + FLUFF + SMUT SYPNOSIS: Tom and Y/N broke up, after 2 years of dating she finally had enough of his shitty behaviour. Tom starts to see her everywhere and deeply regrets his actions, crying for you every night. One night he sees you at a bar, dancing with another man and he approaches you. A/N: inspired by when I was your man by bruno mars WARNINGS: dom! tom, sub!reader, eating out, alcohol mentions, fingering

Me and Y/N broke up a month ago, she couldn't deal with my shitty behaviour she said, complaining about how I treat her. When I refused to apologise she took her things and left, texting me later that we were over.

As soon as I saw her say that I burst into tears, realizing my shitty actions towards her.

I went to bed that night but it didn't feel right. It was the same bed but it felt just a little bit bigger, more empty without her, cold and lonely.

I hear our song on the radio but it doesn't sound the same. The song we had our first kiss to, lost our virginities to, countless of memories wasted all because of me.

When my friends talk about her all it does is just tear me down, cause my heart breaks a little when I hear her name.

I've been super depressed after the breakup, not being able to sleep properly and not eating. All I wanted was her, to hold her, caress her soft skin, kiss and appreciate her. But she was gone, and I didn't know how long it'd be until I could have her in my arms again.

My pride, my ego, my needs and my selfish ways, caused a good strong woman like her to walk out of my life, and it haunts me everytime I close my eyes.

I couldn't just set my selfishness down for a second, I was a fucking idiot, treating the kindest and most beautiful girl like shit, disregarding her feelings, gaslighting her and neglecting her. I looked at twitter, seeing headlines of her with another guy.

I sobbed and sobbed, crying my eyes out, seeing her already moved on. I knew I deserved it but I wanted her back so badly, she was my everything, my baby, my world. I wish I could turn back time and just start all over again, make her feel like the only girl in the world, make her feel special and loved.

One day I decided to go to a bar and drink my sorrows away, running out of all the alcohol in my house that I drowned myself in. I sat down, ordering a couple shots of whiskey, downing them within seconds.

I turned around to see everyone dancing, sweaty bodies pressed up against each other, making me remember the special moments we shared in this bar, tears welled up in my eyes again.

Then suddenly I saw her, Y/N was there, she was so beautiful, so stunning. Her features glowing from the flashing lights, curves showing off in her sexy dress. My baby was dancing like she loved to do, but she was dancing with another man, he smiled at her, holding her close and kissing her gently.

My eyes widened and I stared there in shock, it felt like the world stopped, like everything went silent. She swayed her hips, grinding into him. She looked like she was having so much fun.

I stepped closer, the lights now hitting me. She turned and looked at me, her eyes widening and her movements haltering. We just stared at each other for a while, she eventually rolled her eyes and excused herself, walking off. I ran after her, calling out for her.

Eventually I grabbed onto her arm, looking down at her "baby..please" I choked out a sob, she pushed me off "get off me Tom, I told you we're over.." she mumbled, not being able to look me in the eyes.

I noticed how she quickly wiped a tear from her cheek, I grabbed her chin and lifted it to look at me, "I know im probably much too late, to try and apologise for my mistakes" I sighed "but i just want you to know, I hope he buys you flowers and holds your hand, gives you all his hours, take you to every party cause i remember how much you loved to dance, do all the things i've should've done..when i was your man.."

Tears welled up in her eyes, she hugged me tightly and sobbed into my chest, "oh tom..I missed you so much" I smiled and stroked her hair. "Let's go outside baby..talk about things better, hm?" I mumbled against her hair, she nodded and took my hand, leading my outside and leaving the guy she was with.

We walked to my car and got in, blasting the heating. "He's not with me or anything..i've been hooking up with him for like 2 weeks and I figured paparazzi might have been there to take photos and make you jealous.." she crossed her arms, frowning.

"I deserve it though, I treated you badly baby, you didn't deserve to go through what you did" I held her hand, rubbing my thumb over the skin softly, "maybe you can give me another chance? I swear I'll change baby, it won't be like the other times, I need to prove to you that I can change, I can be a better man for you" I started to cry again, she winced and got onto my lap, wiping my tears away and kissing me softly.

"I'm an idiot for forgiving you again..but fuck you seem so sincere.." she sighed, smiling softly. "I'll do anything for you baby, name it and i'll do it, I just can't lose you" I said, my voice shaky, rough with emotion.

"I haven't been able to function without you, you complete my world" I caressed her cheek. "Let's go home, I'm tired of living out of a shitty hotel" she giggled, climbing into the passanger seat again.

As we got home she rushed in, running onto our shared bed, "fuck..how I missed this bed" she rolled around in it, I smiled and walked in, laying next to her.

"Tom..?" she turned to me, "yes schatz?" I pulled her closer, looking down at her. "Why did you treat me so badly?" her question hit hard, I didn't really know myself. "Uh..I don't know..I was just stupid and I didn't appreciate the wonderful woman I had in front of me, I was a little intimidated, you were way too good for me and I just thought sabotaging everything would make it better, which now I see was fucking stupid" I groaned, rubbing my temples in frustration.

"I'm just glad you eventually saw how it affected me, I missed you a lot I will admit but I was also hurt and I still am" I nodded, "I know baby..and I'm so sorry, I wish I could take back all the pain" I said, reaching out and grabbing her hips, rubbing them softly.

"You know I'd do anything for you, I would take a bullet straight through my brain just to prove my love to you." She chuckled "baby..chill out" I smirked "sorry..I just want you to know how much I love and appreciate you"

She climbed on top of me, tracing my features with her delicate fingers. "There will be no sunlight if I lose you baby, just like the clouds my eyes will do the same, if you walk away everyday it'll rain" I kissed her softly, she smiled "Tom that's beautiful.." she whispered and kissed me back.

I flipped us over, me hovering over her. "Let me give you the love you deserve, make you feel beautiful.." she nodded and slowly unbuttoned her shirt, revealing black lacey bra.

My head dove into her chest, kissing and sucking softly.

She moaned softly, delicate sounds coming out of her beautiful lips. I reached down and removed her skirt. Her beautiful figure underneath me.

My fingers traced her curves softly, appreciating her beauty. "So, so beautiful..my angel" I whispered, kissing down her stomach and planting a soft kiss on her panties, her hips bucking up slightly.

"Tom..don't tease" she whined, I chuckled and slid her panties off, bending her legs and prying her thighs apart, licking a stripe on her folds, collecting her juices.

I slowly lapped my tongue onto her her clit, sucking softly, "mm!" she moaned loudly, gripping onto the sheets tightly. I smirked, happy to see her so pleasured.

I sneaked my hand up, entering 2 digits into her wetness, stretching her out. "Oh fuck!" she groaned as my fingers curled at her g spot, "is it good baby?" I teased, she nodded and screwed her eyes shut, focusing on the pleasure.

My fingers found their rhythm inside her, thrusting in and out. I could feel her release slowly approaching, her breath coming in short gasps. I increased the pressure on her clit, sucking harder as I felt her about to climax.

I could tell I was driving her wild, her head lolled back and her eyes were tightly shut, legs slightly trembling. "Cum for me baby.." I moaned on her clit, slobbering all over it.

I felt her pussy clench against my fingers as she came hard, a loud high pitched moan leaving her mouth. "So good.." I chuckled, licking up all her juices and climbing up to hover over her again.

I grabbed my clothed erection, "do you want it baby?" she nodded quickly, grabbing at my pants and shoving them off. I grinned at her urgency, pulling my cock out of my boxers and pumping it a few times.

"Can't wait to be inside you again.." I groaned, pressing my tip at her entrance, slowly pushing in. It had been a while since we last fucked, her "hookups" obviously not as big as me.

She cried out, holding onto me tightly, "fuck!", I dragged my hand down to her clit, rubbing slow circles to let her relax. I felt her pussy unclench on my cock, finally being able to thrust in better.

I slowly thrusted, gradually picking up my pace so I didn't hurt her.

Eventually my cock was pounding into her, my grip tight on her hips, holding her into place. "Fuck..so tight" I groaned, my head rolling back.

"Mmm! Fuck!" she moaned, feeling my tip hit her g spot, I leaned down and started to suck her nipples softly, earning a loud groan from her. My tongue swirled against her sensitive buds, making her throw her head back.

"Cum for me pretty girl.." I grunted, picking up my pace again and slamming into her, the tension building in my stomach as I felt my release approach, nails digging into her hips.

"Mmh! Oh shit!" she cried out, wrapping her arms around me and holding me close, her pussy clenching around my cock, increasing the amount of pleasure I was recieving.

I felt her body shudder under me, her orgasm washing over her and her juices painting my cock, I groaned and came inside her, shooting my load deep into her and making sure to keep thrusting so it could stay in.

I sighed and collapsed on top of her, cock still buried deep inside her hole. "I missed you so much baby..I swear i'll never ever hurt you again, I was so stupid to treat you that way" I winced "please forgive me and take me back.." she frowned at my pain, kissing me softly.

"I know you're sorry baby, it'll take a while for me to trust you again but we can try one more time, don't blow it" she sighed, I sighed in relief, peppering kisses all over her face and flipping us over so that she was on top of my chest, "get some rest baby" I whispered into her hair.

tags: @itsmealaiah @tomkaulitzloverr @tomscumdump @tomscumdoll @bkaulitzlover @ballhair @estxkios @ge-billsgf @charliesgoodboy

#tom kaulitz #tokiohotel #bill kaulitz #georg listing #gustav schäfer #smut #tom kaulitz x reader #tom kaulitz x y/n #tom kaulitz x you #tomkaulitzeatmypussy #tomkaulitztokiohotel #tom kaulitz smut #tom kaulitz fanfic #tom kaulitz tokio hotel #i love tommy #i love tom #ilovetomkaulitzhessobaeiwanthimtofuckmerightnow #ilovetomkaulitzmybfomg #i love him #wet and gushy #wet and needy #soaking wet #tokio hotel smut #rough smut #smutty smut smut #smut drabble #tokio hotel fluff #fluff at the end #sweet fluff #fluff

[aeomianamoure]

Headcanon/smut emo txt, emo txt x Coquette reader, soft.

recently I have been watching slaughtering movies and while I was watching it I imagined emo txt being so yandere... Like Slaughtering every person who gets near their friend, just to make her feel distant towards every person she talks to except for them.. Reassuring it was fine.. Then.. For like after days of hanging out.. Emo txt teaches reader how to drink and listen to PTV, So after like making the reader drunk emo txt fcks the reader's brains out ackk I know this is too much but trust me this scenerio is making me feral, I wanted to writ but I can't explain it..

— emo slasher txt!

warnings <3: !death, yandere txt! , reader is a sweetheart but very brain washed , !smut , !slasher txt , kinda mean txt (sorry.. at least they think ur pretty :D ) , txt r obsessive in this fic like hiding under your air vents to watch you obsessive (im sorry) , established relationship between reader nd txt !! (txt x reader as bestfriends through memories) ,, !smut , alcohol drinking ,, ddlg if u squint ,, daddy kink !! ,, reader is codependent on txt ,, dark n toxic txt who is good at gaslighting ): ,, !crybaby reader who’s sensitive

a/n <3: i promise what you’re requesting isn’t too much!! i just hope i did my best and you enjoyed this fic ):

“crying already babydoll?” you hear your boyfriends rough voice whispering in your ear as you try your best not to cry out loud at how aggressive your boyfriend was rutting inside of you

although you were quiet; you still couldn’t help yourself from letting tears fall down our hooded eyes feeling yourself grow more tipsy and tipsy as time went by

you let out a soft gasp as you felt your boyfriend above you dig his fingertips harshly into the cheeks of your face before leaning in so close to your face you feel his minty breath fanning over your nose; “you know you’re so fuckin’ pretty when you cry you know that right?” he laughs sickly lightly slapping your face giggling like some type of maniac when you flinch and cry more

“my pretty little girl takin’ it so good and you’re not even fighting back” your boyfriends tone was filled with fake sympathy as he sped up his already harsh thrusts on your poor pussy

you could barely speak, the alcohol and sex making you feel so far gone but still you were able to keep track of what’s going on and where your surroundings were

“bet chaewon can’t make you feel this good huh baby? she can’t make your cunnie feel this good like i do can’t she?” your boyfriend begins to rub your sweet pussy as he can feel you close up on him signaling you were close to cumming

you felt your blood run cold at the mention of your now dead friend; “w-what?” you reply shakily “you heard me baby can chaewon make you feel this good like daddy does? i bet she can’t she doesn’t even know how to make you cum like i do” your boyfriends tone grows more sicker and sicker as you begin to panic at the idea of him having to do with your friends death.

but you didn’t wanna question him about that right now, you just knew that you were on the verge of cumming and after a nod in approval from your boyfriend you finally did

that following night you lay weakly in your boyfriends big strong arms, watching him through doe wide eyes as he lazily takes a puff out of blunt building up the courage to ask what the hell was that question he asked you while fucking your brains out

but you gulped back your question; scared of his answer and scared of his harsh reaction if you questioned him

your suspicions grew worse and worse the more your friends were randomly disappearing although your boyfriend hasn’t bought anyone of them up since that night you were still scared

eventually though due to your boyfriend distracting you; you have forgotten all about your friends deaths. only thinking about one thing and one thing only your boyfriend

you thought about what to wear to make him compliment you, what to say and how to act to make him wanna take care of you since all you ever wanted was to be taken care of by him

“you don’t need your friends baby you have me and that’s enough for you right?” your boyfriend would grip on your chin as you’d tell him you missed your old friends but with wide glimmering eyes you’d nod at his words eager to please him making grin like the cheshire cat

you tried to remember how life was before you become so dependent on your boyfriend; and maybe tried looking for the warnings signs and clues that maybe just maybe he had something to do with murders going around town but you wanted to make sure first

you huff looking back down on memory lane; sure your boyfriend was a red flag but he was no killer sure he put you on drugs and alcohol but that’s what normal bestfriends do right? and even so he’d make it up to you by gifting you his favorite pierce the veil cds so it’s all good right? plus he said he would never harm you!

you decided to finally give it a rest; being so brainwashed where you couldn’t even tell what your boyfriends warning signs were so you gave up maybe you’ll never know why you felt so distant from everybody

that was until you were awaken with the feeling of blood drip down to your stomach; opening your eyes gently to let out the biggest scream as you awaken in a bed in a unfamiliar basement with your friend chaewon’s already decaying dead body tied upside down from the ceiling

your boyfriend smiling in delight when you cried out for his help; even though the signs were there your boyfriend really was the mass murdered running around town even obvious signs like a pair of butterfly knives you’ve gifted him for christmas which again you didn’t think was that serious was splattered with fresh blood that didn’t belong to you just below your feet <3

a/n <3: i hope i brought ur vision to life anon i tried :(

#angelina’s garden ♡! #coquette #emo boyfriend #emo x coquette #txt x reader #txt #txt x y/n #txt headcanons #txt reactions #txt smut

[hiemaldesirae]

LOOL YES!! That's what you get Alastor!! Cursed cat!Alastor adores Vox and would never hurt him. Honestly it'd be hilarious if Vox does an interview that night and the entire hotel (plus Lucifer) catches it and Cursed cat!Alastor is on Vox's shoulders just purring away and happily nuzzling Vox's screen and being happily petted and Alastor is gripping his fixed staff, grinding his fangs, jealousy leaking from him.

Charlie is pleased: "Alastor, I knew you could find that cat a good home! Thank you! =D"

Everyone else is fucking shocked. They know Alastor threw that cat at the Vees for entertainment and hell raising purposes (and in Husk's case, a way to try and get Vox to come back to him. Most of Alastor's schemes involving the Vees always, always revolve about getting Vox back.)

The interview is about a new product of Voxtech, but at the end of it, they ask about Vox's new pet and Vox just puffs up, proud as can be:

Vox: "This little demon just charged into the lobby, brutally attacking my staff! 2 or 3 died, I think 4 or 5 were maimed so I of course had to keep him! Isn't that right, Venom? (Cause Vox thought he had rabies....and he foams at the mouth when he attacks...so...and the V theme.) Isn't he precious?"

*sir is fine, for future reference. but YEAH, alastor would definitely be seething with rage- like whole fucking cartoon ass face too, he's NOT having the time of his life rn. why the FUCK was vox petting that hellspawn???? that should've been HIM ???????????

also venom is a perfect name for that little shit, honestly, though ill be fr i can only think of the. You know. Venom.

anyway whatever here's another writing snip. (vv short because i have morning classes tmw and im going to freak if im late again) you guys are greedy asf but whatever ill provide like any good father would

"Oh, dear... and he *kept* it, is that right?" Rosie gasps as she watches Alastor grip his hair tightly, head cradled in his hands. She giggles as she continues teasing the poor demon, "My, Alastor, isn't he quite the catch? Compassionate and caring to boot, not to mention that he seems to be *quite* popular among the denizens of Hell!"

"Rosie, my dear, please. Stop talking. For the love of God, stop talking," Alastor's ears flatten more as he begs his friend, Rosie merely laughing softly in delight as she watches.

"You can hardly blame me for being curious, Alastor! I mean, you always refused to take your sweet little picture box to Cannibal Town when the two of you were still talking... why, I had to learn of your dalliance through Mimzy! And, not to devalue my beloved's qualities, of course, but she's *hardly* the greatest source of information one can find-- I married her out of love, not for her communication skills."

"That *thing* probably has rabies," Alastor spits out, looking as if he'd just swallowed a particularly bitter pill. "I don't *understand* what he sees in it!"

"Well, it does look quite like you," Rosie points out leisurely. She takes a sip out of her teacup before continuing, "Perhaps he's treating it as a substitute for you? You know, in the way that some would treat their plushs like pets, he's treating his pet as... well, you."

Alastor narrows his eyes at her. "Vox *knows* that if he wanted to talk to me, he could easily just go over and tune into our shared frequencies. He's *replacing* me with it, Rosie, I just know it!"

"Hm... well, in that case, why don't you just go and make it clear to him that you aren't replacable?" Rosie taps the edge of her cup with a knowing glint in her abyssal black eyes, holding her good friend's gaze steadily. "You've never shyed away from confrontation before, have you, Alastor? Why be hesitant now?"

Alastor licked his lips, staring down in his lap before he picked up his own teacup and downed the liquid inside like a shot.

"Thank you for hosting me today, Rosie. I think... I've reached a conclusion."

A knowing smirk crosses the Cannibal Overlord's face. "Of course you have. I expect to be formally introduced to your lovely little muse soon, you understand?"

"Yes, my fair lady," Alastor rolls his eyes with amusement. "But you had better not try and take a bite of him."

"Who, little old me? I'd never, dear!"

"You had better not," Alastor frowns. Though his tone is joking, his expression falls flat.

Elsewhere, in the Entertainment District, Vox sneezes into Venom's fur as he cradles the fluffball of red fur. The freaky kitten turns to look up at him with a questioning look, but he only ruffles Venom's ears apologetically.

"Sorry, Ven. I don't know what came over me just now- oh, look at this! Should we get you this collar, or that one...?"

#ran rambles #chai writes #hazbin hotel #general asks #radiostatic #cursed cat alastor #the sneezing is because of the superstitition by the way #where if someone speaks about you you sneeze

[mrsnancywheeler]

dude my billy brainrot is so bad rn!

anyways, ok so the band and muse go to a party, and this time billy is in a good mood and is obsessed with her. hes being really clingy and is just so in love with her. but then eddie starts flirting with her and says "you could do so much better than him". billy finds out and him and eddie almost get in a fist fight. but after eddie and billy almost fight billy goes to his muse and is all like "im sorry baby, i couldnt handle what he was saying, i really hope you know that i love you" and they fuck. but then the next day he is avoiding her a bunch and getting touchy with the other groupies and she is like "should i have listened to eddie?" i feel like this would happen earlier in their relationship before muse knows the cycle her and billy always go through

-🦋

billy dunne is literally my life

you're basically wrapped around billy the entire night, you both do a line off of each other, share drinks, it's like he's in a haze of just being entranced by you. he cannot stop kissing you, his arms wrapped securely around you, you're basically on his lap all night.

"I'm gonna write you a whole album, baby." and the feeling of his voice so near your neck makes you giggle which just makes him smile, "what?"

you shake your head smiling, "nothing." he keeps looking at you expectantly which makes you laugh again, "nothing! billy, I just-"

"you don't believe me? oh, that's what this is, you don't think I'm telling the truth!" somehow he's holding you tighter, his smile, the way he jokes makes your head fuzzy, well so does the drinks, but he does a number on you. the way he laughs, smiles, it's addictive.

"no, no, no, I do, I swear, scout's honor!"

"I think that only applies to actual boy scouts, baby."

"shut up" you kiss him and his lips make you dizzy, just as yours make him. when you finally pull apart he's just holding your face for a while.

"god, you're stunning, do I tell you that a lot? because you're so pretty. can I do another line off of you?"

you just rasp out a, "yes" and you've forgotten how public you are really at a party when you let him adjust you enough to do a line of your cleavage.

"let me go get us another drink, baby, I'll be right back."

"okay." you're smiling, adjusting your shirt as he squeezes your hand before he's off. no sooner is he gone then eddie is appearing

"he's only being that way for now, you know" he's drunk, you know he is to be so openly digging at billy like that.

"eddie-"

"two weeks ago he was doing lines off of some other chick's rack-"

"he didn't mean that eddie."

"he didn't mean what he did?"

"he fucked up, it was a mistake, eddie, it doesn't change anything."

"you don't deserve that." eddie is leaning closer over the couch rest, "you deserve better than him, the first guy you saw at the concert."

you stare back at him for a while, "eddie, if you think you could treat me so much better, you'd let me enjoy my night. which I was."

"one night is all he'll give you before he decides you're not that special anymore-"

"what the hell are you talking about, man?" billy is making his reappearance and you know eddie must be even more drunk when you thought when he doesn't even really try to cover.

"use your imagination." and eddie's words have barely escaped his mouth when billy's punched him in the face. eddie stumbles back for a second, but punches billy back and you've leapt up to get between them. and eddie's looking at you, shaking his head like he's done, and walking out. "whatever, man"

"eddie!" you're shouting, but he's gone, and you have other things to worry about. "billy, oh my god are you okay?"

"I'm fine, god, we need to find a new fucking bassist"

"don't do that, gimme your hand." you're looking at his knuckles and he's entranced by the way your brows furrow. "you can't just punch someone everytime they bruise your ego." his hand is suddenly moving to tilt your chin up, where he's smiling in disbelief.

"baby, that's not why I punched him." you're unamused by this. "I'm serious! baby, I did it because he was talking about you. acting like I didn't care about my girl. the girl I love."

"you love me?"

he looks dumbfounded by the question, "I just write all my songs about you, you basically live with me, I need you like air, so yeah, I do."

"that's good because I am so in love with you."

"this would be pretty awkward if you didn't." and next thing you know he's got you back at the house, laying on his bed as he proves it to you, it's really not fucking, it's raw, it's love making, and he makes you feel so appreciated.

that's until you wake up, and he pulls himself away just when you try to put an arm on him when you've woken up. he gets up, showers without a word, gets dressed, only says morning back when you say it, and walks out of the room. suddenly you feel like a one night stand, someone he never wants to see again, and there's a pit in your stomach. he knows it's because saying love has scared him, but he can't communicate that, he's just got to be destructive.

breakfast is him laying out instructions for everyone, moving away every time you try to get close, at some point you try to take a drag off his cigarette and he looks unbelievably annoyed which just shuts you down. and the ride to the studio is unbearably quiet, it makes you want to cry the way he doesn't acknowledge you.

it's gets worse at the studio when he doesn't acknowledge you at all and during a break is talking to the groupies, laughing, doing lines, having a drink, hands on them, and you do a line to deal with it before sitting back in the emoti studio so you don't have to deal with it. it's so fucking confusing. you're laying on the studio carpet when eddie walks in, looks at you, and lays down too.

you feel the energy of 'i told you so' radiating off of him, "eddie-"

"are you okay?"

there's a beat, "he told me loved me last night." another beat, "is this what it feels like to be loved?"

and he's rolling onto his side to look at you, "no."

you wish you didn't start crying, "then what did I do wrong since then? why is he doing this to me, I don't know why I'm not good enough."

"you are, he's too fucking stupid to notice what he's got right if front of him." and he's lighting a cigarette, handing it to you, "let's go to the record store, find something to listen to later. we can use my record player, you know it sounds better on mine."

and you do exactly that and wonder if maybe this is what it feels like to be loved, but it doesn't take away the desire your soul has for billy dunne. even if it makes you think that eddie could love you better.

#wanda 💋 #billy dunne x reader #billy dunne #eddie roundtree #djats x reader #🦋 anon

[nakeurnes]

oououuuowowaah story of undettale

#TSUAUSUSBGGHyzhaa i HATE OUR BROTHER I HATE HIM SO FUCKING MUCH NO MATGER HOW HARD I TRY all GHE SHIT I DO TO TEY AND SYMPATHIZE WITH HIM HE #FUCKING THRNS AROUND AND IS A DICK TO ME FOR NO RESON AND !!!! YLS AT ME FOR NO REAON SOMETIEMS SHUT UL SHUT UP YOURE LITERALLY 13 STFU #i fucking hste it here i hate being fcjingg 18 and having to share the sMe room with him i have sincd he wzz BORN. #GOD. ONE FUCKING NIGHT ALONE WIYHOUY HIS ANNOYING ASS I CSNT EVEN JERK OFF OR STAY UP LATE OR LISTEN TO LOUD MUSIC #AND LIKE IM HALDWy fhinking OH! OM BEING IRRATIONAL jd spLITTING AGAIN AND I AM. BYT HE IS JST A DICK I HATE TEENAGE BOYS I HOPE HE DIES #hes SO FUCKING MEAN hes cslldd me slurs and a bitch multiple times in the most derogayory way and i hate him #he knows abg the zysfem too snd just CHOOSES TO IGNORE IT APPARENTLY DOESNG CARE WHO HES TALKING TO. #auuggh moments i regret being ghe host i hate it here. #i hate our familh theyre just fu jing mean yhis shit builxing up is whzg made me snap in the first place!!! and couldng host for a long time #andd now im upset and spiralling and i dont wang to be a bother espcially sijce spe ific ppl i wantto talk to arsnt thefe an d it makes me #very very bvery sa d i msis my friends #i cry everry day miss ing them i have beene really liking remembering things with nicki #no onee knwos wht im talking about or wjo i am #i dont want to be useless please need me i jave no other purposs #im a nuisance to ppl whow ant to front #i sit here living in the past that doesnt exist anymore and pray every day for it to come baxk knowing it wont ever come back #i miss . my friends i dont tthink they like me #im too pushy when im happy and when im upset im too cold i never make anyoke happy an d i talk too muc h and it hurts wberyone #icant even ve of goo d use to mmy actual children in headspace im an awful mother i cant stay stable enough tk help anyone or do anything #me being here has only caused problems and I remember why i left before #me when i spiral and makenmsyelf sonmu h more upset than before #vent #shelly

[todayisafridaynight]

i solemnly swear not to write a fic with a similar premise as one ive done in the past but also i like it when people slow dance.....

#snap chats #im thinking of those geezers again.... forgive me father..... #im making my fanfic in the tags fuck it. no one read these im being cringe but i need to be free #anwyay.... i want yokoyama to show me the tally chart for how many nights arakawa and jo stay late at the office alone #just_the_two_of_us.mp3 right and i hope arakawa has a lil radio playing music #maybe some songs they'd play in the background of his stageplays... maybe even a lil miyamo haruki... #we call that a callback heh.... cause i ref'd her b4..... moving on.... #i hope arakawa gets that Boss Sense and knows jo's done with his work for the night and invites him in his office #and i hope when he walks in a new song starts and then arakawa gets A Look right #just a small aside a small laugh like Oh Akane Never Liked This One but then goes on how she was still happy to dance with him to it.. #and jo just. 🧍‍♂️ . like how does he respond to that. just smile and nod boys smile and nod. except jo doesnt smile he just nods #AND OF COURSE THE LEGALLY REQUIRED QUESTION 'do you dance jo' and no ! he does not. never has most likely never will #until that night anyway <3 one 'it's easy' later and they're just squished in that space between arakawa's desk and the couches #and it just nice bro... maybe arakawa talks a bit bout the song/s that are playin and the genre as a whole #jo wont say much.. he's very much a listener and thats ok hes always happy to lend an ear to arakawa #yk.. just regular things to do with your co workers haha... #i hope jo opens up about his music preferences... of which i dont know what they'd be sincerely #the comedy bit of my brain only imagines metal/rock but i truly wouldnt know... #if he likes art then he might like the same kind of music arakawa enjoys.. my fave bit they can be art enjoyers together.... #lmao bye arakawa thinkin to himself What A Nice Moment and jo's just trying his best not to literally step on his toes #or just fuck up in some way like my man RELAX this is supposed to be RELAXING #would arakawa notice how tense he is omg. making myself insane the more i type I WILL NOT OPEN A GOOGLE DOC I REFUSE #the visions will just have to torment me... i must make more arasawa asap... #i have another dorky vision in mind that's a sequel to that comic i shat out a couple nights ago... its short but its cute i think.. #maybe tomorrow as a warm up or after i do a lil of comm stuff... for now gn.... i love old people....

[scaredofmyocs]

I love it when i accidentally stay up on the night im supposed to be catching up on sleep it totallly doesnt make me feel horrible all week long

#talk post #i love this blog i want to live here #I cant!!! i just cant!!! go to bed at a normal fucking time istg #but noooooo the wild grinders wiki no some stupid bullshit no one has ever cared about before #WHEN I DONT GET ENOUGH SLEEP MY MENTAL HEALTH GETS WAY WORSE!!!!! IF I DONT FIX IT WE ARE GOING TO GET TOO SILLY #(yelling at a mirror) #seriously bothers me tho that Im always worried about how intense my negative feelings have been lately #and im like “oh ill just get more sleep” and then immediately fuck it up the next night making me tired all week #making me feel SO bad in the mornings and at night and increasing my paranoia and other such thoughts #and in trying to tune it all out just forget about it again leading to me fucking it up again #this is a bit dramatic its only happened 2 weeks in a row #but that feels like a lot because thats like 10 nights where i felt like i blinked and i had to wake up and go to school #and not only deal with my shitty social skills but the results of said thing #and also try to fight the thoughts that are like “this shits pointless im not doing this” LIKE PLEASE pretend to be normal for one year #and also that one teacher i have who demands every students attention while he teaches like i already finished the work sheet shut it #like i do well in that class just let me do what i want im not being distracting like girl i have at least an 87 dw about me #PLUS most of the time im not even on my phone he just really wants me to look at the board but girl as i said I ALREADY DID WHATS ON THERE #i feel like i never get to relax but i do all the time so i dont know what i mean #i keep saying “its ok as long as i can bury all my thoughts and just keep going while filling what free time i have with things i enjoy” #but things only work for so long #i hate the passage of time #anyawy erm wrong my guitar is in my mind (stupid ass guitar riff) #walks over to my bed and trips on the way falling asleep on the floor #ramble #hit post

[flovverworks]

brought it upon myself but in pain over the many familial & teacher-student relations in mhyk again. like the 'this is the teacher for each country' is Obviously there, but anytime i think about snow & white in regards to figaro & oz......T_^?!?!? yknow??!?!?!?! messiest family ive ever known (overexaggeration). that one figaro line in 2nd anni(???) agbout him having taken in kids before. figaro & rutile & mitile. oz & arthur. 13yo chloe who was treated badly by his family & decided to go with rustica. the chloe plot especially gets to me cuz it Always makes me think of natsume asking the fujiwara if he could go with them.....izumi talking to sakuyas relatives...... figaro whos so clearly treated as a guardian-ish for rutile & mitile in the writing (thinks of his june bride training ep 5ever). oz who learned about the world because baby arthur asked the questions that kids does. the oz castle event. tiretta and mithra. strangest uncle of all time. faust & neros care for shino & heath. neros care for riquet.

#stardust speaking ! #lays awake at night thinking about wizards and their relation to one another #im always so attached to charas who treats kids well and ofc the teacher position hands that naturally but also #charas like faust who says they dont care but cares so so deeply #like at the end of the day the only 2 im willing to actually say 'yes that is a dad and his son' is rustica & chloe #but thats fine cuz relations are difficult and family is not only those 2 roles and (writes an essay) #the talk about teacher-student relations too...........u teach them everything u know........u open urself.......u give them the way u thin #and the way u do things and the way u are #its so INVOLVED i love the ties all of them share i love that nero couldnt take seeing brad in danger anymore and left im so sorry he was #forced back into that (in some capacity). riquet who was raised in a cult and now is being told all these other things and tries to navigat #it all and gets angry and sad and cries and how they all try so so hard to treat him well #15yo mitile who doesnt know how to convey or explain his feelings toward how riquet grew up #17yo shino who apologizes with a bouquet of handplucked flowers #heathcliff.................................................... #mhyk.....T___________^

[united-under-skyfall]

.

#i think one thing i really didn't prepare for w overnights is just how fucking lonely it is. like yeah 80% of the reason i took it was to #get away from customers but like. it worked. and the night shift team is v v small. there's only 4 of us and we've never been scheduled all #at once yet. and usually we're running around on completely opposite ends of the building going long periods of time without #radioing each other. and then i come home all amped up and the rest of my house is still asleep. and then when they wake up #it's just to get ready and go and we don't really have time to talk. and by the time they get back i'm sleeping #and it's my first night off and i can't fuck up my whole schedule i worked so hard to switch over to w them flipping me all over the place #so now i'm just like. sitting in the half light trying not to wake anybody up not doing anything. the only places near us open are #gas stations and i can't exactly loiter there and what would i do even if i could. and it's too cold to go for a walk or to the park #or something. and i feel like i haven't talked to another human being about something that wasn't related to work in years #and it's only been a week. #and we can listen to music or podcasts or something but our carts and machines are so loud you miss half of it. and we can't hold #super long conversations when we ARE in the same room for the same reasons. plus we all want to die so none of us feel like talking. #and just. im tired and lonely and want to sleep and im already regretting this but i'd feel bad for backing out now when they have so #few options and i volunteered for it in the first place #and then there's also like. even just doing my usual solitary thing at home feels so much more isolated bc there's not the noises #of other people existing nearby. the nearest signs of life are some coughing and then a car on the other side of the block #just. what am i even doing here. #tag ramble

[matamisin]

Against my own will, I haven't seen the afternoon in a week

#I CANT KICK THIS JET LAG AUGSHSKDBX #it was so easy adjusting when i was at the philippines like two days max i was already good #HERE THO??? I AM A SLEEPY GIRL #once the clock strikes 2 PM i blink and suddenly im all swaddled up in bed and its fucking 10 PM AAJSJDHDJ #i wont lie i only like it bc that means i get to see sunrises 🤭🤭🤭 #BUT I CANST STAY LIKE THIS #EVERYONE ELSE HAS ADJUSTED LIKE NORMAL AND IM OVER HERE BEING A NIGHT OWL LOL #im gonna try to draw tonight ehehehe might as well #the only thing about being the only one up at night is im trying to vibe downstairs by myself right?? #and its a vibe dont get me wrong #however i am what the young people call extremely paranoid #so i carry an emotional support knife around as i watch my silly modern families and scroll and tikkytok #if i at least had my 3 big akitas with me id feel a little bit less ummmm like i need to be on guard #but they go up to bed with my parents every night 😞😞🥲 #i tried drawing last night and i doodled a genya but that was all i could muster :( #so maybe DS isnt the best thing for my art block right now 🤔🤔 #but idk if im feeling SDV 😩 #once i fall for 2 ✌️ sibling-like characters that would die for each other and are like a gold mine for angst i am GONE from everything else #its funny cause ive liked DS for about 3 years but when i first got into it i just COULD NOT get into making fanart #and even tho i loved the charas i was like nahhh none of them are hiting the right chord for me to full on hyperfixate and build my own aus #but i got back into it a bit ago cause i was like alright if the world insists i read the manga thru for the 4th time WHO AM I TO SAY NO LOL #AND SUDDENLY THE SHINAZUGAWAS CAPTURED MY HEART AND THEYVE BEEN ON MY MIND EVER SINCE #HOW COULD I HAVE BEEN SO BLIND TILL MY 4TH REREAD #🤔🤔 hmm maybe its cause we finally got to see genya in action with the 3rd season #they did him so right bros i LOVE HIM HE IS MY SON #anyways thats all for now #gonna go get comfy and make my nest on the couch to try to draw again >:)

[n0ct0urn1quet]

hgonesly at this point i really do wish i could just say Fuck It and disappear off the face of the earth for a little bit bc honestly . i donot want to be alive

#2023 off to a banger start for me (got into an argument with my mom on new years about her bf reminding me of my abusive dad #and havent had peace or a good nights sleep since!!!!!!!!!!!) #i am absolutely fucking miserable and i just donot want to Do It anymore #i hate this house i hate the people i live with i hate this world and i hate everything thats happening to jme but i cant do anytihing #i cant do anything to Fix Anything i cant do anything abt my problems theres just so much Wrong With Me that i dont know how to fix #i dont know if i CAN fix most of the issues i have. i have so much ptsd and trauma from so many different things and its all just. hghg #and i want so badly to just let it out and talk to the people Around Me about it bc it is Serious and i shouldnt be just not talking about #it but. i just cant bring myself to Do That. i am constantly afraid that the people around me will be angry with me if i even so much as #speak up about the things that make me upset and its not their fault and its no ones fault but my own and i just dont know what to Do #im scared of confrontation and im worried that if i try to talk about it its gonna lead to an argument!!! i know it wouldnt but im terrifed #so id rather just not talk about it. which then leads to the problem not getting resolved because. fuck man im sure the people around me #know that somethings up but i never bring it up so therefore they never find out and it gets swept under the rug like all my other issues #i pride myself on being good at being emotional and being open but in reality i am emotional. yes. but not at all good at being open #ive never been good at it and i feel so BAD because like. yes i love you. yes i trust you and i know you would never ever be mad at me #for just talking about my feelings. i know this and i love you for it. but im so bad at conveying that. even though i trust you with mylife #im just bad at opening up. it does not matter how long we've known each other its just such a struggle for me to Be Open to anyone #of course its not much better that im coming to tumblr and puttign this here for 100+ people to see but just. i dont know #im mentally unstable ive never had good coping mechanisms and im the only person awake and everyone else that i usually vent to is asleep #so all my thoughts just get piled up into one messy little ball and it gets thrown to tumblr because i need somewhere to put them #im sorry. im exhausted. its been a long week and i wish i could just hybernate for the rest of the month and not interact with anyone #i just wish i could mvoe out and live with my gf and our cat. that is all i want and that is the only thing that would fix me

[eri-blogs-life]

Been a bit since i posted a selfie. Have girls & curls

Til there's a limit to how many tags you can have on a single post. I guess that makes sense but how am i to ramble in the tags now with only 30 tags???

#well only one girl but yknow #I'm about to head to bed for tonight #ended up spending my night basically just chilling on tumblr clearing out my likes lol #made a chili tonight that turned out decent enough #my mini painting projects continue to go well #i noticed a stain in my sink looks like a sandile so that amused me #uhhh what else has been happening with me #excited to do board games with friends this weekend #finally got a therapy appointment on the books after months of searching and waiting #been continuing to think a lot about stuff like relationships and sex and stuff lately #went to visit my ex and hang out last weekend but it kinda went from just being a hangout and chat thing to a sex thing #and that was super uncomfortable #like i didn't necessarily not like it for a bit but i wasn't really that into it and the whole time it felt like i was just putting on a... #... performance for their enjoyment rather than really enjoying the acts we performed any myself #i appreciate they stopped when i did finally openly express my discomfort of course but i think i was uncomfortable long before then #been watching a lot of horror focused YouTube vids lately #(i am absolutely not good with horror) #its kinda nice to see horror content where it's through a filter where someone else is summarizing and analyzing it #though that still unnerves me frequently cause i am just that bad with horror #but it's giving good inspiration for some possible stuff for a monster of the week campaign im gonna try running soon #I've been so depressed lately (and burnt out my friend claims) that i had to stop DMing (one of my oldest pasttimes) for like three months #but I'm hoping I'm on an upswing #and while part of me thinks that maybe I'm just done DMing - like i got out the stories i wanted to tell and there's no more fuel left - #i feel like i owe it to myself and to my regular group to at least TRY again #even if i fail horribly #so we're gonna finally try running motw for the first time #i dunno i think that's all the big news stories from ya girl that are fit to print #eri blogs life #i hope y'all are doing well too btw #the world is a big and scary place at times but there's so much beauty in it and i really hope y'all are finding that beauty

[surrender-souls]

autism beams be upon you fictional man >:)

#yes this is about cornelius leyden. #i speak #i wanted to make it more noticeable in my fic i guess? hell i dont even know if the word autistic existed at the time #hmm… interesting im getting a time in the 10s ANYWAYS i just dont believe he has a word for what he is not one that he knows of #so i cant just go out and say hes autistic since to him he doesnt know that. only that he is different and does things in an odd way #and well you cant say a character is autistic you have to actually make them autistic! #its a headcanon that is very close to me so it makes me very happy #the part im working on rn is talking about how he can go home but he cant get rid of the effects of that night #bringing up masking certain things such as autism and being gay since i think hes both and this is a feeling i know myself #its exhausting but letting it out can be similarly painful you can get scorned or hurt #i just want to fit these things into the plot. not have them have their own area but letting them flow throughout every scene #cause thats how it works! but body language it’s difficult to put into writing in a natural way… and its so evident in this movie! #the body language is one of my favorite pieces in it! and its so distinct very casual close and leyden has a habit of rubbing things #gesticulating while talking as well! i dont think he has much trouble with touch peters does touch him a lot #he only rejects it (at least an affectionate touch not. being vaguely threatened) when peters trys to hug him #to me it didnt read as the hug but rather the phrase peters keeps saying. really im not sure exactly where i lie on that bit #cause leyden doesnt seem to be touch adverse in any other scene but it could also be the repeated phrase that bothered him #he does say he had enough of that #i think its interesting that peters keeps repeating that phrase… #oh jeez im getting. well not actually off topic in the tags… hmm

[dragons-and-yellow-roses]

.

#ive been having... strange health problems? #i hate health problems because i hate hospitals and doctors and most things of that sort #(ive had my fair share of bad experiences with health professionals) #(btw when i share this here im not looking for a diagnosis. just venting about my bad body and dislike for doctors) #okay so the wackest thing: this summer (working at summer camp) i had the strangest thing happen? #in the morning i was flapping (fun stim for me) bcuz i got to teach something i liked. but then it was hard to stop #and from then on i kept flapping and shaking and like. tensing in my neck and shoulders? and i couldn't stop it #so i was uncontrollably shaking and moving and kind of. seizing i guess? #and i was stuttering to the point of not being able to hold a conversation or even talk really #the only thing i could say clearly was 'fuck!' which is kinda funny ngl #i went to the health lodge and they gave me ibuprofen because the tensing was giving me a bad headache and they didnt know what else to do #after taking the ibuprofen and lying down for an hour my soul stopped trying to escape #but that was obviously very perplexing! #and also. i have medicine. going off of this medicine cold turkey can be very bad for me #some fun side effects have been: dizziness. sleepiness. zoning out/difficulty concentrating. difficulty speaking #just all around makes it miserable and hard to function. i looked it up and it may be a focal aware seizure caused by withdrawal #and thats kind of what ive been going off of. it is likely a focal aware seizure because thats a side effect and my symptoms match #but then it started happenig even when I'd been consistently on my meds #i remember one night (at camp) i had a really terrible seizure? i could barely function or stay alert.i felt like i was only half conscious #and two nights ago it happened again. and at least once weekly for the last month or so. it doesnt last more than 15-30 minutes #but its miserable. and i kind of want answers and help but id rather die than go to a doctor. i don't feel like ill be taken seriously #i know that if i go to a doctor it wont ve an easy process if they take me seriously and try to figure it out. and itll suck if they dont #i hate when this happens. it feels like death and i dont want it to keep happening #even though im kind of getting used to it im always afraid of when itll happen or if itll get worse #or if something like the stuttering+seizing will happen again. that was terrible. a friend brought me lunch and stayed while i ate #cuz he was afraid id choke. he made me go to the health lodge and made me rest and i owe that asshole a lot. hes a great friend #it was scary especially since i dont know what caused it! the health officers didnt knowand just said if it got worse i should go to the ER #this is scary but tbh i might be more scared to seek answers or treatment #god i hate doctors. and hospitals. and anything medical. i didn't even want to see the damn camp health officers but my friend made me #idk what to do or anything i just wanted to complain cuz this is miserable

[orcelito]

So despite being told that I need several weeks notice to dependably get time off work, my dad didn't loop me into the conversation about when the canoe trip would happen, so I only got confirmation Yesterday that it's happening this Saturday, & I have a shift this Saturday that for several reasons I wont be able to find someone to cover

& so I'm gonna have to miss the canoe trip (again). Trying to not be angry, but I very definitely am unhappy.

#speculation nation #i could have done more to participate in the conversation. i knew it was a thing being talked about & i couldve asked up about it #but idk i figured id be told when an official time was decided and it never happened so i Kinda assumed the plans had fallen through #but no. they're gonna happen. just not without me :) #trying to not be a little shit about it but my dad messaged me this morning saying the canoe trip is happening on Saturday #despite the fact that my sister messaged me last night & i told her i wouldnt be able to go #so im Guessing she already told him. but he still messaged me like my answer might have changed overnight??? #'sorry for the late notice but we're planning the trip for saturday' #& i answered essentially 'yea [sister] told me about that. i have a shift that day i cant get covered so im gonna have to miss this year' #the (again) implied. since the same damn thing happened last year. #DESPITE HIM BEING TOLD that if he wants me to join in for Family Events i have to know when they happen several weeks before!!! #Week Of plans will Rarely work. and so to no surprise i have a 6.5 hr closing shift on Saturday #with no one realistically able to cover it (since one supervisor is already on break and the other 2 are already scheduled for that day) #ultimately maybe it's not the worst bc a canoe trip would tire me the Fuck out #but i kinda really wanted to go canoeing thru turkey run... ive only been canoeing Once. years ago. and it's Fun... #and god knows i need more time out of my stupid life of boxes. my occasional trips out to the river i live by only Barely keeping my sanity #so like. whatever. i'll deal. but i am Definitely not happy about it lol.