#the past days are really tiring.... the only thing making me happy is dantes posting for now...

[mako-neexu]

Hey. You doing okay over there?

エドぐだ..........エドぐだ..........エドモン・ダンテスと藤丸立香。。

我が運命......運命？？？？？？？？？

？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？運命？？

............我が共犯者......オレたちのよすが.....俺（オレ）の炎........オレと俺は...............

公式ですね....冗談でしょう？...........本当に公式が??エドぐだの関係？....

八年の歳月.。。.いや、より上か？？？？....信じられない.....夢か？ゆめ？？夢じゃない..........（血咳嗽した）（脳卒中）（肺炎）.......................

「我が眩しかったの星よ」.........

.........................「星よ、輝きの道を征け」..... (ちんぷんかんぷん）（狂おし）（やばいフィーバー）（クソ泣く）（クソ感じる）（愛と感動に圧倒した）.................

もう少しだけ、巌窟王は愛してるって言ってくれる.....すごくやばい。めちゃくしゃ、本当に危ないだろう？？（助けて）(やだよやだ）

脳と心を焼かれてる....

#ask #on a serious note i have a lot to do.... but i somehow fit dantes posting in my schedule....still #the past days are really tiring.... the only thing making me happy is dantes posting for now...

[synchronmurmurs]

Dead Weight

[ Gen | Nero-centric ]

I scrolled past a particular tweet earlier of the infamous "NERO GO UR JUST DEAD WEIGHT!" cap from DMC5, but every time I see it, it blasts me back to this post I made regarding the parallel to that moment and when Credo told him almost the same thing.

And I was like "I should try to write something about that". So I did, and while it's not really at the level of complete that I would like, I'm happy with where it is right now, because it's out of my system, and I can stop thinking about it. 🤣 It isn't all that long either, so I hope y'all don't mind if I just post it without a cut. 🙏

———

"Ya know, I've been meaning to ask..." Dante lowers his bottle of beer from his lips, placing it down on the curb beside him. He relaxes his posture a little, back slouching, legs stretching onto the road in front of him, physically indicating his question is nothing serious. Normally, Nero would tell him to tuck his legs back in, but at this time of night, in their deserted little cul-de-sac, the only car on the street is the DMC RV, and it, at least for now, sits silent and still.

"Meaning to ask what?" He engrosses himself with the label on the back of his own bottle. He shouldn't be able to make out the words out here in the darkness, away from the soft lights of the dinner happening inside, but the blood that flows through his veins affords him perks such as this.

"Why you came back."

At last, Nero peers over at his uncle at his side, his eyes narrowed into the telling squint that Dante recognises as the first signs of Nero's annoyance. "What the hell are you talking about?"

A corner of his lips quirks upward into a playful, toothy grin. "You really went all the way back to Red Grave with a cyborg arm just because I called you dead weight?"

The way Nero freezes up at what he thought was a harmless question is a clear indicator to the contrary.

He casts his mind back to that day in the Qliphoth. To golden sparks of hell-forged steel clashing against vine and claw. He remembers Dante—a demon himself, with black and red scales that glow like embers—sending him a desperate look over his shoulder. Telling him to leave. To run.

"Nero, go! You're just dead weight."

He casts his mind even further back. To when he was younger. To the day his static life on Fortuna burned down and changed forever. Another man he'd looked up to—a demon himself, with feathers a pristine white that seemed too divine to be borne of such evil—pleading with him over his shoulder.

"Nero, run!"

The insult Dante had picked by pure chance meant nothing to Nero. Not then, and certainly not now. What made him charge forward, what still spurs him on to this day, is a memory of loss, and a desire to grow from his inability to change it.

Nero shrugs one shoulder, trying to appear nonchalant, but his expression is tight and his smile is forced. "Being told to run brings up bad memories. Being told to run means I'm about to lose something again."

Again?

Dante studies his nephew from his periphery; he didn't really stick around after the whole Fortuna thing, and he never thought to ask about it in the years after. Not when the city seemed to be healing just fine. But to think that even Nero has suffered a loss potent enough to have him charge back into the fray. He wonders if that's a blessing upon their bloodline, or a curse instead.

Nero sighs, his smile finally easing into something wistful. "Guess I just got tired of losing family."

#devil may cry #dmc #dante #nero #credo #my writing #i'll polish this up one day #one day...........

[cottoncandyjester]

I remember a long time ago you said you wrote about darling meeting the child version of the yan boys, are you going to post that?, pls don't make it sad, I just want to give them some hugs.

Oooh let’s play with this a little bit I have some childhood friend au stuff in my drafts that I might finish that touch on more child versions of the yan boys but for now have this

Decided to do my two favorite families

Warning this contains: sprinkles of sadness

“I will explain the rules one more time, you get to go back to meet them, no one else but them can see you so you’ll be stealing the role as their imaginary friend that way they won’t freak out when they see you~ try not to mess around with things back there too much okay?”

You listened to the demon speaking and a nervous feeling bubbles over you, you were absolutely curious and slightly scared.

“Whose past do you want to visit”

You took a deep breath, closed your eyes and chose…

Hikaru:

You looked around, was this a beach? There wasn’t really anyone else there but you soon heard a loud laughing that made you perk up. “Seashells seashells shiny pretty seashells~” you heard happy singing nod followed it seeing a little child putting seashells in a bucket.

“What are you doing there?” You asked softly as you kneeled down, Hikaru looked up at you with a curious gaze before a bright smile appeared on his face and he went back to looking for seashells.

“I’m looking for seashells cause I’m making a seashell necklace!” He cheered out with a happy little humming. “A seashell necklace? Why?” You asked out making him huff “you’re so silly! It’s so I can lure a mermaid and marry her!” He said proudly.

His statement made you laugh as you reached out and poked his chubby cheek “why do you want a mermaid bride huh? What about me? Do I make a pretty bride?” You asked jokingly. He looked at you with a hum before reading into the bucket and seashells, now taking out a shiny one before handing it to you.

“You would make a pretty bride! But you’re not a mermaid..mama said that mermaids have pretty voices! I wanna sing with one!” He cheered out with a grin.

“Hikaru, come on we’re leaving!” A distant voice called for him making him jolt before he started to run off now hugging the bucket close. He stopped before looking back at you “if I can’t find a mermaid I’ll just marry you so don’t get old and gross!” He called out before waving and rushing away.

Yuuji and Yuuta:

You opened your eyes, now sitting on a bed seeing two kids sitting on the floor…why were they in this room alone?

“Yumi and yachi! You aren’t getting what you want by starving yourselves now open this door!” You heard kenji’s voice now moving to the floor with the two boys. “Why are you two doing this?” You asked out and they looked at you before an expression of familiarity covered their faces.

“Papa is being a meanie and doesn’t wanna call us by our new names” Yuuta hissed out. “We won’t leave til we get what we want!” Yuuji snapped out. “Oh? How long has it been?” You asked curiously.

“Two days..” Yuuta said with a whimper “y-Yuuji, d-do you think mommy misses us?” He asked softly with a pouty expression. Yuuta gulped “o-of course! She has to!” He chimed out, you didn’t realize just how hard the boys had to work to get the acceptance they deserved.

“B-but mommy is having the baby s-soon so what if she replaces us c-cause we are bad kids?!” Yuuta said before starting to cry. Yuuji hugged him close “s-she w-wouldn’t do that! She loves us!” Yuuji said firmly.

You reached out pulling both boys in for a tight hug, a shaky sigh escaping you “your parents must really miss you, maybe you should tell them how you feel” you said softly. 

“We should tell him how we feel!” Yuuji chimed out with a grin

“Papa..?” Yuuta called out, hearing shuffling “yeah?” Kenji said softly with a soft sniffle..was he crying?

“Me and Yuuji don’t wanna be girls anymore, can we be boys instead..please?” He said softly.

There was a few moments of silence before a soft chuckle escaped kenji “Yuuta..Yuuji, please come out and eat, momma and papa misses their boys”

You watched at Yuuji rushed to the door opening it seeing Kenji was sitting on the ground outside the door. The two nearly tackled the male hugging him tightly.

Kenji hugged them tightly peppering kisses all over their faces “god I was so damn worried, don’t worry me like that..I’m getting old yknow don’t scare your papa like that” he said softly.

Seeing this made you really curious..is this why the twins defended and protected their father so much? You had a lot of questions.

Mateo:

The sounds of loud cheering made you flinch, the sight of kids swimming made you focus. You saw mateo, he was winning. Before you could process your mind you found yourself yelling “you got this baby!” You cheered out before realizing the situation you were in. You were so used to cheering for him during his games that it came natural.

You noticed mateo slowed down, the adrenaline stopping for just a moment before he kept going but it was too late, he ended up getting second place. The sight of him being upset as he stared at the medal, tears blurring his vision.

“You shouldn’t cry, you were so amazing” you said softly as you kneeled down looking at the boy. He sniffles and wipes his tears only for more to fall “I-I got tired, I-I forgot to breathe like I’ve been practicing..I-I forgot..I always forget” mateo sobbed out, his wailing growing louder and louder. “Mama and papa couldn’t even show up, I-i t-tried my best a-and-” you pulled him in for a hug, hands shaking lightly. He was so fragile..it made your heart hurt.

“you did the best you could, you always do your best. Didn’t you have fun?” You said softly as you looked at him, mateo glanced down with a sniffle before nodding slowly. “Y-yeah, s-swimming is always fun” he said softly as he messed with the medal around his neck.

“Then, be proud. You were amazing mateo! You went so fast!” You cheered out, your excited tone made him even more excited “r-really?! Hehe! I was like zoom! Super zoom!” He chimed out.

“Teo!” The sound of Dante’s voice made mateo perk up “ah! Dante!” He cheered out, you softly nudged mateo forward “tell him how fast you went” you said softly, watching mateo rush off nearly tipping from utter excitement.

Tiago:

You expected a young tiago to be just like his normal self, gentle and soft maybe even quiet. You definitely weren’t expecting the first sight you saw was a young tiago to be climbing trees and jumping off them. “Wow you’re like Tarzan huh?” You asked out as you watched him with a grin.

“Tarzan got nothing on me!” He cheered out happily, apparently him and his parents were on a cabin vacation to relax his mom before the baby comes. “Oh yeah?” You cooed out with a grin “but Tarzan has a Jane, you don’t have that” you teased making him stop and pause. Tiago sat on a branch and gave a soft hum.

“Okay you’ll be my Jane!” He cheered out before standing ontop of the branch. “That way I’m still better than Tarzan” he chimed out as he held his arms out now walking along the thick branch.

“I dunno if I wanna be Jane.” You said jokingly, Tiago huffs “too late! You’re Jane! I already decided! No take backs!” He said stubbornly. Seeing Tiago like this made you really happy, he is never this carefree and bubbly with you in present time.

“Hmm okay Tarzan, what’s your favorite animal?”

“Ha! That’s easy! Dogs are the best things in the world! They are so loyal and you can sit on their back and use them as horses!” He chimed out, now balancing on one foot as he stood on the branch.

“You shouldn’t actually do that, just ride a horse” you mumbled out making him huff as he looked at you “I never rode a real horse before” he said softly before a cracking noise got your attention. “H-hey you should get down”

“No way! Tarzan would never-” the branch snapped and Tiago came falling down, in a surge of panic you caught him both of you falling down as Tiago sat on your chest now shaking.

“T-that was..so cool! You’re the coolest Jane ever!” He cheered out with a large smile, you on the other hand did not find that cool and glared lightly at tiago..maybe it’s better if he wasn’t this hyper in present times.

“Be careful next time yeah?” You said softly as you sat up now messing with his hair. Tiago looked at you in utter awe before he heard his father calling him.

He got off you before sticking his tongue out at you “blehhh! Bye Jane! Let’s play again okay?” He said happily before running off “papa! papa! I climbed a tree!”

Zeke:

“I don’t think you should be doing this” you said softly to zeke as he placed the Last pot on the ground before grabbing the wooden spoons. “Mama is at work and papa is taking a nap, it’s okay! Plus I wanna play drums” Zeke said before starting to bang the spoon against the pots loudly.

You flinched and winced, the loud noise would definitely get him in huge trouble. You softly grabbed his hands stopping him “how about we do something else instead? You like music yeah? How about we sing?” You said nervously with a smile.

Zeke stared at you before humming and nodding “okay! Let’s sing!” He cheered out happily. You and zeke ended up singing a bunch of different songs before you found yourself humming to zeke as he laid his head in your lap. You ran your fingers through his hair as you started to sing him a lullaby.

“You sound so pretty, like an angel!” Zeke said excitedly before gasping “wait are you an angel?! Can I see your wings?!” He said now sitting up and staring at you. You laughed and glanced away “sorry don’t have wings, if I did you would know” you said softly making him groan as he laid his head back in your lap “boo I wanted to see angel wings, but I guess it’s okay if you aren’t an angel..” he said softly before looking up at you

“Sing me another song!” He cheered out, you simply couldn’t say no to his adorable face so you did just that. You felt his body grow heavier as he slowly fell asleep from you singing.

Dante:

“Why do they say that they are mad? They don’t look angry” dante said as he laid on his stomach reading Alice in wonderland.

“Well mad is another word for crazy” you said softly with a smile, watching him flip the page “why does Alice wanna go home so bad, wonderland is so cool!” He cheered out happily with a smile. “Well she misses her family, wouldn’t you miss your family if you went away somewhere?” You asked him curiously. Dante paused the think before nodding “yeah, I’ll miss Mama and pap and Tiago!” He huffed out as he sat up.

“If i go to wonderland I’ll just take them with me!” He cheered out with a smile, you laughed and sat next to him “I don’t think it works like that” you said softly. He hummed before looking at you “then I’ll bring you! So I won’t be lonely and by myself!” He cheered out with a grin.

He was far too adorable! How was dante this cute as a kid?! “Oh? Okay we’ll go to wonderland one day!” You said excitedly, making the boy stand on his bed “yeah! We’ll drink tea with the mad hatter ooh and paint the roses red!” He exclaimed excitedly, now Jumping on the bed. “It would be like a dream!” He added as he sat back down before a moment of silence came over him.

“If we go to wonderland will you promise not to leave me alone in there, it’s a big biiig place” he said softly as he grabbed your hand giving it a small squeeze. You hugged him with a soft sigh “I promise! We’ll hold hands the entire time so we won’t get lose or separated!”

“Hold hands? Okay!” He cheered out. You spent the rest of the time talking to him about the things he loves like Soccer, fantasy stories and music. He had so much energy and passion that you couldn’t help but sit there and listen to Every word

#yandere imagines #yandere ocs #yandere #latino gang

[someone-always-cares]

[image description: a q&a for the webcomic someone always cares. full desc under the cut because its long and wordy sorry]

post chapter 3 Q&A

first - previous - next

thanks for yalls questions!! it was fun to answer! if anyone still has questions feel free to ask whenever i am always 100% down to ramble. even if i did go slightly off topic in some answers

additional: went off topic with the hair question a bit. their bright hair is all part of the transformations. regular hair dye does exist though. best way to tell is that if the eyebrow matches the hair its probably not dyed. also, quartz’s hair is naturally ginger.

also for more on ages, check out the character bios here

also was gonna keep this in the tags but thought i might as well actually try to answer it: the question i found it hardest to answer was someone the song one. my taste in music is. a mess really. ive been listening to like the same 5 songs on repeat all day. more under the cut because i was rambling again and now its uhhh half 1am

if it helps at the time of answering that specific question i had home by cavetown on repeat, and that song reminds me of both rami and lewis. but that may be because i project onto those two a lot, and as a aro trans dude. who sucks with people skills, yeah of course i love that song.

specifically the vibes of like not knowing how to communicate (rami is fine with his friends but other people are different), the lines “ Turn off your porcelain face, I can't really think right now and this place, Has too many colors, enough to drive all of us insane” idk what the porcelain face line is supposed to mean but im picturing it as like. a mask. that you need to take off and stop hiding and rami does tend to hide when hes feeling upset, and the next two lines kinda could tie into that, like the feeling of when youre overwhelemed and just want the world to stop so you just hide somewhere. also the colours could go with chapter 3 with the chromatic abberation.

also the bit with “ my eyes went dark, I don't know where, my pupils are, But I'll figure out a way to get us out of here” just kinda sums up ramis whole hero thing with his powers and all. anyway this has turned into less what songs rami would like and why this particular song reminds me of him and lewis (lewis specifically has the hair cutting/chest hiding, [big transmasc mood], and also messy haired trainwreck who doesnt know who he is yet. also the ghosts bit)

i did end up picking upbeat songs because ramis a dude who like to try and be upbeat even if things arent. even if hes not really feeling it he will pretend to.

[full description: Anonymous said to someone-always-cares: “hi ily!!! do characters like quartz who have colored hair have that naturally or did they dye it?”

“its both natural and not! while most supers can do a magical girl ish transformation, including a change in hair colour, there are some exceptions.”

theres two small full body drawings of rami, one in civilian clothes, one fully transformed.

“if a superhero were to have a biological child, the child will inherit the powers of the parent(s). however, the child will not inherit the full transfromation. they do inherit any physical transformations, but not the outfit.”

theres a drawing of a woman in blue, quartz’s mother, fully transformed, holding her mask in her hand, smiling down at a much younger quartz as a child. hes smiling back up at her with the same blue eyes, pointy ears, and blue hair, but hes still in normal clothes.

“in the case of quartz, both of hisparents had superpowers, and he inherited those powers and the physical transformations.he can also pick and mix whatphysical traits to change.“

next is a headshot of adult quartz, his face split down the middle with one side having hair and eye like his mother, the other like his father. theres a list of traits from each parents, blue hair and eyes and pointy ears from his mum, and purple hair and eyes and pointy teeth from their dad.

 “Anonymous said to someone-always-cares:  Are all the characters the same age? If not, how old are they? Are they irl friends or just superhero friends?”

theres some headshots of rami and his team lined up with ages labelled: cam is 15, rami himself is 17, lin, mateo, and dante, are all 18, and cap is 20.

“rami and xandra were somewhat friends before she got superpowers, so when, after the incident with her old team, she found rami had developed powers, xandra stuck close to him. their other teamates started off as superhero friends but soon turned into irl friends too”

theres a headshot of lewis and jade. theyre both 17

“when lewis first decided to start being a vigilante,jade quickly found him and decided to help train himand offered to be a mentor of sorts, as they both have similar powers. that quickly derailed.”

“ cinder5555 said to someone-always-cares: How long does it usually take to make a comic page? I'm curious because they're so freaking good that they must take FOREVER”

theres a drawing of myself, a fluffy hair tired bastard in a hoodie, smiling

“Thanks! Ive been doing this shit since like 2017 and i still have no idea how long it takes me. i can get a page done in a day if i have nothing else to do or if its a simple page, but if i have work then maybe 2-3 days? i spend like, most of my free time doing this.“

another drawing of me, now looking frustrated muttering “how the FUCK does time work”

“but i can never do it all on one sitting.i will inevitably get distracted and zone out daydreaming mid drawing so its very hard to get an accurate read on how long it takes. so however long a piece of string is i guess“

the only qustion not from tumblr is a discord message from RuneStone Cabin:

“Q: Can you talk about the incidence of superpowers in this world? Like many people are supers, which powers are more or less common, how long they've been a thing for, stuff like that. Also does Omen know I'd die for them “

theres a drawing of omen pointing at a date circled on a calender marked “decembuary”, theyre saying “i know. i already wrote your death in my calender.”

then a giant wall of text reading: “Supers have only existed for a relativly short time, since the early 1940s. momento mori was the second person to have ever gained powers.

Only a small number of the population are supers! the chances are higher in more populated cities, but unusally london has oneof the higher percentages of supers. while nobody in universe has any idea of the origins of superpowers, it does seem that powers are more likely to occur in people who would actually use their powers.

as for what powers are most common, after making a badly catagorized spreadsheet of every superpowered character ive made for this world (70% of which will probably never even be seen), turns out that elemental powers are the most common. although not all elemental powers manifest as the straight up 'controling this element' as seen in characters like lin or tsunami. for example, iris's powers would fall under shadow elemntal powers, but theyre a lot more weird that just controlling shadows.there are some abilities that have never been seen before,such as ressurection or full on time travel (aka anything that could bring a character back to life), but powers are certainly allowed to toe the line eg healing, powers involving undeath, immortality, pausing or manipulating time.

aside from that, anything goes. you could get plain old superstrength, but you could also get the ability to create dogs with your mind. other not quite rules, more guidelines are that supers are immune to their own powers hurting them (unless they were pushing themselves too hard), although the way the imminuties occur may be inconvinient to the super.

while some powers may be 'more powerful' than others, powers dont really get to be way underpowered or overpowered in comparision to others. sure being able to talk to animals may feel a bit useless compared to someone who can lift 4 tanks at once, but nobodys going to end up with a power like 'can turn into a goose but only once' or 'can grow toenails twice as fast' or 'if i sneeze i can change my hair colour'. at the same time, youre not going to get someone with the power to snap their fingers and level a city, or instantly blow up the moon or whatever.

“Anonymous said to someone-always-cares: I love rami PLEASE tell me his favorite song(s) and why. I will die for you”

a drawing of rami saying out loud “i dont really have any specific favourite song, really? i just listen to whatever sounds catchy and then listen to that on repeat for hours until i hate it. i guess i do like upbeat songs? ones that make you feel happy even if the lyrics are sad”

“ un1c0rnhh said to someone-always-cares: tell me,,, please,, cam,,, are they a cat person or a dog person?? ily"

theres a drawing of cam a metre away from a cat lying down. she has her arm out and is making ‘psspsspss’ noises at it. end id]

FUCK i am so glad i didnt hand write all of that, it would have been a major pain in the ass to write it all and then have to transcribe all that next. but nope i could directly copy paste the asks and word answers. cheers if anyone made it this far down. if anyone wonders why this is uploaded late, you know now.

#sac #someone always cares #sorry to my friends i rambled to about the previosly mentioned attempt at catagorizing powers #i made a fucking spreadsheet and everything #it was awful #also it probably obvious but i still have yet to download the font i use to this computer #did i ever mention what i named the font when i made it #because its called 'dicks out for the void' or something #it was funny back in mid/late 2017 ok

[buns-with-a-book]

Flowers of White 2 - White Tansy

Reposting because I wasn’t satisfied with a part of White Tansy. Still inspired by Sync’s post here.

Fandom: Devil May Cry Characters: OC, Nero, Dante, Vergil Tags: @nimnox @furyeclipse @synchronmurmurs @queenmuzz @harlot-of-oblivion

Summary: The tansy is the harbinger of ill will to the receiver, an indication of hostile thoughts on behalf of the giver.

Rothes was a quiet town, a slumbering settlement on the Spes River. One could even call it quaint, picturesque or pastoral. In the morning light, the sunlight made the dark brown rooftops sparkle, no thanks in past to the rain that passed over the night before. There was rarely a day that there was sun in the sky, mostly covered by clouds. Just across from the courthouse, through the windows, Cassandra could see the cyclamen and tansy flowers behind the frosted window of the town flower shop. Just as she had predicted, the flowers were in bloom.

An armored guard passed by her window, causing her to sigh. She had been regaled to one of the spare rooms of the courthouse, the room turned into a makeshift bridal suite. She looked down upon herself, dressed in a pale pink ball gown. A thin tulle layer was draped over the skirt of the gown, where pale pink roses were caught in an artistic pattern. Across her midsection was an embroidered design, keeping with the pattern of roses. At her upper arms were a band of roses clustered together, acting as sleeves to the dress. Atop her head was the dress’ complimentary veil, a pink tulle veil that draped down her back. Pinned to her hair were pink roses, to keep the veil in place. Cassandra turned around, facing the mirror. Her eyes flicked up and down the dress before finally settling on the silvery necklace around her neck, a gift from Vergil. She reached up to nervously play with the silver moon charm.

She looked like a bride. A very unhappy bride.

“You don’t have to marry some jackass to protect me.” She looked over, Nero leaning against the wall. The young man was in a borrowed suit but he didn't look too pleased to be in it. She knew he was just as upset as she was over the situation, unarmed and not having much to stop the hired guards of Eternis Brillia aside from the powers latent in his devil blood. “I might not have Red Queen or Blue Rose but I still have Devil Trigger. I can take them.” She faintly saw the ethereal blue wings, flexing above Nero.

“I’d rather you not. To the people of my hometown, a demon is still a demon, no matter how diluted the blood. They would slaughter you, with blades forged specifically to expose and exploit the weaknesses of demons.” Cassandra sighed, walking over to him. Her hands moved to adjust the bright blue tie around his neck. “If Dante and Vergil enter the city, I fear that the sage smoke in the air would choke them.”

“Smells just as bad as Nico’s smokes.” He huffed. “I got subjected to that shit until jackass called you.”

“Would you believe it if I lived with that for eighteen years?” Cassandra asked with a chuckle, trying to inject humor into their terrible situation. “Now I’m going back and it’s gonna stiiink…” Nero glanced back behind her and she followed his gaze, locking on to the bouquet, which was a few white cyclamen flowers wrapped in tulle with the pattern of tansy flowers embroidered onto it. She sighed and returned her gaze to Nero’s tie.

“I should be adjusting your tie as mother of the groom.” She sighed. “For the day you get married yourself.” Nero rubbed his nose awkwardly. Cassandra smiled fondly at that.

“Jeez Mom...me and Kyrie aren’t ready for that yet.”

“Could’ve fooled me, considering how often the brothers crash at your place.”  The thought of the crew, her family, eased her mind just for a few minutes. She never got tired of hearing Nero address her with ‘Mom’. She remembered the first time Nero did so, completely on accident on his part. As they worked together, that familial bond formed. Her mind drifted to Dante, the devil hunter that she regarded as a brother. And then, there was Vergil, cool composed Vergil. Between spars in Devil May Cry, the missions they took, and him reading her Blake in the light of the setting sun, she...she loved him. That was all she could say, really. She loved Vergil, the eldest son of Sparda, enough to sacrifice her own happiness to protect his...no, their son from death by the hands of the city she once called home.

“If I hadn’t been kidnapped, I would’ve kicked his ass six ways to Sunday.” Nero sighed.

“And back at Kyrie’s by 5? So would I.” She sighed. “But I know what Eternis Brillia’s guard can do to you. I don’t want to lose you...I thought I lost you when your arm got ripped off.” She looked at the bouquet. “I mean, I could try stuffing the bouquet into his mouth. Cyclamen are poisonous, apparently.” There was a hard knock on the door that made her jump.

“Lady Sagefire! Lord Kinnaird requests your presence immediately!” A harsh voice spoke. Cassandra let out an unhappy sigh.  

“Is it time?”

“Yes ma’m!” Cassandra walked to the bouquet, picking it up. Nero glared at the door, crossing his arms. She could tell he just wanted to unleash hell upon them, even Devil Trigger, but was restraining himself. Cassandra knew that Devil Trigger was risky, especially with the guard around them and their swords that were forged to easily pierce demon hide. She took Nero’s arm, causing him to blush.

“W-Wait, isn’t your dad supposed to lead you down the aisle?”

“He’s not here. Draco told me he abandoned me after I ran away. I’m not surprised, really.” She let out a frustrated sigh. “But I don’t care. I’m almost forty, I don’t need his approval. He sucks anyway.”

“And here we are…” He mumbled.

“I’m not going to let the people of Eternis Brillia see your corpse and cheer. I would rather die myself than let that happen.” She frowned.

“Sounds like a real shithole.”

“If I was feeling poetic, I’d call it a rotted cage. But shithole works just as well.” With that, the door opened. Cassandra gripped his arm as her face met the guard. They were dressed like a medieval knight, with their helmet shaped like a lion’s head. He curtly bowed to her before another, wearing the exact same thing as the first guard, walked around her to stand behind her. The first began to lead the way, with Cassandra unhappily following. As her and Nero were escorted through the courthouse to the room where the marriage was to take place, past paintings and busts and brick walls, Cassandra could sense the tense air around them. She knew the reason she was in a dress at all was for the ‘parade through Eternis Brillia’ and his pride.

Nero suddenly stopped, looking back. Cassandra let out a surprised noise, causing the guards to stop.

“Nero! What was that for?”

“...though I heard something.” He mumbled. Cassandra frowned.

“Such as…?”

“It’s just the wind.” The guard behind them snapped. “Keep moving.”

“Ok ok! Sheesh…” Nero grumbled. With that, the guard behind them urged them forward. Nero let out a frustrated growl as they were escorted to the courtroom. The guard in front of them opened the door, revealing Draco and two of his guards next to him. Draco smiled, his brown hair slicked back (which only reminded her of Vergil. Vergil did it better though) and black eyes glimmering with the thought that he had won. He was dressed in a black button-up jacket, silver buttons glimmering in the light. At his side was a (hopefully) decorative sword.

“Ah, my little wayward star.” Cassandra visibly tensed up at that. “You look ravishing.” He stepped forward, only for Nero to step between the two. He scowled at Nero. “That’s my wife you’re standing in front of.”

“And?”

“Step aside, whoreson.”

“Make me.” Nero hissed.

“Both of you, stop this!” Cassandra snapped, causing the two to look at her in surprise. Nero let out a frustrated sigh, stepping aside. It was obvious that the situation was stressful for the younger devil hunter but, Cassandra hoped, he would be on his way back to Vergil and Dante soon enough. “Let’s just...get this over with.”

“Agreed.” Draco yawned, walking over to the poor clerk who had the paperwork. Cassandra walked over to the clerk, passing Nero. She could sense Nero’s death glare at Draco, the desire to brawl Draco for his words held back only Cassandra’s command.  

“So...um, if there’s no more interruptions.” The clerk began. “Let us begin with the marriage of Cassandra Freyja Sagefire and Draco Áedán Kinnaird-”

“Hey hey hey!” A familiar voice spoke, followed by the sound of two helmets slammed together. “We have objections to this whole thing!” Cassandra whipped to the door, seeing Dante and Vergil walking up to the clerk. Behind them, the two guards that had escorted them to this room were crumpled onto the floor, most likely unconscious. The two brothers were also in suits, Dante with a red tie and Vergil with a deep blue tie. On Dante’s back was Nero’s Red Queen. Dante rounded Nero’s side, passing Red Queen to his nephew. Nero caught Red Queen skillfully, a grin on his face at being reunited with his sword. Draco shot up, scowling.

“Ugh, more interruptions! Who are you?”

“I’m her brother-” Dante grinned.

“And you have my son as a hostage.” Vergil finished, his voice a low growl. “You truly are pathetic, twisting her arm with my own flesh and blood.”

“I-It doesn’t matter. Cassandra is still my wife-”

“Ok, about that. Hey Cass, did you two say I do at the altar?” Dante asked Cassandra. Cassandra blinked, surprised at being addressed.

“Uh, no, my father told the high priest to skip that part-”

“Then it doesn’t count. So you weren’t married back then and you won’t be married now.” Dante turned his gaze to Draco, alit with a dangerously playful fire. “So, if you’ll excuse us-” He stepped forward, only for Draco to pull out a shortsword from the scabbard at his waist. There was a flash of silver before the shortsword lay shattered on the floor. Cassandra stared at Vergil, Yamato unsheathed to defend Dante. Even Dante seemed surprised, although Cassandra was unsure if it was from Vergil defending him or from Draco being foolish enough to try and hurt Dante with a decorative shortsword

“I’ve had enough of your nonsense, scum.” Vergil growled. “Let Cassandra go, now.” Draco narrowed his eyes at Vergil.

“Guards!” Draco snapped. The two guards behind him surged forward. Dante rolled his eyes.

“Jeez, you gotta make our job harder.” He looked to Nero. “Wanna bash some heads in?” Nero smirked, twisting the handle of Red Queen to cause the weapon to flare to life.

“You bet. This asshole is gonna get what’s coming to him.” He looked to Vergil. “Dad, get her outta here.” Vergil and Cassandra took a glance at each other before Nero slashed at the guards, sending them flying. Cassandra shoved the bouquet into Draco’s mouth to stun him. She ran forward, grabbing a fistful of dress to lift up so she wouldn’t trip on it. Vergil took her hand, their fingers entwined, and quickly led the way out of the room and through brick halls of the courthouse. She glanced back, watching as Dante and Nero dashed behind them. She saw blood lining the edge of Red Queen, perhaps Nero wounded Draco for calling him a whoreson. Looking forward, Cassandra saw the door that was wide open. She briefly saw Nico peering in before jumping as the group raced out of the back door of the courthouse into the van. The moment Nero dashed out of the door, Nico slammed the door shut. She pulled out a small explosive and threw it at the door, covering the door in a foul-smelling web.

“That outta keep em occupi-”

“NICO!” Nero snapped. “GET OVER HERE!” Nico ran to the van, jumping through the door and slamming into the driver’s seat.

“Hang on y’all! It’s gonna get rough!” Nico yelled just moments before she hit the gas, the van lurching forward. Cassandra yelped at the lurch. The van swerved across cobblestone streets away from the courthouse. Cassandra could only imagine the smoke that Draco was eating as the van sped out of Rothes.

#devil may cry #devil may cry oc #devil may cry nero #devil may cry dante #devil may cry vergil #angst with a happy ending

[maaruin]

The Meaning of Life and the Perspective of Eternity in The Good Place

As a show that tries to tackle philosophical questions, The Good Place has been mixed throughout its entire run. Philosophy often doesn’t provide clear-cut answers and there are many well developed positions. The question “What is the meaning of life?” is a question many philosophers have asked and then came to different conclusions. The good place presents, at best, two of them.

The following contains spoilers for the end of the show.

One characteristic of The Good Place was that it often concluded plot arcs that would have taken other shows a whole season within a few episodes. In many cases this kept the show from stagnating, but for the ending of season 4 there definitely wasn’t enough time. There could, and should, have been at least half a season, maybe even a complete one, of them trying to fix the Good Place. They could try out different philosophies each time. Even if they then ended up with THE DOOR at the end, it would have been easier for me to accept. Let them try to implement the perfect Stoic afterlife, the perfect Epicurean afterlife, the perfect Existentialist afterlife etc, before they implement the semi-Buddhist concept they ended up with.

I, just like many others, have also asked myself the question what life, my life, means. And I did notice something. Some people say that death, the final end of existence, makes life meaningful. Others say that death makes life  meaningless. It is weird that there are completely opposed positions on this. But anyways, I think neither of them are right. Perhaps they are even asking the wrong questions.

Purpose vs Value

What does “meaning of life” actually mean? It seems to at different times refer to two different concepts. It may refer to a purpose of life. The idea is that humans need to find the right goal to strife for. Or it might ask what the point of it all is. What things are valuable in themselves instead of just serving a purpose.

The Good Place clearly understands meaning as purpose. In the penultimate episode the humans in the good place are suffering because they have nothing to strife for. In the final episode they are ready to go out of existence when they have reached a completeness. Eleanor doesn’t go as long as she feels she still has something to accomplish.

I, on the other hand, think what we should be asking for is value. Every time I... hmm, should I really use that example... every time I eat an Xtra-long Chili Cheese at Burger King, I don’t do it because it serves a purpose. When it comes to nourishment, there are many better options. I do it because I like the taste, and so I find value and, ultimately, meaning in that burger. I guess I agree with Epicurus on this issue: pleasure has intrinsic value. Of course if I ate the Xtra-long Chili Cheese every day, I would quickly get sick of it. But, you know, I don’t have to eat it every day, and if I space them out enough, I will never get sick of it.

There are two ways how meaning from this world could be made fit for eternity.

1. Rhythm and delayed gratification

One existentialist philosopher uses Sisyphus as the example of a meaningful life. In Greek mythology Sisyphus was punished by the gods for, what did he do again... Okay, apparently he tricked death twice. His punishment was to roll a rock up a hill, but every time he reached the top, it rolled down again and he had to start anew. This philosopher says that we could or should imagine Sisyphus as happy.

I once saw a GIF (which I don’t know how to upload here) of Sisyphus pushing the rock up the hill. Then the rock rolls back down and Sisyphus joyfully slides after it.

We humans may get sick of positive experiences if we experience them constantly, but that is what rhythms are for. There are times to work and there are times to rest, there are times of feasting and times of fasting. Christmas, if you are into it, is great, even if you repeat it every year.

So that is the first possible solution I had hoped the show would engage with. Give them cycles of work and reward.

(Disclaimer: I probably missed the point the philosopher - Camus, I learned while googling for the GIF - was actually trying to make.)

I think there is a second Greek myth that we also might learn from, even though the Greeks wouldn’t like that: Narcissus.

2. Timelessness

Narcissus was the most beautiful human ever. Probably a curse by the gods. One day he saw his own reflection in a lake and just... lost himself in his own eyes. He was sitting there, admiring his own beauty forever. (Until he turned into a plant for some reason.)

Many of us have experienced moments that we imagined could go on forever. In reality, they can’t. And in reality Narcissus would get hungry or tired an would need to leave his beautiful, beautiful reflection behind for some time. But those are functions of the human body. And in the afterlife, the limitations of the human body are already transcended. Maybe in the afterlife I could learn to dance in purgatory and then dance forever and ever and without end in heaven.

In the last episode of The Good Place, Janet says she experiences time differently than humans. For her, all moments happen at the same time. Unlike Eleanor, she isn’t sad to lose Jason, because loosing him implies there is a past where he was there and a future where he is not. But for her, he is always there. Furthermore, she says there are no bad memories of her relationship with Jason. She can say that despite the times they were broken up and she was sad about it. Because they weren’t times she was, they are shades of the joy in her timeless existence.

Why could the humans in The Good Place not become like Janet.

A Way to Avoid Boredom or a Way to Find Completeness

A strange thing about the last two episodes is that they seem to say slightly different things. In episode 12 THE DOOR is presented as something to use when one doesn’t want to engage in the pleasures of the afterlife anymore. Many viewers had difficulties with this, because it seems to suggest that one day you will get sick of life and suicide is the only option. On the other hand people said that THE DOOR is only an option and maybe no one will use it. In episode 13 THE DOOR turns into a goal. The humans in the afterlife work towards the point were they can feel complete and walk through it without regrets.

Now, I myself feel incomplete. And I hope this incompleteness will be overcome. In many instances already in this life and, according to my faith, completely in the next. But this won’t be the final achievement after which nothing interesting happens anymore. Instead, it is like getting up again after having fallen to the ground. You get up, but then you don’t stop. You get up so you can stand, or run, or dance. Or go to Burger King to eat and Xtra-long Chili Cheese. Overcoming incompleteness isn’t the end, it is only the beginning.

This post was originally planned as part of a longer post outlining my idea for a story that combines parts of the premise of The Good Place with the premise of Dante’s Divine Comedy. But I thought it could also stand on it’s own and it turned out to be long enough already. More thoughts on the The Good Place/Divine Comedy mashup coming in the next days.

#the good place #the good place spoilers #philosophy #musings on meaning #cn suicide #kind of #and a bit of #christianity #divine comedy

[things-we-used-tc-share]

Brother

Warnings: toxic behaviors (mentioned), the bad guy gets a redemption arc, emotional abuse, lying

Ship: Brotherly!Anxciet

Plot: Virgil knows when he’s inviting trouble, but at the end of the day, Declan is his brother, and everyone does have the capacity to change. 

--

It’s 2PM. The streets outside are quiet bar the low hum of car engines every few minutes or so, the daylight beams through open windows and bathes the street in its glow. All windows, except the ones belonging to Virgil Sanders. The clock on the wall ticks gently, slowly (as slow as the seconds can go) and quietly, filling the kitchen with an incessant ticking. The blinds cracked open just an inch let in as much light as the young man can quite muster as he walks away from the ticking into his bedroom. It’s still too early for him, at 2PM.

With a hum, the purple haired man clicks away at his laptop as his grey-blue eyes run over the words on the screen. The house is quiet, the street is quiet, the world feels quiet for him. 

Until this is rudely interrupted. A loud, repetitive knock at the door has the pale-skinned man grabbing his door keys “I swear to God if you’re here to tell me about the good word of Jesus Christ I’m going to...” He manages to get the door open with a vengeful tug “Or the good word of Satan I suppose,” He mutters, holding the door open and gesturing half-heartedly for the newcomer to enter. 

Two-toned eyes blink both blue and grey as the owner offers something akin to a smile, stepping into the household. “Regrettably, I’m not quite here to offer you a bible, brother dearest,” Virgil rolls his eyes and slams the door shut, locking it again “Haven’t you heard of daylight? It’s a hot new trick to certify you don’t get a vitamin D deficiency,” With a sigh, the younger of the Sanders brothers throws open the curtains, wincing at the first hint of daylight today.

“What are you doing here Dee?” He could’ve tried to be polite, but usually, his brother’s visits end in him wanting money or an argument. Neither of which Virgil quite has the energy for anymore. The other’s bravado falters a little and he crosses his arms across his chest almost defensively. 

“I left him,” Virgil’s eyebrows raise and he leans against the wall to process the information handed to him. “I need to change,” He inhales slowly and shakily and the younger’s eyes train fixated on him, looking for any hint of a lie. He couldn’t see one. “So I came here, I didn’t know where else to go,”

“Where’s all your stuff?” Virgil’s eyebrows furrow “Where are you going to live?” The look he receives as he shakes his head “Oh no, no not happening you are not living with me again, you drove me up the wall last time Declan,” He looks to the ceiling as if any deity had ever helped them before, and would magically help him now. He can’t exactly kick him out on the street “Fine, but you’re putting some of that shit you have in storage because there is not enough room for all of it,”

“I know, it’s just for a few weeks...just until I can sort shit out,” Virgil nods absently.

“Would you like some coffee?”

“Yeah, sure,”

--

Virgil had lived with his brother’s lies for most of his life, growing up the elder was always twisting things on their heads, poking and prodding where he shouldn’t. As they got older, not much changed, what was just “Boys being boys,” turned into a very toxic 20-year-old. When Declan came home and said he had a boyfriend, Virgil told the poor bastard to run, and he didn’t. For the next couple of years, he got phone calls in the middle of the night, one or the other at his doorstep looking tired and angry. He got sick of it, but if not for Declan then for the poor son of a bitch that fell in love with him, he stuck around. 

He’d heard the “I’ll change,” so many times, he wasn’t going to buy it this time around just like he hadn’t bought it the past sixteen. But, it seemed this time he was pleasantly surprised. 

Declan comes home from his new job one day, says he’s loving the work, he works, he pays the rent, he comes home, he sleeps, sometimes he cooks dinner even. A couple of weeks later he asks Virgil if he can cover his half of the rent for a couple of weeks, Virgil, who owns and runs his own business predominantly from home and is not particularly strapped for cash, agrees. He’d expected at some point the other would falter, but curious, he asks what Dante needs the money for. 

“Therapy,”

Virgil was so stunned into silence that he just replies with “Oh, good,” but Declan knows that really it’s his awkward way of saying he’s proud of him. Neither of them is particularly emotional nor ready to have a heart to heart. 

A month passes and Declan’s still living with him, half his stuff moved out of his ex’s house and into storage, the other half in Virgil’s spare room that’s kind of quickly becoming his own room. For once, Virgil doesn’t actually mind this arrangement. But he has to ask, really, what had happened, what conversation had screwed Declan over so much that he actually realized he was a shitty person?

So, he asks him, because really there’s no beating around the bush with that question. 

Declan kind of shrugs half-heartedly and gives those half-smiles that he’s used to showing off in place of any actual happiness. “I got tired of making him cry,” He mutters “It’s such a shitty realization, being bored is what made me realize I’m awful,” he snorts “But do you expect anything more of me?” No, not really, Virgil thinks to himself. But they leave the conversation there. The reasoning didn’t really matter to Virgil, as long as he changes. 

It’s strange, Virgil thinks to himself. He’d given Declan so many chances since they were children, and he doesn’t quite think he can ever forgive the person he was. But he can actually see him changing for once, genuinely changing to be a better person; something Virgil had given up on for his brother long before he had become an adult himself.

If you want love, you’re going to have to learn to have to change, and maybe, Declan had really got tired of the kind of love that is tortured out of people.

He loses his temper at Virgil, once, once is the only chance he gets because unlike when they were children, Virgil doesn’t cry or shout back, he quirks an eyebrow and says “Talk to me like that again and you’re out on the street,” Because Virgil put up with enough of that in his life, he’s tired of being a punching bag for his brother and he isn’t going to let him slip into old habits. 

Virgil keeps paying for Declan’s therapy nonetheless because he wants to see the other succeed instead of crashing and taking everyone else with him.

Declan gets a promotion, somewhere down the line. He makes some friends at his work, they go out for drinks, Declan doesn’t come home ridiculously angry from the beer, but actually suitably and sensibly sober. 

Then he gets a boyfriend. And Virgil tenses again, expecting the same shit storm that he’d been used too until Declan comes in practically dancing and starstruck and gushing. Virgil had felt like he was tripping for a moment as he grins in disbelief at his brother and makes a couple of tea and watches as Declan unravels his date right down to this man’s smile. 

“What really happened?” He asks one day, as Declan is moving out of his place to go live with his boyfriend. “What really made you change, boredom doesn’t give someone therapy and medication and the will to stop being an alcoholic,” Declan rests the boxes on the table and he looks down at his feet. 

“I got really drunk one night,” He started, and Virgil feels his stomach clench because some part of him is still clinging onto the brother he knew, not the one he’d become. “I tripped and fell, smacked my head right in, I had to go to hospital,” That explains the scar “And I was lying there thinking, no one will come because nobody loves me enough, I was so lonely, and I don’t deserve to feel bad about that, but I did like any other human being, and I can’t change the past I can’t get rid of it or erase it or take back all the shit I caused you or him, but I can try to make sure I don’t hurt other people, I don’t want your redemption Virgil, and quite frankly I don’t think I deserve it,”

“You don’t,” Virgil sighs as he leans against the back of the couch, arms folded “You really don’t, but hopefully I can relearn who you are now, and that’s pretty close,” Declan gives a small nod. 

“That’s more than I could ask for,” He picks up the last box “See you around, kiddo,”

“I’m over twenty you can’t still call me kiddo!” Virgil calls out the door with a laugh.

“Watch me anyway!” Declan grins back. 

No, not redemption, but a change and that’s...that’s a good enough start for Virgil. 

@analogical-mess // @unikornavenger // @mycatshuman // @creativity-killed-thekitten// @theresneverenoughfandoms // @charmingprincey // @heck-im-lost//@k9cat//@stilljittery//@romansleftshoulderpad// @sanderssideslibrary // @max-is-tired //@therealmoshar// @punsterterry // @trashypansexual// //@demigodnamedathena//@sevencrashing// @misunderstood-shadow//@aphriteblack//@jemthebookworm//@sandersandthesides//@penguinkool//@georganabanana // @ao-koshka// @dangerous-doodle // @river-waterfall // @hell-or-high-waters // @no-sleep-gang-posts//  @wxlcomxtothxjunglx //@marshmallow-the-panda// @flix-net // @omni-hamiltrash // @an-absolute-failure // @mason-does-a-thing

–

Ko-Fi

#sanders sides #brotherly!anxciet #sympathetic deceit

[scribblescrabblebabble]

RoyEd Week 2k19 Day 6!

Title: Seven(?) Days

Rating: T+

Relationships: Roy Mustang/ Edward Elric; Gracia Hughes/Maes Hughes

Chapter: Day 6- Wait for me

Cross- Posted on AO3 and Fanfic.net links- AO3   fanfic.net

Best quality reading will be through the links, not on Tumblr itself because I’m too lazy to do italics and shit right now. For @royedweek2019 ‘s RoyEd Week!

This is a prompt from day 5, but lets ignore that hehehe.... Hughes lives! AU

--------------------------------------

A long time ago, Trisha Elric had told her sons that, “Good will come to those who wait,”. It was a common phrase, and she had meant this to mean more on the lines of “wait your turn” and “don’t skip in line” and that sort of thing.

Ed mused on his mother’s advice. He noted wryly that waiting hadn’t done her much good at all- it probably did her a whole world of bad, in fact. He never understood why she waited so dutifully. Never, that is, until now. As he looked upon his garden that Friday evening, the alchemist realized that he, unexpectedly, took after his mother in this way.

----~----

Ed awoke on Saturday two hours after he fell asleep; his alarm for 6:00 had yet to ring. Even in his sleep Ed had been restless, as the blankets were twisted at the bottom of the bed, and his pillow lay a few feet from his dresser across the room. In an attempt to calm his nerves, Ed took a long shower and, unable to find a second towel, called Winry with his hair dripping all over the office rug.

As he waited for his sister-in-law to answer, Ed looked out upon the back yard in the office window, dewy and colorful in the early spring sunrise. Maybe he’d pick a few of the flowers to spruce up the house a little bit- was that too cheesy?

Winry’s tired voice greeted him at last, “Hello?”

“Heya Win.” Ed replied, followed by what he guessed to be a sigh.

“Edward, the sun is barely up! What could you possibly need from me? If it’s an emergency I’m sure there are people who live closer to you to call.”

He chuckled a little guiltily, “Sorry Win, ‘M just trying to kill some time until 10:00. I’m too jittery to get anything productive done.”

Winry gasped, “Oh, is today the day?”

Ed nodded, knowing she couldn’t see, “It’s the day.”

            --~--

The past two years had been a long string of going to work at the lab or in the office with Team Mustang, reading the paper, and anxiously awaiting the rare phone call from Al or Roy. To both of their credit, they called whenever possible, but Al was very busy with his teaching job and helping Winry with their young daughter, and Roy…

Roy was never around phones much, Ed guessed.

The blonde currently slouched in his office chair, doodling on a spare sheet of paper in lieu of alphabetizing the sources for his latest compilation of research. Riza looked at him reproachfully from her own desk across the room until he sighed and got back to work, balling up the spare paper and throwing it into the bin. Even then, it took him a minute to focus enough to actually comprehend the words he was trying to sort.

‘Abrams, Addison, Anderson, Amaryllis… wait no, m before n… shit this is dull, I need to get out of here.’ He pushed himself up and muttered about an early lunch break before he strode out of the large room. He looked disdainfully at the coffee machine, before deciding a quick stop by a café would do him better than the bitter crap in the office.

He hadn’t been sleeping well, even worse than he usually tended to, and it was only partially because of the workload regarding his research.

Outside, the air smelt of rain, and Ed regretted not taking an umbrella or something with him when he left (Riza would give him an earful if he came back dripping all over the freshly polished floors). The old coffee shop stood in a quaint corner, rather out of place in the midst of military office buildings, yet wholly welcomed by the lot. Ed knew the barista, Louise, well, and when he walked in she smiled, “Morning, Major! Usual?”

“Please.” Ed sighed, giving her a wad of cash, insisting she keep the change because he was too lazy to try and count it out, and sitting at a small two-person table towards the back of the building. He hadn’t brought any work with him, so while he waited, the alchemist kind of dazed out, just letting the ambiance of the little shop clam his nerves a bit.

A familiar female voice interrupted his tranquil state, “Edward?” He looked up in surprise, coming face-to-face with Rose’s friendly smile. He moved to stand and greet the young woman, but she motioned for him to remain seated, and took the chair across from him.

“Rose, what brings you to Central?” Ed asked curiously.

“Winry asked me to come drop off some parts with clients she has over here. And to check up on you, of course.” The Leorian responded, “Speaking of which, Edward, you look absolutely tragic!”

Ed was about to retort, but Louise came to the table with his usual coffee and sandwich. He thanked her, and took a large bite of his food before continuing where he was interrupted, “I do not look tragic, Rose, you’re being dramatic.”

“Did you sleep at all last night?”

“Uhh…”

Ed knew Rose wasn’t nagging just to be annoying, as the evident worry in her eyes was practically palpable. He only assumed everyone else back in Resembool would have the same expression if they saw him like this. This thought sent an arrow of guilt into his stomach, but he suppressed it quickly, changing the topic of their conversation, “Well, they say the war’s dying down a bit in the east. Some Ishvallan insurgent groups and all of the Southeastern front are still neck-in-neck, but that’s a good sign, right?”

Rose gave him a very unimpressed look, knowing full well what he was doing. She took to bait, however, to appease him, “Yeah, I heard the Fürher’s been trying to start peace negotiations, futile as it may seem. Have they begun sending soldiers home yet?”

Ed nodded with a small frown, “Hawkeye said they’re releasing some who have families and stuff to tend to at home: pregnant wives, senile grandparents, and the like. Just means the non-priority soldiers’ll have to stay out longer.”

Rose frowned as well, “Not necessarily. If there’s less conflict, then they don’t need as much workforce out there, you know?”

“I guess.” He sighed.  

Rose rolled her eyes, “I know what this is about, Edward. He’ll be back soon.”

“What, did he tell you? ‘Cuz the certainly didn’t tell me.”

Rose looked cross, “He’s fighting! Not getting any response is better than a letter saying he’s dead! Do you really think digging a pity hole is going to help the situation?”

Ed looked at her angrily, then his expression dropped as he saw then emotion on her own face. He remembered the Rose of eight years previous, broken in the midst of a war, yet not fallen prey to self-pity. Sure, she had been manipulated by Dante, but everything she did was for a good greater than herself. Settling in Resembool, even, was for her son to be happy, and she took her present with such grace it was ridiculous.

Ed looked to his plate and quietly admitted, “It’s just… stressful, not knowing. God, I wish I knew how he’s doing, Rose.”

She smiled, “I know, it’s the worst. But you know what?”

“What?” Ed asked around another bite of this lunch.

“When you do find out, it’ll be worth the wait.” She stood up, “I’ve got to deliver these parts, but I’ll swing by your place tonight. We can make some dinner or something, okay?”

Ed smiled at her, “That sounds great. I’ll see ya then.”

“See ya!” She turned out the door. Ed sat at the table, alone again. Now, however, the thought of returning to his list of names wasn’t so daunting, especially with the promise of Rose’s divine cooking in his future. He took his time finishing the sandwich, and took his to-go cup of coffee back to the office with him.

Riza was the first to acknowledge Ed as he walked in, placing his cup on his desk and making as if to sit down. She held a little orange envelope out to Ed from her desk, and Ed quickly took the telegram. Seeign Riza’s small smile, he had an inkling who it could be from.

“Excuse me.” He muttered, taking the envelope into the long-closed room to his right, Roy’s private office. He pushed down the sadness at the empty desk and lack of paper heaps set out to be avoided, sitting hard on one of the large office chairs, hands shaking a bit as he opened up the folded paper. A smaller slip of paper came out, and Ed read the words greedily.

‘Coming home Oct 16, 10:00. Central West Station.

I have a surprise. Love you more than I can say.

-Roy’

 --~--

After Winry hung up, stating that Trisha had awoken and needed ‘Mama time’, Ed was at a loss for what to do. He trudged back to the bedroom and changed into his day clothes (no point in pretending he may go back to nap). He threw his old clothes into the laundry basket and decided, on a whim, to change out the bedsheets and throw the old ones in with his dirty clothes. That started, Ed began obsessively cleaning the house- once the laundry was piled up, a table looked dusty, then the oven needed a wipe down, and he had to cook his own breakfast so there would be dishes, and so on, until before he knew it, the clock struck 7:00 and the phone rang.

Ed threw down the dish rag, seemingly broken from his mindless work trance, and retreated back to the office to answer it. This time, Gracia’s voice greeted him.

“Edward? How’re you doing?”

Ed sighed, but it came out as more of an exasperated laugh, “Just barely keeping it together, I guess! Trying to find something to do until I can go down to the station.”

Gracia laughed as well, sounding just as tired as he felt, “I understand the feeling. Elicia and I’ve been up for hours!”

“Have you talked to Maes?” He hoped he didn’t sound too desperate, but that hope was fairly fleeting.

“Not for about two weeks, but I haven’t heard from anyone else about him so that’s a plus, yeah?”

Ed didn’t want to tell Gracia that to him it absolutely wasn’t a plus, so he just hummed in agreement, “Roy hasn’t called or anything since the telegram. I guess we’ll see what that means today.”

“have you thought about what that surprise could be?”

“Yeah, probably too much.” Ed laughed a bit, “It’s making me even more anxious, somehow.”

Gracia laughed lightly, “Hey, so I called to ask if you wanted me to bring some lunch to the station for you. I’m already bringing some for Elicia so it’s not a big deal.”

“No thanks, I can’t eat right now.” Ed politely refused. Gracia seemed to understand, for she didn’t push the matter.

They talked lightly until Gracia hung up (something about an oven or something like that). The blonde stood in the study, anxious and with nothing to do for the next three hours.

--~--

Ed watched the tracks obsessively. He knew he’d definitely know when the train came to view, but he’d grown so anxious and excited he couldn’t do much more than sit and stare. Gracia sat beside him, reading the paper with Elicia working through a novel beside her. She seemed very composed and must make Ed look like an absolute wreck in comparison. Her day dress looked very clean and neat, whereas Ed had barely the patience to bother fully buttoning his own shirt.

Elicia noticed the train first, dropping her book and standing quickly, “Mom, Ed, I heard a whistle!” The eleven-year-old bounced excitedly as the train slowly screeched into the station. Ed felt his nerves burn deep in his abdomen, and he almost felt sick as he stood with the woman and girl, watching the train cars take far too long to slow down. Inside the train, every window was filled with blue-capped soldiers, their faces practically pressed to the glass, much like small children, in search of their loved ones. Several groups in front of Ed jumped and waved, their husbands or wives or whatever identified out of the many faces in the vehicle.

Finally, the train stopped, and the soldiers were let off one-by-one, each saluting their superiors at the doors before they were set free to find their families. Ed anxiously stood about the growing crowd of soldiers.

Hughes was the first out of the two, happily saluting his superior and running straight to Gracia, having seen her already from inside the train. HE managed to lift and spin both Gracia and Elicia at one time, an all-around bubble of joy. Seeing Ed, he shot the blonde a broad, knowing smile. After three more men, Ed finally, finally, spotted Roy. He boarded off the train, saluted, and scanned the crowd hopefully.

His eyes found Ed the moment the blonde’s feet began to move and was thusly prepared for Ed’s weight as he ran full-force into Roy’s arms. They didn’t talk for a short time, too busy trying to get each other as close as possible, as if to make up for the lost time. Then, Ed leaned back to look over the other, checking for injury.

Roy laughed, and it sounded pretty close to perfect, “I’m not hurt, Ed.”

Ed laughed too, finding his emotions burst out with his smile, “I had to make sure, you haven’t really contacted me aside from a single telegram in-“

He fell quiet, as suddenly Roy’s mouth was in the way and he was too busy kissing him back to continue his protest. “I’m sorry,” he murmured as they parted.

Ed sighed for dramatic effect, “I think I can excuse it this one time. Besides, I believe there was a surprise I was promised?”

Roy’s smile brightened, if that was possible, and he quickly looked to the superior officer at the door and back to Ed, “Of course! They should be off of the train soon; had to have a double check.”

“They?” Ed repeated, confused. Roy just smiled and took Ed’s hand, leading them to the door of the train. Looking back, Ed could spot Maes with a devilishly gleeful look, Elicia jumping around excitedly, and Gracia looking at he and Roy with a hand over her mouth. “Roy, what’s going on?” Ed asked.

They reached the doors as the superior officer helped out the last of the ensemble, two very shaken looking Ishvallan children, a boy and a girl. If Ed had to chance a guess, he’d peg them at around two or three years old. They looked around, helplessly confused, and Ed realized with a sinking feeling in his gut that their parents weren’t with them. They didn’t have anyone to meet at this station. Except…

They noticed Roy, and walked quickly in a beeline to him. As they reached the couple, the children seemed to realize that Roy had a companion and slowed shyly. The older man chuckled and squatted down to be eye-level with the two, “Molly, Gregory, this is Ed. He’s my husband.” He looked up at Ed, motioning for Ed to join him on the ground. He did, and the children seemed to look at him curiously. Roy continued, “Ed, this is Molly, and this is Gregory. Their parents asked me to… to take good care of them.” The blonde’s heart stung at the visible pain in Roy’s eye from a memory he was sure to learn of later.

He also saw a bit of uncertainty in his husband’s face. He realized that he’s been awfully non-responsive to the two so far, and Roy was essentially bringing kids into the complicated equation of their relationship. Smiling, Ed squeezed Roy’s hand affirmatively.

“Molly and Greg? Well, this is a surprise!” Roy’s grin lost it’s callous edge, seeing Ed’s positivity, and he pulled the both of them up to their original standing position.

Ed turned to the little kids, “We’ll make sure to take great care of you. I’m not very good at doing things halfway.”

Molly nodded and replied, “kay,”.

“You alk-mee too?” Gregory asked, hiding a bit behind his sister.

“A-alchemy? Yeah, I’m an alchemist.”

Roy muttered, “Greg’s blown away by alchemy. Thinks it’s the coolest thing he’s ever seen.”

Ed grinned broadly, “Well, that’s good! Cuz you’re gonna be around a lot of alchemy, right?”

The little boy’s eye sparkled, “Ya!”

Roy proffered the hand not already taken by Ed, which Molly took gladly. Greg was hand-in-hand with Molly as Roy led the little pack towards the Hughes’s, Gracia looking like she might cry, and Elicia already running to give her Uncle Roy a big welcome hug.

Ed looked back at the two kids- technically his two kids. ‘Oh, fuck I’ve got kids!’ he thought, finding himself increasingly excited about the prospect. Plus, if these kids already thought alchemy was awesome, what could possibly go wrong?

#royed #safe RoyEd #RoyEdweek2019 #royedweek #wartime romance AU #kid fic

[demonslayvr]

HEADCANON 112 / TIMELINE.   so after days of sitting on what the fuck my timeline is going to be i’ve finally come up with this  --  it’s a running timeline and will be added on and/or edited as i write more on certain NPCs or events that i might add between games or parts of the timeline. 

PLEASE NOTE THAT I AM WILLING TO WORK THINGS OUT OR CHANGE MY TIMELINE IF THINGS DON’T WORK SPECIFICALLY FOR YOU.  I’M HAPPY TO COMPROMISE ANY PART OF THIS TIMELINE TO WORK WITH ANY MUN WHO WRITES WITH ME.

>  born younger sibling to vergil and things go on as normal until the fire where the two get separated and presumes vergil dead.                       >  with him being a terrified and emotional mess of a kid at this point                         he didn’t  100%   follow eva’s instructions to begin with as he runs                         (   with rebellion in arms   )   straight to authorities and ends up                         having to ID her body later.  he lies in saying he knows her but                         breaks in days later in the middle of the night to steal her body                         and  bury her on the family’s grounds.   (  there was no real grave                         marker made due to dante wanting to leave red grave   but    dante                         knew 100% where it was pre dmc5.  i say  was  because with the                          qliphoth pretty much showing up in the backyard and the destruction                         of the house later  . .  the grave was   HUGELY  disturbed.  obviously.   )  >  tries to live on the street                      >  doesn’t last longer than two months before CPS finds                          and identifies him.  at this point he’s too tired to really run away                         and gets put into the foster system.  >  in the foster system and going from family to family.                     >  runs from some fosters due to figuring out that the only                         reason he was taken in was due to government checks                         and he given bare minimum care.  he’d jump back to the                         streets,  do a bit better due to his older age but end up                         back to an orphanage or in the foster system.                     >  ends up with   gavreel,  comfortable and starting to settle in                         on staying with the cast out angel and her family only to find her                         dead due to demon’s looking for  him  which starts to breed a deep                         guilt.  picks up what he can ;  mostly money and anything small or                         valuable before ending up back in the system.                     >  last foster with gaia  ;  follows devil may cry’s anime canon with how                         dante ended up on the coastal town morris island before gonyakzu                         appeared and massacred the town in trying to find dante himself                         and feast upon him. gaia and dante   --   now known as tony   --                           escape the town with blame on their backs.  dante knowing that                         gonyakzu was after him and the people dead are essentially are                         on his hands.  he parts with gaia with gaia after her death soon                         afterwards,  product of being injured at some point in the escape.   >  starts testosterone at age 15  -  16 under the table with money held tight after gavreel’s demise and him running along with earnings made with gaia’s bakery business and after a deal to take care of an annoying demon for the doctor.   >  finally starts mercenary work still under the alias of tony redgrave and frequents bobby’s cellar for jobs and actually makes a couple friends  -  meets nell goldstein

>  DMC novel  /  pre dmc3 novel canon events.  (  15 - 16  )                    >  diverges off here at this point between my blog canon and canon’s                         that will depend on the vergil i write with.   my blog canon   is that                         his past again rolls up to try and grasp at him which doesn’t entirely                         fly.  the bobby’s cellar massacre occurs and it   was not    gliver                         who caused it here,  it was a set of demons looking for dante  --                           all end up dead and dante leaves leaving the death of his friends                         behind him and holding ebony and ivory in hand from nell.  leaving                         tony dead where he lay and reclaiming dante as his name.                    >  with vergil’s that   do   have gliver as part of their canon and following                        novel timeline instead then,  sure,  i’ll follow your canon events.                          basically with vergil’s that follow the novel canon i follow that canon                        with them   only  where gilver showed up,  looked around and made                        a goddamn fucking mess >  literally nothing  /  taking mechanical,  what’s left of merc and / or demon work     from information brokers that are willing to hire his demon / investivatigve     services  (  16 -  18  )

>  pre devil may cry 3 manga’s events.  (  18 - 19  )                      >  gets top surgery at age 18 - 19 with with the use of a mixture of left over money and cash he’s saved from mercenary work  /  demon hunting  /  sex work    

>  devil may cry 3′s events  (   19  -  early 20s  )                     >  post dmc 3.  meets clementine,  dates her for a bit,  almost proposes                         to her,  ends in a mess.                      >   meets edmund lowell one year after clementine leaves,  has his child                         whom he names fortune before giving them away due to being unable                         to support them properly  /  feel like he could properly protect.                         (   not 100% canon but compliant with @strwberryglr​  )                     >  partial canon to timeline but only counts to marvel character                         interactions:   marvel vs capcom game events.  kinda all over.                          gag canon for fun. >  devil may cry 1′s events  >  episodes 1 - 12 of the devil may cry:  the animated series  /  anime >  devil may cry 4′s events                            >  POST GAME:  starts an emotional  /  mental health decline                                that pretty much has him pushing people away as his                                depression gets worse over time.  has a go at not caring a                                lot as his empathy tanks but still trying to keep humans out                                of harms and do his job which leads into dmc 2′s events                                and how he is as a character.  the novel completes his                                decline and almost shatters it many times over >  second DMC novel  /  pre dmc2 novel canon events.                            >  dante’s in the other dimension for 2 months  /  six months at                                home >  devil may cry 2′s events               >  dante’s stuck in hell 10 years real world time  /  5 years underworld time               >  returns and struggles to regain his footing in a world he’s not been in for                   ten whole years. >  devil may cry:  before the nightmare’s events                >  meets lucia again,  throws hands with balrog and receives him as                   a devil arm after breaking the fragment of the yamato.  >  devil may cry 5′s events                >   returns home from hell at some goddamn point with                       (   or without   )    vergil.

#{{ DO NOT REBLOG }} #🔥 // all these voices in my head bring development ( headcanons ) #🔥 // i'm here because a jackass devil dragged me in kicking and screaming. howdy demons its ya boy ! ( mun )

[bobstits]

Meeting Myself Again

How long has it been? Nearly 2 years now? And just like last time, it’s a wake up call that’s brought me back here. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, I documented one of my biggest self-discoveries of my life on here towards the end of my Fall ‘15 Semester. I’m rereading it now and it’s pretty funny to look at - not because I disagree with any of it, but the way I projected my voice in it is cringey. GET A LOAD OF THIS ASSHOLE TRYING TO SOUND OVERLY PHILOSOPHICAL, EH??? What’s really changed though lmao 

It’s difficult to come back and try to match the significance of that post into this one but I guess the point to be taken here is that it can’t be matched. You can revisit the past to help yourself now, but things will never REALLY be the same again. That sounds like a good place to start now that I think about it. The Past. I’ve become so obsessed with it. Since the end of Spring ‘16 (What I like to call ‘It Was The Best of Times’ in my mental scrapbook), a huge chunk of my free time was been spent living in the memories from then. I kept looking forward to Sophomore year thinking that it was going to be exactly the same and exactly as fun as the previous year was. I became so entangled in trying to repeat the pattern that

well

I became boring. 

I forgot to use my common sense and listen to the long living lesson: Don’t live in the Past. It was really difficult to get myself out of that. Spring ‘16 had been everything I’d ever wanted in life up to that point. I found a place I really felt like I belonged in, was wanted in. I met a girl that woke me up to parts of myself I had forgotten existed. I made some of the best of friends anyone could even hope to ask for. I was rediscovering myself in a way I hadn’t in years. It gave me back that innocent feeling we used to feel when we were kids, only now I was older. It’s a time I hold dearly to my soul, and if any of you have ever seen my Spring ‘16 video on my YouTube channel, you know exactly what I’m talking about. If you were there, you know more than anyone else ever will. It was finally a time in my life where I felt untouchable. Unfuckwittable. Everything I wanted was mine. I even remember Dante saying something like that when I finally got one of the biggest goals for myself that sem:

“BOBBY GETS WHAT BOBBY WANTS.”

Dangerous. So dangerous. Nobody should ever get everything they want. What else do you have to strive for if you already have everything? And that’s what eventually brought me down. I became complacent that semester. Stagnant again. Why would I want to change anything when everything is already here? I could have stayed there forever and I would never tire, it felt like. I went into that summer anticipating a repeat the next sem. We’d all still hang out, I’d go on more adventures with her, we’d hit every event, turn up every weekend, and it’d never end.

I really hoped it would stay that way. Eventually my summer job became routine. My relationship became routine. Late night skype calls turned into small talk and it was a rare and pleasant experience when we’d have meaningful conversation again. I looked at it as if the flower had already bloomed and I didn’t need to water it any more. As you can probably imagine,

The flower died. I wanted everything to stay the same but was unwilling to change to make it do so. Something always has to change. If you don’t, it will, and if it doesn’t, I promise you will. If any of you really know her, you know how free spirited she is. My mistake was thinking that I had figured her out. It was cringey af tbh and I’m really sorry about that. Thinking about the straight CHEESE that was coming out of my mouth, it’s no surprise she eventually got tired of it and left. But I didn’t have that perspective when it happened. My perspective then was that I had done all I could and that it wasn’t enough. The real problem was that I wasn’t doing the RIGHT things, and the things I WAS doing, I was overdoing. We were two different wavelengths and I wanted to believe so bad that I was the same as her. Not to say that if I had done something different back then that there would be a different result. Maybe there would have been, maybe there wouldn’t have been, there’s no way to tell now. What could’ve been doesn’t matter nearly as much as WHAT WAS. And it wasn’t good. 

I wanted to blame the whole fucking world for it. I wanted to rip my fucking walls down and punch the walls til my knuckles would split I wanted to grab the universe by the throat for lying to me, for taking away everything I’d wanted and finally had. But the truth is that I was lying to myself.

My dad has this thing where he always tells me to be on my best guard in the happiest of times and the saddest of times. “Those are the times when we are most susceptible to making our worst mistakes - when we are at our happiest and when we are at our saddest.” Remember that Regression To The Mean thing? Everything eventually levels out to its unexcited state. The best of times become regular again but so do the worst of times. Nothing lasts forever in either extreme, no matter how good or bad. If life is a scale, then I was trying to purposely hold the “Good Side” down for longer than it was meant to be, throwing it out of balance. What’s the only way to balance out a REALLY FUCKING HIGH POSITIVE?

With and equally fucking low negative. ‘It Was The Worst Of Times,’ indeed. My lie to myself, that I could live forever in that high without changing, without sacrificing, cost me months of chaos. Not knowing who are what I stood for anymore. Not knowing what love meant to me. Not caring. I eventually blamed her for a lot of it, thinking that she had given up on me when really I had given up on myself. It killed me to see her with him. But she was happy. How could I ever touch that?

After emotionally, mentally, spiritually falling for what seemed like forever, I eventually hit my lowest. And it was definitely my lowest so far. I never thought I would become potentially self-harming, but it got close to that. I don’t know if I’m supposed to be saying all that, but this is more for me than it is for you, and I need to come to terms with everything. And that was a huge part of it. Yes, I nearly tried to kill myself. And for my case, and I can only speak for my case, I am no longer ashamed of that. That night showed me how far I can fall, the limits of my soul. And it showed me what it takes for me to eventually climb back up. Kain Carter put it best: When you fall, there is no bottom, so stop waiting for it. You’ll fall forever if you keep waiting. The only thing you can do is reach out and grab a rock. I found my rock that night. And I hope everyone finds theirs if they ever find themselves in that situation. Mine was the faces of all the people who brought me to where I was. My family, my friends, my loved ones. You all brought me back and I’ll always be thankful for that, more than you’ll know and even when we drift.

Everything from that moment on was up. I learned to build myself up again. I stopped blaming others and only focused on what I could control. Going through Winter ‘16/’17 was reconstruction for me. Construction, Deconstruction, Reconstruction, the 3 Tenants of Alchemy I felt great going into the new semester. Maybe I was meant to balance myself that winter to prepare myself for what D, E, and I were going to experience that semester. I’ve made no effort to keep my ventures into psychedelics a secret so many of you already know what I’m talking about. I’m not gonna be that pretentious prick that claims to be some sort of neo-intellectual human that became superior to others because of my experiences (DON’T LISTEN TO THOSE PEOPLE) so everything I say is for my case, the only thing I can speak for. That first trip to downtown that night with the 3 of us deserves its own post someday, but another time. And I had thought the winter had been a revelation. That night, I met myself again. I remembered all the things I used to think about as a child, the things that I actually believe and am not just cosigning on because everyone else thinks so. At the risk of sounding like a complete ass: In a few words, I reconnected myself to the universe. I remembered how one we all are; really we aren’t different from anything. Everything is protons, neutrons, and electrons. We’re all just different versions of the same shit.

That semester I remembered to respect that spectrum of life, the positives and the negatives. Regression to the Mean. Got my best GPA since 8th grade (3.94 but who’s really counting haaaaaa). I was in the best shape of my life. Somehow, my life and her life crossed paths again and we got a second chance at something neither of us were ready for before. I got to really LISTEN to music. I saw so many artists that year. I figured out who my best friends really were. I established within myself who I was, who I wanted to be, what I’d need to do to get there. The Balance was back. All the answers I ever needed were inside of me.

Going into this past summer, you could probably guess how great I felt. I finally had all the answers I was looking for.

Did I?

I thought so. Life is pretty funny with how often things can repeat. After awhile, my work began getting routine again. Skype calls were getting a little dry again but we knew how to watch for that this time. I hung out a lot less with my original friend group and took time to myself. Nothing is quite as humbling as coming home thinking you know everything from these new experiences you’ve had only to have your family remind you that at the end of the day, a part of you never REALLY changes and that you don’t know shit. It was alarming at first. I didn’t want to go back. I didn’t want a repeat of the previous year. But after awhile, I realized how GREAT that was. I still don’t know shit. I’ll never know everything. I’m just as clueless as I used to be. Because as much as you think you know, you’ll never know everything. No matter how big the number, all values are small in comparison to the infinity. I say “after awhile” because there wasn’t a specific day when I finally realized this. It was a months-long process that finally really developed...this morning in the early AM actually. I’ve been so lost in trying to understand the infinity, I forget to just Be. Be what I am. A regular-ass, clueless human being. That’s all I’ll ever be. What a beautiful thing.

Lighthouse last night was watching their most recent vlog. It reminded me of my previous habits, my previous self. I started watching a bunch of my old vlogs again, and I started to remember. And that’s when it happened again. I met myself. And when I say that, I mean I remembered the parts of me that I have neglected. I saw all the things I had become now. I looked ahead and saw my possibilities. And I decided to take a step down the path I wanted. See the mistake before was thinking that I had re-met myself for the last time, that I was finally reaching my fullest potential. I forget to let myself be small sometimes. I forget that I’m still growing, still learning, and that it will never stop. How many more times will I meet myself again? I’ll never know, but I’m sure about thing. I look forward to all of those moments. I look forward to knowing nothing. I wonder what I’ll learn in another 2 years.

Have a beautiful day everybody. Thanks for listening and for joining me on this crazy fuckin ride.