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youofsomesong · 1 year

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Friends Describing Starkid Characters (part 4)

(There will be spoiler pictures from Nerdy Prudes Must Die, so look at your own risk. They show up after Curt)

james

typical nerd

he has a letterman (i mean its in the photo)

this looks like the harry potter one (yup)

this information does not help me at all though (yes it does!!!)

gregory (front) and william (back) (noooooo)

they are in a relationship (oh 100%)

the gun in the underwear is for later tonight theyre spicing things up

(i have the better picture of peter, dont worry. but i wanna see if theyll realize its the same character)

montgomery

nerd but he knows your name, address, social security number, and credit card information and it not afraid to use it

megan

tired barista (SAME)

good at names and faces (not same) (same bestie)

knows martial arts

quincy francis iv

a cowboy with absolutely NO cowboy skills

saw a horse once and went “cow!!”

oh theyre also gay gay homosexual

nobody knows about their relationship though (well...)

elizabeth (left) and grace (right)

theyre into cosplay

businessman businessman businessman

slightly below average at his job but covers for it by being likeable and social (jfhkjasdhf thats not true)

his name is ronald

marco

theatre kid

rebecca

a proud trans woman who will take no shit

OH MY GOD WAIT

THATS UMBRIDGE ISNT IT (...maybe)

jafar (whats with my friends and thinking achmed is jafar???)

tried to sneak in an aladdin picture with the starkid. im onto you (youre not though cause thats achmed, not jafar)

bridget

likes reading

not very popular but a nice person

patricia

she has a pufferfish on her head

shes a strange one

still kind of popular though??

jasmine and jafar (this one im 87% certain) (youre half right bestie)

they pulled a switcheroo

that other one was aladdin and i was wrong (you were wrong but youre still wrong)

rachel

big fan of the little red riding hood story. made it her entire personality (jksdhfjdksh bestie)

thats a classic jack right there

total asshole (a bit, yeah)

sells drugs to minors (but he doesnt. he loves hannah like his own kid)

that previous guys brother but this ones a good person and keeps getting pulled into his brothers crap

his name is riley

definitely has pronouns

not straight (oh he 100% is not straight)

generally well liked but has one specific enemy (more like we love him but we hate him)

looks like a noah to me

self proclaimed “party animal” (everyone hates him except like one person whos pretty neutral about him) (lies. we all love him)

name is... liam (derogatory)

andrew garfield in disguise (askjfdhakjs)

thats all

“tall dark and handsome” (has platforms in his shoes)

daniel

NERDY PRUDES MUST DIE PHOTOS!!!! CONTINUE AT YOUR OWN RISK

thats a whole zombie fr fr

name was revoked

but his name WOULD have been zachary

watched “the last of us” and liked it way too much

became his favorite character

straight man (derogatory) (kajfhasdhf i dont believe max is straight AT ALL)

the woman is bi (grace is repressed bi, what did i tell yall?)

her name is haley his name is michael

he needs to put his shirt back on (no he does not. he is hot)

goshdarn jessica

Mean Girl ™️ (i mean...mariah was regina george...she was in mean girls...)

manny

generalized anxiety disorder (if he wasnt first labeled as obnoxious teen i would say yes. but he did have that whole waiting for hot chocolate line(s). oh and xe did not connect that the petes were the same character. i did not tell them that either and idk if i will tell him)

MARKIPLIER?

thats it

dyed hair and pronouns

quinn

at this point in time i did tell them that nibbly and blinky were not female even though both are played by women (and the fact that i hc nibbly as agender)

thats a rowan

absolutely slays

also has pronouns

liked wreck it ralph

naruto fanboy

his name is blake but he asked people to call him by the name of his favorite character

(nobody does)

this one is a big fan of sonic

has a sonic themed backpack and lunchbox

morgan

jeremiah

i see an anime shirt hes an anime stan (well thats obvious)

has at least two twitter accounts dedicated to anime (honestly wouldnt be surprised)

#starkid #team starkid #starkid black friday #black friday #a very potter sequel #A Very Potter Series #the guy who didnt like musicals #the trail to oregon #Firebringer #twisted #twisted the untold story of a royal vizier #spies are forever #nerdy prudes must die #nerdy prudes must die spoilers #npmd #npmd spoilers #tin can bros

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sootygoggles · 3 years

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Parent!Paranoia Sanders Sides AU!

No explanation, but I'll probably give the backstory later. For now: memes of Paranoia being an A-class parent and a chaos gremlin. (okay it started as memes but then just ended up as fleshing the AU out)

Paranoia, worried abt his kids: I'm uhhhh gonna go to my room see ya later light sides

Paranoia, sneaking back into the subconscious to check on his now teenaged children: I'm gonna leave duke a r a t that I found and thought looked cool

Duke, waking up the next morning and yelling for 'Nesty bc "HOLY CRAP NESTY LOOK AT THIS RAT ISN'T SHE ADORABLE I WANNA HANG HER ON THE WALL": !!!!!!!!!!

Paranoia gets a habit of sitting on the fridge because his children were wild as kids and sometimes duke comin at you with a knife warrants jumping onto counters

Nesty, who doesnt get paid to deal with duke: I'm raiding dads liquor cabinet it's my due for putting up with this

Paranoia, physically manifesting: put the key to the liquor cabinet D O W N, Honesty

The lights are confused as to why he disappears at random times of the day and night and he just "leave me TF alone before I leave you a goshdarn diddly P R E S E N T while youre sleeping I'm tired"

patton: my child! my dark strange son!!

paranoia, who has children: ,,,,yea ok

Patton ticks him off so he leaves a big halloween decor spider on his bed and nobody sleeps for weeks after that bc pattons too scared to touch it and paranoia maybeperhaps glued it onto his cover

He's like one of those people you know might mean well but ooooooo boy theyre pushin buttons

Paranoia, whos fav animal/insect is spiders and whose children have tarantulas and snakes on the regular: hes not even realistic!! You need to learn to get along with mr sparkles patton!! look at him. he's fluffy!

He has googly eyes and glitter on him at all times of course hes named mr sparkles

paranoia gets to be a little petty. as a treat

Paranoia just carries bags of glitter around and whenever mr sparkles gets duller he takes mr sparkles to the kitchen counter and he dumps glitter on him

Logan and patton are tired of cleaning up bc paranoias just petty enough to make their counters eternally sparkly

"why is there glitter all over the kitchen?"

paranoia, holding mr sparkles: :)

Paranoia, after AA: I hate purple but they dont know that now do they

Paranoia is actually orange the last side is purple lol

Chaos Gremlin dark sides and nobody is surprised bc paranoia raised them

paranoia, going back to see his teen children after acting like a teen all day: what is up, fellow kids

honesty: i am going to lose it

Wrath, coming to yell at them to keep it down: why are you purple I'm purple

Paranoia, cackling bc finally I can get out of this horrible color: *snaps fingers * I'M PARANOIA MOTHERTRUCKERS HAVE FUUUNNNNN I'M GONNA BE MAKING YOUR LIVES LIVING HELL FROM THIS POINT FORWARDS

duke and nesty, pumped for halloween bc u l t i m a t e s p o o k: :D

paranoia, coming out in a traffic cone costume with a shit eating grin on his face: :D

Paranoia, decorating for halloween bc "oh I'm sorry it's just the *sniffles * homesickness and we a l w a y s decorated for halloween" knowing full well all of his decorations are spider and witch themed bc they all like the salem witch trials

He leaves ONE fake snake in romans cereal and the lights just. Lose it. Hes kicked back into the subconscious to be chaotic with his kids, no new side, just the hours upon hours of film hes gotten from the bugs hed placed around the unconscious and a plan for the next several movie nights

He gets back and honesty is w h e e z i n g bc he was watching through the cracks and they make a fail compilation of the light sides

It takes like two months for the lights to just go insane with him around not due to yknow paranoia but bc hes such a gremlin

Patton asks if he was raised by wolves and he shoves mr sparkles at patton saying "take the issue of how I was raised up with my father, a-hole!!"

He doesnt actually curse he just yells "A-HOLE" so loud his kids can hear

They dont find out he's a dad until hes summoned and hes making cookies or smt with the kids and hes in a bright orange stereotypical witch outfit,,, corset and all and an apron that says "worlds most chaotic dad" on the front

And hes talking to one of the kids like "duke you can only put dish soap in your batch nesty cant digest it like you can"

Patton has an apron that says worlds least chaotic 'dad' courtesy of paranoia he made it himself(read: he stole pattons good apron and scribbled over it in sharpie)

Paranoia is always close to cackling when around the lights bc theyre newbs to any chaos

Roman and remus are twins but roman is the kind of kid to promptly forget abt anyone and logan n patton knew remus less than a day before he "disappeared" aka ran to the subconscious to explore and theyve just kinda blocked him out

Logans fine with it and actually likes the decorations tho he has asked if they had to be so brightly coloured and if there had to be so much glitter

I say decorations but hes a secret gremlin at heart and is super close to snickering at all times bc of the pranks

Also yes paranoia mildly dads roman it's great but he dads in an older sibling type way

So pat and logan are all "hes fitting in as an older brother well" and they tell him abt their approval of his older brother chaos and hes just like "no this is how I am deal with it nothing to do with brothers" bc hes not telling them abt his kids he doesnt trust them

Hes up at like midnight complaining with logan abt how patton doesnt let him be full chaos gremlin and logan says "mmmhmm did your parents in the dark side let you go wild with the chaos" and paranoia just,,,,, looks at him, dead in the eyes, and says "I dont have parents"

Cue logan being confusion

Paranoia, who genuinely didn't have parents: my parents are mr sparkles and the cat we've had for my entire life

Logan, who doesnt know they had a cat and is now worried bc "are you taking care of it???": ???

Paranoia: it's great for keeping the Others in line tho I just say "do your chores or no snuggle time with ms peregrin" and they do their chores while I'm making dinner

logan, incredibly confused: i don't know what you mean but ok

Paranoia: yeah theyre dumb but it's the level of dumb youd expect from my idiots

Or he slips up and refers to them as his children/kids and logan, not realizing they have an Actual Father/Sons relationship/age difference(paranoias abt.late 20s early 30s, remus defies all logic and has been about 9-10 for a few years now, and dees like early teens) just says "huh how.interesting would it be to have to deal with people your age that immature" and paranoias just. "Y e a h t h e y r e t o t a l l y t h e s a m e a g e a s I a m"

Duke is very much baby and upon seeing duke eating glue paranoia and honesty the idiots decided to try it too

theyre so dumb dsdhdhdhjsdh

They AREEE and paranoia, after discovering that duke has the h a r d i e s t immune system they decide to test exactly what he can and cannot safely eat bc he may be dumb but hes also def a Dad and he just wants to take care of his kids and if that includes making sure that duke can safely consume toilet bleach then so be it

Duke can eat almost anything short of actual cyanide but cyanide just makes him sick like stomach bug sick

He somehow gets a fever,,,,, he has it for like half an hour and paranoia is amazed

Hes in bed,,,,, paranoia makes him soup,,,,,, hes all better and running around again

Paranoias parenting rules:

Dont murder your brothers pls

Do your chores or no snuggle time with ms peregrin

Glitter is always a yes

Insults are fine just make sure you dont overstep and make your brothers insecure

all of them are printed and then the last one is scrawled at the bottom in

If you get sick, tell him immediately bc he will find out and he will be the most obsessive parent to make sure you feel better ASAP

If your pronouns/name/function change, tell him immediately, he'll make sure you dont feel uncomfortable as well as he can

Duke dont put dish soap in honestys baked goods you know he cant digest it

It's a nice system for making chaos but keeping it manageable

They're all printed then the last one's scrawled in glitter gel pen and duke wrote a reply that said (I'm sorry yall dont have as good an immune system as I do)

There was a whole passive aggressive arguement on the bulletin for the next week before it got taken down to make room for dukes art

They eventually started just putting them up over each other and using magnets instead of thumbtacks

The entire bottom portion of the walls are painted in chalkboard paint so theres no unerasable drawing on the walls and the rest of the paint is magnetic so they can hang pieces everywhere

Dukes improving rapidly tho and doesnt like looking at his old art all the time so paranoia holds onto the drawings in several filing cabinets in case he ever wants to do redraws or needs his original prints to make something in the Imagination

also bc,,, sentimental

jus a little

Yeah bc "yes my child draws nothing but blood gore and new animals but hes a creative genius and I love all of his art"

Roman: anxiety I can see why you left

Paranoia: ??? What?? It's spoopy season??

Roman: there was BLOOD on the WALLS

Paranoia, internally: oh!!!! Duke perfected his blood recipe!!!!

Paranoia, externally: how did it taste?

Roman: WHO TASTES THE BLOOD ON THE WALLS?!?!

Paranoia: if it tasted like lemons or citrus you need to stay off of most foods, stick to crackers and broth- don't eat anything heavy until you're sure you wont throw it up

Patton, who was making cereal: ????

Also!!!! @iliveinprocrasti-nation Thanks for helping me flesh this AU out!!!

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