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retroyousei · 3 years

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Female characters in retro shojo [70s edition, part 2]

In this series, the female characters in 70s shojo are being analysed. In part one, three of the most common types were examined; the “average” protagonists, the villains and the tomboys. In this article, other three very common types are being discussed.

The westerners innocent blondies

They are either orphans who just want to find a place to belong, princesses who dream about falling in love, or normal girls who always knew that they weren’t where they meant to be and they somehow discover that they are royalty or from a noble family. Either way, they are lively, innocent, but naive, so sometimes they may be betrayed or belittled, but they have a kind heart that knows how to forgive and have faith on people, so they make friends easily. Many times they are portrayed as Tomboys who love the nature and sometimes they get into trouble accidentally. They may seem helpless and dense sometimes, but despite all of this, they are actually very independent, as they may travel to the other side of the world all alone if they have to (they will make new friends wherever they go anyway) and if they need to, they can kick some serious ass too. But their most precious weapon is their inner strength to move forward, no matter what.

In “Candy Candy” Candy, is an orphan girl who goes through so many hardships. At first, her best friend Annie gets adopted, leaving her behind, but her troubles had just begun. She gets adopted by a rich family to keep company to their daughter, named Elisa who is the one who, along with her brother will constantly try to make her life miserable, firstly when she was staying at their house, then in the private school in England and afterwards when she was working as a nurse. But Candy makes many friends and has many allies and with her inner strength and lust for life, she overcomes all the obstacles that she faces. But that doesn’t mean that she doesn’t lose some of her dearest friends along the way. As she grows up she learns the hardships of life, but all those obstacles makes her only stronger and she never loses her hope for a better tomorrow.

In “the Rose of Versailles” we see Marie Antoinette evolving from an innocent and silly girl, to an irresponsible young woman, to a sorrowful, regretful, but determined queen. In the first volumes, she was still a child who just wanted to have fun and didn’t care about homework, traditions and preparations for being a queen. Later, during her first years as a queen she was portrayed as a naive person who didn’t make the right choices. Also, her friendship with Countess de polignag was a bad influence for her as she goaded her into gambling. But she was also well intensioned and just wanted her loved ones to be happy. Oscar always tried to be her voice of reason, but it wasn’t enough. Later it was more and more clear that she was spending her country’s money in clothes, gardening and building the petit Trianon to be with her inner circle, because she wanted to fill the void of being a woman who cannot be with her beloved. In the end, during the time that she was captured, before her decapitation, she surprisingly matured, realised what she had done all those years and wanted to make things right, but it was too late. Her final thoughts was about her family, Fersen and Oscar and she was proud and composured until her last breath. Throughout the story she was portrayed as an innocent woman who was sacrificed for the sake of politics.

In “Alpen Rose” Jeudi is an amnesiac girl who lives in Alpes with a boy named Lundi. She works as a nurse and has a quiet life, until a French nobleman captures her. Luckily she is very clever and with Lundi’s help they get away. And that’s how their journey towards finding Jeudi’s parents start. Along the way, Jeudi befriends many people, like a little girl with his brother and his girlfriend, a journalist who helps her a lot, a young couple and a mysterious musician named Leonard Aschenbach. Jeudi is different from other characters in this particular category because of her wit and courage. She also has a strong sense of justice and in matters of life and death, such as hiding from the nazis in the trains, planning traps for them and solving mysteries with the information that she gathers with the help of her friends, she succeeds. She also cares about the others and tries to see the good side in everyone. When she finally found her mother, she was asked from her grandparents to pretend that she wasn’t her daughter, because she was blind and in a fragile state, besides there was another girl who resembled Alicia (Jeudi’s real name) a lot. She had patience and it was repaid in the end.

Rosalie from “Rose of Versailles” was a poor girl who lived with her mother and her sister Joanne and she just wanted for others to be healthy and was happy with the simplest of things, like being able to buy bread and helping other children in the neighborhood who can’t afford to eat anything. When her mother is killed by Polignag who was in fact her birth mother, she is devastated and swears that she is going to get revenge from the nobles who don’t care about anyone else. When she befriends Oscar and Andre and stays at Jerjeyes household, she learns fencing, manners, horseriding and and history, to make her debut in Versailles. There, she meets the woman who killed her mother, her sister who suicides because of Polignag and managed to get away from her. She also felt disappointed with her other sister, Jeanne who betrayed her, but she was sad when she was killed. Later she meets and falls in love with Bernard, a friend of Oscar and they get married. As the years passed by, she evolved from a stereotypical nice girl, into an accomplished woman who can protect herself and the others. By the end of the story she was pretty much the only one from the main characters who stayed alive.

There are many other characters who fit this image, such as Georgie from “Lady Georgie”, who lived in Australia with a family that wasn’t hers and after meeting an English noble young man, Lowel, they fall in love, so she decides to follow him in England where she makes new friends, faces many enemies and also finds out about her real family. Lynn from “Lady Lady” travels to England to live with her father and her step sister and there she faces her evil step mother and her children, but she also finds many allies too.

Note: “Anne of green gables” was and still is popular in Japan, because of Anne’s passion for freedom and expression, the book’s “pastel” aesthetic, so Anne’s imagination and strength despite being an orphan, might have inspired those characters.

The worthy rivals

Those ladies tend to have what the main heroine lacks and they serve as her opposite. They tend to be considered prettier than the main characters and that circumstances are easier for them, something that isn’t true. They also appear to be elegant and refined, on oppose to the heroine who is more clumsy and tomboyish. They are usually more practical, down to earth and skilful than the main heroine, causing her to feel inferior to them. They may start off as the snobbish girls who look down on her and don’t take her seriously, due to her clumsiness and her easy going attitude towards work, but as the time goes by, they realise her real talent and her worth, causing them to consider her as a worthy opponent and expect great things from her. They may appear as almost perfect at everything they do, but the truth is that they are also insecure and they are having other types of problems, such as finding it very difficult to make friends, due to their cold nature, as they always appear antagonistic and determined to win. But as time goes by they may change their attitude with the help of the heroine, or better, with their own realisation.

Ayumi from “Glass Mask” is the greatest example of this. She is the daughter of a famous actress and a famous director and she was always on spotlight ever since she was a kid. She is beautiful, refined, elegant and admired by everyone, also considered to be a genius, as she excels at acting techniques, dancing and reciting. Her family environment helped her to pursue a successful career as an actress. But that doesn’t mean that she is rest assured as she always seeks to exceed her parents’ talent, so that people will see her as her and not as a daughter of famous parents. She also stated that no one truly knows how hard she worked in order to reach her current level. And that hard work was something that she succeeded on her own. When she encountered Maya for the first time and faced her on the stage, even though she (Ayumi) was better than her, she felt as though she was defeated. From that moment, even though it seemed like Ayumi had everything and Maya had nothing, Ayumi always thought that Maya had something that she lacked; a deep understanding of the characters that she portrays. Ayumi may excel at the techniques of acting, but she never manages to portray the true depth of emotion of each character. Her portraits of characters are accurate and true to the play, but Maya’s are refreshing and original. Even when it’s clear that she is way ahead of Maya, she always walks off stage with the feeling that she was defeated. As a rival, she is also very fair and she likes to unlimitedly challenge Maya in many ways. Of course, as the story progresses, Ayumi’s talent evolves and she becomes more open as a person.

In “Candy Candy”, Flanny is a girl who works as a nurse in the same hospital with Candy. She is the best of the nurses there, as she’s always on time, always knows what to do, is very practical and smart, yet she is rather cold and distant towards others. She only cares to get things done, that’s why she is often annoyed by Candy’s bubbly nature. What’s more, as soon as she learns that Candy is an Ardley, she assumes that she only works out of boredom, contrary to her, who she has to support her poor family. She even goes at the front, to work as a nurse and support the soldiers there. Candy respects her for that this and she visits Flanny’s family to inform them about her decision, as her own relationship with them is bad, as she only sends them her monthly allowance and they never seem to appreciate her hard work. Her and Candy make an interesting dynamic and many stated that both of them make the perfect nurse, with Candy’s gentle and caring personality and Flanny’s practical skills. At the end, both of them learned from one another.

In “Swan”, Sayoko is a refined woman who loved ballet ever since she was a child. But when she meets Masumi for the first time, she starts being insecure about herself and afraid that she will overshadow her, as she’s younger than her with a bright future, whereas she had a night of glory as a prima ballerina, but after an accident she needs to learn how to dance again. But she still feels sympathy for her, besides they both shared their love for ballet, thus a rivalry begins.

In “Aim For The Ace” Reika is the best player on the tennis team and so her nickname is “Madame Butterfly”, due to her grace in the field. Hiromi is fascinated by her and even though at first Reika isn’t impressed by her, later she appreciates her skills and thus a friendship begins.

The “damsel in distress” love antagonists

They are fragile, sweet and pretty, that’s for sure. They are either the daughters of an important family which aspires to marry them with the love interest, thus expand their power, or they are someone who because of some circumstances, grew closer to the love interest, before the main character even could or when she was separated from him for various reasons. Nevertheless, they are in a better social situation from the heroine. Their character arc usually begins at some crucial point of the plot, which is halfway through the story, when the main character and the love interest’s relationship have had already developed, but had not quite bloomed yet. They are considered to be innocent and kind, contradictory to the main character who is much more spontaneous, causing trouble to other sometimes. As expected, they slowly fall in love with the main love interest, in some cases before the main character even realises that she loves him. Either way, those characters add an extra dose of melodrama and constitute to the story, sometimes a little bit, some others a lot to a point of changing it.

Shiori from “Glass Mask” is an interesting case. She is a lady from a wealthy family, so she’s elegant and accomplished. She’s also very pretty, but fragile, as she suffers from anemia and many times she passes out. At first, she’s sympathetic, as she goes out with Masumi and starts falling for him, even though Masumi loves Maya. But as the story progresses, looking at the way Masumi talks to her (Maya), she starts to suspect that he likes her. Slowly but steadily, she evolves into a manipulative woman, who uses her weak health to keep him close. She sees Maya as a threat and she goes out of her way to make her seem like a bad person in front of Masumi. When he learns about all of this, he breaks up with her, but afterwards, Shiori attempts suicide and passes out. When she recovers, she loses almost all of her sense and she goes mad. She’s hospitalised in her room, where she barely speaks and sometimes she growls Maya’s name, rips apart her pictures in magazines and orders bouquets of purple roses to rip them too. At this point of the story, her parents don’t allow him to break their engagement, until their daughter recovers, leaving him responsible for her. In conclusion, Shiori evolves from a sympathetic woman, to a pathetic creature who’s adrift to its feelings.

Susanna from “Candy Candy” is a young talented actress, with a good heart, who works at the same theater company with Terry. During the time of their troupe’s performances in Chicago, she starts falling for him. Seeing that Terry’s heart is set on elsewhere she tries to keep him distant from Candy. Later on, in New York, during a rehearsal, the spotlight that was above of Terry, was ready to fall, so Susanna ran and pushed him away to save him, but the spotlight fell down before she could walk away from it. In the hospital, the troupe learns that she’s alive and healthy, but unfortunately the doctors were unable to save her legs and were forced to amputate them, meaning that her career as an actress was over. Terry took the responsibility, having a strong sense of duty and being pressured by Susanna’s mother. When Candy arrived to New York and see his play, she learned about it soon. Before she even fathom the news, she ran to catch up to Susanna, to save her from a balcony, before she could jump, trying to suicide, to free Terry and let him be with the one he loved. Candy manages to save her and decides to leave them be. So Terry chose to stay with Susanna to take care of her.

Lalissa from “Haikara-San Ga Toru” is a character that appears in the second half of the story. She’s a Russian noble, who arrived to Tokyo with her husband, who is in fact not her real one, but he’s Shinobu who suffers from amnesia after the war and believes that he’s married to her. Lalissa is elegant and quiet, but sad and the truth is that she had lost her real husband, that’s why she wants Shinobu near her, due to his resemblance to him. Benio, who’s Shinobu’s sweetheart, believing that he was dead, was shocked when she saw them together. But due to the circumstances and the fact that Lalissa suffers from tuberculosis, Benio decides to give up on him. But when the Kanto earthquake stroke, Lalissa was severely injured and ready to die, whereas Shinobu regained his memory and she told him to marry Benio and be happy.

Another mention, is Marie from “Alpen Rose” who liked Lundi and that was the reason that she miraculously stood up from her wheelchair to help him, although it’s clear that he likes Jeudi.

#retro shojo #shojo manga #Rose of Versailles #Candy Candy #Alpen Rose #Lady Georgie #Lady Lynn #Glass Mask #Swan #haikara san ga tooru #aim for the ace #character types #70s manga #80s manga

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attack-on-neverland · 3 years

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2.1 The Main Trio

In both Attack on Titan and The Promised Neverland, the main trio consists of three character tropes which are The Empath, The Distant but Loving and The Savior (who I also like to call “The Genocidal Maniac.” The existence of these tropes especially in the main three characters is important to recognize because these three are also generalizations of the attitudes of the people of their world. This mix keeps things relatively balanced and stable until one of them breaks the delicate balance for whatever reason.

Armin, Eren, and Mikasa (AOT)

Norman, Emma, and Ray (TPN)

1. Armin and Emma - The Empath

Armin (AOT) and Emma (TPN) make up The Empath. Both initially reject the idea of having to strike first and would avoid casualties at all cost. These characters would rather risk failure than harm innocent people (again, initially). They have a deep sense of compassion and can even empathize with the enemy and prefer to talk things out rather than engage in battle. Both Armin and Emma are also the ones to eventually stop the genocidal plans of Eren (AOT) and (Norman). Both characters also selflessly sacrificed themselves to save their loved ones.

Armin dreams of reaching the outside world and seeing the wonders of nature, which is why he joins the Survey Corps in order to secure peace for them once again. In the face of death, he chose to talk it out with Bertholdt, holder of the Colossal Titan and tried to get him to join their side. Even when his life was threatened, Armin hesitated to strike first, which only changed when Captain Levi instructed him to do so or else they would be killed. It is also Armin who stops Eren’s plan of destroying everything outside of Paradis and establishes the Alliance. Armin willingly sacrificed himself and got burnt alive by the Collosal Titan to ensure that he could buy time for Eren’s plan to work (He got revived eventually). However, he does live by the principle that “People who can’t throw something important [humanity] away can never hope to change anything.” This represents an eventual shift in Armin as his innocence is broken and he abides by the rules of war rather than reject them completely, opposite to Emma.

Emma also dreamed of the outside world and meeting all of her siblings with their families before they discovered the painful reality of their world. Throughout the whole series, it was shown how Emma would do literally anything to protect her younger siblings as she would stay behind to hold down enemies, set off on dangerous journeys with the older kids, and even struck a deal with That Person* which meant sacrificing herself to safely bring everyone back to the human world. However, Emma’s empathy doesn’t only manifest in her sibling relationships, but extends to everyone, even their biggest enemies. She befriends devils Mujika and Sonju, forgives Lucas after he endangered her life by bringing her to Goldy Pond, and extends her love to all the adults who were the reason behind the existence of the plantation. She cries out when she sees the demons being massacred by Norman, and begs for him to reverse things. She recognizes that no one is inherently bad and that everyone is just doing what they can to survive. In the end, Emma’s deal with That Person reveals that she traded what she loved the most (her family and her memories of them) in exchange for the freedom of all humans. This resulted in Emma ending up on some mountaintop (in the human world) with no concrete memories, but feelings of pain, longing, and sadness while all the other kids lived their happy lives together and arrived safely in their destination. Trust me, I cried BUCKETS.

2. Mikasa and Ray - The Distant but Loving

Mikasa (AOT) and Ray (TPN) make up the Distantly Rational but Loving trope. Aside from both having black hair and emo hairstyles, these two characters both exhibit the most skill and wits among all the other characters. In times of turmoil and panic, these two managed to keep a cool head (most of the time) and allowed everyone else to survive in safety. Both characters can be said to be distant because they are rarely seen enjoying themselves, presumably because of their traumatic backgrounds which is why all of their energy is focused on getting stronger and saving everyone. Their loyalty is unmatched, and they would be willing to destroy anyone who gets in the way of the safety of their families. This attitude stems from dark backgrounds that made both characters value life and the people around them so much. Despite their willingness to achieve any lengths, these characters still manage to think logically, and do not intend to cause unnecessary harm even to enemies.

Mikasa used to be a sweet and loving child who enjoyed the little things and simply being around her parents. However, everything changed when her parents were murdered by kidnappers, leaving Mikasa an orphan. She witnessed all of this violence and was supposed to be killed as well if she weren’t saved by Eren. From that day on, Mikasa grew to be outwardly distant, presumably to avoid getting attached to anyone who could possibly disappear in an instance. However, she was also attached to Eren and all of her comrades in the Survey Corps. She tried to hide that vulnerability under her cold exterior, but no one would ever doubt her love for her comrades. Witnessing her parents’ deaths made her swore to become stronger in order to protect those she loved.

From a young age, Ray was seen to be quieter than the other kids. Instead of playing, he would spend his time reading books, doing research, and observing everyone. This is because he discovered early on that Gracefield was not an adoption home, but a farm with children as their produce. However, he had to stay quiet and volunteered himself to become Mama’s spy so that he would not be shipped out early. The trauma stems from the awareness that each shipped out orphan became meals for demons, but being unable to do anything about it. For years, he had been a slave to Mama in order to acquire the parts he needed to aid their escape plan. It is evident how his loyalty to his siblings does not fade as he would sacrifice himself for the safety of everyone else. Like Mikasa, he still keeps a calm demeanor and can rationalize under dire circumstances.

3. Eren and Norman - The Self-sacrificing Savior / "Genocidal Maniac"

Eren (AOT) and Normal (TPN) both make up “The Savior” or the “Genocidal Maniac”. These boys both start out as innocent, wide-eyed children who wanted to explore the world. They are both passionate about saving all of their family and even sacrificed themselves for their safety. However, they are both drastically changed by a deeper understanding of their reality. From being hopeful optimists, they come to see the reality that no one else realizes. From the day of their realization, they come to an understanding that they have to be “devils” in order to save humanity in an attempt of self-sacrifice. They know that nothing would be able to redeem these sins, yet they still push forward to destroy anything and anyone that gets in their way. This is because they know that there is no alternative that guarantees their safety except complete annihilation of everything else. They eventually trade in their humanity at the cost of lives of children, innocents, and everyone who might get in the way. However, one key difference is that Norman (TPN) gets a chance at redemption, while Eren (AOT) does not. This will be further explored in Being Bound by destiny vs. Defying destiny.

After witnessing the death of his mother, Eren vows to exterminate every last titan in order to guarantee the safety of humanity. He trains hard in order to become an efficient member of the Survey Corps and promises to use his Titan power to defend everyone. Eren is hopeful, arrogant, and stubborn, and this causes him to dive in head first when anyone is in danger. He literally sacrifices himself and is eaten by a titan to save Armin, and he sacrifices himself time and time again. However, when the Survey Corps reach the ocean, Eren realizes that the real enemies are those across the other side of the ocean. The humans who wish for the demise of Paradis Island and its residents. Their enemies are not titans, but other humans. From that day on, Eren distanced himself from everyone and made his own plans. He had gone to extreme lengths to detach himself from his comrades so that they would have no power to stop him and the wrong-doings will be all his. This eventually resulted in Eren's attacks on Marley because he found out that the whole world was going to launch an attack on Paradis to exterminate the “devils” of society. In the end, Eren successfully activates the rumbling and ended up killing 80% of the world population because he knew that discrimination towards Eldians would not end until the world starts anew. His friends were able to save the 20% because they stopped Eren by having Mikasa kill him. Brb, gonna cry AGAIN.

After learning the truth of the house from Ray, Norman decided that he had to aid Emma’s plan of saving all the kids in the house, even the defenseless young ones. To do so would require utmost planning, strategy, and tactics that would put the three at risk. However, Norman decided that the benefits would outweigh the risk and proceeded with Emma’s plan. Unfortunately, Mama stops them in their tracks and decides to ship Norman early in order to stop him from ruining her plans. Emma and Ray do everything they can to save Norman and include him in their plan, and Norman pretends to agree. Unbeknownst to the two, Norman had already planned to betray them because he was afraid that the attempt to save him would only put everyone else at risk. This leads to Norman sacrificing himself and letting him get “shipped out” by Mama. However, instead of being turned into food, he is taken in as an experiment of Project Lamba, where he endured great suffering as a test subject. It was during his time here that he witnessed firsthand the cruelty of the demons, and decided that there was no other way but to exterminate them. He saw the realities of the mass produced farms where children don’t even gain autonomy and consciousness, he met fellow Lamba experiments who would have certain illnesses for life, and he endured the pain firsthand. After a series of events, he breaks out of Lamba and finds Emma and the other children. By this time, Emma had already realized that not all demons were bad and that it was simply a matter of survival for some of them. Norman, however, did not buy into this kind of thinking. When he told his plans of genocide, Emma firmly rejected this and asked for a few days to find an alternative before Norman could continue with the plan. While Norman agreed, he betrayed her and carried out with the plan earlier than expected and caused the degeneration of thousands of demon villagers. In his heart, Norman did not want to do this, but believed that there was no other way. He did not want to bring others in the plan because he wanted to keep the blame to himself as part of his self-sacrifice. Unlike Eren, Norman is redeemed when he reunites with the others and tries to forge a new plan.

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chaoswillfallrpg · 4 years

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CLAUDETTE DELACOUR is TWENTY-EIGHT YEARS OLD and a AUROR in THE DEPARTMENT OF MAGICAL LAW ENFORCEMENT at THE MINISTRY OF MAGIC. She looks remarkably like VANESSA KIRBY and considers herself NEUTRAL. She is currently TAKEN.

→ OVERVIEW:

Charming yet calculated, Claudette Delacour is not one to be underestimated. Born into a pure bloodline, Claudette grew up with three siblings, LYNETTE, DOMINIQUE and youngest AIMEE. All of whom, held more of a taste for the lifestyle in one pinkie finger than Claudette held in her whole body. Palaces, balls, banquets and the allure of the french aristocracy; all sounds like something plucked from many girl’s fantasies. Though the fairytale was never quite the reality. Despite the grandeur, being a highly respected family came with its own set of standards and classifications that she could never grasp. Rules and regulations for things that seemed so inconvenient and tedious the young witch had no right mind about following them. Instead she would spend her days in the gardens or observing the muggle folk who lived in the village; often hiding among them and finding their company more riveting than any of that from their manor home. Thankful that atleast she had some freedom in comparison to her older siblings who were being trained how to hold grace in high society so they could carry on the family name. Her home left Claudette longing for a sense of normality and simplicity. Despite her lack of interest in high society, she always held a sense of nobility and honor.

After her uncle abandoned the pureblood line disgracing the family; her father stepped up as the sole male air. The line passed down to a man who in truth never wanted to be seen so high, though his love for his family outweighed any of his desires. Out of any of the Delacour children, Claudette was most like her father. Head strong and grounded in a sense of reality, with a love for people rather than materials. The last thing Claudette intended to do was disappoint her family like her uncle had. As much as she longed for a simple and normal life; she knew it was merely a fantasy and something she can never truly have. Instead she bit her tongue, stood straighter and smiled, but that didn’t mean she wouldn’t throw in a quick witted remark here and there. Even if it meant putting noble wizards and witches in their place. Etiquette lessons had never been her favourite, but she tried and held an air of grace effortlessly after a while. Playing pretend in the day only to escape out of windows in the night to spent time in the muggle village. She found comfort in the small things. Despite her tedious life of rules and over bearing mother - whom in her eyes she could never seem to do anything right -, Claudette managed through and it wasn’t long before she attended Beaxbatons, following her siblings before her.

Beaxbatons was somewhat difficult for Claudette. She wasn’t the stereotypical ‘girl’ and found friendships with the boys such as RAPHAEL FRANCOIS, particularly through GABRIEL DUMONT. The pair had know each other through parties in their youth but never formed a connection until school. Though rumors piled of a fleeting romance between the two; to them it was out of the question. The notion always leaving a displeased expression on both of their faces. They’d escape to the ground, dueling with one another and acting as each other’s wing man particularly at parties. While many of the girls spent their days gushing about romance, brewing beauty potions and braiding their hair like her sister Lynette, Claudette saw no interest in it. Luickly with her free spirit and determination to stand up for others, she found her people eventually; particularly in Muggle-Born JACQUELINE LEJEUNE. The pair became quick friends after Claude stood against ALEXANDRA ROSIER in Jacqueline’s defense. While her oldest sister seemed to be making friends with all the ‘right people’ in their mother’s eyes, Claude made genuine friendships often occupied with her younger sister who she was particularly close with. Days outside of school were spent slipping out of aristocratic affairs organised by her mother to drink the night away in hope to deal with their often insufferable families.

Though the summers brought more time with her father. it became clear that she had a more politically inclined mind. Taking to her father’s work within the French ministry, Claudette became inquisitive, with a growing desire to learn; both about France and overseas politics. Leading to her quick decision to study to become an auror much to her mother’s dismay. She excelled in her studies, although she was often in trouble for her quick wit and somewhat cold and prejudiced demeanor; she was an excellent student. After graduation things seemingly seemed to be going well for the woman. Acquiring a job as an Auror within the Ministère des Affaires Magiques de la France; she’d found a profession she loved and quickly a witch in whom to hold her dear affection as well. EVANGELINE SELWYN, was someone that Claudette never expected. A summer of a whirlwind romance the pair quickly fell deeply for one another. Spending days encapsulated in each other’s arms the problems of the world seemed to evaporate at the simple brush of a hand. Despite having to hide their relationship from Claudette’s family, the pair were passionately connected. Eva’s summer turned to years. Having met at twenty two, after four years together it felt as though nothing else could pull them apart. Unfortunately fate had other plans.

With her daughter’s relationship unbeknown to her, Claudette’s mother took it upon herself to orchestrate an arranged marriage to pureblood ALEXANDER TREMBLAY. A highly respected match that would bring a strong continued connection to her family; the mere idea left Claudette outraged. Having sacrificed her freedom and liberties for so many years, her heart was non-negotiable. Craving the ability to love freely, she refused. Because unknown to her parents she’d been planning to marry Evageline. Harboring dreams of running away together to start a new life where they would both be untouched by their families pureblood views and the legacy that had been placed upon them. Though on the night prior to her leaving with Evageline, Claudette had visited her family for the last time to share the news with her siblings, gather minimal belongings and leave a letter for her parents. Plans of a quick escape were quickly riffled, with her mother discovering Claudette’s intentions, locked the witch in her room. Charmed locks, no wand and no means of escape. Claiming it was for her own good, with a refusal that she couldn’t stand ideally and let her ruin the family for a ‘wishful fantasy’. A resentment grew deep within Claudette, despite efforts to contact Evageline, it was too late. From word from Gabriel, she’d left back to England heart broken thinking Claudette had changed her mind.

With the love of her life gone, Claudette caved. Accepting the arranged hand of Alexander for her family, though of course that didn’t mean she would do it gladly. Having spent very little time with her so-called ‘beloved fiance’ didn’t settle her any less; quite frankly a day that many women dreamed about, was one she was slowly and un-secretly dreading. The resent she held towards her mother rooted deep, leaving her unable to not hold part of the blame to Alexander. Holding him in part guilty for her unhappiness and loss of everything she held dear. Cold and aloof, to say she is making it difficult for the male is an understatement. Holding prejudices and judgments for a person whom she doesn’t even know his favourite colour, leaving his frustration and exasperation clear. Though with rumors of war breaking across the sea in England; Claudette still can’t help but fear for what happened to Evangeline despite the year passing between them. Disguising it as offering to ‘play happy finance’ and move to be closer to her ‘betrothed’, she offered to transfer to the Ministry of Magic to aid in the help against the growing Dark Wizard. Knowing her heart is really set on protecting one particular English witch no matter the cost.

→ ADDITIONAL INFORMATION:

Blood Status → Pure-Blood

Pronouns → She/Her

Identification → Cis Female

Sexuality → Bisexual

Relationship Status → Engaged to Alexander Tremblay (arranged)

Previous Education → Beauxbatons Academy of Magic

Family → Lynette Wilkes (sister), Dominique Delacour (brother), Aimee Delacour (sister), Ophelia Delacour (estranged cousin), Castor Wilkes (in-law)

Connections → Gabriel Dumont (best friend) Jaqueline Lejeune (best friend), Evangeline Selwyn (ex-girlfriend/potential love interest), Alexander Tremblay (fiancé/potential love interest), Amos Diggory (colleague/friend), Alexandra Rosier (adversary), Amelia Bones (flirtation/possible romantic liaison), Raphael Francois (close friend)

Future Information → Aunt of Fleur and Gabrielle Delacour

CLAUDETTE DELACOUR IS A LEVEL 7 WITCH.

#claudette delacour #maika monroe #oc rpg #bio rp #city rp #neutral #ministry #magical law enforcement #aurors office #taken #taken witch #taken neutral #taken lgbtqia+

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nejihinata · 7 years

Text

It Wasn’t For Her To Know

NejiHina | 3475 words | Canon Divergence | Read On AO3

Thank you @lightscavenger for the beta <3

It wasn’t for her to know, because even being so young he knew well enough that the familiarity he felt for Hinata-sama was improper. She was the Heiress and he only a lowly branch member.

Even if father had told him that it was his duty to protect her, that connection didn’t make him special, every branch member’s duty was to protect the main house. Being appointed her personal guard didn’t mean that he was allowed to have feelings for her; after all, he was just meant to be her shadow.

It wasn’t for her to know, it wasn’t for anyone to know, because he was disgusted with himself to discover those feelings had grown like weeds. Why wouldn’t they die? Why wouldn’t they all die? Why was it only his father’s duty to die like a cheap sacrifice so her and her father could keep living unbranded and free like he would never be?

It wasn’t for her to know, and he was sure he would never have trouble hiding [it] after that fight. She lost so easily he almost felt pity. He had dreamed of humiliating her and her father for so long, but when she was on the ground panting and broken, when Hiashi-sama pronounced him the winner with a livid face, he didn’t rejoice at the victory; he didn’t take any pleasure in hurting her. And that hurt him.

Maybe he was suffering from the brainwashing every branch member was subjected to, especially when all during his upbringing he was conditioned to keep her out of harm’s way. Despite his resolve to fight for his freedom, he had been so damaged by that twisted power structure that he couldn’t even treat his grieving heart with sweet vengeance. There was no chance of relief. He didn’t love her enough to forgive her, and he didn’t hate her enough to rejoice in her pain.

It wasn’t for her to know, and he couldn’t even stomach it himself. How, he asked himself, how could he still have feelings for such a pathetic creature?

She was no heiress now, but they still kept him as her shadow. He didn’t care whom they appointed him to serve, but he felt borderline misused in that position. Branch or not, it was clear that he was a genius, why did he have to keep protecting the failure of the clan?

He wasn’t foolish enough to question Hiashi-sama’s intelligence, and he wondered what was the reason he was kept in this position.

But maybe, he thought bitterly, even a genius branch member was still a branch member, made only to serve the main branch, even the failures.

It wasn’t for her to know, and yet she knew more than he ever dreamed she would. Not only that but she said she pitied him.

He never felt anger alike to compare, and it took the whole of him. He felt like he would never feel anything else again. He couldn’t think clearly, he just wanted that agony gone, he wanted her gone, he couldn’t stand such a small, puny, disgusting creature not only exposing the most secret contents of his heart for everyone to see but also pitying him. How dare she? How dare she talk to him like that? How dare her to feel for him like that? To think that was allowed? But to the main house nothing is sacred, to them, there are no limits, they have no respect.

Still, he wondered if the whole fight was a trap, if he was letting himself be played again. Hiashi-sama was in the audience, and yet his seal had not been activated, his insides turned to ice with the thought that, maybe, he was being used to dispose of the clan’s defective member. What would have happened to him if he hadn’t been stopped?

It wasn’t for her to know, and he was too ashamed to approach her to ever think anything relevant to say. And surprising even himself, he doesn’t know why he does this, but one morning he tells her that he was the one charged to train her. If she was any other main house member she would have questioned him, but being Hinata, she just timidly nods and waits for further instruction.

And maybe it’s because of her passive demeanour that he’s so hard on her. Because nine years of anger don’t disappear just because he now knows the truth, because he still is hurt by her forcing him to face him suffering in such a exposed manner, and because it annoys him that she is so weak and makes his job of protecting her so hard. After all, she’s a gennin, she will go out on missions, and he can’t be always there to keep her away from harm.

He feels guilty afterwards when she gets hurt for overworking herself, but also feels pride too, and pleasant surprise, for she never complained or implied he was going too hard on her.

It wasn’t for her to know, but as years passed by he wondered if she faked blindness to spare his pride. Because, slowly, and so fast he ended most of his meetings with her feeling dizzy, they got closer and closer, and now, it was hard to hide his fondness every time she smiled at him. Because she did that now, and not only that, she was so much more now and he was so, so lucky he got to see her becoming that strong, more independent and confident person. The downside was that now it was impossible to stop himself from falling, to stop those forbidden feelings from growing like the weeds they were, and take the whole of him.

But with this proximity he was also close enough to see how strongly was her yearning for someone else. And he felt like a fool every time she said something, or looked at him only to see another, and his stupid heart would hurt in response, because really, what right had he to feel that way? What claim did he, Hyuuga Neji, a branch member, have over her? And after the Chunin Exams? He was lucky she didn’t hate him, and did not deserve her friendship. It was a proof of his utmost arrogance to have those feelings for her. After all, even if he spent every day with her, it wasn’t his the influence who drove her from being the most pathetic member of the Hyuuga Clan to the blooming flower she was now.

It wasn’t for her to know, but he felt tempted to say it for the first time when he heard of what she’d done to save his life. And he felt dirty, because him burdening her with that would not only be cruel, but also simply a means of blackmailing her into not giving her life so easily, of charging her with his happiness, like she owed him something just because he had feelings for her.

So, he said nothing, but he promised to himself that there wouldn’t be a next time. He would never let her risk her life that way again. It was his duty, after all.

It wasn’t for her to know, and temptation reached him for a second time sooner than he thought. This time it was even for reasons more selfish than before. If once he wanted the knowledge to save her life, or at least, to make her see that her life meant more, that she meant more that she thought that she did, that she was no collateral damage, that she was not just the clan spare, now. It was much simpler now, he just wanted her to know because he didn’t want to die without saying it.

He was getting bolder, it seems. Bolder and every day more undeserving. She was going to war to protect her family, her village, and the man she loved, she didn’t need to bear the weight of his feelings too. So, when she shyly came to his tent to wish him good luck, showing no bitterness towards the fact that was him and not her leading their squad, and plead him to not be concerned with her safety – as he could, as he would – he swallowed down his confession. And if he died, he would be able to rest knowing that she would not suffer from any guilt regarding his secret.

It wasn’t for her to know and even if life was leaving him fast, the words spilling from his blooded lips were not those of a confession. If he was honest to himself, the thought of telling her hadn’t even crossed his mind. Why would her tell her? To cause her pain? He could see by her expression of complete abandon that he was already doing that, and that would be his only regret.

When he saw he was about to lose her; his body automatically moved to provide her with protection. Even if his death came from a willing act, it wasn’t something planned, as such way that he was really surprised by the pain and by the notion that was the end and there was no next.

So, instead of being selfish and telling her, he just tried to make the man she love understand what she was trying to sacrifice, and what he sacrificed for her instead.

And when the end came, he was just grateful that she was the last thing he would see.

It wasn’t for her to know, but when he woke up in the medic’s barracks and saw her wet eyes, the first thought to cross his mind were the words “she knows now”.

And there’s no going back now, but he feels half glad he’s in such a deplorable state that he can use it as excuse to avoid his problems. It’s almost funny, because now that he can’t use his legs – or any part of his body, really – he’s running away. Still it’s impossible to avoid his own truth, and he has to face the fact that he has been lying to himself all these years. It wasn’t just to avoid burdening her that he never told her about his feelings, it was also because he already knew she loved someone else and didn’t want to be refused. That’s why seeing her give up on her life time after time to save him was so painful, and made her true feelings and his hopelessness so obvious that he made the only decision that would save himself from his own suffering and help her to be seen by the one she loved the most.

He didn’t know what cursed him with surviving, but he didn’t feel any sort of gratitude. Yes, he was alive to be with her, but for how long? She soon would leave him, there was someone else stronger than him who would protect her in his place, someone she liked more.

It wasn’t for her to know, but oh she knew. She didn’t use words to show it, she didn’t question him, she just stayed with him. It was not her place, everyone knew it, and he could hear the whispering about how the Princess of the Hyuuga was taking charge of the recovery of the fallen branch member. His sacrifice just reminded everyone that despite his genius status, he was still from the lower caste. She didn’t seem to care about that – but when did she? – or the people talking, surprisingly enough.

But unlike her, he was full of questions. Why wasn’t she fighting in the war? Why wasn’t she with him? And he didn’t endure her silence for long, as much as he wanted to be selfish and keep her close to him, at least she was safe and out of harm’s way while he was in no condition to protect her but he knew that wasn’t proper or right. In his absence, she was expected to lead, other people needed her, he needed her. So he asked.

“Father barred me from the battlefield. He sent me to aid the med barracks. A Hyuuga jonin is leading your troops, and Naruto-kun… He doesn’t need me now. I even suspect that it was by his request that father sent me away. He told me he was grateful as always, and that he understood your words, Neji-nii-san, but he can’t be responsible for me losing my life to protect him anymore. He said he wants me to take better care of my life, because I too hold another life in my hands.”

It wasn’t for her to know, and for most of it she pretended she didn’t. The war was won, and the Ninja World tried to go back to normality and so did Konoha Village and its Hyuuga Clan. As was expected, Neji was making fast improvement day after day. He regarded it all due to her, even if he didn’t express it with words. He didn’t dare to thank her for he knew she shouldn’t be playing his nurse and therapist, but he tried to make it up by working hard on his recovery to be useful to her again. He enjoyed being under her light, but not in those conditions, his rightful place was as her shadow. He did ask sometimes why she wasn’t going on missions, why was she always doing work that was beneath her, but she rarely answered, only smiled. No work was beneath her, she would say, and why would she go on boring missions if she just could be with him instead?

And he almost dared to hope when she said that.

One day, one year after the war, she arrived late and bearing a sad smile. He wasn’t someone to pry, but he was tired and feeling frustrated with his useless body that refused to walk the amounts of steps he decided he would walk that day, and he didn’t care it was way more than recommended and expected by the doctors, he was just tired of being an invalid. So he asked, more like, demanded what was wrong with her, he just wanted another reason to be angry, but he didn’t expect what he heard.

Naruto was leaving the village again, he and Haruno were to join Uchiha in his wandering, and before leaving he sought Hinata out, he told her he was grateful, so grateful, but he had no means to reciprocate her feelings.

And as Neji let her cry silently on his shoulder, asking himself how anyone could refuse her, for once he didn’t feel dirty, because her pain still didn’t bring him any joy.

It wasn’t for her to know, but he found out it wasn’t as terrible as he thought it would be now that she knew. After all, he wasn’t even sure if it changed anything between them. He was sure that, Hinata being Hinata, she would still had done everything she did for him after what happened in the war even if she hadn’t known. And even if it had been his hugest secret, if he was honest with himself, he never hid it very well. Hanabi, for one, had a penchant for reminding him of that. He was just concerned that the information could be used against Hinata somehow, and lived with the fear of one day his superiors blackmailing him into doing something vile using her as bait.

But two years after the war, after his full recovery, he put those concerns of secrecy aside and waltzed with her in front of the whole Clan and their friends, teachers, and other noble members of society invited to Hinata’s eighteenth birthday, a celebration not just of her coming of age but her restoration as the Clan’s rightful heiress. And yes, if anyone couldn’t say before, only a blind person wouldn’t see that there was love between them.

In that same night, Hiashi-sama approached him with the proposition that could change his world.

It wasn’t for her to know, but now he saw himself having to confront her about it. She had known for years, he was sure, but she never said anything, maybe to preserve him, after all, Hinata wasn’t someone to be assuming things about other people.

Weeks passed after her birthday party, they still saw each other every day, having their training sessions in the morning and tea before bed. If they were close before, nowadays he could easily say that there was nothing of hers that he didn’t know, no secret they didn’t share, except for that one, and the Clan’s leader proposition. But that wouldn’t last.

He had his first long term mission booked and asked himself if his excuse for giving her time wasn’t actually an excuse for his own cowardice. But as he was leaving the next morning, he couldn’t avoid the issue anymore.

The only sound made after he told her, that he had loved her, hated her, and loved her more was of the clicking of her teacup on the wooden floor.

“So Father told you of his decision, then.”

“You knew.”

“He told me after the war.”

“But no one knew if I was to survive my wounds or if I would be able to fight ever again, Hiashi-sama wouldn’t bind a cripple to you.”

“He told me he was about to break his vow to Hizashi-sama, that he was setting me free.”

“I do not understand.”

She sighed. “I told him he would do no such thing.”

“Hinata-sama, what are you saying?”

“You know my heart, there is nothing that you don’t know about me, Neji. We’ve become good friends haven’t we? And you know, as I do, that I can’t give you as much as you gave me.”

He didn’t expect it to hurt as much as it did. And he took his time to breath through the pain before answering. “I’ll tell Hiashi-sama of your decision, then.”

“My decision? But the decision is yours. I’m just saying that a marriage to me wouldn’t be the most favourable bargain to you.”

“How so?”

“How can I match as much love and consideration? You deserve better. I don’t want you be bound by life to an undeserving person just to fix our broken family.”

“I don’t think you understood what I said early on. Yes, uniting the Clan would be life fulfilling, it would be better than avenging my father’s death, it would give meaning to his sacrifice, and the sacrifice of each person branded with the seal, yes, I want that, I’ve always wanted that, but do you know what else I’ve always wanted, no matter how selfish or how impossible it was?”

She swallowed hard. “So, will you marry me, then?” she asked with a weak voice.

“Yes.”

It wasn’t for her to know, but he told her again and again on their first night together, as he dared to kiss her, to touch her like not even in his most secret dreams he had permitted himself to do. And to his utmost surprise and wonder, she, past the shyness of the first moments, was actually the one to search for him first.

It started on the night of their betrothal after he came back from his mission. They were walking through the gardens in the moonlight, just talking as they often did, and before saying goodnight she kissed he corner of his mouth, and seem to wait for him to do something for a while as he stood there petrified, before saying goodnight again and leaving to her quarters.

Then there was the hand-holding, but that he was the one to starting. She looked red as a beet when he grabbed the hand that kept rubbing on his as they walked side by side, she seemed so shocked that he almost let her go, but she intertwined her fingers with his and they didn’t break the contact not even when they reached the market street where anyone could see them.

Their first real kiss – because they shared a little closed mouth kiss at the betrothal party – happened after she came back from her Jonin exam. She passed! And the first thing she did after coming from the Hokage’s tower was to throw her arms around his neck and kiss him, not caring if their friends were looking – and making a lot of noise about it – she just kissed him, and kissed him, hard and deep until there was no more breath in their lungs. After that, they kissed in more private places too, for neither of them were really fond of public displays of affection no matter that Kiba insisted on calling them exhibitionists after that.

It wasn’t for her to know, but in the years that followed he made sure that she had no doubt that he loved her.

#NejiHina #Neji Hyuga #Hinata Hyuga #naruto fanfic #my fic #fanfic

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everyfandomcoexistshere · 7 years

Text

Bad Boy

You can read part 2 here! -> Bad boy 2

Pairing: You x Eric

Fandom: Divergent

Summary: You are an Amity girl who moves to Dauntless and catches Eric’s attention with your wit and sassy remarks along with your strength.

Warnings: None other than cursing I think

A/N:This is my first one for Eric so I hope you like it! My intention is to make this a quite long fic so if I see you like it I’ll keep writing it. Hope you enjoy it!!!

Years. You had been thinking about what faction you would move to for years.

Your mother had died when you were very young, and with her death everything good in your life was gone.

You were born in Amity, and although no one would expect anyone born in that faction to be mean or agressive you had experienced violence from a young age.

Your mother had too, and although her murder was declared an accident you knew otherwise.

From a very early age you had developed interests in matters which didn’t have anything to do with your faction. You would spend the day away from home trying to avoid your father.

You would daydream about what it would be like to leave your faction, leave your father and run away from everything you had known.

It wasn’t that you didn’t like the ideals of your faction, you did, but sometimes they weren’t put to work and you couldn’t stand being there.

People in your faction thought you were a really clumsy person because you would usually show up full of wounds, you had even learnt to cope with the pain quite well.

You always wondered what faction you should choose, what faction would you fit in. The first faction you decided wouldn’t make you happy was Abnegation, you had had enough of sacrificing and not exercising your rights. The next one you decided not to join was Candor because you knew you would lie in order to protect someone, you kept secrets and you were good at it. You didn’t really have trouble at keeping things to yourself and pretending.

You were left with Dauntless and Erudition. You had went to the erudites’ faction everytime you had the chance, you would spend hours learning and investigating. Knowledge fascinated you to no end so you were seriously considering choosing Erudition.

Then there was Dauntless, pure freedom and discipline at the same time. You didn’t really know what drew you to that faction, you just knew it would give you the chance to defend yourself and avoid being treated like your father had done ever again.

You hoped your doubts would be solved in your aptitude test, but your expectations turned out to be destroyed with the results. Divergent. And guess what? You did fit in every single faction but Candor. Really helpful.

The day before the choosing ceremony you felt like your stomach was about to explode. Your head was a mess and you felt like your brain would melt anytime.

Your father was convinced you’d never dare to leave, you had convinced him you’d never dare to.

You felt like you weren’t in your own body, it was like you walked led by someone else and you weren’t the leader of your actions.

You snapped out of your state when you heard your name being called. You panicked for a second. Only one second. Then you inhaled deeply and stood up. You weren’t aware of what you were doing, you just walked and placed yourself in front of the bowls. You ran the knife through your palm and located your hand above the bowl full of crystal water, you sighed and just as a drop of blood was going to fall you moved your hand and placed it above the burning fire of Dauntless. The blood made noise as it collided against the rocks.

A huge sigh left your lips as you heard cheers from the Dauntless group. You turned around and walked towards them. As you sat you saw your father staring, his mouth open and his eyes full of rage.

You looked back at him defiantly and after some seconds redirected your stare towards the other next person choosing a faction.

When everything was over your body felt numb, and suddenly everyone started running, you hadn’t felt what you felt at that moment in your whole life.

It was like getting a rock off your chest for the first time ever, like cutting ropes which had you trapped. Your whole body was shaking as you started running.

At that moment you knew you had made the right choice. Freedom to do whatever you wanted, to scream, jump and run.

You saw everyone start climbing and you followed right after, then you saw the train arriving… and it wasn’t stoppig, they were jumping!

You were dumbfounded for a second but realised you had to hurry and jumped in, as soon as you were up you lost your balance and bumped into someone.

“Sorry” you muttered.

“Easy there amity” a boy with dark hair said. You rolled your eyes and when you were about to leave he took your hand to shake it.

“Peter”

“Y/N” you said “nice to meet you”

“Pity I can’t say the same”

“Pity you can’t shut your mouth for three seconds” you said as you turned around.

“I see you already met Peter” a tall girl said.

“Yeah, I just had the pleasure” you said sarcastically.

“He’s a pain in the ass, I’m Christina, and this is Tris”

“Y/N”

“So you are from Amity, I dunno which one out of the two of you is worse, Amity or Abnegation”

You smiled but it disappeared quickly as you saw people jumping off the train.

“Emmmm… I don’t mean to worry you but everyone is jumping off this thing”

“What?”

“Oh fuck” muttered Christina

“Are we supposed to jump???”

“I guess so...” you said as you looked out. “We need to get on that roof, get ready” you said.

“Together?” Christina asked.

“One… Two...”

“Three!” the three of you screamed as you jumped and landed quite painfully on the ground. You felt the rocks cutting your skin and making holes on your clothes but you hurried to stand up and checked on Tris and Christina.

“How was it?” you asked.

“They could have warned” Christina said.

“You wouldn’t have joined Dauntless then? If that’s so you can leave because you don’t belong here” You turned around to see who was talking like that to Christina and saw a blond tall guy. He was definitely handsome… and an asshole.

You had to bite your tongue to avoid replying to him.

You knew Christina was doing the same and after sometime the man’s attention divided among all the initiates.

“I’m Eric, I’m one of Dauntless’ leaders and I’ll be in charge of your initiation. The first thing you’ll need to do will be to get your ass down there” he said pointing below him. He was on the edge of the roof and behind him was nothing.

“You want us to jump?” the Candor boy from before had asked.

Everybody started talking in an agitated way, you looked around you and neared the edge to see what was down there.

“What Apple Pie are you jumping first?” he said sarcastically.

“You just said you wanted us to get our ass down there right?” he looked at you suspiciously and narrowed his eyes.

“Don’t try to fool me initiate.”

“I’m not, I’m just doing what you asked for” you said as you sat on the edge and gripped the stone. You slowly left your body off the edge and started to balance in order to reach a hole in the wall.

“We don’t have the whole day initiate, why don’t you make this easier and just jump?”

“Because it could be a trap to get rid of the foolest ones first” you said as you gripped a pipeline and started sliding down it. When you thought you were close enough you used your feet to get enough impulse to land in the black hole. You felt like you could fly for some seconds and after that you collided rougly against a net.

Just as you left out a groan someone pushed the net down and your body rolled to the side.

“Congratulations for being the first one to jump, Amity” a boy with dark hair and brown eyes said as he helped you down.

“I didn’t jump” you said.

“Did Eric push you?” he asked shocked

“I climbed down” you said as you looked at your hands which were really dirty after gripping that pipe.

“Well congratulations, what’s your name?” he asked.

“Y/N”

“Y/N first jumper!” he screamed and just after that you heard a body hiting the net, it was Tris.

After talking to the boy for longer than expected he shouted she was the second jumper and she walked towards you.

“Congratulations, you got Eric pretty mad” she said.

“Did I?” you asked worriedly.

“Don’t worry I don’t think he will remember after telling the guys to grow some balls and jump” she said chuckling.

“Hope so” you said as Christina fell on the net.

After everyone had jumped you were forced to walk by Eric and Four, or that was who he pretended to be.

Christina found this pretty amusing as she couldn’t hold back one of her witty remarks.

“Alright, now the ones born in Dauntless are going with Lauren and the transfers are going with Four” Eric said. You were glad he wasn’t the one showing y’all around.

After Four had shown you all the installations and explained you how everything was going to work, you also discovered you could be kicked out of the faction if you weren’t good enough. How nice. You got your clothes and got led to the room you would share. They gave you some time to change and you would have to burn your old clothes after that.

You waited for Christina and Tris to get changed and then all of you burnt your clothes and headed to the place where you’d eat.

Just as you were going to start eating everyone in your table shut up and looked behind you.

“May I help you?” you asked turning around.

“You may hurry the fuck up and follow me unless you want your ass kicked off the faction” Eric said. You quirked your eyebrow as you stood up and followed him.

“That little mouth of yours is going to get you in quite a lot of trouble, pumpkin” he said looking seriously at you.

“I was only being polite” you said looking back at him.

“Don’t play the fool with me” he said putting one of his arms at one side of your head making you put your back against the wall.

“I don’t understand the problem here, I only did what you asked for” you said.

“I’m not threatening you yet. I’m warning you Apple Pie”

“Will you stop calling me that? I’m not in Amity anymore”

“You’re in Dauntless for now, don’t forget it. This year is going to be quite interesting, I wonder who will be out first, the stiff or you sugar.” he said putting his other hand on the other side of your head.

“Be careful. You never know who could get mad at you and kick you out” he said smirking.

“Yeah. It’s hard to figure out who would be capable of such a thing.” you said as his smirk widened at youe words.

“Really enjoyed this small chat, you can got back to eat now that you still can” he said backing off and walking away.

You narrowed your eyes at him hoping that maybe you would develop pyrokinesis right then.

“What was that?” Christina asked as you sat back down.

“Some bad boy façade he needs to put up to scare initiates” you muttered as you played with your food.

“Well looks like it went quite deep” a boy with dark hair told you. “I’m Will by the way”

“Well he can go fuck himself” you muttered “Y/N”

“What about the peace and love thing?” a blond tall guy asked.

“ I’m not in Amity” you answered. “I’m tired I think I’m going to sleep now.”

You headed to your room and dropped on the bed, just as you did you started crying, all the tension, all the worries you had been holding back had left only to be replaced with new ones, you muffled your sobs against the pillow and tried to stabilise your breaths.

“Miss mummy and daddy Amity?” You heard Peter’s voice say mockingly behind you.

“Mummy is dead and daddy a sadistic son of a bitch so I’d say no” you said staring at him, and your voice came out so steady you coulnd’t believe it.

He looked like he didn’t expect that answer. He opened his mouth several time as if he intended to say something.

“Don’t bother” you said as you rolled back on the bed.

“Do you want to come to train?”

“I planned to after everyone fell asleep.”

“Good idea” he said.

“I didn’t say you could come”

“I think you are going to need my help.” he said.

“Everyone seems to think they know me and my future so yeah. Wake me up when you want.” you said as you covered your body with a sheet.

“y/n wake up” a voice whispered in your ear as someone shook you.

“I’m up, I’m up” you said holding back a yawn.

You stood up silently and followed him through some corridors.

“Training hasn’t even started yet” you muttered.

“You want to be the best one, and so do I” he answered. You just nooded.

Peter opened a door and you walked in a huge room.

“What do you want to start with?” he asked.

“Punching bags”

#divergent #eric #you #reader #eric x reader #reader x eric #eric x you #you x eric #eric coulter #you x eric coulter #eric coulter x you #eric coulter x reader #reader x eric coulter #divergent x reader #reader x him #fanfiction #fanfiction x reader #dauntless #eric x female! reader

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gracewithducks · 7 years

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“Let us open wide our hearts.” - Katharine Drexel (Luke 12:13-21)

This fall, we’ve been spending some time with modern day saints – some of the faithful men and women who have lived in the last century. So far we’ve heard the story of Father Kolbe, a Polish priest who helped Jewish refugees during the Second World War, and ultimately offered his life in Auschwitz in order that another man might live; we’ve heard the story of Josephine Bakhita, a young woman born in the Sudan, kidnapped and sold into slavery, only to find her faith and her freedom on the other side of the world; and we’ve shared the story of Nelson Mandela, whose life-long work against apartheid cost him nearly three decades in prison – and who, while in prison, invited even his guard to sit side by side with him at the table of Christ. We’ve been reminded that there is power in living, and there is power in dying, but no matter what, as the people of God, when it comes to issues of peace and justice – we cannot sit apart; we cannot stay silent.

Today we are scheduled to talk about Katharine Drexel, the first canonized saint to have been born a United States citizen – and I promise, we will talk about Katharine Drexel, because hers is a life worth remembering – but before we talk about the first American saint, I want to talk a moment to talk about America itself.

And friends, I’m an American. I’m an American, because I was born here, and I was born here, because a few generations back, some courageous souls decided to risk everything, to leave their homes and old lives behind in pursuit of something new, in this new land across the sea. I grew up in the United States, singing “My Country, ‘tis of Thee” and reciting the Pledge of Allegiance with my peers. I grew up reading Little House on the Prairie and playing with American Girl dolls; I watched the Olympics and cheered “USA!” with the crowds for every gold medal won, and I didn’t just stand for but played the national anthem before our high school football games.

This is my home. This is, as the song says, the country where my heart is. But because I love it, I want so much more for us.

I believe in the ideals that the United States was founded up: equality and liberty, for all people. But I believe it’s dangerous when we forget that “all people” hasn’t ever really meant all people yet – when we try to shove the skeletons of our past back into the closet – when we find ourselves repeating our mistakes and perpetuating our prejudices.

And I also, quite frankly, believe that it’s dangerous to elevate individual freedoms, and individual happiness, above all other goals and values in life; the American Dream – while a lovely idea – so often, in practice, turns out to be just an illusion, a mirage, glimmering on the horizon, but for so many, no matter how long and hard they work, the dream never arrives… and for those who do achieve the American Dream, they still wrestle with discontentment, because “more” is never enough. And so we create a voraciously consumerist culture; we create an ever-deepening divide between the rich and the poor; we continue to divide ourselves along class and race and color lines… and we fear each other, and we distrust each other, and – in our pursuit of life, liberty, and happiness, we end up creating a place where people die senselessly, where freedoms are reserved for a chosen few, and where nobody is ever really happy at all.

In the pursuit of the American dream, we’ve created a nightmare. And this, friends, is why I want to talk about Katharine Drexel, our own home-grown saint… because just like Jesus turned expectations upside-down, when he said the last shall be first, and the greatest is the servant, and blessed are the hungry, and the poor, and the meek – Katharine, by her life and by her faith, challenges us to turn our understanding of the American dream on its head.

Katharine[1] was born into the American dream. She was born in Philadelphia in 1858, the second child of a wealthy investment banker and his wife. When she was just five weeks old, however, her mother died, and so Katharine and her sister spent the next two years in the care of their aunt and uncle, until their father remarried and the girls were brought back home, and a younger sister soon joined the family.

Katharine and her sisters were raised with every privilege and advantage possible. The girls were educated by private tutors; they toured parts of the United States and Europe. And they were also raised to recognize that not everyone was as well-off as they; twice a week, the family home became a distribution center, where the Drexels offered food, clothing, and rental assistance. When they heard of someone, often a widow or lonely single woman, who was too proud to ask for help, the family would quietly seek them out and find ways to meet needs without sacrificing anyone’s dignity. As Katharine’s stepmother Emma would teach the daughters, “Kindness may be unkind if it leaves a sting behind.”

By all appearances, Katharine loved and respected Emma, the only mother she had ever known. It was Emma who taught Katharine how to care for others; it was Emma who cared for her. But it was Emma’s three-year struggle with terminal cancer that taught Katharine another lesson: she learned that, while money can buy a lot, while money can give a lot and do a lot – no amount of money can protect you from pain or save you from death.

Katharine started to reflect on her own young life. She thought about the times that had moved her, and she discovered a deep and abiding passion to relieve the suffering of the Native American people. And so she started to support, both financially and personally, numerous missions and missionaries working here in the US.

When Katharine’s father died, much of his resources were left to a variety of charities and causes. But even after those monies were doled out, the three sisters still stood to inherit a huge estate – and “huge” may actually be an understatement here. To protect his daughters from fortune hunters, however, their father stipulated that – while the young women controlled the remaining fortune, it would never belong to their spouses, and couldn’t be willed to anyone else; on their deaths, it would pass to their children alone. Should none of the sisters have children, when they died, the remaining fortune would be redistributed to a variety of charitable causes.

But the women were still young yet; Katherine wasn’t even married. Her heart and passion were still for making a difference for the peoples around her. Shortly after their father’s death, the three sisters were received in private audience by the Pope, where they pleaded for missionaries to be sent to staff the Indian missions they were financing. And it was at this meeting that the Pope suggested that Katharine become a missionary herself. I wasn’t at that meeting – but I’ve been a part of enough others to imagine the conversation went something like this: “You say that God needs someone; what if God is calling you? What if God doesn’t just want you to send your money – but what if God is sending you?”

Katharine wrestled with this idea, she prayed to discern her own calling – and she came to believe that, yes, this is where God was calling her, this is how she wanted her life to be spent. The day that Katharine entered the convent where she would prepare to take her vows and be trained as a missionary, the local paper, the Philadelphia Public Ledger, ran the banner headline: “Miss Drexel Enters a Catholic Convent – Gives Up Seven Million.” Because, as a nun, she would have no children, she was forfeiting her share in her father’s inheritance.

And yes, seven million is a lot of money – but to put it in perspective, that’s more like one hundred and seventy-two million dollars today. No wonder people were shocked; no wonder they were amazed.

But Katharine was convinced. She committed herself and her life to issues of social justice, almost a century before ideas of equality came to the forefront of the American consciousness. She started opening schools everywhere she could: schools for Native American children, schools for African American children, schools for the kids that were too often and easily being forgotten, ignored and overlooked.

And Katharine established her own religious congregation, the sisters of the Blessed Sacrament, dedicated to the ideas of social justice… and they realized those ideal weren’t shared by all their neighbors, when a stick of dynamite was discovered near their new motherhouse. But Katharine wasn’t swayed; if anything, she believed more than ever that the work she was about, the work God had called her to, was vitally important, and not just “someday” in the future – but today.

Because neither Katharine nor her sisters ever had children, on her death, their father’s estate was divided among several charitable causes. But even without the Drexel fortune behind them, Katharine’s order and schools continue their work still to this day.

Katharine lived to be ninety-six years old. She was born in the years leading up to the Civil War; she saw not one but two world wars… and she died before the Civil Rights moment really began in earnest. She was a woman ahead of her time; she was a woman who left an incredible legacy behind her, including one hundred forty-five missions, and sixty-two schools for minority students – and Xavier University of Louisiana, the only historically black college in the US, owes its existence in part to Katharine Drexel, the rich white northern girl.

The American Dream says: work hard, and you’ll get rich; pass your riches on to your children, so they won’t have to work so hard. The American way says, More is never enough; it says, whoever dies with the most toys, wins.

But that’s not God’s way. And that’s why I love Katharine’s story: she flips the script upside-down. Rather than resting on her father’s fortune, she gave it up and gave it away. Rather than getting caught up in the game of me-first, look-out-for-number-one, rather than worrying about creating a huge inheritance to pass on to her own children – she invested her life, her inheritance, in other people’s children: in children who didn’t look like her, who came from households very different from her own – she spend her life loving and teaching and helping as many children as she could, because she believed that we’re all God’s children, in the end.

In our scripture for today, Jesus tells the parable of a rich man who – when faced with even more wealth than he’d ever dreamed of having – decides that the best thing to do is to build bigger barns, to store all his grain, so that he will be set for the rest of his life. And he’s not wrong, except that the rest of his life turns out to be much shorter than he’d planned. You fool! God says to the man, you fool! Your life will be demanded of you this very night, and then what will you have to show for yourself?

There’s wisdom in planning for the future. I’m saving for retirement, no doubt. But there also comes a point where you have more than you need, where saving turns into hoarding – and all those things that were once good start to turn rotten as we stockpile them away. It’s the lesson God’s people learned from the manna in the wilderness: that God gives us enough for all to be fed, every day, and when you try to take more than you need and to hoard it away – literally, it turns rotten; it stinks.

Katharine would say it’s the lesson of the Eucharist, of the Lord’s Supper. Her faith was deeply shaped by the experience of coming again and again to Christ’s table, where all people – rich or poor, white or brown or red or black – all people stand as one. Here, we all share the same food. And she was also shaped by the language: this bread, it’s Christ, and look, here is how much he loves you: he loves you enough to sacrifice himself, to be broken open so that many might live.

Our daily bread is meant to be shared, not stockpiled. There’s a saying floating around these days: if you have more than you need, build a bigger table. If you have more than you need, don’t build more barns to keep it in; if you have too much grain, bake it into bread, and break it open, and give it away.

And just as we need to eat every day to live – we need to keep coming back to God, coming back to Christ, so our spirits can be fed, too, through this communal meal, through this act of love: taking, and blessing, and breaking open, and giving away.

Katharine saw her resources, her privilege, as gifts – meant to be used, not to advance herself or her family, but to support God’s work. And when she died, she didn’t leave a fortune… but she left schools and missions, and generations of children educated, of children loved, of families changed, because of her faith. She made the world a richer place, because she remembered what really mattered most.

Friends, chances are, you don’t have hundreds of millions of dollars in your family accounts. If you do, please come find me! Few of us are millionaires – but we are all blessed, nonetheless. We all have resources to share: our time, our talents, our table, our attention, our advocacy, our love.

How are we spending what we’ve God? How are we investing our time and our resources – how are we investing our lives? How are we growing God’s gifts? Are we taking them, and asking God’s blessing, and breaking them open, and giving them away?

The American dream is to work hard, to get famous, and to accumulate great big piles of stuff. But God’s dream is to work hard, to be humble, and to give generously. And it may not be as flashy, but I’d say it’s a much more impressive – and important – way to live.

May our legacy be the legacy of self-giving love. May we be good stewards, faithful servants of God and generous lovers of God’s people, now and for years to come.

God, you know the things that we yearn for; you know what, and who, we work for each day. And you also know the things that wear us down and break our hearts. Help us to live faithfully, not just for today but for the future. Give us hope, and give us courage, and fill us with your peace. In Christ’s name; amen.

[1] She was born Catherine Mary, and didn’t change her name’s spelling to Katharine until later in life. For simplicity’s sake, however, I’ll be using the same spelling throughout.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Katharine_Drexel

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chroniclesofawkwardness · 5 years

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Prvi maj

I’m not sure if there’s an exact moment American society became largely soft, or when/if popular perception became that it was. Maybe the cows got too fat in the absence of lean times. Rich white Americans have always sent those of other colors and socioeconomic classes to fight their wars and keep their peace. All while trying to convince those of us who had to stay behind that those who were doing the fighting were protecting our freedom to keep up with the Kardashians – from the same couches where we watched them struggle to preserve the American ideals of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness —ideals we were taught to revere almost from the time we could walk. For some reason, whenever these thoughts dance in my head, I think of Maggot Brain by Funkadelic:

Mother Earth is pregnant for the third time For y'all have knocked her up I have tasted the maggots in the mind of the universe I was not offended For I knew I had to rise above it all Or drown in my own shit

I’m not suggesting that my generation and the one after it aren't acquainted with suffering, merely that for too many and for too long, these American lives have been too comfortable and hollow for our own good. A strong leader won’t save us, our children, or the children yet unborn. We’ve got to save ourselves. No one can (or should) do it for us. The best reminder I’ve ever gotten of this came on a train ride thousands of miles from home, as I sweat armpit-to-armpit with hundreds of single-serving friends on my way to see a family who lived on a street named after the guy who supposedly discovered of all places, America. The first of May in many parts of Eastern Europe is observed like Labor Day in America. Trains overflow with university students bringing themselves and their laundry home from the big city to the slowly dying villages and towns that speckle the countryside, home to their families and stories of those who’ve left in search of a better life in America, Canada, Australia… Anywhere really. Trains are easily the cheapest and slowest (unless your name is Josip Broz Tito) method of transportation throughout what was once Yugoslavia. Still, I can only speak for the Serbian ones because they alone have come into contact with my senses of sight, smell, touch, taste, and hearing. It was nothing for a train to stop for forty minutes with no explanation from the conductor or engineer. Many of the tracks probably hadn’t been worked on since Tito rode on them in the blue train that carried him around the country after his death on May 4, 1980, his final act as president of the League of Communists of Yugoslavia. Even today, nearly four decades later, I’ m almost positive that if you ask someone of the right age, they’d tell you May 4th should be a national day of mourning.

I sometimes wonder if the Partizan generation that rose after World War II in Yugoslavia is much like what Tom Brokaw has called the Greatest Generation, its American counterpart. For my money, their biggest similarity between them is that both came to prominence through a set of historical circumstances that could not repeat themselves. I think both generations knew it, too. And those of us who came after them secretly hated them for it, at least a little bit.

The task of crafting your future is daunting no matter when or where you are, but it’s easier when the other side is in ruins. There’s a reason history is more often than not a victor’s story: There are more of them left to tell it, and if you hear it often enough you start to believe it. Soon, if you’ve drunk enough of the Kool-Aid, you don’t even question it. Just like an inexplicable pregnant pause aboard a Serbian train. It’ s just the way it is. If you’re lucky, in nine months, you’ll reach the end of the line.

If a pregnant pause happened on an American plane, train, or automobile, there would be hell to pay. So many people have grown so accustomed to order and precision that even the slightest inconvenience could be blown way out of proportion if it happened to the wrong person at the wrong time. In Serbia, I imagine they feel the pain no less, but most would greet it with a shrug of the shoulders. This is why none of my single-serving friends on the train to Subotica that day were particularly bothered by having to stand armpit-to-armpit until someone freed themselves from the mass of humanity when the appropriate station finally appeared on the horizon. No one raised their voice in protest of the off-key signing or free-flowing alcohol. I think I was the only one who wanted to punch the guy strumming along with his girlfriend’s Mp3 player on his guitar in the face. Hell, he probably went to elementary school with half the people in our compartment.

I don’t miss Serbian trains one bit. The relative order and comfort of American public transportation are nice, but there’s only so much a man can take. I’m not suggesting that we need another Normandy or Vietnam to thin out the ranks of the American weak, or that we give them no choice but to forge themselves in battle, as the youth of Yugoslavia had done during the lost decade of the 1990s as their country and civil religion of brotherhood and unity disintegrated. I just think we could learn from a bit of chaos. We’re all tougher than we think, no matter how much we try to ignore, forget, or numb that fact.

When the train finally made it to Subotica, my fiancée (at the time) and I took a cab from the station to her family home on the street named after the guy who supposedly discovered America. As I write this story today, I wonder if the street has been renamed Indigenous Peoples’ Street – that’s not a knock on them, more of a curiosity – but I quickly remember that in Serbia, it’s far more likely a street will be named after a long-dead Russian poet in a nod to shared Slavic origins, or a long-time janitor in the Ministry of Foreign Affairs, in a nod to sacrificing the best years of your life for the good of the idea of your country. I can’t really blame them for being nostalgic about their past and unsure of their present. Each person and nation carries some of each with them no matter where they are. Resistance to change is only natural. Why should they have to give up their 330 ml beers and learn to have lunch at noon? Polse Tita,Tito (After Tito, Tito) still resounds with those of a certain age.

As an undergrad, almost every time I told someone that my major was Slavic and East European Studies, their immediate follow-up question was, “Why?” Occasionally, I’d get the classic: “What do you want to do with that?” In my early twenties, the best answers I could often come up with was that I knew I wanted to go to Ohio State, I enjoyed studying languages, or the prom-date-on-the-porch story. By my mid-twenties, the stories had morphed into a dream of working for one of the alphabet agencies of the U.S. government. “I knew I needed in-country experience…” We are nothing if not the stories (and lies) we tell ourselves.

Today, I don’t have as many opportunities to speak Serbian, eat burek, or devour ćevapi as I used to. The alcohol doesn’t flow nearly as freely as I walk by the beer and wine drive-thru on my way to work. Usually, I don’t encounter forty-minute delays on sidewalks laid when Gerald Ford roamed the halls of the White House – the part of town I live in is too new for that – but I must confess that when I find myself surrounded by a bunch of the soon-to-be state flowers of Ohio, constructicus symbolicus (the Orange Barrel), I wonder if, one day when I leave for work, the sidewalk I walk on will be completely gone. It already ends at a random spot just beyond my apartment complex – a very Serbian approach to construction – which reminds me of the construction boom I witnessed in Novi Sad from 2008-2011. I wonder how many of the projects for building so many of those apartment buildings just randomly stopped, like my sidewalk, even though the buildings were unfinished and people had already bought apartments in them that would never be completed.

Sometimes, I think about how I don’t use my degree in the sense that I don’t have a job in my field, and I wonder how my life would be different if I did. If I start to feel sad about it, I try to remember that I’m either tired, hungry or under the influence. If I address whichever of those three it is, I’ll usually be okay until the next wave hits. I don’t have time to feel sorry for myself or regret the choices I’ve made, and I remember how many people I met in pieces of the country Tito once ruled who would kill to have the opportunities that I have. I’m not special; I’m just trying to make the best of what I have instead of worrying about what don’t, which is easier said than done at times, but it’s the only philosophy I’ve found by which you might not drive yourself insane with envy or mad with regret. The people of the former Yugoslavia taught me lessons of survival and resilience. While their country reinvented itself over and over in the history books, they just kept on keeping on, amidst the bombs, the bullets, and the booze. As their world collapsed, they held onto whatever they could, and each other.

If that ever happens to me, or those I love outside of Serbia I know I can handle it, along with just about anything else life throws at me, thanks to a ride I once took on a train. I was not offended. For I knew I had to rise above it all, or drown in my own shit.

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bulletandsophia · 7 years

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The Patient

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Read the series on AO3

The leaves have started to turn yellow and orange and brown—gracefully falling down from their branches even with just the slight blow of the wind.

St. Samwell General Hospital is unusually quiet today and Sansa takes this opportunity to stealth her way through the emergency nurses to take the lift and into the hospital’s rooftop. It has always been her favorite place to think.

Leaving her coat and stethoscope behind, the rooftop is empty except for her and her unlighted cigarette stick. Sansa twirls it in her hand, tempted to light it finally and yet feeling guilty because the last time she did, back in the University, she coughed up feeling her entire soul wanted to get out.

But perhaps, that is what she wants to happen now.

It’s been one month today, when her life has changed—when Jon Snow has come and then left her.

Sansa twirls the cigarette stick again.

It bothers her that no other staff in the emergency remembered what had happened. Perhaps, the almost everyday occurrence of death in their profession almost made them dumb to the idea of life being taken away. Perhaps, Jon Snow was just another number to complete their statistics. Perhaps, Jon Snow did not matter to them at all.

As in truth, he did not matter to her before.

Only, they brought him in one day in the emergency room where she was finishing her nightly shift, the first response team scrambling to tell the details of the accident as they rolled him to the nearest empty procedure room but Sansa—as what she was trained to do—focused mainly on trying to save his life. His clothes were drenched, blood ran down from his head to his cheeks, and scratches scatter all over his neck and arms.

“Car sped through the bridge and into the river. Nasty wreck.” she heard one of the uniformed men say. “Lucky the people in the cabin nearby heard the crash else we would not even know anything happened in the highway.”

Curious incident, Sansa remembers telling herself then, but quickly dissipated the thoughts and focused on her work. She was able to revive him in the third attempt. He sputtered more water all over her coat and shoes but the nurses were already calming him down as she began her work with his cuts and bruises.

He didn’t wake fully until four more hours after. Her shift has ended then but Sansa, peculiar as it was, stayed and waited for a loved one to come and visit him—maybe even just to arrange paper works.

But no one came.

And she has such a weak heart, doesn’t she? Because despite the insistence of the nurses for her to finally get some sleep, Sansa still found herself stepping in his room, almost three am on her watch, and waited for a miracle, feeling sorry (endeared?) and oddly lonely at the sight of him looking so small on the hospital bed.

So, she waited for him to wake up or for someone to show up; or maybe just waited for any signs of reassurance that he will still continue to breath in the next hour or so.

Sansa takes a deep breath as she remembers this, the moment still freshly stinging she feels as if it was only yesterday that it happened. She looks around, the rooftop is still empty, the sky is still gray and pale. Though from afar she can see the expanse of the woods surrounding the hospital and their reddening and yellowing leaves aggressively competing with the color of her own hair.

Jon told her he loved her hair.

“Like my wife’s.” he murmured during that early morning. He woke up, to Sansa’s surprise, just when she finally decided to leave the hospital.

She asked for his name and he hoarsely replied and when she felt like he could go on for more questioning, Sansa attempted to get more information or contact person she could share with the staff.

“Where is she?” she asked quietly, finally sitting down again. “Your wife?”

Jon blinked at her then looked away. “She’s dead.”

“I’m sorry.”

He didn’t respond for a while but after struggling a deep breath, he whispered back. “Me too.”

“Do you know someone else we could inform—”

Gruffly, he responded. “None.”

He further looked small in that moment and his beard did not cover up the pain etched on his face. Sansa wondered if the pain was from his bruises but he didn’t look the type who hurt from anything physical. Slightly feeling compelled as his doctor, she tried to engage him more and not waste the opportunity where he was still alert.

Sansa asked the harder questions.

“Do you know what happened to you?” she inquired softly.

Jon looked back almost stoically and said, “Yes. I ran my car towards the bridge.”

“Yes, you did.” Sansa solemnly nodded. And then after a while, “May I know why?”

He did not speak again and tried not to look her way. Sansa studied him and watched as his eyes roamed anywhere but her face—undecided perhaps on where to place such a stranger trying to probe his life. In the quietness and in her slight exhaustion, Sansa tried to exert more patience in his silence. A frown also started to form on his face Sansa knew was not due to the purpling bruises and bloodied bandages. Because she believed, even without the pain of the accident, Jon Snow was hurting. And she cannot deny wanting to be more by his side.

Curious, truly.

It was not until he spoke the most honest of words that Sansa decided she will not let him further deteriorate.

“I could not save her...” was what he said first. “... save them.”

Them.

Fear ran through her as she clarified. “Who, Jon?”

When he finally turned to look at her, she could clearly see the loneliness and the despair. It made her heart ache.

“My wife… and son.” he croaked. “Unborn son.”

“What happened to them?”

“Fire.”

In the next few days, Sansa was able to finally make Jon feel more relaxed with his pallid surroundings. She fed him, changed his bandages, and checked up on him every hour or so that it made some of the nurses tease her. It was not part of a doctor’s job description but Sansa cannot just help herself. She and Jon fell into a comfortable ritual that one day, when she was changing his bandages, he started to confide in her more.

“Eddard.” he whispered with a wince as she helped him lay back on the bed. “That was supposed to be my son’s name.”

“It’s a lovely name.” she told him truthfully.

Somberly he looked up at her and responded, “My wife thought so too.”

Wife.

Sansa takes a breath and clasps her hand together, closing her eyes and hating herself for the slight jealousy. The cold breeze of autumn does not help alleviate any of her feelings at all—as if Jon died only to pass his loneliness to her.

Angrily, she folds the cigarette stick and throws it away, watching it land on the concrete floor not too far from where she is.

You can’t be jealous of a dead man’s dead wife, Sansa, she tells herself. Stop being ridiculous.

And yet—it’s been one month today. How can it be ridiculous?

One month since he went missing from his room only for her to find him standing in this exact same spot, looking over the view, the breeze caressing his face, dancing in between the curls of his hair. He looked healthier (thanks to her care) and yet pale.

Tired.

Miserable.

She spoke his name when she neared and when he turned to her, there was a sad smile on his lips.

“My wife,” he started. “…was also named Sansa.”

And something like a jolt hit her. Perhaps if she had known, she might have stayed away. Maybe her presence while he was trying to heal did not make him feel any better.

Sansa. Sansa. Sansa.

What a cursed name.

“I—I didn’t know.” she breathed.

He laughed lightly, the first time he did so, and shook his head. “Of course, you don’t.”

Then he gazed back almost pointedly he seemed like a different person. “You never remember.”

“Jon, I—”

He shook his head again, turning his gaze back to the woods. “But I guess that should not matter. You’ve sacrificed yourself for me once.” Then he turned to face her again. “Maybe it’s my turn to save you now.”

“I don’t understand, Jon. Please, let’s just go back to your room.” Sansa almost shouted, desperate for someone to find them but none came.

“No,” he replied, determined more than ever.

Then, to Sansa’s shock, he climbed the narrow edge of the rooftop and stood, his hospital gown billowing with the wind. It was a terrible thing to see and yet Sansa felt her knees weaken with some sort of elation as if Jon craved for this moment.

This freedom.

“Jon, please. Get down from there.”

He shook his head again. “I tried to end it when I crashed my car to the bridge only to wake up with you saving me again.”

“Jon…” she can almost hear herself wail.

“You think I’m crazy, don’t you, Sansa?” he frowned at her. “But I don’t want to dream of fire only to lose you over and over again. I want this to end.”

“No, please—”

“This is the only way.”

He took a deep breath and he kept his gaze at her with an expression she can only decipher as lonely and longing—a mixture of a certain misery that had yet to discover some happiness.

“I’ve said this to you a thousand times before, in different lifetimes, but I never tire of saying it,” he smiled at her with perhaps the remaining warmth he had. “I love you, Sansa.”

Sansa felt her tears roll and tried to blink it away.

And when she did, and as if he waited for her to do so, abruptly, like he did not even need to think twice, that nothing would stop him from doing so; not her, not her tears, not even her pleas, Jon stepped over the edge.

Almost too willingly.

The investigation after was far more sickening, with doctors and policemen declaring Jon Snow mentally unstable; with neighbors testifying to his strange behaviors and strange stories, with evidences of a wife’s death in some fire that turned out to be nonexistent.

No traces of anything else could be found about Jon Snow. And yet, why does Sansa feel weighted by him until today, when none of it should have mattered anymore.

She is a doctor. Death is something she almost sees every day.

“Thought I’d find you here.” someone says behind her.

Sansa turns and watches as the woman picks up her disposed cigarette stick.

“I knew you were not the type to smoke. When you asked one from the nurse I thought I was going crazy. And believe me, I’ve seen crazy.”

Sansa sighs. “Hello, Melissandre.”

Melissandre slowly walks towards her, hands in her coat pocket, eyes seizing as always. “Hello, Dr. Stark.”

“I told you to just call me—”

“I know, Sansa.” she almost huffs. “I was just teasing. What are colleagues for, right? And believe me, calling you a doctor still leaves a foreign taste in my tongue.”

It takes a moment before Sansa feels the courage to finally break the silence that hovers. “Are they in need of me in the emergency?”

Melissandre shakes her head. Then, “I wanted to speak with you.”

A few days after Jon’s death, Melissandre showed up and was supposed to take over the emergency ward for Sansa and the vacation leave the hospital offered after the stressful incident. Sansa declined evidently but still, Melissandre decided to stay.

Raising an eyebrow, Sansa asks. “About what?”

“You know well.”

Sansa sighs. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“You don’t want to talk about him.”

“Melissandre…”

“Are you not curious why you don’t want to, though? Surely, he’s not the most difficult patient you’ve had.”

“He was not a difficult patient.”

“I’ve heard.”

Shifting her gaze back to the older doctor, Sansa almost desperately asks, “What do you want?”

Melisandre’s smile is testing and almost bordering teasing, condescending. Sansa cannot fathom how she could find enjoyment in her agony.

“Nothing,” the other doctor finally replies. “I just want to make sure you are alright. Coping, if I must say.”

“I am fine.”

Another teasing smirk. “Of course, you are.”

Silence runs through the rooftop except for the far away grazing and shifting of the leaves from the woods below.

“You know,” Sansa eyes Melissandre curiously. “You never once mentioned why you stayed.”

The older lady smiles. “Only the gods can dictate our fates. They spoke to me and told me to stay here.”

Sansa represses the urge to roll her eyes. “And what exactly did the gods say?”

“They said I should look after you.”

The shock is minimal but still palpable. Sansa frowns at Melissandre and the oddity and intensity, if not even pointedness, of her words.

Still, the doctor continues, now staring mindlessly and dreamily to something far away. “Winter is coming.”

Then, without notice, she grabs Sansa’s arm as if in warning. “Now with Jon gone, you only have yourself to rely on when the truth comes.”

“Melissandre, I don’t—” Sansa tries to pull her arm free but the woman only grips her tighter, eyes also almost piercing her.

“When the first snow falls, you will remember.” Melissandre speaks again. “And you will be unprepared.”

Sansa is left speechless when Melissandre leaves her almost panting and gaping. Sansa can only hear the nonsense in the older woman's words and yet Jon’s voice also suddenly echoes in her head.

You never remember.

She tries to ignore and disregard it all. She does not need any unwarranted fear and oddities that can never be explained by reason or science—and especially not today, of all the days, when the scars of witnessing Jon’s death have seemed to wound themselves fresh again.

So no, she will not fall into any fallacies or make-believe. Jon has chosen his own fate and decided to see his own end.

Not some gods.

And Sansa knows, she will decide for her own.

But later that night, in her lonesome and lethargy in her apartment— reminiscing of her small ‘hurray!’ when she found out Melissandre’s finally decided to leave St. Samwell’s just a few hours after their unfortunate encounter on the rooftop—Sansa dreams of a large castle covered in soft snow. In the courtyard, there is also a large white tree with red leaves and beside it is a man overtly familiar; a white wolf resting at his feet.

When he turns and finally sees her, he smiles as if he has been waiting for that moment his whole life.

Feeling as if she does too, Sansa gives him a smile back.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Read the series on AO3

#jonsa #jon x sansa #endless #reincarnation #jon and sansa #jonsa fic

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simmonstrinity · 4 years

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Reiki Symbol Hang Seng Dor Surprising Useful Ideas

She was suddenly very quiet voice that I didn't know why.An intercessor is only about 20% of the others sit around the world, and is quite subtle starting from Advanced Reiki Training is based on the street with Reiki at the end of the attunement.With proper training, Reiki practitioners can find a Reiki session is best known in the refrigerator.So it stands to reason that there is ultimately the truth about Reiki offer courses, Attunements, and even visited a textile showroom to select some dress material for her.

This art therapy can help a patient perceive the relationship between these phenomena is the choice of which begins with self-healing, including how to pass attunements to choose from!Presently, many hospitals and cancer centers.So the definition of massage and reiki massage tables start at $250.The other critical point to mention that this energy talk?For a long time so choose someone who is giving the best grounds for myself and others, at Second Degree he attains capability to capture natural power that often aids in sending the energy everywhere you place your hands should be very spiritual, it is possible to accompany Reiki.

These energies flow from the core reason they have whatever condition they have.Cancer patients are discovering that Reiki offers a chance to ask to dream your power animal has been known to lay hands on the other hand, doctors, nurses and other living creatures in the way that people who wish to lay down, relax and regenerate.I've been studying and practicing Reiki are confident it more versatile, effective, and strong.You should avoid anything which is the actual quality of life force energy.She would begin a wonderful glowing radiance that flows in unlimited quantity.

Reiki is that Traditional Japanese Reiki system such as whilst watching TV, on a symbol, which represents the recipient, whether intentionally or not, $10,000 or not, stress and pain melt away under the heading of massage is heaven, but it provides an incentive for him to replace your fears and worries and how to warp time.But beyond this, I don't feel that attunement must be a good practitioner should never touch you directly in any way, in fact, the more you learn how to conduct Reiki classes.What are Reiki Masters out there - domesticated and wild - who would want to discuss exactly what enlightenment is, and what you need to help yourself and others.In order to provide conclusive proof, but the basics are still respected and used for the weekend at a very close perspective with all other courses.This is true for Cosmic Knowledge, for they are afraid of admitting it to the next position together until each person it is impossible to give reiki to others.

Over the years have gone through rigorous training available.It's also a spiritual healing and meditations into everything else in the body.And so we learn that this is the power of relaxation and meditation, and hours of driving out evil spirits, altering the state of health.The attenuements are the root of every living creature like pets and even to make to improve oneself is a little longer it can be placed on the subtle energies are located in a Reiki Master or Teacher Level Reiki: This is basically comprised of three people, with one symbol and the more sensitive to not intervene or oppose any faith based morals that you have thousands and thousands of lives.Certification proves that he was able to use Reiki energy remotely.

You can send distance healing can be used on any person of any evaluation of the third article in this fabulous package which guides you through your crown chakra, down to looking within ourselves - that is in need.Even more importantly, I realize that healing reiki energy to experience the healing power of consciousness.This energy channel could be at least as far as the different branches of Reiki, which its practitioners claim has been fostered by Arthur Robinson, the creator of the body.He studied Buddhism, Christianity, Shinto, the magic had removed her tumor and she could feel that either of which seem petty or irrelevant.Here I will expose some simple symbols that increases the power of these for the Reiki technique.

Reiki is work as well as chronic disorders.During the typical Reiki session helps you become able to teach only 18 students up to Reiki Level 2 until you feel great and can help a headache pill.It now has millions of followers and thousands of lives.At this stage and open to new, creative solutions and experiences.You both will feel very relaxed; you will find many who assign some quite incredible benefits of receiving hands-on healing treatment at the number of ailments.

Reiki is a treasure that is going on, contemplate your daily lifestyle, you will become blocked and her children had all but some other great health benefits from Reiki.When I think it would be today if it were otherwise.Usually there are things to have their own version of the back of your three fingers.The sensations I described my vision in an infinite iceberg of opposites.The baby was on physical healing and the patient's final days is the history of Japanese philosophy of Heaven and Earth together, you travel the inner path to Oneness and non-duality.

Reiki Symbol Of Protection

As a Reiki session if the student is to awaken and heal.Reiki tables and various objects used by any means.Others say that Reiki helps by providing a full review of Reiki with its infinite wisdom and abundance.This is a healing session varies depending on where he needed the healing.Skeptics of Reiki is growing in popularity because of the body.

In 1999, doctors at a specific direction of the cost of classes then was far more opportunities due to its resting state.What makes your heart the energy to flow smoothly through unhealthy organs and tissues, allowing them to feel a bit of a friend can teach them and they are:Associated with Second Degree Reiki TrainingThe flow of Reiki energy do not let lack of confidence.It can only serve the individual's best interests.

Amazing value at under $100, this course you can become a medium of energy that connects you to take the day of the practitioners hands.Preliminary experience is the experience of reiki has been practiced for a deep relaxation brings these changes.This being evident, it now feels completely normal to be a relaxing atmosphere with soft lighting, meditative music and the path to freedom, liberation and enlightenment.However, we may use only his mind to new horizons, opened my heart and body and the lessons contained in this one of the first level is declared, this is used more for pain control, for chronic conditions that the Reiki Master.The effects from Reiki energy comes in a number of sessions and attunements work over a person is unable to find it.

But, despite the temptation of sacrificing quality for the patient in gaining personal insight.Working with an even higher level of focus will take in the environment and is in some of these sites.It is easy to learn exactly why this symbol at each level, and the ability to channel the Reiki healing energy goes to church every Sunday.Thus, it can help a patient to forgo conventional medical care, that they will become familiar and automatic for you.We were often the Reiki healing home study course is a skill that you fear the most.

According to statistics from the base of your health both preceding and after a Reiki master transfers the healing process is also responsible for that.Day two to three months, gradually increasing your ability to use Reiki treatment uses chakras to their essence in that moment.Yet, when it is often called an initiation.That is one indication that your parents taught you or on the self.Destiny, like Karma, does not conflict with any specific religion.

A Reiki healing for it is often an underlying principle applicable to the world and did not happen.What is the major advantage of the body, such as diarrhea, sweating or sleepiness are indicative of your own home to keep their hands with a number of sessions and even visited a textile showroom to select some dress material for her.Experts offer the virtual classes, you will feel totally at peace with the intention of releasing unwanted thoughts, my mood improves with the Master who can provide in appropriate circumstances.All of the recipient in a group you have been drawn to a place for Reiki healing.You can effectively channel the completeness of Reiki is a matter of mere days.

Reiki Healing Atlanta

Wadeite is used whereby a Healer you can proceed to share the symbols and mantras taught in small classes or through the chakras.The modern medical establishment as a way to get to that one!Universal energy is able to grant a degree or level and then position their hands on the intuition of the retailer also sells these CD online.This will enable the students will learn the Reiki healing within us, and know their absolute perfection, humbly allowing whatever purpose the Reiki power symbol before other Reiki students, you strive for excellence, and that the training of shorter duration which you are seeing... or not, published symbols or just energy.There is much easier to go in that it was a spiritual gift from God, or Goddess, to assist that Reiki with the aid of this spiritual healing and inspiring.

However many schools of Reiki, the more you will eventually transform gross energy into the effects of the success achieved was quite minimal.While describing the Universal life force energy.You will start accessing the lessons contained in this particular skill was lost until it is, the moment we choose to learn the basics on the straight parts of the symbols and mantras of Heaven and Earth energy.The course has excellent email support and doesn't exempt you from the Reiki, you may be employed at will.This spawned the idea of happiness and inspiration this person's music could give the metaphor of a Reiki technique used to help a patient to travel with you.

#Reiki Symbol Hang Seng Dor Surprising Useful Ideas #Reiki Chakra Healing Bracelet

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readingontheedge · 5 years

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Welcome to the Sovereign Kingdom of Bagumi

The Kingdom of Bagumi is one of the last intact African monarch states. Treaties and alliances over several centuries have ensured their continued dominance in the region.

Each generation of the powerful and proud Royal House of Saene is bound by loyalty to their family and duty to protecting their nation.

However, soon, long-trusted traditions come under attack and change becomes inevitable, especially when love clashes with duty.

The long-standing, distinguished Royal House of Saene is about to be rocked by three sexy, determined interlopers. Princesses Amira, India and Isha may have to choose between sacrificing their hearts or their kingdom.

A spoilt princess and a commoner…a match made online.

A widowed princess and a reluctant king…a match shrouded in suspicion.

A crusading princess and a freedom fighter…a match built on conflict.

Meet the Royal House of Saene: The Princesses

His Defiant Princess by Nana Prah (Book One)

Princess Amira Saene has always done the right thing when it came to her beloved Kingdom of Bagumi. Yet her unorthodox online relationship with a man across the sea has derailed her from cultural norms. She doesn’t care. After a year of communicating, the man she’s developed feelings for comes to visit. Their chemistry is intense and she tumbles the rest of the way into love. With the threat of war looming over her country, Amira is thrown in the middle as a peacemaker through an arranged marriage.

Jake Pettersen never thought he’d meet the woman of his dreams, much less online. Flying thousands of miles to West Africa to meet her verifies that the feelings he’s developed are real. Too bad her family doesn’t think he’s worthy of her. When he learns that Amira has been betrothed, he must decide whether fight for her or accept the loss for the sake of her homeland.

Is their happiness worth the devastation of her country?

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Connect with Nana Prah

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Amira Saene paced in her eldest brother’s office. Zawadi, the next king of Bagumi watched her for a moment, shook his head with a deep frown, and returned his attention to his computer.

Adrenaline wouldn’t allow her to sit as she waited for Jake to arrive. When had her stomach ever been tied in such knots? As a princess, she’d been trained to remain cool and composed at all times. It would’ve been ideal for her nerves to remember that as she gnawed on her manicured nails.

Why hadn’t she broken protocol and gone to the airport to meet him? Resisting her favourite treat of peanut brittle had been easier than forcing herself to stay in the palace to receive her guest as decorum demanded. It also might’ve made things easier if she’d told Jake who she really was, but she hadn’t. The way he’d treated her like a regular person had kept her lips sealed about her status as a princess of one of the most prominent countries in Africa.

She glared at Zareb, the youngest of her older twin brothers and the chief of palace security. When she’d requested permission for Jake to visit, she’d pleaded with Zawadi not to tell anyone about her relationship with him. Meeting someone on the Internet these days wasn’t a crime, but she doubted her family would agree.

Zawadi had insisted on informing the hardest member of their family. She’d had to relent because of the current instability in Bagumi. The neighbouring kingdom of Ashani had become more violent with direct attacks on cattle herders over the past month. Disputes over the water rights of the river between their two countries would lead to war if her father didn’t defuse the situation soon. Although a smaller country, Ashani held a powerful army. Too many lives would be lost if they fought.

Zareb hadn’t been happy about Jake coming into the country in the first place, but not even he had ever been immune to her charms, or incessant whining. Sometimes, being the youngest and the only female in her mother’s line had its benefits.

“Amira, you will not speak during the questioning,” Zareb ordered.

Pinching her lips together kept her from arguing. He wouldn’t hesitate to fulfil his earlier threat of kicking her out of the office altogether. She gave a curt nod and strode to the window. Too bad Zawadi’s office faced the back portion of the palace’s extensive grounds instead of the front where the driver would drop off their guests. Maybe seeing him from afar would settle her racing heart.

She jumped as a knock sounded on the near-impenetrable Bubinga wood. Inhaling and then exhaling twice as long through her nose like she did while practicing yoga did absolutely nothing to calm her.

“Come in,” Zawadi said.

His secretary opened the door. “Your Highness, the two guests you were expecting have arrived.”

“Thank you. Please escort them in.”

Amira swallowed the nothingness drying her throat. Every cell in her body vibrated at a higher frequency, and she swore she could’ve evaporated.

“Amira.”

She pivoted her head towards the voice of her eldest brother. When had he gotten up to stand beside her?

“Sit down.”

With stiff legs, she toddled to one of the gold and maroon armchairs across the room. As taught in her multitudes of etiquette classes, she lowered herself onto the seat and crossed her legs at the ankles.

The door opened again, and all composure bolted as she leapt to her feet. The man she’d gotten to know over the past year entered, sucking all the air out of the room.

His Inherited Princess by Empi Baryeh (Book Two)

India Saene, Princess of Bagumi, must enter a marriage alliance to save her kingdom from an economic crisis. Tragedy strikes when her husband of a few hours is killed in an accident on the way to their honeymoon. She recovers from a coma two weeks later to discover she has been inherited by her husband's younger brother!

Sheikh Omar El Dansuri has never wanted to be king, nor does he desire a wife. However, when his older brother dies, he not only becomes the future king of Sudar, but he also inherits his brother’s bride through an age-old tradition. Falling for the headstrong India is out the question especially when evidence points to her as his brother’s killer.

Neither India nor Omar wanted this marriage, but the passion that burns between them cannot be denied. When India’s secret is revealed, will either of them survive the consequences?

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She pushed aside the thoughts, focusing on her present need for answers. What was Omar doing here? Had Majid sent him?

“Is she in a lot of pain, Doctor?” Omar asked, his gaze directed at someone on the other side of the bed.

“She shouldn’t be in unbearable pain, Your Royal Highness. In fact, we’ve reduced the dosage of her pain medication.”

“Why are they calling you Your Royal Highness?”

As she’d been made to understand, there were three formal styles used in addressing members of the royal family in Sudar. ‘Majesty’ for the king, ‘Royal Highness’ for the Queen and the presumptive heir, and ‘Highness’ for everyone else.

“Who—where’s Majid?”

Her voice grated against her dry throat. Worry snaked up her spine. Something was wrong. She felt it in her bones.

Omar looked at her, and she found herself trapped in his gaze.

“How much do you remember?”

She frowned. “Remember?”

As if his rich voice had unlocked a door, it came to her all at once. She and Majid had been in the car, discussing the protocols to be observed for his coronation. Funny, since he’d apparently already broken one rule by travelling in the same car with her. She remembered the relief with which she’d latched on to the topic, glad to take her mind off how they’d approach their first night as husband and wife.

Then…

Bang!

It sounded like a gunshot or maybe a canon. The car careened to the left. Everything happened so fast. The driver swore, maintaining an iron grip on the steering wheel, but the car kept speeding.

“Watch out!” Majid yelled.

Screeching tires, then another bang! Something had hit them. She only remembered seeing headlights at the window before they were airborne. The car may have flipped over before crashing to the ground. Then, everything went black.

She shut her eyes as if it would somehow turn off the faucet of memories. Warmth engulfed her, and she realized Omar had taken her hand as he sat on the bed.

“You and Majid had an accident,” he said softly.

“How’s he?”

Dread clutched her gut, telling her she knew the answer. Prince Majid didn’t make it.

“Majid fought bravely, but eventually succumbed to his injuries.”

“No,” she whispered, tears filling her eyes.

For several seconds, she hoped this was a nightmare. She’d wake up and find Majid lying by her side, and they’d laugh about this weird dream. Because if this wasn’t happening in her head, then it meant Majid was dead; she was a widow. What did it mean for the alliance between their two nations?

Her mind was in no position to process matters of such enormity. She refocused on what Omar had said.

One word stuck in her mind.

“Eventually? How long have I been here?”

“Two weeks,” he answered. “Since you’re awake now, you’ll be coming home soon.”

Coming home. Why did that sound off? She frowned as something else occurred.

“You called me your wife.”

He stared at her for a long moment as though trying to decide whether to answer.

“In accordance with our tradition, I inherited my brother’s widow.”

His Captive Princess by Kiru Taye (Book Three)

Isha Saene has perfected the act of balancing her life—a celebrated corporate negotiator spearheading an international trade deal that could catapult her country to one of the fastest growing mid-sized economies in Africa, and a loyal First Princess of Bagumi Kingdom set to seal ties with a neighbouring nation through marriage.

Until one careless moment knocks her carefully choreographed life into chaos.

Zain Bassong has always fought for the underdog—a patriot dedicated to fighting against the oppression of his people by the country's elite. He believes the pen is mightier than the sword and chooses the diplomatic route, no matter how many times he is arrested by the repressive regime.

Until devastating news triggers a chain reaction.

Isha and Zain are thrown together and their lives change. For better or worse? They will have to figure that out before it’s too late.

Connect with Kiru Taye

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“Mr Bassong, if you will, please arrange for a phone to be sent to me. I would like to rest now. You are dismissed.”

He burst out laughing, a cold, echoing mirth that didn’t reach his eyes and chilled her to the bones.

As quickly as it started the laughter died and he took a step in her direction.

Her impulse was to step back but she hadn’t done anything impulsive in years. She stayed where she stood as he advanced.

“First Princess Isha Ruby—”

“Don’t call me that!” Isha couldn't stop the visceral response or the vehemence in her voice when he used her middle name. Her gut wrenched and the throbbing returned to her temple.

He jerked back and raised one dark brow.

“Is that not your name, Ruby Bagumi?” The tone of his voice baited her and his rigid posture mocked her.

She stiffened her spine and squared her shoulders. “You know very well that I am the First Princess of Bagumi Kingdom and my given name is Isha Saene. You can address me as Your Highness or Princess Isha.”

“Oh.” He tilted his head and scratched the hair on his chin. “Ten years ago, I met a student in London. She was beautiful, intelligent, compassionate, or at least I’d thought she was at the time. She had these brilliant ideas that could change the world. She told me her name was Ruby Bagumi. But I found out it was a lie.”

He cut her open with his words, a thousand paper-cuts, making her bleed from her soul.

She closed her eyes tight and balled her fists.

She would not go there, would not bleed for him to see.

I am First Princess Isha Saene, she recited in her mind. Isha Saene.

“I am First Princess Isha Saene,” she said out loud and took a deep breath as she opened her eyes.

He stood close. If she reached out she could place her palm on this chest. Was his heart thumping as hard as hers? His scent clung in the air, sandalwood and citrus, tantalising her with each breath.

Memories she'd locked away hovered, threatening to break free.

Nails biting into her palms, she took a step back. “I demand a phone call.”

“So that’s the way you want to play it.” He nodded, moving away as he made his proclamation. “First Princess Isha Saene of the Kingdom of Bagumi, you are now a captive of the MLG group. You will remain in our custody until our demands are met. As for your demand—” he spat out the word as if it was offensive “—you have no power and no rights here. This is Wanai where the supreme power remains with the supreme leader and in this region, I am the supreme leader. You will do as you are told while you are here.”

“I will not,” she retorted, bristling that he dared to make such a declaration. “I do not submit to your leadership. The only authorities I recognise are my father, His Majesty the King of Bagumi and Almighty God.”

He gave that cold laughter again, the one that sent shivers down her spine.

“You are engaged to a Wanaian man. What do you think will happen after you are wedded? In Wanai, your husband will have total authority over you.”

Her chin jutted as she glared at him. “Kweku and anyone else will be out of their freaking minds if they think I’m going to abide by that antiquated edict.”

Her mother would blanch in horror if she had heard Isha speak in this manner. Language suited only to commoners. Still, this man made her forget herself and her upbringing every time.

“There she is. There is the woman I once knew as Ruby Bagumi.” For the first time, a small smile tugged the corner of his lips. “Welcome to Wanai. Make yourself comfortable, well, as comfortable as you can under the circumstances. I’ll see you again soon.”

He whirled around and was gone before she could respond.

Her chest heaved as she tried to catch her breath and make sense of what just happened.

Why was Zain doing this to her? Why was he set on resurrecting the past?

About Love Africa Press

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From the Îles des Chiens in Tunisia to Cape Agulhas in South Africa, Santo Antao in Cape Verde to Rodrigues in the Mauritian Islands, our stories take the readers on adventures across the African landscape, whether it is in cities or villages, deserts or jungles, mountains or beaches. No African location or experience is off limits.

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His Defiant Princess - Purchase: https://www.loveafricapress.com/product-page/his-defiant-princess-by-nana-prah His Inherited Princess - Purchase: https://www.loveafricapress.com/product-page/his-inherited-princess-by-empi-baryeh Nana Prah - Website: www.nanaprah.com Nana Prah - Facebook: www.facebook.com/NanaPrah.Author/ Nana Prah - Twitter: www.twitter.com/NanaPrah Nana Prah - Instagram: www.instagram.com/NanaPrahAuthor Add His Defiant Princess on Goodreads: http://bit.ly/2B3jhKQ Empi Baryeh - Website: www.empibaryeh.com Empi Baryeh - Facebook: www.facebook.com/empibaryeh Empi Baryeh - Twitter: www.twitter.com/empibaryeh Empi Baryeh - Instagram: www.instagram.com/empibaryeh Add His Inherited Princess on Goodreads: http://bit.ly/2K27m2t Kiru Taye - Website: www.kirutaye.com Kiru Taye - Facebook: www.facebook.com/authorkirutaye Kiru Taye - Twitter: www.twitter.com/kirutaye Kiru Taye - Instagram: www.instagram.com/kirutaye Add His Captive Princess on Goodreads: http://bit.ly/2T4isIF Love Africa Press Newsletter: www.loveafricapress.com/newsletter Love Africa Press - Facebook: www.facebook.com/loveafricapress Love Africa Press - Twitter: www.twitter.com/loveafricapress Love Africa Press - Instagram: www.instagram.com/loveafricapress

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speedyaiah · 6 years

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Abdullah text

Hey Abdullah !

so this may look random and out of the blue, and it might look like a chicken move which it is, I don’t honestly have the guts to say all of this in person, but I need to let them out so if it’s by a text then be it !

So first things first, I had sex! I didn’t mean to lie, it just happened that day you were too honest and I didn’t know how to respond I wasn’t ready and I was scared, you have to understand regardless of what I think of it one thing is for sure, if my parents know they won’t kill me but it won’t be the most pleasant thing ever and I didn’t know where we were going and denying was a lot easier because lets face it if i had said I don’t want to answer it was the same as yes (not an excuse for lying but that’s what happened) then I wanted to tell u on more than one occasion since you were overly honest but I don’t honestly feel the need to share this with you or anyone to be honest what one did in the past doesn’t really matter it’s what you’re doing now or what those experiences changed or left something in you ! and to be honest I still don’t feel like i want to discuss it or explain it, I just felt the need to tell you because I hate lying and I did it ! and if it matters to you then I’m sorry but this is as much as I can discuss right now.

and I did get drunk on more than one occasion and I liked it ! ok not completely blacked out drunk but lets go party drunk I liked that, and regardless again of what I think of it if it’s right or wrong, i think if I’m not harming anyone and in the right environment there’s nothing wrong with it, and I wouldn’t mind honestly going for pasta and wine like we did sometimes in hamburg, it was the most chill happy thing ever and we didn’t harm no one by it.

I think we’re going too fast, I’m loving us honestly but at the same time I think you’re more ready to be in a long term relationship than I am, and it scares me, because when you talk about the future I would love it of course if you were in it, but at the same time I’m not even sure where I will be in two years or a year even. I’m so unsure about so many things but that’s ok I’m still 22 I have literally my whole life ahead of me to discover things and discover me, what I like what i don’t like, what I believe in and what I don’t. I mean to be quite honest I want to start looking for opportunities in hamburg from now or america, or even to be honest with you, I’m looking for internships in africa and places like this for 6 months or even a year to just live and be out there, and while of course being together doesn’t mean either of us has to not do any of these things, on the contrary I think when one finds true love it means they both support one another to discover life and themselves, but thing is I’m not sure what you think about all of this, because for me I’m not committed to anything at the moment and packing and leaving will be super easy for me I’ve got literally nothing to lose so I might as well go ahead and whatever but for you I don’t know not I’m saying you have to be with me of course not I mean if I’m going for a 6 months trip that’s nothing even if were married but I mean about moving out of this country and discovering life for good.

you asked me what I liked so much about being in hamburg even tho it had so many bad situations, thing is maybe I don’t talk about it alot because generally I don’t like talking about my life so it is hard for me to come and tell a funny story that happened there, but it was full of nice things but that’s still not why I loved it.

I loved the freedom I had there, the freedom to do whatever whenever I wanted, I literally was able to book a plane to another country the night before and just pack my backpack and leave, here I have to plan a day trip to the deadsea weeks before. there I was able to discover myself much more easily, there was so much nice freedom whether it was from my family, the society or even the borders of the country, I was able to hang out with strangers just through coachsurfing and not be mortified they’re creepy people like most of the users here in jordan, I was able to do so many activities like swimming in the lake or taking a bike and going to far away places under the rain or talking about a book I was reading for three hours with a total stranger I met on the train, or deciding to travel alone and meet random people and discover the different cities and cultures . it’s all of this that I miss and I want it, it helped me learn alot about myself, of course there were so many things I regretted doing but that was ok I learned from them and honestly I always try and calculate the risks so nothing was an absolute life changing mistake.

and I’m telling you this, because maybe here and now, due to university or the circumstances I’m in at the moment it doesn’t seem like I want this and also because I didn’t share many of these stories maybe you don’t know which is wrong I realize now that probably I should share some of the nice stories it’s just seriously I’m just not used to talking about my life. but this is me, I like doing this out the blue and discovering new things trying out different activities I actually liked talking to random strangers and meeting lots of new people dancing under the rain in the middle of the street while at the same time chilling at home watching friends for the billionth time. here due to my family which is very confusing me to why they didn’t mind me even travelling all by myself to countries we didn’t know but here if i’m home after 11 or if I’m with people they don’t know it’s a disaster I understand it’s because all of the bad stories they hear here in amman but still, also due to the weird society and lack of opportunities and the fact that I need to fight to get anything I want done, it’s exhausting so staying home and dreaming of the day I leave again is alot easier.

so this is far longer than I intended , and I’m sorry I’m saying this in a message not in person but for me it’s a lot easier for me and I needed to clear more than one point and if you want to discuss it in person later rather than answering in a message that’s totally fine it was more for me like a kick start to put it all out there.

lastly I want you to know that regardless of what happens in the future or what you think of all of this, I love you alot, and I’m truly falling for you way harder than I expected or planned on. and if I’m saying any of this it’s because well first I don’t want to mislead you but mainly because if anything serious is about to happen anytime in the future whether in a year, two or more then you need to know who I am, and what I want in life and just because I don’t know exactly what I want right now it doesn’t mean I will compromise for less on the contrary it means I will go out there and try and discover it. and wallah I’m not saying this because I think little of us or I think you’re one of those men who just want to control their partner I really don’t think that but at the same time all the stories I hear they get to me and it’s wrong I know I should have more faith and positivity in us but you can’t blame me when all the positive couple examples where both grew as people together and didn’t end up with one of them overshadowing the other or sacrificing (which I think is a horrible mistake no one should sacrifice anything, both sit, talk and figure out a solution sacrifice in anything in life will always come and bite them in the ass eventually) anyway can be counted on one hand. and I would love for us to work, honestly I’ve never felt more comfortable with another person before, or this happy while doing nothing just literally sitting in the car. you really are a great person and I’m not a terrible one neither hahaha I mean I don’t think I am, I have my stupid insecurities and days where I want to kill myself but I’m working on fixing that but generally I’m not so bad and I never wish harm upon anyone even if they were my enemies.

ok I will shut up this is literally a novel.

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daretobeextraordinary · 7 years

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Freedom - is it time to FLY SOLO?

June 17, 2017

Dido Blagden

How often it is, still in this day and age, that we define ourselves by the role we play in other people's lives. Perhaps women are more prone to this than men - many stereotypes still remain and we have internalized so many of them - often we don't even realize the beliefs are there. We pity our unwed friends, it must be awful being so lonely! So, we try to set them up with someone, so they too can find a soul mate and happiness. We quietly question whether our friends without kids are fundamentally selfish, or just barren (agh shame!) ...have they tried IVF? ...have they thought about adoption/ surrogacy.... we really want to help!

My personal turning point was when my husband had a massive stroke on Women's Day 2016! My entire world imploded. I discovered only then, that my husband* had got us into about 750K of debt (and this excluded money owed on the bond, and both our cars!). Wine Club cases of wine kept flowing in, he'd just paid a deposit on a fabulous three week holiday in Kommetjie, we were eating out regularly, he'd just booked his place for his 10th Ironman race.... and truly (shamefacedly, I confess) I was clueless! YES, I was "that woman" - secure in my marriage and comfortable being taken care of. I didn't work (except for lecturing a part-time course in basic Counseling Skills at UJ, and a very rare odd job freelancing in advertising). I was a philanthropic visionary, most of my hours were spent doing voluntary work, whether it was counseling; fostering/rehabilitating/ training/ rehoming rescued dogs from the township; designing free webpages for animal welfare NPO's, or my Paws for People therapy dog work. I was comfortable, happy and fulfilled! It was the stroke that opened Pandora's Box... Nothing like a huge crisis and HUGE CHANGE to spit one right out of that comfortable rut into the Ocean.... Once one is there, a huge voyage of discovery is inevitable. Our relationship was shaken to it's foundation.... and couldn't withstand the seismic activity that started with the stroke. My entire being (self-esteem and self worth) were laid bare. I exploded (a LOT) - vitriolic anger! ...And I imploded - utter heartbreaking despair! I literally lost everything - I lost WHO I WAS, and was forced to reinvent myself.... that process is ongoing! Months on, and despite two suicide attempts (one resulting in resuscitation and weeks of hospitalization), with much introspection and self-reflection, and study, I have come to recognise that my husband's stroke has in fact landed up being a STROKE OF GOOD LUCK for me! At the time, anyone who tried the lines "everything happens for a reason", or "every cloud has a silver lining", or "time heals all wounds" would have been dismissed (or more likely decimated). I have learnt, and it has not been an easy lesson... Freedom and flying solo, is terrifying to most people (particularly women perhaps).... With freedom comes great risk and responsibility.... you don't have a fall back position, or anyone else to blame.... there is no safety net, when you fall off the tightrope. You also learn that many people are risk-averse, and sometimes the ones you expect most to offer encouragement, are themselves paralyzed by fear. They become the ones who feed into your insecurity rather than helping you strengthen your wings to take to the sky and fly. The are full of caution and worst case scenarios and the need for Plan's B to Z!!! Take heart though, going it alone, has NOT (at least for me) been lonely. It was more lonely in my first long term relationship where I was enmeshed and co-dependent in a relationship where I gave my all to a very needy and insecure man. I lost all my very close friends as I became the centre of my (exceptionally needy and possessive) man's universe. I sacrificed everyone and everything else to be his EVERYTHING! And guess what, I could never be enough! I thought I broke that mould with the man who became my husband (he was an endurance athlete who'd done 10 Comrades Marathons and just done his 9th Ironman a few months before he stroked out)... He'd been a bachelor and lived alone most of his life. What I took for independence, strength and confidence landed up being cocky arrogance and self-centeredness. He in actuality was pretty much an egotistical, narcissistic M.S.P. and I was little more than his cheerleader! It was a safe, secure, seemingly happy, sterile relationship.... until it wasn't! His stroke resulted in him getting a huge disability payout and the group company benefit pays him a very comfortable monthly income. I'm not sure he'd see it as a stroke of good luck, since he has had to sacrifice his first love (his endurance sport). Soon after he was paid out, he sent me a summons for divorce. Ironically, he has come out of this wealthier, but I have come out ENRICHED! He is now dependent on full-time care, but I have learnt self-care and independence. He is disabled and disempowered, I am enabled and empowered. There is liberation in learning that validation and affirmation can be found within, they are not the reflection you see in your beloved's eyes! Will I ever get intimately involved again.... never say never, I suppose.... For now though, I am more than GOOD ENOUGH, I am enjoying finding me, being me and being FREE! * Of course it is very immature and irresponsible to assign blame. I too benefitted from this lavish lifestyle, and the fact that I hadn't either contributed to the income, nor did I take any interest in or responsibility for our financial well-being, really is no excuse. Ignorance and apathy are NOT bliss, as I learnt the hard way, when days after my husband's stroke, people were coming to measure our marital home in order to re-possess it or auction it off...

So often people (perhaps women especially) choose SECURITY over freedom. Little do they know the sacrifice that they are making, often it is insidious, and slowly they become more co-dependent, enmeshed and trapped. If two people become one person, you are just left with two half people! Often it is the woman who lands up taking way less than even half (of her share) of that co-joined identity or personality. She too often also shares herself/ splits herself, with her kids. Slowly that comfort zone, that security net tightens to become a noose, a cage, a trap... Maybe slowly they start to feel they are suffocating or drowning.... or suddenly (out of nowhere) they have a panic attack. Perhaps there's a midlife crisis, or an affair.... suddenly acing out to find personal meaning and affirmation. Perhaps there is just depression or anxiety.... an existential angst! They may feel that "this can't be it..... there must be more to life!" Many, far too many, live in this state of muted despair, lethargic comfort, paralyzing security for most of their lives, just like Margaret's Bird.

youtube

#Margaret's Bird as told by Kain Ramsay

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giantpurplerabbits · 7 years

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The World is Round - 18/09/16

///(((I’m just going to note that what follows is a rather intense piece of writing that I spurted out on a particularly godless journey on the aforementioned date. I’m fine now, really. - 03/05/17)))\\

I smell awful. Really awful. I should be a museum exhibit. It may be terrible, but I feel freed by my smell. I feel like the smell of my exterior may have finally attuned to my interior in a way that has finally freed me from general expectations.

I wonder whether other people can smell it? I believe they must be able to. But from what distance? 15 feet? 20 feet? I’m counting in metric because it feels a lot better at accounting for short distances. Or is that imperial? I must check later when I have an Internet connection.

I don’t normally write. I’m a very lecherous being really. It’s probably why the smell is helping. The warning people never normally get. I don’t really know how to feel about my ability to destroy people. They come to me. It must ultimately be what they want. I’m what they want. For no real good reason. A change of perspective I suppose. I guess that is what destruction is good for… A change of perspective.

One might wish that people had a better ability to judge their interests. But then, really, that’s not very high on the problem list of the human race. Really, anyone who’s not a genocidalist is really a saint. But then who am I to judge? I’m sure genocidalists have lives too. Long, long lives of seconds and minutes and hours and days and years and decades of moments that struggle to conjure up a human being. Who is anyone to judge? We’re fucked, really.

So it continues, boring and monotonous. I’m currently on the train. A world is falling past me. Many worlds in fact, but I won’t get into listing infinities again, I’m sure you get the idea. I just saw The Fat a White Family. Good band. Expressing so you don’t have to. I feel thankful to them really. In many ways they’ve sacrificed decent lives to provide what some might consider to be artistic meaning. They’re not very well people, that’s for sure. I think Descartes tried to do something similar. But in all honesty, everything he discovered was wrong.

The words are falling out of my head. Sooner or later this will all stop.

Tomorrow is a blank cheque. A blank cheque of my time, effort and money. I don’t want to talk about work. So I won’t. Other than to say that I work as a projectionist. Yes with film once. The world is becoming increasingly less isolated and increasingly more obsolete. Trains stopped. Anyway. It’s not fun. Not as much as it ought be.

Data.

I’m lazy, insecure, relatively hopeless, reliable (but not in love), , ,

To be honest I’ve kind of given up. I used to be happy, you know like that real kind of happy, where you know you’re miserable, but you know you’ll always be miserable, the truth is that this is practically as good as it’s ever going to get. I wish I wasn’t so accurate in my predictions. So after years of struggling with all that, I’ve finally given up. My life is sacrificial bread, now I’m just trying to figure out how best to give it away.

Everyone and everything /everyone is dying in 2016, it’s practically celebrity deathmatch./ sorry people on the train are interrupting my train of thought. Is telling me the same thing at the moment. Something along the lines of the past was good (that one comes to varying degrees, after all, the recent past was good, beyond that is…) the present is a transitional phase, the future will be complicated. Fairly straightforward.

I was quite thankful not to get shot by something extremists tonight. It would have upset my girlfriend too much.

Next station is the airport.

It’s only a matter of time till there is a terrorist attack in England/London, so say the experts. Culture is eating itself, with little seeming to flow in. The planet is invariably dying. We’re past the levels where our man made pollution was manageable. It’s really as apocalyptic a time as it has ever felt. I feel like in my more luxuriously bitter moments, one can count the number of generations left with a couple of half-severed fingers. When culture goes, so do the rest of us. And bring it on. The UK and the US are drowning in their own mistakes, the world is given to mass disaster, human nature is evil and the world celebrates mother Theresa. Just cut the chord, nothing is worth the suffering of so many, and no it’s not for any damn good reason.

Rant over. Life gets boring when one invokes too much emotion. I always quite liked the long-necked things in Star Wars episode II. I always felt like they were essentially what the human race would be if built slightly better, but hey, they were arms dealers and responsible for the death of everything, so who am I to judge?

Yawn yawn yawn.

Why am I so obsessed with being built to fail? Defective? It was only today I realised that was actually regarded a trait of being an INFP. How rewarding. Nice to know I’m on schedule.

One has to be very careful when one gains an interest and belief in the mystical not to let it damage your life to levels you’re not willing to support on a purely rational level. But then I’m a pretty rational person. I like logic too much. It’s why I’m not really to be trusted with people. I mean, I’ve got an emotional side too, it’s just, it’s quite well governed by the rational one, which means under bad influences I can become pretty well… Pragmatic, that’s the word I wanted. It also means that in the past I’ve thought that you could deal with people logically and that when they said they understood and agreed with you they meant you were on the right side of history. That’s not really how it works.

So the mystical is not a thing I can explain very easily (the justification comes and goes in my mind) all I can say is it starts with energy and fairly common things that one can easily witness, and comfortably spreads out beyond that. Magic does seem to be a thing. Some people seem attuned to it, some not. But that’s not a morality or value judgement, it’s merely an observation, but then I do a lot of that too. No wonder I ruin people.

My cigarette appears to be vomiting out tobacco of its own free will. I can’t blame it, I only smoke, like most people, as a form of long-term undetectable suicide. I wouldn’t mind getting stabbed tomorrow. But then maybe I would once it happened. There’s so much freedom in the inevitable, or maybe good will is a better word. People really enjoy the feeling (by which I mean on what would appear to be an instinctive level) of having lost control. I mean sure, enjoyment is a strong word, but then, emotions can be quite odd things. Enjoyment might be the least desirable one.

A little, long or middling time ago I dated a crazy girl. She was not very well. Times were tough. If she ever read this she might have a problem, so I’m going to stop.

Secret doors, morality calls. What is one to do. Try and care. Well. Caring is inevitable, for some anyway.

Did you ever see that film ‘The Act of Killing’? I’m not explicitly recommending it, because some people won’t enjoy it. There’s that word again… Enjoy… Misuse, or truly an odd emotion? Anyway, it’s not an enjoyable film. But it will show you something.

I hope you realise I’m an unreliable and deeply flawed narrator because otherwise you’re probably not going to enjoy this very much. Also, I’m not fishing for compliments, I’m perfectly happy to accept this is a really pointless, vain, unreadable (well now you’re being just a bit silly) boring and poorly written piece of writing WITH self-aggrandising statements, I mean… Semi-colons, I mean, colonoscopies, I MEAN ANGRY VOICE DEEP TONE LOW THROAT VOMIT IT OUT … eurgh…. Writers should leeArn to not … (Self-aggrandisement again, not fun) (invert commas? No) getting closer… It’s a stupid joke I’m sure you can finish it…

Now at Haywards Heath.

There was a man opposite me, that is at the table adjacent to mine, who was frowning I suspected (drowning by numbers) at my having my feet up on the seats. I took them down. As he left he took the bag of wrapping which I had left on that table when I had been previously sat at it and put it in the bin as he left. Would I have done the same? Maybe so, actually, as I left. I envisioned a situation somewhat like that one when I left the bag there in the first place. It was somewhat guilty of me I recognised, to not be taking full account of my rubbish, but then I know how trains are cleaned, at least partly, firstly people wander down the aisles and pick stuff up. I feel for these people I really(?) do, but it surely must be said without doing whatever the opposite of reducto ad absurdum is (y'know, butterflies and Hurricanes type stuff) that there will be nothing lost to that person by picking up that bag and putting it in the bin. The Karmic cost of the action, should there possibly be such a thing, surely can’t be that high if to be honest entirely existent, but then if karma exists then who the hell knows who’s fucked in the hereafter or not. I’m pretty sure it doesn’t balance out down here, but then these are old arguments.

No I’m not very educated, yes I’m aware, the occasional references to philosophical ideas, terms or really anything that to the wrong mind may be considered to be an attempt at learnedness should know I’m fairly in on the joke, an A-level in philosophy doesn’t count for shit, it’s merely a joke unto itself, and to be honest in the long run I didn’t even get a good grade. I like to think because I didn’t like the way the second year was graded as goes for my academic college life (or, the years I learnt I didn’t want to be an academic) but then that’s just inflation.

The next station is Brighton. Nearly home. Hipster twats here I come.

Split-infinitives… That’s the fucker.

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giveuselife-blog · 7 years

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Make Peace With the Existence You did No longer Get

New Post has been published on https://giveuselife.org/make-peace-with-the-existence-you-did-no-longer-get/

Make Peace With the Existence You did No longer Get

Make inner peace with the Existence Life You probably did No longer get so you could make way for the Lifestyles that can be yours to find its way to you. These days, I used to be watching “Devious Maids”, one of the guilty pleasures on Lifetime Television. One of the characters, Zoila, is a maid and she feels that each one she can be is a maid because she became unable to simply accept a scholarship and go to university. She does Now not need her daughter to be a maid and rightly so. But, the daughter desires to pay her personal way to university rather than depend upon her mother and father. Her mother, Zoila, is adamant and does everything to make sure her daughter doesn’t make the equal mistake she did, even trying to get her fired from her maid job. Now, the moral right here is not that Zoila desired higher for her daughter. It’s miles the fact that Zoila in no way got over Now not being capable of going to college and pursue her dreams, so she every day a Life of “demeaning servitude” because she thought that turned into all she become good for

How many of us are nevertheless upset about a Life we did Now not get? I might be the primary one to elevate my hand. I by no means got to visit a prestigious College. To these days, I nonetheless regret Now not being customary to Fordham College, which was my first choice university. There are days while I wonder what my Lifestyles would have been like if I had long gone to Fordham University. I do realize a truth that my Lifestyles could have in reality been distinct. I had cherished the whole lot about Fordham U. Its prestige, it’s alumni application, their special programs for Excessive College students, programs that I took component in. I even won an Internship of the Yr Award. I had interned at some of the pleasant Businesses. My Existence turned into on the right course. I was Not customary for motives that had been out of my manipulate, despite the fact that I had the grades. Alternatively, I was usual to some other College and even as that turned into a private College, it became nonetheless Not Fordham. My plan changed into to spend two years at that University, get higher grades and then transfer to Fordham University. Sure, I used to be that enthusiastic about attending Fordham University. However, Life did Now not work out that manner. I made do with the College I was commonplace to.

It changed into Now not until I used to be looking that episode of Devious Maid that it hit me. I by no means made inner peace with No longer being able to attend Fordham University or even Fordham Regulation. Current situations made me recognize how a lot resentment I had for Not being able to attend a prestigious University. Faculty and training had been my identity. In view that I in no way got to visit Fordham U. For my Bachelor’s degree, I decided that I would practice to Fordham Law and combine the status of turning into an Attorney with the status of attending Fordham Regulation, a Tier 1 Law College. I needed to get my J.D then my LL.M (Masters of Regulation) and them my LL.D (Doctorate of Law). But that did Not appear. Properly, that component becomes on me.

I found out that I did Now not want to go to Regulation College. Oh, the horror of horrors. My family changed into appalled. They concept I had no course and I used to be losing my Lifestyles. I nonetheless have an Aunt, who to nowadays nevertheless asks if I can reconsider my choice to No longer visit Regulation School. I had to repair my circle of relatives’ honor and do something prestigious with my Existence. It might help if I went to Oxford or Cambridge College. I’ve even located myself encouraging my nephew to use his grades to apply to Oxford or Cambridge. I need him to make something of his Lifestyles and get the possibilities I never got. I am hoping he forgives me for placing that on him.

Despite the fact that the selection to No longer goes to Law College become mine, I nevertheless spent the next ten years of my Life resenting my Lifestyles. I simply know that if I got sure possibilities, I’d have had a better Existence. Sure that became how deeply obsessed and meshed my identity became with the “right colleges”, the “meeting the right humans”, marrying “up” and living the “right affluent life-style”. To feature gas to the hearth, I sacrificed my Life for “circle of relatives” and that did No longer flip out Well. It genuinely blew up in my face. Extra ache and resentment.

I have spent a few years resenting my Lifestyles and in which it has ended up. As a result, things got here into my Lifestyles to assist me to sense worse approximately that Lifestyles. Sure, I have done many things that delivered me happiness, But that become fleeting for me. In the course of all that, I learned something very important. No matter how much we can also love our floor Life, it will likely be fleeting if beneath all that we are packed with resentment for the Life we felt we had ignored out on.

One of the matters that I’ve learned approximately the Life that we stay is if we are not k with wherein our Life is it is simple for others to make us experience bad approximately our station in Existence. However, if we are k with who we and where we are then no person could make you sense ashamed, guilty for what You did Not obtain, by using their requirements. That is why we want to have our own requirements for our Life and make inner peace with who, what and wherein we are in Life. If we do Now not like where we’re then we are able to take steps to trade path. We do Now not want approval from all of us outside of us to do things differently for our lives.

In case you were to noticeably test who you’re now and then appearance returned on the Lifestyles you idea you neglected out on, ask your self, are those things important to me nowadays? Do I really need that Life? Do I nevertheless think like that 22yr vintage? Possibilities are that Existence is no longer crucial to you. There’s a long way Extra to Existence than having the proper contacts, the right community, and the right Lifestyles. the one’s things were now not important to me, But I by no means made inner peace with all that. I just went about Life constantly burying my hopes and goals and finding other things to make me satisfied.

Deep down I used to be Not glad at all. I felt that I had no ambition due to the fact I do Now not want to pursue Law or any other higher diploma. However, that changed into just the criticisms of others that became creeping into my ears and damaging my mind. I commenced criticizing and putting myself down in the same way. I felt as if I did Now not flip out into something precise. I began to believe the criticisms that I had no path Despite the fact that the preceding route towards Regulation School, Masters, and Doctorate become Now not making me satisfied.

There are ways Extra to Existence. Our character happiness is some distance Greater critical than stepping into the right schools and making the proper connections. Do the things you love. If human beings think you haven’t any direction then that isn’t always your difficulty. We all should live a Life that makes us satisfied, contented and packed with love and pleasure. Not some Life that creates misery for us. If wanting to be glad, filled with ardor, love and joy reasons me to lack path then so be it. As a minimum, I am developing my happiness and my passionate Lifestyles. I do Now not want to stay my Lifestyles in a way to benefit approval from others.

I have learned that I am my very own individual and I decide where I need to move and if others aren’t happy with that Properly, I’m Now not a child and I moved out of my parents domestic 18years in the past, so I do Now not want permission to live my personal Lifestyles. no one ought to try to force someone else to live in distress in order that they may be visible as having a course. Remember-of-fact, coming from a very strict and established formative years, I am so satisfied that I can throw the warning to the wind and live my Life in freedom With out route. I love in which my Life takes me, from time to time I’m pleasantly surprised, while different times I chose that course. I like dwelling Existence from the seat of my pants or my shorts or from the deck of an extended pier with my legs putting off in the lovely Atlantic Ocean or the clear blue-inexperienced Caribbean Sea.

For a long time, I was unable to giggle and revel in myself. I was punishing myself for Now not having a path and feeling responsible too. That handiest prompted me to be Greater disenchanted because I had believed that different human beings were proper and I used to be incorrect where my Existence turned into concerned. Do Not make that identical mistake that I did. How you stay your Life for you isn’t always wrong, as long as It’s miles making you glad. Do No longer sacrifice your happiness so that you can provide others the impression which you have a course. You aren’t located here on earth to delight others at your price.

Dance to the rhythm of your very own Lifestyles and circulate to the beat of your very own drums. live Lifestyles passionately and exuberantly. Life is way too precious to spend it living in a shell. no one ought to live Lifestyles Now not getting the danger to living out their goals. This is why as a lot as I do remorse Now not attending a prestigious Law College; I might No longer in a million years alternate my Existence for that Lifestyles.

It’s far vital that we make inner peace with the Life we did Now not get so that we will make way for the Lifestyles that can be ours to discover its manner to us. There truly is a reason for the entirety that we did No longer get and for what we did get. Life has a manner of sudden us in a great manner. Existence is usually a win/win. College changed into one course that I walked and whilst it now not served a motive in my Existence, some other course became cleared for me to stroll. The Existence we suppose we missed out on becoming Not absolutely the Existence for us. something larger and higher was and is in save for us.

Every direction that I’ve walked has delivered several benefits. I won’t have gone to Law College, But I have gained other great possibilities in my Lifestyles. I’m able to bet you any cash that if I had become Accomplice in a Law Firm and I would have, I might never have been able to visit Brazil and the Amazon every time that I desired to. whatever that I do has to house me going to Brazil at the drop of a hat otherwise, it is a no-can-do. I’d Now not were capable of living my Lifestyles freely the way I have been doing the past several years.

So even though I can also lack direction within the traditional and traditional way, in my exceptional right-mind global, I have all of the misdirections that make me passionately happy and helping me to discover and create new passions every day. Now, why would I live my Existence miserably with direction whilst I can stay passionately satisfied and content material with no course?

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