2023 reads // twitter thread
Court of the Undying Seasons
NA high fantasy
demigirl volunteers to be taken by the vampires instead of her friend intending to kill them for revenge, but quickly learns that’ll be impossible unless she becomes one
she has to get through her training to become a vampire or live as a human thrall, and quickly gets swept up in their world - and discovers a string of murders that could have dire consequences for them all
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Hhhmmm . . . Having a conversation with a friend and made me realize as much as you want to share your joy with someone, they might not just never make room for it and you have to learn how to be okay with that and be grateful for the ppl who do . . .
Always goes back to that Yoongi quote about being able to do what's within your reach and control and not worrying about others bc you did what you can and the Cheol quote about not expecting everyone to like you (and the things you like) bc you don't always like everyone (and the things they like) either.
Thinking thinking thinking . . . Just lot of thinking lol.
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also btw. just wanted to point out how Boundless Sands and the Las Nevadas Finale (no matter HOW u feel about them) both made attempts and imo did a GOOD JOB at handling the conversation about recovery. neither c!Wilbur nor c!Quackity were perfect and clearly in the beginning or in the midst of a messy road to healing but w the letters and w Friend being in limbo + c!Wilbur going home we see like. the characters were WORKING on healing and being better as people. and that to me was not only a testament to how much cc!Wilbur and cc!Quackity loved their damn characters, but was also something that really reassured me. you know as someone who has had their own mental health issues too (clearly) and has been in the throes of the recovery process for a while. shits messy and shits unclear and you relapse but you TRY and cc!Wilbur and cc!Quackity did a good job being both gentle & real about the trying part.
versus the fucking “DSMP vol 1 finale”, aka a stream that was clearly coordinated (bold word choice of mine, implying anything here was really planned) by Dream and only included some of the biggest streamers (For all the DSMP season 3 / prison break stream had faults, at least more than 5 fucking people were on the server doing things !!!), had HORRIBLE messaging about the process of healing. Ppl have gone back and forth about how bad the whole Tommy Dream “reconcilation” thing was, and I didn’t watch the stream so I only know bits and therefore can only be taken w a grain of salt here. BUT i think that the fact that (1) Tommy was even entertaining the thought of making amends, or if you think that he was making amends at the time, with Dream NOT APOLOGIZING and no follow up to show that forgiving abusers doesnt absolve their guilt and also u dont have to forgive abusers and also Tommy wasnt at fault . and also (2) that the finale involved THE ENTIRE SERVER BLOWING UP which not only signifies that these characters NEVER got a chance to heal but also ensured everyone excluding like c!Q and c!Wil NEVER COULD. Is fucking horrific and disgusting to me.
and not to even talk about Dream as a person bc I have so many fucking thoughts about how all that makes the messaging surrounding power dynamics in the finale So much worse (and is the reason I have yet to watch the stream bc I will just trigger myself thinking about that).
So fucking disgusting to see how the dsmp finale happened, with NO regards to the majority of other streamers, just Dream and whoever could mindlessly tag on that happened to have pretty big viewer counts (shocker), and completely throwing out the characters and the story that have been built for YEARS. Versus how streamers like Quackity and Wilbur handled things, INCLUSIVELY and COMPASSIONATELY and fucking EXCELLENTLY, in my opinion.
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smth that ive thought abt n that i dont think ive ever seen touched upon is how similar bea n lilith should be in terms of life experience. like we know canonically that bea never drank. probs never went to a party, or rave or anything like that. didnt have partners most likely, probs never had her first kiss before ava n stuff. theres a lot of first times that beatrice probably experiences cuz of ava in s2, a lot of just. normal regular first times, things teenagers or young adults do, maybe college students, whatever. the most freedom she had was when she was younger, when she "was stepping out of line" as she said, probs doing child things n being dumb, ofc.
lilith is probably the same, except even worse. because i think she was taught to be the warrior nun as soon as possible. bea was actively repressing herself; lilith doesnt even acknowledge theres anything to repress. shes just the future warrior nun, not a mere 12 year old. shes a sister warrior, not just your average 16 year old. as long as her parents were there to watch, she is nothing but a legacy. and i do think lilith had her rebellious phase, ofc. but i dont think it was while she was living with her parents, or even when she was a minor. she knew to make all those obedient, nice years count and as soon as she left for good, she declared she was a new girl, n she would now do things she wanted to do. except... she cant.
she still has to train to be a warrior nun. sure she read books, non religion books. but the guilt of not upholding her end of the bargain of being born in her family as the next in line warrior nun would soon overcome her, n she would drop it. "i'll read it in the future" "i'll try that when im older n independent" its smth all teens, especially teen girls think. when im older, i'll be free. but lilith is not allowed that at all. she knows she likes things... but can she even allow herself the time to enjoy them?? can she watch movies in peace? can she go out, maybe make friends, go on cafe dates, go to the cinema, go shopping? without thinking abt her destiny? can she??? is she allowed peace???
lilith wanted to be free, cuz she thought it was only her parents holding her down. little did she know, while her parents built her cage, she was painting it finished. with how she was raised, lilith was never thought to feel *her* emotions as lilith, but only as warrior nun. n even if her parents ever allowed her peace, she wouldnt have taken it. shes going to be the warrior nun. she has to be. what else is she, but that?
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I've been having a really hard time lately cause ive been feeling like i'm not wanted or cared about by the ppl around me and it hit me especially hard at work so I took some time after my shift to destress by walking around the shopping center i'm in. I ended up having 2 separate long ass convos with these total strangers, one at a GameStop and one at a pet store and both explicitly told me how much they enjoyed the conversation and that they wanted to see me again. Man....there really is some real shit behind the whole go out and talk to strangers thing
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