#this game's size mechanic is goofy
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HAHAHAHAHA HOW ARE YOU SO SMALL
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Happy Vore Day! Have a fic!
Uzi is tiny in this BTW.
Uzi's heart beat loud and her lungs hurt. She could hear him coming closer. Her legs raced, but she knew that at her size she wasn't going to out run him.
Clank! ... Clank! ... Clank! ...
His footsteps echoed through the halls, each one getting louder as he drew near. Uzi ducked under a nearby desk. Maybe he wouldn't notice her and walk right past.
CLANK! ... CLANK! ... CLANK! ...
"Come out, come out, wherever you are!" His voice echoed through the halls. He was close, practically on top of her. Uzi heald her breath, her heartbeat loud in her ears. She could feel it thumping in her chest. Her mind raced. She calculated the most probable diety to pray to that he wouldn't find her.
Suddenly, the desk Uzi was hiding under lifted and she looked up to see him, and his toothy grin as he held the desk high above his head.
"Found you, Uzi!" N beamed, having won their game of hide and seek. He carefully put the desk down behind him. "You sure did buddy." Uzi smirked as N bent down to offer his hand, which she happily climbed on. "How did you find me so fast? I could swear I has you this time!" N cupped his hands under Uzi and brought her to his face before answering. "I dunno. Good intuition I guess! Also, i saw your legs from under the desk!" "Drats!" Uzi said, staring up at N's goofy face.
"Can I eat you now?" Uzi immediately got flustered at that. They had agreed that if N won he could eat her, and that may have played into Uzi choosing her hiding spot, but she didn't expect him to be so forward about it. "N," Uzi squealed, "don't be so forward about that!" N could only look down as me mumbled a sorry. "That being said," Uzi stood up on N's palms, "yes, you may eat me now."
N stood from his crouched position. "Really‽ Now‽ Oh, thank you, Uzi!" Uzi was barely able to smile before N shoved her into his mouth. Uzi's face met N's glowing yellow mechanical tongue. Her entire body instantly getting soaked in saliva, but none more so than her face.
"Pfttt! N! Not so rough!" N mumbled another apology, and Uzi hugged his tongue. She liked his tongue. It was warm and soft, it was like hugging a bed, but most importantly, it was N's tongue. Don't ask her why it being N's made it better, but it does.
Uzi felt the spongy surface shift under her as N began to position her for the trip. Uzi giggled and relaxed, letting N do his thing. He rotated her 180 degrees, pointing her feet at the back of his throat. Uzi could barely contain her excitement as her fingers fidgeted with each other. Finally, after what seemed like forever, N swallowed her down with a loud, "glp."
N felt the wiggling mass of Uzi slide down his throat, her sweet taste still lingering on his tongue. The tight tube pushed Uzi down and massaged her. She giggled the entire way. The narrow passageway opening into a slightly more open and cavernous space.
Uzi looked around the space. Yellow LEDs lined the groves and folds of N's stomach, bathing the grey flesh in a warm neon-yellow glow. N's heartbeat and breathing could be heard somewhere overhead. The walls pulsed and squeezed around Uzi, massaging her extra short form.
This was her safe space. The one place she felt she could go to without being disterbed by nosy fathers and prying eyes. She especially loved how it came with N's company. She felt safe inside him, and she cherished that. Plus, this technically counted as a kiss, but she wouldn't tell him that.
Her eyes adjusted to the barely lit atmosphere. She was about to settle in when her phone dinged with a message. She quickly pulled it out to see what it is.
Biscuitboi98: U ok in there?
Uzi rolled her eyes with a smile. Of course, N was worried about her. Uzi began to text back, the clicking filling the semi-silent void of N's belly.
DarkxWolf17: Of course! I know you'd never hurt me! :p
Biscuitboi98: Cool! :D
Uzi put her phone away and lied down. She took one last look at her little safe space, and closed her eyes for a short nap. Letting the soft gurgles, and heartbeat that filled her ears take her away to dreamland.
When Uzi awoke, she found herself tucked into a small dollhouse bed in her room. She sat up and rubbed her eyes. She realized that although she was dry, her clothes weren't. "Goddamnit. Looks like I'll have to do another load of laundry. Uzi quickly changed outfits into something more comfortable and dry.
After changing she looked around her room and the disturbing lack of N. She sighed, feeling a little sad about not being able to speak to her friend after just being in his belly. She looked to her left and noticed a piece of paper on the wall. She realized it was a drawing from N, and a new one at that. She got closer to study it and see what it says.
"Thank you for the fun, Uzi!"
#murder drones#murder noms#murder drones n#murder drones uzi#nuzi#murder drones nuzi#n x uzi#vore writing#g/t vore#sfw vore#8/8#vore day#vore day 2023
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Help me figure a thing out from the lore: how does the heatsink clip work into the weapon? By that I mean, from where is it inserted to how can it even fit every gun?
It doesn’t make sense to me because not only there doesn’t seem to be a dedicated entrance and exit for it (save rare exceptions, but even those don’t help), the reload animations doesn’t really help figure it out. Plus, the size of the clip is never explained… how can an universal design fit and take the required heat load from very different gun types, sizes and heat production!
Take the Carnifex, how can the clip be inserted like a modern pistol when there doesn’t seem to room for it, given the size of the grip, and then be ejected from the center of the top barrel, which by the way is right under where an optical sight might go? Same goes for the N7 Valkyrie but worse because even though there’s are dedicated insert and eject parts for the heatsink, they are in places that don’t work! The heatsink clip goes in from under the second barrel of the gun, but it’s the first barrel that fires, and the place where the clip is ejected is right under the place for the optional optical sight! And the second barrel is then supposed to be where the range finder is, but it’s close to the heatsink insertion slot… It doesn’t make sense! Please help!
This is such an excellent question, and there isn’t an easy answer. Essentially you have to choose how you want to look at it.
Mass Effect 2/3 eschew a lot of lore and hard science in the name of The Rule of Cool – which isn’t a bad design decision (even if my eye will always twitch seeing Miranda walk into vacuum with a face mask). So, what you SEE in the game just isn’t compatible with the ‘rules’ of the universe.
For instance, the optical sight you mentioned is really utterly unnecessary in a world where you have canonical smart targeting. Right from the codex:
Top-line weapons also feature smart targeting that allows them to correct for weather and environment. Firing on a target in a howling gale feels the same as it does on a calm day on a practice range. Smart targeting does not mean a bullet will automatically find the mark every time the trigger is pulled; it only makes it easier for the marksman to aim.
So, if you have targeting assist, what do you need the sight for? A manual sight is actually a step backwards technology-wise. Well, it’s in the game because it’s a modification that gives the player agency, looks cool, and adds to the gameplay.
Similarly, two of my favorite guns in the game are the Piranha and the Typhoon, the design of which make no sense from a lore standpoint. Small arms weapons in Mass Effect don’t use traditional bullets. They use an ammo block, from which an appropriate-sized projectile is shaved off the block and accelerated by magnets. Yet, the Piranha has an ammo drum and both of those weapons spit bullet casings. Why? Because look how fucking cool they are.
The animations aren’t a good thing to rely on, either, because those are also limited by game design. If you take a look at how a gun is held in a character’s hands, it sometimes looks REALLY goofy, because in Mass Effect 3, a universal gun design was used to design all the animations around. (Side note – have you ever noticed how a ME1 biotic holds their gun while casting a power? It’s wild.)
So, how do the heatsinks work? How can a universal design fit and manage heat loads from very different weapon types? Unfortunately the answer isn’t really in the game, because it didn’t really need to be. It was an in-universe explanation for a new mechanic, and the visual of it is tailored to the player: it needs to be easy to see for pickups, and it needs to facilitate gameplay, so it’s “universal.”
There is an answer here, though. A heat sink in and of itself isn’t complicated, and the laws of thermodynamics don’t change from weapon to weapon. You could think of it as kind of a PEZ dispenser. When you buy a PEZ candy roll, you get a wrapper with X number of PEZ in it that you shove into a dispenser. So, the thing that changes from weapon to weapon is how quick it goes through each candy. A Carnifex burns through more heat per bullet than a Typhoon, so it requires more sink. And once each PEZ gets saturated with heat, it pops out of a vent.
As for where the heat sink is located on the weapon, it would have to be somewhere easy to access and change out on the fly. And sometimes, when the weapon design isn’t compatible with the lore in the first place, it’s might be hard to actually figure out where that would be. It’s a really fascinating clash between world building and game design. If you’re writing about it, you kind of have to pick and choose how you want to confront it. Do you tone down the Cool Factor in favor of the lore? Do you handwave it? Do you just…not mention the discrepancy? It’s up to you. In my case, Sam Shepard’s favorite shotgun is still the Piranha, even if the design of it doesn’t make sense. I’m just…not gonna comment on that part of it. XD
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Funko Fusion Preview - Get Your Head In The Game - Game Informer
New Post has been published on https://thedigitalinsider.com/funko-fusion-preview-get-your-head-in-the-game-game-informer/
Funko Fusion Preview - Get Your Head In The Game - Game Informer
If you’re a fan of a popular movie or TV show from any time in the last several decades, chances are, they’ve made a Funko Pop figurine of the main characters. The brand is ubiquitous in pop culture, so it was only a matter of time before it got a big video game adaptation. This sort of game could easily be a cheap cash grab, but after watching a preview demo and listening to one of the head developers speak about it, I’m confident that Funko Fusion is much more than that.
You’ve never played a game by developer 10:10 Games, but you probably know the work of its staff – the founders of the studio are some of the former architects of the Lego games developed by Traveler’s Tales, including CEO Jon Burton, COO Paul Flanagan, and design director Arthur Parsons, who leads the demo. He boots up a level based on John Carpenter’s 1982 horror classic The Thing, which signifies one of the main elements that separates this title from the kid-friendly Lego titles; this game is rated T for Teen and references loads of media properties that are decidedly not for children. Still, the world is charming and lighthearted, so when a Funko Pop is impaled through the side of the head, it’s more goofy than ghastly.
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Parsons, playing as Kurt Russel’s MacReady, fights off some Norwegians using the game’s third-person shooting mechanics. According to Parsons, all characters have melee and ranged options, though they had to get creative for some characters. While He-Man uses his signature sword, OJ (the protagonist from Jordan Peele’s Nope) swings around a miniature version of one of the inflatable tube men from his movie. Parsons dispatches enemies easily, which I imagine is due to the game’s relatively low difficulty, his experience working on it as a developer, and the fact that every enemy has an outrageously large head, ideal for headshots.
Funko Fusion will ultimately feature over 20 IPs in the game, mostly from NBCUniversal properties, though they’ve also made licensing deals with other companies.
Here’s a list of some that we know so far:
Back to the Future
Battlestar Galactica
Child’s Play
Five Nights at Freddy’s
Hot Fuzz
Invincible
Jaws
Jurassic World
Knight Rider
Masters of the Universe
Megan
The Mummy
Nope
Scott Pilgrim vs. The World
Shaun of the Dead
The Thing
The Umbrella Academy
Voltron
The Walking Dead
Xena: Warrior Princess
Each IP will include playable characters, and many will include levels, though the scope of each level will vary by the franchise. Some, like The Thing, will get a proper, full-sized level, while others exist as secret cameo levels players can unlock in other worlds. Poking around the frozen outpost in the demo, Parsons travels through a portal to reach a world based on Shaun of the Dead, where he has to escort a car of civilians to the safety of the Winchester. While there, he transforms into He-Man and shows off the zombie enemies, which turn the hero into a zombified version of himself. Even though it’s just a cameo level, it’s much larger than I initially expected, likely packing plenty of easter eggs in for fans of the movie.
Players can move through these levels in whatever order they want to progress through the game’s main story. Parsons explains that this modular approach allows them to continue to support the game after launch by easily adding new characters and levels into the mix. The first instance of this is with the game’s pre-order bonus, which includes Rick Grimes and Michonne from The Walking Dead, complete with alternate outfits.
It’s been years since the last Lego game, and with this team of developers, I’m excited to watch them attempt to fill that gap. Luckily, I won’t have to wait long. Funko Fusion is coming to PlayStation 5, Xbox Series X/S, PlayStation 4, Switch, and PC on September 13.
#2024#approach#CEO#Children#Companies#deals#Design#Developer#developers#Full#Fusion#Future#game#games#gap#headshots#it#list#listening#matter#mechanics#media#modular#mummy#One#Other#PC#platform#Play#PlayStation
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Yo-ho Game Report #0 - Pregame Prep
Alright, let’s do this.
Welcome everybody to my first series of Game Reports, specifically covering the events of my new pirate campaign, using my personal Lasers & Feelings hack. This will be a casual game run over discord with 3 players and myself as the GM, focusing on nautical adventure as the party sails around and interacts with a loosely defined sandbox (basically an excuse to do One Piece things without memorizing One Piece lore)
At the time of me writing this post, we are t-minus 2 days to our Session Zero, where we will determine the scope and tone of the campaign, as well as make our characters as a group. Unlike previous games I’ve run, where a well known baseline was used for the setting and tone, simply saying “goofy pirate game” doesn’t explain enough to the players outright. Asking them to make characters and be ready to play day one would be a recipe for disaster. But that’s not what this post is about. No, this post is about the prep I’ve done leading up to session 0, to give readers a baseline of what -I- am imagining this campaign to be.
First off, here’s the live document for the system. Depending on how far into the future you’re reading this, you may or may not notice how it’s clearly unfinished with plenty of holes. Sorry about that. Two of the three players already played with me in a year long campaign using MOSTLY the same rules. They’ll be familiar with it even if player 3 is going in blind. Pray for Player 3′s soul.
My inspiration for trying a Pirate campaign in the first place actually started with This Blog Post by A Knight At The Opera. In it, I gained most of the tenets I intend to work from going forward, namely, that the key to a good wavecrawl requires the STRUCTURE to be solid. Focusing on the nitty gritty or handwaving away anything too time consuming leads not to an enjoyable sailing campaign. My players will have the freedom to sail in any direction they want, upgrade their ship as they please, and end up on any number of small islands with a handful of cool things to see- but I’m not going to make the sailing portion a simulation; nor am I going to just drag them to a predetermined series of island encounters until they get bored. True freedom is the goal, and for that, I need the support to give them that feeling.
My second stop in my research was this fantastic masterpost of another GM’s nautical campaign, Coins and Scrolls’ GLOG. Say what you will about some of the seedier corners of the OSR (I know I have), but I will NEVER turn down a resource with so many TABLES. Mechanically, I decided I didn’t want to use the actual ruleset attached to this blog. But boy howdy did I lift some tables. Supply Tables, Sailing Event Tables, Weather Tables, I lifted them all (yo-ho) and made some adjustments before printing them all out.
Speaking of Tables, did you know you can just google “[Genre] Tables DND” and the internet has a shit ton of them? No joke! I’ve got myself a random Pirate name generator (For the Pirates), a Pirate Island Name generator (For the Islands, not the Pirates), and a Pirate Ship Name Generator (For the sailing vessels, not the romantic intertwinings of old sea dogs).
I also made good use of This Reddit sub Dedicated to Naval Campaigns for 5e. Mostly, I looked at the various rules systems they’ve shared to see the common sizes/styles of ships, compiled them into a table, and added it to the list. I also found this cool as hell playlist of pirate music, which I’m listening to as I type this post lol.
There are other tables I haven’t picked up just yet. Pirate supersitions, a name generator for sea shanties, stuff like that. But until I know the exact scope of the game I’m running, this is more than enough to get me started.
I’ll let you all know how our Session 0 turns out, and introduce you to the crew!
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as ur designated kh mutual here is what information i can give you <3
The main character kills himself on screen - yep! debatably happens twice even, but i believe the time op is talking about is that time sora stabbed himself in the heart with the very pointy end of the keyblade of heart. this successfully killed him, releasing his, kairi's, and questionably ven's hearts.
A character beats the shit out of an ordinary house cat - yep! ven has a fun little adventure where he is the size of a mouse and during this time he fights the cat from cinderella. over a bead.
Goofy dies - yes he does. the famous time when he was hit in the head with a boulder as a sacrifice, protecting mickey. and the less famous time when he along with all the rest of the main characters died a gruesome death in the first timeline of the second keyblade war.
A man clones a guy just 'cause he's there - sorta! riku replica (repliku) was created to 'test riku's strength' by vexen when riku showed up in castle oblivion. later repliku was also used to help achieve marluxia's goal of turning sora into a puppet of the organization.
For one game people can "smell" darkness and it is never mentioned again - unfortunately. yes. riku and zexion are smelling people all game long. this is where the classic "I knew when I met you, you and Kairi smell the same" line comes from. after chain of memories this ability and trait of darkness and potentially light having a smell is never brought up again.
A major game mechanic once was befriending dead kids who are now cute animals - yep!!! dream drop distance features the dream eaters which we now know to be the 'sleeping' hearts of all of the keyblade wielders who died in the (first) keyblade war.
It is implied the main characters parents died during the first game - yep! it is implied that just about everyone on destiny islands died when it fell to darkness, much like the residents of all other fallen worlds. this includes sora's parents. worry not as this is still a disney game so everyone is brought back and totally fine once the world is restored.
The conflict is once temporarily solved by throwing a character through a door - mhmm! yeetus vanitas as it were.
A character can wield pizza as a weapon - and finally. yep!! in 358/2 days characters can be equipped with a range of weapons, each kind of weapon unique to the character wielding it. one of these sets were a series of 'joke weapons' which included things like an umbrella, hair dryers, and a tennis racket. in this case, axel wields chakrams normally and his joke weapon was two pizzas.
hope this helps <3333
kingdom hearts is not a real video game series
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DND Character Concepts I want to do one day from video games and anime
(where i don’t want to be that Character i just want to take their schtick and apply it to my own special guy)
In no particular order:
Regal Bryant - Tales of Symphonia
Concept: guy who is self flagellating for past sins (murder) by vowing to not use his hands to fight so Much so that he keeps them bound/chained up
Can it be done Mechanically?: yeah it would just be some kind of Monk that’s flavored to do hand stuff with his feet instead. this is also just a way to play Sanji one piece but i like the angsty self flagellation of it all.
Souichirou Kuzuki - Fate: Stay/Night: Unlimited Blade Works
Concept: guy who is pretty regular that probably does regular karate a couple of nights a week gets magically enhanced by some kind of mage to be So Strong it freaks you out
Can it be done Mechanically?: yeah it’s also some kind of Monk. Probably i would make an unoptimized Warlock/Monk build for the Patron lore. I would want some kind of mechanic where i need to get my shit re upped and if you catch me off guard i’m a little fucked.
Roronoa Zoro - One Piece
Concept: Three Sword Style motherfucker
Can it be done Mechanically?: not without homebrew. definitely some kind of fighter, but there would need to be a mechanic to add a third strike as part of a single attack action. i would also really want to be able to do some kind of ranged attack, as well as like some iai style drawing techniques, and like some kind of charging attack. it would take some work. but three swords.
Jeff - Earthbound
Concept: everyone else is really strong and can do magic or both, and here’s Jeff. I made this pipe bomb and i have a gun that shoots a beam that makes you feel weird
Can it be done Mechanically?: probably??? i would probably be an artificer where the spells are re-flavored to be things i am physically making and carrying. it would take a lot of work but i think all the bits are there.
Freya Crescent - Final Fantasy IX
Concept: I got this cool spear, and i do a jump attack, and i have like some dragon magic
Can it be done mechanically?: yeah i’m pretty sure. I think this is like an Eldritch Knight with some specific spell choices that might have to be modified (she has a regen ability she can cast on the party. a breath weapon, and she has a few skills that restore MP which would be weird.) all of those things might not be to be part of her kit, but i just like spears and she’s a cool character what has one. a lot of characters fill that role to me as well i could pull from.
Nunu & Willump - League of Legends
Concept: don’t you just want to be a little guy? on a really big guy?
Can it be done mechanically?: probably needs a little homebrew but i don’t think it would take a lot. pick a really little ancestry, and pick a beastmaster ranger with the biggest pet. nunu specific has like a mountainy icy theming but i am not attached to that. want to be little and ride a creature that is 4 times my size.
Red Mage - Final Fantasy
Concept: i got my sword and my black magic and my white magic and i am not good at any of them really but you bring me because technically i can do all of that
Can it be done mechanically?: yeah this is just gonna be a bad multiclass. Probably like Life Cleric/Bladesinging Wizard. Could potentially just do a Bard but i think the build would be worse than the multiclass.
Goofy - Kingdom Hearts
Concept: weapon? i have this shield. that’s insane? what are you talking about
Can it be done mechanically?: probably. definitely a fighter with a weapon reskin that let’s me hit you with my shield and do bludgeoning damage. i need to be able to do a spin and i need a gap closer to flesh this out the way i want.
Blue Mage - Final Fantasy
Concept: i learn all of my stuff by studying monsters and i do their skills.
Can it be done mechanically?: to do this RIGHT would take a lot of work from the DM to make sure i can go out and learn skills. it is deeply selfish and indulgent i think the whole game would revolve around me and my ability to find specific monsters to learn things to get a functional skillset. Definitely would be like Wizard based, but beyond that i’m not sure this is at all feasible.
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thoughts about totk
i dont know if its just me, but does anyone else feel like the story direction for this game is kindve ... bad? like the actual plot itself was interesting at first but everytime the characters try to deliver a serious line of 'my secret stone' I can't help but laugh at them. It sounds like a mistranslation you would see in a 90's port of a game, not a multi-million dollar triple A title in 2023.
Not only that goofy nature of it but like, why is Zelda so british? No one else is, not even her dad. Why did they chose a VERY british direction for her voice and no one else? It's so distracting and every time she talks I don't pay attention to what she's saying cuz I wish she would just stop talking. (I still hold a grudge over her for feeding Link a fucking frog and then people have the audacity to be like 'oh theyre in love' like no thats fucking sibling behavior at best.)
There's so many aspects of the game where it feels like they want a very specific series of events to happen and there's a very intended player experience. But then... you can go anywhere. Do anything. You can EASILY miss important things (I missed several of the Dragon's Tears because I wasn't aware there was something I was supposed to be grabbing from them I just thought it was scenery) and you can easily find yourself in areas you're not meant to be in yet. "Just teleport out!" Why didn't they just make a linear game that wasn't built as a wanna-be DLC expansion pack?
Having to re-explore a world I'd already put 200+ hours into is frankly tiresome. And to make it THREE TIMES as large??? Exhausting.
I wanted to like this game so much. I preordered it. I went to the midnight release. I played it for six fucking hours the first full day I was able to play it. And after leaving the Great Sky Island all I'm left feeling is... frustrated.
Frustrated at the unclear, hidden direction of where you're supposed to go. Frustrated at the massive size of the map that doesn't have That Many Changes to make it worth going through the nooks and crannies. Frustrated that they turned botw -my favorite climbing simulator- into a gimmick-based game that doesn't like you to use its own gimmick.
The constructs break apart too easily. If you build a flying construct that works well it breaks after about a min and a half of flying. If you build a car to traverse the land it despawns if you hit any cutscene trigger - which are often invisible and unavoidable.
This felt more like a Zelda game in the general flavor of it; you get the classic enemies back, you get actual bomb flowers again, Link is wearing green for fucks sake, and you get actual temples. But the actual heart of it doesn't feel like a Zelda game. The plot feels sloppy at best, rushed at worst, and the voice acting is so genuinely bad it's distracting and embarrassing. The only voice actor I didn't hate was Rauru (Chris Hackney, Legend) and Tulin (Christina Vee, also a Legend), even Sidon felt incredibly stilted.
It feels like the game punishes the player for using the mechanics it gives you to use and play with. Even the fuse mechanic feels like such a back-hand. "Oh we heard the players got frustrated at weapons having a limited usage, so instead of extending it or offering a repair service, we just made Every Weapon Shitty" like wtf. And even for the fuse mechanic theres only ONE PLACE that lets you unfuse and it's through a clunky dialogue menu! (my favorite!!! totally not the reason I stopped playing acnh!!!!) I played for 50 hours and was positive you couldn't unfuse weapons. Wow.
botw was fun and I thoroughly enjoyed it and the fact that your tools were simply on a cooldown. totk feels like a resource-scavenger except the resources are so hard to actually acrue. Not only that, but I've seen other ppl complain about how much harder it feels to upgrade your equipment. As if they needed some way to bloat the game even more.
This is just me rambling about my feelings and maybe talking in circles about it but I feel annoying trying to actively discuss my feelings with anyone so I guess this will do.
I've only beaten half of the bosses and 3 of the temples, but I don't know if I'll be able to keep going. I got stuck at the fire temple boss and I would argue its the worst temple in the game and I haven't even gotten to the Gerudo one. That's just how strongly I feel about the fire temple. I hate the minecart layout, I hate the lava puzzle mechanics, and I literally rage-quited after my 10th attempt at the boss. The water temple boss was annoying but it was mostly just learning patterns and having good reaction time. The fire temple boss is JUST rng.
which sucks cuz the wind temple was sick!!!! it was so cool!!! and the boss was probably one of my top 20 bosses!!! and then I did the water temple and Sidon kept glitching out and wouldn't accompany me for half of the trip up to it, and the GRAVITY!!!! UGH!!!!!!
I'm trying to think of points of the game I've truly enjoyed and I think the highlights of it have been: got to keep Epona from my botw save. But then that turned out to be a nothing burger since you can't have her tow anything. (also the fucking towing minigame that feels so insulting. "please take us to the great fairy!" YOU COULDVE JUST WALKED ITS LITERALLY A FIVE MINUTE WALK)
uhh, other good points uhhh, the new armor is pretty cool. I really like the Ember and Miner set. I really like the cave system. (shouldn't really be a feature but whatever) and uhhhhhhhh, yeah idk. I'm struggling to find points I truly enjoyed past the introductory level. like yeah building a car is cool! ... until it despawns and you lose 40min and work, and yeah I know autobuild can rebuild it but I'm not made of spare parts. And like, the korok puzzles were cute! Until you find one every 15 min and they take at least 10 to get them to their friend.
I think the most enjoyable minigame was the one with the sign dude on the side of the road where you help him hold it up. That was one of the better, more enjoyable parts of the game for me so far. It felt like it actually tested your building skills while not being truly punishing. Just start over if it doesnt work.
botw was a strong like 8/10 for me, and I think totk is gonna unfortunately be like a 5/10. The direction is janky at best. The gimmicks of the game are viable for most of the game. Exploring the same world with minor changes is frustrating and boring. Exploring the Depths makes me want to personally throw up since I have a phobia of dark, open spaces with Things lurking inside. Exploring the sky is fun but I didn't realize you could *reuse* the sheikah tower until 45 hours in because why would I think it would let me do it again??? So it felt inaccessible and frustrating.
The ability to fuse anything to anything and have it run and work well is a technical marvel! I'm not saying its not. But does it make a good *game*? Does it make the story direction work? Does it make the boss fights and dungeons work? imo... no. It doesn't. It makes a good tech demo. It makes an impressive piece of programming.
maybe i'll have more thoughts but I just needed to get all that out.
if you read it all thanks if not you wont be seeing this lol
#rambling#truly the one time that tag is actually applicable#totk#i have complicated feelings about it
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That's a good idea with the mini spell, I used to love that one in BBS. It'll be interesting to see how the first meeting between the heartless duo and reader will be and how they decided not to kill these two uniques guys. I have some ideas, but I'm happy to leave how it'll happen as an actual suprise :D Also the reaction to them eating other heartless, like, reader shocked and concerned, especially as they grow bigger XD I look forward to reading it once ideas are finalized ~Shy
I plopped the plotline in the prompts post I made awhile back.
"you a new key blade wielder who had no idea about other worlds or key blades are heartless." To clarify that out better, reader just lost their world and got a keyblade.
"You meet them, they're Friendly, you hang out. Give them the bell ribbons they have wrapped around their wrists and they start following you around, sometimes eating the heartless you slay, you don't know this is bad" reader meets them right after and it's more then deciding not to kill you because hey, keyblade wielders attack heartless on site and you're clearly clueless so not actually a threat, they're eating the released hearts or other heartless behind your back because they did want to get stronger and start off just using you for that before becoming attached.
"just that the two are getting bigger and more detailed, starting to look like jester's. You aren't scared tho, they two are goofy, doing silly dances while circling you sometimes." so it's like they're growing due to experience to you but they also stay goofy so you're not too worried about it.
"You started calling them Sunny and Moony because of the facial markings that developed. Moon has the access to the sleep, magnet, and gravity spell, used it on you before, Sun has access to fire, thunder, and mine, they both have protect, reflect, heal and stop(haha timeout) and mini. They basically act as your support. They eventually stop eating hearts after they're big enough to pick you about 5 feet of the ground so when they're ten feet."
Moon is a gremlin who will playfully mess with you but also make you sleep. They don't really have much interest in eating hearts anymore once they're developed fully, they're the size they wanted to be. It's not the entire plotline just prompt notes that I already revealed
(if I'm remembering that post right, if not well it's not like the notes actually spoil anything dealing with the plotline itself and a bit expanded on their motivations, it might end up being a bit long with how much I know about KH due to playing most of the games, the streaming of the games is like a refresher course. I forgot how much the mechanics of the first game annoy me so I'm probably gonna stream multiple nights this week to just get it over with so I can start chain of memories, of course i'm gonna post a couple hour before hand before the stream and post again when it starts, usual between 10pm-11pm is when I usually start.)
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Lurkit 🎮 Making games grow
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While most fans got started with the original Hitman: Codename 47 released for MS Windows in the year , lots of new fans have discovered the franchise thanks to the reboot. These last three games brought enemy AI and operational freedom to the next level. Hitman 3 brings with it more missions than I can count — but even the biggest games can get stale after a while. And mods are your friends if you want to shake things up. Check Out This Mod. Thanks to this mod by Atampy26, you can remove them. Regrettably, the developers opted for removing it in favor of a more minimal design with only bars for Hitman , and it stuck. I get that simplicity is often for the best in these situations. Having to stay cool in stressful situations puts a lot of pressure on the bald assassin. Once in a while, he likes to blow off some steam the only way he knows how: more killing. Instead of remaining undercover, this custom mission by Andrew Pratt takes a page from Paranoia Agent and lets you run around Miami smacking people in the head with a baseball hat. Creator Winnod adds his grain of sand to beautify Hitman 3 with better pictures for your Contract Mode targets. The mod replaces images , including 16 in Paris, 21 in Sapienza, 15 in Marrakesh, etc. Games have been color-coding shortcuts and hard-to-spot climbing routes in yellow for a while now. Usually the bright yellow color helps minor, subtle marks get your attention without completely destroying your immersion. This alluring mod replaces the guards from Colorado, Santa Fortuna, Isle of Sgail, and Chongqing with female models in bathing suits and other tight clothing. For some reason, the devs left out the option to flip which shoulder you look over in Hitman 3, even though it works just fine in Hitman 2 With the Poisonous Item Pack by OnionSquid, you can experiment with all sorts of strategies involving a high amount of tactical substances like sleeping agents, emetics, and lethal gas. These tactical guns shoot sleeping and emetic darts and carry more than enough ammo for an entire mission. Hitman 3 is all about replayability. And persistent shortcuts are one way players can approach previously-cleared missions from a new perspective. One of my favorite activities in Hitman 3 is exploring the lush environments without necessarily killing anyone. Having all of these access points and passages unlocked gives me more freedom. It provides deeper colors, enhances contrast, and sharpens the image for a moody, atmospheric look. This mod will look incredible in large, opulent halls, hotel lobbies, and anywhere the light shines bright. If anything, the image of Elsa strangling someone to death with a piano cord might traumatize them. If you played through the bonus missions, you know the somewhat goofy Icon outfit worn by Dino Bosco while shooting a movie in Sapienza which Agent 47 brings to an abrupt end. Just keep in mind it only changes how your outfit looks. Among other things, it removes the vignette and color bleed from the minimap, makes NPC dots pop out more, and increases the objective text size for improved readability. Many firearms in Hitman 3 carry the Marksman perk , which lets you briefly slow down time while aiming to land shots on moving targets more easily. This exists as a basic mechanic in many shooters, and it works wonders to make you feel like a bad-ass. With this mod by Atampy26, you can make the Marksman perk a permanent boon regardless of your equipment. But if you want to give your death a more classic cinematic style, this mod by Andrew Pratt is for you. Sean Bean has participated in countless video game projects. One of my favorites so far was his role as Mark Faba, the first Elusive Target you could take on in Hitman 2. The fact that a Sean Bean model exists creates an inescapable need to play as the famous actor, and thanks to modder HMBM47, we can. Explosives are encouraged. I remember bothering my older cousin about letting me play his M-rated games for a while. Eventually, he yielded — but decided to have a little fun at my expense. He turned on his PC, navigated to The Lee Hong Assassination in Hitman: Codename 47 , and sat me — a console kid — in front of his keyboard and mouse. For a game as detailed and immersive as Hitman 3, it always surprised me to hear perfect US or UK English coming from most characters — no matter how they looked. Creator Chucky spotted this shortcoming and did something about it with the Accent Overhaul Mod, which tries to give the world of Hitman 3 a little bit more linguistic diversity. Nelson Chitty is a Venezuelan expat living in Argentina. His ideal weekend is spent between leisurely playing games of Civilization VI and looking for the next seinen anime to marathon. If you buy something we may get a small commission at no extra cost to you. Learn more. Hitman has brought us some of the most exciting special agent experiences in gaming. Stay Connected.
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Finally pushed through and beat RE4 Remake.
It's uh, a 7/10 overall. Sneaking micros however drops it to 6/10 for me and unpurchasable.
Shooting range sucks.
Ashley AI miserably poor.
If ya enjoyed something, it was on the chopping block at some point, guarantee some devs had guns to their head as they stood in defiance of corporate just to keep half the mechanics, I mean, shit, inventory management barely survived, and that alone knocked 2 points off for me initially.
Crows are pointless and horribly Everything. They respawn drop nothing and overall serve no purpose other than to waste ammo.
I'm so fuckin' tired of companies forcing these garbage pop songs in their titles, especially the ending sequence. Why, oh god why, date your ending in the year it was released? Embarrssing. Terrible song on it's own too, nothing fits any of the themes of the game or RE or any game or anything it's just shit. Even typing while listening all I can think is, fuck me did they even play the game??? What's compelling this god awful trend? It's not like games of old did this shit with their modern music, and when they did it was usually done in variable amounts of quality and fitness, but this just makes you ask, did anyone have any respect for the thing they spent so long on? Long answer, after Ashley joins in, it's all downhill from there, wouldn't surprise me if the ending was rushed considering that helicopter turn was PS2 era quality.
The first 3-5 hours are solid 9/10, but it dramatically drops and raises in quality. Having Ashley be designed to be downed all the time is a tell-tale sign of poor work, especially in comparison to RE4 where she hardly was ever a hindrance.
Ada's voice actress is bafflingly bad. I can't tell if it's that the VA has never seen a microphone before, or if the director told her to intentionally sound as bad as possible. Either way, it's bottom tier. RE1 had intentionally bad acting, even if not, all of it works with each other and no one is specifically bad due to it. It's all apart of the damn goofy atmosphere. I've heard MLP comic dubs in 2011 better than her honest to GOD. Survivor is better. All of it, than her acting.
There's also alot to like, I'd be lying if I said I didn't have a smile alot throughout, but sifting through alot of mediocre and bad makes it difficult to really say "Aw man, I wanna play this again!" like RE4 did and still does. I like that there's different kinds of knives with a durability system, oddly. But the second my main knife broke? In the box it goes, because I was always given another knife soon after anyways. So instead of it being cool, it's just...kinda there. Kitchen knives were genuinely cool because I figured I'd be using all sorts of random knives and they'd expand upon the inventory management with different shaped and sized knives but nah, they did nothing with inventory management and I'd argue they removed it entirely. I don't even think that'd be an argument it's just a fact.
In being able to put up weapons and parts, you no longer need to even think about your inventory anymore. Inventory full? Put up the sniper rifle, because that's the Only Weapon you'll never need to put up, because otherwise you'll Never fill up but the one or two times. This, also, sucks because even if they didn't make filling your inventory up impossible, and putting shit up in the box LITERALLY ANYWHERE a thing, you'd still have the problem of Auto-Sort. Which just Kills inventory management entirely. In fact it kills the inventory screen entirely.
Really think of how often you were in your inventory in RE4? Was it too often? It could be argued that being able to bind weapons and such to certain keys would've been an improvement, but the fact is, the inventory was like your personal safehouse. You bought weapons based on usability and if it could even fit, and if it was worth devoting that much space to it. This, was fun, because it meant your choices actually mattered in some regard to Purchasing, Saving, Damage Output/situational usage, and Inventory Management.
All of those are dead. Because none of it matters anymore. You can purchase every weapon and upgrade and not even feel the difference between any decisions you make anywhere.
Worst of all is the ammo management, which I actually think they handled well in terms of being low on ammo, but never out of ammo. However you're almost always going to be using your pistol because everything else almost NEVER gets ammo. Especially the Rifle like my god why even put an assault rifle in the game??? I never had a full clip on that gun...
I absolutely adore the treasure system and that they have little side-job activities. Expanding on the Blue Medallions by having other sorts of things, I like that Spinels can be used to purchase side stuff though they don't really prepare you for it. Not enough Spinels for everything and you need them to get exclusive upgrades to your weapons, and since you start at 30 for one, go up to 40, I imagine you're going to need Several Playthroughs to finish every weapon. Which is just...miserable sounding.
But all the good gets bogged down by the bad. The amount of times this game just put me in a foul mood and then didn't give me a place to save is astounding. Like man, you can't tell me you didn't know the game was shit here, co-operate with the player if you're not going to fucking fix it.
All the boss fights are...weaker. How do I put this, there's A LOT more to it now, new fights entirely. But when you're just...doing the exact same thing you've been doing, which is...very weird to say in relation to anything RE especially RE4, it doesn't feel like anything. Midget dude is forgettable in design because he's so damn generic looking. He needs that hat man. Otherwise he looks forgettable even in boss form. Cool that he's moving around and doing stuff but I do not remember what he looked like, but I can DRAW RE4's midget man.
Regardless, that bossfight was initially cool, but all you're doing is waiting for a chance to hit an opening while running around aimlessly and pressing the dodge button here and there.
If I had to say, it's 2 things: Too Short, One Phase that's Too Long. Midget man took way too long to find openings, he only has the one phase, so it's just an extended period of doing the exact same thing from the start. However since it's just the one phase, this makes it feel incredibly short, at some point every boss fight I just said 'That..was it? That was it..." Krauser especially. It's just not...fulfilling. All the extra stuff is grand, I love it, genuinely, but the game feel ain't there.
Like I'm not fighting Krauser or Midget man, I'm just fighting another enemy that looks cooler than the others. That's how it feels to me even when ALL the extra shit is genuinely? Superb, great! Just not...fulfilling. Too short, one phase, and that phase lasts too long. That's a bizarre problem to have that RE4 did not have.
Aiming is oddly better than RE2RE, but not better than RE4 in many ways. I almost never miss a shot in RE4 when I take my time on something, but RE4RE is ridiculous, Many times bullets go THROUGH enemies or objects, I can tell you that for a fact because it happened multiple, multiple times where it was a body shot, perfectly still, and NOTHING hit, no bullet decals, no blood, nothing. Same with the shitty shooting range targets. Doesn't happen in RE4.
What really made RE4 great was all the I-Frames, and vulnerable frames of enemies YOU make. RE4RE kind've retains some of the vulnerable aspect, but the I-Frames have been severely nerfed. In it's place is...I guess parrying? Eh. I almost never get it to activate and even when I do I easily could've avoided the damage WITHOUT wasting Knife Resources.
This easily could've been 10/10, but Crapcom has to find ways to shit on the creatives, like waiting til everyone's reviews were out to sneak microtransactions in. Imagine being the developer that found that out after you poured your soul into this. Like, yeah, thanks Crapcom for making yourselves even more money and us literally none. Thank you for taking the piss out of OUR work.
I'd definitely say it's soulless in comparison to RE4, but it's not soulless on it's own merit, but potential isn't enough anymore. They've had since RE4 with it's continually repeated format, from RE5-RE6, the remakes, and endless ports, this should've been a homerun, instead it feels like a homerun that hit a bird and fell into the pitcher's mitt. Miraculous, but disappointing.
Disappointing because this is it. There will never be another RE4, nor RE2/RE3. They dropped the ball hard as shit because throughout it all, Crapcom's executives STILL had to finger the dish before it could be served. Great games are beneath the corporate filth, but even the greatest sculpture will have imperceptible fractures that allow filth to seep in and ruin the whole of it.
So close. So damn close. Don't recommend it other than "legally" from dodi brodi. Trust me the only thing you're missing out on is a shitty trainer mod and being smacked in the mental health with company created addictions being foisted upon you.
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This is the most IMO post of the batch as it relates to the fusing mechanic and zonai technology in general. This is probably what made the game for most, and I bounced off it, leading to all the issues mentioned in the other posts being that much more visible to me, who constantly struggled to find the fun. I’m really bad with finding the fun btw. Realizing I definitely prefer more streamlined, linear experiences. BotW2 might’ve killed openworld games in general for me, not kidding
This is a mainline Zelda that received the same 5 or so years of dev time the first BotW got. The last proper Zelda that wasn’t BotW in make, a spinoff, a remake, or that awful coop game Triforce Heroes was A Link Between Worlds, and that game is now a decade old. I’m terrified to think we’re gonna get a BotW3 after this, which is a large part of why I feel ready to check out with this series. It’s not just the multitude of gameplay issues, many of which I feel had easy fixes if they were simply given some measure of time and focus. It’s also how immersion breaking and off the rails the worldbuilding’s getting with the BotW side of things.
There’s rockets, actual cars, lasers. I know there was some goofy bike in BotW1′s dlc but that’s dlc, that’s allowed to be dumb and quirky. The cars aren’t even that good. The rockets break quite readily. The fans+gliders were borderline acceptable within the context of the world, but how is the future of this world not a zonai-industrial revolution after all this tech has been thrust upon it anew? The Yiga sure were making good use of it in the depths. Every time I saw the more baffling, techy choices my brain just went “this isn’t Zelda” and my mood soured immensely. Obviously there’s fun to be had with this material that likely took a long time to get right, but I was simply incapable of getting past the immersion broken phase. And it was required So Damn Often. And then you get a robot ally via a dungeon. It somehow feels worse when you’re the one using the robo tech as opposed to fighting it, don’t ask me why. This is definitely the aspect of the game that leans most heavily into Personal Opinions for me.
And with all the work that went into fusing? I still had trouble with it. Joycon drift issues aside (and that’s a very big aside), trying to attach stuff in the exact way I wanted to often did not end well. Physics gets involved often with trying to build, and I already spoke my peace with how this game’s physics work. Shout out to the shrine I never got to but read up on that most people couldn’t do properly, involving a curved slope and some metal spheres that needed to hit a target at the bottom of it. Early on I went out of my way to avoid fusing when I could and seeing just how much of the game is built around it was really sad to see. Not a gmod kinda player, clearly. While Ascend got proper treatment as a mechanic, rewind felt like an afterthought that rarely had a good idea of a puzzle applied to it. And I’ve already complained about the fusing weapons system.
BotW1′s main mechanics were so straightforward and practical and I loved the game for that. Two types of infinite use bombs, freezing chunks of water, stasis to readjust heavier objects, and magnesis which was such a clear-cut way of distinguishing which items can be grabbed/puzzled and which can’t. Ultrahand obviously served this purpose as well, but with the much broader application I feel it made using it way too openended. (One wonderful example comes in the form of ultrahanding the first shrine crystal I found before its respective shrine location ((by Tarrey Town)) - it didn’t react the same way it would if you physically touched it, to tell you where it needed to go, and I did not learn this for another 70 hours, so it sat there forgotten) That’s the game though, way too broad for its own good. We really doubled, kinda x2.5′d the size of the world, we really couldn’t just focus on the Depths as being most of the game, and maybe granting access to the surface after the 4 main quests?
I of course found the Depths early, following Robbie down there, but when I realized that place lacked the crucial upgrade materials that were shrines and koroks (which I did NOT actively look for, but wasn’t about to ignore the ones I saw so I could fix a lacking inventory), I decided to save it for later. Knowing it’s primarily a place to find zonai building/expansion slot materials further deterred me from prioritizing it, even though I found the auto-build feature that early as well. Didn’t realize till later, but the underground was *also* mostly there for nostalgia gear, which...I’m tired of NIntendo banking on nostalgia in every one of its series. Focus on making new content folks.
I used auto-build, sometimes, but the fact it required zonai material to make filler items that weren’t around once again killed motivation to use a core gameplay feature. All the preset build unlocks you got similarly went unused. Sorry, again, but my mindset was to play an older Zelda game and not whatever this whole system was. When I saw the Hudson construction material depot upon falling back down to Hyrule after the tutorial section, I knew me and this game were gonna be oil and water. Given how the game gives you what’s required for zonai fusing during puzzles, this also negated them as a useful collectable outside of the times I slapped rockets to shields. An aside, but I rolled my eyes at yet another gachapon inclusion in a triple A game - such a feature should be illegal.
There’s a new type of korok which asks you to bring it to its friend, apparently meant to be a building challenge of sorts. I did maybe 5 of these, most of them just ultrahanding the lil guy over to their destination. Afterward, I ignored them entirely, That needed to be a 5 korok piece reward minimum to get me to care. I obliged Addison a bunch, but that grew old as well. Why is that guy showing up in parts of the world where nobody’s lived perhaps ever??
One last fuse rant from my itemized list I kept on every gripe I had with the game: It ground the Gerudo story to a halt as I got stuck on the three mirriors portion. That was probably the best of the 4 main quests overall, from start to boss slain, aside from that moment. Though the weak attempt at tower defense was very ??? as well
Any fun to be had with this mechanic was primarily through watching videos of other people who understood and wanted to spend the time building their goofy, elaborate creations. Part of me feels I would’ve been happier not buying/playing the game and simply enjoying compilations of these videos.
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November 30th, 2022 Stream [Warhammer 40K: Darktide, Valkie 64] Summary
Stream archive link: November 30th, 2022 Stream [Warhammer 40K: Darktide, Valkie 64] - Twitch
The night started with Warhammer 40K: Darktide, and it's been a while since I ended a gameplay session outright disliking my time spent. I know that comparing Darktide to Vermintide is lazy, but design and mechanical choices are missing or omitted, making me wonder if the director was required to make many of the game's current choices.
The game being a resource hog aside, the first immediate problem is adding characters with no character. I'm no scholar of 40K lore by any stretch, but everyone in the game so far is either an asshole, a homicidal jerk or borderline psychotic in their dedication 'to the cause'. Banter within the squad boils down to being faithful or violent, with few instances of actual interpersonal chatter; the Vermintide squad had character in spades, but having to hear my zealot babble on about doing the God-Emperor's bidding gets tiring. The character builder (even calling it that is a stretch) provides some roleplay opportunity - Up until your first few missions where you're a cog in the machine. Maybe this changes once you level up?
The menus for equipment purchases and management are painfully drab, what with being a single-column slide menu. Combine that with Darktide being coy with specifics on information - What is finesse on melee weapons? Does mobility on ranged weapons mean how fast you move with it out, or how fast you can move while aiming it? The economy seems painfully cheap at first glance, needing to do multiple missions to afford a new piece of gear as your level and costs rise, but should I be saving or spending? The tutorial gives you the control lowdown, but it's failing as a modern game to help share information and leaves me having to alt-tab and read a third-party wiki.
Speaking of failing as a modern game - Can we just let Left 4 Dead go already? Gameplay mechanics where your controls are taken away and making limited resources consumed/expended by selfish or trolling players might've been the height of team-based gameplay years ago, but it's ok to smarten up as the years go on. If you provide players opportunities to abandon or purposefully anger teammates, they're going to take those opportunities and abuse them. "But it's 40K, there's no frienship in-" Oh, fucking spare me. The daemonhost being this version of Left 4 Dead's Witch is icing on the cake, but I'll turn this into a novel if I break down why I hate this enemy type and why it's poorly designed.
So far Darktide is just an unpleasant, ignorant and hollow experience. Vermintide 1 and 2 have their share of team-based gameplay issues as well, but at least in those games it felt like the cast were actual characters, not just blindly faithful to a holy/ruler figure and can't shut their faces about him.
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The annoyance train continued after the break as I fired Valkie 64 back up, entering the winter and desert worlds. The game's goofy hitboxes regarding contact damage reared their ugly head with the winter dungeon boss fight, as it's a ghost that (sometimes) teleports away after landing a hit. Not only can this render combos useless, but the hurtbox that makes you take damage if you bump into the boss can linger a few frames after it teleports away. So that wasn't great.
It also became apparent that the size of the overworld maps is large just for the sake of being large. Sure, there might be a side area or two for collectibles or side quests, but to go from the map's beginning to the end to reach the dungeon is a lengthy jaunt. Besides saving and quitting back to the main hub, there are no apparent means of faster travel, which makes hopping worlds for the sake of side quests a drag.
The seemingly optional boss for an upgrade did wonders in revealing just how limited the game's combat is. It wasn't some epic duel, but needing to mash dodge after one or two attacks and dance around like a cheesy git. Again, it's hard to be critical on someone's first game and seemingly made by one person, but when the game more or less requires me to play evasively so I don't game over and return to the start with half my hearts… Ehh. It gets hard to remain optimistic.
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Name: Mechakoopa
Debut: Super Mario World
So a very polite anon has humbly requested we write a post about Mechakoopa! They are apparently this person's favorite, so today's their lucky day! See I don't like to brag but, I'd definitely consider myself as part of the top 100 most qualified people to talk about Mechakoopas in the world! And who am I to turn down such a request?
Now the 90s you see, were a turning point for good Mr. Bowser here. With a brand new clown-helicopter thing to pilot around you might think he's all set, but what kind of self-respecting villain would he be without filling his evil lair with a number of Evil Wind-up Toys based on himself? So he does exactly that- a whole fourteen years before Mario stole his idea, mind you!
Yes, you read that right! Despite their name, Mechakoopas are tiny mechanical versions of Big Bowser himself, not just any run of the mill Koopa, which explains their green heads and funky hair! You know how Koopa is actually Bowser's Japanese name? Yeah! They could've localized them as Mecha-Bowsers, but Mechakoopa just flows nicer doesn't it? And he is still technically a Koopa!
"Yo, somebody rang?"
No!! Not you, Mecha-Bowser from Super Mario Sunshine (2002)!! You'll get your turn eventually! Geez! Anyway. Where was I. Oh! Yes!
This is the obligatory part of the post where I'm like “Get a load of this funky guy”! Get a load of this funky guy! Instead of reinterpreting Bowser’s design very literally in toy form, the Mechakoopa is very much its own beast, with its funny beak and little funny legs. Our aforementioned anon mentioned the wind-up key, and oh, what a wind-up key it is! And of course the raisin d’eclair- the fantastic little googly eyes! Oh where would we be without those googly eyes?
Naturally though, Bowser doesn’t just use his toys to populate his spooky castle- he always has to keep a few on his person! So he chucks them at you in the game’s final boss fight, but he didn’t account for the fact that, in this game only, Mario can throw upwards! Oh no! His one weakness! Being pelted with plastic!
By the by, I’ve always thought the original Mechakoopa sprite from Super Mario World looked super funky! The hair almost looks like its on fire! And I like the goofy grin.
The Super Mario World cartoon decided to interpret this sprite by turning him into a horrible little man. No, I don’t want this! He shouldn’t have arms!
The Mechakoopa’s next appearance in a mainline Mario platformer was in New Super Mario Bros. Wii, where they act... exactly the same as they do in Super Mario World! Cool! This basically established them as modern Mario enemies, but there isn’t much to say other than that!
Like all our posts about Common Mario Enemies, it would probably be boring if I just listed off their every appearance, so I will just bring up the ones that are worth mentioning. For example, Super Mario RPG! In this game, Bowser’s strongest special attack is Bowser Crush, which summons a giant Mechakoopa to stop on foes! According to the Player’s Guide, this Mechakoopa was a top secret weapon developed by Koopa researchers... to stomp flowers and scare butterflies! Wow! That is so so evil! These big guys would definitely live up to the name “Mecha-Bowser”!
“Hey guys, are you talking about me?”
NO, we are NOT talking about you, Mecha Bowser (with no hyphen) from Mario Kart: Double Dash (2003)’s Bowser’s Castle course! Get the heck outta here! Gosh, some people just don’t know when they’re not wanted!
I am sure after all this you are wondering, they may be mechanical toys but can they do math? The answer is yes obviously! This is Mechakoopa from Mario Party Advance, and they’re a mathematician! They invented Mechakoopa’s Theorem, the very real mathematical theorem that we all used in school! Everyone give them a round of applause!
I’d like to bring up their appearances in the Mario & Luigi games, not because it’s particularly notable, but because of how much I like their sprite and idle animation! Look at the wind-up key spin around and the eyes go up and down! So cute! Oh, and also because in the Superstar Saga remake they replaced the Mecha-Chomp enemies (may god rest their souls)!
Super Mario Maker 2′s final update was an epic win and a #1 victory royale for Mechakoopa fans anywhere, since it not only added Mechakoopas to all four main game themes, but also two brand new variants: the Blasta Mechakoopa (in red) and the Zappa Mechakoopa (in blue)!
As you might expect, they can Blast (missiles) and Zap (lasers) respectively! I’ve no idea why they added these random functionalities to Mechakoopas specifically, but they’re a lot of fun and some of the most unique projectiles in the game! Zappa? I barely know ‘a!
Oh, and I almost forgot! They are in Super Smash Bros. as well! Bowser Jr.’s moveset is a treasure trove of little references to Mario gadgets, and even though Bowser no longer tosses these guys from his Clown Car, his son has taken up the job! Only in this game, Mechakoopas explode. Uh oh! They didn’t do that before! Still, I really like popping a Mechakoopa out of its Mechakoopa Compartment just to see it wander around the stage. It’s fun!
Now that’s all I have to say about good old Mechakoopas, but I’d like to give a special shoutout to this guy in particular- the Micro Mecha-Bowser, from Super Mario Galaxy! For a long time, I assumed they were just Mechakoopas with a different design... But this definitely looks like a beefed up version of the Mechakoopa, with their big goofy teeth, their pig nose and their funky cross-hair eyes! These dudes can breathe fire too, so they really are more like Bowser! And if there’s a Micro Mecha-Bowser, there’s gotta be a normal one!
“Whassup? I heard somebody call my name!”
Harumph! Nobody called you, Mecha-Bowser from Super Mario Galaxy (2007)’s Toy Time Ga- Er... hold on a second. You actually are exactly the person I was talking about after all! My mistake! Though I do wish you’d at least give us a heads up when you’re gonna show up, given you’re the size of a small planetoid!
Yeah, the Micro Mecha-Bowsers are named after this big robot from Toy Time Galaxy, Mecha-Bowser (not to be confused with Mecha-Bowser or Mecha Bowser)! Though I have to say, there isn’t much family resemblance! He’s so blue and un-turtle like! Still, this must’ve been my favorite mission in Galaxy as a kid- I’d replay it over and over again just because the idea of climbing on a giant planet-sized robot and dismantling it piece by piece was so cool! It was like Shadow of the Colossus before I knew what the heck that was!
Well that’s about the extent of the Mechakoopa family. Isn’t it fun? There’s a moral to be learned here, and it’s that, uh... little wind-up toys are very charming! Um, I suppose. Look, writing conclusions is hard!
Mechakoopa
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the emergency room fic snippet took me out hgjgjghfh
Kara's not sure if it's the recently waking up from anesthesia or if she really is witnessing the most gorgeous creature to ever grace this planet seated, cross-legged in the outpatient waiting room.
"Hi!" she finds herself sitting right next to the woman and practically shouting directly into her face.
Smooth, Danvers, she thinks. What can she say, she's always had game.
The woman stares back at Kara's suddenly very close proximity, doe eyed, irises round and the most tantalizing shade of sea foam green Kara's ever seen.
"Did you just—" Kara points inelegantly back at the door a nurse had just ushered her through, "have a surgery?"
The woman eyes her, a little wary, before replying.
"An endoscopy."
Kara gasps, reaching for the woman's hands (a little cold) and holding them in her overly warm ones. She rubs them together in an effort to bring heat into the stranger's fingers. The woman simply continues to stare, perplexed.
"Me too! Did yours go well? What are you in for?"
"You're very friendly," the woman states bluntly.
"Oh, sorry," Kara pulls her hands away. "I'm Kara."
"Lena," the woman says, still a little stiff but a small smile forming at the corner of her mouth.
Kara makes a conscientious effort to keep her hands in her lap like an overeager child as she waits for Lena to answer.
"And I have an ulcer, they think," Lena says, touching delicately at her stomach. "Too much coffee and working, not enough eating."
Kara winces. "Those are painful, right?"
Lena nods. "What about you?"
"I ate four mega sized bags of candy corn."
The face Lena pulls is one of total, abject disgust.
"Candy corn? Why?"
"It was a Halloween dare from my sister," Kara shrugs. "My stomach hasn't been the same since."
"I should think not."
Kara laughs at the woman's impeccable diction, like she could be one of those reading voice models. Or a librarian. A sexy librarian.
"Honestly right now I feel more woozy from the anesthesia."
"Me too," Lena agrees, staring down at her hands and flexing them open and closed. Such lovely hands. Big, Kara thinks.
She's not sure how long they both stare down at Lena's hands, Kara's elbow bent on Lena's armrest, holding her chin in her palm, before she thinks to add,
"Can you believe they warned us not to gamble? Or buy a car? Isn't that crazy?”
"Completely."
"Although," Kara adds with an unnoticed slur to her words, her voice sing song pitching up and down. “If I could buy any car right now, I'd totally buy one of those sports cars with the butterfly doors."
"Like a McLaren?"
"Sure."
"My friend Bruce has one. I think I've seen it in his garage."
"Damn, is he rich?"
“I’m rich too,” Lena holds out her hands as if she's dropping invisible dollar bills all over the waiting room floor.
“But I'm boring," she says with a slump of her shoulders. "I always use a town car. My driver's name is George."
"George," Kara echoes. "Why do guys always get to be so flashy? You should get yourself a sports car for, like, female empowerment and stuff."
"You're right," Lena agrees with an unsteady nod of her head. "It's not fair. Let’s go buy one.”
Kara swoons closer, heavily encroaching over the boundary between their two respective chairs. The space between them is nearly nonexistent. The anesthesia side effects are definitely feeling more present.
“I think you’re my soulmate," Kara says, entirely uncensored.
Lena locks eyes with her for one boundless moment before she shakes her head hard, like a puppy trying to shake out wet fur.
"No, you wouldn't like me if you knew me. I am so scary," Lena tells Kara with such sincere earnestness, head bowed towards her. "Like so scary. I’m a CEO."
"That's cool!" Kara cheers, and before she can stop herself she's holding Lena's hands again. "And there's no way you're scary. You’re so nice and soft," she rubs Lena's fingers.
Kara's not quite sure what happens next. Lena sort of pulls at her hands, an unspoken invitation, and Kara's already halfway out of her seat, and it just makes… sense for her to fully get into Lena's lap.
The waiting room chair is perfectly sized for the both of them. Lena's hands anchor Kara, squeezing at her backside. It's heaven.
"You smell good," Lena comments dreamily, leaning forward to inhale at Kara's neck. Then suddenly she jumps back, jostling Kara in her lap.
"Oh my god, I’m gay!"
Kara stares at her, hypnotized by the river of small blue veins at Lena's temple and forehead.
"Oh," she starts. "Did you just… realize?"
"Yes—" Lena half shouts, then, "I mean no, I just had to tell you. So, be careful."
Kara laughs, wrapping her arms around Lena's neck. She massages her fingers into Lena's shoulders, and Lena sighs, reluctantly relaxing by degrees. Kara smiles, goofy.
"With what? Your feelings? Anyways, I’m bi."
"Oh." Lena mirrors Kara's words. "Are you single?"
"Give me your number," Kara replies in lieu of an answer.
They both scramble for their phones, Kara reaching into her back pocket and Lena fishing into an expensive looking hand bag. Kara sits backs on Lena's thighs and proceeds to ignore several texts from her sister. And what should be a simple swap of phone numbers becomes an impromptu photo shoot with lots of giggling and vaguely inappropriate touching.
"What is going on here?"
Kara pivots in Lena's lap, recognizing the voice of her sister coming from the open doorway.
"Alex?"
Lena's head has snapped to the door, too, eyes narrowed.
"Who are you?" she says with a squeeze of Kara's hips.
Alex's eyebrow raises, challenging.
"Who are you?"
Kara might actually hear Lena growl then.
"Lena?" another voice joins them.
Alex swivels to look at a woman just over her shoulder, tall and stately with legs for days. She has curly brown hair and soft, bedroom eyes.
"Who are you?" Kara finds her own voice grumbling.
"Sam!" Lena glows.
Who is Sam?!
Sam's eyes rove over the pair of them, and she raises a hand to her mouth to cover a smile. Kara reluctantly extricates herself from Lena's lap, standing but keeping hold of her hand.
"Um, Kar," Alex says, eyebrows threading closer and closer together by the second. "We have to go, so maybe let go of the stranger's hand."
"She's not a stranger, this is Lena!" Kara announces. "And I want her to come with us."
Sam snorts.
"What? No, Kara, we're going home," Alex takes a step into the room, and Lena squeezes Kara's hand possessively. "You need to get some sleep and recover."
"You, too, Lena," Sam intones, still lingering in the doorway.
"No!" Lena practically shouts, standing too. "I feel fine. We’re going to buy a car, actually."
Alex's jaw drops open.
"No, honey," Sam steps toward the pair of them then.
"Honey?" Kara asks, back bowing.
"Down girl," Sam quips in her direction. "We’re just friends."
"No, I’m your boss," Lena snaps at Sam, pointing, but it's as threatening as a five year old making demands about bathtime. "I tell you what to do."
Kara giggles.
"See, I’m mean," Lena gloats to Kara.
"No."
"Oh my god," Alex pinches the bridge of her nose. "This is a fucking mess, we're leaving. Now."
Kara stands taller at the warning nature of Alex's tone, and what follows is an absolute spectacle. It involves Alex chasing Kara around the room, Sam laughing loudly, and Lena threatening her and the entire hospital staff. It ends with Alex rough housing Kara inside of her Tahoe with threats of 'you owe me for life' and 'I can't fucking believe you." But Kara doesn't hear any of it, asleep by the time Alex gets into the driver's seat.
---
The next day, Kara wakes up late. There's a gloomy dark space where her memory of the day before should be, but she can't worry about that now. Instead, she groggily makes her way outside of her room, in search of the delicious coffee smell emanating from the kitchen. Alex stands there at her island, a sentinel, as if she's been up all night and waiting for this moment.
"How are we feeling today?" she asks neutrally.
"Terrible," Kara pours herself a cup of coffee.
"So…" her sister trails off, drumming her fingers, and Kara gets the distinct impression she's not going to like what comes out of her mouth next.
"Remember when you mounted Lena Luthor in the waiting room?"
Kara gapes at her.
"What? No, I didn’t. And who?"
"Lena Luthor," her sister repeats. "You were full on in her lap."
"You're lying," Kara splays herself over the couch. "I don't—remember anything. And Lena Luthor? The tech mogul?"
Alex ignores her.
"I had to take away your phone, and then you threw up in the shower. You don't remember that?"
"I was under anesthesia. I can't be held accountable for my actions," Kara shoves a pillow over her face, hoping it will block out the sound of her sister's voice.
"You're telling me you don't remember this woman?"
There's a slap of paper on her coffee table. Kara moves the pillow away, cracking open one eye to gaze down at the cover of a Popular Mechanics magazine. It's graced by a woman with gorgeous black hair with eyes an endless emerald green. She looks familiar, but Kara's not going to let her sister pull her chain today.
"Stop messing with me, Alex, it's not funny."
Alex glares back at her. "You really don't remember."
Kara grumbles and places the pillow back over her face.
"Check your texts," Alex lobs Kara's phone, and it hits her square in the stomach.
"Ow!" she shouts, chucking the pillow at Alex who dodges it easily. She sips at her coffee smugly.
Kara unlocks her phone, eyebrows furrowing, and reads her last text.
"OH MY GOD!"
"When we came back to your apartment," Alex continues, enjoying herself too much. "You kept trying to make out with your fern plant. You kept calling it Lena."
"STOP!"
"You tried to eat a frozen pizza."
"SHUT UP!"
#supercorp#hr’s askhole#supergirl#Lena Luthor#Kara Danvers#ficlet#fanfic#loosely based on an experience I had with a fellow gay man in the post op waiting room
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