#this is my last day of being a teenager

[reineydraws]

wanted: marine hunter takanome mihawk

#shanks: oh i want him alright #dracule mihawk #takanome mihawk #one piece #one piece fanart #op fanart #i accidentally went way extra on this than i intended to 💀 i got bored waiting for my brother + my phone was charging #it was just supposed to be a b&w sketch with his eyes yellow or red but it got out of hand when i was like 'maybe i'll do skin for funsies' #ah well. im really starting to get into painting with this one brush. one day i'll merge it with the style i use more #cuz rn i tend to break out the painting only when i wamt smth a liiiiittle👌 more realistic. #i stress that 'little' bc calling my style 'realistic' in any sort of way feels inaccurate lol #i digress #i love imagining marine hunter mihawk being some teenage punk between the ages of 17 and 23 #idk when he became a warlord but if he had this epithet even before roger's death that would put him in mid-to-late teens #since at roger's execution he was 19 amd already had yoru #so it's kinda funny to imagine the marines being hunted by some teenager with dramatic sideburns and an even more dramatic sword #last post of the year! :) #i had no chill this month. pls dont expect anything on my blog again till march lol. #(im half-serious; im going on vacation for all of february and i have some prior pieces i need to focus on in jan haha. we'll see tho!)

[aces-to-apples]

Frankly I think Alistair being mildly shitty to that mage in Ostagar seems pretty in-character for the guy he is before the massive, life-altering trauma that is the Ostagar massacre wherein he sees all of his Grey Warden comrades, his beloved mentor/father figure, and his beloathed half-brother/convenient-target-of-projection absolutely torn to shreds by literal Thedas boogeymen. IIRC Morrigan and Flemeth both comment on his wack behavior after Ostagar and then by the time we get to Lothering Alistair just fully surrenders any and all responsibility (and, frankly, agency) to the player's Warden for the foreseeable future. It can then take anywhere from a couple IRL hours to the entire second act of the game for him to retake almost any amount of it back. And depending on the player's choices in dialogue, and especially whether or not they choose to romance him, we may only see flashes of that guy we met at Ostagar before he potentially morphs into almost someone else entirely (hardened!King!Alistair). All that to say, I don't actually think it's a useful criticism of "characterization" to bring up Alistair's glibness as compared to his behavior in the majority of the game because from where I'm standing (looking directly at his snottiness about Cailan, his complaints about being assigned to the Tower of Ishal, his Templar-esque focusing on Morrigan and Flemeth being apostates, his generally pretty brusque manner with the Warden recruits) it seems fairly in-line with the rest of his behavior at Ostagar.

#like seriously he's a bit of a dick (more than what becomes usual) while at ostagar #before his world is shattered and his brain (and personality) is completely rearranged by seeing everyone important to him slaughtered #he clings so hard to the warden as a lifeline that he kind of goes full-on fawning mode for a little bit there #just giving up the reins completely and following orders as (imo) a method of coping with massive loss and trauma #throughout the course of the game he recovers somewhat and goes back to being kind of a dick #and/or growing up pretty extensively and becoming a much better and more tolerant person as a whole #but the idea of him being a dick to a mage because he's being moved around like a chess piece rather than a person #by someone who should NOT have the authority to do that and that fuckin ANNOYS him and then this dude's getting all up in his face about it #as if this was HIS decision and then being accused of harassing this random ass dude he could not give less of a fuck about for funsies #and thus him going full obnoxious shithead teenager about it is somehow OUT of character?? for ALISTAIR??? wack #like nah bro i know we all love ali but our vision is being obscured by that love and also how sweet he is in a romance #just being besties with him unlocks an incredible amount of unfiltered BITCHINESS that is fully in-line with ostagar!alistair's shenanigans #dragon age: origins #alistair theirin #by apples #da meta #anyway there's been disk horse on my dash for the last couple days and this is my take on it

[mifink]

being a vampire but in a slavic teenager way

#the sun is finally gone and i can leave the house without burning my eyes #slavic teenager way means being a poor ass vampire living in cardboard flat instead of a castle #said cardboard flat doesnt have heating until november #and instead of fancy clothes wearing random shit found in my grandmas wardrobe #and theres a literal 50cm long braid in my grandmas wardrobe #cant wait for grobbing aka all the saint's day idk how to translate this into english #last time i almost set my great-grandfather's grave on fire #vampire #vampcore

[absintheancandle]

fun fact! my birthday is actually july 4th, contradictory to that one fundraiser post i made last year about my computer saying july 10th

i celebrate it on july 10th because where i live, most people have ran out of fireworks by then

#my art #if anyone is wanting to send me birthday wishes please hold off until the 10th! #actually i mostly drew this because i thought it was funny #also in regards to that post; my computer somehow is still alive. i have no clue how. it is STILL very clearly losing life though #pats this computer. this old man is still truckin despite being like.. 6 years old and using it literally all day every day #not sure how much longer he's gonna last #anyways woohoo im no longer a teenager. what hte FUCK.

[outer-edges]

it's insane how one terrible forty five second interaction can ruin the next entire day. anyway. i guess time to consume maximum amount of fluff and scroll through tumblr ad nauseam to try and take my mind of things.

#mattie gets personal #fucked up real bad last night #wasn't paying attention while walking #ended up walking by a bunch of harassers and for the entire time it took to walk by they were just being terrible #and now my anxiety is off the fucking charts #un fucking real #and i actually feel so bad because my friend followed me thru it #and the only reason we were going that way was because she was letting me lead #but i was just running on autopilot and NOT paying attention to our surroundings #and i should not have been responsible for that #by the time i realized what was happening like turning around would've been the same distance as just powering thru so i tanked it #but still #fucking terrible #i apologized to her so many times but i just feel like such an idiot #i'm just like #i never usually have to deal with that #because i'm typically paranoid as fuck and also look like teenage boy usually #but yesterday i was NOT paying attention to anything and also was in a very revealing outfit because it was a music festival #some dude followed me earlier in the day too #he only stopped when a guy friend i was with shouted at him to leave me alone #cuz obviously me telling him to fucking leave me alone didn't work #anyway. this is one of the reasons i dress like a teenage boy #not just the gender thing #this is the worst i abused the tags but no one reads these and i need to like put this into the world but not have it be consumed ukw i mea #cuz it's so normal i just like haven't had to deal with it before

[theloveinc]

It’s so funny how rereading one single ya dystopian series has made all my daydreams go from something mundane and beautiful to like… “me and Bakugo are surviving a war against reproductive rights🙂” and I’m genuinely having a good time

#I am twelves years old #and lowkey it’s berry nice #altho it’s nice I keep craving to read fanfics abt the ships in these totally irrelevant books #like written on par with what y’all write #I’m going insane I had a daydream ant not only going to hs with Bakugo but having a teenage pregnancy😭😭😭😭 #lowkey one of my fave days dreams I’m still obsessed with is from … ok you know what I will stop there LMFAO #but zamn. #I dont wanna say the reason I haven’t been active on here much is bc I’m reading books #bc I’m totally having a weird decline rn #but also like. I do think my need for creative outlets is being fed by FUCKKNG YA NOVELS #but hey they taught me how to do tf what I DO! #so there’s that #and I’ve basically spent the last week on the bathtub reading books instead of being on the phone #probs like … 3 hrs of my day is bath LMFAO #coping like this is amazing #oh well going back to my apartment tomorrow where the bath ain’t sh*t so that will fix that #love u all dearly miss u all dearly #hope you’re all well🩷 #caitie blabs

[todayisafridaynight]

and maybe i really like Pure (1996) because toru makes me think of a timeline where sawashiro didnt go into the yakuza ok . then what.

#snap chats #its also funny that his last name's sawatari and uses the same kanji </3 of course </3 #anyway hi <3 rewatched my fave episode <3 why is ttm so pretty thats all i was thinking while watching hes SOOO pretty... #emi wakui is also so adorable i cant like. like im insufferable when watching this LMAO THEYRE JUST TOO CUTE #did i make this post just to talk about pure. And If I Did. #im not sorry i love this drama too much... its just too cute... weirdly enough... #ok to ATTEMPT to make this post viable right. its the way that toru also typically wears a turtle neck with a jacket #it makes me think of teenager sawashiro and that coupled with his hair being pretty similar to Grown Sawashiro #it gets my brain going. also he's kind of a bitch but like a bitch within reason. unlike sawashiro he's just a bitch OOP #close enough tho it works... it works to make my brain explode.. also this bitch's breakfast being cigs and beer tracks #i wasnt going to put caps but i need a new pic of ttm to look at all day. sorry <- isnt sorry #anyway every time he smiles in this show i gain twenty years cause he never does it and it's always those cute small shy smiles i love #ok lemme finish this comm. i have a spanish exam later EW bye

[daz4i]

i know aging isn't the end of the world and 24 isn't that old and life isn't a race etc etc etc. however,

#i think a big reason i feel so bad abt being this age is ppl told me this is when things start to get better #and i still feel the same way i did as a teenager so. well. is it really 😐 #(being on t probably isn't helping but it's been over 3 years already so... not an excuse i think) #but I'm also physically aging like the reason i barely upload selfies anymore is i see myself getting uglier every day #despite fighting for my life to at least take care of my face and hair...... can't fight the passage of time 😔 #+ ofc. my (younger) friends being way more sorted out than i am on every level #again ik life isn't a race but. it can't help but hurt to know I'm still behind literally everyone i know #and my excuses for that aren't even good. bc other disabled ppl my age are also more sorted out than i am #other depressed ppl other borderlines other autistics etc etc. hell these are also my irl friends 😭 #and it's dumb. bc feeling like i wasted my life isn't really pushing me to change that now. just makes me want to die even more #(bc i mean what's the point. i will never catch up. I'm still at the starting line AND i move so slow it doesn't even count) #(i don't have a single milestone ppl my age have not even finishing high school which is like. the bare minimum) #(and it sucks bc i also know i have potential i KNOW i can do shit in theory i know I'm smart and got skills. but i can't put it to use) #(and now this is turning into less of a thing abt age and just generally me talking abt how i wasted the last 24 years) #this was more of a stressed rant abt how I'm turning ugly and feeling super old but well. it all boils down to self loathing at the end 👍 #vent #negative // #ask to tag #sorry for being so depressing all day oof ik i already said it before but it's been a rough couple of months #(nothing happened my brain just needs to get flushed down the toilet ^_^) #edit: i think. part of my panic about aging. is bc as a kid i was used to being the youngest everywhere #i was the youngest in my class bc i started school a year early. i was the youngest in acting school bc they don't normally accept teenagers #and in addition to that as an adult but before starting t i was always told that i LOOK young too #but now ik i look like I'm in my 20s. and it's killing me that i aged this much in so little #i wonder if shaving my beard will help but i don't wanna get misgendered 😐😐😐 and rn it's the only thing guarding me from that

[danielnelsen]

there’s so much i wanna do this week/month/etc but i’m just too sick, i have no energy, i can’t sleep, i’m constantly nauseous and headachey and on the verge of a migraine, i’m stressed and irritable and impatient and panicky…….how tf did i survive nearly 5 years of high school untreated if i can’t even manage this when i don’t have any major obligations rn

#at least i finally got my meds so hopefully i feel a little better soon #although i’m now on 20 pills per day which is Just Great #whenever i’m in remission it’s nice to just. forget sometimes that this can happen at any time #kinda wish i had the typical kinda chronic illness that people talk about with ‘flares’ #or at least triggers that i can plan around #the other times have all had an easily identifiable stressor tho tbf. idk what caused this one #the first time was whooping cough and the next few were all very major life stressors like my cat dying right after i started uni #and i think also towards the end of my honours thesis? #but this…….there’s no major stress right now. nothing wildly beyond normal #i’m a little concerned about my joints tho. they’ve been so much worse than normal the last few months #so i’m kinda worried i’m developing rheumatoid arthritis (also an autoimmune disease and it runs in the family specifically) #so if that’s happening then it could set my thyroid off? probably should get to the doctor at some point #obv i’m seeing my endo for thyroid stuff. but i should see my gp and get her to run all the autoimmune blood tests again #i’ve done that before but it’s been a few years and my ankles and knees are so painful i can’t even walk properly a lot of the time #BUT I JUST WANNA DO THINGS I ENJOY AND I CANT AND I WILL CONTINUE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT IT #‘oh you’re so lucky you don’t have as many obligations because you’re chronically ill’ ha ha ha please swap lives with me immediately #personal #but seriously. i wasn’t diagnosed until i was nearly 17 and we can trace it back to whooping cough when i was 12 #so it was the last half of year 6 and then all of years 7-10 and the start of year 11 of just being. uh. ‘very lazy and complaining a lot’ #and TEACHERS joking about me and my sister (who was dealing with an arguably more severe undiagnosed disease) missing so many classes #wow so funny pdhpe teacher who’s supposed to be teaching is about health #and the thing with being a mentally ill teenager is that hyperthyroidism can just look like a very severe anxiety disorder #so i didn’t go to the dr until i was too sick to go to school at all. and luckily had a good dr who did a blood test #i’m just rambling now because i can’t sleep and i don’t wanna lie here doing nothing #might go play pvz or something. that’s been keeping me entertained

[eclipsecrowned]

chainsmokes.

not a vent just a goof i am losing my mind about irl.

my mom is trying to make right that collectible that got fucked up yesterday. contacted the author's team. go mom. fudging facts by saying that i had been crying for days about how the thing got messed up. the email response is sympathetic and helpful, all's good there, they can see if they have any b-quality in the equivalent of the back.

but sweet jesus the way she phrased it makes me think i am my mother's poor meow meow from real life. god's most pathetic soldier. sopping wet and fumbling the bag and sobbing. help.

the staff appear to think i am a small child from how she framed my behavior.

#SCREECHING. I'M HER POOR MEOW MEOW FROM REAL LIFE-- #out of stories #tbd // #I CANNOT OVERSTATE I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING BUT CRY ABOUT IT? #AND ONLY BC IT WAS LIKE A LAST STRAW ON A BAD DAY??? Y'ALL. SHE ALWAYS FRAMES ME LIKE THIS AND NOT EVEN MALICIOUSLY. #SHE'S NOT LIKE DISPARAGING ME OR ACTING LIKE I'M INCAPABLE IT'S JUST IN RETELLINGS I AM THE SMALLEST SADDEST BLOB. #IN ANY STORY ABOUT MY CONSTANT WAR W THE SLINGS AND ARROWS OF LIFE. #I HAD A MIGRAINE EARLIER THIS WEEK AND MY MOM FRAMED IT IN PHONE CALLS LIKE I WAS SO BRAVELY BEARING IT WITH JUST A FEW TEARS AND SOME MEDS #I'M IRL BEING TREATED LIKE A TWINK WITH TEENAGE FANGIRLS.

[jojotier]

having ocs is a fucking curse my sis came in asking why i was crying so hard but how tf do I explain its bc I thought about blorbo from my brain too hard and had a fit

#ocs #my ocs #thoight about the scene where my grumpy mentor figure lets himself starve to death in an endless desert #so that his mentee can have the last bits of food and water #and as his life is fading out and he can see his teenage charge falling apart in panic #bc ace is just a child. hes just a child he dossnt know what to do #he gives ace the artifact they were supposed to transport avross the dried up sea and tells him to finish it #finish what he started #and after ace buries him in the sand hes just walking gor days on end no food or water until hes forced #to crawling #dragging his body through the dust toward a city he finds empty #and its only as hes being rescued when its revealed #his mentor didnt give him the artifact. he gave ace a honing device #hed set it up to send out a distress signal and allowed himself to be buried with some terrible secret #lost to the desert #and now ace knows that even in death damien made sure ace lived #sam's thinkin again

[hazardsoflove]

i think danger days is mcrs best album

#i say this as someone who heard anything from it for the first time like. last week #i saw a tiktok of this girl learning the bass for planetary (go) and i was like hold on….this fucking bangs #and so i added it to my likes and then later for my steddie fic i asked julie to make me a playlist of mcr songs eddie would go crazy on #the guitar to and they did and ive been listening to it and i heard na na na for the first time and i think like. thats the best song ever #the guitar goes fucking INSANE im obsessed with it #since then the mcr song in my likes have grown from 3 (wttbp teenagers and mama) to 14 #and all of those songs are either from tbp or danger days but the majority is danger days #if theres one thing abt me its that i love a concept album #also yeah ik its 2022 but i was too busy listening to indie music in middle school #i will say i LOVEEEE listening to bandom artists (fall out boy mcr) and having NO connection to any of the shit that happening in bandom #*happened #like i love fob and i love not being burdened by the lore <3 im better than everyone #icb its ppls least favorite according to julie. where is yalls taste #r.txt

[fabulouslygaybean]

i am once again overwhelmed by love for humans as a whole

#just. fuck #oh my god. oh my god. i love humans. i love humans and i love life and i love that i get to be a part of it #it sucks sometimes and there are awful terrible things that happen and im not going to deny any of that #but just. im thinking about all the strangers who've ever been kind to me and im overwhelmed with love #the girl ive never seen before who grabbed me to dance during my last homecoming with the biggest smile on her face #the kid who taught me where to dig for clay in a lake when i was 8 who told me he loved me when i said i had to leave #the stranger at the last show i went to who held onto my shoulder as we jumped and yelled and laughed together #the little girl who came into my workplace today that told me with the most starstruck face that she liked my hair #the older lady who helped me pick up all my things after i dropped them in a park after an incredibly hard day #the trio of teenage boys who played with me on the playground for hours one evening when i was 6 because they saw i was lonely #the random man who bought me the snack i tried to put it back when i realized i didn't have enough money for it #the teen girls who chased off some guy who tried to kick my head in and then ran back to hold my hands and make sure i was okay #fuck. i love people. i love human beings so much. #i love being alive and im so so glad i made it past middle school even though i thought i wouldn't #i get to look at sunsets and sunrises and i get to pet dogs and i get to wade around in lakes and pools and ponds #i get to hug and hold people and i get to laugh so hard my stomach hurts and i get to yell and scream in happiness #i get to eat good food and listen to good music and i get to run and jump and dance #i get to see beautiful things and i get to watch strangers live their lives around me and i get to be a part of it all #it's amazing!!! fuck!!!! i get to be a part of it all!!!!! #i love being alive and i love that ive made it this far #i don't know what the future holds but im just so glad im even here at all #sorry about the long sappy ramble and i know this probably looks weird but i could not care less #im just overwhelmed with love for everything

[businesspilled]

it’s been so unbelievably nice having more and more time where i’m not in survival mode or some state of hyper-vigilance

#punch therapy #my own blog so i can ramble more here #being legitimately abused for every year of my life except this last year + some months was so so so stressful #it was so hard dealing with my hypervigilance straight up every day of my fweakin life #it’s been the primary most stressful symptom of my [various mental disorders and traumas] #and also the most significant #i’ve been aware i had issues with it since i was a young teenager (talking like 13 here) just because i was lucky enough to find resources #about it at an early age #and now #that i’m finally living a significantly more stable life where i don’t have to eggshell every little thing i do online or irl #really i don’t have to eggshell at all period #and i don’t have to be scared of literally everything in the world #it makes me so relieved that i cry whenever it hits me that i don’t have to be hypervigilant anymore #so so so much tension in my body relaxes and so much stress clouding my mind clears #i’m so thankful to be where i am with my boyfriend and the/my kitties and the home we have #save

[possiblytracker]

valentines day became a lot more fun and less agonising to me as an ace-aro person after it finally clicked over the past few years that whatever the fuck happens today is what i make of it, and that can and does include loving and appreciating the shit out of the friends ive decided i'd like to spend my life with in a way that i can define on my own terms not limited to the generic concept of romance. which i absolutely revel in doing, personally

#first and last post im gonna make about it BUT #kinda wild as a kid who got picked on on vday and got Insanely bitter abt the whole holiday for most of my teenage years #and coped by being 'totally fine with' the idea of living and dying alone bc who could Possibly want to get that close on my terms #that im here now and actually vibing with it #and like. if you hate vday personally i am giving you a pat on the back in solidarity. me too still for the most part #i am not going to be annoying about it for your sakes i respect you so much. best of luck avoiding Designated Love Day #but i am personally reclaiming this shit as a semi-recently discovered Bitch Who Yearns. #what a nice day to consider love in all its incredible forms! how great to remember i love and am loved in return #despite the years and years of thinking it just wasnt something that even loosely applied to me #funny how that works out sometimes. that im still learning things about myself #(some of this is slightly exaggerated ofc i have and have had friends who mean a Lot to me throughout! when i say 'alone' i dont mean Alone #(but it is still only recently ive started to unpack the 'i dont Need to bond that closely with people im Fine to live on my own' kinda #shit that i internalised for a stupid long time as a teenager #maybe i Do want to spend my life with other people in my own queerplatonic way and not only are there people who want that with me #but also make me want it with Them. and thats more than i could ever have imagined as a teenager) #ok tags ramble over im done getting sentimental khgCSDJ

[doodlebloo]

Good morning everyone tomorrow is my birthday :]

#today is my last day being a teenager. ever!!! #tomorrow i will wear my tubbo moment hoodie as a treat to myself <3 #doodle.txt