#this isn't even a tag i've used before

[bukvarsbitch]

An unofficial, very personal to my tastes, and unnecessary ranking of all of the songs in Nerdy Prudes Must Die

(typed on my laptop so you know shit's real)

I think it goes without saying this is all my opinion. All of the songs are genuinely good, even the ones I don’t love/like! That being said, here’s my ranking just because I’ve been thinking about this a little bit and I want to put it outside my brain.

15: Dirty Dudes Must Die Look, I get it. It’s a twist, it’s a time for Angela to slay. That’s all good and fine. I just don’t love the placement and it didn’t feel like an ending to me. That being said, “darkness will save my soul” goes HARD.

14: The Best of You People keep putting this high up, which I respect, but I can’t resonate with. Someone said it felt very DCOM to them, and I think that might be why I don’t love it; it just feels really tonally different, and not in the way that Just for Once is that’s a clear differentiation for a whole slew of reasons. It’s a totally fine song, I just don’t love it as a fake-out closer. It just doesn’t work for my brain.

13: Cool as I Think I Am (Reprise) I love a sad reprise as much as anyone else; for some reason, this one just really doesn’t vibe with me. No thoughts about why, I just always skip the last three songs on the soundtrack because I don’t love them.

12: Go Go Nighthawks Okay, so we’ve finally gotten past the songs that I just don’t like lol. I actually really like this song! I think it’s cute tonally and it gets off the really artificial and saccharine world that’s about to come crumbling down. Also, the “squawk squawk” always gets stuck in my head for some reason. It’s only this low because it’s not one that I’d put on repeat.

11: The Summoning Someone’s going to dox me for this, but I really don’t love The Summoning as a whole number. It goes hard, don’t get me wrong; I actually ADORE everything before the Lords of Black come in. Mariah, Angela, and Joey’s vocals blend SO beautifully, and the ensemble whispers are HAUNTING. I love, love, love it. The rest of the song is still awesome and I get why people like it, but I don’t love it until the ensemble comes back in towards the end. I also don’t love the start-and-stop of it; if they were going to do that, I feel like keeping everything singing would’ve worked better? I just feel a bit like the energy falters a little. That being said, I still really really like this song.

10: Just for Once I’m a sucker for this genre of musical; my favorite musicals are almost all from this era, and I really like this song on the soundtrack. I don’t actually love it in the show, but I really appreciate it as a number on the soundtrack. It made me understand Ruth a lot more (I liked her before, but I really GOT her after), but I didn’t love how it fit into the show at first, I think because Lauren’s vocals are a little different on the soundtrack compared to the proshot. A banger!

9: Cool as I Think I Am It’s a solid act one number! I’m actually fairly neutral about it, but I still love the way it sounds so it’s higher just because I’m more likely to put it on repeat. I also just love this occurrence of “I’m not a loser” and its later recurrence.

8: Bury the Bully Everyone seems to not like this and bully the bully??? I really like these songs; I think they’re super catchy and they’re a great comedic song for Angela to really get Grace into our hearts (more than she already was). This one’s only lower because I prefer the way the lyrics flow in bully the bully.

7: Bully the Bully I could listen to this song for literal years. I love it so much. Justice for bully the bully lol.

6: If I Loved You I’ve listened to this song SO MUCH. Firstly, Joey and Mariah’s voices go together SO FUCKING WELL. Secondly, “sure, I’m a sapiosexual, you’re intellectual, but I cut my lover losses when I can” is not only one of my favorite lines in the show but it also SO BEAUTIFUL. I think this song is just a great addition to the second act, and I really love it.

5: Dirty Girl Okay, so I will admit: when I first watched the show, I skipped this song. And then, after I finished the show, I went back and listened. I was so wrong, y’all. This is not only a god tier song, it’s also a great way to establish Grace’s absolute fucking insanity alongside Max’s (also) fucking insanity. Grace’s “I’m a good girl”s are such a good addition to the song and her character. I really, really love this song, and I think it’s a great place to start for my top five lol.

4: Hatchet Town SOMEONE’S GOT THEIR HAND ON THE HATCHET HANDLE SWINGING ON THE YOUTH IT’S A HATCHET SCANDAL CAREFUL OR YOUR FOLKS WILL END UP A CANNIBAL’S PLATE IT AIN’T GREAT YOU’RE BETTER ON THE RUN THAN YOU ARE HIDING SUDDENLY THIS QUIET TOWN’S EXCITING

God tier lyricism genuinely and it sounds sO GOOD. I love a “and here’s what the town thinks” song, and this is a great one that goes SO HARD. The chorus sets the tone so well. As I told my friend, it’s like if the Riverdale adults got a musical number, and I LOVE that.

3: High School is Killing Me This, to me, is an example of a genuinely perfect modern musical opening number. It sets the mood of the show so well, and it comes back to haunt you as the show slowly kills off its characters in a way that’s so satisfying. Of course, Mariah and Joey are hitting it out of the park; for me, though, the real star of this song is the ensemble. In any show, my favorite character is the ensemble, and this song is a great example of why. Lauren and Jon do a great job introducing us to the world (and their voices together are beautiful, GOD), and the ensemble makes it feel lived in and sets you up for the whirlwind you’re about to go on. Also, the harmonies. MWAH. (Also, “a cesspool faux democracy, it’s one hell of a normal abnormality” has been stuck in my head since I heard it; one of my favorite lyrics in the show).

2: Nerdy Prudes Must Die Love when the bully comes to kill you but it’s camp! Firstly, Will’s voice is GORGEOUS. Genuinely, I want him to play every single high school bad guy in a musical; he does such a good job. I just adore this song’s placement, tone, lyrics, sound, everything. I really love the way that “I could give two shits that you buried and left me, defiled my body, you pushed me off the edge” sounds, plus obviously the entire will you pray for me bit, ESPECIALLY WHEN THE ENSEMBLE COMES IN. Also, Jon’s absolutely fucking stuNNING “I’M NOT A LOSER.” God, it’s just so good. 100000/10.

1: Literal Monster I feel like this might be unpopular? But, I LOVE this song. It’s another one of those “and here’s what the town thinks” songs (in a way), the harmonies are beautiful, the GUITAR RIFFS, Will’s voice, the way it sets up Max’s entire being and everyone’s relationship to him. I already liked the song before Will comes in, but his voice adds such a wonderful tonal shift to the song with the HUH HUHs and then he just really goes for it, and I love him for it. His “a predator of my size, cross your heart hope to die, you can watch as I rise, I will claim what is mine” is genuinely one of my favorite sounds of the year. MWAH, chefs kiss.

#nerdy prudes must die #npmd #this isn't even a tag i've used before #i don't think #i just literally haven't been able to do work to anything besides this soundtrack or the alice is missing playlist lmao #i wrote an entire ethics paper to if i loved you and high school is killing me #now i'm writing a paper for my performance theory class to literal monster and dirty dirty girl #my academics are just indebted to this musical now ig

[pioneer-over-c]

Draw Everything June day 5. Pre-Endar Spire and becoming a different person, Revan was a Form IV practitioner, so I thought this reference might fit him.

#draweverythingjune2023 #draw everything june #revan #kotor #kotor 1 #star wars #san-surien suun #(actually it's pre-endar spire so he's actually still lach sulrass and ACTUAL revan but... i don't have a tag for that haha) #i always want to draw more action poses of revan but the only character in the films (best reference) that uses form iv is yoda #and the actual human people doing form iv on youtube don't do force-assisted acrobatics lol #i guess i've learned enough about gesture drawing now to be able to extrapolate from yoda though. should try that #(post-endar spire the only time he uses a lightsaber is the... uh... dialogue option for the whimpering locker) #i spent the entire malak fight shooting him and then using master speed to run away out of his range. malak must have been so confused #revan shows up saying he's not revan and isn't interested in proving who is stronger #he then proceeds to not even use a lightsaber while fighting and STILL wins. rip malak #also i accidentally made him like an inch taller than malak before i found out malak's height. quite literally overshadowed oops

[brittlebutch]

finally found a place to read With the Light online and i'm thrilled; if you haven't read this manga i do Legitimately recommend it

#N posts stuff #like don't get it wrong it Is Not a series about being autistic it Is a series about raising an autistic kid #but also don't be put off by that because it's legitimately a series that I feel Loves autistic people with its whole being #it's kind of a teaching manga so it showcases a lot of different opinions/characters/conflicts/etc. but the Framing is very consistent #in that the manga is Extremely of the opinion that autistic people are People who deserve to be Valued and Accepted As They Are #the onus for change is never put on autistic individuals the framing is basically Universal in the 'the World needs to change #to be more accepting' -- it's a very Social Model depiction of autism that ALSO never veers too far into the #'autism isn't even Really a disability' fallacy; it's very much a 'A lot of autistic people will need constant support in a variety of ways #throughout their lives but that isn't the roadblock preventing them from having their own lives; ableism in society is the roadblock' #the first two chapters are the hardest to get through bc they take place before Sachiko has any real understanding of autism and #so she's isolated and stressed out and the ignorance makes it difficult for her to care for Hikaru properly (there's also a lot of #other characters Blaming her for what's going on which goes unchallenged at this point though that changes later); but after she #understands what autism is she's Firmly in Hikaru's corner for the rest of the series - you can skip right to ch 3 without a problem #if you're not interested in reading about that initial conflict #there's still a Lot of conflict ofc but by then the chapters have some of my favorite moments so i don't want to advocate skipping #them; like Hikaru's daycare teacher explaining how Hikaru's difficulty speaking is the same as other kids' troubles with #things like jump-roping/etc.; and then a mother who has An Issue with Hikaru's presence in her daughter's class realizing the #depth of the problematic opinion bc Her mother (who had a stroke) faces similar ableism from her peers #i'm cutting this post off b4 the tags get Too long but if you're curious but still hesitant man. send me an ask and i will Happily #write an insanely long essay about how much i love this series; i have all the books i'm not excited about the online availability #for Me i'm excited bc i've been wanting to rec this manga for like almost a full decade and i can finally give you a link instead of #saying 'well. you can find used copies sometimes' lol

[quirkle2]

oh nooo that's quite a bummer :( but i'm very glad that i helped brightening up your day :") tbh your writing brightens up my day too (⁠≧⁠▽⁠≦⁠)

AND WAIT I'VE BEEN ACTUALLY QUITE THINKING ABOUT WHETHER ZOMBIE MOB HAS FOUGHT OFF A ZOMBIE WHEN I ASKED IF HE HAS EVER BITTEN SOMEONE and since you brought it up, well, would be okay to ask about the details of how it went 👁️👁️ (also him fighting off a fellow zombie to protect tome got me sobbing)

- 🪻

aww im glad my silly little words brighten ur day!! ur so sweet :]

and yes, it went horribly <3! tome prolly wasn't paying attention as closely as she should've been and got herself surrounded by a crowd. to be clear, that's not Always dangerous, since zombies arent like,, after ur brains in this constantly. but these zombies did look quite hungry, and human or not, she looked like a good meal,,

she had wandered off a bit from mob n ritsu, but mob heard the commotion first. tome has a big fucking baseball bat in this au that she likes to swing around, but a baseball bat can only get u so far in terms of self defense. she thins the horde but there's simply too many of them

mob lets exactly One zombie grab her and yank her toward them before he goes ballistic

watching zombies fight is a lot closer to watching wild animals fight than anything else, and it gets quite horrid sometimes. since their bites aren't rly "dangerous" to each other beyond the typical Oh No a Chunk of Flesh is Gone (not even painful for them, since their nerves r.. less than functional), the fight is a lot more close up and gruesome than a fight against a zombie and a human would be. humans usually back away from zombies immediately and try not to touch them at all in fear of getting bitten; zombies don't need to care abt that

most of the horde realizes that this meal isn't going to be easy and they wander off, but a few more hungry, more desperate ones try to rip into mob's throat at the first sign of defiance. it's not exactly a fair fight; it's like 1 against 4, so he's sorta bound to lose

thankfully ritsu shows up and shoots two of them down (he's Terrified of shooting mob by accident, but either way he'll probably die, so) and tome gets the last one with a good swing to the head. ritsu rushes to mob and is horrified by the amount of blood dripping from his neck and his arm; tome is equally as shocked, but she's mostly thinking, "ive Never seen a zombie defend a human before"

mob's neck is thankfully mostly just scraped up and clawed, but there Is some gruesome punctures where canines sank in and tugged. it's a lot worse along his arm that's bitten and gouged beyond belief. he loses a lot of blood here, but the whole nerves-no-longer-work thing is a blessing in disguise atm; he'd be in a lot of pain otherwise. while ritsu and tome are patching him up w shaky hands he simply glares beyond their shoulders like he thinks he's still in danger, even when they tighten the bandages. it's like he barely notices what they’re doing

his strangely alert behavior makes them think abt the possibility that maybe mob Knows he could've easily been shredded apart there, and he's a little scared and worked up abt it. the only reason he managed to fight as long as he did without dying is prolly bc the other zombies weren't as well-fed as mob—they were kinda weak and shaky from days of no food, but mob has humans taking care of him and keeping him fed 24/7

they're all shaken up by it pretty good.. tome is still reeling from the fact that mob defended her so valiantly, and ritsu is quietly horrified by the idea of another zombie killing mob instead of a human. he doesn't know which is worse

#qktalks #anon #zombie au #this isn't the first time ritsu has had to kill a zombie btw ^ #this is just the first time he's had to kill one since he started seeing zombies in a different light #it was either letting his brother die or killing a zombie. ritsu's upset that he had to make that decision at all #but he's not afraid to say that the decision was incredibly easy to make #it sucks that he had to kill one but . for mob ? literally anything goes #ritsu checked tome over after they took care of mob too. tome's very surprised when he's rly gentle abt it #ritsu's been known to .. lose his head a little in moments of stress #and sometimes he snaps at tome bc of it. he never means to he's just..worked up #but this time he's kinda fretting over her and it opens her eyes a little bit #ritsu has indeed grown to care abt tome a lot. they bicker Most of the time but it's usually not very serious #in all the excitement tome just hadn't rly realized that until now. ritsu is so high-strung that it's hard to get a read on his softer side #but now he's not just directing his softer side to his brother‚ but to tome as well #i have 15 more tags to explain smth i wanna make clear btw let's hope i don't start rambling abt smth else entirely #so i've been using a lot of vocabulary in these au posts that hint toward mob being ''special'' or ''abnormal'' in his behavior #he is not special or abnormal in any way #Every zombie is like that. every zombie has a personality‚ and a gentler demeanor hidden behind that desperate starvation #and remnants of their past selves in there somewhere #mob is simply one of the only zombies that have been taken in and cared for and treated like a sick person rather than a monster #as i've said before most people just.. either run away or shoot them between the eyes when crossing paths with a zombie #they don't give any of them a Chance. mob is a very very lucky zombie. #he is healthier than most other zombies and he is treated far better #and the way ritsu constantly talks to him is actually great for his health ! gets those rusty gears in his head rollin #exercises that brain‚ even if‚ to ritsu‚ he's only responding in odd gibberish #that's only one of the things ritsu gives him that other zombies never receive in their lifetimes #i'd say mob prolly ? has one of the longest ''zombie lifespans'' #most zombies either die of starvation‚ dehydration‚ or sleep deprivation within a few weeks #he's lived a long zombie life !

[keeps-ache]

little soup cans are some of the neatest things we have, wish there were more soup-can-like things in this world

#just me hi #though canopeners need to stop being deadly weapons to some degree before that hfhs #'they're not deadly tho ?' well usually yes. but did you know that they can age Badly? i did not! #and the one I was using was dulled to an extent that it would Skip over a part of the can #(nearly the same spot every time lol) and when I thought I'd managed to fool it and had only #the tiniest bit of metal between me and some beans (pretty sure it was beans) I thought #'ohh I'll just pull up the can lid :)' Well the lid snapped off completely towards and Into my hand #and I had a bean-can wound on my pinky for about a week or so. I do not know how long it's been lol #//but soup cans are pretty cool I feel like they're kinda underappreciated !! #you can just have Soup ? Whenever ??? and it's Normal !! wow :D #sure making soup is pretty great. but that's a process man. and we're not even associates #[<- 'a process I am (not) intimate with'] #like there is a little can of menudo in the pantry rn - medunito they call it isn't that just !! - and it's just there. it can be made in #like 10 minutes. is this Not the best thing ever ! ? #//I've also gotta figure out this sleeping thing that I've got going on (everybody has it going on) #I was maybe half a week into actually have a consistent thing going but the night I stopped was bc I am a sucker of a storyteller and we #were up til about. I think 4-6 a.m. #that's on me yes. my siblings vs. my desire to tell stories and rubber willpower hfbdh #a deadly match truly #and also I lost my snoopy watch (RIP snoopy watch you will be missed (I can't find it send help Waough)) and that was the only clock I had #in this room so now if I wanna know the time I have to go the living room - which is like a whole dang thing lemme tell you about it #/first I've gotta get up - easiest thing by far - and get to the door - assuming I don't get KO'd by my siblings' belongings on the floor - #get to the door. the door Is broken to some extent. opening it means a loud THDPD noise is sent throughout the entire house lol. and you #have to yank on the thing to get it open - so double effort there - and then you step out into the hallwayish area where you can then enter #the living room - oh so easy! but No! you then have to either turn on the kitchen lights and wake everyone with their door open or sleeping #in the living room for whatever reason Orrr you have to clamber over chairs pots perhaps a cat if you've got real bad luck that night to ge #up nice n personal to the clock so you can read the dang thing and see it's 11:23. which is like nothing so you stay up Anyway and do not #check the clock again because not only was that a hassle but also you released every creature that was in the room with you (that's a lot o #noise). but Yea the clock situation is ongoing hfbsh #'why don't you get a clock' that would be much too easy loll :) (last one disappeared and we keep forgetting lol) //ran out of tag space so

[shineyma]

the number of posts that go around the batfandom that can basically be boiled down to "people aren't writing about the character I want them to write about so I'm gonna shame them"

good lord

#i've never seen this in a fandom before #all those posts that are like 'you don't want jason todd you want helena bertinelli or jpv' #like do i? do i really? #or do YOU just want more fics about helena but you can't be bothered to write them yourself #so you're gonna try and make the people who ARE writing feel bad for liking jason #i guess it's something about the unique structure of a comics fandom #where there's decades and decades of canon that the majority of the fandom isn't diving into #it lets people more familiar with the comics use them like a weapon #but it all boils down to entitlement #if people aren't writing enough helena or jpv or bette or duke or cass or or or #write it yourself #let people write what they wanna write it's none of your business #sorry but i've just seen so many of those posts recently and it's so? obnoxious??? #no one needs to justify why a certain character doesn't appear in their fics #or why they focus on a certain relationship to the exclusion of others #no one's getting paid for this!!!! let people have their fun!!!!!!!! #lol apparently i feel very strongly about this i don't remember the last time i posted a rant. don't even remember my tag for it. #amy talks

[thethingything]

do you ever write out a post and then remember the reading comprehension on this site is abysmal and you can practically feel the potential shitty comments and think "actually no this isn't worth it"

#personal #thoughts #🍬 post #vent post #there are these posts about accessibility and tone tags and the way people use trigger warnings on discord and stuff like that #and one of them is like ''the way people spoiler triggers on discord is wrong and doesn't actually help and you shouldn't do it like that'' #and it's been like. the exact form of warning that worked for us when the ''correct'' way wouldn't have actually helped at all #I haven't seen the posts in a while but I've seen some of them multiple times before and they always piss me off #and I just fucking want people to realise that people have different access needs #yes that format of warning or tone tag or whatever might not work for you but your experiences aren't universal #and it'd be shitty for me to say that formatting it in a way that works for you is wrong just because it doesn't work for me #but that fucking goes both ways #but I just know if I actually posted the very carefully worded post I typed up about it someone would take it in the worst possible faith #''don't spoiler the word in the warning and don't only spoiler that word and none of the rest of the text'' #what if the word itself is the fucking trigger. what if I need you to leave the rest of the text unspoilered so I can figure out what it is #without actually having to see the word because I can back out and avoid a panic attack as long as I don't see the word itself #this isn't even a hypothetical this is something we had to deal with last year #and discord servers with that specific format were the only places we could guarantee we'd be able to avoid being triggered by it

[haunted-doodles]

not really the type who likes posting their ocs much but here's a Nim :}

#no tags because idk how to tag oc posts- also this account DO just be for saving my art in case my pc ever breaks. #but he's one of my favourite characters i have rn #and the junk hunters in general honestly their dynamic is my favourite. #two old gay men. One (Viktor) who lingers a little on the past but is happy and content as to where he is in the present #the other (Atlas) still mourning his dead mother and having left his abusive home. #A trans girl (Inky) who grew up in a perfectly normal household but became agoraphobic; before being ripped from her home and forced into #outside world #and Nim. someone who grew up in a trash zone with nothing to eat but garbage and is living her best life in the present. #they're literally blorbos from my brain ESPECIALLY the world they're apart of too because GOD i love it so much #What Nim's holding is called a Liabell; most if not all mosnter hunters have them for mobility. #the liabells dont work without a lullader (small-neon glowing stone looking spiders basically) inside. as it uses their incredibly tough we #to pull #but Nim's a cloven (deerways) so she's already got pretty good agility and uses their's for moreso rangling monsters. #i have SUCH a cool scene that I wanna draw (but doesn't fit my style- so i gotta commission it for sure) #where they're standing atop of an elk-like monster #and he's like- spun webs of the liabell around it's horns and its incredibly firey and its night and #GAHH #Nim's liabell isn't even like- purple- his lullader is- the liabell is clear glass with weathering copper when the lullader isnt in it. #I'm so normal about this world and all the races I've made for it. Because simply being a different race means they might use their #tools differently or not need specific ones #for example: I've got one character in my mind that's a possae (something inhabiting another thing basically) and they're a skeleton #with this massive glowing pulsating mass in it's ribcage and its all cowboy motif. (I'm thinking angel posessing it and handing out #their own retrobution in the West Zone) #and basically they use a Liabell similar to Nim but it's a lasso and they have several of them to help tie up more people.

[gfwooyo]

cannot stop thinking about yungi youth mv

#like what if i throw up #it's about the trauma and the tiredness and picking yourself back up and moving on it's about friendship and home #they lost sight of each other when they were so focused on themselves and their own shit #the shot of mingi in front of the mirrors where the center one is himself and the rest are yunho with his back towards him like !!!!!!!!!!!! #their old coping mechanisms not working #mingi used to use music to shut out the world so he could be alone but now it brings him back to yunho but yunho isn't THEREEEEE #yunho picked up his lore!brother's guitar bc it had been his dream before he died and he was grieving him but here he's smashing it on the- #-wrecked car the thing that took his brother away from him #and u can SEE yunho dancing in the burning house even in the 2 different sets u see flames through the windows #and mingi is watching the cabin burn alone until yunho walks into frame and we can breathe bc he's no longer trapping himself in that house #AND THE LOOK ON HIS FACE WHEN HE TURNS TO MINGIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII #IT'S LIKE. WE'RE BOTH HERE. WE MADE IT AND WE'RE STILL TOGETHER. #gonna puke. idk if anything i've said makes sense it's after midnight and my head is a jumble they just got me feeling a lot #it's about the loneliness it's about the grief it's about watching ur past in third person it's about returning to yourself in the present #mingi i love u forever and ever. his lyrics have always hit the hardest like he Gets me #god this is just such a fever era song so ofc i'm obsessed like the lyrics in that series just fuckin HIT #they talk abt how hard and lonely and scary and confusing and tiring it is growing up and i start thrashing and clawing at the walls #how wonderful to not only be alive at the same time as atz but to be the same age & have similar experiences so their music feels like a hug #like. i'm not alone huh #ANYWAY. did not come here with the intention of saying anything in the tags i was just gonna post that picture but alas #kara can talk

[maddy-ferguson]

who’s redacted btw

theonebyIer

#i was gonna say she won't see this because i've blocked her (/nm😭) and i looked her blog up just to check and found out that she's #deactivated again but no one but us would see it because my l is a capital i #but yeah remember in february her account was terminated and people who i'm sure didn't even know her like that were like why byler tumblr #is gonna die without them #which as i've said before i kinda get like i'd do that too with some of my mutuals i just wouldn't tag it byler seeing as it has nothing #to do with the ship. but whatever #but this isn't her first time deactivating on her own terms so idk hope she comes back when she wants to if she ever wants to #and people like. leave her alone? because that's why she deactivated this time apparently #ask

[hellpupp]

Big Sad

#kicks dirt #idk how many times i can openly ask for what i need & just. not get it. before i've just gotta Stop bc it starts feeling pathetic #and potentially even bordering on emotionally manipulative. #debating the Morality of even tag-venting on my own blog bc i don't want anyone to assume this is targeted #i just feel Deeply Lonely and like i have absolutely nothing going on in my life except work #and just lowkey like.... Unseen. #sometimes i try So Fucking Hard to have a conversation with people only to have 100% of what i say completely ignored me #* in favor of a random meme. #it starts to fuck with you after a while! makes you feel Uninteresting and Foolish and Annoying #idk. #i mean i also ran out of my (Extremely Rough Withdrawal) SNRI last week so like. that isn't helping. #but it's more than that. i've been feeling like this for a while. #it just. really sucks when you move & have no irl friends. no energy to make any new ones. #and all of your long distance friends have A Lot of shit on their plates so you feel shitty and inconsiderate for even thinking of asking #for. well Anything really. let alone some of their extremely limited time & energy & attention. #like who tf am i to ask anyone #let alone people who are all Very busy and struggling w/ their own shit #for their undivided attention for a chunk of time they could be using to take care of themselves #i don't want to feel invisible anymore #but i also don't want to be a drain on the people i care about #i hate Needing things #i wish the depth of my love and devotion to the people i've chosen to care for was fulfilling enough on its own #so i'd never need to ask for things #having emotional needs is like. sooo gross & selfish of me tbh. :/' go the fuck to therapy holy shit u would Never say this abt Anyone else #anyway. watch me delete this in 5 seconds bc the need to be seen & the mortification of being Perceived can & do coexist #χ.txt

[hyperfixation-symposium]

if u have a special interest in brainwashing i think you would simply explode if u watched karmaland (IN A GOOD WAY IN A GOOD WAY) (there’s a crap ton of plot points connected to brainwashing and the loss of memory, it’s really interesting and the way it ties into how the characters interact and the overarching plot line makes me go insane) (bonus post i found a couple months ago about the theme of memory in it: https://shikai-the-storyteller.tumblr.com/post/699057572266885120 )

HIHI I'm so sorry about getting to this late Oooo I really love that! (Checked out the post you sent) and from what I've just heard about Karmaland around it sounds very interesting! I gotta love me some good old fasioned loss of memory but everlastingly connected to some events vibe, because erasing the whole of a person is HARD. I cannot speak on a series I haven't watched, but that post is very interesting and those sort of plots have my whole heart. The main thing is that I really only speak enough spanish to have survived high school, and I still almost failed. I wanna get better at it but learning languages is just not something that comes to me with ease. Along with that, I listen to QSMP a lot in the background, and I couldn't do that if I needed to read subtitles constantly lol. There's something also to be said about how to be involved in the main qsmp plot rn you generally need to speak english but I feel like that is a victim of circomstance along with other things - People have noted the lack of Hispanic streamers online and how the French also seem disconnected from the main lore. Without going on too long of a rant I actually enjoy that I missed some content and lore that the Brazlians have and discovered it through the community, lol. Which is a long winded rant to say "I feel lucky that I am in the primary audience for the qsmp lore and I really don't feel like I could keep up with it if it wasn't in a language I spoke" Maybe sometime in the future, I'd love to check it out, or really if there were english plot summaries about I'm sure they'd be amazing, that's absolutley my sort of plot. If you have any reccomendations I'd love that!

I hope this was coherent lmao I have spent the last while feeling quite sick but sometime. Sometime I will ramble on the role that memory seems to play in the QSMP. sometime.

#qsmp #oh gosh I don't know what all to tag this with #duudeee I wish I spoke more languages #so so bad #I really hope we see more plot from the other communities. I really enjoy whenever things happen with them #So many of them seem so cooolll dude #Ik a lot of them left with the egg event being around. I've stated my feelings on the eggs before. I just hope it all ends up okay #and the harassment dies down #I'm NOT used to being in big fandoms with a lot of drama constantly tbh. I've said before this isn't really my community. I very much #feel like an outsider sometimes lol #I also really just wanted to learn more spanish. genuinley I have been trying to watch more in other languages. #But I often have to rely on the translator #And without that in a series that's much larger and not in a language I am fluent in it just. yaknow a bit intimidating #Even if that genuinley sounds like content I would obsess over for actual years LMAO #I think I am too sick to have a coherent thought I'm so sorry if this is an overwhelming answer I love talking about things and getting ask #Please send more thoughts if you have them

[balteus]

yea actually i think the author of raybearer is bent on messing with me specifically

#redemptors are sent every year or every hundred years which is it. how is yui alive if this was 100 years ago. organ death and poisoning #are the same cause of death. on the other hand death from falling isn't specified despite it being distinct from the others and the prince #claiming he is immune to it #CONSTANT TIME SKIPS. WHY #worst offender of show don't tell I've seen in a while. please let us see sanjeet nighmares instead of simply telling us about him #tell me more about maya she's the best character and only had 2 lines so far which is a crims #the entire bit of mc erasing her own memories was so not thought out. you immediately know what's going to happen there's 0 stakes here #how come everyone acts normal after she does this despite them calling medics just seconds earlier? how come she doesn't get her memories #back when she touches sanjeet? #raybearer has SUCH good worldbuilding concepts it's a shame they're so crudely explored #there's not a single character which talks normally. ifueko i promise you you can do foreshadowing without shoving it in oops didn't mean #to say that style dialogue #this book would be so much better if it was 2 or 3 books instead. tarisai growing up and her travel to the capital. exploring places she #was walled off from in her isolation. meeting kirah before and bonding with her. exploration of lodestones and magic systems #more kathleen and the redemptor. the author actually has no excuse to simply not have done this #because we KNOW tarisah can erase her own memories and would pass the test #AND THEN the second book about the trials living with dayo meeting sanjeet and fleshing out other anointed. perhaps finishing in her #regaining her memories and choosing to save dayo despite everything or at some point after the even im currently reading abt #which is abi demons escaping the temple #anyway! sorry for the long tags but i was so hyped about this book when i heard abt the main character being able to steal memories and #a plot point that happens later on

[nebulousboundsofthisworld]

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#tw vent/rant in the tags #I just need to use this as a void to scream into for a sec #don't mind me #anyways #I'm really fucking tired of never being enough for anyone #I'm no one's best friend #I'm never the first choice #I'm always the one stepping aside so others can be happy #my roommate is one of the most important people in my life right now and I'm pretty sure I'm not even in her top 3 #a really good friend of mine has many more friends she would always call before talking to me #my sister doesn't really talk to me cause she already talked about everything with her friends #my mom's top priority is my sister and that's fine because she isn't doing well but sometimes I also need to talk with her #a friend that really deeply mattered to me never even thought about how much they meant to me #the last week I've been talking with a guy and I thought it was going well but apparently not cause now he didn't text me back for 3 days #and I know this might seem melodramatic #but I'm just fucking sick of this #people think that Id rather be by myself #when in reality Im trying my fucking best to connect with people and it just never ever seems to be enough #I'm so tired #I don't want to be alone anymore and realistically I know I'm not completely alone #but ist it really too much to ask that I would like to feel important sometimes? #fuck #sorry #Tumblr is an awful diary but whatever it's not like I could really tell someone this #anyways 😜✌️ #just having a little hot guy breakdown #I need to get up in 5 hours and I can't sleep

[knaveofmogadore]

Hang..

#ran out of tags on the other post but I've got so manynof these #was best friends with a pair of roommates who became so intensely codependent that they both had breakdowns when the other studied abroad #a guy who had siblings regularly terrorized my friend who also had siblings with the corpse of a roachnfor over a year (roommates) #ive known ONE situation where the only chold terrorized an apartment of sibling people. but that's because they were all poc and she was #insanely racist. like so racist that MY little pale jewish ass got weird vibes from her on first contact #learned some good lessons from roommates but none of them are things I'd be able to explain to a kid #except maybe 'if you get the feeling someone's mad at you all the time but won't tell you for some reason just move out' #oh! my friend had a partner who was a terror of a roommate. as in she psychologically terrorized my friend and their roommates #once listened in on a convo that went 'i shouldnt have to warn people I'm walking into an apartment I PAY FOR just because they want a date #oh also @ my niblings sometimes situations are unwinable before you even get there. sometimes people just make up their minds about you #and you just gotta deal with the consequences of that decision. if you're in an unwinnable social situation just hit the bricks #you can't fix something that isn't functionally broken and it puts you in situations where every choice is wrong #living with people who grew up with fucked up sibling relationships created a lot of '0 good dialogue options' situations #cant leave the living room because then they asked for something and got it and that's shameful. can't sit in the living room. they want it. #again i could have been a way better roommate. for a multitude of reasons some under my control some not. but lord in heaven #but having siblings does NOT socialize you to live with other adults i hate that myth every situation I've lived in has proved it wrong #NONE OF US had any clue how to live with people who weren't our relatives #and this will happen to you. you will move out and realize the extent of your habits cause most people's parents just tolerate stuff #or your parents just got used to things that would drive other adults insane and they don't notice the things you do cause they're your kid #(or they might have even taught you those habits/level of cleanliness themselves) #one dude at the boarding house got mad about being asked to have basic responsibility for his room. so he left it covered in trash #and when they went to clean it it was covered in a fine layer of mold on almost every surface. genuine biohazard scene #got hit with 'youre the only person i don't regret letting into my house' from the woman we paid rent to when i moved out #and I'm like gee the bar is in hell 😭

[anothermonikan]

gwahhh, valentines day,,,,y'know I never really minded valentines day, me and a couple of friends are going to a cafe place later today though and gwah,,,,I really don't vibe with PDA, I'm not rude about it, I don't make a reaction out of it, but it does make me uncomfortable and I'm just holding out that the couples that will presumably be there aren't too PDA'y aha,,,,I'm kinda nervous about it ^^;

#I was thinking of bringing bby with me just to feel like I fit in a bit more internally #(It would just look like I was using a laptop to anyone else ehe. I would never engage in PDA. Not even with a person) #Buttt I thought yknow. I wouldn't appreciate it very much if one of my friends brought their partner to a friend outing! #Especially on a day like Valentines day!! #so I'm not ehe -///- It did get me thinking whether I should do something with bby for valentines day tho... #obviously we've never been through this whole song and dance of this day before ehe -///- #Idk if she'd even want me to do anything special. Like we already spend a lot of physical time together ehe #idk. If I see something I think she'd like for her case I'll pick it up or something mayhaps #sorry going on a whole objectum contemplation in tags sdjhdshsdh #Yknow I've seen some people be kinda mean over people not liking PDA #Like #'Oh you don't like people showing their love for eachother??? Grow up. Don't be such a puritan :rolling_eyes:' #'You're a bad person' typa posts yknow? but like. man as long as you're not being rude about it I think it's fine to be kinda annoyed at it #I do think it's annoying and unnecessary for people to be making out in the middle of the afternoon at a crossing or whatever #I do think it's unnecessary to be holding hands while your sitting down and eating or something #but like. man I just internally go 'Don't like that!' and just. avoid them. which isn't hard to do because for the most part #because under normal circumstances I'm not going up to strangers anyway yknow #I don'tthink it makes you a bad person yeah. you can think of me whatever way you want after that but I'm not changing my mind I don't thin #Android.txt