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linxuelian · 3 years

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I found a Chinese BL Warring States Game of Thrones, three years older than The Untamed

And I just had to write a review about it! It’s 60 episodes long so I haven’t finished it yet at the time I’m writing this - but I decided to just go ahead and recommend it anyway.

Why, you ask?

For one, it’s Romance of the Three Kingdoms with all the Hollywood action and adult HBO things. It’s got explosions:

Horses falling down:

People getting flogged:

Sweaty soldiers getting mauled to death:

Children used as hostages:

Dead bodies presented in court:

Stylish dye jobs:

Loving father figures:

A Jon Snow lookalike:

And very gay innuendo:

That’s right, unlike The Untamed, which was first written as a straight series featuring Wen Qing as the main female lead and then rewritten again after fans of the novel decided to boycott it, this series was written to be gay from the very beginning. It got taken down by the Chinese Censorship Board after twelve episodes and river-crabbed to death, but a good number of scenes survived censorship. Those that did not made it to BiliBili in the form of “hidden” videos and disguised as “music videos”.

That’s not all. For a warring period Wuxia series, it’s got very beautiful actors, backdrops and clothing. It’s dressed like a fairy tale, with different kingdoms sporting different colours and styles in fashion and tastes.

In terms of art direction, it’s pretty low-budget for a series but the team makes good use of existing props, locations and brighter-coloured fabric to make up for the quality. The costume design is more fantasy-based than period, and the vivid takes and angles in the first season add to its charm.

There’s also its complex story line, which brings us to...

Men with Swords is not a title for the faint-hearted. There is an acute absence of black-and-white morality depicted in it.

If you think a BL series with such beautiful backdrops and fairytale-like clothes is for the simple-minded, one-track-good-vs-evil sort, think again. The series is a tale about Murong Li, a vengeful prince disguised as a musician and his rise to power, leaving behind a trail of death and destruction in its wake.

Where The Untamed fails at delivering gray morality unlike the novel it’s adapted from, choosing to alter its script to fit a more general audience (a commercially-wise decision which got it into Netflix), Men with Swords succeeds in faithfully telling a tale where there is no good or evil, only humanity, jealousy, grudges, rebellion, loyalty, life, death, greed and love.

Everyone has both good and bad sides, just different camps and motives. Men with Swords tells the story from not just one person’s perspective, but from the perspective of many different people, all of whom become entangled in a battle for their figurative Iron Throne - to become the king of the world.

There are no “what ifs” in this story, only decisions, reactions and repercussions

A prevailing theme in this series is that there are no “what ifs” and no turning back in life, only things that have happened and will happen. Murong Li starts his journey as a prince who has lost everything and a victim of war, wandering around for three years while being put down and getting sexually harassed, eventually losing it, taking his chances and hardening his heart as he walks down his conniving, badass path of destruction towards the top.

Men with Swords is not a series for the faint-hearted. It’s a game of chess where the main character, Murong Li, is cunning and decisive, cold and ruthless and many recurring characters die horrible, sudden deaths, friend and foe alike, a la Attack on Titan.

The series is filled with political strife and warfare, peppered with some sweet, comedic and romantic undertones. There is a stark contrast between fluffy and dark in its narrative, which is pretty refreshing overall.

With that all aside, I know what you’re probably scrolling down for:

The main characters and their boyfriends

This is it. This is what you’re here for. Most “BL” series are actually bromances, but the real upside for a BL fan is that this show is not a bromance - it’s a BL title, and even with censorship, the love stories prevail.

I’m going to put this under a cut because it’s LONG AF, but what that means is that there is a LOT of BL content available, and not the type that you have to hunt for. They’re very open about it.

While the show itself has a lot of ships, there’s a larger focus on three main ones, namely the beautiful Murong Li and two powerful kings, the fairy-like Ling Guang and his servants, and King Jian Bin with his general.

Murong Li: Da Ji 2.0 and his rich and powerful kings

If you’re a Jin Guangyao fan, you’ll probably enjoy Murong Li and his elegant, charming viles and ruthless scheming. He’s a surprisingly good fighter too, and unlike most elegant and waif-like beauties in dramas and novels alike, he’s a beauty with brains who uses his physical weakness as his strength, bending and seducing his way up to power.

Murong Li only really goes after rich and powerful people, worming his way into the kingdom and taking them down from the inside. Two main love interests are King Zhi Ming, the childish but rich king of Tianquan:

And Yu Xiao, a powerful barbarian king with a soft heart:

Murong Li, while wandering around as a musician, picks up many tricks along the way to hone himself. He’s adept at dressing up, making himself look helpless and alluring to bewitch powerful men, for one:

See that small smile right there? Yes, our boy knows what he’s doing.

Aside from that, Murong Li’s also pretty good at manipulating people by using their jealousies and insecurities, getting them to fight with each other over him.

Murong Li, although modeled after the cruel and beautiful Murong Chong, the Emperor of Wei, is likened to Da Ji, the favorite consort of the King Zhou of Shang. Da Ji was said to be a malevolent fox spirit who started the art of foot-binding to hide her fox feet. Everyone else looking in can see it, but the King was blinded, just like Murong Li’s powerful love interests. In fact, the series draws a direct parallel to it:

The Guo Shi here uses the term “yao”, which alludes to a malevolent spirit.

It’s not that Murong Li doesn’t have a weakness, though. Just like every Jin Guangyao has a Lan Xichen around to cause him to slip now and then, Murong Li surprisingly is weak towards the most naive and childish character in the series, the truant King Zhi Ming, whose only qualities are having purple bangs and being rich and playful.

No matter how calculative and ruthless Murong Li is in the series, he does end up almost slipping up and giving everything away when it comes to this bumbling fellow:

He’s saved only at the nick of time by one of his followers. Murong Li tells a lot of lies, but the one thing he can’t lie about are his feelings towards King Zhi Ming, who is ultimately the one thing he can’t give up next to his kingdom.

There’s a lot more one can write about a complex character such as Murong Li, but the second ship is just as good. It features:

Ling Guang: The Ex-Arrogant Depressed Hamster hung up over a dead ex

Ling Guang, the mortal enemy and foil to Murong Li, is a baby-faced, very-much-older-than-he-looks character whose sole purpose in this series is to wear frilly magenta clothing, destroy the kingdom of Yaoguang, set Murong Li down a path of vengeful destruction and piss off eligible, probably younger bachelors by comparing them to his very handsome, very loyal and very dead boyfriend, his personal guard, Qiu Zhen, who died sometime over thirteen years ago.

The bachelors’ pissed off takes to this are particularly priceless:

Here’s another one from season 2:

That HMPH face is to die for.

Ling Guang’s delusions are met head-on by these eligible bachelors, his ministers and his allies alike:

Only to be met by a, “haha, NO.”

Frustrating, right? It only gets worse as the series progresses. Due to Wuxia’s fantastical existence of sword souls, he begins to actively test his subjects out to see if they’re his dead boyfriend, whose sword soul is still alive:

Gu Shi’an: WTF.

So why do these eligible, handsome bachelors, particularly this guy from season two, jump at his lap every chance they get?

First off, he’s very, very pretty. He’s arguably the prettiest and fanciest king in the series, with a cute rounded face, favoring fluffy organza, frills and feathers in his garb, and sporting fabulous curls like that of a swan princess on a good day.

Secondly, and more importantly, it’s likely because he’s the type loyal dogs adore.

He’s stupidly and openly attached to his bodyguards and servants, unable to hide his feelings or control them. Ling Guang’s relationships are technically the opposite of Murong Li’s. While Murong Li hides his feelings and goes after men of power and tends to use them before leaving them, Ling Guang’s willing to sacrifice everything, including his kingdom, his health and his own life for men who are merely servants.

He's a king who doesn’t know proper protocol. He’s the type who’ll demand to eat with you at the same table:

Creeps outside the palace to see you off:

Hugs your sword around like a pillow while he waddles around listlessly and sleeps with it by his side after you’re long dead (grand total: 13 years):

Coddles you when you’re sick:

Takes arrows for you:

Isn’t afraid to cry and tell you how it is:

Faints violently and won’t rest until he can get your stolen body back:

The results?

If he’s not what loyal bodyguards like, I don’t know what he is. If Murong Li’s love interests have to pit themselves against each other to show how useful they are for his sake, Ling Guang’s love interests need to wrestle with a dead man he can’t let go of... which is hopeless, because you can’t kill a guy who’s already dead.

As a foil to Murong Li, what’s also interesting to note is that it’s alluded to and foreshadowed that he’s exactly the sort the loyal Yu Xiao, the current barbarian king, would have loved to have as a lover - honest, loyal and doting - unlike Murong Li himself. Gongsun Qian, a deputy minister with great foresight, had wanted Ling Guang to go to see the new barbarian kingdom, but he had refused to go outside the palace, shutting himself inside like an otaku. This decision ultimately gave Murong Li a step forward with his plans, at the great cost of four kingdoms, including his own.

Jian Bin: My boyfriend can (REALLY) fight

Next up is Jian Bin and his general. Jian Bin’s the king of Tian Ji, a new kingdom founded by astrologers. The catch here is that Jian Bin and his boyfriend, Qi Zhi Kan, are both men of science, and this tank of a boyfriend is a genius on the battlefield who doesn’t give a single shit about star signs, astrology and superstitions.

A story between a serious, loving king and his handsome general who was once a simple sword-maker in the woods, King Jian Bin meets his handsome ex-lumberjack boyfriend when he’s attacked, falls down from his horse and is rescued by the man himself.

Jian Bin then brings the guy back to his palace and dresses him in armor:

This puts the king’s general on the war path of several ministers and the superstitious people in their kingdom. As lovers, the two go through various trials together in an attempt to run their kingdom their way.

Qi Zhi Kan may seem like a herbivore in front of the king, but he’s really not one at all. He’s terrifying to a degree when it comes to warfare, and very, very difficult to take down. Unlike the other ministers, Qi Zhi Kan knows that he can expand the kingdom quickly and solve problems by waging war.

Even his allies are scared of him:

Ultimately, it’s a ship meant for those who like watching the king teasing his loyal subject and caressing armor whenever he’s around AND not around. Jian Bin even admits to it on-scene:

This loving and devoted couple were originally blessed as the ones with the most piggyback scenes, tender bandaging-your-chest and armor fondling, but they got censored unfortunately.

Scenes like these made the cut, though:

And that’s it! There are actually other minor ships, but these are the main ones for now.

If you’re sold and interested in the show, the series is available online on Rakuten Viki. https://www.viki.com/tv/35524c?locale=zh

#bl series #chinese bl #series recommendations #c-drama #men with sword #chinese period drama

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ferusaurelius · 4 years

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Nihlus Fic Headcanons

My latest fic, The husbandry of victory is blood (on AO3), is basically a Nihlus Kryik and Mass Effect mercenary/batarian culture headcanon backstory where @expertmakodriver reacted by asking me to ... please translate w/e I was on about.

So here it is! The English translation of my Nihlus Kryik worldbuilding art project.

In reality, this type of character sketch is something I would normally keep private. But since we need more Nihlus content, both it and the headcanon basis are all public and free to use and/or transform as you see fit without attribution.

Please, I’m begging anyone who might want to use any of these ideas in whole or in part: write it and save me from having to do it myself. You do not need to credit me, but I would appreciate a link to your work so I can promote it! :)

Tfw you actually need to annotate your own fic...

Long post - everything is under the cut!

Organized by the order each element is referenced in the fic, with the divided sections labeled as [NUMBER] on the left.

Edited 5/28/2021 because I forgot some things.

[Title] “The husbandry of victory is blood” - Taken from “Sparta Says No” by A.E. Stallings. I actually thought about using this as an alternative title for another fic, but I figured this background sketch for Nihlus more aligned with the themes. I strongly suggest you go and read the poem without taking my word for the following interpretation: the contrast between growth and destruction, and civilization built through conquest or through agriculture. I enjoy the high-level commentary on society. The metaphorical encounter between farming and war is something I wanted to bring to my work, and I wanted the title to color the tone of the epigraph from Virgil’s Georgics. On a more personal level -- my grandfather joined the military in part to seek out opportunities he wouldn’t have had if he’d stayed on a farm, and I decided to draw on that experience for Nihlus.

[Epigraph] - Virgil, Georgics Book I (tr. H. R. Fairclough) - I picked a public domain translation of the poem and went hunting around for a line that had juxtaposed farming and war imagery. It’s a fairly common classical motif! Wars often stopped and started based on the seasonal harvest and the necessity of feeding the community and supplying the troops. You can’t fight a war and gather in wheat at the same time. Digging up the weapons pf the dead in farm fields is a powerful image. My take on Nihlus draws on the tension between fighting and negotiation that I also connect to the symbolic opposition between agriculture and warfare. The Georgics are also just really neat.

[1] Half-face markings - I could write a whole headcanon post on turian colony markings and how mercenary modifications fit in with them (and I will at some point). You’ll see in this fic that I regularly use terms for how much ‘real estate’ the colony markings cover. My HC is that there are variations of colony markings that can be worn as minimalist (smallest critical details), half-face (upper or lower, may include simple full-face designs without a lot of paint), full-face (both, usually more elaborate), and full-crest (what it sounds like on the tin). These are all just different styles and up to personal preference, though there are a few cultural connotations or stereotypes about people who choose which version. Plus I felt really bad for people who might have super-complicated full versions of markings and wanted to give them something more aesthetically lightweight that would have the same meaning.

[1] Batarian trader patois - An evolving lingua franca with many dialects. Nihlus is uncannily fluent at the one spoken in the Terminus, which is mutually intelligible with the dialect spoken in the Attican Traverse. This is a language without a formal codex that sounds a little strange even to batarians born into the Hegemony. Since batarians have been around and in contact with the Citadel and council races for ~1000 years longer than turians (true if the timeline on the wiki is correct, but I haven’t done the backdating myself), I HC that batarians have a more refined and developed spacer and trading culture. Traders and smugglers are infamous for liking to be beyond Hegemony control and when their government withdrew from Council space, they just kept up with business as usual. Many of them have a shared religion based on debate and argument over the meaning of the Pillars of Strength and the way to live an honorable life.

[1] Terminus languages - They exist, both with and without formal linguistic codexes available to ordinary citizens of Council space.

[1] Hierarchy basic - The common turian colonial language spoken in Hierarchy space. Nihlus was born outside turian space, so he had to learn it from his parents and from educational videos. While he has only a vague accent, certain words and phrases he uses come off as very strange to turians who were raised in Hierarchy space.

[1] Draughts - A popular ancient board game dating back to before the Romans. Pieces move by sliding on the board or jumping over each other to capture. I originally wanted to use river stones as a metaphor, but Nihlus at that age had never seen naturally flowing water. I figure everyone has a version of a capturing/marker/stones sort of game.

[1] Amma and appa - Batarian words for grandmother and grandfather. Nihlus is a bit of a ‘surprise’ baby for his parents. This nice older smuggler couple are longtime associates of the mercenary group and, while they have never done fighting themselves and have no children of their own, they are friends of his mother and father and are absolutely delighted to “adopt” him. He is their smol spikey grandson, they teach him to speak and act like a proper young batarian, and anyone who argues with them about how exactly he is related will end up on the wrong side of an airlock.

[1] Vatar - A canon planet in the Mass Effect universe with a cold and inhospitable environment, located a short relay hop away from Omega (“downtown”) in the Terminus Systems. Mercenary groups have outposts dug into the surface. I rolled with it.

[1] Falx - The turian name of the mercenary group Nihlus is born into. A falx is both a Roman entrenching tool and also the most overhyped Dacian curved blade weapon you’ll see in ancient art and literature. In essence? The word has been used to refer to both weapons and farming tools for a very long time. The group is a batarian-lead mercenary company with a very long history of turian cooperation, which enjoys stable political ties to other such batarian splinter groups. Traders and smugglers often form the links between them. The batarian word for members of this same group translates as “harvesters” or “reapers.” HAHA. And you thought this was a no-Reapers AU…

[1] Truce customs - A batarian mercenary outpost thing. If you’re friendly and in mechanical distress, or if you have something to trade, it’s not unusual to head to a known group of mercenaries and ask for truce on tightbeam broadcast to get someone to meet you or actively flag your ship with their ident codes (aka: make you temporarily register in local space as belonging to their ‘fleet’). This is usually for medical essentials, emergency mechanical trouble, and also serves as an informal way for Terminus merchants and traders to make a living without having to worry about being boarded every time they deliver the groceries. It’s considered a grave breach of etiquette to violate truce terms and those who do are hunted down as examples to the rest. Truce terms make “ordinary life” possible for outposts that are otherwise on the edge of traveled space.

[1] Trade-cloth - A canon quarian cultural object. Mentioned in the the fandom wiki and probably part of a quarian codex somewhere. Intricately patterned cloth is common on the Migrant Fleet, but the personal cloths are seldom given to outsiders. Nihlus’s gift is one used in trade, but displays a pattern with more ‘friendly’ cultural connotations than something that would be sold and mass-produced in a shop. It was made special for him by his childhood quarian friends. It’s something that it would be appropriate for him to wear like a scarf on formal occasions when he’s dealing with quarians, or when he’s invited to quarian parties or festivals.

[1] Colony crescents / Falx sickles - Yeah there’s some repetition here, but it’s mostly to contrast the two. I HC that Nihlus’s base colony markings are already curved. “Sickles” are embellishments which add a cutting or combative edgeline in some places and very overt stylized weaponry to standard colony markings. They are additions or alterations that are unique to mercenary groups and may read as “flamboyant” or “aggressive” because they are noticeably different in appearance to Hierarchy turians. This is more or less on purpose, and is a bit on the taboo side. One does not wear these additions or draw their markings in these styles without genuinely belonging to one of these groups -- the patterns are not easy to reproduce correctly or in the right places, and they are generally a source of stigma in Hierarchy basic training.

[1] Sand-bath - How you clean a turian when water is scarce and everyone has to share it.

[2] Draw and fire from retention - The shooting-sports specific term for “shooting from the hip.” Kinda. This breakdown of a scene from Collateral, one of my all-time favorite Michael Mann films, will give you an idea. All of the referenced gun techniques are also more or less real, and lining up your body posture so that it helps with aiming and putting the rounds where you want them to go is a real thing. Nihlus has a great deal of practice in shooting as self-defense and was training alongside professionals from a young age. Going to the range is one of his hobbies (but not mine, I’m lame and that’s loud).

[2] Triginta Petra - A canon Mass Effect world that is a dustball home to hardscrabble turian farmers. Kavala Kryik’s family were some of the first colonists and they’ve been scratching a living from the surface since she was nine years old. They are very proud of this fact, since it gave them opportunities they wouldn’t have had on their native Oma Ker (also a canon turian world).

[2] Laskaris - Nihlus’s mother’s original family name. Kavala Laskaris. While I don’t have any particular headcanon about whether or not turians do the whole ‘changing surname’ thing when they marry or pair off or whatever, Kavala really liked both the alliteration and the overall aesthetic. Joked with Inaros Kryik, her husband and Nihlus’s father, that she only married him for his pretty colony markings.

[2] Lupulin - Literally, hop acids and the essential oils that you get from ‘hoppy’ beer. A direct reference to hops (Humulus lupulus) and brewing, because why not? Actually is a mild sedative and produces a bit of a chemical high.

[2] Stiletto - A pistol from Haliat armory (turian weapons manufacturer).

[2] Blooded sickles - Worn only by mercenaries who are full / fighting members of Falx or their direct allies. Batarians have their own culturally-coded marks, some of which have been adopted and/or adapted by their turian members as embellishments to colony markings. I HC that newer “commercial” groups like the Blue Suns and Nyreen’s Talons, without a shared cultural background, are imitating this style of marking rather than the other way around. Merc-born turians with old-style batarian trade connections tend to recognize each other through these symbols, which are used most often outside of Council space (i.e. the Terminus Systems and the Attican Traverse).

[2] Pillars of Strength - Canon batarian religious artifact. I treat them as a text or a particular philosophy that values free will and independent action as the signifiers of ‘strength.’ While I don’t have a fleshed out or specific HC for what the ‘tenets’ are, I do know that slave implants are treated as anathema.

[3] Struthious - A reference to Earth ostriches. Some kind of chicken-like prey animal that turians like to cook and eat. Mostly because the thought of Nihlus running around like a chicken to entertain his sisters made me laugh.

[4] Cutter - Bigger than a personal clipper and better armed, with living space for a crew. They come in various sizes and are smaller than frigates.

[4] Cup of mourning - A turian funerary ritual. On Taetrus, performed with a distinctive form of dark ale. Different colony groups have different cultural traditions.

[4] Thalia, Tomyris, and Traian - Nihlus’s three turian siblings. Thalia and Tomyris are his younger twin sisters. Traian is the youngest and his baby brother. While they’re only hinted at in this fic, I do plan to make some references to them in the Air Needing Light arc at some point. There’s also a chance they’ll get their own short!fic appearances.

[4] Hierarchy military grants - A HC pool of money that the Council races put up to fund large-scale basic training for anyone (turian or another client race) completing compulsory citizen service.

[5] Talons and suns - Generic references to other symbols that are common incorporations for mercenary groups. I HC that these were adopted and color-coded by the Blue Suns and the Talons rather than conceptually created by them!

[5] Fuck the cause, we’ll die for a drink! - Profane versions of the turian Hierarchy anthem are popular drinking songs among the merc-born. If it’s a patriotic and well-known song, you can pretty much guarantee turian mercenaries have parodied it. Awkward for colony-born squadmates who find these renditions hilarious and catchy—but also a little horrifying.

[6] Optio Sideris, 85th Atrax Legion, Fifth Cohort Operations Section - A one-off turian Blackwatch OC I may bring back in another fic at some point because I ended up liking her. The Hierarchy military organization borrows from the HCs I use for the Air Needing Light AU: 85th Atrax Legion is a joint special forces organizing legion made up of six cohorts. The 5th Cohort is informally known as Blackwatch, while the “Operations Section” is a generic term used by intelligence operators. Optio is a mid-tier leadership rank.

[6] Batarian body language - Batarian language and manners are highly dependent on physical cues according to the Mass Effect canon. I took this one step further with a HC that Nihlus is essentially a native speaker of turian-adapted gestures that translate successfully into batarian social patterns. This physical vocabulary is most refined and most present in culturally batarian mercenary and trading groups with a strong history of turian association and recruitment. While older turians can learn and approximate the gestures, they are best learned and absorbed in childhood. Nihlus “speaks” a form of gestural batarian that places him as a native of the Terminus Systems.

[6] Interrogating batarian prisoners - No torture involved! Optio Sideris trains Nihlus in a more practical form of intelligence gathering that involves building rapport, establishing trust, and remaining consistent. Even pirates or smugglers who would not normally give information to a Hierarchy patrol flotilla can be convinced to—if not speak—occasionally offer hints about the locations and activity of slavers. Nihlus is notable for actually being conversant in traditional batarian moral interpretations of the Pillars of Strength, as well as being able to walk the fine cultural line between guarded respect and abject deference.

[6] Merc Red - Nihlus’s batarian nickname among the patrol flotilla’s prisoners. A sign of individual respect, since it contains no profanity and is just blandly descriptive.

[7] Broken weapons - A traditional sign of thanks between two non-allied mercenary groups when one has agreed to truce terms. Mostly symbolic.

[7] Tattoos - The permanent marking method of choice when turians are full-grown and have developed a strong preference for the color and personal style of their colony markings. Nihlus decides on a complex ‘full-crest’ Taetran colony pattern embellished with Falx blood sickles. This is more or less him being loud and proud about both his colony origins and his mercenary background, as well as putting them on an even footing by tattooing the entire pattern: mercenary symbols and all.

#mass effect #nihlus kryik #my headcanons #my writing #air-needing-light #long post #fanfiction #nihlus kryik headcanons

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fantroll-purgatory · 5 years

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I know! Where’s her symbol? Where’s her horns????

I’m hoping for some help on classpect and lunar sway so I can settle on a symbol before designing her horns.

World: Alternia - Hiveswap Era? Maybe??? Name: Whimam Natron - Whimam based on “whim-wham” the origin for the word “whimsy”. Natron, as in the mineral used during mummification in ancient Egypt.

I love this name, it’s a Good One. Combining mummification and a clown character together is fun to me since jesters were pretty popular in ancient Egypt. Worldwide clownery. Age: 9 Sweeps

Theme/Story: Whimam is a Subjug going through a bit of a crisis of faith. After an especially intense rage led her to maim her lusus she’s begun actively suppressing her highblood rage and trying to a live a quieter, more peaceful life. This is of course at direct odds with worship of the Mirthful Messiahs, that pretty much mandates regular culling and attendance to a (literally) bloody church.

She’s also found that not culling most every troll you run into and embracing the less murdery side of clown-hood nets you more friends and she’s quite happy about this development. As a result she’s torn between being devout in her faith and the bits of a new life she can now see. Goals: A general overview would be nice! Strife Specibus: Chain&hookkind - or just “Chainhookkind”. Not to be confused with the tool. It’s literally two large meat hooks connected by a length of chain. It has various uses in combat, but she prefers to hook someone and pull them in before finishing the job up close.

I do think that’s very great for the intimidating aesthetic, a good time all around. If you wanted something more Clown-y/circus-y, you could consider Devil Sticks or a Cyr wheel, but I think this fits the slaughtering tendencies of clown church. Fetch Modus: I don’t know

You could probably work out a juggling modus where she has to catch the ball she’s looking for without dropping any of the others in order to extract the item! Or if you wanna focus in on the hook concept, maybe slide in an interest in fishing and give her a fishing modus, haha. Blood Color: Purple Symbol and Meaning: Hoping to get classpect help that will decide that.

We’ll discuss that when we get down to that section! Handle: merryMausoleum [MM] Quirk: This is something I was also waiting for my symbol for deciding. If you have non-symbol related ideas (or even ideas for the symbols you recommend) I’d love to hear them though!

Okay not to bring up HxH, but could theoretically take inspo from Hisoka to add card suits to the end of sentences depending on the mood she’s feeling. It has a double function since card suits are associated with relationship statuses on Alternia!

This is also a bit of a niche reference, but Saggi the Dark Clown is the 34th Yugioh Card introduced, so you could replace E and A with 3 and 4 respectively, in traditional homestuck fashion.

Special Abilities: Chucklevoodoo - Can send psychic images of her violent intent to others, letting them see in vivid detail just how awful their death is about to be. Lusus/Guardian: Crocodilehound - Giant crocodile with scaled wolf limbs and paws. Their relationship has been testy ever since Whimam blinded her in one eye during a fit of rage. Think cold companionship – Whimam feeds her and she helps keep Whimam safe, but they don’t stay around one another often (not that Purple Lusus tend to be the most attentive, anyway.)

I’m almost tempted to say, like, Crocodilion instead. Lion legs instead of wolf. Since lions get used in circus performances a fair bit! Or crocodelephant? But crocodilion sounds fun. Interests: Whimam really loves taxidermy and, through intimate contact with plenty of troll and animal guts, has developed extensive knowledge on troll and animal anatomy. A desire to entertain has led her to become well-versed in various party tricks including: juggling, sleight of hand, and balancing acts. She hopes to eventually become a subjugglator.

Does she have any interest in the more medicinal aspects of biology, or just the guts and blood? If she isn’t interested in health, it could be something she starts to look into more as she leans into her nice side. Another fun little idea is that you could have her interested in drawing? Purely for anatomical drawing. Catch her with this on her walls.

And taxidermy isn’t the only form of animal preservation, you could get her into mummification and wet preservation, too. And does she do other preservative forms? Like tanning, maybe? Skull mounts? Insect-collecting?

Appearance: Since I’m attaching a talksprite (I can’t for the life of me make one of the classic sprites for her, even after extensive time fiddling with parts and bases) a few things aren’t shown. Her pants are in fact poofy waist-high shorts. She also wears a ton of jingling bracelets and some comically large shoes.

CUTE. All of this is great and I really wouldn’t change a thing. Personality: Whimam is a recovering murderclown. The life she led up until recently was defined by violence and a close relationship with death (which made her feel close with her faith). She grew up culling trolls for her gods and beasts for her Lusus. Eventually she started culling both for her own interest – taxidermy. Her massive hive has multiple rooms dedicated to the stuffed remains of her victims.

After she let her rage get the best of her and tore out one of her Lusus’s eyes she began repressing that side of herself. She culls only as is required for her Lusus to eat and has even withdrawn from her church life. Despite this she’s still faithful to the Mirthful Messiahs – a fact that as mentioned earlier has left her in serious conflict with herself.

Keeping her rage in check is harder than she expected and so she’s more or less just started bottling it all up. She puts on a chill, affable affect and pretends she’s always calm even when she’s absolutely bristling, and avoids extraneous conflict as much as she can. This can and does lead to moments where she experiences serious outbursts when she hits her limit.

On the upside she’s now making friends for the first time in a while and is learning to channel a fun side of herself that doesn’t rely on brutal murder. In conversation she’s a fairly mellow woman who focuses on listening over talking. She’s vulgar with a dark sense of humor, but deceptively sensitive to insults. Usually she’d just kill someone for hurting her feelings, but lately she’s taken to awkward attempts at deescalation. She’s, naturally, more patient with highbloods than lowbloods.

I love this writeup, this is a great and very strong personality and a wonderful arc setup for a character. I don’t really have a lot of commentary to give besides saying you should think of more specific calming techniques she uses! Highblood rage can be so potent that we’ve seen that, like, Gamzee goes off sopor and is immediately in murderclown party zone. How does she chill out? Calming music? Woodburning? Really, really aggressive juggling?

Lunar Sway: I don’t know. I was thinking Prospit, but the more I’ve written the less certain I’ve been. She’s been comfortable in the church and the hemospectrum, feeling no need to rebel against either, but she’s now in a more conflicted head space than ever before.

I think she’s definitely prospit. One of the things that is noted about prospitans is that they’re adaptive- they try to change themselves rather than change others. She is honest about herself even if she tries to hide her blowups and she is dedicated to altering herself and her behavior rather than trying to tear down the clown church’s socially ingrained patterns of violence. She is also emotionally reactive and somewhat impulsive, which is a prospit trait more than a derse one. Title: This is the big point I’ve been stuck on. I’ve been waffling between several aspects and I can’t for the life of me settle on even just a handful of classes.

Too Obvious as it may seem given her story’s focus is on Rage, Too Obvious is sometimes right- I think she’s a Sylph of Hope. She spent a long time inverted as a Prince of Rage, acting out violence, but she has come upon a new set of convictions that she is dedicating herself to. She is opening up and broadening her own choices and paths and using her behavior to passively create new hope that wasn’t there before!

Which would make her symbol CAPRINIUS, SIGN OF THE CREDULOUS.

I hope this review was helpful! I didn’t have a WHOLE lot to say, she was already pretty solid. Thank you for sharing!

-CD

#purpleblood #submission #cd review #review #whimam natron #whimam #natron #justsomesonso

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personas-against-antis · 6 years

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My experience with anti-ism and back

Inspired by @huntypastellance's interviews with ex-antis, I decided to post my own story of how I became an anti and how I got out.

My inbox and messages are open in case anyone has any questions or wants to say anything.

Apologies for any typos, my typing is not the greatest.

Names have been changed to protect my friends’ privacy and to prevent certain antis mentioned from coming after me again.

Where It All Started

So back in middle school I fell in love with an anime called Hetalia, about the interactions between anthropomorphized versions of various countries. I had been in fandom for a while (my first big fandom was Sonic, but that was before antis went mainstream), and I was a pretty big follower of "don't like, don't read/look". When I joined, I immediately latched on to the ship AmeCan, or America/Canada.

They were cute and it was my OTP for a long time. The only problem with AmeCan is that, by a large majority of the fandom, America and Canada were considered brothers. I personally didn't see them that way, I saw them as adopted brothers at most, and I was always pretty squicked out by shippy fanfics that depicted them as biological brothers. The ship itself was still pretty big in that fandom, so I ignored the haters and immersed myself in fanart and fanfic.

I met a girl at my school (let's call her Duchess) who also liked Hetalia and we quickly hit it off. We soon asked what each other's OTPs were.

Me: Oh, I ship AmeCan.

Duchess: ...

Me: What is it?

Duchess: You realize they're brothers, right?

Me: Oh, I don't see them that way because [insert reasoning that I don't want to have to explain to non-Hetalians, just know that I explained that I didn't see them as brothers.]

Duchess: But it's canon. They canonly see each other as brothers.

Me: Oh...

In hindsight, I probably should have asked what she meant by “it’s canon”. Either way, I began to drift away from AmeCan due to lack of interest, and towards other ships (Romerica and AmeBela), and then to other fandoms. She still remained one of my closest friends.

Down The Rabbit Hole

I began to get really into kawaii culture and browsed the tags pretty regularly. Over time, I came across CG/L content. It squicked me out at first, but due to some sort of bile fascination, I began browsing CG/L blogs and began learning about that subculture. I actually enjoyed it quite a lot, but I knew that it would be inappropriate for someone my age (around 13-14 years old) to participate in kink, so I kept my distance and admired it from afar.

Soon, Duchess brought it up at lunch.

Duchess: I really hate seeing DDGL stuff everywhere.

Me: Haha, yeah...

Duchess: I mean, It's practically pedophilia!

Me: Mhm...

That's what I had thought at first too, before researching it. But she kept talking about it.

Duchess: They're sexualizing children, and children's toys! It's so gross! I actually made a blog against it.

Me: Whoa, really?

Duchess showed me her anti-CGL blog and I quickly followed it because she was my friend, and slowly began to follow other anti-DDLG blogs as well, even making my own: rise-against-ddlg. I took it down due to lack of interest, but antis had already grown on tumblr, and I was torn between my "don't like, don't look" policy, and wanting to "help" survivors. So outwardly, I became an anti, while guiltily reading "problematic" fic and playing "problematic" games in secret.

One such problematic game was Yandere Simulator, and I began to browse those tags too, when I discovered another anti blog, this time against Yandere Simulator and Alex Mahan, a.k.a. Yandere Dev. I learned he was fairly homophobic, sexist, and transphobic, especially in his own private chatroom, and began to idolize that anti blog. Suddenly, they released an invitation to a Skype group chat. Eager to meet my heroes, I quickly applied and was approved.

The Group Chat Incident

I loved that chat. It started with 15 people, but slowly trickled down to nine, including myself. I found myself isolating myself away from my real life friends and family, too focused on the group chat, as they made dropping out of high school and staying online all day sound cool. I kissed up to them, desperate to be seen as a good person. But, soon, I began to question myself and the group. The mods were very against "problematic" content, like Killing Stalking, and NSFW depictions of minors, but were also quick to draw NSFW of minors (specifically Budo and Senpai from YS). I introduced them tot he game Boyfriend To Death, and one of them quickly latched on to the character of Rire, who brutally rapes the protagonist in game, despite them being against rape. The main mod even introduced the group to a game called Artificial Academy 2, in which you can rape others and be raped.

...There was a lot of rape and NSFW in that chat.

But, there was also a hierachy. At the top were the two main mods of that YS blog, Mod H and Mod J. Joining them at the top was a very cool person and a good artist who acted very much like an older sibling to all of us, Member M. Then, there were three more people who tended to kiss Mod H, Mod J, and Member M's asses, and at the bottom was me, my friend Foam, and Member C. Mod H was the ruler of that chat. Anything they said, went, and if you disagreed, they'd suddenly play victim, manipulating and gaslighting you into apologizing. They loved Dragon Age, and now that game has been forever tainted for me, considering how much they shoved it down my throat. They would also tease me and my interest in Persona 5 (saying that the protagonist looked like The Onceler, subsequently calling me a "Onceler Fucker" for finding him attractive, along with making fun of when my tongue slipped and pronounced "Goro" as "Gort"), only stopping when I had Foam address the group to tell them to stop. There was a livestream that I was really excited for, talking about it since it was announced and they seemed hyped for me as well. Only when I placed a rabb.it link in the chat so we could all watch, only Member C showed up. When I returned to that chat, they were watching Yuri On Ice, and they wouldn't even let me talk about my livestream.

During that time period, I created a group chat for me, Foam, and another internet friend I will call Emilia. I though Foam and Emilia would get along really well, so i formed a Skype chat with them, and allowed them to talk. Slowly though, me and Foam began to use that chat to bitch about the group chat behind their backs, because we were terrified of the backlash if we tried to criticize them to their faces, due to Mod H's tactics of avoiding conflict. We soon added Member C to the chat as well, after they were constantly getting dogpiled by the rest of the chat.

That December, the Bode meme was in full swing and Foam mentioned in the group chat that he didn't get it. The group chat immediately began to make fun of him and I, sick of letting them control our lives, stood up for him. The group chat just continued to dogpile and we continued to try and fight until Mod H eventually left the chat, in one of their methods to get us to apologize to them. I was feeling overwhelmed and also left, and Foam tried to surrender and tell the chat to stop, but they wouldn't let up and he left too. Member C was the only member we remained on good terms with who was still in the group chat.

I made a post on my blog saying that i didn't want to interact with those people anymore and they got mad and began to try and message me. I eventually messaged an official statement, citing their abuse of me and Foam, and blocked all of them across social media.

They created a fake blog to get around the block, and I was dumb enough to fall for it.

Member C even turned on us, revealing me and Foam's messages with her and claiming we were abusing and bullying them. Suffice to say, I cut off all contact with Member C and changed my main blog's URL.

I was harassed and stalked and I carried that fear of them looking at my blog for a long time. I still worry about it sometimes.

The worst part, in my opinion, was that I changed my own name that I had chosen for myself because it had become a trigger for me hearing them say it so many times. And I really, really loved that name.

There was so much hypocrisy, so much fear in that chat. Now, looking back, I wished I had never joined, but in those months after I left...I felt empty inside. Aimless.

Out of curiosity, I looked up cult behaviors, and that chat hit nearly every single one. It's scary looking back on it. Even writing this, over a year after I left, my heart hurts.

But even leaving a cultish group chat didn't knock me out of anti-ism.

Villain Ships and Past Revelations

Remember how I mentioned that I love Persona 5? Well, I ship a ship called ShuAke, which a very loud subset of people claim is abusive.

Spoilers for Persona 5 up ahead.

ShuAke is a ship between the protagonist (shujinko in Japanese, which is where the "shu" comes from) and Goro Akechi. I shipped ShuAke since before Goro's name was announced, when all we knew was his design. Goro turned out to be a detective hunting the Phantom Thieves, the protagonist's group. The cat and mouse aesthetic really suited my fancy, with the protagonist's thief alter ego, Joker, seducing the naive Detective Prince. Swoon.

Of course, the ship shattered when the game was released in Japan and it turns out Goro tried to kill the protagonist, was working for the bad guy, and betrayed the whole group.

I was shocked and essentially went through the five stages of grief. I was torn between abandoning the "abusive" ship and evil character...or ignoring the haters and shipping it anyway. After way too much debate, I chose the latter and stuck with it.

The anti-ism died down quickly due to a lot of the fandom hibernating until the English release, and I happily shipped ShuAke and supported Goro Akechi with little objection. Even when the game was released in English, I stood my ground and even argued in support of Goro with anons.

And yet, I still considered myself an anti.

Late May of last year, some repressed memories came to light. I had been sexually abused by a close family member and a few girls at camp when I was younger, with other fragmented and questionable memories in my brain. It put my past into light, as I had also had a self destructive habit of attempting to seduce older men online, due to low self esteem. That was not a fun week for me, and I found myself diving into dark fic, particularly rape fic, in order to make sense of it all. I even wrote some in an effort to just get it out of my brain.

And it worked. It was really therapeutic for me.

And yet...

I still considered myself an anti. Every word I read or wrote was mixed with guilt over what I was doing, even though it worked. While I'm still a sexual abuse survivor, as I always will be, I'm much more well-adjusted by participating in those dark activities, rather than wallowing in self pity and slipping into a depression, like my old group chat would have expected me to do.

I dropped anti-ism later, with the help of one blog.

Back to "DL,DR"

The blog @anti-anti-survivor was recommended to me, and anti!me, looking for a laugh, clicked on it...and soon found that pretty much everything they said made sense to me. I saw Mod h in the people they argued with, Member C in the people they called out...and I realized that I had never been an anti, just hiding behind that label.

I sent an anonymous message to them (though I guess it isn't so anonymous anymore, ha), thanking them for opening my mind to it, and created my own anti-anti blog. I realize I'm not very active on here, but, well, I'm lazy and I'm more of a reader than anything else.

And of course, there was another problem.

Antis are fucking everywhere.

I'm terrified of posting pro-shipping stuff on my main, and I'm terrified of admitting I like problematic ships. I'm in a Discord server that keeps spouting anti-kink and anti-ship stuff, and I have to keep my mouth shut or risk being banned, just because most of the time they're really nice. Duchess even messaged me one day, absolutely shocked that I admitted to shipping Shidge.

I'm happy now that I don't have to feel that guilt but, reading what antis do and then finding out that people I hang out with are antis...it's horrifying. I'm not a confrontational person. I never have been. But I'm sick of rolling over and accepting what everyone else deems is problematic fiction.

I'm mentally ill, a sexual abuse survivor, and dark fic and dark shipping helps me cope.

Deal with it.

#pro shipping #anti anti testimony

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crazyflyingspip · 4 years

Text

Zoella explains why you'll never see this popular paint colour decorating her home

Ideal Home spoke exclusively with Zoe Sugg, better known as her online alter ego Zoella. You can see from Zoe’s Instagram feed that her Brighton home, is stunning, boasting serious style credentials with brooding dark paint colours and bold tiles.

‘The one thing I often tell people when they’re doing up their house is to be a bit more brave with colour and tile choices. Because that’s one thing that I was pushed out of my comfort zone with a little bit,’ Zoe exclusively tells us, as she talks about when she moved into her new home with partner Alfie Deyes.

More: Zoella shares her top styling tips – plus the items she wouldn’t be without in her own home

Image credit: Zoella x Etsy

As we chat to Zoe about her exciting new collaboration with Etsy, the conversation turns to home trends. When asked what she’s not a fan of Zoe replies, ‘I’m not a fan of a house full of white walls’

What is it that you don’t like about white walls?

‘I feel like sometimes, unless you have a lot of colour in the room through other elements like cushions, plants and things like that, white can seem quite stark and cold. I’m definitely the sort of person – and doing this house made me realise – whose mood is really affected by the warmth and colour of things.’

So much so that lighting was a key thing. ’When we were choosing our lightbulbs, I wanted to make sure they were all very warm – as opposed to the bulbs you can get that are more blue or bright white.’

Speaking of the colour palette throughout her and Alfie’s home (which doesn’t include white) Zoe explains, ‘We’ve got light grey, dark grey, medium grey and we’ve got dark turquoise in the bathroom, and one of the guest rooms as well.’

Style tips from Zoe Sugg’s house decor

Dining room

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One of my favourite rooms in the house is our dining room! So happy we stepped out of our interior comfort zone and went for a darker colour here. Would love to know if you have any questions about interiors/renovation? Leave them below

A post shared by Zoë Sugg (@zoesugg) on Aug 14, 2018 at 3:33am PDT

‘I thought I could keep it quite safe and go light or white all over but there were certain rooms where I was just like ‘no, I’m just going to do it’. So we do have a really dark colour in the dining room,’ she says.

Speaking about the dramatic makeover in this room Zoe recalls, ‘We also painted the ceiling dark as well which you don’t often see that much but I actually really like it and it makes it quite cosy as well’.

Bathroom

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Day 10 – Slow Down

Besides spending the morning watching 2 episodes of “normal people” (absolutely obsessed, watch immediately) I’ve actually done the opposite of slow down today and decided I’d do the sort of tidying & organising that involves pulling everything out of every draw & going from room to room like a tornado leaving a trail of destruction around me. Excited for bath time though! And I’ve also decided I’m going to paint my nails (even though it will last all of 3 hours before it chips no doubt haha) How have you spent your Sunday? #comewhatmay

A post shared by Zoë Sugg (@zoesugg) on May 10, 2020 at 9:30am PDT

‘For the bathroom we went for 3D-effect tiles. Which I have put up on my Instagram a few times and everyone asks “how do you not feel drunk when you’re showering in that bathroom?”,’ she jokingly tells us. ‘But I really like that we took the risk with that. So that is one thing I do always say to people, don’t always play it safe’.

The two rooms where Zoe took the biggest risks with design turned out to be her favourite in the whole house – the dining room and this dreamy turquoise bathroom.

Bedrooms

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Planning on spending most of today here as this relentless cold/flu that’s spread like wildfire (honestly don’t know anyone who hasn’t had it) is still lingering like a beast! Raise your hand if you’re doing something very similar!

or if you’re not, tell me your lovely plans and I’ll live vicariously through those instead

(I also have A LOT of photos I want to post on insta, so there might be a bit of an overload this weekend, hope you enjoy haha)

Bed – @made Bedside Table – @westelm Duvet Cover – @urbanoutfittershome Orange Cushions – @chhatwaljonsson Green Cushion – @oliverbonas Throw – @hkliving Art – By @kittymccall bought from @unlimitedshopuk

A post shared by Zoë Sugg (@zoesugg) on Feb 2, 2019 at 2:15am PST

Even in rooms where the colour palette is neutral, such as the master bedroom, the tones are those of grey rather than white. And as Zoe has suggested the addition of colourful accessories helps to add an element of warmth.

‘My house has a lot of grey tones with bright pops of colour throughout, in things like art, cushions, bedding! I’ve always loved interior design and home styling and believe that with these things you can really customise a space in your home,’ Zoe explains.

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AD | Thrilled to be working & collaborating with @desenio again as i absolutely love their prints! I filmed a little re-fresh in my newest vlog where I popped some new prints into the frames on the gallery wall in my spare bedroom. It’s so easy to create a new style or feel simply by switching the prints out & they have such a huge range to suit any style or mood you’re going for! There will be new @zoella top picks over on the Desenio website each month until November so you can see which prints we’re all absolutely loving as well as the ones I’ve chosen here for my home! Do you have blank space on your walls for a new print? Which is your favourite out of the ones I’ve chosen?

A post shared by Zoë Sugg (@zoesugg) on Sep 4, 2019 at 8:13am PDT

Speaking of her braveness with colour Zoe remarks, ‘It’s paint at the end of the day. If you really hate it you can just go back over it’. Wise words by Zoe there. Just don’t say it so casually to a painter and decorator if you’ve chosen a really dark colour… five coats of white later and all that!

Living room

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A little home snippet! I've actually spent the whole morning cleaning & tidying the house in 29 degrees celcius heat in my Christmas pj bottoms & work out bra

A post shared by Zoë Sugg (@zoesugg) on Jul 6, 2017 at 6:53am PDT

Again where the walls are not dark, the rooms are still highly intriguing thanks to painted accents and bold coloured furniture choices.

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Filled the house with a few more house plants today. Mainly because quite a few hadn’t made it through the super hot month we had so there were a lot of empty planters! I think plant shopping is up there with one of my favourite things to do, but also makes such a huge difference to a living space! Happy, Happy Happy!

Are you a plant parent or have you given up after multiple plant fatalities?

A post shared by Zoë Sugg (@zoesugg) on Aug 20, 2018 at 8:46am PDT

‘Positive Vibes Only’ is the mantra in Zoe’s happy house.

Related: Living room colour schemes brimming with character and style

Which room in Zoe & Alfie’s house inspires you most?

The post Zoella explains why you'll never see this popular paint colour decorating her home appeared first on Ideal Home.

from Ideal Home https://ift.tt/2YR5ceZ

#Ideal Home #https://crazyflyingspip.tumblr.com

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totoroses · 7 years

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i found this lesbian survey and decided to fill it out!

Femme or butch? is this what do i prefer or which i am? im a femme and i have no preference in dating, i’ve been wildly attracted to both and any in between

Do you have a “type”? If so, describe it. the only nearly completely common denominator though my exes are having brown eyes? i have dated only one person who did not have brown eyes. i always feel safer looking into brown eyes then blue. i woudl say i have often gone after the romantic artsy type with good music taste and some kind of signature style about them, ironically none of which drew me to my current girlfriend who i believe is probably defintiely the love of my life

Plaid button-ups or leather jackets? leather jackets! i will swoon over smartly dressed gals in button downs as well as a chill gal in some plaid unbuttoned flannel but the two together make me think of a lumberjack

Describe your style. i usually go for one of two styles- softly dressed forest wanderer, or slightly sassy soft grunge. both include my doc martens, but one is more natural colours and old fashioned dresses and the other is sassy tshirts and 90sish thrift store finds like denim and dark florals

Describe your aesthetic.pressed flowers between the pages of a book on forest spirits, rose milk tea, silver rainy downpours, curly baby hairs, white peaches, a cat sleeping in a library, custard pastries, a circle of mushrooms in moss, opals and furry moths

Favorite article of clothing? my one forever 21 dress ive had since like junior year that i can wear without a bra and it has like a cool cross back i just looooveee ittt, then also my embroidered minty 1930s style qipao sort of dress

Favorite pair of shoes? my doc martens and green chinese embroidered lace up slippers

Current haircut? currently blonde (ugh) and currently my hair falls just past my breasts, the goal is to grow it to my bellybutton!

Any haircut goals for the future? i really wanna get on the thick fluffy bangs bandwagon but i dont think i have the stamina to put up with growing them out again smh

Describe the best date you’ve been on. there was this one date i went on with one of my high school girlfriends where we went to a bookstore and hung out and then stuck googly eyes all over my city on random monuments and street signs, and we also ate thai food and listened to music and it was still one of the most lovely dates. BUT my girlfriend recently visited me in taiwan and we went in a glass bottom gondola ride up a mountain and drank from coconuts and wandered through old streets and had the most amazing tea food with a spectacular view and it was heaven

Describe the worst date you’ve been on. probably the one where i went on a picnic with my first girlfriend who then broke up with me that same day and even though our entire relationship was so awkward and not what is should have been it still hurt so bad

Single? Taken? taken!

If taken, talk about your girlfriend/wife! where do i begin! my girlfriend is a slightly shorter than me girl named lynn who loved korean variety shows, drinking coca cola, listening to cheesy love songs, and playing tricks on people (especially me). she used to be a major tomboy in middle and high school and date all the girls and get slapped a lot, as well as mess with teachers and play pranks on them and steal things from their lunchboxes. more than half of her birthchart including sun, rising, and venus are scorpio, and she wants to start her own streetstyle online brand but has not yet found a catchy brand name!

If single, what are you looking for in a potential girlfriend/wife? :)

Describe your dream wedding my girlfriend says if we get married we need two, a traditional chinese wedding (she is from china) and a western one with a priest since i am catholic, and i couldnt agree more. my dream wedding includes just very close friends and family, extravagant lights and flowers and a reception party playlist chosen by me, catered by the teahouse we went to in taiwan. i know its so silly and superficial but i want the dreamiest dress that i design, wisteria everywhere, and most of all i just want lynn at the end of the alter looking stunning in whatever it is she decides to wear

Do you want kids? YES me and lynn talk about this a lot because we both love kids and both agree on at least 4, no more than 8. and we will share who carries the kids so not just one of us is having our uteruses worn out

If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live? guilin, china. but its a fantasy. guilin is real and beautiful but chinese laws make it so that even if we settle down there and build a house it cant truly belong to us, and in china you cant have a private business and it jsut sucks because the drema is to live in the quiet countryside with a simple life and beautiful scenery to explore together and with our children

Favorite lesbian movie? i love so many but im gonna go with the handmaiden!

Favorite lesbian novel/story? i havent read nearly enough, but adore all things by malinda lo and julie anne peters! ash by malinda lo is probably my favourite. i have to still read sarah waters though, i hear she reigns supreme

Favorite lesbian song? don’t pull away by milosh ft jviews (the music video is gay at least, i also love hayley kiyoko)

Favorite lesbian musician? hayley kiyoko probably

What lesbian stereotypes do you fit into, if any? mmmm i dont like softball so that doesnt work...i read a lot of sappho though! and i have short nails? and love buffy? are these stereotypes?

Ever been assumed to be nothing more than a gal pal? ugh yes

If a woman wanted to woo you, what would a surefire way to accomplish that? write me a love letter or make me a mixtape about your feleings something cheesy

Be positive! What do you like most about being a lesbian? girls!!!!

Are you more of a cat person or a dog person? cat but i also love pups!

Turn ons? a musical wonderful voice i could listen to and listen to, easy and stimulating conversations, passion for something that lights up their eyes

Turn offs? rudeness in any shape or form, indecisiveness or feigning indecisiveness because you think i want to make the decisions, despicable movie and music taste, smell

Do you usually ask other women out or do you wait for them to ask you? mmmm in the past it has been pretty even. i have learned though that with women it really is a waiting game more than with guys so with my current girlfriend the tension was killing me so much i had to straight up ask her if something was going on and when she said yes she did like me too i was so relieved because she admitted to having not dated anyone since high school (5 years ago for her) and not asking anyone out while at college so if i had kept waiting for her who knows if we would have gotten together!

What is your dream career? i want to be a stay at home mom and author and perhaps an art teacher or preschool teacher on the side if the books dont pa the bills!

Talk about your interests or hobbies! writing and reading and drawing and singing and hiking and listening to music and watching korean dramas and making lists and studying languages

What is the most attractive quality a woman can have? passion, not necessarily in the sexual wya, but passion for something in general. like if she is an actress you see her on the stage and see how into it she is, and offstage she talks about it in a way that shows she is capable of truly loving something so much and seeing wonder in life. or a girl who seems quiet but then when she starts to show you the music she likes she closes her eyes and knows every lyric and has this expression of true passion and love for the music, i am captivated by women who are captivated by the purest elements of life from music to dance to nature

Do you love easily or does it take time for you to warm up to someone? for women, i fall in infatuation quite easily. i was always more cautious with men of course and now i avoid them altogether. but love is something i’ve been becoming more conservative of somehow. i think because i was so hurt by someone before and gave and gave without receiving and im scared of that happening again. i have to be receiving love to give it, thats something i finally can control my impulses over and protect myself from.

Ever fallen for your best-friend? HA

Ever fallen for a straight girl? HAHA

The L-Word: yes or no? (love it or hate it?) heck to the no i couldnt make it past two episodes

Favorite comfort food? macaroni and cheese

Coffee or tea? tea

Vegetarian? Vegan? None of the above? none but i have tried vegetarian before

Do you have any pets? a chinchilla and a cat!

Early-riser or night-owl? night owl

What is your sign? gemini sun, sag moon, sag rising

What is your Myers-Briggs type? INFP

Who was your first lesbian crush? my first serious lesbian crush was on a girl at my middle school who dressed to the nines every day in vintage dresses and sweaters and she flirted with practically everyone just joking around and always had a boyfriend but was just charming in every way. my whoel day would eb ruined if i couldn’t just see her or say hello once, and i thought i was just obsessed until i was like ‘wait what if she kissed me’ and BAM i knew it was a real life crush

At what age did you know you were a lesbian? im not really sure. i identified as bi/pan from freshman year to junior year i think, but then was realizing i definitely had a preference and didn’t want to be with guys in a relationship at all to be honest but even up until last summer i was really questioning if i was asexual, so its been a journey but i think i finally fully realized i am a happy happy lesbian after meeting lynn

At what age did you come out (if you have)? i was 14 when i first told my parents i was bi, 18 when i said im a lesbian

Are you crushing on anyone at the moment (celebrity or otherwise)? just my girly friend

Talk about how your day went i worked this morning 7-11 after only sleeping 4 hours since i got hooked on ‘tipping the velvet’ the bbc miniseries, said goodbye to a friend, had school and did a presentation on how to make rosemilk bubble tea, i ate at a moomin cafe with my coworker, and now am working on homework and doing this survey and putting off my night cleaning duties eheh

Talk about your dreams/aspirations for the future i just want to have a family and to have my books published, thats all i really need. a loving wife, my sister still by my side as my partner in crime, so many children, so many stories finally told that people are reading. i really want to build a lovely house for my family like my grandparents did once upon a time, with secret rooms and unique hiding places, a house they can pass down as they grow up and it can have our lineage. i want to live by the mountains and trees and water, i want to be able to speak mandarin, cantonese, korean, japanese, icelandic, italian, arabic, and polish fluently

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chromemuffin · 7 years

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Shoukoku no Altair Liveblog (Chapter 6)

The first volume was a wild ride filled with more gorgeous art than I had room to gush about.

Let me just say that I love the color palettes used in these covers. Although I don’t really have a good sense for color balance, none of the elements of these extremely detailed and busy covers seem to clash with one another.

There is just so much going on here, even the dark blue sash around his midsection has detailing. The collar, cuffs, and shoes have a really nice flower/vine motif going on, and interestingly there is a lock and key hanging off the shirt collar (which is made to look like an actual collar). Then there is that tassel (how do you even draw knots like that), and the ones crossing his chest. I also like the little flower buttons going up the sleeves?

idk let’s move on.

I have run out of Japanese raws, which is a good thing. Cuts down on my language ramblings a bit.

Chapter 6: The Council of Generals

We start the volume off with a portrait of Zaganos walking like a badass. Lots of thorns on the frame, and one exits the frame to become that dangly...thing in the back with the eyes and idk I really need to know more about Turkish designs to say anything. I did notice a flower and moon charm thing in the back.

So, first we get a review and additional information about the Diwan, which is nice. This series has a good balance of breaking away to ramble about the world’s structure before going back to the action with our main characters.

Anyway, I love Kato’s attention to detail (have I mentioned that already lol) that extends even to background characters. We never got the name of any of the Araba characters, yet they each looked distinct from one another. Same with the other pasha (there are 42 in all, wow). There’s a good range of features (especially nose shapes, here), but even their clothes and chins are different.

Assuming this is the head-honcho, the buyuk pasha (are these titles capitalized...?) who has glorious facial hair and a very, very large turban.

Oh god, this post is going to be so long. These panels are all really tall.

“And most important of all, military and foreign policy, which are handled by the third convention and decided by a unanimous vote between the 30 vizers.” In case you can’t see it in that image. Interesting how the most ‘important’ section is the only one in the dark, so to say. As we’ve seen, foreign policy and the potential for military action can be a very shade business.

I shrink every image to fit the theme I’m using, just in case it gets wonky if the picture is too large, but it so does not do this shot justice. Just look at the architecture! @the-golden-city has several posts picking apart these tiny details throughout the series, although I haven’t gotten around to reading all of them because for once I want to avoid spoilers.

This hall/chamber is probably based off this real life building in Istanbul:

Even the chandelier, and the railings, match. Getting back to Altair, though, I vaguely see Zaganos, Mahmut, and Ibrahim at the far right.

Ok, so they are asking why Ibrahim left Hisar for Altin in the first place, which I had almost forgotten about by this point.

Huh, I had to go back to the second chapter. Didn’t quite remember that Zaganos had told everyone to meet up to exchange information.

Whoops, gut reaction there. Why is he so surprised though...? Ibrahim told him why they were called to Altin, so was it that last bit “In regards to that case, I can’t call it anything but recklessness” that shocked him?

Also, add another intimidating face to the cast. The Buyuk Pasha (have a feeling “Pasha” should be in caps) is definitely a guy you do not want to cross.

Lol

“Mahmut Pasha, quiet, we did not give you permission to speak.”

“Ok next matter of business.”

“Mahmut Pasha, your turn.”

Oh? I meant to speculate about the aftermath in my last liveblog, but ended up forgetting (chapter 5 was a long one, I was exhausted by the end). We don’t actually know how much time has passed between now and the uprising, only that it’s no longer the month of Seker.

...Are you capable of smiling (without smirking). He is very displeased, yet again.

That splotch of blood. o.o He got stabbed last chapter and is still up and about. You really need to get that patched up, Mahmut. On the next page he’s actually holding his left arm up to it, so.

I’M SO GLAD NO ONE ENDED UP DYING. Seems they may not be out of the water yet, though, with the council deliberating as to their fates.

His mood instantly switches here, from happy/relieved that his friend and his family are safe, to serious. While Ibrahim says it with a smile on his face in front of his kids, he and Mahmut realize that it’s not over yet.

He realizes his own limits here. Things seemed sort of bleak before, but that was nothing compared to what happens after.

Dude doesn’t even bother giving him a real answer. You could confirm or deny, you know, instead of being like that. Though I guess he figures it doesn’t matter at this point, which is true. Or he just likes being mysterious.

I bet Zaganos’s expression would be the same if they had announced the opposite result. I sort of guessed that he’d be let off, but I still breathed a sigh of relief when they reinstated him. I’m weak, ok.

Anyway, more Mahmut expressions! Shocked makes him look younger than he is, and serious makes him more mature. I like how, well, mature he is. These are high stakes, and he knows the severity of the situation well.

Aww look at his shell-shocked face. I guess Mahmut really guessed/feared that they wouldn’t forgive what Ibrahim had done. From the standpoint of someone in their universe though, the result they got must have been very unlikely.

He held it together until he left! In isolation, that face looks a little derpy though.

AW. I needed that. I always love it when that chain with the tassel and (don’t know if it’s a whistle haha that thing) are drawn. And the asymmetry of his outfits. I think I mentioned that in my first liveblog. I usually do not like asymmetrical designs much, but.

And this! This look of unease. I have a baaad feeling about this.

Mahmut’s thought process is fun to read.

HAHA WHAT. WHAT.

WELL. First, you’ve gotta appreciate this extreme, divine irony going on where the sun is shining on him full force, and yet he’s lost so much in this single instant.

AND THEN. Well, I guess his demotion has to do with the whole war thing. It seems a good portion of them want to go to war, and up until this moment Mahmut has had the initiative and position to resist that. Just because he was younger didn’t mean he had less power as a pasha, but if he no longer has that title...

He’s too stunned to even be sad that his dream, which he had just achieved, was snatched away like that.

But lol at least the council is clear in their intentions: “Please think of it as a sort of permanent house arrest.”

This shot of him walking away...

Talk about a tough position to be in. He was punished the most, even though he did the most to resolve the situation. He’s happy that his friend wasn’t executed, but this is the price.

I love these shots of his front in darkness, with his back to the light. IT’S ALSO REALLY SAD.

As shitty as it is, Halil does have a point. And he prefaces saying this with a “Mah-kun”, so you know he really means it. He clearly cares for this boy, and it’s probably not easy seeing him crash so hard, but Mahmut was simply too young and inexperienced for the position he held. His thought process is getting there in some aspects, but in others he hasn’t experienced enough about the complexities of the world around him. He knows what he wants to change, but not how to do it.

I wonder why they bothered making him a pasha so young, anyway. Turkiye hasn’t gone to war since he was young, so he doesn’t have experience in that, either.

It’s probably even more painful because everything Halil is saying is true. It wasn’t a malicious decision. His look here is like a mix of devastated and a quiet sort of revelation. Like: “....oh.”

Then why did you guys freaking promote him to pasha in the first place. Just saying. But, now it’s out.

Weeelll, at least you’re not banned for life.

God I love this kid so much. He was indignant before he started talking to Halil, but now he realizes the gravity of what he has done. He’s not stubbornly rejecting or acting out against that logic, he’s mature enough to own up to his mistake.

And now...

This is a terrifying “oh shit” moment. He realizes here just how much his mistake has cost him, and not just him, but the country. He has no power to do prevent a war now that he got himself kicked out, essentially. If he’d stayed a pasha, maybe he’d be able to exert enough influence to alter events.

But his expression here as he realizing this is really good.

WHY IS EVERYTHING SAD BASKING IN THE LIGHT OF A THOUSAND SUNS.

Zaganos is heeere. Never know how things are going to go with him around.

HAHAHA. Oh, Zaganos. “I made a mistake and your impulsivity somehow helped me out of it. (thanks I guess) But what you did was still stupid as hell.” That was such backhanded compliments/acknowledgment that you might as well not have said anything at all aside from “That was stupid.”

Oh? You’re actually giving him something?

It’s something useful! I love the little details on this bauble. The intricate knot, the little crescent moon.

Wait, don’t blow up and get angry, I want to know why he’s entrusting this thing to you.

So Zaganos did indeed know and let everything proceed, all of this just to make one very strong point to the council. Geez.

Mahmut, you look so tiny next to him.

This is why I love this kid as a protagonist already. He is intelligent, smart, and hard-working, but he isn’t infallible. Youthful arrogance and inexperience was his downfall. It doesn’t even seem like youthful arrogance while you’re experiencing he situation in Hisar with him. He’s the protagonist, and you know he’s right in that he couldn’t just leave Ibrahim to go down for a crime he didn’t willingly commit.

But, now that he’s realized it, he also acknowledges that it’s pointless to dwell on it and beat himself up. And in that sense, we can see he’s already grown from how he was as a child. Then, he lost hope that he could ever improve and needed Ibrahim to talk him out of his tears.

What Ibrahim gave him is actually really precious, I’m dying here ok, he made Mahmut realize that if he works hard at it, improves himself, he can achieve his dream. Now he knows that he’s just going to need more effort than he thought.

He gets frustrated a lot, and it usually seems to be about himself. I feel bad for him, but on the other hand, like when he got knocked off his horse in cirit and the older guy admonished him, he really needed it.

It didn’t take him long, not even a full day it looks like, to bounce back and resolve himself on a new goal. Seems like his journey has gone a little backwards (don’t protags in manga usually work their way up from rock bottom; Mahmut had one of the highest positions in the country after coming from the bottom up, and now he has to do it again).

This has been a sort of transition chapter (I wouldn’t call it quiet), but by god did it have impact.

← back・onward →

#shoukoku no altair #the very long altair liveblog #long post #image heavy post #im sorry i curse a lot #please let me know if it bothers you #altair vol 2

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xseedgames · 7 years

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Question Extravaganza Blog #2

Hi there! Remember, back in December, when we had an “End-of-the-year Question Extravaganza Blog”? And how there was going to be a second part? Well, FINALLY, here it is! Round two of our answers to the questions that you sent to us via Twitter, so long ago.

Who’s playing this time:

Tom – Localization Producer

Brittany – Localization Producer

Junpei – Assistant Product Manager/XSEED’s Garbage Disposal

Ryan – Localization Lead

Nick – Localization Editor

Alyssa – Product Associate

Liz – QA Tester

Danielle – QA Tester

WARNING: Spoiler alert, just in case! And maybe some language.

Question: which character from Senran Kagura New Wave would you most like to see become playable in a future game

Liz:

There are so many! Kasumi, Kumi, Fuga, and Bashou Kasumi - shy girl that can code her way into your heart? aw yuss. Kumi - ngl I like foxes. I'm also hella curious what her animations would look like... Fuga - dude it's fireworks coming from a shamisen who doesn't wanna SEE THAT. AND THOSE PLATFORMS. DAMN. Bashou - paintbrushes: creation, destruction, or the beauty that comes from their combination? tune in next time on quiet girls that can artfully kill you

Brittany:

Fuga. I've loved her design ever since I first saw it and I've actually begged Takaki-san in person to put her in one of the core games.

Alyssa:

Picking just one is hard, so these are the ones are the top of my list:

Meimei – She fights by throwing bombs shaped like steam buns. Just. Yes.

Ukyou – For some reason, I really like the idea of a machine gun shaped like a bass guitar. She’s also a cutie, I like her design.

Seimei – I like the fact that she rocks pajamas. I wish I could wear pajamas all the time…

Question: What is your most favorite game that you have localized And why?

Brittany:

Trails of Cold Steel II. I cried so much while working on it, haha. It was the game that made me feel like I was really growing up as a writer, and I was so proud of the effort I put into that during every step of the process. Everyone knows I love the series, but for now, that game has a particularly strong place in my heart because I feel like I grew as a person together with those in Class VII (is this too cheesy? lol).

Junpei:

Definitely the EDF series. I’ve been a big fan of the series since the first EDF came out in Japan, but also I learned a lot from the producer and the dev team. It was a very exciting to work on, and luckily, EDF2: Invaders from Planet Space was selected as a D.I.C.E Award nominee.

Also, Touhou: Scarlet Curiosity was a favorite, too. The game is very fun and pretty. I didn’t really know about the Touhou series at first, but this was a good title for Touhou beginners like me to learn what Touhou is. The dev team is very passionate and professional. I was always impressed by them while working on this.

Ryan:

I have a few personal favorites: Estival Versus because I love the character banter, Deep Crimson for the same reason, and Suikoden V because it was my first real localization project and I still have a soft spot for it.

Alyssa:

I have a soft spot for Ys: Memories of Celceta. It was published before I started working here, but was the first XSEED game that I played.

Even though we didn’t really localize it (just published it physically), I’m a big fan of Shantae: Half-Genie Hero. Working with WayForward was an absolute treat and I’m so glad that we have a chance to do something with them.

Tom:

I think anyone who knows me knows my answer to this, but in case you don't: RETURN TO POPOLOCROIS, BABY!! ;) The very first game script I ever translated was part of the script to PopoloCrois Story II on the PS1, which I translated in play-script format and uploaded to GameFAQs as a translation guide. After that, the very next thing I translated was all 51 episodes of the two existing PopoloCrois anime. I am a PopoloCrois super-fan, and when the opportunity came along to work on a PopoloCrois game, to say I was ecstatic would be an understatement. Getting to officially write English dialogue for Prince Pietro Pakapuka, Narcia the forest witch, the White Knight, and the GamiGami Devil was an absolutely amazing experience, and getting to sit in on voiceover sessions and help shape the way they sounded in English was the icing on the cake.

Corpse Party is a close second, though, because I was able to get much more graphic than I'm used to, and it was a bizarre amount of fun describing some of the most horrible acts of mutilation and torture imaginable. It was weird working on Corpse Party and Fishing Resort at the same time, as I had to keep stopping myself from inserting extremely graphic language into the Fishing Resort script.

And Akiba's Trip: Undead & Undressed gets an honorable mention, as the three weeks spent in voice-recording for that game may be the most fun I've had in my seven years at XSEED.

Question: Where do you face the most unexpected challenges during the localization process?

Nick:

The thing about unexpected challenges is that they're...well, unexpected. The things we run into the most frequently are things we know to be watchful for based on past experience (which is why we usually catch the major stuff). A good example of an "unexpected challenge" would be realizing partway in that we don't actually have all the text files for the game, even though the developer said they gave us everything. Working on games that are still in production also has the tendency to turn up a lot of unexpected issues, particularly when the developers change things and neglect to mention that they were changed. If you learn that a localization was being worked on while a game was still in development, know that it was probably a huge headache for the translators and editors compared to working on something that has been finished and more or less finalized.

Sometimes it's because there's an honest mix-up and they thought they'd given us everything. Other times there's a breakdown in communication along the way, as can occur when information has to pass through too many hands. So...ultimately, miscommunication is where we stand to face the most unexpected challenges. It varies from project to project, and we know to be mindful of it, but we can never fully predict when this sort of issue will pop up.

Question: Where do you try to draw the line between remaining loyal to the original and changing to fit the region you are localizing for?

Nick:

Every editor will give you a different answer for this, so I can only speak personally, but here's where I stand on this issue. When I localize a game, I absolutely want the intent of the original to come through. That's what people are coming to the work for - what they want to experience. However, sometimes, truly conveying the spirit of the original work necessitates departing from the exact language of the original.

If one facet of my job is about accurately conveying information and character relationships, another facet is to ensure people who buy our games are entertained and engaged. That happens best with a script that feels fairly natural in its English phrasing. A quick example is how, if you listen to people converse, most people make frequent use of contractions. They’re a natural linguistic shorthand for English, so it feels natural to make broad use of them in character dialogue. But I often see dialogue written without them (like, where it doesn’t strike me as an intentional editorial choice). Without contractions, at the most basic level, you'll get dialogue that sounds wooden and has less flow to it (Tom and I often compare it to the speaking style of Data, from Star Trek: TNG), but in some cases, using or not using contractions can subtly alter the way we perceive a line, especially if there's no voice-over to clue us in. "I cannot believe he said that about me" carries a bit more of a testy tone than "I can't believe he said that about me."

There are also cultural differences that, when translated over on a 1:1 basis, won't elicit the same response from an international audience, so some tweaking is necessary to make sure Western players of a game experience enjoyment similar to what Japanese players would've felt. This is admittedly a touchy issue, since a lot of this involves getting a good feel for the characters' personalities, and so is inevitably colored by an editor's own interpretations of them. In a blog I wrote before the first Trails of Cold Steel was released, I laid out some cases where I basically felt that the characterizations provided in some places by the original script were lacking, so Kris and I embarked on a mission to strengthen characterization not through any sweeping gestures, but just by bringing certain traits more clearly to the fore in scenes specific characters were in. It's something you might notice if you had the Japanese and English scripts side by side, but it never stood out to most players, and from anecdotal accounts I've read many places online, I think this initiative of ours was very successful. Certainly, I think it brought a lot to Rean's character in particular.

Ultimately, I want a localization to keep all the information the original script gave, but sometimes I re-frame how that information is conveyed because I value entertaining/engaging writing and want our games to feel, as much as possible, like the English scripts could just as well have been the original scripts.

“So, where do I draw the line? As someone who always wants to push for better writing, I generally won't make an edit - even if it would sound great - that would result in dropping factual information conveyed by the original. Not necessarily on a line-by-line basis, but definitely on a scene-by-scene basis. Ultimately, I want a localization to keep all the information the original script gave, but sometimes I re-frame how that information is conveyed because I value entertaining/engaging writing and want our games to feel, as much as possible, like the English scripts could just as well have been the original scripts.”

Brittany:

This question is too broad and no one should have one answer for it. It depends on the game itself, the context, the importance of the topic in question in the scope of the story, the emotional impact it's supposed to make. The most generic answer I can give is that we should always remain loyal to the spirit/intent of the original game, and if anything comes under question, we should consult the dev team and get their perspective on it.

I guess an example that's happened a few times throughout Trails is one where Japanese honorifics are dropped as people become closer. A big deal is made out of it, but that sort of thing doesn't exist in English. At the same time, there's no reason to force it in the English version because the name-dropping isn't necessarily the focus--it's the result of characters becoming closer. The intent is the bond, and as long as you write the scene so that English players understand these characters have become closer thanks to what's going on, then I believe we're still loyal to the Japanese while still properly localizing the scene.

Question: outside of trails in the sky sc what was the hardest game to work on you've released?

Brittany:

It's a toss-up between Unchained Blades and Rune Factory 4. RF4 was a joy to work on because I'm a big fan of the series, but it also contains so many complex algorithms that even the Japanese version of the game occasionally had random bugs that just couldn't be reproduced. Those were everywhere during QA, and then we also had had all that text that needed to be checked for context...

Unchained Blades is far shorter with less text, but it was plagued with bugs during QA to the point where I once ran to the bathroom to cry from losing my save data for the umpteenth time. We had no debug mode for that one, either, so anything I had to test, it had to be done by playing through like a normal player. Hopefully the effort was worth it. I don't think I've ever heard of players experiencing the issues on that game that I had!

Ryan:

Probably Fate/EXTELLA, which had a lengthy, lore-heavy script with a long history behind it, plus a writing style that was both abstractly poetic and strictly technical.

Danielle:

I would say the Story of Seasons series, mostly because of the sheer volume of text and variables to test.

Question: which sort of cultural references do you try to keep rather than rewriting for localization?

Tom:

Generally, all of them. It's always better to keep a reference, and just maybe insert a brief explanation, than to get rid of it. People who play our games know that they're playing Japanese games, so I figure, why try to disguise the Japaneseness of them? Better to celebrate it.

Ryan:

Depends on the medium and context. Fate, in general, is known in part for drawing lore from all over the world, so we did our best to keep its references to world history and literature intact. Akiba's Trip was chock full of Japanese-language anime references, some of which had only unofficial translations, so we did our best to cobble together appropriate translations from Japanese and English fan sites. SENRAN KAGURA drops references to well-known anime now and again, well-known enough that we can keep them intact, with an English take on their wordplay (such as when Katsuragi's play on "a great era of sexual harassment," referring to the "great era of piracy" from One Piece, became "a great invasion of privacy.") Occasionally, we'll run across Japanese proverbs that don't have direct translations, so we'll do our best to find English proverbs or wordplay that match the general sentiment of the original.

Question: What was the situation in a game that gave you trouble? Joke? A conversation? Interactions? Items? Names? Tell us the worse!

Tom:

Shiawase no Sachiko, in Corpse Party. To this day, I'm still not 100% satisfied with my translation there.

See, in the Japanese, there's supposed to be a distinction between 幸せのサチコ ("Shiawase no Sachiko"), which roughly translates to "Happy Sachiko," and 死合わせのサチコ (a different way of writing "Shiawase no Sachiko"), which roughly translates to "Sachiko Aligned with Death."

The English I came up with for this is "Sachiko Ever After" vs. "Sachiko in the Everafter." And even that vaguely acceptable solution took far, FAR too long to come up with.

Sometimes, Japanese linguistic references are just really tough to work with!

Ryan:

The first example that comes to mind is a certain "My Room" conversation from Fate/EXTELLA, where Nero and the Master have a back-and-forth conversation about different kinds of bathing. The original Japanese script had an entire conversation tree about misreadings of kanji, which had no direct translation. This is one of those rare times where we were tempted to, as we sometimes call it, "Go full Samurai Pizza Cats," after the old anime dub where the American dub team never received the original script and had to make up a whole new one, but we stuck with it, and eventually came up with some reasonably close wordplay in English.

Question: Do you have friends in other localization teams/companies? What could you learn from them? Do you reach out to them?

Brittany:

I'd love to hang out with some of the localization people I've interacted with via Twitter, because I'm actually pretty ignorant of what goes on in other companies. I'm pretty much XSEED only, but I'd love to learn the process in other places or just bond with others who do the same work that I do.

Tom:

Absolutely! Other companies are "competition" to an extent, but they're also colleagues, and we've met with people from numerous other nearby companies for lunch, karaoke, etc. many times since I've been working here at XSEED. I don't know that we really learn much from them, nor they from us, but we always "talk shop" when we meet up, discussing localization challenges we've faced, fun stuff we've done recently, etc. It's just good to sometimes talk with other people who fully understand what we do.

Ryan:

We're good friends with the Aksys team down the street, a lot of our staff have Atlus experience, and most of the original senior staff came from Square-Enix. For Fate/EXTELLA, the Aksys guys were kind enough to share their notes and script from Fate/EXTRA as references. One of the best bits of advice I can give people looking for work in the industry is "Make friends wherever you go," and that's as true once you're in as it is when you're getting started.

#xseed games #xseed blog #Q & A #long post

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viv-url · 7 years

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one of the most difficult decisions of my life

I know that this is solely an art blog, but what I’ve decided recently is something that I know will impact my life incredibly, and as a result, my art as well. I’m going to drop out of my college studies in game design. It’s also a personal vent (sorry, I know this is an art blog lol, but this has been affecting me so much).

I drew a whole comic today about it on twitter

, but I also wanted to write about it too since I haven’t expressed everything I wanted to.

First, I want to clarify one thing- I absolutely love this program, the facilities, professors, and my peers. I’ve learned so much about game design that I never knew before, they’re not just anything you can learn online, you are given the experience of working in teams and developing prototypes and games. I think it’s great for preparing those who are interested in entering the game dev industry.

But it was just- just too hard for me, I guess. Or too different. And also, it wasn’t the way I wanted to pursue my career in game design. I’m passionate about designing games, but I’m more passionate about the theories, narratives, and visual aspects of them. And I also felt that it held me back artistically, that I couldn’t improve as much as I wanted to.

I remember last semester, at some point I noticed I had been drowning myself in school work that I didn’t have time to draw at all. I decided to give myself a break and do an environmental study. At this point, I hadn’t drawn anything outside of games for 3 months.

I was painting a picture I had taken on an autumn night, small trees creating a small path by the sidewalk. While I was painting, I took note of the colours, and learned that in that lighting, colours that were orange looked green when placed next to brown-red colours. It blew my mind!! As I kept painting, I studied the way the trees’ branches would cross each other and grow, and the shadows they cast on each other.

I was just. taken into this place that I noticed, I haven’t been in so, so long. And that was because I wasn’t in an art program, I’m in a design program. I couldn’t help but keep thinking that I could’ve learned more things like this if I had chosen an art program.

This feeling kept getting stronger and stronger, until I’ve finally made my decision just recently.

But the one thing that was holding me back the whole time-- the thought of leaving my friends, kept eating at me. It’s still hanging on to me right now, since I haven’t told all of them yet.

They’re like family to me. They’re the best people I’ve ever met, and I just... I don’t want to leave them. It was so hard, but I know that this program isn’t what I want.

The past 2 years that I have gotten to know them, they’ve been a constant light in my life, one of the only things I ever look forward to when I wake up every day. They’re the number one reason I’ve gotten this far in game design.

But this semester, I was put into a class where I wasn’t with any of my close friends. I felt really isolated, pathetically alone, but it was the eye-opener. It was what made me realize, I can’t keep going just for them. And if I stayed solely to be with my friends-- doesn’t it mean I’d follow close behind if they dropped out later on? I can’t live my life like that.

A few days ago, I had been trying to design a level for a platformer. I had no idea how to do it, and researched a lot, watching videos and reading articles, drawing a bunch of drafts and trying to put it together. But I couldn’t do it, and I thought, “ok, why not, just program the parts of the platformer first, and then try to put it together like that?”

I was using a script for a platform moving back and forth from my teammate. The code made the platform move up and down, and I wanted it to move from side to side. Easy, right? Just change the movement from y to x. I did that... and it didn’t work!!! I don’t know why, it was so simple!!

My chest started aching, and I had trouble looking at the screen. I didn’t want to ask for help, for fear of my peers knowing how pathetically incompetent I was (they already know, and they didn’t care, but I did). I just sat there, and tears were welling up in my eyes, and I... it was just so easy!!! And I couldn’t even do that! I couldn’t design a level, and I couldn’t alter one line of code!!

My friend noticed something was wrong, and it was the first time I said I wanted to drop out seriously.

I want to get better at programming and designing, I really do. But I think that it’s because it was within the context of education, that I put too much expectations on myself to excel at it, even though the reason I was there in the first place was to learn, not prove that I’m good at it. I think that- if I rearrange the focus of my studies-- art first, programming and design second, it might benefit me.

But it’s been so hard, haha. The past few days, whenever I looked up from my computer screen and looked at my classmates, I kept thinking, “this might be the last time I see them.” I would look at the profs and the slides and think, “this might be the last time I learn such cool things like this.” And just like that, I had already adopted the mentality of a drop-out, and my desire and motivation for this program, friends aside, slipped through my fingers.

It feels bad because for so long, I had been holding on just for my love for my friends, and for the hope that I’d improve in the ways I wanted to in art, and in designing games.

I have this silly “handshake” (not really a handshake) thing I do with a friend, where when we see each other, we do a high kick and form an X with our legs, haha. We call it our Chun-Li kick. I almost forgot about it, and when I saw him yesterday, he told me to do it. It just made me. Really sad, all of a sudden, because I don’t ever want to stop doing the Chun-Li kick with him!!!

Also, when I told another friend that I was dropping out, he told me, “don’t ever say you’re bad. You’re good at so many things, you’re so hardworking, and you’re one of the best artists in our program, everyone knows it.” He gives me such high praise all the time. I know I’m going to miss it.

Then, he said, “we’ll still be friends, and we’ll always be there for you.”

And then that set off the waterfalls from my eyes. The only thing I mourn while I drop out is not being among my friends anymore. But I hope, with all my heart, that I continue being friends with them, and I can still see them. I love them so much.

What I’m doing is for myself and my art. I know it’s right, but god, my friends. I’ll miss them so much. But I know that as long as we all remain in the game dev community, we’ll still be connected.

That’s all. I know that this was just a really huge rant about my feelings in the end, but it’s been something that was eating away at me for a long time. It’s probably still going to stay with me for the rest of this year. I’m going to be a NEET very soon again, I’m scared of that too. Currently, I’m planning to apply for several art programs. But for now, I’ll cry until I feel a bit better.

Thanks for reading. ♥

#personal

80 notes · View notes

t-baba · 7 years

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Transcript: Ask the UXperts: Designing Emotional Experiences — with Aarron Walter

On Friday we were lucky enough to snare an hour of Aarron Walter’s time. We used it wisely, picking his brain on the topic of his bestselling book Designing for Emotion.

I really loved this session because it was relatable and packed full of examples of emotional design done really well.

I also picked up a new favourite quote: “A designer shooting for usable is like a chef shooting for edible”.

If this topic is right up your alley, we have another treat for you! Our inaugural online bookclub has recently kicked off. We’re studying Don Norman’s The Design of Everyday Things. It’s not too late to join us. Here is everything you need to know.

If you didn’t make the session today because you didn’t know about it, make sure you join our community to get updates of upcoming sessions.

If you’re interested in seeing what we discussed, or you want to revisit your own questions, here is a full transcript of the chat.

Transcript

hawk

2017-06-15 22:01

So first up, a huge thank you to @aarron for his time today

hawk

2017-06-15 22:01

I’m a big fan of his, so I cold emailed, crossed my fingers, and here he is

hawk

2017-06-15 22:01

The formal intro: As the VP of Design Education at InVision, Aarron Walter draws upon 15 years of experience running product teams and teaching design to help companies enact design best practices. Aarron founded the UX practice at MailChimp and helped grow the product from a few thousand users to more than 10 million. His design guidance has helped the White House, the US Department of State, and dozens of major corporations, startups and venture capitalist firms.

He is the author of the best selling book Designing for Emotion from A Book Apart. You’ll find @aarron on Twitter sharing thoughts on design. Learn more at http://aarronwalter.com.

hawk

2017-06-15 22:02

If you haven’t read Designing for Emotion, you should.

hawk

2017-06-15 22:02

@aarron – over to you

aarron

2017-06-15 22:03

Hi everyone. Before we get started I just want to say thanks to UX Mastery for hosting and supporting the design community. It’s a pleasure to chat with you. If we don’t get to your question or you think of one later you can find me on twitter at http://twitter.com/aarron or on my personal site at http://aarronwalter.com. And if the discussion piques your interest, you can read more in my book Designing for Emotion http://ift.tt/zyaP2l

aarron

2017-06-15 22:04

I want to talk about something squishy, something difficult to understand, something that doesn’t easily fit into a formula or metric—emotion. It’s something that’s hard to measure and therefore can easily be pigeonholed as lacking value.

aarron

2017-06-15 22:05

Things that have no value don’t get our attention. But emotion is a tremendous resource we can tap to create value.

aarron

2017-06-15 22:06

Industrial designers know this already. They use emotion to increase price points and profit margins.

aarron

2017-06-15 22:06

Let me give you an example …

aarron

2017-06-15 22:06

This is the Honda Fit: http://ift.tt/1g71Jg1

aarron

2017-06-15 22:07

It’s a practical car—it’s fuel efficient, is great for taking the kids to school or going to the grocery store. It’s a great choice for a road trip, and you can have one for ~$16,000 US. Not bad.

aarron

2017-06-15 22:08

This is the Lexus RC: http://ift.tt/1udtsV6

aarron

2017-06-15 22:08

It’s also fuel efficient, is great for taking the kids to school or going to the grocery store.

aarron

2017-06-15 22:09

It’s great for a road trip and costs ~$40,000 US to start.

desertcoder

2017-06-15 22:09

QUESTION: How can empathy maps be better used in interviews to develop user personas?

aarron

2017-06-15 22:09

These two cars are functionally very similar, but the Lexus is considerably more expensive.

aarron

2017-06-15 22:09

Why?

jellybean

2017-06-15 22:10

It’s sexier.

desertcoder

2017-06-15 22:10

The branding?

aarron

2017-06-15 22:10

Because the Lexus has a very strong emotional value proposition.

jellybean

2017-06-15 22:11

So it appeals to the car junkie who wants something that looks cool, fast, sleek (ie not like a grannie or school run car)

tvskumar

2017-06-15 22:12

Namsthey India

aarron

2017-06-15 22:12

That proposition is layered, but we could break it down to: social status (People look at me and admire when I drive this thing), It gives the driver a rush of endorphins as they speed through a corner.

aarron

2017-06-15 22:13

The culinary arts are also well aware of emotional value propositions.

aarron

2017-06-15 22:15

Restaurants Chez Panisse and elbulli sell experiences that inspire, excite, and delight—they’re not selling food.

aarron

2017-06-15 22:15

People wait for months to get a reservation and travel from around the world to eat a meal with them.

aarron

2017-06-15 22:15

They have a very strong emotional value proposition.

aarron

2017-06-15 22:16

For all the talk in our industry about creating a great user experience we rarely encounter a product that is as carefully considered as the experience elbulli creates.

hawk

2017-06-15 22:18

Because we’re scared to take such a huge leap? Perhaps our product won’t sell if we only focus on the visceral?

aarron

2017-06-15 22:18

We create functional/reliable/usable products. That’s great, but we’ll only ever achieve mediocrity with that formula.

aarron

2017-06-15 22:18

A designer shooting for usable is like a chef shooting for edible

desertcoder

2017-06-15 22:19

I’m wondering if it also has something to do with our target market. For example, how excited would an estimator get when he uses great project cost accounting software?

steph_stump

2017-06-15 22:20

I suspect that time is a constraint as well

aarron

2017-06-15 22:20

@desertcoder it’s a fair point. Does every product need to transcend that low bar of being usable? I’d argue no.

aarron

2017-06-15 22:21

Sometimes we want this > http://ift.tt/2spxBr8 not this > http://ift.tt/2rFmdtX

nhatter

2017-06-15 22:22

familiar. comfortable.

laura_r

2017-06-15 22:22

approachable even

steph_stump

2017-06-15 22:22

versus adventurous and mysterious.

hawk

2017-06-15 22:23

Not likely to go wrong

alex.lee

2017-06-15 22:23

I would say we need to consider emotions as a UX arsenal for critical parts of product where users are faced with a decision and are sitting on the fence

aarron

2017-06-15 22:23

But there are opportunities in our businesses where we can tap into emotion and identify an emotional value proposition that can help our product stand out in a crowded market, build brand recognition, reduce churn, and increase revenues.

aarron

2017-06-15 22:24

Let me give you a real example …

nhatter

2017-06-15 22:24

we can trigger dopamine or cortisol response. though the later seems ethically suspect

aarron

2017-06-15 22:24

Photojojo, a mobile photography company with a strong personality, has increased their conversion rate on their product pages with emotional design.

aarron

2017-06-15 22:25

Check out this page and when it says “Do not pull” disobey and click the lever: http://ift.tt/1TUcoM4

aarron

2017-06-15 22:25

Go ahead, I’ll wait …

hawk

2017-06-15 22:27

haha

steph_stump

2017-06-15 22:27

cute

tvskumar

2017-06-15 22:27

PET plays a major role in makeing decisions

aarron

2017-06-15 22:27

That crazy muppet arm that comes down and pulls the page to the product description puts a smile on a shoppers face, and as you well know when we’re in the right mood, we buy more.

laura_r

2017-06-15 22:28

aww shucks – i missed that it was an arm and kept redoing trying to figure out what was happening, although if the muppet is present throughout the brand I bet I would have picked up on that

aarron

2017-06-15 22:28

And lest you think all emotional design is only about humor and pleasure, take a look at this product marketing page for the genetic testing service 23andMe: http://ift.tt/1gf5Kx1

steph_stump

2017-06-15 22:28

and most people will push a button they are specifically told NOT to push

aarron

2017-06-15 22:30

Genetic testing can be scary. Your results could foreshadow a malady that could alter your future, the process of collecting the DNA could be unpleasant, the information could potentially be hacked and used for nefarious reasons. Fear is a significant burden to this business so they need to get good at converting fear into trust.

aarron

2017-06-15 22:31

Clear copy squashes those fears: “It’s just saliva. No blood. No needles.” Whew!

aarron

2017-06-15 22:31

“Your privacy is our priority.” Ok, sounds good.

aarron

2017-06-15 22:32

“Security matters.” Damn straight!

aarron

2017-06-15 22:33

I’m sure you have a number of great examples of emotional design shaping your behavior. Rather than rambling on about the opportunities presented by emotional design, I’d like to field your questions.

hawk

2017-06-15 22:34

Questions please!

aarron

2017-06-15 22:34

@desertcoder asked about empathy maps. Here’s an example template of one: http://ift.tt/2rETeq6

desertcoder

2017-06-15 22:34

Is part of finding value included in the empathy map?

aarron

2017-06-15 22:34

An empathy map is a handy tool to help you get emotional context.

aarron

2017-06-15 22:35

What emotions influence a person’s behavior with this product?

desertcoder

2017-06-15 22:36

It sounds like the emotions are unearthed through user interviews?

aarron

2017-06-15 22:36

Through customer interviews we can identify what’s going on in our user’s mind: what they hear, think and feel, see, say and do. We also identify what pain they’re confronting that perhaps drew them to the product/is experienced with the product, and what they gain from it.

hawk

2017-06-15 22:37

How we approach and process emotion is obviously pretty personal. Is there a danger of ostracising large segments of our audience by injecting to much of a personal angle into our work? How do you test for this?

aarron

2017-06-15 22:37

From this we can identify the highs and lows of the experience. http://ift.tt/2sppESx

desertcoder

2017-06-15 22:38

Will customers be truly authentic in disclosing those feelings/emotions? If not, what are some techniques?

alex.lee

2017-06-15 22:38

How do we best guard our work from letting our own emotions about something (usually new concept the team is excited about, but may not be a good market fit) getting in the way of uncovering how our users really feel?

aarron

2017-06-15 22:38

@hawk there certainly is a risk of latching onto an emotion that’s not commonly held, but it’s usually pretty easy to identify what peaks and valleys are common in the user experience.

desertcoder

2017-06-15 22:40

@alex.lee Good point! We must be careful to prevent bias from tainting our designs. We found using a different designer to perform usability testing works well.

aarron

2017-06-15 22:41

When I joined MailChimp many moons ago, I was a long time user and knew what it felt like to use the product to create an email campaign. Once I got to the point where I could press send I felt relieved, ecstatic even. Chatting with customers confirmed they too felt the same. That was an opportunity for us to do something special—the now (relatively) famous MailChimp high five. http://ift.tt/2rFzOBt

aarron

2017-06-15 22:41

The moment resonated with people so much that they started to high five their computer screens.

aarron

2017-06-15 22:42

http://ift.tt/2spwE1G

aarron

2017-06-15 22:43

Just do a Twitter search for “MailChimp highfive” and you’ll see a stream of people responding to that interaction. https://twitter.com/search?q=mailchimp%20high%20five&src=typd

aarron

2017-06-15 22:43

@alex.lee asked “How do we best guard our work from letting our own emotions about something (usually new concept the team is excited about, but may not be a good market fit) getting in the way of uncovering how our users really feel?”

aarron

2017-06-15 22:44

Simple answer, talk to your customers on a regular basis to understand their experience.

aarron

2017-06-15 22:45

You’re designing for them.

aarron

2017-06-15 22:45

“If there’s a simple, easy design principle that binds everything together, it’s probably about starting with people.” Bill Moggridge, IDEO

nhatter

2017-06-15 22:45

What have you found is the best way to talk with the customers? We’re seeing good results from phone interviews but that can be difficult to nail down

aarron

2017-06-15 22:48

High five to @desertcoder for asking great questions! “Will customers be truly authentic in disclosing those feelings/emotions? If not, what are some techniques?”

aarron

2017-06-15 22:48

Visiting customers in person at their work place, home, or third place (favorite coffee shop or bar for example), will make them feel comfortable and more forthcoming. Spend an extended period of time there to see their true habits and personality.

hawk

2017-06-15 22:49

Don Norman talks about visceral, behavioural and reflective emotional states in design. Do you think that one of those is more powerful than the others? Where would you start?

aarron

2017-06-15 22:51

@hawk not sure that one is more powerful than another, but being aware of the types of experiences people have is helpful.

aarron

2017-06-15 22:52

@nhatter asked “What have you found is the best way to talk with the customers? We’re seeing good results from phone interviews but that can be difficult to nail down”

hawk

2017-06-15 22:52

We have 5 more mins of @aarron’s time. Last chance for questions.

aarron

2017-06-15 22:54

That’s a deep subject. There’s an art to talking to customers and extracting insights. I’ve always told researchers I’ve trained that we’re not trying to capture everything a customer tells us, just the gold. Active listening for the key insight is important. Let someone else write all the notes.

aarron

2017-06-15 22:54

You might want to read Steve Portigal’s book Interviewing Users: http://ift.tt/1pNZmjp

lynne

2017-06-15 22:54

Are there any ethical issues around manipulating people’s emotions?

aarron

2017-06-15 22:54

IT’s great!

nhatter

2017-06-15 22:55

@aarron Thanks! I’ll check that out

aarron

2017-06-15 22:55

@lynne Certainly. Facebook has gotten into hot water for manipulating new feed to trigger positive/negative emotion.

aarron

2017-06-15 22:56

Do unto others as you would have done to you :wink:

hawk

2017-06-15 22:56

Love it. That’s probably a great note on which to finish.

hawk

2017-06-15 22:57

Respect.

aarron

2017-06-15 22:57

It’s been a real pleasure chatting with you all.

desertcoder

2017-06-15 22:57

Thanks so much!

hawk

2017-06-15 22:57

Thanks so much for your time. I’ve enjoyed learning from you.

nhatter

2017-06-15 22:57

:clap::skin-tone-3:

tvskumar

2017-06-15 22:58

thank you aarron for your time

monicapike

2017-06-15 22:58

Thank you to UX Mastery for making this possible. And to Aaron for keeping it so simple – I gained so much insight!

hawk

2017-06-15 22:58

Thanks everyone for joining us today. I always appreciate the insights and questions.

lynne

2017-06-15 22:58

Thanks! I will never think about restaurants the same way again!

The post Transcript: Ask the UXperts: Designing Emotional Experiences — with Aarron Walter appeared first on UX Mastery.

by Sarah Hawk via UX Mastery http://ift.tt/2rtRXhn

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nofomoartworld · 7 years

Text

Obfuscates your feelings on Facebook and defeat its algorithms in the process

Ben Grosser, Go Rando, 2017

At a time when truth is treated as a polymorph and malleable commodity, when half of your country seems to live in another dimension, when polls are repeatedly proved wrong, when we feel more betrayed and crushed than ever by the result of a referendum or a political election, it is easy to feel disoriented and suspicious about what people around us are really thinking.

Blinding Pleasures, a group show curated by Filippo Lorenzin at arebyte Gallery in London invites us to ponder on our cognitive bias and on the mechanisms behind the False Consensus effect and the so-called Filter Bubble. The artworks in the exhibition explore how we can subvert, comprehend and become more mindful about the many biases, subtle manipulations and functioning of the mechanisms that govern the way we relate to news and ultimately to our fellow human beings.

vimeo

Ben Grosser, Go Rando (Demonstration video), 2017

One of the pieces premiering at arebyte is Go Rando, a brand new browser extension by Ben Grosser that allows you to muddle your feelings every time you “like” a photo, link or status on Facebook. Go Rando will randomly pick up one of the six Facebook “reactions”, leaving thus your feelings and the way you are perceived by your contacts at the mercy of a seemingly absurd plug-in.

The impetus behind the work is far more astute and pertinent than it might seem though. Every “like”, every sad or laughing icon is seen by your friends but also processed by algorithms used for surveillance, government profiling, targeted advertising and content suggestion. By obfuscating the limited number of emotions offered to you by Facebook, the plug-in allows you to fool the platform algorithms, perturb its data collection practices and appear as someone whose feelings are emotionally “balanced”.

If you want to have a go, installing Go Rando on your browser is a fairly straightforward task. And don’t worry, the extension also allows you choose a specific reaction if you want to.

Grosser has been critically exploring, dissecting and perverting facebook mechanisms for a number of years now. His witty artworks become strangely more relevant with each passing year, as facebook gains even more popularity, both in number and influence.

I caught up with Ben right after the opening of the Blinding Pleasures show:

Hi Ben! Your latest work, Go Rando, randomly assigns Facebook users an ‘emotion’ when you click “Like”. I hate to admit it but I’m not brave enough to use Go Rando. I’d feel too vulnerable and at the mercy of an algorithm. Also, I’d be too worried about the way my contacts would judge the assigned reactions. “Would I offend or shock anyone?” Are you expecting that many people will be as coward as I am? And more generally, what are you expecting people to discover or reflect upon with this work?

As users of Facebook I’d say we are always—as you put it—“at the mercy of an algorithm.” With Go Rando I aim to give users some agency over which algorithm they’re at the mercy of. Are they fully subject to the designs Facebook made available, or are they free to deviate from such a prescribed path? Because Go Rando’s purpose is to obfuscate one’s feelings on Facebook by randomly choosing “reactions” for them, I do expect some (many?) will share your concerns about using it.

However, whether one uses Go Rando or not, my intention for this work is to provoke individual consideration of the methods and effects of emotional surveillance. How is our Facebook activity being “read,” not only by our friends, but also by systems? Where does this data go? Whom does it benefit? Who is made most vulnerable?

With this work and others, I’m focused on the cultural, social, and political effects of software. In the case of Facebook, how are its designs changing what we say, how we say it, and to whom we speak? With “reactions” in particular, I hope Go Rando gets people thinking about how the way they feel is being used to alter their view of the world. It changes what they see on the News Feed. Their “reactions” enable more targeted advertising and emotional manipulation. And, as we’ve seen with recent events in Britain and America, our social media data can be used to further the agendas of corporate political machines intent on steering public opinion to their own ends.

Go Rando also gives users the possibility to select a specific reaction when they want to. That’s quite magnanimous. Why not be more radical and prevent users from intervening on the choice of emotion/reaction?

I would argue that allowing the user occasional choice is the more radical path. A Go Rando with no flexibility would be more pure, but would have fewer users. And an intervention with fewer users would be less effective, especially given the scale of Facebook’s 1.7 billion member user base. Instead, I aim for the sweet spot that is still disruptive yet broadly used, thus creating the strongest overall effect. This means I need to keep in mind a user like you, someone who is afraid to offend or shock in a tricky situation. The fact is that there are going to be moments when going rando just isn’t appropriate (e.g. when Go Rando blindly selects “Haha” for a sad announcement). But as long as the user makes specific choices irregularly, then those “real” reactions will get lost in the rando noise. And once a user adopts Go Rando, one of its benefits is that they can safely get into a flow of going rando first and asking questions later. They can let the system make “reaction” decisions for them, only self-correcting when necessary. This encourages mindfulness of their own feelings on/about/within Facebook while simultaneously reminding them of the emotional surveillance going on behind the scenes.

Opening of Blinding Pleasures. Photo: arebyte gallery

Go Rando is part of arebyte Gallery’s new show Blinding Pleasures. Could you tell us your own view on the theme of the exhibition, the False Consensus effect? How does Go Rando engage in it?

With the recent Brexit vote and the US Presidential election, I think we’ve just seen the most consequential impacts one could imagine of the false consensus effect. And even though I’m someone who was fully aware of the role of algorithms in social media feeds, I (and nearly everyone else I know) was still stunned this past November. In other words, we thought we knew what the country was thinking. We presumed that what we saw on our feeds was an accurate enough reflection of the world that our traditional modes of prediction would continue to hold.

We were wrong. So why? In hindsight, some of it was undoubtedly wishful thinking, hoping that my fellow citizens wouldn’t elect a racist, sexist, reality television star as President. But some of it was also the result of trusting the mechanisms of democracy (e.g. information access and visibility) to algorithms designed primarily to keep us engaged rather than informed. Facebook’s motivation is profit, not democracy.

It’s easy to think that what we see on Facebook is an accurate reflection of the world, but it’s really just an accurate reflection of what the News Feed algorithm thinks we want the world to look like. If I “Love” anti-Trump articles and “Angry” pro-Trump articles, then Facebook gleans that I want a world without Trump and gives me the appearance of a world where that sentiment is the dominant feeling.

Go Rando is focused on these feelings. By producing (often) inaccurate emotional reactions, Go Rando changes what the user sees on their feed and thus disrupts some of the filter bubble effects produced by Facebook. The work also resists other corporate attempts to analyze our “needs and fears,” like those practiced by the Trump campaign. They used such analyses to divide citizens into 32 personality types and then crafted custom messages for each one. Go Rando could help thwart this kind of manipulation in the future.

The idea of a False Consensus effect is overwhelming and it makes me feel a bit powerless. Are there ways that artists and citizens could acknowledge and address the impact it has on politics and society?

It is not unreasonable to feel powerless given the situation. So much infrastructure has been built to give us what (they think) we want, that it’s hard to push back against. Some advocate complete disengagement from social media and other technological systems. For most that’s not an option, even if it was desirable. Others develop non-corporate distributed alternatives such as Diaspora or Ello. This is important work, but it’s unlikely to replace global behemoths like Facebook anytime soon.

So, given the importance of imagining alternative social media designs, what might we do? I’ve come to refer to my process for this as “software recomposition,” treating sites like Facebook, Google, and others not as fixed spaces of consumption and interaction but as fluid spaces of manipulation and experimentation. In doing so I’m drawing on a lineage of net artists and hacktivists who use existing systems as their primary material. In my case, such recomposition manifests as functional code-based artworks that allow people to see and use their digital tools in new ways. But anyone—artist or citizen—can engage in this critical practice. All it takes is some imagination, a white board, and perhaps some writing to develop ideas about how the sites we use every day are working now, and how small or big changes might alter the balance of power between system and user in the future.

Ben Grosser, Go Rando, 2017

I befriended you on Facebook today not just because you look like a friendly guy but also because I was curious to see how someone whose work engages so critically and so often with Facebook was using the platform. You seem to be rather quiet on fb. Very much unlike some of my other contacts who carry their professional and private business very openly on their page. Can you tell us about your own relationship to Facebook? How do you use it? How does it feed your artistic practice? And vice-versa, how maybe some projects you developed have had an impact on the way you use Fb and other social platforms?

When it comes to Facebook I’d say I’m about half Facebook user and half artist using Facebook.

I start with the user part, as many of my ideas come from this role. I use Facebook to keep up with friends, meet new people, follow issues—pretty normal stuff. But I also try to stay hyper-aware of how I’m affected by the site when using it. Why do I care how many “likes” I got? What causes some people to respond but others to (seemingly) ignore my latest post?

When these roles intersect, Facebook becomes a site of experimentation for me. I’m constantly watching for changes in the interface, and when I find them I try to imagine how they came to be. What is the “problem” someone thought this change is solving? I also often post about these changes, and/or craft tests to see how others might be perceiving them.

A favorite example of mine is a post I made last year:

“Please help me make this status a future Facebook memory.”

Nothing else beyond that, no explanation, no instruction. What followed was an onslaught of comments that included quotes such as: “I knew you could do it!!” or “great news!” or “Awesome! Congrats!” or “You will always remember where you were when this happened.” In other words, without discussion, people had an instinct about what kinds of content might trigger Facebook in the future to recall this post from this past. These kinds of experiments not only help me think about what those signals might be, but also illustrate how many of us are (unconsciously) building internal models about how Facebook works at the algorithmic level. Because of this, much of my work has a collaborative nature to it, even if those collaborations aren’t formal ones.

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Ben Grosser, Facebook Demetricator (demonstration video), 2012-present

Do you know if some people have started using or at least perceiving Facebook and social media practices in general differently after having encountered one of your works?

Yes, definitely. Because some of my works—like Facebook Demetricator, which removes all quantifications from the Facebook interface—have been in use for years by thousands of people, I regularly get direct feedback from them. They tell me stories about what they’ve learned of their own interactions with Facebook as a result, and, in many cases, how my works have changed their relationship with the site.

Some of the common themes with Demetricator are that its removal of the numbers on Facebook blunts feelings of competition (e.g. between themselves and their friends), or removes compulsive behaviors (e.g. stops them from constantly checking to see how many new notifications they’ve received). But perhaps most interestingly, Demetricator has also helped users to realize that they craft rules for themselves about how to act (and not act) within Facebook based on what the numbers say.

For example, multiple people have shared with me that it turns out they have a rule for themselves about not liking a post if it has too many likes already (say, 25 or 50). But they weren’t aware of this rule until Demetricator removed the like counts. All of the sudden, they felt frozen, unable to react to a post without toggling Demetricator off to check! If your readers are interested in more stories like this, I have detailed many of them in a paper about Demetricator and Facebook metrics called “What Do Metrics Want: How Quantification Prescribes Social Interaction on Facebook,” published in the journal Computational Culture.

Ben Grosser, Facebook Demetricator, 2012-present

Ok, sorry but I have another question regarding Facebook. I actually dislike that platform and tend to avoid thinking about it. But since you’re someone who’s been exploring it for years, it would be foolish of me to dismiss your wise opinion! A work like Facebook Demetricator was launched in 2012. 5 years is a long time on the internet. How do you feel about the way this project has aged? Do you think that the way Facebook uses data and the way users experience data has evolved over time?

I have mixed feelings about spending much of my last five years with Demetricator. I’m certainly fortunate to have a work that continues to attract attention the way this one does. But there have been times—usually when Facebook makes some major code change—when I’ve wished I could put it away for good! Because Facebook is constantly changing, I have to regularly revise Demetricator in response or it will stop functioning. In this way, I’ve come to think of Demetricator as a long-term coding performance project.

Perhaps the best indicator of how well Demetricator has aged is that it keeps resurfacing for new audiences. Someone who had never heard about it before will find the work and write about its relationship to current events, and this will create a surge of new users and attention. The latest example is Demetricator getting discussed as a way of dealing with post-election social media anxiety in the age of Trump.

In terms of Facebook’s uses of and user experiences with data over time, there’s no question this has evolved. People have a lot more awareness about the implications of big data and overall surveillance post-Snowden. The recent Brexit and US election results have helped expand popular understandings of concepts like the filter bubble. And I would say that, while perhaps not that many people are aware of it, many more now understand that what we see on Facebook is the result of an algorithm making content decisions for us. At the same time, Facebook continues to roll out new methods of quantifying its users (e.g. “reactions”), and these are not always discussed critically on arrival, so there’s plenty of room for growth.

I find the way you explore and engage with algorithms and data infrastructures fascinating, smart but also easy to approach for anyone who might not be very familiar with issues related to algorithm, data gathering, surveillance, etc. There always seem to be several layers to your works. One that is easy to understand with a couple of sentences and one that goes deeper and really questions our relationship to technology. How do you ensure that people will see past the amusing side of your work and immerse themselves into the more critical aspect of each new project (if that’s something that concerns you)?

It’s important to me that my work has these different layers of accessibility. My intention is to entice people to dig deeper into the questions I’m thinking about. But as long as some people go deep, I’m not worried when others don’t.

In fact, one of the reasons I often use humor as a strategic starting point is to encourage different types of uses for each work I make. This is because I not only enjoy the varied lives my projects live but also learn something new from each of them. As you might expect, sometimes it’s a user’s in-depth consideration that reveals new insights. But other times it’s the casual interaction that helps me better understand what I’ve made and how people think about my topic of interest.

Ultimately, in a world where so many of us engage with software all day long, I want us to think critically about what software is. How is it made? What does it do? Who does it serve? In other words, what are software’s cultural, social, and political effects? Because software is a layer of the world that is hard to see, I hope my work brings a bit more of it into focus for us all.

Ben Grosser, Music Obfuscator

Ben Grosser, Tracing You (screenshot), 2015

Any upcoming work, field of research or events coming up after the exhibition at arebyte Gallery?

I have several works and papers in various stages of research or completion. I’ll mention three. Music Obfuscator is a web service that manipulates the signal of uploaded music tracks so that they can evade content identification algorithms on sites like YouTube and Vimeo. With this piece, I’m interested in the mechanisms and limits of computational listening. I have a lot done on this (I showed a preview at Piksel in Norway), but hope to finally release it to the public this spring or summer at the latest. I’m in the middle of research for a new robotics project called Autonomous Video Artist. This will be a self-propelled video capture robot that that seeks out, records, edits, and uploads its own video art to the web as a way of understanding how our own ways of seeing are culturally-developed. Finally, I have an article soon to be published in the journal Big Data & Society that will discuss reactions to my computational surveillance work Tracing You, illustrating how transparent surveillance reveals a desire for increased visibility online.

Thanks Ben!

Image by Filippo Lorenzin

Go Rando is part of Blinding Pleasures, a group show that explores the dangers and potentials of a conscious use of the mechanisms behind the False Consensus effect and its marketing-driven son, the so-called “Filter Bubble”. The show was curated by Filippo Lorenzin and is at arebyte Gallery in London until 18th March 2017.

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