#through the misery idk

[rachiller]

Idk it makes sense that it’s a supermoon tomorrow bc I always feel weird around the full moon and things have just been like. Bad. This week.

#I spent my days off just like stressing bc I was building myself up for a fight with my manager over Saturday night #just making a list of possible rebuttals #and then he comes up to me and just apologises #and I’m like ???? oh for real???? #I fully wasn’t expecting it bc of how he responded so so badly to my anger on Saturday night #so I’m like well I guess HE took the two days of not seeing me realising how much of a bitch he was to do that #anyway idk bc I spent 2 days thinking of things to shout at him I’ve got this whole fucking list of grievances #and I think the fact I didn’t get to air them is weighing me down #bc I have been so miserable lately and a lot of it is to do with him #we’ve had like a fairly good relationship so far so it’s just been really difficult realising how many things I’m so unhappy about #that I just haven’t been facing bc I’m just trying to get through the season #I keep telling myself that when season ends it’ll be better but I’m queen of telling myself it’ll get better and then just fucking coasting #through the misery idk

[honeytuesday]

whatever dude, the silliest gooses honk the loudest 🥱

#i feel like ive been encountering a lot of bitterness lately #ik being realistic is important but like a huge part of youth is restlessness with who and where and what you are and want to be #and the cruel delight with which some ppl seek to squash that? #why would you do that? #do you feel better dragging someone down into your misery? #idk dude it is so much to keep pushing through

[todayisafridaynight]

YOU MAKE THAT POST AND DON'T SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS ON EVERYONE'S OPINION ON SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG???

I MEAN IT'S SUCH A NICHE FUCKING TOPIC LMAO I DIDN'T THINK ANYONE WOULD CARE

but anyway here's the Egregiously Simplified version of Everyone Is Forced To Play Ten Routes Of Shadow The Hedgehog And Has To Give Their Opinion Afterwards

#snap chats #i already hear someone going 'the fuck you mean mine is number one shadow the hedgehog defender' YOU WILL LISTEN TO ME #at first i do think he'd be like 'what the fuck' but then going through all of shadows routes. or at least ten to get the final story #and seeing the constant betrayal and inability to trust others he faced yet still ultimately persevering due to his promise to maria #i think bro would be moved.. just a little.. would he think shadow a bit headassed for that considering what the humans did to him #Of Course but also its evident that shadows clearly taking things into his own hands now- as righteous of a mission as it is #despite the persistent attempted influence by everyone around him. shadows a complicated TRAGEDY he'd be moved #mine's artsy like that..... gotta go before i get shot ive said insane things before but this one'll take the cake me thinks #im not explaining everyone else mine's just felt like the one i NEEDED to explain lest i look more insane than usual #06 daigo's purely a Shadow Angst enjoyer. he understands shadow and he's wallowing in the misery of his backstory #majima's weird to categorize cause he definitely can be like Lmao The Fuck and/or just play the game chaotically #and then the aspects of identity come in and on the outside he'll be like 'bro its not that deep' but on the inside its like #Damn He Just Like Me Fr. i think. idk i dont study majima leave me alone im not making ANOTHER One Chara Exclusive category #i said i wouldnt explain anyone else and here i am explaining shut UP im gonna go eat #im not looking at this anymore bye #FORCING myself to leave cause i really will just end up typing essays on bitches perceiving shadow LMAOO

[pochapal]

mood for the evening

#:) #was going through the phone i had from 2014 to 2019 and found a couple old selfies i took #and when i tell you i have never seen a more dead behind the eyes individual swamped in despair in my life #like a little jpeg of me aged 20 should NOT have contained as palpable a misery aura as it did. and yet #anyway it's insane how much i have genuinely improved as a human being in the last 18 months #on and off i've been jokingly calling my self improvement process a miraculous resurrection but wholly and genuinely i think that did happe #like. the me now looks way more alive + happy than maybe i ever have in my whole life???? #also what's insane is that in these pictures of me from ages 17-22 i look a million times older and wearier than i do now in my mid 20s #moral of the story is resurrection is THE hottest thing a bitch can do #idk just. very glad i didn't succumb to the pall that had been cast over me for the majority of my life #i am very glad i am alive here and now despite it all. i certainly never believed it lmfao

[mycological-mariner]

Finished chapter 1 of Flight of the Heron. Oh my god. I thought y’all were joking but no. I was reading it at the gp waiting room and I laughed out loud. I’m not sure I was meant to but come on just. Everything is going wrong for him it is past the point of sorrow and straight into comedy

#keith’s hatred of mountains is killing me #FUCK mountains! #fuck THOSE mountains fuck THESE mountains fuck YOUR mountains #riding through a village: oh christ AND they’re Catholics??? #his face was directly in the path of the flight of the heron jfc #laying on the side of the road swearing that the flora and fauna of the highlands are out to get him lmao #’surrender if you please’ keith: wounded bleeding but v angry: ‘NO?! Fight me coward!’ #IMMEDITATLY gets his ass kicked in less than a minute #not even to MENTION the ‘fine specimen of young manhood’ WHAT #and ‘he’s handsome I bet he’s got muscles under there’ WHAT! #and finally giving in like fine. sure. but I feel bad about making you walk #this man’s misery is endless I’m revelling in it #he’s so small and angry #I love him #the flight of the heron #IM ONLY READ THE PROLOGUE AND CHP1!!! #I need to know what happens next this seems idk! #this book is a sick fic lmao #I have no idea the rest of the plot but my god #I’m gonna burn through this is no time huh

[mestos]

from a chara standpoint i think ppl can and are allowed to enjoy the vampire ascendant ending and direction if they want to. i mean, we all kno of power fantasies and villainious routes being extremely hot and sexy. i just find it incredibly grating ppl love to enforce the "he doesn't know love anymore bc dnd lore state that vampires don't feel emotion" like maybe for you jan but not me! my man is infatuated and adores my tav as the ascendant. sorry!

#neesan texto #like yea u can argue that its important for him to have rejected power and grown away from it. but i dislike the notion of #implying that there is a dichotomy between ascending him as good or evil #its frustrating. letting him be vampire lord and letting him have some form of agency #to make up for two hundred years of misery and torture #should be allowed to be an exploration of how he navigates through agency he has finally gained #its a recovery process in its own right. whether or not someone sees it as good or evil is fucking irrelevant #also ppl going around saying ur evil for doing that to astarion is strange to me. and saying he can't feel love for you anymore #like yall are so willing to break lore for your own right but this is the end of the threshold??? lol #idk. anyway #theres no good or evil ending for him theres just two paths and both are explorations on how #astarion manages finding his own agency #not tagging this specifically but ill mention #spoilers

[thievedreams]

crazy how u can be feeling completely insane and empty and miserable but then someone on the internet has made a one sentence post that makes u stop and go oh hey. i’m not alone none of us are alone it’s maybe gonna be ok



#like. idk #goin through it #but so are a thousand someone else’s #it’s so calming #and warm #misery loves company #i guess? #except not really #smth else i can’t articulate #anywho #me #spilled thoughts

[mcybree]

I found this post of mine again which is how I found your blog to begin with (you rbed it) and now that I’ve been following you for a while it’s kinda crazy how we both reached quite similar conclusions from completely independent starting points. Like I never thought about Scott too much and then I thought about him more and I was like?? Why do we act like this guy is an angel again? There’s not really a point to this lol it’s just I guess neither of us are completely insane 😭 there IS something there and we both recognized it

i believe that somewhere out there, there exists more people like us… and some day we will all come together and discuss scott smajor characterization like the great philosophers before us

#but yeah I check the scott maintags daily hoping someone else gets brave enough to say some real shit in there so I can start up discussions #(normal behavior to be sure) #i myself was like. Idk scott was always my favorite when I was first getting into it but I didnt start actually thinking about him until- #my ranchers arc and then it was all downhill doom despair misery etc #he was my favorite because idk im gay and find comfort in watching gay peoples shit #fast forward a year and now I want to slam a blue cubes head through a wall violently #i saw your post and jumped at the opportunity immediately I was like finally its getting real in here #There have been no other posts like that since but I STILL BELIEVE!!!!! #It really does still feel like im insane sometimes im glad I have people on this blog to remind me im probably not #The average scott analysis post is set in like an alternate reality to me #bree barks so fucking loud #asks

[the-kipsabian]

im really just struggling at this point again to think that i can do anything with writing. or that im any good at it, that the things i make are any good or worth anyones time. that what little i manage to push out rn is even worth the effort of even making

#idk. i keep looking at the hanahaki and that bombed pretty well. just like everything before it #and yeah sure maybe i should give it a bit more than three days but in the hell scape of online its already been forgotten #ppl arent gonna find it going forward either if they havent looked at it already #just.. its not that just with this. its everything. it takes me so much to get writing these days and its just not giving me much back #i mean it makes me happy to create (i think) but beyond that its just a waste of my time and already limited energy i have #its just not worth it i think. who fucking cares #i know i keep saying this and then turning around to make something again just to burn myself again and repeat the cycle cause i never learn #it is what it is. i know i cant make people care even if i try. i honestly dont know why im trying #maybe i just really actually need to step away. like. for good #im just not good at anything maybe i'll get it through my thick fucking head one day #how its nothing but disappointments and misery one day after another. and almost always self inflicted. yay #sorry you dont care its fine im just sad again

[dingusships]

I feel like shit but also like....I get this every time someone's passed bc it was always due to a very long drawn-out illness but I have this sense of relief. Which sounds horrible if you've never gone through mourning someone who's still alive for years but she's not in pain anymore. She's not scared or angry or confused anymore. She's not sick anymore and she's not miserable anymore. There's a relief in knowing all of those horrible things is over

#now if i lost someone unexpectedly....idk. that sounds terrifying and i pray i never go through it #with long term things.... it's horrible and agonizing and you're living in misery and dread for what could happen next #but you have time to make peace. or as much peace as you can for the circumstances

[sludgeguzzler]

im so glad im getting better lately and thinking of the future as full of possibilities and options. what really keeps me going lately has been thinking about graduating high school and moving out and going to college, getting a job, living my life normaly and on my own pace, which is such a big change from the plans i had made just a few months back. im feeling sorta hopeful about my future for once and its great. i want to grow old now. its great

#i mean it doesnt mean i have a clear vision of what i want to be as an adult and if im even gonna go to college #but. idk im living through it #gosh im just. im just so so glad i cant put it into words #its funny too cus just a couple of days ago i was in absolute misery because of the big test i had to do dfshgh #but actually doing it made something click for me i think. i came out of the building feeling so #so light i guess #it was raining a bit and i just wanted to walk #so i told my mom it was too crouded and for her to pick me up someplace else #and i walked to a bus stop while eating one of the worst cereal bars i have ever eaten and my shoes were all muddy and i had a headache #but idk. i felt. really good #you see i am a certified teenager im six months away from being 17 im living that late teen blues #where my face is becoming a little less greasy and my frontal lobe a little more developed #and that means its almost time for college and for drinking and for partying and for moving out #and like. man #its dawned on me that the plans i had the ones about offing myself when i graduated highschool #they just odnt hold up anymore #i WANT to graduate i WANT to move out to my own apartment #i WANT to get a job; to come out properly; to study art; to put these years behind me and live #and im not saying i want to embrace everything that comes with adulthood no #what the fuck even is a tax. what do you mean i have to pay for my own internet. what the hell water bill #but just the fact that i actually want to go through all the shit parts so i can live the good parts means a lot to me #idk at this point im just rambling #dont want to kill myself anymore yippie hooray #schools definetelly gonna be Hell next year but i want to get through it so i can live the good part of life #im also ok about not going to college. like fuck man if i dont go then i didnt go thats that #i do have one (1) cringe unrealistic expectation which is omg what if me and my current bf stayed together forever [autism stare] #at this point im just incoherently rambling sorry there was alot i wanted to say and i ended up losing whatever sense of writing i had. #if you read through all of thank you tho. extremely personal i know but idk. im happy #sg.txt

[sashimiyas]

wishing i had the bravery to write for other fandoms

#reinas.inretrograde #i don’t know anyone #i don’t even know myself #but i want to write a miserable and dark ex-husband fic with sukuna #and single! dad fic with natsuo where i put that poor man through miseries and self pitiful scenarios #bc he has so many repressed emotions and is quite similar to his father. a rude awakening #it ends happy bc that’s what he deserves! eventually #but i literally look at them and i’m like idk who you even are #but i guess that’s how i felt about sakusa at one point. literally freaking out about my first little drabble of him but got some confidence #bc tee showed up and tee’s praise means a lot <3 #BUT I DONT KNOW THEM #shinsou too. shinsou who is so alone in the world. who’s never had a sincere touch in his life and you show him light #circling back to sukuna i want it to have gone girl vibes but that’s beyond my comfort zone #bye i’ve rambled enough! but it’s on you if you made it this far!! #it literally asked you to see all of whatever so!! #kiss kiss! have a good day? #good day!!!!!!!

[gayfilmbro]

watched tusk today that film is so funny and also so harrowing like wow let me lie on the floor for a min

#like its sucg an absurd concept that i was laughing all the way through but then at some points ur there like #it forces you to see it as ridiculous until it becomes all too real and theres a guy who's a walrus fighting for and clinging onto his life #that will never be the same #and when he CRIES at the end like 'crying is important bc it seperates us from animals & shpws that we're human' (powerphrasing) #maybe he didnt go 'full walrus' but has some of his humanity in tact and maybe hes crying for the life he once had and the way he #took his freedom for granted #& the scene where he's underwater and there's all the past walrus experiments corpses like. do u think he was the only one to survive bc he #was the only one who wanted to. who fought for it. did the others simply give up because they couldnt let go of what they once had and so #spared themselves a life they didnt want to live created by a monster #ALSO ok the scene where he kills his creator. the man who rebirthed him as a walrus is the same scene where he for the first time does #exactly what the man wanted to do and helps the man to achieve his life's goal and he dies happy but at the sacrifice of his creations #humanity. #so the creation kills the killer and emerges as the killer's masterpiece and purpose. then he's nearly put out of his misery but not and #put in an animal sanctuary where he's constantly exposed. how is that okay #i do wonder whether he'd have thanked them if they did just shoot him after he killed his creator but. i dont know. i dont know. #ok ive run out of thoughts can u tell idk these characters' names lol #tusk 2014 #movies #‚

[lesbienneanarchiste]

alexa how do i find the will to live when i’ve been without a hyperfixation for months and am bad at the only things i even remotely feel like doing

#the only part of this that is a joke is the fact that i don't have an alexa #anyway every day i wake to miseries and pass out to miseries and there is literally no joy in my life haha lmao #the only thing that's been getting me through has been re-watching symbalily's hollow knight playthrough #so i thought i would give it another go since i bought it years ago and was bad at it so i gave up #so i added a mostly invincible mod so i wouldn't die every 3 minutes #alas. i am very bad at video games so all it does is make me tense and pissed off #nothing is fun anymore and hasn't been for a long time now #like. six months. #which is a long time to go without finding joy in anything #and idk every time i try to make myself do something to help or change things up in the hope it'll make things a little better #it doesn't work and then i end up feeling worse for the fact that it didn't work #idk. i'm just so tired of this being endless #i'm 31 and feeling the same or worse than i was at 13 #disgruntled octopus

[reikunrei]

okay wait one more thought before I go nighnight…. I genuinely kind of really want a moment in s5 where… basically….. henry ends up sacrificing himself to save the day……….. like I want el or whoever to break through to him and he gets all soft and is like “damn…. Actually…. being full of hatred is uuuuh kinda lame” and then he fixes everything but he dies in the process and it’s actually really sad and I want it to make me cry like a baby

#like. idk if that’s a ‘redemption’ but #I think it would be Neat if he’s the one to save everyone and the world #rather than like. just being killed. BOOOOO boring #i say things #stranger things // #like he’s possessing eddie’s corpse or gets into other characters’ heads #(looking at u william) #and he sees all of their pain and grief and misery…….. but under it all…. #is undying hope and love….. and it Gets Through To Him #I feel like there’s a movie or tv show or smthn where this is a premise

[navree]

“...but there are moments when, if anyone performs an act of kindness towards him or does the most triffing service, his countenance is lighted up, as it were, with a beam of benevolence and sweetness that i never saw equalled. but he is generally melancholy and despairing...” 

need more people to actually read this book so i can see the end of “frankenstein WAS the monster” takes about someone who is so miserable and traumatized and grieving that he ends his life acting thrilled that people would show him basic human kindness while he was half dead, all because he handled One situation not perfectly at the age of seventeen and the creature decided to be a GIANT ASSHOLE about it forever

#personal #victor frankenstein #god walton's descriptions of victor at the beginning just make me so depressed #'broken by misery' 'the dark tyranny of his despair' we couldn't keep one family member alive to give this boy a hug #victor would have the most SYMPATHETIC villain origin story if he'd lived #fine he was a bit of a dick about the creature when he created him #the creature responded to that by *murdering his kid brother and framing his friend for it so she'd die* #and then when victor was less than tolerant of the creature for that reason and then decided not to make him a waifu #he decided to murder his best friend and then his wife and then victor's dad ended up dying too #which to him was like the equivalent of throwing a goddamn temper tantrum like a baby #just ONE of those deaths is a perfectly valid reason for wanting someone dead #or hating them for the rest of your life #like i'm generally pretty measured about this and of the opinion that victor and the creature were in a mutually abusive relationship #but idk how to inform y'all that the creature is the bad guy!!!! #mass slaughter of innocent bystanders because people are mean to you is NOT an appropriate reaction that good people have!! #anyway no victor was never a monster (the creature wasn't either until he made himself into one by being shitty) #and i don't think he deserved what the creature put him through not even a little bit