#to even fucking exist and am expected to be exciteable and sociable like i used to be but i literally do not have a sense of self anymore

[princeanxious]

I woke up at 4 am this morning to waiat in a line, i had maybe a half an hour nap when i got back before i took my meds bc i couldn’t fall back asleep, it is my only day off, and i have been sitting here drawing dukeceit doodles for the past four hours instead of finishing my dinner and going to do the dishes and also my laundry, because i have work tomorrow, and no clean pants to wear,

And it is. 12:35am.

Have i moved yet? No.

Do i plan to? Yes!

Do i know when the fuck that’ll be because it means i gotta do chores and then get ready for bed? No, nadda fucking clue tbh. I could be awake for another three hours staring at fuck all and still get nothing done if i felt like it(and, most times, even when i *do* want to get stuff done)

I’d ask why/how my life has come to this but I’ve learned damn well to stop asking questions i dont have the energy to answer myself

#luka rants #i feel like i am an embodiment of exhaustion rn. like. i already felt that way before today bc my body sucks & so does work #but i’m also pretty sure i’m taking a slow but rapidly steepening dip in physical health and resultingly mental health as well #i sway when i sit or stand and i already have shit balance. i’m always so fucking exhausted but i dont really have the resources to take- #-more than one day off atm w/o getting closer to trouble than i’d like w/ marks against my job #so i have to save it for like. important shit #it takes a month to get enough hours to take off 1 full shift and woo boy every day i feel i’m that much closer to actually like #tripping and either busting my head open or spraining/breaking a bone from my body’s sheer lack of energy regeneration it seems #its been like. a back to back wake up get ready for work go to work come home do chores hopefully finish eating then collapse till 4 am #only to realize i hadnt gotten ready for bed so i get up and do that bc i wont be able to sleep if i dont and then wake up and repeat till #my next day off over which i literally collapse and have no ability to do anything and usually dont even get peace in resting bc #i’m expected to just. treat it like a day off and be open to going out or doing something or be sighed at because i’m too exhausted #to even fucking exist and am expected to be exciteable and sociable like i used to be but i literally do not have a sense of self anymore #i dont have the energy to do anything fun outside of sometimes drawing. not even talking about stuff i like. #it’s borderline insane to just be able to reflect on how exhausted i am and not knowing how to deal or ask for more help. and so my current #help thinks i’m just being a little lazy and god how terrible am i to just let that stand bc i feel like its true. even as i sit here and #ridicule myself for not being able to do basic shit like standing up and putting dishes away or cleaning my clothes or fucking. smiling! #i dont have the energy to ‘prefer’ anything bc all of it is just focused on surviving the next hour #the next day. the next week #‘what do you want to do with your life for/after college’ is so hilariously depressing to be asked because?? #i dont. know #i’ll be happy to make it to next week without accidentally offing myself at work to make enough to pay off the stupid medical bill #for another stupid issue in my body that should not be so severe but is anyway #maybe i dont want to go to fucking college or be expected to hone in on some future specialized career just to live life #maybe i’m not actually fucking capable of answering that question bc it seems my body is trying to off me at literally every chance it gets #god im so fucking tired

[sparklysung]

✨OPEN CURTAINS PART III – h.r.j.✨

© sparklysung – 2021. all rights reserved. no reposts, modifications and/or translations allowed.

pairing – huang renjun x female!reader

genre – fluff, smut | non-idol!au, neighbours!au, strangers to lovers!au

warnings – blowjob, face fucking, penetration, nipple play, protected sex

word count – 5.346 words

summary – when the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity of being with his cute neighbour shows up one day –thanks to his two best friends aka jaemin and jeno–, renjun just couldn’t let it slip. who would have thought the universe would finally side with him and let things happen?

note – the gif isn’t mine, i found it on google, so credits to the owner! it’s way longer than the previous parts but i hope you guys like it!

taglist – @junguwuuu, @prvncejxon, @jenotation​, @iwishihadabettername, @whomichelle 

part i ; part ii ; part iii

renjun didn’t know what to expect to happen next.

anyway, he started to leave the curtains in his room open, excited to see you again. don’t get him wrong, though, he did like seeing you put on a private show just for him to witness, but he looked forward more to you just being yourself.

he liked observing you, he enjoyed the way you looked so content doing your own thing. sometimes he got to see you while you read a book by your window, earphones plugged in and head bobbing to the rhythm of the song you were listening to. on other occasions, he caught you laughing at your phone while probably talking to your friends –he hoped they were just friends–, a warm feeling washing over his body from your cute reactions.

it was safe to say renjun was whipped for you and it wasn’t even a secret.

his two best friends, jaemin and jeno, knew of his interest in you since the beginning, as renjun had forced them countless times to listen to him talk about –or more like drool over– you. 

they were also the first ones to witness renjun suffer hopelessly for the impossibility of an us happening between you.

so it wasn’t a surprise renjun had told them about your dirty secret. at first, they didn’t believe him as it sounded way too much like a sex scene from a bad movie. but they soon concluded it was true one day when a small interaction between the two of you they had never seen before happened.

the three of them had been eating lunch in the school’s cafeteria while talking about random stuff and joking about renjun’s crush on you. coincidentally, almost as if they had summoned you, they saw you walk past their table and towards yours. all three eyes were set in your figure, following your every move as you tilted your head to the side, locking eyes with renjun. you sent him a flirty smile and a wink just to wind him up a bit, and you hit the jackpot when said boy choked on his drink and turned a deep shade of red.

you just walked away after, trying to contain your laugh. neither jaemin nor jeno knew who was more surprised, renjun or them. as soon as you were out of sight they turned their attention to him, mouths agape in shock, to see him coughing uncontrollably.

“did she just…” ignoring his struggling friend, jeno spoke, still shaken. “did she just flirt with you?” jaemin finished, equally shaken. renjun felt like his heart was about to exit his body through his mouth. 

you had never acknowledged his existence before outside of your filthy displays of skin and that one confrontation, never even sparing him a glance. and suddenly you were flirting with him in front of the whole school?

renjun’s heart beat fast, almost hurting his ribs from how hard it pounded against them.

what were you doing to him?

“i–i don’t know?”

“dude, she was clearly flirting.” both of his friends threw each other a knowing look before softly patting his shaky friend. “just shoot your shot, she’s obviously into you too.” jaemin pressed.

jaemin was tired of seeing renjun stress over a girl and not do anything about it. he couldn’t just stay still and watch, he had to do something if his best friend wasn’t going to.

so he decided to take matters into his own hands. 

and jeno was going to help him, obviously.

~.~.~.~

“okay, so, here’s the plan.”

jaemin and jeno sat cross-legged in front of each other on the latter’s bed. they had arranged an emergency meeting to make up a plan to get you and renjun together.

“we have to convince her to make the first move because, clearly, renjun isn’t going to. and i need you to do it for me.” jaemin looked as serious as ever, taking very seriously his job as renjun’s personal cupid.

“what? why me? why can’t you do it?” jeno questioned, confused, to which jaemin clicked his tongue in annoyance. “because you’re friendly and outgoing, at least more sociable than me, duh.” he furrowed his eyebrows as if he was stating the obvious. “also, no one can say no to that eye smile, literally nobody.”

“and how exactly am i supposed to approach her, what do you want me to tell her?”

“just tell her you’re one of renjun’s friends and ask her if she likes him. if she says yes, tell her renjun is a little shy and if she can, you know, ask him out on a date maybe or just make the first move. i don’t know, just whatever she can to make renjun confess so they can finally get together.” jaemin spoke confidently, feeling like a genius. he could already picture you two walking to school, hands clasped together and looking at each other with lovey-dovey eyes.

“and what if she says no?” jeno was still hesitant, not sure if the plan was going to work out or mess things further.

“she’s not gonna say no. from what i heard from him and witnessed that day at lunch, she likes him. or at least she’s interested in him.”

“ugh, fine, i’ll do it.” jaemin smiled triumphantly, punching his fist in the air. “but you owe me one, you’ll do my homework for a month.” now was jeno’s turn to smirk, jaemin’s smile quickly dropping.

“renjun better fucking take this opportunity and make the most out of it.” jaemin mumbled distastefully.

~.~.~.~

jeno’s eyes wandered around the hallways, back resting against the wall outside of your classroom, waiting for you to come by anytime soon and put the plan into motion.

jeno and you weren’t friends, not even classmates, but he had briefly talked to you a few times before, so he still felt a bit awkward about it.

after a few minutes of waiting, he saw you walk in his direction. before you could open the door to get inside the room, jeno spoke.

“hey! can i steal a few minutes of your time? i need to talk to you.” he smiled, eyes turning into crescent moons.

cute.

you nodded your head, making your way towards a less concurred place.

“sure, what do you need me for?” you quirked an eyebrow, curious to hear what he had to say.

“so… i’m friends with huang renjun, does it ring a bell?” he continued as you nodded for him to keep going, suddenly really interested in the conversation. “you see, i wanted to know if you were interested in him romantically? i mean, if you like him.” jeno bit the inside of his cheek, feeling slightly nervous.

“did he send you to ask me?”

“what? no. i just wanted to know since i was there when he almost died of asphyxia in the cafeteria a couple of days ago.” it was his time to arch his eyebrow in an almost teasing way.

“uhm, i may be,” you shrugged your shoulders, pretending to be unaffected and ready to leave for class.

“great! so, he’s a bit shy. he may or may not be scared to ask you out because he thinks you’ll reject him, so i was wondering if you could make the first move?”

you failed to contain your laugh, so you lightly slapped one of your hands to your lips to shut yourself up. jeno wasn’t sure what were you laughing at, so you, sensing his uneasiness, quickly explained yourself.

“i’m not laughing at him. actually, i think he’s really sweet. it’s just…” your hand dropped again to your side, tugging at the hem of your shirt. jeno noticed your hesitation. “are you sure this is going to work? i mean, i haven’t tried talking to him properly because i’m afraid he’s going to run away from me as soon as i approach him.”

“at least try, i’m begging you. jaemin and i are tired of hearing him cry over you.” the pleading tone in his voice made you feel a bit bad for them.

“fine, i’ll do it.” just as you spoke, the sound of the bell ringing made you both flinch, both turning to make your way to your respective classrooms.

“thanks! see you around.” jeno waved at you with a happy smile on his face before walking out of your sight.

you weren’t surprised, you had actually expected to be the one to take the first step. but what you didn’t really expect was for one of his friends to ask you to. it made you think they were aware of your existence and your complicated relationship with renjun.

it left you wondering how much they knew about it.

whether they were aware of everything or not, this was going to be interesting nonetheless.

~.~.~.~

the day after jeno’s request, you found yourself bored and alone in your house. your parents had once again left you to take care of work-related stuff.

what a surprise.

seeing you had a couple of hours before they came back, you decided to make good use of it and think of how you were going to get close enough to renjun to ask him out, or at least drop him more hints to show him your interest in him.

you looked out of your window, hoping he was home and in his room like usual. and he was. sat down on his desk, a focused renjun was quickly tying in his computer. he looked so comfy in his gray sweatpants that hugged his thighs oh so perfectly and oversized yellow hoodie that you would love to steal some time, so inviting for you to cuddle in his arms. you felt butterflies erupt in your stomach with the thought of it.

after a while, you decided to just ask him if you could come and hang out with him. that would give you an opportunity to talk to him. and by the looks of it, renjun’s parents weren’t home either, so you had plenty of time to think of ways to let him know you liked him without scaring him.

he must have felt you staring because he turned his head to take a glimpse of you, catching you already looking at him. his cheeks burned making your lips turn upwards. he smiled back, but it quickly changed into a look of pure confusion as you got up and exited your room.

soon enough you were outside of his house, waiting for him to let you in. his eyes opened widely when he heard a knock on his door, face contorting in an expression of utter panic. he stood frozen in place for a couple of seconds before coming back to his senses. he quickly threw things inside of his closet and under his bed to clean up a bit before running downstairs.

what were you doing there?

when he opened the door, he was panting heavily from shuffling around his room and running to you.

“hey, were you busy?” 

“uh… no!” renjun scratched the back of his head as he realized he had spoken too loudly, “i mean, no, i’m not busy at all.”

you nodded your head in understanding as he stood awkwardly, clueless like a lost puppy. you lifted your face up to look at him and something clicked in his head.

“oh shit, you wanna come in?” quietly cursing he moved to the side to let enough space for you to walk in. 

you just giggled, waiting for him to lead the way. he walked towards the stairs in silence with you trailing behind. when you reached the door that led to his room, he opened it and let you walk in first. you sat down on his bed while he retook his place on his desk.

anxiety was eating renjun up from the thoughts crowding his mind, the uncertainty of why you dropped by so suddenly made his stomach churn. 

“uhm, so, what brings you here?” he asked, playing with his hands while avoiding eye contact with you.

“i don’t know, i just thought we could hang out, you know? we never really spoke before, apart from that, and we’ve been neighbours for a couple of years.” you looked at him expectantly. you hoped he wouldn’t tell you to leave and let you stay for a bit more.

“ah, yeah, we can hang out… i’d like that,”

“great!”

it was no secret you were eager to spend time with him, you weren’t even discrete about it. even renjun could tell by the way you excitedly looked around his room while lightly bouncing on the mattress.

renjun couldn’t help but notice the way your hips moved as you bounced, completely unaware of his gaze. his mind drifted to the day when you brought that guy home with you, the way you pushed him on the bed and got on top, how you teased him by grinding against him and then rode him, your attention never leaving renjun.

he nibbled on his lip nervously, forcing himself to only focus on your face and not think too much about it. he could already feel blood rushing south as his sweatpants got tighter. he figured that his hoodie, a size or two too big for his body, could work in his favour, so he tugged on it to cover himself.

the boy’s attempt of hiding his growing boner didn’t go unnoticed by you as you abruptly stopped dead on your tracks to eye him meticulously to find the cause of his sudden fidgety behaviour.

“hey, are you alr-,” at first you didn’t see it, too worried thinking that you were making him uncomfortable, thoughts of better leaving him alone filled your head. 

and then, you noticed.

he had popped a boner out of nowhere.

“oh.” you stared at him blankly.

realizing you knew what was up with him, renjun shot up from his seat, face pale. “i-it’s not what it looks like, i swear!” the sudden change in the pitch of his voice surprised you. “i’m sorry, i’m really sorry, i didn’t mean to!” he cried out, desperately trying to convince you.

“renjun,” you stood up, taking a few steps forward, “relax.” with a soft push on his shoulders he fell down onto the chair once again.

“w-what?” you used your hands to push his knees open, making space for you to settle in between. “what are yo-,” a moan ripped out of his chest when your hand came up to cup his cock through his clothes.

“tell me to stop and i will.” you waited for him to answer, your other hand stroking his thigh gently.

“please, don’t stop.”

you quickly got your hands to work, palming him, squeezing from time to time. he tried to keep his mouth shut, teeth biting onto his tongue. you wanted to hear him, so you saw it as a challenge.

and you sure were going to win.

you placed open mouthed kisses on his clothed bulge, feeling him twitch against your lips. pushing his hoodie up to expose the skin of his abdomen, you licked a stripe before blowing air to the wet trail of saliva, making him flinch. his hips bucked under your hand as it never stopped stroking his shaft.

renjun was having a really hard time keeping still and quiet.

“can i?” you hooked your finger under the elastic of his sweats, asking for permission to expose his cock. he nodded as soon as you spoke, eager to feel you without the restriction of his clothes.

when you pushed the waistband of his pants below his hips, freeing him, you were stunned. the moment you caught him jerking off to you, you were able to see him and, in total honesty, you couldn’t deny it made you feel things. but up close the experience was completely different. nerves began rising inside renjun as you admired his dick for what felt like forever.

what if you didn’t like what you were seeing? what if you expected him to be bigger, or maybe longer? the blush on his cheeks only turned redder with every thought. he wanted to cover himself, skin burning with embarrassment.

just as renjun began to regret his whole life, you placed feather-light touches to his semi-hard cock. a gasp left his lips when your fingers wrapped themselves around the base, quickly hardening completely against the palm of your hand. you leaned closer, upper arms coming to rest on his thighs, as you opened your mouth, tongue poking out and giving his shaft a kitten lick.

renjun almost jolted his body forward.

he tried to calm down, letting out shaky breaths while his hands gripped the side of his desk. your touch felt better than he had imagined and he found himself enjoying your attention, dick twitching between your fingers with every flick of your tongue. you left a trail of saliva as the tip of your wet muscle traced the vein on the underside of it.

you pumped him a few times before taking the tip of his member inside your mouth, sucking softly. “oh, fuck,” the groan he let out encouraged you to keep going and made you hollow your cheeks harder. It took everything in him not to thrust into your warm mouth, frantic to feel more of you.

you could see his hands twitching, not wanting to force you into him and hurt you. so you took his hands and positioned them in your hair, allowing him to tug on it. renjun sighed in relief, running his fingers through your hair, taking it into a ponytail to guide you. little sighs of pleasure left his lips with every bob of your head. you liked the feeling of his hands tangled in your hair, so you hummed around his sensitive cock, making him buck his hips into your mouth. you gagged when he hit the back of your throat and renjun felt like he was about to cry. he threw his head back in bliss, breaths coming out ragged.

if he thought you felt good in his imagination, he was wrong. you felt godly in real life. 

you tried to relax your throat, keeping your head down, the tip of your nose against his neatly trimmed pubic hair. your hands massaged his thighs, sliding up to feel his toned stomach from time to time as you let him set his own pace.

after a while of you sucking him off, or more like him fucking your throat, he couldn’t take it anymore. he was certain that if you continued, he was going to cum and the fun would be over faster than it started.

“please, i need to feel you,” he whined, hands desperately tugging at your arms to bring you closer for a kiss, so you released him with a pop, wiping off the drool from your lips. “i wanna be inside of you.” you completely pulled his pants down so they were pooling around his ankles, before getting up. your knees were sore from kneeling on the hard floor of his room, but you paid no mind. as soon as he stepped out of them, you pulled him by his hand to his bed.

renjun stood in front of it, staring at you with hooded eyes as you sat on the edge. your index finger hooked in the waistband of your shorts and underwear, pulling them down your legs before throwing them on the floor. he let out a curse at the sight of the wet spot in the crotch of your panties. oh god, renjun swore there was nothing else he wanted more than to taste you. he would do anything to see you writhing under him, legs shaking and head thrown back into his pillows while screaming his name, as he ate you out like a starved man. 

but that would have to wait until next time.

he sure hoped this wasn’t a one-time thing, he prayed for it to be a next time.

“take it off,” you pouted pulling at the sleeve of his hoodie. he complied, quickly pulling the cloth off of his body as you laid on your back, legs opening wide for renjun to position himself in between. 

he swore he was seeing an angel, he almost pinched himself to make sure this was real and not a dirty trick his mind was playing on him. he looked at you with so much adoration, as if you were the most beautiful person in this world, it made your heart beat faster.

you extended your hands out to him and he took them in his, lovingly intertwining your fingers before you pulled him closer. as he settled on top of you, you tangled your legs around his hips to bring him closer, trying to eliminate the space between your bodies. this caught renjun by surprise, not expecting you to do that, so he almost crashed you under him. as his hips hit yours, the tip of his dick rubbed against your aching core, making the both of you moan at the friction.

“fuck, i want you so bad,” you whined, gyrating your hips to grind your dripping cunt up against his cock, “please, renjun, fuck me.” you caught his lower lip between your teeth, pulling on it, and he let out a groan at how hot this all was.

he still couldn’t believe this was actually happening.

you were finally going to be his.

kind of.

his mouth crashed into yours, tongues fighting for dominance and teeth clashing messily. a muffled moan escaped your lips when his hands slid under your shirt to grope your chest. a shocked gasp left him when he realized you weren’t wearing a bra. how didn’t he notice before?

he quickly composed himself and started playing with your breasts, squeezing them and pinching your nipples. your buds hardened in his fingers, back arched against his to get closer. he licked them, sucking and softly biting on them over your shirt. your pretty sounds were like music to his ear, only incentivising him to keep going.

renjun was fascinated by how reactive your body was to his touches. he wanted to explore every part of you to find all your sensitive spots and make you feel so good you wouldn’t be able to think straight.

your pussy clenched around nothing and the empty feeling reminded you of what you wanted before renjun distracted you with his skilled fingers.

“do you have a condom somewhere around here?” breaking away from his lips, you asked. it took him a moment to understand what you were asking him, and when he did, he quickly reached a hand for one of the drawers of his nightstand. “ah… yes, wait a second.” yanking it open, he pulled out a foil wrapper and tore it open. he rolled the condom on his cock and then got back on the bed.

meanwhile, you reached for the hem of your shirt, tugging on it to pull it over your head. the sight of your bare chest made his dick throb. “you’re so pretty,” he mumbled out loud, and by the nervous laugh he let out right after that, he wasn’t intending for you to hear him.

suddenly, you felt shy in front of his eyes. your cheeks felt hot, making you look down as you played with your fingers, a small smile on your lips. it wasn’t the first time a guy had complimented you, but coming from him made you feel different. renjun smiled sweetly at your bashful behaviour, “i mean it.”

he got back on top of you and positioned the head of his cock in your entrance, lightly pressing himself against you. he examined your face in search of a hint of hesitation, but couldn’t find any. you wanted to taste him again, so you pulled him down by the back of his neck, lips catching his in a heated kiss. your hands ran up and down his body, fingers sliding down his back, while one of his gripped your thigh.

after a brief make-out session, he wrapped his free hand around his hard cock, giving it a few pumps to prepare himself for what was coming. the tip had turned into a pretty shade of red that resembled a lollipop, and if you weren’t so desperate for him to fill you up, you would surely be putting it back in your mouth. you let out a moan when he slid it between your fold, gathering your juices and spreading them.

finally, he pushed in without breaking the kiss. as he got deeper into you, his dick stretched you out with a delicious burn at an almost painfully slow pace. he whimpered into your mouth when he had bottomed out, balls resting against your ass. his sounds made you clench around him, and with heavy breaths, renjun dug his nails into your skin.

his head was spinning; he needed a hot second to calm down or he would be shooting his load in no time. your walls hugged him so tightly, he felt like he wouldn’t be able to move inside of you, but he wasn’t planning on going anywhere either way. and you still had to get used to his size; even if just a couple of days ago you hooked up with daehyun, he was nothing compared to renjun. renjun was bigger, and the chemistry the two of you shared was undeniable, which made the intimate moment a lot more intense and meaningful. 

once you got used to the intrusion, you ran your hands to the small of his back to push him down into you. “you can move now,” breathy moans left your lips as he pulled out before thrusting back in.

he made you feel so full, cock dragging against your walls while leaving wet kisses along your neck. his lips sucked on the skin, teeth sinking and leaving pretty marks, before soothing the bruises with his tongue.

he fit perfectly inside of you, it felt like he belonged there. renjun quickly found your g-spot, the tip of his cock hitting the right places with every ram of his hips. the knot in your stomach rapidly tightening from the overwhelming pleasure he was giving you.

you let out a loud moan when one of his hands stumbled across your clit, your hips shot upward to meet his thrusts. a shiver ran down your spine making your back arch and push your chest against his, his mouth on your breasts once again.

it felt so good you almost couldn’t handle it. your walls tightened deliciously around him, making his eyes roll back and a whimper fall off his lips. 

“shit, please, do that again.” you did as you were told, clenching around him again as his fingers fastly circled around your throbbing clit. 

“i’m gonna… i’m gonna cum,” you felt him twitch inside of you, his thrusts becoming sloppy. he was near his end, both of you could feel it, and you weren’t far from it either.

after a particularly hard thrust of his hips, your climax washed over your body making your vision blurry. “oh my god, r-renjun,” your legs trembled as you screamed his name.

renjun’s thrusts didn’t falter, fucking you through your orgasm while chasing his. his fingers never stopped toying with your clit, pinching it and rubbing it quickly as your body squirmed under his.

your nails scratched his back, leaving red marks on it for him to remember you every time he looked in the mirror. your actions triggered his orgasms, seed shooting into the condom with a loud moan, the pounding of his hips slowly coming to a stop.

pants and heavy breaths could be heard all around the room, the strong smell of sex filling your senses and making you feel light-headed. he didn’t pull out immediately, he wanted to savour the feeling of your warm pussy hugging him tightly inside of you. 

when he did, he took off the condom, tying it and throwing it in the bin near his desk. taking tissues from his nightstand, he cleaned your thighs and core with delicacy before cleaning himself. as he tossed the dirty tissues to the trash, he pulled his sweatpants back on before looking around the room for his hoodie.

a huge smile formed on renjun’s lips when found you holding it. you slipped his hoodie on as well as your panties before throwing yourself back on his bed next to him. your body laid partially on top of his, your head rested on his bare chest, fingers tracing circles on the soft skin, and legs tangled with his. he hummed happily under you, closing his eyes to enjoy the moment. 

he knew he would eventually have to tell you how he felt.

he knew this would be his last chance before things changed and you either decided to leave his side or keep him.

so, mustering all the courage he could find, he concluded it was time to let you know.

he could feel the deafening beating of his heart and he hoped you wouldn’t be able to hear it, taking a deep breath to calm his nerves before finally speaking.

“well i… i’ve a crush on you since you moved in and always tried to talk to you, but it just wouldn’t work out. now that things have changed and we’ve gotten closer, kind of, i-i think i have stronger feelings for you and i figured i should let you know.” as he spoke quietly, nervously waiting for your response.

jaemin, jeno and you had underestimated renjun, none of you believed he would be able to confess without you pushing him into it.

but there he was, blurting out his feelings for you, holding his fragile heart in his hand and waiting for you to take care of it. 

“i know things usually happen in a different order, but i was wondering if i…” renjun’s ears turned a dark shade of red as his voice slightly cracked.

“can i… maybe take you out… i mean, as on a date?” his eyes flicked around nervously, looking everywhere but at you.

you giggled, finding his nervous state rather charming. excitement tickled your body from his proposal. you moved your head up to face him, eyes locking and a big smile adorning your face before smashing your lips together in a sweet kiss.

“i thought you’d never ask.” you said against his lips, butterflies blooming in his stomach. 

renjun laughed happily as you hugged him, chin resting on top of your head and your face buried in his chest.

after a moment of comfortable silence, you decided to tell him the meaning behind your unexpected visit.

“you know, jeno actually asked me to make the first move and ask you out. he said he and jaemin were tired of hearing you ‘cry over me’… his own words, not mine though!” renjun groaned embarrassed, making you chuckle.

he was going to murder both of them when he saw them.

“because you were too shy and apparently afraid of me rejecting you?” renjun turned his head away from you, his hand coming to cover his face.

did you really give off that vibe?

“did you really think i was going to straight up reject you?” even if you didn’t take it personally when jeno mentioned renjun’s fear of being rejected, hearing it from him made you feel a bit hurt.

“well, yeah?” seeing your pouty lips he quickly tried to explain, “i mean, i didn’t give the best first impression so i thought you thought of me as a creep. i didn’t think you’d even want me to come near you.”

you hummed, understanding his thought process. “but i guess i was wrong?”

“yeah, you were. you should thank both of them, they were the reason why i came here in the first place.”

maybe renjun wouldn’t murder either of them after all.

–lia:)

#nct dream #nct x reader #huang renjun #renjun smut #renjun #renjun scenarios #renjun imagines #nct smut #nct dream smut #nct u #nct #nct renjun

[eg0161]

23/03/17 - BKK Arrival: Embracing New Experiences.

My previous holiday experiences have basically involved me clinging onto my partner’s leg, reluctant to leave her side if only for a short trip to the shop. I am a sociable person with very little desire to ever be alone and cursed with a starvation for attention, it really is a bit boring laughing at your own jokes when the punchline is created by yourself. 

‘You’ll be fine!’ they said. ‘You’ll make loads of friends!’ they said. The thing is, I don’t want to. Thank you. In the nicest way possible, I have decided to do this to take some time out after a bad year and repair the remnants of a self inflicted midlife crisis, on my own. I want to experience brand new things and finally, source some independence for myself. Well really, I am simply running away from the mess and chaos I have created. My desire to be alone does not have anything to do with the fact my idea of torture, everything evil, sorcery, hell a distasteful experience, is sat in a youth hostel with people drinking Chang, wearing hareem pants, sandals made from Cambodian tyres whilst repeating the same old stories about the golden triangle, the best pad thai in Asia or finding themselves at the full moon party. I really honestly would rather find 33 beetles, crunch them up in my mouth, spit it out, roll it into a ball, pull my eyeball out, put the beetle ball in my eye socket and then roll around in a farm littered with live grenades.

New Experience #1

So March 23rd comes and I set off for 3 months of travel alone. I am strong, I am brave and I am independent. I am of course, with my Mother who I have roped into taking a Thai holiday as ha, think I am flying alone? I do not think so. The stopover in Dubai brings sickness and anxiety through a hatred of flying and a vile lack of rest that battles with my body’s lifelong reluctance to nap or sleep in public places. I take a sleeping tablet and a glass of wine and within minutes of boarding I am passed out. I wake up and I feel groggy, I take a few minutes to work out where I actually am and look around. It is there I see it, the most beautiful and unique sight of my whole 29 years and ten months on this Earth. As I peer out of the window I see the majestic aeroplane wing, posed wonderfully upon the most admirable runway of my life. It is sat there so elegantly and so rightfully accomplished after a successful journey with no deaths or any need to replicate those ridiculous cartoons on the safety form that are smiling as they plummet to their deaths.

I did it. And for the first time in my life, I napped. And I have slept through a full flight and I have arrived at my destination with no nerve wracking in-flight panic or turbulence. No counting down hours that seem like decades or struggling with 16 trips to the toilet that involve climbing over weird and selfish bastards that have the power to simply fall sleep when they wish. Okay, I have missed out on free booze, food and a binge session of Friends, but it’s okay. Because I tell you what, cross it off the bucket list: ELLEN SLEPT ON A PLANE.

Orrrrrrr there was just a delay and we have been grounded on the runway in Dubai for 2.5 hours, we are yet to even take off and I have a whole 7 hour flight ahead of me and I am going to kill myself. And the 3 children sat behind me kicking my back. :-)

Anyway, 9 gin and tonics later, cod in rat juice tomato sauce, Monica and Chandler’s affair in London to Rachel getting off the plane, I finally arrive in Bangkok. I bid farewell to Mother who is off to the Islands and here I go. It is time. Time to finally do this. Time to be brave and embrace this crazy City alone. But first I must go and meet my friend of 9 years who I have roped into flying out to be with me for my first four days as, well, hello? Surely you can’t expect me to start this independent lady thing IMMEDIATELY. 

The excitement of friends reunited bring a two day binge of singha, sangsom, cheap cocktails, hotel room gin with 7-11 mixer and some, but VERY little food. At the time it is great, our stomachs ache from laughter and we are drunk the whole time. The third day however, things are not so great and a violent hangover is mixed a ghastly case of food poisoning. OOOh must have been that absolutely NOTHING I ate.

New Experience #2

I spend the morning either sat on the toilet, or bent over it. Either way, everything stinks. I try a 7-11 toastie as it is the mother of all cures, but I can barely keep water in or down, let alone ham made from pig arse hole. Four gruelling hours later, I feel alive and ready to rise from the pit. Charlotte however, would clearly like to punish me for every wrong doing in my life and instead of throwing me to the tigers or forcing me drink the putrid Bangkok river water, she does the worst thing possible and drags me to Siam Paragon Mall. 

A  MALL. 

I have spent a lot of time in Thailand but I am yet to visit a mall. No reason in particular except I would rather put my breasts on a barbeque. Still, as I said, my quest here is to step out of my comfort zone and embrace as many new experiences in my life as possible and surprisingly, the most unique experience of my entire existence is about to occur on the BTS train on the way to the shopping centre.

Still feeling a bit ropey, I board the train. It is rush hour and it is like a cattle market on on here and I start to think I have done something to really piss Charlotte off. I let out a sigh that is accompanied by an exhaled breath that hits the Thai lady in front of me dead on her face. It rebounds from her cheek and all I can smell is stomach bile and a dead homeless man’s balls. She fumbles around in her pockets and immediately fixes a mask normally used to be shielded from pollution onto her face. :-)

Anyway, we are nearly at our stop when I need to burp. I am hoping I am not going to vomit at the same time the burp fizzles down into my stomach and I am the owner of a little bit of gas. I think about this, the people around me and the level of damage an odour could omit. But, I clench my stomach and decide it is a small pump and is destined for minor repercussions that my physical need to release outweigh. Just a little pump. A little pumpy, that will come and go, silently with little offence to anybody. Just a little pump, that is the slow friend arriving late to my food poisoning party that will pop it’s head in, smile and leave, causing nobody any trouble. Because of course, it is just, a little, pump. 

I HAVE SHIT MYSELF.

I HAVE SHIT MYSELF ON A FUCKING TRAIN.

I AM ON A TRAIN.

AND I HAVE SHIT MYSELF.

I AM 30 YEARS OLD. I AM ON A TRAIN. AND I HAVE SHIT MYSELF.

I AM IN THAILAND. I HAVEN’T CLEANED ELEPHANTS, OR LIVED WITH A HILL TRIBE. I HAVEN’T DRANK SNAKE BLOOD, DONE A BUNGEE JUMP OR PETTED A TIGER.

BUT HERE I AM. IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NEWEST AND MOST FOREIGN EXPERIENCE OF MY LIFE.

I AM ON A TRAIN. 

AND I HAVE SHIT MYSELF.

I HAVE SHIT MYSELF ON A TRAIN. 

So, there you have it. Remember all you globe trotters, wanderlusters and those nobs who call themselves ‘Global Citizens’. New experiences are infront of you all the time, so be ready relish them and always carry a camera and some toilet paper. 

(Unique experience #3 - burying my soiled knickers in a sanitary towel bin)

#travel #solotravel #bangkok #bt #thailand #wanderlust #poo #delhibelly #travellersdiarrea #bangkokbelly #toilettrou #ble #funny #comedian #manchester #travelingalone