#to feel again. bc that's why i wrote it | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

elytrafemme · 1 year

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this is anonymous because im too embarrassed to say it but but !! i just wanted to. thank you? i suppose? Cough Syrup (especially ranboo and tubbo) has made me realize many things about my mental health that I could never have started healing from otherwise. I cannot stress enough how much that fanfic has changed my life for the better, even if I still have plenty of struggles I can't fix without professional help. I also want to thank you for (and please ignore this bit if you find it uncomfortable) talking about your own mental health so openly. Your posts make me feel very human, sort of like I'm not the only person whos brain works like this and thats okay!! you know? idk, youve just helped me a lot :] - ☄

hi hi! this is so so sweet thank you so much :(( the love towards cough syrup means the world to me especially since its on a (temporary!!!) hiatus and everything; it's just. it's really really kind when people say that they still like it 2 me and it's also so so lovely to hear it's helped out? bc that's one of the main reasons i started writing it, which then became the main reason: i wanted to comfort people, i wanted to help them through things, i was sick of reading about media with psychotic characters where happy endings didnt exist. i wanted to show the quadruple edged sword that is addiction & that you can heal . & that healing is complicated and messy. and a lot of other stuff. i'm seriously so so happy it could help you make realizations bc it helped me realize a ton of stuff too, like i think about some people's comments on the fic still bc those comments made me introspect and realize oh shit me too. you know?

i'm glad on the second half, too :') i think every person has to walk the line of transparency advocacy and privacy, where you want to be trasparent and honest to those you love, u want to use ur experiences to advocate for the better, and you want to hide the vulnerable parts of urself. thats how i feel talking about my mental health. if i could i wouldn't talk about it as much, but this space is for my own healing and i know that some stuff does resonate with people.

it's good to hear that it helps, though, especially coming from a CS reader, because i worry all the fucking time about hopeful readers coming here expecting an update and just ending up with some 17 year old having a meltdown.

i think part of why i do talk about it though, on the days where it's more intentional rather than just an expulsion of all this ugly shit buried in my chest, is because i'm getting through it. i'm going through it but i'm getting through it. i want to post about the days where i look and see the sun and feel this deep sense of happiness over myself, i want to talk about how the person im in love with makes me feel like im a person again. i also talk about the days where i feel trapped by my own trauma and how my emotions are rapidly in flux to the point its difficult to even know who i am. bc that loops back to the first point, too. with every horrible horrible day there's a really really good one and good days, fuck dude. good days are so worth living for.

this ask means a lot to me and im sorry for rambling so much haha. im really really happy CS + my posts can help . and i'm glad they both make u human bc i dont feel human a lot of the time. but if my lack of humanity can make another person feel human then well, i guess i'm human.

it's really not that awful of a thing to be, either :')

much love anon <3

#nightmare.ask #nightmare.fave #sorry i have. many complex thoughts about openness and mental health and CS #the fact that ppl still like the fic keeps me going honestly #y'all i get so scared so often and i don't like need validation or reassurance or that shit like i'm fine #just objectively . it's been a while. i'm pretty much out of the fandom so im just in it for the characters #and i've changed a lot since it started.#but i guess we all have and i guess a lot of us still can appreciate a story about recovery and love and healing #it's not perfect there's a lot about CS i wish i wrote differently #i wish i talked about addiction in a more accurate way from the getgo i wish i characterized so many ppl better #but at the end of the day i like to think ppl come back to a few scenes sometimes #to feel again. bc that's why i wrote it #at the very beginning it was just to feel again

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wundrousarts · 7 months

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Hi folks! It seems like people are discovering that there are people online who write some WEIRD! 👎 stuff for Nevermoor. Some tips and tricks for dealing with that:

Don't engage. Don't read the fics. Don't even comment to say how much you hate it.

Don't spread it around. It's gross as hell, I know! But being like "ew, guys, I found this gross fic" just means you're causing more people to seek out said gross fic, and that's just not great. If you don't want to see it, no one else wants to either.

If you can: block, mute, or filter. I don't really use any fanfic sites to know if these functionalities exist, but I'm sure people online have found ways. Edit: here's a way to do it on Ao3.

TL;DR: Ignore, Ignore, Ignore. 👍

(PS: Same thing goes for when people send weird inappropriate anon messages. Just delete them from your inbox and don't subject others to them.)

This is unfortunately something that's been present for years in the fandom, on both Ao3 and Wattpad. This is also why I essentially don't read Nevermoor fics unless they're for Mogtober, and even then I'm cautious. I have seen some weird stuff written about my favorite characters that I wish I could pluck from my brain and set on fire, or worse! But when I stumble across that stuff, I just quickly close the tab and pivot to something else to get my mind off of it.

We should not entertain these types of people in a fandom full of minors about a middle grade series, so: just don't engage with them, ignore them, filter them out, and maybe even drown them out with some fics of your own.

#good talk 👍#nevermoor #nevermoor fandom #nevermoor fanfic #why oh why does this fandom attract the occasional weirdo.#I'd be using stronger language when talking abt these types of folks but i'd prob get banned.#as an adult in this fandom I feel I have a responsibility to keep folks safe from weirdos 👍 i've banned folks on discord + i'd do it again #years ago there was a weird af fic on ao3 that I noticed folks were kudos'ing and I had to be like. hey guys pls don't do that 😭#unfortunately ao3 moderation and rules are NONEXISTENT!!! so there's nothing ppl can do except the stuff above :/#and I wouldn't know abt wattpad bc I went on there once to see what mogtober stuff ppl wrote and was horrified and noped out of there 😬#anyways. all the more reason to participate in mogtober. so everyone's writing stuff in order to bury the gross stuff. creation for a cause #(and bc mogtober is fun and everyone should participate. lol)#soz for the psa folks but I deemed it necessary 🤷 feel free to enjoy the art I just posted as well #just been on the internet toooo long and don't like the thought or reality of young folks being exposed in any way to this kind of stuff. 😕#couldn't figure out where to fit this emoji in so here: 🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢. thats me and my constant feeling whenever this stuff pops up again. 😑

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atopvisenyashill · 24 days

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sorry i’m still annoyed but like we really think if ned would have seen robert hit lyanna with his own two eyes he wouldn’t have done anything. that’s what we’re saying. that’s really what we’re all saying that’s really-

#idk why people are incapable of talking about nedcat’s faults without going to the most deranged option possible #i think if lyanna was 16 and pregnant with Robert’s baby & wrote him a daella esque ‘pls come im scared’#ned would go see what was UP. he’d Probably assume she misses their mother and would bring like. nan or someone to storm’s end #but come on. he abandons storm’s end to a starving & distraught stannis bc he thought she was still alive.#and people will be like ‘he’s an asshole to cersei’ u r ignoring the part where she fucked her brother & he thinks she murdered jon arryn.#THATS why he’s an asshole it’s very clear that the spousal abuse set off insane alarm bells in this man’s mind.#yeah it’s not enough to say stop a marriage between margaery and robert.#but if u think it’s not enough to go now what the fuck do you think you’re doing here robert if robert left a bruise on lya’s face #unserious. go reread the book. once again i’m accusing too many of you of being only children.#getting on my soap box #this post may self destruct if i feel bad enough about it later

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amee-racle-ofmyown · 4 months

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the heist!mark brainrot is consuming me…, just imagine mark n the viewer meeting for the first time as little kids to shoplift candy or smth together ╥﹏╥

the (brain)rot consumes!! I can relate

my dear anon... LISTEN. I am a big advocate for childhood friends captaineer, it's one of my favourite headcanons, but a childhood friends AU for the heist partners? that's something I hadn't considered until now. and it's adorable. I had to write something for it asap because I was INSPIRED. I hope you enjoy💖 thanks for sparking the idea!

Heist!Mark x reader (not explicitly romantic at all it's more about the friendship in this one) | Words: 1,317

You are in the kitchen of your shared home base, unloading the groceries your heist partner has just bought, when you pick up a bag of sour candies, smiling quietly to yourself. He's always been a fan of them.

Turning the packet in your hands, an old memory drifts to the surface of your mind:

You don't remember exactly how long ago it was, but you couldn't have been much older than maybe ten.

Your father was busy working, and had reluctantly sent you to the store with a small list after you insisted you could handle it on your own.

You slipped the folded piece of paper out of your school bag and scanned the list of items. At the bottom was a note that read, ‘Remember to stay hydrated, kiddo! :)’

You walked around the supermarket collecting the few things on your list and placed them in your trolley. On your way to the checkout, you passed through the candy aisle and slowed to eye the products on display.

‘Aren't you going to get anything?’

Your head perked up, shocked at the sudden voice addressing you.

There was a boy next to you with dark hair, looking at you inquisitively. He seemed to be about your age. He might have even been slightly shorter than you.

You must have been standing here for longer than you realised if it had prompted him to ask you about it.

You shook your head.

‘Why not?’

‘Oh, um. My dad only gave me enough money for what we need,’ you said timidly, showing him the list.

‘Ohh, that's too bad.’ Then, a small yet undeniably mischievous smile appeared on his face. He glanced discreetly up and down the aisle. ‘You know you can just — ’ and he took one of the small packets of candy off the shelf and slipped it swiftly into his pocket.

Your eyes went wide, stunned. Both from the fact that he was suggesting you steal, and at the speed and subtly with which he'd enacted the crime, as if he'd done it dozens of times before, if not more.

‘What are you doing?’ you spoke in a harsh whisper.

‘It's no big deal,’ he said in a lower voice than before, but one that still felt entirely too loud. He slipped another bag into his pocket.

You did not want to associate with this boy any longer.

You pushed your trolley away and towards the checkout, handing your items to the cashier.

You were unhappy to find the boy waiting for you when you exited the store, shopping bag in your hand.

‘What do you want?’ you asked, a little standoffishly, frowning at him.

‘There's no need to be rude,’ he said with a small pout. ‘Y'know, I think I might have seen you at school a few times.’

To your dismay, he followed along as you started walking home. When you pressed him, he simply said, ‘Hey, I'm not following you! I live down this way too, I promise!’

As the two of you walked, he chatted annoyingly by your side. What was more annoying was that you found you didn't mind his presence. You were a quiet kid and you didn't have many friends. Having someone to walk home with you was kind of a nice change of pace.

Just as you thought this, though, you immediately chided yourself mentally. You and him were not friends. You weren't going to be friends. This boy was a criminal and he wasn't even sorry about it.

You frowned in thought.

Oh no, what if he got caught? What if you went to juvenile jail for being an accomplice to theft? What would Dad say? What would Mom say? What if—’

‘Hey, are you listening to me? You haven't responded to anything I'm saying.’

You simply sighed as he pulled you out of your thoughts.

‘Are you still mad about the candy? I told you it's not a big deal.’

You stopped as you realised you were approaching your front door. The journey seemed to have gone a little faster than usual.

‘Really?’ you finally replied in an exasperated tone. ‘That was no big deal for you? That was stealing. Stealing is wrong.’ You couldn't believe you had to spell it out to him.

‘They won't notice a couple tiny bags of candy are gone. My mom says big companies that own supermarkets are greedy. They make loads of money anyway and don't pay enough taxes.’

‘Does your mom know you're a thief?’

‘W- well, no, but-’

‘That’s what I thought.’

He looked a little disheartened.

‘Please don't tell anyone. I'm sorry if I upset you,’ he said quietly, looking down.

You hadn't really expected an apology from someone like him. You sighed again.

‘I won't tell, but don't expect me to just go along with it. And don't act like we're best buds all of a sudden. We don't know each other. You don't even know my name!’

‘Well, what's your name?’

You gave him a slightly surprised look before telling him your name, albeit hesitantly.

‘Look, I have to get going now…’

You fumbled with the shopping bag as you reached into your coat pocket, feeling for the house key, when you suddenly felt something that wasn't there before. It made a crinkling sound beneath your touch.

‘You didn't.’ You pulled the candy out of your pocket. ‘When did you—?’

The boy grinned at you.

‘I thought you could have one of mine.’

‘I don't want your stolen candy!’

‘Judging by how you looked at it earlier, I think you do. And besides, stolen treats taste better!’ he called out, already walking away.

‘Wh- SHH!’ You hoped none of your neighbours had heard.

‘I'm Mark by the way! See ya, buddy!’

You stood outside the front door, dumbfounded.

Finally you let yourself in. Your dad wouldn't be home yet for a while.

You put the shopping away and sat down at your kitchen table, staring at the stolen goods in front of you.

You could try to put it back but… that would be more suspicious.

You figured, the deed had been done. There was nothing you could do now, so you may as well make the most of it.

You tore the edge of the packet and popped one of the candies in your mouth, savouring the sweet and sour combination on your tongue.

Maybe Mark was right. It did taste extra good. But maybe it was just because you'd been craving it.

What a weird kid.

‘Stealing is wrong, huh…?’ you mumble under your breath. You look down at the candy in your hands. It's not the same brand as the one from back then, but you imagine it tastes more or less the same, from what you remember.

Present day Mark is the one to pull you out of your musings.

‘Hey, what's with that face you're making? I know that look, buddy. Are you contemplating your life choices??’

You chuckle softly.

‘Just… got reminded of something. I suppose I got lost in nostalgia for a moment.’

‘Oh yeah? Penny for your thoughts?’

You turn and smile at him.

‘This just made me think of an annoying little boy stealing candy from a supermarket. And his reluctant acquaintance who ended up getting dragged into his antics for the foreseeable future.’

It takes a second for it to click.

‘Ohhhhh.’ You watch as realisation turns to him smiling fondly at the memories, which turns to him snapping his attention to you with a fake-offended look.

You laugh at his expression.

‘Wait, hey! Annoying?!’

‘Mhm.’

‘Excuse you, I was a wonderful, sweet and positively charming child.’

Your laughter rings out in the kitchen, full of mirth, and he shakes his head at you with a familiar lopsided grin, and you are so grateful for the cheeky little boy who approached you that day.

#feels kinda weird calling it candy instead of sweets. but I did it bc they presumably live in america #I'm working on at least two other fics rn but I had to stop everything to write this #I finally submitted a uni thing I've been doing for a while so I felt like I deserved a break #and I sat down and wrote majority of this in one sitting lmao #lmao it ended up being my longest fic to date??? WHAT THE HECK?!#BTW AGAIN. NOT ENCOURAGING STEALING THAT'S BAD DON'T DO IT #also yes y/n's dad is the one the only stan the water man #I hc stan to have been the captain's actual dad so I just went 'wth why not in this universe too?'#I really enjoyed this one #thank you again anon #also. I looked up pictures of young markiplier out of curiosity and to get into the headspace Ig/get a mental image for this #and guys. I highly encourage you to do the same.#HE WAS SUCH A LITTLE GUY🥺#and he looked as cheeky and mischievous as he often does now lolol #that also inspired parts of this haha #I tried to write a young heist!mark in a way that I think? would make sense for him #bit of a kleptomaniac maybe lol #and possibly more seemingly extroverted than I wanted but I had to kick off the interaction somehow #amee writes #a heist with markiplier #ahwm #partners in crime #heist mark x y/n #heist mark x reader #heist mark #heist!mark #markiplier egos #markiplier cu #asks #anonymous

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foxgirlplushie · 6 months

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I don't fit it anywhere

#im online too much and i dont understand the chatacters everypme is obsessing over and j feel like im faking everything and i dont know how #to stop or be myself or do anything thT I want to do #(this is bullshit look at the fic you wrote earlier tonigjt)#but like. i dont know jow to empathize or connect in a way that isnt just regurgitating other peoples words and patterns and thoights #ah. this is fhe autism again isnt it #but even like. among other autistic pepple. feel like im doing it wrong and i keep judging tjem for doing it wrong wjicj is BAD and i KNOW #its because i spent so long desperately masking bc i jusy wanted some kind (any kind) of social interaction #and now i cant even do that right #and im comparing.traumas which is another thing i knoa you shouldnt do #but every other sysgem i see is so much more impacted by it and i dont knos if im faking it or what #o dont know why im crashing like fhis i took my fucking meds. why am i crashing. i cant crasj theres too much to get done #keep ot the fuck rogether dont blink dont break dont even bend #which is NOT healthy but o dont know any other way through #in conclusion fuck me please tell me njce things we could rrally use it right now #bc god knows tomorrows gonna suuuuuuuuuuuck #gotta be up.and moving in 6 hrs

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boxwinebaddie · 3 months

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wait omg.. ur fr not updating ur fanfics ever again?!? HEARTBREAKING... BUTT... does that possibly mean u can spoil everything (slowly ofc)

EXTREMELY LONG BUT IMPORTANT UPDATE:

so...i'm not going to say ~never~, my friend. i promised myself during my uncle nina self care era, that i would *justin bieber vc* never say never, because setting strict, set-in-stone regulations and rules for myself is why i am not writing anymore...which, yes, as much as i enjoy my fanfics/updating them, for the sake of both my physical and mental health, i think it is in my best interest to not update my fanfictions right now. i'll explain as much as i can down below.

so...this is going to be a very, very long post. i know that i had an anon on here that told me that they look forward to when i post long, indepth things, however, i am going to say that this isn't like a fun hc post or anything, this is just a lot of information...about my blog and my fanfictions, how i have been feeling and what i'm thinking about doing moving forward from this point. a lot of it is stuff that i've written about a lot ( stress, writing, etc. ) but i think it's important to read, mayhaps? just to keep you in the loop/informed on stuff.

long story short tho: i am not updating my fanfics rn, that's not to say i will not be writing/doing ncu stuff and it does...thank god...mean that i can now slowly spoil things...In A Controlled Manner.

to jog your re(memory), lmao, i was very unwell writing peppermint.

we know this...we don't love this.

what i did love was writing peppermint when i was but doing all that formatting, writing more in one update than some people write in entire fanfictions, forcing myself to be consistent...it was...at times very frightening how unwell i was. especially mentally. i just...i was not well equipped for the stress that came with having a moderately successful fanfic. being perceived at that level, with how severe my social anxiety is...it was not good for me. like it was fun because it was cool to see people so invested/get so much high praise for the things that i was writing but...idk. i am very introverted. ravenstan is me because i try to be really cool but i am a fake and a fraud lmaooo.

but yeah, too much upkeep and while 99.9% of the negativity around pep and myself was self inflicted...i will say...especially after 10, i did get some very...Intense...reactions to my fanfiction. like, very, very intense in a way that i was very offput by it and also worried about how the things i was writing were affecting your real lives. which, on top of how i was doing ( not well ) was not something i wanted to have constantly on my shoulders. please friends, remember, you are not responsible for how other people perceive your work, so long as you tag it accordingly, are authentic to yourself, and respectful to others. or so i believe, at least. idk. this is so long, i'm sorry.

speaking of peppermint tho...i am going to be so honest. i...do not think i'm gonna update it or keep writing it. i know that kind of sucks but the Peppermint Period of my life, i hope, will be over soon, lol. which i LOVE pep, but there is a lot of dark, negative energy associated with it, i tried to write it a million times and can't -- which, fun fact, the last stretch of peppermint is the stan self healing/self care arc ( which i love, i love u so bad pep!stan, my baby, my angel ) and the reason i could not write it...is because i was never in a positive enough headspace to write it.

like...i was not healed enough to write the healing arc. thats...oof.

i also just...don't feel super good about writing stuff about the boys in hs as an adult lady, like? they are 18 and all, but idk, it does not make me feel good things, its just not that relevant to me and the only reason that they were in hs in pep is because all of the relevant tiktok lore surrounding style was senior year hs stuff. but i really just prefer writing the boys in rm/in college/doing adult boy stuff. thats a lot more in my wheelhouse and i feel way better doing that tbh.

a final pep thing that ties into the last part of this ask is YOU CAN ASK ME ANYTHING YOU WANT ABOUT PEPPERMINT. i will spoil everything, like i'd prefer to do it in parts so if you want chapter 12 first i can tell you all about that. i don't have a ton of stuff written out in action...but i have...a fuck ton of dialogue. like nearly all of the dialogue for peppermint is written. ( if you want i can even take the dialogue and write it in sort of stage direction type formats with the actions to make it flow a little better -- i just can't write Chapters )

so yeah, ask me anything at all that you like about peppermint, but i can't spoil the entire fic in one ask...slow pace, please, haha.

okay, rm i do actually care a lot about. i also don't know if i in good concious can write chapter updates for it, but i can give you very detailed asks about it and give you what information i do have about it...also in small pieces. like someone asked me what happened to the ex-cd guitarist...and i can give you that information very soon.

i know it is kind of a bummer to not be able to get updates, but like, when i tell you i was seriously unwell...like it was really bad my real life was getting fucked up because of my online life which is whack.

but yeah! you can also ask me rm stuff! i kind of want to do it as sequencially as i can just so it flows a lot better like, idk, maybe start w/ ravesey hate stuff and move chapter to chapter, answering hc things in between? that feels right to me? but yeah!!! you can ask me what goes in the next chapter? if you want? or the next two/whatever is left of the hate...i don't have a ton of dialogue but i do have p much the whole situation blocked out? ish? lmao rip.

also!!! if i give you any scenario and you would like me to write in more detail or if you'd really like to see it in writing, you can totally leave me a request and if i feel up to it at some point, i will write it up. i also may just feel funky fresh and want to write it one day and randomly post it. lmao just be ready for anything tbh.

BUT YEAH!!! no i will totally give you rm spoilers and stuff!!! but again, i'm gonna try and not give you too much at once...v slow. in that way, ik its not the same as getting my full-fledged chapter updates, but it could hopefully still be exciting because you'd be waiting to get my content and it would come out quicker? which is still neat i think? my way to keep updating you without disappearing or like straining the shit out of my heart and brain.

okay, also, on ao3, as far as Big Writing goes...i'm not sure if i'm gonna post anything actually updatey on there again. it was just too stressful for me yall. i dont even want to make a seperate chapter post of explaination because i really don't want my fic to sit at the top of the tag for days and garner attention or like...wake to people waiting for pep or rm who think they're getting a new chapter, just to get told that i don't really feel safe updating them anymore. way too much attention which is what...drove me to this point tbh.

again, i like tumblr. i like the intimacy. i like that you guys can anonymously send me stuff and for the most part, i like that i can be sort of anonymous on here too...whilist you know, still being able to share stuff on here with you about my life. which...that's also a thing i was gonna mention at the end is, because i'm in education and kids are super nosy, if something happens, i will have to self destruct this blog and i'm sorry.

i am being so serious like if a kid finds my fanfiction tumblr, not only will it be embarrassing/unprofessional, like i am very worried that i could lose my job, slash not do the thing that i love the most in the world next to writing. :( i really do not want the thing i do in my free time to effect my outside life, which, again, is largely why i am doing this to protect myself lmao. like i am seriously considering like deleting anything that has to do with myself at all because of that. i tag my posts as accurately as i can to keep myself and all of you safe. please, please be mindful. please make good choices.

in vein of staying anonymousish ( tbh this is so much information that i ALMOST was going to post this as a voice message but i was not sure putting my human girl voice associated w/ this blog tbh ) i lowkey might nuke the twitter...i don't like it on there, lol. the cancel culture is frightening ( which is not to say don't cancel me if i'm being weird like please do that lol ) the people on there are really intense, i don't like the in fighting...i am on my tumblr because i feel safe here and i like all of you and i like answering your questions.

tbh, rp if you're reading this, the only reason i actually have the twitter is bc riley and i chat on there which, tbh, i might just bully her to use the dms on here or like licherally give you my personal phone number, lol. like we are internet married and talk constantly and i want to delete my twitter so bad it's not funny ESPECIALLY THE VIEW COUNTER LIKE THAT SHIT IS SO FUCKED UP I HATE IT.

kind of why i don't like ao3 either bc the hit count thing...really fucks w/ my mental health. the stress of being boxwinebaddie on there is also a lot so...okay...last segway...i do lowkey want to Actually write tkak...WHICH I KNOW NO ONE BUT ME CARES ABOUT BUT LOL THIS IS MY BLOG I DO WHAT I WANT BROTHER!!! its just funny bc this always happens where i can't write a fanfic i'm writing and then get excited abt some weird concept i have and start writing it and then stop again. so if i am writing tkak, please know it might not finish and i might just talk about it in ask memes.

orrrr write it in my google docs and link you or post screenshots. tbh i am very glad to be away from the ao3 layout like its so fucking ugly. the google docs are so much easier to read in my opinion.

for writing/future fanfics tho...as weird as it is, i don't think i'm gonna attach my name/user to my future fanfics. like you guys can know about them on here as long as we are chill about it. i just get too much anxiety about my association with my account and it getting too hectic again. so if i post tkak, i will probably do it on a different ao3 account ( you guys will know ofc ) and if i post one shot type stuff...i might do it also on a burner account or anonymously.

i actually ALMOST posted remember anonymously because of how stressed i was about it being negatively perceived/it being weird or people being mad at me for not updating pep. like i am very stoked you guys liked it but i seriously almost did not attach it to my name.

so if you see stuff that looks like its me floating around the style tag or in the other south park tags...its probably me. idk drop me a weird code word thats not too obvious and i'll send you one back, haha. i'm sorry i know this is complicated i just...i need to distance myself from this like, when i tell you i needed therapy for this...a mess.

but yeah! i hope that all makes sense! by all means ask me about pep ( literally anything abt pep but try to start small and build up ) and rm within reason and i will get back to you! it is extremely freeing for me to be able to talk about stuff because it sucked so bad to sit on all this info and just not be able to talk about it? like AAAA??? like thats why i was forcing myself to post stuff bc i wanted to tell yall stuff. and i would rather post you well thought out ask memes and dialogue that i feel happy abt then rush out terrible updates and grow to resent my fanfics like...no thank you.

i honestly feel like i have really fun ideas and am ( pretty ) good at coming up with complex lore/interesting hcs and shit, but i'm just not good at waiting, not good at keeping secrets and not good at being consistent...this is what i feel happiest doing, ig. hopefully this is rockin and rollin with you. i'm sorry this was a lot.

closing note is...i love you all very much. thank you so much to all of your for supporting as my identity as a writer has adapted, supporting my multiple works/promoting my personal health, advocating for me, being kind...i could not ask for better readers. again, i realize this is not the most fun information, but i have to take care of myself and this is the only way i know how. while also doing the thing i love, which is talking about my fanfics/writing/sharing my stories with all of you.

you are welcome to click off if you want, but if you are willing to ride the ride my friends, i promise to keep it cute on here. <3

thank you for everything, my darlings, and from whatever hurts or harms you, past, present and future

i hope you heal :),

uncle nina

p.s. if possible, if we could not distribute this post or rb it or anything like that i'd appreciate it. you can message me or write to me in the comments but i would like to maintain the liberty of deleting this post or editing it as i need to in case something happens. tysm.

#ncu update #nina speaks #idk that the tag is i actually think i might make an elaborate tag system so u guys/other people can read my blog #and find specific info abt parts of my fics or chars and stuff #but yeeeeeah i don't want to write right now i do not feel good i do not fuck w the energy i felt after i wrote pep for a while #like i already get sometimes overwhelmed on this blog i dont want to go back on ao3 which is already slow and seriously stressful #you can ask for spoilers tho! please do it in small sections! i am just one person and my fics are very lore intensive #i spend a lot of time on my asks i cannot do too much at once unfortunately #if i post stuff on ao3 again i would rather it not be attached to me ik thats kind of lame but it was mega stressful yall #it also makes it so if people enjoy my work it has nothing to do w bwb and this blog and i can start fresh #if u drop me a code tho i will get back to u haha just if u think its me out there please do not start shouting my name looool #hope this makes sense and hope you heal #sorry this was so much i needed to get this off my chest #you can also ask me questions abt this post it was really ocnfusing i tried to say as much as i can #but i am very tired...which is also why i cant really update bc i am working often and very very tired lmao #just be paitent w me if you can and you always are so i'm not worried ily so much thank u thank u thank u #none of this is spelled right ill fix it later...v tired rip

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randomositycat · 3 months

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In love with the moon and moon dynamic they have really... neither of them are especially extroverted and have secrets aplenty,

They hardly say what they mean but are consice when doing so anyways.

It's nice.

#the apothecary diaries #jinmao #i love tropes but do you know what i love more than tropes?#dynamics that cater to me specifically as a weird individual with a twisted view on romance #i love romance but i love it twice as much when its non traditional #when they suffer for and from each other #im always told to let my ocs be happy but simply how could i?#if love is a battlefield then why should your lover strictly be on your side #i think overcoming betrayal is a good way to instill a deep yet tentative trust with someone #why? well you know exactly what this person can do to hurt you #you can have an idea of what may be the worst #and yet you have the trust that maybe theyll never do it again #but to me it reinforces the fact that love is devotion and not just a feeling #choosing to love despite hardship just speaks levels to me #“after all of that after all youve done to me and i still love you” is so good #i wrote it into one of my own oc stories so i think im just biased :)#maybe im brainwashed bc so many married couples seem to hate each other but they wont get divorced so #idk #i genuinely think the way i view love and romance is skewed and broken but oh well!#i like it better this way!#complex relationships make my brain itch

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kj-munch · 10 months

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new pfp new mee babyyy trying to remind myself that this is MY account i can do what i want with it . disconnecting myself from the madcom theme, ill still be drawing it ofc but like i mentioned on another post a weekish back i want to allow myself to post non madcom art too. hoping to start drawing more frequently again soon

#scraps #this sona doodle is teeny but cute #also ive had this signature design in mind for a while now just never a real excuse to use it #but here we go now YIPPEE #also unpinned my intro post bc i genuinely dont feel like the person who wrote that anymore #these last couple years have changed me and im still in a pretty rough patch rn but as of writing this rn i at least feel more like a real #person again hence why im trying to take the reins on this acc back after just kind of decaying for a while #no new pinned yet just because im not really sure what to put in it?#besides like. name age pronouns. which ill just put in my bio at that point #while im already rambling ill mention i still have those reqs i asked for a few days ago in mind im just slow getting to them #umm what else. fun fact for anyone still reading its 4:30 am here rn as im writing #gonna queue thissssss now

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kjzx · 1 month

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An important thing to remember as an artist that started out drawing characters crudely and then started learning the fundamentals, at first your art will not look nice.

At first, drawing faces and bodies in different positions will make your characters look weird, then poor perspective will make your characters look weird, and finally when all the kinda things I mentioned above will be dealt with, just the hype of finally knowing how to draw anatomy will bite you in the ass because you can do all these things, you can draw them correctly or close to that, but whether that's figure drawing knowledge gaps, or awkwards poses/composition, or just not a very harmonious combination of realism and stylization in facial features or in general, but your before and after pictures might get this look of "clear objective technical improvement but many would consider it a downgrade"

That's a very common thing. I used to be in this before/after art community, and it was so toxic it was a meme within the community that no matter how much you've improved there will be people that will say that the before is better. There's a seed of truth to these words though, what they fundamentally get wrong is this implication that you "ruined your art"

That's a big example of why you shouldn't listen to non-art people for art advice. Keep going. You're closer to your art dreams than you ever were, you just need to look into all these things like the remaining knowledge gaps or personality to your art you might've lost as you were on your anatomy grind.

Keep creating, keep looking at art that inspires you and try to think of how to make yourself like your art better. Don't get stuck on it, if it begins being unfun, please do take a breather. Also, none of that is objective, people will still prefer things different to what you find beautiful. It's alright, create what you like, that's what this post is about. If you don't wanna, don't focus on aesthetics, just the process of creating art is fun and will eventually get you in the right place, that's what I do, I just occasionally throw in things I like and sometimes they work. Take care.

These are my current thoughts on the topic. I wouldn't take them too close to heart, this is just a blogging site and I'm blogin 👍

#Art #Art tips #Art community #Art advice #Technicality wise I have a very very long way to go #But as someone who finally started seeing and incorporating what I genuinely Like in my art it's a bit like opening my art #folder or sketchbook and kind of getting a feeling like I'm on a page of an artist I like and would actually follow #(Not bc of how I currently handle posting my art and how I choose pieces to post but I'm talking about my art archives so regardless)#An insane feeling #Also!!!!!#I chose not to include it in the post because it stood out against the main point of the post #but what the so-called Tumblr art style is all about is kind of related to this #Most of the people you'll see if you google Tumblr artstyle would have 'passable' or even 'decent' art #if they sticked to drawing thin anime girls with Eurocentric features #Current art idea floating around or almost like an unspoken rule:#If you wanna draw fat people/non Eurocentric features/disabilities or any minorities you gotta be a level above the people drawing today's #conventional beauty standards to be considered an equal to them among *gestures vaguely*#I hate that but that's something you have to keep in mind as you deal with art criticism #And as opposed to that #By harmonious in this post I mean very vague ideas and the many many ways you can stylize a real person #These are two ideas you can't detach from each other entirely but I do believe that we can discuss them separately #Just because a good drawing of an ethnic minority is going to be judged harsher than an opposite of that doesn't make it the worse drawing #Again that's why you gotta dismiss opinions of people who don't draw well and by that I'm obv talking artists better than me #Just getting that out of the way #//rambles #My thoughts on this whole topic inspired by this tweet that called the Tumblr art style too ambitious for the artists' skills and that #if anything that's something that should be praised in people #I thought that's a very interesting topic in a wider sense #I strayed away from it but as you might've noticed I wrote a post on the topic in the tags anyways #Sigh

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magentagalaxies · 5 months

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on the note of kith season 6 (didn't want to derail the other post but have been thinking about this lately): one of the only things i disliked - or, rather, that felt off about the revival - was how crisp everything felt in terms of the aesthetic. like ik filmmaking technology has evolved since 1994 and they couldn't do the live studio audience even tho they wanted to bc of covid, but idk the original series despite clearly working with cbc and hbo always had this diy energy, vs the new season just very much felt like oh this is a corporate thing that was location scouted and filmed on a lot

but what's interesting about this fault is that you look into anything else the kids in the hall have made themselves in the past decades and it still has that exact diy aesthetic, sometimes unintentionally but that's the best part. like, i'm the most familiar with scott's works for obvious reasons, but you look at something like contemporary mouth congress music videos or any other video project scott's made just bc he wanted to make it and you can see obvious green screens, the fact that it was clearly filmed on an iPhone, using stuff around the house as props, etc. and if you look at bruce's youtube channel you get that sense as well, and it's so delightful to see bc yeah this comedy isn't a corporate entity, it's just something these guys have to make bc they are passionate about it

anyway i guess what i'm saying is if they ever decide to do another kith revival season they should have paul bellini direct it on his iphone 5 and film 99% of it at the toronto library's green screen room

idk maybe this post is too niche bc a lot of the stuff i'm citing (i.e. mouth congress music videos) hasn't actually been released yet and also i have literally been on these diy sets in the past year where someone just set up a pop-up greenscreen in their living room and my "job" is to make sure the pets don't wander into frame. but yeah idk i find it very funny that watching the revival my only complaint was the lack of that genuine diy spirit and then one year later i'm part of that type of production

#no idea if this is relatable i just had thoughts lmao #this is also inspired by the obvious greenscreen and using-his-real-cast-as-a-prop in scott's promotional video #like again it's probably bc i've been there when scott and paul are just casually filming something at paul's apartment #but i look at something like that and i can just feel all the conversations that went into putting it together #and it's funny bc i get that sense watching the original kith tv show but not as much the amazon show #(which is wild bc i have heard behind the scenes stories from the amazon show too??? spoiler alert people were very stressed)#and i also think the diy tendencies are why i even had a chance to connect with the kids in the hall #bc so many comedians just get accustomed to working exclusively on projects that a studio has set out for them #but the kids in the hall and ESPECIALLY paul bellini love smaller projects where they get to build something from the ground up #paul has made 5 different feature films that he wrote and directed and filmed entirely on an iphone 5 #(not sure if they were all specifically that model of phone he may have upgraded at some point lmao)#(also he's planning to release them onto youtube soon!!)#but yeah the goal with these iphone films was never to win every award and make a bunch of money. it's the passion for making movies #and i think since i'm a very diy-oriented person who's like ''idc if someone gives me permission i'm gonna make a multimedia musical''#that's what made paul see potential in me which is why i even got the chance to do any of this stuff #anyway i guess what i'm saying is my advice for everyone is: just make the thing! even if you have no budget and no backing #bc even a scaled-down version of the thing is still impressive bc you made it!!#if scott thompson can film a ''crowd scene'' in scottland by drawing faces on a bunch of fingers and just filming people's hands #you can make your project something iconic

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catkin-morgs-kookaburralover · 1 year

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I keep listening to different pieces of music that I love and then my brain comes in all helpful with 'this sounds like great music to die with doesn't it'

#tw suicide #im just. so tired #and i know that right now part of it is im sick (not covid tho) but still.#and it's like im grieving the lost friendship all over again and what might have been #i am the best version of myself when im with the boy. but now no wonder he is avoiding me. and i don't blame him! but for some reason it's #hitting rlly hard again atm and it's just. Im Sad.#i really don't know why that's so prevalent in my mind right now #and it's rlly not safe for me to drive long distances alone i think. i find driving v stressful #and any guesses what *that* leads to #tw sh #the answer was: a frightening amount.#and then there are things i don't understand #my brother begged me to destroy the suicide note i wrote yesterday #and i don't know why. because it's very unlikely to be something that i would stop to do tbh. so what there is would at least explain #*something* perhaps. i don't know #i have spent more than half of my waking hours in the last week seriously thinking of suicide. i don't know how to stop this #and given that i've read two books in full and gone to a play i enjoyed that says something about what hte rest of the time has been filled #with. i don't know how to get out of this. in some ways i feel like it's worse now than it was bc i expected it to get better when mum and #dad got back. if anything it's worse - more constant.#the lows are not quite as low but the baseline is definitely lower #i am just feeling very hopeless rn #yesterday i was driving and reciting psalm 23 and i was so overcome with emotion and i repeated it multiple times and that helped somewhat #but only in the moment ig. i don't know. i don't know how to fix this or even improve it #if im still feeling like this on monday i am so going to walk over the road and straight-up ask to borrow a kitten overnight.#and hope the kitten doesn't decide to go near all the cuts :(#a part of me is genuinely wondering if i should check myself into a psych ward. the other parts of me say either that this isn't bad enough #for that or thta i am simply too scared to. which is true. nasty stuff in psych wards for obvious reasons #anyway i need prayers thankyou

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sso-montana · 2 years

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Mo's guide to magic, pt. 1(?)

welcome! in this I try to explain my interpretation of the sso magic system, starting with the four soul rider circles ofc. feel free to share your own ideas and thoughts, as this isn't waterproof and probably doesn't make that much sense, but it works for me and critique and ideas are ofc appreciated!

first off, this post focuses on the spells and abilities exclusive to each circle. users from different circles are still able to use the same basic magic (e.g. fire or transformation spells as well as all types of healing plants and everything i can't think of right now) as well as all kinds of enhanced magic of their circle and "dark" magic (as the keepers like to call it, magic itself isn't good nor bad, but for what and how it's used). different individuals will excel in different types of magic, yada yada yada

Lightning Circle

this is the circle that is mostly known for its use in combat, and for a good reason. the lighning circle is referred to as the "judgment" of aideen and its members have a reputation as warriors and fighters amongst the keepers. this is reflected in the way the circle is able to use magic, since it really is simply using different kinds of lightning.

the soul strike is the one most used, as it is the most harmless of the bunch. there is no heat involved in this form, as in contrast to the others. soul strike simply is a bright lighning bolt with the capability to freeze/paralyze its opponent. this is caused by the electricity of the lighning numbing and paralyzing the opponent which renders them unable to move/speak.

fire strike on the other hand is literal lightning. besides the voltage number users can also control the amount of heat that gets released while fighting. additionally, this type of lightning magic can and will cause the opponent and sometimes even the user physical injuries such as burns and scars depending on the intensity used. melting or setting things on fire is also a very real possibility as well as causing electronics to short-circuit

lightning ball is the hardest and rarest form used by circle members for the simple reason that it requires a lot of training and effort to form fire strike into a ball. in addition to all the characteristics and dangers fire strike posses, lightning ball has also the ability to rip holes through people and objects, so it should be used with precision. so, yes, you can pull of a kamehameha with this, but please don't rip any holes into things (esp buildings)

Sun Circle

obviously, being able to create portals is pretty useful, tho it shouldn't be used too much because ripping a hole into space and time isn't exactly a good thing and should (technically) only be used when necessary. it is also possible to create pure light, which is quite useful to scare away shadow seekers (Anne can confirm this). the next step would be to form this little light into a small projectile. if you manage this, you are your very own laser! (we are talking about pure light, which radiates heat, please, for the love of aideen, use with caution.) also, please keep in mind that this can seriously injure/temporarily blind people. if that was your goal, then congrats or smth

but besides the obvious use of the sun circle it also has a pretty neat trick: shields. after all, the circle is known as "aideens shield", would be weird if they didnt have any shields. these are created by taking light and forming it into a *insert preferred shield shape of the user* and boom, you have a shield. (it should be noted that these shields are made of pure light, so they radiate heat. if any opponents run against them or you accidentally hit your fellow soul rider with them, a trip to the ER or next star circle member might be needed. burns are no fun) the brightness of the shield is what determines the heat of it, too. keep it to a low and your opponent will just loose a tooth if they run against it instead of having half their face melted of. again, unless that's what you would want for whatever reason

Moon Circle

i know, the moon circle usually isn't used in combat and has its strengths in fortune telling as well as seeing into the past/future. that doesn't mean it's completely useless in battle tho, because it can grant you the ability to become invisible. it's hard for your opponent to beat you up if they can't see you, duh. and they have all kinds of common magic not exclusive to their circle ar their disposal, so there's no need to worry abt it's members

(maybe give them an ibuprofen and some peace and quiet if they use their little dissapering trick quite often as it can lead to pretty bad headaches. magic is not without its disadvantages)

Star Circle

okay, the healers. those people are busiest after the battle takes place, as they usually are the one to take care of any injuries from others and their own. still, just like the moon circle, they are not defenseless in battle. their power lays with healing and creating, and creating is what comes in handy.

see, stars are basically just far away suns, which means their far away balls of fire that give of light. a random run-in with a dark rider? boom, sword made of materialized light. (or polearms, greatsword, whatever suits your taste and you can handle best. it can also just be a shield if no sun circle user is avaliable. or a baseball bat. the members imagination is their limit.) as to the dangers, same drill as with the sun circle. keep the brightness on the low, and your hands will thank you since, unlike sun shields, you actually have to touch your weapon of choice.

surprisingly, this less common use of the star circle is less taxing on members than the healing, as it takes a lot if enery out of them and tends to leave users exhausted and tired.

of course, depending on what circle you are part of will also somewhat predetermine which kind of magic you are naturally inclined to. most star circle users are great at memorizing healing plants and lightning and sun circle users have a favor for fire spells. those are just the norm tho and with enough patience, training or stubbornness anyone can excel at any kind of magic they want. just make sure you don't harm anyone (that you don't intend to harm-) and look after your friends and fellow soul riders.

a/n: this was part one of probably two, as I do want to make another post going into corruption and magic poisoning, aka the stuff evergray, anne and montana have going for them. there is also a difference between earth and pandorian magic, which could also be interesting to go into, as the soul riders and keepers do use pandorian magic (imo, simply bc I love the irony) and witches tend to dabble in both (mrs. h probably uses mainly earth magic imo tho). and if there are any aspects I forgot or could go more into detail, let me know! I love talking abt magic systems, lore and the silly little world building from the story I always keep talking abt but probably will never publish.

#sso #ssoblr #mo talks lore #i know you offered to draw stuff @lukas crowsong but i am terrified to talk to others (ﾒ﹏ﾒ)#also if anyone wants to use any of this for their story or art feel free to do so!#and i apologize for any grammar or spelling or formating mistakes it is currently 3:24 #which means i probably wont read through this again before publishing it tomorrow #bc i am lazy #and hate to read stuff again i wrote #which is why i never get to publish fanfics even tho i have a 10k xia*ven wip that isnt even finished #censoring bc i dont want it to clog up their tag #if it still does: i am sorry

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misspickman · 7 months

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Your transfem Tim fics are just SO amazing and moving to me and I love them so much. But I'm curious since a couple days ago you said your most popular ('by any other name would smell as sweet') isn't your favorite you've written- which one is, and why?

Thank youuu also hm i think its too mean to say 'literally any other one' bc i dont hate it or think its bad i just. Looking back i would change many things. Like maybe lower the amount of supporting characters in that fic. Paralytic states + crude and graceless are dear to me bc i think the levels of repression and tiptoeing around the issue comes through better and it takes tim longer to come to terms with it, and i think he'd be much more withdrawn about it/keep it close to his chest than i wrote it in that fic. Thats just the sort of stuff i changed my mind on as time passed and i thought about this hc more so u know it happens. Drowning lessons has a vibe i still really enjoy it feels kinda self contained? And hairline fracture is special to me bc its a part of a kind of complicated au im probably never actually going to write. So yeah im v fond of all of them for different reasons

#Sorry this got so long i had to use this as my chance to talk about it<3 #When i wrote that fic i was still in that stage of reading comics (and specifically bat comics in this case) and feeling like i should fit #All of the bats in there #And now i wish i hadnt bc 1) why would jason be there 2) i dont think tim would be that open about it with Anyone so early #So like the fact that damian and steph figure him out so early is funny and i know what i was getting at there #But i dont agree with my past self i think hed be much better at hiding this bc of his many internalized issues around this #And again why is jason there. No offense to my jason friends i just do not think it makes sense that i put him there #I know why but i disagree #Listen i wrote this fic over a year ago i changed my opinions on a lot of things as i continued to read more comics #Nothing wrong with that. Does haunt me tho #Ask #Thank you<333 sorry for all this<3

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safyresky · 10 months

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😤😮‍💨

I am once again venting below the cut, please enjoy this Jacqueline in the meantime:

GOOD LORD!! CIRCULAR CONVERSATIONS ARE GENUINELY SOOO FRUSTRATING. I've had my new car for a WEEK and for a WEEK it's been the SAME SHIT between the hubbers and the MIL:

He mentions the car bc he's excited about it

She goes on an emotionally charged RANT about how concerned she is that we went and bought this car and how she's worried about all the debt we have and that we won't be able to "just vibe"

He assures her we went over everything (which we did) and that it's affordable for us (it being the bi-weekly payment)

It stops there. He laments to me. I reassure. I boost him the FUCK UP LIKE HE DESERVES TO BE! 😤

He brings up the car again with her in the hopes she'll be like I'm also excited about this for you!!

She instead once more lectures us on debt

He once again reassures her

He comes to me lamenting once more

I am stuck watching this circle and smacking my head against the wall

I love this man so much, and he does NOT deserve the shit his mother is giving him and I VERY MUCH DISLIKE that he is STILL SEEKING HER APPROVAL. ESPECIALLY BECAUSE WE DIDN'T BUY THE CAR FOR HIM!! WE BOUGHT IT FOR M E AND HE CO-SIGNED BC THE PAYMENT IS CHEAPER AND HE IS VERY EXCITED THAT WE HAVE A NEW, RELIABLE VEHICLE THAT IS SAFE FOR ME! HE'S HAPPY I'M SAFE!

And he's NOT explaining this bit to his Mom, and keeps being like w/e her opinion doesn't matter

BUT THEN THEY HAVE THIS CONVERSATION AGAIN

AHHHHHH

I hate circular arguments y'all. They make me want to explodE. My entire morning/afternoon has been reassuring the hubbers and trying to point out how the convo is circular bc he's looking for her approval and excitement but she is looking for Something Else BC she's worried about our finances. Guys, imma be real with you. This is an affordable payment for us. It's literally only coming out of MY PAYCHECK since it's MY CAR and they BOTH seem to be forgetting that and it's causing this stupid discussion that won't end until either:

He tells her he's heard her concerns and asks her what she's looking for (since despite his reassurances and walking her thru the process we went thru last weekend and showing her the numbers and how it all works out fine she STILL keeps voicing her concerns, to the point where I haven't even talked with her about it but am dying to yell WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE US TO DO MARGE, GET RID OF THE CAR??? Because really, what WOULD you like us to do and it's presumptuous of you to assume we can't handle it and will need your help)

He tells her he's heard her concerns and asks her to just listen to his and please show some excitement because he's excited about it, so why can't you be

They let it die and never talk about it again the end OR

He understands that this is another one of those Margie being Margie scenarios and he's not gonna get her approval or excitement, and accepts that all he needs in this scenario is his OWN acceptance and excitement, and find a way to be OKAY with that

And I don't know how LIKELY any of these are going to be in the near future (and dw, I texted him that blurb already so hopefully it's on his mind and he makes good choices, good choices being either 1 or 4 bc this isn't gonna get resolved any time soon with my MIL's old fashioned REPRESS UR EMOTIONS ass 😤) so I am instead FUMING about situations OUTSIDE OF MY CONTROL bc as an outsider Incan see how it's going and after 4 years of therapy I can see what needs to be done bc I'VE BEEN THERE TOO

This situation has me so down it's making me wanna call and vent to my Mommy and that's how you KNOW it's yucky tbh

#dani speaks #dani vents #i don't often call my mom to vent these days bc she can be very similar to Richard's mom re: ur childs feelings #BUT MY GOD. I AM AT A LIMIT #anyway if u read the vent ty for reading I appreciate it 🩷#we'll be okay! i know Richard will read those options and see what's going on and choose what works best for the time being #BUT MY GOD WATCHING THE CROSSFIRE?? IS STRESSFUL #I'M LIKE #THIS IS SO STUPID GUYS PLZ #anyway if anyone wonders why I wrote blinter the way I did #THIS IS WHY. I THINK PARENTS SHOULD MAKE UP WITH THEIR ADULT CHILDREN AND UNDERSTAND THE TRAUMAS AND THINGS #AND BE SUPER SUPPORTIVE #I THINK PARENTS NEED TO STOP THE AGE OLD HANDING OVER OF TRAUMA TO THE KIDS #GENERATIONAL TRAUMA IS AO FRUSTRATING AND SO EASILY AVOIDABLE BUT IT DOES ENOUGH DAMAGE THAT IT KEEPS GOING!#FUCK THE CYCLE ALL MY HOMIES HATE THE CYCLE #and if anyone is wondering. i am VERY excited about the new car #being able to drive again without breakdown anxiety and in a car that isn't crumbling to dust around me #is STELLAR! I WANT TO CRY HAPPY TEARS! I HAVE MY FREEDOM BACK! THE MONEY WE'LL SAVE ON SUDDEN REPAIRS #IS GONNA BE SO NICE #I'm 😭😭😭#it's just so reliving and I feel so annoyed that MIL doesn't see it like that and is focusing on 'startung ur marriage out in debt'#sweetie. I've been paying student loans for 5 years. We were ALREADY starting with debt and our payment plan is FINE #WE HAVE JOB SECURITY #OTHERWISE I WOULDN'T HAVE DONE IT #AND IF WE SUDDENLY DON'T #WE SELL ONE OF THE CARS #Boom. done.#ANYWAY. IMMA GO GROCERY SHOPPING NOW #BC I CAN BC MY CAR IS RELIABLE!! AH!#out of context jacquelines

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