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#to know why his father has dragged him to a kids entertainment zone. but rather is asked as the setup for an
isabelguerra · 1 year
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paranatural would be so good if the characters had intended symbolism and core beliefs and things behind them that drove a specific meaning. rather than being tools for shonen anime pseudomocking
#like all joming aside the comic is funny but thats it. its funny. its made to be funny. it has some wacky lines gets some good reactions#its funny. but i dont think its a good story anymore.#like let’s really think about this for a moment. what is paranatural about.#4 years ago i wouldnt said ‘kids fighting ghosts in their wacky hometown’ but theh havent done that in ages. theres no trace of that story#and there hasnt been since chapter 5 ended#digging further- thats just plot. what is it ABOUT? the power of friendship? the perseverance to protect the ones you love?#i used to love max for his down-to-earth straight man grounded perspective. max wasnt funny. max was reasonable and the contrast of that#reason against the nonsense of the town is what MADE him funny.#like the other day when i posted the comparison between ch4’s hallway specshot scene and the one from fridays page#max isnt being funny in the hallway. ‘why am i here’ is put against Haha Woww So Deel Max Lol to which he can reply no i mean study hall.#his reaction is rational. the sarcasm adds humor but its rather the world around him which is so newly strange that his normalcy is funny#and then versus the new page. max makes a Why Am I Here joke again. but this time the question is not asked by max the character who wants#to know why his father has dragged him to a kids entertainment zone. but rather is asked as the setup for an#Unexpected Quirky Classic Max One-Liner ‘no i meant on this earth why do i exist’#it just feels so much flatter. max isnt aloof and uncaring and sarcastic because he doesnt care about anything or anyone and is untouchable.#max is standoffish but genuinely nice and caring for the people he meets. his first instinct after landing on johnnys face#is to ask if hes alright. when PJ feels distraught at not being important in his own death maxes first instinct is to find a way to make him#feel better. to challenge that perspective and doubt the viewpoint his own poor self esteem gives him#when isabel comes out of her spirit trance and is too shocked to move max immediately rushes to her side to protect her against a spirit hes#terrified of. and then the next day brings what happened up to her and says hes sorry she went through that and hes got her back#he BREAKS HIS ARM TO PROTECT JOHNNY AGAINST HIJACK#hes a good protagonist because even though he has trouble connecting to others and being super friendly hes still NICE!!!! he still CARES!!!#i might take these tags and just make them a new post this turned into loving max hours#paranatural
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Heir To The Throne
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Chapter 2: Secrets 
There comes a day where all fathers pass their business down to their children. This was no ordinary business, this was the mafia. You were the sole heir to the throne and you didn’t want it. Your father’s right hands Derek and Aaron are tasked with convincing you otherwise, the last thing you expected to do was fall in love.
Mafia AU
Aaron Hotchner x Fem!Reader, Derek Morgan x Fem!Reader
Warnings: cemeteries, mentions of garvez, loss of a sibling and parent, smoking, mentions of death, alcohol and the consumption of, little bit of Matt x reader, mentions of sex and sex references, kissing, swearing, guns and use of, threats, breakups 
Word Count: 3.2k
Author’s Note: a chapter gives you a bit of a better insight on everyone! chapter 3 will be on its way soon!! 
Masterlist /// Chapter 1  /// Chapter 3
----
Fog filled the cemetery as Luke drove through the giant iron gates. He was outside when you had come down and offered to drive you. 
You glanced over at the man who had a permanent scowl on his face. “How’s Penelope?” you ask him, a little curl at the edge of his lips appeared. “Oh dude, you totally like her!” you squealed and hit his arm playfully. 
“Shut up y/n, we’re just friends. She’s fine” he answered you, pulling over by the tree. “Just fine?” you questioned and he nodded. 
“Didn’t sound like she was ‘just fine’ last night” wiggling your eyebrows at him, he gave you a stern look. You raised your hands playfully, “your secret is safe with me grumpy” you smiled and turned towards the window. 
Luke placed his hand on your shoulder, you glanced over at him. 
“Do you want me to come with you?” he said, you reached up and gave his hand a squeeze before shaking your head. 
“I’m alright. I won't be long.” 
“Take your time” 
Stepping out of the car after grabbing the bunches of flowers you had, you walked down the pathway to your mother’s grave. You replaced the old flowers that sit beside her tombstone, which you could only assume had been put there by your father, and brushed off dust from the top. Stepping away, you walked down a bit further and sat on the ground in front of a tombstone. 
James Rossi 
1989 - 2015 
Beloved son, brother and friend.
Setting the bunch of flowers beside the tombstone, you let out a sigh. “So I slapped Derek last night. I know it was wrong but he was talking about you like it wasn't his fault.” your hand ran across his name on the stone. “It’s not my fault though, I tried to control myself but he was being a bitch and don’t even get me started on Emily.” you rolled your eyes, “I threw a bottle at her head but she deserved it so I'm not going to apologize for that.” A wind blew through the cemetery, you brushed away the few leaves that fell by the flowers. “Oh! Luke and Penny are totally hooking up and yes, he’s still as grumpy as he was the last time you..” sighing, cutting your sentence short. “Anyways, she seems to make him happy and I'm happy for him” you glanced over your shoulder, you could see Luke standing outside the car on the phone and smoking. 
“I’ll come around more often J, I'll try and get dad to come too. I love you always” you pressed a kiss to your fingers and then pressed it to the stone before getting up. You brushed off the grass and dirt from your legs and headed back to the car. 
“She's coming back, I’ll talk to you later and I love you more” you could hear Luke say to whoever was on the other end of the call. Smiling at him, “tell pens I said hi, lover boy” Luke shot you a glare before you hopped in the car. 
“Stop eavesdropping” he turned the car around, you looked out the window and replied to him, “not my fault you decided to declare your love to miss Garica as I came back” Luke chuckled at your statement. 
“You’re annoying” 
“Oh you love me Al” 
He shook his head and drove back to the villa. Upon arriving home, he excused himself back to the armoury, or so he said. Luke didn’t realize that you too, had seen Penelope waiting down by the garden for him. Heading inside, your father’s laugh was the first thing you heard. 
He hadn't laughed like that since your mother passed. 
As you walked down the foyer, a woman's voice echoed through the empty hallway. “Dave stop it!” she laughed, you pushed the door to the dining hall open. Dave and a blonde woman sat side by side having lunch. “Oh bella, I didn’t realize you’d be back already” your father stood up from his chair as you walked in. “Yeah, I didn't want to stay too long today, I have things to do. Sorry for interrupting, I didn't realize we had company” 
“I, have company, not you” Dave corrected you, “but since you’re here, y/n, this is Krystall. Krystall, this is my daughter y/n” your father introduced the woman to you. She stuck her hand out and you shook it. “Nice to meet you” she smiled and you gave her a nod. 
“Please continue, I'm just here for a drink and then I'm off” you spoke as you walked towards the bar, filling a glass with some whiskey. You pressed a kiss to your father's cheek and walked out. 
“What the actual fuck was that?” you mumbled, walking down the staircase to the basement. 
The hallway lights had been turned off, you fumbled around and felt the wall until finding the switch. There were boxes and crates stacked on each other and lined up against the wall, a light peaked through a crack in the door at the end of the hall. Pushing it open, Spencer sat at a table and Tara’s back was turned to you. “Hello my darlings” you shouted, making Spencer jump. 
“Fucking hell, I told you stop doing that!” he shouted at you, you walked over and ruffled his hair. 
“Calm down pretty boy, no need to stress yourself out” you walked over to Tara, you slung your arm around her shoulder, “hey pretty lady” 
“Hello to you too, what brings you down here to see us?” she asked you, her eyes on the screen in front of her. 
“Other than the fact that my father is entertaining a woman upstairs and I didn’t want to hear nor see that ?” you cringed, “I just missed your beautiful faces” you laughed. 
“So you finally met Krystall ?” Spencer piped up from his table, dividing the cash in front of him, you looked over at your cousin. 
“Finally met her ? How long have you known about her ?” 
“A few weeks ? according to Penelope, she’s been around for a few months because uncle Dave asked her to give Krystall a code for the gate” 
“What?! And you didn't think to tell me?!” you screamed at him. Spencer shouted back at you, “I thought you knew!”  
“Obviously not!” you yelled again, “Spencer some random woman has the gate code to our home and you didn’t think to mention that to me?! She could be here to kill us for all you know!” 
 Spencer rolled his eyes at you, “No need to get your panties in a twist cousin, I'm sure Krystall isn’t here to kill us. She’s a harmless woman, and would it be so bad for your father to start seeing someone ? Maybe he’d finally get off you back about taking over.” 
“Spencer, are you crazy ? This is the worst possible thing, she’s gonna drag him off to some island and leave me here to be in charge. I despise that idea, you know that.” rolling your eyes, your cousin sighed, 
“Just talk to him if you don't like it, you idiot, but shut up now. Not all of us can spend our day shopping with daddy’s money, we have a job to do” he said, turning his attention back to the money, his statement made Tara laugh. 
“Okay fuck you too Spencer, I'll see you two for dinner ? We’re still good for 10 right ?”  
“Sounds good” Tara and Spencer said simultaneously, your brows furrowed, “that was weird but okay. Laters babes” you headed out and ventured back up the stairs and out the door. Emily and JJ stood in the clearing on the grass with maybe 10 or 12 young guys, you could only assume they were the newest recruits to your father’s so called army. Entering at the other side of the building, Matt was in the armoury smoking a blunt. “Is this what I'm paying you for Simmons ?” you walked in, Matt sat up from his seat, he was zoned out but he heard the voice and assumed it was your father, you knew that for sure. 
“No boss, I'm sor- are you kidding?” he saw you standing there with a rather amused look on your face, you bit your lip as you held back a laugh. “Does my father scare you Matt ?” you asked, taking the blunt from him and took a pull. 
“No?” he said, truthfully that sounded more like a question rather than an answer. 
“And the truth ?” you sat down, propping your feet up on the table. 
“Yes” he leaned on the table across from you, you laughed while leaning forward to pass the blunt back to him. “Scaredy cat” you smiled at him, Matt rolled his eyes “you have nothing to worry about, you’re his daughter” 
“Doesn’t mean I’m untouchable” 
“Yeah, it does, actually” 
“Mhm, if I'm untouchable, what happened the other night with you ?” you raised your brows, Matt blushed. “Not what I meant” he said, you stood up and walked towards him. 
“Did I make you blush ?” you slung your arms over his shoulders, your hands coming up to his hair at the nape of his neck, “no of course you don’t, I think it's the other way around” Matt’s hands were on your waist, he lifted you up onto the table. 
“Why are you even in here? Where’s Luke ?” you twirled his hair with your fingers, Matt’s forehead rested against yours, “he’s making out with Penelope in the garden” Matt stated casually.
Pulling away slightly, you looked at him, “what ?” 
“Oh fuck, you didn't know” Matt’s eyes went wide. 
Of course you knew, but Matt didn't know that you knew about Luke and Penelope. 
“I know about them, you can relax” you laughed, “Luke would've killed you if I didn't already know though” your hands cupped Matt’s face. Matt leaned forward, your lips barely touching his. His hands on your lower back, pulling you towards him and closed the gap between the two of you. Your hands fumbled with the buttons on his shirt as his lips moved from your lips to your cheek and then to your neck. 
“Luke I need a g- oh” Derek's voice rang through the room. Matt pulled away from you, he looked like a deer in headlights.
You on the other hand, were as Matt said, untouchable. 
Matt buttoned his shirt back up, “um Luke’s out but I can get you what you need” he told Derek who was still standing at the door watching the scene in front of him unfold. Hopping off the counter, you wiped the lipstick off Matt's lips with your thumb and pressed a kiss to his cheek, “I'll see you around love” 
--
Derek stood off to the side as Matt gathered the things he needed. “Does Dave know what you're doing with his daughter ?”
“I don't see how that concerns him” Matt’s back was turned to him, his response made Derek roll his eyes. 
“If you want to keep your fucking job, you’ll watch yourself” 
“And what does that mean ?” Matt turned, handing him the gun. Derek rolled his eyes, playing with the trigger of the gun. “It means stay away from her or I'll make sure you do.” spinning on his feet, he walked towards the door.
“What’s your issue with me dude ? y/n doesn’t even like you so why are you acting like this ?” 
Derek stopped in his tracks. his back still facing Matt, “and what do you know about how y/n feels towards me?” 
Matt scoffed, “after what happened to her brother, you think she’ll let you tell her what to do with her life?” 
The mention of James triggered something in Derek. James was one of his friends, his best friend in a way. What happened to James wasn’t his fault and he knew that. Derek had spent the last few years trying to get over that very thing. 
“What did you just say to me ?” Derek turned to face him,
“Her brother, his death was your fault wasn’t it ?” Matt repeated himself.
Derek shoved him back slightly, “watch yourself” he mumbled, he really wasn't in the mood to fight with Matt. 
“Or what ?” Matt challenged him and one thing you should never do, is challenge Derek. He has a habit of making his point no matter what. The muzzle of the gun pressed to the side of Matt’s head, Derek’s hand gripping to the collar of his shirt. 
“Let’s try that again” Derek gave him a smug smile. 
“Woah! Der, stop!” Aaron ran in, pulling Derek away from Matt. The gun was still pointed in Matt’s direction, Aaron looked over at Matt and nodded towards the door, Matt running out the door without looking back. 
“Okay, what the fuck was that about D?” 
Aaron took the gun from him and set it aside. Derek shook his head but Aaron knew him better than that, something was bothering him. “I know you man, you wouldn't pull a gun on him for no reason, what’s up ?” 
“It’s stupid” 
“C’mon” 
“It’s James” Derek muttered, his eyes focused on anything, anything that would keep him from looking at Aaron. 
“How- What ? How is that possible ? He shouldn't even- he couldn’t know about that” Aaron was confused, more than usual to tell you the truth. There was no way Matt could know about James, unless.. 
Aaron at Derek who was now looking at him. “Y/n..” he whispered, Derek nodded. 
“Did he say anything else ?” 
“Just that she didn’t like me” 
“Don’t take it to heart, she doesn't like anyone” Aaron gave his shoulder a pat before walking out. Derek stood in the middle of the armoury by himself. There were so many things he needed to fix, to mend, to make right so he could move on. Luke brows furrowed as he walked in, “can I help you ?” his voice startled Derek, “no, I'm good. Just came for this” picking up the gun and tucking it into the waistband on his pants.
--
The drive over was quiet, Derek stopped at the front by the gates and walked the rest of the way. It wasn’t cold but it wasn't warm either and the trees blocked the sun out. This place always gave him the creeps and you’d think a big, strong guy wouldn't get scared that easily but he couldn’t help it.
For the second time today, James had gotten a visitor. 
Derek stood in front of the tombstone. He wasn’t quite sure why he was there, maybe it was the mention of James’s death being his fault or just because his guilty conscience was getting to him. 
“I don’t know why I'm here, honestly. I haven’t been back here since your funeral man, I just- I couldn't.” Derek sighed. 
“It’s not my fault right ? you told me to go, I begged you to let me stay with you and you didn't let me.” he ran his hand over his face, “Your sister blames me. She thinks it’s my fault and she told her stupid little boy toy that.” 
The flowers caught his eye, red roses. 
“Your sister came to see you today didn't she? wait,” Derek chuckled “I'm asking you like you can answer me” he shook his head. 
“Do you know I’ve been getting her roses for her birthday for the past 5 years ? Red roses just like you used to. She doesn't know it’s from me though, she thinks they’re from your father” Derek sighed. 
“I don’t know why, I just- you know what ? I do know. I like her J, I do, like a lot.” he laughed, “holy fuck, I've never said that. I didn’t- wow” Derek paced back and forth for a few moments, he debated if he should tell her or not. She already hates him, what difference does it make ?
--
The heels clicked on the marble tiles as you walked down the staircase. You were just about to head out for dinner with Spencer and Tara when Matt walked past you. 
“Hey! I'm leaving, why are you going upstairs ?” you stopped, turning back and looking up at him. His back was to you, you could hear him sigh. 
“Matt, what’s wrong?” you walk up a few steps towards him, you reach for his hand but he pulls away. 
“y/n.. we can’t do this anymore” 
“What ? What are you talking about?” 
“This,” he refers to you and him, “we can’t keep doing this. You’re going to lead this shit one day and you can’t spend all your time with me, there has to be something more for you.” 
“Where’s this coming from ? What’s going on?” 
Matt didn’t say anything else, instead he met you in the middle of the staircase. His hands cupped your face, “I'm sorry” he whispered before giving you one last kiss. Your forehead rested against his, your hand on his. He stepped back, your hand still on his, he pulled away until your fingers were barely touching, he finally stepped away, leaving you there by yourself. 
There were so many questions. 
Why ? What had happened ? Did your father say something to him ? What was the reason ? Did Derek tell him something ? 
“Bitch, let’s go. We’re running late, Luke and Penelope are already on their way there” Spencer shouted for you from the bottom of the staircase. Your eyes fixed on the top of the stairs, you sighed and shook the feeling, turning towards Spencer with a smile on your face.
“Where’s Matt ? I thought he was coming with us ?” Tara asked as she walked over to the two of you. You shook your head, “he’s not feeling well” you lied, they both knew something was going on between the two of you but you weren't in the mood for it tonight. 
You just wanted one last night out with your family as a 21 year old. 
---
Ahh chapter 2 is done! how do we feeling ? I have something exciting in store for chapter 3! 
Taglist: @mac99martin @aaron-hotchner187 @tclaerh @luke-alvez @iconicc @lieberhers @pumpkin-reads @katexrichardson @sluttytears @thelukealvez @scandinavian-punk @laurenxreynolds @morcias​ @shotarosleftpinky​ @mrs-dr-reid​ @hqtchner​ @averyhotchner​ @ssahoodrathotchner​ @willlemonheadsupremacy​ @ssa-autumn-hotchner​ @potter-reid​ @sunshinepower17​ @emilysbau
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ricinbach · 3 years
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mercy. | chapter 4 - flame
the makeshift trio make their way to a safe haven.
Joel Miller was a man of many words.
Relentless when it came to bringing down hordes of infected lunging at him, or when he was raining bullets down on whatever hostility ended up in his sights. One simple glance at him would be enough to make an ordinary survivor run five times back. A resourceful man, finding ways to walk out, to get information, to somehow get through when no other could. Cold, cruel and when all else came down to it, when he had no other choice, a downright savage.
Merciful had not been a trait he got associated with often.
In this world full of unknowns at every rotten corner, the gruff man had been another enigma on his very own - as someone who endured so much loss and so much pain would rightfully become. It had taken him many cheap mistakes and scars on his taut skin along his years of surviving to learn how to slowly, painfully construct walls in his mind that kept the flooding memories sealed, along with demonstrations of emotion - yet every single line on his tan skin and every little glimmer of light amber in his eyes told otherwise, now and then, succumbing to his human nature. A hardened survivor like him knew damn well that one second of losing yourself into your memories, one short moment of tapping into your emotions could lead to a shiv lodged inside your throat with your own blood leaking on the floor. Life and death, both tied by the same thread to a sheer moment of humanity.
Why he helped out a woman who was bound to die sooner rather than later, while risking everything that he stood for and swore by, had been the most recent piece - albeit the most interesting one - to add to the puzzle.
It had been the one question he had been asking to himself for the past days, although his other, much smaller companion might have been wondering about it even more than he was, judging by the constant looks thrown at their newcomer’s way accompanied by the colorful curses that hung from her mouth every time you would stumble slightly.
The fourteen year-old, regardless of her impressive maturity despite her young age, had been the one not taking so lightly to the old man’s methods of spilling blood to get through to begin with. He had been a much better observer than his companions would often give him credit for - he would see the occasional wince running through her features every time he would stab a shiv into a neck, the mutters of curses, groans at a hunter’s guts flying out of his ripped flesh. In a brutal world comprised of few moral lines, taking care of a little girl, his cargo, across the horrors had been no easy feat.
Maybe it had been the hollow in his stomach he chose to bury deep inside every time he would see the girl sadden, that made him carry a helpless woman.  How she wanted to see him do some good in a world full of bad, so much that made him give a second chance to someone in desperation. Could have been that he wanted to have as much protection shielding Ellie as possible, to make up for those brief moments he had to take his eyes off of her to clear a safe path.
Maybe it had been the look in your piercing eyes that awaited the cold arms of death had it not been for him.
For the time being, the Texan just could not place a proper answer to that one question that has been burning in the back of his mind, no matter how many gazes he would throw your way.
Oh, those olive orbs were always on you as you advanced through the slight hills with a slight stumble to your gait. That stare bearing daggers was on you every time you stood too close to the girl for his own liking or every time your hand went to your revolver holstered on your good leg. It had been a hard decision to make, giving you the handgun. The man had only put in couple of bullets, stating it would be just for emergencies, his own hand moving to his gun whenever you would pull out yours out of sheer instinct. His trust would be the hardest trophy to earn on that scorched earth, and only a handful had gotten close to the final round - it did not look like you were reaching that level anytime soon with his rare words directed at you. Instead, those eyes would watch, intently, as the orange and red lights of the small fire shone against your skin during a night when you all camped in a meadow on the outskirts of the state.
It had been almost a couple of weeks since you had found yourself awakened in that molded room and mere days since your wounded leg let you travel on foot - granted they were only educated estimations. Time had not been a notion that interested you for the past years, only discerning the ends and starts of the days by watching the sun, reduced to only judging the months by the changing weather.
The infected did not keep the time, so why would you need to?
One thing you surely could tell about the time was that yours spent with these survivors you knew close to nothing about had been too much for your own liking. The escape out of state and onto the damned highway had been so close - your haste got the worst of you as you got tricked by the stray group of hunters on the outer perimeter, huddled up in the last quarantine checkpoint.
The bastard that sat couple feet away from you just had to find you and haul you out of your grave.
Your luck had to run out sooner or later, just like the others before you. Just like the ones you tortured and saved alike. The messed up fate of yours had to pull another stand, saving you from your demise a little earlier at the arms of this man sitting across from you, dragging you to protect the pair as they made their way to a safe zone. That was what you were reduced to out of so-called debt - a mere bodyguard for a little girl in the damned apocalypse out of all roles, an extra pair of eyes protecting the duo that you could probably do without.
When you expressed your thanks to the man, what you expected was for him to trade in some supplies, something that would feed the little girl and him and set you on your way. Never before did you pay off a good deed like this - how could you refuse and expect to live? Being indebted to strangers was not exactly one of the situations you wanted to get yourself into in this dog-eat-dog world. With every move you made, you had to feel the burning gaze of Joel on the back of your head, ready to unload some lead right in your skull with one single slip-up. Wondering when he would decide it was time you paid him off for saving you and killed you in your sleep for good. The sliver of trust that enabled you to catch a little shut-eye at nights came from the mere fact that the man was taking care of a kid in the damned apocalypse - children were always the biggest liability in the new order, and if he had the strenght to keep her alive for so long, that meant something.
It was a newfound feeling that you could not decipher correctly - something in you relished in the fact that you were with people and you were somewhat safe. It was clear as day if you did one fuck up, he would not hesitate to shoot your brains out, but nevertheless - you had company.
Only thing you knew about the father and his daughter was that they were capable. Capable enough to carry you to a safe house and tend to your wound. Capable enough to slit your throat once you have exceeded their uses. Grouping up with people you did not know the motives of was like playing some sort of roulette - someone got shot in the end, and you sure as hell was not looking for that person to be yours truly.
You did not know much about them, and they did not know anything about you in return - the way you liked to keep it. With your leg feeling a little bit better every passing day, you only could hope their destination was closer so you could get away and not owe a soul a damn thing.
The girl reached over to the small fire, warming her hands in the cold of the night as her father sat close to her, his eyes torn off of you for a moment as he looked around the landscape - a rare feat. Sitting on the grass with your bad leg extended, covered in the cargo pants you had changed into with your back against a tree trunk, you did not speak much. The trusted, a little rusty switchblade of yours was in between your nimble fingers, toying with the metal as your gaze focused on the moonlight it reflected.You would be damned if the stray infected around the meadows was not attracted to this, the cracks of the fire and the ramblings of the girl to Joel, talking about this joke book she had acquired somewhere.
“What is the leading cause of divorce in long-term marriages?”
Ellie, that was what her name was, you had overheard Joel call her. Had she been a handful - solely based on your couple days worth of observations as she would barely acknowledge your existence, you could not help but sometimes admire the father Joel was. The girl barely needed the protection from you, judging by the way she held onto the handgun while you traversed the state border, how she carefully avoided your close presence. She surely had learned all of those from his teachings. That, you could respect and to some extent, admire.
No one had been there to teach you how to hold onto your own but yourself.
“A stalemate.”
Overhearing the exchange, a small yet audible chuckle went past your lips, shaking your head in a breathy laugh.
“That’s terrible.”
Two pairs of green eyes with unknowns swimming in them landed on your frame, with you undoubtedly looking like a deranged woman scoffing to herself. Feeling the stares on you, your own eyes would rise yet the slight twitch on your lip did not falter. Joel’s face had been devoid of emotion as per usual, but you could swear you saw Ellie’s lip curl up in amusement ever so slightly, to which you could only shrug. If horrible jokes were the last and only choice of entertainment left around you, you would take it, regardless of who it came from.
As expected, the only non-hostile interaction you had with the girl that did not involve any taunts thrown your way had been cut short by a certain tall man standing up with a huff after dimming the fire a bit. Ellie followed his lead, leaning her back against the tree closest to him, no doubt getting ready for some shut-eye. The residual red  and orange lights coupled with the ambient moonlight were what illuminated his bearded face as he gave you a short nod, his large hand reaching out towards you.
“I’ll take over in a couple hours. Watch us good.”
His instructions simple and concise, making you clench your jaw a little. Looking up at his brooding height, you would give a nod over his way, adjusting your body with a groan emitting out of your lips when you had moved your wounded leg, slipping the revolver out of the holster. Reaching up, your much smaller hands would place both your blade and handgun into his palm. With a low huff, he did not watch you suffer through your leftover pain, instead opting to make his way towards Ellie’s side. What you did not see was that he would usually stay up anoher hour or so, pretending to sleep, making sure you do not even attempt to do something stupid.
Left alone for the time being to contemplate the darkness under the sparkles of stars above, you sat down on the grass, senses on high alert as per habit. A little peace and quiet, some company albeit not the warmest, safety in numbers, helping each other survive were things that you could get used to in the long run.
It was only a matter of time till you could no longer run and someone recognized you.
next
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Pretending (Part 4) Jughead J. x Reader
Hi~ Long time no read haha, I honestly drop this story because my life became busier with college, and then I stopped watching the show as the plot lose my interest. Yet, as I was reliving my Tumblr I came across with Part 3 and Part 2, which I really enjoyed, so I thought I might just give the story an end, since I’m fond to the characters of the show and my own OCs, Not really sure if anyone is gonna read it, specially since I won’t be following the exact plot and timeline as the original show, but, I kinda feel that’s what an imagine is about, so ooopsie
Summary: Drama in Riverdale seems to never end, your home-life was a mess, your past was still hunting you, yet, breaking up with your boyfriend was the last straw that broke the camel’s back. How are you supposed to go through all the chaos that was coming? Are you going to keep pretending to be the normal nice girl? Or his your heart willing to reveal it’s true skin?
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3
Pairing: Jughead Jones x reader
Words: 4583
Note: English isn’t my first language, I deeply apologize for any mistake.
Disclaimer: Since I’m writing this as someone who doesn’t follow the current plot of the show, I’m unaware of the fandom’s situation, so I just want to clarify that this fic is only meant to entertain, it doesn’t hate or trash in any character, I still love the cast of the show so I’m not here with any negative vibes, pls keep it like this, I’ll try my best to write the most human, imperfect, mistake makers characters, you’re welcome not to read if you don’t like it, thanks y’all!
“Easy there, Hot Dog.” you said calming down the little dog that seemed overwhelmed by the presence of the beanie-less Jughead Jones III. “He’s family.” You added smirking at him, quite pleasant by the shock in his features.
Tall Boy started talking, dragging his attention from you to the man. “We heard your dad could have named names, but he didn’t.”
His eyes were on you just as he heard that, you just winked an eye to him.
“We wanted you to know, no matter what happens to him, however long he's gone, we've got your back.”
The serpents were all looking at him, some with decision and compromise, some with thankful welcoming eyes.
“This is yours… If you want it.” You mentioned, giving him a leather jacket with the Southside Serpents’ logo.
Your heart flattered as you saw him putting on the jack.
Good Lord, he’s hot.
No one could deny how good Jughead looked in that jacket, it suited him perfectly, he belonged to them. You looked at him, smiling as you with that quirky sparkle in his eyes, and he smiled to you slightly.
Like it was meant to be.
“Juggy?”
Snap.
That’s how you felt your world while you and the Jones kid both turn around to see a pretty blonde girl hiding her body behind the wall, confusion marked all over her face. It didn’t take you long to notice the state of her clothes.
His clothes too.
Oh.
Noticing the sudden mood in the air, Jughead spun around seeing at your figure with horror in his eyes.
“I think we might have interrupted something, gentlemen.” You said towards the group without looking at him. “We should leave.” You got down the stairs as you suggest the departure.
“Dismiss.” Ordered Tall Boy, everyone following you, as you became smaller and smaller with the distance.
You collapse in your homemade bed as you arrived at the Whyte Wrym, you’re staying in a little room at the second floor thanks to the fact that the manager owned FP a favor. You felt Hot Dog jumping by your side.
“Can you believe it Hot Dog?” you said looking at him incredulous. “I mean, yeah we waited because when we started to date we were too young to make that kind of things, but even tho, hell they have just been some months together.” You covered your face with your hands, memories of Jughead’s touch filling your mind.
He was so fucking good and lovely at bed.
And now all of that was in hands of the Cooper girl.
“Here comes the green-eye monster Hottie.” You announced looking at the puppy. “How he dares forgetting me so easily? I’m glad we ruined their night.” You huffed crossing your arms.
As your head started to hurt you decided it was better to sleep than overthink. You cuddle as you could, embracing Hot Dog between your arms, closing your eyes hoping that the next day you would be blessed to avoid the beanie boy.
Successfully, you hadn’t see your ex for a week or so, apparently, he kept dumping classes to go to the northside, but who could blame him? With all this Archie’s father being shot and The Black Hood thing going on, it was pretty normal for him to be there.
If not, he was shut in the Red&Black newspaper office. It was kind of funny, yet kind of sad how you two would remain like strangers under the same roof, even if not so along you were soulmates.
With that being said, today was an odd day, you entered your class as normal, your presence shutting down everyone as usual, walked to your destined seat, in front of Toni, diagonal to Sweet Pea and beside Jughead. What?
You faced at your left being welcomed by those intense blue-greenish eyes that could make everyone in the room faint with a stare. You looked sights for a second, broke apart when the professor entered the room.
He started to talk, the class started to become noisier, making the teacher fight for the attention, it made you grew impatient at the idiotic attitude of your classmates. You harshly kicked the desk at your right startling everyone, the room fall in silence just a second later.
“Thank you, Miss Y/L/N.” said the professor continuing with the lecture, you nodded absently as you tried to focus on his words rather than the handsome boy next-desk that couldn’t keep look away from you.
The class kept the same pace you had managed to achieve, your mind spaced out as the clock’s tic-tac rhythm filled the room, making everyone count the seconds unconsciously. Distracting you from the pass of the time a little paper ball was throw to you from your left.
You opened cautiously, no bothering in turning around to see the paper’s owner.
“What was that?” was written in a small quick handwriting.
You furrowed your eyebrows crumpling the paper and throwing it away.
Just a few seconds later another paper ball landed in your desk. You sighed no bothering open it, you just set it aside.
A minute later it wasn’t a ball what arrived, it was a full paper plane with the words ‘Stop ignoring me’ written at a wing.
You opened it tired of the little game.
‘What was that?’
You rolled your eyes taking a pen answering. ‘What was what?’ you threw the paper at his direction not even looking, you could hear Toni chuckling behind you, well at least she was having fun.
The paper was with you a minute later, his plane form was built again.
‘Earlier you hit a desk, and everyone shut up.’
‘Yeah, you’re welcomed.’
You extended your arm to pass him the paper this time, your hands touched as he took it.
‘I owe you my life ;P but my question was why did they shut up because of you, they looked afraid.’
You couldn’t help but smile a little at the little face he drew in the paper. ‘Oh no, they weren’t afraid. Well, not at all, they just respect me. And lets just keep it like that.’
You looked at him finally, leaving the paper at his desk. “End of the conversation.” You said quietly, the bell ringing just a second later, you took your stuff and stormed out of the class before anyone else.
Jughead’s PoV
I sat at the canteen with the other serpents, my eyes instantly scanning the place to see a certain Y/H with Y/H/C.
“Where’s Y/N?” I asked as she was nowhere near to be seen.
“She doesn’t sit with us.” Said Sweet Pea bluntly.
I just throw a confused look to Toni.
“She just sits there.” She said calmly pointing out at her in a desk a little far away, all alone.
“What the hell?!” I felt by heart sinking in fear at her sight “You just let her sit alone?! The Ghoullies are gonna eat her alive!” as sudden as I said that the table broke in laughs.
Noticing my unbelieved face Toni faced me. “I kind of think she sits there to protect us.”
“How?” I asked as her answer didn’t make any sense.
“Well, she used to sit with us, but the Ghoullies did come to bother her even if we were with her, after that she started sitting alone.”
“The Ghoullies stopped coming, just focused on her.” Continued Fangs.
“Why?”
“Because she was Southside’s bookworm.” Answered Sweet Pea making me glared at him because of the nickname he has given to her.
“And even if we tried to help her she stopped us.” Fangs sighed as everyone else nodded.
“But now none of the Ghoullies has the guts to face her.” I looked up at Sweet Pea who was smirking at Y/N’s direction.
I arched a brow confused. “Are you kidding me?”
“No” said Toni smiling. “It’s true, it was awesome Jones. One day an idiotic asshole Ghoullie mentioned her family and threated her about hurting her cousin.”
“She exploded.” Fangs concluded with a glint of joy in his eyes.
“What do you mean?” I said gulping the anxiety out of my voice.
“She beat the hell out of him and his friends.” Sweet Pea nodded fondly at the memory.
“Sweet Pea had to stop her when she took the fire extinguisher.”
He nodded again. “I’m still curious about what she would have done with it.”
“That’s how she finished earning the respect of all the gang and the school.” Toni finished, all looking at Y/N’s desk where she ate an apple reading a little book in her other hand. “She looked so hot. The serpent’s loner wolf.”
“Riverdale’s Sweetheart.” Argued Fangs earning a glare from Toni.
“Southside’s bookworm.” Said SP taking part of the argument.
I felt my blood boiling at their comments. “That’s enough.” I scold them loudly dragging their attention to me. “Stop tagging her for God’s sake. She hates that. You can’t just classify her in a category you know? Y/N is just too unique to fit in one of those mundane descriptions.” I ranted taking my tray.
I leaved the serpent’s safe zone and proceeded to walk towards the girl with the serpent jacket and the book.
“Mind if I sit?” I said taking the seat in front of her.
“I actually mind, yes. But as always you’re just gonna do whatever you want.” She said not even looking at me.
I took a moment to appreciate her, with all the shit that has been going on the town, I hadn’t notice her subtle change, her makeup was just a smidge more notorious and rebellious, her hair was more wild, her soft face was now contrasted by her hard expression, her Serpent jacket embraced her body in all the right places, she emitted this new sensation of power and sassiness, even with the sweet glimpse that was still in her eyes.
“You know Jones? That look you’re strolling all over my body can be consider sexual harassment, jail won’t be seen good at your curriculum.” She said quietly, yet cold enough to freeze my train of thought.
I blushed furiously as she noticed it. “Sorry, it’s just… You look different.”
“I guess.” She muttered bluntly.
“It suits you.” I smirk at her slightly.
She looked at me for the first time in all the conversation. “Thanks.” Her eyes sunk down at her book again, I didn’t feel her blush, her voice didn’t stutter neither, her eyes didn’t look at mine with warm, unlike every time I used to compliment her, and it hurt me, the fact that she treated me like a stranger was slowly killing me.
“Y/N… Listen, I’m being honest. I don’t like our current status.” I said snatching her book to have her full attention.
“Oh, you mean ex-boyfriend and ex-girlfriend? Well I’m sorry it bothers you, but it wasn’t my decision.” She took the book away from me.
“I know… I know I hurt you and I’m sorry for that, I didn’t mean to screw up the things between us, but, can’t we just be friends? Please…”
She locked eyes at me, thinking quietly, she slowly began to open her book, ready to ignore me again. Being as fast as I could I took the book again this time my other hand has gripping her wrist.
She sighed. “I guess I could pretend to.” I could her the bluntness in her voice.
“Pretend?” I repeat quietly amused. “I was expecting something more real… Like a true friend, I need you here Y/N.”
“Well I’m sorry it’s disappointing to you but is the best I can offer you.”
“Why can’t we just be friends, like when we were kids… Come on, don’t you miss me…?” I hold her hand between mine, craving to feel her warming soft skin.
“No. We can’t.” She removed her hand from mine.
I silently cursed, her rejection hurting me down my soul.
“Why not?” I asked bitterly.
“Because friends don’t love each other like I love you. Because friends don’t crave for the touch and the kisses of the other. Because friends can be okay to see you with your girlfriend. But I can’t, I can’t be your friend because I’m in love with you, you idiot, I want to be your girl, I want to be your best friend, your confident, your person. But I’m not, so don’t ask me to be okay and be your friend. Because I can’t, I just can pretend to.”
I saw her eyes growing watery, but I didn’t say anything, I couldn’t react I didn’t know how, she has never talked to me so harshly. She blinked, stopping the tears from falling, she avoided my eyes and stood up, walking trough the door, leaving me there, with her book between my hands, in the cold lonely bench, in a cold lonely mess.
I saw the book’s cover, it was a little antique poem book we stole from the library some years ago, I flip the pages until end, there in the back face of the book, was a little photo attached with some tape, it was an old polaroid photo of us, with Tobias, the baby was in her arms giggling, I had my hands in her waist as I embraced her, she between my legs, her back leaning against my torso, I was looking at the camera with a faint smile, and she was…
She was looking at me…
I tighten my grip on the book as I exanimated her face, her pupils were slightly bigger, and her smile was little, but warmly breathtaking, her eyes were soft, I knew that expression, it was the same she put whenever she admire something, like an art piece, or when Tobias said his first word, I loved that expression, yet, I never knew…
She saw me like that.
My heart sunk as the realization that maybe, maybe all this time I never took a moment to realize those little things about her, and our relationship, and now it was too late to think of them, maybe…
Maybe I got too used to have her around, that I looked at her, but I didn’t see her.
Life has mastered the irony, as the loner boy was now the one to say hi, when he was the first to say bye, and the sweet girl refused to answer back as she tried hard not to fall apart.
I went to the Red&Black office to clear my mind, I took the local newspaper and my heart pound as a read the headline, a cryptograph from the Black Hood to solve? Sounds like a case for Sherlock Jones, I sat starting to analyze it when the creaking sound of the door caught my attention.
There she was, Y/N herself entering the office with Toni, some boxes in their hands.
“Oh, you’re here.” Toni said putting her box in the desk.
“Yeah… Hey have you seen the news?” I said looking at both.
Y/N just left her box next to Toni´s and stormed out of the room.
Toni looked at me with a scold on her face. “Did you do something to her?”
“W-What? No, she’s just… We’re in the middle of the ex’s war zone.”
“Ex?” She said widening her eyes.
“You didn’t know? I thought you knew her!” I replied mimicking her expression.
“And I do, but she never talked about her love life, I didn’t get to ask her neither.”
I sighed covering my face with my hands. “Don’t tell anyone.” I asked sternly.
“May I ask what happen?” She said raising a brow. “Like bro, who dumps a girl like Y/N? or what did she did for you to leave her. No wait, did she dumped you? That makes more sense.”
I looked at her, too tired to explain myself or to discuss, I just told her everything vaguely.
“So, Mrs. Pony Tail and you started to grow closer, you both develop feelings and she convinced you to try a relationship even tho she knew that you were Y/N’s everything.”
“No!” I yelled angry. “When you say it like that it sounds cruel.”
“And you really just left an almost three years, relationship like that. You’re easier than I thought Jones.”
I growled. “Thanks Toni.” I give her the newspaper changing the subject. “Wanna solved it together?”
She sighted looking at me, smirking faintly. “Hell yeah.”
Y/N’s PoV.
There was an awkward silence in the room, just the sound of the pencils on the paper or the flipping of the pages filling the mood.
I can’t really tell how I ended up in this situation, I just know that I gave up at Toni’s begging for me to join she and Jug to decipher the Black Hood’s code, but she never mentioned it was going to be at Jug’s trailer, neither she told me that Betty was coming too, although the pissed expression in her face makes me believe she had no idea.
The bright side of this was that Kevin had come too, I was so happy to see him that I just jumped into his arms when he noticed me, he was currently resting my back against mine as we helped each other to reach a comfort
“These symbols look so familiar to me.” Said Betty breaking the silence, catching all our attention. “It's like I've seen them before and it's driving me crazy I can't figure out where.” She added sounding frustrated.
“Maybe if you loosened your ponytail.” Said Toni bluntly. I facepalmed internally as I saw the offended faces of the Northsiders. “What? That was a joke, guys.” she cleared, yet it was already too late, I sight hearing Kevin’s indignation.
“Betty's ponytail is iconic and beyond reproach.”
“Kev. It's fine. And at this point, I'm willing to try anything.” Betty said loosening her ponytail as Toni said, being free from it.
I looked at her for a moment as the other returned to discuss the important matter of the night. Betty wasn’t a bad girl, not even close, yet I couldn’t help but be mad, she knew all my story with Jughead, every single fucking detail, and yet she didn’t even think about it when they started dating… But then again, I didn’t have any right in the Jones boy… He was free to fall in love and leave, so was Betty.
I heard vaguely part of their conversation as I started to feel dizzy, getting even sicker as I notice the tension in their voices, there was a war getting near, I could feel it.
“No, I mean like why, why is he killing people? Or at least, why now? We know the Hood's obsessed with cleansing the town of sinners and hypocrites, right? And he seems to be attacking anyone with ties to the Northside.” I tried to focus in Betty’s analysis as my head spun around.
“Here we go with the fake news again.” Said Toni getting in a defensive attitude, I slapped myself mentally finally waking up as I knew this wasn’t going to end well.
“Toni.” I said calmly looking at her. “Breath.”
“No! This Northsiders and their privilege. All you do is demonize the Southside so of course you think the Black Hood's from there.”
“It's not demonizing, Toni. It's stating facts.” Betty excused herself not helping Toni to calm down. “There's way more drugs and gangs.” The little Cooper continued, yet it didn’t take long for Toni to interpose.
“And the drugs you mean which were sold primarily to Northside crackheads? And what about the Northside Neo-Nazis?” Perfect, Archie´s little gang was now on the discussion. I looked at Kevin’s awkwardness, sharing the feeling, as we were the ones in the middle watching all the drama.
“The Red Circle?”
“The Red Psychos, you mean. Hell, Betty, I'm surprised you haven't just come out and said it yet.”
“Said what?”
“That you think the Black Hood's a Serpent. We all know how much you hate us.”
“Okay, Toni. I don't hate the Serpents.”
“Oh, yeah? Says the girl who stole a good friend’s boyfriend, mostly just as a whim than for love. Then, tell me why is it that your boyfriend here lies about the fact that he sits with us at lunch?” She ranted her breath getting heavy, I took her arm as I stood up.
“That’s enough Toni, we should go okay?” she scoffed taking her arm back from my grip but starting to gather her things.
“Yeah I’m gonna go too.” Said Kevin looking away from the situation. “Maybe I can walk you home.” He added looking at us, Toni just glared at him. “Or you can walk me home.” He muttered as we exit the trailer, making me chuckle a little.
I took a last glance at the quirky couple we had left behind, being slightly worried for the fight I knew we had caused.
I sighed shaking the thoughts from my head and I looked at Kevin. “Do you want me to take you home?”
“I don’t know, then you’re gonna be all alone walking in the middle of the night when you return.”
“Who said we were going to walk?” I smiled at him passing him a helmet.
He gasped at the sight of it and looked at me in disbelieve. “No way.”
I just laughed. “This way.” I said guiding him to where I had parked my motorcycle. “Beautiful right?” I said caressing the seat.
“Who would imagine little sweet Y/N in a beast like this?” He said amazed. “Boys most be head over heels for your bad girl version, right?”
“Just a smidge” I winked at him jokingly “Wanna do a bad boy version yourself?” I said sit think in the motorcycle “Come on lazy turtle, hop on.”
After dropping Kevin at his house, winning a worried glance from our local sheriff by the way -I guess laying to him didn’t help our relationship- I returned to the White Wrym ready to shut everything down and gain a good night of sleep.
-
Since the day after the “solve coding party” was Saturday you decided to help serving at the White Wrym thing you usually did whenever you got the time as a way to show gratitude for your little room and your food. Life was just easier like this, not worrying about anything or anyone, your only problem now was, ironically, Forsythe Pendleton Jughead Jones III. Screw him for interrupting your peace.
“What are you thinking about?” The voice of the pink haired serpent girl woke you up from your thoughts.
You looked at her for a straight second without saying anything as if you were still on a trance.
“Um.. . There’s a murderer on the loose, I have to finish my report before Monday and Hog Eye is running out of tequila” you listed as you cleaned some glasses from the place “There’s a lot to think about Toni”
She raised an eyebrow skeptical “Yeah… Sure… That includes Jughead Jones, am I right?”
“Not quite actually, but it does include the little war that was throw yesterday at his trailer” You looked at her putting a glass down and sighed “They’re not bad Toni, Betty is not just a basic mean girl… She’s nice”
“Are you really defending that white Northside girl? And after she stole your boyfriend?” She asked indignated.
You took a heavy breathe “Northsider or not, that doesn’t matter at all, she’s not bad, and I still appreciate her as a friend. Am I hurt? Yes. Am I angry? Yeah, a little bit. But Betty didn’t put a gun in Jones’ head, he could have said no, yet he didn’t, and is his right, and is her right to fall in love with whoever she wants… I believe in sorority and I can’t just judge her and shame her or hate her because of this… This things… They just happens sometimes. She’s not the bitch you think she is.”
Toni looked at the floor taking your words in, thoughtfully, maybe even a little ashame.
“But” you continued, smiling at her truthfully “I highly appreciate the fact that you like me enough to acknowledge and worry about my feelings, thank you Toni, for real, you’re a great friend” You took her hand squeezing it a little bit, she looked at you slightly surprised at this new face you had never show to her.
You didn’t saw, or heard about anyone from the other side of the own in the whole, it was just as usual as before everything in Riverdale started falling down.
And even if you felt comfortable with the mood, you couldn’t help but think it was a bit strange too, as you saw the moonlight walking down the rain, an uneasy feeling started forming on your gut. Maybe it had something to do with the serial killer on the loose, maybe.
You heard a spray paint can, the unique sound of the paint being ejected against the wall caught your attention, yet you didn’t look for the source, since that wasn’t unusual in this part of the town, you decided it was better to ignored it, but after hearing Archie’s voice you couldn’t help but turn around.
“You can’t just come here and tag our turf.” Said Sweet Pea with anger in his voice. “So why don’t you get your ass back to the Northside before someone gets hurt?” He snapped at Archie threatening.
“Get my way, or someone will be hurt” said Archie without a glimpse of fear in his voice.
“You just made a terrible mistake” you saw Sweet Pea taking his knife out of his pocket, your blood turned cold and you ran as fast ass you could.
“Sweet Pea! NO! Stop!” You yelled, your words trying to reach him. Yet your steps stopped abruptly as you saw with fear the gun Archie had in front of you three, as you heard his heartbroken, heavy, tired and paranoid voice screaming “Who made a mistake?!”
“What the hell?!” Was the last thing you heard from the pair of serpent that was there before they ran off, yet you didn’t run, looking straight into Archie’s eyes.
You watched him carefully as he put the weapon down, breathing heavily squeezing his knees.
You contemplated the big red circle on the wall for a minute “I’ll guess you need a ride” He looked at you saying nothing, still in shock.
“It’s been a long time” You commented as you stopped in front of Archie’s house “The last time I was here Jughead broke my heart” a bittersweet laugh scape from your lips but you shut it as you saw Archie’s uncomfortable expression.
“Sorry, that was something dumb to say” the blush in your face creeped as you apologized.
Archie nooded, not knowing what to say “Do you want to come in and dry yourself?” He asked with concerned seeing your wet dripping because of the rain.
You smiled at him feeling that little nostalgic warmth “Yes, yes please” he opened the door as you followed him, both of you oblivious of the worried blonde her next door.
“Veronica? I think you better come here, quick!” Said Betty, concerned following her trembling voice.
“Archie might cheat on you!” Was the last thing Veronica Lodge heard before hung up her phone.
~
Hi again~ if you read everything till here and you liked it, thanks for the support! I’ll do my best to not disappear again oopsie
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annashipper · 5 years
Text
JT Anon
Anna:  JT sent me a very ranty submission in reply to this ask (LINK), so I’m including the ask herein for easy reference:
Nonny:   if they did go home together they could both have used the back door, no? why the pap op? to help publicize kubrick event, perhaps? also, she might have stayed in nyc because she has friends to see and didn’t need to rush back two days after met gala. we don’t know whether whole family, including nanny, didn’t come to nyc cause we didn’t see anyone, including BC, arrive at JFK. so it’s possible they all arrived together and left separately. details.
JT Anon:  but nonny this is the problem, we ALWAYS have to think of some excuse as to why ben is travelling alone, and surely they must have just arrived together (or left together). the fact of the matter is, ben went on record to say that if he is EVER away form the kids for more than a day or two, he has the entire family w him. full stop. that is what he said. and yet immediately after he said that we have not seen him travelling w his kids once. not once. in fact we’ve never seen ben and sophie complete a trip together since she gave ‘birth’. its always only on one end. also between you and me, the idea that these two have to have a nanny w them 24/7 because they can’t simply parent their kids w out other adults is hellah sad to me. i know they would be going to events etc, but still.
maybe thats why BC doesn’t have any anecdotes about his kids, he doesn’t actually spend any time w them at all. he is constantly farming them off to other people
personally, while im w anna in that i think the majority of enty stuff is pr fed, if i were to believe that the kids were real and living w him, then i believe enty when he says ben is just simply lying. mainly because only a pretty nasty guy would drag his tiny newborn infants onto multiple flights into different time zones, only to ditch them w the help and not parent them on said flights
I also agree w enty that he is lying about having his kids w him everywhere because we just haven’t seen it. it just simply doesn’t make sense that a man would go to all the trouble to hire very expensive 24/7 hour help (because, again, who wants to be left alone w their kids? not ben. not sophe. if what ben says is true, these two are not hands on parents. we have a lot of proof of that) only to arrive and leave w them sep every single time. i mean, what sort of man disrupts his kids like that so he can feel like he is being a god father, all the while not even bothering to sit w them on a plane? like if ben cant even get on and off a plane w his kids…
in this case, the simplest ex is likely the truth. he is lying. we have photographic evidence of bens travels, and since saying he is never w out them, we have actually never seen him w them.
if you believe that the kids are real, and that ben is not such a horrid parent that he immediately leaves the plane, ignoring his kids and walking off in front of cameras for pap shots, leaving either w a nanny or both sophie and a nanny to struggle w the kids (out the door w no paps? if he is private, and the kids have found a way in and out of the airport w out paps…why don’t they all do that…since they don’t want attention)
this brings us back to those little calendars of travel we have of ben. assuming the kids are real, ben has left his kids for literally MONTHS. months. If you add up all the weeks he took off, its been MONTHS he has left his kids, from the min they were born. he has left his kids for months, because i do not believe he has had them w him (and ben, if you drag kids through an airport now its not going to convince me). we have proof he lied and doesn’t take them w him.
If I were to believe the kids were real, then at this point i would think that all of that talk about finding his love and finally rocking his babies in his arms were stories for branding purposes. (i happen to think they were, however i always assumed there was some mild truth to it and they just hammered it to make him likeable to his female fan base, that the topic didn’t actually loom that large in his head) and because he branded himself as being desperate for love and babies, when sophie turned up preg, likely not by him, he had to double down on it. plus i also think he saw attention and big ass dollar signs. i think he and his team know that sophie causes this little discussion, and they are very happy to keep her around, and seen exactly the way she is to cont this steady stream of attention and eyeballs on his articles and pics that have her just off to the side. then not, then to the side again.  
hence the stories that he travels w his kids when we can see he does not
hence the stories that he rushes to give them a bath every night when we can see him away from home at at events were that isn’t possible.
hence all the other anecdotes from him about kids that are impossibilities and lies
if i were to believe the kids were real, i would believe that he is not a hands on father. that he does not spend much time, if any at all, w his kids. that he has round the clock care raising them. that he isn’t that interested in being a parent, and his stories are just keeping up w previous branding that was also untrue.
I personally always thought that pining for love and a family thing was for branding for his female fanbase, and if his kids and marriage are real, then i tend to believe it was less true and more branding  than i had originally thought
I think this is why so many of the nans have to tangle and pin red string onto dates and locations when seeing ben travelling alone and not out w his kids and saying things about kids that make no sense. they bought the pining for love and a kid thing hook, line and sinker. they thought it was the absolute truth. it never occurred to them that bens team took “yeah , sure id like a wife and kids one day” and turned it into “Ben weeping out of loneliness wants nothing more than to find his soulmate and rock his babies it consumes his heart!” because the response from his fan base was positive.  Because they bought this story and didn’t for one second think anything about bens personality was tweaked and manufactured, they can’t entertain the idea that now, now that he has found his heart (he TOLD them he lovedher! He SAID we HAVE to love her too!!!) and has kids, that his behaviour wouldn’t match whatever fairy tale they have in their heads.
they cannot accept that ben leaves his kids for weeks on end, so there MUST be some convoluted story of sophie CONSTANTLY staying behind w a nanny to visit friends when they are in NYC. They have to CONSTANTLY have the nanny w them 24/7 because there is no other way to explain them being in these places and not having their kids. They MUST only be out when they are seen, because they have to explain why he would bring his kids to NYC, only to leave them every night and every day to shop and eat.
I dont know what they’ve come up w to explain the fact that ben has now had 2 or 3 children and has not a single story about parenting that makes sense.
if you believe the kids are real, then the reality is this is not a man who spends time w his kids. his stories suggest he doesn’t even know them frankly. his stories about them make absolutely no sense. anyone who has done a daily routine w kids from ages birth to 8 knows that what he says makes no sense, and there are very specific things he has not said that he could absolutely say w out it being some invasion of privacy
I think nans just don’t want to accept that ben is not a loving hands on father. he doesn’t spend that much time w his kids. he would rather go work and party and vacation and socialise. he is perfectly happy to leave his kids w hired help constantly. he is perfectly happy to go on constant vacations and leave his kids. he isn’t all that interested in being w them during the day.
I think they also don’t want to accept that, like thousands of celebs before them, he sees these kids as a money making opportunity. that doesn’t mean he is forcing them to perform, but he can monetise them, and he has. he has tried to sell their pictures, he is using these silly stories for clicks, he hires paps. he has branded them into his image to make cash, while not spending much time w them
its actually not that hard to believe, it would be what makes the most sense in this situation. ben has kids he doesn’t really care for, isn’t’ interested in parenting. he has the cash to throw at people so he isn’t responsible for them, and he monetises them in as many ways possible to at least get some cash money out of this situation
its only people who believe the branded intimacy that have to spin in circles to make this not that. people who bought the idea that out of all the celebs on earth, he was not branded. they really super duper know him for real. they can tell he is totes genuine, he would never lie to them, he really does love his fans on some intimate level (how on earth?).
admitting that ben is a liar, that he does call the paps, that he does monetise his personal life, that he does brand his kids, that he isn’t the family man he says he is would be to admit that they were wrong about having some sort of understanding about a public figure that is more intimate than is actually possible. they would have to admit that, just like thousands of fans before them, they were suckered into not only thinking HE was special, but THEY are too.
and now before anyone gets on our cases and starts spitting on their computer screen as they shout “BIT RICH FOR YOU GUYS WHO ARE OBSESSED WITH HIM AND HIS FAMILY!!!!!!” There is a difference. We simply happen to take what he is saying and think its nor true and that he lies.We work w what we see.
Having said that, there ARE people who are skeptical of this whole thing who DO take it too far and think they they have some sort of connection w ben. The only broad thing I will say about that is, when discussing ANY public figure, if someone truly does believe that there are somehow secret messages being conveyed from said public figure, either from clothing choices, word choices, gestures, and that those secret messages have special meanings for that person because there is some sort of understanding between them and the public figure, despite no actual contact, i would HIGHLY encourage people not to engage w this person. don’t’ make fun of them, don’t’ attempt to talk them out of their thought process, it won’t work. just cut off communication about said public figure
sorry, this was a long one anna!
J travels w her dogs and actually leaves the aiport w them T anon
Anna:  I cosign 99.9% of what JT had to say above.  Especially these two parts:
the fact of the matter is, ben went on record to say that if he is EVER away form the kids for more than a day or two, he has the entire family w him. full stop. that is what he said. and yet immediately after he said that we have not seen him travelling w his kids once. not once. in fact we’ve never seen ben and sophie complete a trip together since she gave ‘birth’. . . . ben has now had 2 or 3 children and has not a single story about parenting that makes sense.
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sasuhinasno1fan · 6 years
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Suposed to be babysitting, not falling for you all over again
So @harryanddracoarehusbands, I’m your @drarryexchange santa. This is like my 3rd Harry Potter fanfiction, the second one I really wanted to finish, so I really hope this one is up to par and I hope you like it. Merry Christmas
Draco didn’t know what he was doing here. After his mother divorced his father – finally in his opinion, he was glad to be free of that man – she re-established connections with her other sister, the aunt Draco never knew. He barely knew his cousins, Sirius and Tonks before they died but he did know Tonks’ husband. He had been a teacher at his school and as much as he complained about it, Remus was an extremely good teacher. He knew that his aunt had lost a lot, her husband, daughter and son-in-law and was only left with her grandson. He didn’t realise that his mother had offered him up as a babysitter whenever she needed.
Draco wasn’t good with babies, toddlers he could deal with but babies? What was his mother thinking?
In attempts to keep her spirits up, his mother proposed a weekend trip down to the Black family lake house.
“It was your favourite place to be. You used to beg mother and father to let us go there during holidays. And I don’t seem to remember any bad memories lingering there.” She said, pretty much convincing her sister to go.
“I can’t believe your making me do this. I have no experience with babies!” Draco complained, opening the passenger side door and going around to the boot of the car to drag out his suitcase and bag.
“Darling, you need to spend some time with your cousin. I plan on keeping in contact with Andromeda because quite honestly, I prefer her to your Aunty Bella.” Narcissa said, walking around to meet her son as he fixed his bags so they’d be easier to carry in.
“Mother, anyone would prefer a rabid dog to Aunty Bella.” Draco stated
“Be that as it may, you never grew up with your cousins and I’m upset that after I married your father I didn’t try reaching out. Your aunt needs this week Dragon, and I want to be able to talk to her again. I’ve missed her greatly.”
He couldn’t help but feel a bit guilty. He never realise how badly his mother had it until he was a teenager. After he swore he’d do whatever possible to keep his mother happy and if that meant having to babysit, he’d do it.
“I understand. Shall we?” he asked, holding out his arm for his mother.
“My little gentlemen. Now I’ve told Andromeda that your experience with babies is not good, so she said she’s invite Teddy’s godfather to help.”
“Godfather?”
“He’s the same age as you. He was practically Remus’ godson as well, so it was no surprise he asked him to be Teddy’s godfather.”
Draco was curious, but he could deal with strangers. The reached to door and after ringing the doorbell, the door swung open revealing a woman bearing a close rebalance to his Aunt Bella but her hair was brown instead of black and her eyes were much kinder.
“Narcissa, Draco, so good to see you.” Andromeda said
“You as well. Are you ready for the trip?” her sister asked
“As I’ll ever be. Please, come in, come in.” she let the two blond family members in, leading them out of the entry way and into the house. Draco could hear laughing coming from the living room. “Draco, I hope you don’t mind I invited Teddy’s godfather to help you? I didn’t want you getting flustered.”
“It’s fine. Thank you for thinking of me.”
“I think the two of you will get along well. Harry dear, my sister and nephew are here. Bring Teddy so I can introduce you.” She called.
As he heard movement, Draco’s mind went to the only Harry he ever knew. The git he went to school with who he could never get along with, no matter he quietly wished he could.
It was like every force in the universe converged for this to happen, because out, holding Teddy securely, was Harry Potter.
“Potter?”
“Malfoy?”
The two sisters looked at the two boys back and forth.
“Do you two know each other?” Andromeda asked
“We, uh, went to school together. I didn’t know you were related.” Harry said, still staring down Draco
“Yes my sister and nephew. Draco here offered to babysit Teddy while we sisters have a weekend to ourselves.”
‘Great so not only do I have to take care of a baby, it has to be with Potter as well. I did not ask for this!’
It seemed like no time at all that his aunt’s bags were in the car and Draco gave one last hug to his mother before the pair of sisters were off, leaving Draco with his cousin and Potter. He hadn’t seen him since they graduated and last he heard, he went straight into working, while Draco went off to college. He had forgotten about him, pushing him to the back of his mind, trying to forget what he ever felt for him. But now, it was all gonna come rushing back, he knew it. He was tempted just too hid in his room, but he was sure Potter would say something to his aunt and he was trying to be nice and help his mother out as well. He took a deep breath and went back downstairs, where Potter was playing with Teddy on the floor on a blanket.
Teddy was a nice kid, minus his odd hair. His mother had a love for dying her hair and when giving him a bath, apparently she accidently grabbed a bottle of hair dye that was in a shampoo bottle, giving him his slightly green hair that grew. Poor Tonks had been a panicked mess, Andromeda explained, but was reassure that it could grow out or at the very least they could dye it back when he was older. It was just the fact that he was a baby, fragile crying baby that scared Draco. Letting himself get shown up by Potter had his competitiveness brimming under his skin but honestly, he’d let Potter take the lead on this. He was completely out of his comfort zone.
“Look Teddy, who’s that?” Draco watched Potter lift his cousin into his arms, pointing at Draco. Draco was given a gummy smile in return, one hand reaching out trying to reach for him. “Wanna go to Draco?”
That was weird, hearing Potter call him by his first name. He only remembered after they graduated and everyone was saying their goodbyes, Potter came and shook his hand, telling him, “It was good knowing you.” He wasn’t sure what to make of that, but he was so sure that would be the last time he saw him. Now look.
“You wanna hold him Malfoy?”
Draco shook his head. “I’m not good with babies.”
He got a confused look for that statement. “But you were asked to babysit?”
Looking embarrassed, Draco looked away from the confused look. “Because my mother offered me up. She wanted a chance to reconnect with her and that includes me connecting with them, hence why I’m here.” He dared a glance at Potter who had this look on his face. “What?”
“Nothing, it’s just. I’m surprised that you’d do this for your mother. You must really love her.”
Deciding to actually go in the living room, Draco plopped down on the couch near Harry. “My father isn’t exactly the best person to be around and I didn’t realise it until I was a teenager. I just like trying to make her happy.” He didn’t know why he was telling this to Potter but everything just seemed to be flowing out.
“I’m sure she appreciates it. And I know Teddy wants to be with Draco, don’t you? Ahh, no Teddy!” he scolded when Teddy decided he’d rather have his glasses instead, pulling them partially off the moment he was lifted near Potter’s head. Draco couldn’t help but let out a small laugh. “I see that you’re entertained. I could just leave you with him.” he gave him a smug smirk at Draco’s panicked look. “That’s what I thought. I’m not doing all of this by myself, so I hope you’re ready to learn.”
“Potter, I hope you remember I beat your bushy haired friend in exams. You are the last person I expect to be taught by.”
“But you can’t change a diaper or make a bottle can you.” Draco’s silence said it all. “Look, seeing each other after all this time is definitely odd but we’re both here because we want to help, so we might as well try and forget about any things from before. Hi, I’m Harry Potter, nice to meet you.”
Draco looked down at the hand that was stuck out; reminding him of the first time he met him. It didn’t end well and was the start of their rivalry. Part of him was tempted to do the same thing Harry-god, he even started to change how he called him in his head- had done to him when they met, but it was time to put the past behind him. And hopefully that meant all of the past and not some crush that part of him still held on to.
“Draco Lucius Malfoy.” Draco replied shaking Harry’s hand.
“That’s a mouthful.”
“I’m just being polite, something you obviously never learned.”
“Hilarious.” Harry drawled
It looked like they couldn’t do away with old habits in a minute.
Teddy didn’t seem to care. His attention was to Draco and he lifted his arms, little hands clenching in attempts to reach the blond. Harry took one look at him before depositing him on Draco’s lap.
“Potter! What do you think you’re doing?”
“He wants to be with you. Might as well learn what to do now. Who knows if the next time your mum wants to go out with her sister I might not be here to help. Now, stay here. It’s been a while since he’s eating so he’s probably hungry. Make sure he doesn’t fall off your lap.”
Harry disappeared into the kitchen, leaving Draco floundering as Teddy started squirming in his lap.
‘I’m doing this for mother; I’m doing this for mother.’ It was a baby, how hard could it be?
Very hard. In school, he and Granger, Harry’s bushy haired friend, had been extremely competitive when it came to who came out on top in academics and he and Harry would battle it out on the football field during matches. He liked proving he was good at what he was doing, but the babysitting thing, Draco was ready to concede defeat.
Teddy liked everyone, Draco could tell that, but when he didn’t like something, he let the whole world know.
“What am I doing wrong?” Draco asked, frazzled as Teddy cried his head off when Draco was trying to get used to holding him.
“He might need his diaper changed.” Harry said
“But he just ate!”
“He’s a baby Draco, food goes through them really quickly.”
He would usually push away any help people tried to offer him when he was struggling but he was grabbing on to every bit of advice and help Harry was giving him. Maybe it was because he was getting the chance to be close with Harry that he always wanted that he was willing to take whatever chance he got. But a small part of him wanted Harry to see him as capable.
“You might want to show him something to distract him, he can squirm away really quickly.” Harry said, pulling out the wet wipes, cream and a new diaper as they stood in front of the changing table in Teddy’s nursery
“Like what?”
“I usually show him something on my phone. Or distract him with a toy.”
The first thing Draco thought of was his newest animation video. He had been attending school for animation and was doing a small series about a small dragon. He pulled up the video and handed it over to Harry so he could show Teddy before pulling Teddy’s pants off. As he was starting to open the diaper he realised that Harry was looking at the video.
“Did you make this?” Harry asked
“Yes?”
“It’s really good. I remembered that you drew but I never realised how good you were.”
The comment tested Draco on how well he could keep the red from reaching his cheeks.
“The video is for Teddy, start it over and show it to him and do not drop my phone on him.”
Harry did what he was told, making sure to instruct Draco on what to do. Teddy was thankfully enamoured with the little dragon cartoon he was watching. When he was fully changed, he went grabbing for Draco’s phone.
“Looks like you have a new fan.” Harry said, handing Draco his phone back, once Teddy was secure in his arms. “Are you hungry? Andromeda said we could order whatever we want. There’s a really good pizza place not far from here.”
“That’s fine.”
Draco was able to manoeuvre washing his hands while still holding Teddy while Harry disappeared into the kitchen and took the time to breathe.
“Your godfather is going to drive me insane by the end of this weekend, I can tell.” He said to Teddy who just looked at him before trying to reach for his phone again. Draco sat themselves down on the couch and adjusted his hold on Teddy so he was leaning against Draco’s chest and could see the screen.
“You’re getting better at that.” Harry said, the menu for the pizza place in his hands.
“Not as good as you.” Harry was exceptionally good with Teddy. It was nice seeing Harry dote over Teddy whenever Draco couldn’t calm him down.
“Only because I spent so much time with him when he was born. He’s really easy to please though, aren’t you Ted?”
Draco could feel himself smiling at the sight. He liked watching Harry with Teddy. Harry was such a natural with kids that Draco was sure he’d be an amazing father.
‘And maybe an amazing boy-no, nope, stop it Draco. Enough of that.’
“So pizza, what are we getting?”
“I hope you like Zizi’s. They don’t deliver so I’d have to get an Uber down there. Think you’d be ok with Teddy or do you want to go get the food.”
Just that sentence sparked the old competitiveness in Draco. It sounded like a challenge even though he knew it was a genuine question.
“I can do it. And I want King Prawn pasta or Margherita pizza, take your pick.”
“You sure?”
“Yes Potter, go. We’ll be just fine.” He hoped.
Thankfully Teddy was easy to deal with after Harry left to go pick up the food.
“I tried forgetting how I felt about him, but your godfather can leave quiet an impression. It’s almost infuriating how I still can’t stand him but I still want the chance to be with him. I guess babysitting you was pretty good after all though.” Draco said, as Teddy lay on Draco’s stomach, his eyes drooping at the sound of Draco’s voice. “I hope I’m not boring you talking about my crush. If my mother wants to spend more time, I’m probably going to have to see you more often. It won’t be so bad. You’re actually rather easy to take care of, thank goodness. I hope you won’t hate me for wanting to see Harry more because of you.”
Teddy made a humming noise as he drifted off to sleep, cuddled up close on Draco’s chest. Draco dropped his phone next to him and gently wrapped his arms around Teddy. He had been apprehensive earlier, but he could see just how Harry could love spending time with him. He also realised something, he couldn’t move. “Great, I’m not with Nova and yet I still end up with a creature on me that’ll complain if I move him.” he said, thinking about his British Longhair who was staying with Pansy for the weekend. “You’re lucky I like you.”
Teddy just let out a little snore before dozing back off.
“I can’t believe he’s there though. I mean, Mum told me that Malfoy was related to them, but I never thought he’d be babysitting. It’s just, I can’t.”
Harry listened to Ginny talking on the other end of the phone as he waited in the nearby Zizi’s for his order. They were almost done, just waiting for the pizza.
“I know. Trust me I was surprised to.”
“And I’m sure many other things, hot and bothered maybe?”
“Gin!” even though he and Ginny no longer dated, they were still good friends. It helped that he was practically a Weasley. After Ginny found out about Harry’s small – she said gigantic but it wasn’t that bad – crush on Draco Malfoy, she would tease him and push him at every chance she got. After they graduated he never expected to see him again. But lo and behold, there Draco was, ready to help take care of Teddy. It was interesting putting their differences behind them and get along, though they still fell back into their usual arguments. Maybe that was something he loved, being able to just go at it but in good fun. He was learning so much about Draco while watching him with Teddy. But still, “I don’t think he thinks of me that way.”
“You’ve got a whole weekend, maybe longer if his mom wants longer with her sister and they have fun up wherever they are. I say take advantage of it, get to know him the way you couldn’t in school. You don’t have the pressures of school so you can be as flirty with him as you want. I insist upon it.”
“I thought you didn’t like him.”
“You like him and that’s all that matters. Harry, other than me and that really awkward relationship with Cho, you’ve never been in a committed relationship and I can’t believe I’m saying this because, yes, I don’t like him, but I think he could be good for you. Now stop stalling and go and seduce him so you can shag him into the next week.”
“Gin.” Harry said, sounding tired. Ginny had a one track mind at times; he had no clue how he didn’t see this before.
“Harry Potter!”
“Yes! I got to go Gin.”
“Promise me you’ll at least try flirting with him, even just a bit.”
“I will, bye.”
Harry collected the food and was back in the Uber heading back to the house, deciding he could at least listen to Ginny on getting to know Draco better. They weren’t in school anymore; he didn’t have to stop himself.
He opened the door, one hand balancing the food, not hearing anything.
“Draco?” Harry asked as he locked the door behind him. He didn’t hear any response and dropped the food off in the kitchen before going to living room, stopping at the sight before him.
Draco laid out on the couch asleep, his arms keeping Teddy on his chest, also sleeping. It was a simple thing, something he had done with Teddy himself but just seeing it with Draco felt different.
“Oh Teddy, your cousin is going to drive me insane.” He muttered, trying to make sure he didn’t take a picture of the cute scene in front of him. But it solidified it for him, he still liked Draco and he really wanted to get to know him more and hopefully date him. Now he had to just survive the weekend. Maybe he could ask Andromeda to stay at the lake house longer so he could spend more time with him.
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thebattcr-blog · 7 years
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@thebattcr :  You're the Batter. You're busy playing hide and seek with your dear son, Hugo. It's a good day.  You're pacing around the sugar factory, idly checking behind stacks of boxes and under the desks of the workers, not quite caring whether or not you disrupt their work. You never thought you would be again, but you're admittedly fairly entertained by this foolish time-wasting game. It sort of reminds you of how things were before you were given your sacred mission to purify the corrupt world that your wife had created. But... with the file on pause undoubtedly forever, you can't carry out that mission anyways. You don't have to worry about purification right now. So, in the meantime, you continue to semi-aimlessly look around for Hugo, wondering where he could be hiding this round.
@filsroyal :  And you're Hugo. You're playing hide and seek with your father, the Batter. At the moment, you're hiding under a desk you'd found to be void of an elsen sitting at it.  What a lucky break, you'd thought to yourself as you ducked to crawl under it and pull the chair in to shield you from view. You're not that good at hide and seek, though, you usually end up giving yourself away by accident. But that's not your fault, you can't control your coughing fits. To pass the time, you'd decided to think. You thought about how strange all of this was, the Batter suddenly not caring about purification, him genuinely wanting to spend time with you. Him trying to be an okay father. You still don't know what to think of him. He's terrible, he really is terrible. You don't know why you're letting yourself fall back into him after... everything. You suppose you just missed the feeling of it. Of having someone there with you. Of having a dad. All of this is quietly mulled over, from your hiding spot under the desk.
@thebattcr :  As you wander around, you start to think about how things seem better now. You can actually start being the parent you were going to be, like you first wanted to. The corners of your mouth turn upwards near-unnoticeably, and you glance around once more. You've checked most of the other rooms in this area, you've got a feeling Hugo's nearby. You'll find him, and then once this round is over, maybe you can see what you can do about taking him to the park. Has he been on the rollercoaster? Or the pedalo ride? You're not sure, but you think he would like them. You can recall, he hates being cooped up inside. However, the longer you look around, the more your good mood begins to ebb away. You draw to a stop, brows furrowing as you start to genuinely look around rather than the passive seeking. You're feeling different than you have been the past few days. You're feeling more like you again. You summon your bat from your inventory and tighten your grip on it, staring at it for a moment and letting the thoughts run. What do you think you're doing? You've spent all this time around the boy you should have purified, wasting opportunity with mindless games and incredibly stupid comics, and for what? For nothing. It's pointless. You've got a mission to carry out, you shouldn't be letting family bonds get in the way of that. You feel a slight pang of regret at the thought of a family, of what you did have, and how you ruined it, but you shove the thought down and bury it deep. You can't go through that right now. This Zone needs to be purified. When you move forwards again, it's with more purpose than before, both sets of eyes scanning the room with utmost care. You can't afford to pass up this opportunity to remove another impure soul from this existence. You will succeed in your quest for purification, and the progress thereof starts now. You start to look more thoroughly, prying lids off of crates and rearranging them in hopes of finding Hugo cowering behind them. Eventually you would figure Hugo was nowhere to be found in this room, and you reluctantly pace towards the door. He's no more than a kid, if you hadn't found him in the previous rooms already, he wasn't there. There was nothing to do but move on. In your haste to find the child, you almost forget to look under the desk in the back of the room. 
@filsroyal :  You rub your eyes and hold back a yawn, you're starting to feel a bit tired. Sure, this is exciting at all, but it's late. At least, you feel like it is. Should you risk poking your head out from under the desk for just a second to check the time? You almost do, before you remember you could check the time on your mobile device. You'd forgotten you had it on you right now. That could have been a mistake. You shift in place to pull your phone from your pocket, and quickly dim the brightness once the screen lights up. You're not sure if that would have given you away or not, but it's just to be safe. You then check the time. It's almost 9. You're usually going to sleep right about now. Or, at least trying to sleep. Whatever. You're about to put it away again when you hear someone moving crates to your right. You suck in a breath and curl into an even tighter ball, all four eyes widening. Is that him? You don't want to look... Oh, who are you kidding, of course you do. You're not in any real danger... you don't think. As quietly as you can, you put your phone away and start to inch forward on your hands and knees to peer out from under the desk. With just a quick peek, you see your father messing with some boxes in search of you. If he's going as far as opening the boxes, he'll be over to the desk soon, quite soon. Oh, well. But... something about this feels wrong. This feels more urgent than it should be. This is just a game. He looks like this is an emergency, or that he's.. not looking for something, but hunting for something. For someone. For you. You eyes dart down to see he's got his bat now. This game's over. A cold pit of dread quickly forms deep in your gut, and you quickly shuffle back to hide under the desk again. Oh God, he's going to kill you, isn't he? He's off his rocker again. You should call someone for help. You fumble for your phone a second time, hands trembling slightly as you open your messages. Who's first on the list? The Big Mister, of course, who else? You start to type a message to him- You're then struck by another abrupt coughing fit. You throw your arm over your mouth to try to muffle it, but it's too late. You know he heard you. There's no saving you now.
@thebattcr :  You're just about to head out of the room, when a coughing fit brings you to a dead halt. You know that cough. You slowly turn back around, and your gaze fixes on the desk. Bingo. You start to slowly make your way over to the desk, tightening your grip on the bat even further as you approach. There won't be any escape for him this time. He's cornered, trapped, vulnerable. He has nowhere to run from your holy wrath, and with Hugo gone, the world's all that much closer to being purified for good. You pace over to the desk and stop next to it, taking one last look around the green walls of the factory. They won't stay solely green for long. Not with what's about to happen. You rest your hand on the desk and tense, before pulling the chair out and dropping to the floor in one swift motion. You make eye contact with Hugo, and the corner of your mouth twitches, before your deadpan expression sprawls into a menace-laced grin, all four eyes squinting slightly. "Found you," is all you say, before reaching one arm under the desk to grab Hugo by the sweater and haul him out. Finally, success is within your reach.
@filsroyal :  You slowly open your eyes again, in time to see the Batter's cleats making their way over to your hiding spot. Your pupils contract, and you quickly hit send before you put your phone down. You'd only managed to type "help" before you were found out, but you're pretty sure that'll get the message across. You press your back against the back panel of the desk, making yourself as small as possible. He stops right in front of the desk, and everything's quiet for a second. But just a second. He pulls the chair out and squats down to see you. The two of you make eye contact, and he grins. You feel your blood run cold, and your eyes start to burn. You're terrified. He reaches a hand towards you, and you shrink away, but he grabs the neck of your sweater and pulls you out of hiding. Something in you screams for you to fight back, so you squirm and try to bite his hand. Hard.
@thebattcr :  As you drag Hugo out, your lower set of eyes' gaze darts to the phone. Rapid messages from whoever he's tried to contact- Enoch, by the looks of it- pop up one after another on the screen, desperate for more information that wouldn't be received until it was too late. You start to stand, your grip on Hugo's sweater steadfast- until he sinks his teeth into your hand. You curse rather loudly and reflexively let go, mentally damning whatever inspired him to try and fight back. It's not supposed to happen this way. You'll show him that his efforts are useless. Yet, you react almost immediately after dropping Hugo, lifting your bat above your head with one hand and reaching to grab him again with the other. "Hold still and this will be over faster," you snarl, baring razor sharp-edged teeth. Even if he tries to run, or you miss this grab, you won't be stopped this time. You'll send this devil child to be reunited with his mother. Which is to say, you're going to kill him.
@filsroyal :  He drops you, thank God he drops you. You land flat on your ass but recover quickly, turning over and planting your feet on the floor to start to stand and run. But he grabs at you again, this time gripping your arm. You gasp and have to stop, almost falling onto your side, but you wind up catching yourself by swinging back around and grabbing the Batter's hand to try to pry his fingers off of you. You look up towards the bat raised over the Batter's head, and that's when you know it's over for you. No one can help you now, not even Enoch. Maybe it's better this way.
@thebattcr :  You manage to latch onto Hugo's arm, and you fasten your grip like a vice. This is it, this is where it ends for Hugo. You're going to be the last person he sees with those fear-filled eyes, and that's how it's meant to be. You're just making things right. But... you can't. You stare for a few seconds, your expression falling deadpan again. That's your son. That's your son and he's terrified of you, because you're going to kill him. You're going to kill him after having been a decent person for once, and you know that's unforgivable. That regret begins to spark up again, and you shove it down. None of that. You have to do this. You force a growl and bring the bat down, but you know a single attack won't be enough to end this. It never has been, for any battle you've fought. The hollow steel connects with the child's shoulder, and you remind yourself that this has to be done- that you have to purify. It's what you were made to do. This is like the Queen all over again.
@filsroyal :  There's a moment of hesitation from him. You stop struggling, looking up at him with wide, fearful eyes, almost silently pleading that he let you go. But you already know that's not going to happen. He's already killed your mother, and you're next. You feel like you're going to cry. And then he brings his bat down on your shoulder with a resounding crack. The sudden, blinding pain makes you cry out, and your legs give out from beneath you, bringing you to your knees. You still try to pull away from him, albeit weaker than before with the new pain in your shoulder, your sobs broken up by an occasional cough. "S-Stop-!" you hiccup, squirming to try to get away from him, "Let.. go!"
@thebattcr :  Hugo begs you to stop and let go of him, but you can't do that. You have a job to do, and this is a part of it. In the end, if the file is ever reset, you'll have to do this all over again. You can't stop now, it's your purpose. It always will be. Escaping from your purpose is impossible. You start to lift the bat again, arm trembling almost unnoticeably with the weight of your task. Purification is more difficult than you had expected it to be... but again, it must be done. You're about to bring the bat down again, when a yowl from the doorway catches your attention. Your lower set of eyes darts their gaze that way, just in time to see a large, white cat hurl himself over a stack of crates and at you, claws outstretched. In a brief moment you recognize the cat as the one that lives in the mines and pesters Dedan. But before you can do anything else, you're met with claws being dug into your cheek and your shoulder, the force of the impact causing you to let go of Hugo and stagger sideways. "Leave the kid alone you bastard!" The cat spits at you, thin fur standing on-end in fury. He darts back after leaping on you, moving to stand between yourself and your son. You narrow your eyes, baring your teeth again. If you're going to have to purify the both of them, so be it.
@filsroyal :  The Batter's about to bring his bat down on you again, but a cat yowling makes him stop. Your eyes snap open as you're released, everything's a blur for a moment, and then you're sitting on the floor, clutching your shoulder. There's Alain, standing between you and the Batter. You couldn't make out what he said, but the Batter's got his eyes on him. Your fight or flight response is telling you to fly, fly so fast out through the door behind you. But, Alain... You can't leave him with him. You try to push yourself to stand, though your legs tremble beneath your own weight. Your heart's racing, and you already feel faint. "A-Alain-..." Please don't try to fight him. Please.
@thebattcr :  The cat- Alain, apparently- stays put, standing tall, eyes blazing defiantly. You can tell, he's prepared for a fight. But so are you. "Don't worry, I can handle myself. Go to lardass whatever his name is," he tells Hugo, though he keeps his gaze focused on you. His ears angle back, and he takes a step towards you, muscles tensed in preparation to pounce again at any moment. You take up your battle stance in turn, and listen as he speaks words that fail to intimidate you. "Back away from the kid, or I'm gonna claw all four of those eyes out," he threatens. You prepare to swing your bat again, keeping quiet, though your gaze silently challenges him to even try.
@filsroyal :  Alain tells you to go to Enoch, but you don't want to. You don't want to leave him here. He'll get hurt, like you did. But, Alain's a stubborn cat. He wants to fight this fight, and you certainly can't do it. You can't tell him no, either. In fact, you can't say anything, you feel like your throat's closing in on itself. You struggle to swallow your immobilizing fear, then look up into the Batter's eyes. You stand still for one last second. And then you turn and run. You run as fast as you can possibly manage, almost tripping over your own two feet making the turn into the hallway from the door. You forget your phone left under the desk, you push Alain and the Batter to the back of your mind. You've just got to get to the office, that's all you have to do. That's all you have to do.
@thebattcr :  You notice at the last second that Hugo's making a run for it, and you try to go after him. Unfortunately for you, the stray cat leaps at your legs and trips you up, causing you to land with a loud thump against the metal floor. You growl and start to push yourself to stand, only for the cat to whirl around and leap onto your back, batting at the back of your head with unsheathed claws. To throw him off you roll onto your back and then arch your spine, digging your shoulders into the feline's scrawny frame before leaping to your feet again as he lets go. Alain takes a sharp breath and scrambles to his paws again, and lashes his tail. He springs at you, but this time you're ready. You swing your bat with full force and send Alain skidding across the floor, his claws on the metal making a sound akin to that of nails on a chalkboard. You snarl in irritation at the noise, and start towards the cat as he forces himself to his paws. A few more rounds of combat were exchanged, albeit blurring together in your mind as a rush of adrenaline took over. Once you had knocked Alain down once again, he hunched up and coughed briefly, before shakily rising to his paws once more. God damn it all, why wouldn’t he just stay down? You’d have to fix this- You then noticed that Alain paused, as if seeming to listen for something, and that's when you picked up on a different sound as well- Enoch's familiar deep voice calling for Hugo. Crud. You looked around once more and, knowing you weren't any match for Enoch right now, decided your best option was to flee back to Zone 1 where you were supposed to be. And so you would do just that, while Alain gave a triumphant huff and dragged himself out the way Hugo had gone.
@filsroyal :   You have no idea what's happening back there. You can't hear anything but your heart pounding in your ears. You're left running down a seemingly endless hallway for what feels like a long time, but you haven't been running for even two minutes before the adrenaline ebbing from your system leaves you feeling ill. You want to get to Enoch's office, you really do, you want to be there right now, but you can't see straight and it hurts to breathe. So you stumble to a stop and sit down right in the middle of the hallway, coughing and wheezing and crying. You don't want to be here. You don't want to feel like this. You want to sleep. You want your mother.
@cannibalisticat :  Your name is Alain, and you just got your ass kicked by that weirdo in a baseball uniform. Well, you kicked his ass too, but he used a goddamn weapon. Talk about unfair, right? God. You plod out into the hallway and look around, one of your hind legs lifted off the ground because it hurt too much to walk on. You pick up on Hugo's scent within moments, and you start down the hall after him. You could hear fatty bellowing somewhere else in the factory, but it would take him forever to reach Hugo. Until then, you'd keep the kid company. After a short while you would find him sat in the middle of the hall, an absolute mess of tears, coughs, and wheezes. Your whiskers twitch, and you can't help but feel a little empathy. That's not something you feel often. So you limp over to the boy in the sweater and carefully sit beside him, giving a soft hiss as a pain in your leg protests. You then settle to lay down, curling yourself around him protectively just in case any danger found its way to the two of you. You okay, kid?" You speak up after a moment, glancing at him. "How bad are you hurt?"
@filsroyal :  You sniffle and wipe your face with your sleeve, stifling another cough when you hear Enoch calling from somewhere else in the factory. He still doesn't know if you're okay or not, he must be worried sick about you. You wish you could have gotten your phone before you left, that way you could let him know you're at least still alive. The throbbing pain in your shoulder and your head makes you close all four of your eyes, lips pursing to just keep yourself quiet as you clutch at your aching shoulder. You're stupid to have trusted the Batter at all, you're a stupid idiot. It was never going to last, you don't know why you thought it did. You hate him. You hate him. You didn't notice Alain settling down on the floor with you until he spoke up, making you flinch and open your eyes again. You look towards his voice, your expression stuck between pained and plain dazed. "Hh... I don't.. kn-know," you stammer, wiping your eyes dry with your sleeve again before you hold your shoulder and slump forward, tired and defeated. "My shoulder hh-hurts."
@cannibalisticat :  Hugo looks at you, and his expression makes you feel even worse for him. You can't say you know exactly what he's going through, but you can kind of guess what it's like. You know what it's like to be scared and to feel trapped, to be doublecrossed by someone trusted, to be lost and hurt. "Just hold on tight, okay? Big guy will get here soon I'm sure, and uh..." how the fuck do you comfort people? You don't know. You only really know how to be an asshole to everyone. "And... i'll stay with ya until he gets here. Sportsy turned tail and ran. Once we get you somewhere safe I can see if I can't get Zacharie here with those magic tickets or whatever." You say, trying to make your tone a bit softer than it normally is as you rest your head on Hugo's knee. You're trying your best, here.
@filsroyal :  You rub your shoulder and take in a deep breath, nodding slowly as Alain speaks to you. Okay, this isn't the end of the world, you're going to be okay. It's bad now, but you're okay. But there's still something you want to ask. "Are... A-Are you okay?" you ask, voice wavering as you move your hand to pat Alain's head. You really can't help yourself, you love cats. Alain just being here was making you feel a little better. Right after you ask, you hear someone down the hall behind you calling, "Prince Hugo?" You look over your shoulder to see Martin half-jogging down the hall towards you and Alain. Now that you've thought about it, you haven't seen an elsen move faster than a walk. It's weird. "My God, we've been looking everywhere for you! A-Are you alright? You scared the daylights out of the poor director," "I'm sorry," you murmur as Martin draws near, your gaze falling to Alain again. "Can you walk? Do you need me to carry you-?" He'd started to bend down to pick you up, but he noticed Alain and lifted his hands away again in surprise. "O-Oh, um. Hello. Would you, uh, mind at all if I took him with me?"
@cannibalisticat :  "I'm fine. Been through worse." You say dismissively, flicking your tail. When Hugo starts to pet you, you tilt your head towards his hand, a low purr beginning to rumble in your throat. Normally you hate it when people pet you, but you can make an exception this time. You then hear footsteps approaching, and your ears angle back, your muscles tensing apprehensively. You turn to look as well, narrowing your eyes as you seen one of the guys with heads that explode approaching. The fur on the back of your neck begins to stand on-end, and you start to let out a low growl. He leans down to pick up Hugo, and you nearly snap at his hands for fear that he would do the fucked up explosion thing at any moment and hurt Hugo further. However, he speaks to you, so you refrain from sinking your teeth into his flesh. You start to stand, hissing as you accidentally put weight on the wrong leg and slip, but you try again anyways and stand as tall as you can without rearing up on your hind legs. "I do mind. Who the hell are you and how do I know you're not gonna fucking blow up as soon as you have the kid?" You snap, trying to move yourself between squarehead and Hugo.
@filsroyal :  Martin straightens back up and takes a little step back when Alain gets between the two of you. You turn yourself around to watch, scared to speak up. "Uh, I-I'm Martin." he replies, "I.. I'm not going to... blow up. I don't think I can do that." He purses his lips, eyes darting between you and Alain for a moment before he continues, "Look, I just want to get him to the director- He's very worried about him. I'm not going to hurt him. I promise I won't. So, can I please-..?" "Okay," you finally speak up, though it's quiet. You know Martin. He's never done anything to hurt you, and you don't think he would now. You think you can trust him. "Y-You can... You can take me to Enoch. Please." Martin hesitates, looking from you to Alain again, seemingly anticipating something else from him as well. You think he might be a bit scared of him.
@cannibalisticat :  You narrow your eyes further with distrust, but Hugo gives Martin the o.k. to take him to Enoch, so you slowly limp out of his way, though you hang nearby just in case. You just got beat up for this kid, you weren't about to let him get into more trouble. You look to Hugo and twitch your whiskers nervously, though your facial expression itself doesn't give anything away. "You gonna be okay with him? Should I come with you? Should I go get Zacharie, maybe? If you're really safe with blockhead here I can go get Zacharie for you," you start to fret, before pausing because wow you normally don't do shit like that. You've decided you fucking hate worrying about people.
@filsroyal :  Martin watches with bated breath as Alain steps out of the way, then his shoulders relax. "Thank you," he breathes, and steps forward to lift you into his arms. You wince and start to tear up all over again when your shoulder moves as Martin's picking you up, and you rub it again when you settle in. That's definitely going to bruise. You bruise way too easily. "I-I'm gonna be okay with him, I think," you reply, craning your neck to look down at Alain, "You can go get Zacharie if you w-want. But I dunno if he's gonna wanna come all the way out here so late at night..." You remember Dedan being so tired when he came into Enoch's office the other night because you tried to eat glue. He didn't think you noticed, but you did. You felt bad.
@cannibalisticat :  You watch Martin pick up Hugo, tailtip twitching nervously when you notice the boy wince. "Be careful," you can't help but snap at Martin, before returning your attention to Hugo. You hesitate briefly, before responding to him finally. ".... Alright. I'll come back in the morning, then. With Zacharie. And uh... i'll see if maybe I can get Pueblo or whatever and Valerie to come by too." You start, glancing around. Saying this feels so unlike yourself, really. You're not used to actually showing that you give a shit. It feels awkward to you, despite the fact that you're trying to be sincere with your concern. "Stay safe, okay? I hope tomorrow goes better for ya than tonight did. And if anyone tries to lay a hand on you don't be scared to give me a holler, I'll claw 'em to bits and feed 'em to Valerie's brother." You try to throw in a joke, but it feels off, so you try to direct the attention away from that. "But uh, yeah, stay safe kiddo. If you ever need me, I'm in Zone 1... and you can reach me online too."
@filsroyal :  "Okay.." you reply, wiping the new tears from your eyes with the palm of your hand, "I'll- I'll stay safe... Thank you, Alain." Martin's starting to walk away, but you're not done yet. You squirm in his arms to look back at Alain, and you speak up again, "Y-You stay safe too, and hh-have someone look at your leg, please..!" There was more you wanted to say, but you decide that's enough for now. You feel like if you talk any more you might be sick. You give a little wheeze, shrinking back to just curl up in Martin's arms, pressing your face into his shirt. You're so tired, you could just fall asleep right here. But you won't, because you still want to see Enoch, so you'll keep your eyes open no matter how much they burn right now. You want to let him know that you're okay, and you're going to be okay. Even if that might not be true.
@cannibalisticat :  "I will!" You call after Hugo, watching as Martin began to walk away. You wanted to follow, to make sure Hugo would be alright, to make sure the baseball man wasn't lurking anywhere, but despite your suspicions, you had a feeling that everything was safe now. And so once they're out of sight, you turn and start to limp towards the nearest red box, aching just about all over. But aside from that, you feel good. You feel like maybe, for once, you did something good for someone else and it was worth it. You can't help but be proud of yourself. You wonder briefly if your family would have been proud, too. In due time you would find your way back to Zone 1, where you would promptly slink into the darkest area of the mines, and carefully wedge yourself into a corner. You would rest for a while, then when you woke up, you would fetch Zacharie and the other cats for Hugo. And so you closed your eyes, and let yourself drift off.
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What Summer Camp Taught Me about Intentionality in Prayer and Scripture Reading.
I’m back at writing again, whoop whoop! Hey y’all, I am STOKED to be writing about my adventures again, not just in my journal and in letters, but here, on the interweb! It’s been a full last couple months and I have been learning SO MUCH! I’ve been saving up these experiences and I’m so looking forward to sharing the highlights of it all with YOU GUYS, my readers! ❤️
And so, dear friends, I thank you immensely for waiting for me and for coming back to read my words again. Thank you for helping me give life to this dream of being a writer. I love you all. 
What Summer Camp Taught Me about Intentionality in Prayer and Scripture Reading. 
(I know, that title is a real ringer, lol.)
“I just got a text saying Woodland Acres is short on counselors this Summer. Beth is asking if I could step in and be a camp counselor. I know they need help, but I don’t think I’m up to it,” said my mom, glancing up at me from her phone, one day in May.
I didn’t answer right away, but after mulling the idea over in my mind -I honestly cannot remember if it was several hours later or a couple days later- I asked my mom, “Do you think they could use me as a camp counselor? I’ve never done this kind of thing, but I’d be willing to try.”
Her reply: “I don’t know why they wouldn’t. They really need counselors, and they know you.” 
“Okay, then I’ll give Beth a text and let her know they are in need of one less counselor, if they want me, anyway.” 
Boy, oh boy, I had no idea what I had signed up for. :) 
***
Being a counselor was something out of my comfort zone. As a child, I had disliked Summer camp; the bugs, the sweatiness, the homesickness I felt, my distaste for sports and group games, to name a few things. All of these aversions made me a less-than-ideal camper. I knew going back into it as a counselor would be different, (different being code for “I wouldn’t have to play group games and sports,”) but it was still not within the range of my normal activities. Signing up to be a counselor was a total act of faith. I’m a more reserved person; I like to think of myself as “chill” (listening to indie music, drinking iced coffee, constantly baking scones, etc.) rather than dull. For me, it takes some effort and forethought to get hyped up. The thought of entertaining a dozen hyper kids, being unreservedly silly, and also extremely patient for 5 days seemed a stretch. Yet, I wanted to step in where help was needed, in order to bring the love of Christ to said kids. My spirit knew God would be faithful to carry me through anything I did in His name and for His glory, but my flesh was still apprehensive. Some questions floated through my mind: (1.) Would I have fun? (2.) Would the week drag? (3.) Would the girls in my cabin be pleasant? Would they be good? Naughty? (4.) Would my presence make a difference?
In short; (1.) Yes, I had fun. (2.) The week did not drag, but moved along at the perfect pace; a beautiful balance of restful but fun. (3.) The girls in my cabin were great; I was placed with junior high and high school age girls -I believe I’m better suited to this age than younger kids, especially for long periods of time. (4.) My presence did make a difference, but it wasn’t me; It was the Holy Spirit moving through me that was so powerful. 
I do not think I can adequately express my thankfulness that, though I was unsure, I did volunteer to be a counselor. The best way to share what a blessing it was is to tell you a little of  what I learned from my experience. :) 
Time spent praying and reading God’s Word daily is vital to a healthy, flourishing relationship with Christ. 
At camp, a half hour of each morning is dedicated to personal quiet time. Immediately following this personal devotional time, cabins have a community devotion time. A little later in the morning there is a Bible study chapel service. Following an afternoon of fun Summer camp activities, there is an evening Bible Study. Wow; it is a POWERFUL thing to spend so much time learning about the Lord, worshiping Him, and opening one’s heart to Him in prayer. 
This time at camp, along with a powerfully placed serman the Sunday immediately following the close of camp, cemented in my heart the importance of giving a portion of my day solely to the Lord. If you know me well, you’ll know that I am very goal oriented. Thus it is often difficult for me to be still before the Lord, as there is no tangible piece of evidence to show at the finish. Yet, while I was at camp, I soaked in all these times specifically set aside to draw near to Christ. Being in a place where there was time allotted for everything -swimming, crafts, meals, naps, time with the Lord- it was so much easier to rest and be present, rather than be thinking about if I was using my time in the “most productive” manner. 
The Sunday following the end of camp, I heard a sermon preached from the book of  Malachi, about what a true sacrifice looks like. The main idea; a sacrifice is not a sacrifice unless it costs you something. “‘When you bring injured, lame or diseased animals and offer them as sacrifices, should I accept them from your hand?’ says the LORD. Cursed is the cheat who has an acceptable male in his flock and vows to give it, but then sacrifices a blemished animal to the Lord. For I am a great king,’ says the LORD Almighty, ‘and my name is to be feared among the nations’” (Malachi 1:13-14).
As is evidenced in this passage and many others, God desires our first fruits; He deserves the highest place in our hearts’. That message could not have been more perfectly placed. After a week of camp, where I was daily giving the Lord much of my time, I understood both the gravity of needing to sacrifice time to Him, as well as the sweet blessing of being close to His heart. When I pause from my Miriam-focused hustle and bustle to be still before the God of the Universe, my faith is emboldened. 
In the 21st century, I believe the most precious commodity is time. I have chosen, even though it can be very difficult, to give God the first part of my day. I have begun to make a point of giving the Lord about half an hour -sometimes more, sometimes less depending on the day- within the first hour or two of waking up. 
This can be difficult, surely. It is not only the challenge of disciplining myself to be still before God, but doing so with an intentional heart. Especially in the mornings, when I have just woken up, it can be difficult to keep in mind the goal of my quiet time. I must choose to be intentional about connecting my heart to the Lord -through prayer, reading His Word, and worship- rather than just going through the motions. It is an act of faith, to trust that my Heavenly Father will gently remind me that it is not just about the act, it is about connection.
Even this morning, I felt a bit lost as I began my time with God. What should I read? Should I pray first? Should I read slowly? Should I reread what I read yesterday, in order to have a better understanding of it? And when I finish my quiet time, how should I use the time He has given me today? 
Almost every morning, I face questions like these. Yet even when I have questions -when I don’t know what steps to take next- if I come with a willing heart, He is faithful to meet me. (He is always meeting me, because He is always with me, all the time! See Psalm 139.) I may not feel Him in that moment, I may not clearly see His hand in everything, but that is the definition of faith. “Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. This is what the ancients were commended for. By faith we understand that the universe was formed at God’s command, so that what is seen was not made out of what is visible.” (Hebrews 11:1-3). Faith is trusting that the all powerful Being who  brought His people through countless calamities in the past, will continue to do so. He helps us in even the smallest of disasters and uncertainties -the ones that come to us in the form of spilled coffee and muddled next steps. 
I am not perfect. There are mornings that I miss my quiet time. There are mornings that I half-heartedly go through the motions. There are days when I cry to the Lord, asking him to give me a desire for closeness to Him, asking Him to remind me of His glory. I am broken. I am imperfect. I am human. Yet God is faithful, even when I am not quite able to be all that I long to be (which is always 🙃) . What I have learned is that I am more aware of His faithfulness when I am invested in my relationship with Him. 
I have read and revised this post many times. I hope it does not ramble too much and that it properly conveys what I want to share. 
Our Lord is great and glorious. Let us not forget His infinite vastness, or how small we are by comparison. We are only travelers in this life, walking with our Savior to our forever homeland. Praise be to our LORD!
In the love of our beautiful and glorious Savior,
Miriam 
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