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thespiritssaidso · 29 days

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Give Shawn the Dress, Dammit!

Summary: Basically the same as the episode Weekend Warriors except Shawn gets to wear the nurse’s outfit

Notes: I have no idea how the fuck a dress from the civil war is made, specifically one with hoops. I don’t know the structure. So give me some leniency here if I wrote the dress wrong.

Juliet left the car and trotted over to where Shawn and Gus were standing, one of whom was holding a dress. “Hey, what’s up guys?”

“Jules!” Shawn and Gus ran up to her. “You're going to get a call from a very irate Sally Reynolds saying two guys just drove by and stole her dress. Just ignore it, okay?”

She was extra confused now. “What the hell are you guys doing?”

Gus started explaining. “Sally was a target. Shawn’s gonna put on that dress, and wait for someone to shoot him.”

Shawn nodded along. “Yeah but- the plan sounds a lot better when you don’t say it like that.”

“What?”

“Listen, detective.” Shawn turned back to Juliet. “We have reason to believe that the intended target was Sally Reynolds. Now we’ve stolen her dress,” he held up said dress, “we’re gonna catch the yellow-bellied son-of-a-bitch red handed.” He paused to take a breath. “I forced the ending, that’s horrible.”

“So, risking getting shot is the only way to solve the case?”

“Absolutely.”

“Then we should stop the battle!”

“No, we can’t. It’s too late. They’re gonna start in less than a minute. Listen, Juliet…please let us go?” They’re both bouncing on the balls of their feet in anticipation.

Juliet doesn’t say anything, mulling over her choices in her head.

After a minute or two of tense silence, she wordlessly marched to the back door of the car she came in and opened it, rummaging around for something. When she resurfaced she had a bullet proof vest. “If you’re going out there, you might as well be protected.”

——————

“Breathe out, loosen up.”

“Ow ow ow ow!”

“Sorry Shawn!”

“No no, it’s fine, this wasn’t exactly made to fit me. Now just zip- AGH!”

“Sorry!”

“Is it done yet? Please tell me it’s done.”

“You’re all good.” Juliet patted the zipper on his back.

Shawn straightened up, and tried to take a breath. It was difficult, and it made him feel like he was back in high school, wearing his binder. It wasn’t a terrible thing to remember. But it wasn’t exactly a fond memory either.

“Here.” Juliet handed him a helmet. He shoved the it on, fumbling a bit with the buckle.

Gus grabbed Shawn by the shoulders. “Alright remember, the fifth cannon boom is your cue to shoot whoever's playing Quantrill.”

“Right.” Shawn nodded, but then gave his friend a strange look. “Wait, how do you know that?”

“I read the manual. Didn’t you?”

“I didn’t open the manual, it was like War and Peace. There were seventeen chapters.”

“It’s the manual, Shawn.”

“It was this thick!” He held up his hands roughly 6 inches apart, emphasizing the sheer size of it.

“Guys!”

“Right, sorry Jules.”

She just shook her head, and started helping Shawn tie the bonnet.

“Shawn, please be careful.”

“And don’t die.”

“Gus!”

“What? I don’t want my best friend to die!”

Shawn just began to ignore them at this point, and started talking to himself. “Okay. Okay. You got this you got this you got this.”

As the fifth canon went off, he shot out of the tent, grabbing the bayonet from the table nearby and running to his spot. Shawn hefted the gun up to his shoulder, and aimed at the new actor standing in as Captain Quantrill.

“It’s just a reenactment. It’s not real. You’re not actually shooting that guy.” he muttered to, hyping himself up as he pulled the trigger.

Pow!

The captain dramatically fell, and rolled down the side of the hill like in the rehearsal.

Shawn quickly looked to the tree, checking to see if the shooter had come back. There was no one. That was odd. He looked at the trunk where Gus and Juliet were standing. They seemed just as confused as he was.

He hitched the skirts and jogged back over to them. “Did you see anything?”

Gus shook his head no. “Nothing.”

Juliet cocked her gun. “I’m gonna double check the nurse’s tent. You two stay put.”

As she ran off, Shawn said, “That’s weird. Nobody came.”

“Well, at least you’re out of danger now.”

They both turn to walk back to the med tent, but Gus kicks something. He freezes, as does Shawn. He kicks it again, hearing a metallic clang. They share a look with each other and begin brushing off grass to reveal a manhole cover.

Shawn tilted his head. “Well I wonder where this leads.”

They grabbed the handle, straining themselves while moving it oh so slowly. When they got it off, Gus noticed something crucial that would hinder them. “Isn’t that gonna get in the way?” Gus pointed at Shawn’s dress, which was much wider than the manhole itself.

“Yeah, you’re right.” Shawn put his hand to his chin in a thinking gesture.

“Then take it off.”

“Dude, I am not taking this off, it took too long to put on!”

“Well figure something out!”

Shawn thought for a minute, then had an idea. He dug through the little pockets of the dress and grabbed his Swiss knife, and started cutting little holes in the fabric and ripping the metal hoops out.

The end result was a — somewhat — regular dress, though it was a bit longer than before. “Alright, let’s go!”

——————

Behind one of the grey tents, another manhole cover was lifted up from underneath. Shawn peaked out, taking in his surroundings before hefting himself completely out.

“Watch your head.” The plumage of Gus’ feather hat pokes out. Shawn grimaced when he noticed a bit of… something on it. “Aw, did you get sewage on your feather?”

Gus doesn’t respond, simply climbing up and out of the hole. They both shuffle over to the tent, peering around it.

“We’ve crossed to the other side of the creek bed!” Gus pointed out.

“The police accounted for all the Union soldiers, but nobody’s considered that the murderer could have come from this side. After all, this was the bad side, right?”

“You know that’s right.”

Shawn looks over to the tent flap, and swiftly snuck inside of it with Gus close behind. Immediately, Shawn found something.

“Now, I ask you: who goes out on the battlefield without their boots?”

Gus shrugged. “Maybe someone has bunions.”

Shawn gave him a disbelieving look. “Bunions, Gus? Really? That's what you're bringing to the table? I'm trying to solve a murder here.” His bonnet and helmet were really starting to squeeze his head, and it was giving him a migraine. Shawn untied the bonnet and helmet, setting them down on the little table as well as the boots. It wasn’t like he would need them anymore. Besides, they were ruining his hair. He began rummaging underneath the table.

“I deal with bunions every day at work, Shawn. They hurt. They hurt people. That's a perfectly logical assumption.”

“Oh yeah? What about this?” With a little flourish, Shawn grabbed a uniform and presented it to Gus. “No tunic!”

Gus snatched the uniform from Shawn and inspected it. He held it up to himself as he said, “This is Mahoney’s!”

Shawn looked closer at the uniform, and a lightbulb went off in his head. He dug through the dress pockets once more, fishing out the brass button from earlier and held it up to the coat, where there were two small holes placed exactly where a button would go.

“The brass button.” Shawn muttered.

“Mahoney did it.” Gus whispered.

They both started jumping up and down, stimming from excitement.

“That’s why he had that sticky musket! He must have got sap on it from that notch in the tree!”

“Woah woah this doesn’t track. Why kill Sally? She’s hot. They’re friends. She even wrote his insurance policy-“

Shawn’s interrupted by a loud BANG. They both flinch a bit at the sudden explosion.

“That was C-4!” Gus pointed out.

“That didn’t come from the battlefield, it came from the south.”

Shawn and Gus instantly come to the same conclusion at the same time. They looked at each other in the eyes, confirming it.

“I solved the crime!”

“No, I did!”

“I said it first.”

“I identified the uniform.”

“I found the button near the tree,” Shawn quickly reached out and tapped Gus’ shoulder twice. “Tap tap no take backs.”

“That's not fair, Shawn. I was identifying the C-4 sound.”

“Dude, you snooze you lose, Gus. I don't have to tell you.”

Gus, frustrated, starting shoving his plumed hat up and down on his head.

Shawn pointed back outside the tent. “That manhole we found connects to the sewer. It's going to lead us right to our killer. Let's go.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa! We're going in by ourselves?”

“What, are you crazy?”

Shawn and Gus quickly rushed out of the tent and- well, I’m sure you know how the rest goes.

They find Mahoney stealing his own artifacts and confront him — with some help from the reenactment soldiers— and take him to the station where Shawn figured out that it was not only Mahoney but Sally as well. The two had been attempting insurance fraud. But Mahoney didn’t want to share, so he tried to kill Sally. Poe rolls past his mark, sees Mahoney in the act, and is murdered. Case closed.

——————

It was late in the evening, and the sun was starting to set. Shawn was running to the many tents that had yet to be put away. He had forgotten his Gameboy there, and had to convince Gus to drive him back in the Blueberry to go grab it. He just hoped no one had nabbed it while he was gone.

Shawn still hadn’t taken off the dress. Really, it had just slipped his mind. But he had noticed he was still wearing it at least an hour ago, and realized he didn’t actually want to take it off. It felt… nice, wearing it. Except for the bullet proof vest. That he could do without. He changed out of the vest and voila: comfy-ish dress.

He was exiting one of the tents, Gameboy in hand, when he noticed Lassiter. The detective was still in costume, meandering around the battlefield.

“Lassie!” Shawn started jogging over to the man.

He watched as Lassiter’s shoulders slumped, and turn around to face him. “What are you doing here, Spencer?” His voice didn’t have its usual bite to it, just sounded a bit… tired.

“Oh, I needed to grab my Gameboy — which I found-” he waved it around for emphasis. “-in one of the tents. But this looks more fun!” That was a lie. Walking around aimlessly sounded boring to Shawn. But he wanted to spend some time with Lassiter, boring be damned.

He just gave Shawn a resigned sigh. “I don’t suppose I could stop you, anyway.”

Shawn gave him a big grin, and began walking alongside him.

“Spencer, why in the world are you still wearing that dress?”

“Why are you still wearing your uniform?”

Lassiter huffed. “I’m not going to dignify that with a response.”

Shawn just shrugged. “Alright then.”

“It’s just- isn’t that… uncomfortable? There’s no way that fits you.”

He smiled to himself. “Nah, it’s not really too bad. I took off the bullet proof vest, so it’s not too tight. Brings back memories, actually.”

Now Lassiter was confused. “Memories? What, did you try wearing dresses or something in high school?”

Shawn could’ve taken offense to that. But he decided not to, opting to shake his head no. “Just reminds me of a time when I had to wear a binder to even look half this good.”

Not knowing what else to say, Lassiter let out a small “Oh,” and didn’t add anything else.

“‘Course, the binder was a different kind of…” Shawn gestured to his chest as he said this. “…tight. But it’s the same idea.”

They fell into silence, taking in their surroundings. The sky was pinkish, blending beautifully into purple and blue. The clouds were colored a soft coral pink and cream orange. The air was slowly filled with a soft euphony of various sounds. Crickets chirping, frogs croaking, the whistle of a gentle breeze rustling the long grasses.

Shawn breaks the quiet. “You know, I did a little bit of reading earlier-”

Lassiter scoffed at that. “You? Reading? Please.”

“As strange as that sounds, yes. I did. It was awful, zero stars, do not recommend. There were all these big words- and don’t even get me started on the lack of pictures-”

“Get to the point, Spencer.”

“Right. Yeah. So, I was reading about your great-great-grandfather, Colonel Muskrat-”

“It’s Colonel Muscum T. Lassiter.”

“-I’ve heard it both ways.” He was getting sidetracked. “That guy, who you’re dressed up as, I got curious-”

“Mhm.”

“-and I noticed there was a page in there about him and the… uhh, the nurse, the one I’m dressed up as-”

“Sally Reynolds.”

Shawn raised his eyebrows. “No kidding? That’s her name? That is a huge coincidence.”

“Yes, it is. Now what about her?”

“Right right right. There was a page in there about those two.”

Lassiter didn’t know where this was going. “…Go on.”

“And uhm, apparently, after the war they got together. And eventually married.”

They stopped walking, and Lassiter turned to stare at Shawn. “If you’re insinuating what I think you are, it’s gonna be a hard no. Not in a million years.” He quickly returned to his stride, leaving Shawn standing there.

Wow. Oh, wow. That- that actually kind of hurt. Shawn shook his head, and quickly jogged to catch up with Lassiter.

“Why-”

“Spencer,” Lassiter stopped walking again, halting Shawn’s little run. “Don’t take this the wrong way- actually, take this any way you want: I would rather reenact the civil war stark naked than go on a date with you.”

Woah. Okay, that hurt him even more. But Shawn hid this expertly under a nonchalant grin. “Now that I would pay to see.”

Lassiter gave a mocking smile. “Haha. It’s still no.”

Surprisingly, Shawn didn’t keep pressuring him. He just raised his hands in defense. “Alright.”

“Alright.”

“Cool.”

“Yeah.”

“Not going to think about it-?”

“Spencer.”

“Even a little bit-?”

“If you don’t leave right now, I’m going to shoot you.”

He put his hands behind his back, walking backwards. “Okay, Lassie. Let me know when you change your mind.”

“You mean if I change my mind.”

“Sure, sure. Yeah. Whatever you say.” Shawn turned, hitching up his skirts, and ran off to where he knew the blueberry was waiting for him.

——————

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