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sanccharine · 1 year

Text

15:03 | mm

pairing: momo x gn!reader

genre: angst, fluff

word count: 1.6k

warnings: miscommunication ?

a/n: wrote this out of nowhere just now, uh its kind of a mess and definitely filled with mistakes ;-; also @serpendity-stuff (i hope you don’t mind me tagging you) this isn’t your request exactly, im working on that separately !! but i figured you’d want to be tagged in this momo fic. hope you like it :]

“Listen, all I’m asking is for you to give me this?”

You were barely making any sense now.

For hours you paced the small apartment you called home, carefully and cautiously panning what you wanted to convey. Each argument was formulated to perfection, even as far as counterarguments to potential rebuttals. Everything you wanted to say was laid at the forefront of your mind. However, the words that were on the tip of your tongue seemed to have vanished. Instead, you very quickly turned into a stuttering mess, struggling to string sentences together. Having lost sight of your points, you could feel yourself closing up.

It didn’t help that Momo was completely quiet during all of this.

In fact, she sat facing you on your unmade bed. Her posture is open, relaxed even, with a matching look of nonchalance. No, nonchalance meant she was indifferent, it means that she doesn’t care, that she couldn’t be bothered. No, this was a look of understanding, of waiting. A carefully constructed mask of neutrality, to allow her to listen and analyze your every action, a simple ruse to hide her actual feelings of concern.

Her behaviour only worsened your restlessness.

“Listen, listen,” feeling suffocated under her stare, you stood up and moved away from the bed. Momo leaned forward with you but you turned away from her, even if to only escape her gaze for a moment. “I know how much you do for me. You’ve done so much and you keep giving and giving and I can’t ask for anything more. I can’t and I don’t want to, I feel like such a burden—”

“But you’re not a burden—!”

“I know! I know that you think I’m not a burden,” you said, catching her gaze again. “But I feel like one, okay?”

Momo only nodded, eyes blinking slowly as she moved to the edge of the bed. It was hard to notice, but you still caught her lips twitching. You know this is difficult for her, that you are difficult, so you don’t understand why she says nothing.

The suffocating sensation was getting overwhelming; you had so much to say to her, of what you wanted and of what you were going through. You wanted to tell her of every thought running through your mind, of every branching thought that diverges from the original and then some more. You wanted to explore every spiral causing you distress and pick it apart with her at your side. But that was the reason, you couldn't tell her anything at all. What will she think if you bore your heart to her? Worse, if you bore your mind to her? Will she really stay, does she really care? Or are all her words empty promises waiting to be broken the second adversity hits?

“I just need some time and space to clear my head. I am telling you I can fix this,” you didn’t miss how Momo’s lips twitched again.

“And I’m telling you I’m here for you,” Momo said, inching forward. “We’re in a relationship, that means we’re here together. It’s okay to depend on me a little, I can help, I want to help—!”

“How could you help me? What could you possibly do,” you stopped yourself from saying anything further as Momo’s mask began to fall. No, this was not what you had intended at all. You weren’t supposed to be hurting her. “I have to fix this, okay? It has to be me, I just need space—”

“Asking for space and pushing people away are two entirely different things,” Momo’s voice, often low, was raised for the first time. “Every single time, you ask for space. That’s what you say but you just push people away. And I experience that firsthand every day!”

You shook your head as you took steps back, but Momo moved with you, finally rising from the bed.

“I’m not here to fix you and I don’t want to fix you and I’m definitely not here to solve your problems. I just want to be there for you, I just,” Momo sighed as she pulled at her hoodie, shaking off the feeling of discomfort. “Maybe I’m not saying it right, but just allow me to be there by your side.”

“My job, this house, this suburb, it’s all suffocating. And you, you’re always there! Always okay! Always fine! And I’m—I don’t want you to be there! I don’t want you to see me like this!” The words were leaving your mouth at the speed of lightning, even if they were the exact opposite of what you initially meant to say. “What I need is space because you are suffocating!”

The realization dawned on you just as you finished the sentence. It was as if time stilled because neither of you moved. A myriad of emotions passed through Momo’s face but you couldn’t really tell, your vision was blurry. Momo was the first to break away from the paralysis. In reaction, you flinched back before completely turning away from her sprinting for the door. Momo called after you, but you were breathing so hard you didn’t process that she was still trying to console you.

It was your feet that carried you forward, though the destination was nowhere in sight. All you knew was the calming breeze against your face, soothing your racing thoughts. The sensation of suffocation lifted slightly as if the weight of someone’s foot had been removed from your chest. Simply put, you could finally breathe.

However, it was difficult to ignore the other feelings gnawing slowly at you. The itchiness in the back of your throat. The weight behind your eyelids, pulling them shut. The sharp pain at the base of your neck, climbing all the way to the crown of your head. An unfathomable pressure building up with no path of release. Anything undergoing such force would implode, destroying itself at a chance for freedom.

So why couldn’t you cry?

Anything, you wanted anything to ebb away the visceral frustration you felt deep underneath in your skin. You wanted to kick and scream and cry until you threw up. You wanted to wail until you lost your voice and until your throat was dry and coarse and until you got sick of shedding tears. You would do anything to feel everything at once, just for a moment only to feel nothing at all the next.

Yet you couldn’t bring yourself to cry… no, your body wouldn’t allow you the relief.

Unable to carry yourself anymore, you took a seat at the bus stop. Only in your thin loungewear, the chill from the glass behind you seeped into your back. This was the next closest thing to calming you. Before any thoughts of how you’d come here with no phone, money, or house key, you decided to just rest your eyes for a bit. This late in the evening, that too in your secluded suburb, this was not the wisest of decisions. But you weren’t making any good choices tonight.

Perhaps an hour or two had passed, but that had to be the most restful sleep you’d had in weeks. Granted your neck was aching horridly and you rolled it twice before gaining strength again. What did startle you was the enormous coat tucked underneath your chin, but from the familiar scent of the softener, you knew who it belonged to.

“Hey,” you said, not daring to look at the person sitting at your side. There was no sound except for rustling plastic and the rumbling of passing vehicles. Dragging, one hand down your face, you sighed. “How long was I out for?”

“Two hours.” Momo rarely answered in such a manner, so shortly. You didn’t really have any excuse for the argument that you started. “I found you here, knocked out. Luckily, you were safe.”

You wanted to say something, even as far as opening your mouth, but nothing but mist left you. Taking your silence, Momo reached into the plastic bag she was holding and pulled out a sandwich before handing it over to you. Murmuring your gratitude, you began nibbling at the crust. Momo had started to eat her own sandwich as well.

It was surreal, to say the least.

To be seated at a bus station not far from your home, nearing midnight. Watching the empty roads and dark windows of small shops and flickering lamp posts. Munching at bread crusts for dinner with Momo by your side. The sight must be odd, but it didn't feel awkward at all. It felt right, normal even. Feeling such a way after the fight you’ve had, after the words you said, is what stops you from actually eating this meal.

Gaze dead set on a lamp post right across the street, you started, “Momo, I’m so—”

“Tomorrow,” was all your girlfriend said. The itch at the back of your throat from two hours ago seemed to crawl its way back up until Momo’s hand reached for yours. With no hesitancy, you took it. “We’ll figure it out tomorrow… for now, I just want to be here with you.”

It was your turn to face her.

Momo had barely eaten her own sandwich. Her enormous hoodie along with her flowing black hair covered most of her face, but you could just about make out her puffy eyes. Biting her lower lip, she glanced at you.

After all the things you've said tonight, it was almost relieving to agree with her. When you nodded, a small smile graced her lips as she tugged you towards her. As if it belongs there, your head found its place on her shoulder. You weren’t sure how long you stayed there, holding onto each other at the bus stop, shrouded in comfortable silence. All you knew was that tomorrow wouldn’t arrive until you two fell asleep.

any feedback is much appreciated.

a/n: its probably filled with errors, cries, i will fix it later ! also, will probably add a banner and title + summary ? maybe idk, but i hope you enjoyed this :] hope everyone has a good day/night !

tagging: @someone-who-likes-broccoli

#mala's collection #sanccharine #momo x reader #twice x reader #twice imagines #momo imagines #twice jyp #twice momo #hirai momo #momo angst #momo fluff #15:03

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