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syrena-del-mar · 1 year

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Let’s talk about Uncle Jim and the preview of episode 7.

I think we need to look at Uncle Jim as a product of circumstances.

It’s easy to call him a hypocrite if you are only looking at the fact that he’s, essentially, pointing fingers at his nephew, Li Ming, for being gay while he’s out there having sex with Wen and whatever their ‘situationship’ is a the moment. Now, I’m not saying it’s was okay, or anything of the sort, on how he will be dealing with finding out about Li Ming and Heart, but I think we do need to go beyond the surface level, “He’s a homophobe!” virtue-signaling that has been going around and look at the complexity that lead to that moment.

I'm going to break this down into three parts: (1) Uncle Jim's financial struggles, (2) Uncle Jim's struggles with his sexual identity, and (3) how they play into the confrontation.

1. Uncle Jim and the effect of poverty on his worldview

First, we need to look at what Uncle Jim’s relationship with Li Ming. The first clue into the relationship between Uncle Jim and Li Ming is in Episode 1 while Saleng and Li Ming meet up. Saleng let’s Li Ming know that it would be best if he came back to the diner straight after school so Uncle Jim wouldn’t nag him again, and Li Ming being the teenager that he is, blew off the advice stating to just let Uncle Jim nag. Tensions between the two are already somewhat heightened, which tends to naturally occur as kids grow into their teens and don’t see eye-to-eye with their parental figures. Add in the fact that Li Ming is growing up and starting to make decisions for his own future, and Uncle Jim doesn't agree with a lot of them, their relationship is going to be rocky.

Second, Uncle Jim knows his place in a classist society and has conformed to it. Time and time again, in the conversations with Wen, Uncle Jim has diminished his work as a chicken vendor. It's a labor-intensive job. Even with a diner that's packed and being on television, the amount of money is not enough to pay the bills. Chicken prices have been going higher and higher, which the audience is informed through Gaipa's mother, and he's barely able to stretch the income that the chicken shop is bring to cover the bills. They are poor, living essentially paycheck-to-paycheck and just hoping to be able to get by. It's his every-day life and he's been burned out by it. It's no comfy desk job, local restaurants are looked down on. There's no honor or 'reward' for his work aside from seeing people enjoy the food that he makes with his own hands.

He 'knows' his place in society and behaves according to it. During the whole initial fiasco of meeting Heart's parents, Uncle Jim apologizes on behalf of Li Ming. Heart's father is an officer, a Senior Sergeant, and wealthy ones at that. Uncle Jim is more than aware of the status difference and what that signifies in the terms to the power that they hold. So Uncle Jim would rather Li Ming take the blame and smooth things over, instead of risking upsetting Heart's parents.

Meanwhile, Li Ming is aware of the classism and resents it. He's aware of their financial status and the power that others hold over them, as seen with his indignant response when Uncle Jim suggests just thinking of the situation with Heart's parents as 'bad luck'. Li Ming is young, that's the reality. He hasn't been worn down like Uncle Jim and as a result he still (correctly) pushes against the idea that just because Heart's parents hold a high status, he should plead guilty. He knows he's innocent because he is innocent, and he's hurt that Uncle Jim would tell him to just take the blame. But the thing is, I don't think it's that Uncle Jim doesn't believe or trust him, more than anything Uncle Jim is worried that defying would somehow get Li Ming in more trouble, potentially jeopardizing his future.

Which comes to the third point, Uncle Jim wants Li Ming to do better for himself and have a brighter future than he does. He doesn't want Li Ming to know the struggle of barely being able to pay for bills or the pain of such a laborious job. That's not to say that the way Uncle Jim goes about it is correct, especially when pushing Li Ming to study is just making him miserable and Uncle Jim fails or refuses to see that. But I think he truly believes that Li Ming would find a better life by getting a college degree. To Uncle Jim, it's Li Ming's ticket out of the misery that being poor brings; he pushes it onto him because he truly wants what's best for him.

Uncle Jim, like many parents or parental figures, wants Li Ming to do better in life than he has. Uncle Jim has been worn down by life, he's essentially just floating, trying not to drown. He doesn't want that for Li Ming. Yet, Uncle Jim is so consumed by the stress of running the diner and the lack of funds that it brings in, he doesn't really see that there are other ways besides getting a college degree to be successful. (I think many children of immigrant parents/third-world countries can relate to the pressure parents apply in succeeding in their education to pull themselves out of poverty.) Which results in Uncle Jim not listening to the wants and needs of Li Ming. Uncle Jim has been tired down by the reality of poverty and he doesn't want to Li Ming to experience it, especially when he can provide Li Ming the opportunity to go to college and get an education, even if it costs him more in the long run.

He wants Li Ming to have every opportunity and success out there that's available, ones that he didn't have. To Uncle Jim, that means getting a degree. A degree can open doors that are otherwise locked. It's a ticket out. Uncle Jim's main motivation is Li Ming to find success, to find financial stability. It's the idea that once you're financially stable and out of poverty, only then can you strive to find happiness. Poverty, to Uncle Jim, is a brick wall that is in Li Ming's way. Getting a degree is an opportunity that wasn't awarded to Uncle Jim and it's highly likely that Uncle Jim blames that for his present struggles.

From Uncle Jim's point of view, Li Ming is almost a mirror copy of him and going down a path that led to a lot of Uncle Jim's own pain and suffering. Uncle Jim is reactive, even when he is trying to be proactive, because that's all he knows how to do to survive. It's not that he intends to harm Li Ming, but rather it's the consequence of his good intentions that he ends up hurting him. A double-edged sword.

He doesn't want his nephew to follow in his foot steps, he wants him to be better than him.

2. Uncle Jim and his journey with his sexuality

I don't think we can just state that Uncle Jim is a hypocrite and homophobic. Does he probably struggle with internalized homophobia? Probably. But I think the reaction, stems from much more than just simple internalized homophobia. Rather I suspect his reaction has much more to do with his personal relationships, both familial and with Beam, and how they have shaped his life in relation to his sexuality.

Here we're going to start off with Uncle Jim's relationship with his sister, Li Ming's mother. His sister told him explicitly that she doesn't believe that gay relationships to work. She compared them to straight relationships and essentially, in lack of better terms, told Uncle Jim that they were inferior. Wen even states, "Love has no gender. everyday, heterosexual couples split up. No one bothers to find out why they break up. gender has nothing to do with successful or unsuccessful relationships." Even though logically, Uncle Jim understands that, the reality was that his sister's words rang in his mind after he found out that Beam was with a woman, while also being with him.

He was burned after taking a chance. When you get one too many burns, fear starts to become standard response.

Uncle Jim's relationship with Beam has a lot to do with how he NOW views love and the place it has in his life. Uncle Jim opened up the chicken dinner in hope to help provide for Beam. I mean they were wearing rings, it was a very serious and committed relationship. Uncle Jim, in his 20s, took the risk of losing his family for this man, to prove his sister wrong. Where did that lead him? To unknowingly being the sidepiece in a straight relationship. And then Beam goes and dies before Uncle Jim could get any answers.

For about a decade, Uncle Jim was left to wallow in his pain from the wound that Beam left him. He had no clue whether Beam actually loved him. Not to mention that he, a male, was the sidepiece. This isn't just simple cheating, instead it's rather significant that Beam was cheating on his long-time girlfriend/fiancée with him. While Uncle Jim and Beam may have had a ring on each other's finger, it says something that he was the hidden lover. How could Uncle Jim not wonder if Beam was using him/hiding him due to being ashamed of being gay? Or question if he was every truly loved?

Uncle Jim was left stagnant after Beam died, there was no way to come to terms with being the side-piece to a straight relationship. There was no clarity or closure that he could have gotten to move on, because the only person that could offer to him, died. It's obvious that his relationship with Beam shifted on how he felt about love, Uncle Jim states that several times to Wen. The relationship (being the hidden side piece) likely changed how he felt about being gay and gay relationships, potentially subconsciously. It wouldn't be shocking if he attributes some of his struggles to him being gay.

Uncle Jim risked his family, attempting to prove his sister wrong, and instead it backfired. A lot of pain and suffering that Uncle Jim has experienced in life has been due to his relationship, and it wouldn't be a giant leap to think that he attributes the pain specifically to having risked everything for a man. And he'd been stuck in that mindset for so many years, relationships meant potential pain. He'd gone against the status quo and that's why he got burned.

He's still barely learning to love again, learning to let go of the past.

3. How both factor in Uncle Jim confronting Li Ming about his relationship with Heart.

I think it has been established that Uncle Jim has just been in a land of pain, where he was left just a shadow of his bright 20-something-year-old self, after running the chicken diner and having a horrific ending to what seemed like a promising relationship.

Uncle Jim is only starting to reemerge and learn what it's like to live again after meeting Wen. Sure, he probably did have moments in his day-to-day life where he could laugh and smile with others, but those were fleeting moments. He was and has been struggling in every single aspect of his life, in his love-life, his financial status, his class status, he sexuality. Uncle Jim, by not being part of the status-quo, has lived a difficult life.

That's the exact opposite of what he wants for Li Ming. He wants him to be happy, to be stable, to not suffer like he is suffering for the decisions that he made as a young-adult. He's scared and afraid for the future of his nephew, because Li Ming is not willing to conform. Li Ming is resentful and indignant with society, like many young teens are, and isn't ready to bend to the rule of those with higher status. That almost guarantees that he's going to face hardships and that scares Uncle Jim.

If that wasn't bad enough, Uncle Jim finds out that he both doesn't want to get a higher education after graduation and he's gay. Two more attributes that almost guarantee a lot of pain in society, even if there has been large strides in LGBTQ+ relations since Uncle Jim came out.

When Uncle Jim sees Li Ming it's like staring at his own reflection and that scares him. He doesn't want Li Ming to end up like him, struggling for money and not fully accepted by society. It's a fear that only a guardian can truly understand.

Uncle Jim has only known pain since finding out about Papang cheated. Even though he now loves his diner, I'm sure it was painful before because it was a reminder, one that he has given his blood, sweat and tears for. He's only now coming out of the haze, from a zombie-like state, so the way he communicates isn't eloquent, it's forceful and harsh. He doesn't know how to effectively convey his worries to Li Ming and he doesn't know how to listen, to learn that maybe there is more than one way to achieve happiness and stability.

He's not mad at the fact that Li Ming is gay, but rather he's mad that after everything he has done to avoid Li Ming growing up to be like him (poor, struggling, tormented), Li Ming is still going to end up where he is. His mirror.

It's not okay that he reacts in the way that he does, I'm sure it'll hurt Li Ming more than anything, but it's also not shocking to see that Uncle Jim is angry. Angry at the situation... a repeat of his own in his eyes. And I think that it's more complicated than just a cry of "Uncle Jim is homophobic."

TLDR; Uncle Jim's outburst against Li Ming for being with Heart isn't solely rooted in homophobia, though there may be an aspect of internalized homophobia. Rather, Uncle Jim is a product of his situation and he doesn't know how to effectively communicate with his nephew. He's struggling and he doesn't want that for Li Ming. That's not to say that it's okay that Uncle Jim confronts Li Ming for being gay, especially in that manner, but it's not surprising when he reacts in that way.

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