#unicron has BIG feelings if you cant tell

[lets-try-some-writing]

Sorry I can’t be emotionally vulnerable with you it’d ruin the mystery. - Unicron to Earth and Moon probably

Unicron has some issues with connection. Unlike the mythology of Cybertron and its portrayals of Unicron, the Unmaker loves his brother more than anything else. He looked up to Primus and wanted to be just like him. He wanted to create things of glory, but all he could do was unravel things that Primus made. It hurt him to know he could never make things as his brother did, but Primus was there to comfort him all the same. They travelled the stars, bound in brotherhood as though they were still one entity.

The only reason he turned against Primus was because he wanted Primus to stop. Primus always intended to create and then allow his frame to be used as a home for his offspring. Unicron was terrified of that plan. At that point, both Unicron and Primus had witnessed civilizations rise and fall, the first races to spread across the stars brought low by their own arrogance. Unicron was terrified that he would lose his brother to the whims and feeble sparks of mortals incapable of seeing what they were gifted.

In his mind, his brother's life was far more valuable than the lives of millions of ungrateful parasites. And it was because of his view that their battle began. At first it was for Primus's sake that Unicron fought. But as time passed, it became personal in a new way. Cuts and scars draped across their frames as they tore at each other, and eventually, both their ideals were lost. Primus came to see Unicron as a threat to all of creation, and thus sought to adhere to the greater good rather than his personal desires in attempting to destroy his twin. Unicron who once tried to free his brother from the threat of creation now saw Primus as a slave to his coding.

Primus fought for the safety of all creation, unwilling to risk it for the sake of his brother regardless of the pain it caused. Unicron battled to ensure that creation would remain free of his brother and his dogged devotion to his plans. And as we all know, Primus came out on top of that conflict, only serving to make Unicron bitter and enraged. Love festered and turned into hatred. The brother Unicron knew was long dead to him now. The thing that called itself Primus was merely a shell left behind.

Unicron hated Earth and Moon too. He tried so very hard to hate them. But as time passed, he looked at them and saw a bond similar to the one he shared with his brother. Devotion and understanding. Creation and destruction embodied. Two beings of different alignments. Earth was a chaotic creature born to give life. Moon was an entity made of starlight but forged to guard and battle. It was difficult for Unicron to try and keep himself from getting attached. After all, one cycle he would need to kill his unwanted daughter in order to return to his mission of destroying Primus. And in killing her, he would have to slaughter Moon as well.

It was his truth. He tried to keep hating them, if only to make things easier for himself. But time and their eternal presence wore on him. Outwardly he told them he despised them. And yet, as millennia passed and more of Primus's spawn came to him, he came to understand his brother more and more.

Primus lost his way, but Unicron now understood the love that drove his brother to cast him off. The love of a father for his child... it was more than the Unmaker could bear if he dared think on it. No, it was far easier to bury that love deep and continue to pretend to hate them. Maybe if he pretended, it would become real.

Earth: Father, I love you. You know that right?

Unicron: You were born against my will from my blood and ashes.

Earth: I'm sorry that's how I was conceived. I know you didn't really want me... but I am thankful you haven't killed me yet.

Unicron: You believe I would smite you?

Earth: Father, I've inherited many of your memories and thoughts. I know you desire freedom, and so all I ask is that you wait until my children can flee to the stars before you end me.

Unicron: Young one...

Earth: It's alright father. Everything has an end, and I am no different. If anything, I am glad that my eventual death shall come from the one who made me. It is fitting.

He can't afford to love. Loving hurts. Loving Earth means one day letting her go. Unicron does not like to think about such things.

Moon: Thank you for caring for Earth. As much as I hate to say it, you've treated her well so far.

Unicron: Begone Primus spawn.

Moon: You know you love me, my dear rival.

Unicron: If I had the power, I would combust you with thoughts alone.

Moon: I'm sure you would buddy.

Moon is a pest, but it is hard not to grow attached to the bug in the corner of your room after a while.

#transformers #maccadam #transformers prime #unicron and earth au #earth #moon #unicron #religious imagery #gods and goddesses #alternate universe #unicron has BIG feelings if you cant tell #primus

[brandwhorestarscream]

a crackshipp here( for the baby one-shots)

tarn x prowl

Ooooh methinks... Prowl is the one carrying. Usually I'd cast Tarn, but hear me out: pampered captive carrier. I dont know how they got together, I don't know if it was a one night stand to relieve stress or this is a post-war peaceful resolution where everyone is on the same side and everything is a-okie dokie and they somehow started dating. DUNNO. BUT! I can tell you this for sure: Tarn is still a weird obsessive freak (affectionately) and as soon as he finds out Prowl is sparked up he takes matters into his own hands.

He doesn't let Prowl go anywhere without him. It doesn't matter if they're living on the Peaceful Tyranny or in an upscale apartment in Praxus, Prowl does not get to leave his vicinity without Tarn. He hates it. Tarn is obsessed with him, obsessed with the sparkling, and especially obsessed with the baby bump. He can't keep his servos off of it, always trying to touch and caress it and trying to get bitty to kick at him. It'd be sweet if it wasn't so annoying.

Prowl's ready to bite his helm off within the first few days. He has work to do and he cant very well get it done with this overgrown guard dog breathing down his neck and insisting he stay in berth all day! He's carrying, not dying, Primus! He practically has to beat Tarn back with a bat just to get enough privacy to bathe. And even then he stays right outside the door, "just in case". In case of what? Fuck if I know. He's paranoid. That's a decepticon sparkling he's carrying, he needs to ensure top care and safety at all times!

When the baby comes, you can bet your ass it's the tiniest, nubbiest little Praxian, all done up in orange and white with blue optics. Summery orange dreamsicle of a baby. Tarn can hold them in one servo. But before they van meet their sweet little angel, they have to get through the labor first. Prowl snaps a grand total of 8 of Tarn's fingers during the birth, and afterwards grabbed him by the throat, dragged him down with strength Tarn did not know he had, and snarled at him in a voice that would make Unicron proud, "You did this to me! Get the frag away from me! Get out, GET OUT!"

Tarn was promptly removed from the delivery room with his neck dented impressively and broken fingers kinda just dangling there. He gets fixed up afterwards, dw.

Once Prowl has finished possibly the most difficult herculean task of his life (and god knows he's undergone a lot of shit in just the last 4 million years alone), he goes completely limp on the berth and immediately loses consciousness. He doesn't get to see the bitty at first because of this, but the trade off is they're clean and dry when he comes back. They're also crying, doing that soft little newborn bleat that kinda sounds like a wee little goat. His arms are shaking and he can barely lift them, struggling to sit up and mumbling, "My spar'ling... l- lemme sssee'my spar'ling..." slurring cuz he's so exhausted but desperate to see them.

The newspark is carefully placed on his chassis and he turns his face to carefully kiss their forehelm, whispering that it's ok, he's here now, mommy's here... and they calm right down. The feel of his spark so close and the sound of his voice was just what they needed: the world is big and loud and bright and cold and so, so scary, but feeling his familiar presence makes it all ok.

When Tarn finally gets to see them after getting fixed up, they're both asleep, snuggled together on the berth. He truly doesn't mind, just gladly takes a seat to watch them. He's never seen such a peaceful expression on Prowl' face, and is definitely marveling at how incredibly tiny their child is. Listening to the sound of their tiny, frail systems, the way their vents makes the softest little puff everytime they exhale... it makes his chassis feel tight. Overfull. Warm, in a way he never has.

The first time he gets to hold the little dreamsicle he's shaking a little bit. He won't admit it, but he is. They're so small! They fit in a single servo! What if he breaks them, they're so fragile! He's never had to be careful with his hands before, not like this! He's made for breaking and crushing and hurting, not- not delicate cradling and gentle touches like this! Prowl rolls his optics and says he's doing fine. Warns that sparklings can sense emotions so much stronger than adults, and if he's stressed then the sparkling will stress and that will make them cry.

Once Prowl has recovered from birth and the three of them are released, Tarn tries so hard to be a good sire. He wants to be involved but in the beginning, there's really not that much their infant needs. It's just a lot of carrying and hushing and feeding and he feels like he's not doing enough. He's always hovering and worrying, asking if maybe the sparkling needs a bath or to be burped or to be put down for a nap. It's so much less chaotic than he thought it would be and that makes him anxious. Prowl is constantly rolling his optics and telling him it's fine.

Their sparkling is safe, they're healthy, they're happy. Their optics are bright, their spark is pulsing just as it should. They're refueling and recharging well, and they react to our EMs and our spark energy. You don't need to constantly be actively doing something: just being there with them is enough. Tarn's not good at just sitting around doing nothing, but sometimes that's just what a sparkling needs: to just be quietly held for hours on end. That's one of the most important parts of early bonding, quiet, intimate physical contact near the parental sparks. Prowl has never seen someone go quite so stir crazy over a baby before, but it's definitely amusing 🤭

Once the sparkling finally starts walking around, Tarn finally gets what he wanted... and immediately regrets it because they've got a full fledged wild child on their hands. Into everything, waaay too smart for their own good, incredibly curious, boundless energy, and extremely inclined to mischief, the whole nine yards. They're constantly chasing them around, constantly saying, "What's in your mouth?!", constantly pulling bitty fingers out of places they shouldn't be, and no amount of babyproofing can save them XD

#ask game #prowl x tarn #what would this ship name be lmfao

[baebeyza]

Pros and Cons of all the TF shows I watched [updated: Unicron Trilogy and BW Neo]

Update info: Whyever the hell I wrote this and why people care about my opinion is beyond my current understanding, but @chaoticgirl23 asked for the Unicron Trilogy I hadn't watched back then, so- Also decided to write down if I actually like the show or not xD

(also I removed wfc, because I cant really judge after all with the show not being finished) My personal opinions + stuff that can be dubbed controversial and problematic, so beware for racism and sexism! But also beware of my idiotic attempts at humour

G1 (loved the show with all my heart)

Pros:

- The original show

- big cast of loveable characters

- Really awesome human side characters

- Very clever and witty dialogue

- fucking batshit insane

- Rodimus Prime is babe

Cons:

- apart from Arcee, female autobots being treated like a subspecies and only appearing in like one episode (3 if you are generous)

- Motherfucking country called “Carbombya”

- Some human characters are actually shit (those boys from B.O.T)

- Rodimus fucks as a human and not as a robot

- Everything animated by AKOM

- Galvatron’s portrayal as a person with brain-damage reads as ableistic (Personally I still love his G1 version more than the others I’ve seen)

- The “You’re only truly disabled if you lose your courage” line from Chip, it was explained to me that it’s ableistic as well

Headmasters (loved the show)

Pros:

- exciting plot

- characters die, fuck yeah

- Planets get destroyed, fuck yeah

- <3 ~ Power of Friendship ~ <3

- Sixshot is babe

Cons:

- Everything about Cyclonus and Wheelie

- Rodimus fucks off after episode 10 and never comes back

- Arcee going from warrior to secretary

- If you come from IDW I have to break it to you that Chromedome is straight

SuperGod  Masterforce (loved the show with all my heart)

Pros:

- A darker and more serious storyline if you’re into that

- Lots of character arcs and well-written characters in general

- Decepticons having a more family like dynamic

- Decepticons with a level of depth to them

- Redemption much

- Ginrai is babe

Cons:

- This show’s focus is on the humans so if you don’t like human TF characters, this aint for you

- The character Cab has a level of racist stereotyping - he comes from a fictional country in Oceania called Karin and the depiction of that country is everyone living in wood homes and having no electricity. (The show plays in the future so that makes it worse) Cab himself gets introduced as a Tarzan kinda dude who can talk with animals.

While I found Cab himself not bad as a character, the problem with how his background is written sure is stupid and insulting. There isn’t a lot of focus on his country in the show however, but it’s still there

- There is a scene in which the boys Shuta and Cab spy on girls during swim class (they get called out and apologize for it though and the “fanservice” scene itself is really damn modest and tame)

Victory (loved the show)

Pros:

- Similiar fun tone as G1

- lovable cast of idiots

- Exciting episode plots

- Leozack is babe

Cons:

- The only two prominent female characters are love interests and nothing else (which is drop in quality when compared to Masterforce, which had Minerva as a fleshed out autobot with agency and Mega as an interesting female villain)

- Leozack never punches Deszaras in the face

- Fucking retcons the destruction of Mars in Headmasters

Beast Wars (loved with all my heart)

Pros:

- Really compelling story and characters!!!

- Well written dialogue

- Wonderful character animation

- Dinobot is HONOUR and babe. Also I’m crying

- Megatron and his bullshit

Cons:

- Megatron and his bullshit

- That stupid love triangle subplot in season 3

- Some major plotline not being fully developed (the Vok plotline)

Beast Wars II (liked the show)

Pros:

- The Predacons in general

- Lio Convoy (the Optimus of the show) having a son

- Galvatron is babe and so is Starscream

Cons:

- Maximals are lame apart from Lio Convoy and the arc with his son Lio Junior

- A lot of uninteresting characters an episodes

- The Jointrons as racist mexican stereotypes

- Only female robot is part of a love triangle (even more annoying than the love triangle in Beast Wars)

Beast Wars Neo (liked the show)

Pros:

- Big Convoy being a lone wolf turned teacher was a really sweet story to follow <3 How he and his team learnt to trust each other over the course of the show was really nice!

- Unicron in this show was a delight

- D-Navi was always fun

- Magmatron was a rather nice Decepticon leader

- Heinrad is babe

Cons:

- No girls (Boo!)

Beast Machines (very conflicted, tend to dislike)

Pros:

- Plays entirely on Cybertron

- Explores themes of technology and organic life forms and really tries to be something different and deep

- The last episode is really nice

- Jetstorm is babe

Cons:

- No fun allowed - the maximals are really frustrating because we only ever see them being angry and fighting and a lot of them only show us their worst sides

- The maximal character models are HIDEOUS

- You may not actually like the philosophical aspect of the show, especially when you think too long about it and realise it’s kinda shit

Robots in Disguise 2001/ Car Robots (liked the show)

Pros:

- New continuity! New story, new take!

- Funny and lighthearted

- Cute characters

- Sky-Byte/Gel-Shark is babe

- Ultra Magnus/God Magnus is a fucking jerk and I love it 

Cons:

- Sideburn/Speedbreaker’s gag about loving red sport cars and chasing after them - it’s played as a joke all the time but I can see that stuff making people uncomfortable when they see the female driver trying to get away from him and his catcalling (Apart from that I do like him a lot though)

Armada/Micron Densetsu (disliked the show)

Pros:

- Lots of feels between Megatron and Optimus

- Starscream's arc

- The ending arc

- Jetfire was babe

Cons:

- The pacing was unbearable

- Half the time the characters didn't act like people and I was confused about almost every conflict, action and point they made. It's not a great story when I watch episode and need an hour to figure what the hell the story even was

- The parts I liked in concept are not helped by how unnatural and weird the characters acted at times. I liked the ending, but how they got there was so weird that I just can't enjoy it

Energon/Superlink (loved the show)

Pros:

- Megatron/Galvatron - Everything about him

- The japanese voice acting was fantastic!

- Really nice death scenes (I love death scenes btw)

- Mirage/Shockfleet being in love with Megatron

- Bringing back old names apart from Megatron and Optimus

- Rodimus being an equal to Optimus was a nice touch

- The few scenes it was 2D animated

- Jetfire/Skyfire is babe

Cons:

- Animation

- The "for the toys" thing kinda ruined some characters, where instead of getting the toys as completely new characters, they killed old ones and brought them back with a new model. It did suck story-telling wise (and me, loving death scenes, get annoyed when a death scene gets ruined by bringing the character back). So you got all these character arcs that feel like the just stopped

Cybertron/Galaxy Force (loved the show with all my heart)

Pros:

- Love the setting and world with all the different colonies and how they were explored ~

- Optimus Prime, this one is my favourite version of him!

- Vector Prime, they should bring him back

- All the different leaders

- The friendship between the characters- this show has my favourite set of Autobots from all TF media

- This also has my favourite Mega&Star dynamic

- Starscream himself is so well done here!

- Jetfire/Dreadlock was babe

Cons:

- Megatron was lacklustre. When it came to him and his dynamics with other characters (apart from Starscream), he was hardly written as a person with feelings. He never reacts to anything happening within the ranks of Decepticons and it is really disappointing, because there was a lot of potential! (with Flame Convoy and Chromia specifically)

Animated (loved the show)

Pros:

- Character writing, plot and themes!

- Lighthearted tone but enough scenes that dig a little deeper

- Really nice and smooth animation

- Optimus is baby

Cons:

- The chins

- No 4th season

Prime (loved the show)

Pros:

- Best friggin fight scenes and animation in general

- Really exciting plot 

- Ratchet is babe

Cons:

- Predacon Rising exists

- Characters dying for budget reasons (Just don’t hire celebrities when you cannot pay them for more?)

Robots in Disguise 2015 (it's okay)

Pros:

- ...the Stunticons are babe

Cons:

- characters never developing and learning the same shit over and over again

- almost no interesting villains

- even the interesting ones being shoved aside a lot 

- no real built-up for the climax

- lots of filler and not enough time spent on the actual plot of a corrupt Cybertron goverment

Prime Wars Trilogy (loved the show with all my heart)

Pros:

- Megatron, everything about him, he’s babe

- I really like the soundtrack

Cons:

- Bad storytelling, both narrative and visual

- Horrible or mediocre voice acting

- Static and bad facial expressions

- Static and bad character animation

- Feels like no one involved in the production had any idea how to tell a story

Cyberverse (meh)

Pros:

- Really cute as fuck

- Big cast 

- Astrotrain is babe

Cons:

- No time for character arcs, they just jump from set up to conclusion with nothing in-between

- Unfocused plot that jumps from one idea to another

- Megatron broke my heart and I hate him

#transformers #tfa #tfp #g1 #beast wars #bwii #prime wars trilogy #cyberverse #headmasters #masterforce #victory #beast machines #rid01 #rid15 #bey's shit #transformer posting

[localrobosexual]

so how about The Last Knight huh

HECKO I totally forgot to make that post about what I thought about Transformers 5 after I watched it whOOPS

so here they are now!! :0 it’s kinda long though. Sorry about that. Unlike my post about GOTG Vol. 2 that one time, for this one I just kinda wrote down some erratic notes about thoughts and reactions I had as I watched the movie, and then I kinda summed up my opinion about it overall down at the end?? so yeah. That’s how this one is gonna play out lol. Generalized running commentary style.

(fair warning: this WILL contain spoilers!! Like I can’t,,, , talk about it without giving stuff away lmao. If you haven’t seen the movie, and still want to and plan on doing so, I don’t recommend you read this!)

alright u made it past the spoiler warning so here we go!!

-  Quintessa gave me a lot of G1 Unicron vibes with the whole "I made you, you are mine to command" thing

- "Why do we tell these stories, besides the fact that dragons are wicked" girl same lmao

- I literally cannot. CANNOT. Take Barricade seriously. With those ridiculous "punish" and “enslave” branded brass knuckles. Buddy. My dude. Please chill. You're literally trying to be so edgy man just. Turn it down a notch lmao - Optimus literally didn't sound at all like himself at first?? It sounded like he had a different voice actor for those first few lines he spoke?? That was weird. It wasn't until the second time he appeared on screen where Quintessa was telling him about where the staff was hid was I like "oh wait yeah there's Peter Cullen" - the "Cybertron is coming" shot looked sUPER fake and green screened to me for whatever reason?? like idk I think it was the lighting they had on him but it was reALLY FUNNY PFFFFTT

- Bee swinging his legs on top of that roof was sUPER CUTE THANK U IM BLESSED

- Mohawk. Um. Who thought turning Junkrat into a Transformer was a good idea bc that’s literally all this dude is lmao

- What kind of name is Nitro Zeus. Im cryin. PRETTY SURE HE HAS THE SAME VOICE ACTOR AS THE ONE TIGER ALIEN FROM BEN 10??? I DON’T REMEMBER HIS NAME BUT HE WAS THE ONE THAT ALWAYS WENT "LEMME TELL YOU SOMETHIN". WHY DOES HE HAVE SHOCKWAVE'S FACE. IM SO DONE

- I like how they had the whole holoform bike thing going on?? like how Prowl's was in TFA and Arcee’s was in TFP that was neato - I WILL NEVER GET USED TO HEARING BUMBLEBEE SWEAR I S2G but the Siri voice thing was pretty funny ngl. I saw that in a trailer on instagram and didn't actually think it was actually a real scene that they kept I thought it was just made for that specific ad but nOPE IT WAS REAL LMAO - Megatron musing over Starscream's decapitated head oh my god liSTEN MAN PUT HIM DOWN DONT BE LIKE THIS COME ON - HI CAN WE TALK ABOUT COGSMAN I LOVE COGMAN A LOT I LOVE HIM HE WAS REALLY GREAT EASILY A BIG FAVE HE WAS SO ENJOYABLE TO WATCH I love how,,, ok heck I don't know this guy very well bc I didn't watch Age of Extinction but it's the green dude with the trench coat built into him,,, Crosshairs?? I think it's Crosshairs yeah but the fact that he called him a C-3PO rip off was fUNNY MAN that also got a good laugh outta me and he totally rekt his heckin finger lmao. He was rlly short?? that surprised me kinda like from the trailers it looked like he was pretty average human sized but nope he’s super short - BEE'S DOUBLE CHEST POUND FINGER GUN "ayyy my dude" THING WAS ADORABLE THANK U - THEY ACTUALLY WENT THROUGH WITH THE WHOLE EARTH BEING UNICRON THING HOLY HECK now that,,, that was really interesting. Didn't expect that. AND the whole Nemesis Prime deal?? OP getting brainwashed?? THAT'S why he's heckin evil nO WONDER MAN GEEZ I didn't think OP would willingly do all that to the earth just because. That makes me feel a lot better actually lmao - Soundwave!! Shockwave!! u guys are famous!! wow way to go im so proud of u!!!! - Hot Rod tho,,,, , oh boy he was a mess lmao. I only really know Hot Rod through MTMTE and the 80s Transformers movie so,, , not too too much to go off of, but he just was so incredibly DIFFERENT and off-putting from what I was used to that I honestly didn't like him so much?? I mean he was alright. Grew on me a bit more as the movie went on I think. He was ok. That time warp weapon thing he had was cool tho!! nice!! seemed kinda overpowered a bit but cool!! - COGMAN SPINNING AROUND IN A CIRCLE WHILE HE WALKED THE DOG WAS ADORABLE THANK U - you know that movie trope where he background music will become like a song on the radio and then a character comes and switches it off?? YEAH THEY DID SOMETHING LIKE THAT IN THIS MOVIE WITH THE EPIC WORLD-CHANGING ORGAN MUSIC AND I JUST. COGMAN GOING HAM ON THAT ORGAN HAD ME CRYYYYYYYIIINNG HE WAS SO INTO IT MAN OH MY GO D. I LOVE COGMAN THANK U THAT’S ONE OF MY FAVORITE TROPES AND IT WAS HILARIOUS GOD BLESS - HE CAN SING OPERA TOO IM CRYYYYIINNNG MAN JUST. PLEASE LET HIM HYPE UP THE MOMENT HE'S DOING HIS BEST!!!! - THE TABLE WAS WRITTEN IN OLD CYBERTRONIAN yknow if you could get Cyclonus down there he could probs read that for you no problem. Or don't actually. Please don't drag him into Bayverse oh I s2g nevermind nevermind - HEY MAN I LOVED THAT ROBOT HYDRA WOO BOY THAT WAS COOL and it's like?? a Combiner?? but not really. Burton just said the twelve knights combined into the dragon but I doubt they can all unfuse from that form lmao it was probs just a one time thing. So not a Combiner. Still cool tho. Robot dragons. SICK!!!!!! - HEY they did the whole Unicron's a planet-eating god thing this time around too wow. Neat. Listen man all I'm saying is I glad I watched TFP and bits of G1 and that 80s movie bc if not I woulda had no idea why Unicron was important lmao. That was pretty neat tho!! Interesting. Interesting. - OK BUT COGMAN LAUGHING AND SINGING "MOVE B!TCH GET OUT THE WAY" WHILE DRIVING 200 MPH DOWN THE ROAD WAS HILARIOUS WHAT A BLESSING THANK U - Surprisingly Bee seemed to be ok in that open water??? Hanging on to the side of a submarine?? I mean. Salt water man. Buddy watch out ur gonna rust plEASE BE CAREFUL

- speaking of which didn’t they say there was gonna be a submarine transformer in this movie?? like didn’t they say that in interviews before the movie came out?? I mean. We never saw that. It might’ve been that the submarine WAS a transformer but it never spoke, never transformed, nothing. Didn’t give any indication that it was uniquely Cybertronian aside from Vivian’s magic touch thing. Idk. That wasn’t explained so I mean. Hmm.

- Cogman can make sushi!! dang!! wow!!! bravo!!! - OP'S HECKIN INTERDIMENSIONAL BOOB POCKET OH MY GO D dang wish I had one of those lmao - THAT FINAL FIGHT WITH OP AND BEE THO AAAAAAAA OH MY GO S H HECKO MAN!!!! OPTIMUS RIPS OFF BEE'S DOOR WINGS MAN!!! GEEZ!!!! what I wanna know is like since when did Bumblebee have a hammer lmao. Like,, , is it supposed to the the Forge of Solus Prime?? When did he get that?? How and why?? I don't know and it was never explained but I mean. Why tho. - OH MY GOD BUT BEE'S VOICE!! IT ACTUALLY WORKED!!! DANG!! WOW BUDDY!!! AAAA!! IM GLAD HE'S OK!!! and that's all it takes to snap Optimus outta his brainwashed phase lmao ok then. Cool. Wasn’t what I expected him to sound like either but then again I really don’t know what I expected in the first place lmao - I feel a LOT better knowing Optimus didn't willingly wanna destroy the earth like. He was brainwashed. And when he snapped outta it he felt absolutely awful about what he did. I mean it felt like that whole plot point was rushed, a lot of this movie felt very rushed, but it makes me feel better at least lmao. Optimus I'm sorry man can I,,, , give u a hug or something man it rlly looks like u need a hug - "YOU CHOSE THE WRONG SIDE" OOOOOH BOY FLASHBACKS TO THAT CAPTAIN AMERICA CIVIL WAR BIT IN PRI.ME(3) LMAOOOO - CADE. BUDDY. YOU CANT JUST BLOCK A SWORD LIKE THAT. THAT WAS A KILLING BLOW DEALT BY A GIANT ALIEN ROBOT I DONT CARE HOW SPECIAL THAT MEDALLION THINGY IS U CANT JUST DO THAT LMAOOOO. And then as soon as he whips that sword out the rest of the knights are like "oh wait yeah let's stop killing this guy we're chill now let's all point out swords together" lmaooooo - Crosshairs' "Love that guy. Goosebumps every time" line after Optimus gives his mandatory speech lmAO DUDE SAME - "You were by far the coolest" alright Cogman you ruined the moment a lil bit but man I still love u hecko - OK THIS IS GONNA SOUND REALLY STUPID BUT LISTEN MAN I'M GLAD THERE WAS,,,, , a lot of hand holding going on towards the end. Like fr. Cogman to dying Burton and Vivian and Cade as they were gonna jump outta that plane onto the Cybertronian tendril whatevers. Just. Small bits of physical reassurance and comfort in times of real great distress. I appreciate that a LOT more than like, watching two characters make out right before the big climactic final showdown lmao. Thank u movie wow I really didn't expect that - SO THERE WAS A COMBINER TEAM!! A COMBINER MINOTAUR!!! DANG NOT EVEN GONNA LIE THAT THING WAS NEATO!!! - Ok forget what I said about Hot Rod at the beginning he redeemed himself at the end. I didn't like him and first but now,, , now we chill. Granted I still can't see him as being HOT ROD bc he's just so different from what I know him as Rodimus but I can still appreciate him as his own character. Cool cool. - OPTIMUS RIDING THE ROBOT HYDRA INTO BATTLE AND BLOWING EVERYTHING UP WAS GREAT. MAN THAT WAS GOOD. "DID YOU FORGET WHO I AM" WOOOO BOY CHILLS MAN!!!! - OH COME ON they still made out. Lmao. Dangit. It was inevitable but I mean come on man. Alright. They kept it short and quick thank you tho if u had to put in a make out scene at least u kept it to a minimum. Thank you. Can we get back to the robots now pls. - AAAAA BUMBLEBEE'S "STING LIKE A BEE" LINE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA - that ending was pretty sudden lmao. A lot of this movie was sudden and fast. They just jump cut STRAIGHT to those credits man not even an ending panorama or clean slow zoom out shot or anything lmao - AND OH BOY THEY TEASED UNICRON’S GONNA ACTUALLY COME BACK AND APPEAR IN ANOTHER MOVIE AAAAAAA OH NO OH BOY NOT AGAIN GOSH DARN IT LMAO 

All in all, surprisingly, I actually ended up kinda enjoying it!! Like it really wasn't as bad as I thought it would be!! Tbh for me it might even be second best in the series!! (First being the first movie from 2008 lmao) Honestly I was really REALLY surprised at how much I didn't hate it. Like. I still dislike it to a degree because it's still Bayverse, and I probably won't watch it again unless I'm with friends (like I do with the rest of the transformers movies) but it honestly wasn't too too bad! It really exceeded my expectations as far as plot, and I wasn't hardcore cringing for most of the movie so hey that's a plus!! The movie had a lot of genuinely funny moments, especially with Cogman, which got some pretty good laughs outta me like I was really having fun at those parts!! Optimus’ absence for most of the movie didn’t sit well with me for some reason. Like it just felt strange. But it kinda had to be for the story to move forward so I guess I can forgive that lol. The pacing was REALLY whack and way too fast though. Like they were REALLY trying to cram a whole lotta stuff into a relatively short amount of time. The movie's almost two and a half hours long but it really didn't feel like that because of how fast the pacing was. Some of the dialogue felt really forced because of this issue too. It didn’t feel genuine sometimes. But that has to be like, pretty much my only specific issue with it?? surprisingly?? wow. I'm honestly super shocked lmao dang man I didn’t think I’d like this movie at all but I was very much proved wrong!! I hated those old ladies tho and their obsession to get Vivian a boyfriend and the whole innuendo thing. Yeah. No. Don't do that. Stop. I'm too ace for this. 

anyways yeah those were my thoughts sorry that was so long lmao whoops  

#transformers #bayverse #tf5 #transformers 5 #transformers the last knight #words of meg #long post

[hgfstreamchats]

The Room

Welcome to the 'highglossfinish' room. Jalaperilo: Hello! Knock Out: Hello, Jalaperilo human! Jalaperilo: *squints* Jalaperilo: what the hell? Knock Out: I have no clue. Jalaperilo: haha Jalaperilo: who made you do this? Knock Out: Excellent question. Jalaperilo: somehow, this isn't worst than The Room? Knock Out: Oh, that's encouraging. Jalaperilo: Oh doc, you're in for a treat Knock Out: I can't wait.

Jalaperilo: the first time I watched this was also on a random stream i found. it was also the stream where I found the epic horror that is Re-Animator Knock Out: Which we also need to stream someday. Knock Out: Are...are they all interfacing with each other? Jalaperilo: please dont judge human interfacing on this film Knock Out: No promises. Knock Out: Dear Unicron, get on with it. Jalaperilo: im dying Knock Out: Gah! Jalaperilo: i have my head in my hands Knock Out: That was completely relevant and necessary. Jalaperilo: just like this movie Jalaperilo: cause hes terrible in bed Knock Out: What, humans don't like spastic little hip twitches? Jalaperilo: that arent in the vicinity of where they should actually be thrusting? Knock Out: He tried. Sort of. Jalaperilo: does he get a gold star with 'you tried' on it? Knock Out: He gets one of the lopsided ones. Matches his technique. Jalaperilo: hahah! Knock Out: Gladly. Jalaperilo: hehe Jalaperilo: oh no. please dont. he's my friend *DOES NOTHING TO RESIST SLEEPING WITH HER* Knock Out: Way to stick to your guns there, human we just met. Jalaperilo: he has the breaking strain of a kit kat Knock Out: Hah! Knock Out: What actually is he supposed to be penetrating? Knock Out: *exactly Jalaperilo: unless she has some weird random holes in her, i dont know what theyre stabbing at Knock Out: That's the plot twist. Jalaperilo: thats she's actually a sponge Knock Out: Or in possession of some kind of prehensile protein sleeve. Jalaperilo: erg Knock Out: Go back to the fat pug. Jalaperilo: this kid is creepy Knock Out: He grew up to be one of the sex offender shufflers. Jalaperilo: hahah! Jalaperilo: she ordwered the worst pizza Knock Out: Isn't that supposed to be one of those human foods you can't ruin? Knock Out: And yet, somehow, she did? Jalaperilo: please dont maake love again Knock Out: Oh, please, no. Not again. Knock Out: Have mercy. Jalaperilo: you cant get away ko Jalaperilo: we both have to live with this Knock Out: We have to live with his sloppy twitches. thenightetc: ...What did I walk in on Jalaperilo: get out while you can Jalaperilo: hello btw Knock Out: Run, and live well. Knock Out: And hello. thenightetc: (Lost track of time and tumblr decided not to alert me that there were new posts!  :') ) Jalaperilo: blah blah blah btw i have cancer. anyway.... thenightetc: the acting is really... something. Jalaperilo: have you never seen this before either? Jalaperilo: you're in for as right treat thenightetc: I have not.  I've just heard it's notoriously terrible thenightetc: It's the... Wisseau thing right? Knock Out: It is indeed. Jalaperilo: yes Knock Out: Who's this unfortunate soul? thenightetc: :( Jalaperilo: urgh thenightetc: I was 80% sure that was leading up to murder thenightetc: Just felt like one of those scenes, y'know? Jalaperilo: probably would have done the plot a favour with a murder or two Knock Out: That makes it worse! Cardinal: Hello, hello! Knock Out: Cardinal! How good to see you! Jalaperilo: hello! Knock Out: But how tragic you're here. thenightetc: So, ah, what all did I miss in terms of plot? thenightetc: ...Oh?  Murder time NOW? Jalaperilo: tommy is the best ever, lisa hates him one minute and loves him the next Jalaperilo: you also missed2 bad sex scenes Jalaperilo: there is no cohearent plot Cardinal: I see what you mean by tragic. thenightetc: He was JUST yelling about money, it's obvious "what he wants" Jalaperilo: how does one accidentally buy drugs lol thenightetc: Where did that guy come from Knock Out: They obviously care deeply for the 36 year old man they adopted. Jalaperilo: haha thenightetc: oh no Jalaperilo: stop making aliens think humans are terrible at sex! thenightetc: Please tell me they're not going to phone sex now Starscreamapillar: Good, I have not missed out on too much madness. Knock Out: No, just several abysmal fragging scenes. Knock Out: Welcome to the disaster, by the way. Cardinal: Oh, did I miss the stair sex? Cardinal: ha ha ha what a story mark Starscreamapillar: I am not at all displeased to have missed out on those. Jalaperilo: lucky you cardinal thenightetc: Yes count your blessings Knock Out: What a charmer. Jalaperilo: thanks for dissing my gender thenightetc: I wish they'd both fall off the roof. Starscreamapillar: This human learned how to speak from the Internet, didn't he. Knock Out: Shuut Cardinal: *gun fingers* shuut thenightetc: What is he implying here Jalaperilo: there is a big theory on the net that tommy wiseau isnt actually human Cardinal: hahn? Knock Out: That's...actually quite plausible? thenightetc: It's not nice to mock whatever speech impediment or accent or whatever he has, guys. Starscreamapillar: Are conversations normally carried out at a recline like that? thenightetc: Why is her friend all shocked that she doesn't want to marry the guy who hit her thenightetc: Terrible friend Jalaperilo: this is how humans emote yes? Starscreamapillar: Apparently. FeralDog: goonai lisa Starscreamapillar: Ah yes. They are in the totally real alley. Cardinal: Of course! FeralDog: this looks so.... buffy the vampire slayer knockoff FeralDog: I keep expecting the undead to strike thenightetc: I keep hoping for the undead to strike. FeralDog: you know... Knock Out: This movie is like a victim of head trauma, dazed and wandering through a field somewhere. FeralDog: there supposedly was a vampire subplot that Wiseau nixed? Jalaperilo: hyoomans throw football as bonding yes? Cardinal: ((Apparently Tommy Wiseau did originally want to enter onto the roof on a flying car Cardinal: ((and--yeah, the vampire reveal)) thenightetc: Oh boy!  Is he dying Cardinal: ((But he didn't nix it, he wanted it Cardinal: ((they talked him out of it Starscreamapillar: And then he ate that younger man. Jalaperilo: he ends up eating somethign alright thenightetc: ...well, that's not alarming Jalaperilo: the only plot this film has is everyone is terrible except tommy who is perfect Starscreamapillar: Somehow I get the feeling even watching this from the beginning wouldn't have it make any more sense. FeralDog: he's not even looking at the psych Starscreamapillar: I doubt that man's credentials. FeralDog: he says dejectedly Jalaperilo: time to tell us how *** women are? FeralDog: yep Cardinal: oh no the psychologist knows thenightetc: Johnny does sort of look like he's halfheartedly dressing up as a vampire Cardinal: "Can I meet the married woman you're boinking?" thenightetc: Totally normal question to ask Knock Out: I feel like I've blown a neural circuit. Jalaperilo: you made love twivce in this film already FeralDog: You keep playing psychologist with us! now let me ask you questions a psychologist should answer! Cardinal: Shh, shhhh.  Let the words eat away at your processor.  The pain will recede soon. Jalaperilo: cheep cheep cheep thenightetc: oh god Starscreamapillar: .... Cardinal: cheep cheep cheep thenightetc: is he going to--No, I guess not Cardinal: I NEVER ATE SO MUCH FeralDog: the only sane comment Jalaperilo: *wink* FeralDog: this sounds like he's making it up as  he goes and the music is not helping thenightetc: ...I don't think that's how checks work Jalaperilo: just ndissing the *** outta you lisa Starscreamapillar: I don't think any of this is how it works. Cardinal: Denny why are you sitting on the floor Starscreamapillar: Sit on the floor, with the front door open. Jalaperilo: denny asked her for a kiss earlier thenightetc: Do iiiiiiit FeralDog: i almost feel like the vampire subplot would make this make sense. in a he's hypnotized too many people and now can't keep control of the illusions so the wor;d's gone mad around him,,,,,, Jalaperilo: is knock out still with us or did he actually fry his processor? Starscreamapillar: I envy him if he did brown out. This is painful. Knock Out: Theoretically, I'm still here. Jalaperilo: sorry i tried to throw you off a building? Jalaperilo: good. was worried you'd left us to suffer on our own FeralDog: yeah, man it's totally fine. happens all the time Cardinal: He already knows your secret. Cardinal: I'm so depressed bro Jalaperilo: aint we all? Starscreamapillar: That small door. thenightetc: The roof bothers me more.  Looks so fake. Jalaperilo: none of these suits fit even slightly Cardinal: *ominous music*  He shaaaved Starscreamapillar: They found the suits in a box in their fake alley. FeralDog: wwwwwwwwwhat Cardinal: . . . . . Jalaperilo: lol Cardinal: well Cardinal: I wish Trogdor were here to see this. Cardinal: Maybe he could make sense of it. Jalaperilo: is tommy trogdor's holoavatar? Knock Out: Fact! Starscreamapillar: Did they have a reason to be wearing tuxedos earlier? thenightetc: Maybe they were trying them on to make sure they fit? Cardinal: . . . nice segue. Starscreamapillar: No one paid for those drinks. Starscreamapillar: Drat. Now I must suffer through this. Jalaperilo: god Knock Out: For the love of Unicron, no. Cardinal: Shield your optics! Jalaperilo: can unicron come eat us? Starscreamapillar: I think exploding again would be less painful than this. FeralDog: do we really need to see the ENTIRE sex scene FeralDog: a fadeout would be appreciated Starscreamapillar: How is this still going on?! Jalaperilo: in all 4? sex scenes, no one seems to have thrust anywhere near her vagine Knock Out: What I tell you? Protein sleeve. Jalaperilo: oh year lol Jalaperilo: *yeah FeralDog: more football based bonding Starscreamapillar: I feel as though you could replace these actors with golden retreivers and lose nothing. Jalaperilo: 'i saw a hyooman program with this so all hyoomans do this bonding' Knock Out: Please, no. Cardinal: AGAIN? thenightetc: Again?! Knock Out: Not again. No more. Cardinal: *weeps quietly* thenightetc: Please let something burst in and eat them Knock Out: Oh, thank you! Cardinal: Wow, Lisa. Jalaperilo: was there anything like this on cybertron? thenightetc: Some of the audio seems a little... desynched or something thenightetc: Is this... dubbed? Starscreamapillar: If there was, I certainly didn't watch it. Knock Out: I think this might be one of those "once in a universe" things. Jalaperilo: *** Jalaperilo: we really are the worst species Cardinal: Well, you are the spawn of Unicron. Knock Out: Take a bow. thenightetc: Excuse me, I'm not taking the blame for this movie. thenightetc: How dare. Jalaperilo: us all watching this now are now linked in a shared, horrific experience Starscreamapillar: As if I didn't already have enough horrifying experiences in my life. Jalaperilo: i like being the spawn of another species' devil thenightetc: ...Yikes thenightetc: What the *** Starscreamapillar: The film's writer clearly had some unresolved issues. thenightetc: You think? Jalaperilo: would you believe that tommy wiseau wrote ANd sirected AND acted in this? Jalaperilo: *directed Cardinal: Yes. Knock Out: And funded it, and apparently no one knows how. Starscreamapillar: Yes. Yes I would. Jalaperilo: alien money Cardinal: Deal with Unicron. Jalaperilo: probably traded a load of shanix with a skuxxoid Starscreamapillar: Are you certain he didn't kidnap these people, and force them to be in his film? thenightetc: Oh god, they're going to sneak off for another sex scene, aren't thy Starscreamapillar: 'Sneak'? thenightetc: Well. Cardinal: As Shockwave would say, "illogical." Jalaperilo: shockwave would shutdown at this film Cardinal: . . . Cardinal: I'm going to show it to him. Cardinal: Whoa, someone did the impossible and came BACK into the house. Knock Out: Sensitive with genuine human emotions. Cardinal: Leave your STUPID comments in your pocket! thenightetc: That's where I keep all *my* stupid comments. Cardinal: Good thinking!  Inviting my friends! Cardinal: What are they doing outside? Cardinal: I just? Cardinal: Alternate, help. Jalaperilo: cardinal is crashing lol thenightetc: Oh god. Knock Out: I can't help you. I'm so very, very sorry. Knock Out: I'm lost. I'm gone. Cardinal: *whimpers* thenightetc: *facepalm* Starscreamapillar: Surely he won't be able to count to nine months from now. Jalaperilo: haha thenightetc: That guy does look sort of like Xander Knock Out: Who *are* you? Jalaperilo: i think they swapped out an actor Starscreamapillar: No one will notice this loud conversation in public about her cheating. Knock Out: Doesn't matter, had cake. Jalaperilo: haha! thenightetc: They're hardly subtle about it.  Maybe everyone already knows. Cardinal: What do you mean, look at this subterfuge Cardinal: What do you mean, look at this subterfuge Jalaperilo: what planet IS he from? thenightetc: What do you mean, I always slow dance with my platonic friends Knock Out: I've spent the last hour pondering that same question. Starscreamapillar: He is fed up with this world. Knock Out: Most alien species that can mimic other species tend to be good at it. thenightetc: Hey, you know what would be funny after this? Knock Out: What? Jalaperilo: icepick lobotomy> Jalaperilo: ? Cardinal: "And I DEFINITELY have breast cancer." thenightetc: Just look for "arrested development chicken dance" on youtube Knock Out: Consider it done. thenightetc: I'm sure there are a BUNCH of clips caffienatedglitter: henlo Starscreamapillar: Someone had better end up murdered at the end of this. Knock Out: I hope it's me. thenightetc: For some reason I'd gotten the impression this was a horror movie Jalaperilo: you may just get your wish tonight screamy Starscreamapillar: The horror is in sitting through it. caffienatedglitter: oh god caffienatedglitter: EWWWW Starscreamapillar: Do Not call me that. thenightetc: :( Knock Out: I think we can agree we've all lost something precious tonight. caffienatedglitter: what did i walk in on Jalaperilo: you are the lucky one, to only suffer the end of this caffienatedglitter: how is the audio from the other end of the phone line so clear thenightetc: ...He already knew they were cheating together though? caffienatedglitter: what is his accent thenightetc: https://www.reddit.com/r/linguistics/comments/1gs6ol/what_the_heck_is_going_on_with_tommy_wiseaus_voice/ caffienatedglitter: he angery thenightetc: Not sure if there's an actual answer there, per se caffienatedglitter: he screm Thebes: Oh man, I appear to have been late to the worst movie thenightetc: You are correct caffienatedglitter: KNOCKING THINGS OVER IS THE ONLY WAY A MOVIE CHARACTER CAN EXPRESS ANGER thenightetc: Chew that scenery!  CHEW thenightetc: Aren't they just upstairs from him?  Can't they hear this going on? Thebes: How delicately he moves those bedsheets Starscreamapillar: I am disappointed at the lack of murder spree. Jalaperilo: this is more acting than the rest of the film thenightetc: Uh caffienatedglitter: ewwwww thenightetc: Why this Jalaperilo: i forgot that bit! Cardinal: . . . caffienatedglitter: ewvwwhw wnvjhwvg' Thebes: I think this is ... supposed to be pathos? caffienatedglitter: oh god caffienatedglitter: dude stop Cardinal: I've been asking myself the same thing. caffienatedglitter: holy Knock Out: FRAG. caffienatedglitter: he's dead Thebes: yes. yes he is. thenightetc: dramatic slow-mo caffienatedglitter: ... caffienatedglitter: YAAAAAAAAAAAY Jalaperilo: well at least he got his daily amount of iron? caffienatedglitter: no, he's sleeping Starscreamapillar: Yes, just put your hand right in that. thenightetc: Yeah, get his blood all over your hands caffienatedglitter: so many diseases Jalaperilo: bet you werent expecting that Doc thenightetc: Disturb the scene a little more Thebes: PATHOS caffienatedglitter: seriously pathogens love to travel through blood Knock Out: I can honestly say I wasn't. caffienatedglitter: what do you mean you lost him YOU DUMPED HIM caffienatedglitter: ALSO MARK DIDNT YOU WANT TO SEX HER BEFORE Thebes: YES. YES HE DID Cardinal: LEAVE US thenightetc: Wow Knock Out: Don't leave that one alone with the body! Jalaperilo: this whole film is about tommy's messiah complex caffienatedglitter: CALL THE COPS caffienatedglitter: CALL THE COIPS YOU IDIOTS Jalaperilo: knock out! haha thenightetc: No, no, they'll want to handle the gun a bit first too thenightetc: Get their fingerprints all over it caffienatedglitter: i tyhought he saids he didnt have any friends now everyones sobbin over his body caffienatedglitter: piugblswk caffienatedglitter: ive only been here for TEWO MINUTES Thebes: WAIT Cardinal: Amazing. Thebes: HE WAS GRABBING HER HAIR caffienatedglitter: WHY Starscreamapillar: Well, that was about as bad as having my head blown off again. caffienatedglitter: WHAT IS THIS MUSIC caffienatedglitter: INAPROPRIATE MUCH Jalaperilo: sexytimes on the corpse music FeralDog: good god Thebes: There's appropriate anything in this movie? Knock Out: Denny is there also. caffienatedglitter: "assistant to mr. wiseau"???? five people??? FeralDog: I feel like I just survived a deadly fever caffienatedglitter: those poor performers Jalaperilo: they were the five humans that taught him how to act like one of us Thebes: oh, man, there's abook about the weird, troubled production of this movie. It's so out there it's getting made into its own movie caffienatedglitter: i wish i'd gotten here earlier thenightetc: You shouldn't. caffienatedglitter: you misunderstand caffienatedglitter: i am a masochist caffienatedglitter: more assisstants jesus caffienatedglitter: welp caffienatedglitter: is that it Knock Out: The assistants were there to keep the Wiseau human from poking himself. caffienatedglitter: oh dear Thebes: yeah you missed the bit about Denny being into drugs and the bizarre casual cancer subplot caffienatedglitter: the room is a meme, i know the basic plot caffienatedglitter: wait caffienatedglitter: cancer caffienatedglitter: WHEN DID CANCER GET INVOLVED thenightetc: Yeah, there was cancer Jalaperilo: the mum is all i'm dying, its deffo cancer, andyway, marry tommy FeralDog: This lady casually announced that she had breast cancer caffienatedglitter: ooooh right caffienatedglitter: what Knock Out: I just take the suggestions, I don't question them. caffienatedglitter: at least it isn't the cheeeep cheep cheep thenightetc: They ALL have one caffienatedglitter: cheeep chepchepcheepcheep Starscreamapillar: . . . . caffienatedglitter: wait caffienatedglitter: frag for a second i thought his voice was robin williams Knock Out: ... Knock Out: ... Knock Out: ...Well, this has been an enlightening evening. Starscreamapillar: I think that's misrepresentative. Jalaperilo: well. its 3am here. i hope you appreciate my sacrifice to watch that film Jalaperilo: goodnight all! Knock Out: I do. caffienatedglitter: it's only 10:00 here Knock Out: Goodnight! FeralDog: 7:00 here FeralDog: https://xkcd.com/1400/ thenightetc: Awwww, the chicken dance bit is great though.  Even if that was a little poorly edited together. FeralDog: ^relelvant! Thebes: ikr? caffienatedglitter: my god Knock Out: Makes sense to me. thenightetc: Huh. Thebes: ... there's a trailer for a movie where someone is paid to act as Tommy Wiseau FeralDog: oh dear god thenightetc: ...Not sure if I want to see that or not. caffienatedglitter: that or he's the devil made flesg Knock Out: You can't replicate what's going on with this human (?). And no one ever should. thenightetc: That would explain why he looks slightly uncanny Thebes: they get weirdly close. The Disaster Artist trailer, if you want to see for yourself caffienatedglitter: he looks like he's a collage of body parts cut froma magazine caffienatedglitter: but 3d Knock Out: My credits are still on "alien." caffienatedglitter: and also a pervet thenightetc: I read that as "flaming disaster" Starscreamapillar: I think he is a mimic of some kind. Starscreamapillar: And the football is there. Of course. Thebes: it kinda was? Like it's based off the book The Disaster Artist, which is entirely about trying to get this weird alien sock puppet to act thenightetc: Oh god, I didn't notice. caffienatedglitter: is that actually him caffienatedglitter: does he actually think people like this unironically FeralDog: maybe he's one of the fair folk. But he's bad at it. Thebes: maybe he's a bunch of groundhogs trying to pilot a human Knock Out: I like the news scrolling by. caffienatedglitter: they're trying Knock Out: "Also, some humans died or something." thenightetc: "Like us on Facebook!" Thebes: yeah, kinda. Underscores this. caffienatedglitter: it's a special kind of *** caffienatedglitter: jesus he's like caffienatedglitter: idk thenightetc: Yeah, sports references, that's what I look for in a movie Thebes: how is he keeping a straight face Starscreamapillar: His sunglasses are unsettling. Knock Out: He's hiding something behind there. I'm not certain I want to know what. thenightetc: Soundwave's visor. caffienatedglitter: he's hiding madness, and not very well Knock Out: Tommy Wiseau confirmed for Soundwave. caffienatedglitter: YOU STUDIED PSYCHOLOGY caffienatedglitter: NO caffienatedglitter: BULL caffienatedglitter: what is this thenightetc: We've all been where now? Starscreamapillar: His insane word-salad rambling. caffienatedglitter: is he a human???? caffienatedglitter: knock out please advise thenightetc: The other guy looks so embarassed Knock Out: No advice. He landed on your planet, he's your problem. Starscreamapillar: The other guy is likely concerned if he upsets Wiseau that he wil be consumed. Thebes: I would be thenightetc: Yeah, he does look like he could just unhinge his jaw and, y'know... caffienatedglitter: ubigowj caffienatedglitter: but he's scary caffienatedglitter: he talks like he's got marbled in his mouth Knock Out: If you have to ask, the answer is probably "Tommy Wiseau can most definitely unhinge his jaw and kill some people." caffienatedglitter: HES A SNAKE Starscreamapillar: Snakes do not talk so much. thenightetc: Lime green shirt with matching lime green tie :( Thebes: it's like he agressively doesn't care. caffienatedglitter: this is not a man of earthly cares caffienatedglitter: oh god what'sthis Starscreamapillar: He only cares for how many souls he can harvest, and how much flesh he can consume. thenightetc: SOUNDS LEGIT thenightetc: Is that a hearse Starscreamapillar: Yes. caffienatedglitter: "family kidnapped by ninjas" yeah totally believable caffienatedglitter: ew caffienatedglitter: what\ caffienatedglitter: EWWWWWWWWW thenightetc: What the *** Knock Out: Alright, enough of that. caffienatedglitter: HE IS THE EATER OF FLESH Thebes: what was THAT caffienatedglitter: I NEED TO KNOW HOW IT ENDS Knock Out: Tommy Wiseau is clearly a dangerous entity. Starscreamapillar: I feel the pressing need to awaken Unicron, so he can shake off the Earth and ensure Wiseau's destruction. thenightetc: Er caffienatedglitter: how well did that work out for you last time Knock Out: There we go. Much better. Starscreamapillar: Just because it didn't work out for my alternates does not mean it may not work out for me. caffienatedglitter: oh right caffienatedglitter: alternate universes caffienatedglitter: still though caffienatedglitter: starscreams are universally jinxed thenightetc: This actually looks familiar.  Huh Starscreamapillar: I know. caffienatedglitter: Is this car porn Starscreamapillar: But I strive to escape whatever unpleasant fate is in store for me. caffienatedglitter: car porn is pretty chill caffienatedglitter: lol jk Smokescreen: woojit woojit no thenightetc: Nice and relaxing, except when they jerk the camera around. Smokescreen: dont watch the room Knock Out: I just needed to end the night on something other than the question of how many pounds of human flesh Tommy Wiseau can fit in his hollow abdomen. Knock Out: Too late. Smokescreen: .... wait did i miss thenightetc: Too late!  We saw the whole thing! caffienatedglitter: o hai smokescreen Smokescreen: ARGHHGHG Smokescreen: did you like it Smokescreen: Hey! caffienatedglitter: it's the room thenightetc: I don't think it's really something you "like" caffienatedglitter: exactly Smokescreen: Was it... Was it an experience? caffienatedglitter: technically caffienatedglitter: yes Starscreamapillar: It was an experience in madness. thenightetc: Everything is an experience. Smokescreen: it sure was a movie, right? caffienatedglitter: no caffienatedglitter: not particularly Starscreamapillar: It being a movie is debatable. thenightetc: In the broadest possible sense. Smokescreen: a film? caffienatedglitter: it was a venture intop insanity Knock Out: It was a whole lot of something. Thebes: it was filmed. I would hesitate to call it a film Smokescreen: someone sure recorded it on a camera! Thebes: technically Smokescreen: hey woojit have you ever been in a sauna before Knock Out: I think so? Smokescreen: How was it? caffienatedglitter: why are you asking? caffienatedglitter: sorry im curious\ Smokescreen: I've got one, and I wasn't sure what to do with it! caffienatedglitter: nvm Knock Out: You sit, you turn up the heat, you cycle special smoke meant to clean out your vents. There are other things I'd rather spend credits on at the bath houses, but it was nice enough. caffienatedglitter: wait whjat caffienatedglitter: lol jk Smokescreen: woojit woojit no thenightetc: Nice and relaxing, except when they jerk the camera around. Smokescreen: dont watch the room Knock Out: I just needed to end the night on something other than the question of how many pounds of human flesh Tommy Wiseau can fit in his hollow abdomen. Knock Out: Too late. Smokescreen: .... wait did i miss thenightetc: Too late!  We saw the whole thing! caffienatedglitter: o hai smokescreen Smokescreen: ARGHHGHG Smokescreen: did you like it Smokescreen: Hey! caffienatedglitter: it's the room thenightetc: I don't think it's really something you "like" caffienatedglitter: exactly Smokescreen: Was it... Was it an experience? caffienatedglitter: technically caffienatedglitter: yes Starscreamapillar: It was an experience in madness. thenightetc: Everything is an experience. Smokescreen: it sure was a movie, right? caffienatedglitter: no caffienatedglitter: not particularly Starscreamapillar: It being a movie is debatable. thenightetc: In the broadest possible sense. Smokescreen: a film? caffienatedglitter: it was a venture intop insanity Knock Out: It was a whole lot of something. Thebes: it was filmed. I would hesitate to call it a film Smokescreen: someone sure recorded it on a camera! Thebes: technically Smokescreen: hey woojit have you ever been in a sauna before Knock Out: I think so? Smokescreen: How was it? caffienatedglitter: why are you asking? caffienatedglitter: sorry im curious\ Smokescreen: I've got one, and I wasn't sure what to do with it! caffienatedglitter: nvm Knock Out: You sit, you turn up the heat, you cycle special smoke meant to clean out your vents. There are other things I'd rather spend credits on at the bath houses, but it was nice enough. caffienatedglitter: wait whjat caffienatedglitter: WHERE DID YOU GET A SAUNA Smokescreen: also if woojit wants to use this sauna I was gifted caffienatedglitter: WHERE DID YOU GET A GIANT SAUNA Smokescreen: I don't know! It was a gift! I'm kinda suspicious which is also why I'm offering Woojit a whirl in it! Knock Out: Suspicious bath house? I'm sold. thenightetc: Gosh, hope it's not cursed or something. caffienatedglitter: DUDE caffienatedglitter: THERE'S PROBABLY A CAMERA IN IT OR A BOMB Starscreamapillar: Why would a camera matter? Knock Out: Lucky camera. Smokescreen: Awesome! I'll promise to fix you up if it goes horribly wrong but hopefully it won't Smokescreen: wouldn't the lens get covered in steam? Knock Out: Excellent! caffienatedglitter: oh right caffienatedglitter: giant robots caffienatedglitter: nudity isnt a thing Starscreamapillar: Not really, no. caffienatedglitter: eh Smokescreen: woojit i found this anime also i've been meaning to watch and i need thosughts Knock Out: Yes? Smokescreen: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dVPnaHRgNb8 caffienatedglitter: ooooh knockout you should stream death parade thenightetc: Oh, I love that show!  In a way. caffienatedglitter: oh my god thenightetc: ^Initial D thenightetc: Haven't seen Death Parade caffienatedglitter: it's amazing Knock Out: Yes. Knock Out: Whatever this is, yes. caffienatedglitter: it's only a few episodes long, so Thebes: Initial D is awesome, caffienatedglitter: what is this thenightetc: But you have to not mind the animation. caffienatedglitter: HIS FACE Smokescreen: the humans look dead inside thenightetc: Yeah they do a lot of that thenightetc: You get used ot it Smokescreen: ... are they actually humans or just holo-matter avatars? Smokescreen: i've seen avatars with faces like that Knock Out: Who cares? Smokescreen: true caffienatedglitter: technically they are anime caffienatedglitter: not hoomans Smokescreen: am i anime caffienatedglitter: no you're american animaation Smokescreen: what Smokescreen: i'm not american Smokescreen: i'm praxian caffienatedglitter: your show isn't Smokescreen: WOOJIT HIGHER VOLUMNE Smokescreen: RAISE THE VOLUME thenightetc: And they're proud of that terrible animation, too, lots of closeups of misshapen dead-eyed faces Thebes: all the humans are in love with their cars and will go to absurd lengths to show it Smokescreen: thank you woojit Smokescreen: good Smokescreen: they should love their cars caffienatedglitter: um Starscreamapillar: Is it uncomfortable to squeal your tires like that? caffienatedglitter: smokescreen splease rephrase Smokescreen: it feels good to me! caffienatedglitter: unfortuinate implications Smokescreen: Uhhh- they should adore their cars? caffienatedglitter: smokescreen Smokescreen: what Smokescreen: I don't see the problem! Knock Out: It's not comfortable, but worth it for the sake of drifting. thenightetc: Oh believe me there is drifting in this show :) Thebes: and for wiping a smug smirk off someone's face? Thebes: because there's lots of that too Smokescreen: woojit woojit what if: we raced and played this kinda music at top volume to recreate this stuff caffienatedglitter: NO Smokescreen: but caffienatedglitter: BAD IDEA caffienatedglitter: RECREATING ANIME ONLY BRINGS PAIN Smokescreen: but Smokescreen: :( Knock Out: I'm not hearing a downside! Thebes: This anime is basically nothing but car appreciation and winning races in a way that's petty and satisfying Knock Out: Let's do it! thenightetc: It totally is. caffienatedglitter: knockout you have doomed yoursel Smokescreen: I probably won't be able to do it now, but sometime soon, we gotta! Knock Out: It's a date! thenightetc: Haha, have fun! caffienatedglitter: you fools you will invite them into our world, they will consume reality Smokescreen: I'll look for places with turns like these, too Knock Out: Perfect! Knock Out: That seems a marvelous place to pack it in for tonight. caffienatedglitter: lovely caffienatedglitter: goodnight Knock Out: Goodnight, everyone! Smokescreen: Sounds good. Night, everyone! Knock Out: Thank you for enduring this with me. caffienatedglitter: try not to turn the multiverse into a singularity thenightetc: This was good fun; thanks for the stream. :) Starscreamapillar: I am not sure I should thank you for exposing me to the horror of the Room. Starscreamapillar: Goodnight, and may I be able to atend again in the future. thenightetc: Goodnight! Knock Out: Here's hoping! Smokescreen: Hopefully, I can get here on time one day! Thebes: nighy!