#wait no thats just karkat

[selamat-linting]

guy who has only read homestuck, watching the straightedge society angle : omg this is just like when The Psiioniic and The Disciple joins The Sufferer's religion / rebel group

#homestuck #cm punk #ses #im sorry but punk is not a vriska. he is just a kankri. the narrative did treat him with a semblance of respect like a vriska though #wait no thats just karkat #CANON karkat. not the fanonized version of him where his rough edges are sanded down and his only relation to the plot is that #he's sad and is in love w/ dave #no no. canon karkat who is an asshole and yells a lot and tells tavros to stop playing games for girls when he got pushed on top of a cliff #karkat who cannot seem to make up his mind with terezi and ultimately ruining his chances #karkat who spent the entire 6 sweeps of his life literally hunted like an animal yet still thinks he has a place in the empire if he can #just prove he's above the rest. that karkat. prickly and a douche but means well and is a good person deep down

[tgcg]

candid detail. my biggest project so far

hey happy new year

CG: DAVE?

TG: yeah?

CG: SOMETHING’S KIND OF FUCKING ME UP RIGHT NOW AND I NEED TO TELL YOU SPECIFICALLY ABOUT IT IN CANDID DETAIL.

TG: oh shit

===

TG: yeah whats up

TG: not too often i get to be the sole audience to karkats grievances

CG: PFF, BULLSHIT. YOU'RE PRIVY TO WAY MORE ABOUT MY GRIEVANCES THAN BASICALLY ANY OF MY SURVIVING AND PRESENT FRIENDS, BY A SIGNIFICANT MARGIN, AND YOU KNOW IT.

TG: yeah and im boutta add another im like broses up on that hill bundled up in a long ass list of things that make the homies upset

TG: lay it on me

===

CG: OKAY. SO.

…

CG: I’M KIND OF THINKING ABOUT JUST. US AND OUR BRO-DOM.

===

TG: oh

CG: LET ME FINISH.

CG: ALL THIS TIME I’VE BEEN FUCKING FORCED TO SPEND IN THE DREAM BUBBLES MADE ME REALISE SOMETHING, AND THAT’S THAT…

===

CG: THIS IS KIND OF RARE, RIGHT?

TG: what

TG: us

CG: YEAH! LIKE… THERE’S SO MANY THANKFULLY DEAD KARKATS I’VE HAD THE INSURMOUNTABLE GODDAMN DISPLEASURE OF FAILING TO AVOID THAT DON’T LIKE YOU, BARELY MET YOU, OR EVEN JUST DON’T CARE ABOUT YOU.

===

CG: IT’S THE RARE AMBIVALENCE THAT REALLY GETS TO ME. I ABSOLUTELY UNDERSTAND A TIMELINE’S KARKAT FIRMLY DECIDING THAT THEY HATE YOUR ASS. NON-ROMANTICALLY I MEAN. THAT HAS BEEN ME, FOR FUCK’S SAKE. BUT THERE WAS NEVER, EVER!!! A POINT WHERE I JUST FELT NOTHING ABOUT YOU AT ALL.

CG: EVEN WHEN I INITIALLY HAD THE MISFORTUNE OF SEEING YOUR DOUCHEBAG SPECTACLES YOU GOT FROM YOUR BRO ON THE SCREEN, I AT LEAST HAD A STARTER DISH OF SKEWERED CONTEMPT TO WHET MY APPETITE. IT’S IMPOSSIBLE TO IMAGINE NOT FEELING ONE WAY OR ANOTHER ABOUT YOU.

===

CG: ONE TIME I MENTIONED YOU IN THE MIDDLE OF A THREE-WAY ARGUMENT AND ONE OF THE OTHER KARKATS SAID "WHO?"

CG: "WHO?"!!!!

TG: now thats fucked up

CG: IT IS! AND THAT'S WHAT MADE ME FIRST REALISE THAT NOT EVERY KARKAT IS GETTING TO HANG OUT WITH EVERY DAVE, AND VICE VERSA. AND THIS IS GOING TO SOUND LAME AS SHIT IN A WAY THAT I’LL NEVER EVER LIVE DOWN, BUT. I FEEL BAD FOR THEM ABOUT IT! YOU KNOW?

===

TG: well you always feel bad about around and towards other yous so thats

TG: wait

TG: is or is not the nature of this moment of self-pity fuelled by malice anger disgust or any similar terms slash phrases

CG: I MEAN, FOR ONCE? DON’T GET ME WRONG, THE MALICE ANGER DISGUST ET CETERA IS STILL THOROUGHLY PERMEATING THE WHOLE ORDEAL. THE DAY I LOSE CONTEMPT FOR MY ALTERNATE SELVES IS THE DAY I GET TAKEN OUT BACK AND PUT DOWN LIKE THE LAME HOOFBEAST I’VE ALWAYS DREAMT OF BEING. BUT…

CG: I ACTUALLY JUST FEEL SAD FOR THEM, STRAIGHT UP. INDEPENDENT FROM TERMS PREVIOUSLY MENTIONED.

===

TG: damn

CG: AND THAT FEELS INCREDIBLY WEIRD TOO. I CAN’T EVEN ARGUE WITH THEM ABOUT IT, IT JUST MAKES ME FEEL THIS SHITTY, SHOCKINGLY QUIET… GRIEF? ALMOST? FOR THEM. GENERAL NON-TROLLIAN FEELINGS. AND EXCEPTIONALLY NON-STANDARD IN A KARKAT-TO-KARKAT CONVERSATION, AS YOU MIGHT HAVE GUESSED.

CG: BUT I KNOW IF I TOLD ANY OTHER EMOTIONALLY CONSTIPATED REFLECTION OF MY OWN FECULENT INNER FILTH TO TALK TO YOU, OR EVEN JUST LOOK AT YOU ONE TIME, THEY’D ONLY SEE IT AS ANOTHER PERSONAL AFFRONT. LIKE I JUST TOLD THEM "HEY, SHIT ALL OVER YOUR FROND AND SNIFF IT, IT’LL BE AMAZING JUST TRUST ME, ABSOLUTELY ZERO REASON NOT TO."

===

TG: you come up with the most potent mental images man youre the wordmeister of viscerally gross as hell vocab

CG: THANK YOU.

===

CG: AND LIKE… SHIT, I DEFINITELY WOULD’VE FELT THAT WAY BEFORE I GOT TO KNOW YOU! I UNDERSTAND THE INNER MACHINATIONS OF THOSE IMBECILIC NOOKSTAINS BETTER THAN ANYONE EVER COULD, DESPITE MY BEST EFFORTS.

CG: KARKATS UNIVERSALLY DECIDING THAT THEY JUST CANNOT LIKE YOU ON PRINCIPLE IS A CRISIS OF SHIT HAPPENSTANCES. THE HAPPENINGS ARE ALL OUT OF WACK, COSMICALLY.

CG: LIKE EVERY ME WRITHED OUR WAY OUT OF THE BROODING CAVERNS AND THE FIRST CONSTELLATION WE SAW PEELING THROUGH THE EXOSPHERE, TWINKLING IN THE REFLECTION OF OUR HUGE RED GANDERBULBS, WAS A PAIR OF SHADES GETTING COVERED IN GASOLINE, FOLLOWED BY A CONSTELLATION OF A LIT MATCH.

CG: A SIMPLE EQUATION WITH A VERY SIMPLE SOLUTION.

CG: A SYSTEMIC EPIDEMIC, IF YOU’LL PARDON MY BULLSHIT.

===

TG: it is a goddamn catastrophe sweeping the karkat population

TG: presidents on the headlines trying to get karkats everywhere to stop quarantining their asses and have a real heart to heart among themselves about the issue but they keep isolating anyways

CG: I STILL DON’T KNOW WHAT THE HELL A PRESIDENT IS. YOU’VE FAILED TO DESCRIBE IT AS ANYTHING MORE THAN A POORLY-SELECTED "DUDE CONDESCE" WHO DOES NOTHING PRODUCTIVE AND THEN EITHER DIES OR RUINS EVERYTHING, OR SOME CHAOTIC COMBINATION OF THE TWO.

TG: well that is exactly what it is but wait good point

===

TG: tragedy strikes as the karkat population reveals it doesnt generally know what a president even is so it means jack shit to them that this dude is trying to get their attention

TG: and mr president he is getting voted the fuck out of office over this blunder just an embarrassing display

TG: the public trust has plummeted off the fucking chart and cratered the damn ground like a meteor

TG: or he could be the tenth to die in office yknow there was a pretty big stretch of no in-office deaths til 2009 so maybe some catchup would be good for everyone

CG: ARE YOU TELLING ME YOU WANT TO MAKE ANOTHER PRESIDENT, AND THEN KILL HIM?

TG: not me personally i just wanna be there and see it also is that dream bubble fucking huge or what

TG: must be the size of

===

TG: jupiter

===

TG: look all im saying is the end of the world coincided pretty notably with a dry spell in the presidential kill:death ratio

TG: i was tragically too busy not dying to see obama die live on television when an errant meteor hit the white house that was my one chance

CG: PFFFT.

TG: i want to keep a comically aloof finger on the pulse of the shit but i do not want to be among the shit

TG: but anyways guess its my turn on the pedestal

CG: BE MY FUCKING GUEST.

===

TG: yknow uh im not gonna lie if present me went back to me age thirteen sippin my dubious aj in my pre-apocalyptic layer of hell that was texas and told me

TG: hey that gray text dude is probably gonna be your best friend if you give him a shot yall could be sweet bros in real life itll be awesome

TG: i mean disregarding the fact i already doomed that guy because i dont remember that happening to me

TG: id probably be casting some wicked aspersions on that shit

===

TG: our whole friendship feels like a plot twist to my damn life story

CG: I HEAR YOU.

TG: its like our narratives bumped into each other hard on the street and decided yknow what yeah this pavement is pretty cosy lets talk about your dad

TG: but

===

TG: dont get your think pans too wrapped up in that different timeline stuff

CG: IT’S THINK PAN. SINGULAR. NOBODY HAS MORE THAN ONE THINK PAN, EVER. IT IS A SINGULAR ORGAN. IF YOU WOULD LET ME READ A TROLL BIOLOGY BOOK TO YOU ONE TIME WE’D STOP BUMPING INTO THIS ISSUE.

TG: gotcha and no

CG: OBVIOUSLY.

TG: but anyways dude look

===

TG: i am literally a time dude and i can tell you right now with all the sage wisdome of my knightitudes

TG: not a good way of looking at it

TG: ive met daves that didnt like you either it doesnt affect jack or shit because those daves arent me

TG: like they are in a way but

TG: me and all those other guys spent the whole game honing down these doomed timelines to a fine point and that point has obviously involved a whole lot of hanging out with you

CG: …

===

TG: so

TG: maybe they just missed the point while you and me were on the breaking edge of that shit

TG: we got to the bottom line of it so it doesnt matter yknow

CG: HUH.

===

TG: and i mean plus

===

TG: ive seen a handful of alternate daves and karkats who get along uh great apparently so

TG: yknow

===

CG: WHAT?

TG: you know what i fucking mean im not saying it

CG: ROLLING YOUR SHOULDERS AND SAYING "yknow" GENERALLY DOESN’T CONVEY FUCKING ANYTHING MEANINGFUL IN A CONVERSATION, DAVE.

CG: I’M NOT A PSYCHIC. YOU’RE GOING TO HAVE TO TELL ME WHAT YOU MEAN. IN CANDID DETAIL.

TG: its besides the point anyways

===

TG: the point is its you right here that matters overall and you right here is chilling with me so thats gotta mean at least one or two things

CG: OKAY, OKAY, YEAH… I GET WHAT YOU’RE SAYING. I REALLY DIDN’T THINK ABOUT IT LIKE THAT.

CG: YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND BY NOW HOW IT’D BE REALLY FUCKING DIFFICULT FOR ME TO WRAP MY THINK PAN AROUND THE CONCEPT OF ME BEING THE RIGHT VERSION OF ANYTHING.

CG: BUT I FEEL LIKE THE AMOUNT OF TIME WE'VE SPENT TOGETHER CUMULATIVELY IN THIS TIMELINE MAKES UP FOR THE AMOUNT OF DAVES AND KARKATS WHO NEVER SPENT ANY AT ALL, BY AT LEAST TENFOLD.

===

TG: heh yeah

HAHAH.

===

CG: GOD. WHO WOULD’VE GUESSED THAT KARKAT VANTAS WOULD GET TOO FAR INTO HIS OWN THINK PAN ABOUT THIS BULLSHIT, RIGHT?

TG: stop repeating the words think and pan i get it already

CG: ARE YOU SURE? TOTALLY SURE? ABSOLUTELY ASSFUCK CERTAIN OF YOURSELF?

TG: yes dude

CG: ALRIGHT. KEEP IN MIND THIS WILL BE ON THE TEST LATER.

TG: im acing that shit i swear to god youre gonna eat your damn foot

CG: STRUT POD

TG: when i pass that shit to oblivion

TG: youre gonna regret doubting me

CG: OKAY, DAVE. THEN EXPLAIN TO ME WITH ALL YOUR SAGE WISDOME: WHAT IS A "LUMPSQUIRT"? AND REALLY, TAKE YOUR TIME THINKING ABOUT THIS. GOD KNOWS WE'VE GOT MOMENTS A-FUCKING-PLENTY TO SPARE.

TG: as the literal god of time in your local area i sure as hell do

CG: GO ON THEN.

===

TG: …

TG: pass

CG: EXACTLY.

CG: ANYWAYS, I’M STILL GOING TO GO AROUND FEELING ANOTHER LAYER OF PITY FOR THOSE GRAY BULGEMUNCHERS THAT DON’T GET TO BE FRIENDS WITH YOU. NOT THAT ANYTHING ANY KARKAT COULD FUCKING DO WOULD EVER MAKE THEM DESERVING OF IT, BUT THAT’S ANOTHER CAN OF DIRT NOODLES ENTIRELY.

TG: yeah i feel bad for anyone who isnt buddy-buddy with the david stri too

CG: OF COURSE YOU DO. I’M GLAD WE’RE ON THE SAME PAGE HERE.

===

TG: but also

TG: any dave who missed out on a slice of the realest homes in paradox space is a tragedy in my eyes

CG: Y--

TG: let me finish

TG: i just dont let it get to me so much cus… first of all ive been having to not let time shit get to me this whole damn game but also

TG: i know i have you here and thats whats important

TG: ok not "have" just

TG: how the fuck do i phrase that

TG: i know whatever is happening with other "us"es whatever shits goin down

TG: i can wake up and watch movies with you or hell i can even hang with you in there if i bump into you and thats what matters to me in this bro-dom thats what i wanna do

TG: and thats some real shit i just said feel free to co-sign it

CG: …

===

TG: karkat i meant it

CG: … THANKS.

TG: no problem

#davekat #dave strider #karkat vantas #homestuck #this is literally at the image cap i hope you all like it #comix #candid detail

[red-elric]

i think what a lot of ppl miss about the nuance when it comes to the retcon is that the POINT of it is that its a bad ending. homestuck is designed to be a tragedy and it was never going to end well; its frankly ridiculous to try and shoehorn in a scenario where none of the current main characters are dead when the story is ABOUT death. its not narratively satisfying at all like this! but thats not what the kids wanted (and, more to the point, thats not what the FANS wanted. newer fans DEFINITELY miss the fact that homestuck was written as a conversation between hussie and the fans, a conversation that turned into an argument halfway through and led to a lot of things being taken in bad faith on both sides. but i digress; this is a watsonian post)

the retcon powers are very VERY explicitly described as the ability to change the alpha timeline. the 'whats supposed to happen' of it all, the premeditated narrative the story was written to fill. conversely, when aranea used the ring of life to come back and meddle, she is explicitly described as 'causing a doomed timeline.' and like, the thing about doomed timelines is that theyre meant to happen as much as theyre meant to be fixed. theyre how paradox space accounts for and incorporates time travel, and the existence of the doomed timeline is often NECESSARY for the alpha timeline to function. thats how you get davesprite, thats how the aradiabot that brought gamzee's honkHONK code back from his crazy murder timeline contributed to doc scratch's creation, thats why every dead dave helped the alpha timeline dave figure out what to do. if vriska was meant to have never died in the first place the timeline wouldve been doomed long before game over. the ring went to the wrong person, and thats the kind of simple fix sburb was expecting to solve with some time travel to get things back on track

the ring was supposed to go to someone else. probably vriska! from the alpha timelines perspective, it wasnt that long after her confrontation with john that she really changed and grew as a character. that she became someone who deserved a second chance. imagine: john uses his retcon as normal time travel, the way sburb comprehended it through the limitations of its code. he takes the ring before aranea can, goes to the dream bubbles, and has another conversation with vriska. maybe she doesnt even really want the ring anymore, and thats exactly the kind of thing that would convince john to give it to her. and she agrees, because he tells her terezi is waiting for her. they go back, they have the final fight, and people die. maybe they dont come back. but its the group of characters who earned the ending, who we watched grow up for three years

but thats not what happened, and it was never going to be what happened, because as narratively satisfying as it could have been? john and terezi wanted something different. john wanted everything to be OVER and terezi wanted the chance to make a different choice, even if it was wrong. theyre selfish; theyre kids. theyre tired of being characters in a story, of someone else pulling their strings. thats what typheus's choice was about, you know? and john made the wrong choice. some other version of john could have fixed things the "right" way, had our john decided to die instead. to accept the consequences of the doomed timeline and let pardox space fix it. hell, between roxys first instinct to just sit and let the void take her and terezis pointy horns offering a counterpoint we have some pretty blatant devil/angel on the shoulder imagery! and john making the same wrong choice he did when terezi first told him to fly to the seventh gate, except this time there was no davesprite on angel wings, no one left alive he cared about enough to listen to. because as much as john felt like he was SUPPOSED to fall for roxy, the girl version of his fathers lover, someone strongly associated with his half of karkat's shipping chart but without the complication of being a lesbian, someone HUMAN to repopulate the world with cut out of his apocalypse movie fantasies...... terezis way of thinking has always appealed to him more. because as much as he pretends its not true, john doesnt like to take things lying down, and he doesnt like when other people do either. he gets bored! hes attracted to the danger and morally grey self confidence terezi and vriska exude, so. he listened to terezi, and they brought vriska back.... without any of the character development she had gone through.

and its a bad ending, because of course it would be. and thats the point :) it was stupid to think two kids could meddle with the fate of the universe and it was stupid to think that these kids could have a happy ending so easily. but can you really blame them?

#it me #homestuck #retcon #john egbert #terezi pyrope #vriska serket #roxy lalonde #johnrezi #vrisrezi #so anyway my official stance on the retcon is 'its a bad ending but i liked it anyway'

[incorrect-hs-quotes]

We now return to the Earth C Holiday Baking Championship!

JOHN: all right, bakers! now it's time to show your cakes to the judges. our theme was "christmas past" based on childhood holiday memories, and first up we have dave.

DAVE: hey judges i cant believe im here

KARKAT: SO WHAT WAS YOUR CHRISTMAS MEMORY?

DAVE: well growing up one of my favorite memories was playing video games with my bro so my cake is that speedy rascal sonic the hedgehog

KANAYA: Well We Are Glad You Came To Play, Lets Take A Look At It

DAVE:

TEREZI: GOOD GOD, D4V3

DAVE: yeah thats bad. thats really bad

KANAYA: What Went Wrong?

DAVE: i think i just made a lot of bad choices. i dont mean with the cake i mean in general in my life

TEREZI: WHY 1S 1T BROWN D4V3?

DAVE: idk why is anything brown

KANAYA: Are Those Human Teeth In Its Mouth?

DAVE: that is correct the teeth are human

JOHN: uhh... ok, next up is jane! jane, i hope things went better for you.

JANE: No complaints here! My Christmas memory is watching "Frosty" with my Poppop, and here he is, all come to life. :B

JANE: So, what do you think?

KANAYA: ...That Is A Frosty All Right

JOHN: ...

JOHN: ok! next up is dirk--

JANE: Wait, that's it? Hang on, my cake is definitely better than his! I mean, look, it's on fire!

KARKAT: DAVE, IS THAT TRUE?

DAVE, looking at the now burning cake: uhh sure seems that way. i think its trying to kill itself

DAVE'S CAKE: DESRUC REVEROF ERA OWT KCUTSEMOH DAER OHW LLA

KANAYA: Im Sorry What Is That Language Its Speaking In?

DAVE: that is some evil backwards devil talk. i believe i opened up a portal because i am so bad at baking

ROSE: Should we destroy it?

DAVE'S CAKE, in a creepy old voice: No... Please don't destroy me, I love you...

ROSE: Wait, what's that voice?

DAVE: its using your grandmas voice to try and trick you and drag you to hell

TEREZI: W3LL TH4TS V3RY D1STURB1NG BUT 4T L34ST YOU TOOK R1SKS

JANE: Excuse me?!

#submission #homestuck #incorrect homestuck quotes #john egbert #dave strider #karkat vantas #terezi pyrope #jane crocker #kanaya maryam #mod vriska #i think dave should get points for sentience

[cringefail-clown]

Soo, uhh, what's the story on how kankri got his sign and all? As an ancestor lover, I'm curious about what happened to kankri's ancestor. Was it one of feferi's first instances of being a cruel empress? (idk if that's what I should say, but oh well) Does kankri have a vague idea of what happened (if something bad did happen) like how karkat had an idea of what happend to the sufferer/signless?

Anyways, I love your AU and the art you make for it!

the symbol came from the same place - the irons that bound the signless hand, but how it came to be is a pretty different story.

im trying to think bout it from the classpect angle - like how in canon the signless was post scratch kankri, so his abilities as a seer of blood allowed him to get glimpses from his pre scratch life, which inspired him to try and change things for the better. but in the au, its karkat who's in the role of the signless, and he aint no seer, hes a knight, he protects with his aspect and protects his aspect. i think the blood powers would carry some memories as well, maybe not so clear like how it was for kankri, but karkat would get the vague feeling of this is wrong.

i think hed see what feferi as empress was trying to do, and would be like "wait a fucking minute she just tries to treat lower classes like some kind of animals that have to be under care of highbloods" and hed be PISSED bc hed rather die than have some highblood asshole coddle him his whole life just bc of his blood mutation.

so hed be like "actually fuck you and fuck the monarchy" and hed start preaching bout the better world where all the blood castes have a say in how their society works (like how it was on tb!beforus) and karkats really good at getting people to follow him. so thats how the movement against the empress would start, and when the news about the revolution would reach feferi she would be pissed then, bc she wants a better life for them and this is how theyre repaying her, by wanting to overthrow her?? and it spirals from here into karkats execution and feferi becoming more and more paranoid

as for if kankri knows how things went, well he does! he gets visions of his past and future selves through dreams, some are nice, but most of the time theyre terryfying (so he just,, stops sleeping). its a mix between his time on beforus and how society was like there, some of karkats memories as the signless get into it too as they're kinda bound by blood ie. the ancestry stuff, and also he gets some visions of the post-game on earth c! those are his favourite. im thinking hard bout everyones aspects, i also liked the idea of kankri being able to "sense" past and future relationships between ppl (for example he can vaguely tell when ppl have history between them and if its positive or not, or he just gets one look at roxy and porrim and goes "yeah theyre gonna be insufferably in love"), its all a work in progress tho!

#homestuck #homestuck turnabout #turnabout au #kankri vantas #karkat vantas #the signless #the sufferer #ask #post scratch karkat b like “fuck monarchy me and the homies love democracy”

[thewertsearch]

CEB: wait… CEB: are you saying that vriska is interested in me? CEB: like, romantically?

I think she thinks she likes you, the same way she thought she liked Tavros. In her eyes, you're a potential replacement for him, which is a dangerous position to be in.

In short: yes. But watch out!

CTG: do you like her CEB: well, like i said, i thought she was pretty cool… CEB: kinda bossy! but also pretty friendly. CTG: yeah ok CTG: but i mean CTG: anything more than that CTG: like CTG: if earth wasnt destroyed and she werent in some other universe on a planet full of unspeakable frothing dipshits CTG: and she was on earth visiting your town or something CTG: would you want to ask her to go see one of your dumbass movies

Dave is actually helping John talk through his feelings, which is sweet as all hell. His instincts around this are surprisingly good, too - it probably would help John to separate his feelings about Vriska from his current situation.

Try to divorce yourself from the session, just for a second. You're not John the Player - you're John the teenager, and a girl likes you.

What do you think about her?

CEB: i don't think i have ever actually liked a girl before in that way, so i am not really sure what i am supposed to feel or do…

Grew up in a small town in Suburbia, USA.

Raised by a single father who struggles to relate to him.

No extended family to speak of, unless you count the ecto-sister he learned about an hour ago.

Has a social circle consisting of three online besties, and never mentions any IRL friends.

Uses stilted phrases like 'not a homosexual', and is so confused by his own feelings that he can't identify a crush.

John Egbert is a very sheltered kid, is what I'm getting at. I wouldn't be surprised if Karkat and Vriska were the first people who ever had crushes on him. This is all completely new to John, and I don't think has the slightest idea how he's supposed to respond.

Dad's great, but if John asked him for relationship advice, he'd tell his son to get a decent aftershave and a well-pressed suit. He's flying blind, and things will only get more complicated from here on in.

CTG: did one of the human ladies reject you ?CG: OF COURSE NOT. CTG: how did it go did you stand in a quadrant like you were playing four square CTG: holding a bucket full of flowers or slime or whatever and jade was like no thanks bro

I mean, he might have started with John, but he seems to hate Jade quite a lot, too.

We now know this was after his confession to John. Maybe it was a rebound?

CTG: or maybe it was a guy who rejected you ?CG: FUCK OFF. CTG: haha wow bingo CTG: see how i look right now thats a poker face might want to take some notes ?CG: I SEE NOTHING BUT A COWARD BEHIND DARK EYEWEAR CLEARLY DESIGNED FOR WOMEN AND A PAIR OF IMPUDENT LIPS PURSED SO TIGHT IT'LL SOUND LIKE AIR SQUEALING OUT OF A BALLOON WHEN I PUNCH YOU IN THE GUT.

Pursed lips?

Karkat. No, Karkat, look at me. Do you have a little crush on all the human kids?

You do, don't you. Oh my god, you do. Just stay away from Rose, or Kanaya will chainsaw you in half.

?CG: AND JOHN, PURELY HYPOTHETICALLY, IF ONE OF US IN THE FUTURE DOES MAKE SOME SORT OF SOLICITATION YOU DON'T QUITE UNDERSTAND… ?CG: BECAUSE OF PERHAPS SOME CULTURAL DIFFERENCES ?CG: I MEAN NO ONE IN PARTICULAR HERE ?CG: MAYBE TRY TO UNDERSTAND THAT PERSON MIGHT NOT BE THINKING TOO CLEARLY AT THAT MOMENT

Karkat, you're killing me here. I'm dying. You don't get any Boondollars from killing a liveblogger, Karkat.

#homestuck liveblog #full liveblog #act 5.2 #s69 #2790

[cannoliparty]

jadekat & why i love it

jadekats this really interesting homestuck pairing to me! i feel like its because both jade & karkat are cool characters on their own, but their great strengths come with great flaws, and their dynamic balances out these flaws so well. it's a strangely underrated pairing too, considering jade is probably the character karkat most obviously flushes for in the comic, next to terezi. ill be explaining why i think this bond is so overlooked.

jade has a variety of strengths. as a witch of space, it makes sense. space is on a more grand level of intuition and clear knowledge on a vast amount of things, leading to space players sometimes not being able to explain the way things are in detail. this vastness also comes with a "wait-and-see" approach, as space is always growing organically, like an organism/plant. as a witch, jade followed through completing time loops with eagerness and a loss of wanting to know exactly why these loops must be fulfilled, simply believing things like fate knew what they were doing, and everything would come into order. shes also very well-versed in science, rifles, childhood cartoons, plants... she does everything she possibly can with the space around her, manipulating it (therefore "manipulating space") to her own will!

on a more characteristic standpoint, jade is socially isolated. shes nice to everyone she comes across (until theyre mean) but she has isolation problems. living on an island alone has made her used to having things done in her own methodical and scientific way, simply because thats the way she believes in. shes at a loss when it comes to chaotic, unorderly things like karkat's memos with his future/past selves! she just doesnt know how to handle it because she's only known how to be in tune with her own thoughts & feelings.

karkat is well-versed in the way relationships are supposed to go. he's watched an abundance of rom-coms and dealed with all his friends as a leader. it makes sense why he's so good at knowing how others feel and how to care for them. the problem is that he doesn't know how to outwardly express his own feelings or care at all. he doesn't know how to approach terezi without fighting with her, but still constantly pesters these people he likes with his angry, nonsensical ways.

when jade and karkat interact in the comic, it's confusing at first. karkat is constantly pestering jade at random intervals of time, and this ruins her ordered way of working around stuff. she develops these "conversation passwords", an intuitive way of staying on the same time track with the trolls. karkat is obviously angered by jade's action, but after realizing jade won't budge about it he goes along with it. in openbound, it's even revealed he used one of these conversation keys as a password for his own memories in a dream bubble!

in the memos with karkat's multiple selves, jade learns not everything can always be so orderly and clear, and this is very hard for her to stomach. she wants to quit dealing with it, but karkat's stubborness makes her deal with these messy, personal feelings.

in summary, jadekat's this great, balanced dynamic. jade teaches karkat to be more open and true to himself and his own feelings, while also getting him out of trouble with ridiculous things like future selves and all-over-the-time-loop conversations with clear solutions to get him back into the big picture. karkat teaches jade to consider the smaller details and how the more orderly paths can't constantly be taken to solve something.

this is all i have right now, i hope it makes sense!! i tried not to connect this to a lot of classpecting cuz i feel like jadekat's mainly about focusing on the very feelings of the characters (whether clear or messy) instead of just connecting them to a grander thing. lmk if u have any thoughts on jadekat or just jade/karkat in general ^_^!!

#cannoliblabbing #homestuck #jadekat #classpecting #jade harley #karkat vantas

[nutzworth]

DAY 4: JANUARY 17, 2024 (i um. was a little busy. oops.)

STATS: read for ~2 hrs pages read: 860-1052. 192 pgs. reached pg 1000! wooo!!! slur count: 6 + 2 = 8 (rose narration, john. both r slur) silly count: 10 + 1 = 11 (john about roses building) piss count: 1/3

THOUGHTS: today started with jade's freshjamz!!!!!!!!! I LOVE!!! i mean dave kind of sucks at making music but jade doesnt! i love how homestuck shows the works of the characters. jades music daves blogs caliborns deviantart whatever. it makes them feel so REAL.

figured out the time differences! if we're staying at johns timezone, dave is 2 hrs ahead and rose is 3 hrs ahead. and jade is 4 hrs ahead!!!! when we were dave pov a convo with jade was at 6:30pm but at jade pov it was 12:30pm so you know.

the exiles are FINALLY MEETING UP!!!! PM!!!!!!!!! i looove pm shes what makes me want to be a mailman. what the hell are the snake worm things in pm's like structure? whats it called? with the terminal. theyre awful silly but theyre kind of freaky and i dont know what they are.

john faq i always read the faqs theyre so fun. john try not to mention your friends by irl name on public forum challenge (even if he assumes everyone else is dead lol). i do NOT understand alchemizing mostly cus i dont get binary. but whatever. maybe i will someday

KARKAT VANTAS! i think the first mentions of the trolls are here! yaaay!

dave strife theyre still strifing i didnt get to the end yet. s beatdown or whatever. always interesting to me that dave never gets sliced or anythign even though theyre fighting with ultra sharp swords. how much restraint is bro (strider) showing? the fights ARE intended to be strengthening dave. but they dont. cus hes a kid and hes passive. im a sucker for bro strider i know he sucks but ugh i love dirk too much

mom lalondes lab drives me coocoo crazy. pov youre rose you go under your dead cats big ass mausoleum and find a laboratory your mother uses. theres 1 battery unlocked just for you. theres a giant ass monitor showing sburb sessions and meteors. did your mother know? did your mother know what was going to happen? youre thirteen years old. do you know? theres bright pink kiddy furniture. did your mother use it? when did she get it? it looks pristine. did she sleep in this when she was little? did she sleep in it as an adult? why would she buy herself such a thing at an adult age? youre rose lalonde. youre thirteen and full of hatred. you dont understand anything. you wear your mothers scarf and you pick up a stray mutant cat and name it after a drink your alcoholic mother loves. youre thirteen and full of hatred and you dont understand anything and you want to, so badly. so so badly.

jade is awesome her scampering through the house rocks. i wonder if she actually believes pa harley is talking to her, or if he actually is, or if shes just pretending. it has to be because of trauma, right? is she genuine? she has to be genuine. right? fosmf if you know anything about this let me know

jack noir... midnight crew.... oh how i cant wait for the intermission.

johns various mental breakdowns (over the discovery of his dads room; over betty crocker gushers; over the drawings over his posters) are insane. he lashes out so weirdly. dave said like john never gets mad or frustrated over real big stuff and he instead funnels it into tiny meaningless problems. i wonder what that means. im not into john enough to read into it or know

jade (and dirk by extension) waking up on prospit (or derse) early makes me thiiiink. i wonder if theyd get freaked by regular normal dreams. they god tier and sleep and wake up in a cold sweat Hello? Where am i. Hello? I just slept and nothing was there. Where am i

thinking about rose + jade a lot these first few acts. i looove rose and i looove jade. i focused on jade a lot the first time i read so im trying to focus on rose more because shes AWESOME! and i want to get to know her better. she deserves it. but anyway thats enough for today sorry for taking like a 12 day break lol

#me #nutzworth hs reread #its midnight.... was racing to do this before bed lol. they call me the sleeper

[scaredgirlsilly]

Homestuck character who doesn't get enough love?

i have been stalking this ask, formulating my plan of attack, jumping from branch to branch of the canopy of trees, waiting for the perfect moment.

and that moment has finally come

spoilers for homestuck (merp. if you read this ill explode you with my mind im sorry im doing this but it has spoilers for all of homestuck so you arent allowed to read this JDKSKFJSH)

my answer is jade. am i biased?? absolutely!! but thats A Whole Thing so im gonna give some runner ups first before i get into all that

jake prob like idk whenever i see him in stuff its always either with dirk (and usually focuses on dirk kr their relationship) or its a family photo of john, jade, jane, and jake. but like. idk i dont think many people *get* what hes about (me included) but hes a great character and literally soooo aro coded its not even funny. i really should rotate jake in my brain more hes a very cool character

jane too theres some love for jane but i think the epilogues kinda fucked her

the dancestors too, but idk im not a huge dancestor fan cause they are all kinda assholes and the scene with cronus and mituna just makes my skin crawl

but ok BACK TO JADE

i think there are different aspects (most of them probably unrelated to what you untended for the question) that she doesnt get enough love, but lets start with what you were probably talking about, which is

how jade is treated by the fans

i think jade gets a fair amount of fan love. i mean just look at her!! who couldnt love her?? my main problem comes from how she compares to dave, specifically the fact that fans seem to apply an absolutely monstrous depth to daves character that isnt necessarily there in homestuck (like specificallyin regards to angst readings of his character. this is about fanfiction i should say that this is just my grievances when it comes to finding good jade fics). THATS NOT A BAD THING!! i fuckin love it actually and im not raggin on dave with this. its just that i think jade could do that as good if not better!! her life is fuckin dogshit if you treat it seriously, much like people do with daves life, and considering the fact that nearly every single fuckin dave fic i read touches on that topic, it sucks that jade fics like that are so hard to come by. she also doesnt have as many like prominent ships. theres some obv ones, like davepetasprite, or dave/karkat in a throuple (we will fucking get to that later), but yk some of the other characters even uf they dont have canon relationships, they have like. obvious ones yk. like john/vriska or john/terezi or june/rose or john/dave (fuckin j egbert gettin around kfhskshdh) or like jake/dirk or roxy/callie yk ships like those. whether you agree with em is one thing but they are obvious yk you dont gotta do alot of convincing to see them at least try it out.

but with jade, it feels like you gotta stretch it a little to get her with anyone. jade/rose is great (especially jade/rose/kanaya) but. i mean jade and rose barely talk in homestuck proper (we will GET TO IT) so its kinda a hard sell. and does jade like interact with any of the trolls alot?? like idk its been a while but im p sure most of her interactions with the trolls were negative. so that just leaves jade/davepeta which is a pretty good ship i will say, and of course, jade/dave ( + karkat sometimes) and it kinda sucks. like one of my fav ships, jade/vriska, literally started out as a joke!! but it grew on me when i started thinking out it, but it is already such a stretch that theres no fuckin way most people will see what i see (thats a whole seperate rant jdhsjdjsj this is already long enough and we have 3 other parts to get to)

SPEAKING OF THE OTHER PARTS!!

next part, prob the easiest,

jades treatment in the epilogues

do i even need to say anything??

this post is long enough ill try to speed through the other sections

NEXT PART!!

how she is treated in homestuck proper in the text (what literally happens to her)

literally lonliest girl alive has one day with her friends (that day is filled with horrible shit and thats the understatement of the century) before getting on a ship for 3 years, and like a week in having her brother and other friend die. she then lives in this ship in the middle of space, no contact to any of her other friends, no update on whats actually going on, just the company of the consorts and nanna sprite. she finally gets to the new session, meets god tier calliope who explains that that was all supposed to happen and john actually fixed everything, and also space players are just lonely thats just apart of the aspect :/

she then gets put to sleep so the condesce doesnt control her, where she misses all of the socialization that the other people have on the platform before the final fight.

she then has a convo with davepeta while she is dreaming where davepeta says "actually in the other timeline we dated and that stuff still happened to you cause of this thing called an Ultimate Self, a thing thats totally real and not at all bullshit. anyways bye!! *muah*"

she wakes up, chases a few god dogs around, gets puched in the face, and the end happily ever after!!!!!!!!

now obv this was an extremely bitter retelling and i actually cant seperate the 2 sections so this is also...

how jade is treated in homestuck proper, by andrew hussie

now. jade got ROYALLY fucked over. she started out as a mysterious figure that knows more than anyone, but extremely quickly she goes to the person who knows the least out of literally anyone. she barely talks to rose, seemingly one of her 4 childhood friends, throughout the whole comic (jade and rose say about 2700 words to each other over 5 conversations, one of them being a repeat from the others perspective. their longest convo is 571 words. for reference, this convo between dave karkat and john has 2100 words. almost 1500 words more than their longest convo and almost as much words as rose and jades entire convo history. heres a link to da sourse i used cause no way im counting that shit jdjsgsjshs tho they are doing it cause they dont like jade/rose or sumn?? idk i dont fucking care about that. anyways side tangent over!!)

SHE DOESNT EVEN WNTER THE GAME TILL ACT 5 ACT 2!!!!!!!! AFTER WE SEE THE ENTIRE TROLL SESSION!!!!!!!!

then, during the session idk shes cool i dont remember it much cause the beta kids session is a surprisingly short part of the comic jdkshdjshs but she has some cool moments and i love her ^u^

then the yellow yard. god. just fucking left there alone. why?? the entire point of johnfix is that the session could be changed for the better without worry of a doomed timeline. couldnt have even made john give her a heads up as to why her john and davesprite just fucking die randomly?? (before you say that john couldnt have cause he didnt know, motherfucker andrew hussie knew!!!!!!!! he could have just made some fuckin reason for john to know its not that hard)

then during the session she just gets ranted to about how actually its all apart of the plan and this was supposed to be this way and she just goes ":P okie dokie" and moves on like that wouldnt FUCKING KILL HER THAT SHE HAD TO BE ROYALLY FUCKED OVER FOR EVERYTHING TO GO RIGHT.

now obv theres an explanation why her role in the final fight is so passive. shes too op. she combined with bec and is a space player (and is shown using those powers to do some pretty bad ass stuff jfjsgsjdhd). thats fair i guess. im just salty that the way to solve that was to literally put her to sleep for most of it, then go fly around with some dogs and get punched in the face.

now. the rant is kinda over. jade i think is the most slept on character, but specifically she is slept on by one person. andrew hussie. i think that andrew hussie did not explore jades character like he did with other characters. i do not know why. im going to try to not act like i know why he did it (god its so hard HDKSKDHAGDJ). this rsnt is pure salt, pure fuckin cope, i am aware. this is not meant to be objective i just really like and relate to jade and wish she got more love in the work itself. but instead, i must dine on the scraps she gets on fuckin ao3 (did you know there are almost as many davekat fics as there are fics where jade is in it at all?? and thats not even including the fact that alot of the jade fics, shes not the main person. im not mad 🙃🙃)

anyways uhhhh sorry this probably wasnt what you were expecting 😭😭😭😭 i just have alot of incoherent thoughts when it comes to jade and homestuck in general. so uhhhh. THANKS FOR THE ASK!!!!!!!!

#sorry it took so long literally this ask has been in my brain rollin around picking up dust like a katamari ball #but i knew i was gonna get to it eventually!!!!!!!! #it was just whenever i had the energy to write. *this* JDKSLDHAFJDKSKF #anyways thanks 😁😁

[pesterloglog]

Dave Strider, Rose Lalonde, Kanaya Maryam, Karkat Vantas

Act 6, page 4696-4721

DAVE: hey

ROSE: Sup.

DAVE: anyone seen terezi around

ROSE: No.

ROSE: Why?

DAVE: we were gonna do a thing

DAVE: but shes not around and not answering my messages

DAVE: on any one of the probably ten thousand computers lying around that they would show up on

ROSE: A thing?

DAVE: yes a thing

ROSE: I see.

DAVE: shut up

DAVE: what about you have you seen her

KANAYA: No

KANAYA: Have You Seen Gamzee

DAVE: are you serious

DAVE: of course not

DAVE: i havent seen that guy at all since the first day we got here

DAVE: not once

KANAYA: Yeah

KANAYA: I Know

DAVE: talk about an elusive juggalo

DAVE: probably like the shyest fuckin juggalo of all time

DAVE: im pretty sure only karkats seen him

DAVE: dont expect him to rat him out either because of the "morail" junk

DAVE: moirail?

DAVE: mwah rail...

DAVE: alien words

KANAYA: I Wouldnt Expect Him To

KANAYA: I Wouldnt Even Ask It Would Be Really Bad Form To Ask Him That

DAVE: yeah

DAVE: i mean i bet you think youre imparting some really obscure cultural fact about trolls

DAVE: but really if a human said to another human

DAVE: "hey man can you tell me where your best clown friend is hiding so i can go chainsaw him to death"

DAVE: just fyi that would probably be bad form too

KANAYA: Okay

DAVE: i dunno its been a year already i think hes really intent on hiding

DAVE: and hanging on to those dead bodies

DAVE: hes probably scared to death of you at this point anyway

DAVE: maybe you should just let it go

KANAYA: Hmm

DAVE: rose back me up

ROSE: I try to stay out of troll interpersonal politics.

DAVE: interpersonal

DAVE: wait

DAVE: are you saying this is like

DAVE: a spade quadrant thing

DAVE: is she trying to be his kismet fish

ROSE: I'm saying no such thing!

DAVE: well if she hates him isnt that what that means

ROSE: Dave, don't be a dick. You're embarrassing her.

DAVE: haha no im not shes cool

DAVE: look shes being cool about it

KANAYA: Im Being Cool About It

DAVE: see????

KANAYA: Its Not Like That

KANAYA: I Just Want To Find Him

KANAYA: And

KANAYA: At Least Wound Him Somewhat

DAVE: yeah see i knew there had to be a perfectly harmless and unerotic explanation

ROSE: (shh!)

KANAYA: No

KANAYA: See Im Explaining This Badly

KANAYA: All Im Saying Is Basically

KANAYA: Just

KANAYA: Fuck That Guy

DAVE: got it

DAVE: so what are you up to in here

DAVE: whats with all these books

ROSE: Research.

ROSE: We're trying to put all the pieces of the puzzle together.

ROSE: You are aware this meteor has many secret rooms scattered throughout, including libraries, right?

DAVE: hell yeah

DAVE: we looted one of them for the can town project

ROSE: Can Town?

DAVE: i told you about can town didnt i

ROSE: No??

DAVE: well

DAVE: the thing about can town

DAVE: and all there really is to say about can town is

DAVE: its awesome

DAVE: the end???

ROSE: Wow.

ROSE: What a story.

DAVE: fu

DAVE: so

DAVE: what is the point of this research

ROSE: Primarily to gain a more thorough understanding of the situation we'll be entering when we arrive.

DAVE: i thought you pretty much already knew the situation

DAVE: since you can see the future

ROSE: Oh my God.

ROSE: I've told you. I can't see the future!

DAVE: yes you can

DAVE: you totally can

ROSE: Ok. But not all of it. Only certain relevant pieces.

ROSE: It's a bit frustrating when people make that presumption about you.

ROSE: For instance, you are a Knight of Time. Since you have such mastery over time, doesn't that mean you should know everything about the future too?

DAVE: no thats totally dumb

DAVE: i could know things about the future if i time traveled and found out first hand

DAVE: nobodys mistaking that about me im a time traveler not a fuckin fortune teller its simple as shit

ROSE: Right. So there are significant limitations on what you can know, governed by certain rules.

ROSE: That's how it is for a Seer too.

DAVE: ok whatever

ROSE: But I will say that I have been able to use these abilities to assist with research.

ROSE: I can treat my finite glimpses as an additional source of information.

ROSE: If you combine that with the knowledge we've gathered from these texts, and things we've learned from our various encounters with the deceased, with a bit of inference and deduction, a more detailed picture is coming into focus.

DAVE: nice

ROSE: Do you want to hear about it?

DAVE: uh

DAVE: now?

ROSE: Yes.

ROSE: Why not? It's been a year.

ROSE: It seems like all we've done on this trip so far is indulge in lavish interior decoration projects and screw around with mysterious "Can Town" initiatives, which may or may not be consuming valuable library resources as building materials.

ROSE: We could make at least some effort to squeeze in annual briefings on our objective.

DAVE: yeah that would be pretty legit of us

ROSE: I think you'll find that when it comes to striving for a reasonable approximation of legitimacy, we are simply the most barely adequate there is.

DAVE: ok i didnt really catch any of that bullshit cause i wasnt listening

DAVE: im gonna make myself a cup of coffee and get primed to listen to you saying a lot of stuff like that

DAVE: do you want some

ROSE: Um. Sure.

DAVE: kanaya?

KANAYA: No Thank You

DAVE: ok

DAVE: ...

DAVE: this fuckin thing

DAVE: where did you even unearth this piece of shit from

DAVE: oh ok there it goes

DAVE: two hot revitalizing cups of shitty coffee

DAVE: fresh out of the weird pod

DAVE: why do we even drink this shit

DAVE: i guess just cause this thing is here

DAVE: like somehow the temptation is even stronger because the coffee sucks?

DAVE: dunno how the fuck that works

DAVE: wish there was such a thing as apple juice on troll world

DAVE: could go for a bottle of aj

DAVE: i wonder if theres any booze squirreled away on this meteor

DAVE: kinda feels like we should be drinking our asses off here

DAVE: no adults nothing to do

DAVE: thats what you do without adults right

DAVE: get wasted all the time?

DAVE: wait what the fuck am i saying trolls dont even have adults

DAVE: well they do

DAVE: but theyre all in outer space being insane badasses

DAVE: i guess they do have the stupid nanny monsters

DAVE: do the monsters give a shit if they get wasted

ROSE: Are you talking to us?

DAVE: what

ROSE: We can't even hear you mumbling over there.

DAVE: oh

ROSE: How's that coffee coming?

DAVE: off the shit is how

DAVE: all being like

DAVE: in cups and everything

ROSE: Be sure it makes it to the table before it accumulates that strange unctuous film on the surface.

DAVE: so whats with the big book youre writing in

DAVE: is that more wizard fan fiction

ROSE: No, it's something like an extensive journal.

ROSE: I'm recording everything we've been through so far, and detailed notes on everything we know about the game.

ROSE: I'm also using it to document our research, and extrapolate on the new session and players.

DAVE: so its like

DAVE: your nigh unreadable gamefaq

DAVE: in tome form

ROSE: Somewhat.

DAVE: you sure like to write big game guides

ROSE: I don't look at it that way.

ROSE: I'm approaching it from a standpoint of responsible historical documentation.

ROSE: Don't you think people in the future will want to know about our story?

DAVE: i guess

ROSE: I think it could be a very useful resource some day.

ROSE: It could be helpful to others beginning their own quests.

DAVE: ehh

DAVE: chances of that seem pretty remote

KANAYA: I Really Wouldnt Rule It Out

DAVE: ok totally sold on that suddenly

DAVE: on account of not caring

DAVE: so tell me about the new session

DAVE: what is there to know

DAVE: and most importantly

DAVE: how is everything going to go wrong this time

ROSE: From what I understand, everything already has gone wrong before the game even started, in many different ways than ours did.

ROSE: There are indications of thicker political intrigue. Assassination attempts. And a usurpation of the throne more insidious than what we dealt with.

ROSE: But those examples still don't illustrate the fundamental fault with their session.

ROSE: Ours had a similar fault. It was a null session.

ROSE: Literature on the subject says null sessions are actually very common.

ROSE: It is any session resulting in failure, and as such, designed to result in failure from the start, due to Skaia's comprehensive "knowledge" of its own fate, and that of all it illumines.

ROSE: Biologically speaking, it's to be expected that null sessions far outnumber the successful ones. When it comes to reproductive systems, overwhelming redundancy is commonplace.

ROSE: A universe has a reproductive system that spreads many seeds, as it were, most of which never come to fruition. So we shouldn't feel too bad about our results, really. It was quite par for the course.

ROSE: But then, it would also seem that exceedingly few null sessions result in the birth of a massive green star fueled by two dead universes. For what it's worth.

DAVE: ok but i thought the whole point of this

DAVE: the scratch thing

DAVE: is it gave us a chance to still win

DAVE: but youre saying the new session has a fault too?

ROSE: Well, yes. There's more to it though.

ROSE: The new session is essentially our session, rebooted with different parameters which also affected the original conditions of our universe.

ROSE: And strangely, it seems the new one is a null session as well, but within a much less common subset of all null sessions.

ROSE: This one is referred to as a void session.

DAVE: ok

DAVE: which is what

ROSE: It's very simply a session in which nothing is prototyped before entry, at all.

ROSE: Hence, by Skaia's preemptive all-knowing and its influence on the rest of the incipisphere, there are not even any towers on Prospit or Derse built to receive the split kernels.

ROSE: See?

DAVE: weird

DAVE: why would these alt universe players fuck up in such an obvious and stupid way

ROSE: I don't know what specifically led to the failure to prototype anything.

ROSE: But it doesn't really matter. As I said, the session was designed this way before they began playing. Any efforts to prototype may have been in vain regardless. Possibly subject to sabotage.

DAVE: didnt you say at some point that not prototyping anything would be really bad

ROSE: Yes.

ROSE: It's just another way to create an infertile session. Though by a less catastrophic and bloody route we took to achieve the same result.

ROSE: By contrast, it leads to a rather harmless, uneventful session. Underlings remain unaugmented, and so does the royalty.

ROSE: And while this may sound advantageous to the players, it's a curse in disguise. The lack of prototypings which keeps adversaries unevolved has the same influence on the battlefield.

ROSE: Without successive prototypings, the battlefield will never reach its final form, which must be fertilized to grow a new universe.

ROSE: Instead, it remains in its most basic form, stuck in eternal stalemate.

ROSE: There is nothing players in a void session can do to change this. They are resigned to live out the rest of their days in a dead end session.

DAVE: still waiting to hear how this is in any way an improvement on all the shit we just escaped from

ROSE: It's a vast improvement.

ROSE: The new session is a blank slate, without a ridiculously short time limit for victory like ours had.

ROSE: There will be no time limit at all, in fact.

ROSE: Once we arrive, ostensibly that is when the nature of the session will change.

ROSE: It won't be classifiable as either a null or void session anymore. It will be something which, as far as I can tell, is unique.

ROSE: The fully matured battlefield from our session can be used to make the new one viable. The path to success will be made possible by a combination of efforts and assets from both iterations.

ROSE: Usually scratched sessions are absolute resets, and involve no direct influence from the first attempt at all. I can't find any precedent for our situation.

DAVE: jade has our battlefield right

ROSE: Yes.

DAVE: so she shows up and drops it in skaia

DAVE: and then we take the result of all that damn frog breeding we did and stick the thing in there somehow

DAVE: and we sit back and wait for it to do its huge ribbit or whatever

DAVE: and were golden

ROSE: Pretty much.

ROSE: As long as there is an actual vacancy in the center of Skaia when we get there.

DAVE: is that going to be a problem

ROSE: I don't think so.

ROSE: Even if it were, it would be a trivial obstacle.

ROSE: But as it is, I think the forces opposing these players are clandestinely working toward the same goal as we are.

ROSE: From what I can tell, gestures of antagonism, while certainly posing legitimate danger, have been factored in as critical stepping stones to one destination shared by all parties.

ROSE: I don't know why this is, or what the motives are yet.

ROSE: The appearance is one of clear sailing ahead, but traces of conspiracy are everywhere.

DAVE: ok but

DAVE: conspiracies aside

DAVE: did it ever really look like clear sailing to you

DAVE: thats not what i was seeing

DAVE: we are going to arrive and then soon after jack is going to show up

DAVE: and then we have to beat him right

DAVE: so there kind of is a time limit

ROSE: Yes, we will have to deal with Jack before all is said and done.

ROSE: And that will definitely be a major challenge.

ROSE: But it is not impossible. At least, not by design.

ROSE: When I said there would be no time limit in this session, I was talking about something more specific.

ROSE: There will be no reckoning.

DAVE: oh

DAVE: why not

ROSE: It's a logical consequence of any void session.

ROSE: The battlefield never evolves, and therefore the more extensive war between Prospit and Derse never takes shape.

ROSE: It is only when the Prospitian king falls in battle that the reckoning can be initiated by the forces of Derse.

ROSE: The meteors then rush to destroy the battlefield, while Skaia redirects them through defense portals for as long as it can.

ROSE: Thus, if there is no war, there is no reckoning, no meteors, and no imminent threat of failure.

ROSE: This is of course good news for Earth as well. During the reckoning, Skaia redirects all incoming meteors to the only place it can. Earth.

ROSE: So it turns out that players who initiate a void session are not actually condemning their home planet to an apocalyptic wasteland after they leave.

ROSE: In the new instance of our universe, Earth is just fine.

ROSE: Sort of.

DAVE: so

DAVE: no meteors came at all

DAVE: you mean by fucking up and having to scratch we also sort of saved earth in the process

ROSE: Again: sort of.

ROSE: And it's not that there were no meteors whatsoever.

ROSE: Just the vast majority of the destructive onslaught never showed up.

ROSE: But delivering the temple to the site of the forge is still integral to jumpstarting the session.

ROSE: That meteor however could have been propelled through a portal by any means, not just via the reckoning.

DAVE: i see

DAVE: what about the players themselves

DAVE: they had to arrive on meteors too didnt they

DAVE: i guess the baby meteors were some exceptions too right

ROSE: Yes.

ROSE: But they weren't flung through portals in their own session, nor will they be created there.

ROSE: They were created in our session, and sent back through our portals. Just like us.

DAVE: ................

ROSE: To understand what happened, it really helps to understand exactly what a scratch is.

ROSE: When John severely damaged the Beat Mesa on your planet, and sent it off to Skaia to release its temporal energy there, you could view it as a kind of "request."

ROSE: We were asking Skaia to change everything at a fundamental level, and we gave it the energy to do so.

ROSE: But Skaia is a very passive entity. It only "knows" and "sees," but it never quite "acts."

ROSE: When it is asked to change everything, there is only so much it has control over.

ROSE: In fact, it has control over exactly one thing. The defense portals.

ROSE: It can decide to send important meteors to different points in time than originally planned, thus creating alternate realities.

ROSE: Offshoots of promise, rather than futility.

ROSE: And it turns out the most important meteors of all tend to be the ones delivering the young players to their planet.

ROSE: So all it has to do to change everything is tweak their destination times a bit.

ROSE: All internally-prompted changes in the post-scratch universe are decided entirely by this modest adjustment to the parameters.

ROSE: It's a very simple concept, actually.

ROSE: Yet the consequences are dramatic. It results in not only a hard reset for the session, but a partial reset for the universe too, due to the many causal entanglements between a session and its originating universe.

DAVE: what do you mean tweak the destination times

DAVE: where did they get sent to

ROSE: A variety of different time periods.

ROSE: The simplest way to way to look at it is to picture the original destinations of our two groups of four ecto-babies...

ROSE: And switch them.

DAVE: what

ROSE: Though this is just a slight oversimplification.

ROSE: While it's roughly true, Skaia had some peculiar whims this time.

ROSE: While most landed in time periods corresponding with the original group,

ROSE: It seems that two of the new players arrived four centuries ahead of everyone else.

ROSE: For some bizarre reason.

DAVE: uh

ROSE: But they're still apparently able to communicate with their coplayers through I guess some Trollian-like technology, and they're still able to establish game connections with the others. So this stands as an odd but not otherwise terribly significant detail.

DAVE: so

DAVE: uh

DAVE: in this alt universe group of us and

DAVE: them

DAVE: which ones are the actual players

ROSE: I'll give you a hint.

ROSE: It isn't us.

DAVE: fuck

DAVE: why did i know that was gonna be the answer

ROSE: And to think that usually I'm the one accused of knowing the future.

DAVE: i dunno if im ready to process the ramifications of this bullshit

ROSE: You would find it less disconcerting if the players were alternate versions of us?

DAVE: man

DAVE: at least im used to dealing with alt daves

DAVE: ive been fuck deep in alt daves before

DAVE: its a goddamn delight if you want to know the truth

DAVE: but i dont even know what to think about...

ROSE: What?

ROSE: Meeting a deceased figure of authority as a peer?

DAVE: lets not even talk about it ok

DAVE: can we slow down this meteor

DAVE: delay the meetup

DAVE: maybe fight jack for a little while

ROSE: I honestly thought you would find the idea exciting.

ROSE: I know I'm looking forward to it.

DAVE: but your mom was just a nice alcoholic spinster who liked wizards who you complained about for no reason

DAVE: she wasnt anything like an untouchable master of irony who could replace the meat in your sandwich before it even occurred to you what the fuck you were chewing

DAVE: let me ask you this did your mom ever wiggle a puppet in your face even ONCE

ROSE: Not that I recall.

ROSE: But anecdotes like that just make me more curious to meet him, personally.

DAVE: fine well you can be on bro duty then

DAVE: ill be the ambassador to your mom

DAVE: and no that wasnt actually meant as the sick burn it sounded like

ROSE: She's your mom too, though.

DAVE: yeah i know

DAVE: ill be the ambassador to my mom then

DAVE: that sounds pretty stupid when i say it that way

DAVE: whatever

DAVE: ill be the fuckin one man welcome wagon for the john and jade teen old people and also our mom thats the plan

DAVE: so when we finally see them we can get our shit into formation like trained acrobats

DAVE: like ill blow a whistle and we make a human pyramid got it

DAVE: that way we can totally avoid anything awkward

ROSE: You do realize we've seen her already, right?

DAVE: what

DAVE: when

ROSE: Months ago.

ROSE: In a dream.

ROSE: She was floating along in Derse pajamas, asleep.

DAVE: wait that was her

ROSE: Yes.

DAVE: oh

DAVE: huh

DAVE: .....

ROSE: You're wondering why I didn't tell you?

DAVE: no

ROSE: You're specifically wondering why I wasn't forthcoming with an answer to your question at the time, "hey who was that choice babe in the pajamas?"

DAVE: god fucking dammit

ROSE: You don't find it nostalgic at all?

ROSE: Retracing the steps of some of our Freudian semi-blunders in conversations past?

DAVE: no what a load of shit

DAVE: stuff said between you and me before we knew we were related

DAVE: we both know that was a lot of horseplay bullfuckery between like smartass 10 year olds or whatever

DAVE: you cant seriously have taken any of that seriously

ROSE: ;)

DAVE: ugh dont ever do that

DAVE: all these fuckin

DAVE: momtraps and sistertraps

DAVE: what a joke i hope skaia gets to have a good laugh over shit like this

DAVE: wait i forgot skaia doesnt laugh it just "sees" and "knows"

DAVE: its like a huge blue perv thats mad jazzed for kidcest

KANAYA: What Are You People Even Talking About

ROSE: ;)

DAVE: dont you wink at her

DAVE: kanaya heres a protip that wink meant jack dick shes just being weird

KANAYA: I Feel As Though This Conversation Has Utterly Outmaneuvered My Constructive Involvement

KANAYA: Im Going To Go

DAVE: yeah im pretty much ollying outie too

DAVE: got some shit to attend to

DAVE: after you

KANAYA: Augh

KANAYA: Why Does That Always Happen

KARKAT: EVERYBODY OUT OF THE GODDAMN WAY.

KARKAT: I GOT A LAB FULL OF HUMANS, A MOUTH FULL OF YELLING, AND A TORTURED PSYCHOLOGICAL PROFILE FULL OF TOTALLY HYSTERICAL EMOTIONS AND UNAIRED GRIEVANCES AT PRACTICALLY EVERYBODY.

DAVE: karkat is broken guys

KARKAT: YEAH

KARKAT: OK HOLD ON

KARKAT: IF I CAN SETTLE DOWN A TICK I SHOULD BE ABLE TO MAKE MORE SENSE SHORTLY

KARKAT: JUST ONE...

KARKAT: *huff huff*

ROSE: Maybe you should lie down on the couch.

KARKAT: FUCK...

KARKAT: *wheeze*

KARKAT: NO

DAVE: dude what is the matter with you

KARKAT: WOW OK

KARKAT: THAT WAS A PRETTY TERRIBLE ENTRANCE.

KARKAT: ANYWAY

KARKAT: WHERE WAS I.

DAVE: dunno but i was just leaving

KARKAT: NOT SO FAST STRIDER, THIS HEAVILY CONCERNS YOU.

KARKAT: IT CONCERNS YOU EXCLUSIVELY IN FACT.

KARKAT: WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING?

DAVE: just stepping out to do a thing

DAVE: which is not your business

KARKAT: LIKE MY INFLAMED QUAKING GALLSPHINCTER IT'S NOT.

KARKAT: TELL ME, ARE YOU BY ANY CHANCE GOING TO HAVE SOME COMPANY WHEN YOU STEP OUT TO DO THIS "THING?"

KARKAT: NOTICE THE TWO HEAVILY DRAMATIZED "ENCLOSURE TALONS" SURROUNDING THAT WORD, WHICH I AM SCORNFULLY PANTOMIMING WITH MY OWN TWO HANDS, AS PRESENTLY BEING DEMONSTRATED FOR YOU.

DAVE: yeah sure

KARKAT: OH??

KARKAT: WHO WOULD THAT BE MAY I ASK?

DAVE: well

DAVE: probably the mayor

DAVE: hes usually down for whatever

KARKAT: I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT THE FUCKING MAYOR, AND YOU FUCKING KNOW IT.

DAVE: hey dont be saying shit about the mayor

DAVE: the mayor rules hes like my best fucking friend

KARKAT: HE'S NOT A MAYOR. HE'S THE MAYOR OF FUCKSTICK JUNCTION LOCATED SMACK DAB IN THE MIDDLE OF PRETEND ASS NOWHERE.

DAVE: hes a mayor you douche his thing says mayor

KARKAT: IT SAYS "MAYO" AND HE WROTE THE "R" HIMSELF.

KARKAT: HE'S AT BEST A MAYO. AND WHO EVER HEARD OF A MAYO? IT'S EVERY BIT AS IMAGINARY AS HIS IDENTITY AS AN ELECTED OFFICIAL.

DAVE: no mayo is like grub sauce but without grubs

KARKAT: WHO THE FUCK EVER HEARD OF GRUB SAUCE WITHOUT GRUBS??? WHAT'S IT MADE OF THEN GENIUS!

DAVE: like

DAVE: uh

DAVE: i dunno its white and it just sort of exists

DAVE: you dont ask about mayo thats not what you do with mayo

KARKAT: ISN'T IT FUNNY HOW QUICKLY YOUR BULLSHIT UNRAVELS WHEN SOMEONE INTELLIGENT ACTUALLY HOLDS YOU ACCOUNTABLE??

KARKAT: YOU ARE FUCKING BUSTED STRIDER.

KARKAT: YOU ARE BUSTED ABOUT "MAYO" AND YOU ARE BUSTED ABOUT TEREZI.

DAVE: hahaha you are pathetic

DAVE: this is why you all stormed in here out of breath

DAVE: what did you actually sprint all the way across the meteor to tell me this

KARKAT: WHAT I DO WITH MY LEGS AND HOW FAST I MOVE THEM IS MY BUSINESS YOU SHIT.

DAVE: yeah and what i do with mine is mine

DAVE: watch me make them make me leave

KARKAT: I SAID STAY YOUR ASS PUT, WE'RE TALKING HERE.

DAVE: dude dont touch my cape

DAVE: ...

DAVE: huh

KARKAT: WHAT

DAVE: i cant believe i seriously just said dude dont touch my cape to somebody and was serious about it

KARKAT: OK, LOOK I'M NOWHERE NEAR YOUR PRECIOUS STUPID CAPE. JUST LISTEN.

KARKAT: BEFORE YOU GO OFF TO SNOG TEREZI IN YOUR IDIOTIC LITTLE VILLAGE OF NUTRITION CYLINDERS, HEAR ME OUT.

DAVE: man

DAVE: you are so overblowing this

KARKAT: BUT I DON'T THINK THAT I AM!

DAVE: yeah you are

DAVE: you have some idea about us or what were getting up to

DAVE: so weve done a few things together to pass the time so what

DAVE: i dont even think you could call them dates or anything

DAVE: what the fuck would even qualify as a date on this gross dark meteor

KARKAT: DAVE, CAN WE JUST CUT THE SHIT?

KARKAT: I AM NOT AN IMBECILE. YOU ARE BOTH PLAINLY TIPPING INTO FLUSHED TERRITORY IRRESPECTIVE OF ENVIRONMENTAL FACTORS OR WHATEVER LAME CONDITIONS IT IS HUMANS BELIEVE TO BE OPTIMAL FOR PURSUING A MATESPRITSHIP.

KARKAT: ANYONE CAN SEE THAT, IT'S THE SHITTIEST KEPT SECRET ON THIS METEOR. PROBABLY EVEN THE FUCKING MAYOR GETS IT, AND LET'S FACE IT, HE'S A LITTLE SLOW.

KARKAT: DO YOU REALLY THINK YOU COULD PULL THE WOOLBEAST MATERIAL OVER THE EYES OF A HARDENED VETERAN OF ROMANTIC STUDIES?

DAVE: we have one of those???

KARKAT: I HAVE SEEN THOUSANDS OF TROLL ROMANCE FILMS, EACH DEALING WITH TOPICS FAR MORE SUBTLE AND COMPLEX THAN YOUR PEDESTRIAN HUMAN MIND COULD EVER GRASP.

KARKAT: AND IN CASE YOU'VE FORGOTTEN, I'VE ALREADY WATCHED HUNDREDS OF YOUR MORE PRIMITIVE BUT MODERATELY ENTERTAINING ROMANCE FILMS.

KARKAT: REMEMBER HOW I DOWNLOADED A FUCK TON OF THEM AFTER DISCOVERING YOUR SPECIES? I AM A CURIOUS MAN, DAVE, YOU COULD LEARN FROM ME.

DAVE: yeah i remember

DAVE: havent you only watched a bunch of shitty dane cook movies on infinite loop since we left

KARKAT: YOU'RE SEVERELY EXAGGERATING, BUT YES I HAVE SAMPLED HIS WORK.

DAVE: dude

DAVE: you know youre only pretending to be a huge fan of his bullshit to piss me off

KARKAT: AGAIN LOOK AT HOW SELF ABSORBED YOU'RE BEING!!!

KARKAT: I HAPPEN TO THINK HE HAS A BRILLIANT COMEDIC MIND, FOR A HUMAN.

DAVE: hrnngngnngghhhh

DAVE: it turns out that exact sentence is my one weakness

DAVE: you win bro you got your girl back

KARKAT: OH SHUT UP.

KARKAT: I AM NOT HERE TO DEBATE YOU ON THE FINER POINTS OF CINEMA, OR TO "GET MY GIRL BACK."

KARKAT: HOW DESPERATE DO YOU THINK I AM?

KARKAT: I'M ACTUALLY HERE TO DO THE OPPOSITE.

KARKAT: I WANTED TO TELL YOU I'M TOTALLY OK WITH IT.

DAVE: oh

DAVE: ok then

KARKAT: BUT JUST LISTEN, AND TRY TO KEEP AN OPEN MIND. I KNOW THAT'S HARD FOR YOU.

KARKAT: HERE, PLEASE TAKE A LOOK AT THIS.

DAVE: oh no

DAVE: what the hot mess of fresh fuck am i looking at

KARKAT: IT'S AN ALTERNIAN ROMANCE NOVEL.

KARKAT: NOW LOOK, I'M NOT VOUCHING FOR THIS PARTICULAR PIECE OF LITERATURE. IT'S ACTUALLY PRETTY TRASHY AND IF YOU'RE INTERESTED I COULD RECOMMEND MUCH BETTER THINGS TO YOU.

KARKAT: IT'S JUST THIS ONE ILLUSTRATES THE CONCEPT VERY CLEARLY.

DAVE: what...

DAVE: "concept"

KARKAT: IT'S A PRETTY TYPICAL CASE OF QUADRANT VACILLATION AS APPLIED TO AN OVERLAPPING GROUP OF ROMANTIC PAIRINGS.

DAVE: you lost me at quadrant

DAVE: for future reference thats the word that always lets me know its time to check out of a sentence

KARKAT: WILL YOU PIPE DOWN AND JUST HEAR ME OUT.

KARKAT: IT'S REALLY SIMPLE. THINK OF IT AS BEING SIMILAR TO ONE OF YOUR PRIMITIVE HUMAN LOVE TRIANGLES.

KARKAT: THOUGH THIS IS A QUADRANGLE. THOSE ARE MUCH MORE COMMON IN OUR SOCIETY AND ENTERTAINMENT, AND FOUR IS PRETTY MUCH THE MINIMUM VALUE FOR LOVE-HATE N-DRANGLES.

DAVE: n drangles

DAVE: god dammit

KARKAT: NOW HERE IS WHAT'S ACTUALLY GOING ON WITH THIS GROUP OF CHARACTERS. PAY ATTENTION. HEY, LOOK AT ME. EYES OVER HERE. GOOD.

KARKAT: SEE THE TWO HEROES IN THE MIDDLE, PARTAKING IN THEIR FLUSHED EMBRACE? PRETTY MUCH YOUR TYPICAL LOWBLOOD REDROM PAIRING. THEIR DYNAMIC IS THE GRUBLOAF AND TUBER PASTE OF THE OVERALL ARC.

DAVE: .........

KARKAT: BUT WHAT HAVE WE HERE? THERE ARE SOME NEFARIOUS HIGHBLOODS IN THE PICTURE TOO. THIS IS WHERE IT GETS INTERESTING.

KARKAT: THE GUY ON THE LEFT IS AN OLD CALIGINOUS FLAME FROM THE MALE LOWBLOOD'S PAST, AND HAS REENTERED THE PICTURE. AGAIN, NOTHING OUT OF THE ORDINARY. HE CAN CONTINUE TO COURT HIS MATESPRIT AND KISMESIS WITHOUT CONFLICT. IT'S A PERFECTLY AMICABLE ARRANGEMENT THAT EVERYONE'S TOTALLY DOWN WITH.

DAVE: what is that huge beefcake troll even doing

DAVE: is he grinding against the little dudes shoulder what is even going on

DAVE: why the fuck is he nude

KARKAT: NO QUESTIONS YET.

KARKAT: SO THEN THAT'S ALL FINE, PRETTY BOILERPLATE CONDITIONS FOR UNFOLDING ROMDRAMA, BUT THERE'S A TWIST.

KARKAT: THE MALE HIGHBLOOD AND LOWBLOOD START TO HAVE FLUSHED FEELINGS FOR ONE ANOTHER, AND THIS RESULTS IN SOME RED INFIDELITY BETWEEN THE LOWBLOOD PAIR.

KARKAT: OBVIOUSLY THIS IS WHERE THE FIREWORKS START GOING OFF. THE RED FEELINGS BETWEEN THE LOWBLOODS TURN TO BLACK, AND THUS BEGINS WHAT IS REFERRED TO AS QUADRANT VACILLATION.

KARKAT: MEANWHILE THE TWO MALES ARE ALSO VACILLATING BETWEEN RED AND BLACK, BECAUSE YOU DON'T JUST LET GO OF A RIVALRY SO EASILY.

DAVE: what is going on with the other chick

DAVE: all grabbing at the other one down there in the corner

KARKAT: YEAH, WELL, IT GETS EVEN MORE COMPLICATED THAN THAT, PROBABLY MORE THAN NEEDED FOR THE SAKE OF MAKING THE POINT.

KARKAT: IN THE HEAT OF THEIR VACILLATION, DURING AN ESPECIALLY BLACK PHASE, THE LOWBLOOD FEMALE WAXES RED FOR A NOTORIOUS AND ESPECIALLY BRUTAL HIGHBLOOD FEMALE.

KARKAT: SO THEY HAVE THEIR THING ON THE SIDE, BUT EVEN THAT STARTS VACILLATING TOO BECAUSE THE ORIGINAL PAIR JUST KEEP SPINNING LIKE A TOP.

KARKAT: WE DON'T NEED TO GET BOGGED DOWN IN THE QUADRANGLE DYNAMIC THOUGH, AND FOR OUR PURPOSES THE 4TH PARTY IS A DISTRACTION.

DAVE: our purposes

DAVE: what the fuck are our purposes

KARKAT: THE THING IS, VACILLATION ALWAYS ADDS A LOT OF DRAMA TO EVERYTHING, BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN IT CAN'T BE VIABLE.

KARKAT: IT CAN TOTALLY WORK, AND EVERYONE CAN BE REASONABLE ABOUT IT, IT REALLY JUST COMES DOWN TO A MATTER OF SENSIBLE SCHEDULING.

DAVE: you must be out of your fucking mind if you think i want to know where youre going with this

KARKAT: DAVE, PLEASE.

KARKAT: JUST READ THE BOOK, OK? IT'S ALL IN THE BOOK.

DAVE: im not reading that shit

DAVE: i cant even read your stupid troll language why would you think i can

KARKAT: I THINK YOU SHOULD RECONSIDER. I CAN TRANSLATE FOR YOU. I'LL READ THE WHOLE DAMN THING ALOUD IF YOU WANT.

KARKAT: SERIOUSLY, IT COULD REALLY EXPAND YOUR LIMITED HUMAN THINK PAN ON STUFF.

KARKAT: THERE'S A LOT HERE THAT'S APPLICABLE TO OUR SITUATION.

DAVE: there is nothing even slightly applicable about any of that bullshit to our situation

KARKAT: DON'T BE DENSE. OF COURSE THERE IS.

KARKAT: TEREZI AND I HAVE BEEN ON THE VERGE OF VACILLATING LIKE THIS FOR A LONG TIME.

KARKAT: IT'S ABOUT TIME WE KILLED THE SUSPENSE AND JUST ACKNOWLEDGED IT.

KARKAT: YOU AND SHE SEEM BENT ON DEVELOPING SOMETHING IN THE FLUSHED QUADRANT, AND LIKE I SAID, I'M FINE WITH THAT.

KARKAT: IF WE CAN JUST GET OUR SHIT STRAIGHTENED OUT, WE CAN BE LIKE THESE VACILLATING PAIRS THAT ALTERNATE BETWEEN RED AND BLACK, BUT IN A WAY THAT'S COMPLEMENTARY WITH EACH OTHER'S PATTERNS.

DAVE: oh my god

DAVE: why is this happening

KARKAT: LIKE WHILE SHE AND I ARE BLACK, YOU AND SHE ARE RED.

KARKAT: BUT THEN WHEN SHE AND I ARE RED, YOU AND SHE... I DON'T KNOW IF HUMANS ARE REALLY CAPABLE OF BLACK FEELINGS?

KARKAT: I GUESS THAT'S UP TO YOU. MAYBE YOU CAN JUST LIKE, SIT THOSE PERIODS OUT.

KARKAT: LIKE TAKE A BREAK, YOU KNOW?

DAVE: youve completely lost it dude

DAVE: i cant believe for a fucking second this is reasonable shit to propose even on troll world

DAVE: you just

DAVE: totally snapped

KARKAT: SNAPPED LIKE A FUCKING FOX. THIS MAKES PERFECT SENSE.

KARKAT: LIKE I SAID, IT'S JUST A MATTER OF RESPONSIBLE SCHEDULING.

KARKAT: HERE LET ME SHOW YOU.

KARKAT: I NEED SOME PAPER. WHERE'S SOME PAPER.

DAVE: hnnrrghh

KARKAT: LOOK, IT'S PERFECTLY SIMPLE.

KARKAT: HANG ON WHILE I DRAW THE GUIDELINES.

DAVE: oh no

DAVE: no you are NOT making another shipping grid dude

KARKAT: IT'S NOT A SHIPPING GRID.

KARKAT: JUST SOME ROWS AND COLUMNS FOR A SCHEDULE.

DAVE: its a grid youre drawing a goddamn grid

DAVE: im not letting you draw a grid for this stupid shit

KARKAT: COME ON, LOOK HERE. THESE ARE THE DAYS OF THE WEEK.

KARKAT: THEN WE EACH HAVE ROWS FOR THOSE DAYS AND WE CAN DRAW A HEART OR A SPADE FOR ANY GIVEN DAY.

KARKAT: THAT WAY WE KNOW WHAT'S UP IN ADVANCE, AND AVOID UNPLEASANT CONFLICTS.

DAVE: put the fucking pen down

KARKAT: HEY, CUT IT OUT. DON'T TOUCH ME.

DAVE: do not draw a shipping grid

DAVE: do not do it

KARKAT: IT'S NOT A SHIPPING GRID YOU OBTUSE FUCK.

DAVE: this is fucked up put it down

KARKAT: NO.

DAVE: you are not drawing a grid to organize our goddamn dating lives

DAVE: that is some straight up crackpot motherfuckin noise i will not abide

KARKAT: FUCK YOU. LET ME DRAW.

DAVE: stop drawing the shipping grid

KARKAT: *IT IS NOT A SHIPPING GRID*

KARKAT: THIS IS NOT SHIPPING YOU HEINOUS TOOL, THIS IS COMMON SENSE.

DAVE: you will not draw anything that even remotely resembles a grid

DAVE: do not draw an arrangement of squares or otherwise interlocking polygons

KARKAT: LET GO.

DAVE: you will not draw a spreadsheet for the purpose of allocating time spent with a mutual girlfriend you horses ass

DAVE: that is exactly the shit i do not want to see

KARKAT: LOOK, I JUST DREW A SQUARE.

KARKAT: GET READY TO SEE A LOT MORE OF THOSE!

DAVE: no

DAVE: stop

DAVE: do not draw any additional squares

DAVE: do not draw any quadrilaterals or trapezoids or rectangles or fucking n-drangles and especially as fuck not any god damned rhombuses

DAVE: i dont want to see your lines making any right angles do you understand

KARKAT: IN MY MIND'S EYE I AM PICTURING A BEAUTIFUL LATTICE OF LINES AND COMPARTMENTS, INTERLOCKING WITH SUBLIME PRECISION AT NINETY DEGREE ANGLES.

KARKAT: I IMAGINE THIS MODULAR RETICULATION AS AN ELEGANT VESSEL, IF YOU WILL, FOR THE GRAND SYNTHESIS OF OUR SHARED SHIPPING DREAMS.

DAVE: no

DAVE: that is the perfect example of what you shouldnt be drawing

KARKAT: YES

DAVE: no

KARKAT: FUCK YES

KARKAT: OOH LOOK, ANOTHER SQUARE, SORT OF.

KARKAT: KIND OF WOBBLY! IT'LL HAVE TO DO.

DAVE: no you fuck

KARKAT: WAIT, I THINK IT'S COMING.

KARKAT: HERE IT COMES, MY FIRST "SHIP", IT'S GOING IN THE SQUARE!

DAVE: put the goddamn pen down

DAVE: you piece of shit

KARKAT: HELL NO.

DAVE: yes

KARKAT: WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM??

KARKAT: OW, FUCK.

DAVE: this is so sick does she even know youre doing this

KARKAT: DOING WHAT??

DAVE: splitting up her time in a grid for your stupid rotating hate date plan

KARKAT: SHE WILL SOON ENOUGH.

DAVE: what a presumptuous sack of shit put the pen down

KARKAT: NO, I'M DRAWING.

DAVE: step away from your dumb ugly scribble grid

KARKAT: GET LOST.

DAVE: youre messing up roses book

KARKAT: YOU SMELL BAD.

DAVE: dont talk to me about rank smells

DAVE: you are the fuckin big man of smellin bad

DAVE: you dominate the paint with your stonk

KARKAT: MY LUSUS BROUGHT THINGS HOME THAT SMELLED MORE APPEALING THAN YOU.

KARKAT: IMPORTANT FACT: 100% OF WHAT HE BROUGHT HOME WAS EITHER A DEAD ANIMAL, OR LITERAL FECES.

DAVE: oh yeah well check it out:

DAVE: you smell like if someone took a dump on a butt

KARKAT: HOW CAN SHE STAND YOU WITH HER SENSITIVE NOSE?

KARKAT: HAVE YOU EVER EVEN WASHED THAT RIDICULOUS OUTFIT?

DAVE: theyre magic fucking pajamas they stay like perma clean or something

DAVE: theyre enchanted and comfy as fuck give me the pen

KARKAT: NO, IT'S MINE NOW. I'M KEEPING IT ON PRINCIPLE.

DAVE: karkat whoa man what are you doing

DAVE: why are you drawing all these human dicks

DAVE: how do you even know what they look like what have you been watching??

KARKAT: I'M NOT DRAWING THOSE!!!!!!!

KARKAT: YOU'RE MAKING ME DRAW THEM, STOP THAT.

DAVE: no way

DAVE: this book is now like

DAVE: our fight fueled ouija board of cock

KARKAT: ARGH... STOP!

KARKAT: DON'T

KARKAT: NO FUCK

KARKAT: OK NO

KARKAT: YOU DREW THAT ONE

KARKAT: YOU DREW THAT ONE!!!!

KARKAT: DON'T PRETEND YOU DIDN'T!

DAVE: are you sure man

DAVE: thats the spooky thing about penis ouija you can never be sure who did the dicks

DAVE: was it you or me or maybe a ghoooost???

KARKAT: FUUUUUUUCK LET GO OF ME!

DAVE: gimme the pen

KARKAT: NO

DAVE: yes

KARKAT: NO

DAVE: yes

KARKAT: FINE TAKE IT!

DAVE: no

KARKAT: WHAT??

DAVE: were still drawing

KARKAT: LET GO

DAVE: are you kidding this is a fucking masterpiece we have to see this through

KARKAT: I'M TRYING TO LET GO OF THE STUPID PEN BUT YOU WON'T LET ME

DAVE: we are in the shit now

DAVE: we are motherfuckin entrenched in this bitch

KARKAT: YOU CRAZY FUCK

DAVE: were running out of room rose can you turn the page for us

KARKAT: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!

KARKAT: THIS ALTERCATION IS BECOMING UNCOMFORTABLY PHYSICAL, GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME.

DAVE: what are you talking about

KARKAT: YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.

DAVE: shut up and draw another penis

KARKAT: YOU DON'T EVEN UNDERSTAND THE SOCIAL IMPLICATIONS OF ALL THIS HOSTILE TOUCHING AND GRABBING DO YOU???

KARKAT: I DON'T FEEL THAT WAY ABOUT YOU STRIDER, JUST STEP OFF.

DAVE: man if you want to look at this that way then thats your business

DAVE: this is just an old fashioned beatdown where im from deal with it

KARKAT: WHY DON'T YOU OLD FASHIONED GO FUCK YOURSELF?

DAVE: stop biting my cape

KARKAT: FUFCK NYOUF.

KARKAT: RAAARARRAAUUUAAAAUUAGHGHGGHGGGGHHGH!

DAVE: shit!

#homestuck #dave strider #rose lalonde #kanaya maryam #karkat vantas #homestuck act 6 #page 4696 #page 4697 #page 4698 #page 4699 #page 4700 #page 4701 #page 4702 #page 4703 #page 4704 #page 4705 #page 4706 #page 4707 #page 4708 #page 4709 #page 4710 #page 4711 #page 4712 #page 4713 #page 4714 #page 4715 #page 4716 #page 4717 #page 4718 #page 4719

[teamsieben]

DAVE: do it

KARKAT: GIVE ME ONE GOOD FUCKING REASON.

DAVE: itd be funny

DAVE: besides dressing up as each other is like a sibling rite of passage i think

DAVE: at least rose and i did that once idk about the others

KARKAT: WE'RE NOT "SIBLINGS", DAVE. WE'RE DANCESTORS. WORDS HAVE MEANINGS, YOU KNOW.

DAVE: whatever youre each others mutual grandpas or something thats basically the same thing

DAVE: i mean i consider dirk and roxy my siblings even though theyre technically my parents

KARKAT: THEN WHY DON'T YOU GO AND SWAP-A-ROO WITH THEM. STOP HASSLING ME ABOUT KANKRI.

DAVE: no

DAVE: put on the red sweater

KARKAT: YOU KNOW KANKRI HAS TO AGREE TO THIS TOO? HE'S TOO UPTIGHT FOR STUFF LIKE THIS.

DAVE: hes already on board

[ At this very moment, Kankri loudly swings open the door and walks in. ]

KANKRI: I c9uldn't help 6ut n9tice y9u tw9 were engaging in c9nversati9n c9ncerning me. What seems t9 6e the pr96lem?

KARKAT: OH FOR GOG'S SAKE. IS THAT ONE OF MY SWEATERS?

KANKRI: Indeed it is. If y9u'll n9tice, I am als9 wearing s9me 9f y9ur pants, alth9ugh I find the waist6and severely lacking, s9 I w9uld really rather wear my 9wn.

KARKAT: SEVERELY... WAIT, BECAUSE IT'S NOT HIKED UP TO YOUR FUCKING CHEST? GOOD LUCK TRYING TO STRETCH THEM THAT FAR.

KANKRI: I didn't say I was trying t9 d9 that, 6ut thank y9u anyway f9r the well wishes.

KARKAT: UGH. ANYWAY, WHO BRIBED YOU TO GO THROUGH WITH THIS?

KANKRI: I was n9t "6ri6ed". My values 9f integrity and h9nesty w9uld never 6e shattered 6y s9me9ne else's 9ffers 9f fav9rs 9r material 96jects.

DAVE: i bribed him to say that

DAVE: but only to say that

DAVE: he put on the karkat cosplay for free

KARKAT: UGH.

KANKRI: I am n9t 9ne t9 pass up p9tential 69nding activities, especially 9nes inv9lving my dancest9r slash ect96i9l9gy twin slash 6r9ther.

KARKAT: OH NO. NOW YOU'RE SAYING THAT TOO?

KANKRI: Saying what?

KARKAT: THAT WE'RE SIBLINGS.

KANKRI: Genetically speaking, the humans are right, y9u kn9w. We share m9re DNA than human fraternal twins d9. That w9uld in fact make us si6lings 6y any stretch 9f the w9rd.

KARKAT: THAT'S NOT HOW GENETICS WORKS, OR FAMILIAL RELATIONSHIPS.

KARKAT: WHATEVER. FINE. I'LL PUT ON THE OUTFIT, BUT ONLY TO BE ABLE TO SAY THAT I DID. AND DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE TAKE ANY PICTURES.

[ There is a SUSPICIOUS CAMERA-SHAPED LUMP in Dave's pocket. ]

KARKAT: I'LL SEE YOU IN A MINUTE, LOOKING APPROXIMATELY 500% MORE IDIOTIC THAN I USUALLY AM.

KANKRI: That's incredi6ly 9ffensive, 6ut I'll let y9u 9ff this time.

KANKRI: Next time... Well, I am graci9us and t9lerant en9ugh t9 trust that there w9n't 6e a next time.

---

[ Karkat emerges from the ablution block. ]

KARKAT: FUCK MY LIFE. JUST SHOVEL OUT MY GUTS WITH AN ICE CREAM SCOOP. THAT WOULD BE PREFERABLE TO THE STINKING HOOFBEASTSHIT YOU TWO HAVE ROPED ME INTO PARTICIPATING IN.

KANKRI: S9, h9w d9 we l99k?

DAVE: pretty good

DAVE: but theres something missing

[ Dave hands Kankri a bottle of TROLL HAIR GEL, and hands Karkat a COMB. ]

DAVE: you gotta do your hair like each other or its not convincing

DAVE: i still have the headband from my rose cosplay somewhere

KARKAT: YOU COULDN'T JUST USE ONE OF HERS?

DAVE: it was for the bit

DAVE: you gotta commit to the bit

DAVE: rose has her own pair of dave shades so

DAVE: also she has a really big head her own headband kept falling off

KANKRI: I have slightly l9nger hair than Karkat, will that interfere with things?

DAVE: not really youll just look like he forgot haircut day

[ Kankri begins GELLING UP his hair, while Karkat does nothing. ]

DAVE: dude come on

DAVE: youll ruin the ph- i mean the bit

KARKAT: I'M NOT FUCKING DOING THIS.

DAVE: come on i know you want to

DAVE: you could have just refused but you didnt you put on the red sweater and the asshole leggings and the little whistle necklace

DAVE: this is the hole you dug yourself

DAVE: now lie in it

KARKAT: I FUCKING HATE ALL OF YOU.

KARKAT: FINE, I GUESS. POINT AND LAUGH. YOU CAN EVEN TAKE YOUR PICTURES FOR ALL I CARE.

KANKRI: Karkat, are y9u 9kay? Y9u seem like y9u might 6e triggered. I just want y9u to kn9w that this is a safe space and y9u can 6ack 9ut whenever y9u need t9.

DAVE: nah man its ok this is just how we banter hell be fine in like 2 minutes

KARKAT: FUCK OFF! BOTH OF YOU SHUT UP! I DON'T NEED YOUR FUCKING "SAFE SPACE", I'M FINE. JUST TAKE YOUR PICTURE AND GET ON WITH IT.

DAVE: okay

DAVE: you almost done

KARKAT: YEAH. LET ME JUST GET THIS LAST STRAND.

KARKAT: IF IT'LL EVER FUCKING STICK DOWN.

KANKRI: W9uld y9u like t9 use s9me 9f this gel? I didn't end up needing nearly as much as I th9ught.

KARKAT: NO, I CAN GET IT.

DAVE: if you say so

KARKAT: I'M READY NOW.

DAVE: ok one final touch

KARKAT: WHAT.

DAVE: karks can you relax your face

KARKAT: I'M ALREADY RELAXED.

DAVE: no i mean make it look like kankris

DAVE: and kankri you do the opposite

DAVE: you gotta really sell it i wanna show this to everyone and see if they can tell the difference

KARKAT: I THINK YOU'RE OVERESTIMATING THE LEVEL OF ACTUAL RESEMBLANCE WE HAVE TO ONE ANOTHER.

KANKRI: Well, actually... At the 6eginning 9f my Sgru6 sessi9n, when I was six sweeps 9ld, I had a s9mewhat m9re aggressive demean9r and had quite p99r p9sture.

KANKRI: What I'm saying is that the way 9ne carries 9neself can d9 a l9t f9r h9w they are perceived.

KARKAT: WHAT.

KARKAT: OKAY. WHATEVER.

KARKAT: EVERYONE STOP TALKING. DAVE, JUST TAKE THE FUCKING PHOTO.

DAVE: on it boss

[ Dave takes the photo. ]

DAVE: im gonna send this to rose immediately shell lose her shit

KANKRI: Thank y9u f9r the si6ling 69nding 9ppr9rtunity y9u've pr9vided, Dave.

KARKAT: FOR THE LAST TIME, WE'RE NOT SIBLINGS. THAT'S NOT HOW TROLLS WORK.

DAVE: no problem boblem

KANKRI: ...

KANKRI: 9kay, can I have my cl9thes 6ack n9w?

KARKAT: THANK GOG, YES, I WAS GETTING TIRED OF HOLDING THAT EXPRESSION.

---

[ BONUS SECTION ]

-- turntechGodhead [TG] sent tentacleTherapist [TT] image file vantasswap.jpg --

TG: the file name spoiled it damn

TT: I will pretend to be surprised.

TG: do you think anyone would fall for this

TG: they look fucking identical

TT: I could see it happening, particularly with the more, shall I say, oblivious members of our ragtag multiversal group.

TT: It's certainly more convincing than our own outfit swap escapades.

TG: you say that like it happened more than once

TT: It can if you want it to. It was quite funny. Don't you still have that headband?

TG: how do you remember that

TT: I know everything, my dear brother.

TT: Also, we've both been to one another's rooms several times. It isn't like we've stopped spending time with one another. I still happen to have my copy of your sunglasses, so you needn't be ashamed.

TG: im not ashamed

TT: If you say so.

TG: i was just surprised that you- HEY

TG: fine if you're trying to convince me to do another swap then sure. gimme whatever outfit you want me to wear and ill find one for you

TT: It's on. Meet me in the hallway in an hour. Bring the Vantases, they should derive some enjoyment from this as well.

[gokupowers]

do you have any tips for writing dave or rose?

!!!! i am no expert but!

dave: rambles, asks a lot of questions without waiting for the answer. his raps are truly shit. in terms of actions, i usually think of repressed closeted gay guys who compensate w hypermasculinity + the kind of people that are overly chill bc theyre super emotionally repressed. hes clearly a smart guy but he can't help but bring in a million references in all his jokes, and he remains very casual/flippant about most things (if he got stabbed, he would quip before reacting properly). later in the comic, he becomes more rambley but this is more clearly out of anxiety/habit than to be funny. it depends on which characterization you go with (early or late comic); pesterquest kinda makes him this shy blushing guy who poorly hides behind the cool guy mask, but 2009 dave was a genuine menace/vibe terrorist. like remember him and tavros' first interaction? thats p much what i think of most when i try to write him aggressively. for his rambles, i have ADHD and i have a rambley thought pattern so i just let my thoughts wander, though you might have to force yourself to do it. sometimes theres emotional beats i want to hit so i plan it out, but usually his main dialogue can be broken down into (genuine sentiment) (pop culture reference) (train of thought rambling to hide genuine sentiment) then rinse and repeat. he has a fixation on sex and dick jokes and hes very irreverent. sometimes he can be defensive. honestly the best tip is trying to remember his main character motivations: for me, i think his is being invulnerable. he's all about being the strongest person in the room; that can translate into social capital (cool guy persona/being perceived as cool), physical prowess, or whatever u want it to be. dave is a character that constantly wants to prove to himself and others that he cannot be hurt, even though he's actually kind of a sensitive guy (a pacifist whos forced to fight). his "coolness" (which is actually just being a fucking weirdo? i dont think dirk or dave actually know what being cool means other than apathetic. i def think he was homeschooled) is a mask and a compulsion, so keep that in mind! also, i think its good to have people as contrast to him bc hes so weird/aggressively chill to emphasize the weirdness of his own actions/behavior, cuz that gets lost when hes next to the other strilondes (karkat is a good comedic striaght man). one of the biggest flaws, i think, when people write him is when they make him this shy traumatized guy who can do no wrong. he clearly is capable of hurting people (and has done so!), usually as a result of his antagonistic bluster or violence. his whole character journey is about strength and confidence in a very masculine way, and that means that people can get hurt.

rose: she's literally susan sontag. most of her writing style is very similar to 70s-80s feminist scholarship, when most essays were about freud and phallic imagery. she has mommy issues and a penchant for passive aggression. like dave w irony and coolness, she hides behind big words/intellectualism and freudian psychoanalysis. they both deeply dislike not being in power/having control, though dave's comes from being conditioned into it and rose's is a genuine compulsion from her childhood. she has trouble being vulnerable/relinquishing that control. it should be noted that her psychoanalysis, while i think she's a smart girl, is almost entirely for show bc fruedian analysis is not really regarded as helpful/viable among contemporaries. she is constantly on the defense; she interprets her mom's well-meaning actions as cruelty, and doesn't trust easily/assumes the worst out of other people. when i think of her, i mostly just think: what would a lesbian with mommy/trust issues do? and its usually pretty straight forward from there. she pretends to be calm, but is prone to a lot of impulsivity and petty anger (blowing up eridans computer, blowing up her own planet/house). ironically, she's one of the easier characters for me to write, bc her character schtick is pretty much my academic writing. if you're struggling with dialogue or tone, just read some of sontag's writing LOL. like how in detective pony dirk plagiarizes a lot of derrida, i think rose would do the same with sontag. against interpretation is a good one if you're up for the read! also shes cuttingly sarcastic and smart/sees through things easily, but that can make her a really difficult person to get along with. dont be scared to make the characters unlikeable. cuz all of the HS characters kind of are unlikeable as people, esp if you dont know them well. like, shes the type of bitch to tell you john berger style all the flaws of marvel as a piece of military propaganda when you're just trying to watch chris evans' man boobs. for her, everything is deep/more than it appears on the surface. + her alcoholism is interesting because she hates giving up control, and alcoholism is what enables her to do so. i dont think most people understand inherently that she is a darker character. people do the whole horror terror stuff fine, but i mean that she is prone to cruelty and manipulation because its how she reacts to perceived danger. shes very girl dirk in that sense. people make her hyper-competent and hyper mentally healthy, but in my opinion? dont be afraid to make her a bitch, LOL.

if you get the chance lmk how your writing goes!! ^_^

#homestuck #rose lalonde #dave strider #writing #ask

[tgcg]

bad mouther, hole master

TG: kissing with tongue is gross as hell

CG: COME THE FUCK OFF IT.

TG: what

CG: I'M SAYING SHUT UP.

TG: oh

CG: IT'S NOT THAT WEIRD. IT'S LIKE THE NATURAL PROGRESSION OF REGULAR KISSING TO EVENTUALLY INCLUDE THAT. IF YOU HAD ANY SEMBLANCE OF ROMANCE GHOSTING THROUGH THE DEVOLVING REMNANTS OF YOUR THINKPAN YOU'D APPRECIATE WHAT IT BRINGS TO THE NUTRITION PLATFORM OF ANY CONSENTING CONCUPISCENT RELATIONSHIP!

TG: youre talking about it like its a goddamn military weapon or some shit

TG: some kinda scientific fuckin method to fondle a dudes mouth with your own mouth thats

TG: thats gross

TG: this isnt supposed to be a debate before fuckin congress on the pros and cons of getting your mack on

TG: its i would say a reasonably personal thing to react about and thats just my reaction man you dont gotta arbitrate it

TG: and like why the hell do they have to linger on it so long in these movies do they really want me to immerse myself in people necking each other that much

TG: roll the sounds around in my earholes like im swilling a fine fuckin wine

TG: well my professional opinion is that shit tastes and sounds mad gross and tbh i havent seen a single movie where it was close to being any kind of necessary

TG: its just a cringy waste of everyones time

CG: YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT, AND I DISAGREE WITH EVERYTHING THAT COMES OUT OF YOUR IGNORANCE GASH, YOU LUMP OF TIGHT-LIPPED CLUELESSNESS.

TG: did you just homestar me

CG: FOR THE SAKE OF ARGUMENT, SINCE YOU'RE APPARENTLY DESPERATE TO START SHIT WITH ME RIGHT NOW: HAVE YOU EVER EVEN DONE IT?

TG: hell no

CG: THANK YOU FOR PROVING MY POINT.

TG: proving your point--

TG: bro have uh

TG: have YOU???

CG: EXCUSE ME? HAVE I WHAT?

TG: come on

TG: i walked into this stupid conversation with a fucking shovel and by god am i digging myself a damn hole big and wide enough for every dave across time to squeeze in so i might as well get cosy in this shit before we all start collectively shoving dirt in our mouths

TG: bet your ass im taking you down with me though

TG: grab your spade and get digging man

CG: GRAB MY WHAT????????

TG: just tell me

CG: ???????!!!!!!!!

TG: karkat

CG: NO!

TG: f-

CG: WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM!!!!! WHAT PART OF "SHUT UP" DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND????

TG: wait no

TG: oh my god dude

TG: you can spin that shit all you want but you can do it the hell away from me

TG: i do not need to be hip to your weirdo foursquare fantasies

TG: patently not my business

CG: STOP RIGHT THERE. JUST SHUT IT. I AM PUTTING US OUT OF OUR MISERY RIGHT NOW. I AM CONDUCTING AN ACT OF MERCY ON THIS INSANE FUCKING CONVERSATION AND YOU ARE GOING TO ZIP YOUR LIPS AND TAKE IT.

CG: HERE IT IS: YOUR SINGLE OPPORTUNITY TO PRETEND YOU NEVER SAID THAT TO ME. I AM GOING TO FORGET YOU MADE A COMPLETE MOCKERY OF ME AND MY CULTURE THIS ONE TIME. AND LET YOU CONTINUE TO DIG YOUR STUPID, SHITTY HOLE.

CG: AND DAVE, I AM BEGGING YOU NOT TO WASTE IT.

CG: TO ANSWER YOUR SHOCKINGLY INAPPROPRIATE QUESTION, NO I HAVE NOT DONE IT.

CG: WHO GIVES A FLYING FUCK.

CG: HAPPY?

TG: ……..

TG: way to defuse the situation solid work

TG: real gold star effort grabbin that lit wick and blowing on it

TG: ok first of all you asked me first so dont act like im the one being a weirdo about this

TG: second of all i didnt mean it like that and you know it

TG: THIRD of all what the hell was the point of engaging the knightly theatrics then if you cant even verify that shit

CG: WELL FUCK, SORRY DAVE! I GUESS I'M JUST A FUCKING ROMANCE ENTHUSIAST! I GUESS I GIVE A MAJOR SHIT ABOUT THE THING YOU'RE OPENLY MOCKING TO MY FACE! IS THAT SO IMPOSSIBLE FOR YOU TO WRAP YOUR THOUGHT SPONGE AROUND?

CG: AND IT WAS COMPLETELY REASONABLE FOR ME TO ASK YOU THAT, YOU CONGEALED FETID NOOKSTAIN! MY STATUS ON THE MATTER HAS LITERALLY NOTHING TO DO WITH THE POINT EITHER OF US IS TRYING TO MAKE.

CG: TRY TO KEEP YOUR NUGBONE FROM CAVING IN ON ITSELF WHEN I DROP THIS BOMBSHELL: I'M ALLOWED TO HAVE OPINIONS ON THINGS I ACTUALLY KNOW ABOUT, EVEN IF I HAVEN'T DONE THEM! I DON'T JUST GO TROUNCING THE FUCK ABOUT LOBBING MY UNFOUNDED OPINIONS AT PEOPLE LIKE I KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT ANYTHING. UNLIKE SOMEONE WHO MAY OR MAY NOT BE INVOLVED IN THIS CONVERSATION WE'RE HAVING RIGHT NOW!

TG: youre

CG: I’M TALKING ABOUT YOU BY THE WAY. THE SOMEONE IS YOU.

TG: oh gimme a break

TG: bro youre going apeshit over something you havent even done

TG: you know what that sounds like to me it sounds like an overcompensating fake fan who doesnt get any

TG: you heard of troll napoleon complex

CG: AT LEAST I ACTUALLY FORMED MY OPINION BASED ON CAREFUL CONSIDERATION --

TG: -- oh yeah i bet huh

CG: -- INSTEAD OF JUST BANKING ON NUBJERK --

TG: -- not a real thing you just said

CG: -- REACTIONS AND WRINKLING MY SNIFF NUB AT ANY SIGNS OF GENUINE PHYSICAL INTIMACY!

TG: stop saying nub

CG: YOU EMOTIONALLY CONSTIPATED BULGEWAD

TG: not too much worse than being a perpetual fountain of emotional diarrhea

CG: DON'T YOU DARE.

CG: DON'T YOU DARE TRY TO USE THAT AS A "GOTCHA", YOU--… YOU! FUCK!

TG: dude did you actually run out of insults

TG: okay this is getting concerning

TG: youre the international dude of verbal dunks

TG: that can not be happening

CG: AAGHRJRGHJRGRHJAGHRJGRHJAGRHJRGRHJRGRHRJR

TG: you cant run out of em youre like the ultimate peddler of hate

CG: YOU DON'T THINK I'M CRITICALLY AWARE OF THE HOOFBEASTSHIT I'M SPEWING NIGH FUCKING CONSTANTLY?! I AM PAINFULLY COGNIZANT OF HOW MORONIC EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS IS!!!!

TG: feel like ive done some damage here

CG: ESPECIALLY MYSELF!

TG: alright bud time to calm down

CG: YOU CALM DOWN!!!!

TG: okay whatever!

CG: WHATEVER!!!!!!!!

TG: jeez

…

TG: here

…

CG: UGH.

TG: yeah

TG: really glad stuff like this happens in private

CG: YEAH. SAME HERE.

CG: JEGUS, CAN WE GO BACK TO BEFORE WE HAD THIS CONVERSATION? I DON'T ASK YOU MANY FAVORS, SO SURELY YOUR SLURRY OF ILL-DEFINED TIME POWERS CAN ALLOW YOU TO DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

CG: JUST LIKE, WIPE THAT WHOLE THING OFF THE SLATE.

CG: LET'S START OVER. SAY, FIVE MINUTES AGO. HOW DOES THAT SOUND?

TG: what conversation?

CG: OKAY, GOTCHA.

#davekat #dave strider #karkat vantas #homestuck #comix #bad mouther hole master

[fictionkinfessions]

wait i just realised how fucking mean that "this probs wont mean as much to you" sounded i didnt mean it like that at all!!! im just, yk, not very verbose, thats my bad!!!

-the same. fucking. 500 homestuck characters from that one ask direcred towards karkat. i am so sorry lol /gen

x

#fictionkinfessions #ask response #mod party cat #homestuckkin

[homestuck-iconz]

Alright both of you, here’s some randomly generated ships for you

Aradia and Eridan

Tavros and Sollux

Sollux and Nepeta

Karkat and Jade

Nepeta and Feferi

Kanaya and Jade

[I’ll make a separate ask for the other 6 trolls since this is a lot for one ask haha]

mod rose here, responding to this before mod dave can! sorry for the wait i was really busy yesterday

Aradia x Eridan [aradan? eridia?] - 5/10, kinda reminds me of one of those 'fuck the love triangle' ships if that makes sense? could be interesting i think, they'd be better friends but maybe a sort of redrom between them could be interesting? I litterally cant see anything else though.

Soltav - 7/10, an interesting one for sure! I do perfer other ships with both parties but also super duper cute. Got fucked over by vriska club thats just a polycule when/hj

sollux x nepeta - 6/10, another one thats just kinda cute! I don't have much to say on it other than that really.

jadekat - 7/10, I tend to perfer nmlnm ships with jade but jadekat has the ability to be super funny. Another 'i think this would be funnier if it was a onesided crush' ship.

fefnep - 9/10, theyre just very cute idk what you want from me.

jadenaya - 9/10, never really considered this before but why does this kinda slap actually.

#aradia medigo #tavros nitram #sollux captor #nepeta lejion #kanaya maryam #eridan ampora #jade harley #feferi peixes #mod rose #rose says things

[thewertsearch]

?GG: im through humoring you, i dont even care about this stupid exploded robot mission, whatever that was FCG: OH RIGHT, ABOUT THAT FCG: YEAH WE NEED TO TALK FCG: I MEAN WE HAVE ALREADY FROM MY PERSPECTIVE FCG: BUT YOU'RE GOING TO BE REALLY BUSY SOON, BECAUSE YOU'RE ABOUT TO ENTER YOUR SESSION FCG: SO DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT UNTIL YOU DO, THEN JUST HIT ME UP, WE'LL TALK ABOUT IT

I'm not complaining - believe me, I'm not - but it sounds like this entire conversation was pointless. If Karkat's plan doesn't kick in until after she Enters, then all this Pesterlog really did was piss Jade off.

I suppose not every conversation needs to be this huge plot-heavy loredump - hell, half of Act 1 was just the kids chilling. Sometimes it's worth it just to sit back and watch Karkat make an ass of himself.

Plus, it's probably a good thing that Jade lost her temper - it probably cleared the air a little. Karkat's been harassing her since day one, and something needed to be said.

?TG: dude i cant believe you were just getting on our case about hitting on the troll girls ?TG: and then literally the very next memo you are slobbering all over jade ?TG: thats just perfect hahahaha CCG banned ?TG: from responding to memo. FCG rebanned ?TG: from responding to memo.

Not the double banhammer!

Damn it, I wanted Dave to stay in the mix. Every group chat these kids have is fucking fantastic.

?GG: i also cant wait for past you to past drop dead and go to hell, PAST TENSE!!!!!!!! ?GG: when are those things going to happen?? or will have already past/future happened????? ?GG: i want to put another reminder on my finger so i know when its time to throw a party!!!!

And I think I know which finger you're most likely to use!

FCG: HOW'S THIS FOR A PACT, EVERYBODY. FCG: PAST KARKAT ONLY TALKS TO PAST JADE FROM NOW ON, AND THE TWO OF THEM CAN BICKER LIKE SHITTY LITTLE CHILDREN FOR HOURS/YEARS RESPECTIVELY. FCG: AND FUTURE KARKAT ONLY TALKS TO FUTURE JADE, AN ARRANGEMENT WHEREIN ONLY INTELLIGENT DISCOURSE TAKES PLACE BETWEEN TWO CIVILIZED, MATURE, GROWN ASSED ADULTS.

Woaugh,, so you're saying, like, your conversations should respect the linear flow of time, thereby sidestepping the headache-inducing complexities of Trollian's nonlinear messaging?

Dude, that is such a good idea. Why didn't you think of it sooner? Why didn't you think of it sooner, Karkat?

You consult your reminders to get your bearings on what to do next. But you can't remember what they mean at all. You have a feeling these are all useless now.

Many of those reminders were tied to Skaian prophecies, and were probably stored in Dream Jade's brain. To you, they're useless - and it's not like you can make any more.

Jade the Seer is dead.

The hour of the Witch is upon us.

#act 5.2 #full liveblog #homestuck liveblog #s80 #2852