#which is longer than I plan to work

[trivialbob]

My city has a biennial "Curbside Cleanup" event in April. People can set out large items for a special trash collection. We put things out starting on a Thursday. They are collected by trash haulers on Saturday.

In the days leading up to the collection people ("scavengers" we call them) drive slowly through the neighborhoods looking for scap metal or items that are perfectly usable. It's kind of fun to watch the procession of beat up pickup trucks, U-haul trailers, and small cars with stuff tied to the roof.

Sheila and I sometimes host a watch party in the driveway. This year her brother grilled his Billy Burgers (amazing smash burgers) for all of us while we drank beer and waived at the drivers.

This year I got rid of an office chair, a couch, an ottoman, a usable vacuum cleaner (I left a sign on it stating that it worked), and a broken carpet shampooer. All but the couch were taken by people before the city came by on Saturday.

One year I put out a different couch and ended up helping a guy load it into his van. He didn't look poor. I asked what he was going to do with the couch. Perhaps it would go in the basement for the kids to use while gaming and eating chips?

"I own some rental properties. I like finding usable furniture to put in them." I got rid of something I'd replaced with a new couch, he got a couch for free. Nice how that works out because the couch didn't (yet) make it to the landfill.

Something inevitably seen on every block are office chairs set of for collection. Two years ago I put one out at the curb. Two years before that was another one. This year my current chair's "leather" was cracked. The latch or gear that can be set to not allow rocking or reclining sometimes worked. More than once I'd lean back and exclaim "oh shit" as I fell backwards. My neck and shoulders were starting to hurt when I worked.

That's no way to live.

This afternoon I went to a business that sells professional office furniture. The showroom is open to the public. A guy asked me some questions about how I sit, where I keep my keyboard, and so on.

He showed me two not inexpensive chairs. I loved the first one I sat in. I did try the other one. Then he said I could look around the used furniture showroom. I saw some decent, heavy-duty chairs there, but that first one I sat in, the new one, was perfect for me so that's what I bought. It will pay for itself because I won't be buying Target/Costco/Staples office chairs every other year.

My desk right now is from Ikea. It's held up okay, maybe 6/10 in how much I like it. New desks at today's store were very sturdy and high quality.

And expensive.

But I saw some used desks that had a few dings or scratches that cost lest than my Ikea desk. They looked like they'd last a lifetime. I wish I'd shopped here earlier.

#My chair has a 10 year warranty #which is longer than I plan to work #It can be fixed right at that warehouse if that is ever needed #And thank goodness I did not have to f'ing assemble it

[belligerentbagel]

even Atlas has only two hands

vent art

#this one's for all the teachers out there #horror cw #hands cw #draws #after 2.5 years of caution and masking everywhere; i tested positive for covid on wednesday morning (first day of fall semester) 😔 #at earliest; i can be back in the classroom on monday #wednesday itself was an absolutely horrible 24 hours (but admittedly the anatomist side of me has been going 'ah! physiological data!') #but thursday and friday were a grim indicator of how much capitalism has rotted my brain #because after getting through 24 hours of a MASSIVE illness with undetermined long-term effects; i felt compelled to return to the #6-hr-sleep 18-hr-waking cycle that i was accustomed to; out of GUILT for falling behind in work #(note: i was NOWHERE near 100% back on thursday. i could have charitably been put at 50% - still headaches & fatigue & productive coughs) #a friend had to very sternly tell me 'you cannot solve structural problems through constant 80-hour-week heroic measures' #'you especially cannot do this when you are recovering from a debilitating illness which has the potential to remain a - #- serious lingering problem if you overwork yourself' #like. gods. yeah. it's not my fault that my classrooms are stuffed to the student maximum that our union has valiantly maintained #it's not my fault that the district only gave us one pre-semester prep day; meaning that my room & plans were left unfinished before day one #and - even bigger; it's not my fault that public health in the US is careening into 'can we pretend hard enough like nothing's happening' #my students will have a milquetoast start this fall semester. that is fine. #their teacher might not be able to stand and talk for longer than ten minutes at a time #i will do what i can. i still care about them. i am reading their introduction emails and smiling a bunch. #but i refuse to allow myself to be consumed in order to keep this fire lit.

[hawkeyeslaughter]

if you have any favorite henry blake scenes please tell me in the replies and if you know the episode put it down !! <3 :]

#its for the edit hehe !! #sans any abyssinia scenes sorry guys but you’ll see why #but like i said in my earlier post it is gonna be longer so feel free to comment more than one if you’d like !! #also don’t sweat it if you can’t remember the episode if you think you can guess which one it is or know the season just say that #and i’ll try to dig the scene up #considering how much homework i did yesterday my only plans today are to finish the henry edit work on the trapper edit and #watch welcome to korea #mash #mashposting #m*a*s*h #mash 4077 #mashblr #henry blake #colonel blake

[deoidesign]

please take as much time as you need to rest and recover. burn out is so hard and takes so much to heal from. your art and your supporters will still be here when you get back :) take care <3

Thank you very much

Unfortunately, my situation doesn't really allow me to take the time I need. I've got a ~two month hiatus scheduled for my midseason, but much like my first hiatus I'll most likely be working double time during it...

It's unfortunate because I could really really use a bigger break!

Having the time and flexibility to work on other projects really fires me up and keeps me going, and being able to take a guilt free day off for family and friends is necessary to my mental health, and I've been having to turn people down lately...

This is a very kind message, and I'm sorry to vent in response! But I just feel transparency about the pressure I'm under is necessary and important. I'd love to take the time I really need, but due to deadlines and that pesky "needing money to live" I can't.

But, once the series is over I intend to take a pretty big break before I start whatever I'm doing next! I've got so many short stories and projects planned that I want so badly to get to, I can't wait to really get to truly dive in to them!

#im so sorry to take a nice message and respond like this! but just... trust me haha i know my supporters are genuinely here for me <3 #but webtoon... not so much unfortunately. i mean im sure i could take a longer break but theres the looming anxiety #that ill get in trouble or itll ruin my chances of working with them again etc etc #i took this week and i genuinely took it off. sort of? i flew to a convention which was exhausting #and i did paintings that i hope to print eventually #and i. started planning and prepping for a Kickstarter. for time and time again... #so ive still been working the whole time. but i love working! #i just... like to be able to work on things OTHER than time and time again... #and unfortunately for a few months. more than a few months. i haven't been able to do anything outside of it. #even all of my paintings have been for it cause i cant afford to switch my mindset! #my first hiatus i moved. worked on a pitch for my next series. and then i made two episodes a week the entire time #and i still ran out of episodes... #i dont know if im just not fast enough or if something is wrong with my brain that i have to fight to get it to focus but. #yeah i mean ive been burned out! been really burned out for like a year now #i can tell by how much better i feel after literally 1 week of doing anything else #and how tired i feel explaining this and knowing ive got another 3 months before i get another break #ok sorry i vented a lot more in the tags. it's hard to explain all of this eloquently and i like my posts to be somewhat professional #asks #anon #vent #delete later #and also how often my brain keeps wanting me to like. beg for 'nice words' from other people #(i always stop myself from asking people for compliments and stuff because otherwise i get very carried away and do it too regularly) #(people are very nice to me all the time. the kindness is endless and i need to let myself recognize and appreciate it rather than seek more #(its sort of a mental health thing I've been trying to like... force myself to do) #(for myself and my longevity but also for others sake lol. ive been bad about it in the past)

[sualne]

I'm so excited/terrified to see what happens after crocodile betrays Robin cause like. She's Luffys best friend and he's so not gonna take that well. Part of me thinks that Luffys gonna runaway(with Robin?) because of it and that's how we're gonna start meeting other people

:^^^^^^^^^^^^^)

#crocau ask #arc 1 is like. so close yet so far. like. i have the mini arc within the prologue thats about 4 comics long (could become 5) and then the #last thing i need to do is show robin's relationship between luffy and croc more clearly. which is at least 2 comics but might need more. #so including the comic im working on theres at least 7 comics left before were done with prologue!! but!! theres also the keeping up with #the strawhats interlude before we can start arc1 and mannn. im all hyped in my corner and i cant draw that fast (and shouldnt) #the prologue has already turned much longer than i had originally planned (and is much better for it for sure) but ough. hype

[toytulini]

terfs go climb into a hole and start rotting. animals cannot inherently tell your "biological sex" you are all so fucking stupid. All this post is saying is that animals are not infallible judges of character and some of them make really stupid vibe checks and that people should try not to take it personally. Unless youre a terf in which case they know and they hate you and you should take it personally

re that one post tbh i do want to stress i dont think animals are like magically psychic at knowing your True Gender tbh i think ppl definitely get way too weird about Animal's judgement of ppl.

Sometimes a dog will vibe check a man and the dog will be right and you should listen. but sometimes the dog will vibe check someone for no good reason. sometimes dogs have wack judgement. sometimes dogs have biases influenced by their owners or previous owners. like. there are Racist Dogs. its not the dogs fault, but that doesnt make the bias theyve developed less real, or less potentially hurtful. i dont think we need to like, Cancel Dogs Bc Sometimes Ppl Can Train Them To Be Racist, but we do need to stop perpetuating the idea that a dog's judgement of someone is infallible. theyre not responsible for it and its not their fault its developed, theyre just dogs, they didnt choose it, but that doesnt mean theyre RIGHT lmao. i think its important to stress this for many reasons but in regard to that last post specifically, if youve ever been vibe checked as a gender you arent by a judgy dog its literally not your fault. might not even be the owners fault. not the dogs fault cos like. its a fucking dog. you do kinda have to be the bigger person in that scenario cos the other person is. A Dog.

#toy txt post #this was meant to be a quick post it got a bit longer and more in depth than i planned oops #i just hate when ppl act like All Dogs have Inherently Correct Judgement Of People #like from every angle. its funny to joke about but i know theres ppl out there who might be feeling like #very fragile in their gender or smth and seeing a post like that if they meet a dog that normally hates men but not women but it doesnt #recognize your inherent true gender im sure seeing shit like that post can be a horr #got interrupted by a phone call while typing it and the post is glitching so i cant see where that tag is cut off so uh #dogs are like ppl in that they can develop biases and have bad judgement and they dont always get it right #they are not like ppl in that it is not possible to ask a dog to examine its biases. you cannot make a dog take a class on #critical race theory. you have to work to socialize and desensitize them against those biases or at least make sure those biases theyve #developed dont negatively impact ppl. in this sense i guess im morally obligated to try to learn more spanish to see if it helps my dog #chill. shes nervous around all new ppl but parents have anecdotally noted she extra dislikes men speaking in spanish. she was a stray so we #dont really know her history. she also does Not like fire pokers outside. weirdly even tho its basically the same tool she is unfazed by #the indoor poker for the woodstove? but ig she wouldve had less exposure to indoor woodstoves as a stray in Louisiana? #but i can see like ppl having a little backyard barbecue and threatening the big mastiff looking stray dog with a fire poker and i think #that region of the country prolly has a higher number of spanish speaking ppl than our current residence so the odds of her running into a #spanish speaking guy who isnt very nice are prolly higher just due to a denser population as a whole. and we think shes part mastiff which #i think is a breed already prone to disliking strangers that probably cooked up into a little cocktail in her brain #luckily shes bad enough with All Strangers that i think honestly it would be hard to even notice her bias? but. ig i need to see if i can #desensitize her? idk. sighs but im scared to open duolingo now 😭. but i could maybe do it. when other ppl wear hats she fucking hates it #i wear a fucking face covering mask that looks like a giant eyeball she looks at me a little quizzically but is fine. jester hat? fine #i am like that video of the person desensitizing that horse except thats just like. living w me. minus the cat thing. id never do that to #the cats or dog. everyone would hate that. squirrel already cant tolerate being held while a dog is out cos he THINKS im going to do that. #it would traumatize the dog cos he'd injure me escaping and then prolly her trying to scare her off to get past her and shes just minding #her business. solo i cant hold that long but is less likely to injure anyone. shadow. first of all all 3 are way too heavy to be holding #like that #im getting lost in the tags again sorry im chewing caffeinated gum. i should go try to buy some catnip #ive made my Phone Calls. im gonna try to go get dressed and buy various catnip products. maybe lure him with a toy this time. need my #parents to help me but not be so visibly Ready to help me next time cos i do not want to chase his ass again...

[spaghett-onaplate]

it's literally not a good idea in any way shape or form but I want to get a second job in fast food

#it's not a good idea bc the wages are GARBAGE compared to retail #Macca's base rate for my age is less than half my sunday rate #and they don't get much beyond the base rate #whereas retail we have an incredible base rate AND more weekdays past 6pm and weekends (sat is the same as mon-fri 6pm #and sunday is significantly more) #and like yeah im not getting many shifts but if i were to ask for more I still wouldn't be able to work more than 4 hour shifts til july #bc my retail corporation is surprisingly ethical and extends the age limits by a lot #whereas my friend has a 7.5 half hour shift tomorrow AFTER school. on a week night 😁 #which is actually horrifying and should nawwt be legal. thats school 9-3 (+20 min) then work 4-11:30 btw #like i should just wait til my birthday in july n ask for more shifts in retail but i want to try fast food #even though the pay is incredibly ridiculously bad (<10 AUD) (yes our adult minimum wage is a good ~23 but under 21 is a percentage of that #like the pay is so bad so i would earn the same or more doing wayy less hours than retail #but i kinda want to get the fast food experience bc it'll be more difficult to get hired as i age #bc i want to save up 20k for top surgery but at the rate im going it'll be difficult to have even thay #let alone savings after top surgery or money to get a car before #and as school gets more difficult it'll be harder to work more #so maybe i should just grind for a few months or til the end of the year then go back to retail exclusively? #and enjoy higher pay and some longer shifts? #but idkkk it's just such a dilemma bc i want more shifts than I'll get at retail but fast food pays so little #but i also really want the experience and to just try it out #im gonna. idk im gonna sit on it for a bit bc i want to get my legal name change sorted before i apply to any second jobs and that will #take a while #so i shall consider. draw up a timetable. write a pros and cons list #yes that sounds like a solid plan #whoop typo but im on mobile i meant 'wayy less hours IN retail'

[jonny-b-meowborn]

I am genuinely so terrified of the fact that I have to find a job now. I'm trying to think of or look up a job that's suitable for my mentally ill autistic ass and I just. I don't know. Everything either requires some very specific qualifications that I don't have, or seems at best awfully exhausting, at worst literally putting me in danger. And I'm not even exaggerating, I genuinely think that working in retail, for example, could possibly kill me if I was forced to do that job for long enough. I sometimes get overwhelmed to the point of crying when there's too many other customers while I'm shopping, I can't imagine working in an environment like that. I suppose physical jobs could work, I've been to this blueberry plantation twice last week and mentally I was fine, but it was. So tiring. And you don't even make that much money a day, I don't think I could earn enough even if I did work there everyday, not to mention it's only a seasonal job. Right now it's fine for me to go there every now and then, but if I wanted to move out and become independent I'd have to get an actual day job. And that sounds impossible. The only job that sounds good to me is being an artist, it's not too mentally or physically difficult, and it's something I enjoy. But I'd have to get commissions constantly or start a small business or something like that to actually survive. And I'm not saying it's impossible, I know that people can live by being an artist, but it's so hard to get into that field. I wish I could do it but I dont know if it's possible for me. Makes me wanna cry. I hate this I hate that my brain isn't suited for this world and still I have to participate in all that shit that everyone has to do. My brain isn't made for working like that

#I've talked about this a lot with my sister who is also autistic #and were both like. on a similar level of autism i dont know how to properly explain it #were functioning in similar ways i guess #and we both agreed that we're in this awkward spot of being autistic #where we're not suited for living in this world the way we're expected #but we're good enough at surviving that we can't really ask for help #like from the government or smth #im not sure if im making sense #but like neither of us ever had a normal job for longer than a few days #she's incredibly lucky bc her boyfriend (also autistic lol) has rich parents #so he's able to have a small business where hes making youtube content and games and merch #and he gets financial support from his parents. so he can have the job he feels comfortable with and enjoys #and my sister is now able to work with him. theyre both making their silly little games and trinkets and are able to live normally #which is just so great for her i love that. im also so jealous lmao #and then theres me who also is made for creating art and not much else but im not lucky enough to be able to do that and survive #idk. my mom is great and doesn't put too much pressure on me. she was the one to take me to that blueberry job #and she really supprts my plans to be an artist full time #but still. thats really difficult to do. ugh #sometimes i wish that i either wasnt autistic at all or was 'less functioning' so at least i could get some help with living #bee buzz

[stevethehairington]

omg had a stroke of inspiration and managed to get the bare bones of two parts of my stobin zine fic downnnn right before the first check in tomorrow 🎉

#i was so worried #bc ive been lowkey struggling with it? like every time i tried to write it wasnt working out #and what i did have for it already was... not robin centric yet ghdksk #which. uh. kind of a problem for the STOBIN zine 😂😂 #but i finally got to her parts and im feeling much better and it can only go up from here #(tho i have a feeling im gonna have to cut/rework the beginning bc rn its a steddie convo #(that does include robin in it but like only mentioned) #but yeah it was just steve+eddie & it got. longer than i planned which means it defs has to get trimmed since again this is the STOBIN zine #but when i am allowed to post it to ao3 maybe ill bring back the deleted scenes for an Extended Edition lol #(a common theme for my zine pieces so it seems LMAO) #mack writes

[moonshine-nightlight]

Should we expect another chapter of Dale this weekend, or is it next weekend?

@roolsilver

this coming weekend is officially a Dale weekend. i should have put up the next Free Piano chapter this past sunday, but i'm behind (which is why Dale basically posted an entire week late).

work is still really busy (i'm at the office right now)

my plan though is that i'm gonna prioritize Dale and then post a few off sunday Free Piano parts to get back to my original schedule for that story, hopefully within a week or two cuz i'm also trying to do nanowrimo? which is probably a mistake? and work likely isn't gonna slow down, though i'm trying to catch back up with that too

i just don't want to get behind on Dale because January-March is The Busy Season for my work and i will be on hiatus for probably all writing during those months (which i did last year and is why there was that big gap between Part 3 and Part 4 lol) it might be more mid-Jan to mid-April but still a three month hiatus

#asks #story asks #nothing's wrong with dale #dale #dale asks #work is very busy and i'm being pulled in more directions than i lik and i feel lik i'm behind and everythings taking longer than it should #but i think dec will b better than nov - trying to finish off some projects so they get off my plate #why was i lik #yeah #i can do nano for a completely unrelated writing project that wont evn go on this blog? #i just pivoted so hard this year into original writing and i miss some of the fanfic writing i was doing #the plan is 10k for piano #10k for dale #and 30k for other story #so 50k in total which is sort of cheating but lik #who cares #already behind with the word count too #how is it November? how is it wednesday? how is it after 8 pm? #these are the questions i ask myself while making lists and sending emails and listening to this girl slam hilariously bad movies #in the office of my work in the dark by myself #what was the original question? #oh right #there will b a dale chapter this sunday #roolsilver

[paigemathews]

I like. briefly mentioned it in the tags of my last post, but one of the (unending) story ideas on my to write list is about. Well, not necessarily about the origins of the Nexus but includes the origins of the Nexus, lore about prophesied witches, power building for the Phoenix, and an apocalyptic threat. The problem is that it's not one of my current WIPs in rotation. Not even a little! But that's the one I'm thinking about right now. I don't know what to do about this.

#abi speaks #for the record i am still in fact alive and obsessed with charmed #just. work. i have multiple jobs and therefore no time for anything else but work sleep and eat #with eat being a little too optional most days so unfortunately v limited charmed time #but i'll hopefully be getting one fulltime job soon so i'll have actual free time #which i desperately miss having lmao #but yeah i have way too many projects rn man #i may actually post them soon tho bc two of them just need finishing edits and two more just need to finish drafts #the other one has turned into a significantly longer thing than i'd originally planned tbh #lmao i feel like i discuss ideas and projects a lot for someone who hasnt actually POSTED anything in a hot minute #i swear i do actually write just. slow atm.

[tardis--dreams]

God i could have such a chill evening if it wasn't for that doctor's appointment tomorrow morning looming over me

#this wouldn't be so stressful if i didn't have to take a train to get there #the ride is only 4 minutes but i have to walk to the dr's office for 1.8 km which is about 24 minutes #but i haven't really been to this town before and don't know the way so i have to use maps to get there #and the appointment is at 8:30am and the train i would Like to take is scheduled for 7:54 am which would be fine #if the fucking bahn worked and was punctual for once but there's no punctual trains in this godforsaken country #so my anxiety tells me that this train will arrive 8:15 am at the earliest instead of at 7:58am #so i would be late and i can't be late i would just kill myself #but if i want to play it safe i have to take the train 30 minutes earlier which would mean I'd have one hour #to walk there and I'm Really not in the mood of just spending 30 minutes waiting outside like a weirdo because i have too much time left #so my options are either take the risk and be relatively punctual rather than having 35 minutes left to spare #or just waste an hour of my life because I'm too afraid to potentially be late #also the fact i have to wait for a train back home again and cannot plan this at all because idk how long I'll be in the office #is so annoying #and also I've never been to this doctor and i don't know how the whole thing will go and how the rooms and everything look like #and it's stressing me out #also that i have to plan at least 2 hours for an appointment that probably won't take longer than 5 minutes #because of the fucking trains #anyway #i should go to sleep now #40 hours without sleep and not more than 4 hours on average the days before have left me broken lmao #i gotta practice my lines though. i cannot go in without a rehearsed script. gotta be careful around doctors and choose your words wisely #otherwise they won't take you seriously or think you're overdramatic and dismiss any concern as 'anxiety' #yeah no i don't trust them- i hate relying on them- let me be free ahhh #void screams

[theunconcernedembalmer]

Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3 // Part 4 // Part 4.5 // Part 5 // Part 6 //

Hopefully I can get at least the next part out before work kills me. Unlikely but I will try ahaa

#aesop carl #identity v #identity v embalmer #victor grantz #identity v postman #unconcerned comic #modern ghost au #at this point im just doing whatever the hell i want to. although i guess thats what ive always been doing HAHAHAHAH #god i dread going back to work. im never gonna be able to draw again for the next 6 months #i wish i could find a job that like. has better work life balance. but i damned my ass to this profession for a while #my comics are gonna be more simple rn. i dont think my energy is going to be any better rn #i didnt manage to draw anything for christmas just cos i was so tired. this comic took me way longer than id like it to be #i was doing like a page a day. thats so slow. head in hands #which is also why i dont think ill be able to get out the next part of the comic soon. but if not then im seriously just going to like #disappear off the face of the earth for a few more months. which i personally hate #i planned at least until part 4. please brain let me have this before next week. i know thats a tall order. god

[essektheylyss]

Please find me alternatingly running around my apartment screaming or laying facedown in the carpet for the next 7-10 business months

#yeah. it's that fucking long. #it's also nOT DONE THIS IS JUST. A WILD MILESTONE. #probably got 20k left at LEAST and that's just to get to the end of the draft #I know there are several scenes that need to be added #and honestly probably some less plot heavy scenes for flavor #because god has cursed me for my hubris and my work is never finished #I also hit my 100k milestone for the month which is what I wanted to get to cuz uhhh I am catching up on my yearly goal #not quiiiiite caught up but I can maybe go back to a more sane pace #will I? who fucking knows #anyway covid tried hard to nerf me and it FAILED #tbh in like. any other circumstances I would actually find this way too long but. #here it's actually how long this needs to be #cuz THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU GO 'yeah I wanna write a melodrama' #like yeah you know what. this is how long soap operas are for a year's time. like yolo #honestly soap operas are a lot longer than this so #anywayyyyy #honestly knowing script lengths this is probably about comparable to a year of a broadcast show #which is yanno pretty much as planned #I will stop muttering now and go back to my work

[courfee]

im 15k words away from my original estimate of operation wanker but still have 3.5 chapters left to write

hmmm i think this might turn out a tiny bit longer than 75k words...

#i mean my original original estimate was below 50k cause i didnt want to write chapters that are longer than 5k #(now my longest chapter has over 10k so that worked out great) #and here on tumblr i did already raise my estimate to 80k which still might happen since the last couple chapters have somehow #a lot less plot than all the other ones #at least in my prognosis and plot planning #who knows where they might lead #operation wanker #fic rant

[theres-whump-in-that-nebula]

When you subscribe to a spooky and macabre channel and you go onto the channel page, and the first thing you’re greeted with is a closeup picture of the eyes of someone who is your ONLY fight or flight trigger :P

#Can’t look at him for longer than five seconds without his stupid face being burned into my mind for the rest of the day #and the only way to get rid of it is by “flushing” my brain with a very specific set of music #To be fair… the trauma I suffered in this specific instance was 100% self-inflicted… well… maybe 98% considering the circumstances #Because I was desperate to do something to keep everyone safe and feeling a lot of pressure to not be a bystander #So I came up with a batshit crazy plan — which surprisingly worked… at what cost though? lol #I just barely got over the issues caused by my little scheme after four years of feeling like an irredeemable monster #Like just now… three months ago #And I think because I’ve gotten over it; I cringe more now than I did back then because I’m not so desensitized to it anymore #from ALWAYS having to do that to myself to protect people (now I have better methods that involve no mental harm) #(a little physical strain and tiredness if I decide to go all out; but it’s a much more compatible fit overall)