#and the appointment is at 8:30am and the train i would Like to take is scheduled for 7:54 am which would be fine | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

stephspurs · 3 years

Text

A Family Affair | Euro 2020 Football Fanfiction

hey besties!! here is part 8! Part 8 see's Amelia in a change of colours, her friendship with Jorgi explored more, an awkward Chelsea player and a cheeky Villa boy. Please enjoy & send me your thoughts! Love always, Steph xx

Part 8. | parte otto

word count; 1569 writing tools; third person until dashed line, first person thereafter. next update; Wednesday 11/08 5pm AEST. Updates are three times/week (Monday, Wednesday & Friday)! tags (as requested by users); @footballffbarbiex @obsesseds-world @abysshaven link to fic masterlist here

Landing in the rarely-sunny but always wonderful London town, Amelia was swiftly picked up from the airport by a man in a blacked out Mercedes van and driven away to her new club-appointed accommodation in the royal borough of Kensington and Chelsea. The 24 year old couldn’t help but feel a sense of home resonating through her body. Yes, Italy was also her home for the last 3 years, but there was something in the air in London that really made her believe that this is where she was meant to be.

Whilst happy that her quintessentially-British townhouse was a mere stones throw from Stamford Bridge and her family home just on the other side of the park in Holland Park she was still a 30+ minute commute, without traffic & one way, from Cobham. Beggars can’t be choosers, at least this way she was close to the hustle and bustle of London City, as well as her family and old friends.

A few days had passed since her talk with Fede, her swift departure from bella Italia saw only a small gathering occur at her apartment with some of the juventus boys on the eve before her flight. Constant check-ins from La Cosa Nostra whatsapp group chat, of course the word had spread to the rest of the Italian national team before she had even returned home from Fede’s place, meant that she was never left alone to her thoughts for too long.

Keeping the promise he had made when she phoned to tell him the news, Jorgi was knocking on her front door at 7:30am the following Monday morning, ready to drive the both of them to Cobham for Amelia’s first full day of work. He was the only person who knew she was taking this offer, other than the professional staff at Chelsea FC who had to organise her contract, so it was very much a nerve-wracking drive to the suburban training ground.

“Sapevo che stavi bene con il blu Azzurri, ma il blu Chelsea è un'altra benedizione che mi è stata conferita” (i knew you looked good in Azzurri blue, but Chelsea blue is another blessing bestowed upon me) Jorgi exclaimed as she opened the door to his car and slid in, having stopped right in front of her house in a no-park zone.

“Morning Jorgi, Thanks so much for picking me up - i’ll sort out a car this weekend i suppose”

“It's not a problem, I'm only a couple of streets away anyway so it's not out of my way.”

The pair caught up on the past couple of weeks without each other, speaking on the Fede situation and Amelia’s feelings. The best thing about Jorgi was how he was able to see both sides of the story. He valued Amelia's opinion and feelings as much as his long-time friend, Fede. He knew how hard it was for both parties to come to an amicable separation & he was making a mental note to call his italian pal to thank him for letting the girl go.

Amelia’s first day at Cobham was heavily administrative, spending a lot of time sorting out paperwork, meeting the team of staff she would be joining, getting her uniform, sorting out her office. After a quick bite to eat with the head analyst, Paolo (she just couldn’t seem to escape the Italians altogether), she collected her leather bound notebook and followed her colleague to the first team wing of Cobham. Whilst she was strictly working with the first team, she had expressed interest early on & stipulated it in her formal acceptance, that she wanted the opportunity to work with the academy players and the freedom to dip into the talent pool of Chelsea youth, to assist in perfecting her tactical plays.

She couldn’t deny that the blue of her uniform was the perfect shade to bring out the blue in her more-often-than-not grey eyes, she felt comfortable in it, she felt part of the team. Pushing open the door ahead of them, Paolo stood to the side like a true gentleman and gestured to Amelia through the door first.

______________________________________________________________

Walking in, I noticed that the scene in front of me was similar to the first time I met with some of these players. With their backs to me, facing the front, listening to every word that Tuchel was saying to them. I snuck in, stood to the side and waited for my introduction which came very shortly after.

“I want you all to meet the new tactical analyst that the club has appointed following a very successful european campaign this past summer, Amelia White” Thomas directed towards me, and just like that, a slight bit of deja-vu settled in as i watched 30+ sets of eyes turn to look at me. Some were happy to see me, some were polite and offered a small smile, and just one set looked a little shocked and very guilty.

“I trust you all will treat her with the respect that you show me, Paolo and all other members of this professional staff. We had to fight tooth and nail for this girl to join us and I can’t express how lucky we all are to be learning from her.” Tuchel dismissed his team, Jorgi pushing through the chairs to get to me.

“Amelia! What a surprise! Why didn’t you tell me about this!” Jorgi rushed over to me and wrapped me in a hug that I didn't return. Less than impressed with the boy's antics and sarcasm.

“Oh be quiet, you drove us both here today.” I spoke with a smile and rolled my eyes.

“Always the trouble maker Jorgi!” Mason Mount spoke from behind him.

“Amelia, nice to see you again! Can’t believe you didn’t tell us in the group chat!” Mason continued as he greeted me hello.

“Haha yeah, it all happened very quickly & to be honest, my decision wasn’t final until a couple of days ago. I had a few opportunities and I had to weigh up my options, Chelsea were willing to go a bit above the other clubs so it became obvious. Besides, someone once told me I would look good in the Chelsea blue” That someone also being the person who avoided my messages, and who is currently avoiding my eyes.

Later that evening.

“As if I deserved to know you picked the blues on sky sport?” Jack questioned the girl over facetime that evening, keeping their friendship tradition alive and cooking together.

“It all happened so quickly Jack, I was in talks with a few clubs and there was a bit of a tussle and negotiation stage and then I just had to pick one. Chelsea offered me the opportunity to foster the youth team talent and no one else was willing to cross-contaminate their professional staff” Amelia hurried down the phone, afraid that she hurt the brummie lad’s feelings.

“Calm down Mils, it's fine! I’m only playin wiv’ya. I’m happy for you - and me too, now I can come visit ya and have a place to stay in the city” He joked back to her. Jack had a certain way of calming the girl down, he reminded her a lot of Fede. He could read her before she came to terms with her own thoughts and feelings.

“Are you trying to tell me that you, with all of your friends and all of your money, need to rely on little old me for a place to stay in the city?” The joking tone went back to normal with the two flirtatious friends.

“No, I'm just saying that I'm happy you’re in the city. Ya know, it’s only a 2 hour drive. I could easily come down on a Friday after training and be back before a Sunday game…”

“2 hours is far too long to be in the car just to spend the day with me”

“That's where you’re wrong, it would be two nights and one whole day. Besides, 2 hours in the car is better than having to fly to get to you. I was prepared to do the latter anyway before your big move back to London” Oh did her heart swoon inside her chest, a quick blush spread across her cheeks and a little chuckle left her lips - unable to find the right words to say back to him.

Amelia knew the dangers of the situationship, this was exactly how it happened with Fede. She couldn’t help that she was naturally playful and flirtatious, she often didn't know she was doing it. Normal conversations to her often appeared like a hardcore flirt-fest to anyone who happened to be around the girl. She didn’t want to cross that line with Jack, she knew better than to do that, especially with how she hurt Fede in the end. She didn’t know where she was going to be in a few years, nor where he was going to be.

What she also recognised in the older lad that Fede also possessed, and she would be surprised if he didnt considering he is a professional football player, is that he was determined. Too determined that sometimes it was more about the chase and the challenge, rather than the aftermath or the reward. She knew Jack wouldn’t give up on her and would always be there for her. Was it bad that she enjoyed it?

Part 9. | nona parte

57 notes · View notes

prorevenge · 5 years

Text

Manager from hell gets what she deserved!

TL;DR at the bottom. Story is from 11 years ago. So if I get a few details mixed up, please pardon that. English is my second language, so might make grammatical/structural errors. Please do forgive that as well.

It was late 2007 and I had just gotten a part time job offer in your neighborhood electronic (and now defunct) store named RS (Shortcut for something that had Radio in the beginning and Shack in the end). I was a college kid and about a few months before, I had a knee surgery which forced me to quite my previous part-time job. So when I joined RS, I was told that aside from extremely rare circumstances of when I may have to fetch a thing or two from the back room or basement, my Job was to "Sell". I was a Sells Associate/Customer Assistance. And we had one or two Stock person(s) whose sole job was to stock the shelf, fetch the merchandise, etc. Then the store management; those are salaried employees.

For us, the sells associates, we would get paid by the hour and it was ABSOLUTELY the minimum wage. But if you sell RS branded accessories, then we would get something like maybe 5 percent of the selling price ( do not recall exact amount; been more than 11 years now). And when we sold brand new cellphones, we would get 20 or 25 Dollars per NEW account. 10 Dollars for additional line on that. And if we upgraded (re-locked the contract for another 2 years), we would get 10 dollars for that account (can be one line or can be more than one). This extra parentage was called "Spiff". The Stock person is supposed to be paid little bit more than the minimum salaries and that's about it. All of us were trained weekly to sell "Addons". And the better Seller you are, the more money you can make.

Since when I joined the store, I was required to spend my own money to buy the color combination clothes that the corporate office decided for the season. One time it was Red Shirt and Black pants. Another time it was Black Shirt and gray pants. etc. And since your clothes has to be presentable, that means buy two of each at least! With your own money!!

Few days after I joined, I get to know that the Stock person is friend/relative of the manager. So, he gets to seat down in the back room "For Training" while we have to Fetch the merchandise that we sell! As I mentioned earlier, I had a knee surgery not even two months earlier. And this Stores' back room had a cage that only contained Cellphones and GPS, while TV, stereo, speakers and other accessories were in the basement. If we sell TV or any big ticket item, we get nothing! But if we sell batteries for that Remote, Power Strip, Antenna etc. we get about 5 percent! So since our Stock person was "Occupied", we had to get those items from the Basement. As you can imagine, was not the most pleasant thing to do with a still bandaged leg. Not to mention, that was not in the Sells Associates' job description.

Our manager, let's call her B!tchelle, made a new rule, since we are clearly making lot more money as a Sells associates than a Stock person, now we have to share our Spiff equally with the stock person on duty! While we are selling and ask this Stock person to get us the item, he would tell us to get it ourselves. We had to do so, to be able to complete the transaction and not fight in front of the customer. And all while we are giving him the equal share of our spiff! Nice!

Now, whenever new stock deliveries are made, it was generally the Management team (salaried person) and the Stock persons' job to stock them up or place them in the basement or in the cage. But B!tchelle had better ideas! Told us, "If you are going to work here, then you will have to replenish the entire store at the end of the day! If the delivery trucks comes, you HAVE to sort them and place them in the stockroom yourself! Or else, you will be fired!"

Now, keep in mind that I am still a full time college student and also have family responsibilities to attend to. And my part time job was supposed to be no more than 20 hours! She made me come at 4 PM and sign out at 8 PM, for 5 days. Signing out does not mean you are done! It means you will only get paid for the time of 4 PM to 8 PM. And then, you MUST tidy up the place, restock the shelf, vacuum, throw the trash, and if the deliveries are coming (it was 2 days a week AT LEAST), boy it's your lucky day! Because if the truck comes AFTER 10 PM, you get all the joy and happiness of taking care of it sometimes beyond 1 AM in the morning! When it was during Black Fridays.. I remember leaving the place at 5:30AM (Came in at 4 PM the day before, "WORKED" until 8 PM, and then stock up for Black Friday Sale) only to come back 2 and half hours later at 8 AM and work UNTIL 1 AM the next day! That day she instituted a new rule only for that Black Friday, ONLY sell Big ticket item to boost the stores' numbers! A contest was going on from the corporate office, Store Manager with highest sell per district would get a huge bonus and some other perks. She expressly told us not to sell any accessories (although that was what we made our money on). Now, even on a Black Friday Sale, if you sell a TV, someone would want batteries or antennas for it, right? I ended up accumulating lots of money that are supposed to be my Spiff! And besides, I was extremely good at Sell (and there were times when someone came in for just 2 AA batteries only and I ended up selling him about 4K worth of merchandise). But she ended up denying all of us that spiff "since she told us not to sell that and only sell big ticket items". She only paid us for 8 hours worth of work per person.

This kept on going for a while, when B!tchelle would go have extended lunch, had to maintain a padi/manicure, hair appointments, clothes shopping, etc for professional outlook and betterment of the business; while in business hours. From time to time, phones from the cage (which she and ONLY the shift manager would have keys to) would go missing.

Right before my first MidTerm exam, my uncle had a heart attack and I had to fly to Montreal for 72 hours to see him. Of course I let B!tchelle know. the whole time I was in Montreal, I could not sleep for a second and the day I come back, Our flight lands at 10 AM, my exam was at 1 PM to 3 PM. I had told B!tchelle that I won't work that day since I would have exams right after I land. I run to my college to take my exam, while I get calls after calls from B!tchelle that I need to show up to work that day since the Stock person is sick and I had to help with the delivery truck! Or else I am fired! I finish my exam at 3 PM, run to the store before 4 PM, get dressed and "WORK" till 8 PM. That day I work until 12:30AM, midnight! At this point, I have not slept for more than 80 hours (Ok maybe slept an hour or two in between, but you can understand when you are visiting a relative who is having an emergency surgery, how much sleep you can get) and I was dying to sleep! (That job is the reason I got a Redbull and 5Hour energy drink addiction). All while I had a vicious and painful popped ear from flight that lasted for more than 3 days.

That was the last straw! The next day, I slept for more than 12 hours. Go to work. And the following day, "Someone (AHEM AHEM)" called in State Labor department with all these allegations of forced labor, no pay, stolen items, etc. Department of Labor then contacts RS corporate office and two days later, I see B!tchelle crying hysterically and packing her stuff. Apparently the Corporate office instead of confronting the situation, they chose to fire her. And B!tchelle is asking us to make calls and write letters on her behalf to say that those allegations are not true! Her friend (the Stock person) told her on her face, "Told you to tone it down with your employees! But you wouldn't listen!"

She leaves!

Month or two later, a guy walks in, says he is a Manager of some bigger electronic store and someone ( B!tchelle of course!) just joined in his store as a assistant manager. He is just curious and took it upon himself to find out how good was B!tchelle as a manager.

I buy him coffee that day and spend about half an hour with him in the nearest Dunkin Donuts! After that, I hear she was trying to get unemployment!

After that we had a chilled up manager who was an awesome person! Loved him! But month or two later, I found a job (While still in college) in my field and ran to it!

TL;DR: Manager from Hell gets what she deserves!! Overwork, underpay, steal from the store and makes our lives miserable.

(source) (story by bebgaltiger18)

#prorevenge #by bebgaltiger18 #pro revenge stories #revenge stories #pro #revenge #revenge story #last10

283 notes · View notes

dammitadolfnomorecake · 6 years

Text

DOTW - 24... there's some sexy bits... but I don't know if I'm happy to leave it there

Coming off of work, Levi eyed the clock with a yawn. It was a little after 7. The perfect time to get things done. Well, one thing. Retrieving Eren's things from Marco and Jean's house. He might be over stepping, but seeing Eren so broken hearted wouldn't leave his mind. Also, he was hoping Jean had a black eye, the horsefaced arsehole certainly deserved it. Walking up to the front door, Levi may have knocked slightly harder than socially polite. A small wave of pleasure rose up when he saw how exhausted the alpha was when opened the door, unfortunately he wasn't sporting a black eye... "What the fuck do you want?" Such nice manners so early in the morning. His alpha was itching to teach Jean his place. To make him thoroughly suffer... but... responsible adulting had to come first "I'm here to collect Eren's things" "Oh. What? Fine. Wait here" Keeping his temper until Jean came back with Eren's bag, he took it from Jean. Jean immediately trying to shut the door, which Levi stopped with his foot "That's everything" "No, it really isn't. You and Marco both owe him an apology" "What? Fuck off" "Are you serious? What the fuck does Marco even see in you?" "Listen man, get the fuck off my property" "No. You're going to listen to me. You have absolutely no right treating Eren as you have been. He was here for Marco. He stayed with him, and because of him, your daughter was born happy and healthy" "Because he didn't even bother calling an ambulance" "No. He called me. A fucking paramedic. He called me because he wanted to know how to help Marco! There was a huge car pile-up. Even if he'd called for an ambulance, Marco would have been put on a wait list, because people were fucking dead and dying in the accident. So yes. Eren called me. A trained medical professional. He was with Marco, when he was giving birth, and abusing him for it. Marco is Eren's first friend. He values him. He stayed with him, and then he was worried for Marco when you arrived smelling like another omega. He was worried. Marco had just given birth without you. His emotions were all over the place. How would you have felt if Marco stank like another alpha after being away for days? Even if you had faith in him, you'd still be upset and confused. Eren only wanted what was best for you, your baby and his best friend. You both made him feel like absolute shit" Jean growled, Levi thrusting the verbal knife into the alpha's heart, preparing for the mental kill... because he couldn't actually fucking kill him. Eren had known way too much death in his life "You know he's not right in the head" For fucks sake "Because he's a fucking abuse victim! He's been abused. He saw his brother and mother murdered in front of him! It doesn't matter if you didn't fucking know. You have no right to people like shit, especially not someone who would go out of there way to always to be there for the people they care for. Eren is bright. And happy and he's been through hell and fucking back. So, yes. He's not always ok, but at least he is a better person than you are. Get your fucking shit together and apologise to him. You and Marco" Reaching out, he took the door handle as he moved his foot out the way, slamming the door shut in his own face, but also in Jean's. Eren wouldn't be happy he'd talked to Jean about it. In fact, he'd probably be pissed. But fuck it. His boyfriend deserved an apology. Stopping by the shops on the way home, he picked up a few different pastries and flowers for Eren. He was not a flower person. He'd never ever bought flowers for anyone at all. Ever. He and Eren had made breakfast? together, then he'd had to leave for work. He'd wished he could have stayed. He'd left Eren unpacking his room, and to deal with his feelings alone. With the drive back, it was 8:30am when he parked in the underground parking. Today was going so smoothly. Grabbing out his phone, he called Eren's counsellor for him. Booking him the first available appointment, which unfortunately was the following week. He knew Eren liked his new counsellor much better than Thomas, and he knew his omega wasn't happy that he hadn't been able to attend the last one. Gathering up the flowers and the pastries, he headed up to their apartment. Titan was at the door to great him as he let himself in quietly. Eren was sleeping on the sofa. Remote still in his hand, while what seemed to be cartoons played softly on TV. His shirt had hiked up, the blanket around his waist, while a smile played on his lips. He looked adorable. Letting his gaze drift down, the start of the smile turned downwards. Eren's ankles free from the blanket, the scars seemed so much more obvious than they'd ever been before. After being by Eren for so long, and hearing his nightmares, he had a fair idea that his boyfriend had been chained up somewhere. Someone had put him in chains and refused to let him go, no matter how much he'd begged them. He hadn't told Eren's his suspicions. He was waiting for Eren to be the one to tell him that. It was obvious he wasn't ready to talk about his past, so until then, he'd keep his mouth shut over it, and support Eren the best he could. Turning the TV off and covering Eren back up with the blanket, Levi then found a glass to turn into a vase, setting it on a coaster in the middle of the coffee table, before setting the box of pastries next to it. He was tired, but wanted to be there when Eren woke. Taking a shower, he put the washing on, before grabbing the book he'd been ignoring from his bedside table. Returning to the living room, he opened to the bookmarked page. Realising he couldn't actually remember anything that had happened, he flicked back to page one, starting all over again as Titan decided it was time to yowl for his food. Hushing his cat, Titan glared, running over and jumping up by Eren's face, head butting him solidly "Mmm. Titan, what's the matter boy? Is it breakfast time?" Nuzzling into Titan's face, Titan started kneading at Eren's chest "I'm up. Let's..." Eren shot up, pulling Titan up with him. The tom yowling again, this time in protest. Letting out a small gasp, Eren looked from the flowers to him "Levi?! Flowers?" "Yeah. I saw them and stuff" Fuck. He was so awkward. It'd seemed a good idea at the time. And Eren looked happy... he just felt like a shitty idiot for doing something so dopey and romantic "They're beautiful... um, are they for me?" "They're not for me, and I'm not dating my cat" "Levi! They're perfect... wow..." Setting Titan carefully down, he scrambled up, throwing his arms around him "Thank you!" "You're welcome, brat. I picked breakfast up too, and your things from Marco and Jean's... but I forgot to bring them up" "You didn't have to do all that. I was trying to be awake for when you got home" "Is that why you were watching cartoons?" "Shit... I didn't mean to fall asleep with the TV on. I'm sorry" "I'm not mad" "Still... I'm sorry. How about I make you a cup of tea?" "That sounds perfect" "I can't believe you brought me flowers" "Eren, its bought. When you pay for something it's bought. But when you bring it with you, it's brought" "Hmm... I always kind of thought they were the same word. But... if you bought the flowers, then didn't you bring them home? Meaning you brought them with you" Closing his book, Levi placed it on the arm of the recliner, pulling Eren down into lap. Eren letting out a squeak of surprise "My smart omega. You figured that out right away, didn't you?" "Maybe?" Kissing him, Eren immediately kissed him back, trying to deepen the kiss while wriggling in his lap. As the kiss broke, Eren smiled at him, his face filled with love "Breakfast? And then can we cuddle?" "That sounds like an amazing plan" Eren must have taken a hundred photos of the flowers, as well as trying a tiny bit from each pastry. The rest returned to the box and the box safely stored in the fridge. Lead by his boyfriend into his bedroom, which had pretty much become theirs, Eren shyly smiled at him "What are you planning?" "Can we touch a little?" It kind of seemed a waste of a perfectly good shower, while his dick was straight up "hello" "Mmm. I can't say no to that. Not when I have such a beautiful boyfriend" "Levi..." "Clothes on is fine" "Um... can I maybe touch you?" "You want to touch me?" "If that's ok" Laying down on his back, Levi raised an eyebrow when Eren didn't move "You can start touching at any time" "I was thinking" Climbing up and straddling his lap, the touching Eren wanted to do was of his abs. It wasn't sexual, more like a massage with the occasional kiss thrown in. Starting with his shoulders, Eren worked his way down to his hips, the confused look on his face doing all kinds of things to Levi's heart "Eren? Are you ok?" "Yeah... sorry. Was that weird?" "No. You asked to touch me, and you did" "I just... you're always so warm and solid. But I don't really get to see your chest because I'm usually laying on it" He nearly pointed out the fact Eren didn't see his chest this time thanks to his shirt, but for whatever reason, this had been important to his boyfriend. Sliding off his lap, Eren crawled over a little ways so he could slide beneath the blankets, Levi taking it as sign to do the same, before spooning up behind him "I'm probably going to fall asleep soon" "It's ok. This feels nice" "Good..." When Levi woke, he growled lightly. He'd thought they'd dodge a bullet with Eren not being in heat when Mike had brought him home, but from the delicious smell beneath his nose, they hadn't. Maybe that was why Eren had wanted to touch him? Forcing himself to wake his boyfriend, Eren groaned, before practically flying off the bed "Le-Levi?" "You're going into heat" "I..." "It's ok. I'll grab my things. I'm not going to hurt you" "I... Levi..." "What is it?" "It hurts" "Your cramping because your body wanted your alpha's knot" Dropping into a crouch, Eren whined softly "It's ok. I promise I won't touch you" A promise that was becoming hard to keep. His dick fucking ached to be buried inside Eren's soft warmth. To fill him and breed him, to mark him as his. Everything that Eren wasn't ready for "It hurts so much" Climbing from his bed, his alpha screamed at him to comfort his boyfriend, while the logical side of his brain screamed at his alpha to "shut the fuck up". Eren wasn't ready for this, and right now, that was his top priority. Grabbing his phone and his keys, he all but ran from his apartment, ignoring Eren's calls for him. He'd slipped up once and fucked Eren while he was in heat. He wouldn't make that same mistake again. The omega was finally his, and as much as it hurt both of them, this was the right thing to do. * This was the second worst painful heat of his life, or maybe it was more painful then the one he'd had at Zeke's apartment because he was trapped with Levi's scent. His body felt so hot. His erection aching so badly, but his thoughts of how dirty and impure it was touch himself, wouldn't leave his mind. He'd tried to shower and to bath, but nothing was bringing relief. His body was crying out for Levi. His omega instincts demanding he be bred, but having delivered a baby, breeding was even scarier. He'd seen how hard it'd been for Marco, and Marco was a good omega. He wasn't a good omega. If he was, then Levi wouldn't have left him... No. Levi was a good alpha and left because he knew he wasn't ready. He hadn't understood why he'd wanted to touch Levi so badly. To feel boyfriend toned chest beneath his fingers... but now he did. Levi was a more than suitable mate in every manner. He'd wanted to touch Levi because he wanted the alpha to touch him too. Not whatever he'd spat out in embarrassment. From the shower, he'd returned to Levi's bed. Climbing under the covers and moaning at the alphas scent. Getting on all fours, he nuzzled into Levi's pillow, slick steadily streaming down his inner thighs as he lowered himself down, rubbing his dick against the sheets in a blind need. He didn't even realise what he was doing, not until he came into the towel still around his waist. His orgasm so intense, his whole body shook with the effort to not fall into his own mess. A deep shame hit him. He'd just fucked Levi's bed. Whimpering, he shoved the blankets off and rushed back to his own room, locking the door behind him. He shouldn't have done that! Why had he done that! And why was he on his hands and knees? He didn't understand this kind of heat. He hated his usual ones, but he could mostly cope through those. These ones he didn't get. On shaky legs he sank down on his bed. He needed to apologise to Levi for being so bad. Worked up, in more ways then one, Eren called Levi's number. He'd been scared Levi wouldn't answer, but when the alpha did, his omega swelled with happiness "Eren? Are you ok?" "Levi... I'm sorry..." "Hey. No. It's not your fault for going into heat" "I don't know what... what to do. It hurts" "It's ok, I'm here. I'm sorry I had to leave you" "N-no. Thank... thank you... but I just messed up your bed" "Eren, I want you listen to me. Can you do that?" "Y-yes" Just the sound of Levi's voice had him slicking even harder. His dick bowed so hard that cum was dribbling against his lower stomach "You do whatever you need to do. Having a heat is not dirty" "I came... in your bed" "And we can rinse the sheets. It's ok" "But..." "I know your heats are weird, but it's nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about" "They are" "Eren, I promise I don't find them wrong in any way" "It's dirty" "No it's not. Listen to me. It's not dirty. I promise you. Now, is it like your usual heats?" "N-no... it hurt more" "Ok. What that means is your body wants an alpha there to soothe you" "I don't..." "I know you don't. I know. That's why we're on the phone. The toys you didn't know what to do with, are in my room under the bed" "I..." "Shhh, just listen to me. Using some of those toys will make it hurt less, even though I know you're scared. If you need to use those toys, then use them. I don't want you to suffer" "It's wrong" "Eren, do you really think I would lie to you or try to trick you?" "N-no" "Then listen to me. I'm not going to think you're bad for touching yourself to get through your heat. And I don't care how many toys you need to use to do so. I promise I'm going to care about you all the same amount once your heat has passed" "Really?" "Yeah" "I don't know if I can do this" "You're amazing and you're strong. I know you can do anything and everything you put your mind to. This is your body Eren and your choice. Ok?" "T-thank you" "You're welcome. I want you to message me between your waves of heat and let me know that you're ok" "I... I'll try" "And don't forget to eat and drink lots. Your body burns through a lot of energy while in heat. So promise me you will" "I will" "I'll see you as soon as I can" He tried not to use the toys. His fingers didn't feel right though. Every time he started feeling wrong about it, he forced himself to remember Levi's words. Levi didn't find this dirty or wrong. When the peak of his heat hit, he finally caved. He'd already moved back into Levi's room because it felt safer, so retrieving the box of toys wasn't that much effort. He just didn't know what to do next. There were so many different things, and his omega didn't know what it wanted, only to be full. Finding one with a suction cap, his mind settled on it. He could do this. Levi wanted him to do this. Pushing it onto the wooden floor, he nervously laughed at the "schtuk" sound it made at it stuck. He didn't know exactly what he wanted to do, but he did know what he wanted to do on Levi. He'd seen other dancers giving blowjobs before. The recipients seemed to really enjoy them, even women though he wasn't sure how that worked. Kneeling, he tentatively ran his hand up and down the silicone shaft, trying to imagine doing this to Levi. Curious, he slid his lips over the top, sucking hard on the plastic as his dick throbbed. He'd never thought he'd actually feel like he liked this... or hard from sucking on a plastic dick. Bobbing his head up and down, his right hand gripped his dick, jerking frantically as he tried to take the dildo deeper in his mouth. Coming, he pushed his mouth too far down, gagging as he choked. Ok. That wasn't fun. He didn't like that. Even as his orgasm rolled through him, his stomach still cramped. It wasn't enough. He needed more. His mind hadn't cleared in the slightest. Clumsily he tried to mount the dildo. His slick making it nearly impossible to slide right down as the plastic would slide up his arse crack. He cheeks flamed with embarrassment. If Levi was there, he probably would have died from it. When he finally lined it up, the blunt head didn't feel right. He wanted to scream and escape, but instead he clawed at the tops of his legs, pushing himself to keep sinking down, before dropping. He saw black for a moment. Everything hurt. His arse throbbed at the sudden intrusions, but slowly the throb began to feel more pleasurable. Instead of just pain, he felt full, like his omega wanted. Groaning, he slowly rocked against the dildo. He wasn't supposed to be feeling this good. Closing his eyes, he could almost believe it was Levi inside of him. The scent of the alpha was still strong in the room. Rising and falling, he found a rhythm that made his whole body feel good. His head killed back as he moaned and mewed, fucking himself like his dynamic demanded. Zeke had told him this was wrong, but why did it feel good then? Coming across the floor in a few small pulses, he continued to ride the dildo. Imagining he was putting on a show for his boyfriend. Imagining Levi was telling him how brave he was and now proud he was. This was how he ended up getting through his heat. He only used the one toy, and it didn't fill him the way his omega wanted, like a knot would. But it did take the cramps away and without the cramps being so bad, he could kind of do things. * When Levi came back, Eren was sure he'd fucked himself into some kind of a daze. All he wanted to do was cuddle. His depression not so bad, other than the need to cling. He felt bad that Levi had to clean everything up, though he had done the floors, but his boyfriend had arrived home much faster than he'd expected him to. It wasn't even half an hour between saying his heat he'd finally passed, to Levi walking through the front door. Making sure he ate and drank, Levi then carried him to his bed, probably because the sheets from Levi's were still in the wash, and laid down with him, peppering kisses to his shoulder as the alpha sighed softly to himself "Levi?" "What's up?" "Are you mad?" Levi sighed again, Eren flinching at the soft sound "No, I'm not mad" "Are you sure?" "I'm sure" "Then why do you keep sighing?" "I didn't realise I was" "You are" Levi snorted, his breath tickling the back of Eren's neck "I'm not mad. I was worried, but you came through your heat" "I... touched myself" "How did it feel?" "Really wrong, but it hurt so much, then maybe alright" "And now?" "I don't want to think about it" "Your heat or touching yourself?" "Both... I kept thinking about you" "I missed you too" "I... I'm sorry. Every time I started to get scared, I thought about you" "Then why are you sorry?" "Because it felt wrong" "Eren, it's not wrong to think about your boyfriend" "But I feel like I broke your trust by thinking about you without permission" "Silly brat. You don't need permission. I'm flattered you thought of me" "You're not disgusted?" "No. Would you be mad if I said I thought about you?" "Me?" "Yep. Your heat started a rut" "I'm so sorry" "You don't need to be sorry. We're taking things slow, and I like it" "But ruts are supposed to hurt too" "It was fine. Besides, I knew you were going through the same thing in your own way. All I wanted to do was come home and make sure you were safe" "I'm sorry you had to leave" "You don't need to be sorry. I promised I'd still be here at the of your heat, didn't I? And I came back home" "Are you sure it's ok?" "It's more than ok. It makes me feel proud to know you're safe and here. That I can provide a safe and warm place for your heat to pass" "I spent most of it in your room. Your scent makes me feel so safe" "I'll take that as a compliment. I know you're sleepy, but I didn't get a chance to tell you last week" What hadn't Levi told him? They're texted... so why hadn't Levi told him whatever it was?! Was it bad? Did his alpha not want him anymore?! His scent soured, causing Levi to hush him softly... but he had to know now, his voice shaking "Tell me what?" "It's nothing bad, I promise. You have a therapy appointment tomorrow. I thought after all that happened, that it would be a good idea" "Oh thank fuck. You're an arsehole. I thought you were going to say you wanted to dump me" "No. I'm not dumping you. Not now and not ever if things go the way I want" "You sounded mad then serious" "Then I'm sorry. I also have something else I need to tell you" "What is it?" "I've been approved for leave. Two full weeks, at the start of November" He couldn't remember what month they were in. He was pretty sure it was towards the end of September, but he'd have to check his phone. His heat had thrown his internal body clock off. Someone could tell him it was January and he wouldn't be surprised "Does that mean... mean we can take Zeke?" "Only if you're ready. I'd still like to take you to the ocean" "Are you sure?" "Yeah. Even if you don't find the perfect place for Zeke, I thought we could spend some quality alone time together" "What about Titan?" "Hanji will check in on him. He's got his feeder and his water, so he'll be just fine" "The ocean..." "Yeah... we can get a nice room, and maybe go on a date?" Eren let out something that sounded suspiciously like a giggle "That would be nice" "That's what I thought. I'm going to make you a doctors appointment too" His happiness turned back into confusion "Why?" "Because if I hadn't woken when I did, we might not have been able to seperate in time. I never want to make you feel uncomfortable..." "But the only time we had sex was during my heat. It's probably a smart idea" "Eren, you know I..." "Levi, it's ok. It's more than ok. It shows you really do care for me. You're thinking of my health, for me... you're always thinking of me. It's a good idea. I wanted you so badly, and it was... let's just say, it was hard to hold back" "I thought you might be mad" "No, I'm not. Thank you. Just, I won't take a suppressant" "I don't mind. In fact, I'd prefer you didn't. I like coming home to your smell, and I'm not the best at always reading the mood, so your scent helps me understand. Also, I don't want you to suffer from having your heat messed with" Snuggling back into Levi's hold, his boyfriend threaded their fingers together "Get some sleep brat. I know how tired you are" "Mmm. Tired doesn't even come close. I have sore muscles that I didn't even know existed" "Did you bath?" "Yep. Bathed and showered... I tried to clean up, but I'm sorry if I missed anywhere" "It's alright. I'll take care of it" * Eren's heat had been a mess. It was obvious he'd tried to clean up, he'd just sort of failed in spots. Like the bathroom hamper... from the bundle of towels, Levi seriously doubted Eren had clothes on at any point of his heat. Lifting them out the basket, he hadn't been able to stop himself from growling at the scent of Eren's slick and spent cum... nor had he been able to stop his already aching dick from getting hard again. He'd spent his rut at Erwin's place. A week of absolute misery for him. He'd found Eren's bag of clothes, and pretty much built himself his own nest to get him through his rut. He wanted Eren every single second of it. He wanted to come home, throw Eren onto their bed, bury himself between his legs and never come out again. Only, Eren's heat wasn't his usual one. The only thing usual about it was the lack of change before it. No changes in his scent, until bam! Eren was in heat. His poor boyfriend had been so scared and confused, but hearing he'd finally touched himself was huge. It wasn't just sexy as hell. It meant that Eren was finally opening up to the idea that it wasn't dirty. He'd already found the dildo the omega had used, thanks to dried water stains on the bathroom counter. The long thick toy, pushing him over the edge... unashamedly he jerked off. His dick still tender as fuck from his rut, but when he came into the same towel Eren had, something about it felt right. He didn't understand what his alpha was thinking. This was their boyfriend. Eren would be scared and confused if he found out... but at the same time, he wanted to cover every single spot Eren's heat scent lingered on with his own. The kid had thrown him for a loop, yet again, and while his alpha seemed to get it, this time Levi was just along for the ride. Ever since Eren had come into his life, everything had changed. Not all of it for the better, and some days his alpha was a complete arsehole over it all, but Eren was precious to him like nothing else he'd ever had. Some days it scared him how hard he'd fallen for the omega. He'd had a family before and lost it all. If he lost Eren, he... he'd never recover from that. A thorough clean through of his apartment helped recenter him. No traces of Eren's heat scent remaining once he was done. He wanted to throw the flowers he'd bought Eren out, but they still had a little life and Eren would be disappointed over not getting to enjoy them... even if they were starting to get pollen all over his table, and crunchy bits of leaves. Maybe he wanted them gone more than he'd realised... no. For Eren's sake, they stayed. His boyfriend lived here with him and they were his gift to do with as he chose. Eren came wandering out of their room at lunch time, padding softly across to him before dropping into his lap with a groan "Everything ok?" "Bad dream" "Wanna talk about it?" "No... I wanna listen to you" "To me?" "Yeah... just anything" "What's the first thing you want to do when you get to the ocean?" "Really? You're making me think?" "Is thinking bad?" "Yes. I don't want to think..." "Then what do you want to do today? I've cleaned the apartment, and I'm off work until tomorrow, we're not allowed to work during a rut. So we can order takeout, watch bad movies and cuddle up like this if you want" "That sounds perfect. Levi, please D-don't let me fall asleep" "I make no promises" Eren nibbled on some pizza, but seemed happier with cuddling up. Titan laying on Eren, Eren laying on him. He hadn't even realised he'd fallen asleep, not until Eren shot up, screaming Zeke's name and narrowly smacking into his face in the process. Running from the living room, Eren was soon throwing up his guts in the bathroom. Fucking Zeke. Getting up, he trailed after Eren. His boyfriend crying as he vomited. Kneeling down, he went to hug his omega, but as soon as he touched Eren, Eren reeled back, scrambling away from him "Don't touch me! Don't! I'll be good... don't hurt him anymore! No! Zeke..." With his hands in his hair, Eren started rocking, mumbling Zeke's name over and over. He had no idea what had triggered him. They'd been watching a bad horror movie, but Eren had fallen quiet before there was any actual splatter scenes. He'd made sure it was one he'd seen, with no bondage scenes or murdered parents or siblings... it was probably the wrong movie to be picking while Eren was in his post heat depression "Eren?" "Go away!" "Eren, its Levi. You need to calm down" "Zeke, I need Zeke" Well Zeke was in a box... in a pile of ashes.... with some hair in a draw "Eren, Zeke died. Come on, you need to wake up" "Zeke" It was a miserable half strangled cry "It's alright. You're alright" Instead of crawling into his arms like he usually did, Eren pushed him away, fleeing out the bathroom and into his room. Flushing the vomit away, he followed Eren to his room, to find the door handle locked "Eren?" "Go away" "Are you ok?" "You let me fall asleep" "I didn't realise you were sleeping" "I... just want to be alone" That was great, but what about what he wanted. He wanted to cuddle his boyfriend and his cat, and just enjoy his day off to recover from his rut "Ok. I'll be out here for when you're ready" "I'm sorry" Switching movie to something lighter, his mind wasn't on it. He couldn't figure what had set Eren off so badly. Even running it through his mind, he still came up clueless. He was probably over thinking it all. Eren had had a nightmare before he'd come out to join him on the sofa. He'd flinched when their pizza arrived and had taken a while to settle back against him. If he'd been thinking, he wouldn't have chosen a stupid horror movie, but Eren really seemed to like them. He enjoyed pointing out the mistakes the characters made, just like Levi did with Erwin. He'd thought it would distract Eren from his own thoughts, but it didn't work out that way. Fuck. Trying to be considerate was harder than he'd thought it would be. Even if things came naturally with Eren, when panic attacks happened or the nightmares, his first thought was alway what had he done wrong. How had he set Eren off? He'd never worried about it in that way before, but he had now that they were dating... he felt like any little setback was his fault. He wasn't used to feeling like this. And he hated it. This wasn't him. He knew he wasn't the cause of Eren's "damage". Zeke was... the same Zeke that Eren had wanted over him. As he realised all of this stemmed back to the fact he was jealous of the blonde haired abusive fucker, his mood fell further. Eren was his now. He had no need to be fucking jealous and his alpha could go suck a dick for being such an arsehole.

3 notes · View notes

trulyfitnessblog · 3 years

Text

Thinking About Starting a Fitness Business?

Frequently Asked Questions When Starting A Fitness Business

Are you thinking about starting a fitness business soon? Personal Trainer, Group Class Instructor, Fitness Coach, or any industry professional? This can be done quickly and easily.

However, becoming a financially successfully version is another story. There are sand traps in this industry. I have watched others fall into them or got myself caught in many. I am here to make sure you will avoid these.

Understanding the following will help you be more efficient and effective in your business from the start. We will get to your education and certifications soon. First, let’s mentally map out what an ideal day would be like for you. Write a few lines down or say it out loud.

Examples of starting a fitness business:

Teaching yoga on the beach to 50 people at 7:30am, and again at 6:00pm making $1000 a day…cash.

Personal Training in my in-home fitness facility working exclusively with 10 clients who pay you $500/each monthly to meet twice a week helping them improve speed and strength.

Running a sport specific clinic on the weekends for all ages charging $50/per person and having over 100 attendee’s per-day.

Coaching an outdoor bootcamp class at Noon to local retirees or stay at home Mom’s, 4 days a week with a $20/per class charge and an attendance of over 200 weekly.

Hosting weekly nutritional/wellness talks via webcam to hundreds of subscribers paying monthly fees.

Did you have anything similar in mind? If so, I’ve done all of this, and it was actually ridiculously easy. Now let’s go through some information so you can skip the first few years.

Those years are filled with painstaking trial and error, cancellations, low turnout numbers, and small paychecks. Before we start down your path to success let’s first clear up common questions.

How Much Do Trainers Make

Many will ask how can they shift careers, and expect to not take a pay cut? Do personal trainers and fitness pros make a lot of money? Do they do it quickly?

My financials year to year from training looked something like this: Year 1 – 15k, Year 2 – 20k, Year 3 – 25k. It took me 4 years before I made it over 30k, and 5 years before I made it over 50k, and 7 years before I made 100k. It wasn’t because I was, “earning it the hard way”. It also wasn’t that it was p”art of the growth process”. I had great certification and good enough skills.

What was I missing? I had zero guidance on how to actually run or on how I would go about starting a fitness business!

Certifications give you little to no insight whatsoever on how to gain clientele, work with people, and earn money. I want to make sure you do not have to go through that arduous process I did in my first few years.

To give you some sense of how the financials work typically the hourly or salaried dollar amount itself is geographic specific. A Yoga class or a 5 pack of personal training sessions in Los Angeles, CA is double of what it is in Savannah, GA.

The market will adjust prices based on a host of variables. Cost of living, abundance of trainers, specialties, and personal popularity being the most important. A personal trainer charging as much as 85$/H in prime markets would not be unusual. However, it’s important to remember when you’re starting a fitness business that it is all relative.

I will go over the standard payment structures for how a fitness professional receives payment next.

How Are Personal Trainers Paid

Own Your Business:

You can work in your home or from a facility you own, outdoors, or rent time/space from a facility. Many trainers prefer to pay a fixed monthly payment, like a rent to a facility and work with no boss doing their own marketing. They can then charge whatever price they feel appropriate and keep all of the profits.

When facilities allow you to work in their space while you run your own business, it typically is a great option. You do however have to account for your own taxes, but you also will get to write off many of the purchases.

Percentage Based Commissions:

You will find most facilities structure payment this way, and will put you as an independent contractor. You can be hired on full time (benefits) and still make commission but that is rare in this industry (always look for that however). Most FIT (fitness industry teachers) are commissioned. These are based on how many sessions/classes/clients are worked with throughout a given time period.

You can also work as commission based employee part time. Percentages range anywhere from 35%-80% (but typically closer to 60%). The percentages depend upon the following; location, experience, skill level, facility type, negotiation power. The last one listed is important, and I will go over that later in future blogs.

Salary:

Some FIT (fitness industry teachers) are salaried. You train people as part of the salary or make a very small percentage commission on top of your salary. This normally entails desk duties or other tasks outside of standard teaching.

What is the Best Personal Trainer Certification

You’ll get 10 different answers from 10 different people on this question. I want to be clear and emphasize this; Personal trainer certifications and fitness education gets your foot in the door. However, it does not represent your actual skill set.

I have trained alongside people who have their Masters in Exercise Physiology, and held a dozen top level certifications costing more than 5k collectively who had trouble booking 10 sessions a week. I have worked with Yoga instructors coming off of 2 years of specialized training who couldn’t fill a class of 8. I have worked with Registered Dieticians who averaged one appointment a day. Why? Because they could not connect with people on a psychological level.

You are stepping into an industry where people trust you with their bodies, and subsequently with their mental health also. Learning (in the upcoming blogs) and enjoying the process of building connections will be of much more value than endless certifications. Not to mention most of which the paying clients won’t even be familiar with.

Do I Need A Certification?

If your plan is to work as your own boss in your home or elsewhere, you may not need any specific certification. If you decide to work for someone, the business typically requires you to have one. Which one? That depends on the specific business.

The nutritional counseling world is its own beast and very different from fitness. States have their own specific rules and regulations regarding getting paid to give out nutritional advice. The Fitness world however is an unregulated decentralized market. Meaning, you could actually have no qualifications or certifications and work with people in fitness provided the business approves of it.

For the sake of professionalism a fitness business should have their own set requirements of which certifications they trust. Let’s go over how they decide that.

Understanding Bias Among Certifications

Do you own an I-phone or Android? After you answered that, you probably inferred that I was going to judge you on your choice. Why? Because people are tribal by nature and we instinctively pick teams. Typically, the certification held by the highest level employee is the most respected for that specific business.

Let’s say I am a Director of a Fitness Facility and I hold an ACE certification for Group Fitness. I know what the ACE organization teaches. I understand their concepts, and trust them due to familiarity. Therefore, I am more likely to hire someone with the same certification. That is why it is important to dig into the businesses website of your preferred studio/facility or call them. Find out what certifications their managers or top level instructors hold.

For those of you who are aiming to be Personal Trainers, I have a detailed list of the top certifications, and rankings in various categories that can be found on my blog: Fitness Business 101 Blog

In my link above I rank the various certs in these categories: Price – Prestige – Difficulty. The price will give you an idea of the cost and annual fees. The prestige will give insight into the industries views on that particular cert. The difficulty will rank the difficulty in attaining the cert (tests, education, etc).

How to Start My Own Fitness Business

Should you start your own business should be asked before “how”. Like anything else in life, there are pros and cons to running and starting a fitness business. Starting your own physical business for many can be fiscally daunting initially. You’ll have to have the capital for equipment, space, marketing, etc. That said, long term you won’t have to pay a percentage of your profits to whomever you work underneath. I have a list of questions that after answering will guide you to the proper path suited for you at this time.

Are You Ready To Run Your Own Business?

If given any equipment and space you desire, would you feel confident enough to run a class/session/training/teaching tomorrow?

Have you lived in your city/community for more than 2 years?

Do you currently part-take weekly in the fitness medium you are trying to teach? (i.e. I want to be a Yoga Instructor, do you take Yoga classes regularly?)

Do you have a social media presence?

Do you have a job or leisure activity which puts you in contact with the local community daily?

YES

If you answered YES to the majority of these, you most likely could jump right into owning your own physical location brick and mortar fitness business. Again, I would always recommend at least working part-time for someone. This gives you a chance to network and be around people who already love to do what you teach. It also allows you to learn from other instructors, and develop your niche.

If you said NO to the majority of these, you will be much better off starting to work for a business/person who is already established or starting online. This will give you time to hone your craft, gain credibility in your community, and build a stronger sense of self confidence. It will also allow you to be focused on networking/learning rather than being burdened by your personal fitness financial investment. It is easier to land a job then you think. Here are my blogs on personal training internships and on interviewing.

How to Become a Successful Personal Trainer

Most beginners come to me with the same complaint:

-“I don’t think I know enough (exercises, information, routines) but I enjoy working with people. How can I get all the tools?”

This is the easiest part. There is never a need to reinvent the wheel in fitness/health. You won’t learn everything by simply reading books, or getting certified though. You will learn the basics through attending sessions or classes, certifications, shadowing, reading, and researching.

In this blog (LINK) we go over the, “Central 7”, which are the 7 bedrock movements of fitness. Once you understand the basics and the central 7, you can use a handful of variables interchangeably to have an endless bag of tricks. Let’s go ahead and get specific. For one exercise (Push-up) I can give you 10 different ways to do it without blinking and eye.

3 second eccentric (controlling it on the way down), 3 second concentric (controlling it on the way up), half push ups, feet on an unstable surface (ball), hands on an unstable surface (bosu), diamond push-ups, wide arm push-ups, push-up to clap, push-up to knee ups, push-up to pike toe-touch.

This isn’t simply because of my knowledge in personal training. It’s about understanding a few key variables and interchanging them. It will give you exponential options for exercises when combined with fitness toys.

Starting a Fitness Business as a Career Change

“Am I wrong for feeling like I do not have the time or money to just change careers?”.

Yes, you are. Very wrong in fact, but it’s normal. I felt the same way, and was scared out of my mind during the whole process. I can break this down in multiple ways.

First, you are here because you deserve better. Forget about the fact you will be making more money in a short period of time, but if you don’t currently love what you are doing, do you want to still be there in 10 years? Who is to say your current employer couldn’t just let you go tomorrow.

Tim Ferris describes an excellent fear exercise in his book, The 4-Hour Work Week. You imagine and then write out, the worst possible scenario before you make a job related decision. I recommend this. For me, the worst possible scenario if I quit my job and moved across the country at 26 was that in 6 months’ time I would have still been unhappy and found my way back home, exactly where I left off. Wait, exactly where I left off? YES. Why wouldn’t I take that risk then?

Give it a shot, and write out your worst fears about starting or changing your current model of being a FIT. Moonlighting and learning/working part time is always an option when you’re first starting a fitness business. At worst, finding your way after reading these blogs will allow you to have a back-up plan if you don’t decide to jump in with two feet. At best, you can transition into your ideal day to day life. Finally doing what it is you love and making more money then you did in your previous rat race job.

Not Just a Career Change

Secondly, starting a fitness business isn’t just a “career change”, it’s a long term investment. 80 billion US dollars, read that number again, was put into the health/wellness industry by consumers in 2017. That number does not include the billions spent on surgeries that require rehab and subsequently working to get stronger with FIT. This number is only going up.

People are paying a lot of money for health and fitness professionals. From 4 year old children taking golf lessons, to 84 year old seniors in Parkinson’s Boxing classes. Charging for lessons, teaching, coaching is easier than ever.

Look at your Instagram, Facebook, billboards, etc, fitness and health ads are everywhere in the teen, young adult, and mid adult age ranges. Not to mention the growth curve is on the verge of shooting up exponentially due to the baby boomers.

By 2030, more than 20% of the US population will be over 65. That means right now, in the next 9 years 20% of the population is trying to stay young and fit going into retirement! This is our key. That is the age range that has the most expendable income to work with you (or to pay for their family members to work with you). Majority of my clients are in this age range, and I will go over targeting that clientele specifically in future blogs.

Can I Start A Part Time Fitness Business

Yes, of course. Every piece of information I will give you, or have given you thus far can be used for part time as well. It will be more difficult from a time management perspective, but if you aren’t in any rush you can still implement all the techniques and strategies. The goal should actually eventually be to only work part time hours while making full time money. Online fitness is typically the best avenue for part time fitness professionals. However, I still recommend shadowing a few hours a week at a local facility to increase your knowledge of the business.

How to Become an Online Personal Trainer

Can I make money becoming an online personal trainer?

Thousands of people make great money in the fitness industry while never being face to face with clients, or even leaving their own homes. Online fitness is becoming the single hottest sub-market of the industry. It costs almost nothing to set up a camera or blog, and no certifications are needed so they pop up in droves. However, in the past the vast majority of the people making videos, and claiming to be coaches or experts on Social Media sites were not making any real money.

Becoming an online trainer was always three sided: You had to be a great trainer, a slick marketer, and business savvy. Now, with the advent of TrulyFit, you can simply just be a great fitness pro. You list your services via a bio page and TrulyFit handles to financials and marketing side by advertising on your behalf. Their fitness business solutions software was built to streamline your business.

Instagram alone will not do it. It doesn’t provide value, it simply provides pictures. Building your social media is important and I will go over key tactics in later blogs. However, it’s typically a mistake to focus on that when you’re starting a fitness business.

Your work should drive people to your social media, rather than your social media drive people to work with you. It is only done the other way in rare circumstances. Build your trust as an authority and then transfer it to the social media aspects. If you feel you already have a large following and name recognition in your social media circles concerning your expertise, you can certainly take advantage.

I understand that it can be difficult to show authority when you haven’t had actual real world experience. However, if your time and energy is spent online, trying to convey to people that you are an expert, you’re forgoing the actual opportunity of learning skills to become that expert you desire to be. So, make sure you are in person shadowing and continuing to learn as you start your online business.

TrulyFit Will Help Your Fitness Business

TrulyFit is a must for your journey. It sets itself apart from the others and will guide you into being a successful online personal trainer. Why? Promotion, advertising, and marketing take up most of the online trainers time. TrulyFit will help handle the marketing aspect by driving clients to you. They will also set up your automatic zoom links to be sent to anyone who signs up for your services.

In addition to those features, you will also not have to worry about haggling over pricing or taking payments. You set your price on the site via TrulyFit’s site credit system and TrulyFit handles the payments through their industry specific POS systems. Focus on being a great fitness professional and let them handle the business & marketing side. Starting a fitness business should begin with signing up to be a part of TrulyFit.

How Long Does it Take to Make Money as a Personal Trainer

Honestly, if you’re driven, you could make money tomorrow. However, it’s not about short term profits. It’s about building your reputation, skill set, and coupling that with a few key marketing and business strategies.

You benefit most from zeroing in on people who want to work with you, and whom you want to work with. This way, you’ll have less client turnover, be recommended at a furious rate, and be gaining clientele faster than you can manage. If you start working with people before you are ready, or the wrong people, you will rob yourself of a constant & consistent revenue stream.

Your goal is to maintain a handful of loyal followers for life, not to keep chasing down one and done sessions. There is a difference between motion and progress. You are going to only take the steps that help you move forward here and let your business build itself passively.

You want people to be spreading the word about your skill-set while you’re working, it’s free marketing. If your focus is on finding the next person, rather than truly honing your craft and being the best FIT (fitness industry teacher), you’ll always be chasing down business, rather than letting it come to you.

Tips To Earn More Quickly

Let’s talk about how to make more money online since we already touched on using TrulyFit for your online training. Many who are working as an on-site personal trainer or FIT currently, find that there are only so many hours in the day. So, they transition online for purposes of scalability to grow their clientele base and their wallets.

If you work for yourself or online, you have a few options:

Charge More! – Your time is of the utmost value as it is limited. Even if you have clients who refuse to pay more, you will fill that time with people who are willing eventually. You are worth, whatever you believe you are worth. You can always take the prices down if you feel things are not going well, but do not shy away from high priced hours as long as you are providing what you and your client believe are truly high value experiences.

Become a Boss! – You may need to start hiring people underneath you and taking a percentage. After reading these blogs and understanding the strategies to gain clientele, you can then off-load them to people underneath you. This will allow you to be making money passively, and allowing your business to truly flourish. You need to gain the trust of your clients before you offload them to others, and you’ll have to make sure you use techniques taught here when training your future employees so that they keep a consistent structured business model that mirrors yours. Remember three key factors when going about this process: Create organizational hierarchy, develop a detailed position description, and personally train the employee properly.

If you work for a private gym, fitness studio, fitness company, brick and mortar, etc:

Negotiate! – If you are working for a large chain on site facility, you have way more value to them then they do to you. Chances are for every dollar they are paying you, you are making them two back. On top of taking a large percentage of what you make during each hour you work with someone, they are also benefiting from your connections and professionalism in keeping people happy which in turn leads to them paying for other costs (memberships, packages, food etc). That means, you are essentially costing them nothing yet keeping their doors open. Review average percentages in your area, present your credentials, and negotiate what you believe is fair.

Use the connections you have made inside your company. The people you work with are friendly and familiar with you, and will become your greatest allies. They can aid in your negotiation if they know they are likely to lose you due to the company’s stubbornness to not give you a raise. Losing an employee and having to retrain and reestablish personal connections with members is difficult for the company.

Look for more blogs in the future covering similar topics including unpacking each sub-topic here and really getting into the details of personal training and starting a fitness business.

0 notes

elfcreations · 3 years

Text

The Birth Story of Scarlett Mae

We knew we wanted more than two kids even before we got married. We discussed age differences and decided our first two we wanted close together. After our Second baby, Penelope, was born we decided that we wanted to focus on the current kids being potty trained and more self sufficient before adding a third child. Another thing we wanted to wait on was knowing we needed more space to add more kids since our first home was starting to feel cramped with the four of us. In 2019 we were able to sell our first home and purchase our dream home in the spring of 2020. It was cutting it very close in our timeline because we had discussed wanting our third to come in the spring of 2021. Nearing the end of July 2020 we discovered we were expecting our third child due in April 2021.

This pregnancy was so very different in many ways. I had some horrible digestive issues in the first trimester which made it difficult to do much more than stay home. My stomach starting popping out very quickly as well. The biggest change of all was being pregnant during an pandemic. I had limited visits to the birth center and tele-medicine visits as well as having to be alone for all appointments. Just like with our first two we decided we did not want to know the gender of the baby until they arrived. Morning sickness stuck with me throughout the entire pregnancy just like our daughters pregnancy so I was convinced I was expecting another girl. I failed my one hour glucose test and had to return for a three hour test which I thankfully passed (never failed one with my previous pregnancies). At our anatomy scan they measured my placenta being low so I had to go back in 10 weeks to ensure it had moved so I would not have to have a csection. Thankfully my placenta moved out of the way and that risk was removed.

I was told by all the midwifes that third babies are unpredictable and can always throw in a surprise for you. Since I went past 41 weeks with my second and almost hit 41 weeks with my first it was expected that I was go over 40 weeks again. At 39 weeks and 4 days gestation I started having consistent 5 minutes in between lasting one minute long contractions at 11:30am. They continued without easing up all day and around 10:30pm I decided to call the birth center. At that time I was timing them at 3 minutes in between and one minute and thirty seconds long. They told me to come on in and we drove over. When we got there I was checked and I was only 2 cm dilated but thought my water may have broken. They decided for me to rest for a few hours there and they would recheck me. They sent me home at 4am when it was determined my water definitely had not broken and I was still only 2cm dilated. I took some Tylenol pm on the way home and fell asleep. When I woke up at the house my contractions had completely stopped. That day I slept for most of it after such a long day of contractions and no sleep. I was so discouraged and disappointed that it wasn’t time yet. The next two weeks I walked, bounced on my yoga ball, drank red raspberry leaf tea, took primrose oil and stayed busy. Then it was time for my 41 week appointment.

I was 41 weeks and 1 day when I headed into my 41 week appointment at 2:45pm. I was scheduled to have a non stress test and then go to have an ultrasound to check the fluid levels for the baby. I went into the birth center and they checked my weight and then my blood pressure as they always did. The blood pressure monitor beeped and they said it was elevated. I was so shocked because I’ve always had a low blood pressure. The midwife Emily took me down to the birthing suites for my NST. She took me into the peach room which was actually the room I had on my birth plan as my room to birth in. I laid down for the test and we discussed if and when to schedule my induction if I reached 42 weeks. I decided as long as the baby was doing well we would plan for an induction in one week at 42 weeks and 1 day. Emily left the room and Kaitlyn (so sorry if I spelled the name wrong) came in to look over the NST and retake my blood pressure after the test was finished. My NST results looked great and showed I was having consistent contractions. She took my blood pressure and it was still elevated. She decided to wait a little bit longer and retest it with me sitting up in the chair. She took my blood pressure again and it was still elevated so she told me that Emily would have to come back and talk about what had to happen next. I was so shocked that this checkup was changing so quickly. They told me that the concern was that I could have hypertension. In order to confirm I had hypertension I had to have elevated blood pressure after they rechecked me in four hours. If I had hypertension I would not be able to give birth at the birth center and would have to go to the hospital to be induced which they knew I did not want. I was told I had two options, To go to the hospital and get induced or to try a midwife induction at the birth center to get my labor to kick in before the four hours were up to retest my blood pressure. At around 3:40pm I was told to get Stephen in the room so we could discuss it. My head was reeling that this was actually happening. I started that day thinking it was probably going to be a few more days of waiting. I had ensured all of birth bags were placed in the van before we left for my appointment (however I forgot my snack bag and drinks). Stephen and I decided we would get the midwife induction going in hopes we could bypass the hospital. Stephen went to the grocery store to grab some snacks and drinks for me and Emily did a cervical check and a membrane sweep. She told me I 3 cm dilated and she got me to 4 cm dilated. I called my mom around 4:20 pm to tell her what was happening and to go ahead and head to my house to watch the kids.

The next step was to start taking some oil blends that encourage contractions to be strong and productive. After four hours I was having consistent contractions and they had to recheck my blood pressure. It was not elevated so I wasn’t being booted to the hospital but they had to recheck in four more hours. Around 9pm Kaitlyn had to leave (she was so amazing while we had her there!) and Kelly and Jaci (also rockstars) were taking over for the night. They stopped the blends to see if my contractions stayed strong and consistent at that time. At around 10:30pm they checked my cervix and I was 5 cm dilated so they went ahead and broke my water. Jaci told me there was a little bit of late meconium in the water so I would not be able to labor in the tub like I had hoped to (because of my scoliosis in my lower spine I have intense back labor and any heat I can get on my back helps). I’ve never seen so much fluid from my water breaking. This baby had a nice big watery home. Over the next few hours my contractions continued to stay consistent and strong. Around midnight my blood pressure was rechecked and it was slightly elevated again. They told me they would have to recheck again around 4am and if it was still elevated they would have to draw my blood to test for hypertension. After that my contractions really ramped up. They were long and super close together. I barely got a break in between. I was hopeful that this meant some real progress was happening. After over an hour of these intense contractions they did a cervical check. I was 8 1/2 cm so those intense contractions dilated me from a 5 to an 8 1/2. I was discouraged however because I was hoping the baby was about to arrive but I knew it would be soon. I decided to relax on the bed and not return to the birthing ball for a little bit after that time because I was very tired and needed a rest for my back. Kelly went and got a tens unit and placed it on my back to help with my back labor.

After being on the bed for a little bit Kelly said she wanted me to try sitting on the birthing stool and have Stephen sit behind me and help me through the contractions. She placed a mirror on the floor and told me to look down and see how ready my body was getting for the birth of this little one and I was amazed that this baby was definitely close to coming for sure. I labored there for a couple of hours and then they did a cervical check again. I was still 8 1/2 cm dilated and my cervix was no longer low and forward. The baby had moved it high and back. They told me we would need to do something to encourage the baby to push down and stay down to keep things progressing. It was discussed to get the peanut ball out and I would labor for the next hour with that. They let me lay in the bed for a little while before checking back. I fell asleep between the intense contractions because I was so worn out at this point. I had been awake since 6:30 am the morning before and it was nearing 5am. Kelly rechecked my blood pressure and it was back down again. She told me she just wanted me to focus on resting and she wasn’t going to start me on the peanut ball. When Kelly came back I saw the sun beginning to come out and she told me she could tell I was in a lot of pain so she wanted to see if I wanted to get in the tub. I wanted to scream YES! I was so ready to get in and hopefully relieve some of my back pain.

I got into the tub and it felt so wonderful. I of course still had pain but that warm water felt so good against my sore body. Kelly came into the room shortly after and told me she was headed home and that Molly and Carrie were taking over. She left the room and the intense urge to push came over me and I looked at Stephen and he knew what was happening even though I wasn’t able to verbalize it. He went out and told Kelly and she came back in along with Molly and Carrie. I pushed for a while on my back in the tub but felt I needed more leverage. They told me to move to my side but that was very uncomfortable for me so I went back to my back. I pushed a few more times and Kelly told me I should try to move to my hands and knees like I birthed my second child. I pushed there and made some more progress but this baby was still so hard to push out. Carrie said she wanted me to get out of the tub and get on the birthing stool. I got out of the tub which was very difficult and sat down on the stool. They had set a mirror under me on the stool and I could see the babies head. The next push I finally felt the babies head coming through but the contraction ended and the head stayed halfway out. I couldn’t believe the head was just staying there and didn’t go back in so I knew I needed to push with everything I had during the next contraction. I pushed with all my strength and I felt the head break free. I was so relieved. But then I kept pushing to get the rest of the baby out but nothing was happening. The mood quickly shifted in the room and I realized that the babies shoulders were stuck. I didn’t have much time to panic but I did just think what is going to happen if they cannot get the baby out. They quickly had me get on the bed on all fours and Carrie did some midwife ninja magic while I pushed. She then had me get on my back and in less than a minute (it felt like an eternity) at 8:53am after 43 minutes of pushing she had the baby out and laying on me. I was overwhelmed with relief and happiness to meet my baby. I asked Stephen if it was a girl or a boy and he told me a girl. Our little Girl was here!

I gave the baby to Stephen and they checked me out and said I had no tears which I was so relieved to hear. When I got her in my arms she latched on immediately and started nursing like a champ. When they weighed her she was 10lbs and 22in long! I could not believe I birthed a 10lb baby and had no tearing. My first baby was 8lbs 13oz and my second was 8lbs 2oz so I was not at all expecting just a big baby to arrive. Of course my blood pressure was still going up and down during recovery so they took my blood to test for preeclampsia before they released us to go home. Molly came back in and told me I was clear and good to go home whenever we wanted. We left the day she was born to head home around 2pm and I was so happy to get in my bed and see my other kiddos. This birth was a rollercoaster ride for me but the ladies at the birth center were incredible. I’m still in awe of the amazing talent that I witnessed that day from every nurse and midwife. My husband described it best to me of women all empowering each other. He said it was like they were all connected to me giving me strength. I’m so happy to have my baby girl in my arms! Also a huge thanks to our friend and incredibly talented photographer Darby for capturing this day for us. I’m so grateful that she took time out of her life and stayed up with us all night to capture the magic of that day. I will cherish the images forever.

0 notes

amsrober02-blog · 4 years

Text

Strength

Last year, my daughter ran cross country. I remember watching her getting close to the end and being so out of breath that she looked like she might pass out or throw up or something. However, when she saw the finish line ahead, extra adrenaline pumped through her veins and she had one last push to bring her through the finish line where she would collapse. I’m running a different kind of race, one I never wanted to run. And there is this invisible finish line, but no one will tell me how far I have to run to get there. There have been times I thought I was close. My adrenaline kicked in and I ran hard, only to realize that it wasn’t the finish line. This keeps happening, again and again. I just keep being told to keep going! Don’t give up! Stay strong! You’re doing great. But inside, I haven’t felt great. In fact, it has begun to feel like this race isn’t real and the finish line doesn’t exist. I just keep seeing these signs everywhere telling me it’s ahead. Well, where is it?

It has been about 5 weeks since the start of radiation. I’ve had 22 treatments. I’ve taken 467 chemo pills. My life these past few weeks has been a reflection of something I’m not proud of. I gave up and allowed fear, uncertainty, and hopelessness to enter my mind. Instead of pouring out my heart to God, I poured it out on my husband. I became a shell of a person in these short five weeks.

Chemo/Radiation is hard. Going into it, I had so much confidence. To me, this was nothing compared to what I had been through the past 6 months, so I let my guard down and stepped into the unknown arrogantly. I had this in the bag already. 28 cycles, no problem. My only fear was the chemo, but after a week of taking it with zero side effects, I had come to the conclusion that I finally was getting the break I wanted. Easy peasy.

I walked out of my first radiation treatment to speak with the doctor. My appointments with the radiologist are on Tuesdays, and I happened to start on a Tuesday. She went over a few things I could expect in the coming weeks, but I assured her that I was not too worried about it. After all, I wasn’t even having side effects from the chemo.

Well, that night, it all came to a head. Apparently the radiation does something when it mixes with the chemo and I felt suddenly at 4 pm like the energy had been zapped from my body. The next few days would add new side effects like- pain, nausea, upset stomach, and the worst fatigue I would ever experience.

I started complaining a lot. I isolated myself. I was embarrassed about how I felt too tired to reach out to anyone. Last anyone heard, this was no problem. The next week, when friends started to ask how I was doing, I would say, “Eh, not great, but I’m ok.” Eventually, my replies were more honest, but I didn’t even have the energy to explain. I was using the bathroom multiple times a day, I got winded just walking to the kitchen from the living room. I struggled to get my kids to their practices.

In the midst of it all, I also lost my dream job. It felt like my world was caving in, and I felt worthless. My husband felt lost. My kids stayed away from me. My new normal was found in sleep- the only relief I could find. I started taking opioids for the pain- which actually worked and brought relief for sleep. Tempted to take them around the clock, I thankfully decided against it.

This past Sunday I finally poured out my heart to my close group of friends and my husband. One friend called and talked me through my cry for help. I realized in that moment how badly I needed a friend, how isolated I had allowed myself to become. It wasn’t right. I needed to make a change.

That night I sat down with Anthony and we had a hard conversation. What I needed was to believe that the God of miracles was still by my side. I needed to realize that Anthony was not God. He is just another human that cannot bare this burden alone. Communication, repentance, and openness.

I also found out this week that God had something better in store for me. The school district created a position so that I can work remotely. This is perfect because 6-10 weeks after radiation ends, I will need surgery again. I need to stay healthy, and being in the school right now may not be the best option. Idk what this year has in store, but God keeps making a way, so I’m going to trust Him.

This week has been better. I don’t feel as fatigued. I don’t really know why either. Maybe the emotional load I was carrying was heavier than I realized. My prayer is that I’ll have the energy to make it through my first day of training with the remote learning team. It starts at 8:30AM tomorrow and ends at 3:00. I moved my radiation appointment time earlier in the morning so that I can make it work. I just don’t know how I’ll feel tomorrow, but I’m praying good enough to make it through the day.

I don’t know why this cancer is still lingering. I don’t understand why it’s happening to me. I don’t know why I am still fighting this battle, but God isn’t surprised by it. He hates it. Pain, sadness, hurt- it doesn’t come from Him. But he promises to use it all for good. He will make good from this.

God promises to never leave us or forsake us, but He can’t make us rely on Him. He says He’ll carry our burdens if we let Him, but I have to let Him. He promises in Isaiah-

“He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”

‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭40:29-31‬ ‭

He promises to give strength to the weary and power to the weak. He promised me again this morning in Jeremiah 31:25, “I will refresh the weary and satisfy the faint.”

It’s not my own strength that carries me, but His. To God be all the glory.

0 notes

lauroe1964 · 5 years

Text

Running makes me want to dieeeeee

Hey babes,

So the other day, I arose at the a$$-crack of dawn (5:00am. RIP) to go on a 10 mile run.

See, my family (minus my youngest sister, Izzy, and my Mom) are training for a half marathon in August, so use pool in our gumption to do a long run on Saturdays. My sister, Olivia, being the genius that she is, decided to make a 9:20 am appointment for the optometrists. Meaning, that we need to be at the beach by 6:30am and be done by 8:25am so my little sister could have her eye balls poked about. Thanks for that. Also, this was the day after my birthday as well (22 WOO-HOO it’s a slow march to my death from here on out 🤪) so I, being the aThElEtE that I am, decided to eat five slices of bread, a bowl of pasta, and drink two sangrias, and top it off with a crème brûlée and some flourless chocolate cake. Really, just living my best life.

So our shoes hit the pavement near the Ventura Pier and we start jogging along. Olivia and my Dad race ahead of me, per usual. I try turning on my run keeper and it doesn’t work.

Strike one.

I can already tell this is going to be a terrible run. My stomach starts churning from the more-than-necessary amount of carbs in my system. I’m already out of breath at a 13 minute mile. I’m dying.

I start having suicidal thoughts. I’m worthless. I’m fat. I should die. I start fantasizing my death. My audiobook “The Alchemist” helps distract me from my thoughts only a minuscule amount, like trying to remove spray paint on cement with baby shampoo. But I continue.

After four and a half miles, my Dad and I cross paths. He gave me some water to drink and I asked him where the halfway point is, as my running app was not working.

“A half a mile up,” he told me, “but you should probably start heading back up now because we need to be back by 8:25.”

It was 7:30.

That’s when I lost it.

As my Dad started running ahead of me, I began sobbing. I felt like a failure. It wasn’t just that I was unable to complete the 10 miles, it was that everything else in my life had seemed to fall short. I was uglier and fatter than last year. My plan to stay in Paris for the summer had failed. I didn’t have an internship lined up. I still didn’t have a boyfriend. And now, I couldn’t run 10 miles in an appropriate amount of time.

Of course, these statements are only half-true. And as any honest person will tell you, a half-truth is a lie. I might not be as physically beautiful as I was last year, but that is because I took a risk and tried something new with having short hair. I was fatter, but I also didn’t struggle with obsessive dieting/thoughts about food and wanted to take a more holistic approach to health. I wasn’t able to stay in Paris the entire summer, but I had an incredible time drinking wine by the Seine for the month of June. And if I had fifteen minutes more, I would have been able to run 10 without a doubt in my mind.

Sometimes I get into these negative spirals where I need to prove to myself that I am an object of pity by stretching the truth to fit my victim narrative. It’s ok if I feel down or upset, but I shouldn’t need to spread lies about myself. That’s not being honest.

Anyways, after my good cry my endorphins kicked in a little stronger and I felt better. Other than that, my week has been ok. Being in the ‘burbs is a little boring, but you know, the açaí bowls are popping and I don’t have to pay for groceries so 😗✌🏻

Keep on having a hot girl summer,

Laurennn

0 notes

courtred · 5 years

Text

My Special Delivery: A birth story

The Beginning I woke up at 5 am on Mon June 4, 2018 without an alarm after a somewhat interrupted night’s sleep. I was wide awake and decided to start my day. Anyone who knows me knows that this is odd behavior [let’s just say I value my sleep]. I felt some minor menstrual-esque cramping throughout the morning. When the cramps had not subsided by 8:30am, I realized I had probably been having them throughout the night which caused my poor sleep. I spoke with my midwife, Heather, to notify her of what I was experiencing, and she explained that these were very early signs of labor – so early that I was most likely not in technical “Early Labor” yet and the symptoms could even continue for days without much progress. She encouraged me to stick to my normal routine and to communicate throughout the day. This response helped me to not overthink what I was experiencing. Still, I decided to stay home from work because I was a week from my due date and these early signs encouraged the realization that, that day or not, a baby was coming. My house was completely torn apart at the time as we were finishing a floor replacement and, being the procrastinators we are, we assumed we still had a week to finish. I spent the majority of the day alone meal-prepping, cleaning (knowing my mother-in-law would soon be on her way), working on baby laundry, and touching base with my employees. Juan checked in on me frequently to remind me to relax. **Side note: Juan was definitely in denial of the possibility that we could have a baby over the next 24 hours.** I napped often and for as long as my body would let me. My birthing plan was to deliver at SA Birthing Center sans medication or IV and I knew I was in the first phases of a marathon. As my contractions gradually intensified I kept replaying my midwives’ warnings of how exhaustion can complicate natural labor. As I kept in touch with my midwife throughout the day she was very calm and assured me that everything was normal and still early in the process. My mother and mother-in-law were a little more anxious and excited. My mom called me every few hours to see what I was feeling and reiterated that everything I was describing sounded like labor and that I needed to take it seriously. Juan’s mother jumped in a car in Mexico City and started making the 16 hour drive to San Antonio. By 5 pm my contractions had increased in frequency and intensity. Katie, the best Best Friend, came over to distract me as things got a little harder (keep in mind that Juan was busy all day trying to expedite our remodel and I was on my own with my contractions and my thoughts). She took me to Aldo’s for a spaghetti dinner and a glass of wine. At this point I was still composed, but definitely gripping the table every 5 minutes with each contraction. After dinner she stayed with me until around 9 pm, helping to fold baby laundry and supporting me as I tried different positions through each contraction. She helped time a few contractions to see where I was at; up until this point the only timing I had done was listening to music and considering how many songs would pass between contractions. By the time she left I was unable to continue conversing through contractions, and instead I was vocalizing/groaning until each one subsided. Katie tagged Juan in and he took over as my support. Active Labor Juan assisted with partner laboring positions and started thae timer. I spent the next couple hours of contractions in the labor position that seemed to work best for me, pushing against the wall (think of the position used when pushing a vehicle), all the while convincing Juan that this was actually happening. I had to consciously keep myself calm as I started to get anxiety thinking I was in for a long night and that I hadn’t gotten enough sleep to endure what was ahead of me. I did this until my contractions brought me to my knees. I finally got in a warm bath to see if that would help with the pain. It did somewhat, but it wasn’t long before my groans became loud enough that I knew my neighbors could hear me, and it was clear they weren’t going to get quieter any time soon. I convinced Juan [after repeatedly explaining to him that calling a midwife in the middle of the night wasn’t rude] to call Heather to determine the next steps. You should know that the midwives had told me that a vast majority of 1st time mothers try to check in to the birthing center well before they are ready and they end up getting examined and return home; I was determined to not go in until I couldn’t take much more pain. Heather said she would meet us at the birthing center. I turned the seat heaters on in the truck and rolled down the window to distract myself with the summer breeze. This was around 2am so the roads were empty and I was trying to focus on breathing and relaxing as much as possible. Heather was already at the birthing center when we arrived and she escorted me into the building. The birthing center is a small facility that feels like a house. I had every appointment and every class at the center and had met each person on staff prior to this point in my pregnancy. This familiarity helped me to feel instantly calmer being with Heather in this space. She examined me and I cried tears of joy as she reported that I was 8 cm dilated and that I was there to stay. I was incredibly relieved that my labor was going as I had expected, more or less, and it reinforced my confidence that I could do this considering I had already beasted through much of “Active Labor” on my own. Heather left us alone as she set up our birthing room. After a few minutes Heather walked me back to my room and helped me into the tub. Juan played some 90’s nostalgia as he sat on the side of the tub and we sang together between contractions. Juan was amazing throughout this process, feeding me water and Gatorade every few minutes, letting me crush his hand through my contractions, and encouraging me constantly. Eventually my other midwife, Cindy, arrived along with a training midwife who requested to be present. These 4 people (counting Juan), were my birth team. How I chose this team Throughout the 7-8 months that I was in the care of the SA Birth Center I had met all of the midwives in a few settings (classes, appointments, and miscellaneous phone calls for advice). One day I had shown up to the birthing center, frantic, because I hadn’t felt my little girl move in over 24 hours. This is when I met Heather. She dropped everything, told me that my feelings were valid, and swiftly ushered me into a private room. She pulled out the Doppler and I cried as I heard my baby’s strong, beautiful heartbeat. Cindy actually walked into the room looking for something as all of this was going on and stopped when she saw my face so that she could hold my hand and reassure me that my child would probably scare the shit out of me like this for the rest of my life. I felt like the 2 sides of my brain were standing in front of me: Heather – calm, caring, intuitive, vulnerable and Cindy – strong, matter-of-fact, honest. I knew that they would be what I needed during my delivery. Transition The personality traits of my team proved to be immensely helpful as “Transition” hit. Around 4 am I felt my water break in the birthing tub with a distinct “pop” feeling. This brought some relief, but I knew that the real work was about to start and I was apprehensive. It was time to dig in and push. Unexpectedly, pushing was what I struggled with the most in labor. I had already experienced more pain than ever in my life, and pushing required me to intentionally cause myself more pain and I had a hard time wrapping my head around that. This delayed the progress of my labor slightly. My midwives decided that I should get out of the tub and try laboring on the bed. I pushed while lying on my side with some success and eventually ended up on my back. I was tired and started to complain as a coping mechanism. Cindy reminded me that pushing through was the only way to end the pain and that my only choice was to keep going. I don't recall ever considering transferring to a hospital or getting an epidural, but I learned later that at this point Juan thought I wasn’t going to make it through delivery at the birthing center. Cindy’s realness shut me up quickly as she informed me that if we couldn’t get the baby out relatively quickly that I would need to transfer for the baby’s safety. It clicked that I was either going to do this, or I wasn’t. I buckled down and pushed with all I had. Heather monitored as the baby crowned and encouraged me to feel her head so that I could see just how close I was to delivery. The midwives positioned Juan to be ready to catch his little girl, while reminding him that they were there for me and that if he passed out he was on his own. I screamed while pushing through the next contractions and her head was out. Juan was caught off guard seeing a grey, lifeless baby partially delivered and started to get scared. At this point, Heather noticed that the baby’s arm was stuck behind her back and Cindy had Juan move out of the way and immediately told me to reposition to a runner’s pose. She assisted me in flipping from my back to a lunge in the center of the bed with one knee down and the other knee up with my foot planted on the bed. Keep in mind that I’m making this move scared and in pain, with a baby hanging out of me. At this point I had completely surrendered to the instruction of my midwives and didn’t even have time to process what was happening. Cindy told me that the baby could be delivered in one more push and to give everything I had with the next contraction. I prepared myself in the next few seconds before the contraction and grabbed onto all of the strength I had left. In that last push, at 5:22 am, Margot Rose Trejo Meyer was born weighing in at 7lbs, 6.5 oz. She was flawess. After delivery As my child was placed on my chest, she immediately latched onto my breast and started nursing. The midwives were doing their paperwork and required exams of the baby and me. I was beat. I still needed to deliver the placenta, but as Cindy examined me the umbilical cord detached from the placenta. This was a small complication, but eventually the placenta was delivered. Cindy massaged my lower abdomen and blood poured out of me. Between the discomfort of the uterine massage, the bleeding, and me being in a little bit of shock, I began to worry. My mother’s primary fear with labor/delivery, especially outside of a hospital, was hemorrhaging; she had repeated this fear to me a few times. The word was stuck in my brain and I came to understand it as certain death. Heather continued to talk to me and ask if I was OK because fear was plastered all over my face. She assured me they were monitoring my bleeding. Cindy had to put up with me all but pushing her off of me as she continued the uterine massages, explaining that it was being done in my best interest. In the hour following delivery I was reassured that there were no immediate concerns. Heather examined me and informed me that I had not torn at all, encouraged me to get up and use the bathroom, and set me up with my post partem panty situation. They cleaned up the bed in time for my mom’s arrival, and she looked on as Heather walked Juan through his first diaper change. Not long after, Juan set me up with a Pizza Lunchable and a Gaterade and left to finish putting our condo back together following the remodel progress he made the day prior (yes, he did this after being up all night with me). The midwives gave us our privacy and as Margot slept in my mom’s arms in the corner of the room, I felt safe and finally got to sleep after such an intense 24+ hours. A few hours later, I woke up slowly to the sound of a woman in labor in the room next to me. After a while Heather came in to check on me and I was cleared to be discharged. I called Juan to come pick us up and slowly got dressed with Heather’s help. Juan, Margot, and I left the birthing center around noon and headed to my parent’s house to get some much needed sleep. Final thoughts I knew that natural labor would be the hardest thing I’ve ever endured, and there’s really no preparing yourself for that. Honestly, immediately following delivery I was sure I would never have another child because the whole ordeal was a lot to unpack. Ultimately the experience was intense, but I’ve never been more proud of myself. My choice to deliver the way I did was questioned by basically everyone. Many of the mothers in my life called me crazy on numerous occasions, but I did it… and I doubt anyone who really knows me is actually surprised that my stubborn ass chose this way and saw it through. My delivery was NOT easy, but it was beautiful and it taught me more about my own strength and the unwavering support of my partner than I ever imagined it would. Looking back now I can see that I traded the comfort that is offered with an epidural for the control and confidence that comes without it. I traded the security of a team of doctors and advanced medical equipment in a hospital for the serenity and familiarity of the birthing center and my midwives. I couldn’t have asked for a better duo than Heather and Cindy to guide the birth of my daughter and the birth of me as a mother. I am forever grateful to everyone mentioned here for contributing to my success in delivering my beautiful baby girl.

#birthstory naturalchildbirth SAbirthcenter

0 notes

notdeadyet-bpd · 5 years

Text

week in the life of a med student: monday

Thought I’d write a bit about med student life for anyone interested. Note: I’m in Australia, so my experience will likely be different to those studying medicine in the US. Also, I’m a first-year student.

5:45am: I wake up and I would curse the sun, except the sun isn’t up yet because it’s too early. (I’m clearly not a morning person.) I procrastinate for a few minutes over getting out of bed because, again, I’m not a morning person. I eat breakfast and get dressed and ready to leave.

6:30am: I drive out to the train station because I hate buses. The escalator at the train station is still broken. I swear that station has been without a working escalator all semester, and my semester started in late January.

~6:50am: Board the train and start working through some flash cards on Anki. (It’s a popular flashcard app among med students. There are others, but Anki is the most powerful and therefore one of the most popular.) I work through them in lots of 50 and try and look up for a bit between sets to look after my less-than-stellar eyesight. (I wear glasses full-time and have done so for years)

~7:20am: Get off in the city and board my next bus. Meet a classmate on the bus and start talking.

~7:40am: Arrive at the medical and dental library, which is where my first class is. Spend some time talking to classmates before going into class.

8:00am: Immunology tutorial. The lecturer starts the class with a Kahoot (a quiz website). Someone sets their screen name to an Avengers: Endgame spoiler. The next person sets their screen name to “i hate u.” Even though the Kahoot quiz doesn’t count towards our grade, the competition is pretty intense as you get more points on Kahoot for answering quickly. The main bulk of the tute involves a discussion of a case study of a Russian family with a rare immune system defect. Someone else in the class finds a textbook that discusses the exact same case study and shares it with the class over Facebook, so I guess it’s not just Avengers spoilers going around class today. Final exam timetables are also released while we’re in class. We only have two finals, but each exam covers the content for the entire semester. One exam is a short-answer question exam and the other is a “visually-aided exam” (pictures are shown on the screen at the front of class and we have to answer questions about them). The short-answer question exam is worth more. Unfortunately, we’ve been assigned the very first exam after study break: 9am on a Saturday morning. This means that we have little over a week after classes end to revise roughly 200 hours’ worth of lectures (bearing in mind that the lectures tend to be very content-heavy).

10:00am: A couple of classmates and I go upstairs in the library for some silent study. I have a look through the anatomy lab worksheet for the afternoon and try and answer some of the questions. Once I’ve done that, I do some more flashcards on Anki. During this time, we get an email telling us that our histology lab in a couple of weeks’ time has been cancelled, and we silently cheer.

11:00am: Grab some lunch from the kiosk and a hot chocolate from the cafeteria before heading over to meet up with the MD1 Sub-Dean of Student Affairs. Along the way, I bump into a bunch of people I know and get caught up in conversations with them, but I still manage to make it to the appointment just in time. We have a chat about how I’ve been going and I explain that I’ve been feeling much more relaxed since the study break that we had last week.

12:00pm: Head over to main campus for the anatomy lab in the afternoon. I take the bus because it looks like it might rain.

12:30pm: Go to the anatomy museum for some self-study. The hot chocolate and/or anxiety appear to be getting to me, though, because I constantly need to pee. I go to the loo twice in the half-hour period while waiting for class.

1pm: Anatomy lab. I need to pee again but since it’s probably just an anxious false urge, I hold it. Today’s lab is a dry lab where we are just looking at skulls to see if we can identify various features. A few classmates and I sit around a table and we try and identify all of the structures listed in the anatomy lab worksheet. One of my classmates has done anatomy before, which helps. There are also demonstrators floating around to help. Unfortunately, though, anatomy lab still often feels like the blind leading the blind.

2:15pm: Even though anatomy lab technically goes until 2:45pm, my classmates and I decide to leave early because we feel we’ve gotten as much out of it as we possibly could. Since we have no more classes, I finally go pee again (yay!) and head home.

~3:30pm: Arrive home and start making myself comfortable, but then I receive a text message from the optometrist telling me that my glasses are ready, so I head back out again. My new glasses are quite different to my old ones, so the sales assistant tells me that if people don’t notice the difference, they need to get their eyes checked. (Spoilers: it’s been over 24 hours as of the time of writing and nobody’s noticed yet.)

~4:15pm: Arrive back home. I open up a mindfulness meditation recording on my computer but since I hate sitting still and focusing my mind, I procrastinate over doing it. Heavily. I end up just mindlessly surfing the web for some time instead.

~5:15pm: Finally overcome my procrastination. I do my meditation and watch a couple of videos. The first one is about mindfulness and compassion and the second one is about autonomic nervous system drugs and their effects on the eyes. I watch the first video at 1.5x speed and 1.25x speed to save time.

~6:15pm: Dinner time. I still live at home, so I just eat what my parents make (yes, I know, I’m spoilt). Tonight, dinner is salmon, steamed broccoli and carrots, and rice.

6:45pm: Start heading out for community band practice. (I play clarinet.)

7:15pm: Arrive at band 15min early. I’m the first one there. When the next few people arrive, we go into the room and start setting up. When the conductor comes, I tell her that my first exam is on the morning of the upcoming band championships, and I’ll probably want to rest afterwards. The conductor essentially tells me that I’m irreplaceable and that though she can’t force me to be there, she would really really really really really like me to be there. Le sigh.

9:15pm: Leave band. Normally band goes until around 9:45pm, but since medical school started, I’ve been leaving after the 15min break in the middle.

9:45pm: Arrive home and have a shower. I’m more or less ready for bed by 10:15pm, but I stay up late reading dumb Facebook comments. (Someone I know shared an obvious scam post and some of the comments on the original post were pretty funny.) 10:45pm: Bed.

#medicine #med student #study #dayinthelife

0 notes

asuitcaseofmemories · 7 years

Text

"There’s a Storm in my Head and it’s Killing all the Flowers.”

I've been relatively vocal about having anxiety. I've had a LOT of people message me with support, suggestions, and pure curiosity. I'm always happy to answer what I can... Because though I realize my truth is the same as countless others. I also realize many of them suffer in silence. I think the more I share my struggles, the more others can hopefully understand what their friends, family, and loved ones are going through. I decided to give a brief glimpse of my thought pattern for just a simple trip. I went to Shanghai, which mind you I have been to at least 6 times now. Here ya go...

Tuesday

Okay I really have to get moving on those train tickets for Thursday. I open my computer and search for tickets to Shanghai from Hefei on Aug 31st. My appointment is at 1, so if I leave by 10 that will be fine. No wait, I can't eat breakfast before or my anxiety will make me throw up... I should leave earlier then get lunch there. Yeah, I need to eat I guess. I'll book the 8:00am train which means I have to catch the 7:00 subway and wake up at 6:00.

Okay this train station is closest to where I want to eat. I write down the date, time, and train number. I'll book 3:30pm return. Oh god, what if they're running behind and my appointment goes late, or the line at the subway is long, or I get on the wrong one on accident, and then miss my train? I better make it for 5 just to be safe. Shit, I need to have the concierge order these before the seats are taken... Excuse me while I check 3 different times to be sure he has the correct train info. He's annoyed.

I get the tickets and I immediately check the time, date, and train number.. Phew they're correct. I put them in my purse and go to walk away... Wait! Maybe they're the wrong station, better check them, again. Okay, they're right. Wait, maybe I have the stations confused? It is a big city... I better Google it to be sure. Okay all set, no worries!

Wednesday

11:45pm- I'm falling asleep but I suddenly realize that I NEED to plan out my day so I'm not late for anything. I check the address for Shanghai Station for the 8th time. I get the street address for the place to eat (in Chinese) justttt in case the subway is down or something. Remember I did see an article a month ago where that did happen. It will probably happen again, could be tomorrow. What's the subway station nearest to the restaurant? Hmm I better cross reference that 5 times. Google says that will take 32 mins on the subway, it'll take at least 10-15 minutes to buy tickets, another 5 minutes to walk from the station to the restaurant... Okay so I'll get to the restaurant at 11:04. It's only a half hour cab ride to the doctor from there. But wait, maybeeee traffic will be terrible. I should leave at noon instead of 12:30... just to be safe.

Okay, now I can go back to bed. Wait... Hmm I better look up the address for my doctor in Chinese... Just in case the cab driver can't read the business card font. Maybe I'm being silly? No I'm not, that's happened before. Do it. Okay go to bed. Wait! How am I getting back to the train station? Okay Google says it's a 35 minute cab ride, but it's probably 50 with traffic. That means I should get a cab by 3pm. I'll get there by 4 and the train boards at 4:37, and the security line could be long...

I feel better, now I can sleep. Wait... What if I can't get a cab? I took the subway from there last time. It was like a 13 minute walk, but I can't remember if I had to switch lines. Was the ticket line long there? Shit I can't remember. I better double check the line number and stop for the train station, again.

Seriously it's 2am and I have to get up in 4 hours. I finally begin dozing off, then I think "what's the weather going to be like?" I better check my weather app. It doesn't say it's going to rain, but maybe it will. Oh no I left my umbrella at that restaurant tonight.

Maybe I should've packed my backpack tonight, what if I forget something tomorrow? Okay I need to pack my passport, cash, tissues, sunglasses, glasses (in case I need to take my contacts out), eye drops (ya never know), contact case, coins for the subway, headphones for music, water, my iPad... Am I forgetting anything? Yeah you're forgetting to sleep. Go to bed Jess.

I feel the satin of my eye mask brush my face as I pull it on, and I take a deep breath. Why am I so nervous? My palms are sweating and my heart feels like I just ran the mile for the first time. I literally JUST did this trip 2 weeks ago. I went to the same area for lunch and everything. *1 hour later* I lift up my eye mask, after not sleeping a wink. What time is it? 3:30am. I pull my eye mask back on then immediately tear it off. WHAT. How is it 3:30?? Okay if I fall asleep now I'll get 2.5 hours of sleep. Go to bed.

One hour later I rip off my eye mask in panic... Shit did I set an alarm? I better check its for AM not PM. Okay good, it is. I close my eyes... Shit... Am I sure 6am is early enough? Ugh stop worrying and go to bed. I toss and turn for a bit and finally start to doze off. Great, now I gave to pee.

After the chill of the cold tile woke up my feet, I made my way back to the bedroom and slowly climbed back into bed. Shortly after I doze off, Corey's alarm sounds. That means it's between 5-5:15am think. A second alarm goes off... It's probably 5:30 now. Maybe I can sleep for a half hour.

I hear the shower start and think BUT maybe I should just get up to be sure I have everything around in time?

It's 5:45am and I am scrolling through my phone making sure I have everything screenshot for directions. I make a detailed itinerary down to the minute in my notepad, just to be on the safe side.

6:00am and my alarm blares as I'm holding it in my hands. Great, I feel like I'm going to puke. Why? Why didn't I sleep? I'm hungry. I wish I could eat but I will definitely get sick. Maybe I'm already going to get sick? I need coffee like yesterday. I should wait until I get to the train station otherwise I'll have to pee between here and there and I don't have time for that. But I'm so thirsty. No-don't drink anything or you'll have to go. I glance out the window. Ughhh why did I forget my umbrella yesterday? It's raining.

I begin getting ready and panic hits me. Why do I feel like I can't breathe? I'm literally putting on blush. Nothing is happening. Oh my god I'm having a heart attack. I AM NOT. But maybe I am, that does happen. I Google "symptoms of a heart attack" and "symptoms of a panic attack" ...again, like I don't do this everyday. I should really just bookmark them. Ugh why's this always happen to me?

I do a breathing exercise, that I don't have time for, because if I don't I'm surely going to DIE. My heart has slowed and I can finally breathe normal, but all that anxiety just wrecked my stomach for the day. Yay, that will be great to deal with. I'm out of Imodium which I'm basically taking as a multivitamin at this point.

I glance at my watch, shit! I've got to go or I'll be late! I put my hand on the door handle, and quickly remove it. Now I'm rummaging through my bag to be extra sure I have everything, again. I am meticulous as I rearrange the pockets I have my belongings in. Someone could steal my passport if I'm not careful! That does happen sometimes.

I push the down button outside the elevator 15 times for good measure. What's taking so long? I hear the ding of one arriving, and I get in. I glance at my watch- Yes, I'm on time! The elevator begins to slow and I immediately remember that time a few weeks ago when it briefly stopped working between floors with me and Corey in it. Oh god I'm going to die! Oh never mind, it's just someone on the 10th floor. Oh god I know him. "Good morning Jess!" "Hey, heading to work?" ... That's a stupid question. Why would you ask that? You know the bus leaves at 7, what else would he be doing? He definitely thinks I'm an idiot right now, because I am. "Yes" he replies. Lord, these last 4 floors feel like an eternity. I want to tell him I almost puked on him for a second there, but I just say "have a good day" instead.

It's 6:52am, and I know the subway leaves at 7 on the dot... The subway is right there, but naturally I'm freaking out anyway. I run down the large flight of stairs faster than necessary ... Oh no it's 6:56 what if it leaves early (Realistically I could take the next one and be fine)? I run down the next flight of stairs too. The sign says 4 minutes until the subway car arrives, obviously. I pace back and forth as I skim over my itinerary in my phone, for the 4th time this morning. I feel like a lunatic and now I look like one. I gaze at the map to ensure I know my stop, which is named Hefei South Railway (duh). I count the number of stops 4 times for good measure. I look at my watch. 7:00am, the subway cars are here.

I get on and grab an empty seat without making any eye contact. I slowly pick my head up and everyone is looking at me. Please stop. Maybe they're staring because my music is too loud? I dull it to the minimum and after a few moments I peek again... No they're still staring. I'm very aware of my skin's surface at the moment and it feels like it's crawling with a million tiny legs. A shiver goes up my back and I swallow much too loud for this silent car.

Shit, was that one stop or two? I was too focused on the million legs that I lost count. Ugh I can't see the map from here. Why did I sit here? Maybe I should I get up and look? No. I don't want this lady to think I moved because she sat down; I know my stop's not for 20 minutes. Plus if I stand I'm guaranteed to have to pee. I argue with myself for 10 minutes and begin to panic that maybe I missed the stop.

All the atoms in my body feel like they're about to burst into flames. I kind of wish they would. I can't take it anymore! I'm getting up reading the map! I'm sure the panic is evident on my face as I quickly remove my ass from the bench. Oh, I still have three stops. I better just stand here next to the door; maybe they'll stop staring at me if I squeeze into this corner? Nope. In the door's reflection I can clearly see all of their watchful eyes and heads on a swivel. Why does this subway car feel like it's closing in on me? I can't breathe. Am I going to cry? Because I feel like I'm going to cry. No really I can't breathe right now.

I close my eyes and pray to God to have pity on me and make me invisible to these watchful eyes. I hear the automated baby voice over the intercom talking; my stop is next. The subway arrives at Hefei Station and the I hear the hiss of the doors as they open. No sooner and I'm gasping for air as I catapult myself out of the car at a speed you'd think I was trying to escape death. I mean, it felt like I was. Phew, I did it. I almost hyperventilated for a moment there. Okay, no really...where the fuck's the bathroom in this place?

Step one of 40, but I did it.

So if you don't have anxiety you're probably like WTF is wrong with this chick; seriously who worries like that? Well, I do... And chances are many of your loved ones do too. This is just a glimpse of the hell going on constantly in my brain- just a snippet of ONE topic. My brain rapid fires thoughts like these, on countless subjects, ALL day long. It is exhausting, and frankly getting out of is a miracle most days. Sleep evades me at night, and consumes most of my days. I can't remember what it's like to feel "normal" and not feel this hell. This is just my daily, constant anxiety... not even a bad panic attack. Traveling used to give me the MOST enjoyment. Even though it's harder than hell to get to that destination, I push myself to get there. I have my bad days, weeks, sometimes months... But I will not let anxiety or depression control my life.

If you're out there struggling and feel crazy in your head...just know we are crazy together, and I like to think I'm a fun time.

1 note · View note

youmightaswell · 5 years

Text

Die!

Hop on My Train of Thought...

I’ve been anxious and sort of ragey lately (perimenopause seems unlikely...) Not sure why, but I keep having these surges of anger and agitation. Life is annoying, though, amirite?

I noticed it really bad on Thursday when I put the dog in daycare and raced to the Bronx – my tax preparer is in a very sketchy area – to get my taxes done. I only get four hours of daycare for a set price. Anything over four hours is charged at a full day. My plan was to do my taxes and get back with an hour left so I could get my nails done before picking the dog up. Best laid plans, man.

My tax preparer was late by an hour. Steve has been my tax guy since 1993 when he ran a flourishing tax biz in Midtown Manhattan. The line would be around the floor and the wait could span 10 hours but people flocked to him because was the only guy back then anyone could find that would be “creative” with your taxes. I don’t need “creativity” but I am fiercely loyal and hate change. He shared an office with his Turkish wife who ran a travel agency. Year after year I’d make the pilgrimage to see Steve and he’d complain that he was planning on leaving his wife.

Years passed and Steve’s health diminished, he was investigated by the IRS and he ended up taking a desk in a sketchy Bronx tax svc. As even more years passed the owner of that shop basically let him have a vanity job – one in which his loyal clients could come in and make an appt with him and he could sit next to them while a “real” tax preparer would actually do the work. This worked fine with me because they were quick in a way Steve never was, made less mistakes and had all my previous year’s taxes on file for reference. Also they didn’t discuss leaving their spouses with me.

So at this point I don’t need Steve. He doesn’t even have a desk or computer now but insisted on meeting me there at 11:30am. Except he was an hour late and the girl who would inevitably do my taxes took someone ahead of me because my “appointment” was with Steve. When he finally got there she was in the middle of someone else’s and I had to just sit there and waste time while Steve prattled on about his cat and how he was definitely leaving his wife this year -- they are in their late seventies now.

Finally she got to me but the place is shoddily run so she kept having to pause to answer the phone.

Anyway I was livid at everyone and everything, but mostly myself. I should not have waited for Steve and simply made an appt. directly with the girl Sully instead. Still, I know I’ll do this again and again until he dies.

I raced out of there and was surprised I made it to the nail salon in time. I had 50 minute before having to pick up the dog but lo and behold every station was busy and there was a 35-minute wait! Argh! Who the fuck were all these people there in the middle of a Thursday?

Anyway the woman finally started on my nails but halfway into it I had to run to daycare to pick up the dog. By the time I returned 2 people were once again ahead of me. Again, fuck! My whole day was essentially wasted, my nails got smudged while carrying the dog on the way out and just Ugh!

So this sort of ragey, shaky feeling stayed with me. All night my body was abuzz and couldn’t shut off. To calm myself I scrolled endlessly through a cheap clothing site at bathing suits and bought two. This also made me ragey because shopping soothes me but I now own 42 bathing suits. It’s a sickness – one more expensive than popping a Xanax.

Anyway I had an anxiety dream that night and the following. So last night as my body once again was abuzz with something bad, instead of rage shopping bikinis I started trying to think of soothing thoughts. One that popped into my clearly damaged head was taking a train trip. I loved Agatha Christie and conjured thoughts of sleeping cars on the Orient Express. How romantic! (I mean everything but that pesky murder part. #ssdgm) Anyway, I recalled reading a travel essay last year about sleeping cars and had read there was a train trip from NYC to Chicago that offered one. I knew I couldn’t ever get the time, money and energy to do a European train trip like through the Alps or something amazing, but I could get those three to go for an overnight somewhere in the U.S.

So to quell my weird rage and anxiety, I planned out my trip for two hours. I’m thinking about actually doing it. And at least it got my mind – bad thoughts racing as if a train on a track – off my stressors.

Here’s what it’d entail: I’d board at Penn Station at 3:40pm (the only direct trip) and get a sleeper car with a full bedroom and private bathroom, all meals and drinks included. The train also features a car for views of the countryside with full glass walls.

I’d chill, eat, and read till bedtime, get turn down service, wake at 8 and get breakfast and then be in Chicago’s Union Station at 9:50am. I’d leave my luggage at the station (I found a place that charges a small fee) and then walk to Willis Tower and go to the top to view the City. I’d grab lunch and walk to the Art Institute and then cab it to the Navy Pier where I”d get dinner and ride the Ferris Wheel. I’d cab the short distance back to the train station and hope on my return trip at 9:30pm. Again, sleeper car immediately and sleep till morning and then I’d have the whole day to stare out the window like a mental patient, write, read, people watch and chill. The train gets into Penn at 6pm and I’d head home on the subway.

I mentioned it to a casual guy friend who totally doesn’t get me who said, “Why not just fly to Chicago?” even though I amply explained it was about the romance of train travel I wanted to try – not going to Chicago, a place I don’t like that much and have been to a bunch of times. Then I felt ragey all over again and put three bikinis in my online cart. Fuckkkkk!

Still, this trip sounds like a pretty interesting – oh, think of the stories I may have… – way to spend a weekend for an introvert like me. The only thing preventing me is finding a dogsitter for two nights and more importantly the trip is super expensive for such a short time: Each way is $1083. Still, I think I may enjoy it if only for the writing fodder because I’m fairly certain wherever I go, craziness follows.

I have my trip to South Beach for my bday coming up the first week of May and then Montauk trip June 16-19 with my crazy ex again and then am thinking of going to Vegas for 6 days over Labor Day. Not sure when I could squeeze the Fri-Sun trip in to Chicago – I’d only want to do it in warm weather – but maybe late September/early October?

Thoughts?

0 notes

backroadblues · 7 years

Photo

June 5th, 2017 - Mainz to Boppard & and Kelkheim, Gernany

Today is our last full day in Germany and tomorrow we head home. We decided to take a Rhine (or as the German’s spell it, Rhein) river cruise. We left the house by 7:15, so we could head to the town of Mainz to catch one of the river boats that sales up and down the Rhine river. We get to Mainz by 8:10 and there is a boat leaving at 8:30AM. We park at the Hilton am Rhine and it is just a short walk over to the river boat ticket office. We ask the agent if the we can go to Koblenz, she says yes. Once again, I learn that in Germany you have to be very specific with your questions. I’ll come back to this later.

With our tickets in hand, we hop on board the MS Godsburg. It is a large cruiser operated by KD (Koln/Düsseldorf) Ship Lines. It has a main deck that is indoors and is set up much like a large restaurant surrounded by large picture windows so that anyone sitting here has a good view on either side of the river. There is also a large open air deck up above, with low railings and cafe tables set up nearest the railing on either side of the ship. My research suggest that its best to be sitting on the left hand side of the ship when going down stream toward Koblenz, or at the very bow of the boat, however the bow is closed to passengers today. There is friendly waiters who are eager to take orders for food and beverages. There is a slight premium for shipboard service but not as much as I was expecting.

We start out bright and early on the upper deck. The ship’s initial point of departure is Mainz and there are only about 20 people boarding, so Elisa and I have our pick of the seats. We also purchased a map/guide of the sights we will see on this ride. We are seated on the left hand side of the boat near the front with unobstructed views forward and of the landscape on the left bank of the Rhine. It is 8:30 in the morning, the clouds are thick but the sun breaks through intermittently and best of all there is no rain in the forecast. I have my rain jacket with me just in case, and it is a good thing becasue it is downright cold out here on the water. Eventually, we head downstairs to get out of the cold.

As we leave Mainz the boat will be making several stops at towns along the way, and the ride to the end of the line will take over 3-½ hours and we are only traveling about 35 miles. There is a lot of barge traffic out on the river at this time of the morning. We see a great many barges heading upstream that are riding very low in the water, with their open holds carrying a wide variety of different cargo. We see coal, containers, sand and other raw materials. However mostly what we see are tanker barges carrying crude oil upstream, having picked it up in Rotterdam and taking it to refineries up river. We also see a lot of tanker barges carrying refined petroleum products back down stream - heading to Rotterdam where they will export them around the world. Between Mainz and Rudisheim, the scenery is mostly industrial. This journey takes about one hour.

As we approach Rudisheim, we see the dock filled with tourists - mostly Asian - waiting to board. With that is sight, Elisa heads up to the top deck to nab a prime spot before they all board. I stay back finishing my breakfast I ordered. When i head upstairs to join Elisa, I see the top deck is very crowded, we are lucky to have gotten our prime seats once again. The trip up river from Rudisheim is where things start to get really beautiful. We are headed into the Rhine Valley Gorge. In this section, the hills on either side of the Rhine are steep and dotted with many different castles. There seems to be the ruins of castles almost every ½ mile. These castles largely popped up in the 1400’s when Germany was not yet united and the land was carved up into over 350 nation states. The Rhine river was a key corridor for the transportation of goods into and out of the area. This was a time when there was no motor driven vehicles. Navigating the fast moving waters of the Rhine was treacherous and would require assistance from handlers and animals on the shore. The castles would pop-up along the way by self-appointed “Princes”, who were people with money and they would extract tolls and fees for services from the barges making their way up and down the river. Because of the valuable cargo moving on the river there were also robbers out there and barges could seek refuge or protection from the various castles in return for fees paid. As the castles popped up, so too did towns. The land that these towns would occupy were on lands claimed by the castle owners, consequently the people in those towns would have to pay taxes to the castle owners in return for the use of the land and for protection from mauraders. I suppose from this chaos of extortion modern governments would arise.

We see so many stunning castles along the way. Many are in ruins but others are very well preserved and have been rehabilitated to house hotels and restaurants. There is one stretch of river that makes some sharp bends and the river also narrows. Consequently the current runs fast here. There is a tall stone cliff on the right hand side of the river and they call it the Lorelei rocks. Legend has it that beautiful sirens would sing their enchanting songs from the top of the rocks and distract the sailors and they would wreck their ships. I think that the sailors of yore were simply looking for something to pin the blame on for any accidents they might have. Sort of the equivalent of - “oh, a cat ran out in front of my car, and I had to swerve into the tree to avoid hitting it.” Once we get past the Lorelei, we pass two castles on the right hand side that are very closely situated with one another. At the very top of the hill, between the two castles is a very large and high wall. Legend has it that these castles were owned by brothers who had a disagreement. They call the wall the “hostility wall”. The legend goes on to say that the two brothers would end up killing one another in church in the town below the castles. After about 3-½ hours on the river its about 12:00 noon, we are nearing the town of Boppard. It is about 5 miles away from Koblenz, our desired destination. We are told that the boat we are on will be turning around at Boppard and heading back down to Mainz. We ask what about going to Koblenz and we are told that if we wait in Boppard for 3 hours there will be a boat that continues on to Koblenz.Well, it sure would have been nice to have that little piece of information from the agent when I was buying my ticket. We don’t have time to wait another 3 hours for the boat to Koblenz.

Instead we walk around this quaint little town and we learn that settlements in this location date back to Roman times around 4BC. The settlements would expand and grow through about 12AD. Roman walls and thermal baths are found in the area. By 12AD the Romans would be pushed out the Saxons. Boppard wouldn’t re-emerge until around the 11th century. Because of its location, it is fought over occupied by many different groups. In the 1400’s there is a 30 year period of wars and during that time the town of Boppard would be occupied by the Spanish, French, Swiss, Bavarians and Prussians. As the feudal system began to develop in the late 1400’s Boppard would pledge it’s allegiance to the Counsel of Trier. In return, Trier would protect the city and its prince. However, the city would have to build a palace and taxes would be collected from the people, further subjugating them. It sounds like a tough life back then if your weren’t a 1 Percenter. It’s now about 1:00 and we decide to fine a place for lunch. We need to get to the train station by 3:00 so we can make it to Elisa’s friends house by 5:00 in Kelkheim which is near Frankfurt.

So, we look at this one restaurant and we see that there are about 10 tables inside with most of them empty. There are also a few tables in front of the cafe outside and in the shade. Over all it doesn’t look too busy, we thine we’ll be able to get a quick bite to eat. As I sit down at one of the tables inside the restaurant, I have a view outside and I"m looking out on the plaza and I see an area with about 30 tables under umbrellas. It takes our hostess about 15 minutes just to give us menus. That’s when I notice that our hostess along with one other waiter, are also waiting on the 30 tables out on the square - all of which are full of diners. They are doing their best to keep up with all those tables plus the ones inside, where we are sitting, and the ones right out front. We feel really sorry for them because they are really overwhelmed. We finally place our orders after waiting 40 minutes. Our food comes out by 2:15, we wolf it down and are dashing to the train station. We see a sign pointing across the street to the ticket office. We dash over there but it’s closed. I’m assuming we will have to purchase a ticket on the train. As I figure out what track we will be leaving from, Elisa decides she needs to use the restroom. By now it is 2;30 and our train arrives and departs at 2:44. I see that there is a ticket machine on the landing where the train will be arriving. I go up to buy our tickets. The first machine I go to is not accepting my credit cards. It’s now about 2:38. I find another machine, finally it is working - I buy our tickets. It is now 2:40. My phone starts ringing, I’m sure that Elisa is wondering where I’ve gone since she doesn’t see me in the entry way of the station. I dash back down and urge her to come onto the platform. We are finally on the right track with our tickets in hand and the train arrives on time at 2:44. Once again Minerva is with us and everything works out.

The train ride is very smooth and quiet. I don’t know how those Germans get this trains to run so quietly. If only they could do that with Bart. I takes us about an our to make our way back to Mainz. By now, my phone is totally dead from having taken so many pictures on the river boat ride. Elisa’s phone is also very low. The challenge is to figure out how to walk the mile from the Mainz train station to the Hilton Hotel where our car is parked. Normally, we would use my phone’s GPS and maps to help guide us, but my phone is dead. I take a look at a rough map that we have and I have a good general idea of the direction we need to go. For some reason, Elisa does not have confidence in my dead reckoning skills - it might have something to do with the fact that my nickname is “wrong turn Rex”. I’m pretty sure I’m going in the right direction, but she is sort of in a panic. Fortunately, her phone has just enough charge left in it to lay out a course on the GPS and we are in deed going in the right direction. After about a 15 minute walk we see the Hilton Hotel sign in the distance. We are back to our car by 4:30. We have to be in Kelkheim by 5:00 and our GPS now says we are 36 minutes away. Close enough.

If you read yesterday’s blog post, you know that we reconnected with Terri, one of Elisa’s high-school friends, whom Elisa had lost contact. We had such a good time reconnecting, with them we made plans for dinner at their home in Kelkheim. Today was a German Holiday for them and it would not be too much of an inconvenience. They make us a fantastic dinner. Gary has deep fried a small turkey that has a garlic and herb rub on it. It tastes great. Terri has made some asparagus. - Elisa is thrilled because it’s so hard to get veggies when eating in restaurants here. Terri also make some really tasty roasted potatoes. The capper to this great dinner is the homemade Creme Brûlée that Terri has made. She has a little trouble getting the torch to stay lit so she can caramelize the sugar on top but Gary gets it going. It is really good

Terri and Gary live in a beautiful home in this suburb of Frankfurt. It is sprawling and occupies 2 levels plus a basement. They have been leasing it since they arrived in Germany over 6 years ago. The owner did an excellent job of renovating it. The home is very unique, in that the basement which occupies the full footprint of the home at one time had a dance studio and pub in it. This is fantastic, since Terri and her husband Gary love to entertain. What also makes this the perfect home for them is that Gary used to operate a karaoke and DJ business. So he has plenty of room to set up his sound system and all of their parties include karaoke down in the basement / dance studio. Elisa thinks she has died and gone to heaven. She loves to sing karaoke and she hasn’t really been about to do it since we moved into the new house. She, Terri and Gary sing several songs and I must say they sounded great. I am a happy audience for them.

As we begin to roll up on 10:00 pm we need to head out and let Terri and Gary get their rest so that Terri can go back to work tomorrow. Also, we need to re-pack our bags and get ready to head home to California tomorrow.

So this may be my final Aufwiedersehen. I will write an epilogue to this installment of my Backroad Blues Blog.

I’m so long winded, that I’m sure few of you have had the time or inclination to read my ramblings. I do it so I can remember what we’ve done on our many trips. I also do it so that I can share our experiences with all of you.

Thanks, Rex

#gif

2 notes · View notes

againjack · 6 years

Text

Shiva

Thursday afternoon Colby called me. Since he has gotten in the habit of calling me when he is in the car (to work, to a client, from a client, heading home) I didn’t think much of it. Turns out it was to tell me that his cousin’s mother had died, the cousin who knew we were a couple before Colby did.

After we chatted about that we moved onto other things until he had to go. I found it interesting that he pulled the same thing my brother did. When I asked if he wanted me there, he just said, “Well, I won’t be going into work so I can go to the funeral.” Thanks for the direction, dude, and letting me know your expectations and how involved you want me. :P

The original plan was to meet at his shul for services Friday evening. Since the funeral was 9am, I made the call to head to his place for Thursday night. It was funny, I left him a voicemail to that effect, and hours later he called me to suggest the same not having heard my voicemail.

I would love to say he was excited to see me or was affectionate. He was his normal self, kissed me when he got home and we just hung out. I mostly hung out in the living room watching tv and being on my computer while he putzed upstairs after we ate. He did give me a bit of crap for the dinner I threw together but it was fairly healthy, cheap, fast, etc. I was impressed he got up and was able to get out the door by 7:45am.

The funeral was... interesting. The rabbi at my current shul was there and basically ignored me; didn’t even say hi or anything. He also ignored Colby completely. I was somewhat shocked at how many of my friends showed up from my current shul. To be fair, they weren't there for me at all, but for the cousin who is a member of that shul and good (better) friends with them all. I got to see and interact with the former administrator as well, which was awkward.

It was funny because my friends kept telling me to go be with family. They all recognized how I was part of the grieving family and sorta kept their distance. I was able to introduce Colby to a few of my friends, especially one that is important to me. Through the short service, I stood at Colby’s side. I participated in the mitzvah of helping to bury the dead - while I was doing my three shovels, Colby offered to hold my purse, which was sweet. After the service I met a lot of that part of the family, my head is swimming with names and faces, not necessarily matching up.

We had taken separate vehicles to the service (and I beat him by 20 minutes even though we left at the same time.) After the service, he went to work and I went back to his place to work from there. Good thing too, because there was a huge accident that it would have taken forever to get home. I guess had I brought my work stuff to the service I could have gone to an office, but I didn’t.

As the original plan was for me to basically stay and not go back to my place until after next weekend was shot, after doing some meetings, training, and catching up on some tickets I headed north to my place. I knew at 2pm on Friday afternoon it was a crap shoot. After an hour plus (more than 3x normal without traffic) I made it and let the dogs play in the backyard. Loki got loose so I had to chase him around my neighborhood a bit; luckily he likes to stop and sniff everything so I was able to catch up and grab him by his collar. Yes, I was stupid enough to not have a leash on him.

I managed to pack food, clothes, etc. - even taking into account the road trip next weekend - in a half hour. Ten minuted into the way back and I realized I had forgotten something important that I can’t just pick up so I turned around to get it. It took the normal 30 minutes to his place. I was glad as it gave me a chance to walk the dogs and freshen up before heading to his shul.

I got there early, to participate in a guided meditation before Shabbat. That was a really nice experience. I loved every part of it - only natural sunlight streaming in through the chapel windows, the hippie-dippie music, the quiet, the soft voice of the cantor - and her hug at the end. I then tried to enjoy the 15 minutes before services started with Colby en route, but that was uncomfortable since I didn’t know anyone, and didn’t want to barge into any conversations.

We were supposed to meet up with friends, but they had spaced on us (again.) So instead of going to a fancy restaurant, we went to a cheaper one. I’ve gotten bolder in talking about my wants/needs. He is very clear that I expect some action this week, as that is basically what I need to know at this point. I also pointed out that I know how challenging that would be this coming week considering he has something every night. Even with that chat, there were no cuddles or making out last night. In fact, he went out to walk Loki and I gave up waiting and went to bed - a half hour later I passed out and he hadn’t returned yet. I have no idea when he came to bed, but I know that he did because I sorta woke and got super hot.

This morning he had appointments to get his hair cut and take Loki to the vet for a check up and some vaccinations. Even for a 9:40 appointment he ran late despite getting up around 8:15ish. (I did not appreciate an alarm at 6:30am that he forgot to update from yesterday.) He called on his way back from the barber asking me to join him for the vet, which I did.

While at the vet waiting on various things he scrolled through his phone (he did that through dinner last night too, which I didn’t appreciate) and somehow an ad for a dating app came up, that had an image of a banana with a condom as a hat. I asked him how he got that ad (since, let’s face it, 90% ads are now targeted based on our facebook profile or searches) he claimed he didn’t know. I joked pointedly that his facebook status is still single, to which he said he had been meaning to change that.

From the vet to Petco I brought up how he didn’t seem to know my cycle, based on comments he made a few days ago. I asked if he wanted to be part of my app, but he declined. He said I make it known normally with comments somehow, which I didn’t think I did. He made it clear he didn’t understand how cycles work and how hormones impact the body in other ways - such as headaches, being extra tired, etc.

Later over lunch, I brought back up the ad and discussed that since we are monogamous and in a long-term relationship we probably won’t need them when we get there, also since dealing with it could exacerbate his issues. He freaked out, worried about birth control. I told him that I am aware of timing with my app/tracking and that helps for the most part. Though considering I am not so careful at the time when one should be most... well we paused the conversation there. :P

Over lunch, we also discussed my concern about affording things. I’ve been telling him my plight and options I have, but it seemed to just sink in. the nice thing is that he said that we would figure out the storage and how to afford movers for the things from my place to storage or his place. It was nice that he took ownership/responsibility for at least these things, seeing it as being a team effort. I appreciate that he is starting to see us as a team.

At this point, I am waiting for him to return from errands (I guess?) for us to go to Shiva, where I get to do more socializing with his extended family. I got the impression from some comments made yesterday that they are eager to get to know me, so staying on the fringes might not be in the cards.

#dating Colby #test moving in #combining households #money issues #sex please

0 notes