#why are IRL friends so much more draining to talk to | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ebsmind · 5 months

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𝐚𝐬 𝐛𝐞𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐢𝐟𝐮𝐥 𝐚𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐯𝐞𝐬 ❀ tom blyth x fem!actress reader, jamie flatters x fem!actress reader (platonic)

summary : reader is staring in Avatar: The Way of Water and fans sense some things between her and her costar but she’s dating Tom

takes place before tbosas but after season 1 of billy the kid

warnings : mentions of cheating but none actually

a/n : this idea literally came to me out of nowhere but if anyone has done anything similar to this lmk!!!

also bailey bass (face claim for y/n) is aged up to 23! just thought it would be better bc of the age difference between her and tom irl

ynuser Avatar : The Way of Water is out now in theaters!!! 🌊🐚🩵

tagged : @/jamieflatters, @/jackchampion, @/misstrinitybliss, @/britaindalton, @/avatar

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tomblyth ur as beautiful as the waves

↳ ynuser i love you so much ❤️

user1 STOP HER AND TOM ARE SO CUTE

jamieflatters ur the only costar i can spend hours with and not have my social battery drained

❤️ by creator

↳ jackchampion UH HELLO??? WHAT ABOUT ME??

↳ ynuser HEY no fighting!!

user2 uhhhh is no one gonna talk about jamie’s comment???

↳ user3 no literally he wants y/n so bad

rachelzegler you wanna play mermaids??

↳ ynuser YES OMG us fr 🧜🏻‍♀️🧜🏻‍♀️

user4 why do i lowkey ship jamie and y/n now???

jackchampion hey who’s the handsome man in the last picture??

↳ ynuser jamie

user5 OHHHHH?????

user6 bro ain’t no way she said JAMIE

user7 doesn’t jamie have a gf??

zoesaldana what a beauty 🩵💚

↳ ynuser love ya momma 🫶🏽

user8 still can’t get over the ‘jamie’

user9 i fear y/n ate u up jack

avatarcastupdates just posted on their story!

ynuserupdates looks like y/n bass and jamie flatters have been together recently 👀 are jamie and y/n more than friends?? if so what happened with tom?

tagged : @/ynuser @/jamieflatters @/tomblyth

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user1 tagging all of them is CRAZYYYY

user2 pls i ship them so bad

user3 doesn’t jamie have a gf???

user4 y/n literally told tom she loved him in her comments

↳ user5 but she also called jamie handsome 😭

↳ user4 yeah to make fun of jack 😭

user6 pls can costars not be friends anymore???

user7 pretty sure jamie’s gf took the first picture…

↳ user8 and tom was with them

ynuser and tomblyth added to their story!

ynuser i went to the oscars??? also my hot date took the last photo

tagged : @/tomblyth

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tomblyth i'm the hot date

↳ynuser yes u are babe

user1 people are so delulu like my parents would NEVER break up

↳ ynuser real

↳ user1 OMG?????

misstrinitybliss you're so pretty

↳ ynuser that's all you lovieeee

user2 i love trinity and y/n's friendship 🥺

user3 she ATE this look uppppp

annna.sophia my loveeeee ❤️‍🔥

❤️ by creator

user4 momma looks so good

jackchampion queen

❤️ by creator

jennaortega slayed

↳ ynuser ily 💗

jamieflatters tell ur hot date to call me

↳ tomblyth texting u rn

↳ ynuser ummmm???

#tom blyth #tom blyth x reader #tom blyth x you #social media au #coriolanus snow #billy the kid #tbosas #the ballad of songbirds and snakes #ebs writes things!

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gh0vtzb1og · 1 month

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It’s not abusive if you like it. VENT WRITING, GHOST X FEM READER

So I decided I was gonna write something that matches me and my not so good bfs situation. My bf is playing as ghost in this and I’ll be trying to get it as realistic as possible. Me and him are online, which seems silly over the fact all this can happen but it did. But for entertainment purposes this relationship in the story will be irl.

Notes; Eating disorders, fat shaming, homophobic slurs, threats of abuse, threats of murder, toxicity, mental abuse, attempted overdose and suicide, manipulation, isolation, cheating, threats of leaving, yelling, victim blaming, playing the victim, mocking of a dead relative, abuse, etc.

This is in no way meant to be enjoyed sexually, even if it is included with a character you might find attractive. This is a real story that I am writing to get out of my system and to share my personal story.

You were walking down an empty road in the middle of October, your mind wondering to the new friend you had made, he was certainly attractive and a sweetheart to you! He was always so kind and caring towards you and never made you feel bad, I mean how could he, he was your perfect man! Always there to pick you up when you needed it the most, your heart raced when he talked to you.

You were head over heels for devil in disguise. He had this charm, always talking to you about how lonely and single he was, you felt so bad! He was such a dreamy guy, and he’d been through so much. Ghost told you about his abusive exs, the way one threatened to rape and kill him, it was fucking awful. He seemed to wrap you right up in his fingers, whispering soft ‘I love yous’ that you thought were platonic, he found it cute how you never could tell he was giving you a sign.

Ghost made you feel like you were on cloud nine, he had moved you into his home. Deciding you’d be safer there, you were always waiting for him every day to get back from work, he seemed so excited to see you. To see his pretty pretty doll. Your legs squeezed together excitedly whenever you saw him. He liked exciting you, he loved that innocent look in your eye, one that just wanted a friend. You didn’t see ghost as anything more, that was the problem, that was what ached him each night.

He always saw you texting others, you were so friendly, he hated it. If you were his lover he’d snap your phone, you didn’t need to talk to anyone? That’s why you had him! He didn’t want to house you as you texted others, you shouldn’t even look at other men. Ghost rubbed your shoulders lovingly, he’d make everyone hate you, he’d make you regret living.

“Soo I was wondering, if you’d wanna go try something out, since we’re so close.” He placed a hand on your thigh, his rough and scarred fingers brushing over your leg and up your thigh. He knew what he wanted, he was gonna get it, like it or not. He’d have you wrapped around his ring finger. Whispering soft things to you.

Screaming echoed throughout your shared home, the sounds of anger booming from ghosts voice and fear echoing out of yours.

“SORRY IM NOT FUCKING ABUSIVE LIKE YOU ARE?” He shouted in your face, his hand gripping your wrist to the point where he could break it. His eyes were narrowed at you, teeth grit in an uncomfortable expression. “You should’ve just overdosed that night. I wish I never fucking helped you.” He let go of your wrist, watching you stumble back with tears in your eyes. You weren’t abusive, ghost just needed you to feel awful about yourself. Recently you had made some friends, they were considered on your boyfriend’s actions and often brought them up to you. You just shook it off and responded with things like ‘that’s just how he is’ or ‘it was my fault.’

You suffered because of him, all he wanted to do was use you for his anger. A personal punching bag.

He noticed you had gotten distant recently, scratches and scars littering your arms as you stare blankly down at your legs. He drained you of the person you were before, the one who talked to others and was happy. Now you were just an object in his home, something to place on his mantle and stare at as he sips a bourbon. You had become cold like porcelain, your body felt exhausted, empty.

Every day it felt like the same, he would tell and you’d just take it. You couldn’t defend yourself or that was abusive behavior. You watched as him and his buddies made fun of you. Prodding at your weight or at the way you looked, he smiled brightly when him and his friends uncovered each and every part of you. Watching when the words you dreaded rolled off his tongue. “She’s so damn fat, like a fuckin whale.” (Reminder guys I’m like 102 pounds idk why he was talking like that..), or “I wish she’d get herself re do, such a sight for sore eyes.” His words stung like poison, your bottom lip quivered as you sat on a couch nearby them, listening as his ego got bigger and bigger. You tried to make yourself as little as possible, if you stayed out of his way he couldn’t hurt you right?

“Shh baby you ain’t a bad person. Bad people don’t admit their bad honey, you know that right?” Ghost murmured into your ear. He had finally broke everything you had, just letting you lay your head on his chest and mumble how bad of a person you are, how your a monster and nobody will ever love you. How your a failed mother, how you’ll never please him. “You know I didn’t mean that stuff about your weight. Or your face, you know I don’t care right?” He rubbed your back, smiling proudly as he heard your sobs of agony, you didn’t wanna be a monster. You wanted to be a good girlfriend.

“Ah ah. I know you’re hurting so bad aren’t you dear. I just need to help you become a better person don’t I hm? You’ll learn to be good, I know you will.” A kiss was placed onto your forehead as you cried into his chest, terrified of the fact you were a failed person.

“I SHOULD FUCKING KILL YOU, YOU KNOW THAT?” He shouted, a bottle smashing against a countertop as he moved more towards you. “Get out of my fucking house. We’re done.” He grabbed your shirt and shoved you out of the nearest door, watching as you scrambled back nervously, you had nowhere else to go. You cut contact with everyone in your life because they upset him. All you knew how to do was wait by his door like a puppy. You scrambled to your feet and sat outside of it, your bruised cheek resting against the wood of the door, he was all you had.

Your hands dug into your leg as you pulled out a razor from your pocket, chewing on your lip and dragging the cold blade against your skin, watching the crimson liquid that oozed out. You always did this after he threw you out, it was a reminder to be better. That you weren’t enough nor would you ever be enough.

Ughhh just some of the worst stories I can remember, I try my hardest to forget my experiences with him.

#cod mw2 #call of duty #cod x reader #ghost cod #simon ghost riley #gh0vtzb1ogz #simon riley x reader #simon riley x you #call of duty x reader #call of duty smut #simon ghost x reader #ghost headcanons #ghost x reader #ghost #simon riley headcanons #simon riley hcs

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laundrybiscuits · 1 year

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Just curious and i like hearing your thoughts on this stuff. May i ask what aspect of steddie fanon you're referring to (which don't fit IRL queer culture so accurately)?

Ahaha...okay so. IMPORTANT NOTE: fandom is not that crucial, do whatever you want, run free through daisy fields of whatever headcanons and characterizations you please. Also, fic is not real life and that's okay!!

That being said, fandom can get slightly weird about sex, especially queer sexual cultures and especially historical queer sexual cultures. I mean, I get it! Our current hegemonic understanding of sexuality is actually pretty recent; I studied sexuality from a sociological perspective as part of my undergrad degree, focusing on moral panics (gosh I wonder why Eddie's character arc appeals to me! so mysterious!), and I know just enough to know that I don't know shit. So I certainly don't expect anyone to be doing paradigm-shifting sociohistorical research for a fic. That would be ridiculous.

All of this is leading up to say that based on 1) the relayed experiences of queer mentors who were in the scene in the 80s 2) the secondary sources I’ve researched 3) personally having many gay male friends who love oversharing through the last ~15 years, I believe that if canon-compliant gay Eddie Munson is a virgin, it’s largely by choice.

I've seen it suggested that Eddie's poor academic performance and nerdy interests would be, essentially, a dick deterrent. And like...I enjoy Eddie’s weirdo loser vibe as much as the next fan. I fully support him not being in any way smooth or cool with boys. But even when I myself was in my late teens/early twenties, many of my closest friends were awkward nerdy twinks who absolutely managed to get laid every weekend because MSM* hookup culture is eternal.

And in the early 80s, when Eddie would’ve been in his late teens, MSM hookup culture was at its peak. AIDS still wasn’t being taken that seriously, and transmission etc. wasn’t really understood because…well, you know this story. It’s not a good story. Fuck Reagan.

In short, I really can’t emphasize enough how certain types of sexual contact were extremely available for men seeking sex with men. A pretty young thing like Eddie could have literally as much sex as he wanted. Nobody is asking him for a high school transcript or anything about his hobbies, they’re asking if he tops.

Now, would Eddie actually participate in the hookup culture of the time? That's a more complicated and speculative question, and not actually what you asked, but I'm going to talk about it briefly anyway.

In the 'yes' column: he has his own vehicle**, zero supervision, and a penchant for risky behavior.

In the 'no' column: the boy has at least three extremely involved hobbies eating up his spare time and energy; he's also a not-so-secret romantic.

Personally, I can see the pseudo-intimacy appealing to Eddie's tendency to keep people at arm's length, and I think it’s very plausible for him to be curious and experimental enough to want to explore a bit. I tend to land on 'tried it a few times, doesn't make a habit of it' in my backstories. I also tend to hint at the softer, friendlier side of hookup culture in my fics, just because I don’t often see it represented.

Of course it’s like any other scene, there are bad actors and generally shitty people/situations, and sometimes the MSM scene specifically can be a bit of a soul-draining meat market. (ETA, because I am not white and neither are the vast majority of my friends and I felt increasingly weird not mentioning it even though it's not relevant to Eddie's situation: the scene is often also super racist, among other things! But that's a whooole other complicated kettle of fish, and again, not relevant to Eddie's situation.)

But there’s also space for casual sex to be part of a friendly relationship, in a way that I don’t really see in hetero circles. It’s hard to explain. It’s one of those dynamics that basically never shows up in mainstream media at all, so I absolutely don’t blame fics that don’t show it either. It’s just one of those things.

This is a step to the left, but I recommend checking out Dykes To Watch Out For: it’s practically an anthropological document depicting dyke culture in the 80s, it’s often funny as hell, and it’s just a fantastically detailed and relatively accessible window into a particular way of life that doesn’t really exist anymore.

*MSM = men who have sex with men. It’s a sociological designation; not everyone in this category identifies as gay, bi, queer, etc. It may be useful to think about sexuality as having three distinct components: behavior, identity, and desire. The term “MSM” puts focus on the behavioral aspect, because it’s most relevant in this context.

**As someone who has experienced several other countries' driving cultures, I just want to emphasize to non-Americans how willing many Americans are to drive for multiple hours for basically any reason whatsoever.

#askbox #GOD this got long #I will absolutely delete this and go on a blocking spree with zero notice if it sparks any discourse whatsoever #I'm not even tagging it as meta #I just get so freaking paranoid when talking about sex/sexuality publicly on this hellsite #ETA new tag:#ST meta for TS

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misccy27 · 1 year

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why I prefer Darius as Hunter's primary guardian (an unhinged rant)

(This post is riddled with disclaimers because the fandom has no chill about this subject lol)

So first of all I want to say, IRL at this point it would be Hunter's decision who he wants to live with. So I'm looking at this from a narrative perspective about what would be most satisfying to me as a viewer.

For the record, I think Darius, Camila, Eda, Raine, etc. can and should all be involved in Hunter's life in some form or another going forward. Hunter needs a strong support network and deserves all the caring parental figures he can get. But I also think that he needs stability. Even if he spends a lot of time at other houses, I think Hunter would do best with a place he can start to think of as his home, instead of cycling through a rotation of 'his room at Camila's house', 'his room at Darius' house', and so on.

Now. I know there were plans for Hunter to stay at the Owl House at some point in season 2, but since that didn't happen in canon, Hunter doesn't have any real foundation for moving in with Eda now. And we sadly never really get to see him interact with Raine. So that leaves us with 2 realistic candidates: Darius and Camila.

And just to head this off, yes Camila is a wonderful person. She would be a great parent for any child, including Hunter. I'm not saying that she wouldn't be, and I'm not saying that Darius is in a better parent. Just hear me out.

1. Practical considerations

I know no one wants to hear it, but Camila has been single-parenting 6 kids for 2-3 months. I cannot believe she had no worse breakdown than a (very well-done) nightmare sequence. If Hunter does move in with her post-canon, then that makes her the primary caregiver of 3 severely traumatized teenagers. Again, I'm sure she would do an excellent job as always. But that's still a lot of stress.

Second. Hunter states his desires at the end of Thanks to Them. They are to: study wild magic; learn how to carve palismen; attend Hexside as a regular student; and play flyer derby with his friends. All of these goals would have him spending a lot of time in the demon realm.

One argument I've seen is that Hunter was the happiest we've seen him yet in the human realm, which is true. But I think a lot of that was because he was with his friends in a relatively safe environment. He should be able to get that in the demon realm post-canon, especially since most of his friends will be staying there and he plans to spend so much of his time there. And for feeling safe, he's now been successfully traumatized in both realms so. yay /s

So those are my practical justifications for why it makes more sense for Hunter to stay with Darius over Camila. But I also have reasons based on what we get to see of their relationships in canon.

2. Canon clues that I'm not just reaching

A lot of people seem to be taking it as a given that Hunter will or should end up with Camila based on canon. For the reasons given above, I don't think there's more canon basis for Camila parenting Hunter over Darius.

I also think it's worth noting that Hunter seems rather attached to Darius. During the draining spell, Willow and Amity try to help Eda while Hunter runs straight to Darius to try to wake him up.

In the human realm, Willow, Gus, and Amity draw pictures of their families. IIRC Gus is the only one who verbally mentions his dad. Luz doesn't talk about Eda and King or hang up any pictures, but she does draw them. Hunter doesn't draw anyone, but he verbally mentions one single person from the demon realm. And that person is Darius.

2. Camila's relationship with Hunter in canon

I hate how little we know about it. I know, I know, the Shortening. But it does affect how I view their relationship. In all of the interactions we see, from the learning Spanish to the sewing machine to saving him from drowning, it could have been any of the kids. There's nothing about the way Camila interacts with Hunter to differentiate their relationship from her relationship with Willow, Gus, or Amity.

What I was really hoping to see at some point was any clue about what Camila knows about Hunter's background. Like I’m assuming she at least knows that he was raised by Belos. But the way it came up and who told her what about it is entirely unknown. Does she know he was abused? To what extent? Does she know about his role as the Golden Guard? Does she know how he met Luz, when he threatened to throw her into the boiling sea? Like I know, I get that she would have been as compassionate as always. But if I'm filling the gaps for how these conversations played out, I at least want more evidence that they happened at all.

Because it isn't a given. Again, Camila is working a full-time job and taking care of 6 teenagers, 5 of whom have to live in hiding to some extent and are struggling to adjust and have unique needs because they aren't human. That is so much stress and responsibility on Camila. So the montage and photo album we saw were mostly the kids bonding with each other. We didn't get to see Camila interact one-on-one with anyone but Luz. Which again, yes, the Shortening. But also maybe Camila just didn't have as much time to spend bonding with each individual child as everyone would have liked. It is a very real possibility that a lot of topics relating to Hunter and his childhood simply haven't come up yet.

Also, we know that Camila still has a shaky grasp on the Boiling Isles by the end of TTT. It is totally understandable because she's never been there and has never seen it; the kids are having the same issue adjusting to the human realm. Hunter didn't seem overly eager to talk about his past. Luz didn't seem overly eager to talk about the Boiling Isles in general. I think most of Camila's understanding comes from what Vee told her prior to and during TTT, and what Willow, Gus, and Amity told her while they were there.

So that leaves a lot of room for interpretation about what Camila's understanding of Hunter's situation is, which in turn makes it hard to imagine how any specific interaction or conversation might play out. Like yes, Camila would of course be loving and supportive, and she would say all the right things and model all the correct behaviors, and that's great. But without any canon basis for how Camila uniquely views and interacts with Hunter, it all ends up feeling more like wish-fulfillment to me than a relationship between 2 characters who know each other in canon.

For example, Camila doesn’t seem to be expecting Hunter to stay with her long-term. Because after months in the human realm Hunter is still sleeping on the floor of the basement. But there are so many possible explanations for this, because we don't know anything. Maybe Camila doesn’t know yet that Hunter is functionally homeless. Maybe she does know, and they had a really fulfilling heart-to-heart about it off screen. Maybe Hunter really is already planning to stay in the human realm. Or maybe Camila is under the impression that Hunter already has a place to stay in the demon realm.

Which is its own thing. I am being a bit of a hypocrite. For all we know, Hunter did talk to Darius about this before the Day of Unity and already has plans to move in with him. There are plenty of gaps to go around! So I will move on to:

3. Darius' relationship with Hunter in canon

I will admit it, I'm biased. This relationship is so much more interesting to me, just from the set up.

Because Darius is the only adult we see actually try to help Hunter while Hunter is still living in his abusive situation.

I know there's been discussion and debate about Darius' behavior, so I'll try to keep it brief. Darius did not help Hunter for a long time. He also didn't have any particular responsibility towards Hunter. Darius failed Hunter as much as every other adult Hunter interacted with over the years.

It is unclear based on canon how often Darius and Hunter interacted or what those interactions were generally like. It is unclear what Darius knew or suspected about Hunter's situation prior to Any Sport in a Storm. I think a lot of fandom disagreement comes down to how generously or harshly you interpret Darius when filling in these blanks. So I'll focus on what we do know.

Darius gave Hunter a mission in ASIAS. He didn't mean to; he was just trying to get rid of Hunter. He seems to view Hunter as a lost cause for most of the episode. Because of that and/or the traitor thing, Darius makes no effort to explain what he thinks Hunter is doing wrong. Which is unfortunate, because he is pushing Hunter in the right direction.

Darius encourages Hunter to think for himself at a time when Hunter is still loyal and Belos is still actively working to keep Hunter unquestioningly obedient. And this is before Darius has even taken any real interest in Hunter. He goes about it horribly, but he is already taking the right stance on these fundamental issues, and that matters to me.

Then at the end of the episode, Darius' attitude towards Hunter changes completely. And yes, I know it shouldn't have happened this way. I know Hunter shouldn't have needed to prove himself to earn help and attention. But this show is full of flawed characters who change for the better. So why not Darius?

And Darius shows that he is capable of change. He admits to Hunter "I had you all wrong". He praises Hunter for both making friends and for disobeying him, which is huge for Hunter while he's still in his abusive situation. And then Darius' first action after his revelation is to give Hunter a scroll and encourage Hunter to make connections outside of the castle.

And again, Darius didn't have to do that. He could have just as easily ended the interaction there. He could have agreed to keep Flapjack a secret in return for Hunter keeping his mouth shut about letting the 'recruits' go, and then gone back home to get his beauty sleep.

But he didn't. He gave Hunter a scroll and encouraged him to break out of his isolation more. Then he gave Hunter back his cloak and fixed the cloak and gave Hunter the approval that Hunter spent all episode desperately wanted since the beginning (which is problematic, I know). And then Darius told Hunter to get a sewing lesson, which he very well may have given actually him based on Hunter comparing his stitches to Darius' in TTT.

So did Darius handle everything perfectly? Of course not. But he did consistently push Hunter in the right direction, and by the end of it he does seem actively interested and willing to help. He becomes the first (and tbh only) adult we actually get to see start paying attention to Hunter's situation and intervening with Hunter's best interests at heart.

...And then we don't get to see them interact after that. It's another place where the fandom diverges, particularly regarding whether or not one or more sewing lessons ended up happening.

But we do get some crumbs.

During Hollow Mind, Darius is alarmed when he realizes Hunter got trapped in Belos' mind.

Then in Clouds on the Horizon, Hunter reveals that Darius sent him to escort Luz. I think this scene is overlooked a lot, but it's huge to me. Because it means that Darius and Hunter got in contact some time after Hollow Mind, presumably after Labyrinth Runners.

Like Hunter must have had some pretty severe trust issues after learning that Belos is an evil sadist who manipulated him his whole life. It would've been compounded by Coven Head Adrian showing up at Hexside lying about being a rebel. So even though we didn't get to actually see it, we know something must have happened between Darius and Hunter that somehow got Hunter to trust Darius enough to go on a mission for him on the Day of Unity. And I'm assuming that required Darius to make at least some effort to confront head-on the reality of Hunter's situation and Darius' role as a rebel and all the messy complicated emotions that go along with all of it.

And again, he didn't have to. Darius didn't have to get in contact with Hunter after Hollow Mind. That is a choice that he both made and successfully pulled off. Like I see this hc a lot that Darius can't handle emotional situations, but he was there for Hunter at least to some extent both while Hunter was unknowingly in an abusive situation and while Hunter was coping with the fallout of having everything ripped out from under him. So I don't get why it's so hard to imagine Darius being there for Hunter in emotionally difficult situations post-canon.

Anyway. This scene also tells us that Darius went and gave Hunter the same mission that Eda gave Luz, presumably for the same reason: to let the kids feel useful while also trying to keep them relatively safe and out of the line of fire on the Day of Unity. (And that's it's own thing. There are plenty of parallels you could draw between Darius' relationship with Hunter and Luz' relationship with Eda, particularly in the early stages where things were a bit rocky.)

So. This turned into a little bit of a tangent of why I don't get how it's so inconceivable to some people that Darius is truly capable of genuinely caring about Hunter and/or being able to grow into a parental figure that can do right by Hunter. Because we have canon evidence for all of these things.

2. Canon clues that I'm not just reaching

I also think it's worth noting that Hunter seems rather attached to Darius. During the draining spell, Willow and Amity try to help Eda while Hunter runs straight to Darius to try to wake him up.

And I'll accept the hc that the way Darius treated Hunter before was just too unforgivable,

#the owl house #toh hunter #darius deamonne #camila noceda #gonna post this and not look at any replies lol #just want it on the record before the finale #i believe in you darius you can do it #like this is the demon realm there's no patriarchy dads can be competent caring parents here #fr tho did everyone forget about s1 eda and luz relationship #like are we watching the same show #and fwiw hunter is attached to darius #he mentions darius in ttt as much as any of the kids mention any of their parents lol

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0m3g45n1p3r4lph4 · 27 days

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It really is feeling lately like I just. Don't know how to talk to people.

I struggle to contribute to conversations that aren't about my niche interests, not for lack of trying! I still neglect small talk. There's so many people that I want to talk to, and I know they'd like to talk to me!

... but how?

Once I've talked about something with someone, returning to that topic and suggesting similar ones becomes much easier! But there's still a significant struggle in bringing up new topics.

There are so many thoughts in my head, and I just can't imagine how to share them. I'm not even sure what discussion there is to be had about them, but I want to.

... but how?

Worst of all. I struggle to understand my own feelings at times. It can make explaining my thoughts difficult, and that's actively detrimented my close relationships. It pairs terribly with conflict avoidance to become paralysis.

Shouldn't even hesitation be easy to express? Am I so hesitant to express hesitation? I'm only starting to get better with this only after ruining my last romance (don't feel bad about it folks - it should've ended sooner and only didn't because of hesitation paralysis. But that's another topic)

And people know I like to talk! I had a friend in high school who would specifically set me off with topics at lunch just to get me rambling!

Maybe the rambling? I used to overtake conversations as a kid, often being told to make sure others get to speak by my parents. Is that my I'm so much more hesitant to butt into a conversation - I don't want to interrupt? And then I can either hardly find an opening, or hesitate too much to speak in opposition to a point?

I hate conflict irl. My fight or flight is way too sensitive. Even just earlier today, explaining briefly to my mom about [TOPIC OF PREVIOUS POST], I come out of a 3-5 minute conversation feeling drained, chills, almost nauseous. Tears in my eyes when a professor gives me an honest and fair negative criticism, even when I agree.

...it's nighttime. Obviously my thoughts are cherry-picking negative things, but these aren't exaggerated. I'm just able to ignore them more during the day.

And that recognition of ignorance haunts me. My primary interactions with people is engaging in activities. I don't talk too much about my life, I often neglect to ask people about theirs, I don't know how to just hang out and chat. It's always been doing things. Maybe that comes from adhd too, the need to keep occupied. So when a friend suggests taking a break to just chat... it almost ends up feeling as serious as some "we need to talk" thing. Even when I know they just want to chill and chat! They haven't seen me in a bit and wanna catch up! They care about me! Why is that difficult, and why is it so hard to show the same?

... I don't think I'm keeping this in any comprehensible order. I'm going to sleep. Thanks for your patience, folks. I really do appreciate all of you, even if I don't show it well. Take care

#vent #it really is becoming apparent #looking back on my childhood #that I've always been neurodivergent

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mav-the-artist · 5 months

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Hey guys.

Slight vent i guess. It's nothing drastically serious, but putting up a warning anyways. It's me complaining abt work and my ability to interact online.

under a cut, as it's a bit lengthy.

As the year comes to a close, I think about my milestones. Yeah, I've made a few friends since making a twitter finally. i've made a lot of improvement on my art. i've also figured out my gender. my life in general has been really good, since leaving a bad situation a year and a half ago. for the most part i'm happy where i'm at now.

except one thing.

work.

it's getting to me, working 40+ hours a week and hardly having any time at home to myself, let alone interact with my mutuals and friends. i feel bad. there's a lot of people i want to interact with and get to know more, but i have to sacrifice so much of my time off work to take care of irl stuff, family, etc.

and i have so many ideas for art, SO MANY. ideas of ocs i wanna draw from my mutuals/followers/people i follow, my fursona that i've been wanting to design FOR MONTHS, and so much more. my notes app on my phone deadass is FULL of ideas i get. but by the time i get home, all my motivation almost always is drained. i feel like a hollow void. and when i do draw, i never have enough time or energy to put more effort, more details or fully render. i've noticed my art has looked half-assed lately due to this.

after work, if my friends are in a group call, i end up just hanging out in the call not doing a goddamn thing otherwise. i enjoy hanging out with friends greatly, don't get me wrong, it's just i don't have motivation most of the time to draw while chatting in vc. hell, i don't even play video games half the time cuz i'm too tired to even do that. and there's so many games i bought this year that i only played once/never played yet because i'm too busy working/drained after work.

to my friends, mutuals, and followers who want to interact with me: i'm sorry i cant talk more or talk to you at all. i want SO BADLY to interact in fandom spaces more and make more friends, but work and fatigue is beating my ass relentlessly. however, even if we've talked a few times/rarely talk, i don't get friendship decay. we're still friends even if we don't talk in a while! and know i appreciate all my mutuals/followers greatly and will do my best to interact more.

i may be able to talk to my boss about going down to part time, as my mom and i did some number crunching and we could make it work. this would fix my problems massively, as i could finally achieve a work/life balance that i can actually function in.

in the end, i want this year coming up to be better than this one. yes, i've done a lot this year. but the next big thing is trying to talk to more than just like. 3 people online. and make more art, and improving my mental health.

don't expect this to be a reoccurring thing with me venting, as most of the time i'm a happy person. but i had to get this out. you can see why, lol

#Mav talks #(A lot)#Mutuals please read #might delete later if i remember

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slightlyrebelliouswriter23 · 1 year

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have you ever fallen in love?

how do i know whether i'm falling in love?

shouldn't it be beautiful? why is this so disorienting.. it's definitely not the right circumstance and quite a hopeless situation

i don't know what's happening to me and i don't know who can i talk to about this irl but it's affecting me a lot more than i expected

sorry this is random, have a nice day

oh, nonnie 🥺🖤 i have fallen in love.

i can't tell you whether or not you're in love (i was hardly able to admit it to myself that first time), that's something you have to figure out for yourself. i will say this, though: films and books and music love to romanticise it, but i can definitely identify with your feelings of disorientation.

the first time i fell in love, it felt like being pulled out to sea by a riptide. like i was caught in some great current. it was terrifying. certainly not beautiful.

i remember sobbing to my friend one night (after a few glasses) "why can't i think of anything else? why can't i get him out of my head?". it felt, helplessly, as if all thoughts led to him. every time i opened my mouth his name slipped out and, like a deluge, there was nothing i could do to stop it.

because i was frightened of the enormity of it all, the power these feelings had over me–and because i was a very insecure person at the time who felt as if there was no way someone could ever love her back, even though all my friends told me he did, and even though there were plenty of signs that he had feelings for me too –i lied to myself.

i told myself i wasn't in love. i told myself that i just wanted to be friends. that i was content to be in his life however he'd have me, which was certainly not as a love interest because there was no way he was into me like that.

but everyone knows you aren't supposed to swim against the rip-current. that's how you end up draining all your energy, by fighting something that is a force of nature. that's how you end up drowning.

and i did.

i don't mean to get all cautionary tale on you. i want you to know that you're not crazy for feeling this way, and if what you're experiencing is love, i don't want you to panic.

my advice to you is the same advice given about riptides. find the thin shoreline of hope and allow yourself to swim parallel to it. allow yourself to imagine what it would be like to give yourself to, not the feeling of love itself, but the person you love. and imagine yourself worthy of love in return, because you are.

i promise you, nothing is ever hopeless.

in any case, if you ever need a place for your feelings to go, my inbox is always open. sending you much love, nonnie 🖤

#got stress-induced heartburn writing this #that's how emotionally repressed we are folks 🥴✌️#we've gotten better about it in the last year or two though #anyways. i'm wishing you the best nonnie and thank you for trusting me with this 🖤#i love you and i hope you're well #asked and answered #nonnie #my advice

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ace-sher-bi-john · 5 months

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Me, feeling lonely: I should try to make more friends

My brain: Here's a list of all the reasons why we don't do that,

I experience hyperfixations which take up all of my mental energy to the point where I barely have enough energy to take care of myself. I can't handle having more than two obsessions at a time, and even that is draining. When my friends talk about their obsessions, I try really hard to listen, but lose interest quickly if it's not my current hyperfixation. In turn, I love to infodump and obsess over small details in my hyperfixations. I try really hard not to do this when talking to people because it feels very self-centered. Like they would care about hearing every single detail about my obsession, with no room for them to talk about their interests...

I'm an introvert and find human interaction exhausting unless that person is my mom (who I could literally talk to all day and never be tired, and she in turn would never tire of talking to me). Even talking to friends online is super exhausting and I overthink everything I say, which is even more exhausting

I have zero ability to gage how close I am to someone. I don't want to make things awkward by being super clingy, because several friendships failed throughout my life due to me being clingy and only wanting to play with one specific person even if they didn't feel like playing with me. So I've overcorrected and now I don't make any attempts to progress in our friendship out of fear of appearing clingy. I'm either the most clingy friend or the most distant friend. Friendships require a healthy balance of both and I am incapable of that, so I go for the option that will be seen as the least annoying/selfish and we remain at best really good acquaintances

My interests are very specific and change every couple of months. Even if I found someone who was obsessed with the same thing at the same time, as well as my more niche hobbies, the friendship would last as long as my hyperfixation. Once we no longer share common interests, I would inevitably talk to them less and less until one day, we're no longer friends. My brain would no longer find that person interesting and I would forget about them

I believe that I have it in me to be a really good friend. To get it right. But it would be at the cost of myself. I would try to make enough room in my brain for everyone else's lives and I wouldn't have any interests of my own. I would constantly be exhausted.

So instead I choose the option that sometimes makes me happiest, but other times leaves me sad and lonely wondering why I can't just be better at being a good friend?

I do have friends IRL. I have four people who I would consider to be close friends, possibly even best friends? Two of them have given me the label of being their best friend. But I don't talk to them as often as I probably should. I talk to one of them almost daily for hours at a time, because they just so happen to be obsessed with BBC Sherlock, the MCU and cosplay. But I fear that the second my BBC Sherlock obsession ends, I will stop talking to them.

Outside of those people, I don't know where I stand with anyone who's not family. I have my old classmates from high school. Some of them I talked to every day and had friendly interactions with, but I don't make any effort to stay in contact with them now and didn't feel much of a connection with when we were in school. I have my co-workers who I don't feel much of a connection to, but they're always happy to see me and sometimes interact with me in a way that makes me feel like we're friends. One of my co-workers hugged me before she went home on the day before she started her holiday break because she was going to miss seeing me everyday while she was off. That caught me off guard. I guess we're friends if she felt close enough to me to hug me?

Apologies for the rant. I just really needed to put that somewhere. I won't make a habit of this.

#basically i know im not a good friend #i also know what i need to do to fix that #but it would hurt my mental health to stop doing what makes me happy #infodumping about my obsessions makes me happy #infodumping with people who share my obsessions makes me happier #but listening to other people talk about their obsessions which i don't share is boring #that's selfish of me i know #but i can't just fix that about me #rant

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heyharoldsboo · 1 year

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(Sorry for too many questions, but I already made my friends suffer a lot by sharing my theories and fears on this situation and they don’t even watch the show😂so here you are)

Many argue that the friendship between percy and jenna is just a part if PR for their upcoming movie. What do you think on that matter? Also, will this accusations affect the movie?

Okay, so first of all, it’s totally not a bother! Feel free to also dm me if you want! 🖤 this is one of my favorite subjects in the world, and if it wasn’t happening with an actor that I really like, I’d be even more happy to talk about it.

So keep in mind this is literally my irl job, so bear with me and please ask if I say something that’s too specific!

Okay, so we’re talking PR, but also Influence Marketing. You could argue that their friendship started because of PR for Wednesday. It’s quite more plausible than saying it’s for their upcoming movie. Why do I say this?

Timing. Their upcoming movie just finished shooting. There’s at least 6 months to a year of post-production, re-shootings, promotional shooting of pictures and videos, and also the whole release date that is decided accordingly to a *lot* of audience research (when is the target audience most likely to engage, for exemple).

After all of this is done, that’s when marketing starts for real. So we’re talking at least late july/2023 until any marketing moves will be made. It’s 6 months to keep the General Public entertained with a friendship story.

What sells movies aren’t die hard fans. When you do a movie, and cast actors, you’re counting on their die hard fans. What sells movies, or tv shows, or bands, is what we call the Casual Public, or General Public. People that like it, but aren’t crazy, aren’t fanpeople.

So, let’s pretend they hated each other or were only coworkers - why keep up the pretence after Wednesday season 1 wrapped up, a new movie is at least 6 months away, and season 2 of Wednesday is still being written? Why spend NYE, go to the Golden Globes, to Fashion Weeks, together?

It could be a long plan of marketing to market them as the next rom-com Netflix couple? Maybe.

But you also have to remember - they’re not doing this for free, they are getting paid if all of this is marketing. And if they’re getting paid, it’s expensive as hell. We’re talking about two rising stars in the entertainment industry. Paying Jenna’s part of this alone would be a huge contract. Millionaire.

All the while, it’s not only them. If it’s marketing, there’s a team behind. Creating content, pap walks, scenes and possibilities. It’s a full time movie shooting. While managing the people who are creating said content. To keep the General public entertained for at least 6 more months. The GP doesn’t have this attention span. Their die hard fans would watch with or without friendship.

So, I said all that to say: I find it very very very unlikely as a marketing professional for this to be marketing. Too expensive, too draining, too much probability of someone finding out it’s only for marketing purposes. I think they’re pals, they like each other’s company. Just like they enjoy Georgie’s company, who’s also always around.

About the upcoming movie: it’s really up to director and producers to figure it out after the authorities or lawyers say what happened. It’s a movie that’s wrapped up. I find it unlikely not to air.

Sorry if I spoke too much! It’s really my passion.

#percy hynes white #heyharoldsboo #percy is innocent #i may have rambled a lot #i stand with percy

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aidenknow · 9 months

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Gonna say something before I get busy

With the situation going on with me with allegations such as inappropriate behavior with minors, stalking, harassment etc while also have involvement with the MoA group and Cashew, I have to say something about it especially since it seems like I’m the main problem to it. Though I cannot say much of it at the moment due to the complexity of the drama itself while also have to deal with IRL stuff like university

The main reason why I blocked the callout accounts was for the sake of my mental health and stopping myself from making myself paranoid and bothered going back and forth looking at what I had done, despite it was stopped a few months ago. Wherever you are, yes I am aware of what I had done, just that it really drained me a lot to process this. Most of the decisions were done with advices from others. Talked to my close friends and taking with someone and their advices on the things I dealt with lately. It takes a while for me to calm myself down to a stable state especially when things going on right now is busy for me. When this post is done, that is when I have calmed myself, though there are things in my head that still lingers in me.

Anything involved with Cashew was me fawning over her, mainly because I dont want to hurt her feelings. I was clueless on what is going on other than comforting Cashew, despite the things I comforted her ends up feeding the hate towards her victim. When Cashew said that we (me and the people in the MoA group) manipulated and enabled her, I was furious by it while she also provided screenshots of the MoA creators tracing the art from other artists (note that they only traced the poses, while also had a different understanding what tracing were in their definition) despite the fact it was from months ago. Plus, the issue regarding the “traced” art was brought up before to me by Fortress. Fortress did not brought the issue up directly to the MoA creators but instead at other people who are newly acquainted with them, one of which was me. I felt violated and I was shaken by it because its not something I was not supposed to deal with. People say they wanted to settle in DMs. If so, why are you settle with someone who is not responsible with that particular issues? Why did you bring up about the tracing issues as if its a big deal if the MoA creators already stop doing it since February?

The fact that someone attempted to call the police on me is too far, in my opinion. Thankfully it never happened since I lived from a different country. But even when they did called on me, that would’ve considered as doxxing. They probably aren’t aware that the country I live in is really lgbtphobic which could’ve got me into physical punishments and my family is pretty conservative. Additionally, I would’ve been discarded from uni if they tried to attempt it which make it difficult. Though, it is more likely it would not work since my country have laws that are possibly different to the laws in the US, and most of the situation happens online and not IRL.

To those who stayed, I am grateful for it and I wanted to thank to those who reassured me due to the situation going on while being at my side. Though I apologize if those issues I shared regarding the situation I dealt with bothered you, along with those people who also got into the mess similar to me. For the people who stayed neutral with the situation, I’m glad that people make the decision to analyze the situation going on and pointed out certain points that does not add up, or when something is missing.

I’ll be only lurking here liking and reblogging some art here. Art stuff will be posted less frequently and it’s mostly going to be doodles and possibly some art stuff I did for uni. Social interaction will be only done within my remaining online friends (mainly those from the MoA group and people who were in the server(s) I’m formerly in) on Discord, unless I decided to reconnect with the people I rarely talked to. Adding on, I’ll also be interacting with my IRL friends on Twitter and Instagram since those are the only social medias that they are active roaming around the most and I wanted to (re)connect with them esp since I’m in uni now.

I’m planning to do a response to the Cashew doc if I have time, since I already talked to the writer of the doc and it was already settled on the decisions before the acc itself deactivated, but the doc itself is still up. Once I made the response, I will also share the post my friend made regarding it too

Anyways, I’ll see you around.

#Aiden Rambles #Drama #Trying to stabilize myself for a few years while dealing with uni stuff #My English is crap to the point im losing literacy #I’m heavily drained from the drama anyways #and the drama itself still lingering me while also brought back memories of the past incidents #TW Doxxing #Also if I’m planning to make a response to me and the MoA situation I will do it on Tumblr since Twitter has some limitations to it #& ended up getting lost to a pile of retweets

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hyaciiintho · 1 year

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❀ || As I’m sure some of you have noticed, I’m slowly making a return to here ♡ I’ll more than likely start clean and just do new threads (I do that all the time, I know, I’m sorry pfft~) but I mostly want to get specific things done first before diving in too hard into the rpc again. I’ll see how I do trying to reply to what I have right now in my drafts, but-- no promises, so I apologize!

For the things I want to do, specifically it’s re-write rules and create card pages for everything instead of relying on tumblr’s constantly breaking code gfdjklhg but to simplify it:

- I’ll probably be sticking to shorter threads, and if they become longer the more it goes on, then cool. But otherwise... I need something to hook me into an actively going thread so I can become invested. My attention span has gotten worse over the years, and I just need some more fast-paced interactions to keep me hooked!

And that’s really about it honestly pfft~ I hope others can be patient with me as I try to get back on my feet. I’ll give more IRL updates below the cut, but aside from that... I hope everyone has a lovely day and has been taking care of themselves! ♡ ♡ ♡ If anyone really wants to keep anything we had, just let me know, otherwise it’s just up to my silly little brain to determine what I want to keep pfft~ Okay, I love you, bye-bye ♡

Psyche, it’s time for the IRL info dump whoo !!

Just a lot of adjusting and battling with my brain. It’s hard to commit to things and start on others once you’ve fallen off the wagon, so it’s been an incredibly hard battle trying to get back into the swing of... anything, really! It’s tough!

I did catch The Plague™ in December (I felt awful around the 20th) and now I’m still feeling the after effects. I jokingly said wow I hope this doesn’t awaken the secret asthmatic in me haha and it really does feel that way honestly pfft~

Aside from that, 2022 has just been a whirlwind of up’s and down’s, but I’ve been working through it and moving passed it. I’m hoping 2023 turns out to be a more productive year for me, so I’ve been trying to make a schedule for myself to try and accomplish that... with how my brain works though, it’s been harder than it really should for a person, but I’m doing my best ♡ Trying to get back into streaming and getting more of a variety of things done (like not play the same game every night and actually play the other games I have that I have yet to touch and still have wrapped in plastic)

And also make time for friends I don’t usually get to hang out with and talk to and play games with. It’s sucks because I know it’s an awful feeling of being like... scheduled to hang out with, like it’s an appointment or something, but man, honestly, with how I function? It’s amazing I get even the bare basic functions of my own life handled without collapsing and wanting to sleep for 7 years :/

Social stuff and online stuff... hobbies and activities... work... all of it is so draining and I don’t think people really understand how hard it is to even just go to work and come home and then make dinner for myself. I hyper focus on one thing (work, mostly) and then get nothing else done the rest of my day. So this scheduling thing is really the best I can do to try and fit everything and everyone I care for into my life... it’s the best I can do, and I’m sorry about that, but I am trying.

Kind of why doing smaller replies on tumblr for rp would be best for me too. I just really can’t keep my focus on these things, and I want to enjoy writing and rp, I just cannot sit here for 2 months waiting on a long ass reply that isn’t going anywhere and still have that huge drive to drop multiple paragraphs in turn. I am patient, I do not rush anyone because I do not like to be rushed in turn. This is just the trend I’ve found myself falling into, because I write so much and get so much in return-- that we both need so much time to get the energy and drive to write a bunch for our replies, that I just... fall out of interest or drive when that reply comes in because I’ve been waiting too long for my brain’s liking. It’s not because I don’t want to reply or don’t want to write with you. It’s just my brain loses the drive and suddenly that exciting thread is less exciting, more like work. I don’t want that. So I’m doing my best to fix that ♡

2023 is the designated year to try and improve myself in every aspect ♡ as a person, in my outlook, inside and out-- Just improvements all around. The quote I’m living by is “Romanticize your life more; There is magic in every little thing. You just have to look hard enough.” So that’s what I’m trying to do ♡

This was a lot, so I’ll stop rambling pfft~ I hope everyone has a lovely day, take care of yourselves, and if you read all this?? You’re insane-- but also thank you, and I give you well wishes ♡ ♡ ♡ Okay... back to work I go!

#✿• ᴬ ʷᵉᵃᵛᵉʳ ᵒᶠ ᵗᵃˡᵉˢ; ᴾᵃⁱⁿᵗᵉʳ ᵒᶠ ˢᵗᵃʳˢ (M U N S P E A K S)#✿; status #//I rambled in the read-more but the gist is... I'm trying my best and 2023 will be the year I evolve into a better me c:#Sending love and good vibes to everyone~ if anyone wants to do anything or start something feel free to message me!//

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feysandfeels · 1 year

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Hey! I'm so glad to see you posting again. I wanted to ask are you still part of the sim fandom, you barely seem active anymore? I don't want to be mean or anything, just a question out of an observation

Hello my boo!

I am. I most definitely am. Life just got really busy. I had a blast reading HOSAB and going through part of ACOTAR las year before life became chaotic lol. I'm still a Rhys girlie. I still love Manon Blackbeak and I am still waiting for her book. I am thankful I got Miss Lidia being badass. Queen.

But to tell you the truth, the theories got a bit much. Like the whole fandom shifted to really long and dull analysis of why Elain will end up with x or y, and when you've read Sarah's books for as long as I have you just know how this story will turn out. It's going to be Elucien. I'm sorry to the rest of you but if Elain and Az do hook up it will be that... a hook up they both kinda regret eventually and rather pretend never happened, Cassian brings it up on solstice dinner and everyone laughs and cringes.

The other theories were like the really really really really long explanations about how this word that appears on this one chapter is echoed in this other book in the other series meaning that the cat is actually Dorian's father, who somehow is now connected to Nyx because Nyx has a cat plushie in his crib. Respect to those who enjoyed it, but it's not for me.

And if it wasn't that then it was how much everyone hated the crossover and how it ruined ACOTAR or CC or whatever for them and I just *tired sigh*. While everyone is entitled to their own opinions and can post about them online, it did become like the trend to hate or not trust or dislike her decision. So I took a step back of my online fandom experience, because it gets tiring to see everyone and their mothers criticize Sarah.. when I adore her so much and I do think her work is good. Sometimes I do wonder if for all the people who dislike her world building, her writing style, her character dynamics, her narrative choices... like is it worth it to keep reading it just because you like 3 characters and then hating what she did with said characters?

Anywho, most of my irl friends who also read sjm are on board with the crossover -like why not it will be an experience™️ - and excited to read the 5 to 10 chapters she will most likely spend in Prythian and then send Bryce on her way -with like cocktails, a espresso martini like the pretentious bitches we are-. So that's where I went. To the "well rather wait until it drops before I start saying it's a mess" camp. It drains me a bit to see how other people are already like "i hate it"... so when we see how it actually develops oh I just know it's going to be worse. Because like yes she clearly retconned some aspects of her plot.. but I think, more often than not that is part of the creative process in most artistic endeavours. You cannot plan a big ass series that will take a big chunk of your life to write and not have those initial plans change. It's like the architecture vs the garden writing thing.

So yeah I curated my online experience so much I got an irl experience instead. But you know you can always hit me up to talk about her books, mostly in a positive-critical way. Because yes... her world building is not as straight forward or like squared (I don't have a better word but like... the rules are clear and logical and A-> B -> C) as some people normally prefer; but I think there's something engaging in how she approaches it when you tie it to her characters and then extrapolate that to fantasy trends in the past few decades. Like give her some credit is all I'm saying.... which people really don't... even when they like her characters...but then again they like them for their version of the characters and not for how Sarah wrote them.. you know Sarah... the one who created them.

This got way longer than I expected... no I'm off to learning my lines again.

Besoooooos and long live Feyre Archeron High Lady of the Night Court and Her Royal Highness Fire Breathing Bitch Queen of Terrasen Aelin Ashryver Galathanius

#FeysandfeelsAsks #Sjm #Sarah J Maas

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sadieanimalcrossing · 1 year

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i feel like its finally time to do this.

after she denied my venmo request today, i am finally ready to discuss what happened between me and gemma. i will include proof to the extent that i am able and will update frequently when i can find a way to get photos of my weirdly hacked (seriously) island.

gemma and i were really close, which is probably why this has ended in so much chaos. we met irl a few times during meetups for witches. despite not seeing each other in person frequently, we were constantly meeting up in our new horizons islands. this is where we formed most of our friendships

the point is, since we are both witches, it gets crazier from here.

tldr: my close friend turned on me and took revenge in a really weird way and i have been begging for compensation, which has not come.

so our friendship started in 2021, last year, in the summer time probably in june. we were both interested in witchcraft and would frequently discuss spells we've worked and actually working on some together for a while. like i said we got close.

for reasons i don't feel need to be disclosed we started having a usual friendship falling out starting at the beginning of october. i noticed some weird vibes coming off of her the more we chatted and the last time we met up in person was when things got extremely dicey. we had an argument about stupid stuff and i left way later than planned, which also upset me. i accidentally left my switch in her apartment and had to literally exit my bus and go back to get it. her text gave me weird vibes but i figured i was just being weird.

everything was fine until i got home. when i turned on my switch to do my animal crossing dailies, things had changed. for starters, it was raining red drops in my town and the rain was causing my villagers pain. like they had no umbrellas, and the rain was making them do the little stressed out blue wiggle reaction. i was a little off-put by this because of course who would expect that, but i persisted.

my town was renamed to DIE SADIE, which isabelle saying so happily was ALSO off-putting. i had mail. it was from "your enemy", which was definitely a letter from gemma, which i managed to take a pic of (my left joycon is badly broken, its a struggle to take pics fast enough):

when i began to walk around, there were graveyard decors everywhere. all of my villagers houses were back to being tents (yes she EVICTED them) and when i talked to them they would just tell me to go away and that they didnt like me anymore. i went to see sheldon because he still had his house intact and this is what he said to me:

i turned it off because i realized where it was gonna go. i have tried to reboot it again it turns itself off. should i try and get a video of it? i havent tried again for fear of actually damaging my switch, so i'm just trying to get a new cartridge, which i venmoed her the funds for and she denied. i have actually felt so spiritually drained from this entire thing and i think its because i told her that it was like my favorite game that she targeted my island.

shes definitely never going to give a shit. but i cant stop giving a shit.

i literally JUST want people to know what she did to show that it was wrong. like she just doesn't give a shit and i really cared about it, so what if it was just a village to me it was my cyberspace. please care GEMMA. it was my only joy. i am scorned but i wont curse you, i liked you too much. thank you for reading if you got this far.

#animal crossing #nwhrzns #sadieanimalcrossing #keeping me awake. sorry to post all my drama but listen im depressed and im on edge and that was my stable source of peace #so forgive me. ive been trying to make a new one and i psych myself up and then i get scared. so stupid

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fukozawa · 2 years

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venting just ignore me // tw: weight, sui, sh

i really wish i had a therapist

I havent had a therapist since i was 15 over a decade ago. And even then i didn’t want to be there and didn’t take advantage of how much of a privilege it was

I don’t think ill ever be able to be vulnerable with anyone in my life. I don’t think ill ever not feel like a burden. And if that ever goes away it’ll surely be after years of therapy which i don’t and won’t have access to for the foreseeable future

Anytime I’m faced with the opportunity to open up or ask for a listening ear, I’m fully paralyzed from seeking that out. Its like right before i take that step, right as my foot is about to touch the shaky ground of opening up to someone that wants to be there for me, its like my own subconscious flings me backwards through midair and everything i wanted to say is blank and i physically cant utter the words. Its like all the feelings that made me want to seek out help in the first place suddenly disappear and I’m miraculously totally fine and not sure why I needed to reach out in the first place and waste anyones time or emotional energy.

Theres always this underlying feeling that i don’t matter and i can easily disappear from peoples lives and they wouldn’t notice, so why make them become further invested in my issues when I’m basically nonexistent as it is. Obviously its the avoidant attachment style but to an extreme. I don’t have to avoid people when i constantly feel like others are avoiding me. And especially avoiding my feelings, which have oftentimes been too heavy for others to carry.

Ive never had a irl friend who would just listen to me and be emotionally intelligent enough to not project their own ideas onto me, but who knew how to allow their presence be the comfort that i needed.

I cant stop myself from diverting the attention away from myself and focusing on other peoples problems or worries in order to avoid having to talk about my own.

In reality i could literally talk about myself and my constant self analysis for hours, theres so much that ive reflected on and so much i could use external insight on, but by the time i scratch the tip of the iceberg, the intrusive thought of being a burden/waste of time/emotional drain on those around me is too powerful to ever scratch the surface of what really goes on with me. Even on tumblr i try not to vent here as often as id like bc its literally so embarrassing being a human and having to have human emotions like literally so annoying i hate having to subject anyone to this.

Tho if im honest I’m lonelier than ive ever been and nothing is more affirming of my trauma and need for community than how expertly I’m able to isolate myself so diligently. Thats just one of the ways I’m able to self harm without anyone noticing. Another big way lately has been depriving myself of sleep, i cant stop myself. The feeling of being so ridiculously tired that i cant help but pass out is the best feeling ever cuz it means not a moment is spent with my own thoughts. I know its hurting me so much, bc my head screams at me with some of the worst headaches (which i realized recently are likely migraines) but its part of the sh i guess. When it gets too unbearable i just take some pain medicine and i can go about my day. Burning eye sockets are a lot easier to ignore than a radiating pounding skull.

Ive become so unhealthy but i don’t care. Sadly I’m skinny so no one questions it. I’m severely underweight but restricting food intake is another way i subtly self harm. I think its obvious but my parents are too self centered to notice and if they do notice they clearly don’t think its enough of a concern to mention to me. Its not actually on purpose tho, i have arfid due to being autistic and making myself a meal thats not instant ramen is literal fucking hell on earth and feels like I’m trying to run through waste deep water. I never have an appetite and the act of even having to eat at all is exhausting/draining. I hate food and if i could survive on vibes & Dr Pepper alone without having to eat food id be more than happy. I constantly have anxiety that there’s something seriously wrong with my body but id never know because my body is constantly being put through the wringer, experiencing such regular levels of discomfort/pain its impossible for me to acknowledge which of my bodies signals are truly dire.

Living with my mother is slowly killing me but i have no way out due to crippling levels of anxiety and absolutely zero energy to care for myself enough to be able to take action on things that would benefit my future self. It doesnt help that it feels like the world is ending and feeling like i may not have a lot of time left anyways so might as well spend my life in bed miserable under the covers starving and malnourished, cuz its the only thing I’m good at.

I feel like I’m always in some sort of dissociative state that i don’t know how to turn off. I try to ground myself and it just comes right back. When it comes to my emotional state i have absolutely zero support system and its hard to not feel like everyone is better off not having to deal with my bullshit drama. Its hard not to feel like I’m making all this up and just being dramatic, like I’m faking all of this and i bet if i wasnt such a coward I wouldn’t have all these issues.

A part of me is jealous of the people who took their lives already. They were powerful people. I wish i could be like them. And not have to deal with the pain of existing as an autistic gay person who never felt truly seen. As terrifying as that is thats all ive ever wanted, for someone to genuinely want to See me and Understand me. Cuz up to this point in my life ive gone out of my way for others to make sure they feel understood, but not once has anyone put that same energy towards me. Which is why I’m hesitant to continue trying to form new close relationships, whats the point when all my prior experiences have shown how little most people give a shit about forming lasting strong connections that stand the test of time. Even the bare minimum of asking someone to educate themselves on the autistic experience so they can begin to try understand my experience, is somehow too much to ask and too high of an expectation.

Anyways I’m done venting for now and its finally time for me to sleep after being awake for 24+ hrs lmao k bye

#/end rant #oversharing on tumblr is my form of therapy #if u read the whole thing pls like the post cuz it helps me feel less alone #or just ignore me either one is perfectly fine don’t waste ur time with this #i think this is a result of pmdd symptoms but still it feels real and heavy even if this feeling will eventually go away #only to return a month later and the cycle repeats for eternity

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