#why tf didnt they do that before?

[sacchiri]

Hellsing 2002 calendar illustration.

Ein wunderliche und erschröckliche Hystori von einem großen Wüttrich genant Dracole wayda Der do so ganz unkristenliche marrter hat angelegt die mensche, als mit spissen als auch die leut zu Tod geslyffen

A wondrous and frightening story about a great berserk called Dracula the voivode who inflicted such unchristian tortures such as with stakes and also dragged people to death

#hellsing #alucard #kouta hirano #translation was found in a comment by u/lazyfoxheart on r/Kurrent #fun fact this is the highest quality version of this image that exists online #i know because i've been looking forever for a version that's clear enough to actually read what hirano wrote under '1443' #but there weren't any so i had to take matters into my own hands #the real image on the back of the guidebook is only 2 inches tall so i had to take this with my smartphone and will my hands not to shake #anyway i'm pretty sure it's supposed to say Eğrigöz (the location vlad was imprisoned) so yeah. thank you hirano very cool #if i might rant for a sec it took me an embarrassingly long time to figure that out because i didn't have the guidebook at first #and in the images i could find online that part was just a blur that looked suspiciously like a person's signature and i was like. who tf #i was thinking matthias corvinus since he issued some political propaganda against vlad iirc but it didn't match his signature on wikipedia #then i thought it might be vlad II dracul's since he probably had to sign an agreement to send his sons over as hostages at some point #but that didnt seem right either so i kept skimming vlad's wiki page #and then i was like goddammit...hirano.....you just misspelled Eğrigöz didn't you.. .... #i maybe should've made a separate post dedicated to this instead of writing a novel in the tags but eh #the hellsing brainrot runs deep #also- i put it in the source link at the bottom of the post but the german inscription is copied off a real woodcut of vlad from 1491 #except instead of depicting him as an adult hirano drew him as a child which gives the inscription a very different feel imo #the one final thing that interests me about this is the fact that hirano published this calendar in 2002 #which is REALLY early in the series. like this was before volume 5 came out?? #i have no idea why he decided to do a massive spoiler drop in a random piece of japan-only merch #sandwiched between a drawing of alucard as john travolta from saturday night fever and integra as a fish no less #it makes me really curious to know what the fan response to this was back then. like did people even know who this was #maybe im just an idiot and everyone back then was like 'ah yes its alucard as a 12 year old. how very informative'

[sparrow-orion-writes]

"if you don't say exactly what this character is you're copping out and it's not real representation!" sorry the author didn't know what was wrong with them before they projected their entire personality onto this character and then hung about to see which people identified with them most.

#In all seriousness #Why do disabled characters need an exact diagnosis #why restrict a characters apparant representation to one group of people in general #if you see a character and ur like oh relateable #then it did its job surely #i know the amount of characters that ive felt comfortable with because they were me and i was represented and i felt seen and understood #i didnt need them to have a diagnosis stamped on their head #its also unrealistic #who tf gets a diagnosis theses days everyone knows we die before the nhs waiting lists are up smh #like i get wanting a character where someone says theyre autistic #or they have bipolar #so on so forth #but to say every character has to be that way or the author is somehow lying to you is so weird

[dinoserious]

hey. hi there. susan 👆 shes called that bc she only had a serial number previously and thinks earth names are fun

also bonus more canon allicon color scheme for that lineart 👇

#transformers #allicon #character design #robot #allicon susan #for those unaware. allicons are quintesson creations that show up in the g1 cartoon. idk if theyre ever actually called such in the show #also waiting for atleast one tag saying ‘i misread that as alicorn’ #paste from twitter thread: #ive seen some other ppl do like. personal fan continuities for tf before and ive been rotating some concepts around that recently #mostly just spinning some ideas and doodling some designs #everythings got a heavy g1 s3 bent bc thats what ive watched most recently lol #in my events quintessons didnt create the cybertronians but they did subjugate them for a period of time #after they were overthrown they attempted to make something of their like resulting in things like the allicons and sharkticons #they tried to make it so they wouldnt be smart enough (sharkticons) or independent enough (allicons) to revolt #but clearly something went wrong for them bc thats why susan is where she is in life. if it sucks... hit da bricks!

[opens-up-4-nobody]

Drawing req: something inspired by the album cover for ZABA by Glass Animals? I love that cover and the colors in it, wld love to see what you can do with it

Welp I gave it a go

#why tf did i not take a pic of thr lines before i ruined it with colors 😭 #this ask was sent abt a year ago. which is when i drew it. but i didnt wanna color it #so i finally forced myself to do the colors today #this is probably my favorite of all the requests ive every had. so thank u #i wish was less terrible with colors but it was really fun to draw and im proud of the lines at least #how tf do i tag this tho #animals #art #plants #i guess thats fine idk #fish #i drew this after going to a conservatory and i lov arapima lol #the curse of traditional art is that u cant erase colors #snakes

[hauntingblue]

BACK TO ONE PIECE LETSGOOOOO

#nami put luffy in a cage.... dont let sanji see that.... again nami demonstrating how she is the strongest ever..... #why is franky the boat akshaksjskqjqk ROBIN NEARLY 1000 MILLION YEAAAAAHHHHH #sanji exploded </3 rip the smoking got to him..... luffys snapshot in the cage beaten up akdhsksjsk #jinbes theme is a banger.... buggy lmaoo chacho means president??? that is so funny... CHACHOOOO!!! also buggy owning croc money... banger #these two divas sitting cross legged on the couch bullying buggy.... ajhdkajsa buggys bounty akdhsksjsks #this whole episode was so funny lmao buggy.... #talking tag #watching one piece #episode 1086 #luffy wanted yamato to join the crew omg....... i mean of course but he was maaaad.... i kew yamato was a nakama for sure #marco telling luffy ace would be proud of him and smiling.... didnt that happen before and he got sad??? development #SERAPHIM?? THE NEW PACIFISTAS?? why tf does she look like hancock??? OMG MARGARET!!! FUCKING BLACKBEARD??? IN AMAZON LILY??? #baby angel mihawk too??? what is this.... KILL BLACKBEARD YES!!!! THROW HIM INTO THE SEA!!! LET THE SEA RECLAIM HIM!!! #so pretty sure what garp was talking about were the seraphim pacifistas..... just keep making things worse old man sure #koby is gay confirmed see.... helmeppo got got... the downsides of being bisexual... #BLACKBEARD GOT HER!!! GET YOUR FUCKING HANDS OFF HER!!!! #episode 1087 #hancock lying on rayleighs legs omg... those are her parents ALSO SHAKKY EX KUJA CAPTAIN AND EX EX EMPERESS??? RAYLEIGH????? #why does amazon lily have a giant portrait of luffy on the palace facade akdhaksjaka i mean i DO know why..... #who tf is wang zhi and what did koby do.... and blackbeard is NASTY!!!! RAYLEIGH GET HIM!!! this reminds me of shanks in marineford... a lo #koby kidnapped by blackbeard?? omg kuma....... he is alright.... why the cherry blossom petals in between them ajdjsksjwk #see how sabo is alive.... but why does koala have blue eyes and orange hair now.... luffy having a crisis #i was thinking is carobou om that fucking barrel and YES why us brook crying akdhsk what do you know #zoro using luffy's words against him.... but i dont think ace is a good example of this.... zoro and sanji fighting about who is on top.... #luffy asking robin for news.... BUT ROBIN I WANT TO KNOW!!!! omg this ending???? WHAT DID LUFFY SAY???? that was beautiful............. #he said he wants to give everyone freedom i know it... and he needs to be pirate king for that.... he knew since he was a child..... #omg....... the one piece is freedom for everyone and for some reason roger couldnt do it he wanted his son to do it..... #back on my theories grind.... #episode 1088 #LUFFY!!!! THE MAN THAT YOU ARE!!!!

[piplupod]

shoutout to the time i thought juggalos were just a random type of clown in the same way rodeo and pierrot is, and I off-handedly mentioned them in a conversation about clowns to one of my DQ managers when I worked there, and she fucking lost her mind laughing and I was like. damn. I didn't think my joke was THAT funny but okay. and then I never looked up what a juggalo actually was until just last year, like four years after I'd stopped working at that place 🧍

#when u dont have internet access very often u don't use ur small bits of time to look things up #esp when u dont have any unmonitored internet access fjdkdl #i was scared to look things up at school and i couldnt look up very much on the home computer #and my mobile had net nanny installed on it lmfao it was set for like... 12 yr olds #NOW GRANTED. I ACTUALLY DID MANAGE TO BREAK NET NANNY ON MY OWN COMPUTER. u have to move some files around inside the program files #and then u can basically break and un-break it as u please #so i could have it on to keep up the charade that i had it installed and it was monitoring and reporting my good boy usage #but then when i wanted to do stuff like... go on tumblr. or look up slang or whatever fhdkdl i could break the program #until i was done and then fix it so it'd go back to normal #this didnt help v much though bc i couldnt lug my laptop to school v often #and i wasnt allowed internet at home fhfkdl unless I was using my mother's laptop for looking up piano music LOL #eventually i also figured out how to break the program on my phone too but that one was more luck than anything else i think #anyways. all this surveillance made me good with tech stuff but im not Good w tech djdkdl i just know how to look things up #and i learned a bit how the backend of programs work or weird tricks for hidden folders and stuff on laptops #hey why tf am i rambling abt this in the tags fjkdl I've lost the plot #anyways good morning everyone please look up words that u may not know the meaning of before u use them #i do this too often now fhfjld. i have to look up words that i DO 100% know the meaning of just to make sure i dont have it wrong somehow #pippen needs 2nd breakfast

[odinsblog]

Weird. ass. dream.

I am driving down to Miami

I have to pee

I am a few yards away from a toll booth

I pull over to the shoulder and get out of my car

Relief. I am finally urinating

With my free hand I reach into my pocket and grab the remote

I press the button

My car drives itself to the toll booth and waits for me

I walk to the toll booth

Why am I naked?

Police show up

They are pushing me

Stop it!

The police and the toll booth operator are walking me to jail

Please keep your hands off me

I said hands off!

Families with their children are waving their support to me

I am cold and where are my clothes?

I wake up

I am cold

And I have to pee

#a post about me #dreams #weird dreams #i have to pee #i mean - i do sleep naked #and i did have to pee #but this dream seemed like it lasted forever #and it was unusually vivid #that was on new years night after being out all night #no drugs were used #and i didnt even drink too much #funny thing is - ive driven to miami a million times before #i **never** have to take a bathroom break #its only a 3.5hr drive #and why tf was i naked?? #¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[caffeinatedopossum]

Lmao I just keep thinking about hilarious miscommunications between me and other people I had as a kid.

Like one time I cut a webkinz hair and my mom and sister got sooo mad at me for it and I didn't understand why (like it wasn't mine so I shouldn't have cut it but still). They were all like "It's a STUFFED ANIMAL it's hair will NOT grow BACK" and I was like "??? Why would I want it to grow back? I cut it so it wouldn't be there anymore duh"

So anyways, after I learned this ✨️valuable lesson✨️ about ownership and inanimate objects at 7 years old (they made me buy my sister a new one except I was 7 so I didn't have money. So they gave me money and then made me pay for it, but like, angrily 🤦‍♂️) I cut MY hair. Because that *is* mine and it *will* grow back and the fucking bangs were a sensory nightmare.

And they got EVEN MORE MAD!

Directions: unclear

Awe: tism'ed

#so much of being autistic is just other people very emphatically explaining to me things i already know #but failing to mention why they are important #like why on earth does it MATTER if im 7 and want to cut my toys hair? who tf cares? it is a TOY thats the point #the only part that made sense was that it wasnt mine but i genuinely didnt know it wasnt mine #i had a really hard time understanding ownership as a kid and i blame the autism #so like that was something i needed to know. like yes this toy is not mine so i shouldnt mess with it without permission #but why does it matter what i want to do with my own toys or my own body? #anyway. i gotta stop before i somehow connect this to being a bigger theme about transphobia and ableism

[bloominstorm]

Like… is Takemichi gonna die..

#let me just say I’m disappointed in Mikey’s backstory/POV #we’ve been waiting for fucking ever to finally hear his thoughts and see what makes him tick and we got subpar shit tht didn’t explain #everything like WHY DOES HE HAVE THESE DARK IMPULSES IT WASNT BC OF HIS PARENTS DEATH OR SHINICHIRO #HES BEEN LIKE THIS EVEN BEFORE HIS MOTHER DIED AND HE DIDNT REMEMBER HIS FATHER BESIDES ONE MEMORY #then we finally get to see Mikey’s unfiltered and raw thoughts on shit tht happened and all the important shit gets ignored and the shit #shown is rushed and doesn’t really reveal shit??? like why didn’t we get more on his true feelings about takemichi #i for one wanted to know if his friendship/affection was genuine considering we’ve seen how he really is and how he has no issues trying to #kill him.. like did he only fuck with Takemichi because of his similarities with shinichiro it’s like wakui started on it then said fuck it #back to Takemichis POV it’s so annoying and not rewarding at all for readers who’ve been waiting on this #Mikey talked about Kisaki more than Takemichi Thts just ridiculous #also can we PLEASE get his feelings on Draken’s death like why tf are we still waiting for tht #but Mikey is fr evil af because he’s completely aware of what he’s doing and he’s still trying to kill his old friends #dude didn’t you leave to protect them I understand they came to you but beating them down is enough why are you actually trying to kill #takemichi like he’s genuinely trying to beat him to death and he’s doing this consciously #i get he’s far gone but there’s no way to come back from this #also Takemichi is literally so close to death wtf I wasn’t wakui to give Takemichi anything really since it’s clear he hates him and is up #Mikey’s ass but my God why have him just charge in endlessly to just get his ass beat are we gonna see some variety #like my dudes vision and hearing are literally impaired now because of Mikey’s deranged ass when is enough gonna be enough 😭 #but now with the vision he got now I’m hoping this will give him the upperhand in the fight #because I’m actually tired of seeing him get his ass beat it’s enough now #he’s been getting dogged the whole series can he FINALLY have his moment fr #like an actual moment where he’s not the punching bag??? he had it against Kisaki but tht was bittersweet since he wasn’t the one to #actually kill his annoying ass #so at this point I’m over Mikey and want him taken out so like..let’s get on tht #tokyo revengers spoilers #Tokyo revengers 266

[gudakko]

wait right i did have another dream

#why do i suddenly remember them only after a few hours #anyway this was from the afternoon nap not the new years sleep that was the bird girl #but yeah i went to my old highschool and usually thats never a good sign in a dream cause that usually means its going to be one of those #stress dreams where im stuck in school for no reason cause i didnt REALLY graduate and have to do it all over #but this time it was different like there was still that lingering feeling at first but then i was just like no im just here to #pick up my diploma im not doing the usual bs #and also it was VASTLY different now like the whole first floor was just a huge starbucks? it had like 5 or 6 counters each with employees #and staff but it was also mainly empty there were only like may 1 or two other people #and i immediately started speaking in english cause yknow and they just assumed i was foreign so they just started speaking to me in the #usual broken italian english and also the way the stuff you could order was displayed SUCKED like you just had a few items listed here and #there and every counter had different listings so you had to walk all over the place to get a good idea but eventually i just asked them #what frappuccinos they had and this guy told me like the 4 different flavors they had but they were all gibberish? like they were just #made up words lmao. so i just picked a random one and he gave me a weird look like are you SURE you want that one? and i was like uh fuck #maybe that other then?? and he approved of the other one so i was like yeah sure and still no idea what flavors they were #eventually i got my order and they didnt even do the name thingy? but i did read something on the cup #cant remember the name but they wrote something interesting i was like huh ok #anyway it fucking sucked it was just. barely a milkshake? no distinguishable taste even if it looked like chocolate and NO whipped cream #like tf. plus it had those boba balls but not the good ones that pop the bad ones i dont like that are sticky #it was a very miserable drink but i didnt wanna complain so i just drank like half of it before leaving lmao

[wabblebees]

.

#cw parent rant incoming #tell me why im having to out of the blue ease my mom's cis guilt over text rn #im. hoough. im tired. #shes apparently been worrying abt having ''messed you up from day one'' bc they assigned me the wrong gender at fuckin birth & now hearing #the words ''assigned [x] at birth'' makes her feel ''on edge and accused''.................. #bc it ''puts a responsibility for trauma and unkindness on parents that simply isn't there'' #how tf do i say ''yeah i mean you fucked me up real good but also thats not the reason why.'' tf #the reason im traumatized isnt bc im trans. its bc im trans and was raised in a transphobic society that didnt want me to be trans. #why not start with the fact you raised me in a fucking cult??? hm????? THAT was traumatizing. but shed NEVER get that bc shes messed up in #a ton of the same ways -- but bc shes still In It she cant fucking see it #if it were fucking easy to just *play* with gender outside of your agab then it wouldnt be fucking traumatizing to grow up trans!! #thered be nothing to feel guilty for!! if gender roles werent so deeply fucking entrenched in the church and the way i was raised then #it wouldnt have fucking HURT so much not to fit in them!!!! but i cant SAY that it hurt bc then she'd Feel Accused and Wounded and To Blame #FOR THE WRONG DAMN THING. FUCK. #im not accusing you for being a bad parent or some shit just by existing as a trans person?? take responsibility for the shit that YOU DID. #when you did NOTHING *before* i came out to make me feel like i could Exist As A Trans Person? or As A Person that didnt Meet Expectations? #THATS on you. the fact i didnt know For Certain if id be *okay* if i came out?? THATS ON YOU. #theres TONS of shit i can think of that are my parents fault and directly tied to how fucked up i am. BUT ALSO. *THOSE* are never going to #be the things they feel sorry for. bc they think they werent in the wrong. so theyll just feel 'on edge' & 'accused' bc theyre sO justified #hhhhHHH. FUCK. #just out of the fucking blue. immediately after asking what cake i wanted tmrw for my birthday. so. happy early birthday i fucken guess!! #i hate it here. #every time i start to get comfortable and feel lighter and freer to express myself again... theres always fucking something. #theres always fucking something and *IM* the sorry fuck who has to keep the damn peace and smooth everyone elses ruffled fucking feathers #i hate to complain bc i really was afraid itd be so much worse but. but also this still fucking sucks ass? ig i wasnt really expecting that #idk man. maybe its the fact ive been extra fucking dysphoric and been dealing with one helluva rsd spiral the last week or so but. FUCK me #lemme out lemme out lemme out #just have to get thru the end of august and then im. back in school again. not exactly looking forward to thAt part either but at least ill #be AWAY. and with my partner and with my friends and OUT of HERE. #bee speaks

[rustbeltbabey]

am obsessed w other usamericans who are like "omg they never taught us thst in school😭" n then it's about like. something we all learned in middle school💀

#girl what tf do u MEAN why doesnt korea like japan where were u in history class 💀💀 #also my sister came home n told me she had to tell her 40 yr old coworker about the civil war like #she had heard the name before n she knew the usa used to have slaves but she didnt know it was bc of the war slavery ended #n my sister is a conservative so u KNOW she told her misinformation n shes still basically just as clueless as before #like i mean we still very much have slavery in our prisons n such #n my sister painting the republicans as the anti slavery side like girly they switched platforms #thsts not the win for Republicans u thibk it is

[altaroftransexuality]

when you get back from vacation and realize your roommate left a pumpkin in a plastic bag to rot and didn't even clean up before she left

#why tf would u put it in a plastic bag and not throw it out #it says u knew u shouldnt leave it there but didnt take the steps down the hall to actually get rid of it #and how tf u not gonna clean if u know youre going to be gone for weeks #i cleaned the whole place before i left all she had to do was clean up whatever mess she made #in the time between when i left and when she did #i just think its kinda ridiculous like girl clean your shit

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#shout out to bad therapist ✌️ #u get one more chance my dude before i schedule and cancel my appointment forever or at the end of the session tell u straight up the issue #actually i should start the next session like heres the deal dude but ugh what an exhausting idea #for real he talked for at least half of the session if not more. like ok this is all abt u and its not really helping me #bc u have just decided we have the same problems bc i dont think ur listening to me speak #sure we have a surface level similarity but thsts not really the issue i came in about #like he asked if any interactions with coworkers triggered me and like im not here for things that trigger me so much #its more that i generally cant regulate my mind. but we only had like 2min left so like where tf do i start with that #also he said he thinks the virus is man made and tried to pigeonhole me based on my star sign #like he was like oh yea Taurus women r good at art. and im like well im not naturally art talented i just practiced a lot and got better #and fuck u. u didn't ask how i identify #also he didnt ask what i wanted to talk abt at the start. he just asked abt my thoughts on last time and last time i also felt he wasnt #listening to me so we got drawn back into the same topic. fucking exhausting #also i mentioned having intrusiv e thoughts and i think he thought i meant like im talking to someone i get triggered and then get negative #self talk but like no bro i mean like for no apparent reason my brain decides to torment me with images and impulses that i have to resist #and i half explaned it but he changed the subject like 2 sec later like god damn it dude let me control this conversation #ill fucking tell u what my problems r if u let me fucking talk #just tell me if i have fucking ocd or like wtf that is so i can figure out how to deal with it myself bc u obviously arent helping #unrelated #executive function issues and intrusive thought sthats why i came in so lets fucking focus on that #glad ive had a good therapist in the past bc this is a fucking mess #also glad im generally in a good mood or this would actually b upsetting lol

[hauntingblue]

:)

#LETSGOOO MOMOOOOOOOOOOOOO #luffy grabbing lightning bolts... nami youve got competition.... #kaido saying roger and oden didnt have devil fruits and how you cant conquer the world with one... well they are also dead. rip bozos #NOOOO HIYORIIIIIII SOMEONE KILL THIS MAN!!!! #JESUS CHRIST THAT PUNCH!!! onigashima is on the way. move it. he is too used to zoro.... #talking tag #watching one piece #episode 1074 #the new opening is cute... wish the different scenes could be longer bc i have been sotpping to see them well akdhaks #can someone PLEASE help hiyori..... there are too many people just chilling DENJIRO!!!!!! FUCK YES!!!! but now pleaseeee finish him off... #omg the ballon ajdksjjs wish fullfilled!!!! YEAAHHH MOMOOOOOO #the samurais praying to luffy.... do i even need to make a post about luffy as a god now.... it's just like plain obvious and not bc of nik #episode 1075 #kaido lore??? did he betray rocks pirates??? the fucking witch again??? how tf did she orchestrate all this. #she started how the value of someone is determined by war. which considering this is a shonen and strength is everything... i appreciate it #which might be why kaido is such a good antagonist to luffy. he wants people to live as slaves to make weapons and create wars #the strong ones get to be soldiers and act out that war. and kaido enjoys fighting also.... luffy on the other hand sees people for what #they are and the freedom they should have and he will beat kaido by not engaging in his style of fighting to be the strongest but by being #the silliest. literally. its just too good. #<- official analysis for now i guess #oh jesus..... LETSGOOO MOMOOOOOO omg luffy can see the wishes..... FUCK YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH #luffy wishing for a world where his friends get to eat whatever they want.... oof..... tama..... #i have realised before the timeskip i cried bc situations were sad but ever since fishman island i have teared up bc of happiness.... #like at the end of fishman island and now... wait except wci but that was a drama so one exception #episode 1076

[snekdood]

ig my biggest issue with fandoms is the almost... false closeness thats there in them? ig since i was a kid and wasnt good at enforcing boundaries and was just excited to find ppl with the same interest I didn't really think about it but be real like, there was a vibe that it was "okay" and "fine" to expose a lot about ourselves to eachother that... i think if we knew eachother irl... we'd hafta be a lot closer than that to see or hear about that stuff...

#like ig am i the only one who thinks its kinda weird when ppl would pass fanfics around?? #ig its just kinda normal now or whatever but think about it. youd hafta be closer friends with someone- besides just sharing an interest- #to see their slash fics right?? doesnt it seem kinda weird that ppl used to be so willing to toss that out there #ig the level of anonymity helps but my point isnt rly about the fics so much as it is... sharing information thats personal to you #i definitely didnt know how to assert boundaries as a kid- like i just didnt know it was an option for me to be like 'no i dont want to do #that' -wow that sounds really fucked up outloud huh! #ig my autonomy was taken from me so much as a kid i kinda just assumed i wasnt the one who got a lot of choices #and no one really taught me enough about internet safety .-. my mom did once but... she didnt push very hard #and that ended me up in a lot of shitty situations- like on here. how i posted a pic of myself when i was a fuckin child #sexualizing myself and some adult commented something suggestive back to me and ig i just. thought i had to accept the situation #like i just. thought it was ok to happen. ig since i had so many ppl rob me of my bodily autonomy before that it just seemed normal #or at the very least it was something i couldnt change so i didnt try and at the time figured i had to accept as normal #and since no one intervened to tell me what any of those ppl did to me was wrong i just. didnt think about how it effected me or if that #even mattered #so why is my life so dark exactly whys it gotta be like this tho #ig its kinda hypocritical of me to post this. i mean i use my account as like a diary sometimes or that im just yelling into the void lol #but thats also kinda because of all of this honestly. i think i realized i didnt want it to be that way for a while and stopped #but after all the shit with my abuser on here its like.. i feel like i cant not be as open as i am? #idk its like... a testimony or something ig. idk how to describe it. ig i just feel like ill always hafta be defending myself online from #everything. and if i dont talk about every little thing that makes me fucked up then people wont leave me tf alone about shit i cant contro #or change. like i cant go back in the past and not do whatever. but also as far as any actual harm ive done there isnt really... much there #ive had shitty ideas normalized to me sure but i dont really feel like i passed those ideas on to anyone really