#wow i have a physical body

[sciderman]

I swear I have read your big post regarding Peter Parker's neurodivergence and why it is best to avoid labelling him, but he definitely has a weird brain

Can't find it and feel kinda sad about it cuz I deeply related to it

i know exactly which post you're talking about and i can't find it either! i've raked through my archive, and it's just - nowhere to be seen. i think tumblr eated it (it happens.)

really, tumblr's search functionality is so so useless, i don't know what to tell you. there are plenty of keywords i can search to find it that post, but the search functionality actually just does not work!

undiagnosed audhd-addled peter parker, my darling, my light, my life, my everything.

i think peter parker's such an interesting creature to write, because a lot of people will point to a certain behaviour about him and say "this is an autistic thing, right?" but a lot of those behaviours are actually, in my head, tied to certain traumas in peter's life too.

people say "oh, the food thing, peter's a picky eater because he's autistic" and yes, absolutely. but also it's tied to his trauma with his parents.

peter gets overstimulated, and yes, it's an autism thing, but also he was bitten by a radioactive spider and his senses are dialled to 11.

it's a similar case i've found for myself, too – where a lot of friends i have kind of diagnose me because i have autistic traits, but actually - i'm hesitant to claim the label or pursue diagnosis because, actually, i know where these certain behaviours come from, and they come from certain traumas. there are events i can pinpoint in my life and say "yep. that's where this behaviour comes from."

so - i think there's a lot of overlap between trauma and autistic traits. the brain is very complex! i think the reason for that overlap is maybe as simple as the fact that people with autism and people with trauma are both doing the same thing - developing behaviours to protect themselves or soothe themselves. so - i think it's nice to be able to see a character like peter parker, who may or may not be autistic, but recognise behaviours in him and see yourself in him.

people who go undiagnosed for whatever reason - people who are really good at masking - so good, in fact, that they have no idea they might be on the spectrum - everyone and anyone at all can look at peter parker and recognise themselves. because i think we discredit the thought that every single brain does the same thing! develops certain behaviours in order to survive. every brain has that same software - we've just all been faced with different hardships that we need to overcome, and that's were all the differences come in.

autism is a spectrum, i guess - everyone falls into it to some degree. and i think events in your life probably push you along on it. but i don't know, i didn't study brain science. probably what i'm saying is very stupid and uninformed. of course there's brain chemistry involved. but i know people in my life living with autism and certain events in their life have exacerbated certain behaviours or made coping with it a lot more difficult. so maybe trauma is a catalyst.

#a lot of my traits have been exacerbated lately and i remember it was much easier for me before #and some of my friends have said “oh it's because you've been masking too long and now you're facing autistic burnout.” #and that made sense to me i think. #but then i found out about the stress thing. me overproducing stress hormone. and that's a very physical thing. #and that explains why i've been overstimulated more than usual lately. and why everything feels like too much. #and i wonder how many of these traits of mine are going to subside once i have lamar removed #and it makes me wonder a lot of things. and it's so weird how much your brain is tied to your biology. #i wonder how much i'll change. i wonder how i'll feel. i wonder if i'll still feel like me. i wonder how much me is me right now. #and how much of me is being altered by weird freaky hormones. who am i?? who will i be?? #i'm almost looking at this as like. a superhero origin story of some sort. like this is my spider-bite moment. maybe. #will i be different? will i cope with things differently?? now that my body isn't fighting something anymore?? #maybe i'll be normal. i don't know. i don't know. #i don't know what it'll mean for me. #but all of these things mean i relate to peter parker in a certain kind of way #i don't think you have to be diagnosed with autism to recognise and empathise with those traits i think #i think everyone can see themselves in peter. and i think that's the benefit of having characters that aren't diagnosed. #because there's so much overlap in the human experience. and certain feelings aren't exclusive to just one group of people. #peter has such a rich identity actually. it's an autistic thing. it's a queer thing. it's a jewish thing. it's a trauma thing. #there are so many overlapping parts of peter's identity that inform who he is and how he behaves and it's never just one thing. #it's a product of all of his things. #just like me! just like everyone. #so me? i guess i can be a million things. you can explain what i am in a million different ways. #a hundred different psychologists can all come up with different ways to explain why i be the way i be. #i don't think it's something that can be simplified. #sorry wow. i'm really going off here in the tags. #i hope people don't think i'm stupid. i don't know brain science. i'm just philosophising as usual. #sci speaks

[pangyham]

been thinking about the liyue gang and how id draw their physical builds so here are some thoughts i had for xy cy and gm in particular

- xingqiu, unsurprisingly, would be quite lanky. i like to think he has broad-ish shoulders, like a thin athlete's build? hes a long boy to me haha, long face, neck, limbs, fingers etc, so naturally hes stands (comparatively) tall at 5'6" or 5'7"

i like to think hes most physically attractive one and has that handsome princely and boyish charm to him because it adds a lot to his fuckass duality LOL

- chongyun is a lot like xiao imo! short stature but with muscular arms. he seems nimble and flexible because of his normal attack animations (which bears a lot of similarities to xiao's actually! this + the fact that chongyun's normal attacks create gusts of wind further reinforces my hc that xiao trains him). sometimes i watch high energy choreography vids on youtube and some dancers look incredibly light on their feet, almost like their body is inherently bouncy? and i imagine chongyun to have that agility to him. chongyun has a delicate face and aura and i let that bleed into my hcs for his fighting style and physical capabilities hahaha. hes kind of like a cat who's deceptively strong. as for height.. just a few inches taller than xiao, so perceptibly short at 5'4"

- ga ming my new beloved. pretty much similar to chongyun but more muscular and stronger just because he wields his claymore with ease. theres a noticeable weight different between cy and his claymore the way he lugs it up after he swings (or even other claymore users like razor who, on his last hit, bounces from impact). meanwhile ga ming literally slams his to the ground LOL. i love his movements though hes very swift and expressive and radiant.. if cy has delicate movements then ga ming's is fierce and (charmingly!) assertive

ga ming is wonderfully charismatic though, i know hes not well known in liyue harbor yet, but he seems like the type to gain a reputation from his friendliness. how could no one adore him hahaha. 5'5" for height! just between xy and xq

#tangy talks genshin #chongyun gets analyzed most my bad #this was super fun though #while thoughtful ; genshin chara designs will always look distinctly gacha and flashy so a lot of the designs kinda blur together in my hea #this is why i really like looking into their animations particuarly their normal attacks #i think it conveys their personalities really well! it's always something to look forward to when new characters release #i gravitate towards swords polearms and claymores most though because i like the act of swinging and slashing hah. it also requires a lot o #body movement and reflects a lot of irl martial arts fencing and other combat techniques #sword users are always really fun to watch because theyre inherently graceful hahah. i will admit it gets kinda repetitive #i think my favorite NA animation has to be albedo's.. very simple clean and refined. he stands elegantly and puts his arm behind his back o #his 2nd attack which ive been transfixed by since be first came out in 2020 LOL. i love albebo #wow these tags are long as hell #but anyway i actually have more thoughts on xq's physical appearance but its just me rambling about how i think hes funny as fuck #im a proponent of dashingly pretty princely xingqiu not necessarily because i want to bestow upon him desirable traits #but because i think its funny knowing hes just a bit of a loser under all that #hes well known (mr worldwide one might say) and the heir to a prestigious guild and chivalrous talented and prolific #but he writes self insert novels hates carrots had bad handwriting sings really bad #hes just a teenage boy #as always i will 100% have more to say about chongyun but ill save that for another post #ga ming on the other hand.. i dont have anything substantial to say but hes super fun to think about #hes such a likable character #wow these tags are LONG as fuck ill stop now.

[thepoisonroom]

one of the funniest things about my worst ex that i didn't even know until this year is that they tried to use romantic lines on me that they'd lifted verbatim from casey mcquiston's red white and royal blue

#it was so wild to watch the movie v high and get physically bodied by already knowing all the lines without having read the book #thinking abt the poetry thing it's really interesting to think about people i've dated who really wanted a performance of romantic intimacy #but kind of didn't really know me that well or act like they liked me that much #sometimes it's like the other person isn't seeing you but their idea of what love and romance should be and that's what they're devoted to #so it's silly to me that they were so literally reading lines from a script that they didn't even write! #i don't mean this in a passive-aggressive I JUST THINK IT'S FUNNY way like it's genuinely very funny #i think when it was fresher this would have hurt my feelings a lot to know but now i can just be like wow loser behavior lmao #personal nonsense

[soldier-poet-king]

WOW FEELIN REAL BAD ABT HAVING A BODY

i guess this means i have to stop eating like shit in holiday indulgence and actually like. eat proper meals and veggies again. it cant all be bread and fancy cheese and christmas cookies and chocolate

#yall i have been eating SO BAD and now im like. #wow i wonder why i am in near tears about having a physical form and how gross i feel #a mystery we will never solve :) #also sleep schedule fucked i slept in WAYYYY too late today #expected cat to wake me up for food #HE DID NOT. I WAS BETRAYED #he poked me once and it was like no bo give me five min #AND THEN HE LEFT ME. FOR THREE HOURS #like good for him but also BO. BO. I WAS COUNTING ON U #i need a shower. i will feel better if i shower. in ice cold water. idk. it just. refresh the nasty body experience.

[waitineedaname]

anyway. back to my regularly scheduled idiot posting. I got left alone with my thoughts too long earlier and started thinking about greed and how he's positioned between the other homunculi and humans. none of the other homunculi show off their ouroboros tattoos as much as he does. they don't particularly hide their tattoos (except when in disguise/not counting wrath) but greed LOVES showing off his tattoo, it's the first thing he does when introducing himself constantly. he's also the first one to proudly declare he's a homunculus, despite having distanced himself from the rest of the homunculi

at the same time, he immediately draws an association between himself and human beings. he describes himself as an artificially made human, which is the literal definition of what a homunculus is, and his willingness to explain how he's not that far from humans (his body structurally being the same as a human, describing himself as sturdier than most but not truly immortal) is what allows ed to figure out his weakness. meanwhile the other homunculi would literally rather die than position themselves as at all similar to humans. this is consistent with the fact that all the other homunculi, at best, look down on humanity, and at worst, feel intense contempt for humans, meanwhile greed seems to be amused by humans, if not outright fond of them

idk i just think it's interesting that the rest of the homunculi completely divorce themselves from humanity and position themselves as superior, but greed is the one to actually embrace the definition of homunculus as an artificial human

#fma #WHY IS GREED THE ONLY ONE I CAN WRITE ESSAYS ABOUT. #WHY CAN'T I PUT THIS ENERGY TOWARDS OTHER CHARACTERS. #dammit. #the homunculi are so interesting to me I am rotating them in my mind 24/7 #there's a whole other thing to break down in relation to this post #which is the human-homunculi #and wrath and greedling as foils #both of them physically human first before getting infused with a philosopher's stone #but they have SUCH drastically different takes on humanity #wrath and the other homunculi constantly treating humans with contempt and underestimating them #and ling being like that is going to be your downfall. bitch. #all the souls in wrath battling for dominance when he was created #versus greed and ling just like. coexisting. #sure they might fight for control of the body at first but neither of them try to destroy each other like wrath's situation #it's so wild to me when the other homunculi are like wow greed it's so pathetic that you'd share control of your body with a human #as if that doesn't give him a huge fighting advantage. lmao. #this post has gotten too long I was going to do OTHER THINGS but instead i just thought really hard about greed and word vomited. hi.

[tchaikovskaya]

🙃

#one of the things that sincerely upsets me to think about is how physically hamstrung I was by the anorexia for so many years #and how objectively successful (tho not reaching my highest ambitions/aspirations of course) I was anyway #like wow i accomplished all of that running on fumes. head spinning if I stood up too fast (at best!) for 5 years straight #now imagine what I could have done with a fully adequate well rounded diet (even if I still hated my body just as much) lmaooo kill me #unfortch I burned thru all my success quota and any gumption I had in me and now I’m neither skinny nor successful so fuck me I guess

[kimtaegis]

hate to say it but july kinda sucked

#please let me whine and list all the things that have troubled me this month #first off having to get serious about my master thesis and everything taking so much longer than I want it to (the anxiety. wow) #and mentally preparing to tackle two jobs AND finishing the thesis all at once soon (how......am I gonna do that) #well then ofc my car breaking down and having to spend my last savings on a new one #generally having to spend a shit load of money. all my money. gone within 2 months #wanting to have a big birthday party so badly only for it to get so stressful and Too Much for my introverted perfectionist ass #that I was the first and only one to feel (physically and mentally) sick about four hours in and had to leave my guests on their own #the usual old struggles flaring up again (as in too high expectations towards everything and everyone and myself that leave me disappointed #and on a more irrelevant note lmao: being one of the few people who doesn’t seem to have enjoyed barbenheimer that much? #same for jk’s solo and everything around it it's just not really for me #and thus feeling a little distanced from the fandom and from creating lately...I'll try again this weekend though I'll try #and last but not least my skin is being SO bad again rn that I just want to rip it off my whole body!!!!!!! #yeah! not at all how I wanted july to go! anyways august in a few days let’s move on and hope for the best #SORRY for being negative on here again. there were also nice things. like awi and al and all my other friends. #and birthday gifts and messages. <33

[doggirling]

kind of fucked up but semi related question to some art i’m planning on posting. do you guys think jecra was partially conscious after he got turned into a monster but had no control over his body so he basically just had to sit there watching/feeling everything that went down until his eventual death.

like i’m thinking of it in a more ‘controlled by a parasite’ type of situation where he still retained consciousness and could see everything through his eyes, but nightmares magic basically left him a spectator in his own body without the ability to control himself or communicate.

i feel like it’d also link to how he managed to temporarily snap out of the brainwashing just before his death thanks to his love for knuckle joe and managed to give his locket + last words to meta knight, since his consciousness wasn’t entirely wiped out by nightmare’s brainwashing. so even in the case that his consciousness was ‘corrupted’ during all of that, he still retained enough of his own free will and mind to break from it in the end while dying.

#sorry this is kind of horroresque. man trapped in his own mind unable to communicate that he’s still there as his body acts against his will #i find it more sad though rather than horror. having to watch yourself attack your own allies and having to feel your own best friend #fight back against you until he delivers the fatal blow. like wow that must’ve been agonizing both physically and emotionally #poor guy #mooing #kirby

[meandmyechoes]

as much as i’m annoyed with this week’s mando episode (and the last, and the one before that), i’m repeating to myself that i should take my own advice and see how the excessive quests pay off later. Buying R5 led to the Covert moving to Nevarro and fighting a torture droid gave Din an excuse to give up the darksaber. Maybe Bo and Din working so well together this time would lead to them co-Mand’aloring. Maybe the nonsense will pay off, yet why am i so impatient unlike with Andor?

It’s not just about the lack of a three-act structure, or even an overall ending in sight. Was there enough production details to glue me to that screen? passionate acting or speeches that reign free in my mind?

With every andor arc there end goal is established first and foremost. Season 2′s finale set up two main ones: 1. Grogu 2. Darksaber. The first one is resolved way too quickly and the second one, after so many convolutions, is sent off with three sentences. With the sacrifice of his helmeted identity, in exchange if unwillingly, is the authority to lead all Mandalorians. I think season three is a good time for a show to diver deeper into its protagoinst, maybe give them an existential crisis. I expected the season to explore the different Mandalorian factions and gave a resolution to it, as a backdrop to Din’s personal debate on faith - and maybe even stay focused on it. Have a few debates and politics about neutraility or militarism. Maybe even farm a little if there’s only orcs and mythical fish left on that planet now! Andor-level environmental storytelling might’ve been what a season focused on the Mandalorian system needs.

It’s definitely NOT as if EVERY Star Wars show needs to be Andor - one would argue that’s why S3E3 felt out of place. This season can’t seem to grasp its genre. It was an episodic adventure with a clan of two and that’s what people expect when you return them to status quo prematurely.

#don't try to be andor when then best you can be is clone wars season 1 #the mandalorian #mando spoilers #sw #it's past 12 so i'm going to sleep bye #sw negativity #(granted there's so. much.to look at this episode but a lot more often i'm unhealthily trying to spot how fake the set is #trying to spot the CG #the opening scene had me brows knit and question mark for a bit and mostly i can't wrap my head around those MOVING tentacles #'wow look they do have the physics and cg to make some noodle-like organ flexible' #i think so far their aliens are quite... good? the fully suited ones - with professionals in body language portraying them are but #this quarren captain is just the stuff of nightmare

[megroha]

hey its so crazy that there are people who like the way they look Ha Ha Ha

how are they doing that!

#everybody has insecurities i'm sure but WOW can you imagine what that's like???? being hot and knowing that you're hot???? #me rambling #they have probly not met my dear friend body dysmorphia #but i hope they never do! #anyways maybe i'll finally find some peace in life if they invent a way to shed your physical form and become a cloud of beautiful energy

[thethingything]

I would like a body that's less high maintenance and doesn't react badly to basically everything ever

#personal #thoughts #🍬 post #vent post #posts made on painkillers #I'd also like a body that looks and sounds like me #nothing like having multiple (mild) allergic reactions to stuff while also feeling really sick because we once again got ill with something #to make me suddenly really dysphoric and homesick #to be honest literally every medical issue we have does this but to varying degrees depending on the issue and how I'm already feeling #which like... we're chronically ill so I'm fucked #every time this shit happens it's like wow I miss my own body and not having to deal with any of this shit #it does not help that a bunch of us are suddenly dealing with source trauma and really bad homesickness all at the same time #desperately trying to work on our mental health while once again feeling even worse than usual physically #and suddenly having to deal with like 3 different people's source trauma making us feel like shit randomly

[mycological-mariner]

Have to skip flamenco classes tomorrow. Overestimated just how much my hips and knee could take doing the Fight Club yesterday and am now In Pain

#during the fighty workshops: hm wow this hurts. let’s keep going I’ll take painkillers when I get home’ #my hip just completely seized on the way to the bus and I nearly nosedived down some stone steps #oh dearie dear. the consequences have come knocking #why have I chosen extremely active hobbies/unpaid job when my body is literally trying to implode #’hm I think I’m gonna devote a significant amount of my time to things that require extreme physical exertion especially in the lower body #yes my knee is permanently damaged and my hips don’t lie they’re just Painful but it’s fun! I’m so okay!’ #used to walk with a cane after a particular nasty seizure fucked me up for life #I was like 13 or something when I was told I wasn’t allowed to and it got snatched and hidden from me #oh well. probably wasn’t even the right height anyways #I took some painkillers it’s better #after some rest I’ll be back to waving swords around and dancing flamenco poorly #(I’m getting better! it’s just repetition! big fan of repetitive movement)

[diluc33rpm]

1/2 Would you change your appearance if you could?

yeah, honestly, i just think i really need to look like this in life

#wow uh i'll take $500 for loaded questions then #i guess being a shapeshifter would be the ultimate ideal but that's mainly just our circumstance and less specific on how *i* wanna look #i dunno i've always felt pretty disconnected from our physical appearance so while i don't like? mind it? #(and it is hot let's be real) #i don't especially identify with it or think about it often so it's weird for me when people perceive me as it directly #like girl what is a selfie. what's the mirror. oh that's some guy #it feels like a vrchat avatar to me like yeah i'm in that pic i GUESS and it looks cool but it's not anything i feel like i am very much #if i were to have my own looks with no irl consequence it'd be mooore or less how i depict myself in picrews #i.e slightly taller long hair a bimbo but like in a goth way #and if the question applies to Trans Stuff at all then gimme the whole nine yards. thank god for boy sauce existing irl #i don't normally care but whenever i notice it i have deep distaste for existing in a body with an anime schoolgirl build #the suffering from success meme but it's to do with not having a flat ass

[vigilantejustice]

obvs logically dig that my. body/food issues are wildly nuanced + complicated things much bigger + more complex than this but it is very hard to stop feeling like wow can’t believe my entire problem is just having “too ugly to function” disorder that is so pathetic :(

#just feeling very very much like a person who is fundamentally broken #just feel wrong + gross on every level #pyschologically + emotionally + physically + socially #it just feels like it shouldn’t be this tricky to just be a functioning person #have definitely always felt like this but never ever to this extent + it has never impacted my ability to function the way it has since #the eating disorder developed. literally insane the way it has fully entirely truly ruined my life #and it’s such a loop that i just can’t get myself out of :( #but it’s hard to see how any amount of talk therapy is going to help me talk myself into having any self esteem at all y’know? #like genuinely without hyperbole can’t find one single thing to like #and just can’t figure out how anyone ever is supposed to be able to talk me around on myself #also hate this because it comes off inherently attention-seeky which is not what this is #anyways. just know if you’re thinking wow she should be over this by now that i’m also thinking the same thing #also know that i know how silly this sounds i just can’t express myself like an unhinged dummy anywhere else #actually to add to this because it comes off like it’s entirely a body issue #my self esteem is so far gone that my confidence re: performing in a workplace is nonexistent #i don’t recognise the me three years ago that was single handedly running the nursery room #it seems unbelievable it doesn’t feel like me #+ it kind of isn’t like it’s not me as i am now #i’m also just very afraid a lot of the time for no real valid reason #like whenever i drive i’m worried my car is going to break down in traffic #constantly convince myself my cat is going to get sick or checking the local police site whenever someone’s a little late #am very worried about getting back into a kindy setting + something awful happening #it’s just a lot of worry for no reason but that doesn’t stop it #anyways! the body/food stuff really is just the cherry on a very shitty cake #did you all miss me making absolutely no sense in the tags? in my defence it’s very late #personal

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#im just gonna b a whiney bby for a sec bc im tired and i spent too long out in the sun :-P #we left at like 7.30 for sampling and got back around 4 so like it was a long day. it wasnt too awful tho #only kinda awful. but thats not what i wanna complain abt. i wanna complain bc we have this project looming #bc our machines r coming back. so i have to make sure i can connect the stupid cameras thru code stuff and make sure the chambers r built #and i dont wanna do any of this bc i kno this project is gonna cause me physical and Phycological pain #like all the projects we're collecting for. last time i had to work with the samples i got a little too close to a like full of breakdown #so my brain and body dont wanna do it. and this specific project has potential to b even worse that what i usually do so fml #sigh... i just dont wanna be here doing what im doing anymore. ive stopped having fun. my boss is like wow u r gonna be the person ppl #think of on X topic once u get all this published and its like. god i dont fucking care. #when i think of the data all i can think of is how awful it was collecting it. everytime it cuts a bigger and bigger wound in me #like i think its done long term damage to my psychy. i burned out too hard too many times. #so i dont wanna do it. i dont wanna push these projects forward. and i dont wanna collect more data from 2 other sites bc i kno the more i #collect the worse its gonna be. ugh. whatever. im sure itll b fine. bc im less invested in what im doing so maybe this time ill have a #healthier way of dealing with it idk. im just sick of it. and that's really sad. #ugh. whatever. i have a big meeting with a guy tomorrow and idk what device im gonna use to zoom with him #bc my computer screen is fucked and the camera makes me look like im at the bottom of a well... #i need a new computer... agh. whatever ive gotta reread some of his papers #i hope he likes me. he's at a way too prestigious school so im like. way too intimidated. but like im sure he just wants passion #ans ive got passion. Hopefully ive also got the stuff for knicking a full ride scholarship as well #yea right... but idk ill fucking go for it bc why not #hhhh i just wanna b in a future what i have the perfect phd program and its all sorted out #unrelated

[yardsards]

im always like "i feel foggy and lightheaded and fatigued, maybe i need to take a nap" and then i can't sleep and then i realize "HEY DIPSHIT, YOU DON'T NEED MORE SLEEP, YOU JUST HAVEN'T EATEN IN 8 HOURS"

#eliot posts #i hate having a practically non-existent appetite #my mother was always like ''wow i'm so jealous'' #like shut the FUCK up #get your diet culture disored eating mindset AWAY from me #it's not fun forgetting to eat til you're physically ill! #it's not fun having to set alarms for yourself to remember to perform basic body functions! #it's not fun sometimes having to force food down because your brain is convinced you're full! #i would gladly give this up any day!!! #i'm on the borderline of being underweight by bmi standards #that's not healthy