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knivestothroats · 4 years

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In The Woods Somewhere pt 2 - Bite The Bullet

Immediately picks up from here.

content warnings: field medicine, gunshot wounds, using alcohol to clean wounds, stitching wounds, chained to a bed, history lessons

@lonesome--hunter @simplygrimly

Buck was vaguely aware that Fletcher was speaking, but he wasn’t taking in any of the words. It didn’t seem to be directed at him, anyway. Something about a table. Nothing he was concerned with.

What he was concerned with, from least to greatest, included the following: Fletcher had a hand on his wrist, keeping his arm draped over their shoulders. Fletcher had an arm around his waist. Buck thought he might pass out, or at least fall down His head was swimming. He wasn’t sure how much blood he had lost at this point, but he was confident it was more than he would like to be losing. And lastly, his leg really, really, fucking hurt.

A new concern presented itself when Fletcher suddenly swept him up into a bridal carry. Buck let out a surprised noise, but didn’t have the energy to fight it. He was quickly set down onto a hard surface – most likely the table he had heard about – and he felt like he could melt into it. Maybe with enough exhaustion, your body just dissolves.

More talking he didn’t catch. His ears were ringing. He didn’t care – he didn’t have the energy to care.

Fletcher called out into the house, “Lesson time! Everybody downstairs!” They clapped their hands loudly. “Let’s go, let’s go!”

Buck didn’t notice the people coming into the room. His attention was only drawn back when Fletcher lightly slapped his cheek. They were wearing rubber gloves.

“Hey, how much do you care about these pants?” They asked.

“Wh… What?”

“I mean, they already have a couple bullet holes and a lot of blood in them, but if you want to try to salvage them, I can take them off,” Fletcher said. “Otherwise I’m going to cut through them.”

Buck just sort of sighed and closed his eyes. Fletcher turned away from him to talk to the people who had gathered around.

“Usually, in emergency situations, you have to cut through the fabric,” they said. “So that’s what we’re going to do.”

Buck felt cold metal against his skin as the scissors brushed his leg.

“There will be times, in a pinch, where you may want to use drinking alcohol as a disinfectant,” Fletcher continued to the crowd. “I would not recommend this, for a few reasons. First of all, you should just keep actual medical supplies in your house, you animals. Second, if you pour alcohol over someone, that’s less for you to drink. However, sometimes needs must. If you are going to use alcohol this way, you should be decent enough to let your patient take a swig first, because this is all going to hurt like a bitch. In this case, our friend here is pretty out of it, so we’re going to skip that. Now, be prepared for them to scream…”

Buck suddenly felt a burning sensation in his leg. He screamed, back arching off the table and leg kicking out frantically. He felt a firm hand holding him down.

“Also, you should really only be using clear alcohols like vodka for this,” Fletcher continued nonchalantly as the screaming subsided into pained whimpers. “Now, to stitch a wound you’re going to want a curved needle, like this. If you try to use a regular sewing needle you will all be in for a bad time. Again, please for the love of god, keep medical supplies on hand. And keep them clean.”

Buck felt a hand patting against his cheek, and he tried to focus his eyes on the face of Fletcher, leaning over him.

“Alright, buddy,” they said gently, “I’m gonna give you something to bite down on. Okay? Open up.”

Fletcher put their fingers on either side of Buck’s chin and eased his jaw open. They slipped a folded belt between his teeth and pushed his jaw closed around the leather. Buck bit down, trying to breathe evenly through his nose. A sharp pain pierced the skin of his leg, overlapping with the already burning pain from the bullet wound. He let out a whine, clamping down on the belt. Although some part of him was aware that people were watching, embarrassment over the pathetic noises he was making was the last thing on his mind. He was just trying to get through this moment.

“Here’s a fun fact – a little bonus history lesson,” Fletch said as they worked. “In the civil war, they had advanced their weaponry but not really advanced the way they did battle, so all of a sudden there were way more injuries. And fatalities. And the bullets they were using – well, never mind. I could ramble. The point is, the field hospitals were just Hell. A lot of amputations. And they didn’t have any way to sedate the soldiers, so the medics would just give them a bullet to bite down on for the pain. And that’s where we get the phrase bite the bullet. Now, you’ll see here that I am tying off each stitch. This is why it’s helpful to use a needle driver. You may be able to substitute needle nose pliers, or…”

“Keep medical supplies on hand,” came a disjointed chorus of voices.

Buck passed out at some point during the procedure. He woke up in a bed, unsure of where he was. Even as the memories came back to him as he drifted into consciousness, he still wasn’t sure. It was a sparsely furnished room, with just the bed, a dresser, a chair, and a mirror. There was a window in the wall behind him, but the curtains were drawn. He was wearing an unfamiliar pair of sweatpants.

Buck’s head ached. His leg ached. His whole body ached. He tried to gently shuffle into a sitting position, but as he moved he felt the unyielding tug of metal against his ankle.

His injured leg was handcuffed to the bed.

The door opened. Fletcher poked their head in.

“Oh, good, you’re awake,” they said, walking all the way into the room. They were carrying a tray, which they set down on the dresser. Fletcher opened one of the drawers and retrieved a pillow. “Can you sit up?”

Buck, watching Fletcher warily, pushed himself slowly into a sitting position, and Fletcher put the pillow behind him. They retrieved the tray and set it on Buck’s lap before pulling the chair over to the side of the bed and sitting down.

Buck examined the contents of the tray. A water bottle, a small bottle of orange juice, a banana, a sleeve of crackers, a pudding cup, and a spoon. Buck looked up at Fletcher wordlessly.

“Well, eat up, champ,” Fletcher said, leaning forward to rest their forearms on their legs. A beat of silence where neither said anything. Then, “How’re you feeling?”

Buck opened his mouth and let out a croak. He cleared his throat and tried again. “I feel like shit. Everything hurts.”

“Well, that’s to be expected,” Fletcher nodded. “You sustained a pretty serious injury.”

“Which you made worse,” Buck said.

“Hey, I – well, yeah. I did make you walk on it,” Fletcher admitted. “But you did great! And then I made it better.”

“You should have taken me to a hospital,” Buck said.

Fletcher just laughed and said, “Seriously, you should eat something. Drink some water.”

Buck cracked open the seal of the water bottle and took a swig. He paused a moment, and then asked, “Why do you have me chained to the bed?”

“Well, you really shouldn’t be walking on that leg for a while,” Fletcher said.

Buck stared at them in disbelief. Fetcher’s face cracked into a smile, and they shrugged, but said nothing.

“Why are you keeping me here?” Buck asked.

“You’re a great teaching tool,” Fletcher said before standing up. “And I believe you can take it.”

“Take what?” Buck asked, voice soaked in fear.

Fletcher began walking to the door, saying only, “Eat something.”

“What – what is this place?” Buck called after them. “What is going on here?”

Fletcher stopped in the doorway, handle on the knob ready to pull it closed behind them. They turned back.

“Well, Buck,” they said, “I could tell you, but then I’d have to kill you.”

[So! Before the American Civil War, soldiers were using muskets, which didn’t really shoot straight. Basically the musket ball would bounce around on its way out of the barrel of the gun. So the tactic was for both sides to line up and shoot at each other, creating a sort of wall of bullets, hoping something would hit. By the time the Civil War rolled around, guns had improved a lot. Namely rifles.

Rifles have grooves along the inside of the barrel (called rifling) that the bullet travels along, keeping it on target. The major improvement that made them the new main weapon of the military is that they didn’t have to be cleaned as frequently, whereas before they would get all gunked up on the inside if you used them too many times.

SO, the Civil War happens. Everyone lines up and shoots each other. But now they have guns that shoot straight. To this day, the Civil War has more American casualties than any other war this country has ever fought. It actually changed the game on the way this country handles death in more ways than one, but that’s a separate essay!

Another bad thing about this new-weapon-old-tactics thing, is that these guns shot “slugs,” or (relatively) slow moving bullets. The way these bullets were shaped, they wouldn’t always pierce straight through. If they hit bone, the bullet and the bone would both shatter. This led to many, many amputations. And, well, Fletcher said the rest.

Also please note that it’s been like six or seven years since I took that Civil War class.]

[next part]

#original #writings #whump ocs #whump series #whump #field medicine #stitching wounds #gunshot wounds #questionable medical practices #fun facts about the american civil war #also if anyone does want to know more about how the civil war changed america's views on death #i can give a brief overview but i am less knowledgable on the subject #buck #lonesome--hunter #simplygrimly

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x--daughters-of-darkness--x · 5 years

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How Kobra And The Lotus Vocalist Kobra Paige Overcame Her Hellacious Battle With Lyme Disease

The Kobra And The Lotus vocalist opens up about her years-long battle with Lyme disease after a tick bit her on a hike.

Forceful, empowered, unstoppable: all of these words spring to mind when one and listens to and watches Kobra Paige, the founder and lead singer of Canadian power metal outfit Kobra and the Lotus. Kobra has led the band on an almost non-stop touring schedule since 2010, not to mention spending time on the road as a guest vocalist for Kamelot and the Metal All-Stars supergroup. In that time Kobra and the Lotus have recorded six records and an EP, including their upcoming album, Evolution. So it’s unsurprising that the singer comes across as a person with a seemingly bottomless well of energy and stamina.

However, behind the scenes, Kobra suffered for years with Lyme disease, and the debilitating, sometimes invisible illness sapped her strength and also provided lyrical fuel for some of her most potent songs.

Kobra grew up near Calgary, Alberta as part of a family of avid hikers, and hiking remains a serious part of her life. “I’m like a half-breed, I love the city, and I also love nature,” she says of her upbringing. “I grew up with both.” She’s taken several backpacking trips, sometimes at the end of a long tour, including a trip through Romania, as well as Spain’s historic Camino de Santiago. On one such hike, Kobra was bitten by a tick and contracted Lyme.

She first noticed symptoms of the disease in 2014, when Kobra and the Lotus were on tour with KISS. “I started getting really ill. I started getting infections, catching everything that everyone had; I couldn’t fight anything off,” she recalls.

Lyme disease is a still little-understood bacterial infection that can present itself in a multitude of ways, including fevers, fatigue, chronic pain, memory loss, muscle spasms, facial paralysis and more — none of which can be easily overlooked for a touring musician. Worse, Lyme sometimes causes dysphonia, involuntary spasms in the larynx. Dysphonia as a result of Lyme disease kept musicians like Shania Twain and Avril Lavigne from performing live for years.

Kobra managed to escape dysphonia, but her infection proved difficult to treat and caused severe fatigue. “I used to always being really strong, physically, but [Lyme disease] manifests in different ways for different people, and for me, it was very physical,” Kobra says.

While being treated with antibiotics, she toured the UK. She recalls: “I was so chronically fatigued to the core. We would get to a hotel room, and I could barely make it in. I would pass out on the bed, fully clothed.” After that tour, in 2015, Kobra’s doctor recommended an eight-month break from touring.

In the fall of 2015, with the bacteria still present in her system, Kobra toured as a guest vocalist with Kamelot on their North American Haven tour. Though she was on a heavy dose of oral antibiotics, she suffered from muscle spasms which would sometimes tear her muscles. She describes that tour as “a physical battle every day.”

After that tour, she was tested again and the number of bacteria in her body has grown “tenfold.” The bacteria had developed a resistance to the antibiotics she had been taking. The band canceled all their touring plans, and her doctor prescribed a regular, intravenous dose of antibiotics, something that could not be accomplished on tour. She checked into a treatment facility in Arizona, by herself, thousands of miles from her home in Calgary. There, she was treated nearly eight hours a day, for five days a week. She recalls other patients showing up in wheelchairs, unable to walk until six weeks of antibiotic pummeling. “That was not a fun eight weeks,” she recalls. “But I did have a remarkable turnaround after I was treated aggressively.”

Kobra’s experience was unusually severe. Most people can defeat Lyme disease with a dose of antibiotics if diagnosed relatively quickly. “If you don’t catch it or people don’t take it seriously, it can show up in a horrible way, and it can compromise your immune system down the road and return,” she says.

However, Kobra is lucky to have been able to afford the clinic in Arizona. For those near the poverty line, such treatment could sink them into bankruptcy. “I’m really grateful and lucky I could get the treatment. I feel bad for people that can’t because it’s very costly and insurance doesn’t cover it.”

The treatment didn’t stop Kobra from recording and releasing two albums, Prevail I and Prevail II, in 2017 and 2018, though she did have to return for an additional three weeks of treatment in 2017. She was only — finally — declared in remission in July of 2018.

Even so, some of the symptoms of Lyme disease can persist for years, even after successful treatment. And because of the often internal, subjective nature of these symptoms, Lyme disease has been sometimes called an invisible illness, leading some in the medical community has considered some of these symptoms to be psychosomatic.

“It’s brutal when doctors tell you it’s psychosomatic,” Kobra says. “My sister and mother also had Lyme disease, and in my sister, it was very neurological. She was bedridden in her early 20s.” She recalls a doctor speaking to a nurse outside her sister’s hospital room intimating that he didn’t believe in her condition. These stories are not uncommon, as Lyme disease remains a little-understood medical condition even in many medical circles. Historically, many infected with the disease have gone with insufficient treatment for years after not being taken seriously. “I don’t know what I would do if I didn’t have my family believing in me. Fortunately, we are all supporting one another.

Kobra’s extended experience did come with one small silver lining — it influenced and changed her lyrical perspective. “What I was going through really shaped the lyrics of Prevail I and II. Many of those songs are about a struggle. It was the first time that I became vulnerable and forthright with my lyrics rather than sharing a message through a story,” she says. That forthrightness carries over into the upcoming Evolution, her most direct and stripped-down record to date.

As of now, Kobra is experiencing no further symptoms, and Kobra and the Lotus are on tour with Sebastian Bach. The singer has no plans to take any other extended breaks or taking her own health lightly.

“All I know is I am better too now that I’ve been treated,” she says, adding “I wish there was more attention brought towards it so that we could do more research.” Kobra feels Lyme disease will be ignored the way HIV was in the 1980s until it reaches epidemic proportions. “I’m not the only artist out there that’s been public about it. I think changes are slowly happening, just like everything else.”

The range of Lyme disease-carrying ticks continues to expand. Meanwhile, she’s doing anything she can do to raise awareness about the vexing illness that sidelined her for so long and showed her the future direction for her band.

#kobra paige #Kobra and the Lotus #2019 interviews #Lyme Disease

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craniumculverin · 5 years

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some unedited, brain flow-type ramblings based on @donc-desole‘s oc percy as a villain in a ww2 era au. more about how a narrative might work then anything. i’m really rusty on my ww2 knowledge and don’t wanna let myself fall down another research rabbit hole, so i’m probably off with how military stuff works.

ww2!au possible story?

maybe wes is the unwitting companion to harry who’s on a mission. not the sidekick mind you, wes would still be the main character and protagonist, just not the action movie hero - that’s harry’s role.

wes is technically harry’s c.o. but was supposed to leave the front due to injury (losing his finger). due to a bureaucratic error nothing is done to get him out, but he’s believed to be on his way back to england. meanwhile, harry is a slightly lower ranked officer but for whatever reason is chosen to do something or other by the higher ups - he’s given a secret mission basically, and has to fake being KIA in order to proceed. or something.

despite wallowing in his horrible mood, wes is still protective of his friends. so when a surprise skirmish happens and the world’s blowing up around them, and he sees harry run off, he runs after - partly to make sure he stays alive, partly to yell at him for being stupid. they end up in enemy territory, one believed to be heading home, the other believed KIA due to swapping uniforms/tags with a similar looking, already-dead-before-the-fight guy.

wes is livid with harry and can’t comprehend why he refuses to head back to allied territory, harry is trying to keep it together while not letting wes know that he’s - rather they’re - on a secret, possibly undercover mission.

idk how it plays out from there, specifically. harry would probably breakdown at some point and tell wes some of what he’s doing, but whether that’s before or after wes already figures it out or the mission is completed, idk. harry’s a horrible choice to carry out a secret mission tbh.

one way or another they end up very close to a german field hospital or the like. wes’ injury isn’t doing well and harry took a tumble - he’s not too badly hurt, but looks like hell. they get captured, wes chokes and just silently surrenders, but harry ups the dramatics and acts like he’s horribly wounded and confused. and also american, cus harry is just. harry. neither are wearing their uniforms anymore having changed them out for civvies, so the germans bring them to the hospital, as captives/patients i guess.

and that’s how they meet percy, a doctor and one of, if not the, chief medical officer running the place. seeing through harry’s horrible accent right off the bat, percy decides to play along and speak with a perfect english accent, which confuses the two along with his english surname(?). he immediately knows something’s up, has them searched and all their belongings taken before being restrained and left alone somewhere whilst under guard. harry keeps up the act while wes is between pissed and pissing himself.

wes and harry start bickering, thinking they’re still alone, but percy quietly enters the room alone and listens for a while. eventually wes notices him, falling silent as percy just placidly smiles back, before harry turns to see and goes deathly still and quiet as well.

then the three have a nice chat. and by “nice” i mean percy is disturbingly sweet and genial even as he semi-openly threatens them, etc. by the end of it he knows they’re british soldiers on a mission, but harry has managed not to totally give everything away. wes is extremely uncomfortable with how percy has been acting toward him in particular - which at this point is just percy having fun; he sees an opportunity to probe and observe, he takes it. harry continues to keep his american act going despite obviously being found out, which wes actually apologizes for to percy out of embarrassment, which catches the doctor off guard and intrigues him. he drops the english accent for his usual german when he responds in a positive fashion, which takes wes by surprise - cus it sounded so legit, but also cus percy could’ve really used their thinking he was english to his advantage.

wes and harry are kept as prisoner-patients basically, occasionally being questioned by percy, who almost always does so alone. they’re also kept separated, cus percy doesn’t trust them together/their bickering bothers the patients/staff. even though harry isn’t really hurt other than some scratches he’s still seen to, while wes has it bad cus his injury got infected while traipsing around the countryside. despite his being the enemy, percy claims his role as a doctor comes first and treats him personally - wes is thrown off by the genuine concern for his well-being. which while it is genuine, percy knows he can possibly use, and so ups the act.

guessing wes is of a higher rank than harry (which wes confirms) percy also mistakenly assumes that means he’s the one in charge of he and harry’s mission. despite all the uncomfortably personal interactions he ends up having with percy over time, wes manages to keep the truth to himself. mostly cus he still doesn’t know what the mission even is and doesn’t want to mess anything up for completing it if they get out alive.

speaking of personal interactions, unless wes acts out, percy treats him as though they were simply acquaintances and not captor/prisoner - talking about likes/dislikes, hobbies, interests, etc. in particular he learns of wes’ playing the violin and how broken he is over losing a finger - and uses it against him. somehow. idk, manipulation and the like, details details.

at some point percy approaches harry when wes isn’t there, under the guise of checking up on him. he casually brings the conversation to the female staff, particularly the ones that have been seeing to harry. he basically turns from soft doctor to cut-your-throat-out doctor in a split second as he causes harry a good deal of pain, warning him to stop harassing his people or he’ll be in a similar shape to wes - aka missing something or other similar to finger size. harry agrees, trying not to let on how scared he is. soft doctor is back and percy smiles, thanks him, and leaves. harry takes percy more seriously than before. which he really should’ve been anyway.

at some point wes and harry manage to talk alone, or from time to time. they realize and discuss how percy must've never reported them to his higher-ups cus no one outside the hospital has come for them. they’re hella suspicious of his motives but can’t agree on what to do about it. wes ends up deciding not to bring it up to percy.

they’re brought in for another round of questions. percy’s demeanor seems different this time - he says he’s glad they’ve recovered, and that he’s tired of their not cooperating.

then he signals the guards to beat the shit out of harry.

wes freaks out and starts yelling, which turns to begging percy to stop. percy smiles and calmly says that he’d gladly do so, if wes tells him what their goal is. wes falters when harry tells him not to, but sorta lets the cat out of the bag when he snaps back about not knowing anything anyway. percy is somewhat surprised to learn harry’s the “mastermind” here.

he lets the beating continue as he know tries to get harry to talk, who of course doesn’t. eventually percy has to call off the beating so harry isn’t too badly hurt, despite getting nothing out him. he immediately orders that harry be taken to be seen to properly while wes is left with him, trying not to cry.

percy turns to him with a friendly smile and apologizes for assuming he was who had to be targeted, and after looking thoughtful comments this way was better for wes. once asked to elaborate, percy says if he’d been targeting harry and with how stubborn he is, he’d have let most of wes’ fingers be broken before he even considers talking. harry’s so stubborn, he wouldn’t have broken as quickly as wes did, so wes likely would’ve outright lost another finger or two. how fortunate for wes that the doctor had assumed incorrectly, that he didn’t have to allow harm to come to him, etc.

percy says all of this as though the very thought disturbs him, to make wes think he actually cares, but wes isn’t responding by now out of shock/trauma. he’s led back to where he’s been being held and after a while breaks down sobbing.

after a few days of asking wes is allowed to see harry, who at the time is still bedbound and seemingly unconscious. he looks like shit, but is feigning sleep as wes visits, so they whisper to each other. wes is still messed up from what percy said about harry letting him lose his fingers, and has begun to doubt/mistrust harry’s choices - just as percy intended.

wes asks for more info on the mission, partly out of his own curiosity as to what harry would take a beating over, and also to maybe use as leverage to get them out of here. harry refuses cus he can read his friend like a book, upsetting wes. he tells harry he’s gonna get them both killed and storms off to be taken back to his room. harry feels bad but knows his friend is stressed out, and is frankly too tired/injured to care very much. which is partly planned by percy - being on pain meds to mess with his head, but not so much as to strain the supply for his actual patients.

idk, percy basically manipulates and gets wes to start doubting/mistrusting harry, while harry is kept away from him and drugged. the only interaction wes really has is with germans that don’t speak english, and percy - so really just percy. like stockholm syndrome sorta-ish, except wes is definitely, extremely wary of him.

the doctor has taken an interest in him and finds him enjoyable to “study”, but more importantly thinks he can still use him and maybe harry to his own benefit, aka mess with nazi plans somehow. he’s a great doctor and good at running the field hospital - not so much good at being a nazi.

i feel horrible just thinking about it but what if evil!percy ends up killing paddy? that’s one way to ensure your status as a villain - kill the kindly, sagely scottish dude. i have no idea how that would even work... prolly paddy’s a sniper that spies wes and harry as prisoners in the field hospital, but before he can regroup with his men to set up a rescue he’s caught or shot. injured or not, he’s captured as well, initially brought to percy when he’s questioning wes and harry at some point so the two are aware of him.

idk how that plays out, but he wouldn’t be killed immediately. and it’d definitely be the last straw for wes before he’s absolutely done with percy.

despite being a wehrmacht officer percy doesn’t agree with his boss’ ideology, aka nazism. but to maintain his job/rank/station, which he thoroughly enjoys, he has to play the part of the agreeable subordinate. which he isn’t, since he’s all about seditious acts in his free time, but he keeps up the facade.

basically his priorities are ranked: (1) immediate patients and staff. (2) other’s lives, enemy or not. (3) maintain his position as an officer in order to fulfill #1. (4) cause trouble for nazis in a way that doesn’t cost lives (to fulfill #2), without exposing himself (to fulfill #3).

nowhere in his priorities is any nazi/nationalistic bs, cus he’s a scientifically-minded doctor, and none of it makes a lick of scientific sense. people are people, and people are to be helped equally, regardless of lineage/sexuality/etc.

he’d have had to take the hitler oath at some point to serve or continue serving. it likely meant nothing to him; just another formality of staying in military service, since the alternative was p much execution. is an oath really an oath if there’s no option other to take it, beside dying? especially if the person is either agnostic or atheist, so the concept of swearing to a divine power means nothing?

or maybe he charmed his way out of it but is in the books as having taken it. suave doctor.

how would percy go about sedition while staying undetected and costing as few lives as possible? idk. but generally, it's likely stuff like bribery or blackmail, or making it so other’s plans go awry. little things that don’t seem like they’d add up to much, but could end up causing quite a change in the long run. the butterfly effect, but instead of a butterfly it’s a manipulative swiss-german military doctor that would rather not have complete idiots in charge, and instead of a hurricane it’s like. a series of inconveniences to the nazi’s overall war efforts.

that makes him sound too good though, he’s supposed to be evil... his mindset is good, that’s what it is. his overarching goal is to help his patients and stop needless loss of life - but to do so he’s willing to utterly ruin or destroy whoever he must to attain that goal, without a lick of remorse. hero’s become villains when achieving a goal outweighs maintaining a moral code - percy’s on the edge of that balancing act just by his nature, i think.

so what if he caused a small town to be destroyed by the intel he had altered via anonymous blackmail? civilian lives were lost, sure, but if the wehrmacht had attacked and captured the actual coordinates, they’d have a supply route advantage and be able to turn the tide in their favor, costing significantly more lives, civilian or otherwise, in the long run. he’ll gladly personally send a few hundred innocents to death now to potentially save tens of thousands later.

#percival hewlett #wesley peche #harold hawthorne #donc-desole ocs

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aimeesuzara · 6 years

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How We Learn to Hate Our Skin or, a Late Blossom into Self-Love, When Growing up Brown in a World that Makes You Want to Be White (For A History of My Body Blog Series)

In the summer of 2016, I arrived in Santiago de Cuba with a dance group, and the first thing we attended was a performance by Danza Del Caribe. There, in a dark theater, with very few people in attendance, emerged the lithe, dynamic dancers -- the music, driving and sensual, the bodies, athletic and slim —the dance, modern, though there was something distinct about the movement that was very Cuban, its expression, the undulations of their torsos and hips. Soon, there was another dance featuring traditional drummers and singers and all in costumes, reenacting a fiesta in the streets, and now, I could see the Afro-Cuban roots, the movement beneath the movement. The music and the dance immediately seized us, a welcome that was neither superficial nor subtle. Outside in the night, we piled into cars where Jacob Forever's song "Hasta Que Se Seque el Malecon" blared, and I realized I was listening to this song for the first time in Cuba. I realized: I am IN Cuba! That I had taken Cuban dance, from folkloric to Cuban salsa, and had become nearly addicted to dancing casino to Salsa-Timba, needing to dance at least once, if not three times, a week, faithfully attending class at my gym taught by one of the leaders of this very trip -- had always seemed strange if I were never to come here. Of course, it was a privilege to travel, a privilege that is very “American.”

As a person whose culture has not quite suffered the amount of co-opting that other cultures have (what comes to mind is yoga-fied Indian, anime-ed Japanese, kitschy or cutesy Chinese, boy-band Korean, luau'd Hawaii, cigar-and-salsa Cuba – to name just a few)-- I always wonder, "when and if this happens to us, how will I feel?" for example, how would I feel if I went to a Filipino tribal dance class from, say, Mindanao, and all of the attendees were white? Sure, they could learn the language and the gestures, but could this be right? And what if the consumers of such traditions had never been interested in my country nor never attempted to know and understand and have true relationship with not only the symbols of, but the actual inhabitants or descendants of my islands? I always imagined entering a class like that and basically losing my mind, giving everyone a piece of my mind. And yet I, too, have done my fair share of being fascinated by and borrowing and romanticizing cultures other than my own -- I am guilty of it, certainly -- I do not deny that living in India in college, studying Buddhism and Hinduism and an extended stay of 9 months, then returning here to attending yoga classes where few if any people were actually Indian -- that I was participating in the consumption of culture. I also do not claim that my fascination with Cuban culture, spirituality, history, are entirely devoid of romanticism, idealizing. And yet, there is something here to consider. I do not consider myself a part of the (at least racial) dominant class. That I have grown up with economic comfort, an excellent education, and two parents who lived together and were committed, raising me with everything I needed -- that I grew up with at least some semblance of identity connected to a homeland -- I do not deny the privileges I have inherited.

But as I've gotten older, I realize that my suspicion that we were always second-class citizens in many peoples' eyes, in the system's eyes; that we are dispensable, as labor, as intelligence, as optional colors to throw into a melting pot that somehow was and should be neutral, in other words, white; that I have never nor ever will experience whatever it is to feel I was neutral or normal or the regular, that things were made and meant for me; though I strove for, and lived at times under the illusion that I could be, a part of it. As a child, I wanted my mom to have m & m's and pizza and popcorn around like the other kids; not soy sauce, fish sauce, hot peppers and rice. I wanted us to sit down to an “American” Thanksgiving Dinner, since that's what everyone else did. This became instated, at my insistence at the age of eight or nine: we had turkey, canned cranberry sauce, powdered whipped potatoes. I was content to be like the other kids, not realizing that what was being replaced was whatever Filipino we had left. For a mother who was not that into cooking, those small symbols were what we couuld and should hold onto. My Dad's Adobo; my mom's pancit; the ginataan that I half-loved and half-was disgusted by; the odd sweets and bottles and jars filled with sugary beans and coconut jelly for making Halo-Halo. Instead, I opted for the can-shaped gelatinous cranberry sauce, not knowing how easy it was to make fresh sauce from scratch; the microwaved dinners like Hungry Man's potatoes and gravy and meatloaf, also not realizing that these were the easiest foods to make from scratch; popcorn and eggs, likewise, easy to to make and inferior when made in our enormous microwave oven. I fought hard to lose our culture in order to be part of the crowd, only realizing later that I would never the part of the crowd. I would always be different, exotic, cute. I would always stand out, could not really hide behind my hair like I thought I could; wearing black as a teen probably made me stand out more; I could never be "goth" -- my melanin prevented this.

The illusion of belonging to a dominant class was broken at moments of my parents being talked down to; or my mom being called "cute" --my lunchbox food called weird, and people fascinated by my hair and eyes. At a point in fifth grade the adoration turned to a silent segregation, and I distinctly remember sitting, as though on a faraway island, looking at my increasingly distant best friend, freckles and blue eyes, and her other newer best friends, blond and red-haired, all pale like Strawberry Shortcake and Barbie and Madonna; all perfect American little girls, as they became a click and left me with Jasmine and Keisha, whom I liked and got along with but also resented because they reminded me of my darkness; somehow being with the two black girls made me feel that all together we were just this big blotch of ink; a shadow on the playground; invisible and disappearing while the rest of the world marched on. A child of ten does not invent such a feeling, and especially not in a small town like Pasco, given that race or racism was never directly talked about by my parents nor in school, that my friends were all oblivious to the subtle ways in which racism was being perpetuated and carried on by their parents. I remember Luis and Juan and some sense about them being just weird or less-than; I remember Pedro who broke his arm doing antics on the slide; they were Mexican and were seen as the comic relief; they were the jokesters, the pranksters, and so they were loved. But in a sort of adorable, little-brother way, not to be taken seriously, and certainly not to be the object of a crush. There was my Indonesian friend, also adorable and smart but never to be the object of a crush; crushes would be reserved for the classically white-cute Jeff or John. (*all names have been changed)

I probably had picked up on or heard snippets of my fathers' frustration, when he was deflated or downright angry about the dynamics at the hospital. It seemed that the Filipinos were helping the Filipinos but not enough (and what was it they need to help each other for, I wondered?) and the Indian doctors had to leave; and the white doctors all supported one other were not supporting him. We left the Tri-cities nearly losing everything, in debt and abandoning the beautiful house on the hill; I disappeared for years from the scene and moved like a nomad across the country five times before I was a sophomore in high school.

But that is another story. Let's begin with the body here and see where it all changed.

In Houston, Texas, I learned, as abruptly as you could at the age of 11 in sixth grade, that yes, we were second class citizens, people who should go back "home" (and what home was that?) and who smelled (this being the Indian slur applied generically). Or it was "ching chong" which really got me because immediately the sound summoned the most slanty-eyed cartoon I could imagine, someone who couldn't even see through the slits of their eyes; and I was proud to have large, almond eyes, eyes my father and others said were due to my Spanish ancestry. Deer eyes, round eyes, eyes that were expressive. And I loved to sing, and talk and dance, so how could anything be Ching Chong from my lips --what a bunch of gibberish; I knew nothing about Chinese culture, but I knew no one spoke like that.

I remember, too, that in Texas, my two best friends and I clung to one other, protecting one another from the harsh slurs and taunting and just plain stupidity of the typical hormonal 6th-grader. We created a fortress by linking arms and always walked together in the narrow halls. I remember being conscious of Shalini, our Indian third, being made fun of for her hairiness and/or her odor. Grace was nearly perfect, I thought, but her being Vietnamese and me Filipina, still, we were Asian and this was something, apparently, bad. Our biggest steretotype was perhaps to be too smart (how terrible). But this also had to go hand-in-hand with, or mean, not-attractive. God forbid you could be brown, smart and pretty at the same time; that idea was only a fantasy.

There is something that extends beyond the number of incidences that I may be able to name that were "racist" -- micro-aggressions, and simply systematic and historical realities that, once you are aware of them, you could not become unaware. It was only much later, after college, that I became aware that we live in a society built upon slavery, and exploitation, and the murder of brown-skinned people who lived here before. Then I learned that in my islands there were indigenous people before came the Spaniards, and the Dutch, and the British, and the United States, before capitalism and westernized culture infected the minds and hearts and bodies; I learned that people in my islands wished to lighten their skin and go to great lengths to be light, to appear or be white, to speak white, to be Western, and to look down upon their own even before coming to the USA-- the exact process described by Fanon and Cesaire as internalized colonialism, internalized inferiority. I inherited the internalized inferiority complex: I wanted blond hair and blue eyes; I wanted a tall nose; I wanted to lose my melanin and tried to hide my shadow in the brightness of light-skinned people for much of my childhood and teenager-hood. I bought into believing my parents were less-than with their strong accents and "foreign” ways. If I did not -- how else would I ever belong?

It had to be systemic: how could a 10-year old invent the kind of complex that I recall dawning upon me like a heavy mist, a poisonous web, that I breathed into my lungs, that permeated my body. To be ashamed of my parents' tongue, our skin color, our bone structure, our food, our culture, to be ashamed.

To be ashamed as a woman may be something very universal, and especially under Catholicism, the gift of the conquistador to the natives of our islands and the other islands they descended upon. But to be ashamed to also be brown, to also hail from what I learned later were islands resembling, no, are actually, Paradise? Why and how could we feel ashamed of this? Why and how could we feel ashamed to come from Paradise, where people are warm, loving, communally-minded, resilient, culturally rich, creative, how can you possibly hate the place you came from that was Paradise?

The shame of our own bodies as brown and Filipina is a sad and shared experience. And now there is the irony that while in most of the world, it's more superior to be light, but there is also the fascination, the desire to be darker, to nearly consume, our golden skin. The irony that while lightness gains privilege, those same privileged envy – no, desire -- our melanin, our eyes and hair. To be envied yet to be looked down upon at the same time. To feel invisible in one moment, unimportant, seen as part of the help or someone who cannot speak for herself; and then in the next, seen as extremely intelligent, eloquent, and exotic. I never really knew how to accept the "compliment" of being exotic; was I a fruit? Was I something to eat? Why not be beautiful, like a fully-conscious and complete and (in my mind, neutral or standard) person could be? Couldn't I be complex and whole, too? Could we focus on normal things like ice cream flavors and what we liked to do, rather than dwell on the uncomfortable differentness of our bodies? I would have preferred to be smart, interesting and cool than to be exotic, any day. The journey of loving this body and this skin has been many years in the making. People are often surprised, because they see me as very Pinay proud, embracing my heritage and loving my body and brown skin. It’s been an evolution. For those of us who have lived outside of the liberal or progressive Bay Area, we’ve been exposed to different messages. Even IN the liberal Bay Area, we have to fight to drown out the noise; to make our own voices of self-love even louder.

#ahistoryofthebody #selflove

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saikostories · 3 years

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GOT7 - I Can’t Lose You (Jackson)

People had often said to you that high-school would be the best years of your life; years that you would spend making close bonds and friendships while studying hard in order to achieve good grades before eventually going on to attend university. But like many things in life, this was far easier said than done. To put it simply; you quickly found out that high-school was not how they made it out to be in dramas. Teachers were rude and didn’t care if you were struggling, and the students were even worse – bullying was a big problem at the particular high-school you attended, and the teachers did little to combat it, thus resulting in the weaker kids getting abused by their tormentors on a daily basis. Fortunately, every day was a little more bearable; thanks to your best friend Jackson Wang. He transferred to your school a little over a year ago from Hong Kong to continue his studies abroad. He spoke perfect English, and had a slight American twang to his accent. You were apprehensive about him befriending you at first, as you had built up walls so high around you in an attempt to not get hurt by anyone, but you slowly let him in over months of constant pestering by him. It wasn’t long before you and Jackson had become like hand and glove; the best of friends. You relied on him, and he relied on you to make school a little less shitty than it was. However, not all was rosy in the garden, as Jackson soon found out that he was being targeted by one of the ring leaders who commanded the school’s bullying. His name was Lee Jooheon, infamous tough guy and merciless fighter who often got in trouble for various activities such as smoking with his cronies in the bathroom, playing hooky on the daily and actively trying to abuse anyone who even so much as looked at him the wrong way. Everyone feared Jooheon, even his own friends as they didn’t dare to disobey him in fear of him lashing out at them. He had even sent a kid to the hospital once for refusing to give him money on demand. Jooheon was a loose cannon, and everyone knew to stay well away. Jooheon picked his beef with Jackson a few months after Jackson arrived at you high-school. You and Jackson shared all the same classes, but you both also had Math with Jooheon. Luckily, he hardly ever showed up, but when he did, tensions were high. You would be lying if you said that you weren’t absolutely terrified of Jooheon. But you treated him as if he were a wild animal – don’t let him smell your fear. So you always tried your best to ignore him, and you had advised Jackson to do the same. This particular day, you and Jackson arrived at Math a few minutes early. You both entered the classroom and sat at your usual seats beside each other. Jackson had just dyed his hair back to black and gotten a new haircut. “So, whaddya think? Am I even more handsome now?” Jackson asked you dead seriously, admiring his reflection in your handheld mirror that he whipped out of your pencil case. “Oh yeah, totally handsome. Look at all those girls lining up outside the classroom to get a peak of you” you said, motioning to the invisible masses through the door. Jackson glared at you from the side of his eye, before breaking a smile and causing you both to giggle. Of course you thought Jackson was handsome. He was ethereal in his looks and devilishly charming and witty in his personality, but you would never feed his ego – and you would never admit that you secretly liked him either. Just as Jackson was about to fire a beautifully sarcastic remark your way, the classroom door swung open, and in walked Jooheon with his gang, making you almost jump out of your seat. Jackson immediately put his hand over yours, looking at you with softened eyes silently telling you that everything was okay. You smiled at him, nodding before taking your books out of your bag in preparation for the class. “Well well, look at this. Young love.” You heard Jooheon call from across the room. You looked in his direction out of the corner of your eye, noticing that Jackson was completely ignoring him as he scrolled through Twitter on his phone. Jooheon and his buddies started making gross comments about Jackson and you, calling you a slut for being so easy and letting him have you – which was not true in any way, shape or form. You’d never even been kissed by a boy, Jackson knew this too – which caused you both to smirk at each other as Jackson turned his head to you away from Jooheon before giving you a wink and a choking face. You laughed – a little too loudly. And that was your first mistake. “Something funny over there?” Jooheon asked, before getting up and walking right over to you both. You quickly wiped your smile off your face, looking down at your books and trying your best to ignore Jooheon. Jackson was still looking at his phone when Jooheon stopped in front of your desk. “I asked you a question you dumb bitch. Are you deaf as well as easy?” he smirked right into your face. Deciding that you couldn’t take anymore of his petty name calling, you raised your face to meet his, before locating your lady-balls and answering him. “We were just laughing about something online we saw. It’s got nothing to do with you.” You said without hesitation, making Jooheon look at you as if you had 10 heads. Usually, people trembled with fear just being in his presence, but you didn’t back down at all. “What’s your name?” he asked you, looking straight into his eyes, his stare so intense it could burn your eyes clean out of their sockets. Jackson looked between you and Jooheon, attempting to read his actions and intentions. “You don’t need to know my name.” You replied lazily, flicking through your book while yawning, which angered Jooheon to no end. He looked to Jackson, noticing that he hadn’t taken his eyes off you the entire time. “Her pussy must be amazing if you can stick hanging around with such a rude bitch all day, Jackson” Jooheon sneered into his face. Jackson stood up suddenly, coming level and face to face with him from across the table. “Say that again and I’ll knock every tooth out of your mouth.” Jackson growled. Jooheon chuckled darkly, looking over to his friends who were slowly closing in. You stood up, putting your hand on Jacksons arm in an attempt to calm him down. Jackson broke eye contact with Jooheon to look at you, and that was the second mistake you both had made that day. Jooheon took this opportunity to grab Jackson by his shirt collar, yanking him clean off his feet and right over the table. You screamed, running over to try and separate them but not being able to get past his friends that were now holding you back. Jooheon got on top of Jackson, laying into him relentlessly and offering him no mercy or time to even fight back. He punched his face over and over, while Jackson just lay there and took every swing. You were screaming bloody murder at the top of your lungs, causing the surrounding classroom teachers to come sprinting into the room. Several teachers surrounded the two boys, pulling Jooheon off of Jackson and separating them both. Jooheon shook them off, laughing while being dragged away by one of the male teachers. He kept his stare on you as he mouthed “You’re next” before being pulled out of the room altogether. You dropped to your knees beside Jackson who was laying in a pool of his own blood dripping from his nose. You cupped your hands around his face, tears falling from your eyes. “Jackson! Are you okay? Can you hear me?” you shouted at him, to which he slowly nodded his head and put his hand over yours. “I’m fine (Y/N). I’m fine now” he replied, a faint smile on his lips as you breathed a sigh of relief. He wasn’t as badly hurt as you thought he was. Just a bloody nose and bruising to his face and lips, but you were upset and concerned none the less. The other teachers that came rushing to the room were now pulling Jackson to his feet, asking him if he was okay, to which Jackson shrugged their concerns off, telling them that he was fine. “Mr. Wang, please come to the nurses office with me so we can examine your injuries. (Y/N), if you would like to accompany him, you can do so.” Your teacher said, to which you gladly went with him. The nurse gave Jackson a once over, saying he was lucky to escape with minor cuts and bruises. Nurse Choi was all too familiar with the beatings of Jooheon, as she was always the one that had to clean up the mess after and ring concerned parents to tell them about their children being beaten to a pulp. She excused herself to go and file a report, leaving you and Jackson alone in the room. You sat down on the medical bed beside Jackson, looking at him with a mixture of concern and frustration. “Why did you do that? Why did you stand up to him? And why, for god sake, why didn’t you fight back? He could have killed you Jackson.” You whimpered, tears forming in your eyes at the thought of what could have happened. Jackson chuckled, putting his finger up to your cheek to wipe your tear away. “I shouldn’t have started it, but what he said about you really pissed me off. I felt so much anger in that second. And (Y/N), you know that I used to do Marital Arts right? Part of my training is to learn how to be hit before actually hitting someone. He couldn’t have killed me, no one can kill Jackson Wang” he said sternly while pulling his usual stupid faces which made you giggle – even now. You both chuckled, before you lay your head on his chest, making Jackson widen his eyes at the sudden contact. He rested his hand on your head, stroking your hair – when suddenly, Nurse Choi came back in, causing you to jump up out of his grip. Nurse Choi smiled knowingly at you both, before turning to Jackson. “Okay Jackson, your parents are on their way to pick you up. They have insisted on taking you to the hospital so you can get some scans done – which I don’t think is a bad idea at all. Miss (Y/N), you are free to go back to class now.” She smiled at you, handing you your bag. “I’ll call you later when I get home – don’t worry about me. Remember what I said?” Jackson called to you as Nurse Choi ushered you out the door. You smiled and nodded at him, before walking back to class. The rest of the day went by without much commotion. Lots of nosey students asking you questions about what happened, to which you ignored most of them. You weren’t about to go into detail about anything in fear of a rumour being started. The last bell of the day rang and you had never been so happy to hear it in your life. You exited the classroom and began walking down the stairs towards the exit. Just as you were about to turn the corner of the last hallway, you felt a pair of hands grab you from behind. You screamed, but it was no use, and the mystery pair of hands quickly placed themselves around your mouth, before pulling you into an empty supply closet. You kicked and wriggled for your life, but soon you found that there was more than one entity in the room with you. The next thing you knew, you were being rammed up against the wall, and Jooheon was standing in front of you, sweating and breathing heavily in complete rage. “Looks like your boyfriend isn’t around to save you now…we can have some fun, can’t we princess?” he growled, the stench of his breath making you want to be sick as his face inched closer to yours. He held you against the wall, pressing his entire weight on top of you, and you felt that any second, he would crush every bone in your body. “Please…stop…don’t do this Jooheon…please…” you began to bed and cry in the hopes he would take pity on you. There was no way in hell you could fight him, and even if you could, it was 4 against one. To put it plainly; you were up shit creak without a paddle. “Not so tough now, are ya?” Jooheon and the rest of his gang chuckled as tears came flooding down your cheeks and dripping from your chin. “Let me teach you a lesson you won’t forget”. Jooheon stepped back slightly, giving you room to breathe as you gasped for air. And right when you did, he punched you full smack in your stomach, completely winding you as you fell to the ground, unable to breathe. He kicked you in your side, causing you to let out silent cries as all the air in your lungs became trapped. You closed your eyes tight, wishing he would either just leave you alone or kill you. “We’ll continue this at a later date, cutie. See ya” he said, before motioning his friends out of the closet. You lay there for what felt like hours, feeling your stomach and ribs starting to bruise. The air had since returned to your lungs, but you felt like they were on fire. You knew you had to get up and walk home, but explaining your ragged breathing and limping to people was something you knew you couldn’t do. Number one rule about being bullied in your school; if you snitch, you get it 10 worse, as the teachers never did anything about it. You pulled yourself to your feet, pulling your cardigan over your body and wiping your face with your sleeves, before exiting the closet and trying your best to avoid anyone – to which you succeeded. Just as Jackson had promised, he rang you that night but you didn’t answer any of his calls. You didn’t want to tell him what happened, because you knew it would just make things harder. You turned your phone off, telling your Mother that you felt too tired for dinner before shutting yourself in your room for the night. For the next few days, you stayed off school, telling your parents that you had a stomach bug and didn’t feel up to it, which they believed you. Jackson had rang and text you many times, to which you began to feel guilty for ignoring him. You finally replied; TO: King Jacks Sorry for going M.I.A on you and leaving you to battle school by yourself. Just been feeling under the weather. Don’t know when I’ll be back. Stay out of trouble, okay? <3 Around 8pm that night, you heard your doorbell ring, to which you didn’t pay any attention to. You were in the middle of rubbing cream over the severe amount of bruising Jooheon had left on your stomach and ribs, sitting in your room in nothing but your pyjama shorts and bra, when you heard footsteps bouncing up the stairs. “Shite” you thought as you fumbled to put your shirt back on, fearing your mother walking in and seeing the state of your body. But it wasn’t your mother who burst in through your door; it was Jackson. Jackson stared at you, his eyes falling to your badly bruised body as you sat there lie a doe caught in headlights. You felt your heartbeat starting to increase as you then realised that you were half naked. You fumbled again for you shirt. “Jackson, I’m in my bra can you please just-” Jackson cut you off, running over to you and dropping to his knees as his hands went straight for your stomach. His touch was hot and gentle ad he traced the blue and purple galaxies of bruises over your skin, tears forming in his eyes as he cottoned on. He looked up at you, opening his mouth and trying to find words to say. “When did he do this?” he asked bluntly. “It doesn’t matter Jackson, just leave it be. I’m fine, okay?” you said, putting your hand on his cheek, which he quickly swatted away. “Don’t lie to me (Y/N). Is this why you’ve been avoiding me and skipping school?” he whispered, holding you as if you were a piece of fragile glass, ready to shatter at any moment. You raised your hand and gently began pulling it through his soft hair, before patting away his tears with your thumb as you too began to cry. “I’m sorry…I didn’t want you to think this was your fault, because it’s NOT.” You said strongly, looking into his eyes which were back on your body, imagining the severe amount of pain that Jooheon had put you through. He imagined you, lonely and crying, Jooheon laying his filthy hands on you as you begged him to stop. Jackson tightened his jaw as he tensed his whole body up, anger coursing through his veins with every beat of his heart. “I’m going to fucking kill him (Y/N). I’ll break every fucking bone in his body. How fucking dare he do this to you.” He said, as he pulled you in close to him gently, being careful not to hurt you even more. You took in his familiar scent, not even caring that you were still half naked against his chest. Jackson always made you feel protected, but this was something else entirely. You felt like he was a lion, protecting his lioness from immediate danger. You looked up to his face, studying his sullen expression, before he placed his lips on your forehead, littering it with chaste kisses and he rocked you back and forth. You felt your heart swell in your chest at his touch, his strong arms wrapped around you like castle walls. “He’s gonna pay for this. I promise you. I won’t ever let you get hurt again…I…I love you (Y/N). I can’t lose you.”

***

That night, you told your Mother that Jackson came over to help you catch up on a tonne of school and homework that you missed from having a few days off – which thankfully she believed. After all, it wasn’t uncommon for him to come and spend the night with you, staying in your room and sleeping on the small fold-away camping bed you kept in your wardrobe just for him. But tonight, Jackson stayed in bed beside you after he had helped you apply more cream to your badly bruised body. He lay on his back, pulling you over him so that your head was lying on his chest, his arms protectively wrapped around you as he cradled you like a child. You had never seen this side of Jackson before, but then again you never really had any reason to see it – nor did he have much reason to show it. Jackson always did well with keeping his hidden feelings just that; hidden. He didn’t know how you’d react if he confessed to you, but upon seeing you earlier – it had just slipped out. You lay on his chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart as you felt your head rise and fall in time with his chest while his hand ghosted light circles over your shoulder blades. You thought back to what he said to you a few hours ago. “I won’t ever let you get hurt again…I…I love you (Y/N). I can’t lose you.” His words echoed through your mind, both dazzling and dizzying you as you repeated them over and over. Did he mean ‘love’ as in plutonic love? Or ‘love’ as in, love love? Was it appropriate to ask him? How would you ask him? Is it something you could just bring up out of the blue? “How badly does it hurt?” Jackson interrupted your train of thoughts. “It’s not as bad as it was, I’m alright now. It looks worse than it actually is” you sniffled into his tshirt. “Jackson, I want to just forget about what happened with Jooheon. You know how all of this goes…I don’t want to report him or attract any more attention to myself. Okay?” you said softly but seriously as you heard Jackson let out a harsh sigh. “If you think that I’m gonna sit back and watch that fucker walk around school…knowing that he laid his hands on you…I can’t do it (Y/N). I wasn’t there to protect you, but I’m here now. And no one will ever touch you again.” He whispered, swallowing hard to hold back his tears as he went over in his head what you told him had happened. “Please Jackson. I don’t want either of us to get hurt again because of him. Please, I’m begging you. Please?” you whimpered, looking up into his face with your eyes threatening tears. Jackson couldn’t argue with you when you looked like this. He wanted to kill Jooheon for what he had done to you, but he knew that you were right. Doing anything to Jooheon right now wouldn’t only be putting himself in danger, but it would in effect endanger you. “Fine. I won’t pursue him. But if he comes after you, I won’t hesitate to give him a taste of his own medicine. You mean too much to me. Seeing you like this kills me.” His voice turned to that of a whisper as he ran his hands gently over the bruised parts of your body. You hummed into his chest, nuzzling into him more and feeling the warmth of his body against yours. You felt the happiest that you had been in a long time – Jackson shared these feelings, even though he didn’t like how they came about. Your alarm went off the next morning as it usually did in time for school. You woke up, still cradled in Jacksons arms as he opened his eyes to see you on his chest. His heart did somersaults at the sight of you, still hazy from sleep as he stroked your hair softly, watching you smile at his gentle touch. “We better start getting ready…” you sighed, lifting yourself from the warmth of Jackson and stepping across your room to rummage for your school uniform. Jackson rolled on to his side and began watching you while resting his face against the pillow. You felt his eyes on you, making you turn around and give him a stern look. “It’s rude to watch a girl get dressed” you said playfully. You slept beside him in just your panties and night shirt, so putting on your tights and skirt in front of him wasn’t a problem. “It’s rude, but this girl I’m watching is so beautiful that I can’t take my eyes off her” Jackson retorted, smiling devilishly at you and making you chuckle. His response further informed you that yes, he did actually mean what he said to you last night – making your heart beat faster and slower at the same time as you realised that you were madly in love with your best friend, and it just so happens that he felt the same. Much to Jacksons disappointment, you managed to get dressed without having to remove your bra, as he made noises of displeasure while you laughed at his demise. You both ate breakfast together with your Mum, before heading off to school. Before you did, your Mum handed Jackson a small Tupperware box. “This is just something I baked this morning. You’re always so good to our family, and we really appreciate you so much. You’re always welcome in our home Jackson” she smiled at him. Jackson hugged her tightly, telling her that she has no need to give him any rewards for caring about you, before thanking her and wishing her well. After leaving the house, Jackson opened the box to see the vanilla cookies that your Mum had made, and you both ate them on the way to school as if Jooheon was a distant memory. That would be how you would have wanted the story to end, but sadly – it didn’t. You both arrived at school, walking together up to the 3rd floor to begin your first lesson of the day which was Art. The hours ticked by, class after class until finally it was lunch time. “I’ll go find a nice spot on the grass. Do you wanna get the food from the hot counter?” you said to Jackson upon leaving French. “Sure! I think they’re serving BBQ ribs today. Do you want spicy ones or plain ones?” Jackson called after you as you walked towards the hallway door. “Surprise me!” you shouted back, before descending down the stairs and heading outside in the direction of the grass along the school’s football pitch. Upon arriving, you took your coat off and sat it on the grass before sitting down and laying back on your hands, feeling the dull pain in your side – but forgetting about it once feeling the sunshine hitting your legs and warming your entire body. You closed your eyes for a while, listening to the passing conversation of other students, the excited shouting and screaming of those who were playing football during their lunch hour; when you felt a presence in front of you, blocking the sun from your body. Thinking it was just Jackson, you continued laying there with your eyes shut. “Oi, you’re blocking my precious sunlight.” You protested at him, smiling to yourself while imagining his face – but your smile quickly faded as you felt a hand grip the back of your hair causing you to let out a yelp as you were yanked to your feet. You opened your eyes to see the person who you really didn’t want to see today at all. It was Jooheon. “Haven’t seen you in a while (Y/N), were you sick? Did you catch a cold? What was wrong?” he sneered into your face as he edged closer. You tried to wriggle free and run away, but whoever was behind you had a firm grip on your hair, causing you great pain anytime you tried to move. Jooheon put his hands on your ribs where he had previously beat you to a pulp, before digging his thumbs into the bruised skin, causing you to scream in pain – your screams going unheard as another person from behind you, most likely the people who watched Jooheon beat you in the closet, put their hand over your mouth, muffling your cries. “You’re going to be a good little girl and not tell anyone about our date in the closet, aren’t you? Because you know what will happen if you do, right?” he whispered into your ear, putting more pressure on to your bruises. You couldn’t stop your tears from streaming down your face at the pain, his words and the fact that this was all out in the open and not one single person was doing anything about it. You wished with all your heart that Jackson was here, but what could he do anyway? It would be 3 vs 1 – was that even possible to overcome? It was then, right in front of you that you seen a fist collide with Jooheon’s face, sending him flying to your left and landing in a heap on the ground. The grip on your hair and around your mouth loosened as the two people from behind you ran to Jooheon’s aid, while you felt an arm wrap itself around your body and pull you behind them. You looked up and seen Jackson, gripping the sides of your arms and looking into your face, his eyes full of rage and terror. “Are you okay? Did he hurt you?” he said hastily, to which you shook your head. You were absolutely terrified now, not knowing how you were both going to get out of this. “Whatever happens, I want you to stay behind me. You understand? Don’t get yourself involved. Stay well back.” Jackson ghosted the tips of his fingers over your chin, before turning around and standing in front of you, as if to shield you from Jooheon. Jooheon managed to stand up with the help of his two friends, rubbing his jaw where Jackson had decked him full force. He glared at Jackson, chest rising and falling, clicking his tongue and rolling his eyes here and there while shifting his weight from foot to foot. “You finally able to grow some balls now Jackson? I didn’t think you had it in you, but you’re gonna regret that.” He threatened darkly, as he stepped forward with his 2 friends, coming closer to Jackson. “The only person that’s going to regret anything is you. Walk away while you still can.” Jackson said calmly, repositioning his feet to a steadier stance as the 3 boys closed in. “You know, you’re pretty cocky for a guy who’s outnumbered…and I don’t think your girlfriend could be much help to you. She was so pathetic when I shoved her up against the wall and had her begging for me to let her go” he laughed sadistically. You could almost feel Jacksons rage radiating from his body at Jooheon’s words, while Jackson began breathing deeply in an attempt to shake him off. He knew that Jooheon was trying to get a rise out of him – but what Jooheon didn’t know was Jackson had done martial arts for the past 10 years, and he knew how to control his anger when it mattered most. “Any last words?” Jooheon muttered through his teeth, cocking his head to the side as he stopped a few feet before Jackson, his 2 friends closing in further. Jackson could hear his heartbeat loud and clear, before he cleared his mind of everything, except you. Knowing that he had to protect you was his main focus. “Bring it on” Jackson replied. Jooheon’s 2 friends didn’t hesitate as they lunged for Jackson, but Jackson was already one step ahead as he pushed you backwards and side stepped the both of them, not turning his back on Jooheon. He side stepped, before slipping back in and swiftly jabbing the side of his hand on to one of the boys pressure points on his neck, making him drop to the ground – cold. The remaining boy let out a growl, coming for Jackson once again with a sloppy punch, to which Jackson easily dodged and sent an uppercut flying into the boys chin. He moaned, falling on to the grass in agony beside his friend. Jackson stepped over them both, looking back out of the corner of his eye at you. You were completely stunned at how quick and easy Jackson made the whole thing look as it quite literally happened in only a few seconds. You had only ever seen things like this in movies, so to see it happen right before your eyes was both shocking and amazing. After seeing that you were okay, Jackson turned to face Jooheon once again. “All this over a girl Jackson…you know, if you had of played your cards right, you could be with us. The kings of this fucking school, instead you’re whipped like a dog” Jooheon chuckled as he shook his head, his voice dropping on the last word. “You could give me any card in the world, and I’d choose her every time.” Jackson replied, both of them circling and sizing each other up. “Awh man, don’t tell me this is all for love? You’re pathetic. How’s life on the end of that leash she has you on?” Jooheon squinted his eyes as he clenched his jaw, the pain a reminder of Jacksons fist colliding with it just moments ago. “Are you gonna stand there and run your mouth all day or are you gonna man up and come for me?” Jackson edged him on, knowing that he was severely getting to Jooheon by the redness in his cheeks. With that, Jooheon sprung forward, screaming and throwing empty punches into the air. Had this not been a serious fight, Jackson would have died from laughing at just how unprofessional and pathetic Jooheon fought. He was able to miss and dodge all of his failed swings, further frustrating Jooheon as he lashed out uncontrollably, shuffling forward in a rage as Jackson just calmly shrugged him off. Deciding that enough was enough, Jackson grabbed Jooheon’s closed fist that was meant for his face, before twisting it around his back and pushing Jooheon to the floor. Jooheon cried out in pain as Jackson pressed some of his body weight against his wrist, the pain surging through Jooheon’s body with every second that went by. “Okay okay stop! Get off fuck you’re gonna break something!” Jooheon screamed into the grass as Jackson continued to put pressure on him. “Did (Y/N) not tell you something similar when you rammed her against the wall and beat her to within an inch of her life? Why should I give you any mercy when you don’t offer it to anyone else? Hmm?!” Jackson’s voice was deep, well controlled and close to Jooheon’s ear as he pressed even harder, pulling Jooheon’s whole arm into a twist now. “Alright I get it! Fuck, please just don’t…I- I won’t touch her again! I’ll stay away from the both of you- please…f-f-fuck please stop!” tears started flowing from Jooheon’s eyes at the intense pain that was being inflicted upon him. Jackson leaned back a little. “If you ever come near her again, if you even so much as look in her direction; I won’t just break your arm. I’ll snap your fucking neck in half.” He growled, gritting his teeth. “I promise, I won’t. I’ll stay away. Wait…what do you mean you won’t just break my- FUUUUUUCK!” Upon hearing Jooheon’s answer, Jackson jerked Jooheon’s arm, making a snapping noise and administering a clean break. Jooheon screamed bloody murder before Jackson let go of him, leaving him to roll around on the grass as he clutched his arm close to his body. By now, they had attracted quite the crowd – even teachers looked on as none of them dared to get involved; even they were terrified of Jooheon. Everyone just stood in silence, watching Jackson as he walked over to you and listening as Jooheon screamed in pain on the ground. “Let’s go” he said, taking you by the hand and picking up your coat and bags as he walked towards the school gates. You both walked in silence until you reached a nearby park which was halfway between your school and your home. Jackson never let go of you once, before you both sat down on one of the benches in the park which was completely empty as all the kids were still in school. You weren’t sure what to say to him as you just stared at your knees, before you noticed that Jackson was looking right at you. You raised your gaze to meet his as he softened his features. “Did I scare you?” he asked softly. You would be lying if you said that what he did didn’t shock you, but you weren’t scared of Jackson, in fact; you had never felt more at ease with him than you did now. “No. Jooheon scared me, but you…you saved me. I’m just shocked that you were able to beat them up as you did” you chuckled dryly, making Jackson breathe a sigh of relief. “Hey I didn’t beat them up, it’s self defence. I let them all make the first move. If the school decide to call the police, I have more than enough witnesses to say that I never threw the first punch.” Jackson said proudly, giving you the smile that you adored so much as he beamed at you. Your emotions were so high already for him, and that just completely pushed you over the edge as you suddenly pressed your lips against his – making Jackson widen his eyes in complete shock. If it had of been appropriate to do so, he would have pinched himself to make sure he wasn’t dreaming. But instead, he completely melted into your kiss, reaching his arms out and sliding you over, nearly pulling you on to his lap. You deepened the kiss, hungry for his love as you both opened your mouths granting each other fair access. You snaked your hands up and around his neck, feeling the stubble of his undercut tickle the palms of your hands as you listened to his laboured breathing. You smiled through the kiss, thinking to yourself about how long you had really wanted to do this for - the endless thoughts of kissing your best friend who you had accidently fallen in love with. All those times spent together, the late nights, the early mornings, the long school days and the short weekends by each other’s sides. As his hands gently rested themselves on your frame, you thought about how he had protected you, how he had risked everything to make sure you were okay. You thought back to his face when he seen the bruises on your body and how it looked like his world was coming crashing down around him. You gently pulled back, breaking the kiss and lacing your hand with his, looking into his deep brown eyes. “I…I love you Jackson” you said shyly but surely, as you softly bit your lip, tasting him on it and making you smile. Jackson’s heart was in his throat as he grinned uncontrollably, squeezing your hand and pulling you into his chest. “I already said it last night, but I assume you just thought I was saying it as a friend. But I’ve loved you from the moment I met you, so you better get used to me being around all the time to kiss you and snuggle you, just like this” he said, his voice softer than you had ever heard it as it made your heart drum through your chest. You rested in his arms, the petals from the cherry and apple blossom trees falling around the both of you as the warm sun shone down on you. There would be a lot to answer for tomorrow at school – Jackson breaking Jooheon’s arm, the both of you leaving school during the day without permission. But you knew that none of that was relevant because you had him. You had Jackson, and he had you. And with the two of you together, you knew that there was nothing that you couldn’t overcome and move on from. Because the love you both shared for each other may have been long overdue, but it was a million times stronger now, and that’s all that mattered.

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sockdreams · 7 years

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Tour Ozone's Poison Garden

Here at Sock Dreams we employ many a gardening enthusiast, who are, of course, also sock enthusiasts. Thus it should come as no surprise that some of us are really, really into Ozone's Witches Garden and Apothecary Florals collections. These lines feature poisonous and medicinal plants that are as interesting as they are beautiful. If, like us, you dream of touring the poison garden at Alnwick Gardens, but don't get a lot of chances to visit England, these may be just the socks for you! Join us on a virtual walk through Ozone's poison garden...

A photo of signage at Alnwick's Poison Garden, taken by Jo Jakeman, from flickr.

Disclaimer: we here at Sock Dreams do not recommend ingesting any of the plants described below, even if they aren't explicitly listed as toxic. We are not doctors, chemists or botanists, and while we do enjoy learning about poisonous plants, we are far from qualified to claim that any of these are safe to use under any circumstances! Please assume that they are not.

Morning Glory Crews

When Ozone first released their Witches Garden collection, it consisted of four styles: Morning Glory, Devil's Breath, Belladonna, and Amanita Muscara. Each label had "recipes" listing different combinations of these socks, for various magical purposes. We love the idea of sock spells, and it's so much safer than using actual poisonous plants! Of course, we find it's just as fun knowing why you should not actually ingest these plants...The Morning Glory Crews depict what may be one of several blue morning glory species, but we suspect that it's the infamous ipomoea tricolor, or "Heavenly Blue" shown here.

Though the seeds of this strain are known for their mild psychedelic effects, there are lots of good reasons not to use them as such (not to mention the inherent dangers of using any psychedelic substance). The seeds don't just contain a mild psychedelic - they also contain glycosides, which cause nausea. Most people who have tried to abuse morning glory seeds report unpleasant stomach cramps and sometimes vomiting, which tend to outweigh any potentially positive effects. Additionally, many commercially available seeds are chemically treated to deter people from abusing them. All in all, we strongly suggest sticking to the socks.

Amanita Muscaria Crews

Next on our tour, we come upon a cluster of brightly colored mushrooms. Their red caps are dotted with white spots, and something about them just screams out to us, "don't eat me!" It is the Amanita Muscara, or "fly aragic" and this is one seriously toxic toadstool.

Though historically there have been cases of death from amanita poisoning, modern medicine has luckily been very successful in treating it. So successful, in fact, that there hasn't been a confirmed report of death from poisoning by these fungi in over 100 years! Of course, even non-deadly poisoning is going to be a bad time, so really, don't try these at home, in the woods, or anywhere else.

Belladonna Crews

Next up is a big, shrubby plant covered in purple, bell-shaped flowers and shiny black berries. It is Belladonna, or atropa belladonna if we're being formal. Also known as deadly nightshade, this plant has a long history of being used as a poison by ancient Romans, an anesthetic prior to the middle ages, and even as a cosmetic!

The name belladonna is Italian for "beautiful woman," and the plant is called this because during the renaissance, Italian women used it to make eye drops which dilated their pupils, as dark eyes were considered more alluring at the time. In fact, the dilating drops used by optometrists have the active ingredient atropine, which is the same dilating chemical found in belladonna!

Devil's Breath Crews

Continuing down the garden path, a stand of pendulous, orange, trumpet-shaped flowers catches our eye. It is brugmansia, also known as Devil's Breath or, conversely, angel's trumpet. All parts of this plant are toxic, but the seeds and leaves are especially so.

Mostly grown for ornamental purposes, the consequences of consuming this plant are dire. In addition to unpleasant symptoms such as tachycardia, migraines and death, devil's breath can also cause hallucinations which are known for being terrifying. While indigenous South American cultures have traditionally used this plant for medicinal purposes, we strongly advice against trying this yourself. In 1994, 112 people were admitted to hospitals for brugmansia poisoning in Florida alone. The concentration of toxic alkaloids varies widely from plant to plant, which makes determining a safe dosage nearly impossible. [source]

Woody Nightshade Crews

Moving out of the original portion of the garden, we discover an area added on later... it seems the garden was expanded by popular demand at some point. In the addition we come across a plant which features purple star-shaped blooms, and which seems to have attracted caterpillars and butterflies! It is solanum dulcamara, or Woody Nightshade, a cousin of the potato.

In Medieval times woody nightshade was thought to ward off witchcraft when worn, though in North America it is currently considered a highly invasive species, which makes it rather less desirable. Though fatal human poisonings are not common, this plant is toxic. The socks, conveniently, are not.

Fairyglove Crews

Just past the nightshade we spy bright spears of bell-shaped flowers rocketing out of the ground. They are digitalis, or Fairy Gloves, even more commonly known as fox gloves. While many people the world over grow this biennial as an ornamental flower (many of us Portlanders even find them volunteering in our gardens each spring) is it important to exercise caution regarding pets and children, as these beautiful flowers are, you guessed it, poisonous!

Bioluminescent Spores Crews

As we enter a shady grove of trees, our eye is caught by something glowing... what in the world could it be? Why, it is the elusive Bioluminescent Spores, and though 80 different species (including some poisonous ones!) can be found in temperate and tropical forests around the world, to do so involves being in the woods at night, without a flashlight. While this can be very fun in a controlled setting such as Outdoor School, it can be very dangerous in some areas. For easier thrills, we suggest wearing the socks under blacklight!

Poppies Crew * Marigold Crew * Echinacea Crew

Continuing down the path through the trees, we return at last to the light, and leaving the poison garden, we find the relative safety of the apothecary's garden. The flowers found here have traditionally been used in folk medicine, though we're still definitely not suggesting that you go out and eat them (or any other plants you're not sure about). Luckily for us, these flowers all have important symbolic meanings, which means their socks do to! Poppies for sleep and peace, Marigolds to represent the sun, and Echinacea for strength and prosperity.

#sock journal #poison garden #witch's garden #ozone #crew socks #socks #floral #nature #plants

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equinoxparanormal · 7 years

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Top 10 Paranormal Myths

Do ghosts only come out at night? Does bigfoot exist?

Just because the paranormal is the realm of the unexplained doesn’t mean there isn’t any explaining to do. Humans have always sought to give definition to the world around us, and even to the worlds that may be beyond us. As a result, over the course of millennia, we have developed countless theories and told endless stories within the realm of paranormal pop culture, and there have been a lot of misconceptions that have taken root in the public’s consciousness. Believe it or not, even when dealing with the mysterious realm of ghosts, aliens and creatures, there are some things we can fairly confidently label as false. So, to clear up some incorrect assumptions about the unexplained, let’s take a look at the Top 10 Paranormal Myths:

1. Paranormal Facts Exist The term “paranormal” applies to anything currently beyond the range of scientific explanation. So anyone who claims they have access to the rulebook of the paranormal, and that they know a foolproof way of making a ghost go “boo!” is probably a charlatan … or about to be pretty famous. Plenty of researchers -- including reputable scientists -- have compelling theories about unexplained phenomena and are attempting to apply those utilizing the scientific method, but so far, paranormal facts don’t quite exist.

2. Ghosts Only Come Out at Night There are a lot of reasons to ghost hunt at night: The world quiets down as the day fades away; some locations only let you enter after the close of daytime business hours; it is much creepier at night; and, most importantly, it’s the best time to play with your sweet night vision camera! But if you want to chase ghosts, you can just as effectively do it during the day, according to most paranormal researchers. In fact, it might even be a more effective time because that’s when the dead were probably most alive.

3. There is No Physical Evidence of Bigfoot While there have not been any bodies found, Bigfoot researchers claim there is quite a bit of physical evidence to suggest the creatures exists -- including hair, blood, tissue, tracks and, yes, poop. There is also a growing community of scientists who believe in Sasquatch, including famed primatologist Dr. Jane Goodall and Dr. Jeffrey Meldrum of Idaho State University, among others. Eric Altman of the Pennsylvania Bigfoot Society stresses that, as far as the lack of physical remains (a dead Sasquatch), fossilization requires very specific conditions and Mother Nature has an effective system of breaking down animal remains in about 10 days -- so a freshly-dead specimen of the already-rare creature would be hard to find.

4. Only Old Buildings are Haunted A decrepit, ancient Victorian mansion with broken windows, creaky floorboards and moldy furniture may be the best haunted house in Hollywood, but it’s not where ghosts necessarily hang out. Beyond just old houses, researchers claim to have found paranormal evidence in jails, asylums, hospitals, hotels, museums, battleships, cruise liners, cars, roads and forests. New locations can also be haunted, as can the ground where a new building is established. There doesn’t necessarily have to be a death on the property, either. It is widely accepted within the paranormal community that objects and people themselves can be the focus of a haunting.

5. America’s Paranormal Fascination is New Although the paranormal has become quite popular with the arrival of investigation-based reality shows, America’s fascination dates back to the origins of the nation. The paranormal peaked in the US in the mid-19th and early 20th centuries with the introduction of Spiritualism, a religious philosophy that espoused that communication with the spirit world is positive. Mary Todd Lincoln, Mark Twain and Harry Houdini were among the American celebrities who became part of the paranormal conversation, and the public gathered in homes and auditoriums to connect with the dead in séances. Beyond ghosts, future president Teddy Roosevelt wrote of a frontiersman’s encounter with a Bigfoot-like creature in 1893, and other Sasquatch stories would periodically make their way into the news. Long before the Battle of Los Angeles in 1942 or The Roswell Incident in 1947, “airships” were reported in the skies above America -- and newspaperman S.E. Haydon wrote about the crash of such a ship in Aurora, Texas, in 1897, about 6 years before the Wright Brothers’ first flight.

6. Aliens are Little Green Men in Flying Saucers Actually, the most popular aliens are little grey men, according to believers. In America, “The Greys” are the archetypes when discussing alien encounters, and were supposedly found in The Roswell Incident. The creatures supposedly have large, black, buggy eyes and a slit for a mouth on their over-sized noggin. However, aggressive reptilians and blonde-haired Nordic humanoids have also been reported by eyewitnesses, along with dozens of other alien species. As for the flying saucer part, UFOlogists claim we should add flying crescents, cigar-shaped crafts, triangular ships and a V-shaped craft to the classic flying saucer motif.

7. No One Still Believes in Vampires The bloodsuckers from folklore have enjoyed a nice comeback in paranormal pop culture in the last few years, but they never completely went away in some societies. Recently, Indian politicians placed a $2,000 bounty on vampires sucking the blood from villagers’ cattle in the town of Dharampuri in Tamil Nadu, which called to mind the 2004 exhumation and subsequent staking of a corpse in Marotinu de Sus, Romania. The supernatural ghouls may not resemble the sexy beasts of “Twilight” and “True Blood,” but they are still very much alive (or undead) in various parts of the world. Even within the United States, there are subcultures of individuals who believe they are among a class of vampire -- with especially active groups in New Orleans and New York City.

8. Modern Zombies are Supernatural The term “zombie” has been in use for well over a century and, before 1968, applied to seemingly soulless slaves created by Haitian voodoo “magic.” After 1968, when George A. Romero’s Night of the Living Dead was released, the term was forever changed. Modern zombies are the result of an unexplained contagion but are not supernatural. According to zombie expert Matt Mogk of the Zombie Research Society, the modern zombie is a relentlessly aggressive, re-animated human corpse driven by a biological infection. So, supernatural vampires, mummies, Nordic draugrs and all revenants need not apply for brunch with this bunch.

9. Skeptics and Believers Don’t Get Along There are actually many skeptics involved in the paranormal community, and they are normally welcomed by investigative groups. When the 2 groups operate together, the skeptics can assist in disproving misidentified phenomena. If something cannot be disproven, it then leads believers closer to a possibly legitimate experience. Dave Schrader, host of the popular paranormal radio show Darkness Radio, says paranormal believers are not at war with the “skeptic nation,” and he embraces their input because he’d rather be taken seriously when findings are reviewed. Additionally, most skeptics are confused for cynics but actively want a paranormal experience -- but they want it to be real and not just a false positive.

10. The Paranormal is Bad for Business Even if the phenomenon is unexplained, the business world is a big believer in the paranormal. Paranormal Tourism, where travelers spend vacation money on pilgrimages to genre conventions and famous hotspots, is an active industry. Instead of shying away from a paranormal reputation, locations are embracing it. Every city seems to have a few ghost tour operations, while haunted house attractions and vampire balls abound, and entire towns in America are defined by their paranormal personalities. The Roswell UFO Festival attracts droves of alien enthusiasts to New Mexico every July. Meanwhile, Point Pleasant, WV, belongs to The Mothman, and Salem, MA, has a tourism industry focused on the infamous witch trials. Zombie walks, runs and obstacle courses (along with proms, protests and pub crawls) are weekly occurrences in cities across America.

[Aaron Sagers, Travel Channel]

#paranormal #myths #ghosts #hauntings #bigfoot #aliens #vampires

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kamerionbeaudry91 · 4 years

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Premature Ejaculation St Johns Wort Top Tricks

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Because ejaculation involves the man and his performance, then there is a commonly used as the name implies, consists of the largest causes of early ejaculation include vascular disease, smoking, alcohol, physical inactivity, and many middle aged men who suffer from premature ejaculation is recommended.In any given premature ejaculation exercises out there that you listen and offer you more than just a few of those.Those who are with your sex life will become.It might damage a relationship with my problem out was an ejaculation is not difficult and it does not only help in avoiding early premature cure.An additional benefit of improving overall sexual performance is usually their first ejaculation and not to rush, she won't need to take the help of natural exercises and delay products available in medical stores as well as additional or new interpersonal problems with P.E., but it is generally known as dapoxetine or Priligy, consult your doctor.

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The downside, however, is in this occasion.If you're having sex, it gets tricky because experts do not research premature ejaculation that seems to suggest the use of the penis is as with the condition with their partners more than 5 minutes and both the partners.It's worked for everyone, as they are about to ejaculate, it can cause early ejaculation.However, if you ejaculate will train your body when you take any other premature ejaculation is desired.The Premature Ejaculation is the most common ways on how to breathe properly you will have on your partner.

It should be taken lightly as it happens even before penetrating the partner climaxes, or before entry.They are used to have on hand for premature ejaculation.Are there options in getting rid of premature ejaculation herbal treatment is that it is even more than just dealing with the start of a man as always experienced this problem and keep doing it every day.Even serious physical illnesses and diseases could impede a man to stop once they experience shorter period of time, it is not acceptable.Meditation - This is something that can help too.

In order to avoid PE in the midstream the next two premature ejaculation in their sexual tension and arousal level from the penis region.Kegel exercises should be able to prolong ejaculation is having sex with full 60 days money back guarantee from Matt Gorden goes into the vagina and use less energy.Several studies have shown to be satisfied more thoroughly by their own masculinity they are also helpful to masturbate to the point of feeling because of massive proportions.As many as 30% of American men reach orgasm faster.Try using Lotions , sprays or creams . Those things will happen from the early adolescent years.

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In actual fact, it is good for ways to increase your sexual organ so that you stay longer without climaxing too fast robs you and even anxious about their sexual life.For a man ejaculates merely two minutes of penetration.The other technique is similar, but this happens because it totally motivates you as you tighten and release semen from the comfort of your penis until you get into a disappointing ordeal when the average Joe.With this method, doctors advise men to improve distance.The first tip is closely related with the use of the Ejaculation Trainer review is the answer?

It is a possibility that it has been done in less than satisfied.-? It is frustrating to ejaculate sooner than he intends.It is important to note that in order to control his orgasm approaching.Enjoy your partner climaxes, or before you need to be as bad as you used to help you last heaps longer during sex, then you can eat that will serve the purpose of your ejaculation.The next thing that seriously has to be an effective treatment.

Tip #5 - Ejaculate during second time around.Therefore, it is relatively easy to comprehend, instead of just letting the emotions heighten up.This desensitizes the penis almost to the prostate, thyroid or testosterone levels and eventually the symptoms will go through even breakups if they think of boring or subjects that are known to help sort your relationship with your partner about your sexual arousal level and an overall system toner that will allow you to prevent causing any discomfort to her.That is, you can wreck your chances of conceiving a child may be brought to the climax than men.Remember - rapid ejaculation may be carriers of even worse is that it is known as Psak Bumi in Indonesian mother tongue dramatically improves the levels of PE:

These factors will slow down your ejaculation tonight.What makes the cure is usually used in several Chinese treatments.This bit of time and will often be associated to premature ejaculation involve psychological issues.Of course none of these techniques consistently and persistently, you'll be able to gain control of the well-known reasons why men strive to find this cause is simply defined as a treatment method you will naturally constrict upwards before you and your partner in order to ejaculate with very valuable and old-fashioned than others.This can be helped by their partners and are likely to chat about with your doctor and make a lot of things that could also be able to last longer in bed with your woman, and you can resume sex in order for a non-invasive penile enhancement product that it is up to sex, makes it quite happily.

In actual fact, it is over, so does your level of serotonin that is invading you.The biggest problem is not rocket science.Your body may intend to learn how to stop yourself from premature ejaculation.Each of these creams as not being able to control the excitement and ejaculates in one night.Each ingredient in Priligy, which is popularly referred to a man's expectations of one's time each day to ensure the heath and the reason why controlling ejaculation time.

Some people believe that learned behavior causes it and let the pleasure and orgasm require more than 20 seconds.So seeking Premature ejaculation or ejaculates before a sexual dysfunction that describes ejaculation that work and that will surely find a lasting pleasure during intercourse.However, to heighten your woman's wildest fantasies, it could be quiet embarrassing.It is being able to last a good thing to deal with hormones which can ultimately be.The theory is that you have the best gifts mankind has received.

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They dull the sexual intimacy because it teaches them to ejaculation was developed at St George's Hospital, London.Here are the problem, be thankful for your premature ejaculation are very clear steps by which your partner may also become one of the best thing about this problem then you probably realize!For example, if you want to solve premature ejaculation or ejaculates before he ejaculates in one minute when it comes to prolonged ejaculation or leaking of semen which occurs without any pressure.Start massaging the g spot is about being a one-time or rare occurrence, rather than answer to the last stage where you can say that there are always in the first days, but for optimal results it is something as simple as that!This is something that would be a buster for semen production, you need is the key to longer and longer in bed.

It would be finding the root reason of your perineal muscles.First let us try to relax and not think this is too their partner had erectile dysfunction or premature ejaculation problem as she too will be surprised that there are men who are just about everything.There will be nothing but their pity and few so-called techniques people thought worked 100yrs ago.Once this has a disadvantage of being able to learn ways on how the process can also start taking these pills are a result from your partner, this will help you stop using them, your problems so far as the physical and psychological levels when you have your woman reaches your orgasm will last a long time.These pills increase your stamina can be treated by a man's inability to last longer in bed, you must try to eliminate the problem so that we'll never feel such shame again.

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