#your abuser just told you that

[canisalbus]

As a survivor of abuse I relate to Machete so much. I've always felt unclean for no reason except being told I was unclean, and it made me feel worthless or revolting by default. Like, no matter what I did I would be filthy and unpleasant to be around.

Seeing that he can be loved, makes me feel like maybe I could be loved too.

.

#abuse is one of those things that can strongly warp your perception of yourself and the world around you #if you're told you're a bad person often enough (especially by someone you should be able to trust and rely on) #you start to believe it yourself #even in the absence of any proof of that being the case #sometimes you're able to view the situation objectively and come to a rational conclusion that you're not #uniquely awful/ugly/stupid/sinful/worthless #you're just a normal person and you have been brainwashed to resent yourself for your imaginary flaws #it's still really difficult to free yourself from that way of thinking once it has taken root #it's not impossible but it is a test of perseverance #in the beginning it just feels like you're lying to yourself when you make the conscious effort to fix the damage #and think of yourself more kindly #sorry that got off track #answered #anonymous

[uncanny-tranny]

One of the great things about fiber arts (at least to me) is that... you outright own the things you make. It's hard for me to comprehend actually owning something, and that's that. The item you have created doesn't need to come with strings attached (pun intended).

In a world where you are constantly buying things but not owning any of it, truly, it's such an odd experience to actually have ownership of your labour, time, and love like that.

#art #fiber art #crochet #honestly that's how i feel with my blanket still #like i don't own my subscription to spotify or the games i virtually purchased fullprice (which. why)... #...but when i get my yarn and i use the crochet hook i have been abusing a little i OWN the things it and i make #that's honestly kind of intimidating to me because i haven't truly felt i owned anything. like not even my life. it's a problem. #i just got some pretty yarn to use for a cardigan. they told me to use acrylic but i can't wear acrylic and i like cotton #<it's insane that i can just Decide to not use the pattern recommendations. like that's still crazy to me #anyway fuck capitalism and adopt a craft if you can #it's SUCH a freeing experience and it will make you feel crazy once you know what it feels like to actually own your labour. lol. #like it doesn't matter WHAT craft it is. could be knit. could be wood burning. could be abstract car manufacturing... #...as long as you can do it safely to your standards and you are satisfied and fulfilled with it then it can change you. let it change you.

[rebellum]

I feel like... Perhaps... Arguing that transphobia is defined by murder and that anything other than murder doesn't even matter... May NOT be conducive to fighting for trans rights.

Like... people want the right to exist as they are. They want to have access to hrt and surgeries and prosthetics. People want access to clothes that fit them and reflect how they want to be seen. People want access to medical care (eg. Getting screened and treated for sex-based forms of cancer can be impossible if you have the "wrong" sex listed to receive those tests). People want to be respected and treated well. People want to not be sexually assaulted and beaten and abused. People want to have access to housing and jobs, and the protection to not lose those things for being trans. People want access to shelters for homeless people or survivors of domestic abuse. People want name changes.

Acting like all of those things don't matter because at least they weren't murderered by an individual (and instead die of suicide or state violence, or survive and suffer) isn't okay.

#'hey people are forcibly detransitioning you and raping and beating you and you lost your job and are going to be homeless and #probably die of infection from being stabbed for trying to go to the bathroom. but at least you arent part of a demographic that has a #higher murder victim rate! shhh just ignore that we dont actually have data on the murder rate of your group.' #do ppl like. forget state based violence exists. and that thats most violence minorities face. #idk man im just. mad about people on here acting like youre only oppressed if youre a perisex trans woman who was AMAB. #cause i exist at the intersection of multiple minorities and being told hey u experience violence but at least you wont be murdered by an #individual feels like a slap in the face. #like it doesnt matter if i have to mask my neurodivergent behaviour bc if people see they could assume im on drugs and call the police and #i could potentially be really hurt but not die but hey at least i wont die just be horrifically traumatized by police brutality! #there are millions of people with mental illnesses similar to my own around the world who are institutionalized and forcibly medicated or #living on the streets or dependant on horrifically abusive caregivers #but hey at least they arent being murdered! #like. the way the transphobia discussion on tumblr rn discusses (and doesnt discuss) race and ability and class and health makes me #feel very invisible. #like if people had to choose who to believe about my experiences between listening to me a black/mixed mentally ill maybe disabled (used to #be disabled) hella nd trans nonbinary person #or listen to a white middle class trans woman's take on my experiences that theyd choose her. its such a weird weird microcosm. #its like a monkeys paw like people are finally listening to trans fems and finally recognising the violence they experience and finally #actually caring about them but for some reason decide that in order to do that its necessary to throw every other minority under the bus #like fuck man have you seen how 'anti transandrophobia truthers' discuss race? its NOT okay #we all matter we all are so similar and are part of the same groups and same communities we need to stick together #stop using trans fems as a battering ram to hurt other minorities challenge #cause like. yes its some trans fems. but its mostly NOT? #like its non trans fems telling other non trans fems that they arent oppressed #and even when many trans fems are like what the fuck dude of course other trans ppl matter whats wrong with you #the group of like 80% non trans fems 20% trans fems are like 'hmm if you are defending other trans people you must not really be trans fem' #like. denying trans fems their identity bc they disagree with them?? dude someone doesnt stop being a trans fem cause they recognise #people other than trans fems matter and exist #its just all so WEIRD its a weird little tumblr microcosm #i wanna stress. for those of you who dont have access to other lgbtq+ communities. how much it seems to be primarily a tumblr thing. to

[oceanwithouthermoon]

unpopular opinion for this area of tumblr, beware+also abuse talk warning

admittedly, all the super casual bashing of saikis dad makes me really uncomfortable, like i dont totally disagree but i wish we didnt just all do it in the middle of other completely innocent headcanoning 😭 its never tagged or warned..

my personal opinions on kuniharu are not as extreme as some are on here, like i think he sucks but i dont think hes a genuinely bad person, he was just thrown into a situation he didnt know how to handle.. he reminds me of those parents who prepare to have a baby and get pregnant on purpose, but then the baby has a disability and suddenly, everything changes.. because they didnt prepare for this unlikely scenario, but it happened anyway, and now they have to figure out where to go from here.. kurumi and kuniharu BOTH made mistakes and didnt handle their genius/psychic kids in ways they shouldve, but its because they werent prepared for it

#i think im mostly just trying to point out how people pretend kuniharu is the devil and kurumi is a saint #but did kurumi ever defend her kid? no.. she treated him in a similar way.. #shes a great mom imo but she really isnt much better than him and if youre gonna bash him you kinda have to bash her too #and do you think she ever told kusuke off when she emotionally abused her other son and called him a monster? no #she didnt #and eventually kusuke turned to physical abuse #because she never tried to tell him it was wrong #and yk what #i dont really think kusuke is a bad person either #i think he learned all of his crappy coping mechanisms from their parents #but he took it way further #nobody else hurt kusuo like kusuke did #physical abuse is never excusable but both kuniharu and kusuke think kusuo is above that kind of thing #they think he's invincible so it doesnt matter #which obviously isnt true but thats kinda also what he WANTS them to think.. so.. #so all three of them kind of suck but its because their situation sucks #lmk if u disagree cuz i think we should hear each other out #saiki k #tdlosk #kusuo saiki #the disastrous life of saiki k. #kuniharu saiki #kurumi saiki #kusuke saiki #meows post

[itzsana-kiddingmenow]

a wild sana was spotted in a cafe eating donuts and drinking coffee with her dad a mere hour after he beat her to the floor.

update: he gave me my first motorcycle lesson on the way home 😭🤚🏻

#sana's vents #i swear i love my dad but he seriously would have killed me if my mom hadnt stopped him #thank you mom #the one time i appreciate you literally barricading my body from my dad #HUGE VENT sorry people #gave me a freaking anxiety attack i was literally stuck in my room hyperventilating #i guess i was being a brat tho #you told your sister to stop annoying you??? yeah lets just beat you until your arms are red and bruised #hurts like a bitch #sorry about the vent i need to talk somewhere #DISCLAIMER #i love my dad and mom #but ppl tell me theyre abusive #i think theyre asian hahah #not funny

[martyrbat]

so many of you talk about the cruel adults in your childhood that negatively effected you and caused lifelong insecurity yet you're still perfectly fine with being that mean stranger to any kid that has the misfortune of existing around you and thats just really gross !!!

#like i get kids can be overwhelming for a various amount of reasons but its not going to kill you to treat children with basic human decency #adults can be just as overwhelming or annoying—if not more. yet if you talked to an another adult the same way you do to a kid #then ppl would fucking hate you and not want to be around you because youre not being cool and witty—youre just mean!!! #everyone has experienced the frustration of being a kid being mistreated by an adult. some more than others #rather its ignoring your bodily autonomy (from sa and assault to hugging you when you don't want to be touched to not letting you #make your own harmless choices like a haircut or whatever). everyone has been talked down to or had their opinion treated like its nothing #or that their thoughts or input doesn't matter. everyone has a childhood experience with a mean or judgemental adult #yet over and over ppl are fine just repeating that cycle of abuse and hatred #like youre a young adult and youre still getting treated like shit by older ones. but youre able to have a drink or you graduated or smthn #so now you feel like you earned that right to be judgemental & angry & mean to a group of people that didnt fucking do anything to you #anyways. this is because im sick and had to go to the store to get groceries and meds #so its a 20 minute walk to the nearest store in 108 degrees bc i dont have gas money and then in the store im ofc using a face mask #like im sweaty and feel disgusting and like shit but this kid was SO fucking excited about his spiderman toy and wanted to talk and #his mom said ‘i told you no one wants to hear about that crap leave her alone’ and like?? no fuck off let a kid be happy?? hes not fucking #doing anything wrong?? so we talked and he showed me the little tiy that lights up and asked if i saw the new spiderverse movie #and i told him i havent! so he asked why so i explained i have photosensitivity and what that means and why i cant see it #(‘even though i heard its super cool!’) and HE WAS SO SWEET... like immediately hid the toy because oh! flashing lights can hurt me! #and then immediately said dont worry because he'll tell me about it so its like i saw it instead! #and like. guys imma be honest with you. i stilm got no fucking idea what this movie's plot is. #but you bet your fucking ass i was pretending like i was following along & was going ‘no way!’ ‘so it's a parallel universe...?’ ‘oh wow!’ #like yea its unnecessary. i felt oike i was gonna collapse and im still struggling to breathe at home now. but also i been the kid #who just wanted to talk about my interests and no one wanted to or was dismissing it. #i know it's not a end of the world deal but i also know that crushing feeling. you gotta be the kindness you want to see in the world yknow #anyways. be nice to kids or im not going to be nice to you. they're one of the most vulnerable members of our society and deserves kindness

[irithnova]

Meeru be fucking original challenge LMAOO

Idgaf that this is overkill. Not only is this person an idiot for saying "Cancel culture is boring" "it's people like you who make the fandom toxic" even after I gave a whole ass LIST of the things Panda did and provided screenshots, her content is just as embarrassing. You're seriously going to block me on main for literally no reason, but then go ahead and lift ideas from me and pretty much word it in almost the same way I did, and then SELF ADMIT nearly every problem about your OCS without me even saying anything other than "orientalist", blame me for "not telling you about it :(" when you had me blocked (not my responsibility to help you out especially after you blocked me. Strange how you blocked me once I stopped talking to Panda too! I'm not stupid! There's a reason why you did this and a reason why you're defending Panda even after I told you what she did!), and then you unknowingly admit that I make better content than you by suggesting I have access to better resources.

I'm not rich in the slightest. A lot of my resources, especially about Siberia, I got for free online as academic papers. I do have a collection of books on Mongol history but that did not happen overnight. Not my fault you for some reason aren't seeking out those free resources yourself. Don't try and guilt trip me by bringing up money and personal issues because I'm literally working class and I have many personal issues myself! In fact quite a few of these issues were exacerbated by your bestie Panda, but you clearly didn't care and just called it boring cancel culture and spun it on me to make it seem like I'm the toxic one instead of the literal racial supremacist who objectified me for months!

So embarrassing

If you can't even condemn racism against an actual living Northern Asian when it's thrown in your face, everything you post about your Northern Asian ocs and Northern Asians in general is disingenuous as fuck ! Your whole blog is tainted 😂

#Meerudraws #Siberiaverse #Mongolcore #Potaxiepower #My refs #No pity of abuse excusers #Cry some more about me ruining your Christmas #Glad I ruined it after you CHOSE to post that braindead take bestie ! #If you didn't want your precious holiday ruined maybe you shouldn't have CHOSEN to engage on Christmas day at all! How does that sound ? #😂 #Waiting for more of pandas crew to come out and embarrass themselves defending bet #*her #People will post the most RANCID takes but because they think they worded it nicely then they must be sooo above everyone else #And automatically right #No your take is absolutely nasty as fuck ! #Brushing off the fact that your bestie victim blamed someone for being assaulted as a child ? #Straight up told this dumbass that panda was racist towards Northern Asians and even gave a sc #Of her saying that manchurians should be genocided #But yes I'm just a dumb libtard participating in muHhh cancel culture amirite? #Anyways this Christmas was great for me 😊 #Meerus only counterargument is that she didn't even read the doc and that it was “weird how it came out around Christmas” LMAO #No its but weird. Panda was sending more of her posse to harass mango early December #And THATS when we decided enough was enough #It took some time because it's fucking draining having to go through screenshots #Of panda hurling racial slurs #and genocide rhetoric at people #This took a LOT of emotional labour #No one planned for it to be released on the 24th #But PANDA definitely planned chatting absolute bollocks to people about what happened ! #And sending people to harass mango ! Meeru shut the fuck up challenge !

[a-passing-storm]

Those were the big things, but I--OH MY GOD WAIT! Also, the way The Last Wish very plainly but not obnoxiously talked about toxic masculinity and how it’s good and okay to be vulnerable with other people and ask for help and be scared. Like! Oh My God!

#puss in boots #the last wish #puss in boots: the last wish #puss in boots spoilers #ngl it also... stung a little personally bc the obvious thing the whole time was like 'tell your friends that death is trying to kill you!' #and puss was having a panic attack and shit and it reminded me so much of me with my trauma and seeing my abuser everywhere #except that for me when i told my friends they didnt give a shit and left me alone with my abuser and told me that its a 'you problem' #it didnt really make me mad at the movie though it just made me pissed at my (ex)friends #its so frustrating that at a time when i needed support from the people around me those people sucked #anyway i also liked that it showed how perspective can... how for puss he was just running from death and fear #but to his friends it looked like he was running away from them #i felt that it both acknowledged that how his friends felt was valid and reasonable and also that his reaction was valid and reasonable #and that giving people second chances is good and healthy and you shouldnt cut them off after one mistake #idk i just felt this movie had a ton of nuance and talked about big emotions in a very good and productive way

[rubiesintherough]

.

#(( ooc. )) #venting tw #negativity tw #gonna try to do some writing today but motivation is real low. #i guess that's what happens when you get called stupid useless and lazy to your face by someone who then expects you #to bow and scrape and wait on them hand and foot #and also now im expected to pay the electric bill on top of doing all the housework. literally all of it. in a home of 3 #fucking adults. and bow im also the one having to handle a lot of maintenance work around the place on top of keeping #it spotless bc no one else 'feels like doing it' #and the whole time i get to be insulted and told that im fat. stupid. lazy. while im cleajing up their messes. and fixing stuff for them. #and doing a bunch of cooking bc they get pissy if i dont also feed them on top of doing literally all the housework. and maintenance work. #and also now being expected to pay half the electric bill. again house of 3 people. and im not even allowed to take a hot shower when i need #to in order to get the pain spikes under control from yknow. flaring up my fibro from overworking myself CLEANING AND TAKING CARE OF THE #DAMN HOUSE FOR THEM #bc it takes too much electricity. the electricity i mostly paid for last month #sorry i needed to get that out #suicide tw #abuse tw #not me debating offing myself bc theres no end in sight and no way out and i cant keep going from one abusive situation to another #and just trying to survive. almost 30 yrs old and ive never once felt safe or at home anywhere ive ever lived. not once. in almost 30 #years have i ever felt safe. or like im my own person. or that im valued. or wanted. or listened to. not once in almost 30 years #have i ever felt like im actually loved (wanted) beyond my usefullness. #shit sucks man. anyway sorry for the spam of negativity lately. im not trying to be a downer. #gonna go hang out in my inbox for a while and see if anything pops out that my muses wanna jump on 🤞

[magnetic-dogz]

I don't trust any damn person that says shit like "ACAB includes the fandom police" (not even just "fandom police", any "police" these assholes want to make up) or "kill the cop in your head"

#cookie.txt #just say you don't take the brutality and systemic abuse perpetuated by actual cops seriously your point will get across exactly the same #just say that all ''acab'' means to you is that you just don't like being told what to do

[stardustedknuckles]

There’s never a point at which Kamordah does not hurt. Because it’s one thing, right, to read Beau’s offer to give herself up right afterwards as a method of running from the vulnerability - a reminder of the worst parts of her, what she failed to live up to as a daughter, an heir, a sister.

But I also think that walking into her nice house with her cordial parents and everything just so had Beau convinced that everyone else would buy into their fiction, too. She can’t afford to believe their bullshit anymore but it’s still hard even for her. She doesn’t expect any of the Nein to look at where she came from and what she fucked up and still put up with her. Shame, yes, but also resignation. She still thinks she’s the screwup in this situation, and now that everyone else has seen what she’s been hiding they’ll understand she was never any good. By no means was Jester picking a side when she told Beau that Thoreau meant what he said, but Beau already believed on some level that her parents had always been in the right and there was no other way she could interpret those words. Of course her dad meant it. He always had. She was the one making everything difficult.

Beau walking into that hut and offering that misery was just a more direct mirror of a process she thought she had already begun. By showing the Nein her family - and having it out with her dad where they could see and hear - she assumed she was already signing her own dismissal. The fact that they didn’t immediately reject her almost made it worse, because now she has to do it herself. They’re too nice to tell her to go fuck herself but it’s only a matter of time. Better to cut it off now, before they really start putting everything together.

She has absolutely no concept of the idea that she could be wanted as much and more than being needed. She certainly has no way of understanding yet that standing there broken open like an opal could strengthen bonds. The Nein as a whole took a look at where Beau came from and understood so much about her, but they understood exactly what Beau had been fighting to never become and loved her more for her efforts. Yasha literally fell in love with her when she put the all of this context together. Every bit of progress Beau had made so far was clawed from an empty well of experience. She had to learn to be better by being anything other than what was demanded of her. She didn’t have other people to emulate. She was literally making this shit up on the fly and resigned to never quite getting it right. Showing up at her family’s estate with the manners and coping mechanisms cobbled together from her experiences with the Nein and feeling it all fall out from underneath her the moment her father spoke...Beau fell apart in Kamordah, only this time the Nein were here to hold her to the mark and remind her of all she had left to live for. Not for them, for herself, because that’s what they wanted from her. They only ever wanted true growth and happiness for her - something she grew up hearing and could not afford to believe.

#Kamordah reaches up and bites me hard in the ass every now and then just #holy gods how everything changed in that one episode #cr c2 #Beauregard Lionett #if you've never been an abused kid with a friend over who says 'wow your mom seems really nice' #idk how to explain to you the gulf between you and that person immediately #like I just told you she took away everything I own while I was at school and will maybe give it back if I am good enough #and she seems nice? like maybe I did actually deserve that or that I was lying? okay

[angeltannis]

breaking the cycle of generations of my family who were taught to never tell “outsiders” anything about their personal lives by being autistic with no shame and sharing whatever with anyone

#most of the men in my family are or were alcoholics #and therefore abused their family physically emotionally etc #and they were always told ‘don’t tell your business to anyone’ #which included my mother #so I grew up with this weird sense of shame and secrecy around everything that alienated me extra bad from my peers #now that I’m older I’m like Why are we keeping this all secret? why should we suffer in silence? #I told our realtor that part of the reason we’re looking to move is to get away from my father bc he’s abusive #and my mom about died but afterward she was like ‘you know…it actually feels kinda good to have it out there #and to have people know so that they might be able to help’ #and it’s so true!! I’m not just gonna make excuses and keep all the shame inside #fuck that