wastednb

[wastednb]

[wastednb]

ok so this is gonna sound shitty but I'm not looking forward anymore to the end of the pandemic, although I do want things to get better for everyone else.. I don't look forward to interacting and socializing with people, just thinking about it makes me feel overwhelmed and anxious

#im sorry this is bad.. #anxienty #sorry for being depressing #i swear im not a bad person #tw depression #social anxiety #panic

[wastednb]

09/08/21 - rant / diary

i relapsed last week and ended up cutting again which is ? idk it's whatever, I don't feel disappointed it's like I was expecting it

I haven't been restricting much which totally sucks and I know I gained weight but I couldn't go to the pharmacy yet to check bc it won't stop raining here

overall, I have developed a skin care routine, which is not much a routine really but I just got used to wash my face with proper soap twice a day and I use a tonic before going to bed and my skin has gotten better, but my dark eye circles won't go away no matter how much sleep I get so I just stopped regulating my sleep

oh the new good thing in my life is that I started listened to britanny simon's podcast and it's being challenging ?? she has very interesting point of views, very different beliefs I have but I think its being nice to listen to her in different topics bc its allowing me to expand my view of the world. it's funny bc sometimes I pause and have a full argument with her out loud in my room, so that has been cool

I tried to go back to instagram today (which is what triggered me to come back here) but seeing someone I knew, that's my age, and she's traveling around the world to places like south Africa, France, Poland, Switzerland, etc idk WHY but it made me feel so bad, it's not this person personally, it's just I wish I could be doing those things and it made me realize how worthless I am, I could be living a good life and instead I am just... being mentally ill, locked in my room and not progressing in life

so anyways, that's it for today, maybe I will keep doing these diaries/logs, not every day or every week, but just when I feel like it

#tw self destructive behavior #tw depressing thoughts #tw depressing stuff #tw ed mention #self hate #self harrrm #tw selfhate #tw self sabotage #tw depressive #tw depression #depressing post #this is depressing #ed talk #self destruction

[wastednb]

hello not dead just got busy eating and doing uni work and reading lol

[wastednb]

[wastednb]

[wastednb]

“But if you forget to reblog Madame Zeroni, you and your family will be cursed for always and eternity.”

[wastednb]

yeah I aint risking that

“But if you forget to reblog Madame Zeroni, you and your family will be cursed for always and eternity.”

[wastednb]

I'm restricting today and I'm thinking of starting exercising again? anyone can recommend anything that is not too hard on the back? I have scoliosis so I can't push too much unless

#anorexjc #eating disoder thoughts #tw ed talk #tw ed mention #not pr0 just using tags #pr0 4na #pr0 ed #ana tingz

[wastednb]

I am not hard to love, I am just unlovable.

[wastednb]

A slave to my body’s physical urges that I want no part in. If I didn’t have them, I could starve for as long as I wanted. I could starve without feeling the lightness in my head or the pangs in my stomach.

[wastednb]

“I think I found out that I have nothing, that I have nothing in this place for me.”

The Neighbourhood // Female Robbery

[wastednb]

I'm so so so sad all the time I want to be normal and live a normal life, I want to get a job and go out to eat and drink with friends, I want to get a girlfriend and dream of the future with them, I want all the normal stress adults get I don't want to cry myself to sleep every night bc of how disgusting my body is, everybody said I would be done with this after high school but here I am a grown ass 21yo adult that has nothing in life, has barely 2 friends and can't leave the house without having a fucking panic attack I want all this to stop so much, I'm so tired of being a burden, so tired of watching the days pass by and doing nothing worth it of living, I just wish I didn't wake up tomorrow

#tw self destructive behavior #tw ed mention #not pr0 just using tags #self harrrm #this is depressing #sorry for being depressing #tw depressing thoughts #tw sui mention #tw depressing stuff

[wastednb]

im on thin ice but i needed to make this

[wastednb]

you can’t give them what they want. they’ll leave you just like the others did. you’ll be forgotten.

[wastednb]

[wastednb]

I always regret it when it’s too late