How's the Black Butler AU going? Can i have headcannons for Kara in that AU?
you, uh... you wanted this to hurt, right??
(just kidding, this whole AU is filled with horror and pain! it always hurts :D)
I admit I haven't done much with this AU since the big post about it, but I'd love to do more! I just don't wanna, like, make it a big multi-chapter thing like Puzzle Pieced is lol
here's some headcanons for ya!! tread lightly, the second bullet point contains some period-typical biphobia (kinda stemming from homophobic attitudes of the Victorian era), ouch
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š KARAMATSU š
Most of London society views him as thisā¦ playboy, almost? He has a different lover every week, and canāt seem to really hold onto a relationship for longer than that. He charms people, then leaves them, or so it seems. The reality is that heās desperately searching for someone who he truly loves, as opposed to someone who vainly fawns over him or trysts that are purely sexual. Nobody has been able to fit the bill so far, and anyone whoās been with him seems not to be able to stand him in the long term.
That said, the rumor mill is vicious when it comes to him. People will use all sorts of degrading language to refer to him ā whorish, slut, molly boy, cad, dandy, among others. Some people take the fact that he has eyes for men and women as a sign that he wants to be a woman (and thus his attraction to women would be āwrongā somehow, just like a man being attracted to men would be thought of the same way), which is fifty shades of fucked up, but heyā¦ Victorian London biphobia is, unfortunately, a very specific flavor. Despite being lonely, he feels distant from social situations in general simply because heās painfully misunderstood in so many ways.
Of course, that doesnāt stop him from at least trying to be the life of the party. He likes to drink and woo new companions at balls, and if nothing else is said about him, one can absolutely say a party is not boring if Karamatsu is present among the guests. Add in one or more of his brothers, and things become true mayhem.
Heās sometimes incredibly stressed out about his nature as a demon. Humans are very important to him, theyāre passionate and vibrant and he wishes he could be more like them in general. These are people he views in the same light as someone might view an unattainable angel, and here he is, a creature that has to feed on them to survive. There are times he well and truly just hates himself for it, even though he knows he canāt help the species he was born into.
If you ask his brothers, heās the one whoās most likely to fall for his dinner. It really is a terrible situation, because itās like a human falling for a Sunday roast; itās bizarre to anyone who doesnāt view humans as anything more than ants. Although Karamatsu and his brothers are fully capable of seeing humans as fleshed out, sapient, sentient beings, to most other demons it looks like this pathetic whelp is playing with his food. Caressing his food. Kissing his food. Fucking his ā well, you get the idea.
Out of all his brothers, heās probably the one who misses their parents the most. Or, at least the one who most freely admits to it. Matsuzo and Matsuyo have always taken care of them, even if that didnāt quite mean babying their sons. Now he and his brothers are in a place far from home, with only each other, insecure in their new existences regardless of having been here-and-there for a couple hundred years. Often heāll have climbed out of their demon nest in the middle of the night, and will be on the balcony or outside in the garden, crying for kaa-chan and tou-chan, ripped into pieces because their parentsā whereabouts is one mystery itās starting to look like they wonāt be able to solve.
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You mentioned that Jyushimatsu is observant so he would be one of the quickest Muppets to betray villain reader, so how observant is Jyushi in general? :0
honestly? more than people think/more than he acts
youād think heās up in Jyushi-land ALL THE DAMN TIME, right? and, well, thatās true; heās absolutely in his own world most of the time
the thing is, though, heās usually constantly multitasking between being in his own world and being in the same one as everyone else
he takes in SO MUCH information, all the time, even if you think heās not listening
you could be talking to a friend on the phone, with Jyushi in earshot, thinking he isnāt listening to you, and talking about how, for example, you lost your favorite lipstick and you donāt feel like going to the store where you got it
next thing you know, the next day or possibly a couple hours later, Jyushiās poking at you, giving you the same color of lipstick, right down to the same exact brand, that he went to the store and got for you
people donāt really think of him as a person who pays attention, but thatās probably the very same reason nobody expects it from him
everyone thinks heās a complete ditz, and he is, with his head in the clouds and everything, but a lot of the time he pays even more attention than most of his brothers
he notices details, he always knows whatās going on even if he makes comments that seem like he doesnāt, and heās usually so much more in the moment (or, thinking about the future) than people realize
tbh thatās probably why itās such a shock to people when he has a sudden burst of negative emotion, because it seems like it comes from nowhere, because Jyushi is always happy and energetic and tries to be positive... but the truth is heās more thoughtful and observant and he doesnāt always bounce back as easily as people anticipate
when he āsuddenlyā breaks down crying or punches a wall or turns on someone, itās often not so much suddenly as it is a buildup or a true reaction to whatās going on despite the fact that people just donāt expect him to react like that
it depends on the situation, but even though he doesnāt always act like it, heās almost always incredibly aware of whatās going on around him
(he also tends to somewhat hide the fact that he knows whatās going on, simply because often it serves him for people to think of him as this harmless, stupidly positive person; people donāt think heās paying attention, and before long theyāre spilling their guts to someone they think isnāt listening. underestimating Jyushimatsu is probably among the dumbest things a person can do)
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escape. [18!Ichimatsu x reader]
here we gooooo... the second piece of my comeback content!!
thankfully this didnāt get as long as crisscross. did... but I still had fun with it! <3
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Parties after graduation tend to be maybe a bit wilder than any party thrown during high school.
For good reason, really. By this time youāre all adults, so there are fewer consequences than when you were all under 18. Although none of you are technically drinking legally since that doesnāt kick in till 20, supermarket clerks never ask even if you look young. Itās not that big of a deal to anyone.
Plus, nobody around here will call police on you or anything unless you get too loud. Thereās music playing and laughter and conversation, but nothing that would qualify as loud enough for a noise disturbance.
Youāre not really sure who brought all the booze this time or where they bought it. All you know is your friend Asaka told you she was throwing a party the week after the commencement ceremony, and you decided to come, and youāve only had like half a beer, and youāre already getting kind of bored.
Itās not that you donāt like to party from time to time. Itās justā¦ you donāt have anyone right now to make memories with.
Asaka is in the kitchen showing off her university acceptance letter, getting shitfaced, and making out with her boyfriend. All your other friends are dancing or drinking without you. You donāt have a boyfriend of your own to have fun with at the moment.
So eventually, you wander upstairs into Asakaās parentsā bedroom, to sit by yourself and finish your beer, away from everyone else having the time of their lives.
As you lift your bottle up to take a sip, you suddenly realize youāre not alone; thereās a bathroom attached to the bedroom, and you can hear heavy breathing from inside, like someone is crying in there.
You set your bottle on the bedside table and tiptoe over to the door. How come someone is holed up in the bathroom crying at a house party? Shouldnāt they be downstairs having fun? āUh,ā you start, unsure of how to approach, āare you okay in there?ā
What you get in response, at first, is a gasp that sounds like a dying fish. Then, the weird breathing resumes. When you get an actual answer, though, itās unmistakably a guyās voice. āGā¦ go away! What the f-fuck are you doing up here?!ā
āUhhhhmā¦ I dunno. I wasnāt having fun downstairs, so I justā¦ came up here to drink the rest of my beer and get away from everyone else.ā You pick at your sleeve and wonder if you should just leave him alone. āIs, uhā¦ is everything okay? I meanā¦ā
āNo! Everythingāsā¦ fuckingā¦ā He takes a series of breaths, all of them shaky and shallow. āā¦ Not okay. Iāmā¦ Iām freaking out. I told my friend I d-didnāt wanna come to some stupid partyā¦ I donāt wanna talk to peopleā¦ I canātā¦ I-I just wanna get out of here. But I canāt calm down, andā¦ and I canāt leave without going past everybodyā¦ā
You lower yourself down to sit against the door. Even though it sounds like he really needs help, youāre sure asking to come into the bathroom with him would be a disaster. It might be all you can do to sit here and talk for a minute. With any luck, thatāll help him calm down. āSo, youāre having, like, some kind ofā¦ panic attack or something?ā
āAnxiety attack,ā he clarifies. āI just, I canātā¦ itās likeā¦ shitā¦ my heartās racing, Iām having trouble getting a breath in, Iām all sweatyā¦ā You hear him get a good enough breath in that heās able to scoff. āGod. I-I sound like a real catch, right?ā
āPffā¦ hey, Iād probably take you over any of those douchebags downstairs,ā you laugh. āOne of them started headbanging to a song so hard he knocked his head into the wall, and another one bet his asshole friend he could fit his fist in his mouth. Theyāre all dumbasses.ā
He snorts. āFuck, isā¦ is everyone drunk?ā
āPlease. Youāre underestimating how stupid most of those guys are; theyād do this shit stone-cold sober.ā
When he laughs this time, he sounds a little less shaky. Youāre sure heās still sort of panicking and nowhere near okay, but maybe talking gives him something to focus on. āOkayā¦ okay, fair. Hey, uhā¦ by the wayā¦ w-whatās your name?ā
You lean your head against the door. ā(Name). Whatās yours? I feel like I recognize your voice, like, a little bit.ā
āOh, yeah, uhā¦ Ichimatsu.ā
And ding goes the light bulb. āWaitā¦ Matsuno Ichimatsu?ā That guy was one of the most popular kids in your graduating class, as far as you know. Despite not really knowing him, you know about him. Heās got five identical brothers, and yet, during the last few years of high school, he was the one who was the center of attention. Any party, he was invited without exception. Every time you passed him in the halls, he was with his main group of friends, talking away or listening to them, barely giving a glance to anyone else.
He always struck you as being soā¦ together. Perfect and confident and ready to take on the world.
And here he is now, at Asakaās house party, riding out an anxiety attack in the bathroom, freaking out because heās surrounded by people and expected to be social.
Thatāsā¦ wow.
ā¦ Was he just kind of holding it together throughout all of high school? Has he always had this anxiety and just shoved it down until now, when he canāt do that anymore?
āYou were, like, one of the coolest guys in our class. You went to all the parties, right?ā You run your finger over the carpet, just to have something to do with your hand. āIs something different about this one?ā
For a minute, heās quiet. You hear a thump that might be him letting his head fall against the door, too. āNo, itāsā¦ itās just like every other party. Dancing and drinking andā¦ people dry-humping each other in every fucking corner of every fucking room.ā
It sounds like heās shifting around on the other side. Like heās so anxious he doesnāt know what to do with himself. ā(Name)ā¦ can you, uhā¦ can you keep a secret?ā
You tug your knees up against your chest. āYeah, sure.ā
āIā¦ never really liked those parties. I, um, I justā¦ I mean, Iād goā¦ then Iād eitherā¦ stay, like, five minutes and make some excuse to leaveā¦ o-orā¦ or Iādā¦ stay a couple hoursā¦ and when I got homeā¦ā He sucks in a breath that, thankfully, sounds a little less anxious than a few minutes ago. āIādā¦ Iād cry for like ten minutes in the bathroom. I hate being aroundā¦ people. I faked it all the way through the last couple years, but I justā¦ I-I canāt do it anymore.ā
He takes another few breaths, and you almost think thatās it before he starts speaking again. āI tried so hard, butā¦ but peopleā¦ th-they want you to act a certain way or, or say certain things, and Iā¦ I was so afraid if I slipped up, said something they didnāt expect orā¦ or did something āwrongāā¦ Iād lose all my friends. Nobody would like me. And Iā¦ I was trying to be different than my brothersā¦ trying to be, y-you know, this popular guyā¦ and thatāsā¦ thatās justā¦ not me.ā
You hear him sigh. āI hate people. I hate parties. I hateā¦ sitting here in the fucking bathroom, being terrified to leaveā¦ thinking someoneās gonnaā¦ come l-looking for me andā¦ drag me back down there. Small talk and people complaining about their parents or their girlfriends and shit I donāt care aboutā¦ b-but I canāt say I donāt careā¦ I justā¦ Iām tired of pretending, and I just wanna go home, and I canātā¦ā
For another handful of minutes, you sit there listening to Ichimatsu trying to breathe normally. It sounds like heās doing a bit better than he was when you first sat down. At the same time, all he wants is to leave the party. He doesnāt want to go past everyone else and, probably, have to explain why heās not staying.
Finally, you clear your throat. āYou know, um, thisā¦ this is my friend Asakaās house. I know where everything is. If you wanna leaveā¦ I know how you can get to the back door. Itās near the kitchen, but you donāt even really have to pass the kitchen to get to it after you come down the stairs. I can probably help you get out through there, andā¦ I could, um, maybe walk you home.ā
You might think heād stopped even conversing with you if he didnāt speak up suddenly. āYouā¦ really? Y-you donāt even really know meā¦ the fuck is this, some kind of trick? Youāre gonna take me past everyone?ā
āNo! No way, what the hell??ā Thoughā¦ you guess you canāt blame him for thinking that. If heās spent the last few years of high school with friends who wanted him to do certain things and now this so-called friend who forced him out to this party, itās no surprise he doesnāt have complete faith in what youāre saying.
āI wouldnāt do that,ā you add in a softer, more understanding tone. āI just want to help you get out of here so you can be comfortable. You shouldnāt have to spend time being all anxious at a party you didnāt even wanna come to.ā
After a couple seconds of holding your breath, the bathroom door creaks open. Thereās Matsuno Ichimatsu alright, with half-lidded eyes and endearingly messy hair and face red from the anxiety. āā¦ Can I trust you?ā
You give him a smile as best you can and hold your hand out to him. āThatās up to you.ā
āā¦ā He looks at you for a long moment, then runs a hand through his hair.
āScrew it. How much more could you really fuck me up?ā
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As it turns out, mercifully you canāt fuck him up much more.
Once you get him through the back door of Asakaās house, out into the street where freedom awaits, he just kind of sags against you. All his energy, whatever he had anyway, has been spent on anxiety, and now heās just tired.
He leans against you, and you do your best to support his weight, and before you know whatās happening, you notice that heās laughing.
āIt was that easy?ā He tries to straighten up a little, his hands still shaking, the pink flush still in his cheeks. You never noticed it, maybe because the two of you didnāt run in the same circles and thus didnāt pay attention to each otherā¦ but heās really very cute. Especially that tired, relieved smile of his.
āIt was that easy,ā you giggle, giving a hesitant pat to his shoulder. āIām, uhā¦ Iām sorry youā¦ had that anxiety attack, or, whatever. Parties are only fun if you wanna be there.ā
He nods and lets out a long sigh. Even though he doesnāt seem to be fully recovered, you think heās probably coming down from how āonā the anxiety made him feel. That shit is like adrenaline if itās intense enough. āUhā¦ heyā¦ thanks. I mightāve spent all damn night in that bathroom if you werenātā¦ weirdly persistent.ā
You shrug. āItās no problem. You were having trouble, so I justā¦ wanted to see if I could help.ā
āWellā¦ y-you, uh. You did help.ā His eyes shift down, suddenly shy. āIā¦ I feel a little better. I donātā¦ really talk to many peopleā¦ especially aboutā¦ uh, that stuff. Itā¦ felt kinda good to talk about it. Soā¦ th-thanksā¦ for listening.ā
Honestly, more than anything, youāre just glad you got him out of there without too much fuss. Someone whoās sick of pretending to be a social person when theyāve actually got anxiety surrounding social stuff has no business being at a rowdy party unless itās their choice. He must have been miserable.
āYouāre welcome. Thanks for talking to me,ā you tease. āI didnāt really have anyone at that party to talk to. Youāre the most interesting thing to happen to me all night.ā With that, you gesture toward the street. The lights are starting to come on, though itās not quite near midnight yet. āMind if I walk you home? I just, umā¦ you knowā¦ wanna make sure you get back okay.ā
His face gets a little redder, and this time you donāt think itās from the anxiety. āI, u-uh, wellā¦ I guessā¦ that makes senseā¦ā
You donāt hold his hand or anything. But he sticks maybe a little closer than he really has to as you head down the sidewalk.
You can hear the music from the party start to get quieter and quieter the farther you get.
Eventually, it fades out completely, leaving behind a warm, slightly awkward silence.
Funny enough, neither of you are complaining.
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