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a-dragyns-reflections · 1 year

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~Staycations~

Hey y'all! I know I haven't been writing regularly since the new year, but I wanted to share one reason why with you all: I had a staycation!

Now many of you will have different understandings of what a staycation means, such as staying at home all week, reading, playing games, have at home spa days, etc. Well, I did do all of that and more, but stepped up by going to a hotel for a weekend!

It was so nice to just escape my place for those few days; I was getting annoyed at my inability to clean my room, organize my life, and I was starting to get more annoyed living with my sister as tensions were high and awkward for a while. Finally escaping all of that negative energy was a blessing. I got to sleep in a king sized bed and literally one half of the bed was full of my favourite hobbies, the other half was for me to sleep, prop myself up to watch tv, and relax. I finally got back into reading after not reading regularly since I read the Song of Achilles back in November of 2022. I played more Animal Crossing finally after being super focused on Pokemon Violet and enjoyed the island life again while being cozy in a robe on a cozy bed. I even watched normal television after being on YouTube, Twitch, Netflix, and Discovery+ for so long and man, commercials really are still super cringey aren't they. xD What made this staycation even better was the hotel had a deal with the Denny's nearby to have a discount for hotel guests- now I stayed at hotels before where we would only get a one-time use voucher for one day....but this was different, you could have all three meals there and have the discount every time you ate... so Denny's became my best friend during that weekend- especially the Saturday I was there... I had not ate much that day as I still had to deal with some real life things, so I didn't have dinner until 11pm... but they were open, they were kind, and even gave me a full order of nachos for half price. Something so kind and something they did not have to do, but I really appreciated it. The last part of this vacation that I really liked was that they had a hot tub and pool there. I was a bit uncomfortable there as the pool and hot tub were quite small...and with the pandemic still on-going, I had to really work at keeping myself distant from the litlte kids and adults around me, but once I had that hot tub to myself? Oooooh baby. I needed it as I had fucked up my shoulder moving furniture around a meeting room for Toastmasters. I ignored those fears for the 20 minutes I was allowed in the hot tub and just felt so much better. A great way to end the staycation, completely relaxed, well-read, well-gamed, and enjoying the silly tv dramas I enjoy like 90 Day Fiance, Sister Wives, and Love in Paradise- yes I am that kind of person ha.

Why I wanted to share about my staycation is to honestly encourage others to just take some time for themselves. I hated everything around me at one point in my own home and knew I needed a change of scenery. Most people would travel somewhere or go see friends, but I did not have that option this time around, so just a simple change of scenery, other people cooking for me, and getting back into hobbies I had long dropped was the best way for me to reclaim myself, find some joy again, and even just rest a lot more than I had been able too for weeks. Find a nice cheap hotel in your city with a decent free breakfast, and you will be surprised at how well that can reset your mindset, mood, and come back to your place with more love and acceptance than how you may currently feel about it.

Staycations are the best- I plan on having another one in a few months, hopefully you all will have one for yourself in your own ways soon!

#blog #reflections #staycation #staycation reflection #rest #relaxation #gaming #reading #watching tv #mindfulness

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a-dragyns-reflections · 1 year

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A Year in Review - 2022

This past year has been such a wild combination of opportunities, personal development, and professional development, as well as finding out more about myself and who I am. Let's begin shall we?

My year started off with me continuing to work overnights in retail. I had taken an online grocery picker job back in mid-2020 to just start earning some sort of income and opportunities in teaching were surprisingly few and far in between for that solid 2 years I worked there doing this kind of work. It was an okay job, but I missed out on so much working overnights- I was not able to keep up with current events, could not make plans with people, and just had to basically survive in that role instead of enjoying it. Fortunately, I would leave this role this year- thank goodness for that too because I was not sure how much longer I could handle such a job any longer than I did.

It's funny because I knew I would be leaving this role or doing this role in a smaller capacity as early as November of 2021 because I had been accepted into my school board- it was just a delayed start date by months due to constant chasing of paperwork from previous teaching opportunities both in my current city and in the UK. I finally got word in March of this year that I can start to substitute teach in April. That word and news finally was what I needed to change my overnight availability to just weekends, then spend the rest of my week doing my best to accept whatever substitute role and job was available on their platform. It was a welcomed change, but definitely an exhausting adjustment when I started the 2nd/3rd week of April- why did I start so late one might ask? Well, I had a vacation planned that was another amazing highlight to my year.

In early April-ish, my dear friend Darryl, after a long 7.5 year friendship, finally was able to safely travel up to my part of Canada from California. It was so so so fucking amazing to see him again as it had been a long time since I went to California for a long 2 week adventure back in 2015- long overdue to finally see the bestie again. We went all over my city in the 3-4 days he was here for- from seeing his reactions to poutines, Tim Hortons, and how my city had some surprising unique buildings, structures, and even venues to go visit. He had heard about these places all the time from me over the years, but to see him take it all in, in person, with him beside me? So incredibly special. I was an emotional mess for a week after he left; but I know he is going to be coming back to my city this year most likely for a convention I will be talking about later on in my year: Animethon.

Substituting then started shortly after he had to leave and it was wild jumping back into the classroom again, in person, not online. At this point, most people had stopped wearing masks as the government dropped the mandate due to insane protests for months on end. It was terrifying being there and still to this day, I am constantly aware of students and staff in schools I go too working while sick and have to be diligent and safe myself while others have stopped caring or cannot be safe any more...it is a heavy feeling, but nonetheless I made many connections immediately upon substituting, especially at my old high school oddly enough. I had been to a few schools downtown in my city, but it was near the end of April I went back to my old high school twice for social studies cover, and then near the beginning of May, I went back a third time to cover Spanish- an whole long story in itself as another opportunity came my way from accepting that first, one day job.

Taking that Spanish cover job would lead to a long series of insanely amazing, yet stressful events. During my first day covering for the teacher, she reached out to me to ask if I could come back the following day, potentially two days. I said yes because the more you cover for a teacher, the more pay you get in my school board so I was like, sweet- yes please! Cue the next day and again, the teacher asked if I could stay the rest of the week and potentially Monday as well- shortly after that, the department head came and spoke to me seeing if I would be interested in remaining covering for this teacher for two weeks as the teacher needed more time away. I said yes, I would need resources and some help adjusting, but sure. It's an amazing opportunity, why would I turn this down? On the third day of covering for this teacher, after some observations from the department head, I was asked to come see her after the work day was done. it was that meeting that she offered me my temporary contract to remain teaching Spanish full time until the end of the school year- a 7 week temp contract that would change my life so much. It led for me to quit my overnight job on the spot that Friday night, left me scrambling to lesson plan, get resources and guidance from all kinds of people like my department head, the teacher I took over for a bit, and even my old Spanish teacher that taught me at that very high school I was now teaching at. I worked 7:30am - 5pm most week days, and worked those similar hours on the weekends at times as well as I took over everything; lesson planning, teaching, marking, assessing, etc. It was a lot and most days I felt the weight of it all, never took lunch breaks, and just kept going and going and going until the exam break hit and I could breathe a bit. My biggest win from that experience was connecting with the students to receive the kindest of emails and cards at the end of the period, and even one student thanked me so profusely for working with her to bring her mark up 30% to pass the class and move on to grade 12 this year. It was a whirlwind of stress and fear that I was failing these kids by jumping in so late and not sorting myself out right away, but in the end I did not fail them, they got to know me and i got to know them, and I gave these students opportunities to improve their marks after an awful first 2/3 of a semester with constant substitute teachers who did not know the language. We managed and got through it together; to everyone's relief. Whenever I do go back to my old high school as a substitute again, I still have some of those previous students stop by if they see me in a classroom or even ask how I am doing if I am teaching them that day. I would call that a successful experience with that reception I get going back there to this day.

Another highlight to this year was actually coming out as demisexual and pansexual. I was questioning my identity a lot during the pandemic as many failed dates and people pushing physical acts on me left me so uncomfortable I felt broken and wrong. Why wasn't this working? Why was I failing at dating and finding the wrong people? Was it because I refused to put labels on myself as a stubborn person who originally thought labels would limit myself and my experiences to what those labels were only? It was a lot of those thoughts that led me to talk to new friends and explore so many websites that shared so many positive ace experiences with great break downs of everything under that identity. In May, everything I read and experienced and talked to people about just clicked and ta-da! I am demi, I am pan, and I am so happy to be both. My first Pride ever was my first out Pride and despite knowing the stereotypes people had about ace people in the 2SLGBTQIA+ community, I felt so incredibly accepted, welcomed, and celebrated in June I still get a little emotional about this to this day. Now my family do not understand or even want to know more about this part of me, so that was a bit weird to like be out, be proud, but had people ignore me that were supposed to be my loved ones and such, but honestly? Fuck them. I know who I am and do not need approval from people who are not invested in my life any more.

It was also around this May/June period I entered a mentorship program that featured all mentors from the 2SLGBTQIA+ community. I was amazed at all I had done leading up to June, but I as confused about what I should do next; do I continue to try to grow my community on Outschool and be an online teacher? Do I look for more permanent, stable work? What about the queer community and where do I or could I fit in? I met so many amazing potential mentors, but Josh was phenomenal. He had me share about my passions in that first meeting and found things for me to do to work on immediately; create business cards for substituting and my queer D&D classes on Outschool, join local queer FB groups and events, and make some new connections in my community. I worked so hard on all of these things and my August was so successful with gaining more students, going to variety of events, and planting some seeds for connections to continue to grow what I was doing- showing how inclusivity can be accessed in such fun, creative, and personal development ways. It was working, but now what? September started and things slowed down immensely Outschool wise. The second meeting led for us to discuss making a business profile of all the classes I offered as well as workshops I could offer using this inclusive lens in gaming, as well as reaching out directly to local organizations such as the Pride Centre here in my city. Receiving the next steps and reflecting on how much my work meant to me, I had the confidence to start doing these bigger things that led for me to receive paid opportunities to teach Queer D&D sessions at the Pride Centre! Those went so well and bringing in the fun, quirky, and respected queer NPCs I had developed for my students led to amazing success. 2023 they want me back fairly regularly and we will be sorting out a contract on that in the New Year! I have also been asked to work on ensuring curriculum is inclusive in both Toastmasters and in another opportunity I will be talking about a bit further down. Not only did I find myself as a queer person, I found my community, and I am helping to ensure these communities are well respected and represented in every aspect of gaming and education. What a year! Thank you Josh, you were the greatest mentor I could have ever had this year.

Now back to the summer a bit- not only did I attend Pride, but I volunteered and attended so many other events. I volunteered at Pride where those connections first began and started. Also, I volunteered at the Heritage Festival in my city that brings so many people and cultures together in a large park outdoors where over a 130 countries had pavilions/tents selling food and so many amazing other things they could share about their culture. It was hot, it stormed, but I enjoyed helping people find the tents they wanted to go too and learning so much about different cultures there as a volunteer- the best way to travel to a country without actually going there. Worth the sunburns and rain soaked clothes that weekend. I also attended a TikTok Marketing Conference that summer as well- which was valuable and insightful as taking on a new Public Relations role in Toastmasters for my one club. Learning the peak times to post clips, what tags to include, how many times to post any content in a week would lead to the amazing success of ExtraLife this year (see my last post for more details). While I may not use TikTok that often any more- I can see the value of it and hope to explore more in the New Year after that event. I then attended Animethon and it was amazing- the cosplays I saw and took photos of, the people I met, the artists I adored and their work, plus discovering new shows and characters made that event amazing for me. I also recognized that going to an event like that by yourself is very difficult- surrounded by people, being pushed around, feeling lost, and the anxiety of, again, many people unmasked, left me having a few anxiety attacks that con, but at least there were quiet anime viewing rooms where I discovered SpyxFamily and Scarlet Nexus- my two favourites of the year. Hence why, hopefully, Darryl can come to Animethon 2023 with me so that won't happen again. Last but not least, I then attended and volunteered at my city's Fringe Festival. It was an 11 day festival with so many different plays, shows, acts, and more. I volunteered for 4 days, but also went for an additional 4 days to support so amazing acts such as yegDND, Iago vs. Hamlet, Mark of the Minotaur, Queer History: A Queer Musical, Undead Newlyweds, Mi Habana Querida, and many many more shows. Being an Ambassador, it was almost expected for us to go to as many shows as possible so we could hype up local and international acts, help people find venues, and hand out little stickers that made both kids and adults so excited- a beautifully busy event but I so so so enjoyed it, every moment and every show.

The next big opportunity that came my way in 2022 was becoming a Public Speaking Coach for a start up company called TalkMaze! It started out as teaching only one group class every Monday evening, to then teaching two students 1-1, and as of this past month, being promoted to being a Coach Coordinator for the company that has so many aspects to the role on top of continuing to teach public speaking and confidence as well. The goal of this company is to help youth develop a sense of self-confidence through public speaking, debate, and eventually through model UN as well. I currently am working on the public speaking and speech classes to help these students achieve this goal, but my more recent role is also becoming very valuable as well. As the Coaching Coordinator, I am currently developing and revamping the 1-1 Program curriculum to ensure that every lesson does add value to the student in regards to building communication and public speaking skills, as well as developing their sense of self-confidence. When this development and revamping is finished in a few months from now, I will also be helping to hire new coaches, train them, develop SOPs for their various roles, and even provide feedback to the coaches on how well their lessons are going as I get to observe them as well. Such a valuable role and if I continue to do well, there is a chance to jump to full time and lead the entire Education side to the company- a goal to achieve in 2023!

2022 has given me so much in so many unexpected ways; from finding my confidence in teaching again and leaving a toxic overnight work environment, to even finding myself and creating a safe community for myself as demisexual and pansexual, to so many opportunities in teaching D&D, teaching public speaking, and now developing curriculum that gives me so much meaning and purpose in my life, to also hitting an amazing fundraising goal for ExtraLife 2022.

What does 2023 look like for me?

Hopefully working hard and becoming that Education lead for TalkMaze, travel at least once this year somewhere again as I miss traveling a LOT, have Darryl come visit me for Animethon, continue to offer inclusive gaming and education workshops in various capacities, fundraise $1250 USD for ExtraLife, and make so many new friends. I want to do so much with my life, and if I do not aim high? I will get stuck, and what fun is getting stuck when I now know how much I can offer to the world, and how genuinely proud of myself I am. Hopefully you all will be here with me during this journey and I cannot wait to see where 2023 will take all of us.

Happy New Year everyone and stay golden~

PS. Toastmasters reflection will come in June of 2023 as Toastmasters goes from July-June year wise! Stay tuned~

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a-dragyns-reflections · 1 year

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ExtraLife Success - 3rd Year in a Row

What a year 2022 was! Will go into more of that later, but let's focus on charity fundraising for a little bit for this particular post.

I found out about ExtraLife in a pretty unique way and in a much needed way too. We were in the midst of the pandemic and I was looking for something to do, some sort of purpose as I took a job that gave me very little joy and wanted to do more with my life. On Facebook, my ExtraLife team now for three years, posted about their big game day fundraiser where they had gamers in my city schedule their own 24 hours charity streams all to raise money for my local Stollery Children's Hospital. I happened to have that weekend off in November of 2020, and decided- let's go for it. I set a donation goal of only $300 USD because I knew I was coming into the year long fundraiser late and tried my best to advertise my schedule, my incentives, and even share the link wherever possible. A few donations came in before the stream and it felt like it was possible! I could hit this goal. Then came the stream day that year and it was the worst stream I had ever had...for a charity stream and so much support before hand, I only had two people come by in the 24 hours, and received no donations... I felt like this was not the path for me and decided to only have one more stream that year then quit it altogether... but we hit the goal and I was encouraged by my team to keep going the following year.

The second year and even this year was such an amazing success! I did not stream much throughout the last two years as I did not want to have that awful sinking feeling of failure when no one came or no one donated... so I learned more about marketing a bit- hashtags to add, emails to send, and shared with more loved ones in my life that I was doing this thing for a hospital that meant a lot to me when I was younger. Through all of those efforts, last year I raised just a smidge over $1000 USD and with that came some rewards- a silver medal and a gold medal, as well as some ExtraLife specific D&D dice... which, yes, did make me cry as D&D has become so important to me in my life and was surprised at the support I had to receive these incentives and hit that amazing goal.

This year, I am nearing the end of 2022 with just a day left and we are currently sitting at $1060 USD- another silver and gold medal under my belt, an ExtraLife puzzle, and- for my precious D&D heart, an ExtraLife Dice Tray. I was worried about this year. The bar was set high on reaching this milestone again as I did the year before and to be honest? It was not until the second half of this year that donations did start rolling through. Part of that was from me getting more active again on socials to share the link and awareness of fundraising money for kids to get better health treatments at my local hospital, but the other part of this was me streaming again! It has been mainly Minecraft the past couple of months but through streaming, social media saaviness and reaching out to so many more people, my community has expanded so much the last little while and we have done so well as a community to hit another huge milestone.

What charity fundraising has taught me is to never give up. I thought about giving up often this past year- why should I keep trying if no one is noticing? If no one is interacting? If no one cares? However, that was not the case at all- people are noticing, they are seeing this effort, they can also see how much this means to me. Through tears and long hours- I can do this. We can do this. We have done this. Not going to lie though, it would be funny to see if we can fundraise another $51 USD though because... well, a final fundraising goal of $1111 would be amazing. XD

Long post and story short though, ExtraLife has been amazing despite the ups and downs, the doubts, and the small moments of asking myself "is what I am doing even going to matter?" I have met new friends, became a part of a community dedicated to charity, streaming, gaming, and fundraising, as well as slowly becoming more integrated into the my local team.

What's next? Well, year 4 is coming up and I am definitely participating. I want to set a higher goal for next year- $1250 USD. I want to join my local team in more events and make even more friends. I also want to stream regularly, at least 1-2 times a week to keep stretching myself as much as possible. I am ending 2022 feeling more lonely than I thought I would be despite the community that has been built- let's hope that for 2023, we will hit a larger goal fundraised, make more friends, and maybe not end 2023 as lonely as I am in 2022.

#extra life #extralife #year 3 #third year #charity fundraising #charity #fundraising #livestreaming #twitch streaming #twitch #twitch streamer #goals #charity streaming #community building #community

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a-dragyns-reflections · 1 year

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a-dragyns-reflections · 1 year

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Bisexual-Asexual solidarity handshake

Feel free to use this anywhere!

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a-dragyns-reflections · 1 year

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Prompt 2003

The real betrayal was knowing that even when the rest of the world didn’t believe in me, the people I loved didn’t either.

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a-dragyns-reflections · 1 year

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☆ Asexual genshin icons !

with shenhe, hu tao, collei, and ganyu!

feel free to use! credit appreciated but not required

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a-dragyns-reflections · 1 year

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im like when a girl consumes too much media but doesnt have enough real life interactions

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a-dragyns-reflections · 1 year

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A Paradox of Emotions - Holidays Edition

Phew another post eh? Yup, and it's a lengthy one!

December has been quite a lot if I am honest. Most of it in amazing, great ways! Some of it, not so much and it can be funny how those emotions that are not kind take over... more on that later.

The first amazing part about this month is that I have been given an amazing opportunity! I started working for TalkMaze as a Public Speaking Coach back in September and enjoyed teaching my first group class about speech writing, public speaking, and developing their self-confidence to even do these things. I also received two more students to teach one-on-one and when I did, the owner of the company let me know that the curriculum for this 1-1 Program was brand new and we are testing it with these first few students. Great! I was happy enough to pilot the curriculum and give feedback on it as the deliverer of the curriculum. Talking to her the past few months about the curriculum and how its working in classes, made her realize something; we need someone ahead of the curriculum, training the coaches on it, and making sure students are learning the skills needed to develop their self-confidence. She recommended this role to myself and I just recently accepted it! I will be doing so much to set up this program as the sole curriculum lead and this work is going to be felt for years afterwards. We are going to perfect this curriculum together and see how it translates for the coaches and students. Again, an amazing opportunity! I am so proud of myself and look forward to this soo soo much.

I also have, back in November, ran two Queer Out D&D sessions for the local Pride Centre here in my city. Those sessions were amazing and working with the team was a joy as everyone was accepting of my own personal identities, background, and how I teach D&D in an inclusive way that allows for more sincere queer representation. After some time and talking with the team at the Pride Centre about how the sessions worked, the Program Lead informed me that will absolutely want me back in the New Year to run more of these community drop in sessions with compensation and to publish my name with their organization. Back earlier this year, I did not realize how much these safe spaces in gaming were needed until I did teach my first all queer D&D class with all queer D&D students. This opened so many new doors for me its been such a humbling and amazing experience to have and to continue to have in the New Year. It finally felt like I was valued somewhere again, I do have a sense of self worth, and now companies/organizations are realizing this... *I* am realizing this...just wow.

Now... the other side of December... we can all agree that the holiday season is an incredibly busy period for most, myself included. However, that brings a lot of mixed emotions and memories for me. Where I had friends wanting to spend time with me, tell me they consider me family and will make time for me... this month hits and that is no longer the case... its incredibly lonely during the holidays for me as I am not connected with family very much, friends are all over the world, none really locally nearby. How does one feel the festivities of Christmas/Holidays when there is that lack of connectivity with others? What do I do instead? Pour into the work I've mentioned above, and into my Toastmasters involvement. The more I do there, the more I feel productive, useful, and part of something where as in my personal relationships there is not a lot of that besides the weekly D&D sessions where we are grouped to do something together, tell a story together, but after that? Nothing else is done... no other conversations, no other get to know each other activities. Maybe that is something to start doing in the New Year between sessions, but man its hard when you are the one to always do these things and set these things up because otherwise? No one else puts in that effort... lonely vibes all.. Then there is Toastmasters. Now I have been part of this club for 2 years now so naturally there are connections there, appreciation, and that gratitude from members. However, no relationship building. Everyone else messages each other frequently but then my sister and I who are a part of the Executive... are left out of all those messages. We do not get invited out to spend time with the others. We do not feel a part of the community. Yet... there is this element that without us, some of our recent successes would not have happened, so thank god for us and that we exist... right? It's pretty complicated...are we doing something wrong? Is this another aspect of my life where I have to put in all the effort to form friendships while others just get to consider themselves my friend because I poured all of my energy into it to make it work? Maybe that is my role in relationships... to pour all I have left to continue to keep relationships close by, but how does that seem fair? Yet, I should stop doing the opposite of what I have been doing; doing none of the chasing, planning, etc. There has to be a balance somewhere, but how?

Lastly, and a bit more heavier and real I suppose than all of the things I feel in my mind versus reality... one of the most influential teachers in my life who has continued to support me even 17 years later has recently passed away... as a teacher, and realizing how much that support from someone who really pulled me out of a dark time, knowing they are gone just hits so different than any other loss. I had stopped caring about school in grade 5 when she was my teacher. My family had suffered a huge blow the summer before school started losing our home to a house fire that was caused due to electrical failure. I was so little I just thought no one would like us or care about us now that we had nothing...so I withdrew and hid myself a lot at the age of 11, maybe even still to this day a bit. However, this teacher, this beautiful human being, had sat me down a few months into the grade 5 school year and was so compassionate with me. I remember her telling me that she "saw the hard working, brilliant young woman I was." That I knew the school work, I am intelligent, I am caring enough to return back to who I am and who I would become. That school year, I fell just short of receiving honours, falling short by a whole 2%, but I did receive my first, of 4 citizenship awards in a row and she was the one that gave it to me in Awards Night. Her speech, which she did not have to do because most students did not receive one, but she said, "Violet has come so far, her family and life has become so difficult for so many complicated reasons, but she always helped clean up after classes. She helped classmates with their work. She even stepped up and became an office helper for our amazing secretary. From being a shell of a girl to someone we can see change the world for the better, it is my honour to give her this award tonight." Literal tears...even now, 17 years later. I am grieving pretty hard knowing this woman is not around any more, but I am also so grateful for knowing her and what she gave me at such the young age of 11. I only hope to embody half of the things she was to her students for my own students one day. Thank you Mrs. Pierce, may you rest in peace.

As you can see, December is a lot. Opportunities, finding a sense of self worth, feelings of loneliness/being forgotten/left out/used, grief of the heaviest kind. Most days I can get through all of these emotions from the important and valuable work I am doing, but other days I lay in bed until 10am wondering what is the point. It is hard out there everyone; try to bring people back into your circles, check in, offer supports either personally or professionally to those who need it, and lets get to 2023 together. I know I plan on starting these efforts up again now myself.

#emotional december #emotional #december #pride #proud #self worth #grief #loneliness #forgotten #community #surviving #emotions #complex emotions #support each other #love each other

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