itsagoodlife - Tumblr blog

itsagoodlife · 2 years

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"At the same time, You need to Be willing to Recognize your privilege. Be willing to Lace your fingers together. Be willing to Give a boost when you can. We don't win till we're all winning."

Amanda Lovelace

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itsagoodlife · 2 years

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"There is nothing Unfeminist About the girl Who chooses The ball gown & the prince. There is everything Unfeminist About those Who try to Shame her for Her choices."

Amanda Lovelace

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itsagoodlife · 2 years

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"Repeat after me: There can never be Too much sky. There can never be Too many dreams. There can never be Too much coffee. There can never be Too many stars. There can never be Too much me."

Amanda Lovelace

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itsagoodlife · 2 years

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"You needn't try to race the clock to find your soul mate. Trust me: they aren't going anywhere. When - or if - you're ready to meet them, they'll be waiting patiently."

Amanda Lovelace

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itsagoodlife · 2 years

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There are days I like to pretend nothing happened. That I was a normal kid, Who grew up in the cutesy “omg my family is so weird” but not really weird, type of family. That’s how I feel most days. But then something happens. Like today, I learned that one of my students has repeated the same mistake that my assaulter made. But this isn’t what make me want to speak up per se. What makes me want to scream is that he was in my classroom today. And that girl that he is accused of hurting? She is in the classroom next door. That girl will have to walk past him every day, And she will most likely shy away and try her best to forget that whatever happened, did happen. I want to SCREAM because I wish that 13 years after my assault, society would evolve enough that history wouldn’t repeat itself. I want to SCREAM because I am conflicted about my student that I have come to love and want the best future for. I want to SCREAM because I don’t want my silence to hurt anyone more than it already has. I want to scream, but the screams of so many other people have fallen on deaf ears already.

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itsagoodlife · 2 years

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I told you about how I stood up for myself and a group of people this weekend. I told you how I subtly stood up for the LGBTQ community at school. You told me that I have many important things to say, And that I need to let myself say them. And logically, I know that you’re right. People tend to react positively when I share my thoughts and speak my mind. Except when they don’t. When I get called a slut by my father for a label that I chose for myself. When the things I say could send people to jail. When I get manipulated into feeling horrible for having a differing opinion. When I share my experiences and they’re belittled. Sure, I should say more and use my voice more. But I have been chastised, teased, bullied, and abused for the things that I have said. I don’t want to go through that again.

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itsagoodlife · 2 years

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You told me once to consider forgiving him. The anger at the thought hit me hard and fast. I could feel hot, angry tears threatening to spill down my cheeks. How? How could I possibly begin to forgive him? I can barely halfheartedly forgive myself. Which is crazy because I was a child and a victim. He was supposed to take care of us. He was supposed to be the one we could trust. But he didn’t take care of us. And he broke our trust. Many negative things that have occurred can often be traced to him. And sure, we had our own level of guilt, But we were kids. And he should have known better.

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itsagoodlife · 2 years

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"I've learned that you need to learn how to dance alone for a while before you're able to find a good partner again. One who won't make you spin around in circles to get you to stay. One who will gladly let you fumble, maybe even step on their toes a little bit. One who won't try to hold you back when you run away, if that's what you feel is best for you."

Amanda Lovelace

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itsagoodlife · 2 years

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As a teacher, I have to take annual trainings Things like bullying prevention, signs of child abuse, suicide awareness, etc. They basically teach you what red flags to look for. And I’ll be honest, I barely pay attention to these trainings. And yet I still pass the little tests at the end with flying colors. I can feel myself getting mad during them. Why do I have to do these? Shouldn’t it be common sense? I’ve always attributed my anger to thinking it was wasted time for something that is common sense. Until this year. I’m not mad because I wasted time. I’m mad that it is common sense, but for some people it isn’t. I’m mad that it is common sense and the big, massive, bloody red flags were missed in my childhood. The people in my life growing up were colorblind to my red flags. When I purposefully hurt myself for the first time, I couldn’t catch my breath and I was crying. The recess monitor smiled and waved at me and sent me off to class. When I accidentally expressed very violent thoughts to a teacher, my mom got called, not a guidance counselor. When I had a panic attack about a janitor from elementary school being moved to my building, I was told to stop being dramatic or tell the teacher and the other 15 people in the room what was wrong. When I stopped changing in front of you, and there were bloodstains on my socks, and the hips of my jeans and underwear, you just did the laundry. I could continue this list more, but I hope you get the picture. I know people probably ignored the red flags because I was so happy, bubbly, and well-mannered. But little me was so tired of all the trauma she went through, And waving those big red flags.

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itsagoodlife · 2 years

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"Fairy Godmother says You will feel like you've made A mess of things, Even when it's not your fault. You will feel hopeless. You will feel helpless, You will consider giving up. It is then you must remember That you alone have the power To clean it back up again."

Amanda Lovelace

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itsagoodlife · 2 years

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"Fairy Godmother says You deserve so much more Than you've been given, So don't you dare forget To tend to yourself. Take time to sweep your corners, Dust off your bookshelves, Shake out your rugs, & make your windows shine. Create a safe space For yourself to go when It feels like the whole world Has turned against you. Its the only thing you'll ever truly Be able to count on.

Amanda Lovelace

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itsagoodlife · 2 years

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In theory, I do know how to take care of myself. In theory, I do know what I’m doing is wrong. In theory, I do know that I need to change what I’m doing. But these theories are not my current reality. When people describe hygiene issues because of things like depression, You picture a crying girl who hasn’t showered in a few days with some bedhead. Most days I don’t fit that description. I regularly shower, and I manage my bedhead, and I don’t cry often. But that doesn’t mean my hygiene has been good. I can’t tell you the last time that I consistently brushed my teeth. I think I brushed my teeth 3 months ago? Or was it 6 months? It has been less than a year since I actually started taking showers that washed more than the hair on my head. In theory, I am not depressed enough to not take care of myself. But in reality, I am dirty.

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itsagoodlife · 2 years

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Burden Noun: A load, typically a heavy one. I consider myself to be a burden on the people I love sometimes. And when I do feel that way, I tell them that I’m sorry. I’m sorry to bother you with my problems. I’m sorry to burden you with my mess. And like good friends they tell me that I’m not burdening them. And that they’re happy to help me. But the thing is, Happy or not to help, I’m still burdening them with my issues. They are still carrying a load that they did not ask for. And sure, sharing some burden is a part of friendship, But what is the weight limit? At what point will their knees shake and buckle under the pressure? My friends are already carrying the weight of their own trauma. Why would I want to add my own to what they’re carrying?

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itsagoodlife · 2 years

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Trigger Happy. Adjective. This phrase is usually used to describe cowboys, bandits, and other gun wielding foes. However I am coming to realize that maybe I am trigger happy. Which sounds ridiculous because I don’t own a gun, And I am not particularly happy about these situations. Trigger. Verb. To cause an event or situation to happen or exist. I know what triggers me. What triggers my panic, anxiety, and flashbacks. And yet, I often find myself finding those triggers, And then continuously subjecting myself to them. I’d like to think that those trigger happy foes aren’t happy about pulling the trigger, But they do so because they feel they need to in order to survive. Maybe that is why I am trigger happy. I feel like I need to subject myself more, In order to survive.

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itsagoodlife · 2 years

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"People have a habit of Telling on themselves; Most of the time, By accident. You'll see it in One wrong word, Or how they react when They think no one's looking. Don't ever take it Lightheartedly, For there is always some Truth in these moments. Be sure to armor your Kind, kind heart. Be trusting, But be vigilant.

Amanda Lovelace

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itsagoodlife · 2 years

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"Fairy Godmother says It's not a character flaw To care too much, But it can drain you Until you have nothing Left to give yourself."

Amanda Lovelace

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itsagoodlife · 2 years

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"Fairy Godmother says You are not a thing That can ever be Claimed, conquered, Or irreparably ruined By someone else's hands. He may like to think He wields that much power, But he doesn't."

Amanda Lovelace

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