#1 am and im typing this one handed because im holding our cat like a baby with the other

[napping-sapphic]

tbh if a girl fell asleep on me she’s getting the full cat experience like i’d die before disturbing you “oh just wake me up” like stfu no i will sit there with my locked up joints for hours making this face at you🥺

#wlw #wlw mood #sapphic #sapphism #lesbian #1 am and im typing this one handed because im holding our cat like a baby with the other #id try to stare lovingly at you #but tbh unless the position is uncomfortable enough i would probably also fall asleep #which- still top notch tbh #nap together staring lovingly while the other naps #idc it’s all romance to me #im gay and i like sleeping

[vipersiia]

XYX HEADCANONS

i have recently joined the bloomic discord and talked abt xyx, with,,, so many people and here r my headcanons, there are,,, a Lot of them and they are so so so fluffy i promise

OKAY SO FIRST OF ALL - he has such a thing for petnames, and will Melt if u reciprocate

absolute pro at not being able to take what he can dish out, dont fret though, he absolutely builds a tolerance

ironically uses terrible pet-names in public, if you use some on him he Will make it a competition and he Will win ("snookums here wants a refund on this." "yes sorry, mcdreamy here said it didn't look good on me" "oh schmoopy , how you wound me i did not sa that")

xyx is such a people-pleaser, so he Knows what you like and what you don't, he'll keep an eye on your expressions subtly ("hey babe why is there so much snack you really like in our pantry?" "it was on sale!")

he will Spoil you, he's not the type to spend a lot of money on himself but on You?? oh you better watch out

still careful with his money but if you're eyeing that bag, or pair of shoes, or poster, he will buy it for you.

even if you off-handedly comment wanting something, expect it in your arms Soon ("i saw this really cool poster at the mall today?" "oh really? what did it look like doll?" "it was like, of my favourite character holding their love interest" "oh thats very cool" schemes)

will absolutely do the evil villain chair in dark thing with Cat if you come home late ("i've been,, expecting you" "babe its 1 am what are you doing up?")

he knows your favourite drink, exactly how you like it, and it tastes perfect everytime. YOU NEVER TOLD HIM EITHER, he just had you try a buncha things and watched your reactions ("hey love, im trying out a new recipe, wanna try?" "of course!")

dont think about it but seeing him playing with cat, watching the muscles in his arm flex??? him Noticing you noticing and flexing a lil harder, before going all out, Cat meowing indignantly over his bicep???

stop thinking about xyx coming home from work, seeing you and Cat cuddling on the couch?? being so in love that he scored someone as amazing as you?? he is just, so so so, in love with you at the moment?? that he just, comes over, picking u both up and twirlin you around. Cat immediately, outraged bats him the face but he doesn't notice because you're giggling so hard rn

if he's meeting your parents??? ohhh be prepared, he is such a smooth talker and hes Proud. He comes in, nicest most neutral cologne, nice powersuit, a subtle chain necklace with your initial???

he is All smooth talk, keepin an eye out for any cues of like or dislike on topics, always complimenting whoever cooked

when getting to the Interrogation? oh he's Ready ("so what do you do for a living" "oh well i work as a lawyer, it makes me elated to be able to provide for mc like i can" "nice, nice" *visibly impressed*)

the car ride home after??? oh he is Menace, he is all grins, puffin out his chest like a bird ("doll they loOoooveee me" "did you see that? arent you proud love?") you're gonna have to keep saying yes but its okayyy because you're both sickeningly in love with eachother

him being hella cheesy, tellin u one day ("hey doll, i bet i can hold the entire universe in my hands" "what??") and immediately cupping your face??? pulling you into a soft kiss??

you keeping that in ur mind,,, ready to strike back?? sitting on the couch with him laying between them, cheek pressed into your thigh as you both play with Cat? when Cat leaves, leaning down and cupping his face in your hands??? ("you are so gorgeous babe") and he goes Red (mc - 1 / xyx - 4million), his breath Stops.

leaning down to kiss him??? catching him even more off-guard?? absolute knock-out. he tries so hard to play it off ("ill never be as gorgeous as you doll") but being sooo off his game? so caught off guard??

a sunshower happening, cue you, dancing in the rain like a madman??? him coming over and seeing you?? glad u cant see him because he is Positive he looks so sappy rn. eventually meeting his eye?? running up to him and grabbing him by the hand?? leading him into the rain?? he immediately takes over the dance, spinnin and twirlin you around.

pulling you into his arms?? arms resting on your hips as you grab him by the face?? pulling him into a kiss???? laughter breaking out between you two, as he peppers your face in kisses??

doing research on filipino wedding customs, finding out that you traditionally ask the parents for their blessing

ASKING XYX'S PARENTS FOR THEIR BLESSING?? going over to their house for a dinner plan, getting him distracted and asking his parents for their blessing??? planning the wedding with them??? burning the unity candle?? the rice toss?? the money dance???

at the altar, can't even get though the first line of his vows before he cries ( "and i, xyx tak-" *literally sobbing*)

DOING HARANA FOR HIM??? getting all the members of the bloomic server to participate, as you sing his praises? good at singing or not he is so choked up in giggly, hands over face ugly bawling

lighting the unity candle with him is a whole ordeal, neither of you can stay still long enough to keep the flame steady, almost lighting the tablecloth on fire

him holding you as close as you can fit against him?? teary eyed all over again because wow, he cant believe that you really wanted to marry him??

post first dance, as the night wanes, hiding behind the couples table, on the floor, in his arms??? as he feeds u mango sticky rice and vice versa???

sayin sum cheesy shit like ("oops i missed a spot, hold still love") before leaning in for a kiss??? not realizing the photographer AND videograper saw this and got it all in 4k??

the discord prompts that inspired me, thank u i luv u all(real)

#viper.txts #blooming panic #bloomic #xyx #blooming panic xyx #xyx bp #xyx x reader #headcanons

[rsitb-second-account]

Borrower Intruloceit

Janus, Remus and Logan were (very happily) in a polyamorous relationship. However, to most of the world, Janus and Remus were just a couple. You see, Logan was a borrower; a tiny person that lives in the walls of human houses and steals from those humans in order to survive. And, he’s a secret. 

Here’s three close calls and the one time everyone found out about Logan.

1. The time Remus’ brother showed up unannounced

Logan was sitting on the arm of the couch, having a movie date with his boyfriends, when the door slammed open. He quickly gestured to Janus’ pocket, hoping he would understand. Luckily, he nodded and quickly scooped up the borrower and deposited him in the fairly large (to Logan at least) pocket.

“good evening, Roman. Is there a reason you showed up unannounced, or did you just want to ruin our date?” Janus spoke coldly

“oh- I- uh.. I didn’t know you two had a date tonight..” Roman rubbed his neck sheepishly

“us three” Logan corrected under his breath, shifting his position slightly. Unfortunately, Roman seemed to notice the movement from the pocket. 

“What’s in your pocket?” He asked hesitantly

Logan stilled and held his breath as Janus answered “why do you want to know?” 

Remus was staying silent, not trusting himself to not accidentally let something slip.

“I want to know beca-” he was cut off by Remus

“why are you here Roman?”

That quickly distracted the human “oh! I was just-” he explained why he was there, Logan still forcing himself to be still.

Once the dramatic man had left, the borrower let out an annoyed sigh “you really need to take away his key, so he can’t do this again. It is rather annoying to have to hide every two seconds that Roman shows up unexpectedly”

Remus giggled “and what would we tell him? ‘oh yeah our secret tiny boyfriend doesn’t like it when you burst in randomly so we’re gonna take your key’ I don’t think that would work very well, tiny nerd”

2. Janus’ brother shows up slightly less unannounced than Roman

Janus, Remus and Logan were watching random Youtube videos, with Logan sat on Remus’ shoulder. They heard the door open at the same time as Janus got a text message from his brother, Virgil

Was on a walk and saw your house. Am now in your house :)

Luckily, there was an entrance to the walls right next to where they were sat and Logan practically ran into it, the entrance closing just as Virgil entered the room.

“Virgil, do you have a reason to be here other than being an annoyance?” Janus raised an eyebrow at his younger sibling

“Nope!” Virgil replied with fake cheerfulness, before sitting cross-legged on the floor staring at the other humans. Remus just stared back, but with a slightly more eerie tone to his actions. 

Janus just sighed at his boyfriend and his brother. He had no doubt that Logan was watching with an annoyed face that he would deny ever making. Almost everything they tried to do together was interrupted by someone bursting in uninvited, and it was getting tiresome. He heard a faint noise from the walls and by the looks of it Virgil and Remus heard it too.

Logan had gotten into a fight with a (luckily non-venomous) spider, and had just killed it, when he tripped. The impact made him hiss with pain and, unfortunately, made a semi-loud sound on its own. “... what was that?” He heard Virgil ask

Janus and Remus looked at each other for a split second, before Janus shrugged and said that it was probably nothing

“Anyway, emo, if you’re scared and you didnt come here for a reason, you can leave” Remus said, slightly too bluntly.

Virgil, thankfully for Logan, did in fact leave. It was at exactly that moment that the borrower decided that Virgil was better (if only slightly) than Roman

3. The time with Patton

Logan was wandering around the house (its his house and he can do that now that the humans knew about him) when a knock at the door sounded. Suddenly really glad that he stayed near the walls on his walk, he rushed into the closest entrance. 

He knew that this would be Patton (he was the only person who ever bothered to knock) but he still couldn’t decide whether this particular human was as good as Virgil or not. He was better than Roman, not as loud (though still pretty loud), and not as keen on staying somewhere that he didn’t own. However, he wasn’t as quiet as Virgil, and had accidentally hurt his ears quite a few times, but at least he knocked instead of bursting in randomly with little to no warning.

He watched from a vent as Remus opened the door

“Heya Remus! Can i come in?” Patton greeted with obviously fake happiness and Logan could see a smile that seemed just a little too forced

“of course, do you want to sit down? I’ll go get Janus” Remus genuinely had no clue what to do, but Janus was slightly better at comforting people. Logan was better at it as well, because he’d bring up facts about why you’re good, but it wasn’t like Logan could comfort Patton..

Janus quickly rushed to the living room, where his best friend was obviously trying to hold back tears. 

Logan watched Patton rant about both everything and nothing at the same time, obviously just needing someone to talk to. As much as he hated to admit it, he was still annoyed at the interruption that had forced him into the walls. He couldn’t control what annoyed him, and that in itself was an annoyance. He wanted to sympathise with the human, but did he have to show up right as Logan was finally relaxing? He decided to just randomly do things on the phone his boyfriends had given him. It had been hard to drag to his house in the walls but it made it easier to not get bored and to contact the two humans

4. When everyone (finally) finds out

Logan had had enough. The three humans that didn’t live in the house had all shown up unexpectedly, together. Whilst Logan, Remus and Janus were trying to finally have uninterrupted time together. Of course that’s when they show up Logan thought bitterly. They had showed up for, as they put it, a ‘surprise sleepover’

He glanced at his phone leaning on the wall next to his bed and a thought popped into his head. The humans were bound to find out anyway, if they were to keep bursting in unexpectedly, so why not just tell them?

Logan unlocked his phone, opening Whatsapp and typing out a message

‘tel VIrgl patan and romun to stay were they are. im reveeling mysellf to them. im going throo the enterance on the bukshelf. see yoo soon’

He probably spelt most of it wrong, but he hadn’t exactly gotten taught spelling. All he was taught in regards to reading, was just barely enough to figure out what he was taking and if it was dangerous or not. And he was making a life-changing decision, so he thought that meant he could make as many spelling mistakes as he did, and play it off to nervousness.

Janus and Remus both looked at their phones and paled. What was Logan thinking?! It seemed that the other humans had noticed their uneasiness “what’s wrong? What’s on your phones that is making you react like this??” Virgil asked, worry lacing his tone

“Don’t worry, Vee. It’s nothing bad, it’s just.. unexpected. ...You’ll see, just stay there” Janus soothed his brother

“you two stay there as well” Remus added , getting up and walking towards the bookshelf, Janus soon joining him. They looked at where they knew the entrance was, waiting for it to open.

Roman piped up “uh, care to tell us what is going on?”

“we will, but not yet. We need to wait” 

“well, that was ominous..” Virgil commented, seeming slightly nervous

Then, the entrance opened and Logan walked out glaring softly at the shocked humans

“uh, Remus, what the fuck is that?!” Roman practically shouted, reminding Logan just why he was on the bottom of his list of favourites. 

“He is our boyfriend, and I expect you to treat him with respect” Janus said, his voice venomous. Remus held out a hand for Logan to climb onto, which the borrower did, still glaring at the other humans (mostly Roman). 

“Salutations. I am Logan, do not introduce yourselves, I already know who you are” He spoke before muttering an “unfortunately”

Remus, being the only person close enough to hear the mutter, let out a chuckle “Lo, if you revealed yourself just to complain about them to their faces, this will be hilarious”

The three humans were staring in shock, until Roman snapped out of it “Wait- why would he be complaining? I don’t know about those two, but I am positively amazing!” 

Logan scoffed “yeah, amazing. You’re too loud, burst in randomly, and it’s always for the stupidest reasons. You have hurt my ears far too many times to count, and almost every time me, Janus and Remus try to do something together, you show up, and I have to hide or go back to the walls. So, yeah, amazing” He spoke, voice dripping with sarcasm. 

He turned to the other two “you two aren’t as bad, but you still manage to show up at some of the worst possible times. Patton, you are quite loud, but not as loud as Roman, so that makes you slightly better. Also, you don’t burst in, and you knock so that’s something good. Virgil, you’re not as loud as these two, which is good, and you always send a text message when you show up, so I have at least a little bit of warning before going into the walls, so you’re both better than Roman” not that that’s saying much he added mentally.

-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-

I kinda wanna write a prequel about how Logan, Remus and Janus met..

Tag list: @icantthinkofacreativeurl @vann-cat @moonfrost-star-comics

#sanders sides #sanders sides fic #sanders sides au #borrower au #sanders sides borrower #borrower logan #human patton #human roman #human virgil #human janus #human remus #g/t au #sanders sides g/t #intruloceit #i wrote this whilst very sick and dizzy so its probably not the best #Ash tries to write something

[spacedikut]

“i want to love someone and be loved” ; spencer reid - part 2

pairing: spencer reid (criminal minds) x f!reader

summary: spencer decides it’s time to tell you, but he needs some help. 3887 words. part 1

a/n: THIS is the longest fic ive ever written but im actually kinda proud of how it turned out? i hope this is a good sequel :)

Spencer chickens out of telling you the next day.

He avoids you all weekend, actually. You resisted texting him the day after Rossi’s because you assumed he’d be busy – with his big plan involving a girl that isn’t you. You’re not bitter – but Sunday comes around and you message him not long after you wake up and six hours later there’s no response.

Twelve hours later - there’s no response.

Monday, you don’t have time to say hello to anyone – there’s a case waiting for you, somewhere in Florida.

Reid avoids your eyes. His body language tells you something is wrong, so you assume whoever he confessed to didn’t reciprocate (they’re insane) and he’s dealing with it. So you don’t press.

Spencer pretends to sleep the entire jet ride. He’s avoiding everyone, not just you.

He spent the whole weekend beating himself up. He drove to your apartment on Saturday, sat outside for so long a neighbour knocked on his window and asked if he was lost, but couldn’t bring himself to step foot out of his car.

So he locked himself in his room, away from you and your loveliness and away from his phone because he knew you texted him and he knew you’d send some soft message about being there for him if he needs anything and he didn’t need to be reminded of how beautiful and out of reach you are.

Derek seemed to be waiting for him Monday morning, arms crossed as he held a cup of coffee. It was weird seeing him in before Spencer.

“How’d it go?” He immediately asked.

“How’d what go?” Spencer mumbles, flinging his bag on the floor by his desk. He slumps in his seat.

Derek raises a dark eyebrow, “You know what, pretty boy. You had a big thing? Big plan?”

“Didn’t work out.”

It doesn’t take a profiler to realise Spencer is very clearly saying leave me alone. Leave it alone.

Derek isn’t one to leave it alone. Especially when it comes to Spencer.

He sighs and moves a little closer to Spencer’s desk, just in case someone overhears them.

“What happened?”

“That’s exactly it,” Spencer slams open a file, “Nothing happened.”

“And why did nothing happen?”

“Because I’m an idiot that can’t even tell a girl how I feel.”

“Whoa- hey!”

Derek spins Spencer’s chair so they’re face to face. Derek takes one look in Spencer’s eyes and knows what’s going on – he got too into his head and backed out at the last minute.

“You’re not an idiot. Why didn’t you do it?”

Spencer shrugs, “I got to her apartment. I had flowers, too. I don’t know.”

Derek’s evidently concerned – Spencer’s beaten up over this, over whoever this girl is, and he deserves the chance to experience love. Spencer deserves a lot more than he himself thinks he does.

“You seemed really excited, man. You can still do it. Just cause you try once and it doesn’t work out doesn’t mean you can’t ever try again.”

Spencer stares off into the distance, accidentally ignoring Derek as his thoughts slip out of his mouth, “Yeah, it probably wouldn’t have worked anyway – I was stupid to think I could get someone like her.”

“Hey, no.” Derek nudges Spencer’s shoulder so he looks at him again, “Don’t talk like that. You’re one hell of a guy, Reid. All you gotta do is get that confidence that you had Friday night back, and you’re all set. Don’t be so hard on yourself.”

Spencer gives a feeble nod. Derek moves back to his desk, knowing he isn’t convinced, but he isn’t done yet.

+++

Later, in Florida, Spencer’s making a coffee in the precinct’s kitchen after waiting twenty minutes for you to leave. Luck’s on his side, for once, and you’ve been working non-stop with Prentiss going crime scene to crime scene so he hasn’t had to actively avoid you. You smile at him every chance you get, though, and it distracts him.

Someone clears their throat behind him. It’s Penelope, whom Spencer didn’t realise was invited on this case.

She looks guilty. Spencer recognises that face; the face she has when she’s done something she shouldn’t have or knows something she isn’t really supposed to. Given current circumstances, Spencer bets it’s the latter reason.

“Morgan told me something he shouldn’t have.”

Bingo.

He leans against the kitchen counter, stirring his coffee absentmindedly.

“What did he tell you?” He asks, feigning tranquillity. Inside he’s screaming non-stop.

She’s got her hands clasped together in front of her, almost innocently, and fiddles with her fingers, “He told me you needed assistance in the love department.” Before he can object, she continues, “And I am willing to do anything if it means our resident weirdo-slash-genius falls in love and gets to experience some much needed cuteness.”

There’s no point in lying to her. There’s also no point in being mad that Morgan told her about his situation – they’re kind of a package deal. And, who knows, Garcia might be able to help.

“So…” She sways, trying (and failing) to appear nonchalant, “Who’s the lucky lady?”

Spencer shuffles on the spot, scuffing his shoes against the floor. He debates whether he should tell her, since, you know, you’re in the next room over, but Spencer worries that Garcia is so good at her job she’d somehow find out through hacking Spencer’s phone, or maybe somehow hacking his dreams. His subconscious. He’s terrified of Garcia and her abilities.

“You can tell me.” She insists, “I’m much better at keeping secrets than Morgan.”

Spencer turns away from her, she steps closer, and he mumbles your name.

“What?”

“Y/N.”

“WHAT?!”

Spencer spins, hands coming up to tell Garcia to shut up and Garcia immediately covers her mouth in both shock and hopefully so she doesn’t shout again.

“Since when?!” She screeches. “How could I not have known?! Oh God, almighty Doctor Reid, I feel like I’ve failed you by not realising earlier.”

Her enthusiasm makes him smile, for the first time in far too long. Garcia has that power – this innate skill to comfort those around her and make them feel special, make them smile when the world feels like its collapsing.

“Let me help!” She requests.

Spencer’s clearly hesitant. He knows it’s a bad idea.

“Please!” She begs, “I just- I have so many ideas of how you can go about this. Let me brainstorm, get back to you, and if I’m too over-the-top you can tell me no and we’ll pretend it never happened!”

He takes a deep breath. Yes, Garcia is the definition of over-the-top, but that’s one of his favourite things about her. It’s your favourite thing, too. And he did tell Morgan he had big plans. Anything involving Garcia is a big plan with big payoff.

“This is between us.”

“I’ll take it to the grave. Unless you realise how amazing my ideas are and use one to tell Y/N how you feel and then years later I get to commend myself during my maid of honour speech at your wedding.”

She looks ecstatic, hands now together under her jaw as her eyes twinkle. Spencer can’t help but laugh at her eagerness.

+++

The next day, the team returns to Quantico after a semi-successful case. The general mood is good and Morgan invites everyone out for drinks – Spencer declines, but you have your first full conversation since last Friday.

“C’mon, Spence,” Your head rests against the jet seat and you blink sleepily at him, “I feel like I haven’t spoken to you for years!”

Spencer gives you a small smile, “I promised my mom I’d call her tonight. Sorry, Y/N.”

You nod in understanding, “Will you tell her I say hi?”

“Of course. She loves you.”

You grin at eachother, immediately lost in your own world. You’ve missed him more than you realised, and you have no idea what’s going through his head, but you’re happy that you’ve had this – a Spencer Reid smile that makes you feel at home and on top of the world simultaneously.

Spencer has to tear his eyes away before he blurts something stupid, like she’s not the only one that loves you.

+++

“Spencer!” Garcia greets, Cheshire cat grin on her face. “I need to see you in my dungeon, please. Immediately.”

Spencer drops the file he’s holding. Unfortunately, Penelope’s request caught the attention of the whole team.

“What business do you have in the villain’s lair, Reid?” Derek asks. You’ve looked up from your computer, Emily smirking and leaning back in her chair in expectation.

“Uh…”

“Important nerd business. Go away.” Garcia says, eyes narrow as she tugs Spencer’s hand. He’s whisked away from any further questioning, leaving the befuddled team behind.

He isn’t sure what to expect when he stumbles into Penelope’s second home, but the display in front of him explains why he overheard a conversation about missing evidence boards earlier. Penelope’s obviously been using the new printer in her cave to her advantage – there’s at least twenty different pictures printed out on one board titled “date ideas”, then the board on the right has a picture of Spencer and you in the centre with a perfectly drawn heart around it. Under and around that is a mixture of love quotes, including song lyrics and quotes directly from romantic movies. He notices “The Parliament of Fowls” on there – Garcia remembers that he mentioned it’s considered the first Valentines poem?

“Whoa,” Is all he can say.

“I know it’s a little intense,” Garcia squirms, “But! I started scrolling through Pinterest and couldn’t stop. I don’t know what came over me, maybe some type of love deity, but I started thinking about you and Y/N in a classic love film in, like, black and white and I…”

She’s out of breath from animatedly explaining.

Spencer laughs through his nose, almost a scoff, but he’s impressed. He shouldn’t have expected anything else from the Penelope Garcia.

As Spencer wanders towards the first board, Garcia follows him like a shadow, “My personal favourite is-“ She points to a picture of chocolate fondue with faceless people in very little clothing, “-this one.”

Spencer awkwardly clears his throat when he begins to think of you and him like that.

“A little much for your declaration of love, though, I get it,” Garcia nods.

He scans the board – heart speeding up when he moves from idea to idea and picturing you and him in each one. He can’t help but think no, that one would be good for our anniversary – ah, she’d love to do that one for her birthday.

“What’re you thinking?” Garcia asks quietly. She knows his brain is whirring like her computer drive, so she approaches him gently.

“This one.” He says. “Where should we do it?”

Garcia grins behind him. The one he’s referring to shows a dinner table set up outside, brown wooded table with white wooden chairs opposite eachother. There’s flowers at the centre, a bottle of wine already poured in each glass in front of a basket of cookies, and the area around is shrouded by shrubbery, fairy lights hanging delicately from every-which-way.

It’s perfect. You love fairy lights, Spencer loves cookies, and the set-up looks private enough for Spencer to feel confident when he empties his heart and soul to you.

“The roof.” Garcia says wistfully.

“We have access to that?”

“Yes.” They both know they don’t. “Leave it to me. Oh… one more thing.” She adds, hesitantly, “Can Morgan help? I’m a lot of things, including emotionally strong and your love guru, but physically I’m gonna need some assistance.”

Spencer doesn’t even need to agree – Morgan’s gonna involve himself no matter what.

+++

Five o’clock is quickly approaching and you’re slumped over your desk, lost in your work. You need to be lost in it, because ever since Garcia released Spencer from her office right after lunch he’s been sneaking glances at you (he’s not sneaky) and has made several attempts to approach you but decided against it, sharply turning and pretending he meant to go another way instead.

You are beyond confused. You assume it’s to do with the girl he’s been trying to get over – you hope he’s been trying to build the confidence to tell you exactly what happened and maybe, you really hope, he’ll invite you over for the weekend so you can slip back into your old routine.

“Psst.”

You assume they’re not trying to get your attention, so you don’t move.

“Psst!”

You still don’t move.

“Y/N!”

Your head snaps up to Spencer leaning over the divider between your desks. He looks alarmed – which is odd, given he’s the one who called you – and he opens and closes his mouth a few times before he finally speaks.

“Are you busy tonight?” He sits back and, if he wasn’t so goddamn tall, all you’d be able to see would be his eyes. His added height means you can see his eyes and his nose. You wanna kiss it.

You smile – this is an olive branch, “I am completely available for whatever it is you might need.”

You sound incredibly eager, which you are. You miss him.

His cheeks move upwards, a smile, “Can I talk to you, later, on the roof? Uh-“ He clears his throat, “-I need to tell you something.”

You raise an eyebrow, “You’re not gonna push me off, right?”

“No,” He laughs.

“Promise me.”

Now he guffaws, “I would never, Y/N!”

“Promise me, Reid!”

“Alright, alright! I promise!” He’s jokingly raising his hands in a form of surrender.

You give him another smile and turn back to your work. You feel at ease, now, thinking he’s finally gonna tell you what happened on the weekend – finally you’ll be able to help him and go back to normal.

Spencer, on the other hand, is the exact opposite of ease. He’s about to pour his heart out to you.

He takes a deep breath and looks back to his computer, which is open on a tab titled “How to Tell Someone You Like Them.”

Step 3: Be Confident.

Spencer opens a new tab and searches, “How to be confident.”

+++

Garcia hacks into Spencer’s computer to open a document and type that the roof is ready. She wishes him luck, tells him she loves him, and calls dibs on being the godmother of your future children. As if she doesn’t have enough godchildren as it is.

He clears his throat and your head snaps towards him. You’ve been done for a while, playing Tetris on your phone, waiting for Spencer to take you to the roof where he swears he won’t kill you – you’re not entirely convinced.

“Um-“ He scratches his neck, “You ready to go?”

You nod and give him a weak smile in hopes it gives him some type of reassurance.

“Whatever happened, it’s okay, Spence.”

All he does is nod in return, gathering his coat and bag. He doesn’t really register what you say, or he would’ve been very confused.

You follow him up to the roof. The elevator ride is silent and Spencer is jittery; his hands twitch and tap against his legs, he’s bouncing on his toes and he keeps looking at you through the corner of his eye. You’ve taken several deep breaths to calm your racing heart – you hate heights, and this is the closest you’ve been to Spencer in a week. This will be the longest conversation you’ve had with him in a week, too.

The second the doors open, Spencer leaps in front of you.

“Wait!”

You jump back in surprise, “What? Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. Completely fine. Just… when we get there, let me explain first, okay? Before you say anything.” He’s pleading, as if you’ve already told him no. You look at him with furrowed brows and mumble an ‘okay’.

You’re visibly confused as you trek up the flight of stairs to the roof. Spencer pushes open the fire door and the first thing you notice is how bright the roof is – you always assumed it’d be dark, little light, especially at night like this.

Wait.

There’s fairy lights… everywhere. You’re pretty sure this isn’t the norm for the FBI roof.

Spencer is equally as awed at what he sees before him - it’s exactly the photo he saw in Garcia’s cave brought to life, but he’s too distracted by you to fully appreciate it. You look like a child on Christmas; eyes wide, pupils blown, mouth slightly agape. You’re gorgeous.

“What…is this, Spence?” You wonder, noticing the set table, fingers grazing the roses that sit in a vase in the middle. They’re fresh and smell wonderful.

He stands a little behind you, fiddling with his hands, and clears his throat, “Would you like to take a seat?”

You do. When he finally sits, he pours you a glass of wine and you immediately take an anxious sip. Although Rossi is a big fan of wine, you rarely take interest in it only when Spencer’s involved. You’ve come to associate wine with him – a smile peeks out from your glass as you stare at the man opposite you.

“I need to get something off my chest. But there’s cookies, if you want one,” He picks one up from his plate, breaking it in half and giving it to you. He’s stalling, but you seem to take the bait and bite into it.

“Are these from the bakery two blocks away?”

“Yeah,” He replies, but he isn’t really paying attention. He doesn’t know where to begin.

You wait patiently for him to open up. You’re still unsure of what to make of all of this – the beautiful setting, the wine, the flowers, the lights. God, the lights are dazzling in the Virginia night sky. You need context, and you need it now.

“Spence-“

“Listen.”

“Oh.”

“Sorry, I just…” He trails off, “I need to say what I need to say before I back out again.”

You fold your hands in your lap. You’re ready for whatever’s to come.

“Do you know how long we’ve known eachother?” He asks. His head tilts like a puppy.

“Nearly five years. Our friendaversary is coming up, you know.”

You realise, then, that this must be a celebration for that – that explains the… typically romantic setting. Before you can open your mouth to ask if that what’s this is, Spencer speaks.

“Four years, three-hundred and sixty days. That’s how long we’ve known eachother.”

“If we were dating, we would’ve been my longest relationship the second we passed a year.”

You don’t know why you said it, but it flusters him. He has to pause to take a breath and collect his thoughts.

“I’ve been in love with you for four years and three hundred and fifty-eight days, Y/N.”

It’s silent as you process and he figures out how to continue.

“I knew you were special when you were introduced to us. Hotch already had such a soft spot for you, and you had this way about you that made us all fall in love instantly. I remember Garcia did a background check the second she found out your name and she said you remind her of me and I… that freaked me out, to be honest. I thought you’d try to replace me.” He huffs a laugh, but can’t bring himself to look you in the eye, “I realised I was in love with you when you drunkenly defended me. Do you remember that?” His eyes flicker to yours for half a second – you’re wide-eyed, “You’d known me for two days at that point, but we’d already done a case together so we were celebrating. And these guys at the bar were whispering about me, acting like I couldn’t hear them, and the second you realised what was happening you stood up, stormed towards them and gave them a piece of your mind. It was incredible.

“You barely knew me, at least personally, but you thought so highly of me you scolded a group of drunk bodybuilders without a second thought. You made them apologise – it was hysterical watching someone half their size force them into submission like that – and when you were done you asked if I wanted to leave and go get ice cream. We couldn’t, cause you vomited on the way there, but I knew in that moment I loved you and I feel so hard, so quickly, I didn’t know what to do. And you never… you never indicated you thought of me as anything other than a friend so I didn’t try. Then you dated Greg who, in my opinion, sucked on his best days, and you encouraged me to date Abigail and I…”

He’s run out of breath and of things to say.

“I just love you, Y/N. I’m in love with you.” He adds, “I hope that’s okay.”

He finally looks at you, then. You’re just staring and he panics when he can’t make out what you’re feeling. He’s always been able to read you, you’ve always hated the saying that eyes are the windows to the soul because your eyes are always your tell, but now they’re… glassy.

You’re crying.

“Spencer…” You gasp, throat tight.

“It’s okay.” Spencer gives a tight-lipped smile. He knows what’s coming. He should’ve expected it. He has been expecting it.

“I love you too, Spence.”

Spencer chokes on air. He takes a gulp of wine.

You give him a teary smile in disbelief, “I’ve always loved you, Spence. I thought you knew that – I thought that big brain of yours knew exactly how I felt and… you didn’t do anything about it so I thought you didn’t feel the same. Spencer…”

He slowly moves a hand to place it palm-up on the table. Immediately you place your hand in his, your grip tight as you lovingly stare at him. This feels unreal.

“I’m in love with you too, you idiot.” You half laugh, half cry, “If you’ve really loved me this long, we’ve wasted so much time! God, we’re both idiots.”

Spencer’s crying too, now, and he starts laughing with you.

You’re two idiots in love, sitting opposite eachother on the roof of your place of work in a dream-like surrounding filled with fairy lights and flowers, and you could’ve been doing this for years.

Spencer sniffles, looking at you through his wet eyelashes, “Would you like to be my girlfriend?”

“If I say yes, will I get more dates like this?” You tease.

“Well, Garcia has a whole evidence board of date ideas she stole from Pinterest. We have enough ideas to last a lifetime.” He giggles.

“Penny was in on this?!”

Spencer gives a heh, “This is all thanks to her, so yeah.”

“She’s always had our backs.”

“She’s also now going to be convinced she’s cupid.”

You laugh again, and can’t help yourself when you lean across the table, still gripping Spencer’s hand, and letting your lips fall on his. Spencer leans into you, lips moving against yours as you both try to suppress grins.

You pull back slightly, Spencer’s lips following you, and whisper, “I would love to be your girlfriend.”

He kisses you again. And again. And again, just cause he can.

Big plan, big payoff. You’re worth every little stress and more.

#spencer reid x reader #spencer reid fanfic #criminal minds x reader #criminal minds fanfic #mine #garcia is watching everything through the security cameras btw #you think she'd do all this and NOT watch her hard work flourish? #think AGAIN

[bunsbunnybitch]

The Villainnesse

disclaimer: im not very good and you know fbi things, so their work as shown here may be innacurate (so dont kill me pls)

its also sort of a new au i think- since inserted new characters.

- - -

[ The Blacklist x reader ]

7 hours earlier

Cooper's eyes were trained intently on the screen, observing with such scrutiny as he shifted his weight to the other foot, crossing his arms. He ignored the rapid footsteps pacing around the floor, the hushed murmurs and whispers exchanged by the busied agents, only to focus his attention on a particular criminal mastermind. 

And that particular criminal mastermind is You. 

But here's the exception: you don't have an organization. He thought it was strange at first, that the Bureau would term you a 'criminal mastermind' as such, considering that all the things you do aren't gang criminal related nor mafia criminal related, but rather with the application of theft( you stole government files). However, you did have contacts with notorious criminals, which he presumed is where you mainly get your sources, and you do demonstrate the mindset of a criminal mastermind: a careful planner, cunning and meticulous. They tried to catch you many times, and all of those times they had, always failed. You were inaccessible.

Currently, he was looking at a blurred picture of you, taken just yesterday near a gas station; you were wearing a bob wig, cat-eye glasses, and is dressed in an abnormally pink suit. Cooper's task force had managed to track you down two days ago, leading him to assemble a stakeout operation that led him to you, and hence the blurred taken picture. Then there was your entourage, Nero your Russian butler, Jackson, your muscle, Ares, your bodyguard, and Peirce, a somewhat petite martial artist. It was pretty evident that you were self-aware about being followed, and managed to slip away before they can get to you. 

"Stole a handful of documents..." An agent muttered from behind.

Cooper craned his neck to meet the female agent, Ariel Stockham.

"What kind?" He asked, diverting his gaze back to the screen.

She plodded over to his spot, and stood beside him, mimicking his crossed arm gesture. She furrowed her brows, pursing her lips. On her arms were files, mainly documents about you, and with a wave of her hand she spoke:

"Not much, military projects, scientific ones..." She trailed, tossing the records on the table with a sigh. "...ones that are, strictly speaking, primarily funded by the government."

He hummed in contemplation, venturing to connect the dots in his head in an attempt to uncover your next whereabouts.

"Are they still running?" He asked. "The projects?" 

"No, sir. Nearly all of them were shut down." She replied, then her eyes slightly widened when a thought passed her mind. "But...but...but..." She held up a finger. "There is one, I think..." She slid into her seat and began typing furiously. "I'm going to get really really techie here, I apologies if so, but uh...there's a program. Not sure if it's a program or a project...not sure if those words are the same thing...and I'm not sure if-"

"Agent, Stockham." Cooper cuts off her rambling with a tight smile. "Please, the files."

She looked up to him, back to the computer, then to the large screen. Rubbing her neck sheepishly, she cleared her throat.

"Yeah, right so uh...here's the issue..." Her fingers resorted to typing again. "There's this project slash program that is way back in '99. Or years before that...it is highly-and when I mean highly- extremely classified. It was shut down years later after its release, mainly because it didn't work so well..." 

"I've heard about it too." Ressler stepped in, shrugging as he continued. "It's pretty classified, to say the least, but the program takes volunteered agents or civilians to do tests on them to measure their intelligence. After the tests, they'll start to figure out ways on how to 'up' their capacity to obtain knowledge."

"Like a super-soldier program?" Cooper spoke, and Ressler nodded.

"Something like that."

"It's also termed as the 'method of loci'." She added, waving her finger in the air. "It's a strategy used to enhance a person's memory by utilizing visualization the subjects is familiar with, sorta trapping 'em into their brain so that when they want to use the info they want, it just...comes."

Cooper nodded, absorbing all the information in with a purse of his lips. 

She pressed a button and on the screen, a picture was pulled up. Her body visibly relaxed. " The Palace Intelligence program." She finally said. "Labelled as TPI, for short."

It wasn't even a second that a look of confusion flashed upon her face. Her brows crinkled, and her lips turned into a frown. Darting her gaze to the computer, the typing resumed, this time her look became more intense.

"What is it? What's wrong." Ressler asked, going behind to look over her shoulder.

Cooper followed. She glanced at the screen then to her computer.

"That's...odd, it...doesn't make any sense..." She muttered under her breath but raised her voice once Cooper gave her a questioning look. "The files...they...it's still there."

He leaned away, plodding towards the screen, confusion almost evident in his tone. "What are you implying?"

She paused and turned around. "They weren't stolen."

Ressler flinched. "What?"

"It says here..." She motioned over to her computer. "That the files are still there. It's locked in a facility, presumably the Cia or whatever, and there is no report of a missing file that goes by the name of TPI."

"Then, what did she stole?" Ressler pressed.

"My guess?" She leaned casually in her seat, her voice wheezing slightly as she stretched. "The coordinates."

- - -

The cold harsh air swished past her face and Nero tightened the grip on the sniper, clenching her teeth to fight the cold. She was under surveillance while you were left off to plan in your mind palace, a thing she's certainly used to after all those years. She zoomed into the guards by the metallic doors and sighed, standing up to trot over to her master. You were near the tree, murmuring to yourself quietly.

With a collective sigh, she plopped down next to you.

"Master, I do not mean to disrespect," She began, and you perked your ears, half-listening. "But are you sure that this is going to work?"

The rustling of the map stops and you turn to face her. Nero looks certainly tired.

"Oh, don't be so pouty." You mused, patting her shoulder "I assure you, his will work just finely. Count on the teamwork we ensue, the positions we are in and there you have it. Our mission is accomplished. We'll rescue the kids-or since they've grown by now, adults-and pop by Denny's. I heard his steaks are flourishingly delicious. I suppose we could have a try."

Nero sighed again, exasperated by your lack of concern, knowing all well that this isn't you speaking. 

"Illian-" She began but realized her mistake.

"It's (Y/n)." You replied calmly, folding the map and tucking it into your vest pocket.

"(Y/n)," She repeated, shifting to crouch over the snow, her look was so serious you had found it almost amusing. Why is she taking this so seriously?

 "Have you not taken the drastic measures into account? The lives of the kids if we fail? Whether we are infiltrating a military base and not a technologically advanced laboratory?"

You tilted your head innocently. 

"You-" She groaned, sighing heavily rubbing the bridge of her brows. "Did you not realize we have the FBI at our tails? We've left a mark (Y/n), they are going to pursue us."

You nodded, replying calmly. "Yes, I am very well aware of that"

Nero resisted the urge to sigh again. What is it with you being so calm in situations you aren't supposed to be calm in?

"And you are fine with it?" She spoke, her tone evidently incredulous.

You shrugged, smiling.

"What is there to be worried about, Nero?" You said. " I've got in all planned out.

Nero sighed knowingly.

"I suppose you are always right...you always.." Her voice fell into a hushed whisper. "most certainly are..."

---

The crease in his brows turned into a frown. 

"Sir, we got a hit." A voice interrupted. "The Villainness's location is located."

"Where?" Cooper asked, and Aries scrambled towards the tech guy.

"Canada sir, Alberta," He replied trailing as he continued typing." somewhere more desolate...near a cabin maybe...and." He pressed a button, and a picture of a building was pulled up on the screen. "It seems to be here somewhere..."

Aries widened her eyes, once again scrambling for her computer.

"Wait I recognize that..." She declared, holding up her hand as if to stop anyone from doing anything. "It's one of the testing sites for TPI."

"Still running?"

"No, sir. Abandoned."

"That's just more confusing." Ressler mused. "What is she hosting? A drug festival?"

Aries snickered, stretching her arms languidly on the chair, relaxed once she realized she's not doing fieldwork.

"Eh, the building's pretty worn down too so..." She shrugged. "She's probably making something."

Cooper ignored the comments made by the two and went down straight to business.

 "I want all agents on this." He announced. "Ressler, Yannak, and Bolton,"

The series of heads darted up when their names were called.

"I want all of you to go in, send in a SWAT team. Make sure she gets into cuffs this time."

"Understood" Ressler nodded and jerked his hands to the elevator, signaling the others to go.

Little did they know they would be led into an abyss of confetti and glitter.

No, literally.

[ part 1 ]

#The Blacklist #the blacklist imagines #the blacklist x reader #Harold Cooper #Raymond Reddington #i kinda wanna continue it but too lazy rn

[shattered-catalyst]

OCD Subtypes for the RPC

Part 1 is here

Well well well, we are back for Part 2 of the Roleplayer’s Guide to OCD.

Fellow Ocd Folks, I see you in those tags and I'm going to do my best to ensure those obsessions are represented here- BUT understand that physically it is not going to be possible to list every single one because I am one person.  Regardless its incredibly brave of you all to rb and add things in the tags, I know its hard to talk about this shit and I see you. I see you.

Resultantly I typed this out and posted it in formatting to assist with accessibility in mind; if you cannot read it still ( I tried Im sorry!) i recommend the copy and paste method or getting the chrome extension bee-line reader.

 There will be grammatical and spelling mistakes. Im sure spacing is odd some places, but you have to understand doing this is extremely anxiety provoking for me so Im just getting it done when I can.

Remember to use your critical thinking; not everyone has the same symptoms/compulsions/triggers and all that.

OCD is fluid. Its like liquid mercury. One day its a handful of subtypes another day its another different serving.

If you are in general squicked about certain topics even by mention read ahead with your own judgement. Remember us folks that have OCD have many disturbing and distressing experiences so if you are writing a character who has OCD and you can’t read about it just don’t give them that obsessive thought/ compulsion. Make sure writing is still a safe and enjoyable hobby for yourself first and foremost.

But ethically and morally I cannot and will not leave out the more disturbing bits. You have the ability to scroll by, I and many others do not get the chance to escape triggering content that our own mind creates.

So read ahead with your best judgement or at least skip around the squicky parts and educate yourself on what OCD is so people quite using it as a Obsessive Christmas/Corgi/Cat Disorder thing. Alright? Cool beans.

Okay so you made it passed post 1 and got under the read more. Give yourself a gold star for diving into this monster of a document.

Below is a crash course it is not meant to replace actual psychoeducation, personal research, or google. Honestly most of us do our research extensively but because OCD is treated so horribly by social media, media, and society in general.

I wasn’t sure where to throw these together because the education tools to learn fully about OCD are very specialized and thus very restricted. I found that many people DO have these experiences with OCD though so I will represent them throughout. I’ll also sprinkle some of my own experiences so you can get a good reference of a person who has the disorder and not just a randomly generated person.

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So OCD is made up of Obsessions, Trigger, Intrusive thought, Misinterpretation/feared consequence,Somatic and Psychological Anxiety, and Compulsions/Rituals.

Your character may not be able to list all of these. In fact if they aren't in ERP therapy they may not be able to puzzle these things out. But YOU as the writer should know them. Your character won’t be walking around talking to just ANYONE that they have OCD. Remember a huge aspect of OCD is it’s Shame.  The disorder makes us feel intense shame regarding our intrusive thoughts, as a result OCD goes undiagnosed for years especially if it has pediatric onset.

  We won’t tell anyone what we are experiencing or why we are doing x y or z. We act like nothing is wrong because to emotionally react is to admit to yourself- and therefore the world- that you have had this intrusive thought and are therefore by virtue a horrible person.[For further information I would suggest also researching PANDAS].

It may be noticeable if your character has an intrusive thought. They may wince or grimace or roll their eyes certainly, but they won’t open up to Joe at the cafe about how their brain is constantly torturing them. I apparently have a very noticeable eye twitch.

 Depending on the nature of the intrusive thought it will get more or less of a reaction out of me. Its usually dependent on how distressing the intrusive thought is and/or if its a new one.

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You see OCD doesn’t sit still. It never looks the same. You’ll have your long haul intrusive thoughts that are with you for years but then you’ll have weird ass ones that just appear and demand their voice be heard yelling about cars hitting people or squirrels getting eaten.

Some people have similar ones! So while everyone is different there will always be someone out there with an intrusive thought similar to yours.

 For instance; I bonded emotionally with a lady on reddit because we both have intrusive thoughts during storms that animals and the homeless are dying. We were both horribly relieved to find another person and also distressed that every snow or rain storm brings horrible images and whispers to your mind that while you are warm and snug in bed someone is freezing to death. And its all your fault.

Some days are better than others. As with all mental illnesses it isn’t CONSTANT ALARM BELLS. Some days it will be all alarms and other days it will be like a gentle whisper on the breeze. You can almost not notice it. Almost.

Obsessive thoughts run the gauntlet from ‘i will/could have/may/may accidentally harm etc’ something that you hold of value. This is any obsessive thought that you have: you think about repeatedly and not by choice, it is very anxiety provoking, it is unwanted, and unwelcome.

 Mine run the scale from ‘squirrel will be murdered’ to ‘being responsible for harm’.

Compulsions or ‘rituals’ are any behavior done to alleviate the anxiety from the intrusive thought and trigger object. In short, compulsions and rituals are not fun. they are absolutely not logical, and we know they are not logical but we are forced to do them. Thats why its a disorder. 

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To emphasize from post 1: magical thinking and the faulty link between thoughts and actions are hallmarks of OCD.  Magical thinking can be anything from contamination to if I turn around three times or stare really hard at something the bad thing wont happen. Sounds weird and is weird and we know it is thats why its a disorder and not a delusion.

The faulty belief that thought=action is the biggest hurdle it is incredibly difficult to grasp, at least for me maybe some of you that have done further ERP can attest, that the mere concept of a thought not being the same as an action is completely and totally mind blowing.

Free will? Yeah thats terrifying. IDK about anyone else but free will is absolutely terrifying; what do you mean i could do anything i wanted?

Thats how you face OCD(WITH A TRAINED THERAPIST). You give in to ambiguity and the unknown. Its breaking that link between thought and action. Its incredibly difficult and draining. A five minute exposure leaves me in shatters for a week and two five minute ones had me ripping my nails past the nail beds with anxiety.

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Just a reminder: Do not have your character expose themself or expose folks with OCD to a trigger to “ help us get over with”. That is literally forcing someone with a mental illness into a break down and is not helpful. In fact its worse because a person knows about this intrusive thought and they tried to make it real. More shame and some trauma. 

If you have OCD, more likely than not a family member or significant other has tried this with the purest of intentions. But it never works like that. Theres a reason that therapists get special training for this. If people want a post on ERP I can make one at some point. 

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Actually let’s drag me with the squirrel thing as the example- fellow OCD Folks get out a pen and paper and try breaking down one of yours;

Obsession:Squirrel will be murdered

Trigger: seeing a squirrel

 Intrusive thought: Graphic images of a squirrel being murdered by a hawk/ impaling depending on the day

Misinterpretation/feared consequence: Squirrel will be killed and its all my fault

Somatic and Psychological Anxiety:intense anxiety, palms sweating, heart racing,

Compulsions/Rituals: Must stare at the squirrel to prevent bad things from happening, 

Now imagine if that is every time you see a fucking squirrel. You have somehow become completely and totally transfixed on a squirrel and nothing is going to pull your attention away or the squirrel dies- which your mind is giving you lovely images of btw.

Cute right?

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Below are the subtypes with general information/example thoughts/ and how some of these have impacted me socially because apparently some people dont understand that mental illnesses impact their social lives?? yall...

Social: This can range from ‘ i am constantly thinking i did something wrong so i have to ask for reassurance that we are still friends’ to completely unrealistic worries. Maybe its an intrusive thought that ‘ your voice is annoying them’ . There’s reassurance seeking, internal and external checking.

 It makes friendships extremely difficult and exhausting. You’re not trying to get to know someone with an annoying frat boy egging on anxiety in your brain. This can also manifest as having strict rules for yourself and ethical codes. 

My therapist likes to say she could give us (folks with OCD) a pile of hundred dollar bills and come back and they’d all be returned. Because OCD makes you so strict and morally confined. Which ISNT fun. Like I dont get pleasure over having to memorize the entire Code of Conduct!

Social Media: Its the bane of human existence some days and a lifeline the next. But what if everytime your follower count was an odd/even number it sent you into a panic attack. What if you spent all your time with intrusive thoughts that somehow someone misinterpreted a post or that someone is going to be harmed by a post you made about tapirs. 

You may be forced to block people to get your number down or keep pornbots on your blog to keep your number what you like (see there is a use for them! We sacrifice those before actual users!) You may be refreshing your page every second because ‘what if you miss a message’. It's going to look a lot like ‘check check check check reassure yourself double check your posts check check check reassure check check FALSE MEMORY check your post etc’

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Clothing/Body Image: When its not Body Dysmorphia it can be OCD. Sometimes this looks like I obsess about a body part and therefore I choose my clothes/hairstyles to hide those.  Some personal examples: as a kid I was sure that mind readers exist ( THIS IS AN OCD THING TOO I was so relieved to find that out) and that if i didnt wear  a particular hat they would see all these horrible thoughts and it would be revealed what an awful person I was. So I wore the same dumb ass bucket hat for a year (or more I cannot remember but it was a long ass time).

I was once so fixated on being given a compliment on my eye color that I wore sunglasses (even at night) to a summer camp. And if any of those teen girls in that cabin that stood up and mocked me in a crowded lunch hall by singing ‘i wear my sunglasses at night’ you all owe me 40$.

Even younger still I had intrusive thoughts. Like say, if anyone noticed I was female that i would be kidnapped so I chopped my hair very short. I altered my appearance to be very androgynous and even switched to walking more masculine. Because omg if your hips move someones going to kill you thats just how it works. ( It doesnt help I later figured out I was a lesbian)

Your wardrobe may be impacted by OCD and yes so can your body image.

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Also yes the fear of mind readers is also a thing; i always thought I was somehow faking OCD because yes that is also a…..

Faking: Do you value telling the truth? Do you detest lying ? Boy Howdy do I have some news for you. OCD is going to try and convince you that YOU LIED. Whether it was on a chastity pledge to get a free sandwich or in a conversation you just HAD. This links a lot with false memory OCD.

Another aspect is OCD makes us doubt we have OCD and tries to convince us we have any other diagnosis under the sun and we are obviously faking our OCD.

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Sexual Orientation OCD; It is as it is called. Sexual Orientation OCD is what happens when your brain goes ‘hold on what if you’re not this orientation what if you are THAT’. It doesn’t matter where on the LGBT umbrella you fall you will have OCD trying to convince you otherwise. From compulsive staring at members of the same/opposite gender to compulsively reassuring or checking with yourself to ensure that ‘ no no you are in fact THIS orientation.’ 

This can range in behavior from binge watching porn, staring compulsively to check that there is OR is NOT attraction,self checking past experiences and memories, analyzing your clothing and your lifestyle in painful and intricate methods.

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False Memory OCD; False memory OCD is basically your brain sitting you in a noir interrogation room, handcuffing you to a chair grilling you. It demands that you did *insert bad thing here*. This can range from anything from something Harm based to pretty much *anything* from other OCD subtypes. Which is quite delightful really.

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Sensorimotor OCD; Sensorimotor OCD is obsessive body responses. These can be ‘ I have to cough really hard and really feel it right in my chest and if I can’t get it right I have to cough until I do’. This can be counting your heartbeats. Trying to check yourself that you in fact have a heart and checking and reassuring that it is still beating. It can be hyper-awareness of swallowing or even swallowing repeatedly. It is anything with selective attention; ie its an automated process but your OCD is forcing you to be aware of it.

Your OCD makes you aware of the sensation of, say, breathing, and then it convinces you that if you stop paying attention to it you will stop breathing. So now you’re horribly aware and focused solely on breathing and breathing alone. It keeps me up most nights with the pounding anxiety fueled by the pressure of ‘if you stop focusing on breathing you will stop breathing completely’ or waiting to feel that last heartbeat in your chest. 

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Existential OCD; You ever feel existential ? Existential OCD is like having a very aggressive existential crisis that turns you into NEEDING answers IMMEDIATELY. This can look anything from hours panic scrolling the net to panic inducing anxiety because you don't know what happens after death. The thoughts are like foghorns on a misty sea.

This sounds basic and the only example i can give is as a teeny tiny 7 year old I had a panic attack in bed screaming that ‘ what if im a dinosaur and im asleep and i wake up and my whole family is GONE’.

To be fair I did like dinosaurs a lot.

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Harm OCD; This is pretty self explanatory but I will give more details. Harm OCD is OCD demanding that you will/could/can/may have/might harmed yourself/others/any living creature and that you alone are responsible. 

This means anything from getting anxious driving over crosswalks because ‘what if you dont see one and hit someone and its all your fault and you hit someone go back and make sure you havent hit anyone’ to ‘im holding a knife so im going to accidentally stab someone’ to ‘ i didnt see my cat this morning and now im at work and think she must be dead and i am responsible for her demise.’

 It can be as simple as ‘if i use a pencil i will stab myself in the eye’ or as complex as ‘ i may accidentally say a slur’/ ‘ i am going to say this horrible thing out loud if i cannot control myself.’ It can also be images of terror or racist/sexist/ableist jokes in your mind that repeat like a broken record.

(Please note from section 1 that this is extremely anxiety provoking and not something you would do. OCD preys on what we respect the most.)

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pOCD; Tumblr listen the fuck up because I am tired of seeing people get called shit on this website for having this mental illness. People who experience pOCD are not pedophiles, they do not get any pleasure or benefit. The thoughts and images are meant to induce harm to the person experiencing them. Children are normally the trigger for this and the resulting images can be very graphic. Again you aren’t attracted to children- thoughts of them getting harmed hurt you so your OCD makes you see them.

Know this so you can advocate for folks with pOCD in real life. Remember we are here. We are suffering and we are terrified of your children.

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Poisoning others/or in your food; Life isn’t medieval anymore but sometimes OCD demands we have a food taster or that we obsessively worry that we may kill someone with our cooking. Personally I struggle with colorblindness so I am constantly fretful over cooking any sort of meat so it’s difficult for me to cook it.

 However this also comes as; obsessive horrible thoughts of your cooking kill someone or that you have somehow/accidentally poisoned someone’s food (even if you haven’t touched it or been within a foot of it ) or that someone has poisoned YOUR food even if no one has touched it except you. You’re going to be picking apart your food or unable to eat out at all.

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Emotional Contamination: It’s similar to magical thinking and this terrifying prospect of mind readers. Emotional contamination can manifest as anything from intense worry over somehow gaining someone else’s negative personality traits.

 Or that somehow by interacting with any role of someone horrible will make YOU somehow also responsible for the horribleness.  There is usually a person or a type of person that is a trigger, but it can also be location based.

 This is one subtype where magical thinking and superstition are apparent.  

For instance; as a teen if a male was in my space or had physical contact;like shaking hands,giving a high five, being in my room etc. I would have to go around and physically touch all the objects that I perceive they may have also touched as a way to cancel out their presence. 

This includes wiping off myself to negate even the touch of family members. It really hurts peoples feelings, my father was especially hurt by this.

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Physical Contamination: This goes beyond physical dirt and grime. Most of us dont have spotless homes because if you’re having a fist fight with your brain everyday cleaning falls by the wayside just like it would for anyone else. Physical contamination holds 2 things: physical contamination obsessions AND compulsive cleaning behaviors/rituals. We believe that a small amount of a contaminate can cover large surfaces.

 Oh, and did I mention its not JUST dirt/germs/viruses. The list is expansive but heres a mixed bag of what they can be: sticky substances,dead animals,glitter (FUCKING GLITTER),negative words or language,colors, numbers, surfaces in general, food, people, and activities.  There is also a hyper responsibility to protect yourself and others from ‘contamination’.

Strangely there is a magical separation between the contaminated world and the ‘clean’ one. Spaces designated as clean would be a bedroom/bathroom/workspace where you are most active. That space is where the compulsions and intrusive thoughts occur. Its not I MUST CLEAN EVERYTHING ALL THE TIME. Otherwise I would be working cleaning houses because why the hell not amiright?

A real world example from a colleague would be a young man with physical contamination OCD is struck with such intrusive thoughts about cleaning that they refuse to allow anyone in their room or any animals in their home. But they are not able to even flush the toilet, take out the trash, wash dishes, or do garbage because of their intrusive thoughts.

The most famous would be compulsive hand washing but I feel it is important to also note OTHER aspects of physical contamination because everyone sees the hand scrubbing stereotype. 

Other compulsions include intricate rituals, not touching the floor (i played X-treme the floor is lava during college. I couldnt let my feet touch the floor because it was ‘dirty’),excessive showering (2-8+ hour showers guys, 8 hour showers. Thats what we’re talking about.)

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Relationship OCD: This comes as no surprise that yes you will have intrusive thoughts that you are somehow harming/ will harm/ may accidentally harm your significant other. Whether that be by physical or emotional means. It can look like ‘ I may have lied to her about how much I love her’, ‘ i may not actually love her and I may be leading her on’, and ‘ I must be corrupting her’. These can extend to certain physical activities with false memory OCD as a cherry on top. A great finishing garnish to leave you feeling absolutely dismayed and unable to trust your own perception.

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Scrupulosity: Religion! Whatever that may be! Its a thing with OCD.  With Scrupulosity obsessive thoughts run all over the board from; you committed a sin and forgot about it you monster to having to pray continuously/ a certain time/ until its right. What is right?Ask OCD that’s the only person who knows. 

We are fairly certain my grandfather had OCD because he went to church for every single Catholic Mass. Every single day. Every. Single. Day.  That’s not a healthy amount of attendance(I'm calling you out posthumously because I care Robert!). This can also look like: praying a certain amount of times. Praying until you do it ‘right’. Confessing every single potential sin. Cataloguing and dwelling over ‘sinful’ things. 

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Symmetry or Just Right OCD: Symmetry OCD is the runner up for ‘most likely recognized on tv shows’ award.

Symmetry OCD convinces you that if *insert thing here* isnt symmetrical or ‘just right’ (a magical position or number of objects that makes 0 logical sense) that something bad will happen.

This can range from the known; rearranging things. But it also looks like buying more objects until you reach the right amount and even throwing out objects if theres ‘too many’.

It can range from ‘the walls are percievably not straight so now i avoid that room at all costs otherwise i will be trapped traveling the edges of the wall with my eyes otherwise it will fall in and murder us ALL.’ to ‘ this historical bust is one inch off to the left and now all i see is visions of it breaking against the ground.’

So that is what I have time for. 9 pages on subtypes and basic information. If you find yourself wanting me information all of this is easily accessible online. So go, be free and dont ever compare people to Monk again. Write Batman and Scott Summers with OCD. Give us ACTUAL representation and not throw away joke lines. We are here. Our suffering isnt funny. We deserve representation too.

#OCD #writing help #OCD resources. #*drops 10 pages onto your dash* whoops

[smufyucky]

Tsukkiyama PT. 1 (Ophelia)

I, I.. when I was younger.. I, I.. should've known better

And I can't feel no remorse.. and you don't feel nothing back

"Since you're the scrawniest of all of us, you need to hold our bags!" the big kid in front of me declared, with his friends throwing their heavy schoolbags at my face. I felt my eyes tear up as they laughed.

"Are you seriously crying?" The biggest one of them teased. "Crybaby!" I heard footsteps and say this tall blonde kid walk by. He caught my eye and I wondered if he was going to help me. The bullies followed my eye and stared at the blonde-headed boy for a heartbeat.

"Oy! What are you looking at?" The boy asked, while his friend said he was a sixth grader. I wondered what he was going to do. To everyone's surprise, he tilted his head and smirked.

"Pathetic." He said, then continued walking away, as if nothing happened. I was in total awe, as he loomed over the bullies and scared them away. So cool...

That's how I met Tsukki. At the time, he could've been calling me pathetic, but what matters is that he stood up for me.

I, I.. got a new girlfriend.. he feels like he's on top

And I don't feel no remorse, and you can't see past my blinders

It was at the beginning of highschool when I started to have feelings for Tsukki. It started when girls started coming to me to ask about Tsukki. I started getting jealous.. but who could blame them? Tsukki was tall, smart and beautiful in every way. His glasses really brought out the shininess in his amber brown eyes, and his personality comes off as a rude, arrogant guy but honestly if you took the time to know him.. he's actually really nice.

I don't really know how or when it happened, but I woke up to a text from Tsukki saying,

"

I got a girlfriend.

"

I felt my heart shatter, as I frantically reread it again and again. I refreshed the page, just to see if there was a "just kidding", but no. When I got to school, he was already there, talking to this beautiful brown-haired girl. It hurts, because Tsukki's eyes were shining in a way they never did when he talked to me, and he looked genuinely interested in what she was saying. It was the first time that I had walked to school alone.

"Hey! Yamaguchi!" I looked up in surprise as I saw the girl waving me over. Her eyes were this beautiful shade of green, with flawless skin and slender body. She was beautiful, no wonder Tsukki looked so enchanted. I felt my own hand reach up and touch my freckled face, hating myself more than ever. I shook myself out of it, and smiled back. I walked over.

"Good morning!" I said, trying to should cheerful, but my voice cracked. None of them noticed.

"My name is Heather," the girl introduced herself. (YALL KNOW WHATS GONNA HAPPEN WITH THE CONAN GRAY SONG-) I waved.

"I'm Tadashi Yamaguchi," I said. Even Heather was a beautiful name.

"I know!" Heather chirped unexpectedly. "Kei told me all about you!"

"Oh," I said, wincing internally when she called Tsukki by his first name. "He did?"

The teacher called for everyone's attention, so the conversation ended. I skipped volleyball practice that day. It was the first time I walked home by myself.

Oh, Ophelia.. you've been on my mind, girl since the flood

Oh, Ophelia.. heaven help a fool who falls in love

I couldn't sleep that night. The only thing on my mind was Tsukki. I know it sounds like I was a hopeless romantic, but honestly Tsukki looked much happier with Heather. I started to sob uncontrollably in my bed. My eyes flooded with tears of sorrow and regret as I wailed into my pillow. I was too late, now Tsukki would be with Heather.. and I'll be alone.

I, I.. got a little paycheck, you got big plans and you gotta move

And I don't feel nothing at all

And you can't feel nothing small

I started going to volleyball practice again, making up a lame excuse about how I felt sick, which really wasn't a lie. Everytime I saw Tsukki with Heather, he was always smiling. Seeing him being happier with someone else made me sick to my stomach. I realized Tsukki was ditching practice, since once I found him making out with Heather in an empty classroom. They didn't notice me, all they cared about was each other. I pinched myself.. why can't I just be happy for Tsukki? Isn't that what I would want for the boy I loved? His happiness? Who the hell cares if my happiness was down the drain.. as long as Tsukki was happy.

"Yamaguchi?" Hinata called, snapping me out of my thoughts. "Are you okay? You've been standing there."

"Me? Oh, uh.." I stared at the ball in my hands, and looked at Nishinoya who was waiting to recieve my serve. I looked over and smiled at Hinata.

"I'm fine."

Honey I love you... that's all she wrote

Tsukki pretty much paid no attention to me, if Heather was around or not. Almost like he forgot about me. One day, I saw Tsukki and Heather walking home. I knew I should've just continued walking, but instead I hid in an alley to eavesdrop.

"Kei, I have to tell you something..." Heather said.

"Sure, anything." Tsukki said, in a light and happy voice.

"My family's moving away." she said. Tsukki froze.

"W-what?" the genuine shock in his voice sent chills up my spine. He really did love her. I knew even after Heather left, Tsukki would probably continue to ignore everyone.. including me. I knew he had his trust issues, ever since an incident while his brother was in highschool. After years of following him around was how our relationship got to this point, and it hurt that he was able to welcome Heather into his heart so quickly.

If Heather left, Tsukki would probably never love someone again.

I smiled to myself and leaned against the cold, damp brick wall. Tsukki and Heather had walked away, and I was just by myself. Once I started, I couldn't stop the tears.

Oh, Ophelia.. you've been on my mind, girl like a drug

Oh, Ophelia.. heaven help a fool who falls in love

Oh, Ophelia.. you've been on my mind, girl since the flood

Oh, Ophelia.. heaven help a fool who falls in love

Just as expected Tsukki blocked out everybody and everyone. He would ignore anyone who tried talking to me, and stopped coming to practices. He didn't wait for me to walk to school anymore, or to walk home. It was almost like anything he saw reminded him of her. Since no one could talk to him, I decided to text him.

Hey, I don't know what you're going through

I deleted that. I knew exactly what happened even though he never told me.

Hey.. I like you a lot

I deleted that too. That would really just be very insensitive of me to straight-up confess to him after a heartbreak. What could I say to him?

Just to let you know, if you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here.

I sighed and erased that too. It was extremely cliche. Almost as if I had copy and pasted from a website. There was no feeling. Feeling angry, I started typing.

Listen, you big idiot. You're acting like you're all alone and nobody is there. How stupid are you? I've been by your side for the past 10 years or so, yet you refuse to tell me anything. I saw how Heather could make you smile so easily, and I always wondered why, during all that time we've known each other, you never smiled like that around me. I'm sorry if you're hurt or feel like the world had turned it's back on you and that there was no use in even trying anymore.. but I've always been here and always will, you're stuck with me for the rest of your life whether you like it or not, and I miss you the old Tsukki.

Before I even had time to calm down, I had already clicked send. I try to not curse, but this really felt like a good time too.

Oh shoot that was really insensitive I didn't mean to send that fuck im sorry

I typed immediately. My mind was swirling with regret. Did I seriously fucking do that?

Oh, Ophelia.. you've been on my mind, girl like a drug

Oh, Ophelia.. heaven help a fool who falls in love

I didn't get a response from Tsukki, and I was panicking on my way to school. I was walking by when a black cat crossed my path. I watched it cross the street. Am I under a curse now? I thought staring at the tip of the cat's tail disappear under a bush on the other side of the street. I looked up. There. At our old meeting spot, stood Tsukki. He was looking at me and I saw the corners of his mouth turn up. I stared at him.

He was... smiling. At me.

"Good morning, Tsukki!"

#tsukkiyama #haikyuu!! #haikyuu #ophelia #tsukishima kei #tadashi yamaguchi #tsukishima x yamaguchi #yamaguchi x tsukishima #lol idek

[gg-astrology]

Can you tell us 10 things about you? and about ur friends irl? How u met them/ how long u know them/ what u like to do with them? This is gonna sound nosy but how's ur love life hdjsks LISTEN YOU'RE LIKE MY DREAM BEST FRIEND AND I WANT TO KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU AND ACT LIKE WE'RE TOTES HOMIES OKAY IM A VIRGO SUN PISCES MOON smh a girl is cURIOUS AND (platonically) IN LOVE WITH YOU 😖❤❤❤❤

Hey there!! 💕💓❤️ Oh wow!!!! 💕💓❤️💕💓❤️ Don’t worry this is fine!! I’m actually -- like, really happy and giddily flustered you’d want to get to know me!? 💕💓❤️ I’m really flattered and really grateful/touched aaaaaaa only virgo/pisces deserve rights, my current wife is also a virgo/pisces this is obviously some kind of synastry destiny (jk *wink wonk?*)!! 💕💓❤️thank you for caring about me!!! 💕💓❤️💕💓❤️💕💓❤️💕💓❤️

Yeah sure!! 💕💓❤️I can tell you more things about me!! 💕💓❤️

Disclaimer? I think it’s good for the audience to know where I’m coming from and who I am? I just think transparency/knowing who you’re talking to is important because knowing who I am, can also help you and me see where my flaws are and where I may be coming from! 💕💓❤️ Or what I provide, but where I might miss my mark somewhere, y know? 💕💓❤️ Not to say you have to judge me, I just don’t see the point in not just being who I am and saying yeah I can see where I took the L there. It’s just-- better? for future endeavors as well? So here we are? 

More about me? In sections?

10 things about me? 

I’ll start with this since it’s the shortest!

This may come off as totally random but I do better in colder climate than hotter ones -- even though I currently live in a tropical island 

I used to live in the US!

I actually have a designated place where I go to sit, open up my laptop and answer asks from tumblr. I sit outside my little patio and stare out at my garden, and then answer qs from here!

This means I’m always subjected to the Wild Life coming at me unexpectedly sometimes, but my cat also visits me at my table! So it balances out! 

My favourite drink is milk but I like plant-based ones, or rice milk? Or the lactose free ones! They’re delicious! 

Cherries are my favourite snacks but I usually get them once every 3 months -- so the result is I don’t tend to snack often. This is by design of me trying to Not Snack + using my pickiness to weaponize against myself and my eating habits.

To unwind I watch cat/animal videos on youtube before I go to sleep - it’s not very effective because I have to keep my eyes open to see, plus I always end up making cooing noises at the screen -- so I’m not sure when if it’s actually making me sleepy or not. But it’s working so far so I’m continuing to do it.

I have very specific knowledge of certain things in very acute details + link/resources of further studies on the topic, but otherwise I have 0.5 braincells most of the time, just a lot of Forbidden Knowledge.

I have a folder of cursed memes and that’s all you need to know about my sense of humour I think? 

Love life?

I am currently single! 💕💓❤️ Gf application is always open! 💕💓❤️ However, I’d like everyone of you to know I’m a 95 liner and I will not accept applications from those born after 98′ 💕💓❤️

Although I’m bi + had ex-bf before... I am (as of right now) on the fence about men personally in my personal life (disclaimer) because I’ve got a week of quarantine, thus I haven’t been doing the do and can think clearly for once. I am contemplating. Men. And the necessity in life. Y know? 

Although my love life is free!! I am not excused from the occasional panic of having a crush (annually). I’m lucky enough to go through it just once every year, but every time it happens I am an absolutely clown + always in turmoil. It’s what happens when you’re a sag venus who can’t control your p***y brain. Luckily, my crush just have to insult me or make me explain things from my past and then I’d be too traumatize to crush on them again. It’s quite effective, and works out best for all of us! 💕💓❤️

I’ll refrain from talking about my ex because I know I have a habit of recounting the good and being mushy. Even if we ended it on rocky terms. So! I’ll save everyone from that. 💕💓❤️    

Friends (expanded, clarifications?) 

The ones I mention on the blog are usually 

taurus/taurus, 

cancer/cancer, 

leo/libra, 

leo/cap (x2), 

virgo/sag, 

libra/aries (x2), 

scorpio/sag, 

scorpio/cap, 

sag/taurus, 

pisces/scorpio, 

pisces/aqua,  

Oof that’s alot.. This might be better to outline in a timeline format... so leo/libra, scorpio/sag, libra/aries and partially virgo/sag are whom I grew up for the majority of my childhood-teenage life! 💕💓❤️ 

They obviously made a very big impact on me! 💕💓❤️ They’re with me through thick/thin, leo/libra (sag rising) is the extrovert of the bunch. He’s one of my best friends, close guy friend, most of the time I too find him a little exasperating because he’s.. well its his problem so nevermind, but he’s also very endearing! 💕💓❤️ If it wasn’t for him-- well, there’s also another leo I thought was very endearing in a little brother kind of way. So leos to me have a very positive influence in my life, they’re very cute especially when they ask for your attention. I think they are like puppies/kitties when they are needy, and their blatant way of just being themselves always makes me feel refreshed + I  admire them for it. In the end, I’m totally heart-eyes endeared for Leos! 💕💓❤️

Scorpio/sag is also my best friend! 💕💓❤️ She’s a taurus rising, and she’s so sweet, kind, chatty and very open/friendly to people! 💕💓❤️ Her, my cousin (who’s also a scorpio but a scorpio/pisces), and quite a few of my other best friends who are scorpios - actually made me realize they’re not like what they’re usually describe as. Maybe that’s just me? But I think they’re very sweet and comforting to be around, not to mention they’re quite supportive and willing to listen when you’re having a tough time with something!! 💕💓❤️The pillar of support and one of the few rare people I don’t mind interacting with (actually crave interacting with them) because of just how chill they are, I wish more people recognize that in a scorpio! 💕💓❤️

Libra/Aries is one of my longest childhood friend, probably from birth! 💕💓❤️ He’s a supportive big brother type figure. But he can be very silly and he doesn’t hold himself so seriously most of the time! 💕💓❤️ Whilst he’s very understanding and quite nosy with others, he tries to be subtle/sleek but he isn’t! I think he’s very endearing when he wants to be, and he deserves someone who loves him lots as well 💕💓❤️ We reunited for the first time in 6 years the other day? And I think we both ended up crying a little and holding hands because we miss each other alot! 💕💓❤️ It was very nice, I think he’s much more emotional (just suppressed) than what people realize! 💕💓❤️ He’s very caring though - like willing to talk you through your problems and make sure you’re taken care of, back on your feet, but also willing to smile scarily at people who’ve hurt you and actually take them to court/yell at them for you. I think its very sweet! 💕💓❤️

Virgo/Sag is someone I hung out with for a short period of time, but kept in contact with periodically throughout my life because we ended up going through similar majors/path in life! 💕💓❤️ She’s someone who’s very caring, wants to take care of you, when she’s endeared by you she makes sure to dote on you often! 💕💓❤️ Actually, she’s born a day after Namjoon I think? But that’s not the point, the thing is - she’s my virgo/sag and when she’s not by my virgo/sag she’s super cool and I can see that many of our friend respects her/think she’s very mature + she’s the Shit! 💕💓❤️ I really admire her too and I think she’s super cool, but more than that, I love how caring and tender she is. She’s the best 💕💓❤️

These are the people I grew up with, and then I went to college and met/lived with Scorpio/Cap + Pisces/Scorpio+Aqua. 

Scorpio/Cap and I actually hit it off since the first day? We were in orientation, and we’re both talkative I guess! But in similar ways. He appreciates my bluntness/sense of humour and I like that he’s sarcastic and the only one engaging enough to be around/paying attention to what’s happening. We went to a house party together and then had 1 class together the semester. After that, me and him decided we’d live together off campus (along with our other friend who fell through, I think he’s a Leo?) - whilst we lived together we share majors in the same division, on holidays or at night after class, we’d grab dinner together + walk there, or we’d eat at home and binge watch a marathon he’d pick together. 💕💓❤️ It’s really fun! 💕💓❤️ 

Both of us like cooking, so he’d make dishes/drinks and I’d do that and we’d coerced each other to hang out in the living space together. Basically, we’re there to force each other to socialize/hang out with people and also encourage each other. It’s very fun! But we also had moments where we’d buy each other dinner/go to art galleries/exhibit together. There’s more serious too of course, like talking about our problems or worrying about stuff. But I think I found someone who looks out for me/I can look out for him, be confidants for each other and not be embarrassed with each other. Besides this, he also found my p0rn collection and suddenly mentioned it when we’re on campus so now I can never unfriend him because he has blackmail material on me. I’m forced to be his friends forever now. 

Pisces/Cap and Pisces/Aqua are my roommates after Scorpio/Cap - actually, Pisces/cap invited me to live with them when I was finding a place, it was very fortunate! 💕💓❤️ We’re all close friends because we live in the same hall during first year, plus me and Pisces/cap (and a Gemini friend) would get drunk + go to parties together so!! This is very convenient! 💕💓❤️

Actually.. Pisces/cap, me and Gemini friend.. I went with Gemini friend to buy his apartment with him (along with his friends, I’m good friends with them too) and Pisces/cap went with him to buy furnitures lmao! 💕💓❤️ And then me and Pisces/cap moved in together, although I didn’t room with them. I roomed with Pisces/Aqua whom till this date is my favourite roommate I’ve ever lived with! 💕💓❤️

It’s a little messy with Pisces/Cap but not in a? bad way? at all? Like we’re close friends who still talk often, but they did confess once over the holidays, and I turned them down (that was when I was about to move in) - we did make out along with pisces/aqua but like.. that’s... I guess that’s normal for college y know? We did a couple projects together for their class, like a comic about me and gemini friend, poems, photography, I drew them something. And I think they did have something with Gemini friend as well but! Gemini friend moved away on the last year so it never went anywhere there. 

But these are all good memories we had together and it’s not like-- bad at all, I don’t ever think badly at them for it because it was honest to them/for them, it was their emotions and tenderness from the heart? I can’t ever look down on anyone for that or judge them for being true to themselves, I actually think they’re very brave to be able to heal themselves and process things especially involving emotions like that. I also think these are all precious and honest memories, being friends with them definitely helped me grow my EQ by so much. Without them, I’d be very close-minded today! 💕💓❤️ 

Pisces/aqua is my roommate for a long time, and I love them to bits too! 💕💓❤️ They have two cats, both I love so so much and would sacrifice getting up for very often! 💕💓❤️ More than that, Pisces/aqua is so smart and able to pick things up immediately! It’s honestly very admirable, how they pierce things together. Whether it’s tarot or astrology, they’re the one who got me into this actually? 💕💓❤️ It was their interest before it became mine through proxy or maybe osmosis lmao, but they’re quite judgey and sometimes have a ? idk, superiority complex/elitist attitude towards stuff sometimes? So I never really talked about it much with them because it can get really frustrating sometimes 💕💓❤️ I do love them lots though, I can be ignorant of a lot of things and really slow on the uptake, but they’re very nice and kind and patient with me - honestly they’re as patient as a saint sometimes with me. And I’m really really thankful to them for it! 💕💓❤️ They’re getting married this year to a Scorpio! 💕💓❤️

Taurus/taurus and Cancer/cancer are my college best friends. Actually we hang out outside of class too! 💕💓❤️ I celebrated cancer/cancer’s birthday with them and their friends/roommates and it’s really fun. Heres why it’s -- like, momentous. It’s because my college classmates are more like colleagues or co-workers, so we don’t usually have that kind of camaraderie outside of first year. Plus, we’re all kind of working or busy with our private life outside of class - so it’s hard to reconvene that with who you know in classrooms. 

They like their private life separated from the college one, which is what I prefer as well. I really adore them though, since we have a major that usually makes us get little to no sleep and have to stay at school at night-till morning most nights (for programs on the computer or printing facilities, rip) -- they’re the one who would either stay up with me, working together at the same table and we can ask each other for fresh eyes on our work. Or they’d motivate me to go home and not be stupid to stay at school. Or they’d drive me home so they know I get back safely/on time. It’s just -- I adore them so much they’re very very good! 💕💓❤️

Taurus/Taurus is also a college best friend whom I befriended later on in the years, they’re really sweet! 💕💓❤️ We have more of a friendship where we spend time outside together, walking in the city trying out a new cake store or just going back to their place to play games or talk about what else we have going on in our lives. They’re really busy!! Since they’re involved in church activities, they travel to another town an hour away every sunday - their dedication to their work, school and church (AND spending time with their fiance’s family + fiance) is amazing! 💕💓❤️ They also got me my first job at the firm they’re working in, in our last years - I made sure they’re not too tired and get their work done on time so they don’t rush their finished project. Or give better advice if the teacher is making them fume. I really like them lots too, we had alot of fun together AND they’re a foodie! 💕💓❤️

There’s another Libra/Aries whom I knew from college, while I was still living with Scorpio/Cap - I was in another town/not the same town as the Pisces back then. But Libra/Aries was close and she’d come by often! We’d travel the city together, lay on the lawn, go to parks together or exhibit. They’re very proactive and we spend a lot of time talking about work and projects, personal interests, when we watch movies together - we’d spend time sitting in cafes after watching them to talk for hours/until closing about the movie ( ‘we have alot to unpack’) -- they’re a lot of fun to talk to because they’re just as intense about stuff! 💕💓❤️ And their interest is genuine, give good hugs, a little too loud for our cats but she means well! 💕💓❤️ 

This is brief recount of everyone, mostly focusing on activities we did together but knowing them as people obviously made a big impression on me! 💕💓❤️ 

Leo/Caps are people I met since I finished college/working now, they’re my two admins on the blog actually! 💕💓❤️So internet friends, but I really click with and they’re soothing + fun to be around when I’m home/anywhere! 💕💓❤️ 

Sag/Taurus is also another internet friend, I’ve known her for a year now? But man, every conversation is an adventure and she’s so fun to be around! 💕💓❤️ Also very sweet and an extremely kind person, in a fire sign kind of way. Which means a lot of gawking from me and very loud laughs. But yes! 💕💓❤️ Very good people! 💕💓❤️

I do have friends from work... but well we’re not close enough for me to actually consider them good friends/talk about them personally? They’re nice! But I have yet to form a more positive opinion about them - it’s positive and negative, so I’ll see who survives and come through as a person I’d like to hang out with outside of work. 💕💓❤️

To Virgo/Pisces anon: 

Here’s my best friend application do I make the cut please reply 💕💓❤️

#about me #phew this took a while to answer! #virgo/pisces anon #are we best friends now pls tell me #anon #asks

[jewpacabruhs]

hi guys! so this post is gonna be a rambly mess but fuck it, here ya go. if u dont wanna read all of it, u dont have to; skip down to underneath the tl;dr in bold text for the important bits :)

(there’s a brief & non-graphic mention of a triggering topic in the next paragraph. please be sure to skip this next paragraph if the thought of suicide is going to upset you.)

alright. so i didn't share this originally, but i spent some time in a psychiatric unit this month. suicidality related. 1000% unrelated from anything online, i've just struggled with depression for a very long time & shit happens. i didn't intend to share that at all & i certainly don't want pity; i'm telling u guys bc my time in the unit was extremely eye-opening, and i have some insight to share. since i've gotten out, with the help of my newest anti-depressant (fourth time’s a charm lol), i'm seeing the world in a better light & i finally have the energy to and the interest in exploring what it has to offer, which frankly i've never had before.

with that has come the realization that i’ve come to do something very unhealthy, and i want to break out of it. and that’s how much i’ve come to rely on my fandom life. i don’t want to get too candid publicly, but mental illness took a lot from me, and i lost most of my life, my future, and my options in the last few years. next year will involve a lot of working on rebuilding things. but in the time that i let things fall to pieces around me & i absolutely couldn’t get out of bed, i had a phone and i had a laptop. so when i couldn’t get up and physically face the world, i built up a new world online.

and i don’t think that’s a completely uncommon experience. most people are able to better manage things, and evenly juggle real life with an internet life (like i did back in middle school), because most people can’t abandon their real lives entirely like i managed to; but i do think a lot of people nowadays rely on their fandom life and their fandom friends when their irl situation isn’t ideal. and that’s an excellent coping mechanism in theory, but i think it’s debilitating in the long run.

forgive me for sounding like an old person, but i’m a heavy nostalgist and a bit of an anarcho-primitivist in that i resent modern technology's influence on society - but that hasn't stopped me from letting it be a big part of my life out of accessibility. the internet kept me occupied during my low points, and i became dependent, but i've realized i don't wanna live like that anymore. i’m vaguely grateful that it usually kept me busy enough that i wasn’t thinking the bad thoughts as frequently, but more than anything, i’m resentful that my grasp on reality got lost somewhere along the way, and i let time get away from me, too. because, again, an internet life should be a fun hobby, but when it’s a lifestyle and it becomes an excuse to avoid dealing with our real lives, bc our real lives aren’t as rewarding or as exciting, then it’s unhealthy.

everything’s at our fingertips these days, but i deeply believe human interaction, fun, and fulfillment shouldn't be spoon-fed to us through a screen. it's easy access, sure, but at the end of the day, is it any way to live? compared with how much world there is to see, i’m no longer satisfied with the thought of sitting behind a screen for another five years. i used to be, when i had no hope and no drive, but not anymore. i’m not gonna let myself settle for staying busy with the thing that takes the least amount of work & movement. not only because i’m a whole ass adult who needs to start sorting my shit out for the long run, but also because i deserve better.

and it’s fucking hard! especially for those of us who are neurodivergent. i dropped out of school three fucking times due to crippling social anxiety and utter lack of ambition and energy. i lost all my friends through that (making friends post-school is hard af); the thought of having to go out and remake friends makes me wanna fucking cry. i have a hard enough time making friends online, i’ve even come to struggle with correspondence thru text & email. phone calls? outta the question. but that’s therapy shit, and i know i’ll get there. i just have to stop putting life off by staying in a comfort zone.

and it’s interesting; depression and anxiety really took everything from me, and while i was dwelling in my own misery, my adhd worsened and decided to make my entire brain revolve around my fixations, so i didn’t have to deal with my own life. can’t think about how much you wanna die and how much you can’t function in society if you’re busy thinking about a ship you like or a character you find interesting. so i latched onto the safety of that. aggressively. problem with that is that once you let your “happiness” (as much of it as you can feel in the midst of your depressive episode, anyway) revolve around an interest, that’s all you have. so you become dependent and reliant, and that’s never good, especially if you’re someone like me who feels pathetic & ridiculous when you realize it’s all you can bring yourself to care about. 

and i think that’s what i realized in the psych ward (where there’s legitimately nothing to do; i did soooo much more thinking than usual, and i already think too much haha); mental illness will try to fuck up your lifestyle, so you have to eradicate the things that’ll let that happen in the first place. for example, like i said, my adhd tries to counteract my depression by making me hyperfixate and/or hyperfocus on something else to protect me from bad personal thoughts, and that’s good in theory (doing something you enjoy when you feel bad, to distract urself, is the number one most basic coping skill you learn), but i can’t do it in moderation, i let it run my life, and that’s made me worse in the long run. so i have to force myself out of that completely and not let myself fixate on things that make me happy in the short term, but don’t ultimately further me as a person. having fixations helped me through some awful times, but now i need to force myself to grow up, you know?

and while tumblr and other social media is an excellent way to indulge those fixations, it’s an aggressive enabler, in more ways than one. what i mean by that... okay, so while i’m the type of person who self-destructs while unhealthy, i do occasionally lash out. and i know some people completely explode rather than implode when they’re not doing well. and that’s how you get discourse, i think. because when mental illness makes us care much more about our interests than we ought to, and someone has a differing opinion about that interest, the instinct is of course to attack, if you’re that kind of person. i don’t think i am, but depression and boredom go hand in hand, and i might be inclined to care more about discourse than i would if i were healthy, purely because it’s entertaining and something to do. 

that’s a long winded way of saying, while i stand wholeheartedly by my past positions, i do regret starting shit in the first place. i’m not the kind of person who genuinely cares about much and i have little to no sense of morality (im a chaotic neutral bastard), so the fact i was bored enough to start shit really goes against my character and says a lot about how bad i’ve been. so i apologize for all that. but, again, i think that's just what happens when something is truly your everything. and i think the chronic negativity of modern fandom is a result of how damn seriously we all take it, because we care so much and we’re so dependent. fandom’s supposed to be fun, but it’s just too damn stressful this way.

idk my point in sharing all this, but i do think it'd be cool if this kinda got yall thinking. even if you don't engage in discourse, if fandom is just one of your only consistent sources of happiness, that's not healthy either. we all gotta break out & exist more & louder & more positively. and unfortunately i think tumblr fandom (and maybe all modern fandom) is no longer a place that encourages positivity and health.

but for all my criticism, i do just wanna say how eternally grateful i am that i was fortunate enough to meet the people i call my best friends through tumblr. they're my family, truly, and all the bullshit in this fandom has been worth it simply because it brought them to me. i love them to death and i always will, even if interests change, even if we grow apart, even if we quit speaking entirely in the next few years, i love them with my whole heart in a way that transcends a simple fandom friendship and i'm so glad we bonded over sp in the first place. that’ll never change.

i will also always love south park itself. now that the cat's outta the bag about my hospital visit, i can brag about my most pathetic and obsessive accomplishment; the fact that i've never let circumstance stop me from watching a new south park as it airs, and i've now watched sp on 1) an airplane, and 2) in a psych ward. i win for most dedicated fan tbfh. dsjkf & i'll keep that tradition, and i'll still watch this stupid show til it ends! it'll always hold a special place in my heart, & kyman's still my most meaningful & long-term ship. i'll never stop loving it. 

tl;dr

so, to recap; for 2020 i'm making myself step back from fandom (not just sp fandom, but fandom in general) and quit letting my world revolve around my fixations so i can enjoy the outside world a little more, mental illness be damned, and the first step is gonna be quitting tumblr. this blog won't be deleted and i may occasionally post (maybe when next season airs) but you're absolutely free to unfollow bc this'll be a mostly inactive blog. i’m also unfollowing everyone, so mutuals, please don’t take that personally. 

i will, however, try to write more prolifically, bc fic writing is something i'm able to do in moderation & enjoy, and i hope to get back into it. so if you'd like, you can keep an eye out for any upcoming fanfic i may post - my ao3 is leere. i also have snapchat, instagram, & twitter my mutuals can ask for asap (bc ill be logging out for good by the afternoon of the 31st, which is tomorrow) - though i'm not very active on any of them. still, if you wanna have access to me, i’ll be there.

i want some connection to the fandom still, albeit without letting my life revolve around it, so i'll be starting a new open-to-the-public kyman discord server! the post with the invite for that will go up soon. nvm im too anxious  

thank you for reading, thank you for the good times (thnks fr th mmrs), and i hope everyone has a good 2020! 

#txt #mine

[miriamkperceptionblog]

Week 7

Independent study 

Come to your Senses: Investigate your own senses. Focus on the sense of smell, taste, hearing and touch (not vision). 

Currently, as Im writing this I am sitting in my cold, and damp Wellington flat. I am sitting on my couch in my lounge. I am going to investigate my senses from where I am sitting. ( I always sit here while I do my design work). I have never thought of my surrounding in any other way than “just my flat” and never thought much about my surroundings in a deep sensory way. Im excited. 

Smell -  

I can smell my flatmates cooking their vegan hello fresh nachos. Along with the dusty curtains to my left, and a hint of the flowery perfume I put on this morning, which has now gone stale. 

Taste - 

I can’t describe the taste in my mouth… its just my spit.. I haven’t eaten anything in over an hour now and Its hard to describe this taste because I am so used to it. 

Sound- 

I can hear my flatmates food sizzle and the crunch of their coin chip packet, along with the occasional banging of the spatular on the edge of the pan. I can hear the fridge open and close and the sticking together of the magnets. I can hear the eco of our wooden floor under their feet as-well as feeling the vibrations each step makes. 

The details of a touch/haptic/tactile experience-

Im currently holding my laptop on my lap. The metal was cold and hard at the beginning of my sit but is now warm and comfortable. I can feel the fan from my laptop spinning and vibrating my laptop against my thighs. My fingers on my keyboard feel a-little greasy and warn now. My track pad has a small blog of hardened glue on it and I can feel it every time I move my mouse. It feels sharp and hard.

2. Undertake some online research to learn about terms like proprioception, body awareness, haptic, equilibrioception, mechanoreception, balance, vibration. 

Proprioception/ noun. 

Perception or awareness of the position and movement of the body.

Proprioception refers to the body's ability to perceive its own position in space. Such as: Knowing whether feet are on soft grass or hard concrete, without looking (even while wearing shoes). Activities which strengthen you proprioception-crawling, push-ups, or squats. The sense though which we perceive the position and movement of our body, including our sense of equilibrium and balance, senses that depend on the notion of force.

Body awareness. 

Body awareness is the internal understanding of where the body is in space. Body awareness is highly influenced by proprioceptive processing, the sensory information one receives from the movement and force of muscles and joint groups.

A person's understanding of his or her own body parts and their capability of movement.

Haptic.

Haptic perception is the process of recognizing objects through touch. It involves a combination of somatosensory perception of patterns on the skin surface (e.g., edges, curvature, and texture) and proprioception of hand position and conformation. Haptics is the science and technology of transmitting and understanding information through touch. “haptic” means anything relating to the sense of touch. (It's derived from the Greek word for touch.) Haptic can be used in design! Such as being used to engage people's sense of touch to enhance the experience of interacting with onscreen interfaces. For example, when an Apple Pay transaction is confirmed, the system plays haptics in addition to providing visual and auditory feedback.

Equilibrioception/sense of balance. 

Is one of the physiological senses. It allows humans and animals to walk etc. without falling. Some animals are better in this than humans, for example allowing a cat (as a quadruped using its inner ear and tail) to walk on a thin fence. 

This is the same as when you pedal your bike. The speed of the tires on your bike allows it to balance. 

mechanoreception. 

A mechanoreceptor, also called mechanoceptor, is a sensory cell that responds to mechanical pressure or distortion. There are four main types of mechanoreceptors in glabrous, or hairless, mammalian skin: lamellar corpuscles (Pacinian corpuscles), tactile corpuscles (Meissner's corpuscles), Merkel nerve endings, and bulbous corpuscles. 

Balance/noun. 

a state of equilibrium or equipoise; equal distribution of weight, amount, etc. something used to produce equilibrium; counterpoise. mental steadiness or emotional stability; habit of calm behavior, judgment, etc. a state of bodily equilibrium: He lost his balance and fell down the stairs.

Vibration/noun.

Vibratory sensation is the sense of vibration, and may refer to: Vibration as a modality of cutaneous receptors (on the skin), referred to as pallesthesia. Hearing, which is sensation of air vibrations.

Select 1x and design an exercise and then do it. The subject can be either yourself or someone you know - record observations, your/their experience, what did you notice. 

Proprioception- brainstorm. 

Investigation 1 Proprioception

Sensory information you are receiving from your muscles, tendons, and ligaments. 

Using your muscles scenes to control your muscles to keep you upright. For examples-walking on sand. Your muscles are adapting to an environment where you aren’t walking on a firm service and your muscles send information to your brain to tell you the position of your ankles and your knees. 

(Blind people rely on proprioception sense quite a lot.) 

Everyday activity-turning the lights of in my room ( so I can’t see) relying on my Proprioception to find my door handle…or to walk to my bathroom. I will be replying on the information my brain is getting about where my arm is and where i’m walking. Proprioception is what will be giving me this information.  

Recorded observations, your/their experience, what did I notice. 

I asked my flatmate Ava to try find my doorknob while in the dark and blindfolded. She found this task easy as she knew which location/height my door handle was at but I observed the way she walked and put her arm up infant of her. This was interesting as she walked much slower and was unsure of herself. I noticed she was moving her feet in a way that she was almost using them to make sure she didn’t have anything in front of her such as a step. Her arms went up infant of her straight away as she was using them as a guide as-well. She demonstrated proprioception during this activity. 

Resource task. 

Browse through the online resources below, select 1 and be prepared to share your findings  in a group discussion for next week. 

Source - “Marres Maastricht - Education.” Marres, https://marres.org/en/education/. Accessed 15 Sept. 2020.

 “In The Invisible Collection art-lovers describe their favorite works of art. Originally created by Mediamatic Amsterdam, the project aimed to help the visually impaired to imagine works of art based on audio descriptions by art experts. In 2019, Marres developed a new version of The Invisible Collection, in which we started to collect stories about art (broadly defined) by non-art experts.”

I think this is an amazing project-this is based around the sense of hearing/sound. Art is meant to be enjoyed by all and when you can’t see it or feel it, It must make it extremely difficult for the visually impaired to enjoy art. Using this method is extremely beneficial and can create a sense of the artwork in the minds of visually impaired. By being able to hear how people describe the art people may be able to envision their on interpretation of the artwork.  I would defiantly recommend this source to anyone exploring sound as their sense as it gives an insight into how much people you can’t see rely on this sense. 

Key Module Resources. 

Source- Smith, Mark M. “The explosion of sensory history.”(2010): in the psychologist 23(10):860-863. 

Creative Practices

Locate creative producers ( at least 1 in your discipline area)  working with the senses or sense modalities.

“Why Graphic Design Should Engage More Than Just the Sense of Sight.” Eye on Design, 17 Apr. 2018, https://eyeondesign.aiga.org/why-graphic-design-should-engage-more-than-just-the-sense-of-sight/.

Kate McLean’s Sensory Maps

Kate McLean’s maps are visually stunning, peppered with colourful dots and morphing concentric lines. They could almost be galaxies. In actuality, they are Smell Maps, plotting data from various cities that visualises the distinctive smells from different neighbourhoods. Kate McLean generates this data by conducting “smell walks” throughout the cities she maps, asking participants to record odours and their location, intensity, description, and associations. Smells like “canal,” “leafy fresh rain,” and “laundry” are each given a colour and are indicated by dots on the maps. The distorted concentric rings depict the smell’s intensity and range as they're carried by wind, diluted by range, and mixed with neighbouring smells. By plotting her experiential data, Kate makes smell visual and geographical, and makes a case for what information designer Giorgia Lupi calls “soft data.” “Using humans as sensors is a method that aggregates personal insight”. 

[how-to-survive-a-factory-tour]

How to Survive a Factory Tour - Chapter 7

A Sanders Sides / Charlie and the Chocolate Factory Crossover

PREVIOUS

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I can’t believe this! I’m here! I’m right outside Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory and will be going inside when the clock strikes ten! Only half an hour of waiting to go...

I’m the first of the winners to arrive, of course. By the time I arrived at the factory, a crowd had already formed, and it had started to get bigger since, forming a semicircle around, well, me! Since no one else is here yet, I have some fun giving the photographers my best angles for photos. I notice Dad rolling his eyes and Pa chuckling at me from where they’re stood in the crowd.

“Nice poses. Maybe you should do the ‘draw me like one of your French girls’ pose next.”

I turn to see Ethan come into the semicircle, holding up his ticket so people will let him pass through. Almost immediately, all cameras turn to him. I’m not surprised, given as he didn’t have an interview, so no one really knew he had the ticket yet.

“Hey, don’t make fun of me for being dramatic when you’re wearing that,” I reply. "If I’d known fancy dress was a requirement, I would have come in my prince costume.”

Ethan straightens his bowtie. “What can I say? I dress to impress.”

He certainly does. He’s wearing a tux: yellow shirt, with a black bowtie, jacket and trousers. He’s also wearing a black bowler hat and yellow gloves. Very snazzy.

“I must admit, it is a nice look. Colour coordinated and everything.”

“Well, thank you.”

“Hi, guys!”

We both turn to see Patton and Logan pushing through the crowd, Emile and who I can only assume to be Patton’s parents just behind them. As they step into the semicircle, Patton turns and hugs his parents and brother. “Bye, Mum, Dad! I’ll see you later. You too, Em. Can’t wait to tell you about it all!”

Logan offers his hand to Patton’s parents, shaking both their hands in turn. “It was nice to meet you, Mr and Mrs Picani.”

“You too, Logan, but please, call us Dot and Larry,” Patton’s mum replies. “Have fun, you two.”

“Bye, Pat!” Emile smiles as Patton and Logan turn and come over to us.

Patton’s wearing a sky-blue polo shirt and khakis, as well as what looks to be a grey cat hoodie tied over his shoulders. Logan’s sporting a black polo shirt, a blue striped tie and blue jeans.

“This is so exciting!” Patton grins. “I can’t believe we’re going into Willy Wonka’s factory! Oh, it’s going to be wonderful!”

“I know!” I grin, staring up at the colossal mountain of a factory before us. “I wonder what will be inside...”

“Oh, I’m sure it’ll be very sweet!”

Logan lets out a groan at Patton’s pun. “Can you not? Please?”

“Aw, don’t you like puns, Lo? That’s pretty sour. Especially with your name. It’s a berry good pun!”

”That’s it. I’m going home. When’s the next flight to London?”

Ethan and I chuckle at them both. I must admit, there is definitely some romantic tension there. I ship it.

“Can I ask why Logan looks like he wants to die?”

Virgil steps into the semicircle, Remy and, by the looks of it, his twin brother just behind him.

“Patton’s telling puns,” Logan replies. “He won’t stop.”

“Are you trying to say I’ve reached a new Lo- “

“Don’t.”

“-gan.”

“I’ve lost all respect I had for you.”

I mouth ‘OTP’ to Virgil and he nods, replying with ‘definitely’.

“Anyway, guys, this is Thomas, my twin,” Virgil introduces us. “Thomas, these are the guys.”

We all greet each other when something catches my eye. “Why the camera?”

“Oh, um, I’ve recently started a new YouTube channel,” Thomas explains. “I figured all this would make a great video. Remy even suggested Virgil hide a camera on him to catch footage of inside.”

“Too bad that would probably get me kicked out,” Virgil shrugs. “Also, I don’t have a camera that small, or a phone to record on.”

“It’s super cool you have a channel though, Thomas!” Patton smiles, pulling his phone from his pocket. “What’s your channel called?”

“It’s just Thomas Sanders.”

Patton nods, typing on his screen. A moment later he smiles. “Found it! I’ll check out some of your videos after the tour.”

“Oh, wow, thanks.”

“No problem, kiddo!”

“How much longer until you all head inside?” Remy asks, sipping his Starbucks.

“About ten minutes,” Ethan replies. “Not much longer.”

“I’m just so excited!” Patton grins, letting out a small squeal of delight. “We’re actually going inside Willy Wonka’s factory! It feels like I’m dreaming. Someone pinch me so I’m sure I’m not.”

I lean over and pinch him and then myself. “Hm... Nope, definitely real.”

Patton chuckles. “I’m glad.”

I can’t help but notice Logan purse his lips as I make Patton laugh. Already protective and jealous and they’re not even dating yet. Man, Logan is really deep in this crush. Maybe he’s even passed the crush phase and gone into flat out love and adoration. It’s adorable.

In fact, I shuffle over to Logan and whisper in his ear. “Don’t worry, Logan, he’s all yours.”

I hold back laughter as Logan’s face burns bright red and he shoots me a glare.

“Oh, don’t act like that, it’s obvious you have feelings for him. You should go for it. You live in different countries. This might be your only chance to woo him.”

Logan seems consider this, before sighing. “You’d have a point if I knew anything about flirting and romancing. I do not. There’s nothing I can do.”

“Well, in that case, today’s your lucky day, my nerdy friend.” I drape my arm over his shoulders. “You see, I am the master of romance. Let me tell you what to do.” I clear my throat and sing, seeing my chance to reference Be More Chill.

“You gotta buy him a rose Compliment him on his clothes Say you appreciate that he’s smart You gotta tell him that he excites you sexually And that’s the way you get to his heart!”

“Wait, what was that last one? I can’t have heard that correctly...”

“Oh, you did.”

“I’m not telling him that!”

“Fine... In that case, it’s simple. Give him a gift at some point during the tour, something you know he’ll love, and compliment him. Like, ‘I got you this flower because the light blue colour reminded me of your beautiful aquamarine eyes.’ Simple.”

Logan nods, but still looks uneasy. I pat his shoulder. “You’ve got this, Erlenmeyer Trash.”

“Gee, thank you.” Logan rolls his eyes at the nickname. Unfortunately, my chance to make a witty response is snatched away when Patton gasps.

“The gates are opening!”

We all turn to look, a grin stretching across my face. This is it, the moment I’ve been waiting for since I was ten and the first contest was announced.

There he stands: Willy Wonka, dressed in a purple tailcoat, bottle green trousers, and a black top hat, a cane clutched in hand. He bows as the crowd cheers.

“Welcome! Welcome one and all to my factory! Please come forward one at a time and present your tickets!”

The five of us share glances, unsure of who should step forward first.

“Shall we go in the order we won our tickets?” Logan suggests. The rest of us nod in agreement before Patton steps forward.

“Hi! I’m Patton Picani! My brother and I are really big fans of your sweets.”

“Patton, wonderful to meet you!” Wonka grabs Patton’s hand and shakes it vigorously. “I always love meeting fans! Can I see your ticket? Hm...yes, it’s perfectly in order. Please go wait just inside the courtyard.”

As Patton went through the gates, Logan stepped forward next, handing over his ticket. “Logan Berry.”

“Logan, welcome! Amazing to meet you! Your ticket is valid, you may go through. Oh, today is going to be such a wonderful day!”

Logan flexes his arm once it’s let go, heading over to stand with Patton. I step forward next, flashing a charming smile. “Roman Prince, at your service.”

“Roman, ecstatic to meet you! Enraptured, enchanted! Your ticket? Let’s see... Perfect! Go right on through.”

I head over to the other two as Virgil presumably steps forward next. “I can’t believe we just spoke to Willy Wonka! I’m having the biggest fanboy moment of my life!”

“I know, right?” Patton grins. “It’s so hard for me to hold back squealing with excitement!”

“Don’t either of you think your reactions are a little over the top?” Logan asks, raising an eyebrow.

“Not at all, Microsoft Nerd! I have been waiting for this day my entire life...”

Virgil comes over and joins us. “Honestly, I’m just glad to be somewhere where I can actually get a decent amount to eat.”

“Oh, kiddo...”

“It’s fine, Pat. Jokes are my coping mechanism.”

“Not exactly a healthy one,” Logan replies.

“Hey, there’s really nothing else I can do to help my situation. Making jokes is my one way to make my life a little less dark.”

The conversation is cut off when Wonka and Ethan come over.

“Everyone here? Yes? Good! On we go!” Wonka turns and heads towards the door leading inside. We all quickly follow.

This is going to be wonderful! I can’t wait to find what wonders of pure imagination lie inside...

----------

NEXT

Couple of authors notes!

1) Remember, this is also an ask blog! Don’t be afraid to send in asks for the characters. Anyone introduced so far can be asked!

2) After the new video, you'll probably be wondering whether Remus is going to be in this story. The answer is yes! He will be! However, it won't be until quite a bit later. Don't worry, he'll be here.

Taglist: @clone-number-1, @pumpkinminette, @i-have-n0-idea-what-im-d0ing

#sanders sides #thomas sanders #virgil sanders #sanders sides virgil #patton sanders #sanders sides patton #logan sanders #sanders sides logan #roman sanders #sanders sides roman #sleep sanders #remy sanders #dr emile picani #emile picani #dot cartoon therapy #larry cartoon therapy #au #charlie and the chocolate factory au #sanders sides au #fanfic #fanfiction #logicality #prinxiety

[etherealxch]

something like this

word count: 4078 

[a/n] : im baaaaaaack. ok. started this on a whim and it kind of ended up being so long. sorryyyyy. anyways, this is my first scenario of 2019, the first of *hopefully* many to come. as always, i’ll be glad to hear your comments, just hit up my inbox! ps. if you guys reblog this don’t be shy to add something cute in the tags❤️❤️! alsoooo don’t forget to support ASTRO on their comeback guys! 

The frozen yoghurt shop is unusually quiet today. It’s 1:32 pm and there’s only been 6 people in here. I check the containers, making sure the cubes of fruits are properly cooled. I wipe a few stray drops of yoghurt from the machine with a cloth and thoroughly rinse that too.

My co-worker, Kailo, looks up from her phone to ask me a question, “Hey, did you know that there’s a new flavour for toothpaste?”

I look at her, wildly amused. “No, I do not.”

Excitedly, she nudges up to my side and shoves her phone in my face.

“But please, enlighten me.” I deadpan, taking the phone from her. I can barely hide my disgust as I read the article. “Oh, that’s just very wrong.”

“Eh, I guess.” She shrugs one shoulder, back to scrolling through her daily newsfeed. That figures; Kailo is the kind of person that would come into work wearing the weirdest things and is still able to pull it off. She is very adventurous and likes trying new things. She told me she once tried kale ice cream and actually liked it.

The front doorbell tinkles, signalling a customer. Kailo takes her order, tapping at the computer screen. I grab a small cup and fill it with fresh frozen yoghurt, then with languid strokes, drizzle cookie sauce over the top and hand it to the customer with a napkin.

“Enjoy.” I offer a smile, handing her the yoghurt. The doorbell tinkles again and Moon Bin enters this time. He waves hi to both me and Kailo.

“Hey. Class finished?” I ask as he walks over to my side of the counter.

“Yeah,” He nods. He sighs. “I kind of need to talk to you about something.”

“Is everything okay?” I look at his expression. He briefly glances at Kailo.

“Not really.” He looks at the clock behind me. “Your shift ends at 2, right?” I nod.

“Then, I’ll just wait here for you.” He orders a medium sized yoghurt and takes his usual spot by the window at the very end of the room, like he always does when he comes here to wait for me. When I had just gotten this part time job, my manager, Sammy and Ji Ah, two other part time workers, and Kailo would always ask me if he was my boyfriend because sometimes if I worked the late night shift, he would swing by and wait for me until my shift ended. He would walk me back to campus then, making sure I safely gotten into my dorm.

They soon got used to me denying me and Moon Bin dating and stopped asking questions. Although Kailo occasionally comments on how she thinks he’s pretty hot. I teased her once about it, offering to help set her up with him and her exact answer was, “Honey, please, he’s not my type.”

I’m pretty sure she doesn’t mean it in a bad way. It’s just he’s really not her type. She usually dates really quickly and the longest I’ve ever her date was with a guy who had his own pet hedgehog. To think of it, I’m not even sure what her type is.

The two hours tick by, with a large group of sleep deprived students walking in and demanding we serve them coffee in between, until I pointed out that the cafe is next door. They eventually ordered frozen yoghurts, apparently too tired to even walk to next door. Sammy enters just in time, to take over my shift.

She clocks in on Moon Bin immediately and then gives me a knowing look.

“Honestly.” I shake my head. Sammy is the only who won’t stop pushing me and Moon Bin together. Sammy has classes with the both of us so she knows Moon Bin as well.

I clock out and grab my staff from the back. Moon Bin is already standing by the counter, waiting for me as I come out from the back. We go outside, the heat of the afternoon blasting from the ground.

“So, what’s wrong?” I ask, as we come to a bench under a shady tree. I’m still in my white cotton collar shirt which is the uniform and am sweating down my back. Moon Bin notices my discomfort.

“D'you want to go home and change first?” He asks.

“No, it’s fine, don’t worry.” I shake my head. “What’s up?”

“You know the show I have to do next Friday?” He says. I nod in response. “Yeah, that’s also the same day my parents are coming to see me.” He waits for the ball to drop.

“Oh. Oh.” I raise my eyebrows in realisation. Moon Bin’s dad doesn’t know that he is enrolled in the Performing Arts Major. His dad wasn’t really supportive of his choice but his mom covered for him and then told him to choose whatever he wanted. If they come this Friday…

“Yup.” He nods gloomily.

“Well, your performance is at night. Maybe they’ll have left by then?” I suggest.

“I…I want to tell him.” He exhales.

“What?”

“I don’t want to lie to him anymore.” He says, turning to me. “I keep having to think of answers to questions about aerospace.” He looks so positively terrified. In spite of myself, I give a small laugh.

“That’s what you told him you were studying?”

“I panicked.” He says defensively.

“Bin, I think that it’s great that you want to tell him the truth but are you sure?” I ask him.

He looks down at his fists. “Yeah. I’m sure.”

“Well, okay then,” I bump my fist at his arm. “I have your back. If there’s anything you need me to do, just tell me.” I smile at him.

We move on from this subject and talk about how rehearsals are going. He digs out the tickets from his pocket and hands them to me, one for me, the other for Sammy, my roommate and Jin Woo’s girlfriend.

“Don’t lose them. You know what, just ask Sammy to take them.” Moon Bin has zero trust in me.

I roll my eyes. “Just because that one time I lost the train tickets–”

“And we had to run all the way back because you’d lost yours and everyone had to re-buy their tickets for the later train.” He reminds me darkly.

Ignoring his words, I tell him that I’ll keep them safe no matter what. It’s his first performance with his parents there, I’m definitely not missing this for anything in the world.

*** “That will be all today. Thank you class.” Our lecturer switches off her slide and packs her laptop up all in one swift movement. Everyone else is either leaving the class or talking to their friends. I check my phone, slightly frowning. Why isn’t he replying?

I flop my bag on the desk, putting my notebook and textbook inside. I check my phone one last time before shoving it in my jacket pocket. As I walk along the hall, passing some students taping a poster on the wall, I spot Rocky and Jin Woo among the crowd.

“Hey, guys,” I catch up to them. They turn, surprised.

“Hey,” They both say, smiling.

They should know where Moon Bin is. “Do you know where Bin is?” I ask. “He didn’t come to class today. And I can’t get hold of him either.”

Rocky glances at Jin Woo before answering. “Oh, he’s probably practising again.”

“Um, see the thing is,” Jin Woo sighs. “He hasn’t stopped since 3 in the morning.”

“What?” My tone is sharp and the two guys in front of me visibly straightens up. “He hasn’t slept?”

Rocky winces. “We rehearsed last night and finished at 10. We went back to the dorm at 10:30–”

“He went out at 3 in the morning to practise by himself again.” Jin Woo explains.

“So, technically, he did sleep for about 4 hours–” Rocky stops when Jin Woo nudges him. I sigh.

“It’s his dad, isn’t it?” I look at them. They both nod slowly.

“He was really stressed out before and now he’s even more stressed than ever.” Rocky says.

“Maybe you should go talk to him. At least get him to stop for a few hours to get some rest.”

They tell me which of the building to go to and what practice room he is in. Two girls and a guy look at me suspiciously as I walk down the corridor blindly before finally giving up and asking them for directions. Standing outside the door, I can hear the thump of the music and someone’s feet moving rapidly. They don’t stop even when I knock on the door.

Moon Bin finally looks up as I enter the room. “Ae Ra.” He stops dancing. “What are you doing here?”

“I’m here to check up on you.” I say. I watch as he turns off the speaker and plops down on the floor, exhausted. I grab his towel from a chair nearby and toss it at him, landing on his head.

“Bin–” I start, sitting down in front of him. He wipes at his face, refusing to look at me.

“I know, you want me to get some rest. But the show is two days away. I can’t afford to waste any time.” He finally says, lowering his head while fidgeting with the corner of the towel.

“You’re exhausted, Bin.” I say. “Did you even eat breakfast?”

When he looks back at me, his eyes wet around the rim. “I’m just so scared.” He says. “I mean, it’s my dad. He’s never approved of my interest in performing on stage, says it’s a waste of money.

How am I going to impress him, Aera?” His voice cracks slightly. I scoot closer to him to hug him. He leans his head on my shoulder, taking a deep breath.

“You don’t have to impress him, you know?” I say softly. “Just show him what you can do. You may disagree on somethings but in the end you’re his son, he’ll love you no matter what.” I pat his hair, slick with sweat, wince a little and try to discreetly wipe it on my pants. He gives a soft chuckle.

“I can see you through the mirror.”

“You’re disgusting. Please go take a shower.” I deadpan. He laughs as we pull apart.

“Thank you. You seem to always find the right things to say.”

“What? Like asking you to take a shower?” I joke.

He chuckles and absentmindedly pecks the top of my forehead. I stare at him, startled by this out of the blue yet affectionate action. His eyes shift; contemplating something. He slowly leans in and to my surprise, I do too.

“HEY BIN–” Our lips barely touch when Rocky bursts through the door. We pull away with the urgency of a dog chasing after a cat. Rocky stares at us, speechless.

I stand up abruptly. “I have-have a, um, shift.” I say to no one in particular. “So I, yeah, um, okay, byeeee.” Shit, I sound like Jake Peralta. But there’s no time to dwell on that as I leave the room at top speed. I’m so concentrated on leaving that I almost knock down Sammy by the stairs.

“Woah, hey,” She says. “Have you seen Jin Woo?”

“Uh, um,” I clear my head, trying to think of an answer. “No.”

“Oh-kay,” She frowns. “Are you alright?”

“Me? Yeah, yeah, totally fine.” I swallow. “Listen, I gotta go. I have….a class.”

I scurry down the stairs and out of the building. I walk and walk with no actual sense of direction. Walking keeps me occupied. If I stop, I keep thinking of…that. Eventually, my legs tire out and I plop down on a bench. How did that happen? My face heats up even at just the thought of it and despite myself, I feel a bit giggly on the inside. He’s my friend! I shouldn’t be having thoughts like this.

We barely talk on the phone, our usual routine, for the next few days until the show. I’d like to say it’s mainly because he’s busy practising and I’m busy with my shifts and assignments. We do text back and forth, but avoid talking about what happened. Texting is easier, because we don’t sound awkward at all. We still sound the same, playful banter, some nagging.

“Lighten up.” Kailo hisses at me. I’m slumped behind the counter, playing with a plastic spoon. The doorbell rings and a couple of people walk in chattering. I get up from my seat and grab a cone to fill. I drizzle cranberry sauce on it and wrap a napkin around half the cone before handing it to the customer.

After giving the customer her change, Kailo turns to survey me. “What’s up with you?”

“Nothing. Assignments,” I reply automatically, back in my slump seat.

“Something happened with Moon Bin?”

I sit up, alert and suspicious. “How did you know?”

She puts up both of her hands, her eyes wide. “I didn’t. I guessed.” She says.

“Oh.” I mumble.

She looks at me. “Whatever it is, it’ll eventually work its way out.”

I wince. “I’m not so sure about this.” She moves her attention away from me when the doorbell tinkles. She urgently nudges my arm and I’m about to give her an annoyed look when I see the people standing in front of me: Moon Bin and his parents.

I scramble up, face red and unable to look at anything except for the countertop. I can feel Moon Bin’s eyes on me but I resolutely stare at the cup and cone model that shows our customers what the different cup sizes look like. I start making their orders, three cones. As I hand it over to them, I smile politely at his parents; over the five years I’ve known him, I’ve seen his mother more than his father. I surreptitiously glance at his dad’s expression, which is hard and realise he must have told him already.

As they leave to take a seat, I grab my phone. There are 5 unread messages all from him.

‘I’m having lunch with them now.’

‘Probably going to tell him now.’

‘Going to find somewhere to talk.’

'Headed to the yoghurt shop.’

'You busy?’

These were all sent before they came here.

I look at them talking by the window. It seems like Moon Bin has got everything under control, although his father doesn’t look too happy. I look worriedly in the direction of the washroom; Kailo’s been in there for a long time. As they get up to leave, I shoot a questioning glance at Moon Bin, who nods slightly at me.

I don’t really understand but it must mean that his dad is willing to give him a chance. Kailo emerges from the washroom looking pale with one hand clutching her stomach.

“Kailo! Are you okay?”

“Ohhh, I think something went wrong with my lunch.” She sits down heavily. Her expression is pained as she drinks from her water bottle.

“What did you have?” I ask.

“Sushi.” She pauses as her stomach makes a weird sound. I offer to go the pharmacy to buy some medicine but she shakes her head, saying it’s all out of her system. That doesn’t seem to be the case even after two hours, I’ve been manning the cash register and making the orders for the customers while she sits weakly behind the counter, out of sight from customers.

“Kailo, I think you need to go to a clinic.” I frown, getting her a cup of warm water. Her hair plastered to her forehead from all the cold sweat.

“But, you have to leave soon and if I do too, no one is going to be here.”

I check the time. The show starts at 7. If Ji Ah makes it here by 8, I can still make it. “I can stay until Ji Ah comes. Just go to the clinic Kailo.”

She doesn’t even bothering protesting anymore. Before leaving, she gives me an apologetic hug. I tell her to tell me when she’s at the doctors to be safe. I look at the clock. I won’t have time to go home and change now. Business is slow between dinner hours so there’s really nothing much I can do, except pray that Ji Ah arrives here as soon as possible.

8:11 p.m. I am about to scratch the walls with frustration. Where is Ji Ah? I text Sammy to check if Moon Bin, Jin Woo and Rocky has performed yet.

'Almost. Where R U???’

I sigh and shoot off a quick reply. Ji Ah rushes through the door, out of breath. “Sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry.”

“Okay, I’ve got to go, bye!” I’ve been ready ever since 7:45 so I just grab my bag and hurry out the door. Sammy comes out to meet me when I arrive at the auditorium. She grabs my hand, pulling me inside. We pass rows and rows of seats in the darkness. I glance briefly at the stage just as the three of them emerge on stage. The music starts as I take my seat, trying to catch my breath. Moon Bin’s eyes flicker towards the crowd and then spots me. He gives the smallest smile and then resumes his performance.

The three of them work in perfect harmony, moving to each beat. I look around and see his parents a few rows over. His mother looks positively proud while his dad leans back against his seat, an unreadable expression on his face. The audience gives a loud cheer when Rocky does a spin mid-air, earning a bashful smile from him.

The performance ends with the crowd hyped up. After two vocal performances and a small skit, the show ends. There’s the sound of people talking and feet shuffling as they get ready to leave. Sammy and I make our way out and manage to find our way to backstage. We find the guys, with three of their other friends, Sanha, Eun Woo and MJ already with them.

“You guys were awesome!” I say, while Sammy gives them the thumbs up.

“I honestly thought I was going to trip and fall at one point.” Rocky says.

“That’s because you almost stepped on my foot.” Jin Woo shakes his head. As they bicker on, Moon Bin’s focus shifts to behind us; his parents. He excuses himself to walk over to them. We move farther away so as to give me some privacy in all the hubbub at backstage. MJ starts showing them the video he took of them on stage.

“That’s so unflattering.” Sanha comments. He whips out his phone. “You should look at the one I took.” They argue who recorded the best video with Jin Jin exasperatedly chiming in to say at one point, “None of you are Steven Spielberg. None.” and Rocky saying, “You should’ve taken it from my left.”

I look away from their tirade as Moon Bin hugs both of his parents, who leaves and walks toward us, a look of relief on his face. “Everything okay?” I ask, as he nears. Everyone turns their attention to him.

“Yeah,” He exhales a little shakily. He gives a smile. “He doesn’t get the dancing.” We pause, unsure how to response.

“And you’re smiling because…?” Eun Woo asks.

“Because he said I could continue my major, even though he didn’t understand it.” He gives a small laugh. “He’s letting me stay on!” We cheer, hugging him all at once, ignorant to the other looks in the room.

My phone vibrates a message from Kailo who tells me she’s at home now. I see another one from her when she was at the doctors. I tell them I’m going out to make a call where it’s quieter so I can actually hear what someone is saying.

“Hey, are you feeling better?” I ask. “What did the doctor say?”

“I’m feeling sooo much better now.” Kailo’s voice, although not yet back to her normal tone was sounding much more alert than a few hours ago. “It turns I have a very weak intestine and I’m technically not allowed to eat anymore raw fish.”

“I told you, 'Fish are friends not food’.” I quote 'Finding Nemo’ to her.

“That’s just because you don’t eat raw fish.” She says. “Say that again when you’re eating battered cod with chips. Maybe then I’ll believe you.”

She yawns and I tell her to go to bed. She says she will but not before watching an episode of Kim’s Convenience. I hang up, turning to go back inside when I see Moon Bin waiting for me.

“Where are the others?” I walk up to him.

“They went to celebrate. I told them to go ahead first.” Moon Bin says.

“Oh.” Awkward silence. Not wanting to feel weird around him, I hold up my phone.

“I just got off the phone with Kailo. She was feeling unwell just now. Ate some sushi. She had to go to the doctors and there was not anyone to stay at the shop. That was why I was late to the show.”

He lets out a breath that I didn’t know he was holding. “Oh. That’s why.” He scratches his neck. “I thought you weren’t going to come.”

“Why would you think–” I pause as realisation hits me. “Oh.”

“Is she feeling better?” I look up at him, confused, then realise he means Kailo.

“Yeah. She’s okay now.” I nod. There’s another pause where neither of us says anything, then as if he can’t stand it, he says, “Should we talk about what happened the other day?”

I bite the inside of my cheek. “Yeah, I think we should.”

We walk around, finding some place to sit, heading towards the campus park. Not for the first time ever, I marvel at the size of this entire university. It’s like a small village could literally just live here. We walk along the path, lined with small grey pebbles and small lights installed on the ground, so that it looks like one of those airplane runways.

“So, I guess I should apologise first.” Moon Bin says, as we take a seat on one of the park benches.

I open my mouth to protest but he stops me. “Just–let me finish.

What happened the other day. I shouldn’t have done it. I was feeling helpless and you were there as a friend and I shouldn’t have kissed you,” He continues. “That wasn’t how I…” He trails off.

“You what?” I ask, catching his hesitation.

“It wasn’t how I…,” He scratches his neck again, an action he does when he’s embarrassed. “…imagined I would kiss you. Not in that situation.”

I stare at him dumbly, too stunned to speak. There’s so many parts to his explanation that needs more explaining.

“I-I….” I swallow. “Um, okay.”

He lets me take my time, albeit the concerned look on his face is kind of endearing. “Moon Bin, what do you mean it was how you imagined?”

“Oh. That.” He says, as if he hadn’t thought of explaining that part to me. “Um, see, I kind of, really like you.” He fixes his eyes on mine. I think I can fully comprehend what the phrase 'heart beating against ribcage like a freaking earthquake’.

“Well,” I find my voice again. “In what situation would you have wanted to…kiss me?”

He gives the cutest/ most bashful smile ever and leans in to peck me on my lips. “Something like this?”

In spite of myself, I smile, feeling giddy. “Could you do that again?”

He smiles, leaning in again but this time I do too. This kiss lasts longer than the former and when it ends, he gently kisses my forehead. “Thank you.” He chuckles softly that my heart does a small skip.

“For what?” I laugh, even if it isn’t that funny.

“Just.” He shrugs. “Thank you.”

“You know, if you’re trying to be all mysterious and romantic like in dramas and stuff, it really isn’t going to work on me, because I won’t understand a thing you’re doing.” I joke, smiling.

You just never know when you’re going to open your eyes and fall for someone who’s been by your side this entire time.

BONUS :

“DID YOU GUYS MAKE A BET ON US GETTING TOGETHER?!”

#ASTRO #Astro #astro scenarios #moonbin scenarios #all night #all light #Astro all night #Astro all light #moon bin #kpop scenarios #ethereal-17

[crazyspookies]

ZRS7M16-19

All these serve the very specific purpose of 1) me yelling about stuff and 2) Collecting All the Clues to keep them in mind (so that i can yell later)

M16

1) “Turn on fans, stop zombies.” I still don’t understand this. I guess it will be useful at some point in the future but it sounds so...dumb? You can stop the zombies byt putting an insane amount of air in front of them??? Do random zombies in the wild suddenly stop when it gets really windy??? How did veronica even find this out, why would anyone make this kind of experiment it just sounds so random. Like if original v-types were the viking ones, it would make more sense that the things we got to make the antidote for sigrid’s zombie variant, would still be effective. You know, the fungus and the flowers and the grail of blood??? Which seems to be the original methods that worked with the zombies to a certain degree?? Like, original zombie virus rolls in, causes a huge ruckus, humanity isn’t destroyed and all those vikings end up in caves, sleeping. How did they do that, what happened there. 

2) VERONICA MCSHELL: It’s hard to admit when you feel like a part of you is missing.

NADIA AL HANAKI: I understand that. I understand better than anyone! But just because something’s missing doesn’t mean you’re less than. You just have to find a way to work with it. I did.

VERONICA MCSHELL: I was… embarrassed. I thought I knew what this experience would be like. I chose it. But without the resources ANNIE once had, there are limits to my processing power. I’m not sure what I’m worth.

IM NOT CRYING YOU’RE CRYING

3) “Some fish use their skin receptors to track the location of the things they need. I’m studying on weather patterns to see if wind has an effect on a larger scale.” Guess this makes sense? It’s been a long time since i’ve played (and since i’ve played this) so my mental clue wall is a bit rusty but then again those zombies seem to be not only intelligent but seem to work together so hive mind sounds more like the thing. Were the zombies capable of being organized back in viking times? what. is. going. on

M17

1) “Still treating the country like a giant game of Risk with your ex” Yeah and i am full of untrusty feelings about it and i know i’m gonna get fucked by both and not in a good way

2) “I keep telling you people, Brent’s vulnerable. Now is the time to make alliances against him before everybody’s on his side. Janine’s blind if she can’t see that” Maybe she thinks you’re incredibly untrustworthy because you are, in fact, incredibly untrustworthy. I mean, anyone amelia thinks she has to wanr people about is def. a shithole i don’t want to get my foot near to but it’s not like like her word is worth much yakno *squinty eyes*

3) “Barb and Harley, they said they only joined the Riders because they didn’t trust any settlement telling them things were going to get better.”

SAM YAO: Oh, what? So they settled for looting, arson, and pillaging instead?

KYTAN: Look, the Riders are mostly just lost kids. They look around the world, and all they see is a wasteland full of backstabbing factions. A lot of them really think this is a more honest way to live.

SAM YAO: Yeah. Well, let’s not forget, these are the people who almost blew up Parliament. And fed zombie blood to ravers for a laugh. And tried to raid the Long Way Home convoy, which was actually full of lost children.

I’m with sam with this one. Like, there’s only so much sympathy i can give to “lost” people who decide that murdering innocent people that are trying to survive in a shitty situation, turning them into zombies and getting children killed just because they want “chaos”. Which is not much at all. I understand some where roped into it and wanted to get out and didn’t know how but that’s not everyone you know. And not everyone joined the gang at it’s origin either.

7) ” The Riders want to take Nadia on a rabbit hunt as an initiation”

Me looking at s2s knowing that they know that i know what’s going to happen

(Prediction: rabbits are PEOPLE and five’s going to end up being the rabbit i know this from deep in my bones)

8) SAM YAO: Uh, uh, yeah. It’s uh… hold on, it’s on my desk. [paper rustles]” Babe....

9) “Five, did you notice that one of the Riders has a tattoo of your head on a spike? “

11) “You could pop up in front of them and lure them away from the poor innocent town“

12) “Off the top of my head, we could let them kill Five.” i feel so loved in this chili’s today

13)” Run, rabbit, run! “ i just had a flashback that reminded me that in the airdrop missions the guy from mullins gave five the codename Rabbit and i’m not sure what to do with this information but here it is.

M18

1) “Janine thinks the rave was a trial run. There’s a Peace UK movement that’s running cross-settlement events to try to get people working together. There’ll be talks and parties.” oh boy. Like, very nice and all but you know.

2) “I saw one scalp his best friend yesterday. They were reenacting a scene from Inglourious Basterds. Didn’t realize it would actually work.”

3) STEVE SISSAY: Sorry. After you.

KEFILWE LOBATSE: No, please. Go ahead.

Well this is akward

4) FIRST GUARD: Mates? Mates? What makes you think we’re mates?

STEVE SISSAY: No, I – I just meant -

afsdfsghafhdghaf

5) “someone or something called The Method” i feel like it will be important at some point in the future but i keep forgetting about it

6) STEVE SISSAY: I’m doing great, love. I mean, as great as a bloke who got dumped on live radio can possibly be.

KEFILWE LOBASTE: If you hadn’t been so sure you knew what I’d say, you wouldn’t have put yourself in that position. Honestly, proposing on public radio? What were you thinking?

7) KEFILWE LOBATSE: That. That’s why. Because you have to know best about everything, except the things that matter.

STEVE SISSAY: Oh.

8) STEVE SISSAY: That’s why I love you. I do, you know. I – I love you.

KEFILWE LOBATSE: I know.

You know it’s strange to have this whole conversation at this moment becausei kinda sounded like they had def broken up when we went through the CATS nightmare fuel trip and some parts of this conversation sounded both like “this is over over” and “if we had talked about the problems of our relationship properly then maybe things would be different so maybe there’s hope in the future” and it’s a bit confusing.I liked that ship but i guess we must move on..

9) NADIA AL HANAKI: Was that it? I’ve guffed more explosively than that.“ adfadghsfh

10) “Two of them bumped into each other and now they’ve started a knife fight.” this is horrifying but kind of hilarious???

11) [Runner Five tackles CARRIER]

KEFILWE LOBASTE: That was very… athletic, Five.

Five:

12) “ A briefing document, copied. It says, “When you get the signal, go to the most crowded part of your settlement and take the pill. The end is coming. A gray wave will wash over the world, and nothing living will remain.” “

M19

1) “PAULA COHEN: Oh, because self-destruction is so this season.” Never stop being a sassy queen paula

2)  “We just wanted to play with it, all [imitates squeal] and that.“

3)  “The V-types bite corpses, and then turn them into ghouls. That’s what we call the yellow eyes. And then you said the ghoul went sleepy and growly? It must have been turning full V-type.“ well, we’re fucked. Considering the amount of corpses that the v-types can get their greedy lilttle hands on by basically stepping into ANY DAMND GRAVEYAND AND DIGGING A BIT this really is...not good at all.

4) At least we don’t have to worry about the raiders anymore i guess?

5) “SAM YAO: I’ll talk to Amelia. I think she’s got a contingency for a breakout in New Canton. Involves dumping a ton of concrete from aircraft. “  Leave it to amelia to make me laugh

#zombies run #zrs7 spoilers #fennel's zr recaps

[lovebunnie]

Do all the asks coward

1. what does your wallet look like?

-i got it as a present from my uncle for christmas and its really expensive but also so ugly im sorry uncle tom. its like that ‘southern fashion’ bullshit that white MAGA moms wear. but it was better than my old wallet, which looks like this and i got when i was 12:

2. favorite color?

- baby pinnk

3. do you own a pride flag, or more than one?

-heres the thing: my parents basically know im not straight but i havent told them. my brother has thought i was a lesbian since freshman year, i have a small pride pin on my backpack, ive never been on a date, its complicated. but no, i dont have one. maybe one day, hopefully.

4. describe your favorite outfit

-black pants, platform doc martens, hoodie under a jean jacket, one clip on earring, and holding my crushes hand :]

5. when was the last time a girl made your heart flutter, and what’d she do?

-okay so theres this girl in my theatre class who is really cute, and she put her head on my shoulder and shes pagan so she drew a little sigil on my arm that means “safe and homely” so like :)))))))))))))

6. do you use nail polish?

-i do, i mostly do black tho

7. do you keep organized?

-absolutely. i have things online filed accordingly, i pick out my outfits the day before, my binders are neat, i learned how to army fold my shirts, i keep my shit CLEAN

8. ever take naps?

-only accidentally. ill be laying in bed watching youtube and next thing you know my autoplay has me watching a markiplier video even tho i dont like him and its 4 hours later

9. who was your first crush?

-idk if this is a real person or not so ill do both. my first fake person crush was either troy from high school musical or frankie stein from monster high. and my first real crush was on a boy named dominic in elementary school. i told him i liked him at the end of 5th grade because i thought i was switching schools but then i didnt and we never spoke again.

10. what are your crush tendencies? fall hard or often?

-both both both. i am the worst with crushes. i have crushes all the time because im romantic and a fucking fool. i have 3 crushes off the top of my head rn and i like them all for different reasons. thats not to say that i want to date them, but its that i like them a lot and i kinda wanna kiss their cheek or hold their hand idk

11. describe your ideal day

-play overwatch with my best friend (u gonble >:) ) then hang out with my cat, go get a smoothie, buy some cool shoes or something, take a shower and be asleep by 9 :,)

12. describe your ideal date

-i have stated that build a bear is an amazing first date and im NOT BACKING DOWN. ITS CUTE AS FUCK AND ILL ACCEPT NOTHING LESS!!

13. whats your favorite food?

-either sushi or strawberries :3c

14. who do you feel most comfortable around?

-my theatre class, people from camp, and gobble

15. what is your favorite compliment to receive?

-i dont have a favorite, any and all are going to make my face go red so i have to cover it and maybe make me cry

16. did you/do you like highschool?

-the first 3 years fucking sucked but senior year has been amazing so far. mostly because i just kinda stopped giving a fuck but its amazing

17. favorite animal?

-i think its cats now. i really like cats

18. do you like your name?

-eh, its okay. its pretty but also it seems like there are 60 million fucking people named grace and its so annoying. i wish it was something more unique idk

19. what kind of weather is your favorite?

-a light rain. no swinging trees or thunder, just lots of rain. its nice to stay inside and feel secure

20. do you believe in horoscopes?

-absolutely not. but theyre fun if you like them

21. tell us about your music taste

-its horrific. to sum it up, my two favorite musicians are the gorillaz and frank sinatra. take from that what you will

22. have you had your first kiss? if so, what was it like?

-i havent had my first kiss yet. gonna be honest, i felt like i was going to, a few times at camp and recently when classes ended. but yeah, nothing yet

23. did you have a favorite stuffed animal as a kid?

-i went thro cycles of favorites. but one ive had for years is a plush shadow the hedgehog from universal studios i got when i was 6. i used to carry him around, even to a pool once

24. what time do you usually wake up and go to bed?

-if you know me, you know i go to bed ridiculously early. i usually get tried at around 6pm and fall asleep between 7:45 and 8:30. and i always wake up before 6 am. i havent slept past 6 am continuously since the end of junior year. please help me

25. what dream trip would you take with your wife?

-maybe to go explore new york, just the two of us that sounds like fun :]

26. do you have any pets?

-i have 2 dogs and a cat. the family owns the dogs but that cat is mine

27. what pair of underwear is your favorite?

-uhhhhhhhhhhh i have some with rainbows that are cool? i dont have favorites, none of them are cute anyway

28. what makes you smile?

-funny jokes make me smile real hard, and if you compliment me at the right time, i kind of pull my legs up and hide my face? its cute and charming i promise

29. what makes you feel heavy?

-in both the physical and metaphorical sense, eating bread

30. what makes you feel better?

-watching bo burnham always makes me feel better, hes my go to whenever im really depressed

31. how do you show your love?

-i show my love in everything i do. everything i do is for love, i love love so much its sickening

32. when is it time to get a haircut?

-whenever u want to lol?

33. where would you live if you could live anywhere?

-maybe san francisco, its beautiful and i love the city

34. do your friends and family take good care of you?

-as much as i allow them to. sometimes i go days without communicating and i know thats annoying but my friends put up with it (they shouldnt have to, i know) and my family is okay. its cliche to say, but they honestly dont understand what im going thro alot of the times, esp with my anxiety and shit

35. have you always used the labels you use now?

-back in the beginning of highschool, i used they/them pronouns and identified as asexual/aromantic. eventually, it didnt feel right, so i know identify as cis and bisexual and that feels right to me

36. what makes you laugh?

-my friends, when people shit talk gobble and i in overwatch even tho???? we didnt know him?????? and the mcelroys always get me

37. who is your favorite fictional character?

-too many options, see list here

38. who do yo admire?

-my father when hes not threatening to throw my phone into a fucking lake and my friends for putting up with me

39. describe yourself in three words

-i am baby

40. how long does it take you to get ready in the morning? 

-usually about 45 min, more or less as each day goes

41. what do you wish you could tell your younger self?

-listen: STOP GIVING A FUCK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE. YOU WILL NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN, BE YOURSELF. STOP HIDING AND BEING SCARED OF YOURSELF, BE GENUINE!!!!

42. what would you do if you win the lottery?

-get my parents settled, see about other family members, and then distribute the money to charities accordingly, starting with flint and getting them water

43. would you call yourself a romantic?

-yes

44. what is your gayest childhood memory?

-my mom had cosmos magazines

45. do you have tattoos or want any?

-i dont have any tattoos but ive been obsessed with them since the 6th grade. id love to get tattoos, i just dont know what or where and also im afraid of pain

46. whats your worst habit?

-either biting my thumbs, starving myself, or ghosting my friends. prob ghosting my friends

47. what are you proud of?

-i guess coming out of my shell finally? idk, i actually have friends now and it feels amazing tbh. im in 5 group chats now. i havent been in a group chat since 6th grade. :))))))

48. did you know that youre actually a gift to the world, for real?

-hi i love you?

49. whats your favorite memory?

-there are so so many. but what comes to mind first is our dance night at camp where we all stood outside and i finally gave ian my tumblr and we all ran inside to dance to mr. brightside then ran outside again and we requested nightcore and rivers was fucking dancing their hearts out and we all sang along and im going to crying just typing this out

50. do you have a sweet tooth?

-i guess so. too much makes me feel like shit but i do really enjoy smarties

51. what do you like most about yourself?

-this is dumb, but my sense of style. since i got a job ive been wearing shit i actually like and its amazing. ill admit i have cool clothes

52. what makes you fall for a girl?

-besides acknowledging me, probably getting to know me and not like, putting me on a pedestal. idk its weird, ive met a lot of people this year who like to place me so high it feels like i cant make a mistake around them without disappointing them. idk, i want someone to call me out on my bullshit instead of assuring me im okay. i want to know what i do wrong so i can fix it

53. make a recommendation

-for what? uhh okay for music, listen to ‘clay pigeons’ by michael cera (yes i know michael cera) and for television, watch bojack horseman and for movies, watch the docuseries called ‘7 days out’ on netflix

54. have you ever had your heart broken?

-yeah, when i broke up with maddy because we werent ready to date. i cared and continue to care about her and i didnt want to hurt her but i knew its what we both needed. its what i needed, atleast. and i cant be a good girlfriend if i feel like im doing badly. but also ive had friends break my heart and family break my heart. but im okay now, this heart is ready to be broken again

55. when do you feel most yourself?

-def when i was at camp, that place is magical in the way it allows you to be yourself. but also when i talk to gobble because hes my best friend and when im at college, we can talk more and its gonna be dope as shit

56. name a gorgeous celeb

-jake gyllenhaal jake gyllenhaal jake gyllenhaal 

57. what are some of your favorite songs this week?

-fake happy by paramore, im not okay (i promise) by my chemical romance, tomorrow comes today by gorillaz

58. tell us 2 or your biggest hopes and fears

-biggest hopes: i publish a book someday & i get a job doing something i love

-biggest fears: i end up homeless and broke & something horrific happens in college

59. what flavor chapstick/lipbalm is the best?

-raspberry i guess

60. are you okay?

-i answered a lot more honestly then i shouldve for some of these and i start new classes tomorrow so im feeling really anxious so im doing alright i guess.

gobble you test me but i do love you

#g0bbleb0ners #that took 90 minutes #also i got kinda real here.... ://////// #whatever no one reads these things anyway

[candylani-draws]

When Evil Conquers YT - Chapter 2

Character List: https://candylani-draws.tumblr.com/post/177562446573/when-evil-conquers-youtube-character-list

Cover Art: https://candylani-draws.tumblr.com/post/177562290268/hey-peeps-im-so-excited-to-be-re-publishing

Wattpad Link: https://my.w.tt/rTElIdf6MP

Deviantart Link: https://www.deviantart.com/pandaserules97/gallery/67161703/When-Evil-Conquers-YouTube

(READ THIS FIRST!!) Important Notes: https://candylani-draws.tumblr.com/post/178727812658/when-evil-conquers-yt-important-notes-about-the

Prologue Link: https://candylani-draws.tumblr.com/post/178859191453/when-evil-conquers-yt-prologue

Chapter 1: https://candylani-draws.tumblr.com/post/178892439558/when-evil-conquers-yt-chapter-1

WARNING - This chapter uses high levels of offensive language, including insults and nasty comments about these certain Tubers. I obviously do not hate these people, this is just for story sake. If you feel that you are going to be offended by the words here, just skip to the end. Thanks!

Anon: "Ladies and gentlemen, I am here to announce my purpose for joining this occult!"

He leans down to inspect the pages, then opens the large book to the page he was looking for, a large slam echoed the rooms. In it lies a cell phone, and he pulls it out.

Anon: "Now, as I load my information, allow me to give some context. Most of you are aware of a popular video website called 'YouTube', correct?"

Lucifer: "You mean that stupid website that forbids copyrighted material and is full of pampering, self-absorbed morons?"

Anon: "Yes, exactly! And don't forget about ad revenue!"

His YouTube app has loaded, and he begins to search, both for his content, and in his notebook.

Anon: "Now then, I have four specific specimens who I believe deserve a bit of a punishment..."

Lucifer: "Ooh, what kind of punishment?"

Leader: "Have patience, Lucifer. We cannot have anything done if we rush into it..."

Anon: "Ah, here we are!"

Anon flips over several pages and reveals a large list of names.

Anon: "For 7 years, I've putting all of my time into this YouTube matter, finding out who and what is popular during different eras, and today, I have found the perfect victims. Now, if you look at this list, it reveals YouTubers that I wish to see be taken down by my command! Most of them are the gaming community, just a heads up."

The list was insanely long, and each of the names contained some sort of extra name beside it. From the looks of it, it seemed that Anon wanted to take these Tubers and...change their names? The first 4 caught everyone's eyes.

List of Dumbasses - 2016

1. VenturianTale → Jimmy Casket

2. JackSepticEye → AntiSepticEye

3. Markiplier → Darkiplier, Yandereplier, Authorplier, Googleplier

4. Pewdiepie → Lucius-pie

Anon: "Let's see here, ah! VenturianTale, the first channel on my list! To keep this simple, I'll make a demonstration and start off with the first four names, to warm us all up. If this is a success, we continue this tradition every October!"

He pulls up a video of some brunette man wearing a blue hoodie, screaming like a girl at some stupid animatronic animal jumpscare.

Anon: "Now then, here's out first Tuber, Venturian, aka Jordan Frye, a American guy who is known for playing Gmod and has 2.43 million subscribers. Even though that's not a large number compared to other channels, it still eludes me how a man in his 20s spends his time playing stupid mods with his retarded siblings. Yes, this isn't a solo channel, he has 3 other siblings who are equally guilty of this cringeworthy dungheep."

Random Occult Member 4: "No wonder they only have less than 3 million subscribers..."

Anon: "However, there is something that caught my attention from them during my studies...on their Gmod murder series, Venturian has created an original character named 'Jimmy Casket', a crazed murderer who happens to have some sort of personality disorder. It's a long, boring story as to why that is, but the point is...whenever Jordan plays as Jimmy, it seems to be one of the few times he goes insane and turns into someone else...someone dangerous...someone...evil.."

Random Occult Member 2: "Interesting..."

Anon: "Now, onto our next Tuber..."

Not even 3 seconds into the next video, and several of the Tubers covered their ears in pain from obnoxious singing and shouting. Luckily, Anon came prepared as he grabbed powerful earmuffs during his searching.

Anon: "Is the ear bleeding done?"

Everyone: "TURN THAT SHIT OFF!"

Anon: "With pleasure..."

Anon took off his earmuffs and paused the video. From the screen, and the audio, this Tuber is European man with bright green hair and a VERY loud personality.

Anon: "Our next Tuber is JackSepticEye, aka Sean McLoughlin, an Irish gamer with 12.36 million subscribers. I have no idea how the hell he's able to scream and shout for more than 20 minutes without a sore throat, but that is a gift he should never have been born with. This man is irritating, and he seems to overreact to every little fucking thing he plays! And he's friends with an eyeball that's LITERALLY septic! He's FRIENDS with a toxic fucking eyeball!"

Random Occult Member 2: "Greaaaaat, as if this man wasn't unlikable enough, now he's a gross slob..."

Anon: "...Riiight...now then, despite his annoyance, he also has a darker side to him that, this time, was created by his fanbase. Since his YouTuber name implies that he's all septic, it only makes sense that his dark side implies that he's antiseptic, and it's quite an irony. Recently, some of Jack's videos are giving canon appearances of this alter ego, and it helps give one a glimpse of what his true design looks like..."

Lucifer: "Ooh, now THAT is something I would KILL to see!"

Anon: "...Okaaaaay then...Next up is the pure definition of a manchild. Do not be fooled from his appearance."

The next Tuber who was on screen was an Asian-looking guy with an extremely American accent, red dyed hair, square glasses, and a skin tight shirt, playing some horror game about a rabbit.

Anon: "This here is Markiplier, aka Mark Fischbach, and this is another American Tuber here, with 14.55 million subscribers."

Random Occult Member 3: "Ooh, this guy has quite the bod..."

Anon: "Hey, remember what I said earlier? This person may look handsome on the outside, but inside, he's a scaredy-cat and...a bit of a crybaby...He's also really stupid."

Anon fast-forwarded the video, and the man screamed loudly and flew backwards in his seat, with his jaw dropped to the floor.

Anon: "See what I mean? Oh, and this guy seems to have a weird thing for boxes, considering he's friends with one."

Anon then clicks on another video with the man playing with some sort of small box creature with a big baby face and cartoony hands, and they're making stupid noises and faces.

Lucifer: "How in the hell did he even-?"

Anon: "It's best not to ask right now. Besides, I didn't get to the real meat here. Mark is unique, because he has not one alter ego, but FOUR!"

All Members: "FOUR?!"

Anon went into his photo album and pulled up a collage for 4 characters that looked eerily similar to the manchild.

Anon: "You heard me right, 4 alternate egos! The main one, and the most iconic, is his dark side named...Darkiplier...I know, hilarious. This ego has an interesting history. He originally started off as Mark trying to be "scary" to his audience, and this soon turned to a whole new persona. The last time Dark was seen canonically on-screen was a video named "relax", but I've been hearing rumors about the new appearance of Dark; it consisted something of him being all black-and-white, in a formal suit, and 3D effects..."

Lucifer: "Wouldn't that be cool to see?"

Anon: "Ha, tell me about it. Now then, the next persona is known as 'Googleplier', and this one is pretty recent. From Matthias' video 'Google IRL', Googleplier is a real-life Google machine who can answer any question, along with having an obsession with destroying mankind...to be honest, this one is my most favorite. Unfortunately, Googleplier has a retarded weakness against too many questions."

Nobody said a word, but they all seemed to have some sort of prediction that Anon is, in some way, similar to Googleplier's personality.

Anon: "Third one has a bit of 'style', if style meant a weeb who wants to kill everyone for their lover. This is 'Yandereplier', but I'm calling him Yandere Mark for short. For those who don't speak weeb, a yandere is a character in anime who acts nice but kills peers behind their love interest's back. Yandere Mark actually started once Mark started playing an indie game called 'Yandere Simulator'. Basically, the game is shit, and the developer seems like an asshole. But this persona has definitely intrigued me. To have a fake persona to hide your true identity from the one you love? Seems like the perfect ego to hide crimes."

From the weird smile/grimace on Anon's face, the group was wondering if Anon has dealt with a "yandere" before.

Anon: "Last persona is a lesser known one, but holds great promise. Meet Authorplier! Honestly, he doesn't have an official name besides 'The Author', but I'll be calling him Author Mark for now. This persona was created back in 2013 in a mini-series called 'Danger in Fiction'. Honestly, most of the videos consist of stupid, immature potty humor, but the parts that I find to be BRILLIANT is the character's appearance and his power to write stories to torture his victims. See, with Author Mark, he has a special book that plans out the victim's fate, and he wants the victim to follow it, or else he'll end them faster with his bat."

Lucifer: "Now THAT one is my favorite!"

Anon: "And FINALLY, the last YouTuber on this list is..."

Anon quickly went back to his YouTube app and typed away, and everyone was anticipating for who was the last Tuber.

Anon: "PewDiePie, aka Felix Kjellberg! Not only is this guy the biggest gaming YouTuber, he is the biggest YouTuber of all time, having 48.17 MILLION subscribers!"

Random Occult Member 1: "48 million?!"

Random Occult Member 2: "He could have his own country with this many people!"

Lucifer: "This guy must be rich for playing games all day!"

Anon: "HOWEVER! I must point out that Felix does not play as many games as he used to in his hay day. Still though, he is no exception...the fact that this annoying Swedish man can entertain or cause controversy for stupid games or unlogical statements is beyond me. If there's one thing I cannot stand about him, it's his enormous ego, acting like he's a mighty god. He kind of reminds me another YouTuber, I think his name was Joke Pole, but he's not a gamer."

Random Occult Member 3: "What's Felix's alter ego?"

Anon: "Ooh, now this is a tricky one...see, Felix doesn't have an official persona like the others, especially since none of them have a canon appearance or voice. However, one I did choose is similar to Yandere Mark and Jimmy Casket, where this one is based off a game that Felix played named 'Lucius'. See, 'Lucius' was a game he played back in 2012, and it's about a boy with the powers of Satan; his main objective is to kill his family members without causing suspicion. For a while, people loved Felix playing as this demon-writhing kid, and he seemed to take on the personality quite well, although he had a strange obsession with a beach ball."

Leader: "I see..."

Anon: "And that's everything I wanted to say! I only have these personas, but these people have a SHIT ton of more personas than I could count, a lot of them were fucking stupid. I only chose the ones that caught my eye, which were coincidentally the popular ones."

Lucifer: "The power of shitty fanbases..."

Anon: "And this is only the start...once I make these personas a reality with a special recipe I have made, they will cause havoc, ruin the reputations of these YouTubers once and for all! These are only with 4, imagine what it would be like with every other YouTuber gamer, or YouTubers in general, big and small, destroying the platform and taking down Internet entertainment with it!"

Everyone gasped and stared in awe as Anon caught his breath from all his speaking.

Anon: "So...am I in?"

#youtuber fanfiction #evil youtubers #fanfiction #scary fanfiction #jacksepticeye #pewdiepie #markiplier #venturiantale

[shytaeil]

soft bias tag! uwu

i double bias obvs. . . but i’ll do taeil.. thx for tagging me @hyucko @mlmchan !

who is your bias?

mr moon taeil!

what made you notice him?

honestly.. I don’t remember when taeil bcame the (1)… I feel like my eyes were just always wandering back to him? i remember watching nct life with hee and she pointed out that he was..”my type”… which i cant deny… i jus…it happened very naturally?

whats your favorite thing about him?

personality- hyung that’s not a hyung… nct’s funniest member, his dancing, his singing…can i just say everythin? yeh. also his dick nose.

who would initiate skinship more?

probably taeil- not that i wouldn’t want to hold his hand and be touchy, but im a lot shyer than him in a relationship. he’s older and more experienced than me, so i expect him to be a little more forward.

who would hog the blankets more?

depends on the season. i just sleep on the blankets during the summer, but during the winter i get cwold. i think he might.. let me have them? he’s considerate but i dont wanna be an ass- we’ll steal a big blanket from one of our parent’s cabinets. we’re both a lil pathetic so we might sleep pretty close together anyway

who would be more clingy?

ME ahahhaha.. taeil’s easily jealous and so am i, so we’re both careful and aware of what’ll irk the other.. im not super independent, he might let my clinginess slide because im so much younger.

who would say “i love you” first?

taeil- i’m sure i’ll hint at it but i’m stubborn and don’t want to admit it first….

what cuddling position would you take?

now, i dont mind spooning, but i’d much rather have him lie down and wrap on him like a body pillow.. that way i can rest my head near his chest but still have space to meet up to his lips.. im cringing

which colors remind you of him and why?

dark, earthy greens, musty blues, things like that.. makes me think of timeless live video! brings me back to him…

what season would you like to spend with him?

autumn. autumn, to me, means permissions nd ginko trees and darker colors, everything i lov. i want to share that with him

who would steal the cookie batter? and who would bake the cookies?

i’d bake the cookies… he’d steal the batter…

which one of you would make bad puns and how would the other react?

taeil makes the bad puns and i dont HATE them… i MIGHt laugh…. perhaps his 깅치찌개 one resurrected me

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1J9uAhX3H_g

who would want to adopt 50 dogs?

um we both adopt 50 CATS we’re a cat household

which one of you would nearly burn down the kitchen trying to microwave a poptart and who would come to the rescue?

i do it first,,, taeil gets frustrated but then 2 weeks later he does it… thats how it is. ..

who likes to lean over railings and who pulls them back?

i’m scared of heights so definitely taeil, but i trust that he wouldn’t fall or anything so i just might let him be or laugh at him.. let him have his fun!

what would watching a horror film with them be like?

idk… i like horror movies nd taeil claims to be manly (even tho he cried watching 각설탕…) so i think he could hold it together.. he’d have to bc id be scared as shit afterwards fsaijflefn

who would be the cheesy flirt and who would be the smooth flirt?

id dont flirt…. and taeil flirts without realizing, its a quirky thing he does. i think when he flirts with intention, it’s cheesy, but when he’s not thinking abt it he’s smooth

who is more competitive?

TAEIL. i’m competitive in a different way, i just don’t wanna be made a fool of. taeil wants to win.

who would have to be given constant reminders (reminders to eat, don’t forget your keys, ect.)?

probably taeil? he’s older so i expect it of him.. kind of:?

who sends memes and who sends cute “i miss you” texts at 3am?

taeil sends “i miss u” memes at 3am ehehehhe. i’ll send them back but im more conservative abt it than he is,., i might give him a hard time abt it but secretly miss him too….

oof. i’m not gonna tag anyone bc i don’t necessarily want to subject anyone to this at my expense... even tho i kind of loved doing it. thx 

#im too chicken to tag ppl #r we close? #can i? #this is why taeil hts me