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sugoi-and-spice · 8 days

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Answering the other part of this Q from @hunajan in a separate post rather than a reblog because...

Well, you'll see why lol.

This is SUCH a great question!

So yeah, when I was expanding this fic, and realized that I wanted it to be a story with deeper meaning, rather than just a straight up fetish-y dubcon/noncon fic (which there's nothing wrong with, it's just not the direction I wanted this story to go), and when I decided that I did indeed want Shigaraki and MC to be endgame - I knew that there was A LOT of work that was going to need to happen in the story, and from Shigaraki's end, to make that possible.

As a quick disclaimer, in real life, I do not think Shigaraki and MC's relationship would be salvageable. Dear readers, if your relationship with a person starts with a freaking sexual assault or a place of this deep of manipulation - fucking run, don't walk lol.

Buuuut, this is fiction, and I love writing about effed up characters trying to make each other's lives a bit less effed up, so yeah, this is a romance that I intend to give a happy ending.

Of course, I still don't want to make a happy ending easy for them. I fucking love me a character arc, and Shigaraki in this fic has one hell of a character arc to go through, one of the biggest steps of which is taking accountability and doing some serious fucking atoning.

So to answer the question, no, Shigaraki's realization and apology wasn't particularly difficult to write or plan out, but it was something I was very careful with and definitely put a lot of thought into. And so my first step in crafting this plot point was to look at one of my favorite atonement arcs in media:

Endeavor's!

*nervously* Hahaha, I can hear the pitch forks sharpening already. A lot of people really hate this character and claim he has a shit redemption arc, but I couldn't disagree more tbh.

I think the most important aspect of atoning is accepting the fact that forgiveness must happen on the other person's terms - if it's granted at all. And if the person you've hurt doesn't ever forgive you, accepting that as well.

Endeavor's attempts for atonement are not perfect ones at first. He tries at first to mend his relationship with his kids, very much on his own terms:

This is not a flaw with the arc mind you, imo, but an intentional flaw of the character. The rocky beginning on his road to atonement.

Because ultimately, mending the relationship, earning forgiveness, building a new life with his family - those are all things that he wants. They are things that would serve him, would make him happy. But that's not necessarily what's actually best for his family.

What's best for his family, is to free them. Separate himself from them so that if they decide to forgive and move forward with them, they can do it on their terms.

^This right here is the scene that really brough My Hero Academia from good to great in my eyes. And made me realize how amazingly poignant Horikoshi was when it comes to telling stories about trauma and complicated family dynamics. It was such an amazing show of growth, maturity, and genuine care for his family, to want them all to just heal and be happy, even if that means he's not a part of it.

That's some damn good freaking atonement right there imo. And admittedly, it's probably due to some personal bias.

To be tmi for a sec, I have a lot of experience with abusive people, and abusive parents specifically. I am no contact with my father and very low contact with my mother. They are people who have done fucking terrible, awful things to me in my life and quite regularly, just expect me to forgive them without them putting any real work into changing things. They want me to forgive on their terms and their terms only, and they absolutely fucking expect forgiveness. Because that's what family does.

Bullshit.

I can't tell you how much in my life I've wanted to hear them say:

I think that is the pinnacle of an actual good apology honestly, and particularly when apologizing for doing truly horrendous things. It's to just reach out to people, say I'm sorry, you don't have to forgive me, but I am fucking sorry - I take full responsibility for your well-being and what I've put you through,. And then to work on making things better for others, and improving yourself going forward. No pushing, no love-bombing, no trying to make it up to them directly. To just lay it all out on the table and accept the consequences.

There's a reason that the 9th Step in AA is "making amends" and not "asking for forgiveness."

Sooooo, to bring it away from this Endeavor meta tangent, and back to your actual question - that's what I decided needed to be at the forefront of Shigraki's apology in Play Nice. Not the literal words "I'm sorry", but this part:

His willingness to walk away if that's what she wanted and was best for her, even if doing so made his own life noticeably worse. The promise to not cause her anymore of that pain, no matter what it takes - that's what really needed to happen here I think to make their relationship salvageable honestly. That's what I really wanted to highlight.

#spice chats #play nice fic #endeavor meta apparently? lol #enji todoroki #tomura shigaraki #directors cut

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the12thnightproject · 8 days

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*jumps in*

Gonna fly in and drop a ⭐star⭐ because I know there's probably Director's Commentary you probably are dying to talk about in Ten Things I Hate About Mitsuhide. No pressure, though. Thank you!

Hi and thank you for the ask!

And you're right, I haven't had as much chance to talk about Ten Things, the way I have about Shingen and Mitsunari's longfics.

Loong, long answer below the cut...

Mitsuhide's longfic wasn't intended to be the third story. Originally, it was going to be Shingen, then Hideyoshi, then Mitsunari, but when I finished Shingen's story, I realized what I had planned for Hideyoshi had too many similarities to Shingen's story, so I bumped up Mitsunari. I was loosely considering Ieyasu as after Mitsunari, but Mitsuhide and 'Okatsu' had so much chemistry in Mitsunari's story, that it kind of felt like it needed to be next. He was in fact the love rival in Mitsunari's story, but because we never get his POV, it's not obvious (I think if you skim over his chapters in Mitsunari's story with that in mind, you can sort of see it, but it was never stated).

I still hesitated, because Mitsuhide is so popular that I was afraid if I didn't 'get him right,' it would go down very badly. And while I think I did ok with his character, I still feel like I rushed the story, and it could have used another edit on plot. In the first draft, Mitsuhide and Katsu were separated for most of the last third of the story. Once she left Sakai, they didn't reunite until almost the end (when he joins her in modern Kyoto). But I really hated keeping my two main characters apart for so long, and I was afraid people would lose patience with the story if they were separated for all of Act III. I spent a lot of time fiddling with Act III, and kept changing stuff, even up through nights before I posted the chapters.

So let's really talk about Act III, since the first three quarters of the story were fairly easy for me to write, but that final 25% took me almost as long to write as what came before. Honestly, Act III gave me fits (granted I was writing it last winter when I was working two jobs, and I had far less time to write than normal).

Oh, aside, I'm using film terms to describe the length of my acts... Act I is the first 25%, Act II is the next 50% (although usually is divided into two parts midpoint plot twist being an emotional mid-story climax), and Act III is the final 25%. I consider Act I to go through the point where Katsuko and Mitsuhide contract to work together. Act II through the midpoint goes through when they are taken prisoner by Motonari, and the rest of Act II goes through when Katsu leaves Sakai and Mitsuhide).

In my first attempt at Act III, once Katsuko leaves Mitsuhide's townhouse, she goes to Motonari and bargains with him to take her to Tsuruga - which was my original location for Act III. For reasons (that I no longer remember) Yoshimoto was also onboard. I got about 5 or 6 thousand words into that section, realized it wasn't working (at that point, Motonari was supposed to be the love rival), and backtracked to when she left Mitsuhide. In the revision, she goes to Yoshimoto, who agrees to take her to where Yoshiaki was hiding out. By this time, I realized that Yoshimoto made a better love rival (so when I did my second draft, I gave him a lot more to do in earlier chapters). This was all part of the original handwritten draft, so that Motonari section didn't even get typed up.

As I was working on my next attempt at Act III, I wasn't really sure exactly where Yoshimoto and Katsu were specifically going. I was going to create a new location where Yoshiaki was hiding out, and as I started to describe the area they were riding into, I realized, 'wait, I already created a dark remote castle for Mitsunari's story, I know what it looks like, and the area of that is more or less where this one needs to be too, so lets just use it again.' (I'm also using it in the next story, but just a little bit near the beginning of the fic. So far.) This also allowed me to drop a couple of vague Easter egg clues for the ongoing multiverse story.

Anyway, in that draft, it wasn't Mitsuhide who doubled around and ended up there as he too searched for Yoshiaki, it was Kyubei, who, sent by Mitsuhide, was following Katsu to ensure she was ok. Katsu was aware he was following her, and when she and Yoshimoto discover Yoshiaki's plans to team up with Motonari and Kennyo in order to attack Sakai, she sneaks out of the castle (Yoshimoto creates a diversion), finds Kyubei, and gives him a message to give to Mitsuhide. Then she sneaks back in rejoins Yoshimoto (and then the plot continued more or less the way it played out in the posted draft).

I always write the "his POV" chapters last, and since I changed my mind on Act III prior to writing the his POV chapter, this never did get written, but what my original plan for "what was Mitsuhide doing while Katsu was in Genba was that he had figured out where Toshiie was, and he'd found her brother, and was 'drying him out.' He doesn't learn what happened to Katsu, until Yoshimoto visits Azuchi and tells him. Anyway. That didn't get written, because by the time I was writing the stuff that was taking place in modern Kyoto, I realized that the Act III wasn't working as written. So I dumped the Kyubei chapter and replaced it with the chapter where Mitsuhide connects with Katsu in Genba, the scene in the garden, and then I rewrote the scene on top of the castle wall to include Mitsuhide. I'm happy with that particular decision, because I think it ended up stronger that way. (Sorry Kyubei for dumping your chapter).

I don't think there was that much else I deleted between the first and the second drafts, but there was a fair amount added. Originally the priest who tries to buy Katsu on the slave ship was a one and done character and we never see him again. I later brought him back to that scene on the grounds of the temple that was used for the city managers meeting because the original scene felt a bit flat and needed more danger (originally Katsu just overhears a few different conversations, but that got repetitive). The decision to have him show up on the old video from Katsu's childhood was a last minute right before posting the chapter decision (originally the person in that scene was just a random stranger, but that didn't really pay off).

A couple of other more active scenes got added between the second and third draft to help the pacing. Most of that was in the second half of Act II, the stuff at and around the area where Mai and Hideyoshi were being held prisoner.

Oh a weird BTS thing for the chapter where Mitsuhide teaches Katsu how to pick and code crack locks, is that I actually ordered a couple of cheap antique lock knock-offs from Amazon, watched a few lock picking videos, and taught myself how it worked, to help write that chapter. That was a really fun chapter to write - I enjoyed trying to figure out the sexual tension subtext.

There is also a scene that I didn't write (because the modern section had gotten too long, and it didn't add anything except my personal fan service) but that I consider canon to the story (in my head), is that when Mitsuhide and Shingen were in modern Japan with Katsu and Sasuke, there was one night where they went to a games center and played Beat Saber. Maybe someday I'll go back and write it as a short story.

Again, thank you for asking. It's always fun to revisit this stuff, especially when I'm in the middle of breaking a new story and feel frustrated during the moments where I'm stuck. Helps to remember that the first draft is always messy and will change.

#asked and answered #directors cut #ten things #ten things I hate about mitsuhide #fanfic

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clare-with-no-i · 5 months

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Hello I totally agree with your explanation of “Deddies” and I love it so much. Can I SOLICIT a director’s cut for back to the old house? (If you feel like it!)

kelsey omg! pls you know I am always one to chitchat about my fics (I am narcissistic). thank you for asking! the entire time I was writing I kept thinking CHANNEL KELSEY CHANNEL KELSEY CHANNEL KELSEY so I hope this connects with you! I knew from the get-go that I wanted to write you something Order-era, because I know you enjoy those stories :) I also knew it was going to be a little angsty, a little contentious between James and Lily. there had to be some distance between them to create conflict. and you said you liked canon divergent! so!

The new recruits don’t know that the potions closet has a spring-loaded trap fashioned onto the doorknob.

the first sentence is actually one of the most important of the whole fic. I wanted to try and set up a few things right off the bat: first, that there's a new group of people entering the scene who are important to the story. second, that the narrator (shortly, you'll find out, it's James) is in a position of authority over them, and is intimately familiar with the setting. third, there's going to be some interaction between wizarding concepts (the potions closet) and muggle technology (spring-loaded trap on the doorknob).

essentially, this one sentence captures the essence of the entire plot: a new recruit (lily) not knowing that muggle tech is going to be key to an Order operation which James is running. I rewrote this sentence a few times, and once I landed on it, I ended up writing a lot of the story around it.

When he was little, before he mastered any sort of magic, he used to bandage the broken wings of birds he’d find in the back garden, gauze nicked from the muggle-junk cabinets his mum kept, fumbling fingers dumping alcohol wherever he saw blood. One of the housekeepers told him that he might just be prolonging their suffering instead of helping them like he thought. He was too young to understand what she meant, or maybe too headstrong to care about anything past what he thought was right. He would always release them, but now that he thinks about it: did any of them ever fly?

another passage I found really important. James has a bloated sense of responsibility in this story, which is something I usually write him with across all of my stories, especially in canon. we see him agonizing over whether he's coddling these new recruits too much, almost to the point of being neurotic about it. he's an unreliable narrator, as we'll learn: he wants to blame himself for things, or try and fix things over which he has no purview. here, he's getting upset with himself for trying to help animals as a child. like, hello? lmao

The eyes he meets when he looks in front of him are Lily Evans Green — she has a patented shade, or at least, he’s always thought of them that way, somewhere between hunter and sea — and narrow. The last time he saw her was at Leaver’s Ball. She’d been a wisp, a moment, an apparition between bodies in ornate robes and gowns. He doesn’t jolt, but he knows from a sudden crick in his neck that he doesn’t stay still, either.

the "he doesn't jolt" sentence is another favorite primarily because we're pretty sure he did actually jolt. you don't just end up with a crick in your neck from barely moving. but it's so fun to see him downplay his reaction to seeing Lily (at least it was for me), and that was part of the reason why I tried to indicate across the story that she sort of knew that he had feelings for her, at least at some point in their lives. he's way more transparent than he admits.

She mumbles a quiet thank you in cadence with the rest of the lot, as though they’re really strangers, as though he’s just a tour guide and she’s not at all surprised to see him, as though she doesn’t care at all that he’s in front of her, except the tips of her shoes point at him for a few delayed seconds, long after the others have walked away. One of her socked ankles fidgets.

I pulled from one of my favorite new girl episodes for this haha. the 'a man's feet point toward what he wants' thing with nick and jess is so cartoonishly stupid but just the right amount of delusional that it felt really authentic to have him fixate on it. especially now that she's given him this bodily reaction of fucking his head, where before he was speaking above his audience. it also gives us a little distance from lily, again: we don't know if she's looking at him or not, or what her expression might be.

A glass bottle full of brown hydrangeas wobbles. The label’s been ripped off, but it was Firewhisky before it housed dead things, and its wide, stained edges keep it from tipping over.

another important sentence here is the firewhisky bottle line, which I've talked about a bit before. the central motif of the story is vessels: houses, primarily, as this all takes place in this house-turned-headquarters, but also bottles — for potions, for alcohol — and to me, in this moment, the firewhisky bottle was just a gigantic metaphor for the entire Order of the Phoenix. all of the Order members had identities before they became soldiers cloistered in this house, and it's those little indicia of their past selves ("wide, stained edges" from holding firewhisky) that keep them from collapsing entirely. James's resilience and humanity; Sirius's humor and fighting spirit; Lily's cleverness and kindness. I promise I actually thought about that as I wrote it and am not just now doing a close reading hahaha

“Hang on.” Inexplicably, James holds his hand up to stop him. The scrolls crinkle as Jeremy clutches them back against his chest as though looking for a threat James has identified. Instead, James elaborates, haltingly, “You’re—uh. You’re going to take up the whole dining table with that.”

it was important to me that this moment was ambiguous in meaning: whether James was trying to keep the plans a secret or whether this was just him reverting to a schoolboy crush by forcing Jeremy to keep the maps in his hands so that Lily has a place to sit with her tea. could be either or both :)

He gets up, suddenly and almost entirely against his will, thinking of the way her lips flattened and unfurled as she whispered, magnets, magnets.

he just wants to be around her! this is the thoughtless beauty of liking someone — you just want to be around them all the time, right? you want to stick to them like, pardon the obvious reference, a magnet.

“You can’t tell me that we weren’t…I thought we were starting to get close in sixth year, is all.” To say that he has a physical reaction to this wouldn’t be inaccurate, but just as well, he’s the longest-serving member of the Order currently living in this house, and he has spent years learning the art of avoiding disarmament.

this is a turning point for a number of reasons: we finally get an insight into how Lily feels, and we James refuse to process it and instead just make immediate reference to his work in the Order, something about which he is confident and assured. I had to find a good enough reason for them not to be together or even really be on speaking terms, and the only catalyst I could think of was to have this big, destabilizing event (James's parents' deaths) really personalize the war for him earlier than it might have done in canon. of course, we know that he would have joined either way just because it was the right thing to do — and so does Lily — but I tried to give the impression that he's not sure, and it's a point of insecurity for him. it was also important that I get across the "oh my god he was just a kid!!!" perspective here from Lily as a proxy for the reader. because now that I've altered the timeline of canon, we presumably won't have that happening with Harry; it's all been transferred to James.

There is an acute sensation which James has experienced only in this room, in the last six months, of realizing that being beholden to a movement and a person are two very different things.

the moment with Dumbledore in his office is where we get a little bit more information about what's going on, albeit in these distorted/fractured formats. Remus is doing work that requires him to be away from his friends; it's at Dumbledore's behest; the mission that we later learn involves Sirius, Marlene, Fabian, and Gideon living undercover in Malfoy Manor has been going on for roughly six months.

“I just think I’m better suited in the field,” one person says. “I can’t be stuck here mixing herbs all day.” “I know. You’d think they’d ask us instead of us having to ask them. I mean, were we recruited to pass out flyers?” “Or fold the clothes they left in the closets.” “Bloody hell.”

another little easter egg here, which connects to something in the first scene! we know that there are four empty rooms in the house. we now know that there are clothes left in the closets in them. we don't know where Sirius is, or why James has this undercurrent of panic beneath his internal narration, but at this point hopefully the pieces started to come together.

When he leaves the lab, he shakes out his overwarm hands, watching the crescent imprint of a fingernail disappear from his palm.

this was my 2005 pride and prejudice hand-flexing-scene moment, in all candor

“You don’t want to be healing me,” he posits, slurring his words a little. “I don’t want you to be hurt,” she replies in her top pupil voice.

I felt pretty comfortable giving Lily the more blunt-force romantic lines here because of the setting and because of how completely frazzled I make James in her presence. we see her have her moment of reckoning earlier, when she's out smoking, basically putting it all together that he didn't just stop liking her in sixth year — he had this massive traumatic event that he didn't even think he could tell anyone, and he had Dumbledore pulling strings in the background to get him to fight for the Order. so, coupled with how blatantly clumsy he acts around her (despite him thinking otherwise) and how often he seeks her out, it would be pretty easy to surmise that he still has residual feelings for her. but, again, we're not getting the full story from him, and she doesn't know what's going on with the mission, so I hoped to create this sense that she couldn't really discuss their relationship until all of his cards were on the table.

Her eyes stay closed for a good few seconds. He can’t tell if he’s fantasizing or reading her expression correctly when he thinks that she’s sitting in the moment, luxuriating in it. He feels at once completely in himself: in this twenty-year-old version, learning what it’s like to have something and let it have you in return. The leaves of a nearby tree cut through the sunlight and splotch their bodies with shade. The wards are down, for just a little while.

after they finally kiss (!), it was important to me that we see him actually start to believe that they're as close as he wishes they would be. he's starting to trust in the face-value reality in front of him: that she's just sitting in this moment, entirely comfortable with where they are, and with him. hopefully the buildup here has been sufficient, but I thought it was a poetic sort of resolve here, that he's been able to fulfill this wish that he's had since he was sixteen, this age where he became stunted in his emotional growth because he was adopted into this grassroots war effort.

earlier in the story I refer to him as a "time-turner body," because he has this incredibly curious, contradictory relationship between certain parts of his identity. he's grown up faster than his peers in that he's become a senior member of the Order after fighting for four years. he became an orphan at sixteen but was taken under Dumbledore's wing. he has this unrealized teenage crush which he has been forced to confront after she becomes a soldier. he's been run ragged by worry and by fear as his friends take on these roles that he can't help with. so here, finally, he's at peace with his twenty-year-old self: his friends are all in one place, he's gotten to fulfill this one-who-got-away romance from his teenage years after getting to know her as an adult.

finally: the wards were my other big motif, essentially just giving visual representation for how trapped James feels by his environment. we know that someone had to "let Lupin in" from the previous scene, AKA take down the anti-apparition wards, and now they're down until the mission is over. finally, he sees into the outside world, a world not limited to this house and this war.

woohoo! thank you to any and all who read this absolute phd thesis. my god. kelsey as per usual you are too kind to ask me for these things and I appreciate you!! and another HUGE shoutout to Hafsa for organizing this wonderful wonderful event!

#ask #kay elle cee #back to the old house #directors cut #ME RAMBLING

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revengeromance · 6 months

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Leo ☆ 18 ☆ He/Him

Film major ☆ Writer ☆ Programmer

I make punk music and block freely. Decolonization now and forever. Death to the military industrial complex. Liberation for all. We will see a free Palestine in our lifetime. Revolution girl style now!

@mookquartetarchive

texasisforever.com

ko-fi / commissions

🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️🇲🇽🇺🇸

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winter-of-85 · 1 year

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Finally, official confirmation that the director's cut of Interview with the Vampire still exists! The original film negatives were thought to have been lost or destroyed; thankfully, that doesn't seem to be the case. Now who's door do I need to knock down in order to make this materialise in time for the 30th Anniversary next year? Neil Jordan. David Geffen. I'm looking at you. 👀 Artwork by Vlad Rodriguez. 4K mock-up by yours truly.

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no2ticonderoga · 11 months

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ItSotK Update Master Post

HELLO!

The two year birthday celebration for "In the Service of the King" has begun!

Today, I updated the following chapters:

September 1808

April 1809

August 1809

March 1811

October 1811

July 1813

A few of these were only minor updates. (March 1811, for example, has very minimal changes, but I fixed things that annoyed me.)

Starting tomorrow, I will update one new chapter a day!

November 1804

June 1805 (This one was posted on 6/28)

July 1806 (This one was posted on 6/27, I mixed up my timeline...)

January 1807

November 1807

July 1808

December 1808

February 1809

July 1809

July 1810

August 1811

April 1812

April 1813

August 1813

July 1814

#pjo #regency au #napoleonic au #fic #writing #in the service of the king #directors cut

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darkisrising · 1 month

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⭐

suuuuusssshhhhiiiiiiiii my love! Thank you for playing with me, and per our dm conversation you settled on the sex worker bobadinluke au series for the director's commentary ask game. Which is gonna be hard since you were there when I was writing it, I'm not sure what I can come up with that you wouldn't already know/vaguely recall, but I'll give it my best shot.

Right away, I'll say that everyone that knows me has dragged me at least once about my fic titles. I'm not great at coming up with them, and usually just pick something at random. At the time I was writing this series, I had this idea of grouping fics together with some very loose theme. Which is why my dinluke stuff mostly have a mando'a words as titles, the big BDL series are all lines from songs by Frank Sinatra, and this series has titles that are all songs from the 2000s. The songs have nothing to do with the fic, except that the one line I used for the title somewhat had something to do with the fic itself. Which I know drives @bronze-lorica crazy, lololol, and I'm sure she'd not alone.

This series started off as three prompt fills. Three people requested "sex worker" from a list of AUs but asked for different ships, and I decided to make my life easier by setting them all in the same, modern world. This series got me by the throat as I was writing, and I'd post a little more, only to be like "Oh! And another thing..." over and over, until there were 37k words of it.

I knew I didn't want to tell an angsty story with this one-- I love angst but I wasn't in the mood--so instead I went with the idea that Luke's a sex worker that's doing this as a means to an end, and is very clear about when the end will be. So, instead of seeing him hit rock bottom and let that be the motivation for the sex work, it's more transitory than that. This is only a moment in his life that we're seeing, and he's very clear about that.

His sex worker style I sort of based on the persona I take on in my client-facing/customer service jobs. Upbeat and patient. "You can trust me" and "We'll get through this together" vibes. And since I like my triads where everyone is a puzzle piece that fits in together, providing something for each person that's unique and different, it synced up nicely to make Din someone with a repressed/religious fanatic background. Luke's very open and non-judgemental, not to mention competent, energy is like Valium to Din. It lets him soften and be more willing to engage in a way that he doesn't really with his bristly husband. Boba's my gruff, blue collar man and when I hit on the idea of him dealing with chronic pain from an accident at a construction site (the Sarlacc building project, he fell into the pit, natch, and then after I decided that, I couldn't stop hearing Andy Dwyer singing "pit. I fell in it, the pit. You fell in it, the pit. We all were in that pit.") it made sense that Luke was able to help him if he was training to be a physical therapist. After that, it was all a matter of teasing those three connection points in different directions to see how the three of them could provide for each other in unique ways. That's really where the plot (such as it is) came from. Writing it was a really organic, natural process, which isn't normally the case for me. But, I guess, I started off knowing the characters in this incarnation really well (and with faaaaaaar more clarity than usual) so it was mostly a matter of seeing where that would take me.

(link if anyone else wants to play)

#ask game #directors cut #sex worker au #bobadinluke #dark is thinking #ask box

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