#Hope at least one cis person sees this and does some reflection | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

minkmousesworld · 2 years

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Hello Hello! I just wanted to say I love your content like holy heck you're one of my favorites when it comes to writing gn readers because it truly feels like the reader can be any gender and I really admire that! Because of that, is it okay if I could ask how you're able to write the reader like that? I've always read through fem readers (and being cis fem) and I think this is what makes me unconsciously assume the reader role to be female, but I want to write gn reader to be more inclusive.

So I want to ask what's your mindset when it comes to writing a gn reader? Are there any specific mannerisms you think can define a reader to be either masculine or feminine? What are the things you try to keep in mind when writing the reader? And how hard do you think you need to be consistent using 'they/them' pronouns as opposed to 'he/his' and 'she/her'?

I hope this isn't too much but if it is please feel free to overlook it! Thank you once again for being such a delight here on Tumblr and sharing your wonderful ideas about dom reader! Truthfully I'm not very into KNY but you make it so easy to fall in love with some of the characters and I hope you stay safe and well, goodbye~~❤️❤️❤️

hello-hello, pumpkin pie! ahhh, thank you,,,, I am very pleased to hear this <3

I will try to give some advice, but, to be honest, just as you unconsciously take on the female role, so I unconsciously make myself as neutral and non-gender as possible. it's not something I think about or do consciously. I mean, a fish doesn't think about how it breathes underwater, and a flower doesn't think when it reaches for the light — and I use gender neutrality because that's me,,,,

cw under "nsft" a few tips for a gender-neutral reader in sex; my opinion is subjective

to begin with,

disclaimer:

in fact, if you do not feel the desire (interest) to make the reader gender neutral or you are comfortable when the reader is clearly feminine or she/her, then this is normal.

although for some reason most people have been too fixated on inclusivity lately, you should understand that writing is a reflection of you, and what you write is a luxury item. no one has the right to judge you for writing a non-gender neutral reader, because there are "non-gender neutral" readers who are cis, and they are also absolutely valid.

it's just one thing when you do it because you feel that it's interesting to you / you want to try to write from a different point of view, and quite another when you write because it's "necessary". this is not true. no one can say which pronouns are required to be. these are your works.

after we've discussed such an important thing, I think I can give you some tips that might help you — although I think it's better to ask those writers who write a gender-neutral reader together with a non-gender-neutral one; they will probably be more useful.

[ 1 ] Many people say "use they/them pronouns". I will add: in my opinion, it is better not to use pronouns at all.

You can always use the first (I, mine) or second (You, your) grammatical person and completely avoid the fact that you accidentally write the wrong pronoun. This is the very thing if you don't want to make it clear which gender you mean; at least, there will be confidence that you will not accidentally write "[wrong pronoun]" at the end and will not cause negative feelings in the person who came for neutrality.

[ 2 ] Don't focus on which side of the reader's personality you're showing. Yes, if you feel that they are softer / more gentle than neutral ones, then you should say this at the beginning of the work ("soft gentle", "wild", "aggressive", "feminine") — but this does not mean that this is an automatic "femininity" with she/her.

Although I often see "I can't write male reader", it's a bit pointless, because male and female readers do not differ in anything. It is the writer who makes the differences, creating gender-tinged situations, but if you remove the moments where the chest is described or where the reader is called a guy, then you will understand that there is, in general, no difference.

As soon as you do several works on behalf of a cis he/his and on behalf of a cis she/her in the same situation, you will realize that they look the same, even if you write as a cis. Our brains are arranged in the same way, and behavior in most cases does not depend on gender (except for menstruation, but even then not all afab become very emotional, so everything is individual). Just remember all these stories about aggressive girls and soft guys, and then vice versa — they are everywhere.

It doesn't matter what gender you have, you can have a completely different set of personality traits; if someone has women who are "soft, too fond of self-love, hyperemotional", and men are always "cold, persistent, tough", and at the same time they are all Vikings, living in the cruel north, it means that something went wrong. You become like this not because you are a woman/man, but because you were brought up that way. With the reader's personality, in general, the situation is the same — the way you raised them, that's how they'll be.

[ 3 ] When I wrote a non-gender neutral reader, I thought about how they would behave if they were of a different gender — if there is a difference, then I continued to write (a very long time ago; it turned out not to be very effective). I think it will work in this case — if you feel that the reader's behavior will change if they have a different gender, then it means that it is not gender neutral. It will be gender neutral if the behavior changes slightly and will not have an advantage in any direction.

If you feel that these words could only be said by she/her (or he/his), then it means that we have deviated from the course. If you're worried that the reader's words still look gendered, then you can leave the links "you teased them", "you couldn't resist telling them how adorable they looked" — don't say what exactly was said, leave the readers to think out these details.

But if you want/feel this phrase to be uttered, then there is nothing wrong, even if it sounds "gendered" — as long as everything remains neutral, I don't think it will be a problem.

[ 4 ] You're writing about the reader, but you're not talking about them. You're talking about a character. You talk more about what they experienced when their thigh was touched, or when they were bitten on the ear, or when they were pressed against the wall to leave a kiss, than the other way around. The reader is a fuzzy image that should remain as free as possible, because, well, the reader knows what they feel when their hand is touched, or when they are grabbed by the shoulders and pressed.

Of course, there is nothing wrong with describing what the reader is experiencing, but they already know what they are experiencing, and the less you talk about their feelings and characteristics, the higher the chance that you will not accidentally alienate the reader who came for gender neutrality.

[ 5 ] We have come to this. Gender words. I must say right away — if you make footnotes that "mommy" does not express gender, but rather the soft dominance of the reader, then this is normal. When a character calls a reader "daddy", not because the reader has masculine pronouns, it is gender neutrality.

When you are a princess, not because you are a "girl", but because princesses are called those who cannot become an heir, but only partners for the princes of a neighboring state — this is gender neutrality. When you take a term but give it a non-gender meaning, you're doing everything right. If you're worried that they still look gendered, take the cis he/him and tell him that he's also a "princess" because he can't become an heir — as soon as you're persistent enough that this term doesn't refer to gender, it will stop causing itching.

Gender neutral is not when you use only non-gender words, it is when you use those words that do not imply the reader's gender. If you use gender neutral words, but it is obvious that the reader is male/female, then this is not gender neutrality.

Your reader should accept any gender, any pronouns and any sex and not change at the same time.

The words are not as important to the reader as what you put into them — if you do not forget to say that it is not gender-specific, then they will agree. If you play incorrectly or make a mistake, then they will notice it. When a writer works, they don't notice the words that way — but readers read everything; they may not notice a mistake or typo, but they will understand that you are deceiving them.

gender neutral terms cw: sub reader mention

smut's terms list

Wow, this part! It's been long enough, hasn't it? But don't worry, this time it will be much shorter, because writing a gender-neutral smut is easy if you do it enough times — or maybe you don't need it at all? There are enough stories where the reader is gender neutral, but amab/afab, and that suits many, as long as you tag it.

But, if for some reason I am being read by a writer who thinks that talking explicitly about a reader's dick or vagina is a bit boring / not neutral enough / you want to add to the list of writers who are strictly gender neutral both in clothes and under it, then I definitely won't stop you.

[ 1 ] Penetrating sex.

You don't need to say that the reader has a strap-on or a dick. Many writers immediately say that they refer to a "dick, but do not describe it, so it can also be a strap-on", and you can take advantage of this experience going through many generations of writers who avoid gender. Or not to describe the dick / strap-on at all, but simply to say that the reader pushed inside. What difference does it make in which way? I don't think that any of the readers during a hot scene thinks "so, stop, is it a dick or a strap-on?", although if the scene is not hot or the reader is not excited, then this thought may appear.

If the reader accepts penetration, then the description should be limited in the same way — we have "hole" and "inside you", you can also describe the sensations slightly or say what the character felt, but do not speak directly. You can say about the lubricant — it will create realism and will not be gender-specific. Unfortunately, our ancestors did not leave us any other gender variations — of course, you can say about pussy, but this should be said at the beginning of the work and will probably lower gender neutrality a little for some readers.

Make the reader imagine a picture, but don't tell all the details — that's how a good scene turns out; write about feelings and emotions, that soft touches, passionate bites and cheesy words about love during orgasm.

Leave the genderality about cocks and vaginas to those who can afford to say this to their audience — of course, such a part of people reads us, but we also work for non-binary readers who will not appreciate this, and maybe even write to you about why people should put afab/amab, and they will be right.

If you can't (which is absolutely normal!), then also write right away that there are moments for afab / amab readers, but, you should understand that this is not really sex gender neutrality if you mention the reader's genitals; for someone it's a real squeak and disappointment — believe me, I'm such a reader, so I know what I'm talking about. If I found a smut where the reader turns out to be afab / amab in the middle, and not a word about it in the beginning, I will never read this author again in my life, because this is a banal disrespect for readers.

[ 2 ] Petting. Heavy petting. Through the clothes. Rubbing against each other. Handjob. Fondling. Squeezing. Don't talk about chest caressing without warning — it's not sensitive for everyone and not pleasant for everyone. In addition, you always have the opportunity to let the character have an orgasm without undressing the reader.

Everything doesn't revolve around getting in and fucking, there are so many ways to have fun. You can make them talk to each other on the phone or make the character imagine a sex scene or possible scenes, after all.

Or maybe you will describe an erotic scene without undressing the character and the reader at all — striptease, sex toys, hints that they will have sex, and what the reader sees now is a prelude and a demonstration of dynamics.

If you have any questions, feel free to ask them♡

And, in fact, that's it! If you're not sure you're going to write neutral penetrative sex, then don't write it — not in the sense of "I don't want to see you," because you have the right to write what you want, but if you feel uncomfortable or it's not yours, then there's nothing wrong with not writing.

If you want to write a lot of variations, then make a warning for this. Gender neutral smut is still smut — I don't know, you can imagine that they don't have any sex, but they want to have sex, and work with it, while trying to keep a secret from readers.

in fact, this is the third or fifth time when they tell me that they were not originally in the fandom, and then I have a question, how do you find me? I don't interact with anyone, and the "dom reader" or "gender neutral reader" tag is constantly being filled with new content;;;

#.spicy♡#🐹.cute mouse #🌰.talk #gender neutral reader #dom reader

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unholyplumpprincess · 3 years

Text

Speak Up

A commission for @mintocchi ! Thank you so very much for your patience while I moved everything around :D

Summary: You and Crypto have been in a relationship for awhile now, and he's still got issues when trying to speak up for things that he wants. You always try to get him to voice his opinions and concerns, and somehow this leads to training him how via the bedroom. Or! In which Crypto needs to learn to stop being an actions over words guy or else you'll make him beg over and over again for what he wants.

Reblogs > Likes. Please Reblog if you hit Like :D

!!!Minors and ageless blogs dni or you will be blocked!!!

Fandom: Apex Legends

Relationship: Crypto/Reader

Warnings: R18+/NSFT, Reader is gender neutral and written with a vulva, they were originally supposed to be a cis gal but there’s no real language depicting them as strictly a gal!, Denial and forcing Crypto to beg and use his big boy words, P tame kink wise!

Words: 5k

___________________

Starstruck.

That’s how you had first felt when you had met Crypto.

You were a new camera operator on the set of the Apex games, someone who got all the good angles and made sure the drone cameras could really catch all the action. You’d met him the same season he’d been introduced, noting how he’d been cold and disregarding, yet appeared confident in himself. But his eyes, they’d been so...paranoid. Especially when you approached to introduce yourself as one of the camera operators.

He’d regarded you with a short, quick nod. Odd, you’d thought. But that had quickly vanished when Elliott had taken you aside and chatted you up, an arm slung around your shoulder and a grin on his face. “Hey, don’t mind the kid, probably still jet lagged, dropships, bein’ legends and all- anyway sooooo I hear you operate those cameras now, huh? Make sure you get all my good angles- not that any of them are bad, just, you know, keep that attention on the money maker you feel me? The money maker being me, of course-”

~Rest under the cut~

“Mirage.” Crypto’s voice had cut in between you two, watching as you both had turned and you could note his irritated look at Elliott before a much more apologetic one was glanced your way. “Apologies. He does not understand personal boundaries-”

Elliott feigns a dramatic gasp, cutting Crypto off with his free hand against his own chest as if wounded.

You stifle your laugh when Elliott keeps up the act, sputtering before pointing at Crypto accusingly. “Woah, woah, woah, I’ll have you know that I know this lovely thing. Used to be the tech head up iiiiiiin- audio, right?” He turns towards you after that, squeezing his arm around your shoulders in a friendly way as you beam at being remembered.

“That’s right! I was actually hoping to speak to you, Crypto,” You gesture at him, noting Crypto’s light surprise of raised eyebrows before confusion and worry passes his features. Quick to overthink, huh?

You’re quick to follow up to ease his possible fears. “N-not! Not as an employee, I mean, I just- your, uh, your drone. They kinda remind me of an old camera used back in the day and I was wondering if you had any tips or tricks I might be able to pick up on?”

That’s what started the relationship in the first place. Crypto, that day, had offered merely a one shouldered shrug, but after Mirage giving him a look and whining to him like a puppy, he’d agreed. Resulting in you having your own private session with him as he helped you learn a few tips. You were already trained in operating the newer models, but having a few pointers never hurt.

The entire time he’d asked questions about you, it almost felt like he was interrogating you rather than trying to start up curious small talk. But, to ease any fears he might have had about you having ulterior motives, you answered as honestly as possible to each one. Judging by his more paranoid nature, you didn’t ask any in turn for fear of him shying away.

The least you wanted to do was make Crypto feel as though you were untrustworthy.

As you two grew closer, the more relaxed he became around you. No more tips were to be given, so that excuse flew out the window, so you’d offered hang outs. It took a few tries until he finally mumbled he’d feel more comfortable in his room, which is where you two ended up being and you learned he had a sweet little cat named Isabella-Marie.

You had smiled at her name, asking where he got the idea from, and he’d smiled softly- almost sadly when he’d said she was his sister’s cat he took in, but no more information. Said cat took to you nicely, and just as she had, Crypto started warming up to you as well.

It was a slow, slow process. You took your time with him and learned that the personality he put on was nothing but a front. Something to keep more hidden. In private, he’s so soft, almost shy in his approach to you. He’s still got his sarcastic tongue, but he’s more playful when in private with you. Much like a cat. You see him opening up the slightest bit to people he’s starting to enjoy too- Elliott and Natalie both seem to have won some sort of favor with him.

That friendship slowly worked its way into romantic.

The first time you kissed him is with your hand cupping his cheek and his cheeks flushed red as his dark eyes flickered to your lips multiple times until you took initiative. It took a bit of coaxing to even get him to rest his hands on your waist, but once that had happened, it’s like he’d been so touch starved all his life. Clinging to you and sighing into your mouth as if he’d just sunken into bed after a long day.

His need for touch didn’t surprise you considering when you offered hugs and snuggles that he’d melt into you and cling to you so tightly. Your height difference, with you being much shorter, made that kind of funny when he’d lean down to bury his face in your neck and you’d stand on your tiptoes to make it easier. All within a private setting- outside of these rooms, you were both strictly professional.

Crypto’s name had been revealed to you not long after. Tae Joon Park. You both agreed that if you used it frequently that you might yell it in public, so it was reserved for more intimate moments or serious when you two were alone. You were mindful about switching his name, so you kept to using ‘Crypto’ in your head to ensure you wouldn’t fuck it up.

Though, it never failed to delight you in hearing him sigh fondly when you’d mumble his name by his ear after a sweet kiss.

Dates were more reserved for the bedrooms as well. You never minded that either, but sometimes on rare occasions, he’d don a mask and a hood so you two could go out. You could only imagine the type of anxiety those outings brought, but it always warmed your heart that he was willing to take a breath and push himself out to do these things for you. In turn, you would spend the nights with him, with his head on your chest and his arms squeezing around your middle.

Crypto, you quickly find however, is really bad at vocalizing his desires.

He’s a man of action, hardly using his words and if he did it was one worded or quick. You’ve been trying to help him on communication skills for both your sakes, but it’s more difficult on him. It doesn’t help that he’s quiet either, so sneaking up behind you to snake his arms around you normally results in you jumping and making a squeak sound.

But it also meant that for more...bedroom activities, that he would use actions. You always knew when he wanted something, you weren’t blind to it, you just wanted to make 100% sure of what he wanted. Normally resulting in you straddling his lap, a hand around his neck and speaking low for him to tell you what he wanted.

Crypto always got the cutest face anytime you took the reins and control. A healthy flush over his cheeks, his breathing heavier and his eyes pleading, but his mouth refusing.

Stubborn was a good way to put it. How his eyebrows would furrow and he’d whimper and buck his hips up, but not tell you what he wanted. It took a lot of trial and error to even get him to utter ‘please’ at times. Your poor baby.

You especially found you liked teasing him. Learning quick that he liked nicknames like ‘Good boy’ and ‘Baby boy’. You enjoyed edging him, tying him up or even just making him cling to the sheets or his own hair as his hips humped the air and he sobbed without begging for you. Always trying so hard to convey in his body language what he wanted you to do.

You found yourself mesmerized by his desperation at a lot of times. Where Crypto’s kiss flushed lips would part, his eyebrows knitted and his eyes frantic on you. His own hands gripping his hair to follow instructions on not to touch you as his hips thrust into the air and made his thick cock bob.

Sometimes you wondered if he could cum just by humping the air alone.

Another time, you’d always tell yourself, always so eager to hear that final sobbed out word of ‘Please’ before you would swing your legs over him and ride him hard and fast. Normally fit with cruel croons about what a sweet, pathetic little thing he looked like. Your very good boy.

That’s what you were thinking of now as you sat on the couch in his quarters, waiting for him to return from his match in the arena.

Isabella-Marie is happily purring in your lap as your hand strokes through her soft, strawberry blonde fur. You’ve set up there with a blanket over your lap that she’s kneading happily, the match Crypto had been in having ended about an hour ago. You could tell he was struggling, too much talking around him that was reflecting in his steps.

He’d been in a team with Mirage and Wattson, both people you knew he liked being around, but unfortunately, they kept striking up conversation. Leading to Crypto being off his rhythm. But it was nice to hear him breathe out in amusement at their antics sometimes, caught on the audio feed with the announcers crooning about how it looked like he made some friends finally.

They at least made it to the top three. Fighting valiantly to maintain their location on World’s Edge in the city. Mirage had gotten cocky when they’d knocked two of the opposite team, going up to finish them off and ending up with a shotgun in the back and a cracking snarl in the sky of Bloodhound.

The rest is history. But, at least you knew Bloodhound wouldn’t be the type to gloat and act cocky if they caught Crypto- at least out loud. You’re glad it was them rather than Caustic. Bad blood ran deep between them, not to mention Natalie struggling herself with it all. You were glad her and Crypto could solve whatever issue it was that ran between them- one that not even you were aware of.

Security and secrecy, Crypto had told you with apology in his eyes. You understood, some things were best kept secret. Especially in case you accidentally got caught up in a mess, you could genuinely say you had no idea what was happening in all the legends’ lives.

The beep of the door being unlocked makes Isabella-Marie awaken, doing a stretch across your lap before she chirps and hurries to the door to greet Crypto. She curls around his feet as he removes his shoes at the door before entering any further into the room in the rest of his gear.

“Hello, sweetheart,” You hear him tiredly coo downwards, hearing Isabella-Marie's delighted chirp as she’s scooped up, quickly followed by her loud motor engine of a purr.

You slide off the couch, dressed in your lounging outfit of soft black sweatpants covered with cliché little green alien heads and a loose gray sweater with a green Apex symbol over the right breast, the collar falling off your shoulders. Crypto looks worse for wear, his eyes are tired and he’s got dirt smudged on his cheek and smells heavy of sweat. Not that Isabella-Marie minds. Nor you.

“Hey,” You greet him, a smile on your face as his eyes rest on you whilst his cat presses her cheek in insistent strokes against his chin, cradled in his arms.

“Hey,” He murmurs back to you, adjusting Isabella-Marie in his arms when you reach for him. Despite his tired expression, his cheeks flush when he leans down and to the side for you to cup his cheeks and peck a kiss on his lips in greeting.

“You need a shower. You go wash up and I’ll order dinner.” You tell him, offering your arms out for Isabella-Marie to be transferred to your arms in all her purring glory. “What were you thinking tonight?”

“Mmh.” Is his only reply, leaning down to rest his cheek on the top of your head in a small nuzzle. Affectionate boy. You laugh a bit, gently nudging him with your hip as Isabella-Marie jumps out of your arms. Giving you time to hook your arms around his waist and shove your hands into his back pockets under his jacket to draw him close and make him blush.

“Tae Jooooon,” You tease his name, enjoying how he hums low in his throat in response and turning his head to press his lips against the top of your head in a kiss. “We’ve talked about this. You can’t go your whole life being a one worded man.”

“Mmh.” He responds again, this time with a smile that you feel.

You shove at him playfully to shoo him off for the shower, calling out after his back when he goes dutifully towards the bathroom. “Fine! But if you don’t like what I picked because you didn’t give any options, I don’t wanna hear you complain!”

Not that he ever did complain. If he was picky this would be a bigger concern. But thankfully you two seemed to be on the same page a lot of times, especially when it came to food.

The food you order is Chinese takeout, getting here just in time for when Crypto emerges from his long shower looking a lot more awake and less grouchy. He’s dressed in his thick framed glasses, his normally slicked back hair nice and slick, some black sweatpants and a loose white crop-top, something you appreciate very greatly to be able to see his fit frame.

Like a nerdy jock.

You show your enjoyment when you wrap your arms around him from behind when he goes to look at what you got for dinner. Running your nails up his exposed beauty-marked, warm skin on his abdomen to feel him squirm and lean back against you with this flustered huff falling from his lips.

Eventually you two make it to the couch where you have dinner and watch one of the K-dramas he liked to indulge in. Sometimes Crypto will pause it to explain a verbal pun that wasn’t caught via the subtitles for you, something that always makes you smile and appreciate when he takes the time to pause and explain for you.

Though you’re sure he doesn’t appreciate when you wait for his most distracted point in time to steal a piece of his food and shove it in your mouth too quickly for him to stop you. Resulting in him poking at you until you squeal from being tickled and he can take a piece off your food in retaliation as you whine at him after.

Domestic. That’s the best way you could describe yours and Crypto’s relationship.

Home.

After dinner is put away and teeth are brushed, you two settle back onto the couch. You curl up on the corner, Crypto following you to cuddle up to your side. His cheek rests against your shoulder, kind of tilting his body into you as you rest your arm behind him, your hand resting on his nape to slide up to pet at the shaved portion of his head. Another hum from him of appreciation, but not verbalizing his like of it.

Crypto softly adjusts, but you take it as nothing more than him getting closer to you with the soft sound of the TV in front of you. You’ve got your phone in your lap to play a puzzle game while he watches his show, very much like a cat as he rubs his cheek against your shoulder affectionately.

Another squirm, another adjustment is felt after a moment of him pressing his thigh to yours. You take it as him wanting to be closer, only sliding your fingers higher along his scalp to the coarse hair atop his head to lightly scratch at the root like he likes.

You don’t notice his mouth starting to part, quickly cut off with the ringing of your phone and you groaning aloud. “Really? Right now?” Before you’re answering it with a polite ‘Hello?’ that makes Crypto snort at your tone change.

He watches as you chat, watching your lips move and hearing you discuss footage and what your boss must have wanted you to edit or someone else. He’s not really paying attention when you’re still petting his hair. He tries to nudge closer to you, near flush with your side as his hand now rests on your thigh, hoping to catch your attention. You only offer him a quick smile before returning back to your conversation.

After five minutes, it’s clear this isn’t going to be a short call either.

A sigh is heard from Crypto before he’s leaning up to start pecking soft, brushing kisses on your neck. Your head tilts for him, only a light flutter of your lashes as you go ‘Mmhm yeah’ to whoever you are on the phone with. Your nails press lightly at his scalp, letting him know you feel him as his teeth lightly nip at your neck like you like.

You’re damned good at keeping your composure verbally, and now Crypto’s beginning to wonder if you’ve ever done anything on the phone with him without his knowledge. Even the mental image of you spread out and touching yourself while on the phone near making him whine, something he swallows down.

You clearly can feel him and see him. You offer a little smile when he peeks up at you, catching your gaze. Emboldened by you sparing even a little attention to him, his hand slides down to your wrist in hopes you’ll catch up to what he’s saying. Gently drawing it to his thigh and towards his inner thigh. And yet, you still chat on the phone, but now you’re squeezing and massaging his thigh, your pinkie lightly skimming over his crotch and making Crypto’s breath hitch against your shoulder.

His brows are furrowed, looking ever so frustrated as you now purposefully lengthen the conversation out by bringing back a point from the last game played. Crypto’s head tips lightly up to you, his eyes pleading with you when your knuckles brush over the bulge in his sweatpants.

Your eyes meet his and you quirk a brow with a light smirk on your face. Your eyes say enough for him, you’re sure, judging by how his face flushes and his brows furrow once again. You can see and feel how he squirms, realizing he’s not going to get anything until he uses his words.

He’s stubborn. He’s always so stubborn. Squirming in his place and getting more frustrated as you keep chatting. Only after three minutes does he finally give in when he realizes this isn’t going to work and you’re only going to keep teasing him through his pants.

“Please?” He all but whispers, his mouth felt quivering on your bare shoulder and his hot breath felt in a shaky exhale. “Please touch me, please?”

You smirk.

“Oh! Hey, boss, looks like I’ll have to chat with you tomorrow morning about that- uhuh, yeah, yeah, getting,” -You pause there to let out a feigned yawn- “Oof, yeah, getting real tired....uhuh, yeah, sounds good! Buh-bye.” Before you’re ending the call and practically pouncing on him.

You end up in his lap, straddling him and cupping his cheeks, brushing some of his hair from his face before you lean in to kiss him. Crypto’s hands find your waist, hovering at first before gripping you when you lick into his mouth after biting his lip to make him gasp.

You sit up higher to press him back into the couch, letting your hands slide into his hair for him to tip his head back when you pull at it. His moan is low and vibrates his chest when your tongue licks over his own, feeling his hips jerk lightly up and against your ass needily.

“I like when you beg,” You breathe as you part from the kiss, moving the kisses down his jawline and towards his ear where you lightly nip. “Do it again for me?”

“Nnh-” Is the only response he manages at first, his fingers shaking as they slide down to grip your hips when you start grinding across his lap. Back and forth to your own rhythm and feeling just how hard he is. Bless whoever made sweatpants.

Crypto’s so cute when you pull back to look at him. Where his head is tipped back and to the side, his lips parted and letting out ragged breaths with each drag of your hips across his lap. How his brows knit together when you grind low and slow downwards to catch his attention and his mouth falls closed to hiss.

But. He still wasn’t speaking.

“Be a good boy and tell me what you want, hm?” You try to encourage him, letting your hands fall down to his exposed abdomen to slide your hands up and under his crop top. Slipping your hands over his chest to thumb at his sensitive nipples, gently pinching and rolling them. Crypto whimpers sharply, his head rolling to the opposite side and looking more stubborn by the second as he strains to come up with words.

“I-I-” His voice comes out in a whine, framed by how his lips quiver and his blunt nails cling to your hips when you stop grinding to encourage him further. “I...I want your mouth. On- o-on my cock. Please?”

“Awww, baby, when you look that cute? I’d do just about anything for you.”

You move down his body, kissing your way down until you can slink in between his knees onto the floor. You waste no time in hooking your fingers under his sweatpants, your mouth watering as you follow his happy trail downwards as it gets more exposed. You tug them completely off with his underwear, watching his thick cock bounce with a satisfying bob and a drool of pre-cum from the flushed head peaking from foreskin.

Crypto covers his face with his hands to hide his burning red flush that edges down to his chest when you hum at him approvingly. But, judging by how his cock throbs, you already know that as he likes being watched and praised without words.

You take your sweet time kissing up his length and down his balls, letting your tongue run over the sensitive skin. Your hand holds the base, stroking downwards to pull back his foreskin, mouthing at the flushed head and letting your tongue slide against the slit in teasing dips until a whimper falls from his lips.

You tease him like this for a good enough amount of time before you even take him into your mouth fully. Suckling and bobbing your head, your free hand holding his hip to squeeze to remind him to keep his hips down when he starts trying to hump upwards into your mouth.

Anytime you feel how his cock jerks and you hear his breathing quicken; You stop. Pulling your mouth off to kiss at his hips and thighs instead. Squeezing on his legs soothingly and rubbing at his skin when Crypto whines and rolls his hips up with not a single word peeping from his lips. Even if now his arm is thrown over his forehead, able to see how he peeks open one eye to look down at you pleadingly.

You smile up at him each time before you take him in again. Suckling, licking, your nails sliding down his thigh until your hand can cup his balls and lightly squeeze. And each time you feel him get close, you pull back. The same bite of pain of your nails on his skin, same edging, the same denial even as pre-cum spills from his cock and it mixes with your drool to connect you with a sliver that makes him near sob when he sees you.

You know he liked it messy. Liked seeing the mess you could make.

The mess you could make of him.

You’re about to remind him that he needs to use his big boy words if he wants to get anywhere tonight. But, seems Crypto gets the memo when he starts pleading.

“Let me cum inside you, please, please, please- please let me cum i-inside you, please, I’ll be good-” His voice is breathy, a high whimper as his hips try to fuck up into the loose grip you have on his shaft. He just looks so pathetic for you right now. Just a teary, drooly, humpy mess.

You like how desperate looks on him.

“Mmmhhh, I dunno, baby,” You let your voice elongate your words, your breath fanning across his sensitive skin and causing his dick to jerk, lightly tapping your lower lip and making you smile. “You look awfully cute. Can’t you hold it a bit longer? C’mon, you can be my good boy and hold it, can’t you?”

Each end of your questions is punctuated with a drag of your lips across his cock, letting him feel how you murmur across his reddened skin.

Crypto sobs out again, his body jerking in sensitivity as both his hands come back up to hide his red face and teary eyes. His nod allows you to continue, continuing your teasing kisses and licks. Making sure to bite pain into his thighs to cause his mind to either associate the pain with pleasure or to back off his pleasure. Judging by the way he sobs out and twitches each time you scratch or bite him, you’re guessing it’s your prior guess.

“Please, please, please-” Crypto starts to sob when you deny him again, his cock jerking heavily and spilling pre-cum on his lower abdomen. His hands have fallen to grip the couch as best as he can, his teary gaze looking down at you and his lips quivering with his shaky breaths. So cute. “Please, I-I cannot take it anymore, please, please let me cum in you, I want to cum in you-”

You’ll give him credit. This is the most he’s ever spoken during sex, let alone been so clear in his needs and desires. Something you’ll praise him for later. For now, you smile up at him, wiping your mouth off on the back of your hand before standing to wriggle out of your lounge clothing.

Crypto’s quick to help you, hooking fingers in your sweater to help you out of it. It’s fit with your laughter as you nearly fall on him, lots of giggling when his mouth presses a kiss to your abdomen when you get halfway stuck through your sweater and pants. “Tae Joon-” You laugh out his name when you feel him smile against your abdomen, “C’mon, lil help here?”

Eventually you escape your clothing prison, able to set the mood again when your straddle his lap. You’re plenty wet enough, but you still take the time to tease him a bit more by reaching down to stretch yourself while hovering over his cock. You feel flustered as he watches you, sitting under you and looking up at you with such love in his eyes while you make soft sounds yourself.

It takes a few tries to line up correctly, but soon you’re bouncing your hips on him with your fingers in his hair and your mouth on his neck. He always sounds so pretty the way he cries out, clinging to your hips at first before his arms wind around you to hug you to his trembling frame. You pepper kisses all over his face, cupping his cheeks adoringly as you rest your foreheads together.

He cums rather quickly, clinging so hard to you as his hips frantically hump up against you. He ends up accidentally holding you still so he can thrust up into you, resulting in you clinging to him in turn with your lips parted and murmuring praise as he fucks you through his orgasm. He’s swearing in his mother tongue, something you can only catch bits and pieces of.

When Crypto’s done cumming, one of his hands quickly goes down to between both your bodies to rub at your clit as you hump against his cock still lodged inside you. He finds your lips to capture when you whimper out his name when you begin to cum, your nails biting into his shoulders as he rubs you through it.

By the time you’re both satisfied, you slump against his frame, burying your face into his neck as your sweaty bodies press together on the couch, still connected.

When both of your breathing settles, he presses a kiss to the top of your head, nuzzling himself there as his hands slide up and down your sides. You smile softly, adjusting your hips a bit and laughing a bit when he grunts in this little oversensitive way.

When you lift your head to meet his gaze, you smile a bit brighter, gently bumping your noses together. “Hey,”

“Hey,” He murmurs back just as fondly.

“You need a shower.”

He smiles when he realizes you’re replaying your interaction from earlier that day, reaching up to brush your frazzled hair from your face. “Mmh.”

“You need a shower with me?”

“Mmh.” He repeats, moving to rest his cheek atop your head as you laugh at him when you feel his chest shake with a quiet laugh in turn.

“Alright fine. Guess I’ll be getting a shower first and you’ll be left out here with your dick out and cold-”

That gets him. Pushing you off him and to the couch with a yelp from you as you fall gracelessly on your side and gasp as he takes off towards the shower and you quickly following after him with a playful swat to his ass when you catch up.

Yeah. You would say your guys’ relationship was domestic.

#Crypto #Crypto x Reader #Apex legends #apex lemons #nsft #lemon #commissions #princess writing

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aro-comics · 3 years

Text

Fashion Analysis (Part 2: Outside of Amatonormativity Alone)

[Note: This post is a part of a series analyzing self-expression, fashion, aromanticism, and how they interact with other parts of identity. For full context please read the whole thing!]

Outside of Amatonormativity Alone: Sexism, Homophobia (and/or Transphobia), Racism, Ableism, and Other Factors That can Impact Self Expression

My comic was originally meant to be a light hearted joke. I’d always been told I’d want to dress up one day, be pretty and feminine once I fell in love with a boy (BLEGH). I was so certain that I would never do that, and now … here we are. I put lots of effort into my appearance, present feminine, all in the hopes I’ll impress a very special someone - a potential employer at a networking event. I think there’s a certain irony to all of this, and I do find it funny that I managed to both be wrong and completely subvert amatonormative stereotypes!

But having the chance to think about the whole situation, I realize now that my changes in presentation reflect far more. The pressure I felt to dress differently are still influenced by fundamental forms of discrimination in society, and I would be remiss to not address these inherent factors that were tied with my experiences alongside my aromanticism. So in this section, I will briefly cover some of these factors and summarize how they can influence people’s self expression as a whole, before discussing my own experiences and how these factors all intersect.

Sexism

The pressure on women In This Society to uphold arbitrary norms is ever present and often harmful, and while I wish I had the time to discuss the impacts of every influence the patriarchy has on personal expression, to even try to cover a fraction of it would be impractical at best for this essay. Instead, since the original comic focuses on professionalism and presentation, this is what I will talk about here.

Beauty standards are a specific manifestation of sexism that have a deep impact on how people perceive women. It’s a complicated subject that’s also tied with factors like capitalism, white supremacy, classism, and more, but to summarize the main sentiment: Women are expected to be beautiful. Or at least, conform to the expectations of “feminine” “beauty” as ascribed by the culture at large.

They also tend to be considered exclusively as this idea that "women need to be beautiful to secure their romantic prospects, which subsequently determines their worth as human beings. The problematic implications of this sentiment have been called out time and time again (and rightfully so), however there is an often overlooked second problematic element to beauty standards, as stated in the quote below:

“Beauty standards are the individual qualifications women are expected to meet in order to embody the “feminine beauty ideal” and thus, succeed personally and professionally”

- Jessica DeFino. (Source 1)

… To succeed personally, and professionally.

The “Ugly Duckling Transformation” by Mina Le (Source 2) is a great video essay that covers the topic of conforming to beauty standards through the common “glow up” trope present in many (female focused) films from the early 2000s.

“In most of these movies, the [main character] is a nice person, but is bullied or ignored because of her looks.”

Mina Le, (timestamp 4:02-4:06)

Generally, by whatever plot device necessary, the ugly duckling will adopt a new “improved” presentation that includes makeup, a new haircut, and a new wardrobe. While it is not inherently problematic for a woman to be shown changing to embrace more feminine traits, there are a few problems with how the outcomes of these transformations are always depicted and what they imply. For starters, this transformation is shown to be the key that grants the protagonist her wishes and gives her confidence and better treatment by her peers. What this is essentially saying is that women are also expected to follow beauty standards to be treated well in general, not only in a romantic context, and deviation from these norms leads to the consequences of being ostracized.

The other problematic element of how these transformations are portrayed are the fact that generally the ONLY kind of change that is depicted in popular media is one in the more feminine direction. Shanspeare, another video essayist on YouTube, investigates this phenomenon in more detail in “the tomboy figure, gender expression, and the media that portrays them” (Source 4). In this video, Shaniya explains that “tomboy” characters are only ever portrayed as children - which doesn’t make any sense at face value, considering that there ARE plenty of masculine adult women in real life. But through the course of the video (and I would highly recommend giving it a watch! It is very good), it becomes evident that the “maturity” aspect of coming of age movies inherently tie the idea of growth with “learning” to become more feminine. Because of the prevalence of these storylines (as few mainstream plots will celebrate a woman becoming more masculine and embracing gender nonconformity) it becomes clear that femininity is fundamentally associated with maturity. It also implies that masculinity in women is not only not preferred, it is unacceptable to be considered mature. Both of these sentiments are ones that should be questioned, too.

Overall, I think it is clear that these physical presentation expectations, even if not as restrictive as historical dress codes for women have been, are still inherently sexist (not to mention harmful by also influencing people to have poor self image and subsequent mental health disorders). Nobody should have to dress in conformity with gender norms to be considered “acceptable”, not only desirable, which leads us to the second part of this section.

Homophobia (and/or Transphobia)

So what happens when women don’t adhere to social expectations of femininity? (Or in general, someone chooses to present in a way that challenges the gender binary and their AGAB, but for the sake of simplicity I will discuss it from my particular lens as a cis woman who is pansexual).

There are a lot of nuances, of course, to whether it’s right that straying from femininity as a woman (or someone assumed to be a woman) will automatically get read a certain way by society. But like it or not, right or not, if you look butch many people WILL see you as either gay, (or trans-masculine, which either way is not a cishet woman). This is tied to the fact that masculinity is something historically associated with being WLW (something we will discuss later).

This association of breaking gender norms in methods of dress with being perceived as a member of the LGBTQ+ community has an influence on how people may choose to express themselves, because LGBTQ+ discrimination is very real, and it can be very dangerous in many parts of the world.

I think it’s very easy to write off claims in particular that women are pressured into dressing femininely when it is safer to do so in your area; but I really want to remind everyone that not everyone has the luxury of presenting in a gender non-conforming way. This pressure to conform does exist in many parts of the world, and can be lethal when challenged.

And even if you’re not in an extremely anti-LGBTQ+ environment/places that are considered “progressive” (like Canada), there are still numerous microagressions/non-lethal forms of discrimination that are just as widespread. According to Statistics Canada in 2019:

Close to half (47%) of students at Canadian postsecondary institutions witnessed or experienced discrimination on the basis of gender, gender identity or sexual orientation (including actual or perceived gender, gender identity or sexual orientation).

(Source 3)

Fundamentally this additional pressure that exists when one chooses to deviate from gender norms is one that can not be ignored in the conversation when it comes to how people may choose to express themselves visually, and I believe the impacts that this factor has and how it interacts with the other factors discussed should be considered.

Neurodivergence (In general):

In general, beauty standards/expectations for how a “mature” adult should dress can often include clothing that creates sensory issues for many autistic people. A thread on the National Austistic Forum (Source 6) contains a discussion where different austistic people describe their struggles with formal dress codes and the discomfort of being forced to wear stiff/restrictive clothing, especially when these dress codes have no practical purpose for the work they perform. If you’re interested in learning more on this subject, the Autisticats also has a thread on how school dress codes specifically can be harmful to Autistic people (Source 7).

In addition to potentially dressing differently (which as we have already covered can be a point of contention in one’s perception and reception by society as a whole), neurodivergence is another layer of identity that tends to be infantilized. Eden from the Autsticats has detailed their experiences with this in source 5.

Both of these factors can provide a degree of influence on how people choose to express themselves and/or how they may be perceived by society, and are important facets of a diverse and thoughtful exploration of the ways self-expression can be impacted by identity.

Also, while on this topic, I just want to take a chance to highlight the fact that we should question what is considered “appropriate”, especially “professionally appropriate”, because the “traditional” definitions of these have historically been used to discriminate against minorities. Much of what gets defined as “unprofessional” or otherwise “inappropriate” has racist implications - as an example, there is a history of black hairstyles being subjected to discriminatory regulation. Other sources I have provided at the end of this document (8 and 9) list examples of these instances.

Racism (being Chinese, specifically in this case):

For this section, I won’t be going into much depth at all, because I actually have a more detailed comic on this subject lined up.

So basically, if you were not aware, East Asian (EA) people tend to be infantilized and viewed as more childish (Source 10). In particular, unless an EA woman is super outgoing and promiscuous (the “Asian Bad Girl” stereotype, see Source 10), IN MY OPINION AND EXPERIENCE it’s easy to be type casted as the other end of the spectrum: the quiet, boring nerd. On top of this too, I’ve had experiences with talking to other EA/SEA people - where they themselves would repeatedly tell me that “Asians are just less mature”, something about it being a “cultural thing” (Yeah … I don’t know either. Maybe it’s internalized racism?).

Either way, being so easily perceived as immature (considering everything discussed so far) is also tied to conformity to beauty standards and other factors such as sexism and homophobia, which I believe makes for a complex intersection of identity.

[Note from Author: For Part 3, click here!]

#NotAComic #Fashion #FashionAnalysis

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popshoveitqueen · 2 years

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A Look at Gender Dysphoria: What It Means to Transition

Note: I’m somewhat new to Tumblr and therefore might not know what I’m doing. If that doesn’t dissuade you from reading, then thanks!

Many people these days, whether they support trans people or not, have at least some idea of what it means to transition that they’ve gathered from word of mouth, media, et cetera, which contributes to society’s general view of trans people as a whole. The problem is that there’s simply so much complexity and misunderstanding surrounding the average non-trans person’s unique idea of what transitioning means that this confusion can ultimately end up looping back and negatively effecting trans people, at least in my personal experience.

How Does This Effect Trans People?

No matter how strong the understanding that one is transgender may be, it’s ultimately still going to be an incredibly confusing experience figuring out what exactly that means, how exactly you’re supposed to go about beginning the process, and most importantly for this article, what the end goal is. The fact of the matter is, there is no such thing as a “correct” way to transition. Every single trans person gets to define exactly what they need to feel that their body accurately reflects their mind, and there really isn’t any exception to this. For a somewhat, but not too personal example, as a trans woman I have zero interest in taking voice therapy of any kind, as I feel my voice is naturally at a place which reflects my gender. Whether or not it’s what society agrees with or expects, that’s simply the best thing for me. However, despite knowing that, near the start of my transition I felt pressure because from what I knew, that was just supposed to be part of transitioning, so therefore in my mind I had to do it.

This becomes a bigger problem with things like surgeries. By no means does any trans person ever need to get gender affirming surgeries if they don’t want or need them, but from what I often see when it comes to things like trans representation in media, these absurdly expensive and life-changing procedures are treated as an expectation. For an example of this expectation in media, an episode of the murder solving-based TV show Bones, which was incredibly inappropriately titled “The He in the She”, showed a trans woman who had been killed get rampantly disrespected by one of the main characters trying to solve her murder, that being the incredibly religious Seeley Booth. While he is definitely portrayed as being in the wrong for his strong transphobic beliefs, it still can feel a bit over the top and it’s especially hard to sit through as a trans person.

In all fairness, however, for the time (mid/late 2000′s) this episode was actually surprisingly progressive, wanting to treat the idea of being trans as perfectly fine, but this good intention gets somewhat derailed by a flaw in the message - the big reason that the trans woman’s decision to live as a woman was ultimately accepted seemed to heavily relate to the fact that she had gotten gender-affirming surgeries. This is an incredibly harmful ideology for two reasons. One, it’s simply incorrect to say that a trans woman is only a real woman upon getting surgery, and two, this entire concept essentially tries to equate getting bottom surgery and other similar gender-affirming surgeries and care to deserving to be respected or treated properly.

To be explicitly clear, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with wanting or needing every type of gender affirming surgery and care one can get their hands on, the issue truly begins when this is displayed not as a possible way a trans person could feel but rather as the definitive way a trans person should feel if they have any hope of being respected by the cis.

So How Should Transitioning Be Viewed?

In the absolute ideal scenario that I’ve touched on throughout this post so far, transitioning needs to be viewed as what it is - a completely personal and unique set of needs and wants which every transgender person has regarding their gender. A trans man doesn’t need to get top surgery, a trans woman doesn’t need to get their Adam’s apple (Or as I call it, Eve’s Apple) shaved, a nonbinary person doesn’t need to get surgery to make them more androgynous, I could keep going with this for a while. And the thing is, that list only gets so, so much longer when this field is expanded to include things that aren’t surgeries. Voice pitch, amount of muscle, hair length, hobbies, style of clothing, this unrelenting list of expectation after expectation can believably cause trouble for people who are just learning what it means to be trans.

The big message I hope my fellow trans siblings out there take away from this is that you don’t have to fall to the pressure of what people think transitioning is. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with living your truth the way you see best fit, so if people tell you otherwise and refuse to budge on their beliefs, it might be wise to consider breaking away from them. I’ve said it before, but I can’t stress enough the importance of surrounding yourself with people who understand and support you, and who you can turn to when things get tough.

Hey, So… Why Did You Make This?

I’ll gladly answer that question! It’s incredibly important to get queer experiences straight from the mouths of people in the community out there, because that’s one of the best ways to get educated on or educate others about LGBTQ+ matters. I know my parents looked at plenty of media about trans people in an effort to understand what I was going through and how they could help me when I came out, so without information like that available it might be just that much harder for people to get through certain challenges. That’s why I want to do this, because I know looking at blogs by trans women in the early days of my transition really helped me figure certain things out, so maybe, just, maybe, I could end up helping fellow queer people who might need a bit of help on their own journey.

But no matter who you are, if you made it to the end of this, I’d like to genuinely thank you for reading. I hope you got something out of it!

#transgender #queer #queer pride #dysphoria #lesbian #lgbtq+#blog #tumblr blog

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liesandbrokenhearts · 3 years

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you wish for something impossible. how can you expect to feel beautiful, when you do not know how to answer it? feel the movement of life and find beauty in passion. your form is a shell of who you are meant to be. express yourself for your sake not attention, and truly be beautiful beyond your wonderful looks

It is very much so impossible and that is understood.

You’re asking questions I’ve already contemplated for many nights and many years. Here are some words:

Being held to these standards of beauty is not untaught overnight, nor is it untangle-able from any part of our nature or society. I’m a white cis woman so I of course want to start off with that by saying because I will never be able to understand nor speak on gender dysmorphia, on the experiences of those taught self-hate due to euro-centric, fat shaming and ableist rhetoric all placed upon people from childhood, but I’m here to say that all of the people who are forced to experience these things are carrying dwindling trauma from passed generations- down so far to epigenetics. I don’t want to ignore them when I say my piece.

For me it’s down to the mere theory of the mind. From the minute we learn past “the mirror stage”, of recognizing our own reflection and how it shows ourselves residing in it, we are faced from the first moment of true conscious existence with these understandings. Because we hold theory of the mind, we therefore feel specific emotions, those of whom like animals have been thought to not be able to experience- like embarrassment, shame, paranoia, humiliation. All reconstructing and destructive emotions. Self consciousness hindered in true form. Because of that, at least in my case- I pick apart each and every part of myself, til they become so disconnected that I can’t find nor see what is true. What I was saying in that writing maybe of a external and personified critical nature, but what I was saying goes far deeper than that. Vanity is not the emotion felt in that. it is soul bearing, though I’m sure also affected by the expectations of identifying as a woman and all that comes with womanhood. (Not merely just to us though of course.) it’s not something we wish to hold or bear- it’s not a good feeling to want to be beautiful or to be desirable and sexy. Also highly because it comes so oftenly from men with heavy degradation and in some cases humiliation. It does not feel wonderful to be objectified, yet we (some of us) want to fall under the standards that men will run off of to overly sexualize someone wrongly for. Because we are taught that is what is deemed valuable and lovable. Everything else must be discarded. We come together with groups of women and anyone else who identifies for years to teach each other how to learn these untruths: your observation is not new to us.

And although my experience is of just one and i know it is heavy and perhaps somewhat deeper down inside even my younger selves due to my having c-ptsd, that is most definitely not confined to anyone person, it is in us alll. Living is suffering and in ourselves we either see it or live it, it’s not just internal or on display. It is every lampshade of pain and hopes of desirability still continuously. It is unending and never pacifying.

#anon #asks #body image #self image #consciousness #self conscious #womanhood #trauma #cptsd

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teaboot · 4 years

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Not to be that person but if someone doesn't want to date anyone, for whatever reason, they don't have to, you're not discriminating against anyone because they happen to not be part of your dating pool as far as you respect their rights and identities

Bluuuuuuuuh okay so this may or may not be a longass post depending on how coherently I can translate the concept in my brain into English words, so apologies in advance.

Okay, so if a dude comes up to me and asks me out, I can say 'no thank you'. That's a thing I am 100% within my rights to do. It doesn't matter if I'm attracted to him or if I'm not attracted to him or if I think he smells bad and it turns me off, it's not important. I am allowed to say no to the king of France, I can say no to Joe Shmoe at the liquor store.

A step further is HOW I say no. Do I say, "no thank-you", or do I say, "ew, no, your face is gross"? One of these answers is polite and concise; the other, no matter how true to me, is something they're going to have to live with.

For the rest of their life, every romantic interest they pursue, they're going think of that person who told them they were too ugly, and they're going to be ashamed or insecure or embarrassed. Maybe they'll shrug it off eventually, but maybe they won't. Either way, is that the impression of yourself you want to leave on people?

Now the fun question: what if he's a trans guy?

Once again, you can say no. For any reason at all, you can say no. Maybe you aren't attracted to him, maybe he has bad breath, maybe you're new to the concept of gender identity and your fear of somehow fucking up and hurting him is getting in the way right now. For any of these reasons you can say no! But you DON'T GET TO MAKE IT THEIR PROBLEM.

Saying no-thanks to a trans woman because you aren't attracted to her? Totally fine.

Telling her "NO, I DON'T LIKE DICK"- that's real sweet. That's something she has to walk away with, now- every time she meets someone she likes and wants to get to know, that person's first thought is going to be about her genitals. She'll never be good enough for anyone because all anyone cares about is her junk.

You're not interested in a trans person? Cool, you don't have to be.

You're not interested in a trans person because you haven't made peace with the reality of trans identities? Obviously not great, but sure, take the time to figure things out.

You've never been interested in someone you knew to be trans, and announce "I NEVER WANT TO DATE A TRANS PERSON"? That's a different statement. That's saying, "There is one defining characteristic that makes all trans people the same, and it's something I find repulsive!" And- Surprise!- THAT is Transphobic. Which is, at it's barest bones- say it with me now- MAKING IT SOMEONE ELSE'S PROBLEM.

And imagine, if you will, dating a lady for a few weeks. She's clever, funny, beautiful, kind- you're head over heels for her, until the very first time you have sex, and you see her vagina. And you think to yourself, "that's an ugly vagina", and break up with her.

If that was a deal breaker for you? Who gives a shit. Some would say it's a bit shallow, but so.long as things break off amicably, life will move on without anybody getting hurt.

Same situation, but you tell her "I can't be with someone who has an ugly vagina!"... Jesus fucking Christ, my guy. What the Fuck. Why the fuck would you tell her that? What on earth made you think your personal aesthetic preferences were more important than her sense of self worth? You entitled jackass. Who died and made you Empirical Minister Of Visually Pleasing Hoo-Has? Why would you SAY that to someone??

Same situation, but she's trans. "This isn't working out for me"? Sure. "I don't know anything about this subject, I don't want to move forwards until I know more"? Hard, but not cruel. "Bye honey, shlongs gross me out"??? WHAT KIND DICKBAG ARE YOU????

And that's kind of what gets me on "Can I say I'm not attracted to genderfluid people?". Because, like... I'd never tell a lesbian, "oh, you aren't attracted to men? Have you met every man on the planet? Sure, sweetie" because, like... Cis men are men all the time. You're attracted to women, whatever. Cool.

But someone who DOES experience attraction to men tells me, "Oh, I'd never DATE one!"- Then I'm sketched out. Because, like.... Why? What do you think all men have in common? You didn't say you weren't attracted to them, just that you'd never date one.

"Oh, I could NEVER date a trans man!"... Why...? The only thing I can conclude is that you're boiling down everything they are to a set of genitals, at which point, fuck, they're probably happier without you.

And by the way, how often do you hear, "UGH, I could NEVER date a CIS woman"? Think about that one for a sec. How does that one feel to a cis lady? Probably pretty shitty. Imagine hearing that from someone you have a crush on. Do you feel outraged? Embarrassed? Maybe you feel disgusting, like someone you admire is repulsed by your body.

Fucking *Ouch,* huh?

SO. Easy rules for not being a dick:

1. If you want to turn someone down, you can, no matter what your reasons are. BUT YOU DO BOT HAVE TO SHARE THOSE REASONS.

2. Their hang-ups are not your responsibility, but YOURS AREN'T THEIRS, EITHER. DO NOT tell someone you can't date them because they look like your mom, just say no and move on! DO NOT tell someone you don't want to have sex because you think their feet are gross, just say no! DO NOT bring up someone's voice or hair or eyes or genitalia, JUST SAY NO! TELLING SOMEONE YOU LIKE THEM IS HARD. BE POLITE, MOTHER FUCKERS.

3. Maybe you're already dating someone you like, and you discover new information that you weren't expecting. Maybe they're trans, maybe they had a hysterectomy, maybe they have a tattoo or a kid or a criminal record, maybe they wear a wig or have a disability or have a rubber duck fetish. Whatever it is, it's an emotional topic and you need space to process. Good! Think things out! If that ends it for you, okay, but none of these things makes someone a bad person or an ugly person or unworthy of love! Don't make them feel that way. Again, your hangups are on you, not them.

4. The next time you go to say something like, "I'd never date a trans guy", or, "I'd never date a black girl", or, "I'd never date a disabled person"- Stop, and think about why you feel that way. What is it about this group of people that you don't like? Is it a real reason, or a stereotype? Is it an aesthetic reason, and if so, don't try to dismiss is as "that's just how I feel". There's a reason. Keep digging for that reason, and once you find it, figure out if it's a belief you want to hold onto. Always ask yourself "why?". Never let yourself fall into the belief that any group is worthy of wholesale dismissal.

5. Breathe. Stay calm. You're not a bad person. Society has programmed us with a lot of biases- it's not your fault you have them, but it isn't a free pass to remain ignorant and hurt others. Be gentle with yourself, but be willing to reflect on your feelings and behaviors and rein in the ones that are harmful. No matter your feelings, at least be kind. We're all trying our best, and we all just want to be loved. Keep that in mind.

Anyhow, that's just my two cents. I hope this wasn't too winding or rambly, I'm still working out my thoughts on the matter myself. Being genderfluid doesn't make me an expert on trans issues, and I certainly don't have the experience to speak further.

If there are any corrections to be made, please let me know. Always learning!

Please take care.

#Long post

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luvargas · 3 years

Photo

i think i just saw LUCILA “ LU ” VARGAS ride by on a golf cart . at least i think it was her . after all , CREDIT IN THE STRAIGHT WORLD BY HOLE was blasting on the transistor radio . maybe she was on her way to work , i hear she’s a PERSONAL TRAINER . but she totally could have been on her way to SNEAK IN A SMOKE AT THE GARDEN . guess we’ll never know . you’ll definitely know its her when you see LOOSE AND TANGLED HAND WRAPS , BUTTON BADGES ON VEGAN LEATHER , AND HEAR THE SHRILL SOUND OF BICKERING around the country club . let’s just hope she stays off the green after hours or else the sprinklers will get her !

( new muse, messy thoughts, u get the gist. pls know the views of this chara do not reflect my own. the name’s katya, 21, she/her pronouns & im ready 2 party. feel free to hmu wnvr or drop a like to plot n ill com 2 u ! x — oh n pls be a pal n read this quick disclaimer. tysm ! )

BASICS

24 years old

15 april 1997

5′1″ or 1.55m tall

bisexual cis woman, she/her

aries sun, aqua moon, and aqua rising

love languages : quality time & acts of service

BIO POINTS

kid o’ divorce, lived w her ma in chicago til she was 6 then w her dad in highlands til 14 then back to her ma !

def a daddys gorl. so used to her white pop’s leniency that livin w her strict latina ma durin her teen yrs was So Not Her Vibe ergo * cue her rebel grrrl phase *

did not finish hs ! left senior yr 2 to go w her “ radically progressive ” college bf to [ insert dev country. ] they broke up after a few mos but she kept at that life for a couple more yrs

seen some places. lived in new countries. done some shit. some good, some sus, but all generally well-intentioned. tis a whole thing but u get the gist, nywy !

lu’s back in da usa by 21. rel w the ma is strained but the pa is chill w stuff, they kept in touch. he said shell get her college fund if she gets her ged so she does !

her dad is v active n stuff so shes just always been v sporty w him. lu turnin 23 w zilch plans worried him so he implored her to get certified as a personal trainer ! n when she did, he called in a few favors w a pal he knows et voilà ! ur hired.

LU AT WORK

shes been workin at the country club fr a little over a yr now. most her clients are influencer-type gals n they luv her bc shes can take rlly cute pics n stuff for content. lu sorta likes some of em n she fakes the rest for the bread. u can bet she clowns all em richies behind their back

unless she got clients, catch her runnin’ about the club n minglin’ w the other workers. does it annoy mngmt ? yes. n she luvs that. but bc her soon-2-b-karen clients luv her n wont stand for her bein booted, she can milk that impunity

actually knows her shit n lowkey rlly enjoys the work. she picked back up the boxing n tae kwon do she did when she was younger plus she was always in the track team at school. v healthy lifestyle save for her smokin vice n the party moments

PERSONALITY

passionate ! has lotsa opinions. helluva a drama queen, bit of a loud mouth, argumentative n stubborn but her heart’s in the right place, albeit a lil misguided. comes w the whole activist bit, bitin her tongue just aint it. highkey makes everythin political n smtms gotta realize .,.,. it just aint that deep chief. some say shes needlessly defiant, but maybe thats a in the beholder typa thing ? fingers crossed 4 lu’s sake

fun, fun, fun ! can be real naggy but shes no buzzkill. wannabe anarchist-slash-mutineer who wants 2 stick it 2 the man ! get rowdy go crazy

fight, fight, fight ! goin back to the first bit, she talks big. esp w like ,, men n the whites lol. she can actually walk her threats tho she isnt actually violent. w arguments, she likes to start em but finishin is ... ruff. also any dare, she wont back down in either doin it or arguin why doin it wld be smth-ist. shes not the sharpest tool ok rip lu

loyal legend ! fr her friends n buds, shell turn a blind eye. pals r the only exception ! truly ride or die n will do errthng 4 em. v much a believer in the power of community n ppl needin ppl or wtvr, yk, all that stuff. shes mouthy but like, she helps ppl

here’s a brief blurb n a more coherent look into lu as a character

TIDBITS

lu can understand spanish but hers is a bit broken, tis her secret shame shhh

she doesn’t believe in the institution. any institution. u name it, shes got beef

pls dont fact check her she cant hear u

probs lowkey thinks shes better than u bc shes vegan

prefers 2 be called “ lu ” n ny1 who insists on lucila is dead 2 her

comments abt her not lookin like a pt w her height n frame will result in an earful n a dramatic outburst. it aint worth it chief

watches lotsa sports w her pops. mostly indiv ones. mma, boxing, tennis, track, etc

dont ask me abt her principles n politics, i cant explain em either. v inconsistent n just messy at this point tbh but here’s a lil attempt ig

she drives a 2018 prius n lives in a p nice 1br apt outside the club

her mom’s middle class n her dad is almost upper-middle class. he isnt a member of the club but, like ,,, he cld be if he wanted to lol. he spoils her sm while she hasnt rlly Spoken to her mom besides civility, rip they both stubborn, tis a vargas thing

she is v much in a comfy position money-wise n dsnt hav much Need to hustle but sis does hav a couple of organizations she regularly sends some dough to so thats nice ig

she went fr grassroots activist to a veteran twitter/tumblr/reddit/wtvr ranter n a change.org gofundme petition regular. is it burnout ? is she ok ? honestly who knows

WANTED CONNECTIONS / TAKEN CONNECTIONS

found family ! pals n squad wanted. y’all gotta hav patience or ear plugs to power thru her self-indulgent mini-rants but shell luv ya back tenfold !

carpool buds ? cld be a pal ! or maybe yall had a lil argument or small beef but lu still drives ym bc her pride ? said mother earth first even tho the tension n silly drama is funny

homies to smoochies ! just sum nsa makin out. cld be pals, cld be flirty, idk, but if u wanna kiss her shes probs ok w that

smoke bud ! just sum1 thats her go-to 2 smoke w on her breaks. knows not to call her out on how its not healthy fr a trainer yada yada she knows ok. let her live

an ex ? idk yet shes not rlly datey but thats out there

crushes ! this bitch hot but does she know how to flirt ? not rlly. watch her fumble

debate club ! aka sum1 she bickers w relentlessly. its valid, sum1 fite her. r u a worker or a club member ? either works. its a whole club bc she can have tons, lu can be hella annoying n testy

clients ! self-explanatory. do they get along tho ? lets find out !

( im officially braindead now but if y’all got more ideas or think theres smth lu wld fit just lmk !!! down 4 wtvr, wld luv 2 hash it out w yall <3 )

#highlandsintro

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tea-at-221 · 4 years

Text

It's a sad world when every single time queer fans see one of their same-sex ships do something that should seemingly make the ship canon, they have to take a STANCE and DECIDE what the intention was there, because it's never either: a.) Irrefutable or b.) Minus the bury-your-gays trope.

Everything is always done in such a way that the cis het viewers aren't made to feel too freaking squicked.

EVERYONE should be pissed off at anything less than an EXPLICITLY HAPPY, CANON GAY ENDING to these stories until it's the NORM.

Yeah gay characters should have hardships and emotional arcs like any other characters. But not EVERY TIME. Not the MAJORITY OF THE TIME.

So until our happiness is just as important as that of the straight audience, I would love to see us all unite and say HAPPY ENDINGS ONLY.

This is how we show the world we're normal. That we *deserve* happy endings. That THEIR stories are not *more important.* Because when their stories end happily and ours don't, that's the message. It's not even subliminal.

A queer character's death shouldn't be even *hinted* to be the "moral of the story."

It shouldn't be that a canon M/M relationship on screen was fine, cause at least one of the gay characters is dead and the story is done with.

It shouldn't be okay a character was queer *only in light of the fact* that you almost felt bad for them due to all the trauma and tragedy they ultimately suffered.

It's NOT okay that things were left "open to interpretation, so you can ship it if you want but that gay stuff isn't my thing and can't you shut up about it because you're ruining the fandom for everyone/can't two men ever just be friends without you people reading into it". 🤬

That isn't PROGRESS. It's *2020.* Where ARE we?

Taking a look around, it's easy to see we're stuck in stagnation. *No one's* rights are moving forward at a measurable pace. We're always all being held back to keep the hateful comfortable. Because *those* people, I guess, are the ones who deserve to see more of themselves reflected in the world at large.

It's not okay for a queer writer to sneak in canonization wherever they can, possibly unintentionally (but only with the best intentions in mind) contributing to queerbaiting just because that's the best they can do. Bless the writer, but no. It's not okay because THOSE ABOVE THEM STOPPING THEM FROM WRITING A FULLY-FLESHED-OUT, HAPPY QUEER STORY ONLY HAVE PROFIT IN MIND AND ARE AFRAID OF LOSING THEIR STRAIGHT AUDIENCES. The writer shouldn't have to settle for working under those conditions!

It's not true that queer writers *can't* queerbait or wouldn't wish to. Many of these writers are older and grew up oppressed and probably even have nostalgia for the stories they grew up with where everything was *aching* and *implied* and *subtext* because that was the best they got, and it was close enough to the surface to make them feel seen and hopeful. Those sorts of writers are capable of keeping that low standard ball rolling, not even actively *meaning* to do harm. It's not that they're vindictive or evil--though stubbornness and a refusal to reflect on the messages they're sending can make, and in some cases certainly HAS made, them out to look like they *mean* to hurt us and will continue to do so out of SPITE because now it's their right to do so since we said something and tried to "stifle their creativity" with political correctness.

Then we get a nice freefall of infighting and suppression, both real and imagined.

But if we treat it like this is okay, like we're happy with this, like we've gotten what we wanted when really all we've actually gotten are the barest table scraps, then it's Stockholm Syndrome!

Raise your hand if you're a queer person and you're okay with Sherlock and John implying there's more to be said between them, and then never explaining what they meant by it. If you're okay with them making gay "jokes" all the time, with serious expressions and tears in their eyes.

Raise your hand if you're LGBTQIA+ and you're over the moon about the fact that Castiel looked at Dean, said he loved him, got no confirmation of reciprocation, and was sent immediately to hell. Thumbs up if you're super hoping that doesn't get reversed somehow. If you don't care if it does get reversed only for Cas and Dean to then act like they're Totally Close Bros.

Raise your hand if Quentin Coldwater's "artistic" suicide (oh ahem, "noble sacrifice") and Eliot's subsequent, uncomfortably forced "relationship" with Charlton was your idea of the sort of happy ending you've always pined for. Let's hear it for how our mental health was boosted by watching a canonically bisexual, clinically depressed dreamer do the "right thing" by all of his friends by ending his life despite the literal existence of real magic, meaning that even in a world where the impossible is possible, a character like that *cannot be saved.*

Is this really, REALLY, what we want to settle for?

And do we really, REALLY want to keep fighting with *each other* about what it means and why it should all be okay?

Do we really want to say that huge strides are being made because one or two shows with LGBTQIA+ couples (though in actuality, LG and maybe A couples if you're informed enough to identify them) have had happy couples/endings? Are we actually gonna die on this hill?

Or don't we all collectively know that actually, this is not enough and we shouldn't be trying to shame each other into accepting it merely because it makes the crappiness of it all easier to bear if we've personally managed to justify the disappointment of story A or B to ourselves and it would really help if all the other exhausted people just got on board? Can't we agree we're tired of the need to bludgeon each other with "but"s and "consider this though"s in the name of being able to keep heart at the end of the day?

The way forward in this case can only be paved by standing still and making a concrete happy space HERE, 100 miles wide smack dab in the middle of the heterosexual desert.

Hey, I look forward to the day when someone can be progressive by breaking that annoying HAPPY GAY COUPLE TROPE. Don't you????

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chibimyumi · 4 years

Note

Forgive me for being ignorant, but I’ve always been scared about asking this question because it’s 2020 and I should be aware by now- but what does trans mean? If you’re a trans-boy does that make you a boy that’s transitioning to a girl? Or a girl that’s transitioning to a boy? Every time I look it up I seem to be getting a different answer. And how does sexuality fit in? I hope I’m not being offensive... I just never learned and haven’t had the courage to ask anyone until now.

Dear Anon,

Please don’t worry, people are not BORN with knowledge. It is something other people might benefit from remembering too ^^ I can tell you ask the question in good faith, and I am flattered that you thought that I could give you trustworthy information.

The question you have is a very simple and yet complicated question, so PLEASE FORGIVE ME FOR SIMPLIFYING THINGS DOWN LIKE THIS.

1. What are gender, sexuality and sex?

Let us first look at this question using a pizza. Dough is one thing, cheese is another, and so is tomato. Together they make up a pizza. But what makes the dough ‘dough’, has nothing to do with the cheese.

Cheese NOT on a pizza is still cheese, and the fact that it is cheese is likewise NOT determined by whether the tomato is there or not. All these things are “individual things” that are the “ingredients that make up a pizza”.

This may seem bullshit talk, but this just serves as a metaphor to understand how different things exist on their own, but are indispensable in making up another ‘combination’. (Smart-asses out there, don’t pretend to be smart by being willfully obtuse or pedantic for now, please.)

Now let us look at gender, sexuality and sex, wherein gender is the dough, sexuality the tomato, and sex the cheese.

In humans too, gender, sexuality and sex are three different ‘key ingredients’ that shape the basis of who we are (the margarita pizza. Only later we add the toppings like olives, meat, or pineapples (which are kinks! Not for everyone, but much beloved by its lovers.))

In a human too, just like dough, tomato and cheese, ‘gender’, ‘sexuality’ and ‘sex’ exist separately, and do NOT determine the ‘nature’ of the others.

Step 1. There are 3 primary questions to ask.

Q1a: What is your gender? Who do you identify as? Do you identify as man, woman, otherwise, or different genders depending on the day?

Q1b: What type of person are you interested in romantically and/or sexually? Men? Women? Both? All genders that exist? Or are you not romantically/sexually interested at all? (There are too many different sexualities, so I shall leave it at this for now.)

Q1c: What ‘sex’, or with what primary genitals were you born with? Upon birth, doctors see our genitals and label ‘boy’ or ‘girl’ on us depending on what genitals they see. Some children are born with ‘intersexed’ characteristics. And depending on the doctor again, someone is then labeled ‘boy’ or ‘girl’ again. (This too is a topic for another time.)

Step 2. In order to understand what ‘transgender’ is, let us look at Q2. “Combine the answers from Q1a and Q1c. Do you identify as the ‘sex’ your doctors assigned to you at birth?

Hypothesis: Let’s say you were born with a vagina, and your doctor therefore assigned you to be ‘a girl’. Are you comfortable with being a girl/woman, and do you feel that correctly reflects your identity too?

Yes. ➡You are probably ‘cis-gender‘.

No. ➡ This is a VERY broad thing here, but most crudely, if you feel like being labeled ‘girl’ because you were born with a vagina does not reflect who you really are, and you identify as ‘man’, ‘something else’ or ‘also something else’, you are probably ‘trans-gender’.

Bonus: If you identify as ‘otherwise’ or specifically as ‘neither man or woman’, this is usually called ‘non-binary’. If you feel like you are sometimes one gender, and sometimes another, that is usually called ‘gender-fluid’. “Non-binary” and “gender-fluids” are two of the many options that fall under the umbrella of ‘transgender’ too.

2. Simulation through ‘Black Butler’

I have selected Nina Hopkins as our first example because she is one of the few character from whom we know their gender identity, AND have one clear established gender she is romantically/sexually interested in.

Q1a: Honestly... Nina can’t shut up about how proud she is to be a woman.

Q1b: Given how antagonistic she is towards men and how she fondles women... she probably likes women.

Q1c: For metaphor’s sake we shall assume she was born with a vagina. So her birth was probably announced with the words “it’s a baby girl!”

GENDER: Nina is proud to be a woman, and seemingly happy to be assigned as such. Therefore she is a cis-gender woman (or cis-woman).

SEXUALITY: Who someone is sexually/romantically interested in is by NO means determined by your sex or gender. So Nina’s sexuality is an altogether separate category. The only part that has SOME role is ‘gender’, but ONLY in the ‘name’ that someone gets. Namely: Nina identifies as ‘woman’. Nina likes ‘women’. A woman who likes women is ‘a lesbian’. Hence, Nina is a cis-gender lesbian.

PIZZA: The pizza identity of Nina is probably a pissaladière. Caramelised onions, anchovies, garlic and olives? Strong flavour to the point of choking, not for everyone, but VERY beloved by its lovers.

Now let us look at Grell, a character who is surrounded by many controversies, even though she is arguably one of the least gender ambiguous characters in the Kuroverse XD. Unlike for Nina, questions Q1a to c can easily be filled in without too much hypothesising.

Q1a: Grell has said multiple times in the manga that she identifies as woman.

Q1b: Grell likes MOSTLY men with potentially some rare exceptions (Madam Red???).

Q1c: Grell was born with a penis and assigned to be ‘male at birth’.

GENDER: We see that Grell was ‘assigned male at birth’, but is uncomfortable identifying and living as a man. Rather, she constantly calls and presents herself as a woman. Hence, Grell is a transgender woman. (Dear Anon. Yes, we call somebody by their ‘preferred gender’, not their ‘originally assigned gender’. Let’s just say that Grell for example would never let anybody call her a ‘trans-man’. The thing of coming out as transgender is partially to ‘break away from your ‘assigned’ gender and living as your ‘discovered true gender’.)

SEXUALITY: We don’t know for certain whether Grell was romantically interested in Madam Red, but we do know for sure that she is 99% of the time interested in men. Grell identifies as woman. A woman who likes MOSTLY men, but maybe very occasionally other genders, is probably bisexual or pansexual. Hence, Grell is a trans-gender bi-/pansexual woman.

PIZZA: Grell’s pizza identity is indisputably PIZZA HAWAII. Fight me. Endless controversies and debates about FUCKING PINEAPPLES!! Not for everyone either, but people who love this pizza will defend it TO THEIR GRAVES!

Sebastian.... is a whole different can of worms, cockroaches and tarantula spiders... BUT SINCE I HAVE OPENED IT BEFORE ANYWAY, LET’S OPEN THIS AGAIN!

In this post I have touched upon how we cannot be sure Sebastian is ‘male’, much less assume he has a gender to begin with. But there are no characters in this series that are confirmed to be neither man or woman, let us use Sebastian just to add to our simulation test here.

Q1a: Sebastian has said that “he is nothing, but can become anyone.”

Q1b: N.A.

Q1c: The genitals he was born with was probably ‘black goop miasma’, but in his current human form he probably concocted a penis.

GENDER: Eerm... he is ‘masculine presenting’, FOR NOW... but as Sebas has also said that “he is nothing and can be anyone”, and can take the shape of even a table... I’d say it’d be unreasonable to assume he identifies as a gender we know of. Gender, after all, is a purely human construct. (Click here for more details on gender and human society.) Hence, IF according to human standards, then Sebas would be non-binary and/or gender-fluid. As discussed above, these two fall under the ‘transgender’ umbrella.

SEXUALITY: So far in the series we have only met 1. humans, towards whom he has not shown any romantic or sexual interest (and as humans are cattle to Sebastian, this is very understandable), and 2. reapers, towards whom Sebas has also not shown any romantic/sexual interest (and since all these reapers are actively after his blood, that is quite logical too.)

“What about Ciel???” Short answer: LOL. Click here and here for the full answer.

“What about Beast?” Short answer: Nope. Click here for the full answer.

PIZZA: The pizza identity of Sebas is CLEARLY a quattro formaggi. Someone as cheesy as him can only be a quattro formaggi.

Welp... I guess that’s the most schematically simplified version I can give on gender, sexuality and sex for now... I hope this helps?

For more, please use this masterpost on gender in Kuroshitsuji.

BONUS ROUND!!

What is YOUR Pizza identity? Let me know which pizza you are and why (｡•̀ᴗ-)✧🍕

#Gender #transgender #LGBTQ #Grell sutcliff #Grelle Sutcliff #genderstudies #Sebastian michaelis #Nina Hopkins #Pizza identity #Pizza identity is IMPORTANT #theory

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twiceblackvelvet · 4 years

Text

forgive me for the long post, i’m still trying to gather my thoughts on this situation but i’m going to do my best to address the most common issues people bring to me because clearly my intentions are being misconstrued, have become confused for some of you and people attempted to put a lot of words into my mouth last night that i never stated.

i’m also not the best at explaining myself at times but i am going to do my best to offer my own perspective as well as insight into my thinking, so if anyone is confused by anything detailed here, you can simply ask me in a polite manner and i will talk about it with you.

tw // mentions of anxiety, transphobia, self harm, suicide, harassment

i have for a long time discussed my dislike of this community when i first joined it. i thought that the big accounts were all in cliques together, not willing to help anyone and that they just never really cared about much except issues regarding themselves. i’ve also talked about how i personally did not want to be like that as i am unable to just simply “ignore” things i see happening, in fact, i struggle to let go of them as i do tend to hyperfixate on negative situations where i’ve felt like my feelings have been hurt which is very easy for me to feel like has happened even if someone wasn’t intentionally trying to hurt me. i have felt this for a large part of my life which never really became clear to me until i realised it’s also a part of adhd or more specifically rejection sensitive dysphoria.

i feel my emotions incredibly intensely and whether someone intended to upset me or not, i will in the majority of situations i’m in convince myself that they meant to hurt me and then i’ll put myself down because of that. it’s a lot harder for me through a screen to decipher people’s intentions but i try my best not to let it bother me too much, which isn’t easy whatsoever.

i also have anxiety which makes it hard for me to deal with certain situations where increased hate is thrown around so casually because i will start to panic. it also makes it hard for me to approach others particularly when i’m already in a state of anxiety which is kind of a cruel, twisted joke by the universe when you think about it.

however, i do find issues within this community incredibly important to discuss so that people can see how others have had to deal with such things as transphobia and make people realise we can all do better to protect others or make certain changes to try and stop it from happening. so, i always try my best to do what i think is right. people are free to disagree with my methods if they wish but i don’t believe you can stamp out some of these problems by talking about it behind closed doors as no one will ever know what your thoughts on it are, you have no way of educating others and it can come across as unsupportive instead.

when i first decided to use my voice back in May to talk about what in my opinion was one of the bigger accounts within this community, i figured that i had opened the floor for conversations that needed to be discussed about cis-het people in lgbt+ spaces. instead i was met with anonymous messages telling me to harm myself, i received lesbophobic slurs and even someone attacking me based on the fact i had pronouns in my bio who assumed i was trans. this was an incredibly difficult situation for me and caused me to almost be “afraid” of my own account for months. i only began to feel comfortable again when the issue with that same person arose just a few months ago which resulted in them deactivating.

i’m aware there are people out there who are upset with me and others for what they feel is us “bullying” this person off the platform, but what i see is that lgbt+ people/accounts finally decided to keep our spaces safe and i see that people are far more comfortable now with that person gone, whether you like it or not, that is the truth of the matter. they made people feel invalidated, they encouraged violence against lgbt+ people and felt like everything they did was fine. it was not. it never was.

for some reason afterward, people began coming to me to tell me about other people within this community who perhaps didn’t address something or had been friends with that person. i personally struggle to talk to anyone who was friends with them because i know some of them saw the original issue back in May and could have spoken up to at least try and stop people sending death threats, but they didn’t. however, i don’t think these issues have a time limit for people to speak up nor do i think people should instantly go to hate anyone who doesn’t but rather ask them “hey did you see x problem, what are your thoughts?” and then base what happens next on their answer.

but i want to make something very clear, sending messages to people telling them to harm themselves etc. is never the answer. it only causes more pain and takes away the opportunity to have an educational conversation with that person to perhaps make them see that their views may be problematic.

i’m only one person, you know? do i believe that i have this “power” that anons keep telling me i do? no. i think that this community has for a long time been silent on important matters and thus me and a few other blogs being outspoken on some of the bigger accounts who either once were or still are in the community has shaken a lot of things up for people and some don’t like that. i think when addressing such issues as transphobia and reblogging posts from those who have to go through it everyday who maybe detail things they experience, some people have realised they too hold the same beliefs as those who are being called out and by default they feel called out also.

but please don’t ever compare something as dangerous, life-threatening and harmful as transphobia to me not mentioning another creator in an ask. those two are in no way comparable and dilutes the issue of transphobia massively when it has real-life consequences that i’ve personally talked about a situation close to me but also happens every single day unfortunately and we all can do far more/better to protect people who are trans.

i’ve since brought up situations where other creators have either said or done something that i feel is wrong and again, if they’re willing to share opinions that are transphobic or mocking being n/b-phobic publicly, i also think other creators around them have the right to call them out publicly. i won’t apologise for this because again, it can’t be solved behind closed doors as that furthers the silence people previously relied on in this community to avoid helping or supporting others. i think anyone who does believe these things should be discussed privately after the person made it a public issue should reflect on that a little.

as for me not mentioning a specific creator in an ask. it genuinely was not my intention to hurt them or anyone else by not mentioning them, i genuinely just don’t like to talk about people on others’ blogs but especially not if i don’t know the person and they don’t know me. i understand now how that looks bad on me, but i still stand by my choice as i genuinely do not see why it caused such a huge uproar after i had explained myself multiple times.

i have apologised to that creator personally and unfortunately there are other complications there which have made it hard for me to let this issue go, through no fault of their own but rather i just am very aware of how i have now fixated on this and i have to get myself out of that ultimately. but i want to reiterate here that there is no problem on my side toward them, i genuinely just do not like to talk about others that i don’t know. i never have liked that as i’ve had it happen to me but there’s nothing more i can do about it now. i hope they’re able to see i meant no harm whatsoever as i hope the rest of you can but i understand if not.

i’m very aware that at least one of the anons from last night is someone who has previously attacked me on multiple occasions (same language etc.) and it does scare me a little bit that there is someone essentially just watching my account and waiting for me to do or say anything so they can strike and attack me but again there’s nothing i can do about that other than block them from sending asks (tried it) but if they continue to persist i don’t know what more i can do to protect myself from that.

i’ve opened myself up a lot here and i’m very proud of that because it’s something i struggle with, however, i’m also aware people can now use those things against me. but to see that someone mentioned my own relationship last night hurt me deeply because whilst i don’t mind talking about it, i also don’t wish for anyone to feel like they’re close enough to our relationship that they have the right to bring it up so casually as a way to try and hurt either of us or that any of you are entitled to an opinion on it because none of you truly know either of us or how our relationship works, nor will you ever from me at least. ultimately, no one has that right to mention our relationship but the both of us is my point. so don’t try and pull that with me, you won’t like the outcome.

i want to end this by saying that i’m fine and reassure you all that i’ve been able to let all of this go but the truth is i’m not fine right now. i always try to find a “fix” for any problems people have because i want to help everyone but i struggle to do so when it comes to my own ultimately and i also don’t believe there is a “fix” for this but rather i just have to come to terms with the fact that my values in wanting to stand up for others (which i will continue to do) or not wanting to talk about people who i don’t know have ultimately hurt others so i have to figure out a way to bring this back to a positive state for myself. i’m just unsure how currently but i’ll figure it out.

i apologise again for not mentioning a-nxny in that ask, it was not an intentional thing and i honestly did not think or believe anyone would find offense in it and had i known i wouldn’t have done that, but i do hope people can at least see this from my perspective a little bit and then it’s up to you whether you agree or disagree, again there’s no fix for this.

i am begging all of you who read this who maybe has sent hurtful things either recently or previously to please reconsider as that is never the answer and i do not condone anything of that nature whatsoever. if in future you see me talking about certain issues or if another creator does something problematic, don’t then go and harass them with asks wishing them harm. instead either approach them from an educational point of view or dont approach them at all. i am someone who this has happened with and had to get myself out of suicidal thoughts because of people doing this back in May, so don’t do it to someone else, please.

#tw: anxiety #tw: harassment #tw: self harm #tw: transphobia #tw: suicide

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vsterolson · 4 years

Text

Hi hello! I’m Bee! I never know what to say in the intros so here’s the basics: I use she/her pronouns, I’m 23, I live in the EST, I’m not currently working so I’m sure I’ll be around a lot if I’m not sucked into my rewatch of Grays anatomy too much. my discord is big miss steak#9778 if you prefer to chat and plot on there. Now onto Aster!

tw: miscarriage mention, cancer mention, death mention

[ cis woman, she/her, benedetta gargari , twenty-three ] i can’t be sure, but i think i just saw ASTER OLSON drive onto the parkway. don’t they know we’re not supposed to be driving on that haunted road right now? maybe it has to do with the fact that they’re so +GREGARIOUS and -RASH that makes them feel SHAKEN about everything going on. i guess we could also chalk it up to the fact that they’re always reminding me of CRACKED LIPS COATED IN CRIMSON LIPSTICK, CRUSHED VELVET DRESSES PAIRED WITH BEAT UP DOCS, A COLLECTION OF HALF DRANK TEA COVERING THE COFFEE TABLE. either way, i hope they get back safely.

Aster is Reed born and breed. She came into the world the hospital just ten minutes from the house she would learn how to walk and talk and sing joyfully off tune. Where she’d learned that love wasn’t always spoken but shown in the tenderness of cleaning up a scraped knee and making sure your favorite snacks are always in the pantry and finding time to read your child bedtime stories even if it’s over the phone because your shift went long.

Aster learned a lot about heart growing up, but not always what to do with it. She saw her parents love and fight with equal passion. Even when their marriage fell apart she couldn’t even be mad because she saw them fight so hard for it.

Growing up she was one of those kids that made witches brew out of mud and sticks and acorns and any other odds and ends she found during recess and always invited the kids sitting alone to help. And she always brought her classmates a cupcake on their birthday even if she didn’t know them because everyone deserves to be celebrated on their birthday. And freshman she went through a phase of writing secret admirer notes to just leave in random lockers so for just one moment they would feel like they were worth admiring even if she was taking the risk of inflating someone’s ego.

Aster is an empath through and through and has made it a very bad habit to run herself dry to keep everyone afloat. Unlike her parents she never learned when to give up the fight and walk away.

Her fierce tenderness was tested junior year of high school when her mother got sick. The big C. But after all those nights of barely sleeping in hospitals, Aster knew there was a place for her and her big dumb always caring heart. She knew she had to go into medicine. Her mom didn’t make it, but maybe Aster could help other people’s moms make it.

She was a little harder after her mom passed, a little colder. Or at least she tried to be. She didn’t want to feel like this tragic person with eyes like broken faucets, but she didn’t know how to fix the plumbing so she tried just freezing the water. But then the empty aching of running from herself set in so eventually she just had to let the water run till a dry season came along. It took about six months, but eventually she could hold herself together and her and her big heart moved along.

Then college came and she was determined to have it all, the tv worthy college experience. Freshman year she joined everything she could till she was properly burnt out and realized that premed was going to take a lot more of her attention and she got much more studious.

Then came senior year and the first time she let herself be selfish. Somehow her TA position got a little blurry and despite being madly in love with her boyfriend at the time she kept finding herself tangled up in her professor’s sheets. The guilt was heavy but soon she got even heavier. Before she knew it she was late for her period and there were little pink lines on a stick and her life was quickly changing.

While flooded with panic and guilt she was also thrilled. She always wanted to be a mom, more than almost anything. But before she could even figure out whose it was, she lost it.

The depression was almost as heavy as when her mom passed and she only had a few weeks with the new future she was creating for herself. Accept now she couldn’t even talk about it. Not until her ex best friend dragged it out of her. Finally some relief until her ex best friend turned on her for her own gain and blasted her business for a gossip column.

This wrecked everything, Aster lost her scholarship and ended up dropping out with a semester left to go. She also lost the love of her life. The whole incident turned her quite bitter, the bright eyed tender hearted girl was taking time off and left way the cold girl she tried to play the part of in high school.

Now she works at dana’s dinner and lives in her childhood home that her mom left her. She’s learning how to be warm again, that it’s ok to trust people. That there is value in being vulnerable and tender and having a big stupid always caring heart is a gift and not just something people will take advantage of.

As she was figuring her life out she reflected back on her mom’s time in the hospital and realized she wouldn’t have made it through without the nurses. So now she’s starting nursing school to give that heart of hers a purpose.

As for how she’s holding up with the disappearances. It’s hard for her. Being such a big feeler she can barely stand to have the news on, but that doesn’t stop her from hearing the gruesome details. Towns like this thrive on gossip and the dinner is not the place to avoid it. Everything is feeling very heavy these days so if you see her eyes red as she’s serving you coffee don’t mention it.

She does feel a bit guilty for how emotional she’s gotten because of it, none of her loved ones have been harmed, but there are people hurting, this town is hurting and there’s no one to fix it. This sort of thing really troubles her. All she can do is bring baked goods to those in morning and offer a shoulder to cry on or ears to listen, but it doesn’t seem enough.

Even worse, she can’t help but be consumed with the fear that it could be her father on the news next. She calls him everyday, sometimes twice. He’s very stubborn and she knows he does a lot of business out of town.

random facts:

she has two rescued cats. An all black cat named zelda and a calico mix named luna

she has a vast tea collection because its good for the soul and its also rude to not offer guests a warm beverage so she has to be prepared for whatever they might like

she thrifts almost all of her clothes and is like a magnet for the good stuff. Her wardrobe consists of lots of crushed velvet and silky lacy things and of course an abundance of sweaters and flannels.

She’s very bad at finishing projects. She’s pretty bad at finishing almost anything actually. Her apartment is filled with half knit scarfs, books with only chapters to finish but will never be opened again, unfinished drinks growing mold.

She has a scar on her ribs from a bicycle ride gone wrong as a kid when she was caught by the sharp branches of a fallen tree

she hates to text, she will call just to answer a simple question.

connection ideas:

childhood friends

her ex from college - if you like lots of angst this is the one for you

other exes

fwbs - even better if theres feelings they’re refusing to admit

ride or dies

coworkers

other nursing students or people that work at the hospital she might know from volunteering

after the incident in college she kind of went through a party phase so maybe people she partied with

#parkway.intro #miscarriage tw #cancer tw #death tw #and the mess is here

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mymarvelbunch · 4 years

Text

Different Roads... Same Destination: Part One

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader (established)

Summary: When the Avengers went back in time to get the Infinity Stones, new timelines were created. By not delivering them back to their exact same spots, you and Steve created major changes in those timelines. What happened? (Non-American!Reader)

This is a sequel to “Be Your Own Hero”. I highly recommend you read it first, since it features many major changes in canon that are addressed here.

Notes: Y/N = your (first) name; Y/Co = your home country; Y/Ci = your home city; Y/N/L = your native language (to be ignored in case you speak English).

Masterlist

Part One

New York, 2012

The Avengers were still trying to understand what happened when a loud ‘thud’ was heard. Tony turned to see the Scepter lying on the ground.

“Well, here is the thing Loki used to brainwash people”, he said. “But where is the Tesseract?”

“This isn’t the Mind Stone”, Loki said. “They placed the Tesseract in the Scepter.”

Everyone turned to him. He had already been right minutes prior, when he pointed out there were four Avengers from the future. Now the team was more inclined to believe him again, especially Thor.

“How do you know this, brother?”, he asked, frowning.

“The glow is different, for starters. And... I don’t know how to say this accurately, but I feel different when the Mind Stone is near me. Ever since those warriors came from the future and took it, I felt... lightweight, even if for brief moments. As if...”

Thor’s eyes widened. “As if the Mind Stone has some sort of power over you.” Loki nodded weakly. “Well, this is important information. Mother will certainly know to fix this. Stark, hand me the Scepter. It will be safer in Asgard.”

A SHIELD agent opened his mouth to protest, but there was little they could do as Tony gave Thor the Scepter. The Asgardian walked to the open balcony, his brother in his arm, and left, though not without asking his ‘brothers-in-arms’ to find the Mind Stone first.

“We’ll do surveillance around the Tower”, Runlow said, “with your permission, Mr. Stark.”

“Yeah, yeah, sure. I don’t want that thing near any of us.”

“Wait”, Tony said. “Loki was under mind control back then?”

You turned behind to face him, but a quick glance told you almost everyone was surprised. “You didn’t know? He told me back in 2014.”

Loki wasn’t there to defend himself, busy as he was being king, but Thor was. “Honestly, I didn’t know either, not until Asgard was destroyed. Loki told me on our way here that Mother chose to perform her purification spells out of everyone’s eye because... It would be better (or less worse) to have people believe Loki had turned evil than to have them know about Thanos. But yes, he was under Thanos’ influence through the Mind Stone. It wasn’t exactly like what he did to Barton and others, but close enough.”

That made an awful lot of sense. No one had a good answer for that, and they turned back to the ‘screen’.

It took five years for the Mind Stone to be found. In the meantime, SHIELD was dismantled, the Winter Soldier was revealed to be a brainwashed Bucky Barnes and HYDRA was taken down piece by piece.

There was no Scarlet Witch, no Quicksilver, no Ultron, no Sokkovia Accords, no Zemo. Steve found Bucky in Bucarest in 2016 and, after weeks of talking and with Sam’s help, took him to New York. There, they faced another battle, as many people wanted him in jail for the crimes he committed as the Winter Soldier.

Surprisingly, their help came from Tony. “I know what he did to my parents, yeah. I read all those files Romanov leaked. But we all saw what brainwashing does to a person, huh?”

No, Tony and Bucky didn’t become friends. Despite his forgiveness, Tony was still wary of him; poor man had his own mental health issues to face already. But he was willing to pay the best lawyers to convince the public that Barnes had no control over himself for the past seven decades, and that the Winter Soldier was nothing but a weapon in HYDRA’s hands. It took time and money, but it was worth it, for Bucky was absolved and reclaimed his status as war hero.

Even so, he didn’t want to stay in US. “Too many memories”, he explained, and Steve understood. It all got worse when one of Tony’s employees found a glowing Stone in the elevator shaft. Thor wasn’t on Earth when it happened, so the Mind Stone stayed at the Tower for a while. Needless to say, Steve was worried, and Bucky was terrified.

“I found a place that might be good for you”, Maria Hill told him one day. “Y/Ci, in Y/Co. It’s a place untouched by HYDRA and with no evidence that the Winter Soldier ever stepped foot in there. No memories, no triggers.”

Bucky accepted the offer almost immediately, and Steve was happy to follow him. “I’ve had enough fights for a lifetime”, he said. “We should have retired from soldier duty decades ago, Bucky. We both deserve a normal life.”

It was early 2018 when they finally settled, and, upon Steve’s insistence, Bucky started looking for mental health care facilities.

Your grip on Steve’s hand tightened when you recognized the mental health facility Bucky got inside. “I was an intern there at college”, you said. Steve’s eyes widened, and he grinned.

“Maybe Bucky will be the one to get you instead of me”, he teased.

Behind you, whispers could be heard.

“It’s weird to not see myself with you guys”, Wanda said. “I wish I could know if Pietro is alive.” Vision rested his hand on her shoulder, likely reflecting on how would his life be if he had stayed as a disembodied voice.

“Wakanda wasn’t even mentioned”, Shuri said. “I guess with father still alive, the borders remained closed.”

“Probably the reason why Bucky moved to Y/Co instead of Wakanda”, Sam added. “If people still think Wakanda is a poor country, no one would think of it as a mental health care reference.”

“I’m not mentioned either”, Scott said, “which is kind of weird, because I don’t see why I wouldn’t meet at least Sam.”

“Yeah, but there was no fight in Germany for you to take part of”, Hope replied. “They probably never contacted you again. Parker isn’t mentioned either.”

Someone shushed them.

Even though he had scheduled it all by himself, Bucky didn’t want to go his first appointment alone. So, when Y/N called for Sebastian Stan (his new alias), he and Steve (who called himself Chris Evans) stood up together from their seats.

Inside, Bucky soon confessed his true identity. Your surprise was visible for five seconds, and then you smiled. “I’m glad you trusted me with such a delicate information, Mr. Barnes. But I wish you’d tell me your story with your own words, not just what was said about you on newspapers.”

Steve stayed inside the whole time, having also revealed who he was. Bucky didn’t tell his whole story at once, give there was a time limit for his appointment, but you asked him to come back in a week. “We can’t give you any concrete diagnosis for now, Mr. Barnes, though we have a few suspicions. But I assure you we’ll help you in every step of your recovery. You won’t be alone.”

After three more sessions, he was diagnosed primarily with PTSD, along with general anxiety disorder and memory problems (he had yet to remember key details of his past).

You were supposed to leave the facility at the end of the month, but your mentor offered you a prolonged stay. “You mentioned your next internship would be in surgery, and you don’t like it, right? I can pull some strings to keep you here. It’s not like you’ll need those skills to become a psychiatrist.”

You happily accepted his help. You’ve always been sure of what you wanted to do after finishing college; skipping surgery internship was honestly a dream come true, and you were eager to follow Barnes’ case. Your classmates didn’t know his true identity, but the case discussions made it clear you got one of the most complex cases at the facility, and some classmates envied you.

Your teacher was successful, and for the following three months you stayed, taking care not only of Barnes, but of other patients as well. It was a wonderful experience, and you were sure you had fallen into the staff’s good graces, which increased your chances at getting into residency program there after graduation.

As the weeks went by, though, you noticed something rather odd. Barnes had been getting inside the room alone since his fifth appointment, but Rogers still accompanied him, waiting for him outside. Eventually, you asked your patient why that was, assuming he’d say he still didn’t feel safe coming alone. Instead, he grinned.

“Oh, he pretends he comes for my sake, but he actually just wants to get a glimpse of you.”

You nearly choked on your own saliva.

At your side, Steve laughed and hugged you tight.

“Guess I didn’t steal Y/N from you after all, punk”, Bucky said, grinning just like his alternate counterpart.

“Thank God”, you replied. “No offence, Bucky, but seeing us dating would have been way too awkward.”

“Couldn’t agree more.”

---x---

It wasn’t easy for Steve to convince you to go on a date with him. You were hesitant, given he was her patient’s best friend and roommate, but eventually you conceded.

“We won’t talk about Barnes at all”, you said firmly. “And if I sense this will affect my relationship with my patient, it’ll be over.”

“Yes, ma’am”, he replied instantly, willing to do anything to see you more.

You had charmed him from day one, and his interest on you only grew as weeks went by. When the day of your date arrived, he was a nervous wreck.

“Haven’t seen you like this since Peggy”, Bucky mentioned.

“Shut up, jerk”, he retorted. “And go hide, I don’t want Y/N to see you and cancel our date.”

“She’s got you wrapped around her finger and you haven’t even kissed yet”, he teased, but left to his room anyway.

A date led to another, and another, and another... Steve waited for you to leave the facility and stop seeing Bucky to ask you to be his girlfriend, and she promptly agreed.

A year later, when you met the Avengers for the first time, Thor told the story of how he, Loki and others fought Thanos when he invaded Asgard to take the Space and Mind Stones. Your eyes widened as he gleefully detailed the purple alien’s demise.

“Glad you defeated him still in Asgard”, Tony said. “We just found out about another of these Stones here on Earth. A wizard here in New York is its guardian.”

“Really? Give me his address, I figure we have much to discuss.”

You didn’t really understand all those talks, but Steve’s visible relief was enough information for you.

On the current timeline, that same relief was visible among everyone. “A peaceful timeline”, you commented. “I hope there are more of these.”

After Strange showed what happened to the Avengers who were not featured, Wong took his place to show another timeline. You straightened your back as the ‘screen’ showed you briefly kissing Steve in Morag.

Did you like it? I was looking forward to write about the consequences of those changes. Butterfly effect is strong here.

For those who don’t remember, in ‘Be Your Own Hero’ Loki tells the Reader he was under the influence of the Mind Stone in the events of the first Avengers movie. This is a popular theory that explains some differences between his behavior in that movie and his behavior on... well, any other movie he’s in.

In this, I try to touch on how things would be different if this information was made known right away, instead of being kept a secret. Being seen as a victim instead of a villain changes a lot for Loki’s story, and therefore Thor’s arc as well (The Dark World and Ragnarok’s. It also helps Tony understand Bucky’s story and actions better, since he saw the effects of mind control on Clint and Loki.

Scarlet Witch, Quicksilver, Ultron and Vision are all products of the Mind Stone, meaning that, in its absence, they don’t exist. The events of Age of Ultron are what make Civil War happen, meaning one doesn’t exist without the other. With no Civil War, nobody reaches out to Scott, T’Challa doesn’t become king to open the borders, and Peter Parker’s role in Tony’s life is probably less significant (though I do believe he mentors the teenager anyway).

If you want to follow my crazy ideas on time travel and its consequences, taglist is open!

#steve rogers x reader #Steve Rogers #steve rogers fanfiction #steve rogers imagine #steve rogers x you #steve rogers x y/n #marvel imagine #The Avengers

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benyhw · 3 years

Text

Day 3 - Reflections on emotional maturity

"Wielding sensible arguments can at points be as effective as telling a person with vertigo that the balcony wont collapse or a person with depression that there are perfectly good grounds to be cheerful" A lot of our mind is not amenable to hard-headed logic, not when emotions are involved

Yet, truly facing and understanding our emotions and then still be able to act with some rationality and logic is a testament to emotional maturity. There is more to love, forgiveness, trust than what we think we know.

I am sorry for my hurtful words, said in times of emotional turmoil. I regret my texts and posts, impulsive and raging. I've spent a lot of time reflecting on my actions, your thoughts and feelings and ultimately your decision. The turmoil I initially faced was truly a mixture of shock from how sudden things changed as well as the immense void your disappearance has caused. Given time, I have calmed down and could examine myself deeper on many levels.

I learned that I can be loved and that I can have wants and needs. I learned that my careless acts can hurt even when I don't recognise it at that point of time.

I know my mistakes and can see its damages. I triggered this whole chain of events, rocking what was a seemingly stable relationship. I see that we are flawed, but not un-deserving of love. Our innate reactions and nature is built upon by our past, regardless whether we consciously know it or not. Some traumas and hurt that forms our current insecurities are born from history we may not even remember. Though this doesn't discount our current wrongs, it does help to allow us to understand people better.

I do know, that I can and should listen to what I want and love, not only to that of other's demands or requests. I can be selfish in love and loving. I can earnestly seek forgiveness and then put in action to repent and atone for the wrongs I've made. Yet forgiveness and moving on from the hurt I've caused, is not mine to give or take. It is for me to earn and for you to heal from. I can only do what I believe is best, in terms of my love for you and love for myself. I do feel, we both have a lot to learn in terms of emotional maturity and have ways to go to truly understand what it means to love, to hurt, to trust and to forgive.

=====

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YGV5o6UHjxM - Stay in or Leave a Relationship We expect to be deeply happy in love, and, therefore, spend a good deal of time wondering whether our relationships are essentially normal in their sexual and psychological frustrations or are beset by unusually pathological patterns which will impel us to get out as soon as we can. What films or novels we've been exposed to, the state of our friend's relationships, the degree of noise surrounding new sexually driven dating aps, not to mention how much sleep we've had, can all play humbling large roles in influencing us one way or another. How much of our unhappiness can be tightly attributed to this particular partner, and how much might it, as we would risk discovering five years later and multiple upheavals later, turn out to be simply and inherent feature of any attempt to live in close proximity to another human? Try to have another conversation with your partner in which you don't accuse them of mendacity, and instead simply explain, quite calmly, how you actually felt and how sad you are at quite a few things Consider the annoying traits in all previous partners we've had and people we've known, that our current partners happen to not have, what do we manage not to fight about?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oLq1ktogxn4 - What infidelity means There are, of course, many cases where infidelity means exactly what Romanticism takes it to mean: contempt for one’s relationship. But in a great many other cases, it may mean something really rather different: a passing, surface desire for erotic excitement that coexists with an ongoing, sincere commitment to one’s life-partner. The best way to recover after an infidelity may therefore be to ignore what Romanticism tells us that infidelity has to mean, and to consult instead a more reliable source of information: what we ourselves took infidelity to mean the last time the idea crossed through our minds or our lives. It is on this basis that we may – with considerable pain of course – come one day to be able to forgive and even in a way understand and accept the apologies of a repentant partner. It is on the basis of subjective experience of unfaithful thoughts that we may redemptively enrich, complicate and soften what happens when we end up as their victims.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WRaaqN2Atxw - Why We Go Cold On Our Partners Going cold is, in this story, simply the unavoidable consequence of familiarity. he loss of interest isn’t either natural or inevitable. The boredom is something at once more complicated and more active. It exists because we feel hurt by, angry with, or scared of our partner and because we haven’t found a cathartic way to tell ourselves or them about it. Tuning out isn’t inevitable, it’s a symptom of disavowed emotional distress. It’s a way of coping. We’re internally numbed – not just a touch bored. To learn to cope, we need a prominent mutual awareness and forgiveness of this dynamic of sensitivity and distress – and a commitment to decode it when disengagement and indifference descend. When we've gone cold, we may not truly have lost interest in our partners, we might just need an opportunity to imagine that we are quietly really rather hurt and furious with them and we should access to a safe forum in which our tender but critical feelings can be aired, purged and understood without risk of humiliation

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rgQvqi6aYD8 - The Secret of Successful Relationships: Rupture and Repair Repair refers to the work needed for two people to regain each other's trust and restore themselves in the others mind as someone who is essentially decent and sympathetic and can be a good enough interpreter of their needs Repair isn't just one capacity among others, it is arguably the central determinant of one's mastery of emotional maturity Good repair relies on at least 4 separate skills: The ability to apologise The ability to forgive - To do so requires us to extend imaginative sympathy for why good people can end up doing some pretty bad things, not because they are evil but because they are in their varied ways tired or sad, worried or weak. It lends us energy to look around for the most generous reasons why fundamentally decent people can at points behave less than optimally. We cling to rupture because it confirms a story which, though deeply sad at one level, also feels very safe: that big emotional commitments are invariably too risky, that others can't be trusted, that hope is an illusion The ability to teach - They give their listener time and know about defensiveness and as a fallback, accept that they may have to respect two different realities. They can be in the end bear to accept that they will always be a bit misunderstood even by someone who loves them very much The ability to learn - They have a lively and non-humiliating sense of how much they still have to take on board. It isn't a surprise or a cause for alarm that someone might level a criticism at them. Its merely a sign that a kindly soul is invested enough in their development to notice areas of immaturity, and in the safety of a relationship, to offer them something almost no one otherwise even bothers with: feedback.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ci-zID4EAPU - How to deal with trust issues 1. Ask yourself how your reactions line up with reality - The thoughts we may have may not always be an honest perception of what is happening 2. Learn to be non defensive when you communicate - Chances are, people take the time to talk to you because they care about you and not because they want to hurt you 3. Let people know what you need and be direct about it - In order to build trust, you have to be open and honest. People often have trust issues because they are afraid of getting hurt. Trust issues are developed when too much focus is concentrated on the pain, but not enough on overcoming the pain. 4. Give people a chance to show you who they are - Give people time to show you their true colours, and you may be surprised that you can go through challenges well together 5. Practice open-ended conversations that allow disagreements 6. Confront your fears and don't allow them to hold control over you - Remember, you have the power to work through your struggles openly and honestly. You have it in you to connect and build trust with others

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d-K5btaxEFY - How to forgive It can be so hard to forgive because – so often – we simply are in the right and the scale of the folly, thoughtlessness and meanness of others seems utterly beyond our own measure. But there are 2 inviolable ideas which should nevertheless, in the face of the grossest behaviour, be kept in mind to increase our changes of being able to forgive: 1. We must remember how the other person got there, to this place of idiocy and cruelty - Every irritating fault in another person has a long history behind it. They became like this because of flaws in their development, which they did not choose for themselves. To forgive is to understand the origins of evil and cruelty 2. There are difficult things about you too - Not in any area remotely connected to the sort of lapses that destroy your faith in humanity. But in some areas, quiet areas that you forget about as soon as you've travelled through them, you too are a deeply imperfect and questionable individual. Gently, you have - in your own way - betrayed. Nicely, you have been a coward. Modestly, you have forgotten your privileges'. Unthinkingly, you have added salt to the wounds of others. We must forgive because - not right now, not over this, but one day, over something - we need to be forgiven too.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pVeq-0dIqpk - How to build (and rebuild) trust There is 3 facets of trust: Authenticity in actions, Rigor in logic and communicating that logic, True empathy towards the other

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NhyfBi-Ad4c - Loving and Being Loved We start knowing only about being loved. It comes to seem, very wrongly, like the norm. Parent and child may both love, but each party is on a very different end of the axis, unbeknownst to the child This is why adulthood, when we first say we long for love, what we predominantly mean is that we want to be loved as we are once loved by a parent In a secret part of our minds, we picture someone who will understand our needs, bring us what we want, to be immensely patient and sympathetic to us, act selflessly, and make it all better we need to move firmly out of the child and into the parental position of love To be adults in love, we have to learn, perhaps for the very first time, to do something truly remarkable, for a time at least, to put someone else ahead of us.

=====

I know, making this decision has not been easy on you. You struggled internally alone for 5 weeks before taking the brave step to pursue what you believed was right now. I can only imagine the turmoil you've been put through. I cannot and will not blame you for loving yourself more.

When I look at myself and what I've gone through in the past weeks, I do wonder how you are coping along as well. I do believe in what we had, which meant that these days were probably not as easy on you too as you make it seem. I never imagined that my actions were seen as infidelity to you and that while we know it was not ill-intentioned, the feelings you've felt and the hurt I've caused you are valid.

I hope the above few points and videos can eventually help you to heal and move on, to feel ok enough to love another again some day. I am always here to openly talk about us, about our feelings and about what we each want now or in the future for ourselves. In the past 2.5 years, have you done and said anything to anyone or just innately felt that you would feel afraid to tell me of? Has there ever been any breach of trust on your end or guilt, before my current mistake that made you feel betrayed? I am open, with no judgement or shame, to talk about these, if you are ever willing. I have done you wrong, and I truly have repented. I will never ever breach trust like that ever again, not even at the cost of feeling uncomfortable in sharing how I feel.

I too will love myself, doing my utmost best to pursue things I want and love because they make me happy. It is ok to be selfish in love, something I have learned from you that I am grateful for. Take care, I am only 1 text away

Love, Ben

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ofmoonbeams · 4 years

Text

introducing: moonbeam

pinterest.

BASICS.

full name: noemi elara calliso

nicknames (if any): emmy, no (at least that’s what her mother always says to her)

gender / pronouns: cis female / she, her

classification: human

abilities (if any): n/a

age: twenty-six

occupation: nursing assistant

PERSONALITY.

traits: selfish, insensitive, eager, determined, ambitious, adventurous, gregarious, unreliable

mbti: estp - the entrepreneur

zodiac: cancer sun, leo moon, gemini rising

AESTHETIC.

hopping fences, staying in the shadows, black coffee, skinned knees, moonlight reflecting off a lake, vanilla and vetiver candles, your throat being raw from screaming into the void, wind in your hair, the fresh sounds and smells of a place you’ve never been before, desperately trying to remember places you have.

HISTORY.

noemi was born to young human couple in district three, lucine and lee perrine. lee and lucine worked at the factory, but once lucine became pregnant with noemi, lee and her brother steven basically forced her to stop working, worrying that she would injure herself or lose the baby. so, she became a freelance tailor, repairing torn trousers or sewing buttons back on a coat. money was tight already when it was just the two of them, but once noemi was born, it was impossible to survive off of their income alone.

so, lucine’s brother steven (who was known to dabble in the black market as it was), decided to go full force, scavenging the drylands and beyond for anything that was worth anything. practically all of the money earned from these endeavors went to raising noemi, and steven loved her as if she was his own daughter.

lee hated this, he already didn’t like steven mostly because his wife always defended him (he was her little brother, after all). but it also hurt his sense of pride - the breadwinner with no bread, he hated the fact that he couldn’t support his family.

this continued for a few years, and when noemi was two years old, the callistos were on the hunt for two perfectly human babies. why two? greed, maybe. maybe so that when they wanted alone time, their children could entertain each other. maybe they just liked even numbers. anyway, lee was at dinah’s on his night off, after he got into a fight with lucine about finances, her brother, etc. the callistos, on their hunt for babies, overheard him venting to his friends about his situation, and gave him and offer: for a modest amount of money, they would take noemi and raise her as their own. lee didn’t agree right away, he said he’d have to talk to his wife about it and they would consider it. as one can imagine, lucine shot him down immediately.

the callistos knew that their main source of income and the only thing keeping them afloat was steven’s dealings on the black market. so, they tipped off one of the watchers, and bribed him to make steven disappear.

lucine waited by the window for three days after he said he would be back, but finally she realized that he was dead, and they couldn’t feed noemi. lucine was so distraught that she laid in bed for days, crying and ignoring the pleas of her toddler. lee took noemi and went to dinah’s, where he handed her off to the callistos.

when noemi first arrived to her new home, she was confused. sure, she was pampered and fed beyond anything she had ever experienced, but she always asked where her mama was. trying to dispel the notion from her mind, the callistos always shot her down, telling her that they were her parents, and they loved her. and in their own way, at least at first, they did. they never harmed a hair on her head, they gave her anything she wanted that could be bought. but what she wanted most was her mother to tell her that she was proud of her.

noemi and saffira had the same tutors, did the same extracurriculars, and were always together. no matter how hard noemi tried, she just wasn’t as good as saffira at anything. she enjoyed piano, painting, learning languages (which she wasn’t half bad at), dancing. but slowly, her mother’s constant disappointment in her performance chipped away at her enjoyment of these hobbies, until she despised them all with a passion.

her and saffira debuted at the same time, but upon seeing that her mother paid absolutely no attention to her at all (indifference is worse than hatred, after all), noemi ran away to district two, where she stayed at dinah’s all night, watching and listening to people, even engaging in light conversation with them. it was magical to her, but on her way back home, she was accosted by a mutant, and it scared her so badly that she didn’t go back until a few years later.

noemi hated being bad at everything (or not being as good as saffira), and she was desperate to have something of her own. she begged her parents to let her get a job, and finally, through their connections with the hospital, they got her the position as a nursing assistant. now, noemi is not good at this, and her bedside manner is awful because she just asks questions that pop in her head and can be quite insensitive. but still, when you’re injured, a pretty young face can do wonders for morale.

her experiences at the hospital made her want more, and soon enough, she started sneaking out again to go to districts two and three (though it took some time to build up enough courage to go to district three).

as of now, she still lives with her parents and saffira, but their lives are fairly separate. she holds a lot of resentment to all members of her family, but she still craves their approval. mostly, she just wants something that’s her’s, and that can’t be tainted by her parents or stolen by saffira.

WANTED CONNECTIONS.

the secret history: noemi’s entire life, she wonders who her true family is; of course, whenever she asks, her parents go on a long diatribe about how she was left alone, to starve and wallow in poverty, and how they saved her. but from what she remembers (which is very little, especially now that she is older), it was nothing like that at all. i think part of her doesn’t want to know what happened to her family, because she really doesn’t want her adoptive parents to be right. however, I do want her to eventually find out what happened to her family, whether they are dead or alive (could be interesting). perhaps someone recognizes her from when she’s little , or knew the family in some way? perhaps a childhood friend (who would have to be a bit older) sees her and something clicks?

radicalize me, baby: noemi has been going to district three more and more lately, and while her time is confined mainly to the boneyard and her visits with peter, she ventures out occasionally. she is incredibly curious about mutants, and wants to know more about them. i want someone to open her eyes to how awful it is to be a mutant, because all she sees is a different life than the one she has, which is incredibly restricting. it’s a bit “the grass is always greener on the other side” deal, and i want noemi to take her passion for mutants, and turn it into something more...destructive. she’ll be reluctant to at first, because her parents’ approval still (unfortunately) means a lot to her, but she’ll give it up eventually.

the parent she never had: noemi needs someone who believes in her, who sees her for her potential and her present. her mother is a master at chipping away her self esteem and making her want to do better to gain her approval at the same time. i want someone who could be a mother (or father) figure to noemi, who loves her (or will) unconditionally, because she deserves it. also someone to give it to her straight and try to make her more realistic and take care of herself, because the girl can be reckless.

teach me: this ties in to the wc above, but i want someone to teach noemi something she doesn’t know, or does know but is “bad” at. someone to really take the time to help her, and give her more confidence in her own capabilities. this could be anything from fighting to painting. i just want her to feel like she’s good at something (aside from sneaking around).

ex flames, ex friends, flames, friends, people at dinah’s she’s talked to before, someone who knows she’s from district one, someone who doesn’t know or doesn’t care. her found family.

HEADCANONS.

dinah’s is the first place noemi went to outside of district one, and the warmth and friendliness and the life she encountered there made her feel at home for the first time. it’s a very special place to her, and probably her favorite place in metropolis.

used to play “hide and seek” with her mother when her mother’s friends would come over, basically ensuring noemi was out of sight and silent. her mother would then come up and find her and tickle her and noemi loved the game because it was a special thing she had with her mother. then, one night she snuck downstairs and saw saffira was allowed to engage with her parents’ friends, and she was heartbroken. still, she wanted to play the game because it made her feel special, and she loved getting the attention from her mother (sad hours).

noemi wants more than anything to be a mutant. she has hope that her family were mutants, and that her powers are simply dormant. spoiler alert: she isn’t. she’s completely human. this will tear her apart, especially when she finds out saffira has abilities (much much later).

writes in a secret journal that she keeps under her mattress.

loves peter pan and would always play dress up with her sister where she was peter pan and saffira was wendy.

in general, her and saffira would dress up and play pretend and have little “adventures,” a memory noemi clings on to. she misses her sister, but years of (unfair) resentment towards her keep blurring that, and she could never admit it.

loves sour gummy worms.

got a tattoo out of rebellion, of course it’s a crescent moon on her hip. of course.

#2120intro

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