#I'm paying attention

[murakamijeva-muza]

#wearing heart on a sleeve #wearing heart on my sleeve #my weakness #messy #messy world #I'm paying attention #over feel #over love #overly sensitive #sensitive #sensitivity #emotional #empathy #empatia #mindset #mindfullness #mindfull #mindfulliving #feelings feelings feelings #poem #poetry #poems

[lotus-pear]

soukoku as one of my dearest renaissance paintings

#instead of paying attention to the lectures in ap art history i just look at the paintings my teacher puts on the slides #and decide which ones fit my fictional pairings #i wish i remembered this one i think it was by bernini but i'm not 100% :(((((( #sighhh i'll go check again if anybody wants the og #i listened to luminary by joel sunny while painting this and the vibes were ethereal i felt like i was ascending #bungou stray dogs #bungo stray dogs #bsd #dazai osamu #osamu dazai #nakahara chuuya #chuuya nakahara #soukoku #skk #lotus draws

[inkskinned]

hey btw if you're in the USA at  2:20 p.m. ET on Wednesday, Oct. 4, they're testing the emergency broadcast system. your phone is probably going to make a really loud noise, even if it's on silent. there's a backup date on the 11th if they need to postpone it.

if you're not in a safe situation and have an extra phone, you should turn that phone completely off beforehand.

additionally, if you're like me, and are easily startled; i recommend treating it like a party. have a countdown or something. be surrounded by your loved ones. take the actions you personally need to take to make yourself safe.

i have already seen mockery towards any person who feels nervous about this. for the record, it completely, completely valid to have "emergency broadcast sounds" be an anxiety trigger. do not let other people make fun of you for that. emergency sounds are legitimately engineered to make us take action; those of us with high levels of anxiety and/or neurodivergence are already pre-disposed to have a Bad Time. sometimes it is best to acknowledge that the situation will be triggering for some, and to prepare for that; rather than just saying "well that's stupid, it's just a test."

"loud scary sound time" isn't like, my favorite thing, but we can at least try to prevent some additional anxiety by preparing for it. maybe get yourself a cake? noise cancelling headphones? the new hozier album? whatever helps. love u, hope you're okay. we are gonna ride it out together.

#watching ppl go from being like ''support neurodivergent ppl~~!" #to being like ''if this is going to give u a panic attack ur fuckken stupid'' #like..... gets me #yeah man. i know im going to be triggered by it . in the old fashioned term. it is GOING to give me a panic attack. it's pretty much certai #and i shouldn't have to tell u about what i have survived for you to be okay with that. #you can just trust that i ALSO don't want me to react to it. i'm not gonna be having a FUN time. #dismissing that bc you think it's stupid.... like is the whole problem. #these sounds are workshopped by entire teams of people to get you to pay attention and move quickly. #they arent meant to be fun and exciting. #OBVIOUSLY it's gonna set ppl off. #but yeah there's something so fuckken demeaning about ppl being like. well that trigger isn't valid bc u haven't undergone X #dude i have ptsd bc i was abused as a child. like plain and simple. the fact im 30 and afraid of the dark tells you how bad it was. #i shouldn't have to ask u for permission to be mentally ill. #the reason it's a fucking disorder and not a fucking choice is that I DO NOT CONTROL IT. #like how is it any different from when ppl are like ''oh public speaking isn't that scary'' like FOR YOU #for YOU this isn't scary. now if i could fucking eat my own amygdala...

[fluentisonus]

knowing enough about ships to be able to tell when a movie tall ship set is Bad is so distracting like when they're all standing on a deck that's way too big & empty and there aren't nearly enough ropes or curves or anything. like unfortunately ships are characters to me so it's like the same uncanniness as if they put a cardboard cutout instead of a guy

#also when they have the shrouds & like nothing else & I'm trying to pay attention but also thinking like. how are they going to sail #thoughts

[starrysharks]

artificial intelligence ghost

#zeno's art #pokemon #hatsune miku #pokemiku #ghost miku #project voltage #vocaloid #vocal synths #i'm very proud of this piece despite its faults #i learned from “bunny blast-off” and payed extra close attention to values #so the end result's grayscale is very close to the plan version. i hope that shows #in total this piece took 12 hours probably because of the three value layouts and three sketches - a bit overkill for me but it went well #if i redid this piece i'd like to use more vibrant colors especially for her hair #but in the end i'm very proud of it. my favorite details are probably the posters in the background and miku's face and eyes #this was supposed to be posted on halloween but i want to get it out now. maybe (hopefully) i'll have a seperate piece to post on that day!

[uncanny-tranny]

One of my biggest pieces of advice for those taking injectable hormones is to make sure you're injecting at the right angle

For intramuscular (IM), you inject at a 90° angle.

For subcutaneous (SQ), you inject at a 45° angle.

Here is a graphic depicting what the angle of your injection should look like:

An image description is provided in the ALT text.

#trans #transgender #lgbt #lgbtq #ftm #mtf #nonbinary #trans advice #just did my IM shot and that's why i'm making this #i've saved myself a LOT of pain once i actually started paying attention to the angle i am injecting at #i was so much more focused on making sure everything else was right and i slacked on being sure i'm injecting at 90° #hopefully the ID makes sense 👍 #i pulled the graphic off the internet which is why dermis is included. afaik dermis isn't a technique used for HRT #needle tw #needles tw #injection tw #described images #image description in alt

[softichill]

I love fnaf literally no one can agree on anythjng

#cricket chirping #fnaf #five nights at freddy's #At this point I'm gonna rework my personal lore from the ground up #The movie characters may be their own thing but they're like the books #There's still patterns that connect to the core story that you need to pay attention to #I think. At this point. The crying child and his brother aren't Aftons #And Elizabeth might not be related to them #But then. The Sister Location protag.... #Augh. Fnaf lore

[softd0m-charlie]

i see a lot of posts about letting your autistic partner ramble about something while you touch them/give them head/fuck them/whatever, and i approve of that, definitely. 10/10.

but i would like to propose: autistic dom who infodumps to you while they're making you feel good and makes you pay attention to what they're saying the whole time. they're touching you in all the right places, going at just the right rhythm with just the right amount of pressure and it's driving you fucking crazy, all while they're rambling casually about whatever their current interest is like nothing's even happening.

every time you say something small to acknowledge what they're saying, like "mhm", "right", "yeah," or something like that, their movements get a little more intense as a reward for paying attention. but if you get lost in the pleasure and forget to engage with what they're telling you for too long, they go "sorry, are you not listening anymore? alright, i guess I'll stop then." and you have to beg for it if you want them to keep going.

#has anyone started an infodumping kink yet #bc i will be the first #my bf loves when I'm telling him abt a hyperfixation while I'm inside him <3 #ftm nsft #t4t nsft #trans nsft #ftm t4t #ftm dom #ftm top #gender neutral nsft #nsft t4t #t4t mlm #autistic #nsft #autistic nsft #sexualizing autism #infodumping #queer nsft #queer ns/fw #nsft trans #gay nsft #lgbt nsft #mlm nsft #nsft ftm #tboy nsft #gender neutral post #gender neutral dom #nblm nsft #is this just a way to condition u to pay attention when I'm infodumping? maybe. maybe not

[hellmandraws]

Not gonna lie, I'm super excited about the upcoming One Piece live action series! It's out Aug 31 on Netflix. I actually think it's gonna be good! 🤞🤞🤞

#reminder that the strike has NOT called for a boycott from viewers! #we want to show that we want more of this show and that Netflix has to pay their writers properly if they want to keep profiting from it #don't forget: the continuation of a popular show is a bargaining chip for the writers #one piece #one piece live action #monkey d. luffy #roronoa zoro #nami #usopp #sanji #when I first heard about the LA years ago I thought they were crazy #manga live actions are never good and OP is basically unfilmable #but when the strawhat cast was revealed I sat up straight and started paying attention #they were all spot on! absolutely unheard of in a live action! #and everything I've seen and heard about it since has just seemed so promising #early reviews are starting to come out and they're all positive #guys I think they did it #I think... Netflix actually made a good live action adaptation?? #and of OP of all thing?!?! #(I won't be able to watch it until Sunday though so I'm gonna have to stay off the internet completely to avoid spoilers! TAT)

[tapakah0]

Animation commission I guess...

Um... ha-ha, okay, it has been stuck in my head for the whole month, but if I will keep it any more I will explode, I need to busy my brain even more I'd like to take an animation commission. Like, a fully colored, shaded, with lightning, with in-betweens, with the clean line (and background). Up to 5 seconds depending on what you want to get I guess the price may start from 250$ and be higher or less depending on complexity of the details, character or movement (<- of course everything will be negotiated) I never took such commissions before so please be patient with me since I might spend even months ha-ha (really wanna beat this fear of taking something more complex) But I will do my best since it will be first experimental time for me 1. Payment via Boosty after acceptance of the sketch animation (very rough idea) 2. I think I can draw mostly anything (but won't 18+, guro and I can decline something if I feel like I will not like to do it) 3. You must have a reference of the character, I'm not ready to work with something that doesn't have a ref to start working right away 4. Please, properly think of what you'd like to see, I will not make 3 different rough animations of different ideas because you suddenly had another idea ;~;; 5. Note me in dms if you'd like to take commission... (I'd like to move to discord later since it's more comfortable in here) Uh... I have only this as a more or less proper example (it was based on amazing storyboard by yeye23)

Okay, I'll just leave it here if someone really will be interested and will delete if it if it will be decided.... I just feel like my brain is dying if I don't have an enjoyable/stressful more complicated work on a side that demands an attention from me. Have a nice day

#I just... #I have what to do #Plenty of what to do #But it doesn't stress me enough to make my brain work #Such kind of commissions give me both a boost of work and enjoyment because of the process #So... yeah ah my brain is very much lacking it right now #And I think it will be interesting to finally do something complicated again but more properly #from the very beginning #I need an experience while I have time to pay attention to it #commission #I'm still not very confident to take money for these kind of works so I need to understand what pricing is okay for what I'm able to do wit #animation... #*opens the door* #*leaves the stage* #hahhh my dear life why did you give me such a lazy brain...

[elloras]

Ted Lasso: Sunflowers

#ted lasso #tedlassoedit #ted lasso by episode #roy kent #jamie tartt #roy x jamie #royjamie #trent crimm #colin hughes #afc richmond #* #what if i just exploded with love #also something i didn't really pay attention to until making this #jamie spent all day and all night (?) with roy and he STILL can't get enough #he's still just like royyyyyy sing! #his attention's still on/featuring roy #i'm just

[powdermelonkeg]

Thoughts on the thunder wizard again.

Genuinely, I find Gale's relationship with Mystra to be fascinating when you consider all its facets. Unhealthy, imbalanced, definitely poisonous, but also very, very intricate with a lot of blurred edges to it. One of those things where you're both like "wow, what the hell, that's horrible" but also "that makes perfect sense for their characters, and while I would NEVER, I know why they would, and why it happened."

You've got a wizard who doesn't know what real love is, who thinks he's finally being shown it by the person he adores most. His greatest fantasy, his most potent joy, his most heartfelt aspirations, and they were all offered to him.

And he wants to see what all she's hiding from him, because of course he does. She's the keeper of all things forbidden to him. The empire of Netheril reached magical heights that will never be touched again, and all that knowledge is beyond her curtain. She loves him, right? Surely, if he proves himself enough, she'll let him grasp that power he so desperately wants.

And not even in the power-hungry sense! All that magic Mystra's locked up was accessible during Mystryl's reign. Think of all the answers to theories about the universe that are back there. Every question of "can this be done, and what would it do" would be answered, if he could just bargain hard enough.

She loves him, right?

Surely, if he proves himself enough...

And then, on the other hand, Mystra. Once Midnight, her human personality has been subsumed by the goddess of magic and her duty to the Weave. She has a responsibility to magic, she IS magic.

Then along comes this mortal boy who knows how to handle her Weave. Who doesn't try to wrestle with and dominate, who sings to it. He handles it with such ease and grace—it's not just that he could be Chosen, but he deserves it. To put her Weave in the hands of someone so intrinsically in tune with it, who understands its potential with a wonder like no other. Few enough can handle the raw power that comes with being Chosen, but this one? This one is perfect.

And he adores you. And you adore him, like one would a beautiful butterfly that's landed on their finger. And he's willing to be devoted to you in all things, not out of transaction like most of your worshipers are, but out of love for you, your craft, your magic. You're so deeply and utterly charmed by him.

And it's not like Mystra hasn't walked this path before.

She gives him what he desires, because what he desires is her. And, in a different way, she desires him. She wants him to be her representation in the world. She indulges his adoration with her own presence, and takes indulgence herself in mortal comforts. He's never satisfied with her answers, but who could blame him? She keeps a whole world away from mortals, because she knows what such unfettered power might bring about (again).

And the wizarding prodigy's ambition is lit (again).

And the height of power is reached for (again).

And she stops him (again, again, again).

She does care for him. She doesn't want to see her little butterfly burn himself, and she doesn't want to be the one to ruin those wings.

But then he's not a butterfly. He's a mortal, wielding a weapon of murder, of her murder, and he's brought it to her doorstep because she told him "no." And he's cut himself on it, he doesn't know what it is, but it's hurt him—and it's only a fraction of the hurt it could do to her. How dare he want her help after threatening her?

(He didn't mean to.)

(He only wanted to help.)

(He only wanted. How human.)

She doesn't help him. If he wants to pursue Karsus' weaponry, it's his responsibility, his hubris, that led him to injuring himself on it. She's furious. She's hurt. She's cold.

(What fools these mortals be.)

But then, there's a greater threat to her. Something that could drown the Material in Karsus' failings. And that little boy, who nicked himself on the sword he lifted, still wants her help.

It's a fair trade, isn't it? She'll forgive him, let him into her domain again, if he accepts his punishment and goes into battle for her. He picked up a sword, it's appropriate that he learns to use it in her name, right?

If he was telling the truth, he wouldn't hesitate. If he really wanted to serve her with the Netherese Orb, he would jump at the opportunity to do so. He would have to give up a few petty things in the process, ("petty," she calls mortality, as if family and home mean nothing, as if friends and love are finite. Because to her, they do mean nothing. Because to her, they are finite.) but it isn’t atonement without sacrifice, is it?

It's the tactical move. She's not above hurting one man to save a nation. It's not even the first time she's done it.

(Dornal Silverhand sends his regards.)

If he loves her, he'd die for her, because she'd let him into her paradise. If he doesn't love her, he won't, and she was justified in removing him from her grace.

He doesn't love her. Not anymore.

Does he hate her enough to try to take his dues?

Ambition has always been man's greatest folly.

#bg3 #gale dekarios #gale of waterdeep #mystra #listen. go watch steven universe where rose says 'i'm not a real person' #pay attention to how rose laughs at greg and how funny and sweet humans are #that's how i think mystra sees her chosen #but she lacks rose's willingness to change and dip into mortal life #gale is cute. gale is precious. gale is wonderful. but gale is amusing. #and he's not equal to a god. certainly not the goddess of magic. and his attempts to insist that he is are only met with a pat on the head #long post #oops i turned a ramble into poetry again. i swear it's not intentional #the parentheses got me :/

[br-disaster]

Nie Mingjue: *is a little unsteady on his feet*

Nie Huaisang, immediately: 🏃🏃

#hello i'm learning to make gifs #nie mingjue #nie huaisang #cql #fatal journey #cql nhs is at least a little worried about nmj all the time it's so endearing #he's always paying so much attention to him #i wish we could have seen their reunion after the war because that mingjue surely needed the physical support #the emotional support too

[pythoria]

feeling some feelings about gale tonight *cracks knuckles*; he was a child prodigy, he was in tune with the weave, and inevitably mystra, since he was just a little kid. imagine being so in tune with magic, feeling so comfortable and safe within its bounds, falling in love with something so beautiful as a child. it becomes your whole world. imagine being filled with such childish idealism, such hope, that your only desire becomes getting closer to this thing, this goddess, finding that love and safety and giving it form.

imagine growing up, finally getting the attention of your goddess, how starry eyed you must be, how proud of yourself. this is your whole world, the reason you're alive, your purpose in life. mystra is everything to you, the magic in your veins, the giddy feeling in your heart, the proud ego in your chest. and then she finally *sees* you for the first time, you end up sharing her bed, touching her, talking to her, earning her approval, and, you think, her love. magic is your job, your lover, the motherly embrace of childhood. of course you would try to ascend to be with mystra forever. of course you would want power, so she sees you as an equal. of course you want to impress her, she's all you've ever known.

and then when you fail, when a ticking bomb gets stuck in your chest, you get none of that love and care. she doesn't protect you, she doesn't even talk to you anymore. so you've lost everything you've ever held dear in one fell swoop, the basket you put all your eggs in shattered, and you're left with nothing. you're now a middle aged man, your whole life spent in service of your goddess, who abandoned you at the first sign of free will you've shown. you feel like a failure. you don't have any friends, nor lovers, and you fall from being an archmage to nearly becoming an ilithid thrall. and maybe you realise that were it not for the astral prism, you'd have become a mindflayer and mystra wouldn't have saved you.

maybe you realise she's completely written you off when elminster shows up and tells you she wants you to sacrifice yourself. maybe you think "is this what my life's work is worth? a lifetime of devotion? a second hand missive asking me to die?". but no matter how ridiculous the request, you're in too deep now. nobody would care if you died, mystra made sure you were always focused on her, never making meaningful connnections with other mortals, having no friends, foes, or lovers. if mystra forsakes you, you might as well not exist. so death to serve her might be the best ending you could've hoped for, really.

except along comes someone, and they also have a worm in their head, and you team up, and soon enough there's a bunch of you strutting around faerun, and suddenly someone *cares*. for the first time in years, you actually have... friends? and they're telling you mystra is insane, that you've been manipulated, they tell you that what mystra is asking is too much, that they want you to live. and you're defensive, of course. you still love mystra, and you can't get away from her either, because you feel her presence every time you cast as much as a firebolt, magic running through your veins like ambrosia, nectar and poison all at once. you conjure her face to gaze at, and when you start falling for tav, you show them the weave, because that's the only way you know how to love. eventually you accept that you might have to defy mystra to stay alive and suddenly you have a choice again. but in the process, everything you knew and loved turned to dust, and you had to build yourself back up from the ashes, all while smiling and laughing and trying fruitlessly to fit in with your companions, who find you stuck up and weird after so much isolation.

gale is such a tragic character, if you think about it.

#pythoria.txt #bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #gale dekarios #gale of waterdeep #baldurs gate gale #disclaimer i have only finished his quest once and didn't pay much attention because i didn't like him at the time #of course since then i absolutely fell in love with him #but if you disagree or think this isn't accurate i'm not gonna argue bc i'm just now doing a gale romance run #will also do a gale origin at some point

[valentjin]

charm point: his nose scrunches :)

#raphael bg3 #raphael #bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #idk i just like that they included/animated his nose scrunch... its very expressive.. makes me think of an angry dog #plus i like his nose. in general. #i'm normal okay i just pay attention to noses a lot bc i like drawing them #one of the main differences btwn raphy and haarlep is their nose actually. m!haarlep that is #m!haarlep has a really straight nose (lol) while archduchess!haarlep's nose is a lot more similar to raphael's #yeah the incubus' nose is definitely what most people focus on in that scene wym #anyway please enjoy these photos regardless of whether you are as normal about noses as i am #my screenshots #mine

[coquelicoq]

what i like especially about the pronouns in the goblin emperor is that this language doesn't just have the T-V distinction (aka informal vs. formal second-person pronouns, in this case 'thou' vs. 'you'), it also has informal and formal first-person pronouns. having BOTH of these distinctions in the same language lets you fine-tune your tone by mixing and matching. with only one axis of formality, when you use informal pronouns, are you being familiar in an intimate way, or in an insolent or dismissive way? when you use formal pronouns, are you being polite or standoffish? you can't tell just from the pronouns; there's ambiguity. but a language where you can use a formal first-person pronoun in the same sentence as an informal second-person pronoun allows you to distance yourself (via the formal first) while also being familiar (via the informal second), thereby achieving the conversational tenor known to linguists as Fuck Thee Specifically.

#just kidding i don't know what linguists call that tenor. or any tenors. i'm not totally positive what a tenor even is #but i can't let that stop me from writing a jokey post on tumblr dot com #register is a very interesting area of linguistics that i know very little about #so i'm probably revealing the depths of my vast ignorance here to all the sociolinguists who surely hang on my every word #but i've always thought of the formal/informal pronoun thing as being about two things: intimacy-distance & rudeness-politeness #and of course you can usually tell from context whether a formal pronoun is meant to indicate distance or politeness #(plus distance and politeness are related to each other (to various degrees depending on culture)) #but it seems like it would be cool to have a built-in alignment chart of sorts just for pronoun combos #instead of prep jock nerd goth...why not try intimate self-effacing polite superior? #the goblin emperor #pronouns #register #sociolinguistics #my posts #f #anyway i know i said i wasn't going to reread the goblin emperor...but guess what. lol #and i edited my tags on that earlier post but fyi the language DOES distinguish between plural and formal singular pronouns #i had said i thought it used the same pronouns for plural and formal but i just wasn't paying close enough attention #so anyway i just reread the part where maia is talking to setheris in formal first and informal second #and you can see setheris going ohhh shit. oh shit oh shit oh shit #i'm in biiiiiig trouble #you sure are dude. that's the Time to Grovel signal #it's interesting because at the very beginning of the book when i first saw the formal first used i just thought it was the royal we #because i knew the main character was supposed to be royalty #but then EVERYONE was doing it. so it's not the royal we it's just the formal we #however. this does make me realize that the way the royal we would function in a language that retains the t-v distinction #is the same way i'm describing here. it's just reserving that particular tone (i'm better than you and am displeased with you) #for royalty only. which makes sense given royalty's whole deal